We're about to do another live show and I am filled with a familiar sense of dread.
It's not because we'll be performing to a crowd; I do that often enough. I mean, it makes me nervous, sure, but this is something else.
It's because it's live. Because we can't edit anything out if we have to.
Every time we do this, I wonder if this will be the one; the one that ruins everything.
I worry that one of them ("The Sass Twins", I ask you) will say something so terrible that there will be no coming back.
And a whole live audience of faithful fans (plus a few people who've never listened to us before) will be there to witness it.
I would lose everything. After all, this show has become my entire life; I have nothing else to live for.
I am risking my life right now. I am putting my life in the hands of two people I don't really trust at all. What was I thinking?
Then I remember the episode in which I described the process of embalming a body in explicit detail. That legitimately traumatised Jess.
And it was back in episode 10, before we had gained most of our listeners.
Pretty much any of our listeners, really.
And then I remember the LIVE SHOW in which I encouraged the audience to cheer at the prospect of real people committing real murders.
They responded quite positively to that.
And then I remember that every time I give the listeners a choice, they picked the most messed up and horrible topic of the lot.
They love death, and murder, and torture, and that sort of thing, apparently.
And finally, I remember that this show is not actually my whole life, so even if it were to stop, for whatever reason, it would be okay.
It wouldn't be the end of the world.
And if anyone were to ruin the show, it would probably be me.
Matt and Jess are such sweethearts, really.
And I would trust them with my life.