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Thread: SAME-SEX ATTRACTION? INSIGHT NEEDED! (LONG READ)
Original Post By: seiichi85 - Friday, 15 Jun 2016 23:36
                                joined today

Hello Everyone!

This is my first time writing here. Please call me Seiichi. I will try to be as concise as possible, but I also want you to understand all the details, so you can advise me better. (I really need your help.)
Please be nice to me!

I am turning 31 this year and I am, no matter where we look at it from, an ordinary salaryman. I work for what I would call a larger corporation in the Kanto area. You might think this is not important, I can be whoever, but it will be relevant soon enough.

To keep a sort of anonymity I’d avoid getting into many details about the company itself, but I can say that we operate on the fields of health and well-being. A few months ago, our company president announced a merger and a company rebranding that came with this, and ever since then, apart from getting ready to introduce the new system, we are also working on raising our popularity and the awareness of our brand not only nation-wide but internationally as well. (Please do not try to guess what company I am working for, or who am I! I really just need advice.)

Our company president is also a great patron of arts, and in connection with the rebranding, he plans on sponsoring several events. I was temporarily transferred to act as the producer of one of the events in the making. Please note that for the near 10 years I worked for this company, I spent most of my time in the General Affairs Department. Surely, this involved helping to arrange the company outings and the ever-so-rare company vacations, but I have no experience with large-scale events such as this.
Especially since it involves being responsible for the artists themselves. I was forced to step into a whole new world.

This transfer really switched up my life… I started thinking about things I never had to think about before, and I was really forced to start thinking out of the box … my current problem is one of these things.

Since we would be in touch during our everyday work, I was introduced to one of the artists, who I will just call Takamoto-san for now. He lived most of his adult life abroad. He is around my age, or at most, a few years older. Takamoto-san, while really a stranger to me, is apparently well known internationally and is a renowned artist.

Dancer.

I need to tell you that his special field is dancing.

The first time I met him, he was very naked in his hotel room. This isn’t really important, well, not too important, but also, I feel like it is part of the story… I want you to know the odd circumstances that we met in. People say that the first impression is important. And this was my first impression. First live impression. I saw a few moments of him on tape before that, but I would not call that an introduction. Even if I did not think much about it then, this meeting remained with me in a way.

I, around a few weeks into our acquaintance, forgot about this episode already.

Then, something happened last week.

Takamoto-san was supposed to dance the lead role of [Unnamed] show. He, however, came up with a different idea a few weeks into the preparation period: the show would have the same music, but he knows someone who staged a different version of the story before.

Having his own (good) reasons for it, Takamoto-san wanted to dance this version instead. Not really familiar with any of the versions myself (I am really just a regular salaryman!), I told him that since I know nothing about either versions, I cannot possibly support his proposal with confidence when I relay his request to my company, because I do not fully know what I am supporting.

He said: “I’ll explain.”

He didn’t explain it. Well, he did. But not with words. He showed it to me.

The revised version of the story he wanted to put on involves a youth (me), being seduced by his private tutor (him) in order to separate him from the girl he is supposed to love.

This dance, he showed to me… well, he involved me in, is the seduction of the youth, and his succumbing to the tutor’s charms.

… I think you already know where this is going, especially if you read the title. But! There is more. There is more.

You know, at first, I felt like a prey, a small animal, who walked into the lion’s den on its own accord. No. That’s probably the bad way of saying this.

I felt very small in a way, completely at the mercy of this creature who came from an entirely different world that I am from, this creature that Takamoto-san turned into, became, in less than a second.

He put this role on as other people put on their shirts in the morning. Within a few seconds, he was a whole another person… seducing me.

I really was at his mercy, and only at his mercy, and I don’t think you can understand what I mean 100%. He could have killed me or kissed me, or anything in-between on his own accord, and nothing could have stopped him. At all.

I am sure of that. I saw the power of dancing before when I watched the company practice, but I never felt it on my own skin.

Now, initially, I thought nothing of this either (please do not think that I never think anything, I do, I do, but not about these matters!), but it has been a few days since and the image of Takano-san leaning forward to kiss me, and his hand cupping my face and the other hooking around my neck hasn’t left my mind ever since.

After this scene between us, when I calmed down a little, I asked him: in this particular version does the youth like men, then?

“No,” he said. “No, I think he likes both men and women.”

“I see,” I said.

And that was it.

He carried on with his own day, and I tried to do so as well.

But ever since then, no matter how much I try, I cannot stop thinking about this. What can it be? Was I swayed by Takamoto-san’s talent? Is it normal that this is all I think about? Is there anyone on this forum with similar experiences? I would appreciate some insight on this!

It is really difficult to sleep at night. My mind keeps replaying the same scene, as I am trying to make sense out of it.

What is worse, every now and then, when his driver is not available, or when he does not want to talk to anyone, he would ask me to drive him home, or to a hot spring facility, or both. Which, I do, because it is part of my job, and normally I do like to spend time with the rather quiet Takamoto-san. But ever since that time, it has been a struggle. Not because of him! I don’t know what to say? Do you suppose he can see it on me? That I can’t stop thinking about that one thing?

The other day he smiled at me after one of their dance sessions and I had no idea what to do suddenly, so I just bowed back at him…

I never really had to think about these things before, and 31 is a really late age for ME to discover brand new things about myself. Truth to be told, I was expecting my whole life to stay the same until retirement, and then maybe a little bit of travel to places I always wanted to go to before I die, and that’s it…

The other day I even tried to fill out these online tests but I am not sure which one to trust, or how they exactly work... So, I don't feel confident enough in those results. 

But I digress. If you have anything to say, feel free to go ahead. I will try to check this at least once a day.

Please be kind to me!


リリ78 - Saturday 16 Jun 2016  0:47
joined 7 years ago

Seiichi-san! Welcome. Looks like your head’s been turned by this gorgeous dancer of yours!


Takada_M - Saturday 16 Jun 2016 0:50
joined 2 years ago

You just feel confused because he caught you off guard with this whole kissing business! But it’s nothing serious…


coco – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 2:13
joined 7 months ago

congrats ur gay


spiderworks – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 3:33
joined 9 years ago

that’s gay.


kohyoyu3 – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 6:49
joined 2 months ago 

Sounds like “same-sex attraction” to me!


ui – Satuday 16 Jun 2016 7:00
joined 3 years ago 

Seiichi-san! You are very cute for a thirty-year-old salaryman. Don’t let them make fun of your struggle. It seems like you are in quite a distress, trying to figure out who you are, who you were, and how you should see yourself from now on. It’s never too late.
I think you should just focus on whatever feels right! Don’t try to so quickly jump to conclusions and try to put a label on yourself. Do you think about Takamoto-san? Try to figure out what exactly makes you think of him. Is it that you want to be with him? Is it that you are bothered by the way your personal space was invaded?
Just take a deep breath and look into yourself. We can’t answer these questions for you but I think you have them already!


bili – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 10:24
joined 3 years ago

nah ur just CONFUSED because u feel VIOLATED by the naked guy.  the whole dancing thing? prob harassment. report him


spiderworks – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 14:30
joined 9 years ago

nah bili, it’s gay


spiderworks – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 14:31
joined 9 years ago

GAY!


kxkxk – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 15:56
joined 6 months ago

having no idea how to behave in front of him means u have a crush soz I don’t make the rules


Re: SAME-SEX ATTRACTION? INSIGHT NEEDED! (LONG READ)
seiichi85 - Saturday, 16 Jun 2016 16:25
joined 1 day ago

Hello everyone! And thank you for the responses. I appreciate them. I did not expect so many overnight. I admit, I am quite new to this, so I had no idea what sort of responses I might get, or how much I should expect to begin with.

And so, your answers made me realize that there is something I forgot to talk about. I didn’t forget, but I thought it would not be that important in this matter. Now, I see that it is.

Please note that I was married to a woman once. (Don’t worry! We didn’t get a divorce! She regrettably passed away two years ago.)

Ever since then, I never felt the need to be close to anyone else, and I cannot recall a time when I was in fact, not in love with my late wife. Well, apart from the time I did not know her.

And no, Takamoto-san doesn’t, in any way, remind me of her, before anyone would suggest that. They are completely different people – and probably this is also what confuses me.

As I said before, I was planning on retirement without any major changes in my current life, including my job, and the people I normally interact with. I did not really plan to start another relationship (not that I would be planning on it right now!) or looked at anyone thinking about them in any other way than what you could describe as “platonic.”

I don’t really care about that.

Well, I miss my wife every now and then, but it is my wife, I miss, not companionship. …. I think.

Does anyone have experience with this?

Since it is the weekend now, I thought I would not need to see Takamoto-san, but I catch myself wishing he would get in contact about needing to go to a footbath facility, or the hot springs instead. Of course, with an event like this, work does not stop on the weekend, so there might be always something to do. If not a practice session, then some shooting for the promotional material.  

When nothing came this morning, I was a bit disappointed. But there’s still tomorrow….

 


 kxkxk – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 19:42

joined 6 months ago

bb seeichi i think u already answered ur q in ur previous post

u know when u said that u were playing the youth in that scenario and  u asked the question… does the youth like boys?
now u ask: do /i/ like boys?
then ur prince replied: no i think he likes both

/i/ think u like both, too

it’s easy.  rip re: ur late wife but this is a new chance


coco – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 19:56
joined 7 months ago

congrats ur gay!!! Really!!!


Maruyama-san – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 20:43
joined 4 years ago

Hello Seiichi-san! It’s nice to meet you. I stumbled upon your thread just now and if I read it, I thought I would share my thoughts on it.
Nowadays, same-sex love is not so frowned upon as it used to be, even a few years ago, but I understand your need to hide your company name and the particulars from us. By doing that, you already answered your question, too, I think.
Not that I believe that this is something you should be ashamed of.
Good luck!


リリ78 - Saturday 16 Jun 2016  21:10
joined 7 years ago

Good evening!
Your additions continue to prove that your head has been turned quite a bit… Let us know if he asked you to go to the footbath after all!


spiderworks – Saturday 16 Jun 2016 22:23
joined 9 years ago

oh ye let us know!!!!! I agree  


Takada_M - Saturday 16 Jun 2016 23:19
joined 2 years ago

I still think that you’re only momentarily confused by this dancer but you’re completely normal.


coco - Saturday 16 Jun 2016 23:35
joined 7 months ago

@takadabitch! of course he’s normal it wasn’t even a question to begin with BYE


ui – Sunday 17 Jun 2016 6:24
joined 3 years ago

Seiichi-san! I would also like to know how your weekend went! If you are up to give us any updates, you know.


spiderworks – Sunday 17 Jun 2016 9:31
joined 9 years ago

also update us on what did u decide after all

do u have a thing for ur dancer guy

(we know you do)


 spiderworks – Monday 18 Jun 2016 10:25
joined 9 years ago

PLS UPDATE


bbrn - Monday 18 Jun 2016 10:25
joined 2 days ago

i'm new to this thread and i can't really add much else than the others already have but
let us know what happened! 
now i want to know


 spiderworks – Monday 18 Jun 2016 18:53
joined 9 years ago

come on seiichi85 buddy don't leave us hanging like this!!!!!!!