Actions

Work Header

A fun card game!

Work Text:

“We got the teachers away for a few hours thanks to Fred and Seamus blowing up the potions room on purpose.” George ran into the Great Hall with a box of cards in his hands. Currently, the only ones in the hall were Gryffindors and a few Slytherins for a ‘study period’. “Someone dropped this in the common room and it’s pure gold! Let’s play!”

George opened the box the set the cards apart. Black cards in one pile, the white ones in another. “It’s called Cards against Muggles. Read a few cards and found it pretty funny.” George snickered.

“I’ve heard of this game. There’s a message on the black cards and you have to fill in the blanks with the white cards! Everyone has six white cards and we each take turns picking a black ones.” Seamus laughed as he passed out the white cards.

“Well then, why don’t we start!” Dean excitedly took a black card. "Sirius black really likes [Blank].”

“Ooh this is going to be great!” Seamus placed down a white card, followed by a snickering Harry and Ron, then Ginny who couldn't hold her laughter in.

“Alright, Sirius black really likes the basilisk in my pant! Sirius Black really likes Viktor Krum doing lunges in the hot sun. ” Everyone snickered as Dean picked up the next card. “Sirius black really likes Percy’s flat freckled ass ” Half the circle grimaced as the others snorted. “Sirius black really likes making the unbreakable vow. ” After reading out a few others and careful deliberation, Dean couldn’t help himself. “Percy’s ass wins this one.” Ginny happily took the black card from Dean’s hand as everyone gagged at the thought.

“Thank you. My turn” Ginny leaned over and picked up a black card. “My patronus is [blank].” she giggled as everyone quickly put down their cards.

By now, a few Slytherins were looking over curiously at the group of gryffindors constantly giggling, laughing and cringing their faces.

“What are you doing?” Blaise was the first one to join the group.

“Cards against Muggles. Come and join.” Everyone pushed the tables against the walls and sat on the ground instead, making a large circle. One by one, the slytherins joined the group and the circle was huge. Seamus quickly explained how to play and everyone grabbed their cards.

“So the card was, My patronus is [blank]. Send in your white cards.” Soon enough, Ginny had quite a few of white cards in front of her. “Alright, my patronus is Hermione Granger. ” Hermione gave a smug look as a few people chuckled. “My patronus is The Ghost of Fred Weasley !?” Everyone looked at Fred, who had horrified expression.

“Oi!! Who chose to make me dead?!” No one dared speak up in case Ginny chose the card.

 

 

“O-oh this one is about me…” Hermione mumbled, turning a bit red. “Hermione Granger likes having [blank] in the bedroom.” She grumbled a small profanity under her breath as multiple people put their cards down.

“This one is going to be good.” Pansy smirked as she passed the card down.

“Alright… Let’s see what I like having in the bedroom.” Hermione sighed as she hesitantly picked up the cards and groaned. “Hermione granger likes having a horde of angry centaurs in the bedroom… Hermione Granger likes having Death eaters in the bedroom.”

“Damn Granger. Living on the wild side, I see.” Blaise winked at her.

“Moving on… Hermione Granger likes having Charlie Weasley and his dragon fetish in the bedroom.” she just stared blankly at the card, as if thinking what that’d be like.

“Didn’t know he was the Weasley you liked Mia.” Fred and George said together.

“It’s...an interesting choice of card.”Was all she said as she picked up the next one. “Hermione Granger likes having Draco Malfoy in leather pants in the bedroom.” Hermione snickered a bit, earning a glare from Draco.

“Who wouldn’t want me in the bedroom?! I look great!”

“I wouldn’t mind that at all, Draco” Hermione flirted jokingly at him. Half the circle snorted at Draco’s semi-shocked face at her flirty response. “Hermione Granger likes having the Weasley twins at the same time in the bedroom.”

“Didn’t know that Mione. See you later.” George winked at the brunette, who blushed heavily. Ginny’s smirk grew at the sight.

“What is up with all these cards of my brothers…” Ron mumbled confused.

“Hermione Granger likes having Voldemort’s noseless face in the bedroom. Well, no bedroom of a muggleborn is complete without that, right?” Hermione snorted. “Hermione Granger likes having Drunk Seamus in the bedroom.”

“That’s actually very entertaining!” Dean laughed as Seamus blushed a little bit. “Trust me!” All the Gryffindor males snorted as they all nodded together.

“The last one. Hermione Granger likes having Lucius Malfoy cosplaying as Bellatrix Lestrange in the bedroom.” Draco snorted at the mention of his father of his aunt as the other males began giggling. “Did this actually happen????” Hermione looked at them in shock. The tight-knit group of slytherins all nodded eagerly together. “Oh my…”

“Well, who do you like having in the bedroom Granger?” Pansy smirked.

“Well, Charlie and his dragon fetish seems quite tempting and so are Death eaters,” Hermione paused for a few seconds as she looked at the cards again before picking one of them up. “but I think I’ll chose Draco in leather pants.”

“Ha! I knew it!” Pansy claimed the black card happily as a few people looked at her oddly. “Who can resist this man in tight leather pants?” She motioned to Draco, who seemed to think about it for a few seconds before agreeing. “He’s like a god in them.” Pansy whispered to Ginny and Hermione. “Trust me.”

“Sorry Fred, George, Seamus.” Hermione jokingly apologised to the trio. “Hey Malfoy,” Draco looked over. “See you later” She winked and let Fred pick up the next black card.

“Oh this one would have been perfect for you Mia.” Fred showed up. “What can be found in the restricted section of the Hogwarts library? [Blank]” Everyone shuffled through their cards, passing down the cards one by one.

“This is going to be interesting.” Hermione mumbled as she passed one of her cards to Fred’s pile.”

“Alright. What can be found in the restricted section? Harry’s constant crying. ” Half the circle burst out laughing as Harry turned a bit red. “What can be found in the restricted section? All of your best friends dying horribly. ” Little gasps were heard as laughter roared again through it. “Harsh, harsh. Wow. What can be found in the restricted section? Snape’s diary.

“I want to read that now.” George smirked.

“It might be filled with passages of one Lily Evans by the way.” Blaise said over everyone. “Who ever that person may be.”

“Blaise, you found Snape’s diary?”

“Yea, it actually was in the restricted section. I don’t know how many times he went on about her dying being his fault.”

Everyone was mumbling and giggling about the Slytherin head of house having a crush on someone while Harry and Hermione stayed silent. “Alright! Moving on, Fred.”

“What can be found in the restricted section? An inappropriate amount of explicit Fremione fanfics.

“That can’t possibly be a card.” Hermione shot at Fred. He simply turned the card so she could see it.

“It most certainly is. I wonder who’s been shipping us together.” He smiled. “Whoever in this circle who wants us to be a couple, lift your hand.” a dozen hands immediately shot up and caught Ron, Hermione and Fred off guard. “Even you George?” the twin grinned and nodded eagerly.

“You two are my otp.”

“Alright Hermione. Cancel your plans with Draco, I’m taking his place tonight.” He winked at her. “Sorry Draco. I’ll do a better job than anything you could do any day.”

“Is that a challenge, Weasley?” Draco narrowed his eyes and smirked.

“It sure as hell is, Malfoy.”

The two got up at the same time and took Hermione away from the circle. Hermione shot a look to Ginny that screamed help, but Ginny simply waved goodbye and smiled innocently. A silence took over the hall as the big doors closed.

“...Who wins this round?” Pansy asked, breaking the silence.

“I’ll say it was probably the fanfic one.”

“Cool. I win this round.’ Pansy triumphantly took the black card.

“What the hell just happened!?”

“Ronald, I believe Draco, Fred and Hermione just agreed to a ménage-à-trois.” Blaise stated. Ron raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t speak French. What the hell does that even mean?”

“It means a threeway Ron! Zabini, your card.” George pointed to the black deck.

“ ‘s finally my turn.” Blaise smiled and picked up a black card. “Eat [Blank], Malfoy! Aww… Draco isn’t here for this…”

“I have the perfect card for this~” Pansy smirked proudly.

“Oh bloody hell…” Ron mumbled, catching sight of the suspicious slytherin girl beside him. Once all the cards were passed over, Blaise mixed them and smirked.

“Eat Very dead parents , Malfoy! Oh… That got dark fast…” Blaise looked around, trying not to snicker as the rest of the group attempted the same. “Eat The Cruciatus Curse, Malfoy!”

“I... Didn’t know you could…” Daphne chuckled.

“Eat Ginny’s Chamber of Secrets, Malfoy! Ooooh~~” He wiggled his eyebrows at Ginny, who turned red. “Just joking Weaslette. Eat Hermione fucking Granger, Malfoy! Well, he’s already doing that… Eat Ron’s sweaty hands, Malfoy! Eat Severus snape whispering ‘turn to page 394’, Malfoy!” Zabini finished the white cards and immediately picked one. “Ginny’s chamber of secrets wins.” Theo claimed his very first back card victory.

“It’s finally my turn.” Pansy smirked. She took a card and read it clearly. “You won’t believe what I found in the dungeons this morning! It was [Blank]” She smirked as she watched the Slytherins practically throw their cards in. “These better be good cards.” she picked up the cards and started giggling

“What do they say?” Ron asked her, narrowing his eyes at the slytherin girl.

“You won’t believe what I found in the dungeons this morning! It was The great Slytherin and Gryffindor Orgy!

“We should bring that back.”

“Blaise! No!”

“Blaise! You’re a genius!”

“Let me continue!” Once everyone was listening again, Pansy continued. “You won’t believe what I found in the dungeons this morning! It was Fred Weasley’s mangled corpse! Oh… Why are there so many dead Fred cards???” she laughed. “You won’t believe what I found in the dungeons this morning! It was Gryffindors’ annual wet T-shirt contest! Count me in…” Pansy winked at Ron and Seamus.

 

 

After a few more cards, there were one person left that had yet to go and it was George’s turn. “Mr. Filch has just banned [blank] from the halls of Hogwarts.” The white cards came to the remaining twin. “Mr. Filch has just banned being gangbanged by the marauders in their animagus forms from the halls of Hogwarts. Ooh. Interesting.” George snorted. “Alright then… Lupin...explain…” George mumbled that part underneath his breath. “Mr. Filch has just banned Bill Weasley’s secret piercing from the halls of Hogwarts.” George looked to Ginny with a raised eyebrow. Ginny rapidly shook her her as if to banish the thought...or memory from her brain.

“He has another piercing?”

“Yes, moving on!” Ginny quickly shot.

“Mr. Filch has just banned the uncomfortable fact of Hagrid’s conception...from the halls of Hogwarts…” the entire circle paled a bit and simultaneously gagged all together.

“I think that’s the last round for tonight…” Theo mumbled, watching his fellow classmates continue gagging at the card.

“I’m honestly curious at who picked that card. Who did it?” George asked the circle.

“AND I WIN!” Pansy threw her black cards into the air with a cheer of victory.

“Blimey, that’s a lot of cards."

 

The next morning~~~

 

A comfortable, friendly atmosphere reigned in the Great hall and the teachers were astounded at the sight. No Slytherins glaring at the Gryffindors and some even sat together during the breakfast. What in the world happened yesterday after the Potions classroom exploded?!

“Hermione?”

“What Ron?”

“Is that a hickey?”

“...shut it.”

“...I have to know…”

“Know what?”

“Which one was the bottom?”

“RON!!”

“...Please?”

“...Draco was the bottom.” Ron groaned and handed Harry a handful of coins and Harry grinned proudly.

“Say, how about we play that game again later in the common room? Gryffindors only this time?”