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Madness is Bunji Kugashira

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Bunji stepped out of the bathroom and found Brandon gone.

“Where’s aniki?”

Lee ignored him while he unwrapped his chopped steak sandwich. Prying open its split top let loose a cloud of steam. He tore a ketchup packet with his teeth and then squeezed its red contents over the hash of beef, cheese, and mushrooms.

“Brandon is with Harry at the mixer tonight,”

Bunji frowned, “That’s your job ain’t it?”

Lee bit into his sandwich. After chewing more times than Bunji could count, he swallowed and then sipped his drink. Glancing up he found Bunji staring at him with those sunglasses fixed firmly in place.

“It’s a cheesesteak,”

“I know what the fuck it is, where’s mine?” Bunji rifled back. “You buy Bob chicken by the bucket, but you can’t even pick me up a fucking-”

Lee tossed a wrapped log onto the table.

Bunji grunted happily before sliding into the seat across from him.

“This looks good,” Bunji set upon it like a hungry animal. “Where’d you get it?”

“At the sandwich place,” Lee dabbed his lips with a napkin, “Next to the pet store,”

“That’s funny,” Bunji spoke with his mouth full. “Get a rise out of Kugashira by saying there’s a cat in his cheesesteak,”

“We are in Balkon-town,” Lee twisted the cap from his bottle of root-beer. “You know we’re not sentimental about dogs and cats,”

“You’re so full of fucking crap,” Bunji shook his head. “Your problem is that you like to hear yourself talk. My problem is that I’m stuck having to listen to your bullshit,”

Lee took a swig of the root-beer.

“I got it next door at the pizza place,” he formed the greasy wrapping paper into a ball and shoved it into a paper sack.

Bunji finished in silence as Lee pointedly fell onto Brandon’s bed, belched, and then grabbed the remote from the nightstand. Bunji opened the door and tossed out the garbage.

“We have a garbage can,” said Lee.

“I don’t want my room stinking of food all night,” Bunji returned to the bathroom.

He stripped to his underwear and removed his sunglasses. He then brushed his teeth, rinsed off his face and took a leak. This was his nightly ritual, just like fixing his ass to a spot on the floor in front of the television to clean his guns. Most nights, Brandon did the same but in another part of the room. Bunji found this trojan arrangement, peaceful. Tonight, however, he was highly distracted. Fear of Lee's homosexual gaze had forced Bunji to don the robe that Brandon brought for himself. It was impossible to clean his guns and keep a damn robe cinched up tight.

“Will you pick something please,” Bunji groused, tired of hearing flicking channels.

“Just concentrate on your babies,” Lee said, deadpan.

“I don’t consider my guns my babies, that’s weird,” Bunji said. “They’re just guns, you know.”

Lee sighed, “This place doesn’t have the pay per view I like,”

“They got some cool channels,” Bunji rubbed a tiny square of cloth over his gun’s cylinder and muzzle.

Working the rag over the rest of the porting, he heard the familiar noise of lovemaking. Eyes lifted to the television screen and found a thickly muscled man slamming himself mercilessly into a chubby blond.

“I wonder if those are real?” Lee asked of her enormous breasts as they rocked up and down.

“Nah,” Bunji went back to his gun. “You can see the outline of the implant on the side,” grinning, he thought about of Lee prominent pecs.

“I bench at least three days a week,” Lee said.

Bunji smirked, “What makes you think I care, queer?”

“My tits are real, dick-hole,” Lee said, deadpan.

Bunji laughed, his eyes on the man’s penis sliding in and out of the woman’s hairy vulva.

“Want to hear a joke Harry told me about Maggie?” Lee asked.

Bunji touched his chin to his shoulder to listen.

“What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?” Lee said. “One that never misses a period,”

“Hey,” Bunji laughed. “Why don’t a blonde’s guts fall out her twat when she stands up? Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.”

“I got one that’s perfect for you, Kugashira,” Lee chuckled. “Why do blondes wear tampons?”

“Yeah, fuck off,” Bunji laughed.

“Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too,” Lee’s laughter drowned out the orgasmic cries of the woman on the screen.

Finished with his guns, Bunji slid them back into their holsters and sat on his bed. He hated sleeping in anything so he took off the robe but kept his back to Lee.

“Stop looking at my body,”

“I was looking at your tats,”

“They’re on my body,”

Full body ink, huh? You like needles, Kugashira?”

“Fuck off,” Bunji slid between his sheets and kept his back to Lee.

Lee asked, “Are you hard, Kugashira?”

“A little bit,” Bunji confessed.

“I’m not,” Lee sighed.

Bunji shrugged, “That’s because you’re a fag,”

“Yeah,” said Lee, “But you’d think this sexual activity would at least arouse the human in me,”

“Yo, you ever watch yourself fuck?” Bunji asked.

“No,” Lee replied, and said nothing more.

“You know,” Bunji complained. “When I ask you a question, and you just answer it without adding anything to the conversation, that’s really fucking weird,”

“Excuse me?” asked Lee.

“Aniki says be more sociable with Bob and Lee,” Bunji sat up and stared at the next pornographic scene unfolding. “I could sit here and shoot the shit with Bob for hours. Talking to you is like talking to myself,”

When Lee said nothing, Bunji scowled.

“You’re not answering me on purpose,”

Lee’s eyes remained locked on the screen.

“You are such an asshole,” Bunji sighed.

Lee flashed his signature grin.

“You know what, fuck you faggot,” Bunji snapped. “I hate being on any job with you. It’s like being around somebody stuck in dickhead mode.”

Lee sniggered now as Bunji reached between the beds and flicked off the light.

“Yeah, it’s hilarious,” Bunji cracked as Lee turned off the television and tossed the remote to the floor.

“That’s aniki’s bed,” Bunji said, his back again to Lee.

“I’m not sleeping in Heat’s bed,” Lee said.

Bunji watched his reflection int he window. Lee pulled loose the tieback around his hair, tensed it in his fingers and then set it on the nightstand. He disappeared into the bathroom for several moments and when he came back out, Bunji felt him sit on the bed.

“Touch me fag, and I’ll shoot you,” Bunji said.

Lee pulled his shirt over his broad shoulders, “Not sharing with Harry again,”

“You did last night,” Bunji snapped. “What’s the problem?”

“He talks in his sleep,” said Lee.

“So,” Bunji said. “Fall asleep before him and aniki come back,”

Lee kicked off his slacks, “Quit being a pain in the ass Kugashira,”

“I mean it, if your dick touches me, I’ll fucking kill you,” Bunji warned.

Lee joined him between the sheets, “Are you naked, Kugashira?”

“Yeah,” Bunji let a moment pass. “You hard, Balladbird?”

“A little bit,” Lee said.