Chapter 1: IT LURKS
Tom Kaulitz, a dread-headed teen with baggy clothes, walked back to the camping area reluctantly to tell his mother that he and his twin brother had got into yet another fight.
"Tom! There you are! Help Gordon pack up the tents. He's not doing so well." She laughed as she watched her husband struggle with a collapsing green tent.
The boy spared a glance at the humorous display of his father battling a huge camping tent into compliance, and sighed, knowing that he would once more have to ruin a happy family moment.
He hated himself.
"One sec mom. You see, Bill and I kinda got in a fight again, and..." he sighed before finishing, "he kinda ran away."
"Oh god Tom. Not again. What'd you say to him this time?"
Simone's mood immediately soured. Her sons had been fighting for as long as she could remember, and as much as she hoped they could get through one family vacation without trouble, that just didn't seem possible.
"Why's it my fault?! Why are you assuming it was because of me?" The boy’s temper flared.
"Well, if it wasn't then why'd he kinda run away?"
With the one mocking sentence, she’d hit the nail on the head and Tom no longer felt so mighty.
"So maybe it was." He responded lowly as he rubbed his sneaker into the dirt beneath his feet.
"Well, either help Gordon with the tent, help me pack up the plates and barbecue, or go find your brother. I don't care. Even if you don't go after him, he should know to come back pretty soon. We have to leave after all."
She shook her head in disappointment, and continued her chores.
Tom kicked some dirt in frustration.
Anger. Because he got mad at you and ran away.
Fear. That he's in trouble and you'll never see him again.
Temptation. To go after him even if you're mad at him.
Like the flies circling the remains of the apple he threw to the ground yesterday, his mind was plagued by the beast. It had found him long ago and yet he was still trying to escape and refuse the instincts and thoughts it brought.
Today it was worse than most days.
He had told Bill more lies to keep him away.
Having him so close this whole week, next to him in the tent, roasting marshmallows in the same fire, frolicking in the same dirty water, enjoying the same meal with no one other than Simone and Gordon... for most brothers it would have been normal, but for Tom it was like decapitating oneself in an offering to the beast.
He hid his face in his hands, and groaned.
He felt like shit.
Gordon had won his war against the tent, Simone had packed everything in sight, and everything was ready to go in the minivan, but Bill still wasn't back.
Tom watched the flies around the apple core and decided that it was one lie too many.
He couldn't just sit around and wait for him to come back. He wanted to go find Bill. Even if he couldn't explain, Bill at least deserved an apology.
"I'll go look for him," he finally said, "I might know where he is.”
Simone looked impatient, as her son added another bullet to the long list of reasons he felt so guilty.
"Why didn't you do that half an hour ago instead of sitting on the hood of the car? Go find him! Christ. And be fast since it’s pretty much sun-down," she demanded, then set a scowl on her face and pursed her lips.
She watched the teen hang his head and take off down a foot-worn path towards the river.
The path to the river was curvy and precarious, and when he reached the river, he started to walk along the water's edge.
In his current situation he probably should have been walking faster, but his head was bogged down with a lifetime of lies. So many lies, to himself, to his parents and friends, but the ones that by far hurt the most were the ones he told Bill.
He took in a sharp breath and stepped gingerly over a large thorny weed.
This path was straight and peaceful; he knew because he and Bill had taken it many times that week. For just a few hours they had gotten along like brothers should. They walked the path along the river and talked or hung out by two old trees in the distance. Once they even made makeshift fishing rods to catch nothing in the water. Useless as it may be, it was fun, and it was something to do while camping they supposed.
Yesterday he was slipping into the arms of the beast, getting too comfortable.
Today, he had speared the beast. He'd hurt his beloved brother again, pushed him away again.
For some reason this didn't feel like the time he told Bill he'd kissed Anna Parker, or the time he said he was nailing Cindy Chow. There was no pride in revenge this time. This wasn't like the time him and his friends had beat up Bill's best friend for being a fag, or the time he'd mocked Bill's girly pants in front of their whole math class.
He knew he was a pig, a fake, and he denied it with every fiber of his being. His whole image, his friends, all his one-night stands, and all the girls he'd hurt were based on one thing: His identical twin brother Bill.
Fuck. He hated being reminded that they were twins.
Bill was the outcast, he was independent, and witty. He got good grades, was the Student Council president, yet dressed like he was in a rock band; and while he'd gotten beat up several times for not only being gay but a bookworm as well, nothing deterred him. He had lofty goals for his life and his love life --things Tom had none of. Tom (despite being ten minutes older) looked up to him, admired him, and secretly thought he was the most amazing person in the world.
The beast, there it was again.
Shit. Bill was everything, and everything Tom had spent the last ten years trying to destroy in himself and push away.
Ever since Tom learned that boys and girls kiss each other (among other things) for pleasure, he wondered what it would be like to kiss his Bill. Very soon after, he learned that something like that was completely immoral, illegal, wrong, and forbidden. He began a campaign to distance himself from those feelings.
He was failing miserably. His feelings hadn't gone away, they'd only strengthened with time, and after all these years all he had created was an elaborate web of deceit, and a gaping hole in his heart.
Anger. At all the wrongs he had committed.
Fear. That everything will crumble at his feet.
Temptation. To give in.
Tom Kaulitz was the popular kid, brainwashed by peer pressure and the need for others' acceptance. He got mediocre grades, was on the football team, and dressed like he'd just come out of the latest rap/hip-hop video. Rap was "cool" and he wasn't one of those uncool douchebags. He rarely thought before speaking, he made rash decisions and didn't give a shit about much more than being able to afford a car and still have time to blaze with his friends.
Except when it came to Bill. His biggest secret was that he was desperately and madly in love with his brother.
Ouch. The beast, it stung.
The pain was disorienting. And so sweet at the same time.
At night, at night was when he was most vulnerable, when it attacked. Sometimes he gave in to the urges it brought. Those feelings always lurked, and were always ready to pounce. Sometimes at the most unexpected times, and it left him feeling weak.
It wasn't Lindsey, the school slut that turned him on, not the pin-ups on his locker door, nor the Playboy's under his bed. His body pulsed with an animalistic need for Bill, and that's what drove the hand between his legs and the acts that followed.
The day after, he always felt the need to retaliate, hurt back.
Just like today. He'd told Bill that gays were scum, called him a fag, told him to get a life.
How many lies can you tell in one uttering? How many wounds can you inflict so the beast will retreat?
The beast: it was those feelings inside him that he wanted to exterminate. When he won a battle, he would hurt Bill, and when the beast won, he would go crawling back to the brother he could never escape.
A small bundle of nerves always dragged him closer to Bill however, and his victories were becoming fewer and far between. He just couldn't fight anymore.
As he walked by the river, shoes becoming a mess, he came to the trees him and Bill had spent hours beneath. Just talking, being brothers, those times were so rare.
Bill thought him and Tom were finally getting over their rivalry. He had woke Tom up early that morning with a big smile, he wanted to tell him mom was planning on making pancakes, but was rewarded with a grumble and a "Go away. Sleeping."
Bill hadn't taken it to heart, figured it was too early.
Later in the day they had wondered off in the woods and Tom was unusually quiet compared to the last few days. Bill began questioning, the beast drew near and Tom struck back. His words beat down the creature and the weeping brother in front of him.
Then Bill just turned around and took off, running off to god-knows where, but Tom hoped he had guessed right.
The two trees were majestic, Kodak-worthy. Starting at the same root, one grew tall while the other had fallen over, creating a bridge across the thin slithering river. As Tom approached, he could see Bill's boot on the other side of the fallen timber.
Tom knew he was heard coming with all the leaves and twigs crackling beneath his feet, but Bill didn't look up.
In the dim light of the setting sun, Tom's brother sat at the base of the two trees, staring out onto the river. He sat down beside the boy on the ground and leaned against the wide tree trunk with him.
Bill didn't even look at him. His long straight hair flanked the sides of his face blandly and his face was stained with dried up tears and messed make-up. It all broke Tom's heart.
He hated himself, and he felt like shit. Tom was scum. He had done this to Bill.
It was because of him that Bill was sitting in the dirt listlessly, instead of with that delightful smile on his beautiful lips. And lord was he beautiful.
So how do you make it better? Tom only knew one way, but he wasn't sure it would make anything better. How do you tell him the exact opposite of what you've told him for years?
It wouldn't make things better. It would make things more complicated. It would open up a huge can of worms. The beast would bite, dig its teeth into Tom's flesh and it would feel like a breath of fresh air, too fresh to handle. How would Bill handle a blow like that? Would Tom ever be forgiven? It would be trading one crime for another.
As Tom sat beside his love, the emotional distance crushing him completely, he decided pretty quickly that it couldn't really be worse. When he said the things he did, he thought he was rescuing them from hungry clutches and doing the right thing. But he'd hurt himself and Bill in too many ways, and seeing Bill drained and lifeless wasn't fitting --this just wasn't working. Time for a new tactic.
So this was it. This was how it ended.
Tom leaned in towards the other boy, grazing his face with his trembling fingers, and Bill finally met his eyes in question.
"What do you want, Tom?" he asked, voice laced with hostility.
"This," Tom spoke as he weaved his hand into Bill's hair and pulled his face to his. He laid a soft kiss on his brother's identically plump lips, before the other could utter another word.
There was something about that kiss which was unlike anything either had felt before, something about it that spoke clearly of more than brotherly love.
Bill was dazed, didn't comprehend what had just happened until it was over, until Tom was looking him in the eyes with a sorry look on his face.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Bill yelled defiantly, trying to pull away from his crazy brother.
Tom didn't let go of the face in front of him, only drew closer again.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, and gently kissed a horrified Bill again. "For everything. I swear."
His shaking hands only gained strength because he was so terrified of loosing. This was his last shot to make this all right again. He tried so hard to say everything with his gaze, eyes pleading for Bill’s understanding.
"Tom!" Bill's voice rose, tried to push his brother away from him, "I don't believe you. Move! Stop!"
"No!" Tom tugged back on Bill. "No Bill! Please, hear me out."
The younger of the twins laid his hands on his brother's chest and tried to wrestle his body away. His slight arms battled with vigor, and he even attempted to kick Tom away from him.
There was no way the older boy would let him go though. If he let go now, he’d be finished. Tom was frantic, on the verge of tears and holding on for dear life.
That's how it seemed to him in that moment at least.
Bill continued to struggle fruitlessly until it was apparent he was no match, and when Tom started talking, the power in Bill to oppose dissipated.
His twin wore one of the saddest faces he'd even seen. While he tried to look Bill in the eye, he found it was harder than he thought it would be to express the thoughts running through his brain.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say those things. I should never have said any of it, ever." Tom lowered his head onto the others' shoulder, feeling ashamed of himself.
How do you say this? Bill lay stiff and scared between his arms and all Tom wanted to do was erase everything he had ever done to make him feel this way. Tom had never acted this way before.
"I...," he began to say as words failed him. "I just... Fuck."
A tear had managed to slip past the outline of his eye and Tom ducked his head to hide it. He crushed his face into Bill’s pectoral to wipe away any indication, and tried to will away the blush in his cheeks. This was not the time for weakness. Only little girls acted like this.
He gently pushed his brother flat to the ground so he could rest on one elbow at his side while caressing his face and hair. Looking at Bill in the dim light was magical, no matter how uncomfortable Bill looked, Tom thought he was angelic. It inspired him. He inhaled and tried to explain himself again.
"I don't hate you. I never have. I didn't want to hurt you either, but it seems that I always end up doing just that."
Whatever Bill’s reaction would be was still a mystery, as he watched the sky above with no sign he could even hear Tom talking.
It was getting darker, and the clouds seemed to be clearing away and out of his line of sight. There was the cry of a bird in the distance and Bill found himself wishing he could fly away too and not have to deal with this situation. He didn't know how to process what was happening, and so he just stayed still. Very still. Like a statue, hyper-aware of Tom touching him; of the way he ran his fingers though soft strands of black hair, the breath he felt on his collar bone, and the way he could smell Tom's sweat. He could feel his brother's eyes watching him.
Tom had never been violent with him, but there was a first for everything. Bill sat petrified.
Tom's thoughts were slowly settling down. He wondered when the last time they were this close was. When he could silently sit and study Bill's sharp breaths and his delicate jaw, the way his eyes moved in jagged directions and his refined eyebrows arched, and realized he'd never seen him from such an exclusive angle.
This feeling, it felt like he'd finally surfaced and taken his first gasp of oxygen, like he'd been rescued from the depths of the ocean. Bill saved him, and he didn't even know how to thank him.
Tom was going to do this.
"Nothing compares to you. I've tried denying it and fighting it, but here you are drawing me back in, making me crawl back, like you've done for years."
"Years?" Bill croaked out. He was afraid of what those words meant.
Just the single thought that Tom had been feeling this for years shook his countenance. He steadfastly retained the resolve to keep his eyes anchored to a distant tree branch rather than peek at his brother. With the looks Tom had been giving him tonight, he knew he needed to maintain unaffected judgment. What on Earth was Tom doing? Why was he saying these things?
The word ghosted through Bill with an icy chill.
Something in Bill told him that what happened tonight would change everything.
He cleared his throat and proceeded with another question, now that his curiosity was piqued.
“What exactly are you talking about, Tom?”
Chapter 2: IT POUNCES
“What exactly are you talking about, Tom?”
Part of Bill was convinced Tom must be high or intoxicated and not know he was acting strange. For brothers that were closer, a kiss like that may have been almost acceptable. For them however, it was unthinkable. Especially because Bill had the distinct impression it wasn't just Tom being brotherly finally.
Just because they weren't close didn't mean they didn't know each other better than any other human being. They were still twins after all. Tom was changing something big between them, and Bill feared his next words like nothing in his life before.
"I'm talking about you. I don't hate you, ok?"
Bill released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, only to hold it again. Please, please, if there's any god, let him stop talking there.
"I love you."
Now Bill knew that this couldn't be for real.
Bill shut his eyes. Please, just make Tom stop talking. How could he be inflicting such wounds?
"I've been saying a lot of things I don't mean for a long time. I've been lying to myself for a long time."
Tom just wasn't quitting. Bill wanted to drown. He couldn't take this. This was some kind of sick joke. These really were the most painful things Tom had ever said to him.
"I really do love you. A lot."
Bill raised his hands to cover his eyes. There were tears he needed to hide.
"Are you hearing what I'm saying Bill?"
Bill shook his head and curled up in the fetal position, only to have Tom lean over him, trying to be in his personal space.
"Bill, please. I'm just trying to make this right between us."
Bill shook his head again, stubborn. This couldn't be real.
"Please believe me. I love you more than anything! I do, so much. I don't know what else to say."
Bill rubbed at his face, still in his ball, but light words were audible.
"Say that you're just kidding. That you're just playing another cruel prank on me. You're going too far this time."
Tom frowned. There was a ginormous lump of guilt in his throat. "I'm not joking, please believe me. I'm trying to make this right."
Bill shook his head. He wasn't looking up; he couldn't believe any of this. If he accepted Tom's words, he truly feared that Tom was going to go too far. But if Bill didn't believe it, and proved this was indeed a joke, he'd be hurt again, worse than ever before, because for once he had hope. And hope was a painful thing to crush in a person.
"Don't Tom. Please. This is too cruel, even for you. Just call me a fag again, and leave me alone."
"I don't ever want to say those things to you again." Tom sighed, "Can't you tell I'm being serious?"
"No I can't."
"Bill, look at me."
"I don't want to. Please, just leave. You can't do this to me. Tell your friends I fell for it, and laugh all you want; but if you care even a little, just don't say you love me. I know you don't."
Tom was speechless.
This wasn't going correctly. He felt liberated for speaking up but Bill was supposed to believe him! And even if he didn't return the feelings, he was supposed to at least forgive him.
He slumped over, hitting his head against the tree bark. Then did it again for good measure.
They stayed like that for almost an hour. Tom with his back against the tree, head between his knees, and Bill right beside him, curled up in his ball.
It was Bill who spoke first. He had calmed down. They both had.
"We should go back to the car. Mom's gonna be so pissed already."
"I don't care. I want to finish this tonight. Or however long it's going to take for you to understand. I can't keep pretending." Tom lifted his head from between his knees but still spoke to the ground. It was easier to sound more confident that way.
Bill sat up finally, kneeling before his brother and actually looking at him, trying to study his tiny movements, the way the light flickered in his wet eyes. Was he really serious?
"Tom, I think you've taken this too far. I don't know what's going on with you, but we need to go back. It's so dark I can barely see anything. You should come with me so we don't get lost. Ok? Just be done with this nonsense. Mom's gonna kill us."
Tom was losing this battle. How could Bill not believe him?
He reached for Bill's hand gently and Bill obliged.
What could he say to make Bill understand? Think Tom, think.
He stared into Bill's eyes and could feel tears building in his own identical ones.
"Look, you know I'm bad with words. That's why I kissed you. Ok?"
"I don't think we need to talk about that. I'm going to pretend you didn't do that."
A horrified look struck the older teen. "NO! Don't! Please don't. Bill, I meant that. I'm serious. I don't know how to tell you I want to be with you. Even if it's crazy or sick. I'm in love with you. I know I am."
The younger twin scowled.
Tom was holding on to Bill's hands as if his life depended on it. Any harder and his poor little brother would have bruises all over his wrists.
"You don't have to return the feelings. I don't expect that. I just want you to believe me. I know I hurt you. I hurt myself too. You just need to know the truth. That's all. And I wanna be friends. I want to stop fighting and I want to stop hurting you."
And here Bill had thought he was being generous by trying to sweep everything under the rug.
What on earth had gotten into Tom today? The younger twin was seriously confused as to how he should be reacting to all the stuff Tom was saying. Bill was trying to stay calm through it all. He promised himself No More Tears, that it wouldn't be helpful. He needed to focus and be rational and maybe they would both get out of here before midnight. If only he could talk Tom into coming back to the car with him and forgetting all this stuff he kept talking about.
"Tom, I don't know what to say to this. I really don't. People don't change overnight and that's ok. I'm ok with the fact that we're not best friends like some other twins out there. I've made peace with it long ago. Can we please go back to the car?" He punctuated his last words by squeezing Tom's hands back.
"You don't get it do you? Everything I'm saying is going right over your head."
"You tell me how I'm supposed to react then. What you're telling me is kind of impossible and the alternative is that it's a joke or you've had a mental break. I don't know what to believe. Whichever option I pick I'll end up getting hurt, so can't I just not pick any and then we can go back to the car?"
"No. C'mon Bill. I'm trying to tell you I love you. Doesn't that make you at least a little happy?"
"I honestly don't know. You're not every other random person in my life. It's different."
"Why's it different?"
"'Cause-" Bill paused, pondered how to phrase what he was about to say. "'Cause I've always wanted you to love me."
Tom tried to talk but Bill dropped their joined hands and continued, "You're my brother, my twin, Tom. When I was younger I thought it would be wonderful to be closer like that one day, but it's ok that we don't have that. Like I said, I've gotten used to it."
Tom frowned again.
"Are you really not understanding any of this?"
"Are you not?? You're acting crazy!"
"Ok fine, I agree. But I'm still being truthful. I'm trying to tell you a bunch of stuff I've held on to for a long time. And I really need you to believe me so that we can move on."
"If I say I believe you, can we go back to the car now?"
"No, c'mon. You're not being serious. What do I have to do to prove it?"
"That I'm actually in love with you. I know it sounds stupid. I sounds stupid to me too. But it's wrecking me inside. You're this wonderful person who I keep hurting 'cause of my stupid temper and friends and whatever else. I'm stupid, I've been stupid, and I know that, and I'm trying to make it better."
"Ok, so you want to be friends now? Is that it?"
"Well, yeah. But I wish we could be more. I think about you all the time, and I think I can change and make you happy. If you'll let me."
Bill massaged stress from his brow. There was a mild headache building within him if they couldn't get this sorted soon. This was getting ridiculous.
"You think about me and you think you can make me happy?"
"Yeah. I've wanted to kiss you for the longest time." Tom scooted forward with those words. "I wish you didn't act so scared."
"I just don't know what to make of that. I didn't think you'd take this whole joke so far. Like, you wouldn't dare tell your friends about it."
"Dammit Bill. I'm not joking. I wouldn't tell a soul about this. I just want to tell you. Believe me."
Bill looked at him. Tom looked vulnerable, and with every word of this conversation he kept trying to get closer to Bill, touch him in any way. Bill let his hand be grasped once again and looked down at the dry ground they were kneeling in. Their pants would be a dirty mess in the knee and all over the bum when daylight rose again.
Tom pulled him closer and this time Bill allowed it. Bill's mind was a blur. He would surely wake up from this. Anytime now.
"Bill, will you trust me?"
Tom had his body flush to Bill's as they kneeled at the foot of that majestic tree. He was slowly dominating Bill, like prey. Slowly. One minute Tom's hands were on Bill's arms and the next they were on his back, and a few moments later they were in Bill's hair, massaging the base of his scalp. Tom was being gentle. Just touching. Caressing. This was a tenderness Tom had never expressed before. Neither even knew he had it in him.
Bill never noticed when he'd been pushed flat backwards, because Tom was on top of him now. It was kind of like a hug? Except that Tom had created this wild energy Bill had never felt before. Just by touching him. He actually let his brother run his hands all over his body, caress and play with whatever he wanted. He could stay close like this. Bill didn't mind anymore.
The younger twin opened his eyes to look up at the stars. Tom's face was nuzzled into his neck and Bill could feel his every breath. He wanted to tell him something. It was on the tip of his tongue. But he wasn't sure whether to tell Tom to stop it or to keep going.
Truth was that being held felt good. Tom's arms felt safe for once and he wished it would always be like this. He wished he'd never wake up from this dream.
"Would you trust me if I told you I wanted to be your first?"
The words hung in the air, no matter how faintly they had been uttered. They resonated though Bill's young body.
"My brain says No."
"What does your heart say?"
"It says it wants that."
Tom's voice was a whisper in his ear and Bill was falling apart at the seams. How could he say No?
If Tom really loved him, no matter what that love entailed, it was surely better than war.
It felt better than war already.
"Bill, I'm not kidding, ok?"
Bill wasn't really sure yet. Still. He kept flip-flopping in his head. But at the same time he was being swept away to a magic land where Tom wasn't his evil big brother, and it was a sweet ride.
"I'm gonna kiss you."
Tom kissed Bill right below his ear. He pulled Bill's body to him so they arched perfectly into one another. Bill became a gooey puddle.
"Is that ok?"
Bill didn't respond so Tom kept going.
He planted feather-light kisses over Bill's neck and made his way to Bill's jaw. He couldn't believe Bill wasn't fighting him off right now.
The friction between them was getting Tom worked up. Bill wasn't fighting him back, that was the biggest surprise. In fact, it almost seemed like Bill liked being cherished like this. Even if this was far beyond brotherly.
Tom had settled in between Bill's legs, one hand gasping firmly at his lower back to keep them pressed together, and the other at the base of Bill's head, bending his brother to his will.
Bill mewed softly. He was caught in a dream.
The elder wondered if he should stop. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to push Bill this way.
On the other hand, Bill wasn't telling him to stop. He seemed to be enjoying it.
"Bill, do you love me back?"
"I don't know."
"Does this feel good?"
"Yeah." It was accompanied by a sigh of pleasure.
"Do you want me to kiss you for real? 'Cause I really want to. You're getting me so hot."
Bill really was caught up in his own dream. This was surely somewhere other than reality. His brother felt good on him.
The elder looked down at his twin, and ran this thumb over Bill's plump lower lip. He kissed right at the corner. Just a light kiss.
Bill wasn't looking at him, his eyes were closed. Not even staring up at the sky. If it wasn't for the way Bill kept responding and gripping his body back, he'd think the beautiful boy was asleep.
So he kissed Bill on the lips. Bill was his Snow White.
Except that Bill wasn't cold or lifeless. He was warm and responding to Tom like every dream Tom had ever pushed out of his mind.
He swiped at Bill's lips with his tongue several times before being more forceful and granting his own access. He'd pressed his groin to Bill's and tilted his head for his brother to get the message.
Bill moaned loudly when their tongues met. Tom was controlling the pace and invading his brother's mouth at the same pace as he began rubbing himself between Bill's legs.
"Bill you make me crazy."
Bill groaned and his mouth searched for Tom's again, fitting their tongues back together and grinding back up into Tom's body.
"I freaking love you. I always have." The elder of the two confessed.
"Yeah..." Bill moaned into Tom's mouth. "You make me hot."
Bill pressed upwards into Tom's groin, trying to get the best tightness and friction going. His dick was hard in his pants and he'd gone beyond worrying about Tom being serious or not. It didn't matter. It was obvious that Tom was as hard as he was, so Tom couldn't fault him for getting into it. Tom knew Bill was gay. If this had started as a game for Tom, Bill was sure Tom wouldn't make fun of him for this at least; because if he was going to get called a fag again, he could call Tom one right back, and that would shut him up. Until then, this was pleasure Bill had only felt once before and he had missed having someone to rub up against him.
Or kiss. Because damn, Tom could kiss.
The way his tongue curled around Bill's. The way he spoke into his mouth. The way they breathed together.
"Fuck. I wanna make you come so hard."
Tom's words got trapped between them, still attached to Bill's mouth.
Bill never imagined his brother could be such a turn on. I mean, the girls in school kept drooling over his dreadlocks and lip ring, but being with Tom first-hand was making his head spin.
Bill bit down on Tom's lip ring and pulled just a bit. Tom groaned, as Bill grabbed his ass with his hands to guide Tom's motions.
"Oh fuck, Bill." Tom's voice had come out way more high pitched than he'd intended it. "Ah. Fuck."
Bill was grinding him back. If he didn't stop they'd both come really soon.
"Ok, wait, I want to do something. Ok?" Tom said suddenly, pulling away from Bill's mouth and grasping Bill's hands in his. He had other things in mind. Part of the problem was that Bill had finally taken dominating initiative and Tom had never been in that position before (which made him uneasy), but the other was really that he didn't want to come in his pants.
Bill was stunned, but he supposed he'd been expecting Tom to stop eventually. There's only so far he knew Tom would take it. Even if his brother wanted to get his rocks off, he still wasn't gay.
"So you're gonna stop, right?"
Tom wanted to come with Bill, that wasn't the issue. Yes, he hadn't ever thought about Bill taking the lead, but he supposed it wasn't the time or place to worry about that. There were still some insecurities Tom had to work around. But he had thought about doing things to Bill. God, had he thought about that.
"I'm not stopping. I don't ever want to stop. I could kiss you forever."
Bill raised an eyebrow at him.
"So what do you want to do?" He was still skeptical.
"Ever gotten a blowjob?"
"No, why?" Bill asked. And then an idea hit him. "Wait, no! You're kidding."
Bill pushed Tom further away, just within arm's length.
"No, I swear I want to so bad."
Bill backed further away. Something wasn't right. Tom wasn't backing down.
"I can make you feel so good. I think. I suppose you're not a girl, but I wanna try."
Bill was looking at him like he was crazy. No, Tom couldn't actually be serious. Bill still held him off, but Tom kept trying to get closer to him again.
"Tom, you have to be kidding. Ok? Just say you're kidding already. I can understand getting horny and getting carried away. I admit you got me carried away and I'm sorry. But we shouldn't really be in this position. I can understand some kissing and rubbing, ok? I guess. We don't need to ever talk about this again."
He looked into Tom's eyes and Tom looked like he did a few hours ago when he'd tried telling Bill he was sorry for a lifetime of hurt. Something just wasn't clicking for Bill.
"I like being close to you Tom, I admit it. I'm a guy and you're a guy. And I appreciate that maybe you feel lonely tonight, but you really have to stop, ok?"
Tom's eyebrows knitted.
"Look at me. Ok?"
"I'm not kidding." Tom's eyes had become shiny with unshed tears again. "I'm not kidding. I don't know what to do to prove to you I actually do love you more than anything else in the world."
Bill had shut up. He was looking at Tom.
Tom had come close again, but Bill still held him off.
Tom's words were doing that thing again where they banged around in Bill's head making everything hurt.
They were back to the beginning of the night where Bill was trying to fend off hope as Tom tried to get through a figurative brick wall.
Bill backed away, crab-walked until he could lean against the old tree. Tom crawled over to settle himself more against his brother than against the tree, and this, Bill allowed.
They could watch each other clearly this way. The dim light of the moon was as bright as the sun now that their eyes had adjusted so well to the dark, and Bill needed the contact to keep him here in this moment.
Cruel hope had poured itself back into Bill's heart.
He had always dreamed of a twin that he could act like all the other twins with. There was a deep part of his heart that he'd locked away that wished dearly for Tom to be his best friend.
Bill had never been the one to push Tom away. He had as much love as he could muster for a brother intent on bullying him. They were completely different though so it was completely understandable why Tom wouldn't like him.
He had made do with little kindnesses from Tom since he could remember. They just weren't going to be friends. They didn't take the same classes, they didn't do homework together, they didn't have the same friends, they didn't want the same things in life, they didn't have the same romantic inclinations, nothing. And that was ok. That was just how his brother was.
"Bill? What are you thinking?"
Bill looked over at Tom. Tom still looked really fragile. Again, very strange position to see Tom in.
"I'm thinking about us actually. I'm trying to figure out how what you're saying could possibly be true. I don't get it."
"I see." Tom played with a small hole on the knee of Bill's jeans. "So did you feel any of that? A few minutes ago?"
Bill didn't know how to answer that so he changed the subject. "Can you tell me some stuff so I can try and put this in chronological order?"
Tom looked quizzically at his brother. He almost rolled his eyes. Bill was a dork. Tom loved him, but that boy's brain worked nothing like Tom's.
"Uh, yeah. Sure."
"So you've always loved me?"
"Yeah. Pretty much. Actually, I wasn't so fond of you around the time we were in fourth grade, I think. I think that's when we started developing different hobbies and stuff. That's when you met Andy and started coloring your hair and shit."
"And, I don't know. We both became different, and you were always so good at everything, and I thought you were such a goody-goody."
"I already know you think I'm teacher's pet, Tom." Bill quirked an eyebrow indicating this wasn't the part of the story he wanted to hear.
"Look, I really don't know. How could I not love you when you're perfect? I mean, you're literally perfect. I'm some random kid, but you're the best at everything."
"That's so not true and you know it."
"Ok, so you suck at skiing. And basketball. And soccer. Whatever, you know what I mean."
"Sports, yeah. But still not true."
"Fine! What do you want me to say?! You're not perfect, but you're better than me and I can't do anything as right as you. Your grades are better, our parents like your friends better, you get all those awards for everything, all the teachers like you even with that hair. And oh yeah- you're even fucking prettier than me! And we're fucking identical. Or so they say."
A nice red hue had crept up on Tom and he had to look away.
Bill listened. "I see."
A few moments passed before Tom had the courage to speak again.
"You don't have to return my feelings. I'm just tired of lying. So all I need you to do is say you understand. So that if we're ever on the couch watching a movie together and I get carried away touching you or something, you'll know why. I just hope that's better than yelling at you. You can yell at me back, that wouldn't be as bad. I just don't want to hurt you anymore, cuz I know I have."
His brother sounded so defeated, and Bill really was trying to wrap his mind around what Tom was saying this time.
There was both a lot he had wished for, and a lot he had never imagined in what Tom was saying. As in, he wished they could be normal loving brothers, and had never imagined Tom would push that "love" into the physical territory. That was weird. Really fucking weird.
"You haven't told me you love me since we were like eight or nine."
"Well, I do."
"You know, it's really nice to hear that." Bill turned to Tom with a shy smile. Saying that was a giant weight off his shoulders. At his most exasperated times, he had wished like a mantra that Tom would accept him one day.
Tom smiled back.
"Tom, I have to say though, you've hurt me a lot. Like the worst pain wasn't getting beat up by other kids, it was some of the shit you've said to me. Ok? This is a lot to take in. You've told me a lot of stuff that you're trying to take back now, and when I think of it all, it seems impossible."
"I know," the elder sighed. "I know. I'm sorry, and I wanna try and make it up to you. I don't know how, I haven't thought this through, but I'll try."
"So you decided to tell me all this stuff about how you really love me after all, and this is supposed to make it better?"
"Yes. No. I don't know. I'm hoping it's a start. I haven't thought it through at all. I just didn't want to lie anymore."
"Ok, I'm sorry, that didn't come out right. I meant, you really didn't think about what would happen? What if I told mom and dad and tried to get you psychiatric help?"
Tom was stunned; the look on his face said it all.
Bill broke out into a light chuckle. "Don't worry, I'm not that mean. I'm not gonna tell."
Tom felt a little ashamed as he remembered the first time he had thought about talking to a shrink himself. All he could say was, "Thank you."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Don't take this the wrong way, but, uh, you're not gay, right?"
"No, I'm not. I'm sure I'm not."
"But you like me... that way?"
Tom was getting shy, as demonstrated by his voice becoming quieter. "Yeah," he said and focused on a small hole in his own jeans this time. Also on the knee. Some things the twins had in common; the inability to keep their jeans hole-free was one of them.
"You're sure? Like, really sure?"
"You felt my hard-on didn't you?" Tom asked the ground.
Bill laughed. "Right right. Just checking."
"I'm not. Sorry."
"Was it a bad idea that I told you?"
Now that Bill was getting used to the idea of talking to Tom like this and having their feelings more out in the open, that was certainly something he didn't want Tom to regret.
"No! No. I'm glad you did." He smiled at his brother and Tom managed to look back in his eyes for a few moments instead of at the ground. "I'm really glad you did actually. I'm not over how weird and new this all sounds, and I swear to god I'm going to murder you if you're joking, but I'm glad."
Tom cracked a smile. "I'm not joking around."
"Glad you finally don't think I'm kidding. I was really scared a few times that I wasn't gonna get through your thick head."
Bill laughed again and stuck out his tongue.
Bill wrinkled his nose a bit. Tom assumed it was because he wasn't used to those kinds of compliments yet.
"This might sound weird," Bill said, "but it's really nice to hear someone say they love you."
"That's not weird."
"I meant the way you said it to me when we were together."
They both blushed. Same shade of red.
"I've never had someone tell me something like that."
"Yeah. I've wanted to be your first since I knew what sex was. I'm not saying we'll ever get there, but it won't stop me from wishing. Sorry."
"It's ok." Bill couldn't believe himself for saying that.
"And uh, thanks for you-know, earlier." He ducked his head, but then changed the tone of his voice. "You nailed me in the shin with your boot really bad before that."
"You deserve that, bastard." Bill smiled.
"Bill, ok, I have to ask you before you start pretending this didn't happen. I don't know how to ask this, but uh, what were you feeling just now? I know what I'm feeling by now, but you surprised the shit outta me."
"You mean, uh, earlier?"
"Yeah. You know, since we're being all truthful tonight."
"Yeah, since we're opening Pandora's Box you mean?" Bill laughed.
"Sure. You know what I mean."
Tom waited. "Sooo...?"
"I don't know. All I can say is you know I like guys, and you're a guy."
"Oh. I see."
"Were you hoping it was something more?"
"It might be. I honestly don't know. In the moment," Bill paused to consider his words. "In the moment, you were really hot. You made me really hot."
"Now I don't know. You're still my crappy brother Tom, but I suppose if we hooked up that would still make you a pretty crappy brother." Bill tried to lighten the mood.
"I wanna be a better brother," Tom replied earnestly.
Bill smiled. "I know. I'm gonna try to get used to it. It's hard balancing all the stuff we've been through and all the stuff you're telling me. And to add the cherry on top, now I have to remember for the rest of my life what it's like making out with you. And that's pretty weird." Bill winked.
He actually winked. Tom knew he didn't mean anything by it, it was just a joke, but he couldn't help but word-vomit.
"How weird would it be if we actually had sex?"
The younger twin blinked oddly, taken aback by the question. It changed the mood of the conversation, that's for sure.
"Pretty weird..." Bill replied.
"Would you be ok with that?"
"That's one way to ask. Are you asking me what I think you're asking me?"
"I don't know. I'm not sure what you meant when I asked you earlier." replied Tom.
He looked up into Bill's eyes and found that the joking manner of a few seconds ago had been wiped clear. Instead, Bill was chewing his lip and seemed on the verge of saying something Tom knew he desperately wanted to hear.
"I think you should ask."
Bill swallowed around a mountain of coal sitting in his throat. He wanted to be truthful. Even forthcoming, but his nerves were eating at him from the inside. They'd started doing cartwheels in his stomach because he knew he was saying very damaging and stupid things.
"I should?" Tom couldn't believe his ears.
"So uh, you wouldn't mind if I was your first?"
Bill stared back into Tom's eyes, paralyzed for a few seconds, knowing he'd put himself in this monumentally embarrassing position.
Bill slowly shook his head once. Then nodded, not knowing how to answer a negative. "Yeah, maybe," he added as a non-committal follow up.
They both knew what he meant.
"Does that mean you want to?"
Bill blushed even more fiercely than before. "It means, you started something. And before tonight I would have said no way. But if it's a way to gain your acceptance I'll take it."
"Bill, you have my acceptance, you always have, I'm just an idiot. This isn't about that. I'm asking if you like me that way at all. You know..."
"I've always wanted you to love me back."
"I do. Just, uh, a bit more than what you've got in mind."
"Yeah. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and whatnot, and it's hard. All I know is I'm... interested?"
"Is that a question?" Tom laughed.
"It's I don't know, Tom."
"How about we try stuff and you tell me where to stop?"
"That sounds scary as fuck!" Bill shook his head vehemently and laughed nervously.
"You were into it earlier..."
Tom moved over to kneel in front of his brother, so they were face to face.
"Can I tell you something, Bill?" he asked quietly.
Tom had positioned himself over Bill again, straddling his brother's legs this time. "I think you're really sexy," he said, right into Bill's ear.
Bill could have died of embarrassment right there.
But Tom didn't plan on stopping just yet. He'd only stop if Bill told him to. And not like when he was desperate for Bill to understand at the beginning of the night. Tom felt better now that Bill wasn't flipping out.
"Yeah. I got really jealous when you were going out with what's-his-face."
Tom had resumed the molestation of Bill's hair. His hands were taking turns manhandling Bill, gripping Bill's jaw and the back of his head, and then playing with the tattooed hipbone Bill had a star on.
"Remember when you got this done?" He fingered the tattoo in question, making Bill moan lightly from the pressure on his pelvic region.
"I stroked one out so bad that night. You are so hot."
Bill chirped. The words he wanted to say weren't coming out in a human language right now. Tom was saying this stuff right into his ear! Oh my goodness, it was overload.
"Or when you got that piercing..."
"Which one?" Bill managed to squeak. Barely.
"All of them. God, when you came home with your nipple done. I couldn't take it. I remember you showed mom and I walked by, and I couldn't take it."
Tom bit Bill's earlobe.
"Or the time before that, you got your tongue stud. Oh my god."
Tom realized that it wasn't appropriate to tell him he'd gone and screwed around with Cindy Chow right after, insisting she give him a blowjob that night so much it bordered on rape. That's how much he wanted Bill's tongue on him.
They were so young back then too.
"I like your lip ring too, Tom."
"I like you more."
Tom was hoping he was being sexy by saying all this junk. It wasn't like him, but if it would end up with a happy satisfied Bill, he was all for it. He had no pride in the bedroom.
The elder had sat himself right on his brother's lap and was happy to feel Bill's erection once again, through two layers of jeans, under his own.
They started making out again. It was inevitable after how hot Tom had made Bill. It was surprising how little it took. The way Tom molded his hands into Bill's body, made Bill a writhing mess beneath him.
Between scorching kisses, Tom was busy unbuttoning Bill's pants.
"I'm gonna try something, and you have to tell me to stop. Ok?"
Bill nodded and attached his mouth to Tom's once more, plundering his tongue in to meet Tom's.
Tom tasted the way Bill would have expected him to. Like Tom. There was no distinct flavor, but Bill was hooked. Kissing at least, would never be outlawed between them, not if this is how Tom kissed.
Tom broke their kiss too soon, and moved down Bill's body.
Bill gasped. "Are you really?"
Tom didn't really answer, just placed a kiss below Bill's bellybutton, and looked up once. Then he steadied himself because he was in the process of pulling down Bill's boxer briefs, just enough to pull his dick out. First dick other than his own Tom had ever touched. It was a big step for him too.
Bill watched intently, breath held. He couldn't believe Tom was doing this.
His older brother started by stroking up and down and swirling around the tip. Standard practice on his own equipment. Doing this to someone else though, very unusual. Same, but totally different. He just hoped it felt as good for Bill as he knew it to feel on himself.
Bill moaned lightly, no longer able to keep in his pleasure. No one other than Tom would hear him anyway.
It gave Tom the courage to look up once more.
Bill was staring at him, biting his lip all the while.
Good. Because Tom wanted to really blow Bill's mind. He started off slowly, with clear intentions as not to freak Bill out. One lick, and he looked up again. Bill looked like he might break skin biting that lip of his.
Second lick, third lick. Tom was getting the hang of having a dick-shaped lollipop of sorts.
If it wasn't Bill with him here, he would never be here; but now that he was, he didn't mind it at all.
He tried to remember to the only good blowjob he'd ever received, that one chick had given him. And the porn- always good as a bedroom tutorial.
So he took Bill into his mouth and swirled his tongue around the tip.
Bill shook beneath him. "Oh fuck, Tom."
Jesus, it was sexy hearing his name come out of his brother's mouth like that.
He put a hand on Bill's hip to steady him, and wrapped the other around the base of Bill's erection, beginning to bob up and down, on each pass taking more and more of it into his mouth.
Giving a blowjob was weird as fuck.
Hearing Bill react to said blowjob was incredible however.
If he'd known he could get here, maybe he would have made up his mind to tell Bill he liked him sooner.
"Uh, uh! ...Ah." Bill's sighs of pleasure echoed between them.
Bill's breath hitched and relaxed sporadically. Tom had gotten the hang of working his hand, mouth, and tongue in unison and it was driving Bill nuts.
"Tomi, I'm- I'm totally gonna, ah!... You know, soon..."
This, Tom wanted but hadn't planned for. Shit.
Good thing Tom knows how to think fast.
He relinquished his prize and pulled Bill forward swiftly, so his brother was laying flat on the ground now. Then before Bill knew what was going on, Tom had undressed the lower part of him completely.
Bill's Dr Martins, jeans, and boxers: gone, now lying in the grass a few feet away.
But what surprised Bill more was what Tom did next.
Using the excess saliva, Tom coated two fingers and actually rubbed Bill's asshole.
"I'm gonna make you come so hard."
"Oh my god."
Taking that as no protest at all, Tom sunk both fingers into Bill, and Bill howled. Anyone within a mile most likely had heard him.
"No... Just, oh my god, Tom."
Bill mewed. It was a Yes.
As of now, Tom had a plan. These teenagers were going to get laid tonight.
Tom was no stranger to Sex Ed. Even as a heterosexual male, he still knew how this was supposed to work.
He gently worked his fingers in and out of Bill's body, easing him open. He also returned to sucking his full red dick a few times when Bill made any noise Tom felt sounded a bit too much like pain. And every once in a while, he'd add more spit for lube.
Bill was sprawled out on his back and desperately grasping at blades of grass between his fingers. What Tom was doing to him was nothing like he'd felt before. When Tom did anything particularly good he'd rip a whole handful of grass from the earth, and moan deliciously. He was truly getting lost in what Tom was doing.
The best was when Tom reached his prostate.
"Oh fuck!" Bill squeaked. Half yell, half moan. It was exquisite.
"Are you close?"
"Fuck. Yes... almost."
"Good. One sec."
Bill was completely bewildered at the loss of contact for a second. He looked up for his brother.
Tom had stood to shuck off his own shoes, pants and boxers at lightning speed.
Thank god for nice weather. A few nights ago they hadn't been so lucky, needing to huddle together for heat in the tent they shared, and back and forth trying to pull more of the extra blanket from the other to cover themselves. That had turned into a mini fight, as always.
"What are you doing, Tom?" Bill was surprised how fast Tom was moving all this.
Yes, it felt good, but damn, was this ever fast!
"I'm gonna make you feel so fucking good. You gonna let me?" he asked as he laid his body back on top of Bill's and kissed him deeply.
"This is too fast... I don't know."
Tom kissed him again, and this time laid his bare cock right beside Bill's, applying just the right pressure between them to make Bill pant into his mouth.
"Dare you to say that again."
"To-om... You're killing me."
Tom's tongue was back in his mouth, sucking and swirling in time with the way they humped together below. Really soon, they were just panting into each other’s mouths, swapping the same clammy breath as they rode together, closer to their impending orgasms.
"So you want to, right?"
"Yeah. Sure. Ah!" Bill was at a loss for words as his heart thumped in his chest and that certain pool of electricity swirled in his belly. "Whatever you like."
"I want you. Ok?"
"Ok. Ah! Fuck Tom, I'm- "
Tom kissed him just as he knew Bill was about to come. He'd built him up so many times tonight, he was happy to finally feel him release.
They both felt the sticky warmth flow between them; it helped them slide together better. And it was just then, when Tom drew up for a breath of air, that he saw Bill's ecstasy clearly written on his face, and couldn't hold himself together any longer.
The elder stiffened for a moment, breath caught halfway in and halfway out, as every nerve fired at once, and with only a few more last thrusts, rode out his best orgasm ever over Bill.
It took a few moments before either of them felt ready to speak again.
"Tom, you fucking kill me. I can't believe you."
"That good?" Tom laughed.
"Yes, but that's not what I meant."
"Put your fucking pants back on. We can't do this." Bill said, but there was no resolution in his voice and Tom walked all over it.
"Not what you said a second ago." Tom had gone back to whispering into Bill's ear. If it worked once, it might just work again. "You said whatever I like."
"I did, when you had me three seconds away from coming, you jerk."
"If you don't want to... then tell me to stop."
He couldn't have said that more seductively. Bill wasn't really going to say No, not in the end. Not after getting so far with Tom tonight. This was a reunion that was badly needed.
Bill drew in a breath and searched for Tom's mouth to kiss. "Don't stop," he said between kisses.
No lube in sight, other than fresh come and spit, would have to do.
Tom sat up and folded Bill's legs open once more. He ran a hand through the mess they had made together and covered his dick in it; took the rest and a bit more spit and put two fingers back into Bill to make sure he was still comfortably stretched.
"You still feel good?"
"God, just take your time, Tom. I swear..." He trailed off in warning.
"I'm good at this, trust me."
"You've never fucked a guy before. This isn't quite the same as Cindy what's-her-face."
"Yeah, you're way hotter." Tom winked back at him, as he scissored his fingers within, trying to stretch Bill out some more.
"Yeah, and gonna be in way more pain if you don't go slowly."
"Just trust me. You can kill me later if I suck, but so far I seem to be doing ok." Tom smiled back at him, normal confident self. He needed Bill to relax before he could actually get in him.
Tom fingered just the right area within Bill just then, and Bill moaned loudly.
So Tom did it again, and got the same response.
"Fuck yes. Do it."
Tom rubbed that same spot again and Bill shook his head wildly. "I meant with your dick. Get on me already."
Tom laughed and removed his fingers from Bill to line up his new erection instead.
With one hand below and one hand holding himself up by Bill's head, Tom made sure to hold eye contact as he sunk into his brother's body for the first time.
He bit his lip. Bill was right, this was fucking tight. He couldn't imagine how Bill felt.
"Breathe Bill, I'll go slow. Trust me."
Bill made the same face back at him. Straining to keep calm by biting his lip; they both did that.
"Ok," the younger twin said and held tightly to Tom's shoulders.
Tom moved slowly in as far as he could go, then out, and repeat. Bill was looking back at him. He didn't look comfortable, but he wasn't crying in pain. Good start?
The elder sat up and lifted Bill's body closer to his. This way he could fist Bill easier as well as control his thrusts. Bill seemed to like it.
"You're using that nickname again." Tom commented with a smile.
"You're good. Getting better."
The tightness around his dick was softening up; not enough to make this anything like fucking a vagina, but enough for Tom for move easier. It was amazing to feel Bill's reactions and body around him. He did what felt natural, letting instinct take over. Bill's body was easy to read.
As their thrusts became quicker, Tom let go of Bill and just fucked him. He couldn't do both if they wanted this to last any respectable amount of time.
Bill met every one of Tom's movements, giving as good as he could, but truthfully, he was drowning in a pool of lust, and Tom just kept fucking him better and better. He held on as his heart threatened to leap from his chest, and he swore that if they had done this at home, that is, within a mile of human life, they would have been sent directly to jail, because Bill was not quiet.
Tom actually put a hand over Bill's mouth he was so loud. Even in the remoteness of their forest hiding spot, there was still a chance their parents could hear them.
Tom's hand got clammy over Bill's mouth, but with the way Bill had started whining, it was safer than nothing. If there ever was a next time, he'd remember to find a soundproof room.
Bill was squeezing him deliciously. This was the best pleasure of his young life, and he couldn't help restrain his own unmanly groans.
He leaned down to kiss Bill, hoping to drown out both their whimpers and moans.
"Tom, Tomi, Tom... god." Bill started chanting into his mouth. "There, fuck, yes!"
"Tom, I'm... close."
He didn't need to voice the news, Tom had already known. He was chasing the same beautiful rapture, and was right there with his twin. This is how they were meant to be. They just fit together too well, felt too good like this to not be meant to be like this. He was sure Bill felt it too.
"Bill... do you love me?"
With a last extended moan, Bill spilled between their bellies, ribbons of white, without any touch from Tom, just a few good deep trusts. It had been too much. Tom had been too good, and Bill had been too much of a virgin to know what to do with himself other than moan and curse through the ride down.
"I fucking love you," he breathed.
That was Tom's undoing, who gripped Bill's hips and sunk his dick into him to the hilt for a few solid trusts to Bill's prostate that were so good, Bill moaned in pleasure right along with him, almost as if he was coming again. Tom even stroked Bill again as he finished and Bill nearly screamed.
"Too sensitive. Ah!"
When Tom finally stilled within Bill, he kissed him fully and deeply on the lips.
"That was amazing. I can't believe you let me do that. Fuck, I love you."
Bill smiled. Weird or not, I was nice hearing Tom say those words. Even in this context.
I guess they were finally understanding one another better.
Bill didn't really know what he wanted, just as long as he was loved by Tom. And Tom just wanted Bill.
They settled into each other’s arms, the warmth between them certainly enough to keep them comfortable through the night, and that was how the sun found them in the morning; curled up together and partly naked.
Tom awoke first, and the last night came flooding back to him vividly. How could it not? Bill was bottomless and glued to his side.
Anger. That's for the sun that had to rise above their hiding place.
Fear. Of what you've done and the consequences you'll have to face.
Temptation. To do it again.