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All of me

Chapter Text

In between heavy pants, beads of sweat drip down his soft jawline. Baekhyun is exhausted as he saunters over to the bench mid practice. Slumped over with his elbows resting heavily on his knees, his chest rises and falls rapidly with every single harsh breath. He grabs a small towel to wipe away the sweat soaked clumps of hair stuck to his forehead.

Attempting to regain control of his breathing, he forces deep slow breaths to circulate though his lungs as he watches his class mates finish out the routine. They all seem to flow so flawlessly in unison. For Baekhyun, he feels he has to work twice as hard as everyone else to get that provokingly effortless movement that they can so easily do.

Baekhyun’s eyes are glued to his two classmates and close friends; Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun flash each other a sly smirk as they precisely mirror movements. Yes, he may be a little biased, but these two are the best dancers that Baekhyun has ever seen- they are with out a doubt possibly the best in the arts program. It is no surprise to him that they are at the front of the choreography.

Not so subtly, Baekhyun admires the way they stand out against everyone else. Its like looking at a yin and yang. The two contrast one another perfectly and they definitely use it to their advantage when performing. Is it normal to feel slightly envious?

The two are great at everything they do. They never need to over exert themselves to achieve a set goal and to say that frustrates Baekhyun a little, is an understatement.

Baekhyun is always unnecessarily hard on himself. Since he was a boy he dreamed of becoming a performer. He worked day and night for his audition piece, perfecting every single step. Which proved to be worthy of something because being accepted into the Julliard art school three years ago was no easy feat. Only a small percentage of applicants are accepted into the Fine Arts program. Still, he didn’t feel like he had any ‘wow’ factors. He wears his lack of confidence like a blanket, swaddling himself and allowing it to constrict him.
How many years now has he been trying to work on that?

He is not for a moment proud of his developed talent for cramming any real emotion deep, deep down. Though it does come handy at times, especially in college. Baekhyun does not let anything eat away at him too much- aside from is a-little-too harsh self criticism. But this breakup he has been dealing with for the last several weeks has him feeling like he he doesn’t even know who he is anymore.

He can’t fully comprehend: Why is he still feeling this way? Why is that boy always in the back of his mind?
There is a wrenching ache in his chest makes an appearance whenever it pleases.
Everyone around him would agree, a person can only take so much.


"Hey, you okay? You never take off like that." Sehun breathes heavily as he plops down on the bench, sitting a little too close to Baekhyun. His scent of sweat and clammy skin doesn't bother Baekhyun for a moment, though he nudges him gently to scoot over.

"Yeah, I just.. just needed a break." His breathing is beginning to ease up. Still slouched over his knees Baekhyun hangs his head down letting his damp hair fall freely away from his head. He takes his left hand and rubs the nape of his neck in a poor attempt to massage the stress away.

"You’re way too hard on yourself, you really need to chill out. I haven’t seen you do anything but over practice and hide for weeks. You know, it has been a while since you have gone out and have had some fun, Baek." Sehun whispered, his voice sympathetic but his face was set with that cold blank stare what he has mastered so well. Sehun leans back against the cool concrete wall. Shifting several times in search for any sort of comfort before smacking away Baekhyun’s pitiful effort at self care. Rubbing the back of Baekhyun’s neck with his thumb, he kneads small circles over the tense muscles.

"Seriously, was that one night with Hunnie the last fun thing you did? Pun fully intended." Jongin snickered, instantly ruining Baekhyun’s one calming moment he has had all day. His cheeks flushed hot at the cheap jab. Jongin invited himself to make himself comfortable on the other side of Baekhyun before pulling out his phone. Baekhyun let out a small low groan in his throat.

“Hey! Get outta here! He’s mine to pick on.” Waving his free hand playfully to shoo Jongin away, Sehun reset his attention onto Baekhyun “Really though, I think we are overdue for a hangout session… something away from your couch and really far away from your Netflix account.”

Its so natural to let a wave of ease wash over Baekhyun when Sehun is around. Looking up from his slouched position, the two finally make eye contact. “What? What’s wrong with a little Netflix and Chill?” His big brown eyes brightened up before disappearing behind his eye smile with the chuckle that escaped his mouth.

“Ew, why! Who even calls it that anymore?” Jongin squints his eyes and gives his head a small shake, he is still resting his entire body weight against Baekhyun. Still attached to his phone, his fingers didn’t not stopped texting for a second - who knew he was even listening?

Sehun is trying to look as serious as possible, which is incredibly difficult without laughing.“Baekhyun, I swear if I have to watch another rerun episode of Scarlet Heart, I am revoking your friendship badge.”

“Oh, now don’t you try to deny it!” Baekhyun's voice squeaked, startled by Sehun tugging on a little section of his hair on the back of his head. Hard enough to cause the smaller boy to swerve his sentence but nothing to actually hurt him. Baekhyun sat fully up now, guarding himself from further Sehun attacks.“ Hey! You can’t be a brat just because Jongin is here, you like my couch and you know it!”

A quick burst of laughter radiating off of the two allows Baekhyun to shove that creeping pain back down, for now.

"You know what? You’re coming to Junmyeon’s party this weekend. I didn’t think you would be interested, but I have decided for you that you are going. No offense, I love you, but you’re becoming a hermit, Baek. Plus, its a great way for you to get to know Junmie better." Sehun grabbed Baekhyun’s forearm and gave it an encouraging shake with a little added in rare appearance of aegyo. He knows Baekhyun can never say no to him when he does that.

Junmyeon just so happens to be Sehun’s newest indulgence, for the past four weeks.
Sehun has a tendency to revel in whatever his heart (or hormones) wants to pursue in that exact moment and Baekhyun gets a kick out of watching. Knowing that is anything ever did happened to Sehun, they would have to deal with the not so threatening wrath of Baekhyun.

Right now what he wants is a wealthy and extremely handsome fourth year. A man of many talents quickly found that he has a knack for composition during his enrollment in the music program. He has helped compose and produce pieces for the NYC Hall before even graduating. Boys and girls alike, including Sehun fawn over his every move.

Wow, Baekhyun is beginning to believe that he really is just plain and ordinary compared to every student here.


“I, I don’t know Hunnie, I’m not really feeling in the mood right now.”

“Bae, I am not taking no for an answer. And that’s fine if you’re not feeling it right now, its not until Friday night. You still have a few days to get in the mood. Plus, the whole group will be there.”

“But, I don’t want to be the only...” Baekhyun’s voice lowered, that pain is bubbling in his chest again. “Single one there, that won’t be fun. You know I don’t like to be the odd one out, especially now that you’re going to be hanging on Junmyeon.”

“Well then it looks like we will just have to find someone for you to hang out with, now won’t we?!” Sehun’s genuinely pure optimism never seizes to surprise Baekhyun.

Once again, Baekhyun didn’t even think Jongin was listening. “Yeah, because that plan worked out real well last time.” Honestly, at this point, this is considered eavesdropping.

“Jongin! Damn it go away!” Sehun yells across Baekhyun in his direction, it would be louder if he wasn’t stifling his laughter. “Bae, it will be fun, trust me. And just because Junmie is there does not mean I would neglect my Bae! I am your best friend for a reason, am I not?”

Baekhyun lets out a loud whine “Seriously? You cant do this to me!”

Sehun pouts out his bottom lip and gives it a small quiver, melting Baekhyun into a puddle.

“I cant believe you’re talking me into this. You’re really lucky I like you.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes only to be met with Sehun’s massively cheesy grin. He thinks that the younger boy is so cute when he smiles, it changes his entire appearance.


Baekhyun and Sehun reached the best friend level during the previous term. The two had interpretive dance class together and were paired together for a routine they were to perform at the semester end showcase. At first, they had no choice but to get to know each other during the long hours of practice they spent together.

Without question, their similar traits made them a perfect match to wreck havoc whenever they were together. They were like two brightly colored jigsaw pieces, once the two were found in the sea of other pieces, there’s no question the two were made for one another.

It did not matter the size of the wave they were riding. Big or small, they did it together. No hesitations.

When things were good, they were unstoppable. Late night dorm parties and fast food runs at two AM; poor choices followed by class the next morning. Baekhyun quickly learned that choreography and a hangover do not mix. And no, he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Or the time Sehun sprained his ankle streaking through the sprinklers, there may or may not have been a substantial amount of vodka involved. Baekhyun had never laughed that hard in his entire life. The kind of ugly rolling on the ground snorting for air with a cramp in your side laughing. With his right foot elevated under a package of frozen peas, the two were couch locked with delivery pizza and addicted to a sappy k-dramas. And yes, tears were shed.

When things weren’t so good, they were down right unrelenting. Rock bottom is a place Baekhyun crashed into head on, he doesn’t know how he could have made it through his entirely blindsided breakup without Sehun there by his side. They spent long nights on Baekhyun’s couch watching mindless reruns, laying together and letting Baekhyun quietly weep into his shirt until his chest was soaked and they eventually drifted into sleep.

If there were any boundaries in their friendship before that, they’re now nothing more than rubble on the ground.


For the past 72 hours Baekhyun has been thinking non-stop about this party. Unnecessarily working himself up, he is dreading going out. Pacing back and forth inside his mind, he can think one hundred different things that he would rather do than go out to a over crowded house party. Like do his dishes or vacuum and hes pretty sure his DVD collection needs reorganizing too.

Sehun and Baekhyun are a recipe for chaos. So, what has gotten into him?

That boy really messed him up.

That pain in his chest was creeping back.

Baekhyun sighed to himself as he sat up from his slouching position on the couch in his little apartment. This pain was beginning to become a nuisance. He was so tired of fighting it and so tired of allowing it to control his life. Sehun was right, he needed to have a little fun for once. Stop worrying about all the intrusive thoughts that engross him. Baekhyun knew it was time, time to try to get past this.

Instantaneously his phone vibrated with a new group text message that contained more numbers than Baekhyun could comprehend:
‘Tonight is gonna be liitt- 8 pm! BOYB’

Baekhyun jumped up off of the couch with all of the enthusiasm he could muster and headed towards the bathroom to get ready. His feet softly padding across the carpet. Sliding his shirt up over his head and discarding it somewhere on the floor in the hallway before flicking on the light switch to the bathroom. His eyes winced for a moment to adjust to the blinding lights. His big brown eyes find himself staring right back at him in the mirror. Standing there with nothing on but his black sweatpants that loosely hang around his small hips, he takes a moment to stare at his bare chest. Looking at himself, he gives himself a small smile.

Under appreciated, self love is something that is incredibly important to continuously practice. Baekhyun realizes, through the events that have taken place over the past few months, he has not taken time to love himself. He knows he has been too rough on his mind and has been pushing his physical body to its limits. That voice in his head reminds him that ‘it is going to be okay and that he will get there, eventually.’

For the first time in a long time Baekhyun could say he liked who he saw in the mirror.

He looks down and admires his toned stomach, brushing the palm of his hand along his soft skin. Trailing his hand down until his thumb latches onto the waistband of his sweatpants. He pauses there for a second before flashing a few quick strong man poses, silently giggling to himself. Its a fact, boys never grow up. A wide grin plasters across his face until his eyes crinkle shut.

Twisting the faucet knob on all the way, the shower head delayed a few seconds before the hot water sputters out with forceful pressure. He watches the thick white blanket of steam flow over the shower curtain and fill the small room, clouding the mirror until he can not see himself clearly anymore. He collects himself with a deep inhale. Running his hands though his messy hair and closing his eyes, he lets out an audible sigh. Pulling the draw string of his pants he lets them fall to the ground, pooling around his ankles before stepping out of the fabric.

You know what, yeah, lets do this. You need to stop moping around. Show them, show them all, especially the ones who doubt you! This is going to be your night, you're invincible Baek.

Baekhyun's naked pep talk that deserved an award for how absolutely corny it was- but hey, it worked.

Stepping past the curtain, the water temperature burns his skin, turning it a soft pink. He adjusted quickly, he loves the feel of the heat washing over him. Its cleansing, rinsing any lingering perturbation from him and down the drain, never to come back to him again.

Maybe tonight could be the beginning of a fresh start.

Chapter Text

Apparently sleeping around after a breakup in college is the proper solution and keeping to yourself like a ‘normal person’ is the contrary. Baekhyun doesn’t know if he is the odd one out or if art students are a little offbeat.

Long standing insecurities compel Baekhyun into embarrassment that he hasn’t been with anyone in weeks. And he certainly doesn’t want anyone knowing that his last time was when he was too drunk to remember, that one night out, with his best friend.

It has been two weeks since his boyfriend moved out. Two weeks since he morphed into a puddle of tears and fourteen days too long that Sehun had gone without seeing a smile on Baekhyun.

Something has to be done.

In an all-out attempt to cheer him up, Sehun is quite literally forcing his sulking best friend to go out for a night. “Everyone lets loose on Saturday nights and this time right now, it’s our prime.” Is all that Sehun was able to formulate into a solid debate, though he does have a point.
Sehun is not the best at persuasion but he has, for the most part, the best intentions and Baekhyun is such a pushover. Plus, the idea doesn’t sound too terrible right now.

Baekhyun wishes he had a picture of Sehun’s face when he finally agrees to go.

Trying to reserve the small amount of decency he has left, Baekhyun demands to shower alone. Pushing Sehun out and closing the door in his face, the younger boy sits in the hallway Indian style and waits impatiently. Listening for the sound of the faucet knob squeaking into the off position before clambering though the door with a pink towel in hand.
Baekhyun was trying to stay positive, but boy, it’s difficult to not kick him in the shins.

Wrapped in nothing but his fuzzy towel low on his waist, he’s forced to sit on top of the bathroom counter to allow Sehun to take over the remainder of his ‘getting ready process’. Sehun won't let him sit on the toilet seat as he is too tall and refuses crouch down. So, the counter top it is.

Pink finger marks are slapped into Baekhyun’s bare skin anytime he flinches or tries to protest, rendering him completely defenseless to the younger. Sehun is having the time of his life applying Baekhyun’s makeup. Digging through all of the different palates and examining each brush quizzically.

Admittedly owning more name brand makeup than a broke college kid probably should; Baekhyun likes the way he looks with a good highlighter on his cheeks, so, he shamelessly indulges himself whenever he's at the makeup section in the store.

Sehun is precise, poking his tongue out with concentration. Taking his time because this now is his masterpiece. Baekhyun is no longer Sehun's friend but now his own eye candy made art project. Not to toot his own horn but he can apply a sharp wing, that is if Baekhyun stops moving for two seconds.

Baekhyun is too distracted being their mini dj with the music app on his phone and singing along to each song even if he doesn't know the lyrics.
Why is he always so twitchy?

Sehun is picking everything out; down to the color of Baekhyun’s black ankle socks and purple boxer briefs, he's going all out. Baekhyun can’t do anything but sit half naked, still perched ontop the counter and just let him run completely wild. Sehun waddles around between the bathroom and the bedroom nearly sixty times. Each time he appears in the doorway his arms full of different garments. He is on a mission- he must find the perfect outfit.

Pulling everything out of the closet he's creating a literal mountain of clothes on Baekhyun’s floor with nearly everything he owns. Baekhyun rolls his eyes, he knows Sehun has absolutely no intensions of cleaning it up.

Not for a second would the younger brat let Baekhyun, the art project, voice an input of any kind; he is fully in charge. Baekhyun wasn't for a minute bothered by the lack of control, but the more he fought it, the funnier it became. “No, you have to have your hair parted this way!” Sehun huffs, hitting Baekhyun’s forearm as a warning. “Yes, you have to wear this necklace and Baekhyun, damn it! If you even so think of changing out of that I am going to…I’m… I swear you don’t want to find out!”

Finally, after a whopping forty-five minutes of the most comical back and forth bickering, Sehun reaches his cracking point. Baekhyun is surprised he lasted this long, usually it's after no more than ten. So crazed at Baekhyun’s teasing that he screams, throws his arms into the air an runs out of the bathroom flailing. Baekhyun follows the sound of a loud thump to find him sprawled out on his stomach on his living room floor, kicking his feet and screaming obscenities into the beige carpet. Only being a little overly dramatic. Bursting into laughter at the whole scene before him, Baekhyun loved the way the returning smile felt on his face.

Genuinely feeling perked up from his previous state, he is enjoying the entire process. And, he actually looks really, really good. This freshly showered look suits him better than his food-stained oversized sweatshirt and basketball shorts that he had formerly been seeking refuge in.



Summer was setting in, classes had settled down and the air felt new.

Even after the sun had set, it was still warm outside. Baekhyun was so thankful for that because his chest was a bit over exposed in his blue plaid shirt with several of the little white buttons undone, thanks to Sehun- his new fashion adviser.

Dragged into the heart of downtown to they arrived at a bar that Sehun loves because it has a ‘prettier’ crowd. Ready to dink themselves into a happy oblivion and if they could each find a easy hook up to take home, that was a huge bonus.

Sehun claims “Because why not?”

The night starts with a few beers under the low lights, casually sitting at a high top table placed in the center of the room. Elbows comfortably resting on the table, Baekhyun cupped his cheek in his palm as he intently listened to Sehun. They talked about their new choreography they’re working on and gossiped about their group of friends. Normal mindless chatter to ease themselves into their new surroundings. Until slamming shots at the bar sounded like a great idea.

Why, why does that always sound like a good idea?

Sehun orders the first two (of many) shots of some clear liquid that the bartender suggests. With the two glasses came two small wedges of lemon. Cheers to saying ‘fuck it’ Sehun intertwined their arms, hooking at the elbow as the two tipped the liquid back. One gulp and it's sliding down their throats with an anticipated burn. The shot glasses hit the counter with force before they grabbed for their lemons and bit into the wedge, sucking out the bitter juice. Baekhyun squints his eyes and gives a quick rattle of his head, his whole throat tenses up at the flavor.

Before he could fully collect himself, Sehun already bounced back and had another pair of full glasses waiting. Baekhyun isn't even taken back by his eagerness, he actually would be a little disappointed if he didn't try to press shots into him. With a exaggerated exhale, he just accepts his new fate- that he's going to feel like shit tomorrow.

Elated by a sense of freedom, Baekhyun leans against the bar for stability. He is so glad he let Sehun talk him into this.
His fogged mind is able to blur out the face that caused all this upset in the first place.

Of course, the two were together, things could not stay too relaxed for very long.

‘Bang Bang Bang’ began to blare through the now overly crowded bar. Simultaneously their eyes widened and mouths popped open in excitement and they quite literally ran to the dance floor, weaving in, out and around groups of people.

This song is their song, of course they had to dance to it. It has sort of become ritual that when they're going out or just need something to elevate their mood, Big Bang was their go-to playlist. No one else gets them more hyped up. And it may entirely have something to do with Sehun’s enormous crush on their maknae.

Feeling loose, they fully indulge themselves into the beat and the electricity swimming around them. The floor is packed, forcing hot bodies to press against one another. It's like a ocean of uncontrolled waves as everyone sways in sporadic movements. But no one else on that floor is of any concern, they are having too much fun off in their own boat.

Sehun loves that he is taller than Baekhyun because he is able to shadow over him when they stand closely. Similar to magnets, the attraction pulls them together. Sehun perfectly fits against Baekhyun and leads his smaller frame with his hips. Baekhyun closes his eyes and with a audible breathy sigh he submerges his back into the body behind him. Reaching up behind him and grabbing a handful of black hair as they move to the beat vibrating through the air. Like no one else was around, they danced. Hands exploring, wandering and grinding on each other in a provocative way that sober, as wild as they are, they probably would have never done. But neither of them seem to care.

Baekhyun has no intentions of stopping his first feeling of leeway from the clutches of heartbreak.

The night washes over in a blur and the time became irrelevant. Needless to say, the two are so absorbed in their own little world, they didn’t once interact with anyone else.

Taking full advantage of Last Call and before staff begins to shoo patrons out the two split their outrageous tab. Linking arms they make their way outside to embrace the now slightly cooler night air.

Stumbling around on the front curb the two adorably immature boys play wrestle as they wait for their ride to pick them up. Sehun will never go easy on Baekhyun. He instantly forces the smaller into a headlock, forcing him to scream "mianhae oppa!" before letting him go. Baekhyun still instigates the fighting, every. single. time. He never learns and he fully deserves what's coming to him.

If it wasn't for the approaching headlights, he would have attacked again.

The cab ride home is only uncomfortable for the driver, as the two are laughing loudly and overly hands on in the backseat. Depending on who you ask, the thirty minute ride was either the blink of an eye or the most torturous endeavor. Sehun pays the lovely irked man as they giggled and climb out of the small sedan.

Safely at back at Baekhyun’s apartment building they’re pretty sure every neighbor is woken up as they stumble though the hallway. Instead of taking the elevator like normal, it sounds like an even better idea scream up several flights of stairs.

One set of stairs and literally two minutes later, Sehun whines he is too weak to carry on and needs a piggy back ride. Or else he will just perish right then and there on the ground. Dramatic? Baekhyun can't stop laughing for a second to catch his breath causing his limbs to go limp, he sways into the wall for assistance. Hooking his hands anound the back of Sehun's thighs and making a pathetic attempt, he can't find the energy in him to lift his body. So instead Sehun tries to climb up him like a baby animal, wrapping his long legs tightly around his torso.

This is so awkward and it is not going to go over well but intoxicated minds think everything is brilliant.

Baekhyun's wobbly legs can only hold up the new weight for two stairs before they both crumble into the concrete ground. Laying on the ground choking for air the two are yelling the blame at each other. "You and your damn twig legs!" is interrupted with "Oh my God, I hate you! Why are you like this?!" The bickering continues. Sometimes its hard to tell, are they an old grumpy couple?
Baekhyun is definitely going to have a story to tell when people see his scraped knee at practice.

This honestly isn’t even a rare occurrence in college housing. Residents don't even bat an eye from inside their homes, art kids especially, have a tendency to be rowdy.

With Sehun shouting lewd comments at Baekhyun, the volume knob was permanently stuck on max.

Two bodies slam through the front door wheezing from laughter. Baekhyun, in a drunken haze is done with his friend's tormenting and overpowers Sehun’s larger size, the two still yelling at each other, stumble back and slam into the now closed door. Baekhyun’s palms splayed across his chest, pressing into him. He looks up from underneath his eyelashes, their half lidded eyes meet for a moment, neither shying away. Baekhyun can feel the hook between them, its familiar yet so exhilarating.

His heart takes a few heavy beats before in the split of a second all loud laughter is replaced by suppressed needy moans as their mouths messily clash together. Teeth bumping in a chatter as their tongues dance and push past into unfamiliar territory, shamelessly delving into each other. Panting through each breath, two sets of hands are in a race; to explore over every unique curve in search of dominance over the other. Baekhyun’s petite digits pressed into the taller boy’s hip bones keeping him pinned against the wall. Without permission Sehun has a fist full of brunette hair and the other raking along soft skin, leaving pink marks streaking down Baekhyun’s back from underneath his blue plaid shirt, buttons stressed and clinging by a thread for coverage. His eyes still pressed shut, the alcohol pumping through Baekhyun’s system makes him feel dizzy with a euphoric aftertaste.

Snapped back to reality, Baekhyun lets out a small whine of protest as their lips separate. Sehun lifts his hand and wipes away the saliva from Baekhyun’s bottom lip with his thumb before flashing a devious smile. Baekhyun knew at this exact moment, there was no more thinking.

Baekhyun pouts and smacks Sehun’s chest with a slight sting of his open palm for teasing him. He needs that feeling back now and they both can sense it. Lust driven eyes are locked onto the taller boy, Baekhyun watches his gaze turn from soft into something he has never seen before. Baekhyun's pulse races. With unwarranted retaliation Sehun leans in and bites into Baekhyun’s pale skin, just below his ear. Sucking softly with his tongue pressed against the skin, Sehun can taste him and he wants more. Covering the rest of his neck in small nips and leaving behind vibrant bruised marks that Baekhyun is going to have to wear for the next week. The dizziness returns and he looses himself. Sinking in against Sehun’s body, lips slightly parted making way for a silent moan.

Its like Baekhyun’s world has begun spinning again and the whole room was going with it. A dark thick blanket of fuzzy memories sets in, neither boy fully recalling the exact order of the activities that followed.


The next morning showed clothes beautifully decorating the floor leading a trail from the front door to his bedroom.

Waking up next to Sehun didn’t bring a bit of repentance to Baekhyun. It was the heinous migraine that has moved in and was pounding away inside his skull that he wish he could take away. The half functioning, eyes not fully opened yet, scavenger hunt to find the nearest bottle of ibuprofen and the largest cup for coffee is everyone's favorite morning after venture.

Unspoken, the two know they would never, ever be compatible in a romantic relationship. The two already had a relationship that no one else could compare to.

And that’s the way things should be.

Chapter Text

A quarter to nine o’clock Baekhyun arrives in front of a huge multi-story building. Luscious green flourishing shrubbery covered the landscape, protected behind a black iron gate. Baekhyun tilts his chin wall the way up causing his jaw to slack bit to try see to top of the structure.

He knew Junmyeon had nice place. But boy did he underestimate. Baekhyun vaguely remembers Sehun babbling on about Junmyeons’s parents who had bought him a fifth floor flat to live in during his time at University. After that is when Baekhyun zoned out and played with the hangnail on his thumb while half listening to him babble on about the three bedroom two bathroom apartment that came with an entire wine cellar, a balcony with enough room to hold the entire dance studio all while over looking looked Downtown Manhattan.

Materialistic things make Sehun giddy, he love to flaunt.

And Baekhyun clearly listened more than he intended to.

Through a private entrance on the side of the building he made his way up to the fifth floor. Quietly standing in the elevator he ran a hand though his hair. Thin fingers combing through silky strands as he rearranges the fallen hairs off of his forehead. The higher the elevator reached the greater his anxiety bubbled in his stomach.

Baekhyun knows he is showing up late to the party and he can already hear Sehun’s voice nagging at him for his lack of punctuality. He is not going to mention to anyone the fact that it took him way too long to try to get his eyeliner even.

The pathway from the elevator to the front door wasn’t nearly long enough for Baekhyun to compose himself. There he stood, staring up at the ceiling as he inhales a deep breath though his parted lips. Gathering himself before entering the front door into the chaotic gathering. The confidence radiating off him is brightly glowing yet its tinged with a haze of nerves.

A wide smile grows across his face creasing the corners of his eyes. Baekhyun is officially tired of hiding away. He needs to get out there, enjoy his life that’s going on right now.

Standing there in his a-little-too-tight black skinny jeans that he knew no one could say no to, paired with his messy brown dyed hair and smokey smudged eyes; Baekhyun said 'fuck it’ as he grips the cold handle to the front door and passed through the threshold.

The apartment is, in simple terms, huge. It is completely packed wall to wall with students and friends all in association with the art school. Iconic red solo cups adorned nearly every visible surface underneath the dimmed lighting. To his left is a tangle of intoxicated limbs flowing along to the heavy beat of ‘Rhythm Ta’ as it blares from the multiple overly loud speakers. On the other side of the large flat a few boys sat on top of a wooden dining table coyly playing their guitars while puppy eyed half drunk fan girls shower them in praise. Hanging over their every note. Baekhyun chuckled to himself as he continued searching around the flat looking for his friends.

Where are they?

His ears pick up on a loud howl coming from the kitchen, a yell that he can recognize anywhere. He quickly beelines in that direction; making his way directly through a group of people, not bothering to try to walk around them. Too bad Baekhyun isn’t bothered by eyes starting at him, because nearly a dozen pairs are glaring at him for being an inconsiderate ass.

They'll get over it.

Around the corner he finds two pairs standing comfortably around the marble countertop elbows and palms aiding in stability. Sehun and Junmyeon in matching plain black shirts and denim blue skinny jeans, more than likely thanks to Sehun's strong ambitions in dressing them both. At the center (as usual) of attention laughing loudly, Sehun being the one screaming at the top of his lungs. Yep, Baekhyun knew that vocal sound anywhere. Their counter partners Jongin and his boyfriend Kyungsoo with animated overly enthusiastic toothy smiles are clearly enjoying themselves while Jongin has his army lazily slung around the other's shoulder.

Under the soft kitchen lighting Baekhyun stands in the doorway for a moment, soaking up the positive energy radiating off them before making his way closer.

"Hey! You made it! Look here- remember my Junmie?" A slightly slurring and ecstatic Sehun leans in and yells a little too loudly in Baekhyun’s face. His dark hair falling over his eyes making him look much younger than he actually is. Baekhyun loves how absolutely stunning the boy looks. He grabs Baekhyun by the back of his neck pulling him in for a quick slobbery peck on the cheek. "Not a single thought of Tao is allowed tonight, got it?" Pushing Baekhyun back by his shoulders and pointing with his index finger before giving Baekhyun a cute ‘boop’ on the nose.

He was trying not to, until you brought it up.

Baekhyun politely gestures a wave to Junmyeon as he gives Sehun a gentle full palmed pat on his face to push him away. Affectionate, but with enough force to deliver his message. He’s such a pain in the ass. Sehun pouted out his glossy bottom lip in an attempt to look hurt. With in attention span of a rodent tonight, his pout was quickly replaced with that cute grin again before focusing his attention on filling five small glasses of a crystal clear liquid for everyone around the island.

A tingling sensation accompanied by an unwarranted burn caught Baekhyun by surprise as he closed him eyes and gulped down the contents of the glass that was pushed in front of him. As a punishment for being late Sehun insisted on immediately pouring another shot for Baekhyun to ‘catch up’.

Okay, that’s fair.

The slow burn is swiftly replaced with a numbing feeling that flowed down his torso and through his thighs, somehow holding him up.

College boys are uncontrollable. Several forced shots later, thanks to Party Boy Sehun, everyone around the island is feeding off of the electric vibes as the attractive sounds of ‘Want’ swim around them. Playfully the dance majors sway their hips around purposely teasing the others in the dim lit room. And its working.

That magnet attraction buzzed as Sehun found his way to Baekhyun. Their bodies moving to the beat in their own reciprocating movements. As natural as breathing they flowed into the beat. Baekhyun turning around to face Sehun, rolling against his thigh. Throwing his head back he let out a loud laugh as Sehun locked his wrists around his neck, bellowing slurred lyrics into the short boy’s face.

"I’m your toy to make you innocent, trust your self-control, move your body and soul"

Junmyeon watched with his dark hooded eyes glued onto the two, the sight ignited something within him. Growling under his breath as the corner of his mouth turned upward, watching the two gave him a thrill. Leaning further into the counter and discreetly adjusting his tight denim before resting his elbows on the surface and leaning in.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough you two!” Kyungsoo has absolutely no hesitations to be the one to stop the show going on the other side of the counter.

Let the boys be wild!

“Oh, come on! Jongin, discipline your man!” Sehun waved his arms around in the air, slowly backing off of Baekhyun and wiggling his way back to Junmyeon. The other quickly wrapped his arm around the tall boy’s waist, looping two fingers though a belt loop to keep on a close leash.

Baekhyun can only keep his thoughts locked away for so long before they begin scratching at the framework of his being, begging to be set free.
Huang Zi Tao. Repeating him name slowly, each syllable caused that pain to wrench inside him. And once the memory is freed there slim to no chance of him reeling it back in.

Please, let just one night.

All these thoughts flooding in have Baekhyun beginning to choke up.




Physically shaking his head to get a grip and smash the creeping ache down again Baekhyun attempts to distract his wandering mind. Glancing away from the loud chatter surrounding the island, his eyes nervously search the room for anything to focus on. A smile returns to his face when he spots two familiar faces. Jongdae and Minseok, plus another body. Someone he has never seen before.

The two of them have zero volume control when they were together, it’s a mystery how Baekhyun didn’t notice them before. Jongdae being the main source of the high decibel issue.

Unapologetic, they are one of those sickening cute couples that do literally everything together. Baekhyun is half convinced that if Minseok ever let go of Jongdae he would probably float away like a pink balloon. Whose place is it to fight love though? They were okay with the way they were and the world had no choice but to accept it.

But who was that boy standing with them?

Baekhyun is star struck. Who can this boy be?

He looks so young, there’s no way he is a student. He looks way too grungy with his over sized sweatshirt and wild untamed hair to be fine arts major. And even though he's totally hot, he does not have the body for a dancer.

Apparently his staring is strong enough to pierce right though them because the three of start walking over in his direction.


"Where the hell have you been this whole time?" Minseok excitedly jumps at Baekhyun closing in on the space between them. Pulling him in for an overbearing embrace before releasing him to quickly return back to Jongdae. Baekhyun cant help hide the fact that his gaze is locked onto this tall blue eyed boy with fluffy brown hair and a huge Cheshire grin.

Are those contacts? Wow.

“Baek, meet Chanyeol, its his first year here, we have kind of taken him under our wing” With an adoring pat on Chanyeol’s shoulder Jongdae sounds like a proud mother. “Isn’t he adorable?” Adorable isn’t the word Baekhyun would have used, but yes.

With a red cup nearly empty in one hand, Chanyeol gestures a soft wave with the other while at the same time flashing that big lob sided grin one more time.

Oh my god.

"H..Hey.." shyly rubbing the back of his neck Baekhyun couldn’t have made this any more awkward. Baekhyun immediately kicks himself for not asking anything, not greeting him properly. The taller boys eyes set onto Baekhyun with that smile permanently locked onto his face like he is trying to figure him out. He is incredibly handsome and Baekhyun cant do anything but stand there. “I’m... I’m Baekhyun.” he finally chokes out.

Come on, Baekhyun, form a proper sentence.

A chuckle slipped out from behind his teeth. “Yeah, as I am sure you figured, I’m Chanyeol.” Baekhyun can’t tell if he is mocking him “Nice to meet you,” His voice is soft and so genuine.

Baekhyun has to thank Sehun later for his rowdy actions to break the tension, or whatever the hell it was that Baekhyun just experienced. What the is wrong with him? Yeah, he knows he has been out and down for a while, but really? Baekhyun feels like he is sixteen again. Reverting back to that smaller black haired boy with glasses and braces, he was the prince of weirdness.

Welcoming the new coming bodies to the counter top that is now fully circled by the complete group, plus one new addition. Sehun pours another round of drinks for everyone. Not too often does the entire group gets to get together anymore, studies and practice tend to take priority as graduation moves into arms reach. No matter what each one of these boys are aspiring to be- at the end of the day they are just college boys that need to let out some build up testosterone.

Moments like this are ones that Baekhyun wants to savor forever.

Each one enjoying the company to either side of them as drinks are being passed around the group in an attempt to make a game out of it. Each one sporting their own smiles and displays of affection without diminishing their masculinity of trying to one-up the person to their left. Leaving Baekhyun slightly fucked because he in stuck in the rotation of being to the left of Sehun, who drinks like a fish and Chanyeol across the counter and he didn’t want to look like he could not handle himself in front of him.

Baekhyun watches Sehun nervously as he throws back a full shot without even batting an eyelash, no recoil after, nothing. Looking at Chanyeol and then back to Sehun Baekhyun wiggles in place “Ha! No problem!” Baekhyun grabs his blue tinted glass before his eyes flutter shut and mouth welcoming the numbing liquid. Gently placing the glass back in its spot on the counter, Baekhyun keeps his eyes shut and takes a moment, shaking his fists in an odd little dance. Yeah, he’s totally does not got this.

After a dead silent minute of the entire group watching him suffer Baekhyun pops back into his body. Throwing two balled fists directly overhead into the air and letting out a howl. It must have gotten his second wind because he just resurrected back to life.

And he feels great.

“Now that we know for sure that Baek isn’t going to keel over in front of us, lets make all this more interesting- lets play a real game!” Jongin blurts and slams his glass down onto the counter top with a force a loud reverberating sound echoed as the glass clashed with the marble.

Well surpassing the definition of tipsy, his monster of an alter ego is beginning to emerge. Kai as he loved called him. The name was officially given to the boy one really, really, weird drunken night last semester. It involved a lampshade, a squirt gun and a tub of ice cream. Things got out of hand and no one wants to reminisce unless they have to. You know those nights, its something kept between you and only the ones present. It will be joked about continuously but never fully explained to outsiders. And ever since then, drunk Jongin is known as Kai. He's rowdy, loud and obscene.

“Oh my god! Yes! Do you guys remember playing Never Have I Ever as kids?” Sehun quickly stole the spotlight- as normal.

This kid, man. Baekhyun smiles as he rolls his eyes. Nevertheless, he agrees.

Scuffling his bare feet across the tile he adorably waddles to the end of the counter before squatting and rummaging around in the cupboard. Like he found treasure his face light up as he pulls out a huge bottle of some fancy scotch, looking at Junmyeon for approval. With a name they can not pronounce the bottle is probably old enough to be drinking with them. “But every time someone looses they have to take a shot of this!”

“Keep talking,” Minseok had a wild look in his eye as he poked his tongue out and ran it across his lips, not subtle at all. Everyone burst out into laughter at the thirsty man. Minseok looking around with a confused look on his face, eyes widening and jaw dropping he throws his arms up. “What?! Oh, come on, fuck all of you! ”

Several minutes of multiple voices bickering and shouting across the countertop led to the conclusion that Kyungsoo was going to be the first one to start off the game. Since he is so quietly attached to Jognin’s side and not making a single input other than glaring at everyone, he was forced into this decision unwillingly.

“Never…” Kyungsoo stutters and is unable to come up with anything on the spot. Jongin gives Kyungsoo an encouraging nudge on the shoulder and leans in to whisper something in his ear that no one else is able to decode. Kyungsoo’s cheeks blush red and shakes his head hiding a smirk. Baekhyun assumes he can not bring himself to say what Kai had just suggested. “Never have I ever.. sent a sext.”

“You’re supposed to say things you have NOT done Soo!” Jongdae belts out a loud whine that sends everyone into hysteric fits of laughter. Jongin, clearly being the recipient of said sext, puffy cheeks flush as his eyes press into tight creases. He can’t do anything but laugh at his counter mate as Kyngsoo is poured the first shot of the game.

A smug little wag in celebration for calling out Kyungsoo, Jongdae puffs his chest out and happily takes the next turn. “Never have I ever had a one night stand.” Squinting eyes scanned the island waiting for someone to call him out. Yes, Jongdae prides himself on not following college norms.

Damn it Jongdae and your pureness. A few boys roll their eyes and more than half of them have been caught by this. Cheap shot. Sehun and Baekhyun simultaneously shoot each other a coy smile. Several shot glasses were pushed together in a line, awaiting their fate. Chanyeol stood leaning against the counter palm propping him up for support, no shot glass for this round. Baekhyun is slightly even more intrigued by this boy.

A few more rounds passed around involved the boys doing nothing more but finding ways to expose and embarrass one another. Minseok got Jongdae to drink for exposing him for that things he did in the music room after class hours. Kyungsoo got his revenge finally and got all of the dancers to take a round of shots for having given lap dances at least once. Jongin tired to bluff but Baekhyun knows all of the things he has done screamed out and slapped his palms against the surface calling him out. The alcohol has Baekhyun riled up. That alter ego was now vividly showing, he could not hold in his poker face for more than a few seconds and had to take a shot with everyone.

This juvenile game somehow led Sehun to share a unnecessarily detailed story about him and Junmyeon that absolutely no one was prepared or wanted to hear. Junmyeon seemed pleased with himself, encouraging his younger to continue even though everyone was making silent gagging faces. Leaning against the counter, a newly found smirk seemed to change Junmyeon’s whole facial expression . Even for someone who is always very quiet in situations be began to show his illuminated flare. Letting himself enjoy the night he loosed up the most out of everyone. Before Sehun progressed any further into TMI territory he grabs Sehun by the hips and biting into the nape of his neck to finally get him to shut up. Thank God.

Baekhyun couldn’t help himself but to periodically glance up from him dark eyes to steal looks at Chanyeol as all the events were taking place. Half drunk, Chanyeol’s smile only became more alluring to Baekhyun. That fluffy wild hair was now pushed back exposing his forehead from running his fingers through it every few minutes. Baekhyun’s eyes can only wander and wonder over the tall boy. What is under that big hooded sweatshirt?

“Okay, lets take his up a notch,” Junmyeon placed both hands on the cold marble, leaning in. He knew for certain he was about to get almost everyone standing here with this: “Never have I ever been the one to wear the collar.” smirks splayed across everyone.

Real smooth Junmyeon, well played. Baekhyun giggles to himself.

This group, so close to each other was like a collaborated open book and didn’t hold secrets. More so, they over shared. Everyone knew exactly who was going to drink. Jongin, Jongdae, Sehun and Baekhyun all giggled cutely as they pushed their glasses together into a diamond configuration . With slight hesitation, the newest addition, that tall mystery pushed his glass in. Cheeks hot, Baekhyun’s intoxicated eyes widened. Trying to conceal the electric pulse that shot through him, he shot Chanyeol another glance. Big brown eyes met with a gorgeous blue for a quick second before a spark zapped through Baekhyun’s entire body. That Cheshire grin forced Baekhyun to divert his gaze after a split second. As if Baekhyun couldn’t be more fascinated, here he is. Surprising him further.

Cheers among the ones taking the shots of a beautifully golden liquor erupted and the smug men who get to watch them take yet another shot fully enjoyed the sight before them.

Progression throughout the night blends together flawlessly. This night was everything that all of them needed, right now, everything in this moment was bliss.

With alcohol pulsing through everyone and too many bodies in a too close vicinity. Baekhyun needed to step outside for some air before he loses himself completely.

Pushing off of the counter top he wobbles a bit and his throat tightens up “I.. I’ll be back, guys.”

Chapter Text

Sehun wasn’t exaggerating about the balcony before. Large and much less crowded than the house it spanned the length of the entire flat and wrapped around the side of the building. Baekhyun made his way across the wooden structure to the glass railing. Resting his elbows and pressing his body against the chilled glass for support as he looks out into the darkness, taking in how beautiful New York City looks below him. He admires the way the array of lights illuminate the crowded streets as he drifts into his own reason.

The cars and the people below appear trivial from the fifth floor. Looking at the small shadowed dots walking around Baekhyun thinks to himself; each one of them are living in their own little worlds, much like he is. Every single one is enduring with their own brewing storms. He smiles to himself as he reaches to the nape of his neck and softly scratches at the warm skin. It’s funny how a stranger would never be able to tell from looking in from the outside. Just like Baekhyun, who has already weathered the worst of his own, can finally see the sun peaking out from behind his personal hovering clouds.

Taking the brief time for himself, Baekhyun inhales a deep breath through his nostrils. The chilly city air fills his lungs and grounds him back into the present moment. Feeling his own feet firmly planted on the wood underneath him, he welcomes the wave of golden alcohol as it washes over him. He feels euphoric- anticipating this moment for months. He is free. Surrounded in static noise from the inaudible conversations buzzing around him, his mind is for once, not fighting him.

Baekhyun did not even register the indistinguishable footsteps as they approached him. Taking a spot and leaving enough personal space between the two, Chanyeol leans his back leaning against the railing crossing his arms over his chest. Hands hiding inside of the oversized gray sweatshirt he is nearly swimming in. He’s gorgeous, his soft facial expressions appear sharper under the shadow of the city lights.

Did he follow him out here?

“Hey, you good? You took off pretty quick back there.” That smile making its appearance again, Baekhyun is going to melt. “Those guys are absolutely crazy, they bring a whole new definition to balls-to-the-wall. It’s kind of astonishing the amount of alcohol they can ingest and still keep it together. Is it a dancer thing?” Chanyeol lets out a chuckle as he presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek. “Have you known them long?”

Baekhyun smiles at the realization that he did come out here just to check on him. There's no way he's not interested too. “Shh, they'll hear you, don't give away our secrets of how we do it!" Baekhyun lightens up. "Really though, I think it is mostly because we’re all stubborn as hell and we all amplify each other to our max. It’s kind of like that old saying “if your friend was to jump off a bridge would you?” Expect we're all racing to be the first one to jump... And the entire group only recently formed because of Sehun, I wouldn’t be close with anyone else if it wasn’t for him. He’s stupidly and overly social and he’s really easy to get along with. Plus, he loves to party, so naturally we all just kind of ‘clicked’.” A cute grin spreads across his face at the thought of his best friend. Baekhyun’s entire way of life as he knew it changed the moment he met him. He can't even try to explain their friendship to anyone else in a manner that would make sense. “He really is something else.”

“Yeah, you guys seem... um, really close.”

“You have no idea how wild I am about that pain in the ass. It's one thing to have good friends. It's a whole other experience to have a Sehun.”

Chanyeol’s smile grew only bigger at the sight of Baekhyun’s shameless grin that overtook his entire face, showing his big perfectly white smile.

“I am thankful I met Minnie and Dae, without them I wouldn’t know anyone else. I haven’t made any friends, mostly my own fault because I am always hiding in the music room, but they have always been so nice to introduce me to new people since starting here… People like you.” Chanyeol looks down at his left foot as he rubs the wooden deck with the ball of his shoe before looking at Baekhyun. “ I wasn’t even going to come tonight if it wasn’t for them coming to my apartment and quite literally dragging me away from my Iron Man marathon.”

Like flowing water, the stream steady and calm. Conversation between the two is not strained or forced and comes surprising natural in comparison to how nervous Baekhyun was before. Starting off with nothing more than a first name basis, Chanyeol begins on the on thing they have in common- school.

Chanyeol loves to talk and Baekhyun loves to listen even more. Leaning gently towards the taller, he encouraged him to ramble on about the whole reason he is here in the first place. His piano. "I started to play when I was young and fell in love with it immediately. My mother would have to force me to stop playing and go to bed some nights because I can just completely loose time when I am sitting in front of those keys. After everything, it's the one thing that has always been there." Baekhyun could tell the subject was vibrantly prominent in his life as his entire face lit up the further he went on to explain why he is always cooped up in the music hall. Just when Baekhyun thought he couldn’t be anymore attractive, he hit him with this.

His level of adoration just tripled.

Its endearing how humble he remains as he describes his excitement upon receiving his acceptance letter, living away from home for the first time and how it is all so new and terrifying. Baekhyun remains silent and content just listening so the words as they effortlessly flow from the other. Just like the people walking below in the city, Chanyeol has his own entire little world and Baekhyun is just getting a glimpse. The one vast difference in their universes is: Chanyeol doesn't lack any confidence in himself.

It’s remarkable, really.

Chanyeol chuckles as he adjusted his position against the railing, moving his body closer to Baekhyun’s side. Arms still crossed with both his feet planted firmly on the ground, his stance is relaxed. Baekhyun is taking detailed notes in his head and mental images of this moment as a chilly breeze brushes past them, ruffling their hair.

Head submerged and drowning in their conversation, Baekhyun lost all sense of time- but that didn’t matter with Chanyeol. He was breathing just fine underwater, having fallen into the ocean that is Chanyeol’s blue eyes.

Baekhyun just loved being in his presence, he literally couldn’t get enough.

And he's craving for more.

Chanyeol hit a lull in his story, noticing Baekhyun blankly staring. “Wow, oh my god, sorry, you probably don’t care to hear all this.” A slight tinge of disappointment in his voice as he realized he hasn’t let Baekhyun say a single word. “I’m sorry you had to sit here and listen to my slightly intoxicated ass babble on.”

“No! I really like this, listening.” Baekhyun reaches his hand out rubbing Chanyeol’s toned bicep “It’s crazy, how intriguing you are. You are a lot different than most of the people around here and you’re fearless when it comes to the things you’re passionate in. I like that, a lot.”

Chanyeol leans in a bit, accepting the warmth pulsing through the touch. “You don't even know the half of it. My persistence knows no bounds if I am set on something.”

Baekhyun’s breath paused for a moment causing his whole body to hesitate. The contact was slight but he could feel a zap the moment his finger tips touched the other. He knows he cant possibly be the only one that felt it, right?

“What do I have to do to find out?” The corner of his mouth curls up as all nerves that once surrounded Baekhyun are discarded by Chanyeol's subtle hints and replaced with his pent up frustration, begging to be released.

Looking up at the taller boy with his dark smudged eyes without breaking eye contact, Baekhyun pushes off of the railing and repositions himself so that his thighs are pressed onto either side of Chanyeol’s legs. Placing his hands closely at Chanyeol's sides, he wraps his slim fingers around the cold railing. Pressing his hips against him to get closer, the tensions speaks perfectly for them. The proximity allows him to feel the the other's shallow movements and his increasing heart beat. Baekhyun raises his hand and splays his fingers over Chanyeol’s sweatshirt before dragging his index finger across the fabric, aware every curve and divot of his chest. Licking his pink lips slowly, he can feel Chanyeol shifting under his touch.

“You’re so pretty.” Chanyeol lowly whispers, almost inaudible.

Baekhyun presses against him as his arms reach up around the back of Chanyeol’s neck. Gently combing his fingers through his hair Baekhyun’s lips almost brush against the his ear as he whispers, “I really want to show you just how pretty I can be.” His voice low and slurry. Rolling his hips against the other search for friction through their denim. Letting out a small sigh, his eyes locked onto plump red lips. Baekhyun chews at the inside of his cheek to hold back the overbearing temptation to steal a taste.

Chanyeol’s big eyes blow wide, black pupils over taking where the gorgeous blue once was as he stares down at the boy against him. Grabbing Baekhyun by the belt loops he easily overpowers the shorter boy and pulls him in trying to eliminate any possibility for space between the two. Chanyeol muffles a low sound in his throat as he subtly thrusts against Baekhyun’s hips and licks his bottom lip before catching it between his teeth and biting down onto it. His voice deep and as soft as velvet. “Then show me, Baekhyun.”

Hearing his name roll off of his tongue sent a shiver up his spine.

Baekhyun places both his palms flat against Chanyeol's chest as he scans the other with his big brown eyes. "Mmm, you know, the way my body reacts to you, it's amazing."

"You mean kind of like the way you shy away every time I look you in the eye?"

"It's exactly that. It's something about you Chanyeol. Something about the way you look at me, the way you say my name, it's like you already know exactly how to effect me. You're eyes lure me in and make me want more." Baekhyun's voice low as he admits from underneath his messy fringe.

"You think a lot, don't you?"

No one has ever asked Baekhyun this before. "I...Yes, too much actually, about everything."

"I want you to stop, at least when you're with me. Stop trying to figure out your next move, and just do it. Let your reactions take control." Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun's chin, tilting him up to see his face clearly. "You couldn't possibly do anything wrong."


Oh, only if he knew.


“Heyyy Baek, there you are!”

Have you ever heard a glass window shatter? That's what Jongdae's voice just did to the space around Baekhyun as favorite lovingly irritating couple made their way across the balcony to the railing they were pressed against.

Like a two teenagers that just got caught, sudden panic arose in Baekhyun's stomach and quickly pushes himself off of Chanyeol, who still kept his blue gaze locked onto him even as the distance increased.

Letting out an exasperating sigh as he rolls his eyes he turns to face the intruders as he runs his hand through his silky hair pushing it out of the way.

You're in your twenties and you freaked out like you're an adolescent, good job Baekhyun.

“Were heading home, our baby Channie just moved into our building and were.. Erhm, taking him,” Jongdae eyes the two up and down, squinting his eyes and judging the proximity between the two. “You ready Chanyeol? And Baek, do you want a ride home too?” His firm tone is directed as a command and not a question. Jongdae gestures a wave with his hand for the two to follow and without waiting for a response from either of the two, he turns on his heel, Minseok in hand as they head back to the sliding glass door to the house.

Slightly taken back Baekhyun sharply looks from Jongdae to Chanyeol and back again. Chanyeol moved into their apartment building? How had he possibly not seen him anywhere?

Baekhyun’s mouth hanging open but he can’t conjure any words. All he can do is just follow behind Chanyeol as he is being directed by an invisible string pulling him close behind.

Like little ducklings, all in line following Eomma.

The newly formed quartet maneuvers around groups of people as they venture across the enormous flat. Bidding their goodbyes through obnoxious high-fives to everyone they could as they walked through. Baekhyun staying close to Chanyeol’s side, though the other isn't paying him the same attention he was outside.

Where is Sehun? Baekhyun has to find him before they go and hope he is still functioning.

Making their way to the living area, on the large gray sectional couch that stretched across the majority of the area they finally found a immensely intoxicated Sehun. His black shirt only hanging on by two buttons, showing his entire pale chest. The arm slips off one shoulder as he wiggles on Junmyeon’s lap. If the man underneath him didn’t have a tight hold on his hips, gravity would have won and sent Sehun straight onto the floor. Holding onto the golden scotch bottle as if it were a matter of life or death; the bottle is quickly facing its own impending annihilation.

Sehun flapped his hand cutely in an attempt to wave them over while taking a unnecessarily large gulp. Smiling through the sip, some of the liquid slipped out from his lips and streams down his chin. Junmyeon reached around and wiped away the liquid from his face with his thumb before licking it off his own digit.

It was a sight that Baekhyun could have gone his entire lie without witnessing.

Baekhyun looked at Junmyeon, who had that hungry look in his eyes as he readjusted himself under the fidgety boy. Chuckling to himself, Baekhyun knew their night was going to end in one of two ways: Sehun sleeping with Junmyeon or with his toilet. With more than enough alcohol pumping through his system, Baekhyun knew it was a good idea to head home before he too would meet the fate of the latter.

“Guys! Look! Look at my Junie!” A quick frown wiped over Sehun’s face as he snatched Baekhyun’s hand and yanked his whole body towards him without any warning forcing Baekhyun almost completely to his knees. “Going home so soon?! No Bae! Please, Stay- pretty please!” His lisping slur only adds to his aegyo.

Baekhyun reaches his soft hand out and caresses his best friend’s jaw line and takes a hold of the back of his head with the other and plants an affectionate peck on top his messy dark hair before giving Junmyeon a wink with his left eye following a slight upward curl of his lips.

Sehun is normally a wild child, amplify that by ten when altering substances are involved. Baekhyun is glad that Junmyeon is able to handle him- not that he can’t handle himself. But it leaves Baekhyun to be able to happily get rest in his own bed and not having to worry about his safety.

Baekhyun still surprises himself at times by how much he cherishes him.

That little shit.


Minseok and Jongdae take the front seats of Minseok’s little silver Hyundai sedan. Leaving Chanyeol and Baekhyun to take the back. The small confined space fills with music as the volume knob is cranked up and Bluetooth automatically connects to Jongdae’s phone. Cute. The two front seat occupants play car-karoke, bellowing lyrics at the top of their lungs. Because who needs to worry about a proper vocal range after midnight? On any given day Baekhyun would participate happily, but right now, his mind is a bit preoccupied.

The entire ride home Chanyeol doesn’t say a single word or looks in any direction other than out the rolled down window. Baekhyun begins to wonder if he did something wrong. He did, didn't he? It was because of Jongdae and Minseok. He pushed Chanyeol away and he wasn't going to chase after him.

The cold night air whipping around his face and a million thoughts raced through this head blurring into one like a whirlwind.


If Baekhyun had ingested any more alcohol, this ride might have been much more torturous to endure than it was.

An owed thank you to Minseok’s reckless driving and taking a corner way too fast, the two of them shuffle around in the back seat a little and lightening the atmosphere as Jongdae lets out a trademarked whine of complaint. “WAE!” Minseok does not even bat an eye towards his significant other as he begins to scold his driving skills.

Apparently, this is a normal occurrence.

In an attempt to remain upright, Chanyeol’s hand pressed onto Baekhyun’s on the seat in between them. Baekhyun’s eyes shot at their hands, trailing up the other boy's arm until their eyes locked.

Please don’t be mad.

Chanyeol doesn’t twitch a muscle to remove his hand from its new position but instead curls his fingers around Baekhyun’s as he flashes that huge lob sided smile that Baekhyun had been searching for. Not even aware that he was holding his breath until his eyes drifted shut, Baekhyun's eyelashes tickling his cheeks as a soft sigh left his mouth.

A clouded soft white atmosphere filled the space around the two. There was nearly one hundred butterflies trapped inside of Baekhyun’s stomach right now. Creeping up the throat and getting ready to explode- he chokes down a big gulp.

If he smiles again, Baekhyun swears he’s going to loose it.


Slamming into a parking spot and jerking the car into park was enough to abruptly shoot Baekhyun back into reality and drag him away from his beautiful fantasy in his head that he was swimming in. Climbing out of the small car, solid ground has never felt so safe and glorious. Baekhyun contemplated for a moment of making a scene and dropping to his knees and kissing the ground; going against being totally weird he remained on his wobbly legs as all four started towards The Towers. Jongdae who is leading Minseok are walking much faster than Baekhyun and Chanyeol who are slowly making their way, trying to create space between the other two as they lag behind.

Baekhyun always found that 'The Towers' was such a unnecessary name for their off campus housing. Providing a place for most of the students enrolled in several year programs to live during their studies. The grouping of buildings aren’t even that tall or fancy enough to have a name as such. But, the interest level in them suddenly skyrocketed upon learning that Chanyeol lived somewhere within them. One of these dorms belongs to him.

“I know you’re a handsy little boy but please let him go to his own bed tonight Baek!” Jongdae yells back behind then as they grab the front entrance door handle.

Damn it, Dae.

That’s twice tonight.

“Ugh, fuck.” Baekhyun whispers under his breath while shaking his head in pure and utter disappointment, his once styled hair now falling onto his forehead. The personal retort must have been loud enough for Chanyeol to hear because he was now staring right at him. His gaze softer that it has been all night, as if that was even possible.

“Handsy, are you?” Chanyeol laughs through his toothy smile. “It's okay, I have known him long enough to know when he's messing around,” Chanyeol gently grabs Baekhyun’s wrist bringing him to a stand still. Standing pressed against the other, Chanyeol steps in closer hovering over the shorter. Baekhyun’s knees become weak under his touch as he looks up at the other with his dark eyes more smudged from wear through the night. “As much as I would love to though.” Chanyeol’s voice lowers, chewing on his bottom lip before he reaches up his hands from his side to cup Baekhyun’s cheeks, tilting his head up, Baekhyun can feel Chanyeol’s breath on his lips as he hesitates for a moment.

Leaning in to close the distance, plump red lips gently press against Baekhyun. Zinging pulses sent though the two of them like their bodies had been anticipating the connection. The softness of their first kiss was taken away too quickly. Chaste and gentle it was a trial correlation unlike any other first kiss Baekhyun has ever experienced before. Chanyeol pulls back slightly, still close enough to feel his hot breath against his mouth. Baekhyun felt so small in his embrace. The few centimeters between their lips felt like miles away and Baekhyun wanted to get closer. A smirk pressed against Baekhyun’s teeth before Chanyeol pressed them together once more.

Like cut out pieces their bodies fit together perfectly. Welcoming the sudden intrusion on his own Baekhyun parted his lips and softly moaned into the other’s mouth as his eyes press shut and his long eyelashes rest against his cheeks. Smiling into the kiss Chanyeol playfully licks along Baekhyun’s top tip before pressing further into him. Baekhyun tenderly slides this tongue against the other, exploring the taller boy’s beautiful mouth. He tastes like whiskey and mint and Baekhyun can not get enough of him. His breath quickens as he pushes onto his tip-toes to try to indulge into him just a little bit more. Unlike the cold air swirling around them they were warm as his entire world came to a halt.

Baekhyun slips his arms around the thin waist, gripping the back of his sweatshirt in his fists as if he's trying to find a grasp on reality, wishing he could press closer into his radiating body heat. Chanyeol is so gentle but his strength surrounds them in a beautiful red aura as he keeps a tight hold onto Baekhyun. The embrace melting them into one. Baekhyun is not sure if it is his own will or Chanyeol holding him down to earth, but his is floating.

This boy is definitely going to have an effect on him.

The world begins to turn again as the approaching sound of a scuffling late night dog walker sets in the realization that they are both standing openly on the concrete sidewalk nearing the middle of the night.

Chanyeol breaks way, his lips glossed with saliva and cheeks a bright shade of pink. "As I told you, I am persistent." His eyes half lidded set onto Baekhyun’s as he takes his hand and intertwines their fingers as he guides the walk towards the building they share.

Baekhyun couldn’t stop a wide smile from plastering across his face, kicking a small pebble as they slowly as they approached the entry way to the building. “Can I ask you something, Chanyeol? What happened earlier, when you kind of, disconnected.”

“I was just absorbing everything, mostly you. After seeing how affectionate you are with Sehun, it made me think a million things. You’re a lot more than I initially thought, you're a gem. And I wanted to plan my next moves accordingly. Plus, I was trying to not throw up in the car. That man drives like a psychopath.”

Baekhyun frowns. “But wait, aren’t you the one that not even an hour ago told me to stop thinking and just do?”

“Yes, but there's a difference between making decisions and over analyzing. I also didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable Baekhyun, you did jump off me pretty quick when they saw us.”

“So, it had nothing to do with our friends being around?”

“To me, no. You, however, may very well be a different story... Why do you think I would even care about something like that?”

Before gripping the door handle to the building Baekhyun pauses for a few seconds before turning and burying his face into Chanyeol, giving him a quick embrace, wrapping his arms around the tall boy once more. His heart feels like it is finally beating again. He knows it sounds crazy because they had just met but Baekhyun swears this one, this blue eyed pianist, is supposed to mean something.

Baekhyun gets high on his enticing scent as it fills his lungs, focusing with his eyes shut he's surrounded in sandalwood and sage. “I’m sorry I get nervous, ” He wants to stay wrapped in it for ever, its so strong and comforting, just like Chanyeol. “I…I really… I’m happy you came to the party, sorry you didn’t get your Marvel marathon you wanted.”

“You sure are interesting, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol hooks his arms around Baekhyun’s shoulders without thought as if it were a natural recreation. He nuzzles into the top of his messy hair and they stay like this for a few breaths before releasing his long arms and separating the two. “And I guess its only fair that because you kept me out so late tonight, that you owe it to me to watch it with me one night, preferably soon.”


Chapter Text

Finding yourself after a period of being stuck in a low is such a beautiful feeling. The feeling of freedom from your own clutches, its like flying for the first time. And that’s exactly how Baekhyun feels, like his light is shining brighter than ever.

Unlike the previous insufferable weeks Baekhyun has endured, the steps are flowing from him effortlessly. His body moves to the new dance routine without thought, impressing not only himself but his instructor and classmates. Who all, including Baekhyun himself, began to push him aside. Boosting his ego further, he's loving the taste of euphoria.

‘Two, three and four.’ He repeats it like mantra in his head.

Like hawks circling their pray, two boys don’t take their eyes off of Baekhyun.

Sehun and Jongin pick on up his change in attitude quicker than anyone else, and they’re pretty sure they know what, or more so who, is the cause all of this.

Halfway into block period the entire class plops their worn bodies down on the floor in various spots around the room. Chests heaving and sweat soaking their skin, Baekhyun takes large drink of his water, reaching out he offers his cold bottle to Sehun.

“Holy shit Baekhyun, you’re getting this down faster than I am. At this rate Sunbae is going to put you at he front of the line, did you get laid, or what?” Sehun huffs as he snatches the bottle and takes a few gulps. His vocals are loud enough that a few eyes to wander over in their direction out of curiosity. Baekhyun remains humble and allows him to take a few unwarranted stabs at him. Literally nothing is going to break him down right now. “ Its that first year, isn’t it!? It is! Oh my god and you didn’t tell me? You little shit!” He flaps his hands a little before giving Baekhyun a shove on the shoulder with enough force to throw him off balance. Baekhyun wobbles over wooden floor and catches himself on his wrist before sitting back up.

Baekhyun only wishes, it sure has been a long two weeks since he last saw him.

“Hey, yeah, Kyungsoo knows him from ear training- they have that class together. He said they don’t talk much but he had nothing but good things to say about the guy.” Jongin happily adds in, clearly showing more support than another dark haired pain in the ass is.

“You got his number right?”

Dumb ass, why didn’t you get his number?

Giving a small shake of his head at his own self disappointment. “No, I didn’t. I don’t know… If he likes me, like that. I mean, we kissed but that was it.” You know when you don’t want to reveal too much before you even know what to make of the situation? Baekhyun doesn’t want to say the wrong thing to Sehun before he even knows himself if Chanyeol wants to see him again because Sehun will run fast with any information he gets his hands on. “It was a party though, we were all drinking. You know just as I do how those things go.”

“Oh don’t be dumb Baek. I saw the way you took kept looking at each other and it sure as fuck wasn’t the way I look at you. Seriously, what he hell is wrong with you.” There is literally getting nothing past Sehun.

I guess that’s why they’re best friends, right?

“A lot, clearly.” Baekhyun has no hesitations to his own oblivious state. “But he hasn’t tried to text me either, so I am not really sure. You know?”

“Hold on” Sehun says as he brightens up like a dim light bulb with the spark of an idea and without another word Sehun is scrambling to his feet and running out into the corridor.

Baekhyun’s eyes widen as his mouth pops open and he helplessly looks at Jongin for an answer. The younger shrugs his shoulders as he rolls his eyes, knowing there’s nothing that either of them can or could have done.

You can't do anything now Baekhyun, just let it happen.

A few minutes later, a smug little Sehun marches back into the room with a formation of random numbers obtained. Shoving his phone into Baekhyun’s face. “Here, you’re welcome!”

His heart began to race when his eyes laid upon the brightly lit screen before him. Probably seeming a little more eager than he intended to he snatched the phone away from Sehun’s grip and enter the number into his own. “Wait…Why? Hunnie… Who did you call?”

Making a point to show off to Baekhyun and with an overly dramatic sigh Sehun dryly replies “Minseok, you stupid. Oh and by the way. He knows everything.”

Baekhyun scrunches his face into a pout, sticking his tongue out.

Sitting Indian style on the floor, he’s trying to decide what to send as a first text. Baekhyun didn’t want to seem too desperate and he didn’t want to come off too cold either, but he wanted to be ‘cool’. You know, anything but the normal Baekhyun. Sehun and Jongin were beginning to become more than impatient as they watch him type and erase the same exact message nearly a dozen times.

“Oh my God just fucking do it! Or I am going to do it for you!” Exasperated yells shot at him.

Baekhyun decided to take an arrogant route. Which is a really, really dumb idea. But isn’t that a thing guys do? ‘Hey kid, remember me?’ Sent.

That was literally the stupidest thing he had ever done. Is there any way to take it back? Unsend, where is the unsend button?

“Baekhyun, I swear, I am going to punch you. Why are you like this?” Sehun looms over his shoulder looking at the sent message.

The message response was almost immediate. ‘How could I forget?!’

He was in the clear. He lets out a long breath he didn’t even know he was holding in.

A second text follows no less than thirty seconds later. ‘But, who’s the kid? You’re smaller than me!’

Baekhyun giggles to himself and his thumbs have a mind of their own. ‘But I am your Hyung!’

The two send texts back for forth all afternoon during and in between class when Baekhyun can sneak away for a moment. Even though their messages were nothing but boring small talk Baekhyun doesn’t care, a smile is permanently plastered across his face. He’s ecstatic that he is talking to that boy again. Just like that first night, he’s finding himself with pent up excitement.

Staring at these little black letters are not enough to satisfy his craving any longer. He needs to see him.

Dripping in euphoria, he was feeling confident enough that he knew Chanyeol would want to see him too.

‘Want to meet up tonight for a drink?’


Baekhyun chooses a bar that was in between University and their apartment building and sent a text to Chanyeol with the address. It's a normal college bar that he was known to frequent, but so was every other college kid in the surrounding downtown area. It is nothing more than a dimly lit rundown little dive bar, the drinks are cheap and the music is good. But what else could a poor college kid ask for?

Freshly showered in the locker room at University, Baekhyun didn’t bother running home before taking the short walk to the bar.

Baekhyun arrives earlier than he expected to- though he is not complaining; they agreed to meet at eight, that gives Baekhyun a few minutes to catch his breath. Entering though the doorway into the small stuffy bar he looks around as he scuffles across the floor, weaving in and out of busy groups of people before finding two stools at the bar. He climbs onto one and waits for Chanyeol. Baekhyun looks at the clock on his phone once again before setting his electronic attachment on the empty bars tool to guard the free spot and orders himself a beer.

Hopefully he will get here soon, Baekhyun can’t sit still much longer.

In a black hooded sweatshirt and his favorite red snap back on it occurs to him that Chanyeol has never seen him without his hair styled and makeup on. He looks down at his clothes, patting himself on the chest, he wonders if he would still like him… looking… normal?

He nervously takes several smalls sips of his beer, slowly numbing his anxiety and working up the courage to meet the one person that has been swirling in this thoughts for the past fifteen days.



All of those worries instantly vanish without a trace the moment he spots that tall boy walk into the bar, standing just inside the door as his beautiful blue irises scan the crowd.

He looks just as gorgeous as he did that first night he saw him and Baekhyun instantly reverts back the way he felt. The butterflies swarm in his stomach and he couldn’t muster the courage to call him over, all he can manage to do it just watch him for a minute, or two.

That grungy style is now a trade mark to him. His ripped skinny jeans and black worn band t-shirt with words that Baekhyun can hardly make out on it says ‘The Pen Is’.His eyes wander over the rest of him. Tight against his torso, the cotton stretches across his biceps. Baekhyun smiles as he remembers how they felt against him palm. He rubs his hand on his thigh creating friction as he studies him- something is different; his fluffy mess on top of his head was nicely tamed with gel, swooping over to the side.

It suits him very, very well.

Chanyeol spots Baekhyun and their eyes lock. Not once breaking the stare as the taller boy finds his way over the empty bar stool. Taking a seat at the bar, he removes Baekhyun’s phone and sets it on the counter. Sandalwood and sage cloud Baekhyun’s senses and everything around him becomes irrelevant. He's so effected by him.

“Hey, thanks for reserving my spot,” He scans Baekhyun up and down before his eyes stop on his mouth. “You look really good.”

“Thanks, you do too. I was kind of nervous of what you’d think.” Baekhyun’s voice squeaks a little as he tries to contain himself.

You got this Baekhyun.

“It doesn't matter what you wear Baekhyun, you could be in your pyjamas for all I care.” He laughs though a toothy smile as he nudges Baekhyun on the shoulder.

“You should see my sweats, they’re pretty stylish!”

The bartender, a young double sleeve tattooed man politely interrupts their greeting as he placed both hands onto the bar top asking them what they would like in his husky voice. They look at each other quickly as if silently deciding what to have. Looking at Baekhyun’s empty bottle in front of him and without hesitation Chanyeol ordered two beers and two shots.

He has no objections.

Two bottles and two small golden glasses quickly appear in front of them.

“I thought it was appropriate.”

“Very much so,” Baekhyun cringes slightly at awful memory of how bad it actually tastes.

The two nod at one another with a small clink of their glasses before as they tipped back the liquid. Déjà vu hits Baekhyun like a bull with it’s horns. His eyes wide on Chanyeol who chases his shot with a large gulp of beer and let out a ‘woo’. Unfazed.

“So, thanks for meeting me.” Baekhyun settles down into his seat a little more.

“Well, thanks for inviting me, but why did you wait so long?”

“I don’t know why... To be honest, I wanted to see you nearly everyday- why doesn’t the universe allow our path to randomly cross?” Baekhyun picks at the skin around his thumb nail.

The other intently studies Baekhyun with his blue eyes “Because life doesn’t work like a cute movie.”

“But why didn’t you even try to contact me? Your thumbs work perfectly fine too!”

“I’m always hiding in the music department, remember? And I wanted to let you make the first move. I want you to call the shots,” Chanyeol smiles “Hyung.” He’s mocking him, isn’t he?

Baekhyun lets out a loud whine followed by a few muttered obscenities.

Why is everything so easy with him?

With beers in hand the two become plainly invested in one another until the rest of the busy bar did not even cross them. Its like they are in their own little world, where it’s only the two of them. Of course the two boys can’t go more than a few minutes without teasing the other for something. It doesn’t matter how old they get, boys are boys. Chanyeol finds a new love for reciprocating and mocking his giddy personality and Baekhyun has come to the conclusion that Chanyeol is a full-blown nerd and he loves to use this knowledge to his advantage. Just don’t make fun of Venom because Rage Chanyeol will appear.

Dually noted.

Naturally anytime blue eyes are met with big brown ones, a shock shoots through Baekhyun.

He swears they have known each other in a past life. Its the only possible reasoning for how easy this is.

“Okay, so I have been dying to know, since the night we met. That game, remember?”

“And every time I looked at you, you would shy away?”

“Not that! Stop bringing that up!” Baekhyun’s cheeks flush pink “That one… question that Junmyeon’s dumb ass got all of us for.. I want to know. I am so curious because you don’t strike me as someone who will do what someone says… can you elaborate for me?”

“Oh, that? That game was ridiculous. But yeah…Um, she was something else…” Chanyeol trails off.

Baekhyun is taken back. He tilts his head as the other’s voice cuts.

Chanyeol, doesn’t shy away from the topic but he’s also not willing to dump his past onto Baekhyun. “She was the one that got away, long story short, I would have done anything for her.”

“Her? I’m sorry, if you don’t want to tell me its totally okay.” Baekhyun’s nerves peak, a chill runs though his legs.

“No, it’s okay, really.” He takes a breath as if he is contemplating on how to formulate his words. “It was the summer before this semester started, we met and had casual summer fling. Well, at least that’s what she took it as. It was everything you’d think, long car rides with the windows down, staying up until the sun came up and sleeping all day. You could say we were inseparable. I was completely head over heels. She was everything I ever wanted, at the time.” Chewing on his lip he pauses for a moment. “But now that I think about it, I was like a dumb puppy, following her everywhere. It’s like, whatever she wanted, she got. I would literally do anything and everything and I didn’t even care what anyone else had to say about it. She didn’t even have to speak a word and its like I.. just knew.. But apparently my desires and hers were two different things. Because when the summer was over, so were we. Without any discussion.”

“Oh, Chanyeol, I am so sorry” Baekhyun’s heart hurts. Hurts for him.

What did Baekhyun do to deserve to find someone who has walked down the same path as him?

“No, don’t be, its okay. Really. Life is about experiences, all you can do is learn from it and use it to strengthen your future.”

“But.. she, when did you, have you always… did she know about..” Baekhyun can’t form a proper sentence to save his life

“My interest in boys?”


“Yes, she knew and I have always known. Sexuality is not something that is a concern to me. I don’t care who they are, its that internal spark that I wait for.”

That spark.

Baekhyun just stares at the other. He’s pretty sure he has never admired another person as much as he does the boy sitting before him.

“You always let me talk, Baekhyun, tell me about you. What are your goals?”

Baekhyun’s light glows and without skipping a beat his mouth moves faster than his mind can. “I want to be a dancer, ever since I was young. I want to dance on Broadway someday, wouldn’t that be amazing? All I want to do is entertain, being up on the stage is the one thing that gives me a thrill unlike anything else. Its the one time I forget who I am and just do what I know best.”

“I understand the feeling completely, it’s like finding the one thing that your body can do without thinking and just letting it take over, its beautiful, really. And you do a absolutely great somewhere like that, you’re a perfect boy for showbiz. Is that why you chose Juilliard?”

“It is, it’s the whole reason” chewing on his lip for a moment he thinks of when he applied, all the work he has done thus far. “Coming here was something I worked so hard for. But I feel like once I got here, I entered a whole other universe. The students here are all so passionate and so amazing. I feel like I have to work so hard to keep up with everyone.”

Chanyeol rests his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder and gives it a small squeeze. “If it wasn’t important or worth it, it wouldn’t be this hard. Remember that.”
Just at that, a thousand wings flutter.

The bartender makes his round and places two more beers in front the two. The fresh bottles are chilly to the touch. Baekhyun grabs for his bottle. The sensation on his finger tips grounds him to the moment. He’s quiet for a minute, thinking about what Chanyeol said.

He’s supposed to be here.

“Can I ask you something else? I told you about her, and really I don’t know much about you at all. You’ve been here a few years, have you ever found anyone interesting?”

And in a instant. He drops.

He stutters “It’s college, yeah… I’ve has some nights. ”

“That’s it? Really?” Slightly surprised he cocks his head. “I didn’t take for you someone who only likes one night stands.”

Baekhyun was so good at normal conversations but was a total mess when I came talking about his past. Baekhyun silently shut down when the topic was brought up. “I don’t, I don’t know why I said that, to be honest… there was one... We broke up a few months ago.”

It’s like the universe is working with Baekhyun to give him a moment to collect. In a split second an overly loud girl on the other side of Chanyeol squeals at the top of her lungs simultaneously with her uncontrollable limbs, tipping her drink and pink liquid rushes over the bar top. Loud roars erupt though the air as the attention instantly centered on her. The rowdy group to their left causes a dramatic a scene, laughing at the girl. Shamelessly she laughs at herself and smacks Chanyeol’s back in slurring apologies for getting her drink near him.

Of course he wouldn’t get upset at her. Unlike Baekhyun who would have sassed her if he was in the right mood. Or even better, Baekhyun thinks of Sehun- he would have thrown a fit and gotten her to buy him a drink out of it, Baekhyun can hear his yells reverberate though his ears. But not Chanyeol, he carries himself at the polar opposite of Baekhyun’s known world.

Thank goodness for drunk bar girl.

But you can’t avoid this forever Baekhyun.

Diverting direction of Baekhyun’s inevitable conversation, his voice squeaks “Lets get out of here. I need some air!”

Baekhyun jumps down from his bar stool before throwing some money onto the bar top and grabbing Chanyeol by the wrist, leading the two of them outside. He bites down on his cheek as hard as he can to keep his breathing under control.

Stop running from your problems, Baekhyun.

Baekhyun knows Chanyeol can sense something is up, no matter how much he tires to conceal it. He hates talking about him. And its like no matter what he does he can not escape him. His ex that abandoned him is miles away but still somehow, fragments of his existence can’t disappear as quickly as he did.

The two of them start to wander down the sidewalk, following dimly lit street lights trailing in the direction of their dorms. The tension between then is thicker than the air is chilly. But not like it as been before, the spark that connected the two of them was freshly tinged with a sour of sadness. Baekhyun keeps his hands and his thoughts to himself, for now.

Chanyeol’s pace drops slightly behind Baekhyun’s. Reaching out for his slim finger tips causing him to stop and turn. “What's up?” Worry sweeps over him, concerned about what the other boy is thinking at this very moment. Please don’t be thinking the wrong thing.

But how could he know what to think, you won't tell him anything.

His head drops a little “Everything happened so fast back there. But you started acting weird since I asked. Like. I didn’t mean anything by it or to push you.” Chanyeol takes his hand. “But seriously, why are you acting like this, what is it?”

Chapter Text

Baekhyun doesn’t want to remember anymore. He wants to set each and every painful recollection ablaze. Take it all and set it on fire, watching in a blur as all traces vanish from his episodic memory. Maybe, just maybe, the numbing pain will then start to fade away.

Chanyeol can be his fire.

Big brown eyes stare up at a blue so deep that it matches the night sky surrounding them. He finds comfort in them, he’s not going to be pushed into anything, this one is different. Chanyeol isn’t like him.

But Baekhyun, he deserves something. Anything.

His lips part but they’re unable to make any sound. Searching for answers to questions he can’t ask and explanations to problems he couldn’t solve; a thousand words are begging to spill from his mouth at once.

A tidal wave of guilt washes over Baekhyun and he’s gasping for air. He needs to get his head above water, and the only way he is going to get out is to let the anchor go.

Let go.

And just breathe.

He can feel his own limit beginning to stress, and pull and it’s breaking him at the seams. Chanyeol can see his him physically struggling and pulls him in by the wrist. Baekhyun scuffles his feet across the concrete until they’re standing inches from one another. Rubbing his palm up and down Baekhyun’s small bicep in an attempt to console the panicking boy. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Please, just breathe... I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” Baekhyun whispers, trying to regain control of his unsteady panting. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m the one that’s sorry. I just… I don’t even know where to begin. I have not talked to anyone about… him. Not once.”

“I didn’t know- that you were having such a hard time. I wouldn’t have asked if I had known”

“I want to tell you and I was going to. But, when you told me about your ex. It just made all these things swell inside of me. Like, I get it Chanyeol, I really do.”
Taking several seconds to meditate a few deep breaths, he composes himself back into his present self aside from his clouded brain. Chanyeol remains silent, giving him the time he needs. “Where do I start?”

“You can tell me everything. I only know your cover, what's inside your book?”

But there are two sides to every story.

The one Baekhyun has ingrained and so deeply rooted in his head isn’t necessarily wrong nor is it entirely a lie, but he is obliviously blinded by what he hallucinated to be perfection.

Sometimes love will make you believe anything.

“We were together for over a year and I had never met anyone else like him. He was my best friend. We did everything together, side by side, the two of us. I honestly thought he was the one.”

Baekhyun without a doubt grew shamelessly attached, but he was always tucked slightly behind him, following his lead without much complaint.

“He moved in with me and I couldn’t have been happier. It was like a permanent sleep over and it was so much fun. I loved the late nights we spent together. Sometimes, we didn’t even have to talk, I would sit and type and he would read a book. It might sound boring but it was so nice not having to do anything and just absolutely love being in someones company.” A smile presses onto his face at the thought.

They didn’t go out much because he was jealous and overly possessive. He didn’t like seeing Baekhyun with anyone else, other than their small group of friends. And He even then, didn’t like the closeness between Baekhyun and his best friend... So, He kept Baekhyun all to himself at any chance he could.

“I wish I could explain it Chanyeol, but I feel like you get where I am coming from… I have never told these things to anyone else before, mostly because it’s embarrassing that I would do anything for him. Its like, I shared by entire life with him, he stole my blankets and I wouldn’t even fight it.” Baekhyun pauses for a few moments. Gaze set on the ground, he focuses on a small crack in the concrete.

“I became so involved in him that I neglected everyone else in my life. And you know what? I am so thankful they didn’t leave me. Because they are the ones who were there for me.”

Baekhyun willingly let him control every single aspect of his life. But he was in love and quite possibly still is, and completely blind to reality.

“And to this day, I still don’t understand why we broke up. He transferred schools at the end of last semester. He became so busy with everything he had to do, I rarely saw him. But I would always wait for him, Chanyeol, I would wait up hours just to see him for a few minutes before he came home and straight to bed; just those few minutes made my whole day. He stopped being communicative and I don’t know why. I don’t know what I did wrong. And when he moved out, he took what he wanted and left everything else. Like, I get that he was leaving University. But I don’t understand why I had to be left behind too, you know?”

Like an old piece of gum, he got bored, chewed him up and was ready to discard him along with everything they had together because he didn’t take anything too seriously. He had peaked in other interests and was ready to go and explore them. Wanting to leave Baekhyun for some time but it wasn’t something he could easily tell him and he didn’t want to deal with the emotions that followed suit. So instead he strung him along. He saw leaving as a way to let him down gently- it would be easier that way than to have to actually break up with him. So he waited until the end of the semester. Waited until the last minute. Promising they would always be friends.

When he would show up home late, he wasn’t busy, he wasn’t at the library and he certainly wasn’t working on all those group projects- keeping him tied up. He wasn’t doing any of the things he lied and told Baekhyun he was doing. Whether Baekhyun ever realized where he really was or not, it really doesn’t matter anymore.

“The part that really kills me, is that I have not heard from him once. He won’t return my calls, texts, nothing. He promised me we would be close, always.”

Baekhyun’s eyes begin to sting as he fights to hold back.

“That was the worst part- I tried so hard to be good, for the both of us, we were so perfect. I’m so mad at myself for everything that happened; I just want an answer. Like, I am dying trying to just… know.”

Depending on who you ask, they were not relatively in the realm of perfection, they fought all the time. He always had something to say about the way Baekhyun did things and who he hung out with. But he wasn’t a bad person, he just wanted someone that Baekhyun couldn’t ever be. And trying to make and mold him into what he wanted proved to be unfair for both of them.

He left Baekhyun’s heart with a physical pain in his chest that he still can’t heal.

Even months later, Baekhyun refuses to acknowledge all the nights he spend curled up on the couch, alone.

“What’s him name?” Chanyeol quietly asks.

“He goes by Tao.”


He can’t hold it anymore. The embarrassment of spilling himself has surpassed far beyond Baekhyun’s comfort zone. No one wants to admit that their significant other in simple terms, abandoned them. A small tear swells in the corner of his eye, softly dripping down his cheek before Chanyeol is able to wipe it away with his thumb. Baekhyun can’t lift his wet eyes to meet the other.

Without having anything to say or even needing to Chanyeol laces their fingers with a tight squeeze as he directs their path. Slowly the two wander down the dimly lit sidewalk and Chanyeol’s long stride slows to keep up with Baekhyun’s audible dragging heels. The occasional pair of headlights create a brief spotlight in the darkness. Baekhyun embraces the silence, the warmth radiating off of their connection is more than enough to say what he needed to know. It is reassuring. It is comforting.

He understands.

He’s not going to hurt you, Baekhyun.


Baekhyun doesn’t let go as he guides Chanyeol thought the door and to the elevator that would take them up fifteen floors to his apartment. No stopping outside again, no Jongdae to shamelessly embarrass him and no, he certainly isn’t going to let him get away- again.

Baekhyun is really starting to enjoy this unspoken communication between the two of them.

“Thank you, for not judging me.”

“Do you think I would ever do that?”

“Most people would, wouldn’t they? But that night we met and the things we talked about... Ever since, things have been good- I feel so good. It’s stupid because I knew you for only a few minutes that night and even just the short conversations we had effected me so strongly.”

“I’m glad, really, because I have always meant everything I have ever said to you.” He’s genuine, his smile says more than his words. “I really like you Baekhyun, thank you for opening up to me. I want to be the one to ease all your tension away, if you’ll let me.”

His mouth parted as if he was trying to say something before he was cut off by a tiny illuminated arrow and large silver doors opening up before them. Let him, Baekhyun, let him take it all away. Stepping inside the small box only served as a conductor for the electricity between them as they patiently wait. Waiting painfully slow, for it to take them up the floors.

He couldn’t take the waiting anymore. He needs him.

Hold it together, Baekhyun.

Though the echoing silence in their small confined space, Chanyeol slinks close into to Baekhyun, hovering his larger fame over the smaller. Gorgeous stare so intense on Baekhyun. Closing the space between the two, Baekhyun gets high off of his scent; like a drug and he’s getting addicted.

Fuck it.

Slim delicate hands grip onto Chanyeol’s hips, overpowering the taller boy and pushing his body into the elevator wall with force. Unforgiving, he pushes his weight onto him, pressing his himself against his thigh in search for friction between the tight denim. In between a few deep breaths Baekhyun reaches up, intertwining small fingers through once neatly styled hair and tugging at the strands to gain full control of the taller boy and pulling him down onto his lips. Chanyeol lets out a near silent deep moan as he grabs at Baekhyun, trying to find anything to hold onto. Tasting him, his heart races, pressing his eyes shut he wants more. He wants to indulge in all of him. Chanyeol’s restless grip finds way underneath his sweatshirt, running his fingers up and down his bare back, scratching softly at the skin with his nails, sending chills through Baekhyun’s entire body.

The moment snapped ice cold as the elevator ‘ding’ broke the two apart. Both lips kissed blushed and breathing sporadic.

Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol for a moment, his eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. He doesn’t let him say anything before turning and nearly running out of the elevator.

Chanyeol slowly follows behind, it’s almost like he is used to Baekhyun’s squirrelly behavior by now. Stumbling and searching his key ring he tries to mash the metal into the tiny keyhole, wrong key. Shit.

Which key is it again? Come on, its gotta be one of these.

Swinging the door wide open and seeing his empty home quickly sobered his lustful teeming mind.

It’s empty, just as it has been for months.

Back up.

What the fuck are you doing? Really- on your first time out and you just spilled your problems all over him, what makes you think its a good idea to bring him back here?

Because he wants this too.

You just tried lied to him about one night stands and here you are.

He knows exactly what he’s doing. Why are you over thinking this?

Baekhyun composes himself and starts towards his small kitchen “Can I get you.. a drink?”

“Baekhyun, a drink is not what I want right now. ” His voice is incredibly low and sharp, causing Baekhyun to pause mid stride. “Stop coming onto me and then running away.”

Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun by the forearm, his whole hand wrapping around his thin wrist. Strong enough to squeeze a small breathy squeak from the boy and flushing his cheeks red as he complies without fight. Chanyeol lets out a chuckle though a toothy grin as he whips him around before wrapping his arm around the small of his back. Gently embracing him for a tenth of a second before throwing him against the drywall in one fluid motion. His body weight pinning him against the surface. Like a wolf playing with his prey before he devours him.

Chanyeol releases a low hum as his mouth latches onto the nape of Baekhyun’s neck, finding a quickening pulse against his lips. Peppering sharp nips into his delicate pale skin and scattering small pink marks across him, claiming what he desires. Strong hands take a hold on his hips as Chanyeol pulls him off of the wall.

He wants you, Baekhyun.

Baekhyun purses his lips together with half lidded eyes as he pushes Chanyeol onto the couch. He discards his red snap back somewhere on the floor behind him. “You’re supposed to be taking my tension away. And here you are, making it so much worse.” Pulling off his hooded sweatshirt, revealing a black V neck t-shirt that clung a tightly onto his slim frame. His heart pounding visible under the dark fabric.

Lust blown pupils completely overtaking the once ocean blue and did not leave Baekhyun’s gaze for a moment. “Working you up, am I?”

Slowly he places his knees of either side of Chanyeol’s thighs before sliding himself onto his lap. Hovering above the larger boy, he leans in, flicking his tongue against glossed lips before taking the other’s bottom lip into his mouth and sinks his sharp teeth into it. Fingers tugging at the hem of his faded band t-shirt, searching for permission to lift it up. Splaying his soft hand against Chanyeol’s bare chest for support, he can feel his breath begin to quicken and the physical beat hammering through his chest. With each pounding beat send a hot pulse though Baekhyun’s fingertips.

Ghosting along his torso he runs along every curve of each muscle on his stomach, taking note of every natural dip and divot of his skin. Mapping his way down to just above his waistline. Baekhyun shifts on his lap as he feels him hardening against his thigh. Baekhyun’s thin fingers trickle across his jeans feeling the rough texture of his denim before making their way to his black studded belt to undo the notches. Chanyeol threw his head back as his breath took an abrupt halt, parting his lips slightly.

Before Baekhyun could blink, two hands were under his thighs and flipping him around and pressing his back into the cushions. Never realizing the size of Chanyeol until he was pinned below him; the larger boy looks so stunning, the muscles in his arms flex as they hold his body weight up.

“I don’t know what to do with you, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol murmurs down at the wide eye boy trapped under him.

“Do whatever you want.”

“Don’t you tempt me.” Chanyeol shifts his weight onto one arm. Using the other to lift Baekhyun’s black shirt, running his hand along his smooth stomach. Trailing his hand downward until it found the button of his jeans, begging to be undone.

No more thinking, Baekhyun.

Surrendering his self control sends a shock through his entire body. Elated and numb, he can hear his heartbeat in his ears as a pulse stirs in his groin. Palming against the outside of his jeans, feeling his entire length, Baekhyun lets out a small moan at the touch, arching his back and pressing further into him.

Behind his eyelids Baekhyun sees a wave of red as he softly whimpers at each touch. Through the deep pounding in his head he hears a breathy laugh reverberate against him. Feeling the warmth of his exhale as Chanyeol leans in against the crook of his neck, attacking the skin with his teeth. In between heavy pants Baekhyun whispers inaudible pleads.

“You’re so pretty like this.” Chanyeol’s breathy tone slowly carries out each syllable as he sat up between Baekhyun’s legs, looking down onto the other who is falling apart with each breath.

Looking up at Chanyeol he smiles wide until his eyes crinkle shut, disguising his small groan in protest.

It’s so easy with him. So easy to be happy.

You don’t have to think about anything.

Climbing into Chanyeol’s lap he wiggles himself around, purposely teasing against the hard length under him. “You keep calling me that-” Keeping his hands tightly on the belt buckle, he presses against Chanyeol, kissing a soft trail from under his ear and along his jawline, until he reaches his lips. Planting a soft peck on his lips before parting, with only a few centimeters between the two, Baekhyun keeps his eyes down on his glossed bottom lip. “no one else has ever said that to me before, but I like it coming from you.” Baekhyun sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, softly running his tongue along the kissed pink skin.

Chanyeol whispers in his low velvet voice. “I don’t know how I got to lucky to meet you, Baekhyun. But fuck, I want to know everything, everything about you. You know I haven’t stopped thinking about your since the first night I tasted you.”

Baekhyun’s brown eyes lift upward from underneath long eyelashes he finds Chanyeol’s near black fixed stare as he places his hands on Chanyeol’s thighs and push himself up off of the other. Sliding his slim body to rest on his knees, sitting on his heels on the carpet between Chanyeol’s feet. Licking his lips covering them in a thin gloss of saliva he ran his palms up the inner seam of the denim until he reached the prominent outline of Chanyeol’s clothed erection. Taking detail to thumb over the entire length as he reaches for the black leather belt once again, pulling it tightly before releasing the notches. Leaning in Baekhyun bites at his clothed inner thigh with his teeth as his fingers impatiently work at releasing the button. Returning his gaze onto the boy above him he slowly tugs at the waist line of his jeans, springing him free from the tight confines of his pants.

Baekhyun assumed that Chanyeol was well endowed, but two solid weeks of constant day dreaming did not prepare him for this moment. It didn’t prepare or give any a heeded warning that Chanyeol is absolutely gorgeous and beautifully naked on his couch with his full attention on him.

Stop staring, Baekhyun.

“He’s not gonna bite.” Chanyeol laughs though a smile, snapping wide eye Baekhyun from his teen-age boy dream.

Oh my god, do something!

Baekhyun giggles to himself and flutters his eyelashes though an eye roll.

Taking him in one hand Baekhyun pumps along his length, before licking a strip along the entire shaft and circling his tongue around the tip, teasing his saliva slick tongue along the slit. His big brown eyes partially hiding underneath his falling fringe stay locked on his face, watching every slight movement of his face muscles. Admiring the way he catches his lip in between his teeth and wide eyes not once blinking, but instead intensely watching the boy between his legs. Gentle and eager Baekhyun’s smooth lips wrap around him perfectly. One hand tightly wraps around him as he takes almost all of him in his small mouth, lips grazing against his fingers as he moved his hand with the motion. Taking his time to take detail to every movement, as he slowly runs his full hand up and down him, pressing tighter as he works around his head makes the other squirm. Baekhyun loves when he does that. And can’t get enough of how the other reacts to him. He wants to fight his dominance and test his control and taste him forever.

Chanyeol leans his head back again the couch pillow as his eyes press shut “Fuck, Baekhyun, oh my god.”

Baekhyun slides to the tip and popping off with an audible sound “I like when you say my name.” He breathes through a smirk. “Almost as much as your little pet names.” Baekhyun swirls his tongue around the tip, teasing the sensitive skin.

Long fingers rake though his ruffled hair before two fists full of strands pull at him, Baekhyun lets out an audible whine as he forces his entire erection onto Baekhyun. Pressing at the back of his throat Baekhyun hums against him as he thrusts his hips against his wet mouth. Subdued and not for a second taking his wide brown eyes off of that hungry dark gaze. “Do you still want to tease me?” Chanyeol whispers low. Baekhyun blinks a few times as muffled high pitch moan escapes his throat.

“You really are such a pretty boy.” His words a deep almost inaudible groan as he pumps himself against the smaller boy a few more times before finding his release. His grip tight on him and keeping him in place as he rides though his high. Loosening his hold, he gives a few soft apologetic strokes on his scalp. Baekhyun’s eyes wide as he sits back on his heels and licks his lips, eyes watching the other come down.

Baekhyun climbs back onto the couch besides Chanyeol, breathing harsh he melts into the cushions underneath him as he uses the back of his hand to wipe his eyes.

“Holy shit.”

Humming to himself Baekhyun snuggles against the other’s shoulder. They sit contently quiet with only their breathing audible for a minute before he grabs the remote off of the coffee table and turns on the cable to some late-night rerun.

Chanyeol grabs the remote and forcefully tosses it somewhere on the ground. Pushing himself on top of Baekhyun. His larger body engulfs him. His scent and his entire presence covers his smaller frame. Pressing down his hips onto Baekhyun. He let out a low growl in his throat. His eyes met with Baekhyun with an exchange of lazy smiles. Dropping to his elbows and pressing his lips onto the other, kissing him like he needs him to breathe. Sharing a mix of low moans and teeth chattering against each other as their tongues danced to a tune of their own.

It’s supposed to be this simple with someone.

Baekhyun wrapped his legs around Chanyeol’s waist, locking his ankles together. Keeping the boy on top of him pressed in close. The two gasped for air in between kisses, hot breaths filling their proximity.

Soft eyes looked at one another, two pairs of beautiful red kissed swollen lips pressed smiles against white teeth. Chanyeol lowers his body to rest on top on Baekhyun, resting his entire body weight on the smaller. His head heavy on his chest as he whispers. “I hope you didn’t think we’re done.”

Chapter Text

Mornings in the city are greeted by crystals of frost as the inseparable weeks slip by. Once gorgeous orange leaves have left the trees behind. Leaving bare branches, awaiting the next cycle of their life as Chanyeol and Baekhyun make their way into the heart of the city. Sweaters and scarfs softly hugging their torsos. Baekhyun transforming into a human burrito with his off white scarf wrapped up to his nose, leaving just his eyes visible and fluffy untamed strands peaking out the top of the yarn- but warmth is more important than style.

New York weather is calling for snow soon, but that doesn’t stop the two of them on embarking on new adventures.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise! Chanyeol, I am the date master and I have it all planned out”

“Master? You’re just a mere peasant.” Chanyeol sticks his tongue out with a freeing chuckle.

“I swear! I will turn this car around!” Baekhyun bellows at the top of his lungs.

Shaking his head, Chanyeol no longer attempts try and understand this boy who never makes any sense. “Bae, we’re walking.” His voice calm and unamused as he grabs Baekhyun by the back of the neck before dragging his upper body in for a headlock.

Screaming a slew of apologies and adorable threats Baekhyun quickly surrenders to the other. Someday, he tells himself, that he will win their play fighting… one day.

Weeks in the making, Baekhyun has this entire day planned for the two of them. Because this isn't just any ordinary day, today is November 27th. And today must be celebrated to the absolute max. It’s not even one PM and how Chanyeol has made it this far, is a mystery. If Baekhyun jumped on anyone else before seven AM, he would be thrown across the room. But not Chanyeol, he welcomes the intrusion, wraps his arms around him, smothering him in blankets, subduing and forcing him still. Until the smaller boy yells enough to finally disrupt all attempts to fall back sleep.

Can't waste a single moment!

The huge smile permanently plastered across Chanyeol is enough to thank Baekhyun. The gesture of slightly burnt pancakes and overly sweetened coffee, to him, is the best things anyone has ever done for him.

He’s also never met Baekhyun before.


Once the huge building became visible Chanyeol’s eyes quizzically study the giant paintings on the side of the brick wall. “Really!? This is the place you were so excited to go to?”

“Well, I remembered you telling me one night, about how seeing fish made you feel at ease.”

Wrapping his lanky arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder and planting a kiss on top of his head, Chanyeol whispers into his hair “I can’t believed you remembered that.”

Three AM pillow talk allows for the softest of conversations. Three weeks ago, Chanyeol lazily murmurs a story into the dark about the small aquarium in his home town, and how he used to go all the time just to be alone. The staff was so used to him being there that they all knew him by name and didn’t even charge him admission after the 12th day in a row. One area where the glass overtook the entire wall, is where Chanyeol would plant himself on a bench with his notebook. He never told anyone else, never told anyone he was there. And he’s not entirely sure why, but he always loved writing his music in this one spot. New ideas always flowed though him faster than he could jot them down as he watched these almost unreal beings with rows of unnervingly sharp teeth pass by silently. Like a child, his interest and amazement never seized to exist. How can they be harmful? Why are people scared of them? They looked so peaceful swimming.

And that, the unknown and the beauty of these creatures, is what inspires him.

The dim lighting radiating through the aquarium casts an appeasing blue hue. Softening the features on their faces until its like walking through a dream. The large tanks that fill every wall are filled with aquatic life. Each one unique to themselves, some swimming in schools and some aimlessly floating on their own. Someone could walk along the thick glass all day and quite possibly not see everything on the other side. Its no surprise that it is one of Chanyeol’s favorite places to come to.

Of course, the serene atmosphere doesn’t last very long as Baekhyun can’t help himself but to taunt a few fish here and there. Tapping on the glass, which is so thick that this tiny finger flicks don’t even reverberate to the other side, but the boy was determined to upset at least one creature.

It’s hard to tell who is more excited to be here.

Baekhyun scurries around from tank to tank. His delicate hand hiding inside his swearer as he points at everything and cutely yelling at Chanyeol about each one he sees. He claims that every single fish looks just like Chanyeol, too. “Look, this black spotted eel is definitely your spirit fish!”

“And why this one? I thought I was a fancy lion fish a minute ago? I am getting confused on my fish identity here! Who am I?” Chanyeol jokes softly in the quiet area.

“Because, this eel is probably really handsome to the other fish and he’s really big and he hides in his rock house. Kind of like you, you hermit!” Baekhyun didn’t breathe once though his explanation rant. “And I’m sure, if he had little fish hands, he would like music too.” He giggles loudly as he watches the fish retreat back into his secure rock.

Something about being with Chanyeol, they can make anything a great time.

Freedom is beautiful, Baekhyun doesn’t remember the last time he left this open.

“Look at that sting ray, they look so soft!” Baekhyun points into a large pool in the center of the room simultaneously with a excited waddle in the direction of his finger.
“They’re like big flat sea puppies!”

“You’re a big flat puppy.” Chanyeol giggles against the back of Baekhyun as he presses into him. Hugging his waist tightly. “Where are the sharks?”

“You just want to see the scary ones. Look how nice this little one looks, here.”

Baekhyun pries himself from Chanyeol’s arms scampers across the room to a small blue fish and points.

This boy just can’t hold still.

Baekhyun looks so small next to the big tank and his big sweater swallows his small frame, he looks innocent as he stares at Chanyeol with complete adoration. Showing his big white teeth with excited whispering yells though the silent room, his eyes three times their normal size in elation.

Chanyeol slowly makes his way over to Baekhyun, not once taking his soft gaze off of him until he is standing over him. He tilts his chin up planting a quick kiss on his lips. “Thank you.”

“Happy Birthday, Channie.”


The soft suede material of the couch cushions has never felt softer then the moment Chanyeol did a trust fall. The couch happily catching him. His legs like pure Jell-O from walking all day and his finger tips are bitten from the cold. “Bae, I can’t carry on, I’m an old man now, just leave me here to perish.” He yells blankly into the quiet space as he closes his eyes.

A few deep breaths though his nostrils bring a soft smile to the corners of his mouth.

Baekhyun remembers the little things, he’s so gentle, he isn’t always a little squirreling monster.

On a quest to make it to Chanyeol as fast as he can, Baekhyun’s feet loudly stomping across the floor as he runs though the small apartment. “Chan! I got one more present for you!”

Take that back.

Chanyeol peers open one eye to get a half attempted to pay his attention towards at the excited boy.

“Its me!” Baekhyun exclaims, flailing his arms around as jumps into the air though a full sprint. Body slamming into him. Elbows and knees banging, knocking and jabbing into his side as Chanyeol fights the small barbaric human off of him.

“You’re never going to win! Give up!” Chanyeol says as he pins Baekhyun onto the floor.

He’s bigger than you Baekhyun, even a surprise attack wont work in your favor.

“You just wait! Your day is coming, Ajusshi!” Baekhyun laces his fingers into Chanyeol’s soft hair and tugging him down onto him. Pressing their lips together, loudly laughing in the other’s face. Kissing him until his guard lowers just enough to lock his ankles around his waist and try to use leverage to flip the them over.

But he’s two steps a head of you.

Sitting on his long legs and both hands pinned over head, he’s helpless. No matter how much he tries to squirm and wiggle his way free, Chanyeol’s size nearly doubles the boy under him. And Baekhyun is once again, forced to submit.

“Well hello, boys.” Minseok says with a raised eyebrow as he walks into Chanyeol’s place. “You know, if you’re going to restrain him, you should at least lock your door, Chan.”

“You’re the one that walked into here without knocking!” Chanyeol points an index finger at the intruder.

“I don’t want to know what you two were doing, or about to do, or even thinking about doing. You weirdos. Now get up! We’re going out, Jongdae is almost ready and we’re surprising you.”

“Oh, for the love of kittens I can’t take any more surprises today!” Chanyeol goes limp and falls on top of Baekhyun who dramatically yells under him for help.

Baekhyun swears, he didn’t have anything to do with this surprise.

But he never said that he didn’t know about it.


There once was a time when Baekhyun thought sitting in silence with another person was perfection. That was long before he sat on the floor of the music room while Chanyeol played the piano.

Untouched workbooks scatter the floor in front of Baekhyun, paying no mind to them because he is apologetically lost watching that boy and his piano. The way he so intently focuses on the ivories before him and the way his long fingers would effortlessly pick the most lovely of sounds to follow suit. Its like he slips into another world. A world all of his own with 88 perfectly unique keys.

As if it’s as natural as breathing, he softly creates the most beautiful melodies that tell a story without need for a single word proves the actual meaning of serenity.

There also was a time when Baekhyun thought that little surprises were something rare and far in between. And that too, was before Chanyeol.

The last person expects to see after an exhausting practice, searching for his breath under a layer of sweat in a much too large stolen t shirt that reached his mid thigh- is the boy that it belonged to.

Today was one of those days, Chanyeol power walked himself to the dance room just in time, a few minutes and he would have missed him. But Chanyeol is always punctual. Without paying any mind to anyone around him, he enters through the glass door with two coffee lattes in hand and a backpack slung over one shoulder. Several pairs of eyes dart at him; he certainly doesn’t belong here. Chanyeol doesn’t move his fixed stare with his cheesy grin splaying across his face as he beelines for Baekhyun. He doesn’t let people, especially art students get to him, and Baekhyun loves that quality about him.

Baekhyun is slowly learning to display his confidence in the same way he does. Slowly.

“Hey you,” Chanyeol leans in for a soft peck on the cheek and pushing a warm latte into Baekhyun’s hand. Four sugars, extra vanilla and no whip.

Baekhyun’s tired little heart swells.

Of course something so sweet couldn’t go unnoticed without Baekhyun’s two permanent pains that he just can’t get rid of: Sehun and Jongin, physically jumping at them. Any opportunity to tease and play wouldn’t be left behind by these two, not for anything. But who can blame them?

Poking and prodding at their personal life because Sehun just needs to know everything. He’s worse than a pup, you push him away and he runs back even faster. And Chanyeol welcomes the younger like they have known one another since they were in grade school. What’s not to love though?

Baekhyun fondly watches it all unfold before him as Chanyeol gladly accepts the prodding, always returning with a witty retort involving Sehun and Junmyeon. More often than not it shuts him up. And it’s hilarious watching the two go at it.

They’re equally as awful as they come.

Baekhyun can’t decide if it is a blessing or an impending curse that they get along so well.

The air in the corridor hits Baekhyun with a rush, cool against his warm flushed skin. Chanyeol’s arm snakes around his waist, pulling him in close so that there is no space between the two. His calm demeanor is replaced with the energizer bunny. He’s ecstatic and visibility bouncing, trying to contain himself. “What’s up with you, Channie? You’re twitchy as hell, is this your first up of coffee?”

“I came to ask you something,”

“Does it involve what movie were going to watch tonight? Because I told you, its your turn to pick.”

“ No, no… Wait, do you think I would walk all the way here to ask you that? Stop distracting me!” Chanyeol squints at the other with a shake of his head. “Anyways, I wanted to tell you about the year end showcase. As I am sure you know, only a few students from each department get offered to attend. Professionals are there, big companies from around the city and the entire university, right?.” He takes a deep breath. “So, I have been invited to perform this year and I’ve been working really hard on something… something for you.. promise me you’ll be there?”

“Seriously? Getting picked is a huge deal. Chan, you know I wouldn’t miss it for anything! What is it you’re working on?” his voice perks a few octaves.

“It’s an interpretive piece. But that’s all I can tell you- its a surprise!” He lets out an exasperated sigh, relief bringing him back to earth.

Baekhyun easily wanders off in his thoughts, with that tall boy in one hand and a warm cup in the other. He didn’t think it was possible to be this happy again. Or, for the first time ever? He contemplates, has he ever felt something like this before? What is this that he is feeling? For so long he stowed himself away. And for the first time in months, he is experiencing life the way he’s supposed to. That rut he was stuck in is now far behind in his rear view mirror, and it’s all thanks to the person to his right.

He studies better. He focuses more. And his steps are improving. He can’t stop thinking about being moved up in the routine today, he’s next to Sehun and Jongin at the front- right where he belongs. He smiles to himself as he decides not to tell Chanyeol just yet. He wants to Chanyeol to bask his accomplishments.

He feels as if he is living on cloud nine. Things couldn’t have been better than they were at this exact moment.

Its like serendipity.


Going separate ways pulls at Baekhyun’s heartstrings every single time. Chanyeol insists on going to his apartment first to shower before burying himself in a cuddle puddle of blankets and pillows on Baekhyun’s couch. Because movie nights are always more than just the film that only holds half of their attention while hands feel their way under soft blankets.

A tiny pouting bottom lip hides a cute smirk as Baekhyun zips off in the opposite direction. His apartment is dirty, he has about 24 minutes flat to make it look like he actually tried to clean.

Chanyeol knows you leave your dirty little socks everywhere, why bother anymore?

With a goofy grin pressed so tight on his face his puffy cheek muscles strained to hold the permanent expression. Looking down at his small skip in his step Baekhyun makes his way to his front door.

In an instant he freezes before the person sitting on the ground, dressed in all black, he can't see his face. But know knows. His breath hitches, restricting his airway to the size of a straw. Suspended mid step he stares, for a split second he thinks his eyes are deceiving, like an illusion before him. It’s not real, it can’t be. He repeats to himself.

Two dark eyes slowly raise to meet his wide stare. The connection paralyzes him, squeezing all the air from him lungs. Twisting and pulling at his vocal chords until he is able to squeak out a small whisper “What’re you doing here?”

Chapter Text

“I came to see you, I want to talk. Look... I really messed up and I know that now.” His voice doesn’t sound as apologetic as one would expect, but rather more low and intense. Tao slowly stands to stretch his long legs from the spot he uncomfortably waited for hours. Standing nearly a head taller than Baekhyun, his intense stare can intimidate anyone with a smaller stature.

He’s so intimidating, Baekhyun’s eyes can’t stop staring. His jaw clamped shut and sharp and lips pursed tight instead of the natural soft pout they used to have. Something is different about him, this is the same exact person that Baekhyun used to share his entire life with, but somehow, he looks like a complete stranger before him. The puffy bags underneath his eyes are dark, he looks like he has not has proper sleep for weeks. What has he been doing?

Is he okay?

Baekhyun tires to shake all concerns out of his head. That’s exactly what he wants from you.

“There’s nothing to talk about T, I cant… I… you need to go. You can’t show up after six months and expect me to just…” Baekhyun can feel his cheeks flush a soft shade of pink, his whole body burns. Every cell in him fills with a toxic cocktail of anger, heartache, lingering lust and its wrenching.

Tao steps in, closing in on any amount of personal space that was felt, raising one hand and placing it on Baekhyun’s tear soaked cheek. Like a unwarranted landslide, Baekhyun’s entire world crumbles down at one touch. In an instant his guard is stripped and vulnerable as he nuzzles gently against his palm.

His gut screams

Baekhyun, stop looking through rose-colored glasses.

The only thing that is strong enough to break this subdued moment is the zapping thought of Chanyeol’s face. Baekhyun’s eyes pop open three times their normal size, deep brown looks almost black surrounded by a glossy pink sclera. Uneasy on his feet as he stumbles backwards, hands reach out in a gesture to catch the boy. Baekhyun would rather fall flat on his ass than let him pretend like he’s a hero. Shaking in rhythm with his heart beat, frantically he jiggles and shuffles for the correct key as he hurriedly attempts to run away from an inevitable confrontation.

Of course running isn’t an option. Tao can run, but Baekhyun can’t.

With one hand Tao grabs the door from slamming into his face, inviting himself in, into his old apartment. He hasn’t said more than a single sentence to Baekhyun, but his actions are shouting louder than any words ever could. It’s crazy when you spend so long with one person, you learn to read every single minuscule movement off their body. Even after time a part, whether Baekhyun wants to or not, there’s a part of the brain that never forgets.

Confidently his long legs stride long and wide as he makes his way to the couch, his old couch. Comfortably leaning back against the back pillow, adjusting the pillow a bit lower, just as he always did before; he relaxes on the end cushion. The last place he saw Baekhyun was inside these four small walls, when the weather warmer and so were they. It’s clear to Baekhyun that only one of them if affected by anything- kind of like before? Baekhyun’s mandible nearly unhinges as he’s permanently fixed on watching how arrogantly the other presents himself. His mood swinging on a fine line; faster than Baekhyun can comprehend.

What’s going on with him?

Crossing his arms over his chest, Baekhyun uses the broken pieces he still possesses to build some sort of guarded wall around him. Running his tongue along the inside of his cheek, he sighs sharply “Why are you here? What do you want?” He has ninety seconds flat to explain himself.

“Bae, come here.” Three symbols rolls off his tongue. They’re sharp and slurred all at the same time. The low tone of his voice sends a slight chill up his forearms. Avoiding directly connecting with his eyes Baekhyun keeps his gaze on the other’s hand as it gently pats the cushion next to him. “You kept me waiting so long out there, it’s the least you could do.” Its almost as if an automatic part of Baekhyun takes over. Slowly dragging his feet across the carpet, each shuffle leaving a trail mark in the plush.

For months, he has wanted nothing to be close to him again. But now, he doesn’t think any number of miles would be far enough away. So why is he walking in his direction?

“T, I think you should go, there’s nothing here anymore. You made this decision for us.” Baekhyun’s voice is an audible whisper as he slowly deposits himself on the furthest possible seat. He’s steady, he doesn’t quiver; he’s strong even if he doesn’t feel it in the slightest.

Spine pressing into the armrest, Baekhyun wishes he could melt into the fabric. He’s growing impatient and is having trouble holding still. He tries but he fidgets and picks at the skin around his thumbnail. Sure, it hurts a bit, but its a distraction from the person to his right.

He’s got about forty five seconds remaining before Baekhyun panics.

“Look at me” The blonde boy hisses in his direction before softening his entire expression the moment Baekhyun lifts his chin. “I want you Bae, I didn’t see that before and I am sorry. I’m sorry I played with you- you deserve so much better than the way I treated you. You’re so precious and I am sorry I left you. I didn’t mean to… to do that to you.” His apology rings oddly familiar bell. “I love you, I want things back to the way they were. Please, let me make it all up to you, my sweet little puppy.”

Times up.

“No.” One quick sound. Its a word that toddlers first learn, even a child can understand that no, quite frankly means, no. But some, don’t catch on as quickly.

Slowly turning himself towards Baekhyun, his eyes glare in his direction though small slits, his puffy dark eye bags adding to the cutting gaze. The muscles in his jaw twitch as he clenches his teeth tightly, before letting a small chuckle escape from his throat.

Baekhyun clears his throat, but he struggles to amplify his vocal chords above a whisper. “I’m not your puppy anymore.”

The slower Tao moves, the higher the warning signal scream inside Baekhyun’s head. He wants to jump off of this couch and run, but he has no where to run to. It’s like dejavu and Baekhyun swears, he’s lived this exact moment before. Baekhyun never talks back, because that is not something he did. But now? He’s found a new voice and there is no reason to fear him.

Not a single reason, right?

Climbing on top of him, pinning him underneath his weight Baekhyun feels like a thousand pounds are crushing him and no matter what he does he can not find any strength in his body to push it off. Staring up and not once looking away but instead he intensely scans his face, he can’t read his features, he can’t figure him out.

Leaning down, Tao presses his body against Baekhyun and he swears his hammering heart is visible though his chest. Hot breath on Baekhyun’s neck, each breath reverberating inside him as he retorts “Oh, but I think you want to be.”

Tao grabs Baekhyun by the hips and digs his thumbs into his hipbones. Baekhyun’s cheeks flush, numbing and burning, hes pretty sure if he could them, pin pricks would spread around the contact. Everything inside of him is screaming to run. Run, Baekhyun, Get yourself away from him.
He leans down and presses his lips onto Baekhyun. There’s no spark. Nothing that Baekhyun wished there would have been- before. Snaking his hands around to the small of his back, pulling Baekhyun flush against him. Baekhyun lets out a small whine into his mouth.

He can’t control the swelling tears that sting so badly. He's helpless. “Tao, don’t.”


Everything inside of Baekhyun’s personal space became disoriented and he can’t see anything clearly. How long had he be been laying here? What part of him took over, automatically moving to the dance the other was leading?

He can’t hear anything but the static in his ears.

That was until a familiar voice became clear though his haze.

Eyebrows raised and eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets at the sight before him. Shocked and glowering, Chanyeol manages to spit out only a handful of words, “What the fuck- I.. I’m sorry…” before shaking the image from his head, turning on his heel and bolting out of the open doorway.

Baekhyun uses all his strength he can muster to free himself from under the other and runs to chase after Chanyeol. A hand grips his wrist and snags him back. “You’re not seriously going after him are you?”

Anger washes over Baekhyun, jerking his arm free he hisses a ‘fuck you’ under his breath as he darts out into the hallway.

Finally catching up to Chanyeol, he grabs onto his shoulder to spin him around. He is rebounded by a sharp shove, throwing Baekhyun off by surprise.

“I’m.. I…Sorry, Baekhyun .”

“No Chan, it isn’t what it looked like-” Pleas pitifully pour from him as he cringes at his own terrible cliché.

How did he let this happen?

“Then what the fuck Baek? What the fuck was it?” His words snap, and they’re incredibly sharp. Chanyeol turns to fully face Baekhyun. “After all the shit he put you though, this is how you greet him? I can’t believe you, I’m sorry I even got caught up in you, this… this isn’t who I thought you were…”

The end of his sentence trails off as he bites down on the inside of his cheek. Chanyeol is not usually quiet, but hearing him shut silent after a small outburst is slightly unnerving. His breathing deep, calm, but his big eyes say something else. Baekhyun can tell he is screaming inside and holding everything back. He knows that right now, any explanation is going to come out wrong, so maybe its best not to try and push any further. Reaching a hand out and bridging the cold distance is all he wants to do; to touch Chanyeol in some sort of apologetic connection.

But before Baekhyun can reach him, the space between his fingertips and the other grows. Ever so quickly as Chanyeol repels.

Standing alone in the dead silent fluorescent hallway, nothing but the slight buzzing of the ballasts overhead to only add to the tension surrounding him, charging the situation and heightening his emotions. Baekhyun has no other choice but to head back to his apartment and to face that man that is still in there. He really doesn’t want to do that. Really, really doesn’t want to do that. He momentarily debates on walking to the park. And just sitting. It’s near freezing out, but at least he wouldn’t be anywhere near him, or their old apartment, or even this building. After months of literally finding his pieces and getting himself back together. He shows up and destroys everything in a matter of mintues

He knows he’s dug himself a nice deep hole.

But can he get himself out?

His front door is wide open, welcoming for anyone to enter the near noxious air inside. Anyone else can go in there, but Baekhyun is dreading it more and more as each step brings him closer. His mind is trying to turn him around but his feet keep talking forward.

He’s really starting to get tired of his body doing things out of his control.

He can see him, standing there, in the middle of the living room with his arms crossed. Glaring in his direction, Baekhyun can’t see his eyes but he knows exactly what he is thinking. “So, is that your new toy?”

“What the hell is wrong is wrong with you? Have you no shame?” Yelling loud enough, he is sure that his neighbors can hear him, but right now, he doesn’t care one bit.

“What? I’m curious-” He’s so egotistical.“ Who fucks who? You know he cant give you have I can.”

It’s infuriating how unfazed he is by any of this while Baekhyun is forced to take the entire situation head-on. His hands ball into fists so tightly that he can feel his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands. His vocals that seemed to be lost before are not shying as he yells. “Get out, get the fuck out of here.”

Tao displays a lob sided snicker paired with an eye roll before shaking his head and heading towards the door. “And to think, I was honestly coming here to make things up to you.”


Shoving his hand in his pocket he digs out his phone. His thumbs runs over the small crack in the top right corner of the screen, the crack gently pricks the pad of his finger. It appeared there a few weekends ago when they were chasing each other outside of their apartments, across the street. They looked like two puppies- the tiny one chasing the big lanky pup who hasn’t grown into his ears yet. Baekhyun’s heart swells at the thought of how happy he was in that exact moment... Now isn’t the time, Baekhyun.

Digits quickly swipe and pull up his contact.

One ring cuts off sending him to voice mail.

Of course he ignored your call.

His legs shake a little, unable to hold him up his legs buckle underneath his weight and he hits the floor with a thud. He feels as if he just shattered across the floor like glass. Spreading across the carpet in a million tiny pieces. This familiar feeling, he hoped he would never, ever have to revisit.

For a week, Baekhyun used every attempt he could to try and contact Chanyeol. He won’t answer his door, he’s never home- he already knew he wouldn’t be. But Baekhyun knew where he is; as soon as he would get to the music room, there wouldn’t ever be a single sign of him. Maybe he is purposely ignoring and avoiding him?

It has become routine, Baekhyun calls in the morning after his first class and again in the evening when he comes home from practice with random text messages weaved in between. Though, it’s not even slightly surprising that he sent dozens unanswered text messages and blatantly ignored voice mails.

He’s beginning to lose hope.

The calls have stop.

And texts become drafted.

The following seven days keep Baekhyun occupied, for the majority of the day. Nearing the end of the fall semester calls for numerous finals and projects from the students, which normally would stress Baekhyun out, but right now he welcomes it. He welcomes the over bearing stress of finishing his final project, and he welcomes the heavy distractions that keep his mind from wandering.

Until he walks home alone, slowly kicking pebbles back to his small apartment. Walking alone is not what bothers him, he’s okay being alone. It’s knowing that the one person he liked walking next to, is alone too. What is he up to? How is he doing? Baekhyun can’t stop thinking about him, no matter what he tries to do, he can’t shake the intrusive thoughts. With no consolation, not that he thinks he even deserves it; because everyone including him knows that he brought this on himself.

Is there any amount of apologies for messing up? Or do you just have to hope they’re willing to forgive you even if you don’t deserve it?

You fucked up Baekhyun and you can’t make anything any worse than things already are.

Chapter Text

If Chanyeol taught Baekhyun anything, it’s how to posses self-assurance and not let that unbearable, horrible voice inside his head control him. And that’s exactly what Baekhyun needs to do, right now. It doesn’t matter where he puts that annoying voice, just stuff it away. Find your light again, Baekhyun, find it and shine.

Finishing finals calls for a reason for anyone to celebrate. After numerous weeks of hard work, a little fun is deserved. Even Baekhyun thinks he deserves to enjoy himself, a little. Spending seven days straight either straining himself on campus or hiding in his apartment- curtains drawn and copious amounts of Chinese takeaway is enough to literally drive anyone into insanity. The only think keeping him from thinking he has gone completely mad is the lingering craving for some human interaction.

Baekhyun yawns widely, pressing his eyes shut as he sprawls out a little more across his couch, one leg hanging off of the edge and the other propped up onto the not-so-decorative pillows. He’s been laying in the same position for so long that his Netflix account is questioning him if he still watching. And to be honest, he’s pretty sure he lost interest two episodes ago, but the background noise makes his silent apartment seem a little less lonely. And it’s not that Baekhyun doesn’t enjoy his own company. It’s just that he finds it more enjoyable to be around people- maybe if he keeps lying to himself, it’ll eventually be the truth.

‘I’ll be there around 8:30.’ His thumbs effortlessly swipe over the screen as he holds it above his face. ‘He’s not going to be there, right?’

‘No, Baek, I wouldn’t invite you if he was. I don’t need intoxicated you going at him in either way of the term tonight. ;)’ Low blow Minseok, but fair.

Baekhyun releases a low groan from behind his closed lips as he wriggles himself up to sit slouching over, resting his elbows on his knees. His body a bit sore, from blatantly overworking himself in class paired with maximum lazy couch adventures. The only thing he can think about right now, is the need for a drink. That warm fuzzy feeling will with out a doubt make everything more bearable. Running his hand through his ruffled strands he glances back at his phone that is still attached to his right hand, the tiny analog clock tells him that he has quite a bit of time to waste.

The weak water pressure supplies a steady steam as it trickles down his chest. Waking his senses and turning his torso a soft pink as his nerves tingle at the near unbearable temperature. Throwing his head back, resting against the cold tiles of the shower wall, he closes his eyes and focuses on the water, each droplet and stream as they glides down him in a rush towards the drain at his feet.

Drifting into his own recall, his mind runs forty-seven different directions at once and for the first time in days, he just lets himself wander. Immediately, like a moth to flame, his mind goes to Chanyeol and the last time they were in here together. A small smirk presses against his lips at the thought of them laughing and teasing one another, grabbing and pinching whatever parts of skin they could get a hold of like immature boys. Devilishly Baekhyun turned the water knob all the way to the left. He can’t ever forget the sheer sound of the exasperated yelp that left Chanyeol as he nearly jumped out of his own skin at the feel of the Arctic ice cold water. Or the way he grabbed onto his stomach and fell into Chanyeol to warm him back up. The way his body felt against the taller boy, his soft laugh against his ear; so vivid, it’s like he can faintly hear it.

The running water over them felt a lot different than it does now. He rubs his fingers over his eyes, wiping the water away. Opening his eyes wide he looks around. The water may be piping hot, but it certainly isn’t as warm now that it’s only him in his tiny shower stall.

Why does every little thing remind him?

Will be ever get past this?


Using the word ridiculous to describe Saturday nights in the city is a severe understatement. Every bar is always packed beyond their recommended capacity. Especially Baekhyun’s favorite spot, it’s nothing more than heavily intoxicated college kids, but the amount of entertainment from is impeccable. Is it wrong that Baekhyun is excited? Looking forward to drowning his current predicament, for at least a night, sounds like a great time.

And Baekhyun looks good, he feels good. As he walks though the crowded bar, weaving in and out of groups of people he feels a few eyes following him. He can feel stares down onto jeans, or more so, his thighs. Through the distressed denim he’s sure that more skin is showing through the rips than the amount that they cover. Or maybe they’re looking at his messy fringe that covers his eyes. Either way, it’s almost euphoric to have a little boost.

He swears he’s going to enjoy the hell out of this uphill ride before this emotional roller coaster plummets him back down.

Through the sea of bodies he finds six people, three parings, all huddled around a worn leather booth tucked away in the corner. Baekhyun feels a small tinge in his throat creep up as he realizes tonight he will be the odd solo one out. Gulping the feeling down into the pit of his stomach, he approaches the booth as half a dozen overly loud boys erupt into cheer and twelve hands welcome him in waves.

You’re going to have a good time tonight.

In frat boy record time, Baekhyun downs two beers and a shot, thanks to Sehun. Feeling elated, he loosens up and he is starting to feel his alter ego itching to have some fun. Nestled tightly against Sehun, he finds the confidence that radiates off of him only to amplify his own.

His hand resting on Baekhyun’s thigh and with no volume control, yells yet another story involving him and Junmyeon and their wild adventure in Korea town. The random small squeezes on his leg is enough to jolt him back into reality. Baekhyun doesn’t want display too much disinterest as he flashes smiles and inserts a small chuckles at appropriate times on queue. In between the automatic fill ins, Baekhyun’s eyes scan the bar, looking around half in a daze, half for something more exciting.

At the end of the bar his eyes catch someone staring dead straight at him. Peaking a little more interest, Baekhyun sits up a little straighter and fully tunes out his beloved best friends’ painfully predictable story.

He’s leaning his back against the bar on his elbows, drink in hand. Baekhyun can not distinguish exactly what it is, but it is as clear as the ice cubes floating in the small glass. It can only be something hard. Baekhyun squints behind his delicately done eyeliner and studies his man up and down. He looks really, really good. Even though he’s across the floor, he picks out details. His black hair parted styled back with a swoop and one piece of hair misplaced dangling onto his forehead. Baekhyun wonders if he purposely did that, or is he just naturally that attractive?

His skinny jeans hug onto his hips perfectly, almost as flawlessly as the shirt that tightly clung onto his torso with v-neck that may cut a little too deep. Everything about him lures Baekhyun and he can’t take his eyes off of him. Unable can’t fully decode the fine details of his face, but he can see his eyes that remain locked onto him, not one blinking or shifting away. Pulling the corners of his mouth softly reveals two small dimples on his cheeks and Baekhyun shifts around in his seat as his stomach coils.

Oh my god.

A firm push on his shoulder strikes him and throws him back into his seat and tears his eyes from the ‘bar boy’ “Dude, what the fuck?” Minseok barks at Baekhyun as he reaches across Sehun and Junmyeon. Catching Baekhyun by surprise at the lack of hesitation of exerting his force physically or verbally. “You just crushed Chanyeol and now you’re eye fucking some dude across the bar? What do you think you’re doing?”

“What do you expect me to do Min? Huh? Chanyeol won’t talk to me. I don’t have fucking a clue is to how he feels. But believe me- I’m hurting too. And I am the one that fucked up.” Baekhyun retorts “Can’t I just have one night?”

“Yes. Shit Baekhyun, calm down- I just assumed you would have the decency to not fuck around…” his voice softens and trails off as his gaze focuses past Baekhyun on the man striding in their direction.

Shit. Please, don’t be a dick Minseok

“Hey guys, I’m Yixing, uh.. can I buy you all a round?” His stance is confident but Baekhyun can hear the sliver of tension in his tone, it’s mildly endearing. Yixing is looking directly at Baekhyun, desiring his approval.

Junmyeon nods to Sehun without a word. With a little pep, like a pet waiting for a command, Sehun speaks for everyone and gladly accepts the new comer. Granted he did get his way in with the temptation of alcohol.

Baekhyun should know by now that his boys of interest always gravitate towards his friends too. So, why is he even surprised? Yixing blends into this group of individuals incredibly well. Probably better than Baekhyun actually expected or even wanted him to, and it’s only making this more difficult for him. So much harder to not drown in curiosity as his personality emerges. Sehun seems especially intrigued by him, their personalities reflect each like a mirror. And sitting directly in the middle of the two of them is starting to become really, really uncomfortable. He almost has the nerve to ask if they know each other, or if he should leave and allow them to hangout- but he bites his tongue.

You’re just pouting Baekhyun because all the attention isn’t on you.

Maybe Baekhyun is pouting, but he feels he has the right. It’s not fair that his friends are talking to him and getting to know him before Baekhyun. After all,

Yixing is supposed to be Baekhyun’s find. He’s positive that sounds irrational or maybe just spoiled but either way, Baekhyun doesn’t want to share.
Junmyeon leans back against the booth seat with his arm out stretched around Sehun’s shoulder watching their interactions, he actually looks pleased while watching the two get into a yelling match paired with Sehun’s flailing his arms over which idol is better looking. Somehow, this argument became a round table discussion as everyone else inserts their opinions ass well. Everyone but Baekhyun.

Jongdae and Minseok seem to be enthralled with him. Minseok has seemed to change his mind rather quick about him. But, he would probably still wring Baekhyun’s ass if he left with him to go talk somewhere more private.


Yixing is observant, he’s gentle as his hand never disconnects from Baekhyun’s body for more than a few seconds. Since the moment he sat down, he has kept his arm either around Baekhyun’s shoulder or on his knee. His fingers cant hold still, they’re constantly fiddling with the fray in his denim and its becoming distracting as hell. There's something about touch that is so exciting.

Baekhyun can’t help but to watch. He’s so curious to know more than just a name. He’s interested in combing his fingers though his dark air and does he like to get breakfast? Softly, he studies the way his eyes crinkle shut every single time he laughs and how wide his smile can get. But those dimples, Baekhyun wants to reach up and poke one with his finger.

Please don’t do that, that’s really weird.

Baekhyun stares at the cold water cupped in his palms for a few moments before splashing his face. Get a grip Baekhyun.

Here comes the plummet.

He’s going to be sick. Not physically, but he can feel this awful thing creeping up his core. It’s been there for days, nesting in the pit of his stomach like a ticking bomb. Leaning against the counter he is fighting with himself. He’s angry and confused and he tells himself too just go for it, while the moralistic human inside of him rebuttals. He’s positive that if anyone stepped foot into the bathroom right now, they would have him committed. He has officially gone mad. And the public bathroom is a dirty college bar probably is not the best place to have an emotional cloud burst of realization.

He needs some fresh air.

“Hey guys, I’m sorry. But I gotta go..” Baekhyun quickly passes by the table without stopping, patting the table top as he does so. Each one bidding their goodbyes except Yixing who sits dumbfounded. Baekhyun tries not to glance behind him as he ducks between clusters of bodies.

Busting through the front doors Baekhyun can feel his lungs expand with the cold bite in the air. Staggering for a moment, he find a spot alone few feet away a few smokers standing in a small half circle. Composing himself, he uses his index finger and thumb to knead the bridge of his nose while he figures out his next plan until he feels a small grip on his forearm causing him to jump at the sudden contact.

“ Hey, you okay? You got out of there pretty quickly.” Yixing has a low concerning tone in his voice and he swears he's heard those words before. The gentleness makes Baekhyun weak. He doesn’t want gentle right now. He doesn’t think he deserves anyone to be kind to him. Not right now.

If only there was a way for him to stuff his conscious into a box for an evening. He could lock it up an hide the key until morning.

He slumps fully against the brick building with a sigh. He reaches his hands up and rakes through his hair, ruffling and displacing the styled strands. Catching his lower lip between his teeth to keep his mouth from revealing anything personal, or maybe, unloading on a stranger might actually not be a bad idea right now.

Baekhyun looks up at the person standing in front of him. His soft words still echoing through Baekhyun’s ears. He holds the soft gaze of his eyes for a moment before looking down at their feet. The tone in his voice speaks differently than what his eyes are telling him. But his body language speaks louder than anything as palms find support on either side of Baekhyun’s head against the rough brick.

His face is incredibly close, almost too close. Baekhyun feels like he’s helpless with his back literally against the wall. Usually, as matter of fact- an hour ago- Baekhyun would be all over the opportunity. He would wrap his arms around that bar boy and it didn’t matter who was watching. But something about it now, made him feel uncomfortable. He could only think about someone else, and that thought washes him in the worst kind of guilt. Guilty that he didn’t know what the other was doing, he probably was in bed already, or perhaps he was out too.

He could be here, too.

Baekhyun’s face flushes of all color and he’s pretty sure he’s going to be sick. His mouth too wet, throat too tight as a rushing sensation trickles prickles at his neck. He can feel himself suppressing the painful urge to retch and for the love of everything, he prays that he can get away from Yixing before he does. Please don’t let two awful things happen to him in such a small span of time.
He clearly looks like he’s severe discomfort as Yixing arches one eyebrow in question. He’s not sure if he should get out of the way, or help him. “Hey, Baekhyun? Are you going to be okay?”

“No! I mean, yes! I’m sorry.. I gotta go.” Is all that manages to escape Baekhyun’s fumbling mouth as he ducks under Yixing’s arm and hurries off in an odd waddling scuffle to ensure he doesn’t fall flat on his face. He is pretty sure he has never moved that quickly before in his life but the cold air whipping against his face as he scurries down the side walk brings him back to life.

Leaving Yixing in his wake without looking back once, Baekhyun is sure he went back inside. Probably to hang out his his friends. He’s sure he’s gonna hear about this later.

In fact, he know he will- if he doesn’t die of embarrassment first.


Dumping his body onto his bed, his chest heaves in an attempt to catch his breathe. He ran several blocks until his legs couldn’t take him any further. Even then, he walked as fast as he could. Lucky for him, most everyone is tucked away nearing the middle of the night. Sparing them from having to witness a skinny blubbering mess of a human slinking down the street.

Rolling onto his back, Baekhyun rubs his eyes with the heel of his palms, pressing hard into his eyes sockets and smearing any eye makeup he still possibly still had left. He doesn’t feel drunk at all, rather like someone used him as a punching bag. Hitting him relentlessly, leaving him sore, unable to move and all with out any marks.

That’s because he is the one beating himself up.

Inhaling sharply until his ribcage distends, he releases the most shrill sound that has ever come out any human, cracking his vocal chords in the process. If his neighbors were sleeping a moment ago, they most definitely aren’t now. He doesn’t stop until his lungs beg for air. Silencing and gasping for a breathe, he decides his tantrum is not over until he protests with an outburst comparable to a toddler. Kicking his feet into his mattress as the hard springs creak loudly under the impact.

Frowning to himself as he wriggles himself into an upright position and pulls out his phone. No new notifications. Which doesn’t arise any surprise, all his friends are most likely drunk enough to forget that Baekhyun even left. They’re probably enjoying their new bar buddy for the night, because you know, he’s more exciting in every single way.

Staring at the bright screen his thumbs mindlessly open and close several apps. The pad of his thumb hovers over the small telephone icon in the bottom left of his screen. There’s no point in even trying to argue with his automatic muscle movement anymore because he’s going to open the widget. He can always close out of it, right? The list of incoming and outgoing calls is pathetic. Baekhyun doesn’t want anyone other than his hazy eyes to see this screen. Aside from a few missed calls from his mother, there hasn’t been a single phone call made in nearing a week. A few lines down reveal an embarrassing number of outgoing calls next to Chanyeol’s name that reads in the double digits.

And he is about to add another one to that list.

Chapter Text

Baekhyun is pretty sure his sanity has been tossed out the window long ago.

He begins to question everything he thought he knew for certain- did he really love Chanyeol? Or was it nothing more than infatuation that will soon fade? The only thing he knew of love was from someone who did not reciprocate his emotions but used them against him. Then once his heart fluttered in the same way again, Baekhyun thought he understood the feeling. They say love can make you do crazy things, but how far can that expression really go before things start to cross that fine line.

If you love something let it go and if it comes back to you, is was meant to be- right?

But what if you’re the one that shoved it out. What do you do then?

He confirms his one mission. And he does not care who tells him its a bad idea. He’s done nothing but listen to everyone’s advice and it has not gotten him anywhere. No further than he was at the first blocked phone call. He needs to apologize. Tell him that he’s sorry and if then, Chanyeol wants nothing to do with him, Baekhyun will let it go, but until then he will keep wondering. Does the other care? Of course he's got to care, right? But does he see his phone ringing and stare at the name on the screen until it disappears or does he glance at it and set the device back down? Does he listen to each voice mail to hear the pathetic tone in Baekhyun’s voice, or does he hit the delete button automatically?

The one thing that hurts Baekhyun the most, is knowing that the other is probably hurting. And that alone is enough to damn near kill him.

You have to fix this, Baekhyun. Pick up the pieces and mend this back together.


“Two, three and four.” Baekhyun repeats his breathy mantra. “Fuck, can I please do something right.” he hisses at himself as he lets his arms slump against his sides. Sauntering across the wooden floor to his connected tablet to restart the track.

It’s been hours since class ended and hours since Baekhyun gave himself a break. He claims he is trying to perfect the routine but perhaps he is trying to perfect something else- like hiding his emotions. Under a layer of sweat he tries to conceal everything. Which isn’t going to work much longer. Eventually he is going to collapse because his ability to take care of himself is rather depressing right now.

Returning to his place in front of the huge wall spanning mirror he notices someone resting against the door frame in the corner of his eye. Arms crossed over his chest and his weight shifted onto one leg, he looks comfortable. Baekhyun doesn’t know how long he has been standing there, but he’s contently watching him with an admirable smirk on his face.

“Hunnie, what are you doing here?” Lunging at the taller boy and covering him in sweat as he clobbers his body “Shouldn’t you be with Junmyeon?”

“Not tonight, he’s busy working on the showcase. Lucky for me, I knew exactly where to find you.” Sehun returns Baekhyun's unpleasantly sticky embrace before prying him off. “I think a little Baekhyunnie time is due, yeah?” He didn’t even realize how much he missed Sehun until this exact moment. Because hanging out with your best friend, isn’t like hanging out with just any friend. It’s so easy and unforced and unfiltered. And lately, you could say they both have been a bit… busy. “Come on, get your stuff together. We’re going to go get bubble tea.”

Like a little puppy, Baekhyun runs across the dance room to retrieve his pile of belongings. Not one of those lanky puppies that are bounding in their strides, awkward yet completely adorable. No, he would be comparable to something like a Welsh Corgi. Fluffy and full of energy but his legs can only waddle him so quickly.

And he is all bark and no bite.

Popping his head though his oversized hooded sweatshirt, his hands disappear and he looks like a hoodie with legs. Giving his hair a little shake and a few run though with his fingers is enough to re-fluff his messy fringe that he has given up on weeks ago. Completely covering his eyes now, he doesn’t have any desire to cut it. The excuse of being a poor college kid is a plausible enough explanation for looking like a shaggy pup.

Slinging his bag pack over his left shoulder and tightly wrapping his hand around Sehun’s waist, he is ready to go. Happily tucked under his arm, Baekhyun doesn’t let go of him once as they walk.

Baekhyun cant ever deny Sehun his bubble tea. Doing so would be right up there with the most unthinkable of crimes. Watching the younger boy cheerfully sip on his coco tea gives Baekhyun warm feeling in his chest. The pure happiness oozing out of the other is enviable. Drinking a sugar loaded tea and nearly one hundred tiny tapioca pearls shouldn’t bring a single person this much joy. But there’s proof, the cutest six feet of proof you’ll ever need.

Glancing up from under his furrowing brows, Sehun scrunches his face into a frown “You’re staring Baek. Stop being weird.”

A huge long since missed white grin paired with a high pitched aegyo makes an appearance as Baekhyun can’t help control his own volume “Hey- its not my fault you’re stupidly cute! Plus, I’m your hyung, I can do whatever I want!”

“If you didn’t buy me this tea, I’d put you in a head lock faster than you can say kkaebsong.” Sehun fails miserably at trying to look intimidating when his smile contorts his entire face. Though, his threats are genuine and without a second thought he would jump over the table and attack Baekhyun.

“Yeah, and I’d like to see you try, we both know I just let you win… every single time.” Sounds like a challenge.

Sehun retorts with a scoffing noise and throws an straw wrapper at Baekhyun. Caught in the air the wrapper doesn’t make it but half way across the table as it delicately floats though the air. Baekhyun’s no-so-cat-like reflexes take over as he dodges the impending doom of a plastic wrapper. Ducking for his life and swearing he isn’t dramatic one bit.

“So, you’re still coming to the showcase this weekend, right?”

Baekhyun hadn’t given one thought about going, he accepted that he was going to wallow in a bag of Doritos on his couch that night. Which sounded easier than spending his Saturday night in a giant theatre with nearing his entire school- and Chanyeol. Who once needed assurance that he was going to attend. “Shit, um-”

“It wasn’t really a question but a reminder. Yeah. You’re going.” Sehun’s slow tone cuts Baekhyun off before he can try to finish forming some sort of excuse “This isn’t something I’m letting you think about. If it wasn’t for me making up your mind about Junmyeon’s party, you would have never met Chanyeol in the first place. Now, I’m making up your mind about the showcase.” Baekhyun sighs as he presses his lips against his straw.

Baekhyun is pretty sure he never even thought to thank Sehun for that night. For damn near forcing him to come out, though it did not take too much persuasion. And if it wasn’t for being in the right place at the right time. Baekhyun can’t even fathom where he would be right now, in this exact moment. If things were different.


Snow is beginning to fall and the sun has long since set behind the tall city buildings. Baekhyun hides his hands inside the pockets of his black coat as he walks up the stairs to the theatre. He realizes he has a serious problem for punctuality. He cant think of a single time he made it somewhere when he was supposed to. Or better yet, early- which is a wild foreign concept. Baekhyun can hear the soft melody of a violin amplified by the natural acoustics.

Please, say that Chanyeol hasn’t performed yet.

Baekhyun promises to himself that he will never be late to anything ever again.

Nearing every single seat is filled with someone. A student, a teacher, or a loved one of those performing. Baekhyun apologetically pushes though and past dozens of people to make his way to one empty seat in particular. Perfectly in between Jongin and Sehun, Baekhyun’s stature sits significantly smaller then the two of them. It’s only much more noticeable when you put him directly in the middle of the two. No one would ever guess that they’re both younger, judging by their size.

Greeting are immediately dismissed as the two boys on either side of Baekhyun gawk at his right hand. “Wow, Baek, really? Flowers?” Jongin reaches out to inspect the neatly wrapped bundle of roses. A deep shade of red velvet petals beautifully contrast against the delicate intertwining gypsophila.

“He’s gonna get his boy back.” Sehun whispers through a smile as he gently gives Baekhyun a shove on the shoulder, swaying him slightly. “You’re such a mush, Bae.”

Maybe this was a bad idea? Thinking to himself: that he should have never gotten off his couch, he should have never gotten ready to come here and he certainly shouldn’t have spent for ever trying to pick out some ridiculous flowers for a boy that has clearly been ignoring him for weeks.

Baekhyun feels as if he is tipping over that thick black line into that one ex that can’t take the hint. He wishes he could have conveniently has this epiphany while standing next to a trash can.

Can he fit himself in the bin with his stupid flowers?

In between his screaming conscious and Sehun’s whispers to his right and everyone else surrounding him, Baekhyun is having a hard time focusing. His gaze is set straight onto the stage in front of him. Watching the selected, best out there, perform up there and they’re incredible. Giving everything they have, if not for themselves- then for the scouts sitting in the front row.

His ears pick up bits and pieces of Junmyeon quietly pointing out which pieces he helped compose. Always followed by Sehun’s tiny cooing noises. Though, its incredibly hard to hear when that nagging little voice inside him wont shut up. Telling Baekhyun that maybe, just maybe, if he hadn’t spent this entire semester wrapped around his personal issues that he might actually be up on this stage. That his budding dance career may not be suffering right now and he could actually be doing something with himself. Perhaps something more meaningful than leading his own personal experiment of how long one human can sit on a couch without permanently fusing to the material.

The anticipation is pushing Baekhyun into restlessness. He can’t stop himself from sifting around in his seat every few seconds and constantly fidgeting with the cuff of his coat. Not even Sehun’s palm on his knee can hold him- nothing could keep him still.

Until he saw him. It’s like the storm stopped, the waters stilled and everything went silent. There he was, in front of him, gliding across the stage. He carries himself as confident as ever, still, a trait Baekhyun never fully learned how to mirror. His white button up shirt neatly pressed and neatly tucked into his slacks. His long legs effortlessly carry him to the small black bench in the middle of the stage. His neatly styled hair without a single strand out of place. It’s drastically neat in comparison to the messy bed-head Baekhyun is used to when he would wake up next to him.

His heart twinges.

Chanyeol sits with grace in front of the Grand piano. The neatly polished black wood is striking as it glimmers under the spot light. Adjusting the small black microphone in front of him to perfectly fit to his height, Chanyeol sits up and straightens out his back.

Taking a moment to look out at the audience not once changing his facial expression. His lips are pressed tight and his cheeks rest, no little upturn at the corners of his mouth. Baekhyun and see Chanyeol’s big eyes scanning the faces before him. Is he looking for someone?

Lifting his long fingers to hover over the ivory, Chanyeol pauses for a moment before pressing down. The most gorgeous melody begins to fill the auditorium. The sounds are soft and elegant as each key is perfectly timed, and each sound is perfectly created by the hands of unrestrained talent. It’s a sound of ease as it rings into Baekhyun’s ears. The keys portray a similar sound but with a slight twist. His fingers have a need to add in bass clef and stray away from middle C. The sounds of sadness. Can anyone else hear the tone in the notes? Something inside of Baekhyun swells and thumps inside of him. He swears it can’t be his heart because it stopped beating the moment Chanyeol walked out onto the stage. He grabs onto Sehun’s forearm in purchase for anything to keep him from floating out of his chair.

There’s something about that boy and his piano.

Holding it together was definable by a thread until Chanyeol’s husky voice began to sing. His voice is so deep and still soft as silk. This is the song. Their song. Every time it came to inspiration, Chanyeol would sing it. When doing the dishes or late at night together, he would gently hum the soft tune. Chanyeol picked their song to present in the showcase. And yet, even after all that has happened. He is still playing this song. Baekhyun jaw goes slack as he is hit with a wrecking ball. Shifting in his seat he blinks several times to clear the blurry vision.

Baekhyun closes his eyes and listens. He can hear a slight pain in his voice. The amount of emotion in his vocals wrenches at Baekhyun’s heart.

“You’re my end and my beginning,” The only way Baekhyun can describe the sounds as they swim around him is: Transcendental. And he’s sure he’s the only one here this affected. “Even when I loose I’m winning ‘cause I give you all of me.”

Right here, in front of the entire audience, Chanyeol is saying everything Baekhyun ever needed to know. Without embarrassment, but rather filled with honestly, this song spoke more than enough words. The past few weeks that have dragged on. Leaving Baekhyun feeling like half of him had been torn away. And no matter what he did, nothing would fill that void, though he tried. But there was something different about Chanyeol. And right now, Baekhyun knows exactly what it is, he knows exactly what he’s feeling.

It’s love.

Making his way backstage, silently and swiftly without interruption to the following performances. Baekhyun weaves in and out of several groups of people. Neatly wrapped flowers in hand tucked in close against his side. Lightly eaves dropping as he steps around the performing groups back stage, Baekhyun can pick up numerous sounds of praise. He sees numerous groups, but he can’t find him

Baekhyun’s breath hitches the moment his eyes lock onto him. It’s real, he’s still real and he’s this close. Only a few feet away from the one person Baekhyun want to spend his everything with. He can only hope and pray that he will reciprocate. Chanyeol’s back is facing Baekhyun and he doesn’t see him approaching. So Baekhyun just stands there, unable to find a voice to snag his attention. The other is speaking with another man, much older and Baekhyun assumes its his professor by the way he is delivering criticism constructively. The only man’s strong gaze meets with Baekhyun’s after a few seconds of him standing there dumbfounded. Patting Chanyeol on the shoulder with a nod before turning away and moving on to the next student in the vicinity.

Baekhyun’s light switches off the second Chanyeol turns around.

This is a terrible idea.

Fully extending his arm in a jerking motion, Baekhyun shoves the flowers into Chanyeol. Bowing his head and pressing his eyes shut until he can feel Chanyeol taking the gift out of his hand. The worst part is over and Baekhyun couldn’t have been any more inelegant. Peering from under his fallen fringe, Baekhyun waits. For a few moments Chanyeol doesn’t take his set gaze off of the petals. Gently touching one with the tip of his fore finger before stretching a wide smile across his lips.

And just at that, Baekhyun feels as if things were going to be okay. He lifts his head a little. “You were really great tonight… that song.”

“I thought you weren’t going to show up tonight, but I am really glad you did…I’m happy you were here for it. ” The clear certainty in his voice takes Baekhyun by surprise.

“I didn’t think I was going to either, because I thought you wouldn’t want me here. You know, after the last few weeks…”

“I know, I know. But honestly, even after everything, you’re the one person I wanted here. To hear my song. You know what’s funny, my professor told me when I was picking out a piece- He said ‘pick something that your heart plays, not your fingers’… and I, I never once regretted my decision.”

“You don’t?” Baekhyun plays with his fingers, picking at the peeling skin around his thumb. “I thought you hated me, Chan,” His voice soft as he looks up the other.

“Hey, calm down” Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s hand to deter his nervous habit. “Of course I don’t. I’m pissed off at you, don’t think for a second I’m not. But I don’t hate you.”

“Can we talk, please, just give me a minute to explain.”

“Please, Baekhyun, save your explanations. What happened is done and I don’t need to hear it.”

Baekhyun’s expression grows somber. “But I, uh, I need to tell you something, Channie.”

“Let me finish up here and how about I come by your place after? Is that okay?”


Baekhyun could have been spared from the all too familiar lecture some Minseok backed by Jongdae interrupting to insert his two cents when he felt it to be completely necessary. Like a child in the back seat of the car getting the talk from his parents. “I swear to god Baek, if you hurt him again… I swear.” Baekhyun doesn’t need idle threats because know that that he will never, ever, make the same mistake twice.

There’s no doubt in his mind. There’s no room for mistake or even the slightest gray area. Those three words are set in stone

He loves him.

Baekhyun is beginning to think that Chanyeol isn’t even going to see him alive by the time he gets here because the anticipation is going to kill him. Fluttering around his apartment, Baekhyun has hit a new record of near fifty laps from his bedroom to the living room. Leaving small lines in the carpet, trailing like a map from where he drags his feet. He’s breaking out in a small sweat, he’s clammy and he thinks that he’s going to have a heart attack. It’s soon to be the end of Baekhyun.

Unbuttoning the top two buttons on his dress shirt and pushing open the fabric he blows a steady stream of air from his lips downward onto his bare chest. Reaching his hand into his shirt he can feel his heart pumping under the skin. Holding his fingertips against his skin, he takes several breathes in in an attempt to calm himself.

The softest three quick knocks on the door echo though the silent apartment. Baekhyun’s head snaps sharply in the direction of the sound as he sucks in a tiny gasp.

This is the moment Baekhyun, everything you’ve been waiting for.

Softly his feet pad against the floor as they swiftly move him to grab a hold of the door knob. Pausing for a moment in the space of limbo. Baekhyun quickly tries to compose himself, brushing his nervous hands on his chest and giving his hair a quick shake before he deems himself mildly presentable. He doesn’t think there’s anyway to be ready for this. But he’s excited, ecstatic even, and that’s enough to push him to twist that knob.

Propped against the door frame, Baekhyun expected to see Chanyeol still in his neat dressing. He isn’t expecting to be met with half lidded eyes, slightly obscured by hanging strands of hair. Once neatly styled back, has now become a wild unforgiving mess on top of his head. Just the way Baekhyun favorably remembers. The top three buttons of his white shirt hang open, leaving his collar done exposed as the fabric loosely hangs on of his shoulders. Without blinking, his steady gaze doesn’t leave Baekhyun as he shifts his body weight.

“Hey, can I come in?”