Changkyun had crawled into Minhyuk's bed tonight because he needed someone to hold him. It wasn't a conscious decision—he was too drunk for rational thought—but Minhyuk was his roommate and one he could always count on for a hug. Not that he ever asked for it, but he was secretly very thankful for all the skinship Minhyuk lavished him with. It was a small comfort between long days of promotions and loneliness. So it seemed natural that after getting drunk and sad, he found himself beside Minhyuk's warm sleeping body, and even in half-sleep, Minhyuk welcomed him under his arm and let Changkyun sleep in his bed.
When Minhyuk wakes up, it's to a loud clatter from the kitchen—likely Hyunwoo messing up the order of Kihyun's perfect kitchen—and he remembers that they have no schedule this morning. Or what counts as morning in their dorm. It's noon already. He wants to cover his yawn but his arm is trapped—and then he realizes that their youngest has his face cocooned practically in Minhyuk's armpit, which makes him want to laugh: Truthfully, he wonders how fresh his underarm smells after foregoing a shower last night, and so he tries to reposition, purely for Changkyun's benefit. But Changkyun keeps on sleeping, and insists on both keeping his arm, and crowding closer still, and throwing a leg over Minhyuk's also, so that he's nearly laying over him. Great. Now Minhyuk really has no escape. Not that he planned on getting up until whatever Hyunwoo was cooking was edible, but still.
Except then Changkyun makes a strange motion and Minhyuk realizes something else: Changkyun is hard.
And Minhyuk's face flushes pink in embarrassment. Because he can feel his friend's hardness against his thigh, and has no idea what to do. He's never been in this position before. He knows it's just morning wood, but he really wants to giggle. Until Changkyun makes a rolling motion against him, and he feels a puff of his friend's breath and holy-fuck—he's completely trapped.
What the hell is the right thing to do right now? He needs to move away but doesn't want to wake Changkyun and make him feel embarrassed. Changkyun will avoid him all day if that happens. Even so, he tries to inch away slowly, and to his greatest horror—and also comedy, in Minhyuk's opinion—Changkyun holds on to him tighter.
"Noo..." he moans in his sleep, obviously trying to get Minhyuk to stay, and it nearly makes Minhyuk laugh out loud. Surely Minhyuk isn't the only person who would find this situation hilarious. He has one free hand and uses it to cover his own mouth, to keep his giggles at bay, because he really doesn't want to wake Changkyun now.
When had Changkyun even gotten into his bed? In the middle of the night? Minhyuk only vaguely remembers Changkyun's drunk ass sheding his coat and shoes and pants and nearly face-planting into him in the darkness.
And now Changkyun is rock hard against him and Minhyuk wants to laugh so bad. Except his smile completely evaporates as Changkyun makes another rolling motion against him, quite deliberately dragging his dick against Minhyuk's leg for friction. Oh.
And then the way Changkyun's breathing changes... shorter, more staggered, and Minhyuk can feel the warmth of it through his tank top. ...Fuck, there is way too little clothing between them right now. They're both sleeping in underwear. It's normal, but not while Changkyun is grinding against him. God, it makes Minhyuk completely mortified, that he's trying to catch his own breath and stay calm, and yet he's hyperaware of Changkyun's body and heat and the fact that unbeknownst to the younger one sleeping, they're in a weird gray-area suddenly.
He should really wake him—he should just push him off and it'll be better than having his dick rub on him, but Minhyuk is kind of frozen and fascinated, and kind of enamored by Changkyun suddenly. The youngest doesn't show affection very easily. He's kind of an all-or-nothing kind of person. Either he's stoic and reserved, or he'll break into the weirdest dance moves that crack everyone up, and even when he loosens up, Minhyuk realizes how rare it is for Changkyun to be the one that initiates skinship.
Of course, this is pretty far beyond that, but Minhyuk isn't thinking so clearly right now. This is too sudden and too early in the morning to have him process any of this too deeply. And if he's being honest, it's not that bad having his friend's bodyheat on him, keeping him warm. Minhyuk always craves intimacy... just usually not this. He's never thought of anything like this before.
Now that out of the blue this is the situation he's in, it's not bad actually. Changkyun is so docile and cute. He can't see his face, but his hair is at all angles, and his hips roll into him so smoothly. And that clipped way he's breathing into Minhyuk's chest, makes Minhyuk run his fingers through his hair and let him rut into his body, and want to hold him closer. The younger murmurs lightly when Minhyuk pets him this way, even in his sleep appreciative of being loved, and his hips drag against him in a more determined way. Minhyuk decides he wouldn't interrupt this for anything, because Changkyun is so sweet when he sleeps; so gentle and unguarded. Asleep or awake, Minhyuk likes hugging him because he knows the boy needs it so badly.
When Changkyun's lips part, a bit of drool ends up soaking through Minhyuk's shirt and even now Minhyuk doesn't stop him. If anyone were to walk in right now, it would be so obvious what misdeed was happening, but Minhyuk is biting his lip and letting this happen, and gives in to some degree, because he's been dragged into this feeling between them—one where Changkyun feels good, and Minhyuk wants him to feel good. And he's not thinking at all about the fact that this is weird or wrong. He wants Changkyun to let out whatever frustrations he's feeling, and honestly, feels pretty good to see how Changkyun—who's usually a slightly uptight and lonely character—is opening up right now. Even if it's sexual. He holds his friend close, and tries to not think this is sexy—even though it is, and he's not unaffected by this—and just lets Changkyun rub against him; and accepts all his little moans and the pitchiness of his breathing and he feels like he's riding that same high with him. Changkyun is getting higher, his dick so full and hard, rubbing against Minhyuk's bare thigh so Minhyuk can feel all of it—the shape, the dab of wetness at the tip, the girth, the weight, the sweaty heat between them, and how the length presses onto him—and he closes his eyes from this feeling—this feels good.
Changkyun comes against him and Minhyuk barely realizes it. He's too turned on, wrapped up in feeling that rhythm and pressure against his skin, imagining Changkyun's pleasure as his own—that when it stops, and a dampness reaches his skin instead, he's deadly scared to open his eyes.
Fuck, Changkyun came against him and he can feel it on his leg, through his friend's underwear—and fuck. What was he supposed to do right now? Surely Changkyun is awake by now.
He peeks an eye open, his curiosity getting the better of him, and it's the wrong move.
Immediately he's facing a wide-eyed Changkyun, staring down at him in utter shock. His bottom lip trembling, "S-shit—I'm sorry. I didn't know—I was asleep—I made a mistake—" Changkyun is stammering—
Minhyuk knows all this, but seeing the fear on his face, the way his face is flushed—he hadn't seen his face this entire time—he's still got traces of saliva making his lips shine, and his cheeks are so red that the color is running down his neck, and Minhyuk is so surprised at himself for thinking Changkyun is attractive like this. God... that really shouldn't be his reaction.
There's blood rushing in his ears as he looks back at Changkyun. The boy's hair is a mess too. And he's huffy and frantic.
Changkyun moves off him, trying to wipe Minhyuk's leg with the bedsheets—he's in utter shock and horror—he's near having a panic attack—one can tell from how jittery his motions are—the high of his orgasm probably not faded from his body yet, and thrown into a waking nightmare of reality. "I'm so sorry. So s-sorry, Minhyuk—So sorry—" And Minhyuk stops him. He really needs to stop having him apologize at least, because it wasn't all his fault.
"Not your fault," Minhyuk says, his fingers tightening on Changkyun's wrist. He's trying to underline his words as their eyes connect. "Not your fault. It happens. Don't worry about it."
And of course he feels guilty for not stopping it sooner, but he also feels a pang of privilege to have witnessed something so personal and intimate. And mostly because of this pang in his heart, and the way it makes his heart beat faster, is why he needs Changkyun to stop apologizing... because he's done nothing wrong. If anything, it's Minhyuk's fault, but he's not really brave enough to admit his own share of the blame. So the most he can do is hold Changkyun's hand, and look him squarely in the eyes and try to get him to stop shaking.
"I'm so gross... I'm..." Changkyun tries saying this time, but his sentence runs dry and his head dips when he's too ashamed to keep eye contact with Minhyuk. And that's when Minhyuk bites his lip and feels even more guilty.
His grip tightens on Changkyun's wrist. "You're not gross. This isn't gross. It just happened. It's fine." He tries to catch Changkyun's eye again but the younger won't look at him again, so Minhyuk sighs. "Never mind. Go clean up," he says. And he gets up too. It's time to forget about this and find out what's going on in the kitchen.
He's good at putting this behind them, but no matter how hard Minhyuk tries though, Changkyun is awkward and distant all day, and that's the worst part.
When he finds the youngest that night, Changkyun is curled up in his own bed, and at first Minhyuk thinks he should give him space. So he gets into his own bed and pulls out his phone and it takes him a few minutes to clue in to the fact that Changkyun is crying silently.
Shit. He really hopes it's not because of this morning.
"Changkyunie~" Minhyuk calls out softly. Of course, he's pretty sure Changkyun won't answer, but he gives him a few moments before he gets up and goes to sit beside him, and puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Are you crying? Don't cry."
"I'm not," Changkyun replies. But it's so obvious he is, even if he's hiding his face.
Minhyuk laughs, "You are~ I know you are, so stop and tell me why."
"No..." Changkyun groans. It takes him a few deep breaths before he's wiping at his face and finally turns to face Minhyuk. Red eyes, and pink nose, and it's so adorable that Minhyuk cradles him immediately—wraps him in all his arms and limbs and wrestles him back and forth, because Changkyun is so soft even though he pretends not to be. Minhyuk loves him so much when he's precious and vulnerable this way.
"You are, and you're so cute I want to eat you~" Minhyuk coos.
The younger grumbles and tries to push him off but Minhyuk's hug is like a boa constrictor, and Changkyun ends up giving in. "I'm so sorry about this morning..." he says quietly.
And since Minhyuk has him in his grip, and pinned completely, he holds Changkyun's shoulders down to the mattress and makes sure to look him in the eyes; "You didn't do anything wrong. Stop."
"Minhyuk~" the younger whines in return, bashful under Minhyuk's steady gaze.
And as Minhyuk looks down at him, he sees something so sad in Changkyun's eyes that it almost breaks his heart. "Changkyunie..." he starts slow, voice much softer than before. He's unsure how to ask this... "Are, um... are you lonely? What's wrong?"
Changkyun's face scrunches and his lip trembles, and he tries to look away again, but Minhyuk grabs his cheeks and it forces him to keep eye contact. Except now there's tears pooling in Changkyun's eyes again and Minhyuk lets him go.
"Please don't cry. I don't want you sad. I don't want you to be sad... just tell me what's wrong..."
The younger lets out a sharp pained sound from his throat, and sits up, to dab away the wetness from his eyes before he answers.
"I... I am lonely. I'm sorry. I—I think maybe that's why I did—but I didn't know—I'm sorry—"
"Was it good?" Minhyuk cuts in, and Changkyun has no idea what he's saying suddenly. Honestly, Minhyuk has no idea why he's suddenly asking such a ludicrous thing. "Was it good in your dreams?"
Changkyun's head does a cute tilt, like a puppy who doesn't understand.
"If you felt good in your dreams and you weren't lonely, and you were dreaming of something nice, then that's good. Ok?" Changkyun still has that adorable confused expression on his face, but it's dawning on him that Minhyuk really isn't upset, and it's slowly making him feel a little better about his mistake. A little. Until Minhyuk says something that confuses him even more: "You were so cute sleeping, I didn't want to wake you."
He's said that because he kind of wants Changkyun to know he was awake, and kind of wants to admit his guilt too, to be honest, but at the same time, doesn't want to just come out and just say it. That would be so awkward.
Of course, Changkyun's next question is, "Y-you knew?"
"I didn't want to wake you," Minhyuk admits. But now he's shy too, and he looks away, to the hands clasped in his lap, and wrings his fingers together, because crap... maybe he shouldn't have said that. Sometimes Minhyuk is a little too honest and it gets him in trouble.
"You watched me?"
"You didn't stop me?"
"I probably should have, right?" Minhyuk laughs through his nervousness. But the truth is, the more he thinks back at having Changkyun rut against him, the more he likes it. He swallows thickly... "I—it was—I didn't—" he has no idea what nonsense he's rambling now; so he pushes Changkyun back down and settles over him to help him find his words. Looking at Changkyun this way gives him strength. "I—I don't want you to be lonely. I want you to be happy."
"Minhyuk~" Changkyun whines... but he also smiles awkwardly. "That's a bit... you know... weird," he laughs.
"Yeah, I'm weird," Minhyuk barks out his own laugh. "Whatever. Just don't cry. Please don't cry. You can tell me anything." He brushes a gentle thumb over Changkyun's plump cheek and though this makes his lip quiver again, it also makes Changkyun pull him closer. "Tell me," Minhyuk urges.
"Can you," the younger starts, and pauses, and bites his lip before continuing. "Can you, just hold me, maybe?"
And Minhyuk nearly suffocates him in his hug, because the youngest is the sweetest thing ever, even if he's such an emo loner. When he opens up, he's Minhyuk's favorite toy. So he wraps him in all his body and cuddles him and Changkyun just melts against him even if this hug is too vigorous. His nose lands in Minhyuk's neck and his lips brush by Minhyuk's collarbone, and his arms come around him, and he lets Minhyuk hold him and he actually relaxes.
"Don't be lonely. We have you. You have all seven of us. Ok?"
"Not the same as... you know..." he says timidly.
"And why not?"
"Well... you know... I can't—never mind. I'll shut up."
"Just tell me. You're horny. You can just say it."
"Ohmygod!!" Changkyun laughs and throws him off but Minhyuk tackles him back and pins him to the bed. "You can't say that!" he scoffs as his eyes are wide and shocked.
Minhyuk just laughs. "But you're so cute when you're turned on," he winks. On one hand, he's teasing, and on the other, he actually wants Changkyun to know how attractive he is. But probably, as with many things, Minhyuk has taken it too far and put his foot in his mouth. Because Changkyun's face is blushing all shades of magenta and his eyes are like sparkling saucers, and all Minhyuk can think, even through his embarrassment at having said something humiliating, is how freaking cute Changkyun is. "See... like now. You're so cute."
Changkyun hides his face. "Don't call me cute."
"You're so cute. And sexy." And that makes Changkyun look him dead in the eyes again.
"Don't say that kind of stuff."
Minhyuk quirks an eyebrow. "Yeah? Why not? You're sexy when you're turned on. Is that really that bad to say?"
It's hard to come up with an answer to that. Changkyun wants to say 'yes, it's bad', but hearing that... um, honestly, it makes his skin prickle with lust—no one has ever said that to him before. This reaction terrifies him. He just ends up swallowing thickly and staring at how sincere Minhyuk is, and it really scares him how unwavering and direct Minhyuk can be with his feelings in times like this.
"Can I tell you something? Please don't hate me," Minhyuk says. And takes a pause for Changkyun to nod, before he proceeds. Not like he was gonna shut up anyway. He comes closer, lays a soft hand on Changkyun's face. "You were so sexy this morning." And even when Changkyun's eyes go round and he sucks in a shaky breath, Minhyuk continues. "I've been thinking about it all day."
"Wh-what?" Changkyun's mouth is totally dry. He can't believe he's hearing this right...
"You rubbing off against me, and the way your breathing got all huffy..."
"—Stop. S-stop it—"
"Why are you saying this?"
"Just being honest," Minhyuk smiles. "I don't know... just, seeing you, and now... I just... I wanna be there for you if you want someone. That's all."
"W-what...?" Changkyun's eyes are so wide that Minhyuk feels like he can see the whole universe in them. But there's so much sadness in there that he can't believe he's never seen it before.
"Please be honest. Don't bottle it up. You want someone, right? Why can't it be us? One of us?"
"What are you saying, Minhyuk...?"
"I don't know," Minhyuk admits with a nervous chuckle, but he's still caught up in Changkyun's eyes and all he knows is he wants to dive into them. "I wanna be there for you. So if you want to, you should let me."
Changkyun stares back at him. He blinks a few times, but mostly, he looks Minhyuk in the eyes, and he has no idea what to say. It's pretty obvious what Minhyuk is saying, even if it's crazy.
Minhyuk is looking at him with so much love that Changkyun is melting beneath him. His fingers crawl slowly up Minhyuk's shirt, until he's gripping the front of it, over the sternum, and he pulls down, so little, yet Minhyuk falls into his lips and they kiss as if it's been coming all their lives.
And it feels so good, Changkyun has never known anything to feel so healing for his soul—his arms come around Minhyuk's shoulders, as Minhyuk rests more weight over his body and kisses him so passionately and tenderly that his toes curl, and his heart soars and he nearly feels like crying again from how happy he is.
God... why is he such a mess?
He pushes Minhyuk away, but Minhyuk barely lets him go an inch, moving his lips to Changkyun's temple instead, telling him, "I love you. Don't hide."
And Changkyun goes diving into his shoulder, blubbering fresh tears, and holding him back so tight, Minhyuk feels bruises coming on.
"Tighter," Minhyuk says though. "Hold me as tight as you want. I'm not going anywhere. Anything you want, ok? I'm here."
"MinMin... I'm sorry. I just... I..."
"Don't have someone to hold you? You have me. Promise."
"I just want someone who... loves me. You know? Someone real. And when I think about it—God, why am I even saying this?—" he groans. "It feels like it's so far away that it's completely unreachable. You feel that way too, don't you?"
"You want a girlfriend?" Minhyuk smirks.
Technically, yes. But he wants someone to protect him, like his mom. Or older brother. But someone dependable and unconditional... and suddenly, maybe Minhyuk isn't as crazy as he initially thought. He lifts his gaze, and Minhyuk meets his eyes, and though Changkyun doesn't say anything, Minhyuk raises a brow at him in such a way that Changkyun feels like a feather in his arms. Like he might float away if Minhyuk lets him go... He nods.
And Minhyuk kisses him.
Changkyun moans into his mouth and holds him like his life depends on it. Minhyuk's kiss is something he never wants to be without again. He's given up thinking, he'd rather drown here. He lets Minhyuk mold their lips together and take him on a ride into the depths of his heart, and Changkyun feels his world changing.
Gone are feelings of loss and loneliness and fear. All the answers are in Minhyuk's mouth, as stupid as that sounds. He holds him, and Minhyuk holds him back, and somehow, years of pulling away and hiding are evaporating. He knows Minhyuk is kind and sincere, he just never knew it was like this... Could it really be like this?
When Minhyuk breaks their kiss, he doesn't move far, but he cuddles Changkyun and makes him his little spoon, and he tells him, "Never be lonely again. I've got you. All of you, if you want." He says it so sweetly onto his nape, as he lays a final kiss to his back, and then lets his lips linger there. "Sleep now, ok?"
"Ok," Changkyun agrees.
The world will be different tomorrow.
Minhyuk has no idea what he's started, nor does Changkyun, but somehow the world looks brighter.