Actions

Work Header

Partners In Crime

Work Text:

"Oi! 'Kuzu."

Kakuzu looked over at the cultist from the driver's seat.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Stop calling me 'Kuzu!" Kakuzu said as he turned away from Hidan.

"When are we gonna get to the zoo, anyway?" He questions in a whiney tone.

The taller of the two felt like slamming his head against the steering wheel.

'This is going to be a long ride..'

-----

When they had finally, after so, so many hours of driving-

-

"You're joking right, hm?"

"No way blondie it took at least six damn hours to get there!" Hidan points his index finger accusingly at Deidara. "You sayin' I'm overex-"

"Of course you're overexaggerating!" Kakuzu cut in. "It only took half an hour!"

Hidan looked away and said, "Now where was I in our little story? Oh yeah."

-

Hidan and Kakuzu had paid (much to Kakuzu's displeasure) and were finally walking around the zoo.

Hidan grabbed Kakuzu's hand and lead him down towards the penguins (or at least we're he thought the penguins were).

"Hey idiot? Shouldn't we use the fucking map?!"

"Fuck the maps!" Hidan yelled as he threw his hands up into the air. Many mothers heard this and covered their children's ears as they gave displeasured looks at the duo.

-----

"Whoo see?! Told ya we didn't need no fucking map!"

Kakuzu shakes his head.

"Yeah after getting lost in the loin cage, swimming with the seals and then nearly killing everyone because we let a tiger escape!"

"Psh that's not that bad," Hidan says as he waved his hand dismissively. "Plus we've did worse! Remember when we accidentally drove a lorry into the mall and killed about a dozen people or that time when-"

"Yes I know what we've down, I was there."

-

It was Kisame's turn to butt in.

"Oh I remember those events," he drawled as he flashed his shark-like teeth. "Remember when Kakuzu got a hefty fine because of Hidan? Then he proceeded to choke him to death."

The group burst out laughing. Well everyone except for Konan and Itachi.

"He could have killed him, you know!" Konan exclaims.

"That's not what's funny about it, yeah!" Deidara wheezes. "It was the whole scenario!" The artist took a deep breath and attempted to stop dying. "Think about it this way. Hidan in a cell, sitting there with a pout on his face and then Kakuzu storms in as the officer opens the cell door. Kakuzu giving him the look of pure death as we all stand in the doorway and proceeds to haul him up and strangle him in a 'hug', hm."

"To be fair it was a mix of both," Kakuzu grumbled under his breath.

"Alright can I just get on with the fucking story, now?!"

Some gumbles of "yeah" and "fine" were heard from them.

-

Hidan had enough of just looking at the penguins, he wanted to be a motherfucking penguin!

The albino proceeded to jump over the glass wall keeping the idiot and the penguins separated.

"I will join you my brethren!!!" The absolute twat yelled at the top of his lungs.

All of this happened with Kakuzu's back turned.

-----

"Hidan?"

"Yeah, 'Kuzu?"

"Stop calling me that. How many hits did you take before coming here?"

"Uh like ten I think?"

It was Kakuzu's turn to scream at the top of his lungs.
Surprisingly they never got fined for killing a penguin and scaring the rest. They only got kicked out the zoo for life but oh well like they ever liked the zoo anyway.

-

"So why are you in jail?" Nagato asks.

"Because they found out we were doing and dealing drugs," Kakuzu replies.

"We aren't bailing you gays out, you know that right? Sasori says.

"Aww c'mon please," Hidan pleads.

"Even I gotta agree with my man, Sasori, un."

"Fuck you, blondie!"

After two years the idiot and his lover were released from prison and caused more mayhem with the rest of the 'Akatsuki' as the city had dubbed them.