[Panel description: A screen view of the Trollian chat client. The chump roll on the right hand side lists the beta kids and Karkat, with the names of the other characters partly obscured by an open window that features the beginning of the dialog log. A different window lists the available threads. Some are cut off, but the readable text is as follows:
EB: let's win the game, guys!
PTT: (Hal) I T T, a support group for marginalized alt selves. T W: Dirk.
TG: (Roxy) screw animal memes, I have cat pics!
TG: (Dave) I t t we need to repopulate the Internet with animal.
EB: I f g in ghost busters mmorpg? if we don't all die ... you into my guild that is.
EB: movie list for the inevitable watch party, if we.
TT: (Rose) recommendations for end of the world book club.
GG: (Jane) I'm retrieving snacks! Submit requests here.
FTG: (Dave sprite) l m s if you crave the sweet embrace of death.
Question mark question mark: Can somebody please ban this asshole?
TT: (Dirk) Ha ha. I have successfully hacked Dirk's account.
CG: memo rules. Read me, you ass clowns.
TT: (Rose) Operation Regisurp 2.]
PAST Ecto Biologist [PEB] 4 HOURS AGO opened public bulletin board let's win the game, guys!
CGA RIGHT NOW opened memo on board let's win the game, guys!
CGA: progress report time.
Karkat and I have arranged to retrieve the genesis tadpole from echidna.
It’s a little dispiriting that our efforts are going toward creating the universe that will give rise to our enemy,
But the consequences of leaving the loop unfinished are worse.
CURRENT Carcino Geneticist [CCG] responded to memo.
CCG: what an absolute pile of behemoth droppings.
How many times is this fucking game going to go “here, create your own downfall via retroactively ironic circumstances, otherwise find your waste chute surprise penetrated by a log-sized apparatus without the aid of lubricant”?
We’re up to our eyebrows in unbeatable bosses already, but I guess we have to keep going in the vain hope that a method of defeating them will present itself.
With that in mind it is advised we stay optimistic and not let the despair instilled by facing said unconquerable foes get to us too much.
Chins up, team! I'm sure somewhere sometime in the depths of reality something will turn up.
CGA: That Too.
FUTURE Turntech Godhead [FTG] responded to memo.
FTG: (Dave sprite) shouldn’t we all be used to getting fucked over by the timeline by now.
CCG: future Dave????
Don't you remember everything I told you?
Remember when john smashed a bottle of metaphorical and thus non-soporific champagne over this board to christen it as a haven for logical and straightforward communication?
And now here you are stirring the pot like a smug asshole with a liquid nutrient rotation wand even after interference by past and future selves has been expressly forbidden in the board rulebook.
Did you see the read me file? That means you're supposed to read it.
And not only that, you have seen fit to drop amongst us like a ray of sunshine.
Not! Instead you are bringing doom and gloom and other things unwanted by this congregation of likeminded and positive people.
We current folks are an optimistic and forward looking bunch.
So how about you fuck off to the future and think about your choices.
FTG: (Dave sprite) calm down dude.
this is not the Dave you’re looking for.
the memo software doesn’t like duplicates so it labeled me the man from the future.
p s there are jetpacks.
CURRENT Gallows Calibrator [CGC] responded to memo.
CGC: I already have a jetpack.
I am not impressed.
I guess that's ok then.
CURRENT Turntech Godhead [CTG] responded to memo.
CTG: (Dave) smooth.
CURRENT Tentacle Therapist [CTT] responded to memo.
CTT: I assume there's a reason you contacted us, Kanaya?
To complete the frog’s maturation we will have to perform the ultimate alchemy.
CURRENT Golgothas Terror [CGT] responded to memo.
CGT: That sounds most important!
CGA: it is very important.
Whenever we mention it we make sure to type it with capital letters.
My quirk obscures this convention,
But that in no way lessens its importance.
CGT: If it’s the Ultimate Alchemy it sounds like it’s going to be the hardest alchemical concoction in the game.
CGC: not for our session!
The ultimate alchemy uses the combined grist of the denizen hoards to nourish the battlefields final form and provide everything a growing universe needs!
Most of our comrades myself included simply killed our denizens and unlocked the hoard that way.
Much faster than talking. (smirking face).
But we are cooperating with them which is a lot more effort!
CGT: well why cooperate with them if it’s simpler to fight?
I said it’s quicker not easier.
Our team was too warlike for our own good, and we skipped some steps.
Talking with denizens provides useful insights into the nature of your land and personal journey.
Their true hoard could be said to be a nigh-inexhaustible store of such wisdom.
Technically though I suppose there is nothing stopping you from trying to battle yours.
If you feel like fighting the second most powerful enemy you’ll face in the game.
CGT: ...I’ll take the second option then.
FTG: (Dave sprite) pipe down everyone registered info dumper here.
assuming your style of game play involves anything more nuanced than murdering everything in front of you you can unlock the hoard if you accept a choice from your denizen and complete it.
and I don’t mean any choice I mean The Choice.
they won’t give it to you right away because that’s a shit ton of loot to carry around.
the player might lose it or spend it alchemizing a million statues of liberty.
that would be a fucking disaster.
but once a team is ready for the Ultimate Alchemy you can go collect it.
CTG (Dave): does that mean we actually have to play the game now.
CURRENT Timaeus Testified [CTT] responded to memo.
CTT: What a spectacularly shitty twist.
FTG: (Dave sprite) don’t worry dude I already got Hephaestus.
CURRENT Garden Gnostic [CGG] responded to memo.
CGG: I remember echidna telling me about this!
I’ll get to see her again after all.
CGA: will that be before or after the mission you described to me.
CGG: (Jade) he he don’t worry about it kanaya.
I promise I won’t mess anything up.
CTT: (Rose) What's this about?
CGC: not the memos topic that’s for sure!
I can wield the ban hammer kind here.
Don’t think I will hesitate to use it against a god!
CURRENT Ecto Biologist [CEB] responded to memo.
CEB: typheus tried to drown me in oil, so he HAS to admit I won.
CURRENT Tipsy Gnostalgic [CTG] responded to memo.
I talked to nix but I’m not sure if I’ve done everything she wanted yet.
wish you could text your denizen instead of having to go visit them in all their spooky glory.
CTT: (Dirk) It sounds like Jane, Jake, and I at least have work to do.
CURRENT Gutsy Gumshoe [CGG] responded to memo.
CGG: Actually, I spoke with Hemera once, but my planet quest isn't finished.
Our Trickster escapades hardly count.
CTT: (Dirk) You neglected to mention you were on speaking terms with our favorite subterranean nightmares.
When did this happen? What’d she say?
CGG: (Jane) Um... I'll explain later.
What you need to know for now is that for our best chance of success, you will have to complete your quest! The four of ours in particular are rather intertwined.
CTT: (Dirk) Excellent.
CGG: (Jane) Sorry Dirk. I know you’re just jonesing for a skirmish after you missed your chance with the Condesce.
CTT: (Dirk) Yes, because nothing would improve my day like a fight to the death with the God of Monsters.
CTT: (Rose) It looks like I was hasty to write off my own planet's needs.
PAST Timaeus Testified [PTT] responded to memo.
PTT: (Hal) I believe I also have info dump privileges, so it behooves me to say...
To complete the Alchemy you have to build your houses up and dump the spoils in Skaia using grist rigs.
Everyone sort of neglected that. I can handle it.
Not like I've got a quest or anything.
Wait, this memo software has me flagged as the past Dirk?
I’m the most advanced organism on this chat board.
FTG: (Dave sprite) sorry bro no jetpacks for you.
CTT: (Rose) I'll mark you down for architecture management.
For now, let's report back to Kanaya when we've completed our quests.
She'll let us know when we should claim the hoards and finish the alchemy.
One last matter of business before we close this memo.
CTG: (Dave) you mean before you close this memo.
CTT: (Rose) Pardon?
CTG: (Dave) let’s be honest this board is a dictatorship.
johns the innocent likeable figurehead and you’re the power behind the throne.
directing the course of events like a scheming grand vizier.
CTT: (Rose) I am appalled by this outrageous slander.
Cease immediately, or I will have you banned.
CCG: you know you can actually ban people on here.
terezi's not the only one with those privileges, she just likes to rub it into people's faces more.
CTT: (Rose) Really?
Tentacle Therapist has banned Turntech Godhead from responding to this memo.
Tentacle Therapist has unbanned Turntech Godhead from responding to this memo.
CTT: Sorry about that.
CTG: (Dave) I knew you would reveal your true colors sooner or later.
CTT: (Dirk) As entertaining as this is to watch, Dave and I should probably own up to our fuck-up so no one gets jumped.
CTT: (Rose) Right.
While the Jacks from our session and the troll session have been neutralized, at least for now, the Jack native to this session is still on the loose.
Jade, is he still off your radar?
CGG: (Jade) yep!
I can’t sense him anywhere
he’s probably in the furthest ring, which I guess is a good thing,
at least for us
CTT: (Rose) I'd be happier if we could pin him down.
CTT: (Dirk) What's his deal, anyway?
The way he vanished reminded me of Roxy's talent for getting the fuck out of dodge.
Does your research have anything on him having Void powers?
CTT: (Rose) I'm not entirely sure what "the deal" with him is either.
I'll look into it, but for now we can't rule anything out.
Everyone, stay wary.
And now, wielding my dubious powers as memo board grand vizier, I declare this session dismissed.
CTT closed memo.