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Happy Valentine's, Lupin

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Valentine’s Day.


It was a day that meant a lot of things to a lot of people. For some, it was a holiday made to celebrate friends and loved ones for sticking by them long as they’d known each other. For others it was a greedy, capitalist wolf that bared its teeth at you whispering how guilty you must feel to not buy that card or those chocolates or another dozen roses just to be sure the point stuck. Lupin the third’s definition of it was a lot simpler than either of those:


He just wanted to fuck.


Lupin was horny just about year round, but Valentine's Day was an epicenter of that: a holiday that was just as important on his calendar as Christmas was to most folks, as evidenced by the gigantic heart he’d scrawled around the date on his calendar in a bright pink highlighter that made you wince to look at. The master thief could easily get laid any day of the week if he wanted to, by fangirls or fanboys or anyone in between who wanted a piece off of all the treasures he’d stolen. But he only had eyes for one girl in particular.


“Fujicakes, cmon, you can’t be serious!”


Looks like it was gonna be a blue Valentine’s this year.


“I am serious, Lupin!” Fujiko Mine stamped her heel and glared at Lupin, “I’m not just some hussy you can cling to when you get sick of the wife! And you know that's how the media would love it if they saw us together.”


“I can take the ring off!! Rebecca and I aren’t even together anymore! I barely see the woman!”


“Big talk for someone who hasn’t even nullified the marriage with a proper divorce!” She slung her handbag over her shoulder with a huff, “Anybody could look up those papers and suddenly all the headlines would be about me sleeping around with married men.” She turned her head, “Besides, maybe for once I’d like a Valentine’s where I didn’t end up in your bed.”


“B-but you love my bed!” He sidles up to her, hand slipping around his waist, “C’mon I doubt any other guys could even compare on a night like tonight-”


The smack to the face hit him hard and hung him to dry on the coat rack, the door slamming a minute later, just in time for Lupin to let out a soft whine and paw at the door without her hearing. “Fujikooooo…”


“HAH! She’s fired up this year!” With a soft huff, Lupin turned to glare at the demon who had to consistently rain on his parade, alongside his cohort, the world’s poutiest sword. “Here I thought she was cool with you getting married, Lupin!”


“The fires of love can burn hottest when left unchecked.” Goemon cracked open an eye from his meditative pose, a hum coming from him, “Perhaps you should have tended to your fire more carefully.”


“Would you two shut up???” Lupin crossed his arms and leaned back, sliding down on the door till he was sitting with his knees folded up to his chest, “Honestly, having to bring up Rebecca like that...she probably just found some rich old guy who was willing to spend a fortune today.” He shot up and kicked at the door, “You hear me you Harpy??? I hope that chocolate and champagne goes right to your thighs!!!”


Jigen leaned further back, lounging in a chair at the kitchen table, two of the legs high up in the air as he settled his feet on the table, “So Fujiko didn’t want to sleep with you this year-not like there aren’t a hundred other gals you couldn’t go on a date with.” He grabbed a less-bent cigarette from the ashtray to pop in his mouth, “Just go have fun with one of them.”


Lupin whipped around, “It’s the principle of the matter!” He tapped on the calendar as he passed, “It’s the one day of the year Fujiko sets aside for me and she chooses instead to go spend it with some other random guy!” He was growling in frustration as he walked, letting it naturally peter off into a whine as he grabbed the first wine bottle out of the holder to start uncorking, “This is the worst Valentine’s day ever…” He groaned and flopped face-first on the kitchen table.


Jigen shared a glance with Goemon, leaning over to pat the thief’s shoulders with a smile, “Listen, if it makes you feel any better, Goemon and I’ll share a couple drinks with you. Drinking alone on Valentine’s is a lot sadder than drinking with friends, ain’t it?”
Lupin looked up from his arms with that dour, pouty expression, finishing pulling on the cork so the wine could breathe, feeling it slip out with an audible ‘pop!’ “...Guess you...sorta got a point…” Plus, they’d be able to keep him from drinking to the point of getting hungover (though knowing Jigen he’d probably encourage it just to watch him regret it come morning.)


“Attaboy. Goemon, get us some glasses, would ya?”


“You have working legs, do you not?”


Jigen glanced to the table, then back at Goemon, staring him down as he slowly tipped the chair back till he fell flat on his back, voice a deadpan, “Oh no I injured myself whatever will I do now…”


Goemon opened his eyes, giving a glare that could freeze lava, before hopping up to grab them three wine glasses, alongside some powerful-smelling cheese from the fridge, honey, and the remains of a crusty baguette Lupin got for breakfast, Lupin pouring them each a glass and holding it up, “To all the lonely hearts out there.”


“Here here!”






They all took a swig at the same time. The wine was a dryer variety, an earlier vintage with hints of orange blossom and pine from the cask used. An average variety, but it did its job, Lupin already feeling warmth in his cheeks by the time he’d set the glass down and poured himself another, taking slower sips of the second this time around.


“Mm…” Jigen held up the glass, looking it over, “Got a nice...grapey flavor.”


Lupin snorted, “I need to take you to some wine tastings, partner. You can’t call every wine ‘grapey’.”


“The hell I can’t. That’s what it’s made of, ain’t it?”


“Well, yeah but you sound like a three year old when you describe it like that.” He holds up the glass, “Sides, don’t you get the notes of almonds in here? That little bit of citrus?”


Jigen took another sip, let it sit in his mouth before swallowing, and lowered his gaze on Lupin, “Mmhm. Definitely grapey.”


Lupin groaned, “Jigen you’re hopeless. Goemon, settle this. You taste those notes, right??”


Goemon took a slow sip, eyes shut for a solid two minutes in concentration, opening them with a serious look on his face, “It tastes like wine.”


“Hah!!! I told you Lupin!” Jigen held the glass aloft and took a sip, reveling in the aghast pout on Lupin’s face.


“It does not taste as good as sake, but for wine it’s acceptable.”


Lupin leaned on his hand, pouting, “Well least you like that much…”


The trio stayed like that for a while, sipping and ribbing on each other, nibbling off the snack tray. Lupin was even starting to feel tipsy by the time he finished his second glass: an unusual feat for only his first bottle...Come to think of it, Jigen and Goemon didn’t look too far behind him.


Jigen was already a lightweight when it came to alcohol, so it wasn’t too shocking to see his face flushed, fidgeting with his hat and going for the bottle to get his refill. He looked...kinda antsy though, drumming his fingertips on the table and avoiding looking at either him or Goemon. What was a surprise was Goemon though. The man was capable of getting drunk but usually off of stronger stuff. Wine didn’t get to him, at least not enough for him to slouch slightly, part of his sleeve beginning to slip off his shoulder, with a sort of unfocused look in his eyes he was trying very hard to will away.


As Lupin blinked and took a look at the label, trying to remember if he knew anything about the year it was made through the fog beginning to settle on his mind, when he noticed the label had begun to peel. Didn’t look like it’d been put on very strong honestly. Peeling it back, his eyes widened. And as often with Lupin, coincidence had chosen now of all times to hit its hardest, with a sudden need to cross his legs and let out a nervous laugh as he glanced at his cohorts. “Ahah...hahah...Uh...okay, guys, don’t get mad.”


Jigen was already glaring, “Oh fuck off with that. You did something to the wine, didn’t you?” He seemed kinda...out of breath? Panting softly as his fingers drummed away, his face now sporting a healthy flush to it.


“N-not intentionally! I swear!”


“Dammit Lu, you fucking prick, should’ve known you’d pull this kinda stunt-wasn’t bad enough you got rejected, you had to-”


“Jigen, cmon! I drank it too, remember?? Why would I do it if I knew-”


It was at that moment Goemon stood up suddenly, gaze sharp enough to cut glass as he narrowed in on the two of them, “Are you two going to stand and bicker all night or is one of you going to come fuck me???” He seemed just as shocked about what he was saying as they did, clapping both hands over his mouth with wide eyes and a face approaching chili pepper levels of red.


Lupin glanced to Jigen. Jigen started back, mouth set in a firm line, face still red. “...I did say it was better not to be alone-”


“Yeah! Yeah, I know what I said…” Jigen crossed one leg over the other, drumming his foot against the edge of the table, glancing away from them, “...Can’t even remember the last time we...all three of us, yknow…?”


Lupin gave a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck, “Not since I got married, I don’t’s been kinda uh...busy…” He looked over Jigen again, licking his lips, then to Goemon who was constantly looking between the two of them, hands still on his mouth. The silence lingered over the dining room for a long while, the three of them waiting for one of them to make the first move.


Before with a final huff of indignation, Jigen promptly stood up, walked around the table, and yanked Lupin in by the tie to kiss him deep, ignoring the strangled noise Lupin made till the man relaxed, hand coming up to run through Jigen’s hair, tilting back on his chair to give the man some room.


Jigen coaxed him to stand, the chair clattering to the floor as the men kissed like their lives depended on it, Lupin breaking off seconds at a time to get in air before diving in again. His nimble fingers traveled down to the front of Jigen’s pants, already feeling his generous shaft pressing hard to the front of his slacks, straining the custom fit. And he could quickly feel another press up against the back of his leg when Goemon lunged in, biting and kissing over the back of Lupin’s neck and his shoulders when Jigen had torn the tie off, his shirt and jacket starting to get pulled to the wayside as the two men ravished him.


Lupin bit his lip with a shiver and a whine, grinding his legs together, each little hickey and bite to his shoulders and collarbone sending throbs of need down to pool in his belly and come to a halt at his groin, making his knees threaten to buckle on him. Goemon seemed to pick up on it, his arms wrapping tight around Lupin’s middle to hold him steady while he sank his teeth into his neck, grinning at the moan this got Lupin to make.


“Haaahnh...J-Jigen, you got protection, r-right?”


Jigen huffed against his cheek, his hands grabbing hold of Lupin’s ass while Goemon worked on the man’s belt, “If I don’t, you sure as hell do, right? Probably got a whole album of condoms at this point…” He held up his hand, catching the one that was thrown his way by the samurai, smirking Lupin’s way, “See?”


Lupin didn’t even get the chance to respond before he was wrapped up in another deep kiss. He could feel the gunman’s callused fingers over his hips as his pants slid off, feeling his boxers follow them. Lupin was already soaked, Jigen’s fingers feeling like the exact thing he needed as he leaned his head into the crook of his neck, setting to work giving some hickeys of his own and tearing off Jigen’s clothes. Goemon’s hakama fell away easily as he embraced Lupin’s back, starting to grind against him with vigor, clearly needy judging by the soft noises and pants he’d begun to make.


“W-wait, wait!” Lupin managed to bat them off, looking between them, “W-we’d be better off doing this in bed, right?”


Jigen reached up, hand clasping around Lupin’s hair, grinning at the pained little whine this got him, “Eh, we’ll make our way there. I don’t mind standing. You, Goemon?”


Goemon nuzzled the back of Lupin’s head, “I have trained for more strenuous activities while standing. This is nothing.”


“Well I don’t wanna be on my feet the whole-W-whoa!” Lupin ended up curling his legs around Jigen as he got picked up, his hands on his ass helping to spread him for Goemon. The grin on the gunman’s face was easy enough for Lupin to read: Don’t care how you feel, sex now.


And Lupin might’ve complained, if it wasn’t for Goemon and Jigen entering at the same time, Goemon cutting him off by leaning around to get some kisses of his own. Lupin barely had to do anything. Their hands holding him upright, thrusting him up and down, up and down, leaving enough bites and bruises that someone might think Lupin got into a fight somewhere with a bunch of leeches. The wine made each push inside him feel like absolute heaven, body feeling like it’d been set on fire. Which, thankfully, was a lot less painful then the actual setting on fire thing had been.


It must’ve felt good for Jigen and Goemon too, cause Jigen leaned back to grab the bottle and chug right from it, offering it around as he picked up the speed of his thrusts, his nails digging into Lupin’s ass and leaving thin cuts in their wake. Goemon had gotten into a pattern of nearly burying himself in to the hilt, pulling almost entirely out before thrusting in again, a move which made Lupin see starts and feel very thankful these two had him off his feet…


Goemon was the first to go, with a sudden scream that nearly scared the piss out of his two partners, sagging his face against Lupin’s shoulder after. Lupin patted his face, “H-hey, don’t drop me, oka-AAH! Ahhn! Ahhhn, Jigen, right there! Right there!” He tilted his head back on Goemon as he came with a few more sharp cries, Jigen twitching and gritting his teeth together, thrusting in hard as he hit his peak, the trio left panting for air, Lupin with a slow exhale as he laughed, looking to the two of them. “T-that wasn’t so bad, right Jige-chan, Goe-chan?”




Lupin swallowed, looking between them both, “” They were still holding onto him, Jigen leaning over now so his chin was on Lupin’s other shoulder, beard tickling his neck, “Whatcha think, Goemon? Think the boss has had enough yet?”


There was a pause, Goemon giving a hum, his grip growing firm on Lupin’s middle, “Absolutely not.”


“H-huh?! Uh, guys, hold up-”


“C’mon Lupin, it’s Valentine’s.” Jigen grinned up at him like a devil, “Don’t tell me the big, bad master thief is fine with just one orgasm, right?” Lupin stiffened, swallowing-both at the tone and the way he clenched and throbbed below, Jigen casting that grin over to his samurai partner in crime, “Wanna set a new record?”


“Depends... if you can keep up with me of course.” Goemon smiled back with a glint in his eyes that got Lupin sweating further. And before he could get in another word edgewise, they got right back into it and the thought was fucked out of his head. And it happened again and again: On the counters, the couch, the closet, the shower, and finally the bed. About seven times on the bed come to think of it.


Which was a good thing cause by the time the wine was wearing off Lupin was feeling like he would not be leaving this bed for approximately the next day or two, pulsing with the afterglow of the last three or so orgasms with the stupidest grin plastered on his face, gratefully taking a cigarette from Jigen when it’s offered and letting him light it for him. “S-so much for...being alone on Valentine’s, eh?”


Jigen breathed in, letting out the smoke in a slow stream, leaning over to light Goemon’s more traditional pipe for him, “Gotta admit: wasn’t half bad at all. Good wine choice.”


Goemon gave a slight nod, leaned back on the pillows at Lupin’s other side, letting the smoke wist from his nose like a fine mist, “I really enjoyed the pine undertone myself.”


“Yeah...that was pretty-...” Lupin slowly looked over at Goemon, “You son of a bitch you COULD taste the undertones!”


Jigen leaned back with that high-pitched cackle of his, hand clapped over his face, leaning over to get his hat off the lamp and plant it on his head, lounging into a heavy lean on Lupin, “I still say it just tastes grapey to me!”


Goemon didn’t laugh, but he did give that know-it-all little smirk that had a real way of pissing Lupin off. Lupin pointed between the both of them, “You two are so lucky I can’t sit up to kick your asses!”


“Pfft, like you could take us both.” Jigen’s grin grew, “Oh, wait-”


Lupin narrowed his eyes, “Jigen don’t you fucking dare-”


“You did.”


Lupin glared as Jigen laughed, and this time Goemon joined in with him, crossing his arms together before moving them instead to grab one of the pillows and yank it over his face. Maybe if he pulled down hard enough he could smother out the laughter and himself before long. He heard the bed creak beneath him, taking a peek in time to spot Jigen leaning in to kiss his cheek, Goemon moving to do the same with the other, the two of them settling down to sling their arms around him.


“Happy Valentine’s day, Lu.”


“Pleasure with friends is
Better than none at all times...” Goemon blushed, looking off with a small huff, “I can’t think of a last haiku line…”


“I got one.” Lupin kissed them both, settling in to place the pillow over his face. “Go to sleep already.”


Goemon blinked, counting it out on his fingers for a moment, giving a small huff, “You have one syllable too many.” He narrowed his eyes at the hand in his face, “Lupin, flipping me off does not solve this.” He waited a beat, cracking an eye open, “...Lupin?”


The man was out, judging by the snores starting to come from under the pillow. Goemon glanced to Jigen, frowned at the gunman’s casual shrug, and sighed, moving the pillow off and settling in to curl against him, setting his pipe aside. Jigen fiddled with the label on the bottle of wine, peeling it off completely and glancing over the label beneath, blinking at the icon on it. “Lovesick Pig, eh?...might have to see if there’s more of this.”