Chapter 1: A New Member
There is swearing! You have been warned!
ok this is kind of ooc (but it’s for comedic purposes). This chapter is kind of short, but they get longer I promise! Hope you enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Lucy added ItsSkullyBitch to the group chat
Lockwood: why is the skull in my bed?
Lockwood: get ur fireable ass in the chat
George: i was on a donut run
Lucy: it’s 3 am
Lucy: wHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GETTING DONUTS?!?!?
George: bc i was hungry?
Kipps: shut up
Kipps: it’s too late for this shit
Lockwood: are we just ignoring me now?
George: its never too late for donuts.
Lucy: early, George
Lockwood: wow ok
Lockwood: you know im your boss, right?
Kipps: pf not mine
Lucy: oH SHIT
George: HE PULLED THE BOSS CARD
George: iM s O sC a Re D
Lockwood: thats it both your biscuit privileges are revoked
George: F U C K
Lockwood: *and donut
George: YOU WOULDNT
Lockwood: lUCY YOURE FORGIVEN
George: w H A T
Lockwood: SHE JUST WALKED PAST AND
Lockwood: DID YOU SEE HER PJS
Lockwood: THEYR BLUE
Lockwood: I’m actually cryinh
Lockwood: sHES SO PRTETY
Kipps: ur so whipped
Lockwood: AND GHE CUT OF THE NECKLINE
Lockwood: i have a new background
Lockwood: how soon can I get a picture printed in poster size?
Holly: She’s blushing so hard.
Lucy: werent we talking about the skull?
Lucy: lets do that some more.
Lockwood: tHATS RIGHT
Lockwood: get back here
George: yes, my strong, courageous leader?
Lockwood: the time for sucking up has long passed
Lockwood: wHY IS THE SKULL IN MY BED
Lockwood: I’m waiting...
George: well you see...
George: I got bored
George: and was in your bed for... reasons
Lockwood: wHAT REASONS?
Lockwood: tELL ME
Kipps: yes george, do tell
George: testing the effectiveness of a pillow as an ectoplasm shield
Holly: What about your own pillows?
George: they have...um...factors that may have interfered with the experiment
Lockwood: if any of my pillows have ectoplasm stains I will kill you.
George: no no it’s fine
George: the ghost was uncooperative
Lockwood: fine, then what happened?
George: then your bed was so soft...
George: and I may have, maybe,,,
George: fallen asleep?
George: and forgotten about the skull when I woke up
Lockwood: well now im in bed and there is an OLD, MOLDY SKULL IN MY SHEETS
Lockwood: and an EVIL GHOST LEERING AT ME
Lockwood: Lucy im bringing it to your room
Kipps: want to see those sexy pjs again?
Lockwood: definitely not
Holly: Guys, please go to sleep. We have an important client coming over tomorrow and have to look respectable and not sleep deprived.
Kipps: ur not the boss of me
Lucy: ur not the boss of me
ItsSkullyBitch ur not the boss of me
Lockwood: WHO IS THAT
Lockwood: HOW DID YOU GET ON HERE
ItsSkullyBitch pf scroll up
Lockwood: WHAT DID YOU DO
Lucy: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING
Lucy: IT WASNT ME I SWEAR
Lucy: LOOK AT THE TIME STAMP I WAS ON THE CASE WITH YOU
Lucy: I LEFT MY PHONE IN MY ROOM NEXT TO THE SKULL
Lucy: OH NO
Hope you liked it! Updates will be posted at least weekly!
Edit 7/23/19: (but not rly bc I’m lazy whoops one’s coming soon I promise)
Ok reading through this again I noticed the timeline in this chapter is kind of confusing but basically the skull had already gotten the phone and stylus before this chapter and stashed them somewhere, Lucy left her phone by the skull before they left for the case (George stayed home and did the pillow experiment) and Lockwood got to Lucy’s room, dropped off the skull, and left before he sent the messages about not wanting to see the pjs again so Lucy was alone with the Skull.
Chapter 2: Lucy takes an unwanted “What Dog Breed are You” Quiz
Flo finally makes an appearance!
Chapter 2! Hope you like it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
ItsSkullyBitch: the real question is how did you not notice that?
Lockwood: well I was a bit preoccupied with an EVIL OLD MOLDY SKULL IN MY BED
ItsSkullyBitch: WHO YOU CALLING OLD AND MOLDY?!?
George: lucy how the fuck is it doing that?
Lucy: sOMEHOW IT GOT A PHONE
Lucy: AND A STYLUS???
Lucy: THEYR JUST FLOATING IN THE AIR
Lucy: AND IT KEEPS MOVING THEM SO I CANT STOP IT
ItsSkullyBitch: LMFAO THIS IS HILARIOUS
ItsSkullyBitch: shes jumping all around the room this is great
ItsSkullyBitch: its like having my own personal dog
Lucy: I AM NOT A DOG
ItsSkullyBitch: a yappy little chihuahua
Lockwood: eXCUSE ME
Lockwood: Lucy would NOT be a chihuahua
Lockwood: she would be an adorable Pomeranian or a gorgeous Siberian Husky
Lockwood: or maybe a rare combination of the two...
Lockwood: a Pomsky
Kipps: pf that’s not a thing
Lockwood: yES IT IS
Lockwood: LOOK IT UP
Lockwood: I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT
Lucy: holy shit it is
Lucy: theyr adorable omg
Kipps: whatever, she’d probably be more of a rottweiler
Kipps: but I could definitely see her as a chihuahua
George: definitely more rottweiler
Lockwood: gUYS we’re getting off topic
Lockwood: how the fuck did the skull get a phone?
Lucy: WHAT WAYS
Lucy: TELL ME OR ITS BACK IN A JAR FOR YOU
ItsSkullyBitch: pf i dont care
Lucy: i think you do.
ItsSkullyBitch: fine i took it from some woman walking by the house
ItsSkullyBitch: it was easy, i just plucked it out of her pocket
ItsSkullyBitch: she was too busy rushing home before it got dark to notice
ItsSkullyBitch: then used the stylus on lucy's phone and added myself to the chat
Holly: You have to give it back! That’s stealing!
ItsSkullyBitch: let me think about that
ItsSkullyBitch: how about
Lucy: DO IT OR I PUT YOU IN A JAR AND BURY YOU SO DEEP IN THE GROUND NO ONE WILL EVER FIND YOU
ItsSkullyBitch: pf no you wont
ItsSkullyBitch: youve been threatening that for years
ItsSkullyBitch: we’re friends, you and I
ItsSkullyBitch: you wouldnt do that to me
Lockwood: Lucy, it’s fine
Lockwood: we can find this woman and get her a new phone
George: yeah, this is great!
George: we can actually communicate with it without having lucy relate everything to us
Holly: I guess that’s ok...
Kipps: how is this ok?
Kipps: A MALICIOUS GHOST HAS ACCESS TO THE INTERNET AND YOU THINK THIS IS FINE??????
Kipps: I hate to think what it will do with reddit
Lucy: HOWD YOU KNOW MY PASSWORD
ItsSkullyBitch: it was easy
Holly: We can discuss this more tomorrow. We still have a busy day tomorrow. What harm can it do in four hours? Which is how long we have to sleep, I might add. You have a meeting with Mrs. Porter at nine so be awake at eight at the latest.
Lockwood: yes, Holly's right
Lockwood: everyone to bed
Lockwood: well I don’t care what you do
ItsSkullyBitch: w O W
ItsSkullyBitch: i have done so much for this sorry company
ItsSkullyBitch: aND WHAT THANKS DO I GET?
ItsSkullyBitch: welp time to explore the reddit
Flo: what the fuck did I miss?
Wow ok so it is explained how the skull can type (I hope it's believable, he can canonically do things like that so it's not much of a stretch). More to come soon! All comments and kudos are appreciated!
Chapter 3: Butcher Bones is calling...
*shows up five months late with starbucks*
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Holly: George, if you're not down here in 5 minutes I'm siccing Lucy on you.
Holly: Mrs. Porter gets here in half an hour and you know how you get without your morning donut.
Lucy: I am not your dog, Holly
Lucy: but George I will fuck you up if you aren't presentable by 9
Lucy: and let me warn you, Lockwood is a kinky lil shit
Lockwood: YOU PROMISED
Lockwood: I NEED THEM TO RESPECT ME
Kipps: i havent respected you since i found you crying watching the notebook
Lucy: since I found your tinkerbell boxers
ItsSkullyBitch: since you left me on your dresser and I had to watch you do polka renditions of Ke$ha songs in the mirror for an hour
Holly: Since I found your secret Lucy shrine while dusting
George: since you put on that pink wig for our sixth case together
Lucy: your secret what?
Lockwood: oH look George is awake!
Lockwood: let's talk about that
Holly: George you better be down here in two minutes in clothes without stains.
Holly: This is an important case and we need to make a good impression.
Holly: And we need to have this conversation about the skull.
ItsSkullyBitch: who, little old me?
ItsSkullyBitch: im not getting into any trouble
Lucy: pf yeah thats why I got a call from someone called "Butcher Bones" asking about "the lolly" at 6 am
Flo: no relation
Flo: what, just because we have similar names we have to know each other? ahaha
Kipps: literally no one was thinking that but now I'm suspicious
Lockwood: ah, Flo!
Lockwood: good, I'm glad you're online
Lockwood: if you could swing by around noon, we might need your help on this case
Flo: you best have licorice locky
Holly: Those cushions better be properly fluffed by the time I come in there with the refreshments.
Holly: And don't think I haven't noticed your lack of appearance George.
George: im coming im coming
George: dont get ur knickers in a twist
Lucy: George why is there straw in your hair?
Lockwood: and mud on your cheek?
Lockwood: go clean up
Kipps: and make sure to brush your teeth your breath smells like black licorice
Lockwood: and don't think I forgot about your loss of donut privileges
George: F U C K
Holly: Everyone get off your phones and meet me in the living room! She gets here in three minutes!
Lucy: NOT YOU
Lucy: IF YOU DO THE FLOATING CANDLESTICK TRICK IN FRONT OF ANOTHER CLIENT I WILL CASTRATE YOU
ItsSkullyBitch: pf good luck with that
ItsSkullyBitch: did you forget the whole not alive thing?
Lucy: you forget I have the number of a certain Butcher Bones who says you owe him for the frame job
ItsSkullyBitch: fucking fine
Holly: Phones away! The doorbell just rang!
Lockwood: well that was an overwhelming success
Lucy: the skull nearly stabbed her with a steak knife!
Lockwood: yeah, but she didn't notice
Holly: George spent half the time stuffing his face with cake and the other half talking with his mouth full!
Lockwood: Is that really new though?
George: you and kipps got into a literal slap fight over who got to ask her a question first!
Lockwood: he was acting like a bitch ass poser
Kipps: you spent the first five minutes gaping at Lucy and muttering something about how her dress brought out her ears
Lucy: what does that even mean?
Lockwood: she still gave us the case
Lockwood: like I said, overwhelming success
Lucy: can we talk about the skull now?
George: what's there to talk about?
George: we have two-way communication with a type-three! this is great news
Kipps: maybe the fact that it DMed me vine compilations all night and apparently already pissed off someone named Butcher Bones who may or may not be related to flo
Flo: i already told you we weren't cousins!
Lockwood: its probably fine
Lockwood: I mean whats the worst it could do?
Holly: Hack into your bank account and spend all our money.
Kipps: get us all murdered by flo's cousin
Flo: HES NOT MY COUSIN
George: try to recreate Poltergeist
Lockwood: OK OK STOP! YOURE GIVING IT IDEAS!!!!
Lucy: find your tumblr
Lockwood: ahaha wgat tumblr?
Lockwood: I dont havr a tumblr
Lockwood: whats tumblr?
Lockwood: shouldn't we be getting ready for the case?
Kipps: you're not smooth tony
Lockwood: shut up!
Lockwood: really though, we should be preparing for tomorrow night
Lockwood: Kipps and George, you go to the library and research the history of the house. Bring Holly's notes from this morning's meeting.
Lockwood: Holly, you work on starting a case file and make photocopies of your notes.
Lockwood: Lucy and I will refill our work belts and take stock of our salt and iron stores until Flo gets here
Kipps: read: make out
Lucy: shouldn't someone be monitoring the skull?
ItsSkullyBitch: you aint getting near my internet search history
Kipps: ...I dont want to ask
Lockwood: it'll be fine
Lockwood: whats the worst it could do in 3 hours?
Lucy: I think we already answered that
Lucy: but fine
Lucy: it has been uncharacteristically quiet today
Lockwood: ok everyone meet back here at 5pm
Lockwood: Flo, you still good for noon?
Lockwood: Avengers, disperse!
Lockwood: I was trying something.
Lockwood: it didn't work.
Skully wtf did you do?
Let’s play a game called “how many 50% off references can I make in a chapter without someone noticing?”
More about the case and what they need Flo for next chapter!
(Lockwood's Lucy shrine is on the back of one of those full-length standing reversible mirrors like this:
Speaking of Lockwood’s tumblr, come hmu on mine: lockyle_and_skull