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“If there are any spirits of the patients here who wish to speak with us,” Wei Wuxian says, pressing his palms flat to the surface of the stupid spirit box like that’s more likely to make it do anything other than buzz sadly, “you may do so through this device…”

“Please don’t tell me you’re actually expecting to hear something,” Jiang Cheng says.

“Spirits, you can ignore the guy next to me,” Wei Wuxian says, “who is being a total killjoy right now -”

“I’m not being a killjoy, I’m being realistic -”

“Wait, shh, shh, Jiang Cheng, I heard something!”

Jiang Cheng blinks. “What?” All he can hear is static, like every single other time they’ve used the spirit box.

Wei Wuxian turns to Lan Wangji, who stands placidly behind his camera. “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, you heard it too, right?”

“Mm,” Lan Wangji says.

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. Of course Lan Wangji would go along with it, the lovesick idiot. Wei Wuxian could say that the sky is green and Lan Wangji would agree with him.

“Lan Zhan, play back the audio feed, won’t you?” Wei Wuxian asks. Obligingly, Lan Wangji hands a pair of headphones each to Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng and replays the feed.

“Wait for it…” Wei Wuxian mutters, brows furrowed in concentration.

“What exactly am I supposed to be waiting for?” Jiang Cheng asks.

“You’ll know it when you - aha!”

“Wait,” Jiang Cheng says, “there was actually something there?”

“Yes!” Wei Wuxian says. “Didn’t you hear it?”

“Obviously not.”

Wei Wuxian pouts. “Fine. Lan Zhan, rewind about...five seconds?” Lan Wangji does. Then, Wei Wuxian says, “There, didn’t you just hear a voice saying help me?

The only thing Jiang Cheng hears that even remotely resembles anyone’s voice is a muffled thump that could easily have been attributed to one of the maintenance personnel in the building, and he tells Wei Wuxian as much.

Wei Wuxian glowers at him, like Jiang Cheng’s refusal to believe in the existence of the paranormal, i.e. something that does not exist, offends him personally. “Well, maybe, Jiang Cheng, if you weren’t so narrow-minded, the spirits wouldn’t be so hesitant to let you hear them!”

“And maybe if you weren’t so gullible,” Jiang Cheng shoots back, “you wouldn’t believe every little sound you hear is a ghost asking for help!”

“Well if you -”

“We should move on,” Lan Wangji interjects, quiet as always but still loud enough to cut off their bickering. Wei Wuxian’s face morphs from indignation to nauseatingly besotted so quickly Jiang Cheng almost gets whiplash.

“Of course, Lan Zhan!” he chirps. “Lead the way!”

 

“So this corridor,” Wei Wuxian explains, “is the site of an attempted patient riot.”

“Patient riot? What the hell is that? What were they even rioting about?”

“Oh, you know, the usual - bad hospital food, overcrowded rooms, doctors who performed unsanctioned medical experiments like lobotomy on them,” Wei Wuxian says, a little too cheerfully for the subject at hand. “Anyway, I say attempted, because it didn’t go so well...the patients were quickly subdued, but not before five of them died, at the hands of the other patients, who got so caught up in the whole riot spirit that they ended up stabbing their fellow rioters instead of the doctors.”

“Wow,” says Jiang Cheng.

“I know right?” Wei Wuxian agrees. “Lan Zhan, it’s pretty cool, isn’t it?”

Lan Wangji nods silently. He’s walking backwards in front of them, holding the camera up to film them as they walk down the corridor. Jiang Cheng has to give the dude props - even though he himself doesn’t believe in ghosts, he’d still be pretty reluctant to walk back-first down some dark corridor in a creepy abandoned hospital.

“How many times have I told you to stop talking to Lan Wangji while we’re filming?” Jiang Cheng snaps. “It’s a fucking pain to edit out later.”

“But I can’t just ignore him,” Wei Wuxian protests. “He’d feel so left out!”

Jiang Cheng is overcome with the urge to smash his head into the nearest brick wall, not exactly an unusual one when it comes to Wei Wuxian. “He’s our cameraman,” he grits out. “He’s not going to feel left out.”

Wei Wuxian pouts at Lan Wangji. “Wouldn’t you mind if I stopped talking to you?”

Lan Wangji blinks at him. Then, very slowly, nods.

“Please stop enabling him,” Jiang Cheng groans.

“See!” Wei Wuxian says triumphantly. Then, “Ooh, is that a bloodstain?” in the kind of tone most normal people reserve for cooing over puppies or other cute things.

It's rust, but of course Wei Wuxian's not going to believe that . He dashes off towards the alleged bloodstain, only to promptly trip on a raised floorboard and pitch forward.

“Watch out!” Jiang Cheng shouts belatedly, bracing for the worst - Wei Wuxian breaking his nose, then spending the foreseeable future moping loudly about it. But before Wei Wuxian can slam facefirst into the floor, he collides with Lan Wangji.

Somehow, in the span of one second, the cameraman has managed to a) tuck the camera safely into his bag and b) cross the hallway to c) catch Wei Wuxian and wrap his arms around him securely.

Wei Wuxian lets out a winded huff from the impact and pulls back just enough to gaze, wide-eyed at Lan Wangji. “Lan Zhan?”

“Are you hurt?” Lan Wangji asks lowly, cupping Wei Wuxian's cheek gently.

“N-no, I'm fine…” Wei Wuxian stammers slightly. The two of them are gazing at each other with such undisguised affection Jiang Cheng would be nauseated if he wasn't so busy trying to figure out how exactly Lan Wangji had just managed to all but teleport.

Wei Wuxian seems to have overcome his earlier shock, and is now clinging to Lan Wangji out of pure shamelessness rather than any actual need for support. “Lan Zhan,” he coos, “that was so cool of you...swooping in and catching me in your big, strong arms…”

And there's the nausea. Jiang Cheng grits his teeth and stomps off to find something to distract himself with.

 

Yunmeng Unsolved Season 2 Episode 5: The Harrowing Halls of Dafan Asylum

Uploaded by: Twin Heroes ✓

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Wei Wuxian ✓

This was a good one, guys! Check out our research notes (courtesy of Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan) here and be sure to watch our post mortem session on Friday! And don't be afraid to leave whatever questions you have in the comments or on Twitter!

5k likes

 

the last braincell

ok but did anyone else hear someone say ‘i see you’ at 13:58?? Freaking out rn

1.3k likes

 

baxia

this ep was actually pretty freaky thank god for wwx and jc being idiots so at least i can laugh through the fear

1k likes

 

Bichen

Can i just say hats off to whoever the cameraman is

900 likes

 

hensheng

um a new fan here pls don’t kill me for this but...who exactly is lan zhan??? i keep hearing wwx calling somebody by that name all the time

1k likes

View all 80 replies

liebing

lan zhan is the single most mysterious cryptid on the show

Zidian

from what we can gather he’s probably their cameraman/research assistant?

Idkkkkk he’s never even shown his face so we may never know

Suibian

Pretty sure he and wwx are dating tbh

 

After their latest episode at the asylum gets pretty good reception, Wei Wuxian decides that the next place he’s dragging them is to some dilapidated ‘haunted castle’ in Qinghe.

“Rumour is,” he tells the camera as they walk towards its gates, “that within these walls resides a demon who eats - wait for it - human flesh!”

“Sounds like this will be a fun night,” Jiang Cheng deadpans.

“Oh, absolutely,” Wei Wuxian says, totally free of irony. “Over the past fifty years, there have been fifteen cases of vandals, vagrants, or dumb teenagers breaking into here to spend the night, only to disappear without a trace by the next morning. No traces of their bodies have ever been discovered. The history of the castle dates back to…”

By this point, they’ve entered the castle. As usual, Lan Wangji walks ahead of them. Jiang Cheng lets Wei Wuxian ramble on about all the gory events that have happened within the castle (for all his brother can act carefree and irresponsible, Jiang Cheng knows he puts a lot of effort into his research). Meanwhile, he takes in his surroundings and tries to figure out why he’s feeling so on-edge. This is hardly the first creepy, abandoned castle they’ve visited for the show, but it’s the first one that’s given him such an inexplicable feeling of unease.

Wei Wuxian, of course, would jump to pin the blame on whatever demon he believes is haunting the place, but Jiang Cheng knows better. It’s probably just the way the castle seems to be in rather immediate danger of collapse. Yeah. That’s all.

“Demons!” Wei Wuxian hollers. “Show yourselves!”

“I think you just made them even more likely to avoid us,” Jiang Cheng tells him. Wei Wuxian pokes out his tongue at him.

Things proceed as normal for a while - well, as normal as can be expected when filming a ghosthunting video. They go traipsing around the castle, pausing in alleged hotspots to set up the spirit box and listen to static. Wei Wuxian makes himself look like a complete idiot by yelling into the darkness of one particular room, then laughs his ass of when Jiang Cheng lets out a very manly and low-pitched scream as a bat swoops out and flies right into his face.

“Delete that!” Jiang Cheng yells at Lan Wangji, who nods placidly.

“No, don’t,” Wei Wuxian wheezes out. “Send it to me first, Lan Zhan! Ah, Jiang Cheng, who would’ve thought - so brave when it comes to demons, but scared of a cute little bat!”

“It was attacking me.”

“It was being friendly!”

Wei Wuxian I swear to God -

Suddenly, Wei Wuxian yelps loudly, as though in pain. Immediately, Lan Wangji materializes at his side. “Wei Ying,” he says, with a rather uncharacteristic urgency in his usually monotone voice, “what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Wei Wuxian says, frowning. “I suddenly felt like - cold, all over, then there was this weird pain in my leg -”

“Let me see,” Lan Wangji says, already getting to his knees. Wei Wuxian actually blushes. Apparently there is a limit to his shamelessness, after all.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, you really don’t have to -” he tries, even as Lan Wangji is rolling up his jeans. Lan Wangji sucks in a sharp breath when Wei Wuxian’s leg is exposed, but definitely not for the reason Jiang Cheng would usually have expected.

“What the fuck,” Jiang Cheng says. “How did that even happen?” There’s a large, dark, bruise-like mark creeping all the way up from Wei Wuxian’s ankle to his thigh. Lan Wangji stares at it, face pale.

Wei Wuxian blinks at it bemusedly. “Huh,” he says. “Maybe I...fell?” he suggests weakly.

“And the bruise is only showing up now?” Jiang Cheng demands.

Wei Wuxian snickers. “What, Jiang Cheng, do you think it was the demon?”

“Of course not, I just think it’s kinda weird that a giant bruise suddenly materialized out of nowhere on your leg!”

“Well, yeah, because the demon of Xinglu Castle cursed me -”

“Do not joke about that,” Lan Wangji interrupts.

Wei Wuxian blinks. “Huh?”

Lan Wangji doesn’t repeat himself. Instead, he turns to Jiang Cheng and says, “It is late. We should set up for the night.”

“Yeah, probably,” Jiang Cheng agrees, realising that Lan Wangji probably doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to have to stay on his feet for much longer. Wei Wuxian’s too damn stubborn to cut filming short and visit a hospital, so this is probably the next best thing.

Jiang Cheng nods approvingly at Lan Wangji. Perhaps he might be good enough for his brother, after all.

They set up their sleeping bags for the night, and place some low-light cameras at strategic spots around the room. Jiang Cheng gets into his sleeping bag pretty fast after that - he doesn’t know if it’s his imagination, but ever since the incident with Wei Wuxian, it seems like the shadows surrounding them have somehow become darker, thicker. Oppressive, almost.

Jiang Cheng shudders, and pulls the bag up a little higher to his chin. All Wei Wuxian’s nonsense must be getting to him. Psychological osmosis, or something like that.

Unlike Wei Wuxian, who is capable of sleeping anywhere, anytime, and in any position, and Lan Wangji, whose body seems to automatically shut itself down at precisely nine, Jiang Cheng has trouble falling asleep. He scrolls through Twitter till he feels his eyes getting heavy and he can ignore the feeling that he’s being watched, then drifts off into an uneasy sleep.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed before he wakes up, nor what it is that wakes him in the first place. He does know that it’s still dark, Wei Wuxian is still tossing and turning, fast asleep, and Lan Wangji is missing. There are also voices coming from the hallway.

What the fuck?

Still about twenty-five percent asleep, Jiang Cheng fumbles out of his sleeping bag and makes his way over to the door and peers out into the hallway, then immediately finds all lingering traces of sleepiness abandoning him. He barely slaps a hand over his mouth in time to suppress his yell of shock.

Out in the corridor, Lan Wangji is speaking to what seems to be a huge, twisting mass of black smoke with two bright red eyes glowing from within its depths. As if this isn’t weird enough, the smoke is speaking back. And is if that isn’t weird enough, Lan Wangji is floating about two feet above the ground, his own eyes gleaming crimson.

What. The. Fuck.

“Stay away from him,” Lan Wangji warns in a low voice that’s almost a growl.

The smoke chuckles. “Why,” it says, “have you staked your claim on him already? Is he yours ?”

“Wei Ying belongs to nobody,” Lan Wangji snaps. What does Wei Wuxian have to do with whatever the hell this is?

The smoke laughs again, cold and cruel. “Oh, Wei Ying, is it? Don’t tell me you’ve gotten attached. What, are you in love with him or something?”

Lan Wangji doesn’t reply.

“Oh, you are!” the smoke cries delightedly. “Oh, this is precious - how pathetic, a demon falling for such a lowly creature as a human . Tell me, does he even know what you are? How do you think he’d react if he did? Think he’d still look at you with such adoration in his eyes? Or would he call you a monster, try to exorcise you?”

Wait. Demon?

“That is none of your concern,” Lan Wangji says calmly, even as his hands clench into fists. “You will leave him alone.”

“And why should I do that, O Pathetic One?” mocks the smoke.

“Because I doubt my uncle, Lan Qiren, will be too pleased if you disobey me,” Lan Wangji says.

In the blink of an eye, the smoke - demon - shifts into something closer to the size of a cat and cringes away from Lan Wangji, backing itself into a corner. “Shit, shit, shit,” it whimpers, “you - you’re a Lan ?”

“I am.”

“Shit,” the demon hisses again. “I am - so, so sorry, sire. Please be merciful on this humble minion -”

“Stay away from Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, “and I will think about not tossing you into the deepest dungeons of hell.”

The demon nods its ‘head’ frantically. “Yes, yes, of course! Anything!”

“Remove the curse mark. Leave this castle and stop eating people. And before you go, be sure to let yourself be seen on some of the cameras.”

“Of course, sire, right away!”

“Good,” Lan Wangji says. “Now remove yourself from my sight.”

Almost sobbing at this point, the demon whisks itself away. Lan Wangji sighs wearily, floats back down to the ground, and promptly startles himself off it again when Jiang Cheng, having recovered sufficiently, says, “What the fuck just happened.”

Lan Wangji stares at him, eyes wide and still glowing red. “I can explain.”

“Please do,” Jiang Cheng says.

 

“So let me get this straight,” Jiang Cheng says ten minutes later. “You’re a demon .”

Half demon,” Lan Wangji corrects.

“Your brother too?” Jiang Cheng asks before he can stop himself. Lan Wangji nods, and Jiang Cheng sets aside the image of Lan Xichen with glowing red eyes for closer examination another day when he feels less than two minutes away from a mental breakdown. “Your...whole family are demons?”

“Mm.”

“And you’re like...some kind of demon aristocrats?”

“Mm,” Lan Wangji murmurs. “My family is old, and owns a lot of properties within Hell, so they are very influential there.”

“Hell, huh?” Jiang Cheng says, slightly hysterically. “You go there a lot?”

“I try not to,” Lan Wangji says. “Only when I am forced to for family events.”

“Cool,” Jiang Cheng says. “That’s - just great. Why are you even doing this stupid thing, then? Filming for us? Why even go to university in the first place? You obviously don’t need the money.”

“Most demons find employment in the human world,” Lan Wangji tells him, like it should have been obvious. “Very few of us still steal from and exploit humans in this age. And -” while his expression doesn't change, his ears turn faintly pink - “Wei Ying puts himself in danger often. I wished to try to protect him.”

This does make sense, especially considering what Jiang Cheng has seen tonight, but he still finds himself wary. “Wait a minute,” he says suspiciously, “don't tell me you're being all creepy and possessive and - stalking Wei Wuxian. Because I'll have you know, demon or not, my sister and I will still beat your ass if you try anything funny.”

Lan Wangji's eyes widen slightly. “Of course not,” he insists. “If Wei Ying asks it, I will leave immediately. I only wish for his safety and happiness.”

Jiang Cheng stares at Lan Wangji for a long moment, because wow. This guy is a demon? “You're really in love with him, huh?”

Lan Wangji nods tightly. “Is it obvious?”

“Well yeah,” Jiang Cheng says, “you're not exactly subtle about it. Don't worry, though, Wei Wuxian is the most oblivious person on the planet, so I doubt he knows. If he had, he'd have probably been all over you by now - well, more so than usual, at any rate.”

“I do not want him to hate me,” Lan Wangji mutters.

“Why do you think he'll hate you?”

“I'm a demon,” Lan Wangji says. “He has made his loathing of my kind quite clear before.”

“That's only because he's only going off whatever bullshit those seedy websites he reads are feeding him,” Jiang Cheng says. “Trust me, he’s not gonna mind that you’re a demon. In fact he’d probably be over the fucking moon about it - you know how obsessed he is with paranormal shit like this.”

“Do you think so?” Lan Wangji asks quietly, almost vulnerable.

“Yes?” Jiang Cheng says, wondering which of his life choices have led to him giving love advice to an actual demon in a haunted castle at three in the morning.

“Oh,” Lan Wangji says quietly. “Even so - please do not tell Wei Ying. I do not think I am...ready. For him to know.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Jiang Cheng says. Then, “Wait, one last thing - does Hell really have dungeons?”

“Of course not,” Lan Wangji says. “Demons are not savages. Our prisons are very modern and safe.”

“Oh, okay, sure, makes sense.”

 

The next morning, Wei Wuxian’s bruise has disappeared.

“Oh, wow,” he says, examining his bare leg and ignoring Lan Wangji’s wide-eyed attempts not to ogle and Jiang Cheng’s shouts for him to make himself decent , “guess it really was just some sort of weird bruise! Nothing a good night’s sleep can’t fix, huh?”

“Be more careful in the future,” Lan Wangji tells him, as they get to work packing their stuff and dismantling their equipment.

Wei Wuxian laughs. “What, Lan Zhan, are you worried about me or something?”

“Yes,” Lan Wangji says immediately, and Wei Wuxian promptly chokes on air, like the way Lan Wangji feels about him should still come as any sort of surprise.

Demon or not, Jiang Cheng hopes they get their shit together soon. The PDA will probably kill his brain, but it can’t possibly be any worse than this.

 

The next location they visit is Yi City, a long abandoned ghost town. This time, they bring along an alleged psychic - Nie Huaisang, whose quivering at every shadow he sees isn’t exactly doing wonders to convince Jiang Cheng of his psychic abilities. But at least he might be of more help than that one priest Wei Wuxian had pestered non-stop for advice, which he had promptly proceeded to blithely ignore.

After the whole Lan Wangji Incident, Jiang Cheng had been rather reluctantly forced to acknowledge the existence of demons, and, by extension, ghosts. Lan Wangji had admitted to asking some of the more passive spirits haunting the locations they’d visited to make themselves visible long enough to generate a bit of evidence for Wei Wuxian to squeal over.

(“Disgusting,” Jiang Cheng snapped, though maybe the gesture was a bit sweet.

Lan Wangji didn’t deny it.)

But just because he believes in the paranormal now, doesn’t mean Jiang Cheng is going to give Wei Wuxian the satisfaction of admitting it. Neither does it mean he’s going to not be skeptical of a ‘psychic’ who looks one creaky floorboard away from a nervous breakdown.

“I sense a very strong demonic presence in this room,” Nie Huaisang declares. Wei Wuxian leans closer, eyes shining. Lan Wangji fidgets slightly.

“Yes,” Nie Huaisang continues, “it is...taking the form of a human to...to gain trust, I think…”

At this, Lan Wangji twitches. Jiang Cheng almost feels sorry for him.

“However,” Nie Huaisang says, “I am not sensing any malevolent intent from it.”

Wei Wuxian snorts. “What, are you trying to say it’s a good demon?” he says incredulously. “Pretty sure there’s no such thing.”

Ouch. Jiang Cheng throws a sympathetic glance at Lan Wangji, whose gaze is now downcast. Jiang Cheng decides to put him out of his misery.

“Weren’t you just convinced this idiot is the real deal?” he asks Wei Wuxian, ignoring Nie Huaisang’s indignant Hey! “Why are you doubting him now ?”

“I’m just saying,” Wei Wuxian says, “that the odds of this demonic presence not being evil aren’t all that great. I mean, it’s a demon, you know?”

Sometimes, Jiang Cheng wonders how Wei Wuxian can be so smart and yet simultaneously so stupid .

Wei Wuxian sniggers. “What, Jiang Cheng, are you upset that I’m saying all demons are bad? And not that I’m saying demons exist at all? Wow - are you finally starting to believe?”

“What I believe is that if you don’t shut up right now, a demon is the last thing you’ll have to worry about.”

“Um, can you guys not…” Nie Huaisang mumbles. “I don’t like getting in the middle of fights...”

Wei Wuxian ignores him and skips over to Lan Wangji, who’s still filming the whole fiasco. “Wah, Lan Zhan,” he says, injecting so much false cuteness into his voice Jiang Cheng wants to throw up, “look how mean and scary Jiang Cheng is being to me! You’ll protect me, won’t you, Lan er gege?”

Jiang Cheng exchanges a pained look with Nie Huaisang who, if it’s any consolation, looks just as uncomfortable with the whole situation.

“Mm,” Lan Wangji says quietly, not meeting Wei Wuxian’s eyes. Wei Wuxian frowns.

“What’s wrong, Lan Zhan?” he asks. “Are you tired? Do you need to take a break?” He lays a hand on Lan Wangji’s shoulder, but it’s shrugged off.

“I’m fine,” Lan Wangji says. “We should move on.” He sets off, leaving Wei Wuxian behind, looking confused and more than a little hurt.

Jiang Cheng sighs and follows. He knows he really shouldn't intervene, but…

 

It all comes to a head two nights later, when Wei Wuxian shows up at Jiang Cheng's apartment, eyes suspiciously red.

“What the fuck happened?” Jiang Cheng demands, ushering Wei Wuxian in and onto the couch. “Who do I have to kill?”

“Why are you always so violent?” Wei Wuxian complains, voice hoarse. “Not all problems can be solved through murder, you know.”

“A bit rich, coming from you,” Jiang Cheng retorts. “Look, just tell me what's wrong.”

“Who said something's wrong? Maybe I just wanted to see you.”

“Stop fucking around, Wei Wuxian, you've obviously been crying.” A thought occurs to Jiang Cheng. “Is it because of Lan Wangji?”

Wei Wuxian glances away and doesn't reply.

“That fucking bastard,” Jiang Cheng seethes. “I swear, the next time I see him -”

“Don't,” Wei Wuxian says tiredly, “it's not his fault. Look, I promise I'll explain later, but right now I really, really don't want to talk about it.”

Jiang Cheng sighs. “Fine.” He knows better than to try to wrangle any information out of Wei Wuxian before he's ready to share it. He heads to the kitchen and prepares two cups of tea, then brings them back out into the living room where Wei Wuxian has already made himself comfortable on the couch and is now flicking through channels.

Two episodes of Iron Chef later, Wei Wuxian turns to Jiang Cheng and says, “Alright, I’m ready to spill about my burdens.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call A-Jie over?” Jiang Cheng asks, reaching over to turn down the volume on the TV. “I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do if you start crying.”

“Hug me, of course,” Wei Wuxian sniffs.

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Now, spill. What did Lan Wangji do?”

Wei Wuxian inhales. “Well, I kind of...confessed to him,” he mumbles. “And asked him out.”

“And?”

Wei Wuxian glares at him. “And what do you think? He turned me down.”

Jiang Cheng can’t have heard right. “He did what?”

Wei Wuxian laughs bitterly. “He said that he couldn’t do this, not with me. And he hasn’t been answering any of my texts. It’s - it’s alright that he doesn’t feel the same, I wasn’t really expecting him to, but I just wish that it hadn’t ruined our friendship as well -”

“Wait, wait, wait, backtrack,” Jiang Cheng interrupts, still stuck on the whole he turned me down part. He doesn’t know in what kind of universe Lan Wangji wouldn’t jump at the chance to go out with Wei Wuxian, but it’s sure as hell not this one. “This makes no sense. Lan Wangji’s in love with you.”

“Obviously, he’s not,” Wei Wuxian snaps. “He made that very clear.” He sniffles a little, and hides his face behind his teacup. “I just can’t believe I misread everything so badly. I really thought - you know what, never mind. I was stupid. I don’t know why I thought -”

“No,” Jiang Cheng says, “for once in your life, you were not stupid. Lan Wangji is in love with you, and I don’t know what dumbass reason he had for turning you down, but trust me, when I’m done with him -”

“Can you just drop it, Jiang Cheng?” Wei Wuxian pleads. “I really, really don’t want to talk about this anymore. Can’t we just, I don’t know, cuddle?”

“This is a one time thing,” Jiang Cheng warns him, wrapping an arm around his brother. Wei Wuxian sighs contentedly and leans into his side.

Then: “Say, do you have any spicy ice cream?”

“Who the fuck eats spicy ice cream?”

I do, and you didn’t answer my question!”

Jiang Cheng groans. “Fine, I’ll go get your gross ice cream.” The things he does for family.

 

The next day, Jiang Cheng corners Lan Wangji. “So,” he begins conversationally, “remember that talk we had the other day about what my sister and I would do to you if you hurt my brother?”

Lan Wangji looks down. “Mm.”

“I don’t think you do,” Jiang Cheng continues, “because if you did, then would you mind explaining to me exactly why you turned him down when he confessed to you?”

Lan Wangji says nothing for a few moments. Jiang Cheng waits, not too patiently. Finally, Lan Wangji says, “Wei Ying deserves better.”

“I rather think that’s up for Wei Wuxian to decide, not you.”

“It would not be safe,” Lan Wangji insists. “Other demons would try to harm him. And...Wei Ying would hate me, if he knew what I am.” He trails off, voice almost a whisper.

“Wei Wuxian would not hate you -”

“He thinks I am evil,” Lan Wangji says, and Jiang Cheng knows he’s remembering what had happened back in Yi City.

“Look,” Jiang Cheng groans, “that’s just Wei Wuxian being an idiot as usual. Believe me - Wei Ying cares about you way too much to mind that you’re a demon.”

Lan Wangji looks doubtful.

“You weren’t the one who had to comfort him when he showed up crying at your door,” Jiang Cheng snaps.

Lan Wangji’s eyes widen. “I made him cry?” he asks quietly.

“Yes,” Jiang Cheng growls, fighting the urge to shout, “because, as I said, he is in love with you, and you hurt him when you rejected him, you colossal idiot .”

“This is why I must stay away from him,” Lan Wangji murmurs. “All I do is hurt him.”

“How is that even what you took from everything I said -” Jiang Cheng begins angrily, then has to stop and breathe deeply for a full minute just to calm down. “Listen. Up until now, you’ve never hurt him. In fact, and enjoy this because I’m never repeating it, you make him really happy, and I’m pretty sure he makes you happy too. So what I’m saying is, get your head out of your ass and talk to him.”

Lan Wangji still looks unconvinced. “What he feels for me is...temporary. He will find someone better than me eventually -”

“Lan Wangji,” Jiang Cheng growls, “I’m going to pretend I did not just hear you say that, for your own sake. Do not fucking act as though you understand my brother’s feelings better than he does.”

Lan Wangji nods. “I am sorry. Please give Wei Ying my apologies that I have upset him.”

“Tell him yourself. He’s pretty sad, you know, that you’re ignoring him.”

Lan Wangji nods again. “I will...try. To make it up to him.”

“You’d better.”

 

Despite the talk , however, things do not improve between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, which Jiang Cheng only takes as further confirmation that they’re both stubborn assholes who can’t communicate to save their lives.

They’re not ignoring each other, but they’re definitely not all over each other like they used to be. They seem to have lost the easy companionship that always existed between them and are now tiptoeing around each other on eggshells, painfully polite and formal. Jiang Cheng actually hears Wei Wuxian refer to Lan Wangji by his courtesy name, and has to briefly wonder if he’s hallucinating.

Jiang Cheng never thought he’d say it, but he actually misses the constant clinginess and excessive affection that had existed between the two. That was sickening, but not as much as the sight of the two of them constantly making sad cow eyes at each other when they each think the other isn’t looking.

Jiang Cheng is this close to locking them both in a closet till they have a proper conversation, but, miraculously, Wei Wuxian’s own lack of self-preservation does the job for him.

They’re investigating an old mansion in Yiling. Wei Ying is still joking around as usual for the camera, but Jiang Cheng can tell his heart’s not into it. For once, he does as Jiang Cheng has been asking him to forever and ignores Lan Wangji during filming, but Jiang Cheng can’t even be happy about that when he sees the kicked-puppy face Lan Wangji keeps making at his brother. Ugh.

Wei Wuxian has gone poking around some dark corner of the room, when there’s a sharp crack and a piece of scaffold comes plummeting down straight towards his head. Jiang Cheng doesn’t even have time to do more than open his mouth to shout before Lan Wangji has already pushed Wei Wuxian out the say and caught the scaffolding himself. And all of that would be pretty fucking weird, but at least explainable by adrenaline or something. What’s not explainable is the way Lan Wangji’s eyes glow red.

Oh, shit.

Wei Wuxian gapes wordlessly at Lan Wangji, who, finally seeming to realise what’s happened, hurriedly blinks to extinguish the crimson glow from his eyes. But the damage is already done.

“What the hell just happened?” Wei Wuxian demands.

Lan Wangji retreats to the corner of the room, seeming to curl in on himself.

“You - you’re a -” Wei Wuxian looks as if he’s having a hard time believing what he’s just seen. Maybe they can still play this off as a stress induced hallucination -

“A demon,” Lan Wangji says. So much for that.

“Oh,” Wei Wuxian says, very slowly. “I see.” He turns to Jiang Cheng, and frowns. “You...don’t seem very surprised.”

Jiang Cheng has nothing to say to say to that.

“Ah,” Wei Wuxian says softly, “you already knew, didn’t you.”

“I did,” Jiang Cheng says. No point trying to deny it now.

“Huh,” Wei Wuxian says, still oddly calm. “So…” he turns to Lan Wangji, “you just decided not to tell me?

Lan Wangji flinches away.

“He didn’t tell me,” Jiang Cheng says. “I found out, accidentally.”

“Still,” Wei Wuxian says, walking closer to Lan Wangji. “You didn’t tell me. What, is it that you don’t trust me?”

Lan Wangji shakes his head. “No, Wei Ying -”

“You thought I wasn’t important enough to tell, is that it?”

Lan Wangji shakes his head again. “I...was afraid,” he says softly. “That you would hate me.”

Wei Wuxian jerks back. “What the fuck, Lan Zhan,” he says angrily. “What kind of person do you think I am? Do you even know me? What, you thought I’d... abandon you just because -”

Lan Wangji is shaking his head again, more frantically now. “No, Wei Ying,” he says urgently. “I never -”

“You know,” Wei Wuxian says, turning away, “it’s fine that you don’t return my feelings. I don’t care about that. But I thought that at least we were friends.” He gives a short, bitter laugh. “Guess I was wrong about that too, huh?” With that, he strides out of the room, the door slamming shut behind him.

Jiang Cheng sighs deeply. Well, this is mess. On the one hand, Wei Wuxian is being more than slightly unreasonable. On the other hand -

He turns to Lan Wangji, who’s staring blankly at the floor like it’s supposed to tell him how to fix this. “Well?” he snaps. “Aren’t you going to go talk to him?”

Lan Wangji looks up. “I shouldn’t -”

“Lan Wangji,” Jiang Cheng growls, “this entire disaster came about because you two won’t talk to each other like adults. So either you go out there and talk to him yourself, or I will push you out. Understand?”

Lan Wangji nods shortly, and leaves.

 

The two of them are gone for almost an hour. Jiang Cheng hears the occasional murmur or sound of a raised voice from outside, but can't make out any actual words. He resists the urge to eavesdrop - whatever is happening out there is between his brother and Lan Wangji only.

Not to mention, he's ninety percent sure if he listens he's going to hear something that might scar him for life so. Better safe than sorry.

Finally, the two of them return, hand in hand and looking, for lack of a better word, ecstatic. Well, Wei Wuxian does - Lan Wangji looks as much like a dead fish as he usually does, but his ears are pink again, which seems to be his own weird way of blushing.

“I see you've made up,” Jiang Cheng remarks.

“Oh, definitely,” Wei Wuxian says, clinging even tighter to Lan Wangji.

Jiang Cheng sideeyes them. “And I see that you're now a...couple…”

“That we are!” Wei Wuxian chirps, and leans up to press a kiss to Lan Wangji's cheek. Lan Wangji's ears turn so red they look in imminent danger of combustion.

“I see,” Jiang Cheng says carefully. “And you're okay with the whole demon thing?”

“Oh, more than okay,” Wei Wuxian says. “I'm dating a demon - this is the coolest day of my life.” Lan Wangji tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ear, and Wei Wuxian grabs his hand and kisses the knuckles, gazing up at Lan Wangji from underneath his lashes, which is an image that will haunt Jiang Cheng's nightmares for the foreseeable future.

He gags quietly. “I think I regret this already.”

“Oh, don't be like that, we're not going to act any different from usual,” Wei Wuxian says, then proceeds to make out with Lan Wangji. Right in front of Jiang Cheng, who shrieks in horror and promptly makes himself scarce.

He may have to bleach his eyeballs by the time this is all over, he thinks sourly, but at least his brother is happy.

And, in the end, Jiang Cheng will put up with any amount of PDA and give the shovel talk to as many demons as it takes to make sure it stays that way.


Yunmeng Unsolved Postmortem Season 2 Episode 8: Yiling Manor Q+A

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Wei Wuxian ✓

ehehehehehehehe

10k likes

 

suibian

OH MY GOD THAT WAS THE SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT YOU WERE TEASING US WITH!!! ahshfsjkd lan zhan is so pretty and he and wwx look so happy together congratulations you two!!!

3k likes

 

liebing

We have been waiting so long for the reveal of this mysterious lan zhan and d a m n he did not disappoint

2k likes

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Wei Wuxian ✓

Ahahaha my lan zhan really is pretty, isn’t he? I must be the luckiest man on earth ~~

Lan Wangji ✓

@Wei Wuxian I am luckier.

Wei Wuxian ✓

@Lan Wangji asdfldfs LAN ZHAN YOU SWEET TALKER!! Ilu ~~ <3

Lan Wangji ✓

@Wei Wuxian I love you too. <33

Jiang Cheng ✓

@Wei Wuxian @Lan Wangji You two do know you can text each other this shit right