Mornings are annoying. Jeongguk couldn’t think of anything more annoying than waking up at six to get ready for his classes, especially around winter since the sky was still dark when he was on the way to his university. In his book, the day didn’t start until the sun was up in the sky which was why it was difficult for him to function as he finally flipped his calendar to the last page with the ending month of the year.
The fact that the finals were coming wasn’t helping him at all, making him stressed and anxious instead. He’s been feeling exhausted for the past couple of weeks and the only thing there was to blame were the several books spread on the floor in his living-room because he felt a lot more comfortable on the fluffy rug in the small room with a pastel pink loveseat, a round glass coffee table with rose-gold frames and a small television placed on a wooden stand.
It all looked cramped together especially after he bought a couple of green plants and a cacti to make it cozier. His older brother wasn’t a big fan of the new addition to their apartment mostly because they didn’t have enough space, but seeing it made Jeongguk happier, he couldn’t help but praise him and tell him it looked good together.
They weren’t one of the rich families, so they had to work hard to make their home look a little presentable, now that they were far from their parents living on their own in one of the outskirts of Seoul. Being omegas, it wasn’t easy for them to get a good part-time job since all the employers wanted experienced alphas or betas for the well-paid positions.
Jeongguk hated the way the hierarchy worked in their country. He thought he was more than capable of working with administrations, yet whenever he applied for such a position he got turned down immediately because he had no experience and he knew if he was an alpha they’d be more than happy to train and hire him.
Omegas were supposed to have easier jobs and take care of their families. Said stereotype resulted in many omegas not going to universities and mating at an early age simply because it was easier that way and because it was expected from the society. Jeongguk wasn’t one of those. He liked to do whatever he wanted with his life and his parents, thankfully, supported both him and his brother.
Applying for the university wasn’t as easy for them as it was for the other ranks because there were limited spots, omegas getting the least, but despite that, Jeongguk got accepted and was now in his second year of studying IT, following his brother’s footsteps.
Playing with computers wasn’t as easy as Jeongguk had initially thought and not once did he consider changing his major, especially around the time of finals when he couldn’t get a certain topic covered and if it wasn’t for his brother, who spent hours of studying with him instead of focusing on his own subjects, he would’ve dropped out by now.
Somehow he always managed to keep his grades at the average of B which was more than satisfying for his scholarship. No matter how worried he was before each exam, he ended up getting through all of them easily.
Only this time he felt a lot more tired than before. In the previous semester he was able to stay up until very late to study, but now he could barely make it until midnight before he was physically and emotionally drained.
Not only the stress messed up with his sleep schedule, it also destroyed his eating habits. Waking up at an ungodly hour with a stomach ache happened more often than not at this point which was why Jeongguk finally decided to stop eating snacks after seven in the evening. That seemed to help for a few days before he was back by the toilet seat in despair.
In conclusion, the last two months of his life have been the worst which started with him breaking up with his ex because the older seemed to have no time for him and didn’t do anything to change that. They argued a lot at that time. It was mostly quarrelling over petty things, but it gradually became too much and resulted in them parting their ways.
It was Jeongguk’s stubbornness that caused the situation, it was his own fault for acting childish and immature that made him push his ex-boyfriend away despite being asked to reconsider several times. At that time, breaking up seemed like the right decision, but each day spent without Taehyung proved him wrong.
Either way, he got to accept the fact that he no longer had a boyfriend and started focusing on his studies instead. He thought that would be something that would make him forget or at least make him feel better but, once again, he was wrong.
He’d just flushed the toilet and brushed his teeth when his brother entered the small bathroom without asking for a permission. “Have you seen my birth control pills? I should have another packaging somewhere. You haven’t been using them right?” Yoongi asked as he ruffled the younger’s hair before he gently pushed him to the side to check the small cabin they had above the sink.
The older seemed to be in a good mood for he was humming to himself, evening wiggling his tiny waist to the melody as he scanned every shelf in search of the pills. Jeongguk was five years younger than Yoongi, but he was a bit taller than him, so he noticed there was something on top of the cabin. It wasn’t like Yoongi couldn’t reach it, he just didn’t notice it which was why Jeongguk reached over him to take the thin packaging with a few open spots.
“Here’s some,” the younger said, tapping his brother’s shoulder to get his attention and hand him the pills. The small smile on Yoongi’s faced turned into a pout, his eyebrows frowning at the packaging in his hand before he continued looking under the sink just in case.
When Yoongi crouched, Jeongguk got a glimpse of himself in the mirror and sighed deeply. His face was pale and still wet from how he splashed water over himself to feel fresh after the unfortunate reunion with the toilet. Just remembering that made him nauseous again, so he left the bathroom to go rest on the couch, tiptoeing between the books on the rug carefully.
If standing up was bad then lying down was three times worse because he felt like the world around him was spinning which almost convinced him into thinking he was just having a bad hangover, except for the fact that he didn’t drink the previous night. He lifted himself into a sitting position which was a little better as long as he didn’t move.
Closing his eyes, Jeongguk thought about his day and how painful it would be to deal with all of his classes with his current nausea. He had school in an hour, so it was about time he started getting ready, but he knew as soon as he stood up he’d by kneeling in front of the toilet again and that was the last thing he wanted.
“Damn, I can’t believe I only have pills left for this week. I’ll have to go to the doctor to get more prescribed,” Yoongi complained as he passed by the living-room to go to the kitchen counter where he’d prepared a glass of water, so he could take the pill. He continued mumbling something about how he disliked the nurse at his family care doctor, but Jeongguk couldn’t focus on his words.
The last thing he needed was a headache. He could already feel light pulsing in the corner of his forehead which Jeongguk considered a bad sign. He wasn’t going to survive a day with both nausea and headache. “Yoonie? Could you please bring me some water and a painkiller?” He asked when his alarm went off, signaling he had around fifteen minutes left before he had to leave home to get in time for classes.
There was no reply, but Jeongguk didn’t have enough will or strength to repeat the question, so he just sat on the sofa, taking deep breaths and waiting for his next alarm that would make him finally get up, grab his things and leave without breakfast. Again.
A minute has passed before he felt the surface of the couch sink a little, so he opened his eyes to see his brother holding a glass of water and a pill, looking concerned. He took both with a quiet thank you, gulping down the small white medication. Yoongi took the empty glass from him and placed his palm on his forehead.
“Did you throw up again?” He asked as he felt around his face, noticing the relief on the boy after having something cold pressed against his skin. Jeongguk didn’t want to worry his older brother, but he nodded anyway, knowing Yoongi could see through his lies anyway. “This is like the third day in a row. I think you should see a doctor,” he suggested, putting the glass on the coffee table so he could cup the boy’s face with both of his palms.
Jeongguk was never fond of doctors, visiting them only if it was absolutely necessary. He hasn’t even visited a family specialist to get his first check-up because he was anxious about it. Being twenty years old with an active sex life, having a family care doctor was a requirement, but instead of that he asked his brother to get birth control pills for him when he was still dating Taehyung, getting scolded by both of them every time he needed a new prescription. They’d only agree because he always said it was the last time he asked.
His fear of doctors began when he was young and broke his arm. The painful memory created a defensive mechanism which was why he always tried to hide if he was sick or if something hurt him just because he didn’t want to see a doctor. It was Yoongi who saw right through him and would always have to tell their parents to take him.
He was older now, so he wasn’t scared, but he was intimidated and uncomfortable about going to hospitals, so he was definitely going to pass on the offer. “I’m just stressed because of the exams. I’m sure I’ll be better soon,” he said as he stood up with Yoongi’s help to see if he was good to go.
The dizziness had vanished, but he was still feeling a little nauseous. “Are you sure? I can take you. We can skip one day, it’s not a big deal,” Yoongi tried to convince him, seeing the obvious discomfort on his little brother.
The second alarm went off and Jeongguk just shook his head and went back to his room to grab the first turtle-neck and black pants he saw. He quickly checked himself in the mirror before he took his favorite bucket hat to the hall where he put on his shoes and a dark green jacket.
“I’m leaving now. See you in the evening,” he finished when Yoongi appeared next to him to give him a goodbye kiss on his forehead which was a little awkward because of their height difference, but it always made Jeongguk feel a little better about his day.
Yoongi took the younger’s backpack only to put a lunchbox inside. “Make sure you eat this as soon as you feel better. Can’t have you running around on empty stomach,” he said as he moved the black bucket head so that the tiny white writing on it was in the middle.
“You worry about me too much,” Jeongguk giggled, giving the older a grin before he left the apartment without closing the door because he knew Yoongi hated when he did that and he liked annoying him, so hearing the loud groan followed by the door being closed made him scrunch his nose in mischief.
The fresh autumn air made him feel a lot better the second he walked out. Small puddles covered the pavements which only meant it must have rained during the night and that was why the air felt so relieving and refreshing.
After ten minutes of walking, he was back to his usual self. Nothing was hurting nor did he feel sick. He was lucky he didn’t have to travel to school by bus or the underground otherwise it wouldn’t be so easy. He was thankful for that because he had a long day ahead of him, lots of assignments to work on and exams to prepare for.
The first two classes passed by relatively quickly and so Jeongguk could finally leave the room with dozens of computers to eat something. He’d managed to finish the snack he got from Yoongi in between the classes but it was hardly enough to make his tummy satisfied. He was always one of those people who ate a lot and never gained weight. He did exercise every now and then, but not too much which was why he thanked the genes for his tender figure.
The university cafeteria wasn’t his to go place for lunch because it was usually crowded and he wasn’t the type of person who liked to be surrounded by strangers. It made him anxious which was why he decided to meet up with his best friends in a fast-food restaurant just a block away.
It’s become a tradition ever since he met Hoseok and Jimin, the two immediately falling in love with him. Them being alphas, they developed a need to protect the young omega and Jeongguk didn’t mind one bit because it only brought benefits to him. It was annoying sometimes when they couldn’t stop smooching his cheeks, but he could do with that for all the free food they offered him.
It wasn’t like he was using them, they just insisted on treating him simply because they liked taking care of him. Jeongguk wasn’t a very social person, so he was glad to have them, knowing he could rely on them. They were the only alphas he interacted with after he broke up with Taehyung.
“No, I’m paying for him today. Back off,” Jimin said with a frown as he held his credit card looking at Hoseok who had a few bank notes ready. Jeongguk rolled his eyes and gave an apologetic look to the lady at the counter while his two friends fought over who was going to be the one treating him. Again.
They usually took turns, but when Jeongguk hung out with either of them alone the order got messed up and they ended up arguing. On one hand, the omega thought it was quite embarrassing and unreasonable, but on the other hand, it made him feel special and loved which was something he lacked after he left Taehyung.
Jeongguk was very close to just taking out his own wallet and paying for his food, but then Hoseok placed the money on the counter, took the omega’s hand to go find them a seat while Jimin stared at him in disgust.
There was a table for four in the corner of the restaurant, so they sat in the booth and waited for their food. Hoseok occupied the spot next to Jeongguk, wrapping his arm around the boy’s neck which earned him a glare from Jimin who finally caught up and sat across them.
“For your information, I told the lady she could keep the change,” Jimin said, tapping his fingers on the surface of the white table, acting a little offended because things didn’t go the way he wanted and somehow Jeongguk found that cute even though it was a little immature.
By the time their food arrived, it’d started raining. People were running down the streets with hoodies on, some using their bags as a protection and only a couple were prepared and opened their umbrellas. Jeongguk liked rain, but only when he was at home and knew he didn’t have to leave the safety of either his bed of the couch for the rest of the day.
Just the thought of having to return to university to spend two more classes in the computer room was discouraging. The gloomy weather made him want to sleep and he knew he had hours to go before he could do so. It’s been like that for the whole week. No sun just clouds and smog covering the sky, occasional rain and chilly wind.
“Are you tired little one?” Hoseok asked Jeongguk who’d laid his head against the arm that was wrapped around his neck and closed his eyes for a short moment. Nodding, he turned his head a little to be more comfortable, inhaling the older’s warm scented that reminded him of a bonfire and the small sparkles that jumped out of it. It was comforting, especially on such a rainy day.
The break was coming to an end and Jeongguk only hoped he still had at least ten minutes that he could spend on his friend’s shoulder. It was the only thing on his mind, just repeating his wish of getting a few more minutes before he’d have to get up and leave. It was going well, Jimin and Hoseok were sharing a few words and nobody was addressing to him.
Jeongguk had muted the conversations and chattering coming from other tables, even the things his friends talked about while he was snuggled to Hoseok. He was glad to be resting, surprised it was taking so long. He didn’t want to check the time because he would be disappointed, knowing it was almost time to go which was confirmed as soon as he felt a hand on his cheek.
Jimin was leaning over the table, caressing his smooth skin as if he was trying to wake him up gently. “Baby,” the alpha whispered. “It’s time to go,” he said with a small smile, making the boy open his eyes and sit up properly after a series of small yawns leaving his mouth which made the alphas coo at him.
“Sorry I wasn’t that talkative, I’m just really tired,” the youngest apologized once they got their things and left the shop. It was still raining, but not too much, so his hoodie was more than enough to protect him from getting wet.
“Maybe you’re close to your heat?” Hoseok asked with concern in his voice as they walked towards the younger’s university building, crossing the road and passing by the park until they reached the gates which didn’t stop them even though they didn’t belong there.
The words made Jeongguk frown because that didn’t even cross his mind. He did feel slightly more tired when his cycle approached, but not like that. It was probably that with all the pressure he had from studying. He just wanted the phase to be over because he didn’t feel productive at all since his organism refused to cooperate.
“Maybe it’s that yeah. My heat isn’t very stable, so it’s hard to tell,” he explained. The irregularity of his heat was one of the argument Yoongi and Taehyung used when they tried to convince him to finally find a family care doctor. His ex-boyfriend studied the field and was working hard to become such a specialist at some point, so he was knowledgeable about that and, naturally, he wasn’t happy about how indifferent Jeongguk was about the situation.
As soon as they reached the classroom, Jimin cupped the younger’s cheeks and pressed a couple of goodbye pecks on each. “I hope you feel better soon. You know you can let us know if you need anything right?” He made sure Jeongguk knew he could rely on them and that they would come running to him if it meant making him feel better which was something Jeongguk appreciated dearly.
“Gross,” Jeongguk fake gagged, earning himself a smack from Jimin.
The older mumbled something, probably calling him a brat, but Jeongguk no longer focused on that for he was pulled into Hoseok’s arms, his face once again finding warmth in the crook of his neck. “Get some rest when you get home okay?” Hoseok kissed his forehead before Jeongguk could push him away because the two alphas were embarrassing him with all the kisses in front of his classroom.
“Just go already,” he told them through a giggle when Hoseok attacked his neck with kisses for he noticed Jeongguk tried to get rid of him. Jeongguk thought it was an endearing punishment and surely it gave him the needed energy for his classes, but it drew attention from the other students and he never liked being the center of attention.
They walked backwards towards the exit just so they could wave at him until they were gone, making Jeongguk blush because of all the smirks he received from his classmates. “Idiots,” he mumbled for himself before he entered his classroom and found his seat.
Three hours of suffering were ahead of him, but at least his tummy was satisfied and he got to rest for a little while. There was no way he was going to study for his exams once he returned home which wasn’t something he was happy about because it’d be a wasted day and exams were just a few weeks away, but he wasn’t physically capable of working more for the day.
“I’m home,” Jeongguk said as soon as he closed the door, releasing a deep relieving exhale. If he was tired around noon, he was dead tired now that he was finally over with his day. He toed his shoes off, not bothering to put them in order because the only thing he wanted was a shower and his bed.
The books he had set on the rug in the living room were now closed, creating a tower on the floor next to the TV stand. He would be angry if he had enough strength because he knew exactly where the things he needed were when it was organized on the rug, but now his system was ruined and it was going to take him forever to figure it out again.
“Don’t look at me like I just stole your favorite toy, the books were in the way. Don’t worry I marked the pages where you stopped,” Yoongi explained the situation from where he was sitting on the couch, his feet resting on the coffee table. He was working on his laptop or at least that’s what Jeongguk gathered from the few seconds he spent glaring at him before he left for his room. “What about my welcome kiss?” Yoongi yelled at him.
Ignoring him, Jeongguk threw his backpack on the floor and looked for some clean pajamas. He considered changing his sheets as well, but that was going to take a while, so he immediately dismissed the idea, thinking clean pajamas after a shower would be enough for him to feel fresh and comfortable.
He checked his phone and sent his friends a message to let them know he was home, getting several hearts of each color as a response from both Jimin and Hoseok which made him shake his head with a tiny purse of his lips. He was never going to understand why was everyone giving him so much affection when he was being a brat most of the times.
The only person he was always nice to was Taehyung who was gone, so he didn’t really think he deserved so much love. He wondered what the older was doing. The alpha was in his last year of his masters, so he was probably trying to find a place where he could work to get the needed experience. At least that was his plan when they were still dating.
Sighing, he put his phone to charge and went for the bathroom. Thinking about Taehyung didn’t hurt at this point, but there was an empty hole in his heart that always pulsed whenever Jeongguk wondered about his ex-boyfriend and how he was doing, yet he didn’t gather up the courage to message him, mostly because he didn’t think the older would have time for him anyway.
The shower was indeed relaxing, so he allowed himself to stay under the falling drops for a little longer than usual. The cool water sliding down his chest made him less sleepy which gave him a little hope of maybe being able to watch a movie or play some games before going to sleep, but as soon as he stepped out he was hit with the initial exhaustion again.
He washed his face and brushed his teeth, feeling defeated and convinced that it was better for him to go straight to bed if he wanted to be fresh for the next day. He knew he should eat something, but he wasn’t really hungry and didn’t want to risk throwing up again the next day, so he decided against it.
“Jeonggukie come sit with me, will you?” Yoongi asked nicely when the younger exited the bathroom.
“I was going to sleep,” he said but joined the older on their pink couch anyway. Yoongi gave him a surprised look, raising his eyebrows and checking the time on his laptop all within a couple of seconds. It was barely seven in the evening which was why the older was so shocked about his statement since both of them were used to going to sleep late.
Jeongguk eyed the stack of books on the floor and considered studying at least for a bit. He would get enough sleep even if he went to bed in a couple of hours and he wouldn’t feel guilty about not giving it a try at least.
“Okay, so that excludes these two,” Yoongi said, holding a paper with a long list of things Jeongguk couldn’t read from where he was seated. The older scratched a few words and rested the end of his pen against his lower lip as he scanned the rest of the list. “You don’t have fever do you?”
The scratching sound returned as Yoongi got rid of a few other things on his paper. Jeongguk was confused as to why the older had such a list to begin with or why he was working on that while he could be studying or doing his assignments instead. He watched him close several tabs on his browser, not having enough time to read the titles of the articles he had opened, so he just waited for him to say something else.
“Have you been drinking alcohol lately?” The older asked without sparing him a glance for his eyes were focused on the laptop screen as he scrolled down an article. “You haven’t been sexually active lately, have you? It’s a no for this too then,” he continued his research on his own, not giving Jeongguk a chance to reply.
“What are you doing?” Jeongguk asked his older brother after a moment of silence and a few questions that Yoongi seemed to answer for himself even though they were directed at him. The concentration on the older’s face made him a little concerned. He wanted to know what was going on, so he nudged him to get his attention, repeating his question.
“I did a small research about vomiting and there are so many things that could be causing it,” Yoongi explained as if it was the most obvious answer.
“Oh my god, you are not giving me a Google diagnosis Yoongi!” Jeongguk jolted up, looking down at his brother who held his paper protectively as if he was scared the younger would tear it into pieces. “You write you stopped breathing for three seconds and it says you have lung cancer or asthma,” he complained, knowing how misleading internet diagnosis was and all it did was bringing anxiety to people.
Turning on his heels, Jeongguk made his way towards his bedroom. “Just hear me out,” Yoongi came padding, his slippers covering only his toes for he had no time to put them on properly, wanting to reach Jeongguk before he could lock him out of the room.
The younger got under his covers and turned off the lamp on his nightstand, frowning when he felt his brother trying to slide beside him, fumbling around for his hand that Jeongguk tried to hide from him, but failing miserably.
“I know that you probably don’t have a concussion or a brain tumor or-“
“See? This is what I’m talking about,” Jeongguk sat up and looked at his brother with a frown. Shaking his head, Yoongi pulled him back down and ran his fingers through his still wet hair. “I’m fine, it’s just stress. Please don’t worry about me.”
“Of course I will worry about you, silly,” the older scoffed and wrapped his arm around Jeongguk’s waist, snuggling closer to him as if he was the one who needed to be comforted. “If you throw up again in the morning I’ll take you to a doctor okay? I don’t have classes tomorrow either, so it’s okay,” he suggested.
Jeongguk wanted to fight back, to tell him he didn’t need to see a doctor, but he knew Yoongi wouldn’t leave him alone unless he made that promise. He was feeling normal, so he thought maybe he wouldn’t feel sick again which was exactly why he nodded, feeling positive that his nausea period was over.
Yoongi didn’t leave after they made a deal. He stayed so they could talk about their day and just rest together. They’d always talk after they returned home, so Jeongguk wasn’t annoyed or surprised. They had a close relationship and they both cared about each other, so it was only natural for them to be curious about what happened while they weren’t together.
“Jimin and Hobi argued about who was gonna pay for my lunch again,” Jeongguk said with a chuckle, making his brother groan in annoyance because he heard the same story at least every two weeks.
“Those two idiots never learn,” he replied after they were done laughing about the situation Jeongguk described.
“You’re just jealous because nobody likes you.” Jeongguk loved teasing his brother, loved making him annoyed because he thought frustrated Yoongi was adorable. He’d always frown and pout which he thought was supposed to be an angry look while it was just endearing and Jeongguk teased him about that as well.
After a few more minutes, Yoongi finally got up, pulling the duvet up to Jeongguk’s chin before leaving a kiss on his forehead. “If you feel bad during the night or in the morning let me know. Now get some sleep kid, you had a long day,” he said and left before Jeongguk could complain about the way he called him.
“Sweet dreams gramps!” Jeongguk couldn’t help himself. He had to have the last word, no matter what situation. He was very stubborn and competitive which often got him into troubles. Either way, the proud feeling of winning the small exchange lulled him to sleep almost immediately.
He had no idea how the next morning would be like, he just hoped he wasn’t feeling sick because he knew he wouldn’t be able to back off from the promise he made with his brother. He hoped for a peaceful night and, most importantly, an unproblematic morning.
Luck wasn’t on Jeongguk’s side the next day either. He woke up around five in the morning and bolted into the bathroom, dropping himself by the toilet to throw up. The fact that he had no dinner made it more difficult for him because having nothing to exclude from his body made it quite painful and twice more uncomfortable.
It was still very early and Jeongguk didn’t want to wake his brother, so he did his best to mute the sounds, but it wasn’t easy since the whole apartment complex was embraced by dead silence. It wasn’t like he spent a minute on the floor either. It was a never-ending moment of nausea with no relief, so it was just a matter of time before Yoongi appeared.
His throat stung at some point when he became a sobbing mess. He held his temples with his fingers while his elbows rested on the toilet seat. It was frustrating. It was the forth day in a row that his sleep was interrupted by nausea and he had no idea why it was happening in the first place which was the most annoying part about it.
A few minutes later he heard a clicking sound of a door being opened which meant Yoongi had woken up. Jeongguk’s already accepted the fact that it was probably needed for him to visit a doctor because throwing up every morning wasn’t okay, especially since nothing about his routine that could affect it changed.
Soon after, Yoongi opened the bathroom door and leaned against the frame as he looked at his little brother with pity and concern. “Oh my poor thing,” he said as he crouched next to Jeongguk, rubbing his back gently. Just the older’s presence made the younger feel much better, not physically, but mentally for sure.
The soothing touch from Yoongi made him a lot calmer, so he closed his eyes and just took deep breaths. The fact that the older didn’t say anything and simply gave him comfort made him grateful because he couldn’t deal with conversations just yet. He was becoming sleepy again, so he laid his head against his arm, hoping to get better.
“Let’s get you to bed, so you can rest more. Can you manage that?” Yoongi asked quietly, his fingers brushing the younger’s hair as he watched his small exhales. The boy only managed to nod and let his brother help him up.
Jeongguk washed himself up quickly, so he was more comfortable once he was back inside his bed, trying to fall asleep. “I’m sorry for waking you up, you should go back to sleep,” he mumbled for his brother who was sitting on the edge of his bed, watching over him.
“I will, but I want to wait until you’re asleep to know you’re okay,” Yoongi whispered once he kissed the boy’s temple. He continued brushing his hair, knowing it helped Jeongguk fall asleep.
The honey and milk scent his brother had was so pleasant even though he could barely feel it. It was sweet but not too much and that was something Jeongguk appreciated. He loved the fact that he couldn’t properly feel other omega’s scent because the faint feeling was better than some of the strong alpha scents.
It was enough for him to doze off for a few more hours, feeling relieved that he no longer felt nausea, sleep completely blocking every feeling. It was a huge relief for the time being. That was the most magical thing about sleep. It completely consumed your worries and feelings for several hours.
Jeongguk always preferred crying himself to sleep over getting drunk to forget whatever bothered him. That way he never felt bad in the morning and still got his fair share of peace. He also thought it was economically more beneficial since sleeping was absolutely free unlike alcohol.
After what felt like just a few minutes, Jeongguk felt himself being gently nudged awake. He pushed his brother away because he wanted to sleep more and the older wasn’t letting him which was quite upsetting since Yoongi knew he hadn’t been feeling well earlier.
“I know you want to sleep little one, but we have to go to the doctor,” Yoongi said gently as he caressed the younger’s cheek even though Jeongguk tried to hide under his blanket. “It’s almost half past eight, so you need to get ready. I’ll go make some breakfast,” he said and pulled the blanket off the boy to make him get up.
Thankfully the nausea was gone so functioning wasn’t as difficult and Jeongguk managed to take a shower. He dressed up quickly, so he could join his brother at the kitchen counter since they had no room for a dining table.
Jeongguk stared at the omelet, contemplating whether it was a good idea to eat the eggs or not. He was worried he’d feel sick again, but his brother’s cooking was his favorite and he couldn’t resist it even if he tried, so they sat on the tall stools by the counter and listened to the radio while sharing a few words here and there.
“Don’t worry about the dishes just go grab everything you need so we can go,” Yoongi ruffled the younger’s hair as he took the plates and went over to the sink to wash them quickly. Jeongguk thanked him and returned to his room just for a couple of minutes to take the things he thought he’d need.
The moment they stepped out of the apartment, he considered turning back and running back to his bed because he was becoming anxious. He started overthinking, coming up with different possible outcomes or what the doctor could possibly tell him.
The worst part about it was that they had to take a bus and a subway to get there. The general practitioner they both had recently moved their office almost to the other side of the town which was annoying, especially now that Jeongguk couldn’t deal with public transport easily.
When Jeongguk thought it couldn’t get any worse, they entered the waiting room that was completely full of people. There was nowhere for them to sit, so they had to stand in one of the corners by a huge green plant. The air was heavy in the small area which only added to the discomfort.
“We’re going to spend hours here. Maybe we should just leave,” Jeongguk suggested, thinking that was a valid reason for them to go back home. It was almost ten in the morning and there were about six people in front of them if not more. “We can come back tomorrow.”
“No, we’re staying. It’ll be the same thing tomorrow,” Yoongi explained and unzipped the younger’s jacket because it was getting warm and they weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Jeongguk wasn’t surprised, but he was surely disappointed. He already imagined himself dragging his brother to a grocery store down their street to get some banana milk, but sadly, that had to wait for a few more hours.
The nurse came out to gather the cards, so she could prepare their folders in advance to make it faster once the patients were inside. Jeongguk, being close to the door, managed to give her his card even before some people who’d been there when they arrived, so he hoped maybe he could jump the queue a little.
The waiting was annoying. Each patient took at least fifteen minutes to be done with their examination, not to mention all the people who knocked on the door and were left inside for whatever reason. Sighing, Jeongguk laid his head on his brother’s shoulder when he felt his sickness return.
Occasional coughs or sneezes interrupted the silence inside the room, people whispering to each other because they didn’t want to disturb others. There was an elder lady sitting next to them, blowing her nose every few minutes which was driving Jeongguk crazy at that point. According to his calculation, she was up next and he couldn’t wait for her to leave the room.
When her name was finally called, he felt relief wash over his face. It wasn’t like he minded the kind looking lady, he just disliked being in a sick environment. The last thing he needed was to catch a cold. He couldn’t afford to be sick in the exam period.
“Come sit down,” Yoongi guided him towards the empty seat before anyone else could occupy it. He wasn’t that fond of sitting on the same place because he was worried of getting sick, but having spent an hour on his feet, he listened to his brother and sat down, leaning his head against the wall behind him.
Yoongi passed him a bottle of water he’d packed, saying he looked pale and Jeongguk didn’t even need to see himself to believe him. Another reason why he hated visiting doctors was that it always took at least an hour before he could finally leave and in the meantime he became sick.
Another person down and Yoongi sat next to him, letting him lay on his shoulder again. “How many are left? I want to go home already,” the younger asked, keeping his eyes closed because it helped him control his dizziness and nausea.
“Well I don’t know the card order, but there are about four people who’d been here before we arrived,” he whispered as if he was afraid they’d hear him and see through their plan of ‘accidentally’ jumping the queue.
The nurse came two more times before she finally called his name, so he forced himself to get up and left his brother in the waiting room, putting his jacket on the older’s lap. The doctor’s office was in another room, separated from where the nurses sat. It was quite spacious, there were two tables and many drawers all around the room where they kept all the folders.
Before he could look around a bit more, he got his folder and was guided towards the room on the other side. The nurse announced him and after that he could finally enter to meet the doctor. They greeted each other politely before he was asked to sit down on a chair next to the lady’s desk.
The room was neat and Jeongguk didn’t feel sterile unlike the previous one. There was an examination bed next to the desk and a few glass cases with what Jeongguk guessed were some tools that were used for examinations, but otherwise the room was quite minimalistic.
“So, would you mind telling me about why you’re here today?” The doctor finally turned in her chair towards him. Her warm smile made him feel a little calmer even though he didn’t know her as well because he always chose not to come if he was sick, so the last time he saw her was basically the first time he came to sign up.
“Sure,” he started hesitantly. “I’ve been throwing up in the morning for the last week and a half. It started on Monday last week,” he said briefly, hoping the lady would ask him if there was anything else she needed to know.
She returned back to her computer and started typing something. The clicking sound of the keyboard made Jeongguk nervous, but he didn’t say or ask anything until he was addressed to. “Is there anything else that changed with it? Have you been feeling exhausted or did you have any fever at all?” She asked, her fingers still on the keyboard.
“Yes, ugh, I’ve been quite tired and stressed lately. I haven’t been eating as much because of the nausea, but apart from that nothing changed. I didn’t have any fever, I don’t have a runny nosy and I don’t cough either,” he summed up for her. He didn’t want her to ask every detail, so he tried his best to give her most of the answer in one. He just hoped she’d prescribe something for him and send him home.
“Alright, can you lay down over here?” She asked, patting the examination table beside her.
For a second Jeongguk considered telling her it wasn’t necessary, but that wouldn’t be very mature or him, so he nodded and moved over to the other side of the desk where he took off his shoes before he got on the bed and waited for the doctor to finish writing his symptoms.
He felt awkward while he waited, not knowing what to do with his hands or where to look, so he just stared at the white ceiling and thought about what was going to happen next. He’d never had stomach problems, so he had no idea what to expect.
“I’m gonna ask you to roll your shirt up so I can feel your tummy,” she said and finally approached him. Jeongguk did as he was told, feeling a little nervous. “Tell me if you’re hurting somewhere,” she said as she touched different spots on his belly.
It wasn’t uncomfortable, but Jeongguk wanted to be over already. He didn’t like when strangers touched him even though he knew it was strictly medical. Neither of the areas she touched hurt and he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
“I don’t feel anything out of ordinary. When was the last time you had an intercourse?” She asked once she returned to the desk.
Jeongguk stayed seated on the table, his hands resting on his lap as he looked at her in question. “Like a month and a half ago. I think?” He answered, not sure of the fact himself. He knew it was when he was still with Taehyung, so he figured it was around the time they broke up.
“And when was your last heat?”
Jeongguk’s lips parted as he felt tension forming in the pit of his stomach for he figured where the doctor was going with that. He gulped thickly and explained the irregularity of his cycle as well as the fact that he still hasn’t visited the family care specialist.
She wasn’t very happy with the answer which Jeongguk read from the judging look she gave him, but that was the last thing that bothered him at that moment. She hasn’t explained why she asked those questions just yet and Jeongguk only hoped it wasn’t what he had in his mind because the thought on its own was scary.
“I’m going to give you an examination request in a family care clinic. You can sign up there or you can choose a different doctor later, but for now I’d like them to do pregnancy tests for you,”she said and Jeongguk’s heart dropped.
He didn’t once consider he could be pregnant. He started digging in his memories to see if there was a moment where he and Taehyung could have messed up. That was when it hit him. A few weeks before they broke-up he ran out of birth control pills and was too scared to ask Yoongi for new because he knew they’d give him a talk again. However, he didn’t even remember if he had sex with Taehyung afterwards, but the possibility was there.
Maybe it was panic that made him believe that was it. He was becoming paranoid and couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of him being pregnant. That was not how he wanted his life to go at all. The worst part was that Taehyung was no longer with him, so he couldn’t even imagine how he would take care of a child on his own.
“Jeongguk? Are you feeling sick again?” The doctor asked him and helped him lay down again. She took a barometer to measure his blood pressure as he tried to stay calm and not overreact when nothing was confirmed just yet.
“I-It’s just- I didn’t even consider that. I’m too young to be pregnant!” he explained, burying his face into his palms as soon as the tool was off his arm. He had no idea what to do or how to explain the situation to Yoongi or his parents.
The lady smiled at him again once he sat up and put on his shoes, placing her palm on his shoulder. “Don’t stress yourself. I just want to exclude that option before we can look into more detailed examinations, so do go there today and come back tomorrow in case they exclude pregnancy, okay?”
“T-today? I have to go there now?” Jeongguk asked, his heart beating fast.
On one hand, he felt a little relieved when the doctor said that she just wanted to exclude the possibility of him being pregnant as if it was just the first step to his diagnosis. Maybe there wasn’t anything to be worried about. On the other hand, he was nervous because he finally had to see the family care doctor, but figured the day was to come at some point, so he took all the papers he received, thanked the doctor and the nurses and left.
“I’ll call to work and tell them I can’t come. I’m not gonna leave you hanging, I know you are terrified to go there,” Yoongi said once they were out of the building, walking towards the bus stop Jeongguk needed.
It was past noon and Yoongi had work in a couple of hours, so there was no way he could go with Jeongguk if he didn’t want to be late. There was no way he could allow the older to get a day off on such a short notice because the job he got was important and barely a month passed since he started working there.
Yoongi was lucky to be working for an IT company despite not having his master’s degree which was why he couldn’t just call his boss to announce he had to go with his brother to a doctor, not to mention said brother was twenty years old and capable of taking care of himself.
“I’m not terrified, I’m just uncomfortable and that’s different,” Jeongguk corrected him. “I’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not like you’d go in with me and as much as I love your emotional support, I can manage to sit in the waiting room on my own,” he tried to convince his brother there was nothing to be worried about and that he could go to work peacefully.
Jeongguk considered not telling Yoongi about the possibility of him being pregnant. In fact, he did sugarcoat the truth and said that the doctor only wanted to be sure he wasn’t with child before she would do some other tests. He also told him it was unlikely anyway which Yoongi bought without a moment of hesitation since he thought his younger brother stopped taking the birth control only after he broke up with Taehyung.
He did his best to hide his fear, mostly trying to convince himself that everything was going to be alright because he knew that was the only way Yoongi wouldn’t notice something was off with him. “Let me take you there at least. I’ll take a bus home from there,” the older insisted, his eyes looking directly into Jeongguk’s soul.
“Alright,” Jeongguk agreed simply because he didn’t want his brother to be suspicious of him. They took the bus and twenty minutes later they were standing in front of a white building with a huge neon blue ‘Family Planning Clinic” sign written in cursive.
There was a beautiful yard in front of it with several benches surrounded by trees and flowerbeds. It almost looked like a park where the guests waited with children while their parent was inside. There was a small sandpit and a couple of swings which made Jeongguk feel a bit weird for he couldn’t imagine himself as one of those people who were looking after the children.
“Before you go,” he turned his attention back to his older brother. “What exactly happens during such an examination. What did they do when you went there for the first time?” He felt a little embarrassed to ask Yoongi about it, but he needed to know what he was getting into unless he wanted to have a mental breakdown in the waiting room.
Of course he was aware of certain things because of Taehyung who would often tell him what he studied about, but he never really mentioned the process despite telling him it was nothing and that he shouldn’t be afraid of going. But Jeongguk didn’t trust doctors and Taehyung was one.
“Well, I assume they’ll take your samples since you’re doing a pregnancy test. Other than that they’ll check your womb to see if everything is okay,” the older said with no hesitation.
“They’ll check my w-womb? As in-“
Yoongi giggled at his brother’s red cheeks and pulled him into a firm hug. “I promise it’s fine. It’s a little uncomfortable, obviously, but it doesn’t hurt at all,” he reassured him before he grabbed both of his shoulders to look at him with pride in his eyes.
The words only made Jeongguk more nervous. He definitely didn’t want anyone looking at his private parts. “I think I will sing up here. I don’t want to go through this more than once,” he said.
It made sense in his head. The clinic seemed to be one of the best according to the review Yoongi searched up on their way and it was new, so not many patients were singed up. He figured if he decided against the registration he would have to do the same thing at a different doctor and that wasn’t something he wanted to do.
“You’ll have to do it every year, silly,” the older was endeared by his brother’s behavior. It made him show his gummy smile and Jeongguk could do with that. He loved seeing him smile, so he wasn’t even going to complain about being teased.
Jeongguk waited with Yoongi for his bus which was supposed to come shortly. He didn’t want the older to leave him, but there was no other way. Maybe he was being dramatic for no reason. Maybe the examination was just a piece of cake and would scold himself for not doing it earlier. Or maybe it was going to traumatize him. He didn’t know.
“I’ll text you once I’m done and you can check it whenever you have a break okay?” Jeongguk promised when he noticed the older was still a little worried. He knew Yoongi wouldn’t be calm until he heard from him, so he made a promise to reassure him he would let him know how it went.
The bus arrived in the meantime, so the brothers shared another quick hug, the younger receiving his forehead kiss before Yoongi waved him goodbye, wishing him good luck which Jeongguk knew he would need. He watched the bus leave before he took a deep breath and turned back towards the building.
The clinic seemed to have different sections. There was a huge reception with a lounge area that was currently empty since it was quite pretty outside unlike the previous days. There was a guide of sorts on the wall by the counter with a couple of young ladies working and helping people around.
Jeongguk studied the board and figured it was like a small hospital, only it was specialized just for family planning. He didn’t really know where to go despite staring at the guide for a few minutes, so he shyly approached the counter, greeting one of the girls.
“Hello, how may I help you? I saw you looking at the board, didn’t find what you were looking for?” She giggled as she organized a few papers while she waited for Jeongguk to tell her the purpose of his visit.
He wasn’t sure how to tell her about it or what exactly she needed to know. He definitely didn’t want to tell her he was there for pregnancy tests because it would make him even more embarrassed than he’d already been. “I, ugh, I came to sign up? I’d like to sign up, yes,” he said, making the girl laugh fondly.
Another man approached the counter and asked the other receptionist something Jeongguk didn’t hear. He saw him nod and leave which made him realize he was making a fool of himself for no reason. There was nothing to be embarrassed. It was normal for him to be there.
“Alright, so you have to go to the end of the hallway and to the right. There’s a waiting room, so just wait until a nurse comes out and then she’ll tell you what to do,” the girl smiled at him and motioned with her hands as she showed him the directions.
He thanked her and followed her instructions, passing by a buffet of sorts that was filled with visitors, as well as doctors. A few moments later he was in the waiting room which, to his surprise, was empty.
The fact that he was alone made him more anxious for some reason. He couldn’t even sit down, so he paced the room instead. At that point, he wasn’t sure what scared him the most; the examination or the results.
When nobody was coming out even after a few minutes he considered knocking, but he knew the nurses were annoyed when patients did that, so he decided against it and waited for a few more minutes before the door opened. He greeted the woman that left with a kind smile before he heard the nurse asking him to come in.
The nurse office looked a lot more modern and luxurious than the one at his GP. The floor was covered with a grey carpet and the desk was similar to the reception one. There were pictures of babies on the wall as well as some biological posters he tried to avoid looking at.
“You’re new here, aren’t you? Did you come to sing up?” She asked and Jeongguk thank the god that he didn’t have to explain it again.
“I also came for this,” he said and showed her the examination request he’d received to which the lady nodded and asked him to sit down on one of the stools at the desk. Jeongguk noticed the lack of the sterile scent which was unbearable at the previous office and found himself liking the place, feeling satisfied with his decision to make his registration there.
The nurse asked him several questions about his personal information that she needed to create a file for him to officially register him. She seemed to be kind, also sharing small talks with him which helped him calm down in a way.
Once they were done with the questioning, she gave him the folder, told him to take it with him and give it to the doctor. She also asked him to drop his jacket and his bag in corner with a couch and hangers while she called the doctor to ask him if she could send him a new patient.
“Don’t worry, our doctor is a sweet young man. He’d just started working on his attestation, so he still has a long way to go, but he’s a professional I can tell you that,” she said when she noticed Jeongguk’s worried expression now that he was just a few minutes away from meeting said doctor.
He wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved that the doctor was young because he thought that would make him even more embarrassed. He had no idea how to picture the man, but he figured he’d find out very soon.
“That’s great,” he chuckled awkwardly.
The nurse giggled and told him she’d take his samples after the examination before she asked him to take off his shoes and proceed towards the leather door on the left side of the room. All the relief he felt when he talked to her was gone and replaced by his initial anxiety and fear.
Hearing he buzzing sound, he opened the door and entered the doctor’s office. Just like the previous room, it was modern even though he couldn’t see much for all the equipment hid behind the curtains. He was too distracted by admiring the interior to notice the man who finally appeared from the other side of the room. That was until he heard the familiar voice he hasn’t heard in six weeks which immediately quickened the pace of his heart.