"I am but a firefly caught in his jar and when he looks at me, I can't help but glow."―Kellie Elmore
June 14, 2005
It's been only a year since I met Eric—and a year and two days since I met my first vampire. So much has changed.
One of those things is you! I've finally decided to use a laptop for "you." And—I have to say that this might just turn out to be a good idea. I type faster than I write anyway, so I can say more to you this way.
I know that I've been writing about the changes happening in my life as they've come, but I want to put them here—to record them in my "new" diary.
I was happy enough a year ago. I was content with my job, and I felt loved by my family and friends. However, my happiness seems to grow exponentially as each sun sets—as Eric rises.
Eric—my bonded, my partner, my mate.
My soon-to-be husband.
Tonight we will be married and pledged in the place where our eyes first locked. Pam has managed to make Fangtasia look elegant and romantic—though I would be content to marry Eric in an alleyway. But Pam had fun making all of the arrangements, and Eric and I had fun teasing her.
I hear Godric in the "guestroom" even now. Older than Eric by a thousand years, he can rise much earlier.
When I first met Godric, he was sad in a way that nearly broke my heart. And as soon as Eric and I completed our bond, I could sense just how much Godric's anguish broke Eric's heart as well. But Godric's spirits seemed to enliven as he spent more time with Eric and as he let himself talk about—and grieve for—Fintan.
It was fate that connected Eric and me—just as it had connected Fintan and Godric so many years ago. And—if my being around helps Godric to feel closer to Fintan's spirit, then all I have to say is this: Fucking A!
Strangely enough, it is Gran who has seemed best able to get Godric to return to what Eric calls his "old self." For a two thousand-year-old vampire, however, "old" is a relative term.
As odd as it may sound, Godric and Gran have been able to share their grief about losing Fintan in a way that goes beyond age or "species" or gender. Both loved—and still love—Fintan with all of their hearts, though neither of them had been able to share Fintan's life as they'd wanted.
Speaking of Godric—tonight will also be his two-month anniversary as the king of Louisiana and Mississippi.
Yet another change.
When she'd been told of it, Sophie-Anne had seemingly "accepted" Eric's claim of me, but she'd continued to try to find ways to "get" me. Those ways had included trying to get Eric in trouble with the Authority by having him sell V for her. She'd also aligned herself with Russell Edgington, who ended up being the vampire who'd been responsible for Eric's family being killed!
Bill Compton had inadvertently given us that information when he and his maker had shown up at Fangtasia with several tattooed Weres one night. Bill had decided—after almost a year—that he was offended because Eric had taken me from him.
I'm guessing that Bill's sudden courage came with the fact that he'd aligned himself with a three-thousand-year-old monarch.
Eric had been happy to find a reason to end the annoying Civil War vet, though he did arrange for Gran to "question" him before he staked him. Poor Bill—for nights, he had answered every question that Gran had thrown at him about the Civil War. Bill had hoped that he'd receive mercy. In the end, he did. Eric ended him quickly.
Lorena's end was slow and satisfying, according to Pam and Thalia. I just counted myself lucky that I wasn't that particular duo's victim.
As for Russell? Well—he had no idea that Eric carried a grudge until right before he met his final death. Between Godric and Eric and—I'm proud to say—ME, Russell was taken out in a surprise attack, as was Sophie-Anne.
Eric and I worked together to kill the Mississippi monarch. I shot him with my light and Eric staked the motherfucker. Though we had experimented with our "dive-bombing" in other situations, we dealt with Russell on solid ground. Eric had needed to look his foe in the eyes as he'd ended him.
Meanwhile, Godric had the pleasure of killing Sophie-Anne and her children. Later, he told Gran that the fighting had invigorated him.
With his new lease on life firmly in place, Godric agreed to be a king for the first time in his existence. Gran, I believe, calls herself his "social secretary" and is currently fielding "courtship calls" from several states. Both Eric and I hope that Godric finds someone with whom he can establish some kind of intimacy.
What else should I catalogue about the last year? Well—there were other job changes in addition to Godric's.
Jason quit his job with the road crew about nine months ago. He's become a sheriff in Bon Temps and is dating Tara. About damned time! Tara has been in love with my brother since she and I were fourteen years old! And Jason has been "waiting" to date her until his "wild oats were sown." Happily, he and Tara seem to be really content with one another.
As you know, Diary, I quit my job as a waitress at Merlotte's, and I've been working with Eric at Fangtasia. As he promised, he taught me all about bartending, and that's what I do at the club—four nights a week. And I love it—especially now that Chow has replaced Longshadow.
Chow keeps me laughing all night long. He calls me the "counselor" and we share snide remarks about the fangbangers who try to entice Eric. Of course, Clancy is now on "throne duty," but that doesn't stop Eric from getting propositioned several times a night.
It's just taken some people a while to learn that Eric is most definitely "off the market." He is mine!
One of those desperate fangbangers tried to stab me in the ladies' room. Of course, I heard her plans, and she ended up running right into Pam when she attempted to follow me.
Of course, we've had other issues too. A few Fellowship of the Sun fanatics have come into the bar—trying to cause mischief—but between my telepathy and Eric's glamouring, we've managed to trace them back to their leaders. The last I heard, Steve Newlin was probably going to get life in prison for crimes against vampires.
My fairy relatives have also found me, and I've established relationships with Claudine and Niall, though both Eric and I are wary of the latter. Claudine has opened her mind to me, and I know I can trust her. Niall—on the other hand—clearly has his own motives for doing everything, which is why Eric is always there when I meet with him.
As for Niall's enemies? Well—we've found a few witches who have helped to strengthen my amulet so that it automatically "stuns" fairies with bad intensions against me. And let's just say that Eric and I have enjoyed several mornings frolicking in the lake in the sunlight after he's drained a fairy with designs to hurt me.
Maybe it makes me a horrible person, but I hope more fairies come—because Eric is beautiful in the sunlight.
Well, Diary, I think that's gonna be it for me for now. Pam has ordered that I leave Eric's side before he awakens so that my amorous vampire doesn't make me late for our own wedding. Of course, what Pam doesn't know is that I'm just as likely to be responsible for our tardiness, and I don't intend to leave our room until I get a proper "good evening" from my mate.
Nope. I think that I'll run a bath and see if I can talk my vampire into consummating the marriage before the wedding.
I'll let you know how it goes later. Meanwhile, I'm going to get myself wet and wait for the fireflies to swarm me.
[end of entry]
"Oh no—you're not," I said from the doorway.
"Shit!" Sookie exclaimed, as she blushed a fierce red and closed the lid of her laptop guiltily. "I was talking aloud while I was writing again—wasn't I?"
I chuckled. "Já, dóttir mín. And, if I allow you to go through with your wicked plans, then Pam will stake me."
Sookie rolled your eyes. "You aren't afraid of Pam—are you? You're her king," she reminded.
I chuckled again and shook my head. Sookie was now a constant source of joy in my life. She was so much like my beloved Finn—from the way her chin would jut out in defiance to the glint that would overtake her brown eyes when she was amused by something.
Finn truly did live on in her, and—even more wonderful—she'd brought intense joy to my child's life as well.
"Okay," I said, "I will admit that I am more concerned about worrying Adele than angering Pam." I tilted my head a little. "Adele will likely be arriving at Fangtasia soon—correct? And she plans to help your childhood friend Tara prepare you for the wedding—if I am not mistaken."
Sookie deflated a little, and I could tell that I'd convinced her to leave for Fangtasia now, rather than to try to steal a few minutes with my child before she left.
She gave me a mock glare, but got up, pulled her robe around her almost defiantly, and went into the closet she shared with my child. She emerged moments later in a T-shirt, yoga pants, and flip-flops. I marveled at the way clothing went through cycles. I was just glad that men were no longer expected to wear "tights" anymore. Whether they were called "yoga pants" or "tights" or "hose," I had no interest in such constrictions any longer.
Sookie gave my child a look of longing.
"I will make sure he gets to the church on time," I said with a smirk.
She grinned at me. "Fangtasia isn't exactly a church."
I shrugged. "Tonight—it will be the most sacred place in my state."
She sniffled. "I wish he were here."
I knew of whom she spoke: my Finn.
"Fairies believe that they dwell in the Summerlands after they die. If he is there, then he is watching over us even now," I said, hoping that was true.
"That's a nice thought," Sookie said with a smile.
"He would be proud of you."
"I don't know where I'd be today if it weren't for Fintan and my Gran helping me to see my telepathy as a gift." She glanced at Eric. "I don't think I would have him."
I smiled. "Then I am even more thankful for your grandmother and," I paused, "your grandfather."
Sookie glanced toward the nightstand. I knew what was there already. I could smell the metal of the dagger I had once given Finn. I could smell our blood on it—as well as Sookie's and Eric's blood.
"You're sure that we can use it for our pledging?" she asked.
I smiled at her. "It is yours now—yours and Eric's. And that is what Fintan would have wanted too." I sighed. "His blood is yours, and my blood is Eric's. It is right that you two have the dagger."
She smiled. "I'm glad you're here with us, Godric."
"As am I," I said.
And I was glad. A year ago, I'd been looking for a way to end my existence—looking for a final way to atone for the many lives I had taken over the years.
Now I was a king of two states. And I'd realized that I had many reasons to stay in this world. Two of them were in front of me: my beloved child and his beloved chosen one.
"You should be on your way before he awakens," I said.
Sookie, once again, looked at my child longingly and then looked back at me.
"Tell him that I can't wait to see him?" she asked.
"I'm sure he will feel the same way," I said as she kissed my cheek before leaving the room.
I could hear her movements as she went upstairs and greeted her guard; I tracked the noise of her vehicle until she was out of the neighborhood.
I sighed as I looked at my child. Eric had always been better equipped at surviving a long life than I. He had the ability to adapt—to change—to find things in the world that gave him a reason for being.
But his greatest "reason" was the woman whom he was to marry that night. I knew that just as surely as I'd known that Finn had been my greatest "reason" to live. But he was not my only one—not any more.
I just hoped that my child would never lose her. They were already lucky—blessed. While Finn and I had been forced to hide our love and spend decade upon decade apart from one another, Eric and Sookie would be able to dwell together.
"Godric," came Eric's voice as he awoke.
"Your beloved has instructed me to make sure that you are on time for your wedding," I told him.
Eric smirked. "I suspected that she would be here when I awoke.
I chuckled. "She almost was. Now prepare yourself. You are to be married and pledged tonight."
My child looked almost giddy as he rose from Sookie and his bed. He hurried toward the bathroom, and—within moments—he was in the shower.
I chuckled again. I could tell from Eric and my bond that he was excited and a bit nervous: the standard groom.
I turned and went to my room to finish readying myself. I snuck a peek at the lone picture I had of Finn. I stroked his beautiful face with my finger. I felt—somewhere deep inside—that he was happy that I'd found the strength to carry on with my life without him.
"I love you," I whispered to the picture, hoping that somehow—someway—my beloved himself would hear me.
I smiled. Finn had been an unabashed science fiction fan—with his favorite human author being Frank Herbert, who'd written the Dune stories. I enjoyed science fiction because it was a kind of preview of the world to come, so Finn and I had shared many hours reading together.
I couldn't help but to recall a quote by Herbert: "Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."
"Thank you, my love," I said to Finn's picture before I put it back into my bag. My beloved's granddaughter had come into my child's life. She'd changed him and—by extension—me.
I was awake again.