Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel Novak
Bingo Square: O2 BDSM anyone?
Word Prompt: Lies
Word Count: 744
Thank you to my wonderful beta Zipegs for putting up with my angst and non-smut!
And, as ever, thank you to my friends on the Writers of Destiel server, without whom I would never publish anything!
I love you guys!
Dean should have said something during the scene. He should’ve been honest about the stupid belt. It wasn’t as if Cas hadn’t given him the chance—he checked constantly while they were playing. He’d just been so into it and Dean hadn’t wanted to ruin the moment, but he regretted the deceit. Things hadn’t been the same since it happened. Cas had barely touched him at all in the last couple of weeks, creating a distance between them that hadn’t existed in years. It was all his fault and for the life of him, Dean didn’t know how to fix it. There had to be something he could do.
Another week had passed and Dean couldn’t take it anymore. He stood in the doorway of this boyfriend’s home office. Cas sat at his desk in gray slacks and a white button-down, pausing his typing only once to run a hand through his already disheveled hair. Dean hesitated for a moment, unsure how he would respond. No way to know until he tried, right? He took an unsteady, barefooted step forward. Cas didn’t seem to notice the intrusion, so Dean padded quietly over to him and knelt at his side.
The clacking of the keyboard stopped and the desk chair turned. Dean could feel Cas’s eyes boring into him, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet the intense gaze. The two of them stayed like that for a long, tense moment.
“Get up, Dean,” Castiel said, finally breaking the silence. Even without looking, Dean knew Cas’s hand was hovering over his shoulder as if he was afraid to touch.
“No, Cas.” Dean looked up and was met by surprise in his boyfriend’s clear blue eyes. “If you want to punish me, fine. But not like this.” He tried, unsuccessfully, to keep his voice from wavering. “I can’t keep doing this. I know… I know I fucked up, man, but I need you. I need to feel you, Cas. Please.”
Cas was suddenly on his knees too, his hands cupping Dean’s face. Dean was surprised by the wetness on his cheeks as his boyfriend thumbed away tears he hadn’t realized were there.
“Dean, I haven’t been punishing you,” Cas said, pain and tenderness intertwined in the low, rough gravel of his voice.
“Then why won’t you touch me, Cas?” Dean hated how much his voice broke as he asked the question - almost as much as he hated the ache he saw in those blue eyes. “I know I should have told you I didn’t like the belt. I’m sorry. Please, let me fix it.”
“Dean, I…” Cas paused. He seemed frayed and unsure of himself in a way that Dean didn’t recognize. “I should have known. The signs, they were there. I got carried away. How can I… how can I be your Dom if I can’t control myself enough to see that you’re in distress?”
“Cas, don’t be ridiculous. Everyone gets carried away sometimes. That’s why we have safewords. It's why you’re constantly checking in. It’s not your fault. I told you I was green.”
“No.” Cas withdrew, rising to sit in his chair again and turning away from Dean. “I should have known better. You should be able to trust that I’m going to know when to stop.”
“Castiel.” Dean’s voice was firm and bordering on angry as he rose, spinning the chair by its arm to bring them face-to-face. “What did you tell me before we agreed to try this lifestyle?”
“That Dom/sub relationships are built on mutual trust.”
“That’s right, mutual trust.” Dean held Cas’s gaze. “And that means you have to be able to trust me to tell you if something is too much, right?” Castiel just nodded miserably. “But I didn’t do that. That’s on me, not you. Let me fix it, Cas, please.”
“How do we fix it, Dean? I’m afraid that I’m going to hurt you.”
“Cas, you’re not going to hurt me. Look, we don’t have to do the whole Dom/sub thing. I’m not gonna lie. I like it and it's fun, but I don’t need that. I just need you.” Dean leaned forward, gently pressing his lips against Cas’s in a soft, chaste kiss. It was slow and sweet and it took a while for Cas to respond, tentatively returning the kiss. Dean breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe they weren’t where they had been a month ago, but at least they were somewhere again.