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well done gays

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Okay so maybe he had been talking about some explosions in Tony’s lab too loudly at lunch. But to be fair, it was hilarious. When MJ complained about it and suggested to just make a Twitter account and start using that as his outlet for all his stories she probably meant it as a joke.

Peter took it completely seriously.


#1 intern @starkintern bio: i got tired of keeping all of tony stark’s glorious moments to myself so here i am (he/him)
location: tony stark’s lab


#1 intern @starkintern

h e l l o


#1 intern @starkintern

this was a terrible idea i made this account to tell the world all the secrets of tony starks personal lab and now i cant think of what to talk about


#1 intern @starkintern

ok nvm tony just passed out in the middle of a rant about oscorp im gonna go get a sharpie and draw whiskers on his face byeeee



he need some milk @tonystarkstan

uhhh guys??? has anyone else noticed that @/starkintern account??? is this guy for real???


> our lord an saviour jesus christ @ironmam
i mean, i don’t know if its real but the idea of tony stark sleeping in his lab while some i intern draws on his face is hilarious

>> he need some milk @tonystarkstan ok true, im gonna follow and see what this guy comes up with. tony has not been feeding us well and even if its just a parody account, it might be entertaining anyways



#1 intern @starkintern

okay wtf why did i wake up to 5k followers??????


#1 intern @starkintern

ohhhhhhhh some accounts gave me shout outs!!!! thanks everyone :D


> he need some milk @tonystarkstan
okay but are you really tonys intern or not?? I’ve never heard SI talking about interns that have access to tony stark’s personal lab
>> #1 intern @starkintern wouldn’t you like to know?? ;)

… for more replies….

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#1 intern @starkintern

just entered the elevator to get to tony’s lab and got greeted by FRIDAY loudly playing the its wednesday my dudes vine…..i feel so loved :,)

> no name @tonysstarkk
who tf is friday

>> #1 intern @starkintern
tony’s AI. she runs the avengers compound. i thought this was common knowledge?? fake fan smh

>>> no name @tonysstarkk
okay fujfkffk i didn’t come on here to be DRAGGED and im sorry life has been kicking my ass lately so i cant know eVERY LITTLE DETAIL

>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
hmmm…..big mood. i forgive you.

>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
just asked FRIDAY and she said she forgives you too. she’s nice like that.

>>>>> no name @tonysstarkk
i feel honored



#1 intern @starkintern

tony fell asleep on his desk in the lab again. did no-one ever tell him that sleep is a thing humans need to survive??


> eve @ironeve
pics or it didn’t happen

>> #1 intern @starkintern
you wish



#1 intern @starkintern

ok tony napped for like two hours and then woke up and immediately started searching for a screwdriver??????

> hey there demons @itsmeyaboy
serious question: is he okay??

>>#1 intern @starkintern
not at all, thanks for asking.


#1 intern @starkintern

apparently he just had an idea for a new SI product so im gonna log off and try to help bye everyone!!!! don’t be like tony and sleep regularly!!! also stay hydrated!!!


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#1 intern @starkintern

i want a dog :((

> wee woo @gaypolice then get one

>> #1 intern @starkintern
i can’t, it’s not allowed in the apartment I live in :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

>>> wee woo @gaypolice
thats rough buddy

>>>> #1 intern @starkintern

#1 intern @starkintern

im gonna ask tony if i can get a dog and leave it at the compound

#1 intern @starkintern

he said no :((((((((((((((((( guess ill just die

#1 intern @starkintern


>fingergun gay @gaytonysnark

>> #1 intern @starkintern


…… open for more replies …….


#1 intern @starkintern

HA!!!! spider-man saved a puppy that he found abandoned in an alley in queens and brought him to the compound and now tony cant say no to keeping him because the puppy looks so happy here!!!!! I GET A PUPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY


#1 intern @starkintern

wow im so glad that spider-man brought the puppy he saved to the compound!! what a coincidence!!!! i totally did not tell him to do so!!!! funny how life works!!!!!!!

> ummmmm @ogaylisten
okay are you seriously trying to tell us you know spider-man???? how??? you’re supposed to “just” be tony’s intern

>> #1 intern @starkintern
tony actually made spider-man’s suit so he checks in once in a while to do repairs or upgrades :)

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he need some milk @tonystarkstan
@starkintern okay but who is @guyinthechair and why are you following him???


> #1 intern @starkintern
oh, he’s spider-man’s “guy in the chair” hence the @!! he’s also my best friend so please be nice


guy (™) @guyinthechair

bio: i once hacked spider-mans multi-million dollar suit. spidey’s GITC. (he/him)
location: in the chair



our lord and saviour jesus christ @ironmam

@guyinthechair so uh….not to be rude or anything but what exactly….do you do??? what
does guy in the chair even mean??


> guy (™) @guyingthechair
fjkfd its okay!!! you know how in most superhero or action movies the main character has a friend that hacks stuff and just has his back tech vise?? like he’ll direct him to the fights if the main character can’t find it himself and stuff….that’s more or less what i do


>>damnnnn @tonyyyyyyyyyyystrk
@guyinthechair okay?? but your bio says?? that you hacked spider-man’s suit??? how?? why??? what??????????????

>>>guy (™) @guyinthechair
oh yeah fkfjfk basically stark had put a lot of restrictions in the suit, like enhanced combat mode and stuff like that that he was planning on enabling once spider-man had done some training….let’s just say spider-man got upset and impatient when he found out about it

>>>> our lord and saviour jesus christ @ironmam
okay but how tf did you manage to hack a suit created by TONY STARK himself???

>>>>> guy (™) @guyinthechair
idk??? it was pretty easy?????? i think he’s made the suit more secure now but he was pretty shocked and impressed when he found out lmaooo

……open for more replies…….

#1 intern @starkintern

@guiynthechair come over i wanna have a movie marathon

> guy (™) @guyinthechair
ok be there in 15

>> #1 intern @starkintern
if you pick up some sandwiches ill let you pick the first movie!!!

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can i get a waffle can i PLEASE get a waffle @avengersstan

okay but can we please talk about the fact that somehow, for some reason we somehow all choose to go along with whatever @starkintern says??? he could be lying and laughing at us for playing along for all we know

> gua-ca-mole @ironbread
to be honest at this point i don’t even care if he’s lying to all of us. it’s funny and considering tony hasn’t been that active or in public that much in the past few weeks this is kind of our only source of entertainment

>> can i get a waffle can i PLEASE get a waffle @avengersstan
okay fair
>>mmmwatchagay @gayavenger
yeah it’s kind of like “well…this might as well happen”

>>> #1 intern @starkintern
I’m so glad to be keeping this fandom alive. you may all pay me in virtual hugs



#1 intern @starkintern

okay so a lot of people have been asking me to do a q&a and i just hit 20k followers and im very bored right now so lets do this i guess

> lets get this bread @tonyiron
are you actually tonys personal intern or??
>> #1 intern @starkintern
what do you think? ;)

> can i get a waffle can i PLEASE get a waffle @avengersstan
pineapple on pizza or no?>> #1 intern @starkintner
if you put pineapple on your pizza you’re a monster

>eve @ironeve
how old are you
>> #1 intern @starkintern
that’s classified

> mmmwatchagay @gayavengers
is you gay?
>> #1 intern @starkintern

> gua-ca-mole @ironbread
ok serious question: favourite ice cream flavour?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
COOKIES!!!!! or vanilla

> avengers fan @avengerfan07
who’s your favourite avenger
>> #1 intern @starkintern

>damnnnn @tonyyyyyyyyyyystrk
whats the funniest thing that has happened in the lab?
>> #1intern @starkintern
hmmmm well one time we were working on spider-man’s webs and they accidentally exploded and the whole lab was covered in spiderwebs. the bots were trying to help and clean it up but got stuck every few inches or so!! they kept complaining about it all while tony was trying to stop laughing at the mess we made

>>> our lord and saviour jesus christ @ironmam
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
wait people don’t know about tony’s bots?? man…i gotta tell you about them soon,
they’re so much fun

#1 intern @starkintern
okay sorry for cutting this short but i gotta get ready to hang out with my friends now!!! this was fun though! @guyinthechair don’t eat all the popcorn while waiting for me!!!

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#1 intern @starkintern

its sunday afternoon and i would very much like to stop time so i can sleep for 8347283 hours instead of having to mentally prepare myself for the next week uGHHHHHHHHHH

#1 intern @starkintern
aaaannywayyysss whats up everyone? everyone good? wanna talk about something?? my brain is half dead and i think im gonna start spiralling if i don’t distract myself

> maria @mariassong
are you ok? why don’t you call your firends?? maybe @guyinthechair??
>> #1 intern @starkintern
im alright, this happens sometimes. and guy is in the shower right now so i cant exactly bother him ffkjf
>> #1 intern @starkintern
plus I’ve been kind of neglecting twitter these past few days and i feel bad! :( i like everyone, so if you wanna talk just ask something!! :)

> tony stark is an idiot @ironavenger
tell us about the bots you mentioned during your q&a!!! pretty please??? im super interested!!
>> #1 intern @starkintern
oh yeah, of course!! i promised everyone i would talk about them!!! basically tony has three bots in his lab. they all are their own AIs but since they were made by a much younger tony they aren’t really as advanced as FRIDAY
>> #1 intern @starkintern
the first one is dum-e. he was tony’s first attempt at an AI and he made him as a teen. im sure you’ll find articles about him somewhere. he has one bot arm and he LOVES fire extinguishers. he also makes a lot of shakes, but they’re not drinkable since he usually puts motor oil in them. but he’s super cute.
>> #1 intern @starkintern
then there’s U. he’s pretty similar to dum-e but he’s usually recording tony’s attempts to use prototypes of the armour and stuff like that. he also can carry a tray and helps me convince tony to eat by shoving the food in his face fjkfd
>> #1 intern @starkintern
and lastly there’s butterfingers. he’s the youngest in the bunch and he’s terrible at picking up things. like seriously, a disaster. but i love him anyways. he always tries to hand me something when i enter the lab. he’s the sweetest

>>> dumb gay bitch @gayvengers
wow. tony stark is terrible at naming things. i thought BARF was a one time thing but apparently not fkfjfk
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
oh yeah he’s terrible. if i could, i’d tell you the names of the protocols he put into spider-man’s suit. it’s kind of funny and I’ve found that the things with the dumbest names are usually the ones he’s the most proud of. or at least they have more emotional value, if that makes any sense??

……open for more replies ……

>>> daniel @notagainbye
i love them. i’ve never met or seen them but i would die for them
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
dude….same. they’re like tony’s little children and they make the lab more fun. sometimes they remind me of puppies. overgrown, robotic puppies.


guy (™) @guyinthechair

okay i just came out of the bathroom after a long and relaxing shower and find @starkintern on his bed sobbing?????

guy (™) @guyinthechair

he keeps crying about how much he loves tony’s bots???? im????

guy (™) @guyinthechair

alright everyone im gonna start a star wars marathon with him because he needs to calm down

> mj @superiornerd
lmao you guys are losers
>> guy(™) @guyinthechair
okay 1) mj?? 2) since when have you had this secret twitter account
>>> mj @superiornerd
yeah its me and I’ve had it every since i realised @starkintern had actually taken my suggestion of making an account for his internship seriously. it’s been hilarious
>>>> guy (™) @guyinthechair
okay i guess… you know that you can come over and join us right???
>>>>>my @superiornerd
……………okay i guess

hey there demons @itsmeyaboy

who the hell is mj???

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hey there demons @itsmeyaboy

who the hell is mj?

@guyinthechiar started following @superiornerd

@starkintern started following @superiornerd


*singing mamma mia* @winnertakesitall

@starkintern @guyinthechair i hope you don’t mind me asking but….who’s mj???


> #1 intern @starkintern
ohhhhh sorry for not introducing you earlier!!! mj is our best friend. we’re like a trio of best friends
>> mj @superiornerd
wow that sounds lame
>>> guy(™) @guyinthechiar
is he lying though?????
>>>> mj @superiornerd

>> hey there demons @itsmeyaboy
ohhhhh is mj also involved with SI or spider-man??
>>> #1 intern @starkintern
oh no, not at all. i mean she could if she wanted to, she’s incredibly smart. but she’s more of a pepper potts king of person.
>>>> guy (™) @guyinthechair
yes mj is really smart and can be really scary and intimidating if she wants to, im sure once ms. potts meets her they’ll form some sort of alliance. it will be the day men everywhere will start shaking in fear
>>>>> mj @superiornerd
that is….the best compliment I’ve ever recieved….i love you guys
>>>>>> guy {™) @guyinthechair
awwww we love you too!!!! <3
>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
……..this is the first time you ever told us you love us……i can’t believe that all we had to do is compare you to miss potts oh my goooood


#1 intern @starkintern

@superiornerd i love you too btw

>mj @superiornerd
nerd <3



mj @superiornerd

honestly most of me and @guyinthechair’s friendship consists of us taking care of our idiot white boy

> #1 intern @starkintern
heYY!!! not true!!
>> guy (™) @guyinthechair
uh….yeah it kind of is

>> mj @superiornerd
i have a graph with all the injuries you’ve had in the past 6 months. color coded. i also ordered stupid things you’ve said and stupid ideas you’ve had chronologically. i can email you both if you’d like :))
>>> #1 intern @starkintern
….point taken


mj @superiornerd

bio: my friends are losers
location: library


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can i get a waffle can i PLEASE get a waffle @avengersstan

@starkintern i have a question

> #1 intern @starkintern
i also have many questions

>> can i get a waffle can i PLEASE get a waffle @avengersstan
FUKFJFK no but seriously…. why do you call tony stark by his first name??? isn’t he your boss??

>>>#1 intern @starkintern
ohhh fjfkf funny story actually!! i used to call him mister stark all the time because i was taught to do so by my family growing up and he HATED it. for some reason he hates being called mr. stark and he kept complaining about it so i kept doing it on purpose ffkjfkjfk
>>> #1 intern @starkintern
but then one time there was expolsion in the lab that was 100% my fault because i was running on three hours of sleep and i was SUPER worried that he’d fire me or be really angry but he laughed and said he’d forgive me if i called him tony. and i mean….i couldn’t really say no to that you know??

>>>> mj @superiornerd
you say that like you haven’t been calling him ‘dad’ for weeks now
>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>>> guy (™) @guyinthechair
she’s right you know…you do it all the time
>>>>>> mj @superiornerd
i just emailed you a detailed list of times and places you’ve called stark ‘dad’ to our faces. if you look at it closely you can see that it has been steadily increasing the last two weeks. you’re welcome :))

>>>>>> maria @mariassong
do you….do you see tony stark as your father figure????
>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
father figure?? pffft if anything he’s more of a bother figure because he’s always bothering me

……….open for more replies…………



#1 intern @starkintern

update from the lab: i taught dum-e how to make a sandwich. they usually contain some shards of glass or a piece of metal but he’s doing his best and I’m proud of him


#1 intern @starkintern
another update: tony was so focused on his new project that he took the sandwich and bit into it. there’s metal in it. will keep you guys posted.

#1 intern @starkintern

he started yelling and spitting out the sandwich into the trashcan

#1 intern @starkintern

now he’s threatening dum-e by saying he’ll donate him to a community college


> fingergun gay @gaytonysnark
wtf poor dum-e was just trying his best
>> #1 intern @starkintern
oh no he wouldn’t actually ever give any of them away, they’re like his kids. he threatens to get rid of them and donate them at least once a day, you get used to it after a while

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Tony Stark Updates @TonyStarkDaily
@starkintern so if you’re actually Tony Stark’s personal intern why don’t you just post a picture with him or at least one of the lab so everyone believes you

> #1 intern @starkintern
because he doesn’t really know about this account (friday said it would be ok) and I’m scared
>> Tony Stark Updates @TonyStarkDaily
if he’s anything like you describe him I highly doubt that you have to be scared of his reaction about this
>>> #1 intern @starkintern
it’s not him I’m scared of though
>>>> Tony Stark Updates @TonyStarkDaily
who are you so scared of then?
>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
Ms. Potts

…….open for more replies……



#1 intern @starkintern

just for the record…miss potts has never actually been rude or anything im just scared of her because she’s so powerful. she has a certain aura that just screams “don’t fuck with me”

> mj @superiornerd
i wanna be her when i grow up
>> #1 intern @starkintern
god if you were ever to team up with her I’d be scared for my life
>>> mj @superiornerd



#1 intern @starkintern

hahaha just ate three entire pizzas

> guy(™) @guyintherchair
>mj @superiornerd
aren’t you lactose intolerant?
>> #1 intern @starkintern



@superiornerd started following @hopevandyne

@guyinthechair started following @hopevandyne

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no name @tonysstarkk

umm guys…is there any reason why both @superiornerd and @guyinthechair started following @hopevandyne???

no name @tonysstarkk
theoretically speaking this could mean absolutely nothing but i love overthinking so…..….what’s going on


CNN Breaking News @CNNbrk

BREAKING NEWS: just a few weeks after Scott Lang, also known as Ant-Man, signed the Accords together with Hank Pym and his daughter Hope Van Dyne, Stark Industries and Pym Technologies announce plans of collaborations on multiple projects



@starkintern started following @pymtechonolgies



Stark Industries @starkindustries

Stark Industries is proud to finally be able to work with @pymtechonologies. We are excited for the what the future will bring and welcome all employees of Pym Techonologies into our headquarters.

Pym Technologies @pymtechnologies

After months of discussions and plans, we are proud to announce that Pym Technologies will start working together with Stark Industries to shape the future of our country and the world at large!


#1 intern @starkintern

i dont think you guys realise how life changing the collaboration of pym technologies and SI is….pepper potts and hope van dyne are two incredibly powerful, smart and competent women. I’ve seen them together. its…..something….


Avengers Compound @compoundavengers

We at the Avengers Compound are proud to welcome Scott Lang, also known as Ant-Man, into our Compound. He and his family will be able to live and work here. Mr. Lang has announced that he will participate in the required training to become a full-time Avenger.


Avengers Compound @compundavengers

We will be hosting a press conference at the Compound tomorrow morning where Mr. Lang will be able to answer any questions regarding his decision to join the Avengers and more.

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#1 intern @starkintern

guys….the press conference today….you’re not ready

………open for more replies………..



The New York Times @nytimes

Breaking News: Hope Van Dyne announces her decision to join the Avengers alongside Scott Lang as “The Wasp”.


CNN Breaking News @CNNbrk

Breaking News: Hope Van Dyne announces she’s joining the Avengers as “The Wasp” and has already completed most of the mandatory training. Pictures below


BBC Breaking News @BBCBreaking

After announcing her decision to join the Avengers and explaining that she has already completed most of the mandatory training to join, Hope Van Dyne says she will take a step back to focus on the new projects with Stark Industries for a few weeks.



#1 intern @starkintern

told you so



Hope Van Dyne @hopevandyne

I’d like to thank everyone for their support on my decision to join the Avengers Initiative. As already discussed at the press conference, I will be taking a step back to focus on Pym Technologies for a while.

Hope Van Dyne @hopevandyne

I will obviously keep training in the next few weeks, but it won’t be as intense. I’m very excited for what’s to come and would also like to announce that there are plans for me to help train new recruits together with @colonelrhodes.


Scott Lang @AntMan

Hello everyone!! Thank you for being so kind to me after announcing my plans to join the Avengers. I will start my training tomorrow and I hope that I can help more people in the future. Thank you @compoundavengers and @tonystark for being so welcoming.

Scott Lang @AntMan

I’d also like to thank both @pepperpotts and @hopevandyne for helping me with the press conference today. I’m not used to them and they were kind enough to prepare me for it and help me with everything surrounding it.


@starkintern started following @AntMan

@guyinthechair started following @AntMan



#1 intern @starkintern

ok anyone got any questions or are you still trying to recover from everything fjkfjkf

>he need some milk @tonystarkstan
dude…what?????? oh my good

>> #1 intern @starkintern
yeah same

> eve @ironeve
have you met scott lang yet?

>> #1 intern @starkintern
yeah he was here a few weeks ago finalising everything and choosing rooms. his family was with him too!! his daughter is both cute and terrifying

>>> our lord an saviour jesus christ @ironmam
what about miss van dyne???? i want her to step on me

>>>> mj @superiornerd
wow same

>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
fjfkfj she’s actually been around quite frequently. she’s incredibly smart and really nice and I loved getting the chance to work with her and her dad in the lab for a bit.

>>>>> antsantsantsantsants @antmen
wait hold up….you got to work with hANK PYM????
>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
a little??? he doesn’t really trust anyone with the pym particle besides his daughter, but we worked together in the lab for a few hours once. i spent more time with miss van dyne though :)

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#1 intern @starkintern

tony is sick

#1 intern @starkintern

this is so much fun i can finally force him to watch tv shows with me!!!!!!

>scott lang is an idiot @ironant
ummmm is he ok?? wont you get sick too??
>> #1 intern @starkintern
yeah i gave him some soup and he’s feeling a little better. and no i wont lmao

>>>tony stark is an idiot @ironavenger
are you…..taking care of a sick iron man???
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern

>>>>> lets get this bread @tonyiron
are you sure you know what to do please don’t kill him!!!!!!! tony stark is a national treasure

>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
don’t worry, I know what I’m doing! my parental guardian is a nurse and if i need any help i can just ask FRIDAY

>>>>>>> daniel @notagainbye
parental guardian???
>>>>>>> mj @superiornerd
it’s a long story, don’t ask.
>>>>>>>> daniel @notagainbyed
oh okay



#1 intern @starkintern

i forced tony to watch one day at a time with me and now he won’t stop crying????? same

#1 intern @starkintern

i told him that it’s constantly on the verge of being cancelled because it doesn’t get enough views for netflix and he just ordered friday to make sure it has enough funds to continue????????????????????????? i???

#1 intern @starkintern

he said carmen reminds him of his head of security (@happyhogan)



#1 intern @starkintern

im making him watch the good place now lmaoooo bye suckerrrrrssssss


#1 intern @starkintern
TONY WEARS GLASSES??????!I§)$=(=)”)=!(“)=§()”!$()=(=(!”=)(!!()(!”=)(§”)=(=)$(!=()$”($=)(“=)(

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h @potatogunkid
bio: tony stark broke into my garage and i threatened him with a potato gun (he/him)
location: middle of nowhere

following: @tonystark


h @potatogunkid

daily reminder that tony stark broke into my garage

h @potatogunkid

tony stark broke into my garage


h @potatogunkid

hey tony stark broke into my garage

> #2 tony stark stan @warmachinestan
>> h @potatogunkid


h @potatogunkid

anthony edward stark broke into my garage



h @potatogunkid

friendly reminder that tony stark broke into my garage

> pepper potts please punch me in the face @lesbianironman
okay but why do you keep tweeting the same thing everyday
>> h @potatogunkid
i have to remind myself that I’m that bitch



h @potatogunkid

stark tony garage into my broke



h @potatogunkid

daily reminder that tony stark broke into my garage


h @potatogunkid

life is hard but tony stark broke into my garage

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#1 intern @starkintern
good morning tony hasn’t slept properly in like two days and now he’s about to cry because we ran out of blueberries

> #2 tony stark stan @warmachinestan
do you know @potatogunkid?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
never heard of him tbh

>>> pepper potts please punch me in the face @lesbianironman
so he’s lying about tony stark breaking into his garage?

>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
not necessarily. there are a lot of things and people that tony doesn’t tell me about, he’s a pretty private person

>>>>>can i get a waffle can i PLEASE get a waffle @avengersstan
i think this is the first time i have ever heard someone say tony stark is a private person

>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
lmaoooo i know it sounds weird and not very believable but he’s gotten much more private over the last few years according to rhodey. you could probably count the people that know about me on one hand

>>>>>>>gua-ca-mole @ironbread
i guess that makes sense??? like look how many times pepper got threatened! even if they’ve broken up, they’re still close and that puts her in danger. i know i would protect my loved ones if i were in his position

>>>>>>>> #1 intern @stark intern

guy (™) @guyinthechair

since many people ask me why spider-man keeps his identity a secret he told me i could tell everyone that this is the biggest reason why

(quoted tweet)
[in reply to @starkintern]
gua-ca-mole @ironbread
i guess that makes sense??? like look how many times pepper got threatened! even if they’ve broken up, they’re still close and that puts her in danger. i know i would protect my loved ones if i were in his position



h @potatogunkid

daily reminder that tony stark broke into my garage


h @potatogunkid

hold on wtf happened why does my notifications tab say +20?????

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h @potatogunkid

okay hold on…. are you actually for real or is your whole account just a joke @starkintern

> #1 intern @starkintern
that information is classified
>> h @potatogunkid
fuck off i could just ask tony
>>> #1 intern @starkintern
you talk to tony?
>>>> h @potatogunkid
yeah, quite frequently actually. he did crash into my garage after all
>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
huh…werid. he usually mentions people he’s close to to me
>>>>>> h @potatogunkid
oh so you “know” tony??? maybe im just that special that he wants no-one else to find me ;)
>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
jesus christ I do know him!!! im genuinely confused now though, why didn’t he mention you?
>>>>>>>> *singing mamma mia* @winnertakesitall
not to like…interrupt your wonderful and enlightening conversation but why don’t you just ask tony about @potatogunkid??? maybe he just forgot to mention him
>>>>>>>>>#1 intern @starkintern
because then I’d have to tell him how i found him and he kind of….still doesn’t know I have this account

>>>>>>>>>>mj @superiornerd
coward, just tell him
>>>>>>>>>> guy(™) @guyinthechair
yeah i mean I kind of think he’s known all along and is just laughing at you

>>>>>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
ruDE!!!!! but fineeeeeee

>>>>>>>>>>>> guy (™) @guyinthechair
if he knows you’ll have to buy me a sandwich for my genius!!!



Peter glances up from his phone to see Tony working on a leg of his armour. He didn’t seem all too focused though, so he decided to just face the music.

“Hey, Tony?”

“mhm?” he got as an answer.

“DId you ever break into someone’s garage and have them threaten you with a potato gun?” Peter asked nervously.

That made Tony pause. For half a second he seemed frozen, before slowly turning to Peter and giving him a confused look.
“What exactly are you talking about?”

“Well…um…there’s this guy on twitter that claims to know you. Says you broke into his garage and he threatened you with a potato gun. He seemed to insist that you knew him so I was just wondering if he was lying or actually telling the truth.”

“What do you think?”

“Well…it certainly wouldn’t be the weirdest thing you’ve ever done so….”

That made Tony laugh. “Yeah I know Harley. I landed in his hometown in Tennessee during the whole Mandarin fiasco and broke into his garage because it was freezing cold. When he came back home and saw someone in his garage he pulled out his potato gun and threatened me. He’s a good kid. How did you find him anyways?”

Wait, what?

“Wait so you actually know him?? That’s so cool!!! Why didn’t you tell me about him??”

“I honestly don’t know, I guess I just forgot to mention him. He’s really smart though, same age as you but even sassier. Kid’s a little shit, I’ll tell you that.” he said smirking. “That doesn’t answer my question though, how did you find him?” he asked again, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Uhhh…well…I kind of made an account where I talk about the internship? Nothing confidential or anything that would give me away though, don’t worry!! Most people think I’m just a parody account. Anyways one of my followers I guess found his account?? He tweets about you breaking into his garage daily so I got curious.” That had Tony start grinning.

“Yeah kid, I know about the account. It’s been fun watching you.” he told Peter while laughing.
“Wait you knew?? Why didn’t you say anything? Oh my god……Ned was right!!!” Peter groaned, letting his head fall onto his desk right in front of him. God. Now he owed him a sandwich.

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

um….@guyinthechair i owe you a sandwich

> guy(™) @guyinthechair

> mj @superiornerd
wait so he knew about this account??
>> #1 intern @starkintern
yeah and apparently he finds it hilarious


#1 intern @starkintern

also uhhh @potatogunkid….tony says hi

> h @potatogunkid
how do i know you’re not lying again?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
um..i know your name, your age and what state you’re from. i also know when he broke into your garage and why. he says that you’re a little shit
>>> h @potatogunkid
alright… me all of that and then I might believe you
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern


@starkintern started following @potatogunkid

@potatogunkid started following @starkintern


[ direct messages]
#1 intern -> h

#1 intern: your name is harley you’re 17 (ish??), from tennessee. he broke into your garage during the “mandarin fiasco” because he was freezing to death

h: well…..okay hi

#1 intern: so you believe me??

h: yeah. I’ll probably call him later just to check but there’s no way a random person knows why he crashed at my place
h: also why 17ish??

#1 intern: uhh well….he said you’re my age so….

h: how in the world did you get to be his personal intern????

#1 intern: that’s classified

h: no it’s not TELL ME!!

#1 intern:……its a long story
#1 intern: can we talk about something else?

h: ugh fINE!! but im asking tony when i call him later

#1 intern: alright

h: okay but…you know my name and where i live (more or less) so at least tell me that about yourself. i feel like im at a disadvantage

#1 intern: I’ll tell you, just don’t tweet about it please

h: of course not

#1 intern: my name’s peter
#1 intern: and im from queens, nyc


#1 intern: hahaha yeah spider-man queens




h @potatogunkid

after spending hours talking to @starkintern I’ve decided that tony never introduced me to him because he’s scared of the destruction it would bring

> #1 intern @starkintern
i mean….i kinda get that
>> guy(™) @guyinthechair
wait so he’s telling the truth??
>>> #1 intern @starkintern
yeah he is



@guyinthechair started following @potatogunkid

@superiornerd started following @potatogunkid

@potatogunkid started following @guyinthechair and @superiornerd

Chapter Text

mmmwatchagay @gayavengers

so we’re just gonna believe that tony stark has a personal intern that made an account to talk about his job, has a best friend who works with spider-man, a best friend who is similar to pepper potts and that there is a guy out there who knows tony stark because he broke into his garage once

>antsantsantsantsants @antmen

>#2 tony stark stan @warmachinestan

> the wasp can punch me in the face @hopevanfine

>tony stark is an idiot @ironavenger

>pepper potts please punch me in the face @lesbianironman

>no name @tonysstarkk
yes. do you have a problem with that?
>> mmmwatchagay @gayavengers
no just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page



#1 intern created a group chat!
#1 intern -> guy(™), mj and h

#1 intern: i made another group chat so harley wont feel excluded

guy(™): his name is harley??

h: peter.

#1 intern: oh…oops??

mj; you’re an idiot

#1 intern: sorry harley

h: its fineh: can i at least know the others names too??

#1 intern: okay yeah good point
#1 intern: introduce yourselves

guy(™): hi I’m ned

mj: Michelle

h: hi!
h: why ‘mj’ then

mj: its my nickname
mj: only my friends are allowed to call me that though

#1 intern: dont take it personally it took her years to let us call her mj

guy(™): yeah, i don’t exactly know what the qualifications are but it took us a long time

h: alright i guess

mj: harley, you can call me mj

h: lmaoo thanks



#1 intern: why does he get to call you mj right away?? we had to woRK FOR THAT

h: lmao suckerrssssssss

mj: are you saying its not my choice peter?

#1 intern:…
#1 intern: sorry

mj: good.
mj: also may said to get your ass home, peter

#1 intern: wtf are you with may right now?

mj: no
mj: we text

h: who the hell is may

#1 intern: my aunt

guy(™): peter’s aunt

mj: the most powerful woman on earth

h: okay….
h: why do you live with your aunt peter?

#1 intern: um

mj: peter you don’t have to

#1 intern: its fine mj
#1 intern: because my parents died when i was like 6 and my aunt and uncle took care of me ever since but last year my uncle was shot and killed right in front of me so now its just us

h: oh.
h: im so sorry peter
h: that sucks

#1 intern: yeah

h: my dad went to get scratchers when i was like 6 and never came back
h: not that it makes you feel any better but since you’re already telling your life story i guess im just gonna share mine too

#1 intern: aw thanks harley i appreciate it
#1 intern: and im sorry that your dad was such a dick

h: yeah
h: anyone else wanna share their childhood trauma??

guy(™): no im fine

mj: no im good thanks
mj: but you guys are cute

#1 intern: what

h: what

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

scott just ran into a wall

#1 intern @starkintern

he was in the lab with tony and I, working on something and got distracted by dum-e. they started playing catch and he ran into a wall

> jen @antsnwasps

> elisabeth @spiderstan
wait why is he in the lab, he seems like the type of person to blow everything up
>> #1 intern @starkintern
he has a masters degree in electrical engineering, he’s actually pretty smart when he’s not being an idiot
>>> elisabeth @spiderstan
oh i didn’t know that

#1 intern @starkintern

me and scott have decided to bake a cake together.

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
oh no
> mj @superiornerd
thats a terrible idea, cant wait to see pepper’s face when you blow up the kitchen
>> #1 intern @starkintern
ok rude


#1 intern @starkintern

scott just put in 10 cups of chocolate chips instead of 3 because “rules are made to be broken”

#1 intern @starkintern

we’re gonna make some cookies with raisins too because hope and pepper are monsters who like them

#1 intern @starkintern

i think we used too much baking powder

#1 intern @starkintern

the cake is getting HUGE help US

#1 intern @starkintern
why is scott putting blueberries in the raisin cookies

#1 intern @starkintern

friday told on us :((( she called rhodey :( snitch

#1 intern @starkintern

okay the kitchen looks like someone dropped 5kg of cocaine onto the floor

>damnnnn @tonyyyyyyyyyyystrk
how do you know what cocaine looks like
>> #1 intern @starkintern
not important

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

um guys wtf a huge ass ship just landed on the avengers lawn???????


#1 intern @starkintern

i have no idea whats going on


#1 intern @starkintern

okay its apparently a friendly ship i still don’t know who tf it is



#1 intern @starkintern




Direct Messages
groupchat: “evil geniuses”#1 intern, guy(™), h , mj

#1 intern: gUYS OH MY GOD

mj: what

guy(™): pETER WHO IS IT

h: peter wtf is going on just tell us

#1 intern: okay but you cant tell anyone
#1 intern: tony said that we need to keep it under wraps until we have some sort of solution

mj: who would we even tell


h: peter i s2g if you don’t fucking tell us who it is i will come murder you

#1 intern: oooohhhhh agressive ;)

h: pETER

#1 intern: okay so the ship that landed is uhh
#1 intern: full of asgardians
#1 intern: i dont have the full context but apparently their planet got blown up????
#1 intern: by thor and loki’s evil older sister???
#1 intern: odin is dead???
#1 intern: thor’s hammer is destroyed????
#1 intern: loki is a good guy now????
#1 intern: and uhhh
#1 intern: bruce banner is with them

mj: …….what the fuck
mj: please tell me you’re joking you cant be serious

guy(™): oh my god what

h: ….what.



#1 intern @starkintern

im okay but……………..oh my god

Chapter Text

Avengers Compound @compoundavengers
The ship that landed at the Compound three days ago was friendly. We have been working day and night with the UN and the Accords Council to talk about the future of our current guests. We have finally come to an agreement and will soon release a press statement. Thank you for your patience.


Avengers Compound @compoundavengers

For immediate release: Three days ago an unknown ship landed at the Avengers Compound in early morning. The ship landed legally using a passcode reserved for the Avengers. The passengers were friendly.

The passengers of the ship were a few hundred Asgardians, mostly women and kids, who travelled together with none other than their king, Thor Odinson, Avenger and God of Thunder.
There were a few other remarkable passengers on the ship: a handful of slaves-turned-rebels who helped the Asgardians flee, Dr. Bruce Banner (also known as the Hulk) and Loki Odinson, Prince of Asgard and the God of Mischief. The arrival of the Asgardians brought a lot of questions and problems, we will answer the most important ones below.

1) The Asgardians came to earth in search of refuge. Their home planet was destroyed after the death of Odin, the former King and father to Thor and Loki, died. His death unleashed his powerful and dangerous daughter Hela, the Goddess of Death. Many Asgardians died at the hands of Hela, while Thor and Loki were stuck on another planet. Thor, Loki, the Hulk and the Valkyrie managed to defeat Hela, but not without consequences. Asgard was destroyed.
2) Thor and Loki got stuck on another planet where they met the Valkyrie and the Hulk, who had taken complete control over Banner’s body since his disappearance from Sokovia. They managed to flee and free other prisoners who helped them in their fight against Hela.
3) Loki Odinson seems to have been under some sort of mind control during the events of New York City in 2012. His destiny is unclear for now, but with Thor and Banner vouching for him the UN committee is considering making him train with the most powerful sorcerer on earth, Dr. Strange. The sorcerer wishes to stay out of the public but is a registered super-person and has the trust of the UN’s committee as well as Dr. Stark and Colonel Rhodes. He can train with Loki while also evaluating him and getting more information on the events that caused the Attack on New York City in 2012. Dr. Strange also has the power to subdue Loki Odinson, should he think of rebelling, though the God has promised that he has no such intentions.
4) Many nations of the UN have offered the Asgardians land to settle down and after long debates, the Asgardians decided to settle down in Norway.
5) In exchange for refuge the Asgardians promised to not only register and abide to the Accords, but also to help the Avengers in case of another alien invasion.
6) The UN will be working on new and special Accords and laws to suit the Asgardians and any other beings seeking refuge in New Asgard.
7) Dr. Bruce Banner has decided to stay at the Avengers Compound after Tony Stark offered him a place to stay. Thor Odinson says he will focus on his role as King of Asgard, but will check-in regularly with the Avengers at the Compound.

Any other questions will be answered tomorrow at the press conference. We thank the UN for their help and thank the country of Norway for taking in the Asgardians.


#1 intern @starkintern yeah im losing my mind too

Chapter Text

After spending days surrounded by muscular, loud and ‘manly' men Peter feels like he’s drowning in self-pity. Sure, everyone was friendly and very impressed by his intelligence when he had the chance to actually interact with them but he wasn’t really able to show any Asgardians his strength or anything like that.

Wakandan ships were busy bringing the Asgardians to Norway all day and Tony hadn’t even had the time to have lunch with Peter. He was really happy that his mentor/father figure had finally gotten his “science bro” back and was excited to meet both Dr. Banner and Thor, but he missed the quiet. The Compound had been in a state of chaos for the past week and his enhanced senses were making everything so much worse.

Since the Asgardians didn’t deserve to be treated like animals in a zoo the Compound was basically on lockdown, meaning Ned and MJ weren’t allowed to come over. His aunt was at work, doing more and more shifts and he had barely had the time to explain to her what was happening.

Which was why he was currently lying wide awake in his enormous bed in the Compound, unable to sleep despite it being past midnight.



#1 intern @starkintern

this week has been so chaotic. im exhausted

> h @potatogunkid
isn’t it like midnight in new york
>> #1 intern @starkintern
cant sleep lmao


Direct Messages

h -> #1 intern

h: hey peter are you okay??

#1 intern: yeh why

h: well its midnight, you should be sleeping and you’re seemingly wide awake
h: most asgardians left a few hours ago so the compound should be quiet again
h: so whats up??

#1 intern: nothing
#1 intern: its stupid

h: so is it nothing or is it stupid??

#1 intern: both

h: peter…..i doubt its stupid if its making you unable to sleep
h: you know you can talk to me right??

#1 intern: yeah i know
#1 intern: and i appreciate it!
#1 intern: its just stupid

h: tell me whats going on

#1 intern: why

h: well im awake and so are you so you might as well tell me
h: talking to someone often helps you know

#1 intern: yeah i just
#1 intern: idk

h: you don’t have to tell me, but you should talk to someone

#1 intern: yeah its just
#1 intern: i have barely been able to talk to my aunt all week
#1 intern: and ned and mj weren’t allowed to visit me at the compound bc of the asgardians and stuff
#1 intern: and tony’s been busy
#1 intern: and i don’t know….all the male asgardians were so muscular and manly and im literally like a breadstick
#1 intern: everyone keeps acting like im a little kid who wouldn’t understand and i don’t like it

h: okay um
h: first of its okay to be upset about feeling lonely and excluded
h: i would be too if i were in your shoes
h: secondly…i kinda get it with the overly manly stuff?? i mean I’ve got the advantage of being pretty tall but i don’t really have any muscles or anything
h: and im sorry they keep treating you like a kid
h: you are incredibly smart
h: prove them wrong

#1 intern: thank u
#1 intern: i just get overwhelmed
#1 intern: and every guy here is like super manly and shit and its makes me feel like im a fraud or something lol

h: hey
h: just because you don’t have that many muscles doesn’t mean you’re not still a guy

#1 intern: i guess

h: and i bet you’re still very attractive ;)

#1 intern: lmaoo thanks

h: you feel better now?

#1 intern: yeah a bit thank you
#1 intern: still not tired though

h: thats okay
h: wanna have a disney movie marathon on rabbit??

#1 intern: YESSS

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

omg guys im ok im sorry for suddenly disappearing last night

>he need some milk @tonystarkstan
its okay…just…are you?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
yeah im fine i promise
>>>eve @ironeve
what happened
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
i just started talking to @potatogunkid and then we ended up watching disney movies on rabbit
>>>>> h @potatogunkid
yeah and then you fell asleep during mulan lmaooo
>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>>>> h @potatogunkid
yeah you did. you even started snoring haha
>>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>>>>>> h @potatogunkid
im kinda hurt that you fell asleep while i was talking though ://
>>>>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
…well…you have a nice voice so
>>>>>>>>>>> h @potatogunkid
awwwww <3


maria @mariassong

wait so have you seen @starkintern’s face??

> h @potatogunkid
aw no, we just had our microphones turned on because we were too lazy to type


Direct Messages

groupchat: the midtown nerds ™
#1 intern, guy(™), mj

mj: um
mj: peter?

#1 intern: yeah?

mj: how long did you talk to harley last night??

#1 intern: a couple of hours why?

guy(™): when’d you fall asleep peter

#1 intern: idk around 3.30 am i think???
#1 intern: why

guy(™): man your sleeping schedule is fucked

mj: and you fell asleep….to the sound of harley’s voice??

guy(™): ohhhh
guy(™): lmao

#1 intern: what??
#1 intern: yes
#1 intern: WHY

mj: hmm

guy(™): hmm indeed

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

hey guys im not gonna be very active today or tomorrow. got a surgery and have to rest a lot after

>our lord an saviour jesus christ @ironmam
you have a surgery?? omg what for are you okay??
>>#1 intern @starkintern
i dont feel comfortable sharing that, im sorry :( but im fine i promise!!
>> our lord an saviour jesus christ @ironmam
thats okay, good luck!!




Direct Messages
groupchat: “evil geniuses”#1 intern, guy(™), h , mj

#1 intern: im nervoussss

mj: you’re gonna be fine peter

guy(™): yeah you’ll be out of it before you know it

h: i honestly don’t know whats going on, but if you’re worried about a surgery i promise they’re not that bad
h: it’ll be over before you know it

#1 intern: i guess…

guy(™): peter we’ll be there when you wake up i promise

#1 intern: ://

mj: we love you pete, you can do this!!!!
h: yes!!i mean im confused but im sure you’re gonna get through everything just fine

#1 intern: thank you guys
#1 intern: and im sorry harley for not telling you what exactly is going on its just..personal

h: nah i get it
h: you don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable sharing
h: we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, don’t worry about it

#1 intern: thank you :)


#1 intern @starkintern

hey im back im ok

#1 intern @starkintern

i woke up to vision hovering near my bed and almost had a heart attack

> h @potatogunkid
tony promised me he’d start teaching vision more manners and explain to him how to scare people less
>> #1 intern @starkintern
he did but sometimes vision gets tired and just floats around

> i c u @westanthevison
okay but i have so many questions about vision
>> #1 intern @starkintern
me too tbh. i know him quite well but there are still a bunch of things i don’t understand. like does he eat?? or drink?? or sleep??? does he need to be recharged like a phone?? im so confused

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern
heyoooo i can move around a bit so me and vision decided to hang out for the day bc i have a lot of questions and everyone else is busy



#1 intern @starkintern

we’re in the library bc im in the mood to read and i asked vision if he had any recommendations for ya books that aren’t completely depressing but still deal with serious issues and he started listing like 50 books help

#1 intern @starkintern

ok we narrowed it down to four books pls help me choose what to read

[ poll ] 
the hate you give
aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe
everything leads too you
the art of being normal


#1 intern @starkintern

ok ari and dante won ill let you know how it goes

> h @potatogunkid
bring tissues

> mj @superiornerd
a masterpiece


#1 intern @starkintern

vision stop trying to drag me away from the book


#1 intern @starkintern

im saying send tweet so friday can tweet it for me now shut up im trying to read


#1 intern @starkintern



#1 intern @starkintern

friday have you been tweeting all of that??


#1 intern @starkintern



#1 intern @starkintern

goddamnit i just wanted to read


#1 intern @starkintern

im back

#1 intern @starkintern

i would like to thank benjamin alire sáenz for my entire life

> h @potatogunkid
how many tissues did you use
>> #1 intern @starkintern
too many. i think im dehydrated from all the ugly crying



#1 intern @starkintern

ok important update: vision doesn’t have to eat or drink but sometimes he’ll do it anyways because something smells or looks nice

>i c u @westanthevison
ok but does he need to recharge
>> #1 intern @starkintern
honestly I’m scared to ask bc like….what if that’s offensive to ask?? :(

#1 intern @starkintern
he LOVES cooking

#1 intern @starkintern

we’re gonna make penne all’arrabiata now goodbye everyone this will be a disaster

#1 intern @starkintern

update: i have decided to adopt vision as my older younger brother

Chapter Text

Direct Messages
groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™), h , mj

#1 intern: i think i just made dr. banner cry

h: wow okay how


mj: peter wtf did you do

#1 intern: ned i will as soon as im allowed you know that things are hectic right now so i really cant invite you over unless its an emergency
#1 intern: also?????? i have no idea?????

guy(™): :(((( okay
guy (™): but now i wanna know how u made freaking bruce banner cry

h: yeah me too peter what happened

#1 intern: well ill tell you what i said but i really don’t know why he started crying
#1 intern: i just walked into tony’s lab and then dr banner was there so i obviously froze and stared

mj: obviously

#1 intern: so then tony noticed me and he introduced us and i think he talked about my projects and stuff but honestly i wasn’t really listening because BRUCE BANNER
#1 intern: so then dr banner goes to shake my hand and i unfreeze and shake his hand and told him what an honour it is to meet him and that im a huge fan
#1 intern: and i was nervous so i started rambling

guy(™): as usual

#1 intern: so i start talking about his papers and how we read about them in school and stuff and that he’s a huge inspiration and shit and that i really feel so honoured to meet him and i turn my face to look at him again and he’s just standing there???? shocked??? and crying???
#1 intern: and tony’s just standing there smirking and i was so confused

h: peter
h: peter oh my god
h: you’re so cute

#1 intern: what no why what did i DOOOO

h: tony always said that dr banner thinks that people only care about the hulk
h: especially young people because they love the avengers and hulk is an avenger
h: he was probably just shocked and surprised and overwhelmed by a teenager’s love and genuine interest in his work

#1 intern: oh my god
#1 intern: but he’s BRUCE BANNER
#1 intern: i mean the hulk is cool and all but dr banner is sooooo smart

h: yeah but not everyone cares about that


mj: yeah me too he seems like a cool guy i don’t think its fair that he thinks that he’s not appreciated

#1 intern: okay ill tell tony!!!

h: you guys are so sweet

mj: no its just peter

h: okay true peter is adorable

#1 intern: IM NOT IM A MAN

h: you’re 17 you’re not a man yet
h: besides, you can be a man and still be adorable
h: which you are

#1 intern: IM NOT ADORABLE :(((((

h: so cute


#1 intern @starkintern

okay everyone please send me stuff that happened while dr banner was stuck on an alien planet so i can help him catch up thx

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

im exhausted

#1 intern @starkintern

the compound is so loud i haven’t been able to rest properly for four days now lmao send help



Direct Messages

groupchat: the midtown nerds ™
#1 intern, guy(™), mj

#1 intern: hey guys
#1 intern: i would really like to tlak to one of you right now
#1 intern: may’s at work nd tony is nt answering my texts

#1 intern: guYS?????

#1 intern: oh its 3am lol

#1 intern: who am i gonna talk to now ughhhhhhhhhh



Direct Messages

h -> #1 intern

h: hey Pete
h: you okay?

#1 intern: HARLEY!!!
#1 intern: YUORE AWAKE!!!!

h: yeah i am

#1 intern: thank god

h: whats up? are you okay?

#1 intern: yeah yeah
#1 intern: well no but at least i have someone to talk to now haha
#1 intern: my brain is just being very loud

h: oh
h: talking to someone helps

#1 intern: yes but my aunt is at work and tony, ned and mj aren’t answering
#1 intern: it is 3am
#1 intern: but yeah im just not feeling my best

h: did something happen or

#1 intern: no no not really
#1 intern: its just been really hectic at the compound
#1 intern: i think im just lonely
#1 intern: but my brain loves spiralling

h: hmm i get that

#1 intern: yeah and theres just been a lot of muscular men around and idk it makes me feel inadequate

h: peter i already told you that not being muscular doesn’t make you less of a man

#1 intern: oh yeah
#1 intern: i guess yeah

h: you always say that

#1 intern: say what

h: “i guess”

#1 intern: ….yeah??

h: no i mean you always seem to ignore or at least try to ignore it when i say that you’re still a guy without tons of muscles

#1 intern: oh.

h: yeah
h: so whats up?
h: you can tell me

#1 intern: i dont know i

h: did i do something to make you uncomfortable or??

#1 intern: NO
#1 intern: no no no no no its not that
#1 intern: its not you
#1 intern: you didn’t do anything wrong

h: okay so what is it

#1 intern: i-

h: peter?

#1 intern: yeah i just
#1 intern: ughhhhhhhhhh

h: are you okay?

#1 intern: yeah just nervous

h: what why
h: why are you nervous

#1 intern: you’ll know

h: ????

#1 intern: its just
#1 intern: okay so

Chapter Text

h: ??????

#1 intern: its just
#1 intern: okay so

#1 intern: its not you saying anything wrong or anything like that like its not that at all i just have a hard time believing it???
#1 intern: and its not your fault at all and i promise im working on it and im fine most of the time its just hard cause
#1 intern: cause I’ve been told all my life basically that its wrong and that im wrong and its just hard to ignore everything that i was told by everyone but my close family and friends so yeah

h: ….i still don’t fully understand im sorry

#1 intern: im trans

h: ohhhh
h: ooooohhhhhhh
h: ohhhhhh yeah that makes sense

#1 intern: that’s it?

h: what do you mean?

#1 intern: no “omg gross” and no “im so proud of you for telling me”?????

h: oh well
h: the first one no??? of course not???
h: and the second one
h: i mean im glad that you trusted me enough to tell me
h: but i personally don’t like to make coming out such a big deal??
h: i mean straight people don’t have to come out
h: neither do cis people
h: so why make it this huge thing you know???
h: im sorry if that doesnt make sense

#1 intern: no no it makes total sense!!
#1 intern: i was just surprised is all
#1 intern: everyone else makes such a big deal of it i liked your reaction

h: oh im glad :)

#1 intern: umm not to like…put you on the spot but uhhh
#1 intern: you kinda sound like you know that from experience??

h: yeah
h: wait i never told you?

#1 intern: no, what?

h: im gay
h: like very gay

#1 intern: oh!! no you didn’t
#1 intern: at least not that i remember??

h: ohh ffjk sorry i guess i just forgot

#1 intern: its fine!!
#1 intern: in bi by the way

h: BI the way

#1 intern: OH MY GOD!!!!



Direct Messages
groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™), h , mj

h: peter made me realise that i never actually came out to you guys
h: so hey
h: im gay
h: ok bye


Direct Messages

h -> #1 intern

h: you should go to bed peter

#1 intern: but i don’t wannaaaa :((

h: peter go to bed its 5am now
h: ill go too

#1 intern: okay fine

h: yay!!h: goodnight peter

#1 intern: goodnight harley

#1 intern: oh and harley?

h: yeah?

#1 intern: thanks :)

h: of course <3

#1 intern: <3



#1 intern @starkintern

before i fall asleep and leave you all scared again: im ok

Chapter Text

Text Messages

The Mechanic: kid

Harley: hey old man
Harley: what’s up?

The Mechanic: I just wanted to say thank you for talking to Peter last night and being so cool about everything
The Mechanic: he hasn’t had it easy and he’s usually really nervous even after coming out to someone and the person reacted positively
The Mechanic: but apparently your reaction put him at ease and made him really happy

Harley: oh
Harley: well, you’re welcome?
Harley: i mean its not really a big deal tbh

The Mechanic: no big deal?
The Mechanic: you managed to impress the kid’s aunt
The Mechanic: he told her about your reaction and seemed so happy that she called me crying to tell me to thank you
The Mechanic: I’ve never been able to impress her, let alone make her cry

Harley: uhh
Harley: since when do you do emotions
Harley: this is awkward i don’t know what to do

The Mechanic: just accept the gratitude

Harley: okay
Harley: gratitude accepted.

The Mechanic: kid
The Mechanic: i swear to god

Harley: :)

The Mechanic: I promise once everything at the Compound is calmer you can visit
The Mechanic: if you need anything you’ll let me know, right?

Harley: of course i will
Harley: thanks tony, you’re pretty nice for an old man

The Mechanic: KID


Direct Messages
groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™) , h , mj

{ the night before:
h: peter made me realise that i never actually came out to you guys
h: so hey
h: im gay
h: ok byeeee }

mj: cool im lesbian

#1 intern: i thought you were american

mj: will you ever stop that

#1 intern: no

h: lmao

guy(™): if we’re all coming out then harley, im bi

h: nice

#1 intern: great
#1 intern: now that we’re all out of our closets i have an important question

mj: wait peter you came out too?

#1 intern: oh yeah i told harley last night

h: yeah

guy(™): and you didn’t think to tell us about that???

#1 intern: sorry guys i kind of just woke up

mj: its 2pm

#1 intern: i went to bed at 5am

guy(™): peter….you need to fix your sleeping schedule

#1 intern: i know

mj: wait so what exactly did you tell him

#1 intern: both mj. i told him in bi and that im trans

mj: ok cool

h: this was a mess

#1 intern: now that thats done
#1 intern: do you think its possible to recreate the milka cow in real life??

mj: i hate you

h: milka cow?

guy(™): it has to be possible but it would probably be very unethical

#1 intern: the milka cow is the cow depicted on the european chocolate brand milka. its a purple cow

h: oh thanks

#1 intern: no problem
#1 intern: also i agree ned
#1 intern: it would probably include testing on animals and thats just gross

mj: i would kill you if i found out you tested shit on animals

#1 intern: dont worry friday wouldn’t allow it either
#1 intern: the compound even strictly prohibits products that are tested on animals so

guy(™): i love tony stark

mj: okay maybe we stan

h: anyways
h: why tf would you even want a purple cow

#1 intern: because.

mj: .

guy(™): .

h: ????
h: am i getting an explanation or was that it

#1 intern: no that was it

h: oh ok great thanks

#1 intern: you’re welcome :)


Direct Messages

mj -> h

mj: harley

h: mj

mj: i dont usually do emotions but i gotta thank you for last night
mj: peter, ned and i skyped and he told us what happened
mj: so yeah thank you

h: i
h: you’re welcome
h: people keep thanking me for being a decent human being i????

mj: lmao true
mj: but you were kind to peter and not many people are so yeah
mj: you’re gonna get thanked
mj: i was told even may wanted to thank you

h: yeah tony said she called him and wanted to thank me

mj: you’re luckymj: she likes you now
mj: i mean she doesn’t really know you that well but apparently from what peter told her she gathered that you’re a kind person
mj: so you’re safe
mj: for now
mj: dont make her get angry

h: oh
h: okay
h: if it helps, i wasn’t planning on making her angry anyways???????
h: she seems like a sweet and dangerous woman and yeah

mj: you weren’t planning on hurting peter anyways is what you’re saying

h: yeah

mj: hmmm

h: what

mj: nothing


Direct Messages

guy(™) -> h

guy(™): okay i know that tony, may and mj already thanked you but i gotta thank you too
guy(™): i feel bad for not being there for him last night but im glad you were

h: aw no its fine
h: besides it was 3am ned, you don’t have to give up your sleep just for peter

guy(™): i know i don’t have to but he’s my best friend and yeah

h: i get it
h: he has me too now
h: you don’t have to do everything you know

guy(™): thank you harley
guy(™): seriously
guy(™): that means a lot

h: :) <3



h @potatogunkid

okay if anyone else is gonna try to make me deal with emotions in the next 6 months im legit gonna burst into flames. i don’t do emotions

> mj @superiornerd
>> h @potatogunkid
what does that even MEAN

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

good morning whats up everyone whats cracking xD

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
are you okay
>> #1 intern @starkintern
yeah i just had coffee
>>> guy(™) @guyinthechair
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>> guy(™) @guyinthechair



groupchat: “evil geniuses”#1 intern, guy(™) , h , mj

#1 intern: NED

h: do what
h: what did he do

guy(™): idk what he’s talking about


mj: oh ned i love you

guy(™): I did no such thing

#1 intern added KAREN to the group chat

#1 intern: karen who activated the give me that coffee protocol

KAREN: Ned did, Peter.

#1 intern: thank you Karen

KAREN: You’re welcome, Peter.

#1 intern removed KAREN from the group chat


h: i have no idea whats going on someone help me please

mj: will you pay me

#1 intern: YOU ASKED FOR IT

h: why tf would i pay you


mj: for explaining it to you


h: i have $3

mj: ok just venom me

h: ……

mj: karen is spider-man’s AI


mj: we all share her though
mj: so now she’s kinda spider-man and the kids’ AI or something

h: okay…..
h: im still very confused

mj: yeah that happens
mj: peter you really shouldnt be drinking coffee you know what that does to your body

#1 intern: BUT I LIKE COFFEE

mj: yeah and i like kiwis but i get really bad allergic reactions when i eat one so i don’t

#1 intern: bUT

mj: besides
mj: you’re lactose intolerant

#1 intern:….i used lactose free milk … :(

mj: good

h: im confused
h: why cant he have coffee

guy(™): oh
guy(™): ohhhh

#1 intern: ned shut up

guy(™): you haven’t told him

#1 intern: I SAID SHUT UP

mj: this is so much fun

h: i am so confused

guy(™): you should tell him peter

#1 intern: WHY

guy(™): because he’s our friend???

mj: yeah besides
mj: you’re an idiot so he’ll figure it out sooner or later

h: i still have no idea whats happening i was less confused when tony broke into my garage

mj: do you ever stop mentioning that

h: no

mj: okay
mj: i can respect that

#1 intern: i dont knoooooooooowwwww

guy(™): just think about it peter

mj: yeah and ask tony what he thinks

h: im still confused

#1 intern: :////

mj: we know harley, we know


Text Messages

Peter: hey tony i have a question

Helicopter Parent: What’s up kid?

Peter: should i tell harley I’m spider-man
Peter: i mean can i trust him with that
Peter: and is he safe?
Peter: i don’t want him to be in danger because of me you know

Helicopter Parent: Oh you haven’t told him yet?

Peter: no?????

Helicopter Parent: I kind of figured you would’ve told him soon after coming out to him or something
Helicopter Parent: I mean you trusted him enough to come out to him, that must mean something right?

Peter: yeah but

Helicopter Parent: You don’t have to worry about his safety, Peter
Helicopter Parent: I set him up with a lot of security around the house soon after I met him
Helicopter Parent: I was worried too

Peter: oh thats good

Helicopter Parent: I also gave him a watch like yours
Helicopter Parent: Obviously without any web shooters or suits or anything, but the panic button and the tracking device are still in there and it’s all coded to his DNA

Peter: oh thank god
Peter: okay

Helicopter Parent: Think about it kiddo
Helicopter Parent: I’m probably going to invite him over once everything is a little calmer anyways so you might as well tell him
Helicopter Parent: He could really help you with your suit, he’s a smart kid

Peter: okay
Peter: thanks Tony

Helicopter Parent: Of course kiddo <3

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

help i walked into the kitchen and both ms. van dyne and ms. potts were sitting there drinking coffee and discussing SI/PT things


#1 intern @starkintern

its not even 7am and they look so ready for the day they’re so powerful omg im shaking


#1 intern @starkintern

they’re so nice even when someone interrupts their scheming omfg


> mj @superiornerd
tell hope van dyne that i want her to punch me in the face
>> #1 intern @starkintern
she said no
>>> mj @superiornerd
>>>> #1 intern @superiornerd
well duh…
>>>>> mj @superiornerd
im so going to murder you oh my godddd
>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
she actually said no because apparently her and pepper might need your help in the future
>>>>>>> mj @superiornerd
………what kind of help
>>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
idk ill guess they’ll tell you when it happens



groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™) , h , mj

mj: ujfköaasdg

guy(™): oh my god what is happening mj would never keyboard smash she says she’s above that

h: wow okay rude keyboard smashes are great
h: but mj are you okay??

#1 intern: does this have something to do with ms potts and ms van dyne???

mj: yESSS
mj: they just uhh
mj: they said they want an uhh
mj: intern/personal assistant

#1 intern: WAHT h: oh my god

mj: a female one, because men suck

guy(™): heY

h: well, i definitely do

#1 intern: HARLEY

mj: and someone they know they can trust

h: ;)

mj: someone competent and smart that has firm beliefs and will stand up for herself???

#1 intern: i mean they aren’t wrong
#1 intern: they probably heard me talk about you a lot

guy(™): yeah or tony told them about how scary you are

h: both probably


#1 intern: mj
#1 intern: im so happy for you next time i see you I’m gonna hug you so hard

guy(™): yeah me too you’re gonna get a lot of hugs

h: yeah holy shit mj you’re gonna be working for two of the most influential women in the world
h: each with their own companies
h: plus its hope van dyne, how will your lesbian heart be able to take that??

mj: harley
mj: i have no idea
mj: I’ve had the biggest crush on her forever and I’m losing my mind

#1 intern: mj you’re gonna be so great
#1 intern: omg im actually crying
#1 intern: you deserve this so much

guy(™): peter stop you’re going to make me cry too

h: wow thats gay

#1 intern: says the gay guy to the bisexuals

guy(™): fjkfjff

mj: i-
mj: i dont even know what to say anymore i have to tell my mom oh my god she’s gonna freak
mj: and peter don’t tell may yet i wanna see her face when i tell her

#1 intern: oof :(
#1 intern: okay i guess




mj @superiornerd

just got the best job offer of my life!!! if i had a heart i might feel sorry for men

> h @potatogunkid
ugh your mind

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

its been a while


#1 intern @starkintern

wanna do a q and a?

>he need some milk @tonystarkstan
y e s

>our lord an saviour jesus christ @ironmam
fuck yeah
>> #1 intern @starkintern
okay lets go


>ummmmm @ogaylisten
favourite berry?
>> #1 intern @starkintern

> wee woo @gaypolice
how old are you
>> #1 intern @starkintern
not as old as tony
>>> wee woo @gaypolice

>damnnnn @tonyyyyyyyyyyystrk
how’s vision?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
pretty good, thank you for asking!! last night he made spaghetti alla carbonara and it was really good. I’m trying to convince him to join twitter but tony says no :(
>> damnnnn @tonyyyyyyyyyyystrk

>tony stark is an idiot @ironavenger
when was the last time you got hurt
>> #1 intern @starkintern
well uhh yesterday on my way home i saw some guy trying to drag a girl into an alley so i punched him really hard but he managed to kick me in the leg. I’m okay now tho and so is the girl btw
>>> tony stark is an idiot @ironavenger
you’re an angel please never change
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
im really not fjkfd but thanks for saying that


> fingergun gay @gaytonysnark
are you a fingergun gay or a peace sign gay?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
im a fingergun bisexual
>>> fingergun gay @gaytonysnark
omg an icon

> maria @mariassong
hows life
>> #1 intern @starkintern
big oof

> pepper potts please punch me in the face @lesbianironman
do you know of our saviour john mulaney
>> #1 intern @starkintern
if i didn’t i would honestly consider my entire life a failure

> avengers fan @avengerfan07
can you tell us what the surgery was for? if you’re not comfortable telling us its ok, just are you healed now?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
still not comfortable sharing sorry :// but I’m healed now yes :)



Direct Messages

h -> #1 intern

h: what WAS that surgery

#1 intern: aww you’re twitter stalking me
#1 intern: how cute

#1 intern: it was top surgery you doofus

h: ohhhhhhhh



>*singing mamma mia* @winnertakesitall
are you vegan or vegetarian
>> #1 intern @starkintern
no, unfortunately i cant cut out animal products for health reasons :/ i started only using vegan products and clothes though and am trying my best at reducing waste. also @superiornerd is vegan and makes some fantastic meals whenever she feels like it
>>> *singing mamma mia* @winntertakesitall
i undestand :) im glad you’re doing your best outside of your diet despite that, it shows that you care and i really appreciate that!
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
of course!! :D

>eve @ironeve
how’s the puppy spider-man saved?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
he’s so good!! he’s the best boy!!!!! we named him blue because tony loves blueberries


> spider-fan @spiderstan
uhh not to like sound rude or something but it would be really cool if spider-man could do a q and a? maybe on @guyinthechair’s account?? if not it’s fine it’s just an idea really
>> #1 intern @starkintern
oh no thats actually a good idea, we’ll talk about it. i cant promise anything but I’ll see what i can do
>>> spider-fan @spiderstan
omg thank you so much

Text Messages

Peter: hey tony
Peter: would it be a terrible idea to have spidey do a q and a on ned’s account?

Helicopter Parent: um
Helicopter Parent: I guess that would be fine, not everyone actually believes you guys
Helicopter Parent: but I would prefer it if you maybe did it under my supervision? I’d like to help make sure you don’t accidentally tweet something that puts you in even more danger

Peter: ok thanks dad
Peter: uhh
Peter: i meant tony
Peter: obviously hahahaha

Helicopter Parent: I’m sure you did kiddo ;)

Chapter Text

groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™) , h , mj

KAREN was added to the group chat

KAREN: Hello everyone! Peter wanted to let you know that he was ‘lightly stabbed’ but is ‘totally fine, it’s no big deal’.


#1 intern: KAREN

mj: lmao karma is a bitch i told you you should tell him

guy(™): peter are you ok did you tell tony

#1 intern: no
#1 intern: karen did

h: wtf go to the hospital

#1 intern: i cant

h: wtf why not

#1 intern: uhh because reasons
#1 intern: ill tell you when im not bleeding out on a rooftop

h: never mind

KAREN: If I may, Mr. Keener.
KAREN: Mr. Stark is about 10 seconds away from Peter’s destination and will bring him to the Medbay as soon as he can.
KAREN: And while Peter has sustained quite a few injuries, none of them will actually leave a lasting wound. He will be fine.

h: oh thank god
h: peter you absolute idiot

mj: karen what happened how did he get hurt

KAREN: Peter was trying to break up a group of men hurting a dog.

guy(™): lmao peter wants to keep the dog right

KAREN: He does indeed. Mr. Stark has sent some veterinarians to pick up the dog and have him checked out.

mj: wow peter really has him wrapped around his finger

guy(™): karen please send us any important updates on peters health

KAREN: Of course Ned!

guy(™): thank you

h: dear god what is going on



[about an hour later] 

#1 intern: i lived bitch

guy(™): i hate you


h: thank god

#1 intern: yeah yeah i missed you guys too

h: can i get an explanation now

mj: ha

#1 intern: um
#1 intern: sure

guy(™): have funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

#1 intern -> h

#1 intern: okay um hi

h: hi
h: are you okay?

#1 intern: yeah yeah I’m fine don’t worry

h: can you please tell me whats going on i feel like I’m missing something
h: scratch that I’m definitely missing something

#1 intern: okay umm
#1 intern: where do you want to start

h: how about you refusing to go to a hospital like a normal person?!

#1 intern: are you mad
#1 intern: please don’t be mad :(
#1 intern: its not you i promise

h: yeah yeah just….please tell me

#1 intern: okay so um
#1 intern: i cant go to the hospital like a normal person because um
#1 intern: im not really a normal person

h: what the hell are you talking about

#1 intern: um well
#1 intern: im like
#1 intern: not entirely human???

h: oh
h: are you a mutant?

#1 intern: no I’m an accident


#1 intern: NO FJFKLAJF
#1 intern: thats not what i meant flfjlkfjfl



h @potatogunkid

[screenshot of #1 intern saying “no I’m an accident”]




h: please fkfjl
h: just explain

#1 intern: okay so uh
#1 intern: when i was like 14 i went to oscorp on a field trip with my school

h: okay?

#1 intern: and uhhh they had done experiments on spiders and stuff
#1 intern: and i guess one of them escaped???

h: ….what

#1 intern: i was bitten by a radioactive spider
#1 intern: it changed my dna

h: ohhhhhhhhhhh

#1 intern: yeah

h: are you-

#1 intern: im spider-man

h: ………..

#1 intern: you okay????


h: i need to sit down and process this give me a minute

#1 intern: uhh sure


h: okay so what exactly did that bite change for you

#1 intern: YOURE BACK!!
#1 intern: ummmmm well
#1 intern: i have like enhanced senses
#1 intern: super strength
#1 intern: im much more agile
#1 intern: have a enhanced healing factor and therefore enhanced metabolism and need to eat more and stuff
#1 intern: im sticky
#1 intern: and i have what i call “spider sense” which is basically a sixth sense that warns me of any danger

h: oh wow
h: wow thats
h: thats a lot
h: does your webbing come out of you or

#1 intern: ew no that’d be so gross
#1 intern: i made it myself

h: oh nice
h: thats so cool though omg

#1 intern: so um
#1 intern: are we okay?

h: yeah yeah we’re okay

#1 intern: im really sorry i didn’t tell you earlier :((

h: its okay i get it
h: im glad you did even though everyone kind of forced you to lmaooo

#1 intern: fjkfd its fine i trust you

h: (:


groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™) , h , mj

h: so

mj: hey harley whats up

guy(™): awww we finally can talk about spider-man stuff on here!!!

mj: ned you talk about spider-man all the time

guy(™): yeah but
guy(™): you know
guy(™): its different

#1 intern: hey guys

mj: im glad you finally told him

h: i am too
h: though i feel like there are still a lot of things i don’t understand

guy(™): don’t worry man, we’ll help you fill the gaps whenever we can

mj: yeah and we’ll provide you with videos of peter swinging into walls

#1 intern: RUDE

h: lmfaoooo thanks mj

#1 intern: im being bullied
#1 intern: im filing a complaint

guy(™): sure you are


Text Messages

The Mechanic: Welcome to the club, kid ;-)

Harley: thanks old man :)

Chapter Text

#1 intern @stakrintern

if howard stark weren’t already dead i’d kill him myself

>Tony Stark Updates @TonyStarkDaily



groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™) , h , mj

mj: what the fuck peter

guy(™): peter are you okay

h: what is going on

mj: i dont know but peter has a strict no killing rule

guy(™): yeah and now he apparently wants to murder howard stark??

h: even though he’s already dead

#1 intern: no listen i have good fucking reason for wanting to kill him

mj: like what

#1 intern: like being an abusive piece of shit father that cared more about finding captain fucking america than his own goddamn son

guy(™): oh shit

h: hmm yeah I’ve come to a lot of my own conclusions after knowing tony for so long
h: and howard stark definitely was a piece of shit

mj: damn

#1 intern: he didn’t even care for how smart tony was he just cared about his company

h: yeah I’m pretty sure he was the one who taught tony to never show emotions

guy(™): wtf

#1 intern: and im pretty sure i overheard him telling himself “stark men are made of iron” a couple of times
#1 intern: he doesn’t know that though bc super hearing

mj: jesus christ

h: yeah

guy(™): wow now i just feel bad and don’t know what to do

#1 intern: i wanna cheer him up but i don’t have any ideas :((((

h: yeah me neither :(

mj: wanna rabbit brooklyn nine nine until someone gets an idea?

guy(™): yeah okay

#1 intern: sure

h: alright


Direct Messages

guy(™) -> h

guy(™): hey harley
guy(™): i encrypted peter’s, mj’s and my accounts a while back so they could only be traced back to the compound if someone were ever to try and figure out who we are
guy(™): do you want me to do the same for you?

h: oh
h: yeah sure man that would be so great

guy(™): alright ill get right to it if i need any more info ill let you know

h: thanks man


groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™) , h , mj

h: um guys
h: i think i have an idea

mj: thank god

guy(™): what is it

#1 intern: omg harley tell us please

h: alright but i think we’ll need some help

Chapter Text

groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™) , h , mj

h: okay so
h: you guys know friday right

mj: yeah

guy(™): yeS!!!

#1 intern: duh

h: do any of you know of jarvis

mj: um no

guy(™): i feel like I’ve heard of him but no

#1 intern: OH YEAH
#1 intern: he was tony’s AI before he had to literally put him into vision right

h: yeah
h: when tony broke into my garage he had a suit with him and i met jarvis through that
h: he was so cool
h: im pretty sure tony saw him as his child of sorts

#1 intern: aw man i wanna meet him

h: well yeah he’s in vision now
h: kind of blended together

mj: wtf

guy(™): um okay

h: but originally jarvis was tony’s butler, he basically raised him

mj: oh

h: what if we could bring jarvis back? there might be some of his code spread throughout the servers and stuff

#1 intern: oh my god i think i love you

mj: turn down your hormones peter

guy(™): harley
guy(™): that’s an amazing idea

h: thanks
h: only problem is we need help from adults to be able to search for jarvis’s code in tony’s files

mj: oh
mj: so who can give us access

#1 intern: i think its miss potts or rhodey

h: exactly

guy(™): who should we ask
guy(™): and btw i think we need a little more help than that

#1 intern: dont worry i know someone who could really help us

mj: i think we should ask rhodey
mj: pepper is very busy with SI stuff and rhodey is at the compound almost constantly

h: i agree

#1 intern: alright who’s gonna ask

h: cant we make a group chat or something so we can ask him together

#1 intern: yeah ok
#1 intern: give me your number and ill add you to a gc

h: ok

Text Messages

group chat

Peter has added queen of lesbians

Peter has added bffaeaeaeaeae

Peter has added garage kid

Peter has added Iron Machine

Peter named the group chat “super secret project that tony cant know about”

Iron Machine: Okay, what is this?

Peter: it’s a super secret project that tony cant know about

garage kid: peter wtf why garage kid


Iron Machine: Please explain what’s going on….

queen of lesbians: ill explain

bffaeaeaeaeae: yeah thats probably for the best

queen of lesbians: we want to cheer tony up because his dad was a dick

Iron Machine: Okay.
Iron Machine: And how are you planning on doing that?

queen of lesbians: by bringing jarvis back

Iron Machine: Oh
Iron Machine: That’s quite the goal you’ve set yourselves kids

Peter: rhodey we can do it!!
Peter: ned is fantastic with computers and coding and the rest of us are all pretty good with technology ourselves
Peter: we have friday at our disposal and i have a friend who can help us

Iron Machine: Alright, i guess
Iron Machine: What do you need me for then?

queen of lesbians: we need you to give us access to tony’s files so we can look for jarvis’ code
queen of lesbians: plus overall oversight would be great

garage kid: yeah and you can keep tony off our tail

Iron Machine: hm
Iron Machine: Alright, but i only want you to work on this when I’m around
Iron Machine: and only do it in Peter’s lab

garage kid: what about me I’m in tennessee

Iron Machine: oh Harley!
Iron Machine: Tony gave you a lot of tech after you helped him, didn’t he?

garage kid: yeah

Iron Machine: Go through everything and check if you can find anything!
Iron Machine: I’m sure he left some of JARVIS’s code in your tech as a safety measure

garage kid: alright

queen of lesbians: peter
queen of lesbians: you need to talk to your friend then

Peter: will do

bffaeaeaeaeae: hey colonel I’m coming to the compound tomorrow so ill just let you know once I’m in peter’s lab, is that okay?

Iron Machine: Yeah, that’s fine
Iron Machine: You’re good kids
Iron Machine: I’m glad Tony has you :)

Peter: awwww

queen of lesbians: oh feelings

garage kid: ewww feelings

bffaeaeaeaeae: mj and harley stop being M E A N

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

good morning everyone lets get this bread

> daniel @notagainbye
heyoooo how are you what are your plans for today
>> #1 intern @starkintern
im good thanks for asking!! and i cant tell bc its a secreeeeettttttt



Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”

queen of lesbians: peter if you’re gonna tweet about a secret on you public account that tony knows about it wont be long until he finds out what we’re doing

Peter: not true
Peter: first of all if could just be a normal secret project, its not like I’m actually ever telling people what I’m working on

queen of lesbians: ok point

Peter: secondly me and friday have a mutual understanding of why we want this to be a secret
Peter: we installed a lot of protocols and ned helped me basically hide this group chat from existence

garage kid: im still impressed that ned is really that good at hacking shit…like he could probably hack and disable friday if he wanted to, he’s really good

Peter: damn right he is!!

bffaeaeaeaeae: aww guys its really not that big of a deal its pretty easy really

queen of lesbians: shut the fuck up ned you’re amazing
queen of lesbians: peter you’re gonna remind ned how amazing he is all day today

Peter: aye aye captain!

garage kid: ned i would probably be lost without you lmao people could easily hack the layer of protection I’ve put onto my accounts and electronical devices, i feel a lot safer knowing you helped me with that


Iron Machine: Kids, please do that in another groupchat.
Iron Machine: but I agree, Ned is really smart.
Iron Machine: I’m excited to work with him on this secret project

Peter: sorry rhodey!!

bffaeaeaeaeae: omg guys please



groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™) , h , mj

#1 intern: lets continue our ned appreciation day over here

mj: great idea

h: i would love to

guy(™): guys please i don’t know what to do

#1 intern: shhhhhhhh you just sit and let us appreciate and love you

mj: peter is right for once, shut up and let us compliment you

h: ned

guy(™): …ok

h: i love you bitch

guy(™): oh my god

h: i aint ever gonna stop loving you
h: B I T CH

mj: jesus christ its like having two peters

#1 intern: fufljsfkdjf

guy(™): okay….harley i feel so loved, thank you

h: you’re welcome

mj: lets do this!!! I’m texting may so she can join us in complimenting ned!! peter you tell tony!!

#1 intern: YES!!!!

h: this is gonna be so much fun

guy(™): I’m gonna die

#1 intern: oF LOVE!!


Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”

Iron Machine: btw Peter, have you asked your friend if they can help us yet?


queen of lesbians: idiot

bffaeaeaeaeae: peter are you gonna ask who i think you’re gonna ask

Peter: maybe

garage kid: im confused again :( just when i thought i knew everything

queen of lesbians; don’t worry harley. this time i don’t know who they’re talking about either




Text Messages

Peter: hey i have a question
Peter: more like i need your help with something if you’re willing to do so

im liberian: I’m listening

Chapter Text

Text Messages

Peter: so…what do you think?

im liberian: fine
im liberian: ill help you
im liberian: but only because i like stark

Peter: you do???

im liberian: of course
im liberian: he’s really smart and actually took me seriously when we first met and i told him I’m the genius behind most our tech
im liberian: besides, without him most of the world would probably still hate us

Peter: what? why?

im liberian: well you see
im liberian: when you’re a country who has been hiding their technological and especially medical advancements from the rest of the world for literal centuries, people tend to get mad
im liberian: especially the neighbouring countries

Peter: oh yeah that makes sense
Peter: i mean, its not really your or your brothers fault but they’re gonna attack your family first

im liberian: exactly
im liberian: and stark really helped us out by working with us in front of the UN accords committee and making deals with wakanda through stark industries
im liberian: he and my brother started doing projects together to help out neighbouring countries and people that suffered from natural disasters to help us with public approval and stuff
im liberian: people trusted stark and therefore they slowly started to trust us more and more too
im liberian: he really helped us speed up the process of getting back trust of different countries

Peter: wow
Peter: i never really thought of it that way?
Peter: thats…wow

im liberian: yeah

Peter: so you’re in?

im liberian: im in


Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”

Peter: ok my friend is in

garage kid: nice

queen of lesbians: thank god

bffaeaeaeaeae: omg peter add her!!!

queen of lesbians: her??

Peter has added im liberian

Iron Machine: Peter did you seriously ask her to help us?

Peter: yes and she said yes so

Iron Machine: ..alright

im liberian: hello peasants

queen of lesbians: who are you calling a peasant

bffaeaeaeaeae: are we sure introducing those two to each other is a good idea??

Peter: no but at this point fuck it

garage kid: hello mysterious stranger can you tell us who you are

queen of lesbians: yeah peter acts like you’re a big secret

im liberian: hi my names trey and i got a basketball game tomorrooooowww

Iron Machine: Dear God
Iron Machine: Why did I agree to this again?

im liberian: because you love stark and he’s your best friend and you think he deserves better?

Iron Machine: Ok
Iron Machine: you’re right, Princess

im liberian: mr. rhodes you know i hate it when you call me princess

Iron Machine: I know, that’s why I do it

queen of lesbians: am i missing something

garage kid: yeah i feel like I’m missing something

im liberian: peter did you seriously not tell them who i am

Peter: uh…no??

bffaeaeaeaeae: i know!! but only because he told me he knew you and is friends with you and the others don’t know that

im liberian: hmm i guess that makes sense
im liberian: alrighty then
im liberian: i’m shuri

queen of lesbians: ……………………..

Peter: (:

queen of lesbians: peter
queen of lesbians: you know the princess of wakanda??

garage kid: what the actual fuck

Peter: yeah

queen of lesbians: and you didn’t think to tell me???

Peter: well….no???

queen of lesbians: I’m going to murder you so hard

im liberian: oh is this your friend mj? i like her

Peter: yeah thats her

garage kid: what the actual fuck peter

Peter: tbh idk harley

im liberian: nice to finally talk to you all after stalking you on twitter for months


im liberian: it was very entertaining

bffaeaeaeaeae: oh my god

garage kid: im gonna lose my mind

queen of lesbians: jesus christ

im liberian: no, just shuri

Iron Machine: Well this is all very entertaining, but would you like to explain how Shuri is going to help us with a project we agreed we’d only work on at the Compound??

Peter: she’s coming to the US soon

im liberian: yeah I’m forcing my brother to bring me along to one of his boring business trips

Iron Machine: Alright then

queen of lesbians: can i come to the compound when shuri is there?

Peter: sure

queen of lesbians: nice

bffaeaeaeaeae: mj

garage kid: mj awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww <3 <3 <3

Peter: what

garage kid: mj wants to date the princeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssss

queen of lesbians: HALREY

im liberian: interesting
im liberian: maybe me and mj should get to know each other a little better

queen of lesbians: um

Peter: oh my god
Peter: my world are colliding

bffaeaeaeaeae: they’re going to take over the world

garage kid: this is going to be sO MUCH FUN


garage kid: btw i was thinking we should add vision and let him know whats going on

bffaeaeaeaeae: thats actually a really good idea lmao he literally has jarvis’s code inside him

Peter: im gonna add him
Peter: and also friday

Chapter Text

Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”

Peter has added robo bro

Peter has added FRIDAY

Peter: i was gonna add Karen too but i think tony has too much power over her
Peter: he has a lot of override codes for the stupidest things so yeah
Peter: not risking it

queen of lesbians: ok good point
queen of lesbians: we need to strategise now though
queen of lesbians: do vision and friday know what’s up?

robo bro: yes peter has told me about your surprise for tony
robo bro: im quite interested in finally meeting my older brother and watching you work and will try to help as much as i can

FRIDAY: Same goes for me. I will also try and keep Boss off your tail and will report to you if he even starts suspecting anything.

Iron Machine: I must say I’m surprised. You kids are really putting a lot of effort into this. Even if JARVIS doesn’t end up being the same JARVIS as before I’m sure Tony will love him because you kids put so much effort into getting him back.
Iron Machine: I’ll watch you plan and help where I can, tell me if you need me. I could even enlist the help of both Pepper and Happy if you need it.

Peter: thank you so much rhdoey :,)
Peter: i think for now it’s good, we need to plan it first. maybe once we have more specific dates and plans you can get pepper to have tony go to a lot of meetings and do more paperwork. happy can just force him to watch tv with him saying that he wants to spend some time with him idk
Peter: maybe do one of your best friends movie nights!! we’ll let you know the exact dates and stuff but thank you!!!!

garage kid: ok now to the actual planning??

bffaeaeaeaeae: I’m making us calendars with colour coordinated time slots once we’ve planned everything

im liberian: thank god for ned

queen of lesbians: ok so I think the most important question for now is what do we have? have we digged up enough code?

garage kid: i actually found quiet a bit of jarvis’ base of code

Peter: that’s really good! ned, mj and I worked in the lab a few times and also found quite a bit of code

bffaeaeaeaeae: yeah i actually managed to work on it with the colonel alone for a few hours and also found quite a few things

Iron Machine: I looked into Tony’s most personal files and found a few lines myself

Peter: I found some in KAREN!!! I think he might’ve started working on her a bit before the whole ultron thing so yeah

queen of lesbians: that’s good! whenever i worked with either of the nerds we always found something, i think it’s just a matter of looking

im liberian: that’s actually really good, I think we might need less time putting jarvis together than anticipated!!
im liberian: you guys should keep looking and then we could maybe start putting together and fixing some code next weekend?

Peter: yeah we definitely can still find quite a lot!!

garage kid: you guys should work with vision! i think he might be able to either help find code within himself…somehow?? or just help with looking through the servers

bffaeaeaeaeae: oh yeah!!

garage kid: i think i have a little bit more stuff to look into so ill just keep looking and adding stuff to the folder you created!

queen of lesbians: okay so here’s the plan
queen of lesbians: we all keep looking for code as much as we can, colonel if you could try and make more time this week it would be great!

Iron Machine: I’ll talk to Hope and Pepper about it, make Tony attend more meetings and stuff so he doesn’t notice I spend that much time in your lab

Peter: yes but please tell them not to tell him anything!! also tell happy about the plans i don’t want him to feel excluded :((

Iron Machine: Sure thing, kid.

queen of lesbians: alright so at the end of the week we all set a fixed time to start working on fixing the code and pulling jarvis together

robo bro: I should warn you that tony has installed a protocol that forces any artificial intelligence to be tested and kept contained in a single room for at least 14 days after the events of ultron

Peter: oh i didn’t know that, thanks viz!!
Peter: we can just put him into my lab for the time being, maybe he’ll learn from KAREN!!

im liberian: alright great
im liberian: one question
im liberian: are we going to do a video call while starting the assembling of the AI?
im liberian: i think it would be nice to finally know what you all look like plus it feels more personal and might make it feel less weird when i help you finish everything when i visit

garage kid: yes i would also very much like to know what you guys look like
garage kid: i mean i’ve known you for weeks now why haven’t i seen your faces yet smh

bffaeaeaeaeae: you say that as if we’ve seen yours

garage kid: point

queen of lesbians: harley if you wanted to see what peter looks like that badly you could’ve just asked him for a selfie

im liberian: fufjlkjkfjf

bffaeaeaeaeae: lmaooooo

Peter: uh

garage kid: .

queen of lesbians: :)

im liberian: anygays,,,,,
im liberian: im going to come visit for a week in a like??? two-ish weeks?
im liberian: just so you know
im liberian: we still have time but you gays better put all your energy into this if you don’t want to be bossed around by me and spend days and nights in that lab finishing up JARVIS

Peter: aye aye captain

bffaeaeaeaeae: ok will do

garage kid: I’ll try my best!!! my sister is going to camp soon so ill probably have more time

Iron Machine: As you wish, Princess.

queen of lesbians: aww but i would quite enjoy watching you be the boss of peter’s lab

im liberian: kinky
im liberian: you can be my second in command ;)

queen of lesbians: i would be honoured

Chapter Text

guy(™) @guyinthechair

alright i got spider-man sitting on my right, tony stark sitting on my left and friday supervising and checking everything i write so #spideyqna !! send your questions, spidey’s taking over now


spider-fan @spiderstan

#spideyqna what’s the best part about being able to swing around?

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
umm i’d have to say the view??? sometimes it’s looking at dozens of people going through their day, other times it’s a particularly pretty sunset. it’s really nice to be able to go onto different rooftops and look around the city -sm


antsantsantsantsants @antmen

favourite person to train with?? # spideyqna

> guy(™) @guyinthechair

there’s not many people around but I’d have to say hope. she’s really kind but also a strict teacher. i learn a lot from her :) -sm


lets get this bread @tonyiron

what is it like to go from queens to the avengers compound? was it weird? #spideyqna

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
oh my god it was so strange. and overwhelming!! i love the compound but i don’t think i’d ever be able to completely abandon queens either. everyone here is really lovely though -sm


avengers fan @avengerfan07

#spideyqna who’s your favourite avenger? why?

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
tony. he thinks I’m talking about iron man but tony himself is a huge hero even without the suit -sm
>> guy (™) @guyinthechair
(tony is crying now -gitc)


can i get a waffle can i PLEASE get a waffle @avengersstan

#spiderqna if you could add anyone to the team, who would you pick??

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
daredevil!! we’re trying to get him to join because he’s so cool but he doesn’t really trust easily. he’s so nice and I’d love to train with him. plus the other defenders would be really great too!! -sm


fingergun gay @gaytonysnark

what’s deadpool like? you fought with him a couple of times, are you friends? #spideyqna

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
idk about friends but we’re definitely colleagues! we haven’t talked that much yet bc after a fight we usually just inhale tons of food and then go home and promptly pass out. he’s a little weird but pretty funny and has a good heart i think -sm

gua-ca-mole @ironbread

favourite type of bread? #spideyqna

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
um…..this is a really weird question, it threw me off ngl. tony sometimes buys this really good bread from a local bakery but idk how to explain it or what it’s called, sorry. but I LOVE bread. bread is the best! -sm

wee woo @gaypolice
any tips on how to deal with bad guys? #spideyqna

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
start laughing really really hard. throw them off their rythm!!!
>> h @potatogunkid


ummmmm @ogaylisten

#spideyqna gay rights?

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
gay rights! -sm


eve @ironeve

hmmm whats your name #spideyqna

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
esteban julio ricardo montoya de la rosa ramírez -sm
>> eve @ironeve


hey there demons @itsmeyaboy

place you’d like to visit some day? #spideyqna

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogog -sm


lets get this bread @tonyiron

#spideyqna what exactly are your powers and how did you get them?

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
i have eight legs -sm
>> guy(™) @guyinthechair
um im joking but tony says it’d be unsafe to discuss my powers in detail sorry. also cant talk about how i go them just……lab safety is important kids. not pretty. -sm
>>> lets get this bread @tonyiron
…i dont know what to do with that information but i’ll be more careful from here on out


maria @mariassong

#spideyqna ok but can you bench lift a bus

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
im not allowed to speak about the extent of my abilities I’m sorry :( -sm


guy(™) @guyinthechair

okay tony is getting nervous, so i’ll give gitc his account back. thanks for the questions, we’ll try to convince tony to do this again (if it doesn’t blow up in our face fjkf). love you all, bye everyone!! -spidey

Chapter Text

h @potatogunkid

pls help. @starkintern is still refusing to do a face reveal. rt this so i can finally see his face. thx for ur help.

> #1 intern @starkintern
face reveal at 25k rts
>> h @potatogunkid
you’re evil
>>> #1 intern @starkintern
cool thanks :)



h @potatogunkid

pls help. @starkintern is still refusing to do a face reveal. rt this so i can finally see his face. thx for ur help.


14,397 retweets 19,862 likes


mj retweeted

h @potatogunkid

pls help. @starkintern is still refusing to do a face reveal. rt this so i can finally see his face. thx for ur help.


guy(™) retweeted

h @potatogunkid

pls help. @starkintern is still refusing to do a face reveal. rt this so i can finally see his face. thx for ur help.



h @potatogunkid
pls help. @starkintern is stil refusing to do a face reveal. rt this so i can finally see his face. thx for ur help.

25,982 retweets 30,152 likes


h @potatogunkid

i won bitch @starkintern

> #1 intern @starkinter
fúc´….now i gotta find good pics of me

> mj @superiornerd
this is going to be fun

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
good luck



Direct Messages

#1 intern -> h

#1 intern: [selfie]

#1 intern: [pic of peter in the lab]

#1 intern: [pic of peter on a rooftop]

#1 intern: [pic of peter with Blue]

h: what. the. fuck.
h: i need to sit down

#1 intern: uhhhh okay??

h: dear god I’m so gay


Text Messages

Harley: I’m breaking my promise

The Mechanic: What?
The Mechanic: What promise?

The Mechanic: HARLEY NO
The Mechanic: DONT YOU DARE

Chapter Text

_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_*-_-*-_a few weeks prior_-*-_-*-_*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_


Tony Stark -> Harley Keener

“Old Man!”

“Wow Harley, hi to you too!”

“haha I’m honestly surprised you managed to find time to call me”

“First of all, rude. I often have a lot of meetings to attend to make sure Pepper doesn’t cut my arm off. Secondly, we talk all the time so don’t even try to pull that. And thirdly, I made time. You probably have questions and I’d rather have you ask them than try to hack my AI again.”

“hmm okay maybe you have a point…anyways who’s Peter?”

“Peter is my personal intern, as you may have gathered from his tweets.”

“Okay but he said he’s the same age as me, are you seriously trying to tell me you hired a 17 year old??"

“Yes. I found him by accident really. Him and his friends were in contact with Spider-Man and when I recruited him, he told me about them. I recognised Peter’s name from a contest with the September foundation and asked him if he was interested in an internship.”

“Okay…so why was he all secretive about how he was hired?”

“Well…he’s very worried that if someone connects him to Spider-Man him and his family will be in danger. He probably didn’t know how much he could trust you. He’s actually the one that helped Spidey create his webs!”

“Riiight….seems cool. He must be really smart.”

“He’s brilliant, yes. But also kind of an idiot. You’ll probably notice that very quickly.”

“Haha alright. Now tell me what it is that you want to say to me.”


“Tony, I’ve known you for years. I can tell you want to tell me something but don’t know how.”

“H-how did you know?”

“…’cause we’re connected.”

“I will literally hang up on you if you don-“

“Nooooooo Tooonyyyyyyyy pleaseeeee!! Just tell me!”

“Alright, but you won’t be happy.”

“What?! Why?”

“Because I want you to avoid trying to overwhelm Peter with excessive flirting.”

“Are you actually being serious???? Give me a good reason why.”

“He’s lost a lot of family members and the only one left was in the hospital for a while just a few weeks ago. Had a cancer scare.”


“Yeah. You know I love you kid but Peter is extremely sensitive and I really want him to focus on himself for a bit and not get overwhelmed. The upcoming summer holidays he’ll stay at the Compound with me and the rest, so there’s always someone there for him.”


“I’m sure you’ll be great friends either way, just please try not to flirt with him too much? I’m worried about him, he’s been through a lot.”

“Damn…when did you become such a dad? Have you been hiding a kid from me? I thought what we had was special Tony.”

“Harley. You know I wouldn’t hide a kid from you, you’d be one of the first to know.”

“Awww, now you’re being all sappy and nice to me so I agree not to flirt with your intern.”

“Hahaha you caught me!! Seriously though…please? I will even get you those damn materials you need so badly to fix your car.”

“Hmm alright, I’ll try my best.”


“Yeah, promise.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now tell me about what improvements you have for your suit and I’ll tell you how lame they are.”

“Harley, I don’t care how much you want it, I will not make my Iron Man suit glittery.”

“Oh c’mon!! It would be so cool!! Imagine the headlines!! ‘Tony Stark defies gender stereotypes by covering his newest Iron Man suit in glitter!”

“Harley, I swear to god-“


Chapter Text

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - present day - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Text Messages

Harley: I’m breaking my promise

The Mechanic: What?
The Mechanic: What promise?

The Mechanic: HARLEY NO
The Mechanic: DONT YOU DARE


The Mechanic: but you promised

Harley: okay first of all I’ve been good all these weeks even though he was acting like an adorable idiot
Harley: secondly you didn’t tell me he was THAT cute
Harley: do you not trust me?

The Mechanic: I do

Harley: do you trust peter?

The Mechanic: ….yes

Harley: so???
Harley: are you seriously going to act like the dad that doesn’t let their children go on dates and flirt and stuff?

The Mechanic: uhhh no

Harley: yes you are, you are being That Parent™ so knock it off before i tell mj

The Mechanic: NO!!! NOT MJ

Harley: besides i dont understand why you’re so protective, I’m pretty sure peter has been on multiple dates before so calm down

The Mechanic: ughhhhhhhhh
The Mechanic: I mean I’m sorry
The Mechanic: I was being honest though, he really went through a lot and was doing really badly

Harley: yeah i noticed
Harley: I also noticed that he’s been doing better

The Mechanic: You just remind me too much of myself sometimes
The Mechanic: And it scares me because I was a mess

Harley: okay
Harley: but you had a shit dad and no-one to talk to

The Mechanic: Okay, so what? Your dad left you when you were a kid!!

Harley: yeah
Harley: but I have my mom and my sister who still hold me accountable because they care about me
Harley: plus I’ve got you. I can learn from your mistakes

The Mechanic: Where’s Harley and what did you do to him?

Harley: fufjkf asshole

The Mechanic: Since when did you get so sentimental?

Harley: since peter
Harley: also since i’m trying to convince you to let me flirt with your intern/son :)

The Mechanic: He’s not my son

Harley: yes he is
Harley: he literally calls you dad

The Mechanic: You have no proof

Harley: yes I do
Harley: and mj has a spreadsheet

The Mechanic: fuck

Harley: (:

The Mechanic: fine, go wild
The Mechanic: he’s too much of an idiot to notice anyway

Harley: what do you mean

The Mechanic: you’ll see ;)

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

wow i cant believe he left me on read :/
>pepper potts please punch me in the face @lesbianironman
he had a whole ass gay panic attack
>> #1 intern @starkintern
this was half an hour ago

>>> h @potatogunkid
listen i TOLD you i needed to sit down. give me a break, i was trying to process
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
process what? my ugly face :,(
>>>> h @potatogunkid
please tell me you’re joking because I’m like 5 seconds away from making my own iron man suit and flying myself to new york to fight anyone who ever made you feel inadequate
>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>>>> h @potatogunkid
you made me like 289.359% gayer
>>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
weren’t you already gay
>>>>>>>>> h @potatogunkid



mj @superiornerd

now that harley knows what peter looks like his flirting will become unbearable i don’t think I’m ready

> h @potatogunkid
no one is



Direct Messages

mj -> h

mj: if you hurt him
mj: i will murder you

h: what
h: what did i do i didn’t do anything

mj: not yet but you want to

h: what

mj: you’ve had a crush on peter for weeks it’s really cute that you think me and ned haven’t noticed

h: what
h: no i don’t
h: i just think he’s attractive

mj: really?

h: yes.

mj: is that why you’ve been extra nice and understanding with him even though you “hate feelings”?

h: uh
h: its tony’s fault?
h: if i were mean to him he’d have killed me

mj: tony may not have wanted you to be rude to peter but you were always extra kind with him
mj: but i do wonder…when did you start crushing on him?


mj: yes you do
mj: was it that night when you watched disney movies together for hours and he fell asleep to your voice?

h: uh

mj: IT WAS!!
mj: so what did it, the fact that he said you had a nice voice and fell asleep to it or peter’s own voice?

h: …..
h: both

mj: you admit you have a crush on him that’s so sweet

h: mj i will murder you

mj: but peter would be so sad :(((((((

h: i hate you

mj: you don’t
mj: at least you can talk to me about it now

h: what do you mean

mj: i mean that until you actually manage to ask him out you can vent your gay frustrations to me
mj: im not the best with feelings but you’re my friend so i’ll do my best

h: ….that’s actually really sweet, thank you

mj: you’re welcome
mj: and don’t worry, i won’t tell peter about your crush on him
mj: he’s an idiot anyways he wouldn’t believe me

h: oooooookayy

Chapter Text

Direct Messagesh -> #1 intern

[ about an hour ago:

h: what. the. fuck.
h: i need to sit down

#1 intern: uhhhh okay??

h: dear god I’m so gay]

h: dear god i’m finally back
h: sorry for the delay

#1 intern: it’s fine

h: wow i cant even hear your voice and i know that’s a lie
h: you’re a terrible liar parker

#1 intern: iM NOT
#1 intern: wait how do you know my last name

h: i uhh
h: might have spent the last hour internet stalking you

#1 intern: whAT
#1 intern: WHY

h: because you’re really handsome and i need more material??

#1 intern: mhmmm sure

h: now what does that mean

#1 intern: nothing

h: which part of my statement didn’t you believe?

#1 intern: what? no! of course i believe you!

h: terrible liar, parker
h: oh my god do you think that I’m lying about you being handsome?

#1 intern: uhh

h: oh my god
h: F I N E

#1 intern: what?

h: you don’t believe me when i say i think you’re hot so i’m just gonna tell you until you believe me

#1 intern: wait what

h: you heard me

#1 intern: no seriously, what?

h: don’t worry about it, just go back to looking for jarvis’ code using that magnificent brain of yours
h: I’ll be here
h: looking at your handsome face

#1 intern:…..
#1 intern: okayyyy



Direct Messages

#1 intern -> guy(™)

#1 intern: [screen recording of the conversation with harley]
#1 intern: wHAT DOES IT MEAN

guy(™): seriously peter why do you dm me when we could text each other like normal people

#1 intern: shut up and help me

guy(™): are you actually being serious

#1 intern: yes????

guy(™): peter.

#1 intern: ned.

guy(™): harley thinks you’re hot

#1 intern: no he doesn’t


#1 intern: no but
#1 intern: he didn’t mean it like that

guy(™): I’m 5 minutes from the compound and i swear to god i will punch you in the face as soon as i see you
guy(™): you absolute idiot, what else would it mean???

#1 intern: uhhhh

guy(™): alright we’ll just do some work until you’ve calmed down and can think rationally, i’m almost there anyways

#1 intern: ok thanks
#1 intern: see you in a minute

Chapter Text

Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”


garage kid: hey uhh guys

Peter: hey harley!

queen of lesbians: what’s up?

bffaeaeaeaeae: something wrong?

garage kid: well no, not really

im liberian: is this where you tell us you have bad news and you cant actually find any more of jarvis’ code?

garage kid: oh no i found plenty!!
garage kid: its really nice to not have to babysit my sister all the time

Peter: ok so what is it?

garage kid: i just forgot to mention something that might be a little annoying during the video call

bffaeaeaeaeae: what is it?

queen of lesbians: spit it out harley, we won’t bite

Peter: speak for yourself mj

garage kid: kinky ;)
garage kid: but uhh it’s just

im liberian: you’re making me nervous pls just tell us

garage kid: OKAY OKAY
garage kid: im hard of hearing so i wear hearing aids most of the time

queen of lesbians: okay and how does that have to do with the video call?

garage kid: idk its just sometimes it hurts my ears when i have the aids in too long or they just feel weird and stick and gross and annoying and i might have to take them out sometime during it and wont be able to hear you as well

im liberian: not a problem
im liberian: you speak ASL right?

garage kid: yeah why

im liberian: ned wanna work on a program that can translate ASL to speech and vice versa?

bffaeaeaeaeae: Y E S

queen of lesbians: wait can’t friday technically do that

Peter: technically yes, but it might get messy to have her translate AND warn us about tony AND help us with coding

im liberian: ok
im liberian: ned we’re making out own tiny AI that will simply be used for translating to and from ASL

bffaeaeaeaeae: ooooohhh im actually so excited LETS DO THIS

queen of lesbians: you know if you actually make it accessible Stark Industries could probably sell the program or something
queen of lesbians: i can talk to pepper and hope about it

garage kid: guys pls I’m gonna cry
garage kid: you don’t have to do all that!!
garage kid: besides you don’t have that much time left to program it

im liberian: stop underrestimating us people of colour, white boy

bffaeaeaeaeae: yeah harley, coffee and desperation can get anything done in a few days

Iron Machine: While I do love all of this and totally support the creation of this program, I'm going to have to discourage you from consuming excessive amounts of coffee. Please actually take care of yourselves kids. Don’t be like Tony.

Peter: damn r O A S T E D
Peter: oh!! harley!!

garage kid: yeah?

Peter: i already know a lot of ASL and will brush up on it again so as long as you don’t go too fast I should be fine!! :)

garage kid: hnnnng

queen of lesbians: lmaoo you broke harley

garage kid: gay.exe has stopped working

bffaeaeaeaeae: fjkfjfkfj

Peter: o:

im liberian: now that’s a mood!!

robo bro: i also know ASL and would be happy to assist you at any time! :)

garage kid: thakns vissin

bffaeaeaeaeae: are you crying

garage kid: NO SHT UP NDE!!

queen of lesbians: awwww

Peter: actually um i have an idea pls tell me if it’s dumb but

queen of lesbians: go on peter

Peter: I think that people living at the Compound should at least learn the basics of ASL?
Peter: like not only because it’s always good to know another language
Peter: it would be more inclusive
Peter: plus the avengers could use it during fights if they have to keep quiet

Iron Machine: That’s an excellent idea Peter! One of the Rogue Avengers actually is deaf but aside from Tony no one actually bothered to learn the language when they lived and worked together. I think it’s time we change that and make sure any future recruits know that they’ll be accepted and understood. I’ll bring it up at the next meeting.

queen of lesbians: i’m gonna suggest ASL courses to pepper and hope, I think it would be great if at least the higher ups would learn ASL
queen of lesbians: maybe basic ASL to everyone, but that could be a thing for the future
queen of lesbians: there’s a lot of employees so let’s just start with higher ups and department heads, anyone who is in charge of more than a dozen of people or something like that

im liberian: im gonna talk to my brother about maybe integrating sign language courses in schools in wakanda, i don’t think we have them simply because no one has ever brought it up yet you know
im liberian: it certainly wouldn’t hurt anyone to learn it
im liberian: and I’m gonna teach myself the basics of ASL so i can understand you harley

bffaeaeaeaeae: mj can we please do a campaign at school for ASL courses. that way it could be more accessible to anyone who wants to learn!!

Peter: yes!!!

queen of lesbians: sure but why are you asking me

bffaeaeaeaeae: because you’re good at organising and planning this stuff and everyone is scared of you

queen of lesbians: point taken

Peter: guys where’s Harley

FRIDAY: Harley has been crying with his phone in hand for the last 10 minutes.

garage kid: SHUT UP FRIDAY

Peter: oh my god

queen of lesbians: who knew he had feelings?

Peter: mj dont be rude

queen of lesbians: aw


im liberian: I LOVE YOU BITCH
im liberian: BITCH

garage kid: pls stop i don’t know how to handle feelings

Peter: we love you harley!!!!

queen of lesbians: yes we do!! ned, you and me are gonna force peter to help us learn the basics of ASL this week !!

bffaeaeaeaeae: YESSS

garage kid: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Chapter Text

Text Messages:
The Mechanic: Hey Kid

Harley: hey old man
Harley: what’s up

The Mechanic: is there a reason why ned and shuri are apparently working on an AI that is solely focused on translating from and to ASL
The Mechanic: and why MJ already knows about it and told Pepper and Hope about not only the AI, but the idea of making at least higher ups at SI and PT learn the basics of ASL
The Mechanic: and why Rhodey suggested mandatory ASL lessons for anyone who lives at the Compound, especially Avengers and Avengers-in-training
The Mechanic: and why Peter is asking me to hack your medical records so he can make you new and better hearing aids??

Harley: ummmmmm
Harley: wait

The Mechanic: seriously?
The Mechanic: That’s what shocked you?

Harley: yes because i already know that the others wanted to do that
Harley: but peter wants to make me new aids?

The Mechanic: Yeah
The Mechanic: He has been researching like crazy
The Mechanic: Right now he’s working on the design
The Mechanic: Personally I think it should be red and gold, but he isn’t accepting my wonderful idea
The Mechanic: I’m so impressed, I’m pretty sure if we work on them more we could sell them at SI

The Mechanic: Harley?
The Mechanic: You still there kiddo?

The Mechanic: FRIDAY what’s going on?

FRIDAY: Harley is crying again, boss

The Mechanic: again?

FRIDAY: Yes. When Harley told his friends about his disability yesterday they immediately came up with different ideas to not only help him but also others with issues with hearing. He started crying.

The Mechanic: oh

FRIDAY: Peter did not tell Harley of his idea for new aids at the time. I’m not sure if he had that idea later on or just decided not to tell him right there. Though he said he would brush up on his ASL and is helping Ned and MJ learn the basics of the language.

The Mechanic: jesus
The Mechanic: kid?

Harley: yeh

The Mechanic: you okay?

Harley: yes

FRIDAY: Boss, I think you should also look out for news about sign language classes in both Peter’s school and Wakanda’s schools.

The Mechanic: dear god

Harley: friday pls stop making me cry

The Mechanic: I’m glad you have them as friends Harley

Harley: me too

The Mechanic: do you believe me now when I tell you that there’s much better people than the ones who go to school with you?

Harley: yeah

The Mechanic: I’m glad
The Mechanic: You deserve more people like Peter, Ned, Mj and Shuri in your corner Harley

Harley: thank you tony :)

The Mechanic: of course kid :) <3



Direct Messages:

#1 intern -> h

#1 intern: tony is a snitch and I’m going to eat all his blueberries

Chapter Text

Direct Messages:
#1 intern -> h

#1 intern: tony is a snitch and I’m going to eat all his blueberries

h: wow that’s evil
h: you’re a monster

#1 intern: shut up :((
#1 intern: i wanted to surprise you

h: you really don’t have to make me new aids
h: the ones i have are fine

#1 intern: okay first of all i want to
#1 intern: and secondly stop lying

h: ok sorry :(
h: but you can still surprise me if you want

#1 intern: how

h: with the colours and the design
h: just don’t make them red and gold or captain america themed

#1 intern: ohhhh
#1 intern: okay

h: yay!!
h: you’re the best, thanks babe

#1 intern: babe?

h: yes

#1 intern: okay fkfjf

#1 intern: so uhhh
#1 intern: can i ask or

h: you can ask

#1 intern: have you always been hard of hearing or

h: yeah, my hearing has never ever been perfect
h: between yelling at home and fireworks at new years and the 4th of july it kept gradually getting worse
h: then there was the mandarin thing
h: that messed up my hearing even more
h: it would’ve been better if it hadn’t all happened on christmas and therefore surrounded by days full of fireworks and loud music lmao it really fucked with my hearing
h: plus i was an idiot and as soon as tony upgraded everything in my garage i started doing experiments aka blowing stuff up
h: then i got sick and had like,,,a minor ear infection
h: so yeah

#1 intern: oh
#1 intern: im sorry
#1 intern: if i can help in any other way let me know

h: peter you absolute angel please stop worrying
h: you’re doing more than enough
h: hell, even you knowing ASL is amazing to me

#1 intern: oh yeah i learned it after my parents died
#1 intern: i didn’t talk for a while and then some other traumatic shit happened so yeah
#1 intern: some days or weeks i just wouldn't talk so it was necessary
#1 intern: i almost forgot most the language until i saw some asl classes offered for free in my neighbourhood so i used that to catch up again and now i use it regularly with a few of my neighbours and on patrol and stuff so yeah

h: oh
h: shit im sorry that’s terrible ://
h: but I’m glad that you can still use it!!

#1 intern: yeah honestly every kid should be taught ASL from birth, it’s just all around useful
#1 intern: you never know when you might need it
#1 intern: and kids learn languages more easily when they’re young

h: true true

#1 intern: seriously though if you need anything tell me
#1 intern: dont be a stubborn idiot and keep quiet

h: okay
h: i wont
h: (:

#1 intern: thank you :)


[ 5 minutes later ] 

h: actually can you send me more selfies it would really cheer me up


h: what??

#1 intern: wH Y

h: i told you
h: you’re ridiculously handsome and i like looking at your face

#1 intern: hnnnggg

Chapter Text

Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”


queen of lesbians: good morning losers and shuri! please remember that we will start our video call tomorrow morning at 10am NYC time so get your alarms ready. we will be talking all day

Peter: ok!

robo bro: do you want me to be present as well?

queen of lesbians: i won’t force you to be there but you’re welcome at any time. I’m sure you can be helpful vision :)

bffaeaeaeaeae: actually vision can you do a shift of distracting tony in the morning? it wouldn’t be normal for any of us to be up bright and early so you are our best bet

robo bro: of course! i’ll just ask tony to teach me a few italian recipes

Peter: vis if you learn how to make homemade tortellini not only will you distract tony for a long time but you’ll make me cry of happiness

robo bro: okay peter, that does sound like a good idea!

queen of lesbians: wonderful!
queen of lesbians: now the plan for today is for all of us to do some last minute digging and then we’ll try to put together as much as we can tomorrow together

garage kid: can’t wait! i got my instant ramen r E A D Y

Iron Machine: Harley please eat something other than that

garage kid: why would i

Peter: i will send you 10 pictures of me if you eat something with actual nutritional value

garage kid: okay
garage kid: im gonna go get ready for grocery shopping now bye

im liberian: fufkfjkf

bffaeaeaeaeae: well

Iron Machine: Okay…that works too

queen of lesbians: harley has reached a new level of gay

im liberian: i admire his honesty

queen of lesbians: hey peter what does harley even look like

Peter: idk

im liberian: what do you mean you don’t know

queen of lesbians: did you seriously send him pictures of your face but never bothered asking to see his face too

bffaeaeaeaeae: peter is an idiot why are you surprised

Peter: HEY

bffaeaeaeaeae: you know i love you, but it’s true

Peter: :((

queen of lesbians: peter for the love of god ask him for pictures, i don’t want to deal with your gay crisis if you see him for the first time during the video call

im liberian: i actually think it would be amusing to watch

robo bro: don’t worry friday will send us the footage of his reaction either way

FRIDAY: That I will.

Peter: Et tu, vis?

robo bro: ;)

queen of lesbians: HA

im liberian: vision is my new favourite

bffaeaeaeaeae: vison and friday are already terrifying together and with jarvis helping it will only get worse

FRIDAY: That’s correct.

robo bro: i cant wait

Peter: im scared now

queen of lesbians: peter, ask harley for pictures of his face



Direct Messages
#1 intern -> h

#1 intern: ok i realised that while you have seen my face, i haven’t seen yours which is just plain rude

h: oh, is it? ;)

#1 intern: yes it is

h: hmmmmm

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

hey guys @potatogunkid is being rude and not showing me what he looks like :(((

> h @potatogunkid
aww you wanna see my face that badly, huh?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>> h @potatogunkid
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern


Direct Messages

#1 intern -> h

#1 intern: HARLEY
#1 intern: HARLEY
#1 intern: HARLEY

h: what’s up babe?

#1 intern: harley, my baby, my cinnamon apple

h: now we’re talking

#1 intern: seriously?!
#1 intern: pet names? that’s what’s gonna get you to send me pictures of you?

h: yes.

#1 intern: asshole

h: oooh but I’m so cuteeeeeeee

#1 intern: pleaseeeeeeeeee harley
#1 intern: harls
#1 intern: darling
#1 intern: sweetheart
#1 intern: babe

h: yes?

#1 intern: please let me see what you look like hOnEY

h: ok

h: [selfie]
h: [picture of harley working in the garage]
h: [picture of harley in his car]
h: [mirror selfie]
h: [picture of harley smirking at his sister] 
h: [picture of harley in a suit] 

#1 intern: oh my god
#1 intern: please ruin me

h: gladly


Direct Messages

h -> mj

h: [screenrecording of the conversation]
h: does it count as hurting him if he literally asked me to ruin him

mj: dear god
mj: you broke him

h: i feel like that should be considered an insult but somehow it doesn’t feel like one


Direct Messages

#1 intern -> guy(™)

#1 intern: fuck
#1 intern: shit
#1 intern: shitfuck

guy(™): that hot?

#1 intern: ned
#1 intern: i want him to run me over with his car

guy(™): oh no

Chapter Text

guy(™) @guyinthechair

wow i cant believe that @potatogunkid singlehandedly ruined @starkintern ’s wholesomeness RIP
> #1 intern @starkintern
shut uP

>mj @superiornerd
he’ll be back as soon as he gets christmas pictures
>> #1 intern @starkinter
how?? what??? does that have to do with anything??
>>> mj @superiornerd
you’re a sucker for white boys in sweaters or hoodies with soft hair and bright eyes
>>>> #1 intern @starkinter
……i was attacked

>>>> h @potatogunkid
I’ll keep that in mind, thanks mj
>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>>> h @potatogunkid
>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>>>>> mj @superiornerd
are you even trying to hide your bottom energy
>>>>>>>>> #1 intern


Direct Messages

groupchat: midtown nerds ™

#1 intern, guy(™), mj

mj: peter
mj: spill

#1 intern: what

guy(™): she wants you to scream your heart out to the group chat
guy(™): vent

#1 intern: …o-okay??

mj: go on

#1 intern: idk what to say

guy(™): yes you do, just start rambling

#1 intern: its just
#1 intern: he’s like really nice
#1 intern: and not like he’s a ‘nice guy’ nice but
#1 intern: kind. he’s super kind
#1 intern: and he’s really funny and sweet
#1 intern: and he has such a nice voice dear god i cant wait to hear his voice again tomorrow
#1 intern: and he’s always trying to help and he’s so fucking smart
#1 intern: like seriously anytime he starts talking about him fixing his car and other stuff my brain just fucking shuts off iTS B A D
#1 intern: and he is so accepting and easy to talk to
#1 intern: and now he started ??? idk flirting??? kinda?? with me??

mj: peter that’s full on flirting, don’t even try to deny it

#1 intern: but :(
#1 intern: ok F I NE
#1 intern: well i guess he’s been flirting a lot
#1 intern: and he thinks I’m attractive and i think he actually tries to use more masculine words when trying to compliment me bc he used handsome a lot and gOD thats so fucking considerate

guy(™): he did?? that’s so great peter omg

mj: damn he’s good

#1 intern: see!!
#1 intern: and seriously guys
#1 intern: he’s so fucking hot
#1 intern: like that one picture when he’s working in the garage,,,,,,hmm i love a man who does handywork,,,,,
#1 intern: and then there’s one where he’s wearing a suit an god fucking damn i just AHHHHHH
#1 intern: he’s so hot
#1 intern: and there’s selfies where he’s just so C U T E and PRETTY and i cant
#1 intern: plus the one where he grins at his sister
#1 intern: seriously guys you’ll have to save me from embarrassment tomorrow and try to distract me but if he ever grins at me that way i think I’m actually going to fucking faint

mj: dear god you’ve got it bad

guy(™): that’s a crush and a half

#1 intern: hnnnnng me me big gay

mj: i can tell
mj: tomorrow’s gonna be fun

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

mj -> h

mj: are you purposefully using more masculine sounding adjectives to compliment peter’s appearance

h: yes
h: i thought it might be a good idea
h: is it?

mj: damn
mj: you’re good

h: uh.. thanks??

mj: brb gonna report back to may

h: waIT WHAT


Text Messages

MJ: hey may

May Parker: Hey MJ, what’s up?

MJ: he’s good

May Parker: Who? The Harley kid? MJ: yes

May Parker: hmmm
May Parker: How good exactly?

MJ: like purposefully using masculine adjectives to compliment peter’s appearance to make him feel more comfortable even when he’s flirting with him good

May Parker: Oh! That is very good.

MJ: yes
MJ: I expected him to be respectful and playful and everything but this surprised me so i thought you should know

May Parker: Thank you MJ! And thank you for keeping me in the loop in general. You’re a great friend to Peter, I’m glad he has you.

MJ: I’m glad I have him too :)
MJ: even though he’s an idiot

May Parker: Oh that he is. Want to come over Tuesday so we can talk about him being an idiot?

MJ: I’d absolutely love to!

May Parker: See you Tuesday at three :D

MJ: See you!

Text Messages

May: That Harley kid is a good kid
May: surprised even MJ

Tony: Is he?
Tony: I’m gonna be honest I was kind of worried, but you saying that actually makes me feel better

May: Why were you worried?

Tony: He reminds me too much of myself sometimes
Tony: But he’s a good kid, better than I could ever be

May: Stop talking about yourself like that Tony. You grew up in a messed up household and were forced to act a certain way from a young age.

Tony: I don’t know May

May: Stop it, Tony
May: You’re a good person
May: Yeah, you’re a mess sometimes but I’m so happy that Peter has you

Tony: Thank you May
Tony: That means more than you’ll ever know


Text Messages

The Mechanic: Just how in the world did you manage to surprise MJ and impress May within a few days of me telling you you can flirt with Peter

Harley: Uhhhhhhh
Harley: honestly i don’t know?????
Harley: i didn’t really do anything special????

The Mechanic: mhmmm sure
The Mechanic: What did you do Harely?

Harley: i uh
Harley: googled more masculine sounding compliments because i wanted peter to feel more comfortable and i had heard that sometimes trans men feel uncomfortable with always hearing more feminine sounding compliments on their appearance

The Mechanic: dear god kid

Harley: It’s really not a big deal?? it took like two seconds i don’t get it???

The Mechanic: It might not seem like a big deal to you but it probably is to Peter

Harley: how do you know that

The Mechanic: Because May told me that you’re a good kid, which means that she heard about it from MJ who was surprised by you, which means that Peter must have told Ned and MJ about it.
The Mechanic: So yeah, it might be something simple that more people should be aware of but that doesn’t mean it means nothing to Peter.

Harley: oh
Harley: so what you’re saying is that I’m doing good at flirting with him??

The Mechanic: yes


Chapter Text

Text Messages


group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”


im liberian: time zones sUCK
im liberian: wake up before i hack friday and set off all your alarms

FRIDAY: Please don’t do that, Shuri.

im liberian: f I N E


Peter: I’m up I’m up I’m up

queen of lesbians: you’re not even late, I’m surprised

Peter: wtf does that mean you just got up as well

queen of lesbians: no i woke up an hour ago and texted shuri bc i was bored

im liberian: hell yeah you did

robo bro: good morning everyone!!

Peter: morning viz!!

queen of lesbians: good morning vision!!

im liberian: hey vision!!

Peter: where’s ned?? aren’t you both on your way here??

queen of lesbians: yeah he fell asleep in the car lmao

Peter: ugh mood

im liberian: hey peter where’s your boyfriend?

Peter: ?? I dont have a boyfriend?

queen of lesbians: she’s talking about harley

Peter: JFJKF he’s not my boyfriend!!

garage kid: yet

im liberian: HA!!

queen of lesbians: that was great, 10/10

bffaeaeaeaeae: ughhhhh did you seriously have to wake me just because of that mj???

queen of lesbians: yes
queen of lesbians: also we’re almost here

Iron Machine: Great, come to the kitchen to have breakfast!

Peter: can’t we just eat it in the lab

Iron Machine: No, we'll have at least this meal in the kitchen like normal people before we lock ourselves into the lab for hours on end.

Peter: ughhhh fineeeeee

im liberian: awww someone’s eager to see his boyfriend again

garage kid: aww peter, im flattered <3

Peter: everyone shut up its too early for this

bffaeaeaeaeae: i love how harley only every replies if it’s to flirt with peter
bffaeaeaeaeae: is it gonna be like that all day???

queen of lesbians: probably

im liberian: most likely

FRIDAY: Signs point to yes.

robo bro: definitely

Peter: fjkftjfk

garage kid: (:

im liberian: ok so everyone eat and then set up your computers and shit and camp out in your lab/garage because we going ✈️ jarvis

FRIDAY: Well put, Shuri.

im liberian: thank you friday

robo bro: ill just read a little bit and then remind tony that he promise to teach me how to make tortellini
robo bro: if you need my help, let me know!!

Peter: will do vision!!

Iron Machine: Peter, eat!

Peter: okay okay jeez



bffaeaeaeaeae; ok we got all the snacks into the lab
bffaeaeaeaeae: mj is organising them now
bffaeaeaeaeae: she brought her own vegan snacks
bffaeaeaeaeae: even homemade ones, that’s how you know its serious

queen of lesbians: shut up ned and help me
queen of lesbians: dear god why are there so many snacks in the first place

Peter: i have an enhanced metabolism thank you very much

im liberian: oh thank god

Peter: ????

im liberian: i didnt know if they knew and then i was afraid to ask

Peter: ohhh fjfkfjk
Peter: no don’t worry they all know

FRIDAY: Yes, even though Peter told Harley after he almost scared him to death because KAREN entered their group chat and announced that Peter got stabbed.



garage kid: yeah shit, that was terrifying

Peter: im sorry :((((

garage kid: you can make it up to me by sending me more selfies

queen of lesbians: jesus christ harley we’re literally setting up the video call and everything as we speak, can’t you wait 5 minutes to see peters face?

garage kid: no.

Iron Machine: Great, I’ll be stuck in a lab watching Harley flirt with Peter non-stop.

bffaeaeaeaeae: you think shuri and mj will be any better??

queen of lesbians: NED

bffaeaeaeaeae: what?! did i lie?

im liberian: no you didn’t

Peter: can we please just get this shitshow started

queen of lesbians: shut up peter you just want to be able to stare at harley already

Peter: yes.

garage kid: hngg,,,

bffaeaeaeaeae: jesus

queen of lesbians: what have i done

im liberian: lmaoooooo

Iron Machine: FRIDAY, please just start the video call.

FRIDAY: As you wish, Rhodey.


Chapter Text

[video call] 

Peter’s Lab -> Shuri’s Lab & Harley’s Garage

Rhodey: “Hello Harley, hello Princess!”

Harley: “Hi Rhodey!”

Shuri: “Hi Colonel!”

Rhodey: “Please Princess, call me Rhodey.”

Shuri: “No can do Colonel, not until you stop calling me Princess.”

Harley: “Haha, reckeDT!!”

Shuri: “Wait where are the others?”

Rhodey: “You can’t hear them?? They’re currently arguing about the snacks that are in this lab. I don’t know why, but they seem to think it’s an important discussion to have at the moment. Right guys??”

Peter, in the background: “Uhh what???”

Shuri: “Hey guys!!”

Ned: “Oh shit the Colonel started the video call!!”

MJ: “Yeah okay maybe we should start working. But seriously, I don’t understand how you can have so much junk food around Peter.”

Peter, rolling his eyes and walking over to Rhodey: “Whatever MJ, let’s just get to work.”

Ned: “Oh hey guys!!”

Harley: “Ned!! Omg hi!!”

Shuri: “Hi Ned, hi MJ!”

Peter: “Hi Peter, great to see you again Peter, how are you Peter, wow great thanks guys, how are you?”

MJ: “Awwww someone’s upset that his boyfriend didn’t greet him right away…"

Peter, blushing: “Ughhh shut up MJ!!!”

Rhodey: “What am I doing with my life?”



Ned: “Okay so I’m gonna try to fix some of the code Harley found because for some reason it’s already in almost perfect condition, can you guys work on the one we found in KAREN and FRIDAY?”

Harley: “Aye aye Captain!”



Shuri: “Wow, I can’t believe Ned simply took my role of Boss Of The Lab without noticing.”

Peter: “Well…he is kind of our computer genius so I guess it makes sense?”

Ned, from the other end of the lab: “Sorry Shuri!! Get back to work everyone!! Rhodey can you help out for a second please??”

Rhodey: “Sure thing Ned!”

Shuri: “Wait since when is he “Rhodey??”

Rhodey: “Since I told him to call me that half an hour ago when you were busy flirting with MJ.”



MJ: ”Harley can you actually help out instead of staring at Peter the whole time? We’d really get more stuff done that way.”



Peter: “I’m hungryyyyyy.”

Shuri: “You ate like two hours ago.”

Peter: “Damn, it’s been that long? I’m gonna get some snacks.”



Ned: “Ok I fixed pretty much everything Harley found, how are you guys doing?”

MJ: “Peter and I are doing well with what he found in KAREN and Harley and Shuri have been working on what we found in FRIDAY together. The Colonel has been working with each of us for a bit and then going to the next pair. I think this system is working pretty well if you ask me.”

Ned: “Great!!”



MJ: “Peter, you’ve been staring at Harley for the past 10 minutes.”

Peter: “What? No, I haven’t.”

MJ: “Harley don’t be so smug, I know you were staring at Peter for 15 minutes straight only half an hour ago.”

Shuri: “God, MJ is fantastic.”

MJ: “Thanks Princess!”

Ned: “I feel like such a fifth weel…”

Rhodey: “I feel like the awkward uncle who doesn’t really want to be here but kind of has to.”

Peter: “Awwww love you Uncle Rhodey!!”

Ned: “Oh my god Rhodey loves being called Uncle Rhodey!!”

Rhodey: “Shut up and get back to work Ned!”

Ned: “Yes sir!”



Peter: “NED!! Can you please come help me and MJ?? We’re stuck.”

Ned: “Yeah ok, you go work with Shuri and Harley.”



Peter: “Hey guys, how are you doing with the code?”

Shuri: “Pretty good. Though I think coding really is more Ned’s thing because this shit is HARD!!”

Harley: “Shuri stop whining, you’re doing fine. I think it’s good that we’re so many trying to work on this together to be honest this would take ages if I had done this on my own. It’s why I never tried."

Peter: “Aw, do you guys need any help? Ned is working with MJ now and kind of kicked me out hahah”

Harley: “Aw babe, of course you can help us out!”

ShurI: “Dear GOD WHY AM I HERE???!!!”

Harley: “Shut up Shuri, Peter is adorable when he blushes. I can’t help it.”

Peter: “I’m not adorable!!”

Harley: “Yes you are.”

Peter: “No!”

Harley: “Yes”


Peter: “umm”

Harley: “Shuri stop being dramatic.”

Shuri: “NEVER”

Chapter Text

Rhodey: “Guys, we’re having lunch in like half an hour. Harley you should go prepare something too, we can try and wrap it up for a bit.”

Ned: “What do you mean? We can continue afterwards, right??”

Rhodey: “Ned, don’t worry. I won’t take away the code from you. But you do need a break. So I say we have lunch and then maybe ice cream for dessert and stay out the lab for a bit. FRIDAY can open some windows so we can get fresh air in.”

Ned: “Fine, I guess…”

Peter: “Wait who’s coming back to the lab after lunch?"

MJ: “Rhodey and I talked about it and decided it would be best if Pepper, Hope and I dragged Tony away to talk a bit about the whole ASL thing. We won’t hold an actual meeting but we were thinking of maybe going to a cafe or something and then go for a walk. It will give you guys more time to work on the code and this time Vision will actually be able to help.”

Harley: “Oh my god Ned and Vision working together will help us so much, they’re the ones who are really good at coding and Vision has a lot of code in himself.”

Ned, singing: “DREAM TEAM!!”

Rhodey: “Alright so we’ll meet back here after lunch? Is that alright with everyone?”

Shuri: “Yes, even though I will miss MJ a lot…sigh…”

Harley: “Did you just say ‘sigh’ out loud???”

Shuri: “Yeah…sigh.”

Peter: “Oh..mood..”

MJ: “Don’t worry princess, I’ll be back for you.”

Shuri: “I am so glad to hear that my love!”

Rhodey: “Dear god what have I gotten myself into…”

FRIDAY: “The greatest make-shift family in the world, Rhodey.”

Rhodey: “You’re right FRIDAY…anyways..KIDS!! KIDS, LISTEN!!!! So after lunch we’ll have some ice cream and then gradually start coming back to the lab. I’ll be first to leave and will make some excuse about needing exercise or something. I’ll call Shuri and Harley as soon as I arrive back here and start working. After a while Peter will say he wants to go back to the lab to work on 'Spidey Stuff' with Ned. Last is Vision, who will come up with some excuse about wanting to go back to reading and he’ll join us too. Pepper, MJ and Hope will hopefully be able to distract Tony the whole afternoon. “

MJ: “We’ll probably invite Happy along to the whole thing, Pepper says Tony and Happy haven’t seen each other that much in the past few weeks so they’ll have a lot to catch up on.”

Peter: “That’s great, he can invite Tony to a Downton Abbey binge-watching party so we can work a little more tomorrow!!”

Rhodey: “Alright, alright. FRIDAY discreetly tell Vision, Happy, Pepper and Hope of the plans please.”

FRIDAY: “Done.”

Ned: “Okayokayokay now FOOD!!!”


Harley “Oh my god I’m going to have to cook for myself….how annoying….”

Shuri: “Harley if you want we can stay on video call, that way we won’t feel too left out!”

Harley: “Okay!”

FRIDAY: “Boss would like me to tell you that 'the food is ready and if you don’t come down to eat right now I will never cook another meal again'.”

MJ: “OH NO!! Tony’s vegan dishes are to die for, let’s go, let’s go!!"

Rhodey: “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard MJ compliment Tony…”

Ned: “Yeah, she may like to tease him about everything else but she really likes his cooking."

Rhodey: “That’s understandable.”

Peter: “Bye for now, I’m getting food!!”

Harley and Shuri: “Byeeeeeee!!”

Chapter Text

video call

(Harley is in the kitchen, Shuri is in her room.)

Shuri -> Harley

Shuri: “So.”

Harley: “So.”

Shuri: “What are you making?”

Harley: “Homemade pasta with homemade tomato sauce and a big salad. I’ll have to start with the salad….”

Shuri: “Nice! How the hell are you going to make homemade pasta in such a short time though?”

Harley: “Oh we still have some left over from last weekend. Every Sunday my mom and I make pasta together. We make a lot so it can last us a whole week.”

Shuri: “Oh really? Man that’s so cool…”

Harley: “Yeah it’s one tradition that we’re keeping I guess. My sister and my mom usually make tomato sauce together once or twice a year. Tony actually started us giving really good tomatoes each fall so it’s a really good sauce too.”

Shuri: “Man, I’m so jealous….can you make me some food when I come to visit?”

Harley: “Haha sure, I’ll make sure to bring some tomato sauce and pasta to the Compound.”

Shuri: “Oh wait, so you’re coming to the Compound when I’m visiting too?"

Harley: “Yeah? Obviously?”

Shuri: “No, I mean…like.. I don’t know we never really talked about my own visit that much so I didn’t want to assume.”

Harley: “Oh no it’s alright. Tony said I could visit anytime so I’ll just have to ask him today or tomorrow and we’ll figure out the transportation out together.”

Shuri: “Are you coming alone?”

Harley: “Yeah, I mean my sister will probably still be at camp and my mom has to work so it’ll be just me.”

Shuri: “Sweet!! I’m glad that you’re coming too, I think it will make a huge difference if we’re all able to work in the lab together.”

Harley: “Me too. I mean it will probably be a mess and we’re going to give Rhodey multiple headaches, but it’ll be fun.”

Shuri:”Yeah! Plus you can flirt with Peter even more.“

Harley: “What are you talking about?”

Shuri: “Aww c’mon Harely. We both know that you absolutely can’t wait until you finally get to meet Peter in person.”

Harley: “….maybe…”

Shuri: “I think it’s cute. Are you gonna ask him out?”

Harley: “WHAT?! Are you crazy?”

Shuri: “Why? You obviously like him a lot and Peter is too shy to do anything himself.”

Harley: “Shuri no, there’s no way that-“

Shuri: “FINE!! Then continue being an idiot and act like Peter doesn’t like you blah blah blah!”

Harley: “Um..wha-“

Shuri: “God, I swear men are idiots. You’d think they would use their brains once in a while but nooooo let’s go ahead and act like we don’t understand emotions and shit..ughhhh so annoying!!”


Shuri: “Like my brother, that complete idiot, kept acting like he wasn’t still in love with his ex-girlfriend and then literally FROZE anytime he saw her. Even Okoye found it hilarious!”

Harley: “Who’s Okoye?”

Shuri:”General. T’Challa’s bodyguard. The best and most powerful person ever. I’ve been told she’s as scary as Natasha Romanov and Pepper Potts combined..”

Harley: “Jesus…tell me more embarrassing stories about your brother please, I’m trying to not feel bad about myself while cutting these tomatoes.”

Shuri: “You’re still making your salad?”

Harely: “Yeah, but the pasta won’t take too long.”

Shuri: “Ok so one time he caught me after I had just come back from a ‘date’ and he thought it was wise to tell my parents to give me the birds and the bees talk. They then decided that we should both hear it. Which was wonderful you know, considering that I’m 100% gay and then had to listen exactly how sex worked for heterosexual people. Especially since my brother had a girlfriend at the time and my dad thought it was great to remind him how sex worked riGHT IN FRONT OF ME!”

Harley: “Seriously Shuri?? Right in front of my salad??”

Shuri:”….I hate you.”

Harley: “Noooo please I love youuuuu!!!! Come backkkkk!!! Just please don’t talk about sex and heteros right now I’m trying to cook lunch!”

Shuri: “FINE I GUESS!”

Harley: “Cool, so any other stories?”

Shuri: “Yes, plenty!!”

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

told tony i would start calling rhodey ‘uncle rhodey’ now and he spit out his drink


>#2 tony stark stan @warmachinestan
ok but why are you calling him uncle rhodey all of a sudden
>> #1 intern @starkintern
cause he’s a great uncle

>>> mj @superiornerd
also because he literally said “I feel like the awkward uncle who doesn’t really want to be here but kind of has to.”
>>>> guy(™) @guyinthechair
an icon

mmmwatchagay @gayavengers
@starkintern hey um can you tell us a little about colonel rhodes? you only ever mentioned him when he came to scold you for something fjffkj

> #1 intern @starkintern
sure! uncle rhodey is good at scolding because he has a lot of experience from having to take care of tony’s idiotic ass. they’ve known eachother since MIT so he literally spent most of his life looking after him. they’re like brothers!
>> #1 intern @starkintern
but while he may act like he’s an adult and all responsible™ he actually participates in a lot of pranks and stuff and likes to laugh at scott when hope beats his ass during training gfjkfjf
>>> #1 intern @starkintern
he’s also really smart. he is literally a rocket scientist and a colonel, he knows how to deal with the press and with politicians and honestly…he worked on the accords just as much as tony, its just tony was more the face of it bc everyone is more scared of tony stark billionarie, genius and iron man than james rhodes, colonel and war machine. + he's more well known obviously
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
but uncle rhodey is really kind and very protective of his family!! he’s a good leader and great at training new recruits and stuff!! he’s a wonderful teacher and always thinks ahead, likes to be safe rather than sorry
>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
also he’s rocking those leg braces, I’m proud of the progress he’s making!! i love him a lot even though he always tells me off for being an idiot jfkfjf

>>>>>> mj @superiornerd
wow well done, now both stark and the colonel are crying.
>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
im?? sorry??? man i just wanted to lay on the couch for a while and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now
>>>>>>>> h @potatogunkid
you did not just use that meme.
>>>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
i did :)

guy(™) @guyinthechair

man i wish i could nap in peace. on the drive to the compound it was mj waking me, now i wake up to tony and rhodey crying???

> #1 intern @starkintern
vision looks so confused fjkfjf
>> mj @superiornerd
and amused lmaoo go get your brother
>>> #1 intern @starkintern
yes!! my robo bro!!

>>>> i c u @westanthevison
robo bro fjkfjfk thats so cute #robobro

no name @tonysstarkk
today i learned that col. james rhodes is a national treasure and that vision is #robobro

hey there demons @itsmeyaboy
james rhodes fought for my “older friend takes care of idiotic younger friend like a sibling would” rights!!

ummmmm @ogaylisten
ok but i wish they could release the leg braces col. rhodes has…they could help a lot of people :((

> #1 intern @starkintern
rhodey is basically the guinea pig! tony wants to make sure they’re both perfect and not too expensive before releasing them to the public :) but I’m sure they’ll be available as soon as possible!
>> mj @superiornerd
pepper is working on it. they’re trying to figure out how to make them more accessible and cost effective. business is more complicated than it looks!
>>> ummmmm @ogaylisten
oh ok thanks! i just wish we had them too because my brother lost use of his legs in an accident a few months ago and ever since he saw “war machines magic legs” he got really excited again
>>>> mj @superiornerd
awww :) we’re working on it, i promise.

Chapter Text

video call

Peter’s Lab -> Harley’s Garage, Shuri’s Lab

Rhodey: “Hello! Welcome back! Did you enjoy the break?”

Harley: “Hey Rhodey!! Yes, Shuri told me so many embarassing stories about King T’Challa!! The food I made was good too.”

Rhodey: “Oh? What did you make?”

Shuri: “He made homemade pasta with homemade tomato sauce from Tony’s tomatoes and a big salad. He eats like a horse, it’s weird.”


Shuri: “Haha yeah he’s so mad I showed you that!! He was like ‘Shuri, do you not realise that you just gave a complete stranger blackmail material for me? I am the King of Wakanda, this could be dangerous!’”

Harley: “Oh shit what did you say??”

ShurI: “I laughed and said that I don’t care and that I did it for homemade pasta. He looked very confused, so I ran away.”

Rhodey: “Okay kids, let’s get back to work before Peter and Ned show up and Harley gets distracted again…”

Harley: “HEY!!”

Shuri: “Haha!! This is great.”

Rhodey: “Kids…focus!!”



FRIDAY: “Rhodey, Peter and Ned are on the way and asked if you wanted them to bring you something from the kitchen or the pantry.”

Rhodey: “Oh yeah, ask Peter if he can bring my favourite cookies please. He’ll know which ones I mean.”

FRIDAY: “Will do!”


Harley: “Guys I swear Ned is like the wizard of coding or something what the hell????”

Ned, from the other end of the lab: “Huh?? What did I do?”

Shuri: “You just finished fixing the part of JARVIS’s code we found in FRIDAY in like…..25 minutes. It took us the whole morning to get through three fourths of it…what the hell??”

Ned: “I mean you guys did the most work so I didn’t really do that much-“

Peter: “Ned shut up, you’re a genius with computers. It’s a talent and you just impressed the Princess of Wakanda with it. Pat yourself on the back, you’re amazing.”

Ned: “Umm”

Rhdoey: “Learn to accept compliments, Ned. You deserve them, you’re incredibly smart.”

Ned: “Uhh thank guys..?”

Harley, screaming really loudly: “YOU’RE WELCOME NED!! WE LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU!!”

Rhdoey: “Jesus Christ, Harley!! My ears!!”

Peter: “That shit hurted!”

Shuri: “Oh he need some milk…”

Harley: “Sorry guys!! Just wanted to let Ned know how loudly we appreciate him.”

Peter: “That’s valid.”



FRIDAY: “Vision is on his way. He asked if you guys needed anything.”

Ned: “Can you please ask him to bring me that peach juice I love? If he doesn’t know which one please tell him, I’m really craving some.”

FRIDAY: “Sure thing, Ned."

Rhodey: “Peach juice?”

Peter: “Yeah, Ned loves that stuff. He loves peaches in general, don’t ask me why. It’s almost as bad and Tony and blueberries.”

Ned: “Hey!! Peaches are great! Don’t you dare talk shit about them!”


Vision, entering the lab: “Hello everyone! How’s it going?”

Peter: “Hey Vis!! It’s going pretty well I’d say!”

Rhodey: “Good to have you with us! Did Tony suspect anything?”

Vision: “No, I don’t think so. Thought that might be because MJ started talking to him about the work conditions of some factory workers of SI and he got really into it.”

Harley: “Ah yes, good old MJ and her ability to start discussions on a whim."

Shuri: “She’s so smart.....”

Ned: “Shuri, stop drooling. Vision, would you mind working with me for a while?”

Vision: “Gladly!”

Ned: “Great! I’ve been wanting to talk to you about the code you have inside you and I feel like you can generally be a great help with fixing the broken lines of code we already found here and there.”

Shuri: “Colonel, let’s work together on some of the lines of code we found in different files. Harley and Peter can work on…whatever else we found.”

Rhodey: “Sure thing, Princess.”

Chapter Text

Harely: “Hey guys? Is it alright if I take out my hearing aids for a bit? I think I just need a little break.”

Peter: “Of course! We can just talk in ASL.”

Shuri: “Yeah, go for it! If we need to talk to you we can just test out the little AI Ned and I made.”

Ned: “You did install it right?”

Harley: “Yeah I installed it on my laptop! I’m using another computer for this video call so it’ll be fine I think.”

Rhodey: “I’ll text MJ. I’m sure she’ll be excited to hear that we might test the AI already.”

Harley: “Okay!”


Peter: {do you think it’ll work?}

Harley: {yeah, it should work. don’t worry about it. we’re doing great}

Peter: {are you sure? i just don’t want this to fail. we put so much work into it already}

Harley: { P-E-T-E-R! What’s your name sign btw? Also it won’t fail. I mean we’ve got Ned! We can’t fail if we have him!!} 

Peter: {Oh it’s this} *show’s sign* {I used to wear these blue glasses and when i started signing this is what people assigned to me. Though I might need a new one, since I haven’t used glasses since the spider bite. Also you’re right. Thanks.}

Harley: {Of course! And O-M-G can I give you a new name sign?}

Peter: {Sure! Just don’t be obvious and do something with spiders.}

Harley: {….ok I’ll have to think of something else then}

Peter: *laughs*



Peter: {Harley!! Should I maybe ask Tony if I can tweet something about wanting an official name sign for Spider-Man? I usually finger spell it but if I had an official sign that would be so cool!}

Harley: {OMG!! Yeah! That would be so cool!}

Peter: {Yay! Okay, I’ll tell KAREN to set a reminder}


Harley: {Peter! Peter! Peter! Can I make your name sign this?} *shows sign* {Like your curly hair? I really like your little curls and I think using a physical aspect might be the best way to go.}

Peter: {Oh, I like that!! Thank you! What’s your name sign btw?}

Harley: {It’s this} *signs name* {My ASL teacher when I was younger used to tell me I have sparkly blue eyes} *smiles*

Peter: {Your teacher was definitely right. You have really pretty blue eyes}

Harley: {O-M-G did you just flirt with me?!}

Peter: {What? No! I have no idea what you’re talking about}


Harley: {Omg what just happened?! You jumped like four feet in the air!!}

Peter: {Ned screamed at me to get back to work…}

Harley: {Well…I suppose he’s right. Let’s keep working, pretty boy!}

Peter: {Dear god….}



Harley: {The others don’t have name signs yet, right?}

Peter: {No, not yet. They only just learned the basics, they haven’t emerged themselves into the culture yet. But apparently Tony decided to bring in a teacher once a week so everyone could learn together. I guess the teacher might give out name signs if they feel like it.} 

Harley: {Oh really? That’s so great! I know Tony has one already because I gave him one. Maybe I could help out the teacher once I visit?} 

Peter: {Really? What is it? And yeah, I’m sure you could help them! }

Harley: {It’s this} *shows sign* {Because when he broke into my garage he asked for a watch. It was a limited edition Dora the Explorer watch that I stole from my sister, but still. A watch is a watch.}

Peter: {Omg that’s hilarious!}

Harley: {Thank you sweetheart.}

Chapter Text

Peter: {God, I need a break.}

Harley: {Good idea, it’s been like two hours.}

Peter: {BRB gonna get some snacks!}

Harley: {Okay!}

Peter, returning with both arms full of food and putting them on the desk: {ok I’m back!}

Harley: {You know, if I didn’t know you have an enhanced metabolism I’d be concerned…}

Peter, laughing: {I know, I eat like a maniac. People at my school think I’m weird or don’t get enough food at home.}

Harley: {Yeah, I mean it does look weird to see a cute little boy like you eat like four times what a normal person would eat.}

Peter, grinning: {Cute?}

Harley: {Very cute. Very handsome}

Peter: {Aww you can’t flirt with me while I’m eating!!! That’s not fair}

Harley: {How is it not fair?}

Peter: {I’m too focused on eating and can’t respond at all!!}

Harley: {Don’t worry babe. you can always respond later}

Peter: *huffs and rolls his eyes*

Harley: {Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!}

Harley: {Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you got fine written all over you.}

Harley: {If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber}

Harley: {My doctor says I’m lacking Vitamin U.}

Harley, grinning:{You haven’t told me to stop yet, so I’m going to keep going. You’re cute when you’re flustered.}

Harley: {You look so familiar…didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry..}

Harley: {Do you have a bandaid? Because I hurt my knee falling for you.}

Harley: {Your eyes just keep getting bigger, this is great!}

Peter:{Omg that…you’re so bad at that}

Harley: {Am I honey?}

Peter: {Yes you are, darling.}

Harley: {You didn’t look like you minded too much.}

Peter, blushing: {Well..yeah..but-}

Harley: {You’re adorable when you’re blushing, do you know that?}

Peter: {I’m not adorable!}

Harley: {Yes you are! It makes me want to cuddle you}

Peter: {You a cuddler, Keener?}

Harely, blushing furiously and stammering:{What? No! I-uh}

Peter: {That’s what I thought. You know you’re cute when you start stammering and trying to get back your usual ‘chill’.}

Harley:{I’m not-}

Peter: {Yes you are.}

Harley: *huffs and dramatically falls backwards into the chair, looking for answers on the ceiling*

Peter: *waves around to get Harley’s attention* {Hey I have a question!}

Harley, watching skeptically: {Yeah?}

Peter, grinning:{Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!}

Harley: *gaping at Peter and blushing even more*

Chapter Text

Ned: “Hey Peter, how are you coming along with the code?”

Peter: “It’s going alright. I needed a break though, so Harely and I have been just talking for the past ten minutes or so. How are you and Vision doing?”

Ned: “Pretty well, we actually found a lot of code inside him and he helped me write it all out. I think he’s my favourite coding partner!”

Rhodey: “Hey!!”

Ned: “Sorry Rhodey, but it’s the truth.”

Vision: “Thank you very much Ned, I like working with you too. You are very talented and not only given your age. I don’t think there are many people who can do what you can.”

Ned, smiling: “Thanks Vision.”

Shuri: “Hey Ned, me and Rhodey are doing good too by the way!! Not that any of you bothered to ask!!”

Ned: “Sorry Shuri!! I’m glad it’s coming along well! Has anyone heard from MJ?”

Rhodey: “No, but according to Pepper the meeting was interesting and they managed to convince Tony to join them at a bakery in Manhattan that he loves.”

Shuri: “Any idea when they’re coming back?”

Peter: “Awww someone is missing Mj!!”

Shuri: “Shut up Parker, you’ve been flirting with Harley non-stop for the past three hours.”

FRIDAY: “They are all currently on-route back to the compound. Happy is driving, they’ll be here in about an hour.”

Rhodey: “Alright, thanks FRIDAY! Everyone take a break or get back to work. Time is money, people!”

Ned: “Yeah, yeah…”

Peter, turning to Harley: { got all that?}

Harley: {Yeah, the AI program that Ned and Shuri created works very well. Though I think it has to be worked on a little more for it to work for stuff like long speeches and classes.}

Peter: {Alright, that’s great! You can just tell them that, I think Ned will just rope Vision into helping them. They seem to be getting along really well.}

Harley: {Are you jealous??}

Peter: {What??? No, I’m just happy that Ned has finally found someone who can understand his thought process that well. He gets along with Tony just fine, but I think he doesn’t want to step in between Tony and I’s close relationship.}

Harley: {You mean your father-son relationship?}

Peter, smiling softly: {Yeah…}

Harley: {Thank you btw}

Peter: {For what?}

Harley: {Taking care of Tony when he didn’t. Staying when the others left.}

Peter: {’re welcome!}


Direct Messages

mj -> h

mj: so

h: so

mj: how annoyed are the others by your flirting

h: well
h: to be honest i did most of the flirting in asl so

mj: nice
mj: did he blush and stammer and get defensive?

h: more or less

mj: and you?

h: i was super cool the whole time, i oozed an aura of chill.
h: blushing? what is that?
h: stammering? never heard of her?
h: sighing dramatically and falling backwards into your chair? what even does that mean?

mj: lmaoo you got it bad

h: yeah…
h: can you blame me though?

mj: hmmm not really, no
mj: peter might be an idiot but he’s a good person and always there for his friends

h: yes excatly
h: also he’s VERY attractive
h: im trying to get the staring under control but idk how
h: he’s just so cute when he’s concentrating really hard on something

mj: well i doubt peter feels any different

h: what do you mean

mj: i mean that he was probably staring at you too
mj: you two are astoundingly obvious

h: no we’re not
h: well maybe i am
h: shuri already teased me about the flirting and staring when we talked during lunch break

mj: see?
mj: you two are adorable

h: im not adorable I’m a M A N L Y mAN

mj: yes, an adorably manly man


Text Messages

MJ -> Shuri <3

MJ: on a scale of 1 to 10 how much did those idiots stare at each other

Shuri <3: like 20

MJ: hmm

Shuri <3: its kind of cute you know
Shuri <3: I’m rooting for them

MJ: yeah they’d be good for each other i think

Shuri <3: btw ned has found a new favourite coding partner

MJ: vision?

Shuri <3: yeah, they get along really well

MJ: that’s good to hear

Shuri <3: you coming back soon?

MJ: yeah, I’m just on my way back
MJ: miss me?

Shuri <3: so much
Shuri <3: men are idiots

MJ:’re right there
MJ: when you come visit I’ll convince hope and pepper to let me bring you along sometime
MJ: they’re great

Shuri <3: should i be jealous of your obvious crush on hope?

MJ: awww dont worry princess, i only have eyes for you <3 <3

ShurI <3: you better!

Chapter Text

MJ: “Hey losers, I’m back!!”

Shuri: “Finally!”

Rhodey: “Great!"

Peter: “Hey MJ!”

Ned: “Hey MJ!”

Vision: “Hello Michelle!”

MJ: “Please Vision, call me MJ.”

Vision: “Sure thing, MJ.”

MJ: “Is Harley asleep or something?”

Peter: “Huh? Oh no he’s just not wearing his hearing aids. He wanted to take a break.”

MJ: “Oh alright, tell him I said hi.”

Peter: “Will do!”



Harley: “Hey guys I put my hearing aids back in, just so you know.”

MJ: “Cool.”

Ned: “Thanks for telling us, Harley.”



Ned: “Hey guys, how are you all doing with the code?”

*collective murmurs of ‘pretty good’ ‘doing alright’ ‘fine’*

Ned: “Um I’d love to do kind of an overview right now? Maybe we could all huddle around the biggest table and kind of figure out what we have and what not?”

Rhodey: “That’s a good idea Ned. Are you sure we don’t need a break?"

Ned: “No, I took one just five minutes ago, I’m good.”

MJ: “Yeah, we’re all good. Let’s huddle together and figure this thing out.”



MJ: “Peter are you seriously humming the Hamilton Soundtrack??”






MJ: “oh my god…..”


MJ: “Seriously??”



Shuri: “RISE UP!!”


Shuri: “RISE UP!!”


Shuri and Rhodey: “RISE UP!!!”



Everyone except MJ: “BOOM”


MJ: “You guys do know that that musical romanticises the fuck out of the US history, is often inaccurate or just completely leaves out important details…like Jefferson’s “Sally” being a 14 year old slave that he was rumoured to have had 'sexual relations' with??”

*another heavy silence*

Peter: “MJ you’re no fun”

Ned: “I did know most of those things but the songs are still catchy”

Shuri: “I don’t trust americans telling any kind of history anyways so its not like I actually believe whatever they’re trying to sell”

Rhodey: “Yeah MJ, let people enjoy things!!”

MJ: “Et tu, Rhodey?”

Shuri: “You know you love those songs too!! You’re allowed to like them even if you’re able to acknowledge the problems of the musical itself”

MJ: “….fine!”

Ned: “Um…is Harley ok??”

MJ: *snorts* “He looks like a tomato”

Shuri: “Yeah he kind of zoned out as soon as Peter started singing slash humming slash rapping slash trying to rap”

Peter, weakly: “Hey!”

Rhodey: “I’m actually kind of concerned. He has yet to move.”

Ned: “Peter is blushing too!!!”

MJ: “Awwww Peter isn’t used to all this attention.”

Peter: *grumbling* “Shut up MJ.”

Ned: “Aaaand he’s running away to get a snack so he can act like nothing just happened!”

Shuri: “God, men are idiots”

MJ: “They really are.”

Ned: “We should get back to work…”

Rhodey: “What about Harley?”

Shuri: “Don’t worry, me and FRIDAY are keeping an eye on it. He’ll unfreeze sooner or later.”

MJ: “Alright everyone, back to work!”


…… a few minutes later……….

Shuri: “Hi Harley, welcome back to the land of the living!”

Harley, signing: {What’s Peter’s ring size?}

Chapter Text

Rhodey: “Alright everyone, save your progress and then shut everything off. We’ve been working all day, let’s stop for now.”

Ned: “Okay yeah, I can barely think straight.”

Vision: “That’s because you’re not.”

Peter: “Vision, I love you.”

Harely: “That was fantastic Vision.”

Shuri: “Alright then, I think I’m gonna go to bed. It’s late here. Or early, depending how you see it.”

MJ: “You could’ve gone to sleep earlier, you know. You didn’t have to stay up to help us.”

Shuri: “I know, but I wanted to."

Rhodey: “Alright everyone, let’s go. FRIDAY please ask Tony if we can have pizza for dinner.”

Harley: “I want pizza too…“

Rhodey: “I’ll order you some and send it to you with an Iron Man suit.”

Harley; “Wait..seriously??”

Rhodey: “Sure, why not? I’ve done crazier stuff.”

Harley: “That’s so cool omg.”

FRIDAY: “Boss has declared tonight a pizza night. He wants me to tell you to ‘get your best pjs on, order some pizza and get your asses to the kitchen.”

Ned: “Alright, I guess it’s our cue to go now.”

Vision: “Shuri, Harley it was great working with you. I’m sure we’ll talk again soon.”

Shuri: “Of course!”

Harley. “Thanks Vision!”

Peter: “Okayyy bye Shuri, bye Harley!”

Everyone: “Bye!!”

Shuri: “Enjoy your pizzas!! Bone app the teeth!”
Shuri: *hangs up*

Peter: “I can’t believe she just did that. Wow.”



#1 intern @starkintern

spent the whole day holed up in my lab with my friends. what is sunlight?

> h @potatogunkid
>> #1 intern @starkintern
how’s your pizza?
>>> h @potatogunkid
good! i still cant believe i was sent a pizza with an iron man suit
>>>> mj @superiornerd
i have no idea what happened to rhodey there
>>>>> guy(™) @guyinthechair
he spent too much time away from tony, it’s unhealthy for him
>>>>>> h @potatogunkid
god, you make them sound like an old married couple
>>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
they basically are. if they hadn’t reassured me multiple times that they’re best friends, almost brothers then I’d think they got married in secret or something

Chapter Text

Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”

Peter: guys I’m going to sleep in tomorrow i am EXHAUSTED

queen of lesbians: yeah ok

garage kid: wait are ned and mj staying at the compound?

bffaeaeaeaeae: yeah we are

garage kid: cool so tomorrow afternoon we could technically work some more right? cause i doubt there will be many times when we all have a day off at the same time

Iron Machine: Sure, though I might have to do some paperwork. I can sit on the couch in the lab and you can keep working a bit if you’d like.

Peter: great, I’m gonna pass out in 5 minutes though, any last thoughts?

queen of lesbians: i think shuri could keep working with vision while we’re all sleeping. vision doesn’t seem to need as much sleep and shuri is hours ahead

robo bro: as long as rhodey says it’s ok i would love to work a little bit with the princess

Iron Machine: Okay let’s compromise. You can’t work on the code we already have, but you can continue looking for more. As long as it’s not in the personal files you can keep looking for more lines of code. Or even inside you, Vision.

robo bro: that is fine, thank you

Iron Machine: FRIDAY, you got that?

FRIDAY: Of course. I will keep an eye on them.

Iron Machine: Great. Goodnight everyone

Peter: night <3

queen of lesbians: goodnight

bffaeaeaeaeae: goodnight!!!

robo bro: good night everyone, sleep well! <3


#1 intern @starkintern

im so tired i want cake


#1 intern @starkintern

update: we have no cake. I’m gonna make cake myself

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
dude…im coming to help i love cake

>> mj @superiornerd
guys please no. you’re going to make something explode

>>> #1 intern @starkintern
no we wont



mj @superiornerd

the cake exploded

>eve @ironeve
how??? does a cake explode???
>> mj @superiornerd
i have no idea and at this point I’m too tired of their bullshit to even question it

>>>daniel @notagainbye
okay but let’s be real…you need to be really talented to make a cake explode
>>>> mj @superiornerd

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

this weekend….was exhausting but so much fun

> mj @superiornerd
yeah but i kind of don’t want to see anyone again for at least like three days
>> #1 intern @starkintern
thats ok can i eat the rest of your vegan cookies though
>>> mj @superiornerd
i’d say no but by the time i’d be back at the compound they wouldn’t be as good anymore so sure

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
i slept for 14 hours when i got home and I’m still tired lmao
>> #1 intern @starkintern
yeah well you kind of were boss of the lab the entire time, so i get that

> h @potatogunkid
i wanted to make an inappropriate joke but I’m too tired to think of any
>> #1 intern @starkintern
fujkfjkff i get that i kind of just want to go back to sleep


>gua-ca-mole @ironbread
wtf you and your friends all sound exhausted wtf did you do
>> #1 intern @starkintern
here’s the thing: i cant tell you
>>>gua-ca-mole @ironbread
ughhh fine but will we find out sooner or later??
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
maybe idk I’m not sure yet


#1 intern @starkintern

im going to get the dogs and snuggle with them on the couch bye


#1 intern @starkintern

also yes there is more than one dog. blue is the OG one. spider-man saved another one a while ago when he stopped a group of men from abusing him. he got stabbed for it and almost bled out on a rooftop but whatever

> h @potatogunkid
anytime i think of that night my blood starts boiling
>> #1 intern @starkintern
pls stop you sound like tony

>lets get this bread @tonyiron
ok but important question
>> #1 intern @starkintern yeah?
>>> lets get this bread @tonyiron
what’s the dog’s name??
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
oh its know bc the other doggo is called blue and uhhh... blue's clues?



#1 intern @starkintern

I’ve been too tired to make myself food so scott brought me food to my room??? I’m sobbing he’s the most wonderful person in the world everyone else go home i love you scott lang

> mj @superiornerd
wow your standards are so low when you’re tired and hungry
>> #1 intern @starkintern
shut up mj

>h @potatogunkid
wow….im hurt
>> #1 intern @starkintern
well you have never brought me food before so
>>> h @potatogunkid
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>> h @potatogunkid
i hate you
>>>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
you don’t :-*

Chapter Text

Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony cant know about”

queen of lesbians: we should keep looking for code until monday
queen of lesbians: tony has meetings all day on monday and tuesday afternoon

im liberian: coolio
im liberian: i gotta work on some things for wakanda first but ill see what i can do

robo bro: if anyone needs my help just tell me

Iron Machine: I have quite a few meetings this week so I’m not going to have as much time as last week

Peter: can we keep looking for lines of code in my lab with supervision of FRIDAY and Vision?

Iron Machine: Sure, but stay away from private or important files

bffaeaeaeaeae: sure thing
bffaeaeaeaeae: everyone tell me your schedules and ill prepare a calendar so vision knows what’s up

robo bro: thank you ned, i appreciate that

garage kid: im so tired

queen of lesbians: we all are

garage kid: yeah ok
garage kid: ned ill tell you later ok?

bffaeaeaeaeae: sure thing, Harley



Direct Messages

#1 intern -> h

#1 intern: you okay?

h: huh?

#1 intern: are you ok?

h: yea why are you asking

#1 intern: idk had a gut feeling
#1 intern: also you’ve been very quiet all day

h: yeah yeah I’m fine

#1 intern: sure

h: i am!!

#1 intern: i still don’t believe you
#1 intern: did i do something or

h: jesus christ peter no, stop thinking everything is your fault!

#1 intern: sorry!!!
#1 intern: sorry

h: why are you apologising

#1 intern: idk habit i guess

h: hmm

#1 intern: are you gonna tell me whats wrong then

h: idk
h: just have a lot to think about

#1 intern: ok well if you wanna talk about it you can come to me

h: thanks peter :)

#1 intern: of course <3



Text Messages

Peter: can you check on harley i think he’s having a bad day or something but he wont talk to me about it
Peter: he's known you for longer, maybe he'll tell you idk

Helicopter Parent: Okay, thanks for telling me kiddo

Peter: of course!!

Chapter Text

Text Messages

The Mechanic: Hey Harley

Harley: oh no you used my name what did i do

The Mechanic: ass
The Mechanic: I was gonna ask you if you’re okay, Peter seemed worried

Harley: I’m FINE tell him to stop worrying

The Mechanic: Sure thing, but only after you stop lying

Harley: lying about what

The Mechanic: Playing dumb? damn you must really be doing bad if you’re resulting to playing dumb instead of coming up with a snarky response

Harley: im not playing dumb

The Mechanic: Yes you are

Harley: no I’m not

The Mechanic: Harley, stop

Harley: what?!

The Mechanic: What’s wrong? Talk to me kiddo, I want to help

Harley: dear god nothing is wrong!!!

The Mechanic: Did something happen? I know you spent the weekend talking to Peter and his friends, did something trigger you?

Harley: what?!
Harley: NO!!!
Harley: nothing happened don’t worry about it

The Mechanic: ah

Harley: what

The Mechanic: So is that the problem then?

Harley: ??????

The Mechanic: You spent the weekend talking to kids your age and you enjoyed it, but it wasn’t like it is in Rose Hill. They were nice and didn’t make fun of you or get annoyed with you.
The Mechanic: Nothing happened, they were friendly. And you’re not used to it.

Harley: what are you even talking about

The Mechanic: Kid, if you’re trying to make me step into my armour so I can fly my ass to Rose Hill, just tell me. Don’t act dumb. Not with me.

Harley: who says I’m acting dumb

The Mechanic: Me
The Mechanic: I am. I think you’re forgetting the fact that I’ve known you for a huge part of your life and I watched you evolve from an annoying little kid into an annoying slightly less little teenager. I know you and I know the kind of people you surround yourself with at home, even if it’s not willingly.
The Mechanic: I know you don’t like most of them and I know that most of them are less friends and more like colleagues. You’re lonely, you’ve been bullied all your life and are used to people getting annoyed with you for your disability. You had to grow an even thicker skin when that kid outed you and people suddenly were even less friendly with you. I know you.
The Mechanic: So please, stop playing dumb and talk to me. I care about you kiddo.

Harley: dont you have like better things to do

The Mechanic: No, absolutely not.
The Mechanic: Now, do you want to keep texting, do you want me to call, do you want to do a video call or should I fly over?

Harley: you’d do that?

The Mechanic: Obviously.

Harley: okay

The Mechanic: Okay what? I need you to say it

Harley: you’re being annoying
Harley: but can you like fly here
Harley: please?

The Mechanic: On my way kiddo

Chapter Text

“Alright kid, I gotta get back to the Compound now or Rhodey will be on my ass. We have a meeting soon and if I don’t show up to it I fear that Hope will murder me.” Tony says while standing up and stretching.

“So you’re just gonna leave me here? Like my dad?” Harley questions from the pile of blankets he’s hiding in, repeating the same question he asked Tony all those years ago.

“Yes.” Tony says once again after a few seconds where he very badly pretends to be hesitating.

“I hate you.” Harley states from underneath the blankets.

“You don’t. Also after all these years you should know that that line doesn’t work on me.” Tony explains while smirking at the young boy.

“Ugh fineeee” Harley groans, turning his head and face into a pillow.

“Hey, kid. If you need me just let me know, okay? I’m here for you.” the older man says, voice softer this time.

Harley sighs.“Yeah, okay.” he responds.

“And think about what I said alright? Talk about it with your mom and your sister, but don’t immediately dismiss it. I think it would be good for you.” the genius repeats.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll think about it.” the teenagers agrees.

“Good. You’re still seeing that therapist, right?”


“Great, that’s good. Maybe talk to him about it too? It could help you with figuring out what you want and whatever.” the older man suggests.

“Yeah, I’m probably gonna do that.” Harley agrees.

“Good, good. And don’t worry, alright? No rush. I mean, maybe don’t wait a whole month to make a decision but you don’t have to tell me tomorrow, okay?”

“I know, I know. You’ve told me like ten times already!!” Harley complains, face shooting up and glaring at the older man beside him.

“I just want to make sure you really think about this kid. You know I care a lot about you, right?”

“Yeah. But you still have to go. Or do you want the Wasp to kill you?” he asks the mechanic, raising an eyebrow at him

“Okay, nope. No, no, nope. Leaving now. Bye!! Talk to you soon!!” he yells, hopping around the room to gather his things and making his way to the front door.

“Bye, Tony!! Thanks for coming by!!”

“Anytime, kid! If you ever want to visit just let me know!”

“Alright, bye old man!”

“Bye kiddo!!”


Direct Messages

groupchat: “evil geniuses”
#1 intern, guy(™), h, mj

mj: have any of your heard from harley today?

guy(™): no, nothing is something wrong?

mj: idk he just usually talks to us a lot and it feels weird

#1 intern: i talked to him briefly this morning but he seemed…distant
#1 intern: i think he’s having a bad day idk
#1 intern: i told tony and i think he might talking to him now so yeah

mj: oh ok

guy(™): ok :(


Direct Messages

groupchat: midtown nerds ™
#1 intern, guy(™), mj

guy(™): you ok peter?#1 intern: yeah idk
#1 intern: im just worried

mj: im sure tony is trying to help harley right now, he’s got it

#1 intern: yeah but what if
#1 intern: idk

mj: what if what peter?

#1 intern: idk its stupid

guy(™): tell us peter, I’m sure its not stupid

#1 intern: idk im just worried that i did something wrong this weekend when talking to him idk

mj: peter
mj: i dont think you did, but if you did something that made him uncomfortable you didn’t do it on purpose and I’m sure you’ll be able to talk it out

guy(™): i really don’t think you did something wrong peter, harley seemed happy the whole time

mj: yeah he loved talking to you, you loser

#1 intern: :(( idk

guy(™): hey
guy(™): its okay
guy(™): do you want me to come over?

#1 intern: ..yes

mj: i have a few meetings and stuff with hope today but I’ll visit as soon as i can, i promise
mj: im sure everything is alright peter, he’s probably just having a bad day

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

mj -> h

mj: hey
mj: i hope you’re ok
mj: we’re worried and we miss you


Direct Messages

guy(™) -> h

guy(™): hey harley, everything ok?
guy(™): we’re all worried about you, but if you need some space just tell us
guy(™): we care about you


Direct Messages

#1 intern -> h

#1 intern: harley?
#1 intern: you ok?

#1 intern: im worried :(
#1 intern: you can talk to me if you want
#1 intern: you were always there for me too you know

#1 intern: <3


Text Messages

Peter: is harley ok?
Peter: im worried

Helicopter Parent: I’m with Harley right now, don’t worry Peter. I got him

Peter: ok :(


Direct Messages

groupchat: evil geniuses
#1 intern, guy(™), h, mj

h: hey guys
h: not gonna stay for long but just wanted to tell you that I’m alive and yeah
h: bad day so
h: i might not talk to you guys as much for a while, don’t take it personally ok?
h: i just need space
h: and rest
h: but thank you for checking on me, it means a lot <3

#1 intern: oh ok
#1 intern: just talk to us when you’re feeling better <3

guy(™): we’re here for you if you need us

mj: yeah, we understand

h: thanks guys <3


Direct Messages

h -> #1 intern

h: im sorry for worrying you
h: god I’m a mess
h: i didn’t mean to
h: im gonna go sleep now but just
h: im sorry
h: and thanks

#1 intern: its ok
#1 intern: i understand
#1 intern: what are you thanking me for though

h: for caring

Chapter Text

Text Messages

Helicopter Parent: Hey kid
Helicopter Parent: Thanks for telling me about Harley

Peter: oh
Peter: you’re welcome
Peter: is he ok?

Helicopter Parent: He’s alright. Has a lot to think about so he kind of started spiralling and stuff and it turned out to be pretty bad.

Peter: Oh

Helicopter Parent: It’s not your fault
Helicopter Parent: You didn’t do anything wrong, stop worrying about that.

Peter: how did you know i was worried about that

Helicopter Parent: Because I know you Peter. We basically live together and you’ve spent most weekends during the school year with me.

Peter: oh yeah

Helicopter Parent: Plus did you already forget the fact that we literally did group therapy together with May for a few months?

Peter: …oops
Peter: i guess i kinda panicked idk

Helicopter Parent: I understand. But Harley isn’t mad at you or hurt by you or whatever you’re thinking, trust me on this.

Peter: okay…

Helicopter Parent: and kid?

Peter: yeah?

Helicopter Parent: If he doesn’t want to talk about it don’t take it personally. He has trust issues and he’s just got a lot to think about at the moment so he might seem a little distant. Just be there for him like you always were.

Peter: okay
Peter: thanks tony

Helicopter Parent: Sure thing kiddo


Direct Messages

h: hey

#1 intern: hi
#1 intern: you feeling better now?

h: yeah
h: thanks for calling tony btw, he really helped

#1 intern: oh, you’re welcome
#1 intern: do you…want to talk about it?

h: not particularly
h: its…not your fault though its just a sensitive subject

#1 intern: thats ok, if you ever do want to talk about it though just tell me

h: thanks :)

#1 intern: wanna watch shrek movies on rabbit?

h: yeah!!!
h: can we at least do audio again your voice is very calming

#1 intern: oh..thank you!
#1 intern: and yeah we can do that

Chapter Text

Text Messages

groupchat “super secret project that tony cant know about”

im liberian: i know everyone is still tired from last weekend or going through some shit but do any of you have updates about what else you’ve found?? i kind of want to mentally prepare myself for how much work we’ll have to do once i actually come for my visit

robo bro: I’ve been working with pretty much anyone who’s here and i’d say we have found quite a lot of other code

bffaeaeaeaeae: yeah, we found quite a lot

garage kid: you know i never asked before but how come there’s no back up of jarvis??

Iron Machine: There was. There were multiple. Ultron got to them, unfortunately.

Peter: and there are no back ups or something that tony has saved somewhere else? that weren’t connected with all the data ultron got to?

queen of lesbians: yeah the first thing i would do if i managed to code something like jarvis and had enough money was do like a copy of the base code and put it somewhere safe just in case

im liberian: a decent backup would be a great base to have to get jarvis back. idk if we can ever re-code his quirks and stuff that he learned over the years

bffaeaeaeaeae: there is quite a bit of newer code too actually, I’m just not sure how to make it all fit together yet

Peter: im sure we’ll figure it out

queen of lesbians: rhodey do you have any idea where a backup might be if tony ever made one?

Iron Machine: Yeah, but I’m pretty sure he would’ve kept anything and everything at his house in Malibu. You know, the one that got destroyed.

garage kid: oh man…..

queen of lesbians: damn

bffaeaeaeaeae: well, I’d say we’re doing pretty well with reconstructing jarvis already

im liberian: i guess we’ll just keep looking for code then and maybe organise another video call so we can fix as much as possible before i visit? that way we can activate JARVIS almost right away and spend two weeks tweaking him and helping him adjust, understand and kind of?? idk get used to the fact that he was revived after spending years being just broken code???

Iron Machine: That’s a good idea. I’ll talk to Vision and FRIDAY privately about any other rules Tony has set for his AIs, so I can know more and then focus on work more so Tony doesn’t get suspicious.

robo bro: I’d love to help with both looking for more code and then helping JARVIS acclimate into the compound

FRIDAY: I will also supervise everything and help Vision as much as possible with getting JARVIS up to speed.

garage kid: ok cool but one question
garage kid: is jarvis gonna be like friday or just confined to tonys spaces?

Peter: i think at first we’ll focus on integrating him into tony’s workshop and labs and his penthouse, if he decides to have him help friday then that’s his decision

Iron Machine: I’d like to think JARVIS will be a bit of a personal AI for Tony, just like Peter has KAREN. There might be other people who can talk to him, but for the most part he’s there to help Tony.

queen of lesbians: thats a good plan

bffaeaeaeaeae: ok so im going back to work on the code bye

Peter: im gonna come help you in a minute

im liberian: colonel, would it be ok if vision and i continue working on finding more code while you are asleep?

Iron Machine: As long as both Vision and FRIDAY are supervising and you don’t dig into personal or classified files, that’s alright with me.

robo bro: yay!!!

queen of lesbians: you know its weird to think that vision isn’t really human, he acts just like one for the most part

Peter: well, he has jarvis’ and original-ultron’s code inside him and tony’s AIs are always very human-like

robo bro: i like the way i am, although i wonder if there will be any others like me in the future

im liberian: im sure there will be
im liberian: ok gtg back to my princess duties aka being a boss ass bitch in my lab

Peter: bye!! i think ill go help ned now, talk to you later <3

Chapter Text

#1 intern @starkintern

o o f its like midnight and my friends and i are watching a movie but i cant concentrate on it someone talk to me

> h @potatogunkid
aww honey, are you not getting enough attention?
>> #1 intern @starkintern
no I’m not pls pay attention to me
>>> h @potatogunkid
oh ill do that alright
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern

>he need some milk @tonystarkstan
can you and the potato gun kid just go on a date already i can feel the tension through the screen and i don’t even know you personally
>> #1 intern @starkintern
this,,,,is a personal attaCK I AM SHY

>our lord an saviour jesus christ @ironmam
you: i am shy
also you: ok so here’s my entire day and also I’m going to openly flirt with another guy on twitter but I AM SHY
>> #1 intern @starkintern
i came out here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now


>no name @tonysstarkk
you don’t seem like that much of a shy person online?? idk maybe its just bc no one knows who you are
>> #1 intern @starkintern
its exactly that! in reality I’m very shy i have like four friends and only two of those live in new york like me and I’ve been in like,,,,3.5 relationships and all of those were initiated by the other person iDK HOW TO DO EMOTIONS
>>>gua-ca-mole @ironbread
ok so…you’re a shy mess
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
pretty much yeah

>lets get this bread @tonyiron
ok but on a scale of 1 to 10 how good of a kisser are you

>> #1 intern @starkintern
?? how would I know??????
>>> lets get this bread @tonyiron
oh shoot ur right

>>> guy(™) @guyinthechair
we were like 12 but he was a good kisser
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>> h @potatogunkid
um,,,exCUSE ME???


>>> mj @superiornerd
im a lesbian but he’s good
>>>> h @potatogunkid
what,,in the world


h @potatogunkid

@starkintern do you date all your friends

>#1 intern @starkintern
>> guy(™) @guyinthechair
>>> mj @superiornerd
>>>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>>>> h @potatogunkid
how??? does that make any sense???
>>>>>> mj @superiornerd
it makes sense bc anyone that likes men and becomes close friends with him starts to like him,,romantically
>>>>>>> h @poatogunkid
ok but why did you kiss him you’re gay
>>>>>>>> mj @superiornerd
compulsive heterosexuality. i figured if i didn’t like ned or peter then i wouldn’t ever like any boy
>>>>>>>>> h @potatogunkid
ok valid


#1 intern @starkintern

ok can we please stop talking about me kissing people now

>h @potatogunkid
yeah, everyone stop I’m very jealous
>> #1 intern @starkintern
>>> h @potatogunkid
>>>> mj @superiornerd
thats cute keener


guy(™) @guyinthechair

truth is no one can resist him. even the guy that used to lowkey bully him started to kind of like him once he got his head out of his ass

> mj @superiornerd
that was hilarious
>> #1 intern @starkintern
excuse me wHAT?????

Chapter Text

Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”

queen of lesbians: gays

garage kid: i was summoned

im liberian: h e l l o

bffaeaeaeaeae: morning

Peter: whaddup

queen of lesbians: ok we have three more days until both shuri and harley arrive

Iron Machine: Time flies.

robo bro: indeed it does

queen of lesbians: everyone. this is the final countdown. look for code as much as you can and fix everything you can find. vision will help because he doesn’t really need sleep (i think). so GET TO WORK

garage kid: aye aye captain

queen of lesbians: boss of the lab is ned, if ned isn’t there listen to vision and friday

FRIDAY: Heck yeah.

Peter: the simulation is glitching

bffaeaeaeaeae: no you’re just sleep deprived

Iron Machine: While I love your passion for this project please do take care of yourselves. Take breaks. Don’t over-do it because it can potentially set us back.

Peter: sure thing uncle rhodey

im liberian: vision we’re gonna work through the night (your timezone), that way we can get much more done

robo bro: good plan

queen of lesbians: rhodey these next few weeks will be intense. warn pepper, hope and happy about it. we cant let tony figure this out before its done.

Iron Machine: Sure thing.

bffaeaeaeaeae: everyone get the fuck to work

FRIDAY: Language!



Peter: i haven’t slept in 18 hours

robo bro: you need to sleep

Peter: ill sleep when I’m dead i know what i need

robo bro: peter no

Peter: peter yes!

robo bro: hoe don’t do it

Peter: :)

KAREN has entered the chat

KAREN: The Give Me That Coffee Protocol has been activated.

KAREN has left the chat

robo bro: oh my gawd

Peter: ….who snitched


Peter: betrayal



queen of lesbians: who taught vision vines

garage kid: not me

bffaeaeaeaeae: nope

FRIDAY: Why would I?

Iron Machine: I’m still not sure I want to know what vines are.

queen of lesbians: peter?

FRIDAY: He’s in time-out.

garage kid: fjkfjfk why

FRIDAY: The Give Me That Coffee Protocol.

garage kid: i remember that but i still don’t know why he isn’t allowed coffee

bffaeaeaeaeae: he’s enhanced and coffee makes him go……buzzy

garage kid: ….buzzy???

queen of lesbians: ned is right he literally buzzes around the place until he flops down somewhere face first after like 2 hours and passes out

garage kid: idiot

im liberian: white boys are all idiots

queen of lesbians: shuri! darling!

im liberian: yes dear?

queen of lesbians: did you teach vision vines?

im liberian: what else was i supposed to do during mandatory breaks from our code digging while all of you were asleep??

queen of lesbians: …..

Peter: thats genius i wish i had done that

queen of lesbians: GO BACK TO SLEEP


Chapter Text

Text Messages

The Mechanic: Kid

Harley: old man

The Mechanic: Disrespect!
The Mechanic: Anyways the private jet you’re taking will land directly at the compound is that cool with you or do you want to land at an airport like a normal person

Harley: I’d rather avoid the airport-stress thank you very much

The Mechanic: I figured
The Mechanic: So do you know how long you’ll be staying?

Harley: at least as long as shuri will be there

The Mechanic: You know Shuri too now?

Harley: Yeah, we don’t know each other that well yet but we all get along it’s cool

The Mechanic: What are you up to?

Harley: We’re planning a coup.

The Mechanic: Ok, have fun.



#1 intern @starkintern

hello everyone tomorrow the great @potatogunkid will arrive at the compound and stay with us for a while i cannot wait

>h @potatogunkid
i told tony that we’re planning a coup
>> #1 intern @starkintern
damn…you ruined our plan now he can prepare ://
>>> h @potatogunkid
shit…sorry :((((


mj @superiornerd

how long do we think will it take for both of those idiotic white boys to get their heads out of their asses

> guy(™) @guyinthechair
idk how long will it take for you to ask out the princess
>> mj @superiornerd


Text Messages

group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”

garage kid: im landing in like an hour I think
garage kid: there better be snacks
garage kid: i want food

robo bro: bossy

garage kid: fufkfjkf

Peter: vis, you’re the best

robo bro: hell yeah

bffaeaeaeaeae: vision are you high

robo bro: i dont think i can get high

garage kid: thats sad

Peter: FRIDAY play despacito

garage kid: PETER NO

FRIDAY: Now playing, Despacito by Luis Fonsi

queen of lesbians: PETER
queen of lesbians: why the fuck did my phone just start playing despacito

Peter: how did you know it was me

bffaeaeaeaeae: you’re the only idiot that still does that
Peter: :((((((((

garage kid: ANYWAYS
garage kid: back to more important topics
garage kid: ME

im liberian: no

garage kid: fuck you

im liberian: no, we’re both gay

queen of lesbians: STOP

garage kid: i want snacks when i arrive at the compound

queen of lesbians: do you want me to send peter to bring them to you? what else do you need? a kiss from him? his hand in marriage?

garage kid: uh…duh

Peter: pls

bffaeaeaeaeae: honestly i feel so alone

Peter: i told you to ask out betty

bffaeaeaeaeae: ok nvm bye

im liberian: who’s betty

queen of lesbians: the girl ned has a crush on that obviously likes him back but he wont do anything about it

im liberian: idiot

Peter: true

queen of lesbians: you have no room to talk

Peter: i was attacked

robo bro: sometimes it just be like that

garage kid: I-

Chapter Text

Iron Machine: Harley is landing it five minutes, I’m going to pick him up with Tony. Anyone else wanna join? bffaeaeaeaeae: yeah peter wants to

Peter: i never said that

bffaeaeaeaeae: but i know that you want to




im liberian: i hope you’re all recording the first meeting of harley and peter bc I’m still an hour out and want to watch it

robo bro: we’re recording it on multiple devices and watching the live feed of it in the living room

queen of lesbains: yeah i have popcorn

bffaeaeaeaeae: this is fun we should do it more often


robo bro: harley walked down the ramp, saw peter and tripped
robo bro: he almost fell, but caught himself in the last second

im liberian: please tell me you have the footage already

FRIDAY: I’ll send it to your inbox shortly Princess Shuri.

im liberian: thanks friday


queen of lesbians: peter is super red in the face and wont stop stammering lmaoo

bffaeaeaeaeae: rhodey and tony are trying really hard not to laugh at them

robo bro: they’re on their way up we’re gonna hide in my room and watch it from there

im liberian: you do know that they’re in this group chat right?

queen of lesbians: so?

im liberian: ok valid



bffaeaeaeaeae: fufjkfjkf rhdoey and tony just told peter to give harley a tour of the compound

queen of lesbians: has harley never been here before?

robo bro: i believe he was here once or twice, but that was before maximoff threw me through 11 floors to go crash an airport so it looks different now


queen of lesbians: VISION OH MY


im liberian: i will never get on vision’s bad side he’s ruthless but so polite about it FUCJKCJK

FRIDAY: He’s been hanging out with Ms. Potts and Ms. Van Dyne quite a lot.

queen of lesbians: yeah that explains it

robo bro: to be fair, michelle is also a great teacher

queen of lesbians: ;,) that’s so kind of you to say vis

robo bro: i only tell the truth mj

Iron Machine: Man, I wish I could show Tony what Vision wrote. He would be so proud.

FRIDAY: I saved it and made multiple copies of it, don’t worry.

bffaeaeaeaeae: tony’s children are all amazing we have to STAN

robo bro: :-)

FRIDAY: Thank you Ned. :-)

im liberian: thats kinda terrifying pls stop that

queen of lesbians: yeah c’mon lets get back to making fun of peter and harley

im liberian: im landing in an hour please loop me into the livestream i wanna watch

queen of lesbians: ok do you want someone to come pick you up when you land

im liberian: no, ill just ask friday to bring me to vision’s room so i can join you

bffaeaeaeaeae: aw….but mj wanted to give you a kiss to welcome you to the compound

im liberian: bold of you to assume she cant do that in vision’s room

queen of lesbians: exactly

Chapter Text

Text Messages


Tony Stark -> The Scary One, The Hacky One, Smarter Than Me, Robo-Kid

Tony: why did FRIDAY just tell me that you’re all hiding in visions’s room?

The Hacky One: um

The Scary One: we’re all watching a livestream of peter showing harley around the compound and laughing at them

Smarter Than Me: obviously

Robo-Kid: I made popcorn!

Tony: That’s understandable, proceed.

Smarter Than Me: hold on.

Tony: ?

Smarter Than Me: are these names what you’ve saved us as in your phone?

Tony: um

The Scary One: I feel so validated

Smarter Than Me: mine is very accurate

The Hacky One: I don’t get mine

Robo-Kid: I believe he was referring to you hacking peter’s spider-man suit

The Hacky One: ohhhhhhhhhh
The Hacky One: THANK YOU TONY!!!

Robo-Kid: I quite like my name

Tony: um. You’re welcome??

The Scary One: just out of curiosity
The Scary One: what are peter’s and harley’s contact names?

Tony: .

Smarter Than Me: tell us.

Tony: I feel threatened.

Smarter Than Me: good.

Tony: They’re Spider-Kid and Mini Me

The Hacky One: fufkjfkfj

Robo-Kid: that is…astoundingly accurate

Smarter Than Me: that’s…so true

The Scary One: ok valid

Tony: Ok that’s enough for today
Tony: goodbye.



Ned created a group chat

Ned added scary bestie

Ned added vision!!!!!

Ned added princess shuri

Ned renamed the group chat “two pining idiots”

scary bestie: ok accurate

vision!!!!!: perfect

princess shuri: uwu this is great

Ned: cant believe that harley is trying to act cool after literally running into a wall

scary bestie: he tries so hard but in the end he’s just really gay for peter

vision!!!!!: we should’ve made this chat earlier, they’re already almost done with the tour

Ned: O O F :((

princess shuri: dont be sad!
princess shuri: BE G L A D!!!

scary bestie: ok shuri

vision!!!!!: I’m personally very excited to finally activate JARVIS and help him integrate


princess shuri: ok we’re going straight to the lab after this

vision!!!!!: you’re not very straight

princess shuri: ok we’re going gay to the lab after this

vison!!!!!: [B]erfect

scary bestie: vision NO


group chat “super secret project that tony can’t know about”

bffaeaeaeaeae: once you’re done with the tour we’ll meet at the lab and activate JARVIS if everything works out

queen of lesbians: we’re already here

Iron Machine: I’m on my way kids.

Peter: ok!