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Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, Right?

Chapter Text

There can be only paraphrase those Highlander movies. 


Shen Yuan aka Shen QingQiu was currently bound up with Immortal Binding Cables back to back with Airplane-bro aka Shang QingHua inside an array in what was Huan Hua Palace's cellars. The function of that array was currently unknown to them. 

If that weren't bad enough, they weren't even in their own dimension.

This unfortunate turn of events had come to pass thanks to Bing-ge. 

The blackened protagonist really didn't take rejection well. Especially not from "Shizun". 

Being The Protagonist he managed to find a way back into Bing-mei's dimension and snatch Shen QingQiu away. Shang QingHua happened to be visiting SQQ at that very moment, was now along for the ride. 

Shen QingQiu was confident his Bing Bing would rescue them. His Bing-er was clearly the superior Luo Binghe. After all, he'd fought his way out of the Abyss in only 3 years compared to the other's five. And he had a much better foundation in Cultivation. 

Airplane wasn't so confident. His original protagonist had the golden fingers of golden fingers;  Bing-ge always got what he wanted. (Except living parents and the respect of his teacher)  

While they were surreptitiously testing the strength of the cables, Bing-ge strode into the chamber, assorted flunkies and wives in tow. 

"You're probably wondering why I've brought you here-", Bing-ge started monologuing. 

'Fuck you, you moron, last time I saw you you tried get a leg across. No, I'm not wondering why you brought me here! I know you brought me here but keep talking so Bing-mei has a chance to rescue me!', Shen QingQiu thought to himself while maintaining his I'm-Politely-Listening-To-This-Very-Important-One-Time-Offer facial expression. 

Shang QingHua squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to pee his pants in terror. Shen QingQiu was rubbing a sharpened edge of his wedding ring against the cables wrapped around his wrist.

"...I have summoned all of my loyal subjects to witness this historic event."

'Hail, hail, the gang's all here...', SQQ managed not to roll his eyes at Bing-ge. 

"You have no idea how long I have planned this moment..."

Shen QingQiu gaped at Bing-ge in astonishment and thought, 'Whiskey, Foxtrot, Tango?  You fell into our dimension only a few months ago. You think I don't know how long you've been planning this?  Obviously you started planning this the moment you got kicked out! Does everyone in his dimension have An Ding Peak IQ levels?'  SQQ's Why-How-Very-Very-Fascinating-You-Are facial expression was starting to get a bit brittle. 

"...We're not so different, he and I..."

'Bitch please, you tortured me and turned me into a human stick, burned down my sect, killed my best friend and disciples, and publically humiliated me with a phony-ass trial! I will never mistake you for my Bing-er!', thought Shen QingQiu while politely  murmuring Hmm-Hmm-Do-Go-On-Please.

Airplane-bro was busy blubbering & snuffling snot and tears to contribute anything useful to the conversation.

"Dispense with any thoughts of seeing that weak and inferior copy of me ever again-"

Shen QingQiu didn't say, 'Hey, asshole, not even Death its fucking self could stop my Bing Bing from rescuing me. Pfft! You are nothing!' 

"-You will never leave me or this realm."

'Never leave you? What are you going to do? Place me in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death?', thought SQQ while nodding and looking obedient. The Immortal Binding cable was beginning to unravel. 

"blah blah blah blah blah....."

Shen QingQui isn't listening to Bing-ge at this point. The Immortal binding cable around his wrists has snapped rendering it useless. He and Airplane-bro would soon have their cultivation back. They just needed yappy to give them a chance to run for it. 

Just then Bing-ge's assorted flunkies, wives, concubines, girlfriends, and offspring all collapsed onto the ground and began shrieking in agony! 

Bing-ge, Shen QingQiu, and Shang QingHua all stared in shock and horror at the writhing mass of dying minions. 

Sha Hauling managed to roll over and grab the hem of Bing'ge's robe, "Heavenly Demon blood! Heavenly demon blood is killing all of us!" 

Shang QingHua looked blank at this revelation, but Bing-ge and Shen QingQiu immediately realized that the only people who could use Luo Binghe's Heavenly Demon blood to kill his minions were Bing-ge and Bing-mei....which meant the cavalry had arrived since it wasn't Bing-ge doing the killing! 

They could now hear explosions, screaming, and carnage taking place above their heads. Bing-ge drew his sword and prepared to face Bing-mei. Black smoke began to filter into the vault. 

'Black Sheep, if you don't run for it you'll be turned into a human pig by my Bing-er!'  

There was a clash of swords. Each strike caused a flash of lightening-like Qi! The smoke got thicker and the action more difficult to see. More people stumbled into the chamber. They looked like a mixture of Bing-mei's Huan Hua Palace minions and rogue cultivators and demon minions. They went to work dispatching Bing-ge's assorted sick and dying flunkies. The bodies were piling up and the floor was beginning to get squelchy from the spilled blood. Unnoticed by those present, the array marked on the floor and various formations began to power up. 

Shen QingQiu was quickly untying Shang QingHua. 

Bing-ge had backed Bing-mei into a corner. Shen QingQiu yanked the last rope off Shang QingQiu. 

Before Bing-ge could strike out at his counterpart, one of the rogue cultivators clobbered him over the head with what looked like a branding iron. Stunned, he didn't offer any resistance when the same cultivator ran him through with a sword. 

"Shit, The Protagonist is dead! This world is going to end!", shrieked Shen QingQiu. 

Before Bing-mei had a chance to call out a warning, Bing-ge's blood dripped onto the array and in flash of tribulation lightening, Shang QingHua and Shen QingQiu disappeared.


Shen QingQiu and Shang looked around in confusion. A moment before they were standing in a cavern full of Bing-ge's slaughtered demons, wives, and minions. Now they were in an alley of a bustling city. They cautiously stood up from where they were hiding and edged out of the alley. 

There was a large tower festooned with gold banners decorated with snow-white peonies. 

"Oh, shit, Cucumber-bro, I think I know where we are."

"You recognize this place?"

"Yeah, this is Koi Tower and the Jinlin palace."

"I don't remember that from Proud Immortal Demon Way."

"Ah, ha, ha, that's because it's not from Proud Immortal Demon's from the sequel I was writing called Illustrious Undead Necromancer Method."


【Activation Code:「Stupid author, stupid sequel」. Automatically triggering system.】

"What! No, no way! Not again! No activation! Stop!" 

【System activation successful! Binding your role: Meng Yao, Lanling Jin Sect, Lanling City, future sect leader 'Jin Guangyao’ Weapon: Hènshēng Sword. Starting B Points: 100】

"Oh, man, Cucumber bro, you are hosed!"

【System activation successful! Binding your role: Su Shi, Mo Ling Su Sect, Qishan Region, future sect leader 'Su Minshan’ Weapon: Guqin. Starting B Points: 100】

"Damn it, I'm cannon fodder! I'm fucking cannon fodder in my own book!"