“Whizzer, how did you meet my dad?”
Jason leaned across the table, looking at Whizzer expectantly. Whizzer felt his stomach twist with panic.
“Uh, I- don’t really think that’s a story I should tell you, Jason.”
Jason huffed, slumping and dropping his head in his hands. “How did you get him to like you?”
“Um…” Whizzer looked away, trying to figure out how to word “we had sex and he liked it” in an appropriate way. “I just..charmed him, I guess.”
Jason frowned. “I’m not good at charming.”
Whizzer turned back to him. “Why do you need to charm someone?”
Jason glanced around the room, before leaning in close to Whizzer again and whispering, “I like a girl.”
Whizzer felt a grin spread across his face. The way that he had looked around nervously suggested that Whizzer was the first person he’d told. He was coming to Whizzer for dating advice?
“How well do you know this girl?”
“Pretty well. I’ve known her for, like, a year or so.”
“You should start off by getting her a gift. Figure out what she likes. It can be something small, like a box of candy or something. But girls like guys who do stuff for them - who pamper them. Getting her a gift shows her that you care about her, you’re willing to buy stuff for her, and it shows the other guys that you’re one step ahead of them.”
Jason’s eyes lit up. “Wow! Did you just come up with that off the top of your head?”
Whizzer laughed. “I just have experience, kid.”
“Did you get my dad gifts?”
“Your dad got me gifts.” He left out the “in more ways than one” that he would’ve included in a conversation with any other company.
“So I just need to buy her a gift and she’ll like me?”
Whizzer hesitated. “No. There has to be..a connection, you know? She might not like you back, but just try to show her you care.”
Jason nodded quickly, jumping out of his seat. “Thanks, Dad.” And with that, he ran off. Whizzer slowly slumped down in his chair, clutching his chest. He jumped up and grabbed the phone, dialing Marvin’s number.
“Marv. Marv. He called me ‘Dad’. I think I’m going to cry.”