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Reckless

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Cam groans as he wakes up and realizes that he's chained to the wall of a cave. A quick glance around shows that he's alone, which is a very bad sign. The last thing he remembers is him and John being cut off from their respective teams and being surrounded by the not so friendly natives. That John isn't chained up with him...

“I swear if the damn fool actually went and got himself killed this time...” Cam resists the urge to bang his head against the wall of the cave, knowing it won't actually accomplish anything. It's just, John goes to any length to keep those he cares about safe, but he has no regard for his well being. It was bad enough reading about Atlantis's mission reports, but now that John's back on Earth and leading an SG team of that is, according to John, of dubious consequence, it's even worse. Now, Cam sees every scratch, every cut, not just the ones that leave scars. He knows John thrives on danger – in a sense, they all do – but most of the time John does border on the reckless. Usually someone reckless having his six means Cam's in more danger, but not with John. John would go to any length necessary to make sure nothing happens to Cam. John would kill anyone threatening Cam's life without even blinking, and if necessary would sacrifice his own life in the process. That's why the longer Cam is chained to the wall of the cave, the more certain he is that John is dead.

Cam is relieved when Sam and Teal'c come to rescue but he's dreading the bad news he knows they're going to tell him. When Sam says that John is still alive – but in very bad shape – he wants to believe her, but he can't help but think that she's just trying to soften the blow for later. It' not until he sees John and is able to verify it himself, that he let himself believe that John is still alive. Of course if they don't get back to the gate quickly, he might not be for long.

*****

Cam fumes as he sits by John's bedside waiting for him to wake up. He found out from Daniel and Vala that if they had been five minutes later in getting to John, he would have been dead, a sacrifice to whatever God the backwater natives worshipped. And of course he volunteered himself before they could take Cam, who had still been out cold. It's only luck that everyone is willing to turn a blind eye and let Cam stay by John's beside. He knows though, that he and John aren't going to be able to discuss these suicidal tendencies of his until he's able to take John home.

That day occurs just over a week later. John keeps glancing at him on the drive home from the mountain, Cam's silence clearly unsettling him. Cam makes sure that John and eaten and taken his meds, with minimal conversation, before finally bringing up the elephant in the room.

“I get that losing Atlantis was hard, but I thought I would be enough to keep you from trying to get yourself killed. I guess I was wrong.”

John looks at him, dumbfounded. “What are you talking about?”

“The fact that you would clearly rather die than have a life with me here on Earth.”

“Cam, that's not true.”

“You offered yourself up as a human sacrifice, John. That just screams I want to die.”

“They would have killed you otherwise,” John practically shouts.

“Five more minutes and you would have been dead.”

“But you would have still been alive.”

There's something about the way John says it that hits Cam like a punch in the gut. “John?”

“Dammit Cam , I can't lose you. I can't live without you.”

“Yet I'm supposed to live without you?”

“Well when you put it that way...” John says, trailing off.

“John, you proved years ago that you would kill for me. We've now established that you would die for me. But the one thing you haven't done is live for me.”

“Cam?”

“Can you do that, John? Push aside all the other crap and just live for me,” Cam asks almost afraid of the answer.

“I'll try,” John responds quietly, which is really the best Cam can hope for under the circumstances.