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the fact that you’re not crazy in a crazy world is crazy

Chapter Text

It was a small villain gang, but they were rather deadly for a pesky bunch. While their Quirks aren’t anything special, mostly mutation and transformation Quirks, they were rather flashy and intimidating, making it easier for them to catch unsuspecting victims off guard and rob them in the dead of the night. They carry their own firearms, too, so suffice to say, they were definitely dangerous.

Yet they were just recently sent on an ambulance, a majority of them covered in either charred marks or forming bruises. The alarming parts weren’t the broken bones, but the evidence of frostbite on the skin of some of them. Even the uninjured ones seem to be either in a state of shock or hysterics.

And according to their accounts before they were sent away, the culprits are a bunch of middle school kids. 

Said kids were scattered around the precinct, mostly waiting for the verdict to be finally let home.

Not that they were a patient lot, Tsukauchi’s pretty sure that the only reason that the three particularly problematic ones haven’t tried violently resisting is because the spiky-haired one had plead with them not to.

The kid named Gokudera Hayato was the type of kid that even well-adjusted adults would avoid on the street. However, it only took a few words from Todoroki Tsurugi (This is gonna be a mess later.) for him to become utterly submissive. He’s calmer now, if only now more calculative, his red eyes piercing everyone in the room, despite the scowl marring his face along with his light blue hair.

He probably did the most damage to those villains, although he maintained that he did it without using a Quirk.

The male half of a pair of twins with light brown hair styled rather oddly and dark brown eyes was a way different league of disturbing. He claims his name to be Rokudo Mukuro even though it’s a different surname from his supposed twin. He seemed like a typical troublemaker going through the smug and high-and-mighty phase where they have delusions of grandeur. Tsukauchi thought he wouldn’t be talked out of his plans to go through the exit anyway, but was calmed down by his twin Dokuro Chrome.

He and his twin did not admit to anything, but a quick check of what their Quirks were registered as (Okay, there’s “Illusion,” but what the hell is “Six Paths of Reincarnation?”) promptly gave them some idea on who might have sent those men to be seemingly mentally scarred.

Oguro Kyo, though, was a whole other demon altogether. Tsukauchi saw that it took Todoroki Tsurugi and Izumi Takashi more than a whole lot of what they did with Gokudera Hayato in order to get Oguro Kyo to calm down and stay. He promptly gave a rather formal report to the police officers and refused to repeat it, and after being convinced to wait for his legal guardian to fetch him first, is now sulking in a very isolated corner of the precinct.

He reported to have arrived late in the scene, and when the police arrived there, he stated to have “taken care of disciplining the mischief-makers,” claiming to have already “bitten them to death.” If he hadn’t done the second-most damage, or have fought at all, or at least openly admitted to it, he might’ve been let go without having to contact his guardian. 

“I was so SCARED! I didn’t even do anything! But they just started heckling me, and they wanted to take ALL of my allowance. I’ve been saving those up for a new video game!”

Tsukauchi heard a black-haired boy with some yellow streaks whine to his left as he gives his account.

Kaminari Ushio seemed like the most harmless out of the group, but then, he also seems like the direct cause of the whole fight anyway. 

To Tsukauchi’s right is a healthy-looking and tall tanned dark-haired boy sheepishly laughing when he was informed that they have to take his blood-soaked metal bat for evidence.

“Well, my friend was in trouble, and I did what I had to do. If only I had kendo practice instead of baseball in my schedule today…but I guess the bat still worked out well, right?” he cheerfully says as he hands it over. 

“Thats right, they were extremely bothering our friend, so we had to do something extreme! Even I boxed TO THE EXTREME to help!” Recovery Girl’s grandson (Ah, definitely a big mess later.) Shuuzenji Ryota backed him up despite being tables away giving his own account to a different officer. 

“Che, what the fuck were we supposed to do? Leave the stupid cow to get robbed naked in the streets? I fucking wish,” Gokudera Hayato followed with his two cents as he rudely propped his feet onto his assigned officer’s table.

“…They were troubling Ushio-san, so I thought…” Dokuro Chrome mumbled demurely while nodding in agreement with her friends. What’s a timid girl like her doing hanging out with these kind of guys?

“An act of loyalty to our classmate and friend. Could you blame us, chief?” Rokudo Mukuro smirked.

Meanwhile, Tsukauchi decided to focus on the account he’s supposed to extract from his own assigned kid: Todoroki Tsurugi. Endeavor’s youngest son.

His fluffy hair has the tips of its spikes to be white, gradually morphing from white to pinkish to a red as it reaches the bottom, fully red hair surrounding his face. His grayish-blue eyes averted their gaze when Tsukauchi looked at him, before returning to staring back into his eyes. Pressing his lips together, he then bowed while still sitting.

“I’m so sorry for the trouble!” he exclaimed.

Tsukauchi could tell it’s a genuine apology. 

At the corner of his eyes, he spies Oguro Kyo fiddling with handcuffs and why does he have that—

Tsukauchi sighs.


They were definitely defending themselves out of necessity, so whether they used their Quirks or not doesn’t matter and they’re therefore excused. Even then, it’s their first offense, so the worst punishment they could get is a slap on the wrist, especially considering none of them are even in high school. 

Surprisingly, it was Oguro Kyo’s guardian, apparently his paternal uncle, that made their first appearance. A large muscular man with a scarred face, he might seem intimidating if it weren’t for the amicable disposition the man displays, highly contrasting with his nephew’s pale appearance but presumably vicious personality. 

“Kyo! How has it been?”

Kyo passes by him, quickly walking towards the exit. 

“Thanks for putting up with him, officers!” he waved with a grin. 

Although, it was the twins who were first to separate from the circle of friends once they got the okay, Rokudo Mukuro taking the lead as he seems to usually do. 

“Well, we’ll be taking our leave then—“

 “No, you’re not, you’re—“

“Emancipated minors? Why yes we are!” And with that, they were gone.

Gokudera Hayato, despite being one of the more impatient ones, stayed put for now.

And then Mandalay of the Wild Wild Pussycats arrived, worried and fussing over Izumi Takashi and oh great, another kid related to a hero. 

“Takashi! What happened?”

“Haha, just had a bit of a scuffle. Nothing to worry about, Auntie.” 

They seemed almost normal civilians, but Tsukauchi knew she was still a respectable hero, and he also saw the way Takashi smiled as if everything’s normal as he hands over a bloody bat.

Shuuzenji Ryota’s parents came next to pick him up, both of them rather disappointed and mentioning without fail that Recovery Girl herself will be as well, and Ryota’s extremely loud “NOOOOOOO!” resounded throughout the precinct. 

Tsukauchi saw the kid get gloomy for the first time since he met him.

Kaminari Ushio’s reunion with his family was just as comical.

“USHIO?!” his mother gasped as she arrived at the police station.

It’s interesting to witness the kid’s expression to morph from confusion, to realization, then panic, and finally betrayal. The latter appeared when his eyes landed on a yellow-haired boy with black streaks hiding behind their mother.

“Wha— You told Mom?!” he seemed to be just as aghast as his mother. 

“What were you expecting?” his brother replied, half-playful and half-panicked.

“Maybe not rat me out, traitor!”

“I don’t negotiate with villains!” 

Suffice to say, Mrs. Kaminari easily handled her two sons by grabbing them by their ears all throughout on their way back home.

After that, it was just Todoroki Tsurugi and Gokudera Hayato.

To Tsukauchi’s immense relief, the person to pick up Tsurugi from the police station is his older sister.

“Tsu-kun! What happened?” she arrived in panic.

“It’s—! Well, it was an accident, really! But—!” Tsurugi tries to calm her down.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” Todoroki Fuyumi asks protectively. 

“Um, no.”

“Oh thank god…”

The older sister hugs her younger brother tightly.

“I’m sorry, nee-san.”

Tsukauchi notices the two of them having a whispered conversation in their hug, and tries not to eavesdrop.

“Father’s gonna— W-We’ll have to talk about this at home.”


“Come on, Tsu-kun. Say goodbye to your friends. And um, thank you and I’m sorry!”

And all that was left is Gokudera Hayato, who after a brief conversation with the older Todoroki, returned from being rather polite and cheerful to his usual scowl and glare. 

He waited for a few minutes before standing up himself towards the exit.

“Hey!” Tsukauchi heard Sansa call out. “A minor like you should have a legal guardian before you leave the station.”

“Shut up, I’m my own fucking person,” he grumbled. “So I’m my own legal guardian, got it?!”

It took Tsukauchi a while to figure it out.

“Emancipated minor?” he guessed.

“Fuck off.” 

Tsukauchi will take that as a bingo then.

So that’s that.

Damn, and here I thought the world couldn’t get any crazier.

He sat down back to his desk, leaning tiredly into his chair.

Kids are so crazy nowadays. Facing a group of B-rank villains and come out unscratched? They’re not even in UA!