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Kirby Takes Manhattan

Chapter Text

Betty Boop looked around almost impatiently as she straightened out her dress. Her date was late by at least two hours, and it was very likely that she had stood her up entirely.


"Ugh, Christ, not again..." Betty swore, and she got up from her seat. Pulling a few monochrome dollars out of her clutch, she left a generous tip for the waiter and walked away from the lovely French cafe and bar.


Suddenly, a brick building she was near to exploded outwards, and a bald pale man with no nose and red eyes tackled a teenage boy with auburn hair and loose clothing into the street. Betty let out a short shriek and jumped back.


"Fool!!!" Voldemort screamed, "Do you truly think you can defeat me?!"


"Like, I don't think, man, I know!" Shaggy's eyes swirled until they were red with a black diamond pattern. "Like, Tsukuyomi, man!" He shouted, staring directly into Voldemort's eyes.


Voldemort froze, and Shaggy threw Voldemort off of him and back into the building into the emerging form of Swiper the Fox.


Betty staggered back, wondering what was going on, when a bony, aged hand grabbed her arm. "Now, now, dear, where do you think you're going?" Count Olaf said.


Reacting immediately, Betty stamped her stiletto heel directly into Count Olaf's foot. As Count Olaf released her in favor of his Verifiably Foot-based Disaster, Betty ran to help Shaggy up. "Norville, are you alright?!" Betty asked him.


"Huh? Betty? Zoinks, what are you, like, doing here?" Shaggy asked as he stood up.


"There's no time, Norville!" Betty replied as she ran off with him, "You know that overusing your Mangekyou Sharingan is deadly!"


"It was important! It was the only way I could have escaped from Voldemort!" Shaggy replied, and the two ran down an alleyway.


Stopping to hide behind a dumpster, the two managed to catch their breath.


"Like, Betty," Shaggy whispered, "Betty, we gotta, like, get outta here. Voldemort won't be stopped forever by my Tsukuyomi illusion, he probably has wet dreams more disturbing than what I showed him. He's gonna catch up to us. Can you still summon?"


"I-It's been a while, but I can try..." Betty gasped. Her eyes widened. "Oh no! Norville, look out!"


Reacting immediately, Shaggy caught the rapier aimed at his neck with his bare hand and then threw Count Olaf at his two bodyguards, Colonel Sanders and Thanos. "Like, Amaterasu!" Shaggy cried, and the three were engulfed in the unquenchable black flames.


"Persona!" Betty screamed as she summoned the Sun Arcana Icarus, "Icarus! We gotta get out of here!"


"At once, mistress..." Icarus nodded, and he grabbed Shaggy and Betty and winged into the skies.


"So, where to, Norville?" Betty asked.


"Like, Popstar, Betty," Shaggy replied, his eyes bleeding due to overuse of the Mangekyou Sharingan, "We need to get backup, and I have one person in mind..."

Chapter Text

Naruto Uzumaki looked up at the giant screen in Time's Square as the picture fizzled out. "That's probably not good, ttebayo..." He muttered as he scratched Pikachu's chin. Pikachu gave a soft "chuuu" in reply. "What do you think that was about?"


"Pika, pipika chu," Pikachu replied.


"I don't like it either," Naruto replied, "So let's keep looking. The bookstore has to be around here somewhere."


"Attention!!" A voice screamed out from above, and Naruto and Pikachu turned their gaze to the giant screen again. A round, green figure wearing white opera gloves slowly took form on the screen.


"Attention, you reprobates of New York City!" Mrs. Green announced, "It has come to my attention that one of you imbeciles has murdered my dearly beloved Colonel Sanders! If this is going to be war, then so be it!" Making a weird salute by crossing her arms in a diamond-like shape, Mrs. Green's image slowly fizzled out.


"Okay, that's bad then." Naruto frowned. He activated his comm link. "Otacon, how's progress so far?"


"Not bad, really, but it's not looking good either," Otacon's voice said over the comm link, "There's some weird interference on your end, though. Is everything alright?"


"Pi pika..." Pikachu darkly muttered jumping off of Naruto's shoulders and scaling a wall to get a better viewpoint.


"What?! Tracing?! That should be impossible!" Nigel Uno replied, "It should be impossible to trace your location with KND-Standard comm links!"


"But what else could cause that interference, though?" Otacon wondered aloud.


Suddenly, the screen turned on, revealing Mrs. Green once again. “Hello again, my darling reprobates,” The giant green M&M said, “As you well know, my darling Colonel is no longer among us. But make no mistake, I have secured from My Diamond a means of avenging him… And she is a true force of nature. In fact, you could say that the world is hers…”


The screen turned off, and then a pillar of smoke fell from the sky. “The World!!!” A voice cried, and suddenly, Pikachu found himself surrounded by knives. Cursing, Pikachu jumped away, just barely dodging the knives.


A dark clapping resounded, and Pikachu and Naruto to see Hatsune Miku herself standing amidst the smoke, her Stand fully active.


"Ohohohohoho..." Miku laughed, with The World imitating her every move, "It's me, the number one diva in the world, and this..." Suddenly, she vanished.


Naruto and Pikachu looked around, and then Naruto found a sign post shoved through his chest. "...Is curtains for you!" Miku cackled, as Naruto fell to the ground, his hands clutching his blood-soaked jumpsuit.


"Chu pika!!" Pikachu screamed, running over to Naruto. The World's fist blocked Pikachu's path, however.


"Oh, no you don't..." Miku grinned evilly, "There's no escape for you, rodent! I have the higher ground!"


"Higher than this?!" A voice shouted, and Miku only had a second to react before getting hit by Richter Belmont's whip. "You don't belong in this world, monster!" Richter shouted.


"Oh? And what are you to be?" Miku grinned, a diamond-like insignia glowing on her cheek, "Perhaps a miserable pile of flesh!"


"Pikachu, listen to me," Richter said to the electric mouse, "Do you see that diamond? That's the source of Miku's evil power. If we break it, the curse over her should be broken, and she'll return to her normal self. Do you understand?"


"Pi." Pikachu nodded seriously, and immediately used Flamethrower.


"Oho!" Miku said, leaping over the jet of flame, "A challenge!" She deftly dodged a thrown axe in midair, then disappeared, before reappearing directly above Pikachu. "Perish!!!" She said, holding a car.


However, this is what Pikachu needed, as he then used Thunder to electrocute the car, causing it to explode in Miku's face. As Miku was sent flying, Richter activated the Portrait of Sire, causing the painting of Vlad Tepes to unleash unspeakable powers upon Miku, overloading the Diamond Sigil and causing it to shatter.


As Miku lay on the ground, defeated, Pikachu ran over to Naruto. However, he was too late; Naruto was already dead. Pikachu picked up Naruto's comm link.


"...ome in! Naruto!" Shouted Numbah One's frantic voice.


"P-Pikachu..." Pikachu replied solemnly.


"Pikachu! You're there!" Otacon shouted, "But where's Naruto?!"


Pikachu didn't respond.


"...I see..." Numbah One replied, "Alright then, Pikachu. New mission: avenge Naruto Uzumaki. I trust you'll accept."


"Pi." Pikachu stated, before staring at the Empire State Building. He would avenge Naruto...


No matter the cost.

Chapter Text

The Metropolitan Museum of Art was horribly unfitting as a base, Mrs. Green decided as she stared out the windows.


"Erm... Mrs. Green?" Her communications officer Bambi asked, tugging on her arm, "Um, our spies have reported that Agent Miku has been defeated by Pikachu, but Naruto has indeed perished."


"An acceptable loss," Mrs. Green replied.


"There's, er, more," Bambi continued, and Mrs. Green turned to face the deer, "Apparently, Richter Belmont helped Pikachu defeat Agent Miku, and they've broken Our Diamond's control over her."


"I... I see..." Mrs. Green took a deep breath, and the windows stopped vibrating. "Is there anything else?"


"...They found the bookstore." Bambi replied meekly.


A vase shattered.


"Fucking spectacular," Mrs. Green hissed as the vase reformed, then shattered again, "Contact the other generals. Let them know-"


"That's, er, the thing?" Bambi interrupted. "M-My general, uh. The other two are attempting to contact you right now."


"What?!" Mrs. Green shrieked, and she immediately pulled up a screen and began typing furiously. "Next time, lead with that, Bambi!"


"Y-Yes'm!!!" Bambi squealed as a group videocall came up.


"Ah, Viridia," Wendy smirked, "How nice to see you again."


"It could have been under better circumstances, I think." Ross Geller harrumphed.


"Wendy, Ross, how nice to see you two... Alive..." Mrs. Green gave a clearly-forced grin. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"


"Let's cut the shit, Green," Wendy immediately snapped, "You lost my most favorite toy."


"An oversight I'm unwilling to repeat," Mrs. Green replied.


"You lost. Hatsune. Miku." Wendy repeated, the burger heiress grinding out each syllable.


"Yes, an unfortunate loss," Ross agreed spinelessly, "And not only that, you lost that demigod I lent you... What was his name... Thanatos..."


"Thanos, and he was a Titan, gods Ross, you're so stupid," Wendy shot at Ross.


Suddenly, Goofy crashed through the window, brandishing a tommy gun wildly. “Gawrsh!” He shouted, “Say hello to America’s sweetheart, a-hyuck!”


Mrs. Green didn’t pay him any attention. Rather, she idly snapped her fingers, and Goofy found himself surrounded by Miis. Busying him with the doppelgangers, she turned back to her communication.


“Your security system is lacking,” Wendy sniffed, twirling her red braid thoughtlessly, “I’ll send you some soldiers momentarily.”


“Regardless,” Ross Geller simpered, “We’ve given you as much as we’re willing to. At this point, we have to wonder…”


"Wonder what? How that siege on Central Park is going, Geller?" Mrs. Green interrupted Ross. Taking satisfaction from Ross' flinching, she smirked and turned to Wendy. "And if you think you're so good, then tell me: how's your interception of Bart going? Tell me that, Thomas."


"Never." Wendy screamed, banging her hand against the screen, "Use. My last. Name. AGAIN!!!!!!" The line went dead.


"I wish you wouldn't antagonize her so..." Ross whined.


"Shut the fuck up," Mrs. Green snapped. She snapped her fingers, and the line shattered under her psychic power.


"Gawrsh," Came a voice behind her, and Mrs. Green turned around to see Goofy, roughed up but very much alive, wiping blood from his mouth, "Trouble in paradise?"


"Hmph, are you still alive?" Mrs. Green asked, her hands glowing with psychic energy.


"Can't die," Goofy muttered, pulling out a grenade and throwing it, "Until I fulfill my promise!"


Mrs. Green's eyes widened, and she froze the grenade in the air. Her gaze grew quizzical when she realized the pin was still in the grenade.


"This one's for Donald, a-hyuck..." Goofy said, and Mrs. Green turned her attention to the domesticated dog. Her eyes grew even wider when she saw the sniper rifle he had aimed at the grenade.


Goofy pulled the trigger.

Chapter Text

Christopher Robin pointed at the map of Central Park, his grim face made more serious due to the bandaged eye socket that once held his father's Rinnegan. "And finally, platoon 7 will make their way up scouting path C and reconvene with the main troops after we take the zoo. Any questions?" Silence met him. "Good. Ivory, you're going to lead this platoon. Make sure you don't mess up."


Ivory Light'ness Mania Dove Way stood to attention. "Y-Yes, Mr. Robin!"


"I'm younger than you," Christopher Robin gave a sad smirk, "Chris is fine. Dismissed, all of you. You have your marching orders; we leave in thirty minutes."


Forty-five minutes later, Ivory led her small platoon, consisting of Foxy the Pirate, Lucky Luciano, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, and The Terminator. Though her group was certainly powerful, the teenage witch was very concerned with the premonitions she had had earlier.


"Something's wrong..." Tchaikovsky muttered, "It almost feels too quiet..."


"Aye, lad, ye be right," Foxy agreed, "What say ye, Termi?"


No response.


"...Terminator, please, respond." Lucky demanded.


"Clearly, he won't respond, idiots." Came a voice Ivory knew all too well. She shot a spell and watched as a tree exploded violently. As the dust cleared, Ivory saw her alternate self, Ebony Dark'ness Dimentia Raven Way, standing on the wrecked body of The Terminator.


"You!!!" Tchaikovsky shouted as he pulled out an RPG.


Chaos erupted immediately, and Ivory was suddenly thrown from the enormous battle being waged.


"Heh, you're some Shadow, huh?!" Ebony chuckled darkly as she came flying at Ivory. Ivory's eyes widened as she avoided Ebony's incoming onslaught.


“Tara, dearest!” Ivory called out as she dodged Barbie’s platinum credit cards, “Please, we do not have to continue fighting! We are-”


“Aaaaugh shutupshutupshutup SHUT UP!!!!” Ebony screeched, using her music to blast away Tchaikovsky, “You’re not me! I’m not you! Don’t you DARE-”


“NOW!!” Foxy shouted, throwing Peter Griffin off of him, “Do it to em, Lucky!” He punched Ronald Reagan in the dick.


Ebony’s eyes widened, but it was too late. She went still. Babidi had possessed her.


"Wonderful, Lucky! I shall take it from here!" Ivory shouted at Lucky. Walking up to her frozen Light Half, she embraced Ebony. Suddenly, a crystalline rose sprung around them and encased the two.


Everyone stopped as they watched Ebony and Ivory slowly encircle one another, before they embraced and began to turn into light. Suddenly, the rose shattered, and left in her place was Utena Tenjou.


Reagan's eyes widened as he was sliced in half in an instant, with Peter Griffin going next. The enemy troops proceeded to flee the scene.


"W-Wow, Utena!" Lucky said, amazed as he was again possessed by Babidi.


"Indeed, laddie. We should be going on, however." Foxy said.


"But what of The Terminator?" Tchaikovsky coughed.


Utena looked around. The Terminator's pieces were nowhere to be found.

Chapter Text

Oliver Twist looked around, before motioning behind him. The Xenomorph Queen followed him as closely as she could. "This way, please!" He whispered as they snuck around Liberty Isle. "The rendezvous missive said that Bart could be found here!"


"Scree..." The Xenomorph Queen screeched softly.


"Well, Cosette provided me with the coordinates, and I tend to trust her intelligence!" Oliver replied.


"Really? I'm glad we're in agreement, then." Came a snotty voice, and Oliver stopped dead in his tracks. The Xenomorph Queen began to growl ferociously.


"Then again, why wouldn't I trust your little spy?" Wendy smirked smugly and leaned forwards in her hoverchair. "Ohhh, when I get my hands on her, I think I'll draw out that little bitch's conversion by a whole lot..."


The Xenomorph Queen launched herself at the little girl, but was pinned to the ground by a huge brown mass. "Now, now, miss queen, I wouldn't just do whatever I pleased if I were you," Wendy taunted her captive subject, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go tell my spies about this. Toodles!" And with that, Wendy flew into the Statue of Liberty.


“No!!!!” Oliver shouted as he watched the Xenomorph Queen perish at the hands of the Donkeyed Kong, “Don’t kill my mother!!!”


“O… Li…” The Xenomorph Queen croaked out.


“Ook banana,” Donkey Kong said, but suddenly, before he could land the finishing blow, he got hit by a Keyblade.


“Say goodbye!” Shouted a gothic voice, and Donkey Kong was blasted away. Oliver and the Xenomorph looked to their saviors: Vanitas, Dark Pit, and Shadow the Hedgehog holding twin Desert Eagles named Gerald and Maria.


"Vanitas! Dark Pit! Shadow!" Oliver shouted, "So you were around here!"


"Damn right," Vanitas scoffed as he used Curaga on the Xenomorph Queen.


"You think the Goth Alliance wouldn't have your back, after all this time?" Shadow asked, cocking his guns.


"Y-You're right, good sirs!" Oliver bowed in embarrassment.


"Hey, not to interrupt this," Dark Pit said, looking around them, "But I think we're surrounded."


"Damn it..." Oliver swore, "And I used all my nen just getting here..."


"Ay carumba! Don't have a cow! Wanna know why?!"


Suddenly, a huge explosion took out a good chunk of the enemies. The warriors five looked to their sudden backup.


"'Cause I'm here, man!" Bart Simpson exclaimed, crackling with energy.

Chapter Text

As Wendy watched The Xenomorph Queen make her final stand to allow Bart to escape with the Goth Alliance, she began to feel a certain kind of dread she hadn't felt in quite some time.


"Miss Wendy?" Nevel Papperman, her secretary said, "You've got a group call coming in."


"Ohhhh- Tell Viridia and Ross I don't want to talk to them!" Wendy shouted as her hair ignited.


"Uh..." Nevel looked nervous, "General Geller isn't in the call."


"Wh- Then who's-" Wendy's gut sank. "Oh. Oh no."


"Shall I patch it through?" Nevel asked.


"You pretty much have to, dumbass!" Wendy fell back into her chair and watched as the screen came up, showing Viridia Green and Her Diamond.


"Status report, Generals Green and Thomas." Her Diamond gave in liu of greeting.


"Wh-What about Geller?!" Wendy immediately demanded.


"Excused due to the siege on Central Park. I've discussed with him prior to this call. Now, give me your status reports. Now." As always, the Diamond was curt and to the point.


"Erm. Well-" Mrs. Green began.


"Mrs. Green let Pikachu and Richter Belmont reach the bookstore." Wendy immediately jumped in.


Her Diamond's eyes narrowed. "I see. And I suppose your search for Simpson has gone better?"


"O-Of course!" Wendy puffed her chest out. "It was truly fortuitous for My Diamond to place me on Liberty Isle, as that is, indeed, where Bart Simpson was hiding-"


"And where," Her Diamond interrupted her, "Is he now?"


Wendy fell silent. That was all the Diamond needed.


“You fools!” Erupted the Diamond, “If Tron and Bart meet up, there’s no telling what will happen!” Mrs. Green and Wendy flinched as their leader banged on the table. “Now, get to work on capturing them! I shall supply you with one more resource each, but after that, I shall not accept failure!” And with that, the Diamond cut off their communication.


In the Empire State Building, after getting up from their hoverchair, the Diamond nodded to the Lexcorp employees standing guard as they walked to a room labeled “Resources”. Placing their left palm on a diamond-shaped scanner, the door easily opened, revealing a room stacked wall-to-wall with people, frozen in cubes.


Moving down a corridor of people, they passed cubes labeled things like “Dr. Alto Clef”, “Inspector Grimes”, “Feliciano Vargas”, “Lusamine”, and “Hata no Kokoro” before stopping in front of two cubes next to each other.


“Galacta Knight” and “Michael Eisner”.


“Sometimes…” Steven “Pink “Rose Quartz” Diamond” Universe said as he input the coordinates on their cases, sending them off, “You just have to put your foot down… Isn’t that right, Tobias?”


A red hawk gave a small cursing sound as it darted from the case titled “Grima” towards the exit.


"Ufufufufu..." Steven Universe chuckled, "Go ahead, raise the alarm. What is an army to two gods, after all..."

Chapter Text

Beneath the Empire State Building, a blast rocked the marble floors. Komaeda Nagito slowly got out, gazed around carefully, and motioned for his compatriots to follow. Following him was Cosette and Captain Nemo.



"Are you sure it's this way?" Komaeda asked, completely unsure.


"Yes, good sir," Cosette replied, walking them to a wall and pressing an EMP charge to it. After a surge of electricity revealed the hidden door to them, she led them through it.


"Never knew this was in here... Amazing..." Komaeda whispered, "Where did you get that EMP?"


"From my father," Cosette replied.


"But didn't Valjean give up his thieving ways?" Captain Nemo asked.


"Ah, my other father, Arsene Lupin," Cosette explained before stopping in front of a door, "In here, sirs." Cosette led them in, revealing an absolutely enormous computer monitor.


"This..." Captain Nemo ran over to the computer monitor.


"What is it, Captain?" Komaeda asked.


"It’s absolutely incredible..." Captain Nemo continued, hands moving as quickly as when he played the organ, "Why, it’s an entire database of their captured subjects! Look at this; Edna Mode, Inspector Grimes, Jotaro Kujo, Inuyasha-"


"Wait a minute, sir, back up," Cosette interrupted Captain Nemo, "Do you not mean "Inspector Vimes"?"


Captain Nemo scrolled back. He frowned as he read Inspector Grimes’ entry. "...No. It seems that the Diamond Authority somehow managed to fuse together Inspector Sam Vimes and the singer Grimes, turning them into a singular hostile entity."


"Poor Claire..." Komaeda shook his head.


"There's no time to feel sorry for her, I'm afraid," Cosette spoke, "For we are here to learn why, exactly, Bart and Tron cannot meet. Are they not in these files?"


Captain Nemo quickly ran through the files before stopping on one. "Oh, Komaeda..." He whispered.


"It's about Sans, isn't it?" Komaeda sighed, "It's alright, I'm used to it by now... Bad luck just follows me everywhere, it was only a matter of time..."


Cosette walked over to Komaeda and hugged him tightly. Komaeda slowly returned the hug.


"Hm, apparently the Diamond Authority is just as clueless as we are..." Captain Nemo eventually revealed, "Which is both good and bad-"


"OI!" Shouted a loud voice.


"Speaking of bad..." Komaeda spat out, pulling out the Spear of Gungnir.


"What are ye doin' in the computer room?!" Shrek demanded, his D0N-K parasite in full attack mode.


"I had hoped we had gone unnoticed..." Cosette readied her legendary thief tools, "Perhaps I had hoped in vain, then?"


Captain Nemo's Shipwreck Aura kicked into full effect, giant tentacles beginning to sprawl around him. "It seems as though we must fight our way out, then..."

Chapter Text

Jacob Marley threw his chains around a Stormtrooper's blaster and ripped it out of their hands before hitting them with a weight. "My good lady!" He called over his shoulder, "How are you doing on your ammunition?"


"I’m doing perfectly fine, Mr. Marley!" Jessica Rabbit shouted, reloading her pistol and calmly shooting holes in the back of a gremlin.


"That’s good..." Marley said, "Because I think we're surrounded…" His back pressed against Jessica’s as the crowd of villains encroached on them. "...So, best of gets the cake?"


"No idea what that means," Jessica laughed, loading two guns into her heels and pulling out a fourth one, "But let's go."


"Coming through!" Shouted a voice, and Juliet Capulet flipped into the group, poisoned daggers in hand. "Soft! Be there room for one more?"


Jessica scoffed good-naturedly. "You always had the worst timing, Juliet..." The three leaped into battle.


Up above, Mrs. Green watched as the trio made short work of all of her troops and their reinforcements. She bit her thumb, and angrily smashed the cube containing Michael Eisner, destroying him without even deploying him. "FUCK IT!" She screamed, "I'll take care of this myself!" With that, Mrs. Green teleported directly into the fight, fists glowing with psychic energy.


"But soft, the enemy doth make herself known!" Juliet supplied, readying her toxic mists.


"Damn right I'm making myself known!" Mrs. Green shouted, telepathic ripples flying off of her. "I've had enough of leaving things to others only for them to fail me time and again! I'm going to eviscerate you little shits right here and now, got it?!"


"Now, now, is that any way to talk to a lady?" Jessica asked sarcastically, pointing her guns at Mrs. Green.


"Took the words out of my mouth, Lady Jessica!" Marley's chains flew about him as he took his stance.


With a final cry of rage, Mrs. Green took to the skies and began to fire psionic blasts at the trio of fighters. Immediately, Jessica began to do crazy backflips to avoid them, shooting all four of her guns in tandem with her movements.


Juliet jumped onto the back of a pegasus. "Verily, this shalt be quick!" She shouted, taking off and throwing poisoned daggers wildly at Mrs. Green. She began to redirect them back at Juliet, but they were suddenly wrapped in ephemeral chains.


"Don't forget about me, my fair lady!" Marley shouted. Mrs. Green flew down and crashed into Marley, body glowing with psychokinetic energy.


"Jacob!" Jessica shouted.


"Relax, ghosts can't die," Mrs. Green scoffed as she levitated once more, "Which you'll surely find out once I destroy you from the inside out, you-"


What, exactly, Jessica and Juliet were, they never found out, because suddenly Mrs. Green found a bullet wound clear through her head. As she fell to the ground, molten chocolate oozing out, Juliet and Jessica looked in shock to see Goofy G. Goof, holding his signature sniper rifle.


"G-Gawrsh... If it's hit-or-miss..." Goofy coughed, "Then I guess I never miss..."

Chapter Text

Gilgamesh held Inspector Grimes in his arms, tears in his eyes. “Oh, Samuel… Oh, Claire…”


“Gil!” Twilight Sparkle shouted as she blasted a hole in the chassis of a Badnik, “Stop mourning and help fight!”


“Give it up, Twilight…” Squidward said, clonking a Muppet Baby on the head.


“Yeah, darlin’..” Mac Tonight shook his head, “After all, there ain’t nothin’ as pretty or as terrible as true love… ‘Specially when you’re killin’ your love, like, ouch.”


“Hey guys, I don’t mean to interrupt this party,” The Mickeyed Mouse said, slicing though the re-built and re-purposed Terminator with a single movement, “But if we don’t do something, we’re all gonna be toast, haha!”


“The rodent is correct…” Said a voice from above. Gilgamesh, Twilight, Squidward, Mac, and Mickey all looked up to see Sephiroth floating above them, his singular wing unmoving, his six-foot katana unsheathed. Next to him was the Rachel 2.0, being piloted by none other than Ross Geller.


"Gyahahahahahahaha!!!" Ross cackled madly, "Central Park may as well be mine now, you idiot simpletons!!! As long as I have Sephiroth on my side-"


"Who said I was on your side, worm?" Sephiroth intoned.


"What?" Ross asked. Suddenly, his EVA was sliced in complete half.


"Now then..." Sephiroth muttered darkly as Ross Geller fell to the ground, dead, "Where were we?"


"Right here!" Squidward said, aiming a drill kick at Sephiroth's head, who easily dodged it. He then grabbed Squidward and threw him at Mac and Twilight Sparkle, knocking all three to the ground.


"Pitiful. Fall, heartless angel..." Sephiroth intoned, using Meteor. Mickey jumped to his compatriot's defense, blocking with a magic broom.


"Haha, guys!" Mickey screamed, "You gotta get up!"


"Ugh," Twilight Sparkle shook Squidward off of her and began charging a magic blast.


"Ain't No Rules!" Mac shouted, a phantom keyboard appearing around him. Jamming on the keyboard, Squidward's broken bones slowly knit back together.


Gilgamesh gulped and put down his lost love. "Illusionary Dominance!" Gilgamesh shouted, before he disappeared from human sight. As he sped around Sephiroth, he began to unleash powerful bursts of magic.


Sephiroth, to his credit, managed to block all of them with his katana before he held the dull end of his katana out, catching Gilgamesh in the stomach. "Weak..." He said, throwing Gilgamesh to the ground, before giving chase. However, a lavender blast of magic hit him in the side, sending him spiraling to the ground. "What?!" He shouted.


"Okay, let's try this again..." Twilight Sparkle said, "Elements of Harmony! Mac Tonight, Generosity! Squidward, Honesty! Mickey Mouse, Laughter! Gilgamesh, Loyalty! Utena, Kindness!" Utena had just arrived out of the bushes. "And I make Magic! Elements of Harmony, go!!!!"


As the rainbow of magic washed over Sephiroth, he could only make a mad dash towards the six, sword drawn and ready to eviscerate all six. Twilight Sparkle's eyes widened as she realized they wouldn't have enough time-


A pair of hands shot up and grabbed Sephiroth's legs. Sephiroth looked down at who would dare stop him.


It was Inspector Grimes and The Terminator's final actions.


Sephiroth let out an ungodly scream as he was turned to stone.

Chapter Text

Diamond Universe kicked Captain Planet aside, where they unfused into Tron and Bart. "And good riddance," Diamond Universe muttered, "To bad trash."


"YOU..." Karkat Vantas screamed, charging at Diamond Universe, "YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD!"


"I suppose so," Diamond Universe supposed, creating a shield to block Karkat's advance before using Karkat's inertia to throw him over Diamond Universe's head, "But in the end, things never really go how you plan, huh?"


Diamond Universe vanished, before appearing where Karkat's body was flying to give him a swift uppercut to the back, sending Karkat to the ceiling.


Flowey the Flower went after Diamond Universe next, growing several flowers with teeth for petals as he unleashed an onslaught of vines, which Diamond Universe responded to by creating a spiked shield. He chuckled. "Is that really all you've got?" He asked before unleashing the potent potential energy of the shield to send Flowey flying back.


Diamond Universe's eyes narrowed as he dodged Tommy Pickles' Laser Circus attack, did a perfect midair pirouette, then deflected the final laser with another shield, sending the laser out the window.


"Thinking out loud," Diamond Universe pondered, "I'm not even so sure what I was so worried about, Tron and Bart meeting. I mean, Captain Planet? That old fuddy-duddy? An annoyance at best. And speaking of annoyances..." Diamond Universe calmly held out an arm and thoughtlessly caught Karkat's falling form. Diamond Universe then carelessly threw Karkat to the side, the alien boy totally unconscious.


"Karkat!!!" Flowey shouted, rushing over to Karkat.


"He’s not dead," Diamond Universe said aloofly, "I do so hate the thought of killing..."


"Then why..." Tommy whispered. Diamond Universe looked at Tommy with a glint of bemusement in his eye. "Why cause all this senseless violence?! What about the Terminator?! Vimes, Grimes, Xenomorph, even Naruto?! Did they mean nothing to you?! Why would you do all this?!"


Diamond Universe seemed to consider this question. Giving a soft chuckle, he vanished. Tommy's eyes widened.


"...It’s simple..." Diamond Universe whispered. Tommy froze. "...It’s so that I can get anything for free in any shop."


"You..." Tommy's eyes filled with hatred as he turned around and began shooting, "You SON OF A-"


Diamond Universe kicked Tommy's side. "Too slow," He said simply.


"Hey, Diamond!" Shouted a voice, and Diamond Universe turned around to see Komaeda helping Tron up, "Don't count us out just yet!"


"Us?" Diamond wondered aloud.


"All of us!" Utena shouted, Pikachu on her shoulders and Christopher Robin at her side.


"Gawrsh, don't even think that you can beat all of us, a-hyuck!" Goofy exclaimed, held up by Juliet and Mickey.


"There truly is nothing we cannot accomplish together!" Oliver supplied, to the rallying music of Mac Tonight and the Goth Alliance.


"Ufufufufu... Ufufufuahahahahahahaha!!!!" Diamond Universe began to cackle. "Don't you simple morons get it?! I am Diamond Universe! I am the ultimate defense incarnate! Nothing can defeat me!"


"Like, wanna bet, man?!" Challenged a familiar voice. Diamond's eyes widened as he turned to the source of the voice.

Chapter Text

"Like, wanna bet, man?!" Challenged a familiar voice. Diamond's eyes widened as he turned to the source of the voice.


"Shaggy Rogers... Betty Boop... What a surprise..." Diamond Universe drawled, "It's been too long..."


"Like, at most, it's been a day and a half." Shaggy replied.


"Regardless!" Betty shouted, "Steven, your time is up! Because we have your one weakness!"


"Ohohoho..." Diamond Universe chuckled, "My one weakness? What could that possibly be?"


"Hiii!" Shouted a cute voice.


"Is that..." Miku pondered.


"Could it be...?" Tchaikovsky wondered.


"It is!" Cosette shouted.


It was........................................................ Kirby!!!!!!!!!!!


"Pfeh! You!" Diamond Universe shouted, his hands alighting with Wendy's flames, "So you've finally arrived, just as that prophecy that Swiper swiped for me foretold!"


"Poyo!" Kirby shouted back, untold anger and rage hiding in his cute form.


"Very well then!" Diamond Universe grew Galacta Knight's wings, "Have at thee!" His shield warped around his arm until it became a lance, and then he charged directly at Kirby.


Kirby, in retaliation, ate Diamond Universe.


Nobody moved.


Kirby spat out Diamond Universe, and then suddenly gained a pink diamond-like gem on his forehead.


He was................... Diamond Kirby!!!!!!!!


"Haaaaaaaaaa!!!!!" Kirby screamed before his whole body erupted into flames. He then spiraled towards Diamond Universe, who parried with a fire-encrusted punch of his own. The shock of the two equal attacks launched everyone in the room to the walls.


"Heh! You're good, but not good enough!" Diamond Universe shouted as they traded blows. He then created a shield and smacked Kirby with it on the head. "Do you truly think you can match me?! I don't care what any prophecy said, I'm going to destroy you, Kirby, once and for all!!!"


"P-Poyo!!!" Kirby replied, determination shining in his eyes.


"Y-You can do it, Kirbs!" Mac Tonight coughed out, his sunglasses missing a lens.


"Soft, yon Kirby! We doth believe in thee!" Juliet supplied.


"Go get 'im, little feller!" Foxy shouted.


"Pipipika!" Pikachu chu'd.


Everyone began to cheer on Kirby, and Kirby slowly began to absorb their power.


"Wh-What?! What is this?!" Diamond Universe exclaimed.


"Do it to him, Kirby!" Lucky screamed.


"Like, you got this, bud!" Shaggy shouted.


"Cowabunga, man!!!" Bart cheered.


As everyone's souls began to beat as one, Kirby slowly began to glow. As more and more people began to cheer Kirby on, he glowed brighter, until he was nearly blinding to Diamond Universe.


"What?!?!?!! What is this?!?!" Diamond Universe screamed.


As the light dimmed down to a bearable level, Diamond Universe peeked through his eyelids, then widened his eyes.


It was Universal Kirby.


"Well, fuck." Diamond Universe swore.


"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Kirby created a huge heart-shaped blast of energy directly above his head. The heart got a little Kirby face on the front of it, before the whole thing morphed into a simple orb. Kirby threw it at Diamond Universe's prone form, who immediately put up a shield. However, the pressure on the shield was obviously immense, if the cracks in the shield were any indication.


"Just remember, bucko!" Diamond Universe's dad had once said, "If every pork chop were perfect..."


"...We wouldn't have hot dogs..." Diamond Universe whispered.


The world went white.


Diamond Universe opened his eyes.


"Hello, dear," Jessica Fletcher said, "I'm sure you know what happened, yes?"


"...I can imagine, yes," Diamond Universe eventually replied. "How long has it been?"


"Perhaps a week, dearie." Jessica Fletcher's scythe manifested, and she tore a rift into spacetime to reveal a scene where everyone was having a huge banquet, with Kirby as the guest of honor. "Much work has gone into reversing all the damage your little forays have done, and they're almost all successful. It won't be long now before they're finished."


"Aha... Ahahahahahaha... So... It... It really is over..." Diamond Universe weakly laughed, falling onto bended knee, "Isn’t it..."


"Hm..." Jessica Fletcher hummed, flipping through her Death Note, "Well, that depends on how you see it, young man."

"Well, I can’t very well go back, can I?" Diamond Universe said, slowly morphing back into Steven, "Death is a one way street. Not even I can heal the dead..."


"Oh, no, certainly not." Jessica Fletcher replied, "However, who is to say your journey is to end at death?"


Steven looked in surprise at Jessica Fletcher. The reaper gave Steven a kind smile, and pointed behind him. Steven turned around, and immediately, he ventured forth.


"Niiiiice, Granny..." Said a voice, and Grell Sutcliffe stepped out from behind the rift. "What’d you show him?" She asked.


"Oh, you know..." Jessica Fletcher looked back at the party in the World of Life with a smile. "Something he desperately wanted to see."


In the World of Life, Kirby gave a little cheer for the delicious food.