Chapter Text
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
CCG: FUCKASSES, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] responded to memo.
CAG: Oh my Gooooooood, Karkat!
CAG: I can't 8elieve you're dragging us all into this.
CCG: SHUT UP, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
CCG: JADE'S GONE CRAZY, APPARENTLY.
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] responded to memo.
CGC: WHO TOLD YOU TH4T? >:?
CCG: YOUR "34RTH HUM4N BOYFR13ND" TOLD ME SHE WAS BEING A GODDAMN PSYCHOBITCH.
CCG: SOMETHING ABOUT BEING ON HER "PERIOD," WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
CAG: Whaaaaaaaat?
CGC: WH4TS 4 P3R1OD
CCG: JEGUS, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?
CGC: W3LL D4V3 TOLD YOU D1DNT H3? >;]
CCG: SORT OF. HE DIDN'T GO INTO DETAILS.
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] responded to memo.
CGA: This Sounds Worrisome
CCG: NO SHIT.
CGA: Is She Hurt
CCG: HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW? ASK DAVE IF YOU'RE SO CURIOUS.
CGA: Okay I Will Do That
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] has left the memo.
CCG: FUCK.
~~~
Kanaya pursed her lips, pondering the best course of action. Periods--Rose had told her that they were a part of the human reproductive cycle, occurring only in females, and that it involved blood coming from...down there. She had told Rose to stop at that point. Even as a rainbow drinker, she found that thought disgusting.
Maybe Dave would know more. It couldn't hurt to ask, could it?
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
GA: Hello Dave
TG: oh shit its the lesbian vampire chick
TG: sup
GA: What Is A Lesbian
TG: a chick whos into other chicks
TG: what do you not have those on your bizarro planet that doesnt even exist anymore
TG: gog you guys are fucked up
GA: No I Think We Do
GA: We Just Dont Have A Word For It I Guess
GA: Anyway I Meant To Ask You Something
TG: shoot
GA: What Is A Period
TG: its that dot that goes at the end of a sentence
TG: rose is always on my ass to use them but im all fuck that shit
GA: Not That Kind Of Period The Other Kind
TG: oh those
TG: basically its when an earth human girl or whatever starts bleeding out her vag
GA: Vag
TG: vagina
TG: fuckin aliens how do they work
TG: anyway its when a girl bleeds from there and she acts like a total bitch the whole time
GA: Ahh
GA: I Can Understand Why As It Sounds Painful And Unpleasant
TG: yeah man
TG: and it lasts for like a fucking week or something
TG: every gogdamn month
TG: also dont touch a bitch on her period
TG: shes cursed
TG: and only chocolate can stop her demonic and insatiable desire for human blood
TG: or troll blood i guess
GA: Oh My
GA: This Is Most Distressing
TG: i know right
TG: girls sure are weird
GA: Human Girls You Mean
TG: sure whatever
TG: g2g egberts bugging me
GA: Okay
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
Kanaya pondered this for a moment. Apparently human girls turned into demons every month, perhaps during the full moon or something. Clearly she would have to relay this information to the rest of the group.
"Karkat?" she called out. Karkat turned his chair towards her, a grim expression on his face.
"What did you find out, Kanaya?"
"According to Dave, human females develop an insatiable desire for blood during a roughly week-long period every...month, I guess they call them. Presumably this has to do with the blood loss they are experiencing during this time, but that is merely conjecture on my part."
"Blood loss?"
"Yes, out their...um...human nether regions." Kanaya blushed. This was beyond embarrassing.
"Fuck."
"Indeed."
"So how do we stop her?"
"Apparently chocolate is the one thing that can calm her."
"Do we have any?"
"Not that I am aware of. Shall we alchemize some?"
"Yeah. Anything to stop her homicidal rampage."