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I Can't Quit You

Chapter Text

April wiped the tears from her eyes and the saliva off her mouth, his kiss. She chastised herself over, and over, and over again. Kissing Ethan was stupid and unprofessional. He’d made a choice with what he wanted to do with his life; and his choice was Vicky.

When she arrived home, she tried to relax but couldn’t. April paced, attempted to read a magazine, turned on the television, anything to rid herself of the embarrassment she felt. She’d look at something and then immediately feel the surge of desperation and sickening mortification.

            “Ahh!” she finally screamed out.

It was immature, but it helped with the icky feeling she had.

Ethan couldn’t control the guilt he felt was painted all over his face. Vicky had nearly caught him kissing April, she had kissed him, she had initiated this entire mess, but then he kissed her back. Oh, how he missed her mouth, her lips, her taste. But here he was phony kicking it with his girlfriend, smiling and pretending like he wasn’t periodically licking his lips to get a small hint of April. Replaying his betrayal like porn in his head.

            “Ethan? Are you listening?”

            “No,” he thought, “Oh Vic, I’m sorry I’ve had a really long day and my head is throbbing.”

She smiled sympathetically and kissed him on the forehead.

            “I think I’m going to take off,” Ethan said.

He was doing his best to fake his illness.

            “You sure? You could let me take care of you,” she answered seductively.

            “Thanks,” he said leaning in to give her a quick peck, “But I don’t have it in me tonight.”

Vicky smiled and nodded as she walked him to the door. As soon as he got outside, he sat in his jeep trying to figure out his next move.

            “Go home, go home, go home,” he whispered to himself.

He started the car and began driving, but as soon as he was supposed to take the exit to get to his apartment, he passed it.

April had just finished washing her face and brushing her teeth, when she heard the door. She grabbed her robe and loosely tied it around her waist. She looked through the peephole and gasped. She wanted to scream again as she shook the willies out of her hands.

“I’m just going to act like I’m not home!”

 He pounded on the door again. The sound made her jump. She wasn’t going to answer the door.But then she looked down and saw the handle turning, the deadbolt slowly reversing its stance on the door. He still had a key!


There was nowhere to run. He shut the door behind him and stuffed his keys in his pocket. April stood frozen in her kitchen. He didn’t speak. Her heart pounded and her cheeks bloomed cherries. Ethan took off his jacket and threw it on the floor before quickly walking towards her and pulling the back of her neck in, pushing his lips against hers. It was April’s eyes open in surprise this time, an ambush she wasn’t expecting, but just like him, she gave in. Her fingernails glided over the shaved patches on his head. The touch gave him goosebumps as he exhaled a moan in her mouth. April could feel him harden against her leg, their bodies pressed together in desperate embrace. He quickly snatched his mouth toward to her neck, as he used his hands to pull off her robe. He pulled her panties off and unzipped his pants before pushing her to the floor. He still had his mouth consuming her neck before burying himself deep between her heat. An effervescent moan escaped their mouths. He avariciously plunged himself into her, setting a pace that would seem as though they had no time at all. April couldn’t contain the cries coming from her mouth as they were in perfect unison with Ethan’s hips drumming against hers. Their skin and bodies moving in waves. But it was a pace made for speed not endurance as he began to splinter in his movements. His normally perfectly coiffed hair falling into his eyes. He was close and began speaking. April couldn’t make out what he was saying, he was speaking Korean. His frustration taken out in his mother tongue as he resentfully came inside her.

Whatever this was, it wasn’t about her. Ethan avoided her eyes, stood up, and zipped his pants before looking to see where he’d thrown his coat. April sat up, she took a cue from him and began looking for her robe. He looked down at her on the floor as she positioned her robe back on. Silently staring at one another. April began to speak, but Ethan turned to the door opened it and left.

Ethan was rethinking his decision to stay on the same shifts as April. He adamantly didn’t want to see her. For him, last night was a final chapter, she had tortured him enough hanging around his sister and then that kiss, the only solace he took in any of it was knowing deep down she was still in love with him. He could have her whenever he wanted. Catching glimpses of her at work was no longer necessary.

            “Hey Mags.”

            “What’s up Dr. Choi?”

            “I-uh-think that I will take you up on that shift change with April.”

            “-Oh, don’t worry she asked me for the change this morning, today is your last shift together.”

Ethan should’ve been relieved, but he was discordantly surprised. Just then he spotted her at one of the terminals. He stared at April far longer than someone who was just asking to avoid her not a moment before.  She was avoiding eye contact with him, April saw him but for her the entire thing was whiplash, embarrassment, followed by swift confusion. What Ethan did wasn’t a booty-call it was fuck-drive-by.

But the hole burning in April’s face from Ethan was too much to ignore. Damned the instinct to look at someone who's looking at you. She glanced up and he looked as though he wanted to talk to her, he began walking towards her.

            “April, Elsa needs an assist in one,” Lanik stated casually.

Like fire had been lit under her ass April moved quickly, and Ethan stood like an idiot with his mouth open. He had left her on the floor but somehow, he was still chasing her. The rest of the shift was the same uncomfortable exchange of power, mostly Ethan losing it to April. For April’s part she was more focused on her case. An inexperienced medical student and a situation she couldn’t have wished on a meaner couple. The widow fell apart in her arms and Elsa stood by almost as if she was in denial too. The grief counselor came to collect their patients’ wife and April went to log her notes in the computer.

            “How’d she do?” Lanik asked.

            “As good as can be expected, but it never gets easy you know.”

            “You make it look easy,” he remarked.

            “-Uh, thanks…I think,” April answered,

            “-No, I just meant you have a way with people, you make them feel safe, you’re kind.”

April almost blushed.

            “Thanks, but it never gets easy, that woman is having the worst day of her life.”

            “Days like this I like to run it off, other days I put on my favorite comedies, sometimes I just get a drink,” he confessed.

            “What kind of day is today?”

            “Definitely a drink day, that death came out of nowhere.”

April had finished typing up her notes and was getting her jacket and purse from under the counter.

            “Well, you know what they say,” April started.

            “What?” Lanik asked.

            “You don’t have to do today again.”

He smiled as she walked off.

            “Hey April, I’m headed over to Minx’s for a drink, you’re invited to join me, if you want.”

            “I’m kind of beat.”

He nodded again in conferment and April scurried away to grab the elevator. Not seeing Ethan already on it.

The weight of their encounter stepped on with her. The buzz of a dying light and the thickness of silence was beginning to be too much, finally Ethan said;

            “Do you think we should talk about yesterday?”

            “Which part? The breakroom or my apartment?” April asked.

They were both staring forward.

            “It wasn’t right, I think it was a good idea you put in to switch shifts.”

            “Well, I mean I don’t know…you know now after what happened there might be a future for us,” She said to turning to face him, “I know it couldn’t have been easy to break things off with Vi-.”

            “I didn’t break up with Vicky,” He said turning to face her, his face was stone, “-and I don’t have plans to, I needed to scratch an itch and I did.”

The elevator dinged and Ethan got off, April stood planted in place, feeling sucker punched, searching the ground for what was left of her dignity. She followed a moment later and saw Lanik getting into his car.

            “Dr. Lanik!”

He turned to see her.

            “You know I think I will get that drink.”

Chapter Text

                    “So, what made you run me down and agree to this?”

Jimmy was pouring water into April’s glass. They were waiting on the server to come back with their order. The intensity in his eyes switched to her as he finished filling his glass.

                    “I-um, I thought why not,” she answered, bringing the water glass to her mouth.

His gaze hadn’t waivered. April met his and unblinking she asked.

                    “What made you ask me?”

The slightest hint of pink presented upon his cheeks. His intensity waned as he looked down.

                    “Alright, a scotch and soda, and a beer for the lady, would you like to start a tab or-,”

                    “Just the one,” he quickly answered with a snap.

“That answered that”, April thought to herself. Her beer was good. There was something about getting an overpriced beer on someone else’s dime. Especially if that someone else was only interested in the drinks.

                    “So….,” he began awkwardly.

                    “I think you’re doing well with the ED, not perfect but… good,” April said.

He nodded tightly as if the topic of conversation was rude and uninteresting. April watched the bubbles rise and dissipate from her glass. She’d made a decision. Down it. Put some cash on the table so there was zero confusion about this being even date-adjacent. Smile, and leave.

April held back the burgeoning burp, desperate to escape her throat as she stood up and rifled her pockets for cash.

                    “Oh, um you don’t-,” he began.

But April had already laid the money down.

                    “Thanks for the invite,” she said with a tight smile.

She felt kind of stupid. If she had wanted to flee the feeling of humiliation felt by Ethan, by entertaining this invitation, she wasn’t only wrong; she had run right into it. She wasn’t the only person fleeing.


Jimmy had run her down and was slightly out of breath.

                    “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant to-,”

April opened her mouth and instead of a “Don’t worry” a Homer Simpson sized-burp made its way out and up. Silence followed. Until laughter and blushed cheeks mirrored the other.

                    “That’s not what I meant either,” she said laughing.

                    “I would say I’m rusty at all this, but I guess you have to use it first for it to become rusty,” he said with a laugh, then his eyes grew big.

They both began laughing.

                    “I get it, I do,” April laughed.

                    “Wait-what do you get?” he asked.

                    “You are a total nerd.”

                    “Yeah, you got me there. I was kind of a wonder-boy, skipped a couple grades, got into Harvard…but that didn’t leave very much room for socializing, you know?”

                    “I do, much too well I think,” April admitted, “But you’re friends with Gwen-so?”

                    “Uh yeah, well, that’s more like Vader to Palpatine,” he answered.

                    “Whatever it is you just said is backing up the fact that you are unquestionably a nerd.”
                    “What about you?”

                    “I’m more of the 80’s horror movie kind of girl, the gorier the better…but I saw the Star Wars Trilogy as a kid,” April answered.

Jimmy, nodded, more relaxed with a smile, his blues eyes lazy and large.

                    “I did mean it though…um earlier, I am tired.”

                    “Oh, please let me,” he said opening her door.

The alarm startled them both.

                    “That’s not my car!” April yelled over the noise.

She opened the door behind him and threw her bag in. Her eyes were still wide at the sound as she got in the drivers’ side pulling her car out. Lanik waved with an embarrassed smile.

                    “How is your head?”

Her voice whispering in his ear as he laid in bed.

                    “It’s good,” he said with a smile.

Sweet Vicky, she was even sweeter when she was showing kindness, kindness in the form of her tongue in his ear and her arm across him; heading low.

                    “What are you doing?”

                    “What does it feel like?”

Ethan rolled over and gave her a kiss, deep with the intent of letting her know she was wanted…but just not now.

                    “How about tonight?”

Her eyes still said sweet, but her face was disappointed.

                    “Okay,” she answered leaning into a kiss.

Ethan quickly got up and got in the shower. He was starting his first shift without seeing her. He’d scratch that itch.

But there she was, at the end of his shift coming in. He’d done his best to type his notes as fast as possible but the he couldn’t avoid her.

                    “How fast did you run?!”

He heard April say to Lanik. Lanik…why was she giggling with Lanik like some inside joke. Lanik was the joke.

                    “I definitely got my cardio when Vinny and his bat came out!”

April laughed even louder. Ethan’s jaws tightened.

                    “I didn’t realize you were so athletic,” she remarked with a laugh.

                    “Well if you can keep up, I run Saturday mornings, you’re invited to that too.”

                    “You sure?”

April laughed again and sashayed past a practically hiding Ethan and placed her garments under the counter. It was her first and only late shift of the week otherwise she and Ethan were on every other day or early mornings into the afternoon. Anything to keep them apart. Ethan walked to his car, his jaw still tight as he thought of them laughing, joking, friendly. Before he realized it, he wasn’t in his car he was in the passenger side of April’s. Staring catatonically out towards the garage. 

                    “Ethan! What are doing in here?!”

                    “Do you still love me?” he asked

                    “Ethan, what does that have to do with anything?”

                    “Do you?”

                    “You’re with Vicky, right? Right!?”

Ethan nodded tightly.

                    “Then it doesn’t matter!”

Ethan grabbed either sides of her face and pushed his lips against hers, she pulled back and slapped him.

                    “Get out!” she yelled.

                    “I know you do!”

He pulled her face in again and kissed her, this time she kissed back. Maybe she had an itch to scratch too. Neither of their tongues spoke the language of stopping and April pulled her jacket off. Ethan quickly undid the belt on his jeans, pulling himself out. His hands were at her face again, one moving towards the back of her neck. He pulled her forward and then down, into his lap. She opened her mouth to receive him.

                    “Do you still love me?” he moaned.

The warmth of her mouth and tongue rolling up and down his shaft left no room for her to answer. His eyes were closed until he saw him strut by. Lanik was walking to his car. Ethan’s jaw tightened again as did his grip on April’s neck. When she seemed like she was going to bob up he held her there, inattentively pushing his hips up. Her gags apparent, as uncontrollable drool began to pool onto his jeans.

April had to concentrate on breathing as the pressure to the back of her neck made it completely impossible to pull away. Her eyes watered as she could feel him pushing his way down her throat. A small patch of his pubic hair escaped his boxers. It was close than far away, like being on a swing, closer then farther, then practically touching her eyelashes as she violently gagged. He was back to speaking to Korean again.

If she could’ve understood him, she’d know he was asking relentlessly if she still loved him before he held her head in place and flooded her throat with warm goo. His hand relaxed and April quickly smacked it away as she brought her head up.

                    “Who am I to you?!” she whimpered.

He was zipping his pants up and tidying himself up. She pushed his shoulder as she sniffled. Her eyes red.

                    “What am I to you?!”

Ethan stood silently. He didn’t want to reflect on that question. He didn’t like what he saw in the mirror if he’d answer.

                    “I won’t do that again,” he began, “I don’t know-.”

                    “-Just get out Ethan.”

April sniffled and wiped her mouth and face, she wasn’t looking at him anymore. She felt foolish and small. She’d let him crawl under her skin again and he wasn’t giving up Vicky anytime soon.

Ethan drove to his place, Vicky had lit every candle he owned and some she’d obviously brought over. She was dressed in very little, but those tiny bits of fabric were beautiful and probably costly too. He floated through their entire encounter. He was thinking of everything but the mahogany skinned goddess gyrating on top of him. His cock inside another woman’s mouth not forty minutes earlier, now deep between Vicky’s legs. Why’d he do it? Lanik. Fucking Lanik, did she fuck him? Of course, she hadn’t she was his. He rolled them over so he could be on top. He was always on top, on top of work, his game, his girl. He was going to land on top of this situation with April too. His teeth ground as he thought of them laughing, and joking, about what? He was speeding up as the woman underneath him yelped at his haste. She was screaming now, obviously coming. Ethan snapped out of it and groaned in her ear. It was his best impression. He’d never faked it before.