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no, not the moats

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Nervously, Bella eyed the little cabin in the middle of nowhere. Of course, it was beautiful. She wouldn’t expect anything less than that from the Cullens. It was picturesque, like the little cabin from the Matilda movie. It was Esme’s, who’d been more than happy to lend it out to Bella and Alice, while the rest of the Cullens hunted down the small (very small, she was assured) amount of newborns that Victoria had been creating in Seattle.

Alice, who had spent the whole time driving while future-seeing, (which Bella was sure was just as dangerous as a DUI) was pleased to have finally made it. Apparently, everything was on track, was going smoothly, and Alice had promised Bella a quiet weekend getaway in the stupidly precious little cottage. No distractions, no meddling family members, no stupid super-hearing interrupting their privacy.

Which, to be quite honest, had Bella both excited and fucking terrified. What if she fucked up? What if Alice decided that Bella was far to ugly unclothed, and what if she couldn’t. Well. Satisfy her vampire girlfriend?

Vampires, she had learned, had an unlimited amount of stamina.

Bella was one tiny little human, and what if she wasn’t. Wasn’t good enough for Alice? What if Alice had to smile and pat Bella’s head and go into the bathroom like all those unsatisfied wives in the movies?

What if Bella wasn’t good at sex?

Before Alice, she hadn’t even been kissed. She hadn’t really ever felt another person’s body against hers, and it was both thrilling and horrifying. Alice had never pushed her, ever, but Bella still found herself worrying over her adequacy in the bedroom. Of a vampire.

But Alice tugged Bella into the house, showing that someone in the family ad thought ahead and stocked it, full of human necessities like food and soap and toothpaste. Plus, there was an infinite number of movies to watch, and even more exciting, a stupidly large bookcase, overflowing with flowery romance titles, as Esme was a bit of a romantic.

There was one bathroom, one bedroom, and a sort of loft like space where the kitchen, living room, and dining area resided. Bella excused herself almost immediately to freshen up, as they had spent at least the past six hours driving, and barred herself in the tiny bathroom.

It was sweet.

She hadn’t expected that. There was a lion’s foot claw tub, with a detachable shower head. There was a soft cream shower curtain, with little flower prints all over it. The flowers even had their scientific names written in a pretty scrawl beneath them.

There were pretty little knick knacks on the shelves, and fresh shampoo and conditioner. In Bella’s preferred brand, which always made her snort.

She took a moment to wash her face, and brush her teeth, thoroughly, twice. She ran a brush through her knotted hair, and stared at herself in the mirror for a good few minutes, trying to pump herself up. She could do this. Totally. She could totally do this.

“I’m not going to ravish you as soon as you step out of the bathroom, Bella.” Alice’s bell like voice carried her amusement well, and Bella flushed like a tomato.

She propped open the door, to see Alice lounging on the overstuffed couch, already changed. She was wearing something flowery, like a dress, but with shorts. She was barefoot, and barefaced, and still the most beautiful creature Bella had ever seen. It looked like she was going on some fashion shoot picnic.

“We can, if you’d like. There’s a little patch of grass in the garden that’s perfect for reading. And eating.” Bella took a moment to wonder how exactly Alice had known, but figured it was probably because she was going to blurt it out like a moron. She wrinkled her nose anyway, which Alice ducked her head to.

“I’m sorry, love, I didn’t think. Forgive me?” Alice could melt butter with her eyes, and Bella knew that Alice really hadn’t meant to. She sometimes spoke to Bella, and everyone, in future tense, answering questions that they hadn’t thought of or remarking to a statement they hadn’t made.

She was working on it, and Bella appreciated that. She knew it must be hard, to always be seeing things differently, and she loved Alice all the more for trying her best to slow down for Bella’s tiny human brain.

“I could go for a picnic. Something light, maybe?” Bella couldn’t help the stupid idea of reading from one of Esme’s books, while Alice fed her strawberries or something equally ridiculous.

“Of course! Go pick a spot, I’ll get everything.” Alice sprung to her feet, and twirled her way to Bella to place a customary kiss on the underside of Bella’s jaw.

Being short had it’s… perks.

Bella stumbled out to the back patio, where there was a tiny deck, and a brilliant overgrown garden. It was like something out of a daydream. There was a light breeze, so that the air wasn’t heavy with the smell of the greenery, but it was still lovely. Bella idly picked a lily as she wandered past, thinking Alice would look lovely with the flower tucked behind her ear.

Of course, Bella picked a sunny spot. She couldn’t help the overwhelming amazement whenever she saw any of the Cullen’s in the sunlight, but seeing Alice was like a shot to the heart. It reminded her, over and over, that Alice was the most beautiful thing in the world, and somehow saw something worth looking at in Bella. That, and Alice’s sparkles were always prettiest. Bella was sure of it.

As she moved to turn her face to the sun, she felt her girlfriend’s familiar presence, and knew that it would probably be set up by the time she opened her eyes. Alice had a hard time slowing down.

When she did look, Bella almost laughed. PBJ’s and strawberry slices, carrots and sparkling rosé. It might not be the most romantic lunch, but it made Bella feel stupidly in love.

The book remained untouched, as Bella lay next to Alice, her heart on her face. Alice, ever the angel, fed Bella with her fingers, and teasingly told Bella about a place in France she’d seen them go to. It was one of their favorite pastimes, Alice would pick a destination, and Bella would set her heart on packing up and going immediately, and Alice would tell her things they might have seen.

It was an odd game, but they were an odd couple.

Alice, somehow so light despite her stone like skin, laughed like sunshine when Bella picked her up to spin her around. They were learning to dance, or at least Alice was trying to teach Bella. It was hard to learn how to lead when you were standing on your dance partner’s feet.

They spent the afternoon in the garden, giggling like kids, and stealing quick strawberry flavored kisses. Alice asked if Bella would like to help Esme by weeding, and they ended up sitting in the middle of an overgrown fenced in garden.

There was something almost magical about it. The light was draining, so Alice’s skin had gone from a brilliant sparkle to a beautiful luster. Like crushed pearls, Bella thought, then said aloud because she liked to make Alice smile.

It was kind of like being in their own little world, and Bella couldn’t help but think of Adam and Eve. The paradise, and just the two of them. Bella thought, like the lovesick fool she was, she would like to spend forever here with Alice.

Then came dinner, which Alice distracted her with dramatic acting, stealing the spotlight off of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Roman Holiday.

Then came bedtime.

Bella was tired, the day and the drive, tugging at her eyelids, but she was also nervous. Excited nervous, maybe, but still. She thought of a bath, but dismissed the idea with a yawn. She’d rather lay down with Alice, and do whatever came next.

Of course, Alice spent some time cleaning up after them, giving Bella time to get comfortable in the bedroom.

She took a heavy breath, her hand still on the brass doorknob. She didn’t know what was going to happen next, but she thought she wouldn’t mind it if things went in that sort of direction.

She thought to herself, I might lose my virginity tonight. It made her stomach quiver, and her knees turn to jello, but it wasn’t a bad feeling.

She pushed open the door, a small confident smile on her face.

Then immediately stood, staring, her jaw agape.

The room was definitely the bedroom. It had to be, there wasn’t another room in the house. But instead of the large, wrought iron bed she’d been expecting, (hell, excited for) there was. A coffin.

It was set up like one of those terrible vampire movies, with a dais and candles (these were the battery powered kind) and far too many rose petals.

The coffin itself was huge, big enough to fit two or three full grown men. It was open at the top half, showing off an insanely ridiculous pink satin inside. The wood, or plastic, or whatever, was polished to a white, pearly sheen. The accents were gold, and ostentatious.

Bella walked towards the ridiculously fluffy pillow, all of it matching and ridiculous, and read the note on the pillow.

Sweet Dreams, Baby Bear.


Of course, Bella thought. Of course Emmett was the one to clean up Esme’s house, and of course he would do something like this. Bella, between muffled chuckles, imagined throwing him in a volcano. She wondered if he’d make it.

“Why am I seeing- oh.” Alice’s voice, which had traveled down the hallway rather quickly, cut off when she reached the door.

Bella turned, to see Alice cock her head, her eyes gleaming over with a million different ideas. She could be scary, when she wanted to be.

“We have to get him back.” Bella butted in to Alice’s thoughts, before they could turn too dark, and waved a hand. “He’s such a little shit.”

Alice eyed her, maybe to see if Bella was really upset about this. To see if she really should face the wrath of Edward and murder her brother.

Bella grinned, and asked as sweetly as possible, “Do you have cell service out here?”

The resulting snapchats would end up being framed and hung above the main fireplace for a good 13 hours, until Esme demanded that Emmett take the god damned monstrosity off the wall or I swear to god.

Alice saved one for herself. It wasn’t as crazy, palm sized, if anything you could barely tell it was in a coffin. But she couldn’t resist, when Bella had nuzzled her way into Alice’s neck.

The stupid picture of Alice placing a gentle kiss on Bella’s forehead would actually get printed out, and saved for a very, very, long time.