Chapter 1: I Want To See You Smile
Keith didn’t think he was selfish. A lot of his actions were for the benefit of the universe after all. It’s not like he wanted to be sucked into space and forced into a war against a powerful race, but he doesn’t complain about it either. He even took his sudden job incredibly seriously. He constantly trained and exercised, even when he wasn’t required to. His job as a paladin is his first priority. Or it was . Lately, his mind has been in other places. Places like Lance.
Ever since Lance came to his room, Keith has ignored his priority as a paladin in order to observe Lance’s behaviour. Lance has been his usual self. Cracking jokes, cuddling Hunk, flirting with Allura, and teasing Keith. He seemed to be doing just fine. But Keith couldn’t ignore the guilty looks he gave to Shiro, as if it were his fault that Shiro wasn’t being as included in Voltron’s activities. Lance seemed uncomfortable and out of place, as if he didn’t belong. He looked sad .
It physically pained Keith to see Lance this way. His smiles and laughs seemed so forced . Keith didn’t want Lance to force himself to look happy. He wanted Lance to be happy. To be comfortable. To genuinely smile. God , he would do anything for see another one of Lance’s dazzling smiles he made when he was incredibly happy. He would do anything . Keith would let himself be selfish.
Chapter 2: Know That Means I’ll Have To Leave
Keith knew that Lance actually meant ‘I’m going to miss you,’ but was afraid to voice his feelings. Keith knew, because he was saying this with a smile. A smile, a bit watery, but still a smile. Keith knew, when he saw that smile, that he had made the right choice.
Remember when I said I would post this next week? Well, I lied. Sorry, I just couldn't control myself, sooooo, uh, here! Have some trash! Also, Keith is low-key in love.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Keith didn’t consider himself a Blade, or as Lance likes to call them, a Marmorite, but he’s had enough missions to get a sample of their life. ‘Enough to get him in trouble with the others,’ he thought bitterly .
The Marmorite life was definitely not as roomy as the Paladin life. Their bases had less rooms and way more inhabitants. The least amount of members in a room was three. Keith did not even dare to think how it would be like if one of his roommates got a bit too excited at night. He prayed that they would have the decency to take it to the bathroom.
He also prayed that his body would be able to sustain the intense training the Blades tended to do. He wondered if they knew what a break was. And he thought he was an immense trainer. At least he would bulk up. Lance would get so jealous.
Keith couldn’t say that this was his dream life. It would be worse the living isolated in the desert shack even. At least he was in control of his life there. But he was afraid that it would have to do. Because Keith had a plan.
Once again, Keith was stuck in another scolding from Shiro, but he didn’t pout anymore. Not even at the other’s cold stares. Except Lance. Lance would always be an exception. He couldn’t handle looking into Lance’s eyes when they didn’t have their usual twinkle. Especially when they looked betrayed. No. Keith couldn’t betray Lance. He had to do this for him. His mind was made up. There was no turning back. Keith swallowed and lifted his eyes to meet Shiro’s.
“I have to leave. With the Blade of Marmora. Permanently .” It was weird to say. Keith had made up his mind already, but hearing himself say it made it feel as if he signed the contract. ‘ No turning back,’ he reminded himself.
Keith watched as Shiro’s face went from disappointed to confused. “Permanently? Keith, what are you talking about ?” he questioned. Shiro looked as if he were expecting Keith to smile and shout ‘April’s Fools!’ as if this were all some practical joke. But it wasn’t April. And Keith wasn’t joking. Keith cleared his throat.
“You heard me. The Blade of Marmora have gotten leads for missions. They’re getting somewhere. Somewhere big. I have to be a part of this. And for Voltron, well, you were able to pilot Black today, weren’t you? You can pilot black again. You can be a part of Voltron again!” And Lance can keep his position.
Shiro looked reluctant, but he seemed to consider Keith’s reasoning anyway. Keith could understand where he was coming from. Keith was reluctant to let Shiro go to Kerberos. He wasn’t very happy to have his brother leave him. But if Shiro loved him as much as he has claimed to, then he had to let Keith go. He just had to. As if reading his mind, Shiro sighed and finally spoke. “If you’re so sure about this, then, I guess, I guess I’ll support you. But, please, just, be careful, Keith.”
Keith smiled. He knew he could count on his bro to come through. Keith shook his hand, yelping out a little when Shiro pulled him into a sudden hug. Keith chuckled and returned the embrace, his face smooshed into Shiro’s chest. Of course Shiro had such muscular pecs. That fucker. He barely recounted Hunk’s cries before he was enveloped into a full-on, bone-crushing, group hug, with himself being in the middle of it all. He couldn’t hear the others well, since Shiro’s tiddies were basically covering both of Keith’s ear, but Keith was able to make out what Lance said. Of course he would hear Lance.
“Who am I going to make fun of now?” he teased, but Keith knew it meant so much more than that. Keith knew that Lance actually meant ‘I’m going to miss you,’ but was afraid to voice his feelings. Keith knew, because he was saying this with a smile. A smile, a bit watery, but still a smile. Keith knew, when he saw that smile, that he had made the right choice.
Don't worry I'll try to keep my promise next time.
Chapter 3: What We've Become
That night, Lance thought that maybe, maybe, he wanted a little more with Keith. Then, Keith left. He hated that he let this happen. He hated Keith. That night, Lance soaked his pillow in tears.
Langst! Langst! Langst! Langst! Langst! Whooooooooooo!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Lance took a lot of pride in being able to read emotions easily. It was what made him a smooth flirt, great friend, and amazing brother. But, for some reason, one he has never been able to explain, he can’t read his own emotions. His thought were too much of a jumbled mess.
Allura was beautiful, brave, and incredibly strong. She was a fierce, dominant warrior, full of undying grace. She wasn’t a princess, she was a queen . She was Lance’s exact vision of the perfect girl.
Keith was hot-headed, impulsive, and violent. Keith was full of undying rage and frustration. Lance absolutely hated Keith. At least, he thought he did. What Lance hadn’t considered is the fact that he had never seen Keith with his walls down. He was always pushing people away with the force of the glare he gave when people got too touchy-feely.
But the morning after Shiro disappeared, Keith had come into breakfast with his shirt inside out, pants unbuckled, and hair untamed, tear tracks and baggy eyes decorating his face. That morning, Lance felt a pull towards Keith, as if he were absolutely begging someone to hug him and tell him it would be okay. That morning, Lance thought that maybe, maybe , he didn’t hate Keith as much as he thought he did.
The second time Lance had seen Keith with his walls down, he had been filled with jealousy. He had so badly wanted to follow in his hero’s footsteps as Voltron’s leader, but nooo , Keith was once again one step above him. He wanted to hate Keith so, so badly. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t hate Keith when he was glaring at the ground, looking as if he wanted it to swallow him whole. He couldn’t hate Keith when he was frowning, looking like he wanted to escape to his room to cry. He couldn’t hate Keith when he was feeling guilty at the thought of replacing his closest friend. He just couldn’t . This time, Lance complied to the pull. This time, Lance offered comforting words soft touches. This time, Lance thought that maybe, maybe , Keith would make a pretty good friend.
Lance didn’t expect to get a promotion when Blue shut him out. He thought that this was finally it. That his role as the seventh wheel was finally noticed and that Voltron knew he wasn’t worthy. He didn’t expect the opposite. Lance was the assistant leader of Voltron. Or more like the assistant to the leader of Voltron. A promotion either way.
It was a horrible shift at first. Keith was being impulsive as always, Lance was getting used to Red’s incredible speed, and Allura was at the level they had been at when they started. It was a disaster . Lance knew that his and Allura’s struggles could be fixed with a bit of extra training, but Keith needed to get with the program. He was being all ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ . Lance was going to die before he was 21. He did not need that.
That’s how Lance became Keith’s stability. He thought that Keith needed harsh scoldings, so he was genuinely surprised when he found out Keith just needed soft reasoning. Lance wanted to yell, get his frustrations out, but this was much, much better. Lance felt so powerful, so needed, being able to calm his leader with the snap of his fingers. Lance felt so sure of himself, so secure, having Keith reassure him that he was a needed paladin, even when Shiro was back. That night in Keith’s bedroom had opened so many doors for Lance. He saw Keith in a new light. He felt the pull more violently. That night, Lance thought that maybe, maybe , he wanted a little more with Keith.
Then, Keith left.
He left Lance.
Just like that.
As if nothing had ever happened.
As if they never happened.
And Lance hated it.
He hated that Keith threw it all away.
He hated that Keith had given them a smile, as if this were a good thing.
He hated that he let this happen.
He hated Keith .
That night, Lance soaked his pillow in tears.
Lance knew he was being unreasonable. He tended to exaggerate about everything. But, he was absolutely pissed. He just couldn’t get over the fact that Keith left. So, yeah, he was going to be petty. Deal with it.
Pidge sighed and turned to Lance with a scowl. “Can you stop talking about Keith for at least a second? I’m trying to understand this whole Oriande thing so I can help Allura and Lotor.” Lance pouted. He was thinking out loud again, wasn’t he?
“Yes you are, and it’s pretty annoying. Control your brain, will you?” she answered, and went back to tapping. Since his mouth was being blabby, Lance decided to get up and get some privacy before his thoughts became more personal.
“Please do that. I don’t wanna find out what ‘personal’ is.”
“Shut up, Pidge!” That time Lance wasn’t thinking.
Once Lance was back in his room, he let his mind drift to Keith once more. He wondered if he was regretting his decision. Was he having a hard time at the base? He knew that their training was incredibly intense, and he was dreading just thinking about participating in it. Surely Keith was suffering, but, it is Keith . He might be having a field day with the amount of training he gets to do.
Stupid Keith and his stupidly long work out sessions giving him stupidly hot muscles. God, how he hated Keith, his stupid, pretty eyes, his soft mullet, and god his strength. He hated how incredibly strong the boy was. It was amazing much he hated him.
* Bonus *
Lance was ranting about Keith, and usually Pidge would be tolerant, but he was so fucking oblivious! Pidge was ready to throw her laptop across the room, pull out her hair, and scream. She was this close , but since Lance wanted to be a stupid child, she was going to have to be mature about this. Sneaking into Lance’s room and recording his conversations with himself was mature, right? Sure it was.
After faking disinterest, Lance finally went to his room to let his thoughts get personal. You know how Pidge said she didn’t want to find out what personal was? Well, that was a fucking lie. As soon as Lance had disappeared, Pidge ran off into her lair, also known as the vents, but that’s a shit name, so we’re sticking with the Gremlin Lair. Pidge was crawling her way around the castle when she heard the voice she was looking for.
“-having a field day with the amount of training he gets to do.” Ahh, so he is still talking about Keith. Interesting . Pidge quickly took out her camera and set it up into audio recording mode. This was gonna be good.
"Stupid Keith and his stupidly long work out sessions giving him stupidly hot muscles. God, how he hated Keith, his stupid, pretty eyes, his soft mullet, and, god , his strength. I hate how incredibly strong the boy is. It’s amazing much I hate him.”
Oh. My. God. Pidge couldn’t help the giggle that slipped out of her mouth. Lance’s head shot up, searching around the room. Pidge held her breath. He narrowed his eyes and looked around, hips jutting out his his hands placed on them. After what felt like an eternity of inspecting, Lance finally relented and went back to random rambling. No more Keith sadly. Pidge packed up her camera and crawled back to her room. This was going to be some interesting research.
Keith done fucked up.