Chapter 1: A difficult choice
Chapter Text
Dean was stretched out on the bed, his head propped on his hands as he laid out on his stomach, when he saw Castiel walk by his open door. He was in a damn hurry was all Dean could get from his body language. It wasn’t like him to not even peak his head in. Dean grabbed the remote and switched off the tv. He blinked briefly in the suddenly dark room before rolling out of bed to see what was up. His sock feet made very little noise on the bunker floor, but at this hour of the night it felt thunderous. Everyone else was asleep it seemed. Castiel was almost out the door when Dean got close enough to clear his throat. The Angel froze in the doorway before glancing behind him like a child that had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
“Where you off to in such a hurry?” Dean inquired with a raised eyebrow as he walked to the base of the stairs. Castiel sighed quietly and closed the bunker door before descending, his shoulders slumped as he awaited Dean's disapproval that was sure to come.
Castiel struggled to find words, a surefire sign he was lying. “I, uh, had a call I needed to take. I didn’t want to bother anyone…” Cas said, his eyes darting left as he spoke. That was another one of his tells that Dean had picked up on.
“Oh, does your phone not work in the bunker?” Dean said with niggling suspicion inching into his voice.
“It wasn’t that type of call….” Cas said with growing dread and defeat in his tone, knowing this would not go over well.
Dean paused a moment before his eyes widened in disbelief and whispered with such intensity that it might as well have been shouting. “You can’t be that stupid, Cas! Angel Radio? I KNOW you were not going out to meet with Angels alone…. without telling anyone…. after I’ve asked you not to do anything stupid…I just KNOW you weren’t doing that….”
Cas stayed stone faced as Dean’s face reddened in anger. “Would you make you feel better if I told you I wasn’t’?
“Is that the truth?” Dean growled out as he crossed his arms over his red t-shirt.
“No...” Cas said with a small shake of his head. His simple response threw Dean off for a moment, but only a moment.
“Then no!” Dean yelled before Cas gestured to lower the volume and he was reminded at how late it was. He hissed out angrily through his teeth, “You knew damn well I wouldn’t let you go alone so you decided to sneak out. You’re NOT going alone, and that’s the end of it.” Dean was gearing himself up for a fight and he was prepared to drag Jack and Sam into it if he had to. He was ready to put himself between Cas and the stairwell, taking an uneasy step toward it.
Cas opened his mouth to argue but stopped short and nodded once. “Very well, Dean.”
Dean had geared up to argue his point. Castiel succumbing so quickly brought him up short. “Yes I…. wait, what?”
A sideways grin appeared slowly on Cas’ face. “I am aware that arguing is futile, so I agree to your terms. You can come with me. See, I do learn.”
Dean was speechless a moment before laughing softly. “Damn that took me off guard. I had a whole argument ready. Well…. good. I’ll leave a note for Sam in case anything happens, and I’ll grab my shoes and my Angel blade.”
Castiel knew this was going to complicate matters, but he would do almost anything to make the shrieking sensation of Angel Radio in his head stop. Heaven had been broadcasting in his head for weeks, demanding he return to Heaven to speak to Naomi. He was no fool. He’d go, but Heaven wasn’t on the game plan. He and Naomi had agreed to speak at a park near the Heaven portal. She’d told him to come alone…but sometimes concessions must be made.
He’d waste hours arguing with Dean, and it was hard to argue when he knew Dean was right. Going alone was reckless and stupid. He would be glad for the company but taking Dean anywhere near the other Angels was a dangerous situation he would never willing put him in. Which was why he’d chosen to meet her late at night and try to avoid an argument. Well, it was a moot point now.
Dean was only gone a matter of minutes and came back around the corner dressed and ready to go. Though the Angel blade was concealed, Cas could see by the way Dean’s dark green canvas jacket hung heavier on one side that he had it.
“Let’s roll,” Dean said with an air of authority as he twirled his car keys between his fingers.
Cas smiled fondly but shook his head. “I have to drive. They are expecting me to come alone, and the Impala is known by the far reaches of Heaven AND Hell.”
Dean glowered slightly but conceded with an eye roll. “Fair enough.” He tossed the Impala keys on the war room table and gestured up the stairs. “After you then.” Castiel turned and headed back up the stairs with Dean right behind. No one else might notice but Cas had a bit more spring in his step going into the precarious situation with back up. He’d never ask for it, but he could appreciate it nonetheless. As the door of the Bunker closed behind them, it echoed into the quiet of the night and Jack and Sam were none the wiser.
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Dean sat in the passenger seat of Cas’ newest procurement, a zippy little blue sedan. It wasn’t Dean’s style, but it was world’s better than the old Lincoln Continental and the pickup truck. Neither had fit Cas. This was better….not perfect, he thought as he judged the interior, but better. He had given an appreciative nod to the newness of it, happy to not worry about Cas breaking down on the side of the road.
These were fleeting thoughts as Dean stared out the window, looking out into the formless night. He’d asked where they were going, and Castiel had replied by punching the address into his GPS. It was a small park near where the Heaven portal lay. Dean couldn’t say he wasn’t relieved Cas had at least been smart enough not to agree to meeting in Heaven. At least Dean could be back up at this location. He glanced over at Castiel, watching his silhouette illuminated by the dim lights of the dash board. His eyes were tight and his face was pinched as if in pain.
“Hey Cas, you okay?” Dean said in the quiet of the car. The radio was on, but soft, and only for Dean’s benefit. He knew Castiel didn’t need background music. The man could have a whole symphony playing in his head for all he knew.
“Yes, Dean. I’m just ready to have this whole business out of the way,” Cas said quietly before wincing again. Dean watched his hands tighten on the wheel, his knuckles turning white at the pressure.
“What’s going on?” Dean growled out as Castiel pulled the car over, his breathing ragged.
“Angel Radio…” Castiel growled out through clenched teeth. “It’s been playing non-stop for days. Some moments are louder than others.”
Dean sat there a moment, trying to make sense of it. He tilted his head as if he too could hear it. “Why are they blasting Angel Radio nonstop? Is it for everyone?”
“Just me…” Castiel said without making eye contact. He stared straight ahead as if his answers lay in the small stretch of illuminated road before him.
“And why is that…” Dean said quietly, encouraging a response that would explain it. He was not an easy man to get answers out of, but if he could keep him talking...
Castiel sighed, resigned to telling Dean what he had to. He’d put it off for months so as not to worry him. He absently rubbed his temple, a very human gesture Dean noted. “Dean, there’s a problem with Heav….” Castiel began before his face shut down in a mask of pain, his eyes rolling back in his head and his nails digging divots into the steering wheel.
Dean unbuckled his seat belt and was grabbing at Cas’ arm in concern before seconds had passed. “Cas!?” The concern in his head was overshadowed only by his anger that Heaven was the one doing this to him.
Cas let go of the steering wheel and gripped his head with both hands. He spoke through his fingers now. “I’m….okay. It’ll pass in a moment. However, you might better drive. I don’t plan on you dying because I can’t control my vehicle…” He unbuckled his own seat belt, an unnecessary habit he’d picked up from the Winchesters, and walked around behind the car. He leaned against the car for support. Dean jumped out, slid himself in to the driver’s seat and buckled in.
“You’re sure you okay to do this? Maybe we could…” Dean began.
“No! I have to….they….they won’t stop till I talk to them,” Castiel said and his voice trailed off.
Dean settled into the seat and pulled back onto the highway. “How long has this been goin’ on?”
Castiel leaned his head back on the headrest, his eyes closed in concentration. “Two weeks now.”
“Excuse me? You’ve been going through this for two weeks and haven’t said anything?” Cas went to say something in his defense but instead grimaced again.
“Never mind, Cas. We’ll talk about that later. Let’s just get there and deal with this shit.” He pushed his foot down harder on the gas and they shot off into the dark of the empty highway. Dean wanted to ask for more information, but he thought his silence would benefit him more than the questions he wanted answers to. He bit his tongue and let silence permeate the car from the remainder of the ride. There would be time for answers later.
Chapter 2: When things go sideways
Summary:
Castiel and Dean meet up with Naomi.
Chapter Text
The car’s tires crunched under the white rock of the gravel parking lot. Dean pulled in and put the car in park before looking over at Castiel. He’d seemed to increase in pain the closer they got to the meeting location. Cas gritted his teeth behind closed lips, making the muscles in his jaw pop. He turned the key in the ignition and the sudden silence was almost tangible. It was hard to believe that Cas was being all but deafened by a sound he couldn’t hear. They both opened their doors, though Castiel wasn’t as steady on his feet as Dean would have liked. They met at the front of the car and looked around. The park was empty at this time of night, but Cas walked forward with purpose.
“Naomi!” Castiel growled out, his gravelly voice booming into the night. Dean looked around nervously. He didn’t like being this open without knowing how many Angels to expect.
“I do believe we agreed you would come alone, Castiel,” a feminine voice spoke from beside the wooden pavilion to their right. She stepped out of the shadows. Naomi was different than the last time Dean had seen her. Her hair was white instead of the dark chestnut color he remembered. Were Angels supposed to age? He’d been told no but even he admitted Cas had aged slowly over the years he’d known him.
“We also agreed that you would stop your incessant screaming in my brain if I would meet with you, so I suppose neither of us is good at keeping our word,” Castiel said.
“Well, I had to know you would come. We both know Heaven isn’t your priority, now is it? Some of us still believe in serving our true purpose,” Naomi said with disdain evident in her tone, her hands clasped in front of her.
“You simply enjoy torturing those you can’t control, Naomi. You aren’t this noble, sacrificing creature you paint yourself to be, so don't play those games with me."
Naomi put a hand to her chest in mock offense. “You wound me, Castiel. I thought we were past this after all that ugliness with The Empty and Jack. I did tell you we appreciated your sacrifice, even if you didn’t do it for Heaven…” Naomi trailed off as she lifted an eyebrow and acknowledged Dean for the first time. Dean looked over at Cas then, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“What the Hell’s she talking about, Cas?” Dean spoke from behind his left shoulder.
“You didn’t tell him? How very like you. Does he even know why I called you here? Does he know the mess you’ve left us in?”
“Naomi, shut off your call now!” Castiel gritted out. She sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes Heavenward and Cas stumbled. Dean grabbed his left arm and helped him back up, assuming the call had stopped.
“Dean Winchester…. you are in over your head, here. Do you know why I called him here? Maybe he would listen to you….” Naomi put her full attention on Dean then, her eyes seeming so sincere but Dean had fallen for her tricks before.
“Enough, Naomi! You are not to speak to him. After the things you did, after trying to make me murder him….” Castiel stood straight up and his shoulders rolled back, finding newfound strength.
“Oh, do put your wings away. I’m not here to harm him. You know why I’m here. We need you, as much as I hate to admit it. Heaven needs you, Castiel…” Dean startled when Naomi mentioned Cas’ wings. He’d seen no change, but he was distracted when Naomi began to speak.
Castiel huffed an angry breath out of his nose. “Heaven has made it very clear over the years they do NOT need me. Only now…”
“Only now you know there are less than a dozen of us. Even fewer now that the Empty..” Naomi was cut off as Dean stepped shoulder to shoulder with Cas.
“Scuse me but what about the Empty? I thought it was off in its’ own little place…” Dean said with confusion as he looked between the two Angels. Naomi sighed, frustrated at the interruption.
“The Empty invaded Heaven to retrieve Jack’s Soul..” Castiel spoke up before Naomi could. He spoke without looking toward Dean, afraid to give away more than he was willing to tell. “The Empty put a claim on his Soul because he was part Angel.”
Dean blinked silently and nodded once. “Okay, I guess that makes sense….so how did you get him home then?”
Castiel started, “That’s really not of the utmost importance right now…” but Naomi cut him off.
“He made a deal, as I am assured you and yours are well versed at doing. However, this is not the important issue at hand. We need to discuss…” but her voice was overpowered by Dean’s explosive outburst.
“You did what?! What deal, Cas!? Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean growled out as he grabbed Cas’ arm and swung him around to look at him.
Naomi rolled her eyes and took a step forward. “I really don’t think this is important in consideration of Heaven’s…”
“It sure as Hell is, lady! Nobody asked you for your opinion.” Dean shot back.
“Dean…” Castiel began but saw there was no way to avoid it. He straightened his shoulders and looked directly into Dean’s eyes, hoping he could understand. “I promised The Empty he could have me without a fight if he would relinquish his claim to Jack’s soul.” Dean got dangerously still as Cas' words sunk in. His eyes tightened and his mouth drew up in a line.
“Then….then why are you still here?” Dean put a hand on his shoulder then, willing him to look him in the eye.
“Oh, for Heaven’s sake. Let’s speed this along. The Empty had its own terms. When Castiel allows himself to be happy, the Empty will take him. Blah blah blah. It’s really quite cruel but admirably creative. So, can we get to the matter at hand?” Naomi said with so little emotion in her voice that Dean shook his head visibly in complete disdain. “Oh, don’t give me that look. You two may have all night to be extra dramatic, but I have Heaven to run. Someone has to do it, which brings us back to the topic at hand…. Castiel, come with me. We need you to keep Heaven running. Come home…”
“He has a home,” Dean growled out with his hand on his shoulder. “With us.”
“Castiel belongs in Heaven. It is his true home, no matter how you all have turned him against us. His celestial essence could be the difference between Heaven continuing to function and the end of it all. Do you realize what would happen if Heaven fell? We’re talking about billions of souls being unleashed upon this planet you both claim to care so much about. Billions of restless spirits with nowhere to go. Souls that belong to people you care about…Your friends Ellen and Jo Harvell…the Prophet Kevin…your little friend Charlie…Bobby Singer…John Winchester….” Naomi said as she continued to stare at Dean. “Their souls will be doomed to roam the earth as restless, angry spirits. Never allowed to rest, and everyone who dies from then on would meet the same fate, and we all know the damage one angry spirit can do. Imagine millions…”
Dean and Castiel stood silently, shoulder to shoulder for several moments. Dean’s hand still sat perched on Cas’ shoulder. “Why does it have to be Cas? Aren’t there other Angels on Earth that could help?” Dean said quietly. A feeling of inevitably was setting on their shoulders.
Naomi shook with head once. “There are only one or two Angels that have not come to my call, present company excluded. We need every Angel we can muster and even then it might still not be enough…”
“There has to be a solution. What about God?” Dean looked toward Naomi then, his hand still on Cas’ shoulder, feeling like he had to hold onto him or risk losing him.
“God? God doesn’t care, as he has made more than clear. When he assisted against Amara he never once came back to Heaven. He only helped then because his sister was involved. He doesn’t care about us. We are orphans doing the best we can, and we need every one of our siblings to do their part.” Naomi let a silence fill the night. Crickets chirped away in the field behind them and Dean’s heart raced. He could feel what was coming...
“Okay. I’ll come with you” Castiel spoke softly into the silence.
Dean whirled Cas to face him abruptly. “Cas, you don’t have to do this. There’s got to be another one. There’s always another way…”
“There really isn’t. While I acknowledge the assistance Castiel’s presence will provide, it has taken some convincing to the last of our numbers to even allow him back home. He is after all one of the primary contributors to our genocide…”
“Those Angels were trying to restart the Apocalypse and destroy the world….” Castiel said with barely veiled hostility.
“Yes, or getting too close to your Winchesters…” Naomi said with a raised eyebrow. “Which is another indiscretion we are willing to forgive to allow you back in the fold.”
Castiel cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Indiscretion?”
“Oh, don’t play coy, Castiel. This….” Naomi gestured toward he and Dean.
“Whoa, Whoa, whoa…” Dean said sharply. “We’re not…this isn’t…”
“Oh, it really doesn’t matter. Come along, Castiel. I’ve already been away far too long, I simply do not have time to stand around and debate all night, ” Naomi said as she gestured for Cas to follow.
Castiel’s eyes were dull and resigned. “Dean…. will you…will you explain to Jack and Sam? I wish I could have said goodbye but…”
Dean forgot what he’d been so flustered about and nodded solemnly. “I will. I mean…this won’t be forever, right?” Dean looked up at Naomi then, panic suddenly in his eyes. “It won’t will it?”
Naomi shrugged, unconcerned. “In all likelihood, yes. Now then, enough. Let’s be off.”
Castiel didn’t give Dean another moment to argue. He reached out and wrapped him in a tight hug, his chin digging into his shoulder. Dean, normally hesitant to show affection, returned it. His hands found purchase in the trench coat’s loose fabric. “You don’t have to do this, Cas. You could stay…”
Cas swallowed hard, wanting so much to do just that but trying to stay strong for his sake. “Yes, I do. It’s the only chance to keep you all safe, and those we care about that have passed away. It’ll all work out. Tell Jack and Sam…. I love you. I love all of you….” He abruptly let go and he and Naomi walked off into the darkness, Cas sparing more than one glance behind him, his fists clenched at his side.
Dean stayed waiting until they were completely out of sight. His feet felt cemented to the parking lot and he still had Cas’ keys clenched in one fist. How did this go so sideways? What would he tell Jack and Sam? How could he go back and explain all of this when he didn’t even understand himself? He finally pulled away from the spot he’d been glued to and slid into Cas’ car. He’d just been here...right here…and now…. Dean buckled up and clenched the wheel. He started to shift out of park but stopped and banged both hands against the wheel, cursing. After a few minutes he composed himself and headed back to deliver the news.
Chapter 3: Sacrifices and Control
Summary:
Dean has to explain to Sam and Jack that Castiel is gone. Meanwhile, Castiel has to answer to the other Angels in Heaven.
Chapter Text
“What do you mean, Cas is gone?” Sam said in frustration. Dean had dragged in at the crack dawn with a blank look on his face. He’d yelled for Sam and Jack then collapsed into a chair around the War Room table and held his head in his hands until they’d both come shuffling in, half asleep and alarmed. Sam had been trying to coax the whole story out of Dean ever since.
“Heaven’s going to fall without him….and he made a deal and….” Dean murmured, seeming to not fully understand himself.
Jack spoke up then. “He didn’t want you two to know about the deal. He told me you couldn’t know but then that you could but he didn’t want you to, that it would only make you worry.”
Dean looked up and his eyes narrowed slightly in irritation. “You knew about this? Shit, of course you did. You were there in Heaven when…. why didn’t you stop him?”
Jack bit his lip, nervous to make Dean unhappy. His shoulders slumped and his eyes found the floor. “I wanted to, but the Empty was attacking and Castiel protected me. “
Sam put a hand on Jack’s shoulder, knowing how harsh Jack took any of Dean's criticism. “It’s okay, Jack. It’s not the first time one of us made a deal to save another. It’s not your fault.”
Dean stared at the tabletop. “And it doesn’t matter anyway…. Cas is in Heaven. Not like he'll ever be happy enough there for the Empty to come for him... The Angels need him to keep Heaven running, and they said it was probably…. forever…” He said as he swallowed deeply. “it’s…It’s not like any of us can go bring him back. ”
Sam sat down beside his brother, hesitating on his words a moment. “Even if we could, should we? If he’s the only thing standing between Heaven staying up and running and all the souls falling….”
Dean looked toward Sam like he didn’t know him. His hands clenched into fists on the tabletop, his nails digging into his palms. “He’s not just a fucking battery. He doesn’t want to BE there. It’s not fair.”
“Very little we deal with ever is,” Sam said softly, his voice a mix of resignation and sympathy.
Dean gritted his teeth and threw his chair back from the table, making it screech loudly against the concrete floor. He stormed off to his room without a word, letting his door slam behind him. He leaned against his door and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Only then did he let the tears he’d been holding back fall.
“Shit, Cas. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m getting you out of there,” Dean prayed.
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Naomi stood in front of the Heaven portal, Castiel by her side. His shoulders were slumped in defeat and he hadn’t spoken one word since they left Dean in the dark. The sun was beginning to rise, leaving a soft glow on the horizon. “For what it’s worth, Castiel, I do acknowledge your sacrifice, though I also know it isn’t for our benefit.”
Cas gave Naomi a tired look. “Nothing I do is for you or the other Angels, so I’m glad we have that clear. After what you did to me, what you made me do to Dean….”
Naomi sighed dramatically. “Can’t we get past that? There is a much greater picture to deal with now. It’s time…” She said as the Heaven Portal began to glow in the sand box sigils. “It’s time…to go home.” Cas threw one desperate glance around him, knowing he might never be able to walk Earth again. He stared at the sunrise, his face beginning to be illuminated by the orange glow. He took in a breath, knowing there was a chance this was his last moment ever on Earth.
“Home…right…” Castiel said as he followed Naomi into the portal and disappeared.
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When Castiel and Naomi arrived back, they were met with the seven other Angels left to run Heaven. Castiel knew all of their names but had not spoken to most of them before. Duma was one of the few, but she didn’t have much affection for him. None of them did. The eyes he met were hostile. He met theirs with mutual hostility, this body language poised for a fight in necessary.
“Now, now, brothers and sisters. Let us all get along. Castiel has finally come home to help us keep Heaven running. We acknowledge his sacrifice,” Naomi said, but with the other Angels around, she threw skepticism on the word sacrifice. Castiel looked over to her and shook his head minutely. She would always be a master manipulator.
“What? Like giving up his sinful choices? A real Angel would not see that as a sacrifice…” growled out on the male Angels, Rokabel he believed in his name was.
“Yes, how are we supposed to be forgiving of what he and his humans have done to us?” added Fedrien, a dark-haired female Angel.
“Because I said you must!” Naomi boomed with authority. “We need his help, and we will accept it to keep the souls entrusted to our care, safe! Now, everyone go back to their stations!” Castiel watched the other Angels file out slowly, grumbling to themselves as they went.
Naomi looked over at him, a bit of pity in her face. He preferred the others' hostility. “You can’t have imagined they would welcome you with open arms, Castiel. Not after what you’ve done.”
“I didn’t expect kindness here. I never have,” Castiel said as he looked around Naomi’s empty office. “Now, where did you need me to go?”
She sat down in her chair and laid her palms one over the other on the desk. “Anywhere you wish, as long as you stay in Heaven. I don’t really believe asking you to work with the others would go well for any of you, so we really only need your presence here. Otherwise, do as you wish….and Castiel?” She added as he turned to leave.
“Yes?”
“Please don’t kill anyone. We need every Angel we have left…” she said with a raised eyebrow and a serious expression on her face.
“I will endeavor to control myself,” Castiel grumbled as he rolled his eyes and walked out of her office door, into the never-ending halls of Heaven.
Chapter 4: How do we bear it?
Summary:
Neither Dean nor Castiel is doing very well, and everyone can see it.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Sam shot a concerned look to his brother over the kitchen table. He’d taken Cas’ absence much harder than usual. It had been several weeks and he still hadn’t gotten out of his funk. He’d called their mom home, and Mary sat beside Dean at the table, making idle chat about a recent hunt she went on. Jack looked up from his breakfast and locked eyes with Sam. They both looked again at Dean. He’d been sullen, combative, and depressed. It was much like the days following Cas’ death. He sat there poking at his scrambled eggs with the fork, pushing them around the plate with little enthusiasm.
“Dean, why don’t you join me on Bobby and I’s next hunt? It might be good for you to get out…” Mary said with soft concern in her voice. Dean did nothing but twirl the fork between his fingers. “Dean? Did you hear me?”
“Huh?” Dean looked up, startled as his fork clattered to the table. “Yeah, sure mom. I’ll go. Whatever you say. I’ll get my stuff together,” Dean murmured softly as he scooted his chair back and walked from the room without another word.
“It really is as bad as you said…” Mary spoke when Dean was far enough down the hall not to overhear.
“I told you. I’ve dealt with this before, but this time it’s like he’s given up,” Sam added softly as he pushed his hair behind his ears and taking another bite of his eggs.
“He’s dealt with so much…why this time? He’s lost so much already, but it’s not as if Castiel is dead. He’s just not here...” Mary murmured as she looked down the hall with concern.
Sam shook his head with feeling. “You don’t understand, mom. Cas is….” Sam began but Jack interrupted abruptly.
“They love each other. It hurts them to be apart,” Jack said matter-of-factly. His forehead creased in confusion as to why they didn’t see what he saw.
Sam shuffled nervously, the topic a subject he felt uneasy discussing without Dean there. “I mean, yeah. He’s like our brother. Dean always takes it a little harder than I do when something happens to Cas, but it’s not that I care about him any less…It’s just...”
“Different….” Mary said with a nod as she stared at the door Dean had walked out of. A look of realization came across her face, but Sam missed it.
“No, I mean…” Jack began but Sam’s phone rang at that moment and he held up a finger to silence Jack before he stood up and walked out to take the call.
Jack looked to Mary, his brow furrowed in the beginnings of unspoken frustration. Mary smiled softly and patted his hand. “I get it, Jack. Sam’s just not ready to see it, but let’s not bring it up in front of them right now.”
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Dean had his worn duffel bag thrown open onto his bed. He tossed t shirts, jeans, and miscellaneous other gear in it haphazardly. He got to the bottom of his pants drawer and he found the mix tape he’d made Cas. He’d found it in his room when he’d died and tucked it in his drawer for safe keeping. He picked it up and smiled softly to himself before the hard line of his mouth returned and he hesitated. He laid it gently in his duffel bag before zipping it shut and throwing it over his shoulder.
The best he could think to do to stop Sam and Jack from having to deal with him was to go. Maybe he could be of some help to Mary and Bobby. He had to be able to help someone or he’d go insane. He couldn’t help Cas, but damn it he’d be useful to someone or die trying.
Cas….Dean thought in his head and his stomach tightened almost painfully. I’m sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry….
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Castiel wandered the halls of Heaven aimlessly. He’d not dared to seek out the company of the other Angels. The endless halls were his only companion and the sound of his shoes on the floor the only sound he’d heard in weeks. Naomi had even left him alone, thankfully. Oh no….Cas’ eyes rolled back in his head and he leaned against one of the Heaven doors for support as Dean’s sorrowful prayer made it’s way to him. He’d not known an Angel’s heart was capable of breaking, metaphorically speaking of course, but he’d been proven wrong in the past weeks. To be dead was one thing, but this endless separation from the humans he cared for and had come to love, it was unbearable. Having to feel Dean’s pain was the worst part. The moment passed and Castiel stayed frozen to the door as he looked over at the name imprinted on it.
Robert Singer
1950-2012
Castiel let out a small laugh. He’d managed to wander, dazed and alone, to the one person who might be able to understand what he was going through. He looked up and down the hall to check for other Angels, but he wasn’t really breaking any rules…. Naomi HAD only told him to stay in Heaven and not kill anyone. This was keeping to both those guidelines. He pushed gently on the door and stepped into Bobby’s Heaven….and was met with the sound of a gun cocking.
“Who the Hell’s in my house?” came the sound of a familiar voice.
“Bobby…” Castiel said with relief as the man in question came into the living room from the kitchen, lowering his gun as he saw who it was.
Bobby’s face was immediately a mask of thinly veiled concern. His head cocked to the side and his eyes narrowed “Cas? If you’re here….Sam and Dean….Are they…”
Castiel smiled in understanding but his voice rang with sincerity. “Sam and Dean are both very much alive, Bobby. I can assure you of that.”
Bobby sunk down in his comfy, worn recliner, his body radiating relief. “Oh, thank God. When I saw you here I thought…Wait.. Why ARE you here?” He said with suspicious eyes. “I barely got back in the good graces of the Angels the last time you needed my help.”
Castiel nodded his head in acknowledgement. “I appreciate that still, and we did end up saving Dean thanks to your efforts…. but I’m only here to visit with you if you have the time.”
Bobby shrugged and propped his feet upon the coffee table. “Time, that’s somethin’ I got in spades. Have a seat. What’s on your mind?”
Castiel briefly caught Bobby up on why his presence was required in Heaven. Bobby shook his head and scratched the stubble on his chin.
“Well, that makes a hellava lot of sense. I thought I’d forgotten to pay an electric bill I didn’t know I owed,” Bobby chuckled as he glanced at the occasionally flickering light above him. “Cas, for what’s it worth, thanks for coming. I’ve already been down the angry spirit road once before. I’d rather not go back.”
Cas nodded then he caught a glimpse of a photo on the wall he’d not noticed before. It had Sam, Dean, and Bobby crowded together around a fast food restaurant table, their faces tired but victorious.
Castiel was still studying the picture when Bobby spoke up. “The waitress took the photo. It was after a hunt. They’d solo’d it and drug their asses in here beat halfway to Sunday. I took ‘em out to eat and patched ‘em up. It was after they lost John.”
They both looked at the photo in silence a minute or so. Bobby cleared his throat and Castiel looked over. “How’s Dean taking it, you being stuck up here?”
Cas furrowed his brow and frowned. “Not well. I thought he’d be better by now…”
“Aw, hell, boy. You outta know him better than that. Dean puts on a brave face but he’s loyal to a fault. He won’t give up on you until he’s exhausted every option, and hell probably not even then.”
Castiel’s frown deepened. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I’m not that important to anyone. He doesn’t need to risk himself."
Bobby shook his head. “You might as well be prepared. He wouldn’t give up on you when you went dark side or crazy as a bed bug, he sure as Hell ain’t gonna give up on you while you’re alive.”
Castiel leaned toward Bobby, talking intensely now. “How can I make him accept it? How can I make it easier for him to accept that this is necessary and permanent? How do I….I make him be able to bear it?”
Bobby raised an eyebrow and smiled sadly. “You sure we’re still just talking about Dean? I’m dead, not blind, son.”
“I…I don’t know what you mean,” Castiel said as his eyes hardened slightly and he looked away.
Bobby rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Okay, Cas. If you say so. Say, aren’t you gonna to get in trouble for coming here? Shouldn’t you be off doing Angel stuff?”
Castiel sighed and a small look of defeat crossed his face. “I’m not much wanted for those tasks. I’m more of a walking-talking backup generator.”
Bobby let out a small huff. “Well, that’s got to be good for the old self esteem”
Castiel shrugged and stared up at the photo of the three of them again. Bobby started to make a comment, thought better of it, and left them both to sit in silence, but only after uttering softly to himself, “You damn, blind Idjit”.
The Angel looked over, a brief break from his thoughts. “Did you say something?”
“Not a damn thing, Cas,” murmured Bobby as he took a swig of the bourbon he’d poured himself before he’d been interrupted by the pining Angel in his living room.
Notes:
Chapters will begin to get longer as we get into the story. I apologize for the shorter beginning chapters but they have the shortest story cut off points!
Chapter 5: Vengeance and Spite
Summary:
Unexpected consequences of Castiel's time in Heaven make his relationships with the other Angels more strained, while Dean hunts with Mary.
Chapter Text
Castiel spent his days wandering the halls, visiting with Bobby, and avoiding the other Angels. He’d found the Heavens of their other friends and allies, but he hesitated to bother them. He knew Bobby was awake enough to know he was in Heaven. He knew what happened when people who didn’t know they were dead found out they were. It did not always go well, and he would not bring that pain upon their friends. Cas had even found Dean and Sam’s heavens. He’d laughed to himself at the death dates on the doors. There were very few in all the numbers of heaven that had multiple plaques with multiple death dates on them. His hand slid softly along their names. This feeling in his gut would go away eventually, right? The more time he spent in Heaven, he’d once again become more of the Angel he had been, right?
He hoped so, and he hoped not. He changed his mind by the minute. He could not imagine going the rest of his miserably long life feeling this deep-seated anguish and misery…. but it was a pretty sure bet that he would never see the Empty if he felt this way forever. There was that at least. He’d choose Heaven over the Empty. Here was at least something.
It was during one of these aimlessly wandering days that Naomi found him.
“Ah, Castiel, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. It’s been quite some time now…. aren’t you at all interested in assisting me other than just being a celestial battery? I was hoping you would come to me and I wouldn’t have to seek you out….” Her voice came from behind him. Castiel stopped in his tracks at her voice and his shoulders immediately slumped. He knew they wouldn’t really leave him alone. He’d never been enough for Heaven, and they’d never truly let him be. Not even after all he’d sacrificed.
“Naomi…I… ”Cas said as he turned to face her. There she stood in her grey pants suit, looking sure of herself, but Naomi’s eyes suddenly tightened as she studied him, her gaze suddenly far too studious.
“Castiel….Your wings…They’re healing?” Naomi said with suspicious eyes as she stepped closer.
Cas startled and tucked his wings at his sides. He’d noticed after only a few weeks, but he’d thought it best not to bring it up to any of the other Angels. He’d not fallen as the other Angels had after Metatron’s Spell. His Grace had been stolen before he could Fall, so he’d often hypothesized that staying for any length of time in Heaven’s gates might restore them. He’d never been desperate enough or foolish enough to try it, however. After only a couple of weeks, he’d seen new feathers emerge, strong, glossy, and unsinged. It was a small consolation, a very small one in the grand scheme of things.
“How? None of us have had any regrowth since The Fall.” Naomi said with an unhappy frown, her hand outstretched to touch his wings. He took a step back from the unwanted contact.
“I…umm…believe it is because I did not Fall from Heaven after Metatron’s Spell. I wasn’t an Angel by that time since he took my Grace for the spell…” Castiel said as he looked at the ground, not liking the scrutinizing eye he was receiving. He took another step back from her outreached fingertips.
“Hmm…. Perhaps. The other Angels won’t like that at all since you were the one assisting Metatron. It is probably best for you to continue to avoid interactions with any other Angels than me. I understand your motives behind working with Metatron, though misguided, were not to cause us to Fall. The other Angels are not so understanding….”
“I for once agree with you…” Castiel said with a sigh and he stepped back with alarm as Naomi stepped closer to him once again. He didn't like giving up ground to anyone, but Naomi wasn't anyone. Her touch repulsed him. The sound of her voice made something deep inside him recoil in horror. Even if he didn't have full memories of what she did, his brain and body did, and it wanted nothing to do with her.
Naomi lowered her voice barely above a whisper. “Castiel, you realize if your wings continue to heal, you will be the only Angel left with the ability to fly…. That would make you almost as powerful as me….”
Castiel's body language changed in a moment as he stood taller. “No, that would make me more powerful than you, Naomi,” Castiel said with a growl of defiance, strength behind his eyes finally. He looked up and locked eyes with her. “Your power has always been in your given authority and your ability to reprogram us. I no longer accept your authority over me, and I will most certainly never put myself in a position to let you reprogram me ever again…”
Naomi’s eyes tightened. “You do realize if you allowed me to fix you, you wouldn’t have to live with this…” She waved her hands in a gesture that encompassed him completely. “Pain. These…emotions. You could be useful again. We could run Heaven together. We could fix it.” If he didn't know her, he might have fallen for her plea. However, her speech fell on deaf ears.
“I’ve already given up everything else I hold dear to help Heaven, Naomi…. My memories are all I have left. You will not take those too.” Castiel stepped backward, putting as much distance between him and Naomi that he could.
Naomi huffed in frustration. “Castiel, really. This obsession with those humans is just that, an obsession. Nothing more. Your fascination with them is beyond me. They are ants in the grand scheme of the universe. The fact that we are tasked with protecting their souls is baffling to me, but it is the task we’ve been assigned. The Winchesters are no more important than any of the other billions of souls in our charge.”
“On that, we can agree to disagree,” Castiel barked back.
Naomi stopped short, letting out an angered breath. “I suppose we will leave this conversation for now…. but we will discuss this further Castiel. Eternity wandering the halls is going to get very lonely pining for a human you’ll never see again…” Naomi said with a raised eyebrow as she spun on her heal and stalked away.
She wasn’t wrong, Castiel admitted to himself. He didn’t look forward to eternity missing his friends…his family…but he preferred it to never remembering they existed and the life he had with them. Remembering there was life outside of this sterile, cold place was all that kept him sane some days.
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Castiel had just left a visit at Bobby's, exiting his Heaven door, when Naomi and the other Angels came around the corner, barring his way.
“Naomi, what is it?” Castiel growled out, his back against the wall. His defenses were up as alarm bells sounded in his head.
Naomi led the group, her hands held formally behind her back, the picture of authority to the other Angels. “Castiel, I’ve been considering this situation with your wings, and I must tell you I don’t much like it…” The other Angels eyes narrowed as he snapped his wings to his side. They had been continuing to heal, and he’d hoped the other Angels wouldn’t notice, but here they were. Their anger was almost tangible.
Castiel shook his head, his eyes scanning the cluster of Angels. “I can’t control it, Naomi. I had no clue it would happen by returning to Heaven…”
Naomi crossed her arms across her chest, her mouth pinching at the corners.“Yes, well, that doesn’t solve my problem now does it? Controlling you and the things you do has always proven difficult at best. If your wings heal fully you may decide to up and leave us, knowing we can’t follow to apprehend you. So, I think a compromise is in order.”
Castiel knew too well what Naomi's compromises were like. He swallowed softly and raised one eyebrow. “And what is it that you have in mind?”
Naomi shrugged softly. “Just a small modification. A tracking sigil and the removal of your anti-tracking tattoo. I admit that was a slip on my part not to remove it before. However, in my defense, I really did not foresee this wing issue arising.”
Castiel opened his mouth to argue but shut it abruptly, studying the crowd of Angels around him. “This isn’t a request is it?”
“I’m afraid not. Tanira and Badriel, please hold his arms.” Naomi came forward as the other two stepped forward and grabbed him roughly by the arms. Naomi shoved the trench coat aside and roughly pulled his white dress shirt up before laying a hand on his anti-tracking tattoo. Castiel locked eyes with Naomi and refused to give her the satisfaction of hearing him scream, so he ground his teeth in pain as she burned the tattoo from his skin. He could have fought but he knew if he killed the other Angels he would absolutely be trapped here or killed. He would stay alive for those he'd left behind, and he let Naomi see it in his eyes.
“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” She said with a small smile on her face. Castiel could see the satisfaction behind her eyes. She liked to cause pain. “Now I’m afraid the tracking sigil itself will be a bit more uncomfortable. Duma, remove his coat please.”
Castiel looked to Duma and he could see the conflict in her eyes, but he knew she’d do what Naomi wanted in the end because they all feared her. They were sheep without a shepherd and Naomi was the closest they had to leadership. Duma stepped over and removed his coat with the help of the other Angels then two more Angels came and turned him roughly so that his face was against the wall. They stretched his wings out of the way and Naomi again lifted his shirt but this time the pain radiated in waves as she drew out the tracking sigil, much larger than he knew it had to be. His body shook with the effort not to make a sound, but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. It seemed to go on forever before Naomi stepped back and the hands holding him released him. He closed his eyes a moment, swallowed hard and turned around. The group was gone. They must have anticipated him lashing out after the deed was done. He saw a tan piece of cloth peeking out from around the corner. Duma had dropped his coat, whether intentionally or not. He picked it up, dusted it off, winced at the pain he was in, and carefully put it back on. He would remember this moment, and he would not be stuck in this place forever. In that, he could assure himself. He would find a way home.
--------------------------
As the following days turned into weeks, he decided the best thing he could do was avoid all the other Angels, …. But where could he go? He had a thought and headed toward one of the oldest areas of Heaven’s halls. It took him quite some time to reach it, as the halls were a meandering maze of doors, but he finally found it. The power here was the dimmest, the lights barely flickering, creating shadows of his form along the wall. Perhaps he could be out of the other’s radars here. These were the oldest souls in Heaven and there was little need for Angel activity here.
As he walked along and read the names, all in long forgotten languages, he stopped abruptly. The door on his right was a name written in clear English, and there was no birth or death date. Only the words C. Shurley on the simple plaque.
Castiel looked around the empty hall, thinking he had to be seeing things, or perhaps this was a trap. It really couldn’t be. There was no way in Heaven or Hell, but he had to know. He pushed open the door and was met with no resistance. This Heaven was very humble. It was a small studio apartment, the windows dark to the outside. There was a well-worn plaid couch in rusty reds and browns pushed up against one wall. The only other furniture he could see was a wooden drafting table with a ceiling light hanging above it. It illuminated several pages of quickly scribbled notes and sketches and next to it on the floor was an overflowing black metal trashcan with crumpled pages spilling over the top of it.
He couldn’t help it. He had to know. He stepped over to the table and looked at the notes. There were notes written in margins, some circled or underlined and some crossed out entirely. Some of the phrases underlined were things like “Free Will?” “Loyalty” “Compassion”. Those crossed out that he could still read were “subservient”, “infinite”, and “devoted solely to the task”. There was a rough sketch of wings much like his own.
“I wondered how long it would take you to wander this way, my way word son….” Came a familiar voice from the plaid couch.
---------------------------
“Dean, wait!” hissed Mary from the trunk of the Impala. Dean was shoulders-deep in the weapons hatch of the vehicle and was sticking knives and machetes in pockets and a pistol at the small of his back. “Bobby and the rest aren’t even here yet.”
“Mom, it’s just a vamp. One. Uno. I’ll take care of it myself if you’d rather wait outside for Bobby,” Dean grumbled as he checked that everything was where it should be.
“Don’t be stupid, Dean. You know I’m not letting you go in alone, but why not wait?” Mary grabbed his arm and he stopped in his tracks and turned around to face her. She frowned, the lines in her forehead deepening subtly. He had not been himself for months now, and hunting had seemed to only make his mood worse. She couldn’t argue he was an efficient hunting partner, but he seemed to be out of touch more and more. He had begun letting stubble grow where before he’d preferred clean-shaven and he seemed only focused on the hunt. She couldn’t even get Bobby or Sam to persuade him to take some downtime off.
“Dean, what’s with you?” Mary whispered sharply as she tucked a strand of her blonde her behind her ears.
“I’m doing my job, like everyone else,” Dean said with a tone that implied he’d repeated this line numerous times.
He stormed toward the door and Mary followed at his heels, refusing to let him go in alone. She reached for the knob, but Dean reared back and kicked the door in, all subtlety be damned. There was a lone light illuminating the ramshackle cabin. It buzzed in protest as a moth batted against it’s dimming light. The room was quiet. Mary stood back to back with Dean as they turned in a circle. Suddenly out of the darkness, a humanoid shape swooped in, its pearlescent white teeth shining in the darkness. It’s mouth unhinged in a twisted smile, revealing rows and rows of teeth.
“Not a vamp!” Dean shouted as he pushed Mary aside and the figure fell into Dean. They were face to face on the floor, with Dean straining to keep the teeth from what he assumed was the desired target of his neck. He gritted his own teeth as he strained to keep the creature at bay. It looked human enough if you disregarded the giant, gaping jaw and teeth that belonged on shark week. The manlike figure had pale skin and shaggy blonde hair but his eyes were crazed with hunger. “Mom…a little help…” Dean groaned in exhaustion. His fingers dug into the creature’s arms, straining to keep the inches of space between them that he could. He turned his face to the side as a glob of drool dripped onto his cheek.
Mary stood above him, hesitant about what would do the trick. She grabbed her hunting knife and plunged it into its neck, which might severe his spinal cord or just piss him off. Regardless it would distract him enough to give Dean a moment of respite.
Unexpectantly, the man-creature collapsed as if he was a puppet whose strings had been cut. Dean’s arms collapsed with the sudden dead weight and the head of the creature rolled to the side. Mary got on her knees and pushed the body off Dean. They both were breathing hard as they looked over at the newly deceased creature. Its eye had already begun to glaze over in death.
“Thanks….” Dean said sheepishly as he stood up, beating the dust from the unkempt floor off the backs of his pants. “You really saved my ass…”
Mary stood up and took out her pistol, shooting one shot into the creatures’ brain for safe measure. “If you’d have listened outside, we might have avoided this. Overconfidence will get you killed Dean Winchester. We wait for backup for a reason.”
Dean almost rolled his eyes but thought better of it. “Yeah, yeah. Now, what the hell was that?” He said as he looked at the dead creature lying prone on the floor.
“I don’t know but I’ll get some photos and we’ll send them to Sam.” Mary took her phone out, snapped a few photos of the creature’s jaw and teeth and they headed out to the Impala.
----------------------------
Dean didn’t notice until they were hours away and had stopped for the night that he didn’t have his phone. While the others stayed in the diner, binging on greasy food and beers, Dean searched the seats, trunk, and every crack and crevice for his phone. It was nowhere to be found. Damn it. He slumped into the driver seat in defeat. Phones were easy enough to replace but he’d lost all his photos, contacts, texts, and voicemails. He’d never admit to anyone else he would often fall asleep at night flipping through old messages and photos on his phone. The group chat of Sam, Dean, and Cas…. candid photos they’d taken of the Angel…and a few voicemails Cas’ had left in annoyance when Dean had been too busy to answer his phone. All gone. The last remnants of Cas…gone. Dean swallowed hard and took a deep breath to compose himself. This shouldn’t still be this damn hard! It had been almost a year now…a year in just a few days. Cas wasn’t coming back and that was that.
Dean let out a breath. “Cas…. I…I hope you're okay up there. I wish…. Just…just stay safe…. God, this is stupid. You probably can’t even hear me…” He swung his legs out of his car and slammed the door, walking slowly into the diner, his heavy feet scraping against the asphalt as he went to join Mary and the rest of the hunting party.
Meanwhile, at the house they’d left hours ago, a dark-haired female walked in to find the dead man on the floor. She let out a wail of anguish and fell to his side, thumbing over the hole in his head from the bullet. She rolled his body over to see the telltale stab wound to the back of his neck, the killing blow. Her foot struck something on the floor, and she swiped it up. A phone. A clue to the killer of her mate. She clutched it to her chest.
“Brathen, your death will be avenged. Their soul will sustain me and our children. Do not worry.”
Chapter 6: How to fix a flawed design
Summary:
Castiel finds out what Chuck's been doing and Dean runs into some trouble and has an unexpected savior.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“What the…Go..” Castiel began, stunned.
“No..no..Chuck, not the….the other thing…” Chuck said with a dismissing wave of his hand. “And please, no grand gestures or bowing or any of that stuff. It makes me uncomfortable.”
Castiel’s eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened. His fists clenched and unclenched at his side in a hidden show of frustration he’d picked up from Dean. “That is most definitely not something I was going to do. Where have you been?! Why are you hiding out in Heaven while all of this,” Cas gestured wildly around him, “is going on? You think I’d actually BOW right now?” His voice held every bit of the frustration he was holding back.
Chuck lifted an eyebrow and one side of his mouth quirked up. “You really are a mouthy one…Wow. I never noticed before…” Chuck said as he circled Castiel. He tapped a pencil to his chin as he walked. “What do you think? Is that Sam and Dean’s influence or your own development of Free Will?”
Castiel startled at the sudden change in conversation and turned as Chuck circled him. “I….I’m not sure. Naomi said I’d always been rebellious.”
Chuck made a tsk tsk sound between his teeth as he shook his head. “Oh, Naomi. I really messed up with that design. She’s pretty much your complete opposite. Oh well, everyone can’t be a winner.”
Cas’ temper was beginning to fray but he endeavored to control it considering his audience. “Can’t be a winner? She literally drilled holes in my brain to make me toe the line…not just me! Countless others, and where were you during that? Where have you been for all of this?”
Chuck sighed and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “Alright, I admit it wasn’t my best idea to cut the Angels loose. Survival of the Fittest didn’t go well for you guys…”
“You think? There’s only a dozen of us left and Heaven….”
“Yes, Heaven is failing. That’s why I’m here…” Chuck said as he walked hurriedly over to his drawing table. “I need to design more Angels, but better than before obviously. However, I’m running into some issues…” He tapped the eraser end of his pencil on the pad before bringing it between his teeth for a moment.
Castiel stood with his feet rooted to the floor, his head cocked to the side in confusion. “You’re going to design more? Why?”
Chuck sighed and sat down on his stool, turning to face him. “You really don’t think much of me, do you? Fair enough, but remember,” Chuck said as he pointed the pencil tip at Cas, “I rebuilt you more times that even you know…I’m not all bad. I do care…”
“About who? Humans? Angels? Because I don’t see that!” Castiel blurted out in frustration as he ground his teeth.
Chuck shook his head and he smiled fully this time. “Really, really amazing. You realize Lucifer and Metatron are the only other Angels that would ever talk to me that way?”
Castiel stopped short and lowered his eyes. “That…that’s not a compliment. I apologize.”
Chuck leapt off his stool. “NO! It’s the thing I can’t fix in this design. That’s why I was hoping you’d find your way here. I could have willed you to come, but I wanted to see if you’d find your way on your own….and you always seem to…So, you are the one I need to help me make this next batch better than before. You….you, Gabriel, and Balthazar…..well, Balthazar went a little too far sometimes….and Gabriel with the porn stars…I really can’t condone that..” Chuck said with a nervous gesture of his hands,” but you…you’ve stayed dedicated to my creations. You protect the human race, even against your own flock. Why do you make that choice? For research purposes of course…” Chuck said as he gestured at his table before propping his chin upon his hand as he leaned on his knees.
Cas studied Chuck’s earnest face, debating on his reply. He hesitated but if ever he had to tell the truth, it would be here. “Humans are amazing. They love deeply. They protect each other. They’re resilient…They…They are better than us in every way. The Angels…we…we are opposed to change. We focus on our designated tasks and damn the consequences. We fight amongst ourselves and fight for power. When the Angels fell, they hurt people to help themselves. They were unable to adapt…they jump-started the apocalypse because they were bored…Angels are dangerously short-sighted.”
Chuck nodded his head and turned on his stool and jotted down notes on a notepad beside his sketch pad. “These are all great observations. So, what do you think made you different?”
Castiel frowned and paced nervously. “I…uh…I’m unsure…”
Chuck smiled as he finished writing and kept his back to Castiel. “Are you? I’m not. It’s obviously the influence of the Winchesters on your personality, but how is what I don’t understand…” and he again twirled forward on his stool. “How did you develop free will when I didn’t give it to you? And do I give it to the new Angels? I just don’t know what to do…I used to be so sure of myself…but there are so many consequences…”
“Free Will is a dangerous thing. You know the things I’ve done in the name of doing good that were….” Castiel hesitated before dropping his eyes in shame.
Chuck let the silence sit a moment before adding, “Misguided, but still in a mindset of doing good, Castiel. Yes, I know everything you have done. I’m so sorry I put you through that. I could have stopped you….”
Castiel grew angry and quiet, his shoulders slumped as he sat down heavily on the couch. “you should have. I hurt so many people…”
Chuck sighed. “You did. Some of those were innocents, but you weren’t in your right mind…”
“And that makes it better?” Cas growled out as he gripped his hands together. “I can never atone for the things I’ve done. I’m not the one you should be looking to for help to design new Angels. I am immensely flawed and seem to do nothing but make things worse…”
Chuck smiled and went to sit next to Castiel on the couch. “Castiel, I created you but I afraid I cannot take credit for who you have become. You are humble, full of contrition, and always striving to be better than you were. You have fallen down and instead of giving up, you got up and tried harder. You have sacrificed so much for the greater good, and you are still sacrificing. You have given up so much…more than you admit to anyone. But I can see you, Castiel, and no matter what you have done, those things have made you who you are….and I am proud of who you have become. You should be too.”
Castiel looked up and shook his head. “If you knew me, truly knew me, you wouldn’t feel that way.”
“Castiel, I’m the big G…I know you. I know everything.” Chuck shrugged his shoulders as he gave a reassuring smile.
Castiel let the silence fall as he felt Chuck all but studying him. He began his sentence multiple times but couldn’t quite get the words out. Finally, he took a breath. “Then you know that I….”
Chuck smiled softly. “That you know what real love feels like? Yes, and again, that’s why I need you here. Only you can help me, Castiel. Loving Dean Winchester isn’t a sin, son. I need your help. Are you ready to help me do that, now?”
Castiel’s jaw tightened and he sighed, tension leaving his shoulders. “Yes. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
“Great! Now let’s get to it. Oh, one more thing. I need you to go stop Dean from getting himself killed…” He gave an apologetic grimace of a smile before he added, “Again…but I’m sorry…you can’t stay. I need your help, and mum’s the word on me being here. Make it quick! Oh, and stab it in the back of the neck, okay? It’s a Croccotta. Nasty business.” He mimed stabbing as Castiel tried to comprehend the abrupt conversation change once again.
“Wha…” Castiel began but Chuck snapped his fingers and he was gone.
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Dean sat beside Mary at the bar. The neon signs helped cast eerie shadows on the poster covered walls of the bar they’d stopped at. He had wasted at least twenty empty minutes studying the concert dates on the old posters that were held up by peeling pieces of scotch tape. Mary and Bobby were laughing amongst themselves at a corner booth while he nursed the whiskey in front of him. They’d stopped at the hotel next door for the night and they had wanted a celebratory drink after the successful hunt. Well, Mary and Bobby had. Dean wasn’t much in the mood, but he tagged along. It was better than sitting alone in the empty hotel room. Mom always seemed to call Sam when he sulked too much, so he’d figured out how to make a show of it.
“Hey, there. That whiskey didn’t do anything to you. Why give it that look? That’s my best stuff.” The female bartender smiled at Dean. She was wearing a sleeveless, black tank top with visible tattoos, and her smile was warm and friendly. Her dark red hair was pulled back in a messy bun that had become messier as the activity of the night had gone on. She was pretty, he admitted to himself, but he was definitely not in the mood for that either.
Dean let a half smile form on his lips. “It tastes just fine. I’m just not in the mood for it,” He answered as he downed the rest of the glass and slid her the empty.
She nodded, impressed. “What else can I get you then darlin? What are ya’ in the mood for?” She lifted an eyebrow and laughed. “If it isn’t alcohol, I can’t help though. She’d kick your ass and mine,” She laughed as she nodded down at the end of the bar at an equally pretty brunette with a short pixie cut who winked at her as they made eye contact.
Dean smiled then looked down. “Nah, I’m good. Not much in the mood for that either.”
“Who is she?” the bartender said with an understanding smile as she leaned on the bar. She glanced down and saw everyone was satisfied so she gave her attention back to Dean. “I see a lot of glum faces here. She stand you up?”
Dean let a huff of air escape his nose and he rubbed his hand against the scruff he’d let grow on his face. “Nah, there’s no she. I’m on a business trip with my mom and a friend,” Dean gestured with his head at Mary and Bobby, who were deep in conversation at their booth.
“Liar. I’m good at reading faces. Some people think I’m psychic,” She said with a grin as she tapped her head. She nodded her head to Mary and Bobby. “Those two ain’t just friends and you’re missing someone pretty badly. If I’m wrong, it’d be a first.”
Dean rolled his eyes playfully. “Fine. You’re not wrong, and no I don’t wanna talk about it. What’s my bill?” She smiled and wrote up his tab. He got his wallet out of his back pocket, fished out a few bills and tossed them on top of the bill. “Have a good night,” Dean said before gesturing to Mary he was heading to the hotel. She nodded and went back to talking to Bobby, a bright smile on her face. Dean’s eyes narrowed in suspicion before shrugging and heading out the door. The hotel was only a parking lot away from the bar. It was all but abandoned, this being a sparse strip of highway. He made his way slowly across the lot, his hand in his pocket to grab up his hotel key. He crossed the grassy barrier between the parking lots when he froze in place, a familiar voice grabbing his attention.
“Dean,” a gravelly voice he hadn’t heard in a year came distant but clear from a small wooded area behind the hotel and bar.
“Cas?” Dean hissed back, peering into the darkness. That was the only person with a voice like that. The gravelly tone was so obviously Cas that it sent a shiver of familiarity down his arms.
“Come to me,” the voice spoke from the woods. It had to be Castiel. No other voice sounded like that. Dean reached to the small of his back and grabbed at his pistol. He clicked the safety off and walked toward the woods with the gun aimed at the ground, clutched between his shaking hands.
“Cas?” Dean said again, a small swell of desperation in his voice he didn’t care for. He was being reckless and stupid. He knew it but he couldn’t walk away without knowing. What if it was Cas and he was hurt? “Cas!” Dean whisper-shouted, not wanting to draw too much attention from anyone else.
“Dean, come to me. I’m here,” the familiar voice spoke out in response. Dean made it to the wooded area, his shoes stepping from concrete to pine needles. The crunch of them underneath his feet sounded loud in his ears. The only other sound he could hear was his own ragged breathing. He scanned the darkness and saw nothing. He wasn’t crazy. He knew what he’d heard. This was stupid. He should go back and get Mary and Bobby…. He should…but what if it was Cas and he was gone when he got back?
“Cas, damn it. If this is you, come out and stop playing games,” Dean growled out. “If you’re not Cas, come out so I can kill you. I’m good either way.”
“Dean.” That one word had Dean stupidly stepping further into the wooded area. He heard movement behind him and he whirled to see…. It wasn’t Cas. His heart fell in disappointment and raced with adrenaline at the same time. He was in danger. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he laid eyes on her. The woman had scraggly brown hair, hanging below her shoulders. It hung heavily, greasy and unwashed. Her eyes were deep-sunken and full of a rage he could relate to. Her face appeared pinched as if she hadn’t had a good meal in weeks.....Her mouth stretched wide, flashing rows and rows of teeth, a smile that made Dean step back.
“Come to me,” she whispered, but the voice was clearly Castiel.
“How…” Dean growled out as he raised his gun to her head.
“You left your phone when you killed my mate, hunter. Your voicemails helped me. I do love technology. I’ve tracked you over two states to hurt you, hurt you like you hurt Brathen. I thought this one’s voice would call to you best. Or perhaps this one would do it?” The female’s voice morphed into Sam’s at the end, making Dean take another step back in revulsion. He momentarily tripped over a tree root, hidden in the pine needles but he regained his footing without losing eye contact with the woman-creature before him.
“Nice monologue. I give it a 7 out of 10. I gave extra points for the neat voice changing trick,” Dean said firmly, this voice not reflecting the adrenaline racing through him. He’d been stupid and now he’d pay for it. What was she…not vampire. Big rows of sharp teeth. Shit. He’d seen this before but it’d been forever. Voice manipulation…Shit. Shit. Shit. He shot one bullet into her skull. The force threw her back a moment, but she shook like a dog and came forward again. Okay, a headshot was not going to work. That was his go-to method when he wasn’t sure what would work. She raced toward him, her mouth opened wide. She was incredibly fast and before he knew it, he was pinned against a pine tree, the bark biting into the backs of his arms.
“I’m not just going to kill you, oh no,” whispered the Croccota female. “I’m going to feast upon your soul. It will sustain me long after your meat has rotted away and your bones have bleached in the sun.” She opened her mouth wide and gripped Dean’s chin with one of her hands, her jagged nails digging into his skin. Her hand pushed against his chest, holding him there with supernatural strength. She inhaled and he felt his soul sliding up his throat. He’d never experienced it but he knew. That was his soul. He felt like gagging. It was a horrifying sensation of suffocating and choking. Would Sammy ever find out what happened to him? Mary and Bobby…they’d come running after they heard the gunshot. He prayed she’d be gone after she ended him. His surroundings faded around the edges, darkening. This must be it. Sparks flashed in his vision. He was losing consciousness. Suddenly, he felt himself pressed harder against the tree and he blinked slowly, his brain unable to process. A shard of silver was sticking out of the creature’s neck. The tip of it was a hair’s breadth from his own Adam’s apple. As quickly as things felt dark, time sped up and he felt his soul recede inside him and the Croccata fell to the ground, revealing his savior.
Castiel stared wide-eyed at Dean, the bloody Angel blade still clutched in his right hand. His hair had grown longer and was falling in front of his incredibly blue eyes. He dropped the blade suddenly and closed the distance between them.
“Dean, are you hurt? I thought I was too late…” Castiel said with concern evident in his tone. His eyes searched Deans. “Your soul is back where it should be,” he said with certainty before healing the nail marks on Dean’s face. He suddenly realized how close they were and took a step back, leaving Dean leaning against the tree, perplexed.
“Cas? Is that really you?” Dean looked down at the Croccata then back at Cas. “If this is another damn monster trick…” He growled as he raised his gun slightly.
“it’s not a trick. It’s me. Hello, Dean,” Cas said with a happy smile, his eyes darting around Dean’s face, trying to memorize it after being gone so long. “You’ve grown a beard. That’s new.”
“Wait. Wait. Wait. You can’t just be gone a year then bippity boppity boo yourself back down here to save my ass. You can’t even fly. How…” Dean’s eyes were wary, confused, and angry.
“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry,” Castiel said, the happiness fading as Dean’s anger seeped into his own mood.
“The Hell you can’t. A year, Cas!” Dean hissed out. Cas heard Mary and Bobby coming and knew his time would be up sooner than he’d like with nothing to show for it, other than Dean being alive of course. He threw his hand over Dean’s mouth and pushed him against the tree again.
“Dean, I’m sorry but my time is extremely short and unpredictable, and there are things I have to say.” Castiel leaned closely and looked into Dean’s eyes. He nodded slowly and Cas removed his hand. “Dean, the time may come when I can return here. There are events happening that might make it so. I can’t tell you why or even when, but please trust me. I need to know if there is a reason for me to come back here, to you. Am I better off where I am? If so, I will accept that answer but I cannot continue on with the hope of returning to you not knowing…not knowing if I am wanted. If I am better staying in Heaven and serving them, I will do it. I don’t want to be a burden. Do you understand what I am asking you?”
Dean let a half smile slip. “Shut up, Cas.” Castiel tilted his head to the side before Dean gripped his tie and pulled him in close. “I’ve been losing my damn mind, you know that? Wondering if you were okay, then you poof here and start talking…and talking…and talking. God, I missed that.” Castiel stiffened when Dean said God but he didn’t notice. Dean’s hands shook when he reached one up to touch his fingertips lightly to Cas’ face, as if he still wasn’t sure he was real. “I took you for granted, took for granted you’d always be around and we’d have time for…. you know, talking all this shit out. You do what you need to come back to me. You hear me? You get the chance to come home, you damn well come home. This…this thing we’ve been dancing around? I think I’m ready to stop dancing. This year has been Hell…and I’d known what Hell feels like. You hear what I’m saying?”
Castiel smiled, letting his teeth flash, and Dean almost gasped by the sheer beauty of an Angel smiling at him. “I hear you, Dean.” He looked Heavenward and then back at Dean. “I would like to try something…. I hope I have time.” He leaned forward and closed his eyes, letting his instincts find Dean’s lips. It was something he’d wanted to do for so, so very long. The kiss was nervous, soft, and Dean tasted of good whiskey. He pulled away when he heard Mary and Bobby step foot into the woods.
“I love you, Dean Winchester, and for the first time I don’t believe it’s a sin…” Castiel whispered into his ear and then he was gone.
Dean was still leaning against the tree trunk when Mary and Bobby found him. His eyes were dazed but he had a spark in them that had been missing for some time. He told them about the Croccatta and he searched her body for his phone, which he found in her back pocket. Things were back on track an he felt like he could breathe for the first time in too long. He didn’t tell them about Cas. He would but not now… They wouldn’t believe him anyway. It was impossible…. but he and Cas had always been good at impossible.
Notes:
I will be updating every Sunday unless otherwise noted. :) If you enjoy, please leave a comment! Feedback is so nice when you aren't sure if you're just writing to yourself hah!
Chapter 7: Back to Business
Summary:
Chuck and Castiel get down to discussing what the new Angels need, along with a little personal discussion and Sam and Dean have a heart to heart of their own.
Chapter Text
Chuck was sitting at the drawing table, jotting notes and sketching when Castiel popped back into the room. He seemed more than a bit flustered from the trip having not traveled so rapidly in quite a few years. Castiel braced himself against the wall to stabilize himself. Chuck didn’t move from his seat but his voice clearly indicated he knew he was there.
“Sorry it took me a few extra minutes to bring you back, Castiel. I must have gotten distracted and lost track of time…. How’s Dean?” Chuck said with a smile evident in his tone.
“He’s alive….thank you for that….” Cas said as he went to stand next to him.
Chuck waived his hand to the side in a dismissive gesture. “Eh. It’s no big deal. I still answer a prayer or two. Well, let’s get to it,” Chuck said as he rubbed his hands together then cracked his knuckles. Castiel tilted his head to the side, slightly taken about by the suddenness of the topic change and the previous events with Dean. “Angels. At your core, you are basically just waves of celestial intent shaped into the Angelic forms I design. That’s easy enough for me to do, but we don’t want another Zachariah problem for sure….” Chuck said as he chewed on his lower lip and tapped his pencil on the paper. Castiel could not argue that point. They sat in silence for a moment before Castiel mustered up his first ideas.
“You need leadership. Solid, morally sound leadership,” Castiel added. He wished he had more time to have spent with Dean, but he’d been given more than he’d ever thought he’d have again. The sooner he helped Chuck design more Angels, the sooner he’d be back there. With Dean. With his family.
Chuck whirled around to face Castiel, his mouth pulled in a hard line. “There’s the problem. You’ve heard the phrase. Power corrupts. You see it on Earth too. Give someone a little power and their morals crumble. Naomi, as messed up as she is, has stayed the course of the Angel’s mission to protect Heaven, but she should have let the rebel Angels go, not tortured you all.” Chuck put his hands together and tapped his pointer fingers on his lips. “Then there is the issue of Rebel Angels.”
Castiel shook his head and stepped closer to the drawing table, his hands tucked in his coat pockets. He was the picture of ease but standing this close to his creator had him more than a bit on edge. “Focus on one task at a time. The leadership. Strong belief in the mission to protect the souls of Heaven and humanity at large. Caring about souls but not about people is hypocritical. I’ve always found it to be so.”
Chuck nodded as he turned back toward the table, writing down on his notepad. “Good note. See, this is the help I needed!”
“What do I do if Naomi comes looking for me?” Castiel said suddenly, his thoughts drawn to the dangerous Angel in question.
Chuck waved his hand in dismissal again. “That’s not an issue. You’re the only one I made able to find this door.” The magnitude of the situation finally sunk into Cas’ mind and he stood silently beside Chuck a moment.
“Why me?” Castiel said softly.
“It had to be you. You know that. There’s never been another Angel like you, and unfortunately there can’t be another one ever again…. We can’t have all of my Angels choosing to live on Earth, now can we?”
Cas’ eyes met Chuck’s. “You’re…. you’re going to let me go back? Really?”
Chuck’s smile was a kind and understanding one. “One thing at a time, Castiel…. but once we get this design right and I can create more Angels, yes. You deserve to be happy after all you have done for me, for Heaven, and for Earth.”
Castiel started and his forehead creased as he frowned. A terrible realization creeped in. “Happy…. I…I can’t be happy. I made a deal with the Empty…”
Chuck sighed and rolled his eyes. “Of course you did. You really have been around Dean and Sam too long. Let the Empty come. I’ve a few words for it.”
Castiel cocked his head to the side. “They said you had no power there…”
Chuck huffed, indignation in his tone. “I may not. They are nothingness, after all. Amara, however, can handle them just fine. I’ve already put in a word. Also…. we need to make a design change there. Angels don’t deserve The Empty…. I’m not sure how I didn’t consider what would happen to your essence if you died. Sheer cockiness on my part. I never considered my Angels able to die….”
“And I have been very good at proving that false,” Castiel added, briefly reliving every moment. He could still feel the stab of the Angel Blades from the Reaper and Lucifer and even the moment his very essence evaporated in that field…Lucifer again.
“Well, not to point out the obvious, but Sam and Dean haven’t helped in that regard either. You’re all three a magnet for trouble…” Chuck said as he scratched out more notes. Silence fell in the room for several minutes. Castiel was anxious to pursue all the questions he’d been wanting to ask, but he hesitated to interrupt.
“I’m a captive audience Castiel, if you’ve got a question, ask it,” Chuck spoke over his shoulder as he scribbled, reading Cas’ thoughts.
“ Okay….tell me why,” Castiel said as he paced the floor slowly.
“Why, what, Castiel? You’ll have to be more specific.”
Castiel huffed in annoyance. “You can’t read my mind one minute and pretend you can’t the next.”
Chuck laughed softly. “You’re right.” He twirled around on his stool to face Castiel. “Why did I resurrect you so many times, and then not this last time? It’s a fair question. I brought you back to help Sam and Dean. I…I didn’t want to be God anymore, and those two, as much as they screw up, do a pretty good job at keeping the Earth spinning. They needed you. Those two alone couldn’t do it, and I couldn’t trust that another of my Angels would step in to do the job. You have always been determined when devoted to a task. You admired humanity and felt the need to protect it above the orders of the Angels…That’s why I put the order in through Joshua for you to be the one to save Dean from hell. Sure, the Angels wanted him out to get the Apocalypse rolling. If I’d let him stay down there, no Apocalypse, but also, no wonder team to help save the world. Yeah, Dean made a bad deal, but he didn’t deserve Hell. I knew there were other Angels capable of the task, but I knew you’d keep Dean safe as soon as you met him. You’d admire him for all his faults.” Chuck nodded his head to the side. “Now, did I expect you two to fall for each other? No. Complete surprise on my part, and it takes talent to surprise me.” Chuck pointed his pencil at Cas with a smirk.
Castiel let a small smile escape his lips before looking to the floor in embarrassment. “You could have stopped it….You still could. The other Angels say…”
Chuck did a swiping motion with his hand. “Oh, who cares what the other Angels say. You…” Chuck got up then and put a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “You learned how to love all on your own. Not just romantic love. Friendship, family, love. Why would I stop that? You have become someone more remarkable than I could have designed myself. I wouldn’t stop that for anything.”
Castiel tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Then why did you have me remain dead this last time?”
Chuck’s face fell in a moment of regret. “Yeah…that was a bad call. Castiel, I thought….I thought you deserved some peace. You and Dean didn’t seem to be making any headway. You seemed so unhappy the last few years. Then Jack was here and I thought perhaps he could help them instead and let you be in peace…I was wrong. Then you went and surprised me again by waking up and beating the Empty at his own game…You continue to evolve and surprise me. I’m excited to see who you will be in the future.”
“Do you think Sam and Dean would have been better off without me?” Castiel said quietly as Chuck returned to his desk.
“Castiel, their futures were already written before you intervened. They’d have fought as Micheal and Lucifer. They’d have burned this world the ground, and Sam and Dean as you know them would have ceased to be. Do you really not understand what you did? Has no one ever explained? You’re breaking with the Angels to help them, it saved the world Castiel. Sam and Dean could not have won without you. Now then, are we going to design Angels or what? The sooner we get this done, the sooner I send you home to the Winchesters.”
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Dean opened the door to the bunker and tossed his duffel at Jack, who was waiting at the foot of the stairs. “Lucy, I’m home!” Dean crowed out as he made his way down.
Sam came in from the Library and raised an eyebrow and a shared look with Jack. “Well, you’re in much better spirits.”
Dean smiled and patted them both on the shoulder as he met the last step. “Yes, I am. I had mom drop me off. I figured you two were pouting without me around,” Dean teased as he headed for the kitchen.
Sam looked to Jack, who joined him in his confusion. He shrugged in response and they followed him into the kitchen.
Sam leaned his tall body against the doorframe and crossed his red plaid-clad arms over his chest. “Spill it. What’s with the mood uplift? You’ve been walking around like….” Sam began.
Dean looked over his shoulder at Sam with a lifted eyebrow. “Like my best friend died? Well, I mean, close right? Well, something good happened. Can’t I be allowed to be in a good mood?” Dean said as he grabbed a beer from the fridge and twisted the top off, tossing it onto the counter.
“Yes, but….ugh, Dean. Please don’t try to share any of your gross conquest stories. I’m glad your in a good mood but I really don’t need details..” Sam groaned as he assumed what Dean was talking about, holding a hand up to stop him.
Dean pointed his beer bottle at Sam. “You’re wrong but thanks for playing. I saw Cas,” he said as he flashed a smile before taking a swig of beer
Sam, who had been about to sit down jumped to his feet. Jack stepped closer. “What? How? When?” Sam stammered out. “Is he okay?”
"Is he coming home?" Jack added quietly as he looked from Sam to Dean, his eyes full of hope. Dean took his beer and sat down calmly at the table. He was enjoying dangling the good news in front of them and they both came to sit down across from him.
“He’s okay. I got myself in a bad spot outside that hotel near that vamp nest we dusted.” He rubbed the back of his neck reflexively and studied the tabletop as he spoke. “A Croccota...just about killed me... and Cas booped in and saved my ass.” Dean took a swig of his beer then, his mood lowering as he saw the glare from Sam.
“Wait…you almost died and you’re just now telling me? Why didn’t mom tell me?” Sam’s brows furrowed and his jaw flexed in barely contained frustration.
Dean shrugged and smiled apologetically. “Oh, uh, mom doesn’t know. About any of it. Cas, or the almost dying part. Anyway, …he said there is something happening in Heaven and he may be able to come home someday…”Dean mumbled toward the end, realizing how open-ended and vague it seemed when he said it out loud.
“How did he come down? He can’t fly….” Sam said as his forehead wrinkled in confusion.
“I, uh…. forgot to ask how,” Dean murmured, getting uncomfortable the more Sam dug.
“How could you forget to ask? That’s kind of important. And what’s going on in Heaven?”
“Well,” Dean scratched the back of his head, “Look, he was in a hurry. I didn’t ask. He booped in. Saved my ass. We talked for a very short minute. He booped out. Period. The point is, he’s okay and he’ll get to come home!” Dean exclaimed at Sam’s doubtful face.
“Dean, he said someday. It could be years…it’s really not fair of him to dangle that in front of you like that. I really…I really hoped you’d found something else to cheer you up…I mean…It’s great that Cas has the chance to come home, but you can’t hang all your hopes on that…” Sam said with a frown as he shook his head in concern. Jack looked from Sam to Dean, growing tension in his body.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Sam? Cas is one of us. So, sue me for wanting him to be home, where he belongs. Oh wait, I forgot. You like to give up on us when we’re gone for more than a year. So that’s your time limit on family, huh? Got it….” Dean downed the rest of his beer, left the empty on the table and stormed out.
Sam sat there with a puzzled look on his face until Jack spoke quietly. “Sam….I really think you should listen to me. I tried to tell you before. Cas and Dean….”
Sam looked to Jack then, finally hearing him. “What? What am I missing?”
Jack spoke with little inflection. “They love each other. Like a couple loves each other. I’ve seen it. They act just like those couples in the movies I watch. Don’t you see it? When Dean hated me, I brought Castiel back, and Dean was happy again.”
Sam shook his head slowly. “No, that doesn’t mean they are…a thing. They just have a really close friendship. They’ve been through a lot together. A lot I've missed.”
Jack tucked in his lower lip and nodded. “I could be wrong, but I don’t think so. I know I haven’t been alive as long as you but….but when I still had my powers and Castiel was dead…I could hear his prayers, Sam. He prayed every night for God to bring Castiel back to life.”
Sam didn’t say anything but stared at the door Dean had exited, deep in thought. Perhaps Jack was right and he’d been blind to it. If so, he’d been a pretty insensitive bastard during all of this….but how to bring it up?
-------------------------------------------------
“Dean?” Sam knocked on the partially open bedroom door and pushed it open as he spoke.
“What?” Dean growled out, his headphones in his hand as he was preparing to slide them on.
Sam stood in the doorway, his hands tucked in his pockets and his shoulders rolled in, his demeanor nothing if not apologetic. “Can we talk?”
“Sure, Sammy. What other happiness do you wanna crap on?” Dean barked out as he sat on the edge of bed, and Sam sheepishly sat down beside him, tucking his long hair behind his ears.
Sam sighed and ignored his barking tone. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t understand. I think I do a little more now thanks to Jack.” Dean raised an eyebrow in a gesture to continue.
“Jack pointed out that there were some things I might have been missing….about you and Cas…” Sam led in gently to test the waters.
Dean stiffened as if someone had shocked him. “Oh.” His eyes widened and he fidgeted in discomfort, letting his fingers wrap around the headphone cord. His swallowed nervously once and a tiny flush of embarrassment colored his face.
Sam took all of this in, every minute change confirming what Jack had suspected. “Son of a bitch… It is true, isn’t it? You and Cas….”
Dean’s eyes squinted tighter and his mouth drew up in a line. He seemed to build himself up. He took a deep breath and his back straightened in defiance. “And if we are?”
Sam leaned back, momentarily taken aback at Dean’s short statement of affirmation. “And nothing…if that’s what you want…”
“Who…Who I want…” Dean said with still narrowed eyes, studying Sam’s face for a reaction.
Sam shifted uncomfortably. This was far out of their comfort zone. “Who…If Cas is who you want, I support you like I always have. I’m just a little surprised is all…”
“I’m not asking for your support or your understanding, Sammy. You want to give it, that’s great, but you don’t have to understand. This has been building for a long time but both of us were damn cowards about it, and that’s done.”
Sam actually smiled, his face relaxing at Dean’s statement. “I guess I just never noticed it. You two always did bicker like a married couple…” Dean rolled his eyes at Sam’s joke but smiled too.
“Look, Sam, I get why you’re concerned. It is really open-ended when Cas can come back, but it’s what I’ve got to hold onto right now, and I’m going to take it. Yeah, it might disappoint me in the end. I’m not stupid, but it’s what I’ve got, and I’m willing to take that risk.” The room was silent a moment while Sam truly absorbed Dean’s words.
“Fair enough, Dean. Until then, what do we do?”
Dean let a small smile flicker across his face. “We hunt, and try not to get ourselves killed.”
“Oh, so business as usual?” Sam said with a smile and just like that, the tension was gone between them.
Chapter 8: Stray thoughts
Summary:
Castiel informs Naomi about Chuck's plans and the training begins
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Castiel paced nervously in the stark white hall in front of Naomi’s door. Chuck was away doing whatever he did to create new Angels. Cas did not pretend to understand the process, nor did he really want to try to. Chuck had suggested Castiel talk to Naomi about the new Angels prior to his return, but he wasn’t particularly keen to confront her with this new information. In theory, she should be relieved that help was on the way, but he had an inkling this was not going to be as well received as it should be.
“Castiel, you wanted to see me?” Naomi said coolly as she opened the door to her office. Her eyes were alight with curiosity and wariness as her hand rested on the inside doorknob.
“Yes, thank you…” he said calmly. His eyes flitted around the room, nervous. He didn’t trust her before but since the ambush of the tracking sigil, he was more paranoid than previously. No other Angels were in the room, but he knew that could change quickly. He walked quickly past her reach as he entered the office. “I have news that should be of interest to you.”
“Oh?” Naomi gestured at a seat in front of her desk as she walked behind it, but he shook his head briefly, standing behind the chair instead. She rolled her eyes irritably but remained silent as she took a seat herself.
“Well, to make a long story short, God is in the process of making new Angels…” Castiel spit it out with as little pomp and circumstance as he could. He withheld the point that Chuck had been getting his input on their design. He knew with absolute certainty that information would be make with a great amount of hostility.
“Excuse me?” Naomi’s eyes widened and she cocked her head to the side in confusion. “God is doing what? Where?”
“God has been in the design process for new Angels since he saw the dilemma Heaven was facing. He is away creating more Angels and should return with them in…well, I’m not sure how long it takes…”
“Why wasn’t I told?” Naomi said with disbelief in her tone. Her eyebrows drew together with suspicion and her eyes narrowed.
“He wanted to keep it very low key. He’s apparently very uncomfortable with the whole worship thing,” Castiel grumbled as he made air quotes, silently cursing Chuck making him do this. Delivering this news alone was reckless.
“But yet he told you….” Naomi said with her teeth gritted in a grimace of a smile. Castiel could feel the danger in her tone.
He swallowed softly, taking a cautious step away from her desk. “I stumbled upon him by accident. We have a little bit of a history…”
“Yes, you serving as a vessel for Lucifer to kill his sister would be considered having a bit of history,” Naomi said with disgust in her tone.
Castiel had slowly walked backwards toward the exit, keeping a steady eye on Naomi as he did so. “Yes, well, be that as it may. He wanted me to give the information that relief was on the way.”
“Well…” Naomi said as she stood and leaned her palms on the desk. “That is truly blessed news. I will give that news to the other Angels. Thank you, Castiel. Please keep me apprised as God keeps you informed.” Her words were icy daggers at the end, sending a chill of warning up his spine. He nodded and exited the office as quickly as he could without running. He never would underestimate her again.
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As Dean and Sam walked away from the home of the victim’s mother, Dean shook his head. He loosened the dark maroon tie and shucked off the black dress jacket, chucking it in the back seat with little care. The dress clothes were a necessity of playing FBI but it didn’t mean he had to like it. His gut tightened minutely as he loosened his tie. He couldn’t be blamed for associating ties with Cas. If he had the opportunity to loosen that dark blue tie, pull him toward him and…nope. Nope. Now was not the time to entertain that thought.
Sam, luckily, had no idea of his brother’s train of thought. “That’s the fifth case like this in two months. Demonic activity is definitely increasing,” Sam said matter-of-factly as he slid into the passenger seat of the Impala, whipping out his phone and taking notes as the leather seat creaked under him.
“Well, with no Angels around, topside is easy pickings for them,” Dean shrugged as he untucked his dress shirt and buckled his seat belt. He cranked the car, letting the comforting purr of the engine wash over him.
Sam cut his eyes at his brother, reading more into his words. “I’m sure Cas is okay, Dean.”
Dean sighed loudly as he fiddled with the knobs of the radio. “Yeah, yeah. Jack said Angel Radio is pretty quiet, but not static…So Yeah, Cas must be okay.”
Sam sat a moment, thinking to himself before bringing up something he knew Dean would not want to discuss. “So, Jack can still hear Angel Radio…do you think his powers are coming back a little or he’s using the soul magic to...”
Dean cut him off abruptly with a shake of his head. “No. No way. He knows how dangerous it is. He promised Cas. Maybe it’s a residual thing? He’s got a little bit of Grace left.” Dean ran his hand through his hair tiredly. “Man, I know our life isn’t normal, but can we just catch a break? I just want Cas, Mom, and Jack safe. Us safe. I feel like if we all were able to be in the same place at the same time for too long or we were happy for too long the world might explode. Nice payback for saving the world, Chuck…” Dean growled.
Sam couldn’t disagree so he stayed silent. He wouldn’t be opposed to just the tiniest bit of normalcy himself. He sighed and typed in the next interviewee's address in the GPS. "Take a left up here. Then we turn onto the highway."
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Chuck stood in front of the door of the newly designated training area. The remaining original Angels stood around him in a semi-circle, most looking nervous. A few's faces were what Castiel would have described as having disguised hostility...but he was very much biased against them. He stood directly off to Chuck's side and cut his eyes at the crowd around him. Chuck knew what they had done to Cas, but he’d convinced Castiel they needed their help to train the new ones. Chuck couldn’t be in one place all the time and he reminded Castiel that he knew he’d rather be on Earth, so they didn’t need to be fully reliant on him.
“Thank you all for coming. Inside is the first group of new Angels I have created. You will find they are a bit different than what you are used to. I am not here to argue about their design. I have thought long and hard about it. If there is something I don’t like I might alter it in the next grouping. They are young, like small children more than anything else. I expect you all to be patient with them. They are not here to be poked and prodded. Their design is MY design and I expect that to respected.” Chuck became firm at the end, raising his eyebrow at Naomi, who had the decency to lower her eyes and swallow nervously.
“Now then, let’s meet the Angels of the New Choir…,” Chuck said with pride in his tone as he opened the door and a hundred sets of eager new eyes met theirs.
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“Again!” Castiel barked out at the formational lines of Angels. They each had an Angel blade in their hand and were practicing blocking techniques. He’d had to temporarily retire his trench coat. The Angels needed to be able to see how he moved his body with each movement he taught them. The older Angels may have seen the coat as a joke, but they didn’t know it’s usefulness. Not only did it hold sentimental value to him, but it camouflaged his movements, which kept the enemy off balance and unable to predict his next move. It also made it much easier to conceal his Angel Blades…but for now it sat folded neatly on the dais. He walked around, his dress shirt untucked for the same reasons. He felt vulnerable but really had no choice. Sam and Dean would have laughed at him teaching fighting techniques in dress pants and a tie, but he had a harder time imagining having the Angels dress in human sparring clothing. He’d seen Dean and Sam spar more times than he could count, and the sleeveless shirts and loose pants helped them move more quickly but were unnecessary for Angels…but Castiel couldn’t help but be distracted by the image.
He tried to blink away the thought of Dean, post-practice, drenched in sweat. His shirt clinging to the dip in his back and his hard chest in sweaty patches. He knew Dean’s routine and he’d always be waiting in the hall to toss him a bottle of water, that Dean would press to his lips happily. Castiel had long envied that he’d never be allowed to touch him the way he craved. The way Angels weren’t supposed to crave anything. Now if only he could get out of here, he could touch him. He could…
Castiel drug himself back to the present, feeling eyes on him. He’d gotten distracted. The Angels had finished their exercise and stood waiting for their next instruction. He mentally shook himself to focus.
“Okay, now let’s move on to offensive moves…” He said to take the attention away from him. An excited murmur ran through the eager young Angels and Castiel willed himself to focus on the task at hand. He wondered if Dean thought of him as often as he did him. Of course, Dean had his family and hunting to distract him. Castiel felt alone even though he was surrounded by a hundred others. He snatched up his Angel blade, ready to show them attack moves. The sooner he got them up to speed, the sooner he could go home and ask Dean for himself.
Notes:
Sorry for the "filler" type chapter. It's more of a transition to the bigger part that's already been written. Next chapter next Sunday!
Chapter 9: Be Safe
Summary:
Dean and the others have another interesting hunt and begin to notice a disturbing trend, while Castiel finds a way to reach out.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“You’re sure it’s a demon?” Mary asked as they spoke outside the warehouse. The towering building with it's cracked and boarded up windows cast an eerie shadow over the group.
“Demon or demons, but yeah…” Dean growled out as he stood with his arms crossed over his chest, keeping watch over Sam and Jack as they rummaged through the trunk of the car. His eyes never stopped scanning the area as they spoke quietly.
“You guys have been seeing the increase in demonic activity too, haven’t you?” Mary said as her face grew serious and her eyes darted nervously to the warehouse beside them again. Her hand mindlessly found the handle of her gun, tucked in her waistband. She'd been hunting with Bobby for a few weeks and the demons had been coming out in droves. One here. Three there.
“Yeah, and so have the other hunters. We called up everyone we knew. It’s not just us.” Dean added as Sam passed him a handful of Devil’s Trap Bullets and he loaded his gun, barely needing to look at what he was doing. The muscle memory in his hands effortlessly clicked open the barrel to load them.
Mary bit her lip softly, hesitating on her words. She knew this conversation would most likely not go well. “Dean, you know, we could use some expert advice…Maybe Castiel would know what the increase in demonic activity is about….”
Dean’s shoulders tightened and his face hardened, his features shutting down. “Yeah, that would be helpful, but my prayers are getting radio silence. I haven’t heard from him since that day at the hotel. Six months and nothing. Jack says he can still hear Angel Radio once in a while so Heaven’s up and running…but nothing about Cas.” Dean shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant but Mary knew. She nodded for Dean to follow her a few steps away from the Impala. He followed, dragging his feet in the dusty ground.
“Look, Dean, it’s not the place for this and it's probably none of my business but I'm your mother...I like Castiel...I truly do...but I don’t want to see you waste your life waiting on him. You don’t even know if he will ever come back. I just don’t think this is healthy for you. Waiting and hoping for something that may never happen...”
Dean let out a frustrated sigh as he ran a hand through his short hair. “You're right. It's not your business and this isn’t the place for this, and even if he doesn’t come back, what do you want me to do? Sign up for Tinder? I’m a 40-year-old hunter that’s in love with an Angel. All my friends are dead and I live in an unground bunker with my brother and my sorta-not-son that’s half Angel. You see the line of people ready to sign up for that? Cause I sure don’t. So, yeah, I think I'll wait for Cas. He’s the only one I want anyway, so now that we’ve got that covered, can we go smite a demon or two?” Mary nodded, embarrassed and they went to load up on weapons. Sam raised an eyebrow as Dean stormed over but Mary shook her head.
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Dean, Sam, Jack, and Mary stood surrounding a demon that was tied to a metal chair. The fumes from the red spray paint still permeated the air from the devil's trap Sam had hastily drawn on the chipped concrete floor. Dean had pried a few boards off the broken, boarded up windows to let the light in. It fell in harsh streaks across their faces. It was too risky to bring a demon home with them so they'd have to do their interrogating here. There had been four demons but only one had survived the skirmish, and the survivor sat there staring up at them with black eyes. The demon’s male vessel was fair skinned with freckles and red hair. He might have looked friendly if not for the pitch black eyes and the knowing smirk he wore.
“So, it’s true that Gingers don’t have souls huh?” Dean said with a smirk as he finished clicking the magical cuffs into place and stepping in front of the demon.
The demon smiled, eerily flashing bright white teeth. “I’m in good company then. All the demons know you and your brother have lost your souls before. Whoopsie….” The demon hissed out with amusement. “Slippery things, souls, aren’t they? Pretty overrated too. You, boy, yours is looking a little slippery too.” He spoke to Jack, his eyebrow quirking. Jack looked worriedly from Sam to Dean until Dean stepped in front of him, blocking the demon's view of him.
“You don’t talk to him, Opie. I’ve got questions. And to make sure you don’t try to split on us…” He growled out as he popped open a pocket knife, “I’m going to give you some free body art.”
Sam grabbed Dean’s arm, unsure. “Dean, is it really necessary?”
Dean’s eyes were dark and troubled but he nodded. “It’s necessary. I got this. If ya’ll don’t want to watch you can go in the other room.”
Sam shook his head firmly and stood by him as Dean pulled open the Demon’s shirt and began to carve a binding sigil into his chest. The demon screamed out, but Dean’s face remained blank as he finished his task robotically. When he was done he stepped back, careful to not disturb the paint line of the devil’s trap.
‘Now, no poofing out. We need answers and since your friends aren't feeling too chatty….” Dean gestured around him at the three bodies lined up on the other side of the room. “That leaves you. Now we can do this easy…” He said with grim determination as he let the knife glint in the light. “Or we can do it the hard way. You’re choice.”
“What, you’ll spare my life if I tell you everything I know? I know the song and dance," the demon said as he eyed the knife, still red with his own blood.
Dean shook his head, a smile pulling one side of his mouth up. “No, this only ends one way. You dead, but you get to choose how easy or hard that is.” Dean shrugged calmly as he picked up a bag of rock salt. “Now if you know me, you know….I’m pretty good at this…” Dean growled out as he tossed the bag of salt from hand to hand.
“So Alastair said….” The demon said, a small quake in his voice finally betraying his false confidence.
“Oh, you knew Alistair? Sam killed him, you know.” Dean said as he nodded at Sam. “And the Angels kicked his ass before that…”
“Angels, eh?” The demon got the first hint of a smile. “We aren’t scared of Angels anymore….haven’t you heard? They’re all dead. The last few can’t even leave Heaven to stop us. Your little pet Castiel doesn’t scare us anymore, either. He’s dead too we hear.” He spit the last out with as much venom in his voice as he could. The demon’s next words were drowned out when Dean quickly poured salt down his throat, stepping back as blood gurgled out of his mouth and he hacked it onto the floor. He coughed, laughing as he did. “Did I hit a nerve? It’s true, isn’t it? What Crowley said was true….You did bad things with an Angel, didn't you? Wow, who's the real monster here?” He smiled, his teeth stained red with his own blood. “At least I didn’t corrupt an Angel…not that I wouldn’t like a taste myself. What’s it like? Dragging one of those perfect little winged fuckers down into the muck with you?” Sam and Jack grabbed Dean by both arms and pulled him back, his Angel blade having all but materialized in his hand.
“You’re a lying sack of shit,” Dean yelled out as he fought to break free of Sam and Jack’s grip. Mary stepped between them and put a hand on Dean’s chest.
“I can handle this Dean. You go cool off.” Dean began to argue but she nodded to Sam and they drug him out, him cursing the whole way. She turned to the demon then.
“Was it something I said?” The demon purred out as Mary stepped into the circle, a blade flashing in her hand.
“You shouldn’t have done that. You may think I’ll go easy on you, but you don’t know me. Dean may have been trained in Hell…but I’m a fast learner." It was only moments later Sam and Jack had Dean at the Impala cooling off and they heard the demon let out a blood-curdling scream.
Mary came walking out of the warehouse a few minutes later, blood splattering her canvas jacket. “We’ve got problems….”
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Castiel paced the small room off the training room. He’d asked Chuck for a room he could go to when he wasn’t training. It was an odd request for an Angel typically, but he was far from typical and he just needed some time away from the other Angels. He’d gotten so used to being around humans that Angels had become….extremely daunting. He sat on his bed, his shoulders tight against the white dress shirt. He held his head in his hands as his eyes rolled back in his head. Another prayer from Dean. His heart ached with the need to see him, hear him. Dean was worried. This was not a new thing for him. Dean wore a brave face and he was more than strong but he had worries, worries that he only confided to him for many years now. This worry, however, was centered on his own wellbeing. Prayers weren’t always straightforward but Castiel could sense Dean was worried about...He thought he was dead?… He thought of how he would feel if he were in Dean’s place and he could fully understand his worry. What could he do though? He couldn’t leave. Not that he didn’t have the ability, but the Angels would follow him. He refused to lead them to Sam and Dean. If Chuck was here…..he’d still not approve. He needed him here. Jack…
“Angel Radio” as Dean had named it, wasn’t really secure but it was the only real option he had. He wasn’t really sure Jack would hear him, but he believed he had enough innate Grace that it was possible. It was worth a shot.
“Jack…It’s Castiel. I am alive and well, but I must be brief. I love you all. Keep each other safe…” Castiel focused his words to Jack, hoping they would find their way.
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They had just loaded up all the supplies as Mary stripped off her bloody jacket and tossed it into the trunk as well. Dean drove with Jack riding shotgun. Sam had endeavored to give up his spot once in a while for Mary and Jack. It seemed only fair. Sam and Mary sat in the backseat talking amongst themselves and Dean had his hand on the gear shift when Jack’s head went back, his eyes rolling back in his head. His body stiffened and Dean unbuckled his seatbelt.
“Jack!” Dean roared as he grabbed him by the shoulders.
“What’s wrong?” Sam said from the backseat, his hand finding his seat belt and flinging it off.
“I don’t know. Jack!” Dean gently shook him again, unsure of what to do, when Jack’s eyes slowly opened back up and a smile spread across his face.
“What was that?” Dean demanded, his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he sat back in his seat. “Scared the Hell out of me.”
“Castiel is alive. He just told me…” Jack said with a happy smile still plastered on his face.
Dean let his relief flood through him, his head hitting the headrest as his eyes closed for a moment. A small smile found it’s way home on him. “I knew he’d find a way to let me know…So, he can communicate with you?”
“He said he had to be brief. I think other Angels can hear this type of communication, or maybe other Angels were nearby,” Jack said as his smile faltered.
“What else did he say?” Sam said from the backseat.
“That he loved us all and to keep each other safe….” Jack added softly. He and Dean locked eyes and nodded.
“Yeah, that’s definitely him,” Dean said with a small laugh before he rebuckled his seatbelt. “Damn demons.”
“And if what that one in there said was true, we’re going to be dealing with a lot more of them in the days to come…” Mary added in the back. She cared for Castiel but she knew the moment before was for the boys.
“Well, we’ll be ready…” Dean said with a nod as he shifted into drive and the Impala kicked up dust and gravel as they drove away. He'd do what Cas asked. Keep them safe.
Notes:
Next week will probably be a long chapter! I've had next week's written for some time. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 10: What is going on in Heaven?
Summary:
The demons make their plans known and the Winchesters find out what Heaven has been up to
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Dean awoke, his head pounding. He looked around slowly as his eyes focused again. It took only a moment for him to realize thing were bad. He quickly assessed and noted he was chained to one of four chairs. The chairs were set in a square and all facing inward. Dean made eye contact with his mom as she was coming to, and Sam and Jack weren’t far behind them. He quickly assessed their chains. They were tight and possibly warded. His hands had no wiggle room and the chains pressed supernaturally heavily against his ribs. His feet were bounded to the chair legs, same as the rest of his family.
“What happened?” Dean spoke to Mary as she looked around. She too pushed against the bonds holding her down, though she too could tell it was useless.
Mary frowned, lines forming on her forehead as it creased in concern. “You don’t remember? They did hit you really hard…. We were at the bunker and the wardings failed somehow. Demons came in and took us all away. There were dozens of them. Why didn’t they just kill us?”
Dean looked around him once he was assured of the health of the others. They were on a stage in what appeared to be a large, dilapidated Coliseum. His nose was assaulted by the smell of old floor wax, mildew, and lingering sweat that had seeped into the very boards of the building. The roof was caving in and he could see sunbeams leaking through, making random patterns on the floor. The dust particles could be seen spiraling through the beams of light and the room was surrounded by wooden bleachers in different levels of decay. There were dozens, no…hundreds, of people milling about. They mingled in groups of five here, ten there. They all seemed relaxed with no sense of urgency or care about the four of them on the stage, except when he saw them steal glances at them occasionally.
“Where are we?” Sam said as he shook his head softly. “I don’t remember a building like this anywhere near the bunker.”
Jack squinted into the dim surroundings. “They’re demons. The people. They’re all demons.”
Dean, Sam, and Mary looked to Jack. Dean spoke softly. “How do you know? That’d be a hell of a lot of demons….”
Jack looked to Dean, a grim look on his face. “I may not have much Grace left, but I can sense a demon. Especially this many.”
“Why didn’t they just kill us?” Mary added again, pulling on her chains again, more urgency in her tone now.
“Well, that wouldn’t be much fun now would it?” cooed a tall, broad shouldered female demon at the foot of the stage. She had blonde hair cut in a harsh bob at her chin and she gave a devilish grin. “You’ll be dead soon, though, so no worries there.” She jumped up on the stage, the black leather suit she was wearing creaking with her movements. Her voice boomed through the coliseum. “Ladies and Gentlemen, well you know what I mean, welcome! Today we crown the new King, or Queen, “she added with a wink, “of Hell. Too long we have dealt with weak, foolish, or absent leadership! Today we become a force to again reckon with!” A cheer rose through the crowd mixed with whistles and catcalls. “The winner will get the pleasure, the honor, of killing our most dreaded foes, The Winchesters!” Boos and hisses thundered around the room. It shook the building, making bits of ceiling rain down. “How many of our numbers have they killed? How many times did our own King help them, our enemies?!” The crowd was getting out of hand. Dean could swear he felt his bones vibrating from the jeers and stomping. He thought about praying to Cas, but what could one Angel do against hundreds of demons? He’d only die with them…and that was unacceptable. He tried to shut down and not reach out to Cas in an inadvertent prayer.
The demon continued. “Today, we take back this world! Too long we’ve cowered in Hell from the winged cockroaches. But no more! The Angels are dead! Extinct!! Today we take back what is ours, and who will stop us?! NO ONE! No God! No Angels! This world is ours!” She shrieked and threw both hands in the air to thunderous applause. However, as the crowd appeared to die down, the thunderous noise didn’t. The dim, failing bulbs of the coliseum flickered and sparked, exploding into fine particles that rained down on the floor with the other ceiling debris. The roof shook, making more drywall and ceiling tiles fall in cascades. The four humans in the room ducked their heads to avoid it as best they could while still confined.Suddenly the demons seemed to sense the disturbance wasn’t from them. The room became deadly quiet for a moment as the demons all looked toward the sky.
Sam whispered into the utter silence, “What’s happening?”
Dean had only seen something like this once before. He and Bobby…alone in that barn…He winced as a loud, whining noise screamed through the room. He couldn’t even cover his ears due to the restraints. “It’s….” Dean began as hundreds of bodies streamed into the coliseum through all entrances. He squinted, confused, as they were all humanoid bodies, but they appeared to be wearing armor. It glinted silver in the remaining sparking lights and sunbeams, and there were….wings…wings everywhere. Wings in every shade of cream, white, and gold he’d ever seen. His brain couldn’t even make sense of it.
“ANGELS!” screamed the demons in a terrified chorus. Their shrieks combined with the voices of the Angels made Dean sure his ears were bleeding. He could even feel the warmth of the blood sliding down the side of his face.
“GUARD THE EXITS! NO ONE LEAVES!” boomed a deep, gravelly voice amongst the Angels. Dean looked more closely. That voice….The armor covered their chests and shoulders, even going across the top ridge of their wings. They all wore helmets of the same material, making them all look the same except for their wing colors. He’d never seen Angel wings before other than in shadow form. How could he see them now….and how were there so many of them? Castiel had said there were less than twelve of them, but here there were hundreds. The demons streamed down from the bleachers, meeting the Angels in a noisy clash. Angel blades flashed in the hands of the Angels, but many of the Demons appeared to carry them as well.
Dean’s attention was pulled away from the fray by two armored figures peeling off the from group and heading for them. One came up to him, but his ears rang too loud for him to hear. The figure appeared to get frustrated and ripped off her helmet before pressing her hand to his face. The ringing abruptly stopped, and Dean could focus on her face. She was dark skinned with long, wavy black hair. She looked decidedly annoyed.
“Can you hear me now?” her voice broke through the noise to him. Her voice would have been pleasant if not for the bitter, biting tone in it.
“Yeah, thanks…” Dean said as she began undoing his chains. “Who are you?”
“My orders are to free you, not socialize with you. I am Aberia of the New Choir and you are Dean Winchester.”
“Whose orders?” Dean croaked out as he stood, letting his chains clatter to the floor. He looked over and the other Angel was freeing the others. He enjoyed his first unobstructed breath since he’d regained consciousness.
“The Commander ordered me to free and protect you and the others instead of engaging in combat….” She growled out, her eyes bright with the urge to join the others.
“Aberia, get them to the side of the stage. This area is too wide open to defend,” yelled the other Angel as he removed Jack’s chains. Dean guessed he by the depth of his tone. The armor was distinctly gender neutral. Mary and Sam were both standing back to back, looking nervous. Aberia ushered them over to the side of the stage, spreading her wings wide to shield them from view. The other Angel came to stand beside her and did the same.
“The commander will be angry you’ve removed your helmet…” spoke the other Angel loud enough for Dean to hear. He was peering around the cream and gold feathers, trying desperately to see the battle.
“Angels shouldn’t have to wear armor, Debriel,” complained Aberia.
Debriel seemed to quote from memory. “The commander said that Angel Blades can kill us….and he said that there are a lot of Angel Blades owned by hunters and Demons…”
The female sighed in visible frustration. “I know what he said, Debriel. You don’t have to quote him. It’s just hard to see, okay?”
Dean’s eyes tightened. These Angels didn’t talk like any Angels he’d ever heard before. They sounded like bickering kids. He pushed to the edge of Aberia, brushing past her outstretched wings. The battle was still in full force. Angels were smiting and slaying demons with impressive speed. He saw no Angels down for the count either. His eyes were continuously drawn to one Angel. He could see nothing of that one except their wings, but they were pitch black. They stood out harshly against the wings of cream and gold and they moved with amazing speed, even though demons were coming at them at all sides. Their Angel Blade in their right hand slashed out over and over again. Dean swore the battle would have been almost beautiful, like something from a painting, if not for all the screams of terror from the demons. It was a massacre by every definition of the word. The few demons who had Angel Blades were proving impotent against the armor the Angels wore, striking it and being deflected at every turn. His heart raced as we watched the black winged Angel grab two demons by their faces and slam them down, smiting them in moments before snatching up their blade again. The armor is smart, thought Dean. He’d seen too many Angels, Cas included, get shiskabobbed in the back by an Angel Blade. The armor solved that problem and made them a Hell of a lot scarier to look at.
“The others are doing well,” murmured Debriel.
“They’re having all the fun,” sulked Aberia and Dean almost felt sorry for her. She was pouting like a teenager not allowed to go out on Friday night. By this time, the two Angels were so enamored with watching the battle that Sam, Jack, and Mary had wormed their way up to join Dean in watching.
“Do you think Cas is out there?” Sam said quietly into Dean’s ear, voicing the question Dean had been thinking since they had swarmed in.
Aberia snorted and Dean could hear the eye roll in her tone. “Commander Castiel is at the center of the fray…. having all the fun….” She added with a pout as she gestured at the black winged figure.
“He’s…. Cas is the commander?” Dean voiced aloud as everyone together took a greater interest in the black winged Angel who seemed to have a much larger portion of demons than anyone else. Dean had felt a familiarity in the way he moved….but to think that was Cas?
“Commander Castiel has been training us since we were born…. granted that has only been a few months,” Debriel added when Aberia remained silent.
“And yet we get babysitting duty….” Aberia groaned.
“Just because the Commander rejected you….” Debriel said with a grin in his voice. Sam stole a look at Dean, his mouth a tight line. Dean knew there was a reason he didn’t like her.
“Oh, go to Hell, Debriel,” Aberia barked back. Debriel laughed and playfully brushed her with his wings. “Nah, but the Commander’s been I hear. Like to actual Hell and back!” he added with excitement in his tone.
“Oh, those are just stories,” she said as she crossed her arms across her metal clad chest clumsily.
Dean grinned. Oh, he was going to enjoy this. He cleared his throat importantly, drawing their attention to him. “Nah, it’s true. He gripped me tight and raised me from perdition.”
“That story can’t be true…that’d mean….” Aberia said with a frown as her wings shrunk to her side in a show of insecurity. Suddenly, silence fell across the Coliseum.
“It is done. Double check that there are no survivors,” boomed the voice of Castiel. Dean’s eyes, and those of everyone on stage were immediately drawn to him. He stood in the middle of the group of Angels, blood splattered across the once gleaming armor. He removed his helmet and tucked it under his left arm. His hair was plastered to his forehead from the weight of the helmet, but his face was the same Dean had been missing. Castiel suddenly looked straight to the stage and locked eyes with him. He sheathed his Angel Blade and strode toward the stage with purpose. Dean gulped, watching his suddenly-very-intimidating form come toward him. The wings were massive, more than he could ever have imagined…he’d have to ask why he could see them now…
Aberia and Debriel stepped back to stand behind the group of humans they’d been tasked to protect, clearing the way for Castiel. Though the other Angels were checking bodies, Dean could see them all stealing glances at the stage and their commander. Dean felt his face grow hot but he stepped down the stairs at the edge of the stage and stepped to meet Cas. It had been a year since…well, a lot had happened obviously. He wouldn’t be presumptuous. They met at the base of the stairs, several unsure feet between them.
“Cas…I….”
“Hello, Dean…” they began at the same time. Dean laughed nervously while Cas ran his hand through his hair.
“I am sorry I couldn’t’ have stopped this before you were dragged here…It takes time to organize this many, and they are all so new…”
“Yeah…you got a lot to catch me up on…” Dean murmured as hundreds of eyes stared at him.
Castiel tensed and cleared his throat and the Angels went back to checking bodies, murmuring softly amongst themselves. “They’re basically children. You’ll have to forgive their curiosity. It’s their first time around humans.”
“Cas…. you’re wings…” Dean said softly, his fingers outstretched. “How?”
Castiel leaned in and let Dean’s fingers stroke along the glossy black feathers. His eyes closed in contentment, like a cat. “They healed in Heaven.”
‘They’re…amazing, but how can I see yours…and all of them?”
“Oh,” Cas’ eyes snapped open. “That was my idea. Visible wings are a bit more threatening than metaphysical ones. We can make them invisible but for battle purposes, they make a good scare tactic.
“Well, I’d say it worked. I…” Cas stepped forward then, dropping his helmet and putting his arms around Dean.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait another breath. I’ve missed you. It’s been so long…. I….If you’ve changed your mind…” Cas began, insecurity finally seeping in as he went to put a bit of distance between them.
Dean smiled, flashing his teeth and leaning into his touch. “No, I thought you might have changed your mind. I hear Aberia has the hots for teacher…” He winked before laying a shy hand on the metal chest plate.
“Dean, she’s like a child. A teenager at best and her attitude is worse than that of a teenager… There is no competition for my heart,” Castiel said as he leaned their foreheads together. Giggles began erupting from the Angels and Cas sighed. “I almost miss the hard ass Angels that hated me. I wasn’t cut out to teach….” He cleared his throat and snapped his wings to his side, but not before snatching Dean’s hand up in his own. The Angels began whispering and giggling amongst themselves.
Castiel growled out, “Enough, all of you. Return to Heaven immediately. I will follow soon after.”
A group huff erupted from the disappointed Angels. Aberia spoke up, “But Naomi said….”
As Castiel turned toward the stage, his eyes tightened as he saw Aberia and Debriel standing there, unmoved. “You heard my orders….” Castiel said with a harsh tone. Dean noted that his wings seemed to fluff out in aggravation as he spoke. Debriel shifted uncomfortably in his armor, his face as yet unseen by Dean.
Aberia stood proudly and her wings shifted slightly. “We had orders to make sure you returned as well….” The humans in the room felt a tangible tingle across their skin as Cas’ face grew dark as he walked up the steps, releasing Dean’s hand at the base of them.
“I made it very clear I would return. I have kept my end of the bargain. I do not need children such as yourselves policing me.” He said as he stepped into Aberia’s space.
Debriel lowered his head and his wings tucked closer to his shoulders. “We apologize, Commander, but our orders were specific.”
“I don’t apologize. G said you had to come back. He doesn’t want you to stay and play with the humans…” She let a hint of disdain slide into her tone as she said humans. Dean sucked in a breath as Cas moved like lightning, his angel blade flashing as he pointed the end at her throat.
“Aberia, I believe I made it clear any hint of disdain, hatred, or intolerance of humanity would get you demoted from my choir.” When Cas said the word demoted, they saw the blade press just barely against her skin.
The girl let out a ragged breath, her bravado fading. “You were very clear, Commander. I apologize for my insolence,” She stammered as she dropped to her knees and bowed her head. Cas holstered his blade and looked down at her. “I also made it clear you were not to remove your armor. Do you know how many Angels I have seen murdered by our own weapons?” Castiel said, his voice becoming calmer as he spoke.
"Yes, sir. You made that clear, sir. I…I wanted to see the battle better and I was only guarding the humans….”
Castiel let a smile rise at the corner of his mouth. “Stand and look at the humans, Aberia.” She stood and looked toward them, a small spark of defiance in her eyes. “These humans could kill you before you knew what was happening. Do you believe me?”
Aberia minutely raised her chin and shook her head. Debriel sighed in exasperation behind her. Castiel rolled his eyes to the amusement of Sam, Mary, and Jack. Dean had been behind him and missed it. Cas then looked behind himself and nodded at Dean, who smiled. Dean slipped his own blade out and had it at Aberia’s throat before she could react. She ground her teeth and let out a breath. Debriel stepped forward but Castiel held a hand up and he stopped immediately.
“These humans are better warriors than you may ever be, and they do it with no special powers or wings. Dean and Sam were both chosen by Heaven as hosts to Archangels. Jack is the child of an Archangel. Mary is one of the best hunters in the world through sheer training and willpower. I do not have time to list all the ways they could best you. Let that be enough. You would do well to show them some respect.” Castiel nodded to Dean and he lowered the blade and stepped to Cas’ side.
Aberia whipped around and tucked her wings in, anger simmering controlled under the surface. Debriel stepped up and put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s enough Aberia. You’re being insolent. Commander Castiel, what would have us tell G?”
Cas let his wings settle at his side, reflecting the end to the confrontation. “Tell him I do not plan on running away just yet. I wish to spend some time with my family and will return tomorrow morning. Naomi can babysit until I get back….” He growled out at the end as he raised an eyebrow.
Aberia was about to speak but Debriel put his hand over her mouth, flashed a smile that could barely be seen due to the helmet, and they disappeared. Finally, the only Angel left was Castiel.
A silence fell across the room and all eyes were on Castiel. He sighed, let his wings relax, the tips of them resting on the floor. He ran his hand through his hair and growled out. “I didn’t think I’d signed up to be babysitter. I just want to watch Netflix in the bunker.” That unexpected statement made Sam and Dean laugh.
Jack came up tentatively and Cas wrapped him in a hug. “I missed you.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long, Jack. I never wanted this….” Cas said soothingly before Jack released him from the hug. “Let me take you all home. You are quite a way form the bunker. My way Is much faster….”
“Oh shit, Cas. You know I don’t do your travel well,” Dean groaned, and he looked green just at the thought.
Sam laughed. “Come on, Dean. I thought you were tougher than that.”
Dean glowered. “Fine. Whatever. If I puke, I’ll make sure to aim your way.” He walked toward Cas, as did Sam and Jack. Mary furrowed her brow but followed suit. Cas’ wings spread majestically and before they knew it, they were home. Dean staggered away as soon as they were back, and he grabbed the edge of the war room table. “I do not miss that. Not at all.”
“I don’t feel so good,” Mary said, her face pale as well.
“One moment…. I’ll be right back,” Castiel said as he popped away before anyone could respond.
“I’m so confused right now…” murmured Sam as he sank into a chair. “New Angels, G, Commander Castiel, I mean, what Is happening up there?” Jack, Dean, and Mary followed suit and sat around the table.
Dean put in his two cents. “Let’s see…. One. Cas is a damn badass now. I mean, he always kinda was, but now… the wings, the armor. Someone’s making changes in Heaven, and all those Angels were new Angels. Who is the only one who could make Angels?”
“God….” Mary murmured before cradling her head in her heads. “This is all way above my paygrade. How do you boys deal with this all the time?”
“Alcohol. We need alcohol,” murmured Dean as he headed to the kitchen. He could hear the others milling about in conversation as he grabbed glasses and a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. He felt a rush of air and turned toward the door thinking someone had come to help when he was brought up short by Castiel mere inches from him. He dropped the glasses, but Cas caught them before they could hit the floor and placed them gently on the counter behind Dean. His wings were no longer visible, and Dean couldn’t help but feel a tinge of disappointment.
“Sonofabitch, Cas…” Dean grabbed at his chest in a mock heart attack. “I’m definitely going to put a bell on you now that you have your wings back…”
Cas tilted his head in confusion for a moment but smiled and shook his head in amusement. “I sensed you were away from your family. I wanted a moment alone if you wouldn’t mind….”
Dean grinned and slid the whiskey bottle back on the counter. “Moments are all you and I seem to get. Might as well steal them while we can.”
Castiel smiled but suddenly grimaced and rotated his shoulder uncomfortably. “First of all, can you help me with this armor. It was my idea, and it will save Angel lives, but it’s not the most comfortable thing I’ve ever worn.”
“Of course, where do I…” Dean began looking it over for a catch or clasp.
Cas turned his back to Dean and tapped his shoulder. “There are clasps on the shoulder seams.” Dean made swift work of them and removed the back plate while Cas removed the chest plate. Dean laid it down on the counter and Cas went to lay his chest piece beside it and Dean saw a flash of blue. When Castiel faced him again, he couldn’t contain his smile. Hidden beneath the majestic Angel armor, Cas was wearing a now terribly wrinkled dress shirt and his blue tie.
Dean tugged on the tie, and Castiel took the moment to step closer. “You, Commander Castiel, wearing a dress shirt and tie under your armor. Only you, Cas.” His easy grin turned a tiny bit unsure as Cas stepped more into his space, making his lower back press into the counter behind him. Cas, who was normally a bit standoffish, felt almost predatory, in all the right ways. Dean’s eyes tightened and he lifted an eyebrow. “You enjoyed that out there today didn’t you?”
“While I mourn the loss of the humans whose bodies had been taken over, I acknowledge they had been possessed for far too long to be saved. I never enjoy taking a human life, but once again being in battle, stretching my wings, and being of true use….yes, yes I did…” Castiel pressed himself to Dean’s front, pinning him between himself and the counter. “But I am certain there are other things that could bring me almost as much enjoyment.”
Dean grinned and felt his face redden. “Almost as much” You sweet talker you…” he wrapped the tie around his fist and pulled Castiel in for a kiss. It was soft and hesitant at first, their lips trying to remember their last stolen moment. Cas rutted up against Dean, his hands sliding up his back, and Dean groaned. “You really do like a good battle, don’t you? Duly noted…” He nipped at Castiel’s neck, which made the Angel dig his nails into the small of Dean’s back and the kiss became one of desperation and urgency. Cas’ hand slid up to cup the base of Dean’s head, his fingers sliding through his hair.
“Dean! Drinks!” Sam yelled from down the hall.
“Sammy, the ever-present cock blocker,” Dean growled out as he gently pulled away. Castiel blinked like he’d been in a daze and Dean smiled proudly. “Dude, you are not at all presentable.” He looked him up and down and his clothes were a jumbled mass of wrinkles and his hair was a disheveled mess.
“Oh, I can fix that.” He blinked and before Dean’s eyes he was suddenly wrinkle free and his hair was back to its familiar coif.
“Show off….I mean, it’s no trench coat…but it’ll do.” Dean grabbed up the glasses while Castiel insisted on grabbing the whiskey and they made their way back to the War Room.
“I mean, did you see…” Sam was leaned over speaking with Mary when Dean and Castiel entered. Dean cleared his throat and Sam startled slightly. “Crap. I can’t get used to you being able to do that again, Cas.”
“Speaking of which…”Dean led in as he slid glasses to everyone. He hesitated at Jack, shrugged and slid him one as well. “You’ve earned it kid.” He sat down, kicked the chair out beside him, nodded to Cas, and poured himself whiskey before sliding the bottle to his mom. Castiel sat down in the offered chair and leaned his elbows on the table, leaning like he had not been able to relax in a long time.
“Alright, we’ve got questions,” Dean said as he angled his chair to be able to look at Cas.
“I figured as much,” Castiel replied before looking around briefly and smiling. “It feels very nice to be back for a bit.”
“Cas, How are your wings working? I thought…when Metatron…:” Sam hesitated, not wanting to be tactless.
“That is one of the easier questions I can answer. I never fell, not in the same way the rest of the Angels did when Metatron’s spell was enacted. I was essentially human when the Angels fell, so I had no wings to be destroyed. When I received my Grace back, my wings were restored, but damaged beyond use due to Metatron’s mistreatment of my grace for his spell, and the fact that there was so little of it remaining.”
“Okay, I follow so far…,” Sam said, his curiosity making him hang on Cas’ words.
“Well, as you have all since figured out, Angels are essentially batteries. We are waves of celestial intent. Heaven needs us to function, but it, in turn, strengthens us the more time we spend there.”
“So, you’re a battery left to sit on a charging station…” Sam added with a smile.
Castiel nodded and smiled softly in return. “Exactly so, Sam. Except that not only does it refuel us, but it can also heal us. My wings began to heal after only a few weeks there.”
“So, is that how you booped down when I had that trouble with the Croccata?” Dean asked.
Castiel shifted nervously, a very human gesture he’d picked up in his time on Earth. “Well, no. That was God…Chuck…G… Whatever he wants to be called,” Cas added with a dismissive gesture. “He knew you were in trouble, so he sent me down to assist.”
“Excuse me, what? Why didn’t you tell me Chuck was back?” Dean’s face was hard.
Castiel shrugged but dipped his head. “He told me I couldn’t.”
“Since when do you care what Heaven asks you not to do?” Dean growled out and leaned away from Cas. Castiel notably frowned, as noted by Mary, Sam, and Jack.
“If God is in Heaven, is there still a crisis in Heaven?” Mary added, wanting to deflect away from Dean’s mood change.
“Yes and No. Chuck is not permanently staying. He and I have designed and built new Angels to replenish our species, but they are young and foolish and need guidance.”
“Which is why you are still there…” Jack added quietly. “You are very good at that, Castiel.”
Castiel smiled fondly at his protégé. “Could be better, but I’m trying. More than the other Angels. They just can’t see eye to eye. The new Angels have something the older Angels don’t.”
“Wings?” Dean added with a sarcastic eye roll.
“Well, yes that but no, not just that. They have been given autonomy and a touch of free will. It’s still in the experimental phase and some may not make the final cut….”
“Such as your girlfriend Aberia…” Dean said with a raised eyebrow.
Castiel huffed out a sigh and looked straight to Dean. “I believe I made it very clear, she is a mere child in the grand scheme of my life. I have no control over how she feels about me. That is what free will can do, but I promise you those feelings are not returned. She doesn’t even understand how to regulate her feelings and emotions as the original Angels did, because we didn’t have those. Don’t you remember how I was?”
“Robotic, cold, but not as bad as the others….” Sam added.
“And when I discovered how to be more….human?” Castiel added softly.
“The Angels hated it, you, us…” Sam added, beginning to understand.
“Still do, I’m afraid. So having Angels that don’t have or understand emotions and Angels who have them but do not understand them….It makes things complicated. I’m the mediator between the old and the new.”
Mary had her clasped together but she rubbed her knuckles nervously. “And you’re training them to fight? Does that seem like a good idea considering the past?”
Castiel’s face reflected his torn feelings on the subject. “I can’t leave Heaven helpless. I was the last warrior Heaven had. The remaining original Angels are bureaucrats, paper pushers. Heaven cannot be left defenseless when I return.”
“They’re letting you return?” Jack added before anyone else could. His eyes were eager but cautious.
Castiel let out a sigh. “Eventually. These Angels are not ready to be cut loose, especially considering their main influence when I leave will be Naomi. I must make my impression upon them before that time comes. The last thing we need is hundreds of Angels like her running around.”
“I’ve never met this Naomi. Is she…” Mary added after silence had fallen across the room.
“A raging bitch? Yup,” Dean added as he took a swig of his whiskey.
Castiel nodded his head at Dean, acknowledging he wasn’t wrong. “Mary, she has done many terrible things in the name of protecting Heaven but by far her biggest sin in my eyes was her stealing my memories and turning me against Sam and Dean…. She had me practice murdering Dean thousands upon thousands of times. She is a dangerous, manipulative, bitch as Dean has so eloquently described her.”
“Then why would Chuck let her have anything to do with the new angels?” Sam added.
Castiel shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “Angels our age are in short supply. We have knowledge they will never have that needs to be passed down. Biblical knowledge that we have lived through. Naomi included.”
“So what else did you include with the new Angels circuitry changes?” Dean said as he looked at Cas over the rim of his glass.
“We took much time to make notes, plans, and sketches. Chuck wanted to use me as an example, but there were things he did not want them to have that are a part of me….All of these Angels though, they were each created using some of my own power combined with Chuck’s. He wanted them to be born with some pre-existing understanding of Humanity, respect for life, the capacity for love and friendship…”
“Wait, doesn’t that kind of make them all your children?” Dean said with a glance at Jack, who was looking a bit lost at the statement.
Castiel shook his head forcefully. “No, it’s nothing like that. Nothing like my connection with you either, Jack. I am not their creator. Much more their teacher. I feel the same for them as I used to feel for my flock. There is a comfort to being around those of my own kind…. but nothing like being home, with you.” He looked to the Winchesters as a whole.
“When do you have to go back?” Jack added quietly.
Castiel sighed and rubbed his temple, holding up a finger in a gesture for quiet. His forehead twitched and his eyes closed in concentration. A moment later his eyes opened, and they weren’t happy. “I have until tomorrow then I am under orders to return.” His jaw was tight in unspoken frustration.
“Why, Cas? Heaven has enough Angels to run it…Chuck’s there…. Can’t he train them? What would happen if you just didn’t go back?” Dean leaned forward in his chair, intent.
“Chuck may be all-powerful, but he is not a warrior. He is a creator. Also, if I chose not to return, they would send the Angels to retrieve me. I will not bring danger like that down on you.”
“Cas…from what we saw today I think you could take them,” Sam said with a smile.
Castiel smiled proudly at the compliment but shook his head in dismissal. “I would not wish to test that theory, Sam. I’ve killed enough Angels for a thousand lifetimes. The time will come when I am released from my responsibility, but today is not that day.”
Dean’s jaw tightened as he held back words he wanted to say. He twirled his whiskey glass in front of him. “Well…. what do you want to do with the time you have? How about some lowly human stuff you’ve missed?”
Cas’ eyes lit up with excitement. “Food and television with my family,” He said with little hesitation.
“What would you like, Cas? I can go pick something up,” Mary volunteered.
“Pizza…No, cheeseburgers…No…” Castiel’s memory flitted from food to food, making even Dean’s angry face wilt away.
“Both. Get him both, mom. Pepperoni and mushrooms on the pizza. Cheeseburgers with everything except lettuce,” Dean quoted from memory as his mouth turned up in a small smile.
“Okay, I’m on it. Anyone want to ride with?” Mary looked around at the others and Sam stood.
“I’ll come with you, mom. Don’t disappear while I’m gone, Cas. It’s good to have you back for a bit.” Sam grabbed Cas’ shoulder in a friendly gesture before heading out with Mary.
Jack took that moment to come and sit closer to Cas. He all but threw himself into the empty chair nearest him. “Castiel, did you see my mother while you were there? Is she okay?”
Cas’ eyes held a proud warmth in them for Jack as he nodded. “I did go see her once. She had returned to her childhood memories so she is not having to relive the fear from the fight with the Empty. She did not see me. For a while, I had much time to myself so I checked in on those I could.”
“Bobby…” Dean said without question.
“Bobby and I have had many nice conversations. He is still aware that he is in Heaven so it is not disruptive to him. He did pull a gun on me the first visit, and of course asked about you and Sam.”
Dean pursed his lips and nodded. “Sounds about right.”
Castiel looked between them, his eyes shining with feeling. “Jack…Dean…I am so sorry….I feel like I abandoned you all. Sam too. Jack, I hope you can understand why I had to leave so suddenly. It wasn’t by choice.”
“Dean explained it. I understand that you did it to keep my mother and the others safe. It is a necessary sacrifice but I…we…are ready for you to come home. Dean, Sam, and Mary have been continuing to train me to fight, and I haven’t been using any more of my powers. I promise. “
Castiel’s fatherly smile made Jack beam with pride. “That’s good, Jack. You must continue to do as they say and protect the sanctity of your soul. It is too important. You must not burn it out.”
Jack nodded solemnly. “Sam talked to me about what it was like…to be soulless. I think I understand now why you were so upset with me.”
Castiel pressed a hand to Jack’s shoulder and his eyes were alight with happiness. “I’m sorry I’ve made this evening all about me. Has there been any exciting news here?” He looked between Dean and Jack, true curiosity painting his face.
“Well, Mary and Other Bobby are an official thing…. It’s still a little weird but she’s happy, so that’s good to see.” Dean said with an uncomfortable shrug. She’d tried to hide it for a while but Dean was far from dumb and he’d finally had her come clean about it, and then gave his blessing.
Castiel looked in Dean’s eyes, knowing more than Dean said. “That’s unsurprising considering how often they were hunting together before I left. I’m glad your mother has found happiness in this life again.”
“I got a driver’s license!” Jack added with excitement as the thought struck him, reaching into his wallet and fishing it out. “Well, Sam had to fabricate the documents so I could get it, but I took the test myself and passed. It has my picture and everything!” Jack beamed as he handed the card to Cas.
Castiel broke into a proud smile, flashing his teeth. “Very good, Jack! I’m so proud! I wish I could have been here to see that…” Dean could hear the regret in his tone.
“We’re fixing up one of the cars in the garage for him. He wanted to drive Baby,” Dean said as he leaned on Cas’ shoulder to get a look at the license. Cas could smell the whiskey on his breath and it brought him back to their first kiss in the woods. His eyes met Deans, and his were similar to his own. They both knew this might be the only time they had together for who knew how long…months…years…
“Cas, we need to talk tonight,” Dean murmured into Cas’ ear as Jack was distracted tucking his license away. Castiel nodded in agreement, his throat tightening. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye again. He’d never be ready to say goodbye again. Staying here tonight was only going to make leaving a thousand times harder. He even considered going now…. It wasn’t as if any of them could stop him…but he’d be selfish now and hurt himself through his own choices. Chuck had made It clear it wasn’t a good idea, and he’d said as much. Chuck knew about love, and he knew about sacrifice. He knew Cas was in love with Dean, but he also couldn’t get him a timeline of when he could come home. Castiel knew he had to finish what he’d started in Heaven, but time in Heaven was of little concern. Angels could live forever, hypothetically, so a year or two to them was nothing. It was everything to Cas. Dean had turned 40 this year and he’d missed it. Forty wasn’t old, but it’s wasn’t young. He’d met Dean when he was almost ten years younger and they’d let these ten years go by so frighteningly fast. He knew a human life span usually maxxed out at 80-90-100 years. Hunters rarely saw those numbers. He’d already lost a year with Dean while he served Heaven. How much more time would he lose? How much more was he willing to lose?
Notes:
Sorry for any issues I missed in the text. My laptop is dying and is running EXTREMELY slowly! Next week Dean and Cas get some alone time...
3/17/19 Due to computer issues, new chapter will be up Monday or Tuesday. Sorry for the inconvenience guys.
Chapter 11: Home Again...For Now
Summary:
Castiel enjoys being home for the limited time he has and he reveals his future plans to Dean
Some Sexual Content Ahead.
Notes:
Sorry for the rushed content. I have been trying to write and edit but my computer has been difficult. I promise I will make it up with a more detailed scene later. If I wasn't clear above, there is smut below.
Next Chapter Sunday or Monday
Chapter Text
Mary and Sam had come back with sacks of cheeseburgers and fries and several pizzas. They sat around the kitchen table laughing, passing food, and telling stories. They were catching Castiel up on all the missed hunts and events of the past year. Cas forced a smile, his heart aching with the details of the things he’d missed. Dean sensed early on how much this was upsetting Cas. He clasped his hand under the table and felt the reassuring squeeze of thanks returned from the Angel. His smile never faltered but Dean could see the pain and regret in his eyes.
Sam was currently grabbing another piece of pizza, his hand sliding the now mostly empty box closer to himself. “You shoulda seen it, Cas. Dean was covered head to toe in this nasty green gloop from the egg sack. I warned him stabbing it was a bad idea.”
Dean smiled and rolled his eyes as he took another hefty bite of the cheeseburger in front of him, his cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. “It stunk up the Impala for a week.”
“Told ya so,” Sam mumbled through a fresh bite of pizza, his smile genuine and wide.
“You did. You did,” Dean said with a laugh. He’d tried to hide how he'd been struggling over the year. They’d drug him out hunting and he’d done his best to carry on, but he’d been pretty careless he could admit now. He was lucky to be alive and he considered himself doubly lucky to have Cas here tonight. He was feeling like a sentimental sap. He squeezed Cas’ hand under the table again and Cas looked to him with a cocked head, confusion in his eyes. Dean shook his head minutely.
They moved the party to the living room, everyone piling in chairs to watch Netflix, at Cas’ request. It was one of the human things he had expressed he missed the most. Without any discussion or debate, Dean and Castiel sat together on the couch with Jack on Cas’ other side. Sam had settled into one of the large armchairs. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t miss his friend but he knew he’d been bested in his heart, and he was very okay with that. Sam shot a smile to his mom, unseen by Dean. Mary smiled back as she looked at the cozy, family-like set up on the couch. Her fear for Dean’s future disappointment was there still but at this moment, it didn’t matter. She still didn't truly comprehend the relationship Dean and Castiel had but perhaps it just wasn't her place to try to make sense of it. As long as Dean was happy...
Jack didn’t say much but it was obvious to everyone that he’d done the best he could with Castiel gone, but he still was greatly comforted by his presence in a world he still did not have a full grasp on. Losing his Grace had been so difficult, and Cas had been through the same thing. He’d been counting on Cas to lead him through, but with him gone, Sam and Dean had done the best they could. Everyone had simply done the best they could, Castiel included.
“Are you getting enough sleep, Jack? I know it’s difficult to get into a sleep pattern after your grace is lost,” Cas said as he looked over at Jack’s tired eyes. HIs face was full of understanding and concern.
Jack rubbed at them defiantly, blinking to clear the heaviness. “Yes. Sam helps me stay on a schedule. I’m usually asleep by now but you’re here and….”
“I understand. I am very glad to see you too, all of you. This has been a wonderful evening. I….I wish I did not have to go back.” Castiel looked around him and he reveled in the familiarity, the family. He couldn’t express how it felt to be able to put his metaphorical and physical armor down and just be himself.
“Then don’t,” Jack said firmly before Dean could. They were staring at him with the same thought. “Doesn’t the Enochian tattoo you have keep the Angels from finding you?”
Castiel’s mouth tightened in a sad smile. He shook his head, speaking to Jack but knowing Dean needed to hear this as well. “I’m sorry, Jack. That was removed by Naomi when I agreed to return, and I had to agree to be warded with a tracking sigil. I truly have no choice without bringing the wrath of Heaven down on you all, and I won’t do that.”
Jack began to argue but Cas’ interrupted. “I said, NO, Jack!” Jack’s eyes widened and his forehead creased as he leaned away from Cas reflexively.
Castiel closed his eyes and his face softened. “I’m sorry, Jack. I just….I don’t want to go but I have to. Please, don’t make it harder than it already is.” The atmosphere in the room was dimmed by the realization and they did not bring it up again, much to Cas’ relief.
It was very late when Mary finally begged off to head to bed. She gave Castiel a short hug before heading to her room. Sam looked over at Jack, who had fallen asleep on the couch, his head lolled to the side and leaned against Cas. Castiel was looking at him with fondness visible in his eyes as Sam nudged him awake. He and Cas both got him up, each holding an arm to get him steady on his feet.
“Don’t leave without saying goodbye, Castiel,” Jack murmured as he groggily hugged him.
“I promise I won’t,” Cas said as Jack headed down the hall. Sam had grabbed a hug as well before helping get Jack, half asleep, down the hall.
That left Castiel and Dean alone in the quiet living room. Dean was tired but there was no way he was going to miss out on what little time they had left till who knew when.
Castiel interrupted the silence, hesitant to bring it up. “You said we needed to talk?” He’d heard the phrase used in a myriad of relationship movies in his binge-watching days. It had never led to anything good from what he’d seen.
Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, but not here. Come on,” He rose and stretched his back from sitting so long. He nodded his head toward the hall and Castiel followed, heading toward Dean’s room. Dean pushed his door open but Cas hesitated at the entrance. He looked around, noting every little difference from his last time here. He tried to memorize every detail, from the hastily made bed to the dangerously high stack of tapes and cds. Sam had encouraged Dean to buy his songs as MP3s on his phone, but Dean had rolled his eyes. He was an old soul, and he liked old things…Castiel smiled to himself as he lumped himself into old things Dean seemed to like. He leaned against the door frame, watching Dean. It really was his favorite pastime.
Dean had not expected company in his room tonight, so he was only mildly embarrassed at the state of it. He was normally pretty tidy, not Sam tidy, but nearly so. He threw his dirty clothes from yesterday in the hamper by the desk and ran his hand over the quickly made bed. He looked to the door and Castiel was watching him with a smile on his face.
“See something you like?” Dean said with a smug smile, mustering up confidence he didn’t feel. That was a game he was good at playing.
“Actually, yes,” Castiel said as he stepped into the room. Dean gestured for him to close the door and he complied.
Dean sat down on the bed, his foot bouncing up and down with nervous energy. “Sorry, no extra chairs in here. Let’s talk.”
Castiel again complied, his weight on the mattress lending Dean’s body to press against his own. Cas closed his eyes a moment and let out a shaky breath. He had better control than this, and he had no idea what this talk would be. He could not be presumptuous. He had just missed the sound, the sight, the smell of Dean so much…and he was alone in his bedroom. He’d been here many times, but never when they had both admitted their feelings. This was entirely new territory.
He may be a Warrior of God but he was very new at this. “Anything you wish, Dean.”
Dean took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and choosing his words carefully. “Look, I haven’t seen you in six months. A lot’s happened and…” He shuffled nervously, trying to find the right words.
Castiel’s heart ached and the doubt he’d felt as every day passed felt validated. Of course, Dean would have changed his mind and moved on. Why would he wait for him when he had such little time in his human life? He had to relieve him of the burden of guilt. “Dean, if your feelings have changed I could not blame you. I do not expect your life to be put on hold and it was unfair of me to expect you to. I should never have put that on you. Telling you my feelings was a spur of the moment decision to help me keep my sanity in Heaven and it was selfish and…” Castiel’s words were cut off by Dean grabbing his face with both hands and pressing their lips together. The suddenness of it left Cas speechless as Dean pulled away.
“Could you shut up for two seconds? I’m not fucking breaking up with you. We aren’t even an official thing and you think I’m breaking up with you? What happened to that ironclad, assertive commander from earlier today?” Dean studied his eyes and Cas’ eyes renewed their warmth, his fear dissipating.
Castiel smiled softly, averting his eyes nervously as he kept his hands folded in his lap. “You know very well that’s only one part of me…and one thing I never am with you is confident.”
Dean smiled, flashing his teeth. “I happen to like both sides to you, but you could have pushed me over with a feather watching you today. I was terrified and turned on at the same time,” Dean joked, hoping to lighten the mood. It worked as he saw a flicker of mirth enter Cas’ eyes. “But hold on, I’m getting ahead of myself. Look, I just need you to know, I know you can’t give me a time frame of when you can come home…but I don’t care. You’re here right now. That’s what matters, and I want to make it count….” Dean leaned forward and slid his hands under Cas’ shirt, smiling as the Angels eyes all but rolled back in his head at the simplest of touches.
Castiel’s eyes changed in a moment and a flicker of that assertive commander slid by. “I can get on board with this plan…” In the back of his mind he had to keep in mind he was leaving in the morning. More like hours from now most likely. Why did he have to remember this? He knew if he let himself fall into this moment, throw caution to the wind and simply indulge in this happiness, the Empty would come for him. Dean knew about this, but he doubted Dean realized how much happiness this day, and this moment, in particular, brought him. He refused to let the Empty have him this day. Chuck had seemed so sure he could handle the Empty, but Castiel was not willing to take that chance.
Keeping that in mind, Cas pulled Dean close by putting his own hands at the small of his back. His lips found Deans, and they kissed. It was soft at first but the longer it went, the more intense it became. They had been apart for six months this time, and never alone this way ever. Castiel had been surrounded by young Angels who knew nothing of love or passion. Passion. That was a word he’d never found to use before. He understood it now. It was a deep, burning feeling dancing in his gut. His face felt flush and his skin burned wherever Dean touched him. All those things seemed ridiculous and impossible, but so many things seemed possible now. Dean’s teeth nipped at his lips, coaxing them open. Cas shivered as the kiss deepened, their tongues dancing against one another. Dean’s hands slid out from his shirt and began making short work of his buttons. Cas thought to do the same but came up short when Dean slid his shirt from the shoulders and broke the kiss abruptly.
“What the hell’s that?” Dean growled out.
Castiel felt drunk and confused at the look in Dean’s eyes. “What do you mean?” Castiel said, his head cocking to the side.
“That.” Dean pulled back the flap of Cas’ white dress shirt and exposed what appeared to be a burn on Cas’ left side, right where his warding had been. Cas understood now. He sighed and averted his eyes. This would not go over well.
“Oh. That was where Naomi removed my tattoo….” Castiel said with some insecurity seeping in. I am sorry. It’s not very nice to look at.” The anger that sparked into Dean’s eyes would have taken a lesser being’s breath away.
“That bitch fucking burned you?” Dean growled out, tentatively studying the burn as he gently ran a fingertip along it. It was healed but he knew what burns felt like and he could tell it had to have hurt.
Castiel tried to concentrate on what Dean was saying but the fingertips tracing along his neglected skin was very distracting. He shivered before responding. “Why are you surprised? It’s Naomi….I could have healed it but I needed a reminder.”
“A reminder of what?” Dean added, his eyes tight and his forehead wrinkled in thought.
Castiel looked down at the burn, watching Dean stare at it, the anger slowly disappearing. “Of who my real friends and family are. Of where I actually belonged…lest I ever forget or she try to mess with my memories again. I needed to remember the pain she caused me. Of why I had been warded in the first place.”
Dean nodded and traced it lightly with his fingertips. “It doesn’t hurt…” Cas added.
Dean slid his hand over it in a possessive way, covering it with his warm palm, his thumb lightly grazing his skin back and forth. “Good. You keep remembering that. Where you belong…”
Cas shivered under Dean’s touch, his eyes closed in happiness now. A small frown crossed his face though and he slowly opened his eyes again, wariness present. “Now would probably be the best time to show you the other one….” He slid his shirt off his arms, his body now naked from the torso up. Dean looked confusedly at his chest, only seeing the mark at his side. Castiel turned to reveal his back, wincing as he heard Dean suck in a shocked breath.
“Fucking Hell, Cas. What the Hell is that?” Dean said with alarm at the overly large symbol all but carved into Cas’ back, between his shoulder blades. It was healed as well, the lines only raised scars now.
Castiel ’s voice was resigned, answering an unspoken question he’d asked himself and knew Dean would ask too. “My tracking sigil…and before you ask. Yes, yes she could have done it smaller.”
“Wow…I didn’t think I could dislike her anymore. Good to know I can still be proved wrong and pushed to new levels of hatred.” He slid his hands along Cas’ back, his fingertips gliding over the raised scars. He was rewarded with a shiver visibly running across Cas’ skin. He smiled to himself, enjoying that more than he thought he would. “So, why can’t I see your wings now?” Dean asked, curiosity rampant in his voice as his hands slid across where he believed his wings would attach.
Cas visibly convulsed with pleasure. His voice was breathy and soft. “I…uh…I have them tucked away in the celestial void.”
“Hmmm…okay.” Dean laid a soft kiss on the base of Cas’ neck. “I might like to get my hands on those someday. They are gorgeous…” He whispered softly, feeling braver when he didn’t feel Cas’ eyes on him.
Cas’ shoulders lifted and his muscles jumped. “Did…did your wings move?”
Castiel turned his head to look at Dean. “They have a little bit of a mind of their own.”
“Same as you, huh?” Dean again murmured as he pressed his lips against the top of the tracking sigil, feather soft and teasing. Cas’ eyes rolled back in his head.
“Damn it, Dean…” Castiel growled out as he turned to face him. His face left no need for translation and Dean quickly slid his shirt off in response. They crashed into one another, arms sliding across newly exposed skin. They both were quickly on their knees on the bed, reveling in the long-needed touch of one another.
Castiel had never been touched in such a way by anyone. Not with such want, such passion, and only for him. He growled possessively against Dean’s neck as he nipped at his skin.
Dean huffed out a ragged breath. “Fuck, Cas, didn’t know you’d be a biter…I’m not complaining…” as his nails dug into Cas’ back.
“I didn’t know I was a biter either…” He said with a gravelly, deep, laugh as his hand moved to Dean’s pants. He quickly unsnapped the button of his jeans. Dean broke away and leaned back on the bed as Cas grabbed the end of his pants and whipped them off his legs. He threw the pants off the bed and leaned over him on his arms, smiling with all the possessiveness he felt in that moment.
“Your turn, feathers,” Dean said with a raised eyebrow. Castiel leaned back and unbuttoned and removed his pants with newfound urgency. He threw them across the room, hitting the wall with a soft thud. Dean almost giggled….almost.
“Humans have to wear too many layers,” Castiel grumbled as he was left in his underwear now as well.
“Okay, but you wear armor on the regular….I’m just saying…” Dean said with a grin as he pushed his underwear down, revealing himself to Cas. Dean, who had been with more people than he cared to count, felt shyness at this moment he hadn’t felt in some time. It was unfounded, however, as Castiel looked at him with overwhelming love and possession.
“You really are the most beautiful human I have ever seen,” Castiel said as he slid his own underwear down.
“If you like your humans scarred and screwed up,” Dean said with a shake of his head but Cas raised an eyebrow, making a face that made something low tighten inside him.
“I like my humans named Dean Winchester. The one I raised from Hell. The one who talked me into betraying Heaven to save the world. The one who fought beside me. The one who befriended me. The one who protected me. The one who loves me as I love him….”
Dean shivered at Cas’ words and the Angel took that moment to gently lay himself on top of Dean. They were skin to skin for the first time and it was intoxicating. Cas rolled Dean to his side and they resumed exploring each other with their mouths. Hands found and cherished mutual scars. Teeth nipped along necks, shoulders, anywhere their mouths could reach. Dean figured out quickly Cas had a thing for ears, and he took that to full advantage, sucking his earlobe into his mouth and nipping at it at frequent intervals. Cas would then dig his nails into Dean’s back, which definitely did it for him. It was an endless cycle of give and take and they were lost in being together. They were drunk on each other’s skin, both being so desperately touch starved. In the very back of his mind, Dean knew he’d never experienced anything like this, even though no sex had been had. He’d used sex as a distraction most of adult life, never letting him feel safe in another’s arms. With Cas, he felt utterly safe…but he wasn’t sure how to move them forward, his own erection an exclamation point between his legs urging him forward. Cas was obviously in an equal situation but they’d never discussed this part. How do you ask an Angel if they want to…
“Dean, do you want to….I…uh…” Castiel murmured in his ear. “I’m out of my element here. You have more experience in this regard.”
Dean let out a husky, relieved laugh. He felt weightless, almost drunk. “Way to make me sound like a ho. Cas. Not to put too much pressure on the situation here but I’ve never been with another man…only you.” Cas’ face gave away his shock. “Well, don’t look so stunned. You might insult me.” Dean kissed his chin, enjoying the soft stubble against his lips. “I wasn’t opposed to the idea...just never found the right one, but there are other ways to...” Dean began as he reached between them and gently cupped their dicks together in his hand. Pressing them together felt overwhelmingly good. He was biblically familiar with his own shaft obviously, but holding Cas in his hand, next to his own, was exciting. His heart raced at the mere thought. When he began to stroke them in unison, he thought Castiel might fall out of the bed. His eyes were swimming and he joined Dean in his task, wrapping his hand around his own.
Both of their eyes fluttered. They’d been making out for what felt like an eternity and they were both prime for release, having been rutting against one like two animals in heat. Dean feeling Cas’ laying hot and hard against his leg had been the best feeling, knowing he was making him feel that. Knowing he felt the same way, and having physical evidence of it…he couldn’t express how it made him feel.
Castiel pressed their foreheads together and stared into Dean’s eyes. “Dean, I’m not going to last much longer…,” he said with some apology in his tone. Dean let out a groan and smiled, huffing out a ragged breath.
“Me either, Cas… Come with me…” Dean panted the words out, nipping at Cas’ lips but unable to deepen the kiss without the needed oxygen. He felt his body tighten in preparation as he felt Cas come, his wet heat falling on his stomach. Dean arched his back, his toes curling as he came in response, their fluids intermingling with one another, their hard bodies a mess of fluids and sweat.
Their arms were wrapped firmly around one another, holding tighter than needed. Their breathy gasps fell on each other’s dewy necks as Dean waited for his heart to stop racing. Castiel didn’t have that problem due to his nature but if he could he knew he would. His own Angelic body trembled in aftershocks of pleasure he’d never felt. Sure, he’d enjoyed sex with April and done a few things with Meg the demon he wasn’t exactly proud of…but they were nothing compared to how he felt lying in Dean Winchester’s bed, covered in physical evidence of an excess of Hedonism, and he didn’t care. He needed this. He needed Dean. They needed each other and he no longer cared what Heaven thought.
They laid there in the quiet for several minutes, their limbs intertwined before Dean locked eyes with him and spoke. “Sorry that wasn’t actually sex…I usually have a bit more stamina than that…”
Castiel laughed, deep and sincerely enough that Dean’s eyes widened. It was a laugh he was sure hed never heard. “Dean, that was the best moment of my entire long existence. Let’s not downplay it. There will be plenty enough time for more when I an free.”
Dean flushed at the compliment but both their faces fell at his ending statement. “You can’t stay…” He remembered echoing those same words to Cas long ago when he’d become human. It had hurt then and it hurt now.
“No, I can’t…No matter how much I want to, and I assure you there is not a single part of me that wishes to ever leave your bed.” Castiel pressed their foreheads together, his hand pressing into the small of Dean’s back. “That is why Heaven is so afraid of this…of us together.”
Dean’s eyes tightened in confusion, but he started to run his fingertips gently along Cas’ hip. He was still feeling very shy about all of this but he was going to take in what he could while Cas was here. “I don’t follow you…”
Castiel’s eyes grew heated, absorbing every detail of Dean’s face. “Dean, I have turned my back on Heaven to serve your purposes. Instead of Angel Radio, your prayers and your voice are all I wait to hear. I am yours to command…and they hate us both for it. Heaven commanded me to save you from Hell, but you have changed me in all the ways Heaven is afraid of…You make me want things. Human things. Friendship. Sex…Love. You make me want a life I can’t have unless…”
Dean’s eyebrow quirked up and he sat up against the pillows, Cas coming with him. He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and gripped Cas’ hand with the other. “Unless you're human…Cas you can’t give up your Grace…Not for me…”
Cas looked down at their entwined hands, running his thumb along Dean’s. “They will never let me be free as long as I am an Angel. Not truly. Naomi would rather see me dead than free.”
“Why? I don’t understand her…” Dean growled out, his forehead scrunched in thought.
Castiel smiled then, a reassuring sight. He drew one knee up, looking lost in thought for a moment. “I could not expect you to understand someone like her. She is conniving, calculating, manipulative, and spiteful. She plans to turn the new Angels against me, but I plan to strike first.” His eyes gleamed with mischief. Dean knew Castiel was an amazing strategist but he was not reassured.
“What do you have planned, Cas? You don’t have any allies up there and that’s the one place I can’t follow…” Dean added worriedly.
“I’m planting the seeds of rebellion into my wards. They aren’t built like Naomi, and she doesn’t understand them as I can. I have to show them who she truly is, but I have to have her show them herself. She will show her true colors in time. Once she is out of the picture, I will be safe to…seek other options for my future.”
“I’m not okay with you giving up your Grace. It’s part of who you are…” Dean added hesitantly.
“It’s a part of me I am more than willing to give up to be with you,” Castiel countered as he put a hand to Dean’s face, running a thumb along the new stubble.
“We’re not done with this conversation. Stop distracting me…” Dean said with a crooked smile as he brushed a lock of Cas’ dark hair off his forehead.
“I’m sure I can find other ways to distract you…” Castiel said with a raised eyebrow.
Dean’s cheeks flushed light pink and he licked his lips, having great satisfaction in watching Cas’ eyes track his movement. “Give me like ten minutes and a glass of water and that is one thing I can agree with.”
Chapter 12: A tipping point
Summary:
Dean and Castiel use their last hours together wisely, and an uninvited guest arrives at the bunker door
Notes:
Please forgive me for missing a week! My old computer finally gave up the ghost but I have a brand new tablet/laptop to write on. Here, have some Destiel fluff and (implied) sex as I ask for your forgiveness.
Chapter Text
“This is weird…” Dean said as he stared up at the ceiling on his back, Cas pressed up against his side, staring fascinatedly at a faint pattern of freckles on Dean’s shoulder. Castiel looked to his face and his forehead furrowed. Dean looked over at him and smiled reassuringly. “Don’t make that face, grumpy. I just mean...I never thought I’d actually be here with you. This life…our life…it doesn’t really give much room for anything but one-night stands. It’s not worth it to get close to people not in the life. They just end up dead…”
Castiel smiled sadly and hesitated to add his thought. He cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “So do those in this life, Dean…You can’t deny good moments in fear of the bad ones.”
Dean let out a breath and put an arm behind his head to prop himself up slightly. “That’s not what my dad thought. He thought relationships were distractions. He said we needed to be focused on the work.”
Castiel had experienced many a conversation with Dean about his father over the years. As Dean had aged, his feelings had changed, and he had always allowed himself to be used as a sounding board. “You have been focused on the work for your entire life. I’ve been focused on my orders my entire life…Your father didn’t feel that way until he lost your mother, as you’ve told me. He was wrong to project those feelings onto you, though.”
Dean had looked over as he spoke, making eye contact he’d never have been able to maintain with anyone else while they spoke of his father. “He projected a hell of a lot more than that on me. I mean, do you know what he’d do if he knew I was with you?”
Castiel knew exactly what Dean implied. “Me as in a non-human.”
Dean nodded silently, his eyes tightening at the imagined conflict. His body, exposed as it was, filled with tension Cas could see. “Mom, she likes you. I don’t think she gets it, but she accepts it because she knows you, but dad?” He shook his head and Cas wrapped an arm around his waist.
“Why do you do that?” Castiel asked softly, his fingertips gripping with feather softness that always impressed Dean.
“Do what?” Dean asked as he rolled onto his right side, facing Cas now.
“Make imagined conflicts in your head when you have plenty of real battles to fight here. Your father gave his life for yours. Your life is the greatest gift to mine. I owe him a debt I can never repay. I’m sure he and I could have found common ground there…besides, I’ve been told I’m quite charming,” Castiel smiled, flashing teeth and Dean couldn’t help but laugh. He desperately wanted to ease Dean’s heavy mind.
“Yeah, yeah. You just charm the pants off people…” Dean said with an eye roll.
Castiel’s eyes narrowed and one eyebrow went up. “I did you…” and as Dean’s mouth fell open at the comeback, he laughed. “I did understand the phrase, but I do like to catch you off guard…and you without pants is a topic I am greatly invested in.”
Dean rolled his eyes again and pressed their lips together, letting his nails run down Cas’ back, smiling as he felt the Angel shiver. He stopped the kiss before it could deepen and pressed their foreheads together. “How long do you think we have till…”
Cas’ hand found its way to the back of Dean’s leg and he hooked it over his hip. “It’s still very early. We have enough…” Their banter had turned to a quiet urgency like a switch had been flipped. Dean had no one in his life he could speak to as candidly at he could Cas. Of course, he confided in Sam, but some things Sam didn’t need to know, for his own good. Cas knew all the dark, ugly parts of Dean and still he was here, touching him as if he knew none of it. Dean could feel the weight of Cas’ departure pressing on him so heavily he felt he couldn’t breathe, but he would not make this any harder on Cas then it had to be.
Castiel had deepened the kiss again, taking particular care to memorize the feel of Dean’s mouth against his own. He let the feel, the taste, the gentle warmth all be filed into his mind with all the other memories he held over his millennia of living. He’d need these memories in the time ahead of him, alone, with no one to talk to the way they did. The Angels were so obtuse that he could scarcely stand them, let alone confide in or befriend them. The older Angels hated him, and the younger Angels were more toddler than adult. No, he had only his family here and he would have to leave them again in a matter of hours. He felt anger course through him as suddenly as an electric shock. He was angry that they were again being forced apart, that he had to serve those that would seek to only use him over those who loved him. He redirected his anger to the willing body beside him and his fingers dug only slightly harder as he struggled to control himself. He wanted to bury himself in the light that was Dean.
Dean gasped as goosebumps raced across his skin. Cas felt like a contained storm beside him. He’d felt it before, but never when he was in such close proximity. “Cas, you okay?” Dean grabbed Cas face softly between his hands and forced eye contact as he ended the kiss. Cas’ eyes swam dark with contained emotion. Anger and lust combined inside him in a confusing assemblage. Dean studied him, his eyes narrowing. He could always read him better than anyone. “Earth to Castiel.”
Cas let out a ragged breath, the heat of it caressing Dean’s neck. “I…am feeling a lot of emotions right now. Some happiness…yes, but anger at my required departure…sadness…lust…It is a lot.” His thumb found purchase on the dip next to Dean’s hipbone, drawing shapes as he spoke. His words got softer and huskier as he spoke, making Dean swallow hard and shiver himself now.
“I know, Cas. I know…” Dean said as he pressed them together more tightly, his lips whispering softly into Cas’ ear. “But with our time limited, let’s explore that last one a bit more. I’m always angry. Sad…yeah a lot, but with you here, I’m much more interested in that last one.” He nipped lightly at his ear before pressing soft kisses along Cas’ neck line.
Castiel grinded against him, shifting Dean’s leg back up over his hip to get them closer. He felt Dean becoming hard as he pressed against his thigh. He wanted...well, he wanted everything but he wasn’t sure he could verbalize it. He also knew some things might make him just happy enough to tempt the Empty to come…
“Dean…” Cas growled out as he slid his hand down and wrapped his hand around the heft of Dean. “I need you. Before I have to leave, I want…”
Dean stiffened behind him only slightly, but it was enough for Castiel to notice. “Cas, I want that too, fuck. So much…but I’ve never…” He hesitated, his cheeks flushing softly pink. The mere mention of it made his heart hammer in his chest. Cas rolled them both suddenly so that he was on the bottom, Dean’s chest weighing down his own.
Dean’s eyes were hesitant but warm. He knew they both wanted this as much as the other. “Take my body Dean. I am already yours to my very essence. I give myself over to you.”
Dean again swallowed hard but his pupils were dark pools as he looked down on him. “Do you know what your asking, Cas?” His hands held him up on either side of Cas’ head. A fine, controlled tremor ran through his arms. “You’re an Angel, Cas…you can’t want me to….” His head hung down, breaking eye contact.
“Dean…” Cas said softly as he ducked his head to lock eyes with him. “I know what I ask for. I want you. Please.”
Dean closed his eyes, trying to avoid that look of Cas’. He took a controlled breath and opened his eyes. “Cas, hand jobs are one thing. There’s no going back from this for me.”
Castiel took his right hand and cupped Dean’s cheek in it, letting the weight of his words fall. “For us.”
Dean shook his head, lowering his body onto Cas. “If we do this and you don’t come back home again..”
“I will always come back to you, Dean. You are my home,” Castiel said with assurance ringing in his tone as he pulled Dean down with his hand on his neck now.
Dean lowered his weight onto Cas and whispered onto his lips, “Okay.”
-------------
Dean had passed out an hour ago. He had fought it as long as he could, and Castiel had assured him it would be fine to just go to sleep, but he knew their time was limited. After they’d made love they’d whispered softly into the very early morning hours. Dean’s head rested on Cas’ left arm and Cas’ free arm was thrown over Dean’s side, slowly drifting up and down his back with his fingertips. Castiel could not remember ever being this content and relaxed. It didn’t matter, though. In all too soon a time, he’d have to leave. He stared at Dean’s restful face, enjoying seeing the hard lines of his face fall away in sleep. Cas had thrown the sheet over them both as best he could, but it was bunched up around their waists, tucked and twisted in the jumble of their limbs. He laid there listening to Dean breath, feeling his heart beating steady and sure, until he lost track of time. His mind was all but shut down to everything except the sound of Dean.
However, he heard Sam walk down the hall before he ever knocked. He didn’t have the will to move and disturb Dean until he had to, though. As Sam’s shallow knock sounded, Dean jumped awake. Castiel knew it would wake him. He’d been a hunter too long to sleep through things like that. “Who’s that?” Dean growled out, his hand slipping under his pillow for his gun out of routine.
“It’s just me,” Sam said quietly as he pushed the door open. “I was looking for Cas…” Sam’s eyes widened just slightly at the sight of them together in the bed. He had the grace not to say anything as Dean made a halfhearted effort to pull the cover up a bit higher. “and…I guess I found him…Hey Cas.”
Castiel could see Sam cheeks flush I embarrassment even in the dim hall light. “Good morning, Sam. What is it you need from me?”
“You have someone at the bunker door insisting on seeing you. It’s that Aberia I think her name was?” Castiel groaned and threw his head back on the pillow. They would send her.
“Is it time?” Dean said with a flutter of pushed down anxiety only Cas would pick up on. Castiel mourned the soft, relaxed feel of Dean’s body only moments ago. Now he felt every muscle in Dean’s body pulled taut as a string. Anger welled up in him again. How dare they take away what little peace Dean had.
He put a soft hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Dean. I will handle this. I have given Chuck everything he wants. He can give me a few more hours….” Castiel stood up and Sam shot out the door, much more quickly than normal.
“Pants would be best, I suppose…” Castiel grumbled.
Dean chuckled softly in the dark as he leaned over and popped on his nightstand light. He had a fleeting thought of how nice it would have been to be woken up by the sun. There was no natural light in this tomb.
Castiel heard the banging on the Bunker door and growled out, “To Hell with pants. I will handle this!” He all but leapt from the bed, naked and angry.
Dean scrambled out of bed, kicking his legs free of the cover that had serpentined around him. “At least a sheet, Cas. Mom’s probably awake by now.” He spoke with a grin he didn’t feel as he chucked a sheet at him and grabbed up his own pants from the floor. He followed behind as quickly as he could, but he was still bounding down the hall zipping up as Cas thundered into the War Room, a sheet wrapped around his waist like some Greek God come to life. Mary, Sam, and Jack all stood at the base of the stairs as Cas came toward them. They scattered like birds as they saw the look on his face. As Castiel ascended the stairs, Dean came around the corner, buttoning his pants just in time for his entire family to take note. He was shirtless and shoeless and his hair had a very disheveled look that was overshadowed only by Cas' bedraggled mop of dark brown hair. Mary looked form Cas to Dean and her mouth formed a little oh of unsounded surprise. Jack tilted his head to the side in confusion and Sam all but eyed rolled. Well, this was a great way to start the day.
Chapter 13: Impossible to explain
Notes:
HEY! I'm not dead! I actually have the entire fic written now minus a few edits. I don't have beta readers so excuse any typos please. I may go back in and do edits after I post chapters as well. I will still try to post a chapter every few days till it is completed. So sorry for the incredibly long delay in posting. SOme of the dialogue feels like it needs more descriptors but that's not where I shine these days. I will be editing and adding more descriptors but I wanted to get this out here before the end of the day.
Chapter Text
Castiel ascended the stairs in a way that could only be described as aggressive. His shoulders were rolled forward as he clutched the bunching of material on his right hip. Dean stopped short next to Sam and followed Cas with his eyes, feeling his family’s eyes studying him and his face flushed just slightly with warmth. Of course, this was embarrassing but it was going to come out eventually. He could have picked about a dozen other ways he’d have preferred it but at least no one had walked in on them together in the moment. That was just too sitcom for him.
Castiel dragged open the bunker door. It made an angry screech of protest that made the hairs on the back of Dean’s neck hackle. He felt vulnerable and exposed and realized too late he was weaponless, his usual gear still tucked under his pillow. His eyes widened in alarm as he realized he wasn’t the only one unarmed. Castiel was clearly unarmed and opening the door to an unknown situation. At least he had Sam and Mom at his back. Dean looked over to Sam and watched as he reassuringly nodded, knowing his brother’s thought process. His eyes went to Mary, who also nodded and had her hand at the small of her back. Jack’s forehead was scrunched in thought as he looked between Dean and Castiel. Dean smiled softly to himself. He’d beg out of that conversation. Sam could handle that.
Castiel’s voice broke Dean out of his momentary reprieve. “Aberia…” Dean’s gaze went to the open door and the stern face of new Angel. Her chin was jutted up and her eyes narrowed in disapproval. She stood in the doorway, unwilling to step back from Castiel’s body in the doorway. He too was unwilling to give way.
“I’ve been sent to retrieve you,” Aberia said firmly as she looked past him and at the group below. “I’m afraid I am too late. You’ve obviously already been defiled. You stink of it.” Her face wrinkled in disgust and Dean could see Cas’ shoulder blades tighten in anger. His cheeks turned a darker pink at her statement, knowing there was not really another way to interpret her statement.
Castiel’s voice was hard and full of anger in such a way that Dean would hate to see his face. He’d been the recipient of that voice a few times and he knew the storm that would be brewing behind his icy eyes. “That is truly none of your business.”
Aberia shook her head slowly, her jaw tight and her voice dripping with disapproval. She looked up at him, seemingly unafraid and running on righteous indignation. “You won’t deny it, then? I suppose your attire is admittance enough…” Her eyes dropped and she shook her head in disbelief and his lack of modesty.
Castiel shook his head slowly, and Dean could see his shoulders tense even from his position across the room. Dean began to wish Cas had doubled up the sheet as he could easily see the outline of Cas' ass through the sheet. He blushed again, feeling a few conflicting emotions he absolutely did not feel like sharing. He was drawn back to the conversation by Cas' deep, gravelly voice. “Why should I? This is my life, Aberia. Not yours. Not Heavens. Mine, and I will say again that it is none of your business.”
“It is when Naomi sends me here. She gave me orders to retrieve you,” Aberia said as she lifted her chin in defiance. Though the humans below could not see, her entire body shivered. She'd seen him angry and to still stand up to him was admirable but stupid. Castiel sensed her fear despite her posture but his anger overrode it.
Dean and the others fidgeted nervously as Castiel’s voice rose, echoing with the vaulted ceilings. “I do not need an escort, especially not one that is but a child. I am very aware of where the Heaven portal is and it is not as if I could hide if I wanted to, thanks to Naomi’s handiwork. You know what she is and yet you choose to follow her. I truly thought you had more sense than that…” The disappointment in his tone could be felt even by the humans below. They watched Aberia's bravado falter before their very eyes as her shoulders rolled slightly in and her chin dropped ever so slightly.
Aberia’s face tried to maintain it’s anger but her uncertainty flickered in her eyes. “I don’t have a choice, Castiel, and neither do you. Come on. Get dressed and let’s be off. Perhaps we can dissipate the human smell from you before we return home. It will help to lessen your offensive behavior to the others.“ She tried to put a hand on his bare arm but Castiel stepped backward from her outstretched hand.
“This is my home, not Heaven. I will return today, but not because Naomi or anyone else pettily demands it of me.”
Aberia’s forcefulness crumbled and her eyes softened. Her voice took on a soft, pleading tone. “Castiel, be reasonable. Don’t make this escalate when it does not have to.”
Castiel and Aberia stared one another down for what felt like eternity but was more like twenty seconds, until Jack suddenly walked up the stairs with purpose. Castiel turned his head to speak but Jack stood next to him, shoulder to shoulder, smiling in such a charming way as to stop two Angels from arguing.
“Would you like to stay for breakfast?” Jack said matter-of-factly as he stared at Aberia with a slightly tilted head and a friendly smile. When Aberia and Castiel said nothing, Jack added, “We’re having pancakes.” Castiel let a small smile form at the corner of his mouth but he watched Aberia carefully. She paused, staring at Jack with deep concentration.
“Angels don’t need to eat….” Aberia said with confusion as she studied Jack with indecision. Even though she was shorter than Jack, she definitely had the more threatening aura as her eyes studied him from his softly disheveled hair to his sneakers.
“True, but Castiel does!” Jack chimed in again, looking at Cas earnestly. Castiel couldn't help but smile in return at his protege, which made Aberia's frown deepen into her soft olive complexion.
Aberia looked again at Castiel with uncertainty. He shrugged as his body slightly relaxed. He answered her unspoken inquiry, seeing the confusion in her face. “Sometimes as a social construct and sometimes purely for pleasure. Not everything has to be done because it is a necessity.”
Aberia’s eyes traveled down Castiel’s scantily clad form with a raised, judgmental eyebrow. “Of that I can already see. “Dean stifled a cough of embarrassment as his ears burned and he could have sworn he saw Sam chuckle to himself. “I….I will try this breakfast…but then we must return to Heaven.” Aberia added as she nodded at Jack. He beamed in response.
‘Excellent. I’ll set the table for another. Mary taught me how.” Jack said as he turned abruptly and descended the stairs, making Aberia tilt her own head in thought.
“If you promise to make no threats upon my family….” Castiel added as he glanced back for approval from Sam and Dean for the first time. Castiel raised his eyebrows and tilted his head just slightly in question. Dean knew this would fall into the plan Cas had already been working on, but Sam seemed less sure. Dean nodded to him, and as they stared at one another, they shared a silent message. Castiel waited, looking to Sam. Sam nodded his approval and only then did Cas descend the steps. It seemed that only as his bare feet hit the concrete of the bunker floor did he remember his questionable attire. His hand knotted more tightly in the bundled up sheet at his side and his eyes widened as he faced Mary, Jack, and Sam.
“I will go get more appropriately dressed….” He murmured as he ducked his head. Dean was sure if his Angel could blush, he would have in that moment. “Sam…” Castiel’s eyes moved from Sam to Aberia and he nodded in understanding as he made his exit. Sam kept his eyes trained on the young Angel waiting in their War room, his posture anything but relaxed.
Dean glanced down at himself and jutted a thumb down the hall Castiel had exited down. “I’ll just…do that too…yeah.” He awkwardly left the room, trying not to turn his back on Aberia while trying not to draw so much attention to himself. He was not successful as he stubbed his toe on the door face and cursed under his breath.
"Idiots..." Sam murmured with a shake of his head and an eye roll.
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Dean closed the door to his room and was only temporarily distracted as Cas dropped the sheet onto the concrete floor. Seeing Castiel so comfortably exposed to him made him feel a deep possessiveness. The scars on the Angel’s body didn’t mar the view but made him feel a deep burning in his gut to get him away from the toxic relationship he had with the other Angels. Castiel looked up from grabbing his pants that had been discarded on the floor and their eyes locked. Dean couldn’t deny he’d been staring but the self-satisfied look on Cas’ face wouldn’t have let him deny it if he wanted to. He crossed his arms over his chest and did a half smile as he shook his head. “Well, that could have gone worse I guess,” He added as he leaned against the bedroom door.
“The day’s not over yet, but your optimism is refreshing,” Castiel said with a playful eye roll as he sat down on the bed to pull on underwear.
Dean pushed away from the door and scooped up the discarded sheet, tossing it haphazardly onto the bed they'd left a wreck from the night before. “The kid seems to be pretty good at deescalating things. It seems to be hard for anyone not to like him,” Dean added with a laugh as he went to his dresser to pull out a soft, heather grey Henley. He pulled it over his head with his back to Cas. After he tugged on the hem to let it sit just so, he leaned against the dresser, glancing in the mirror it held. His fingers bit into the wood as Castiel stared into his reflection. Dean’s eyes flitted away to study the ancient dresser top’s lightly marred surface, the scratches and dents proof of years of use before their arrival. Dean sighed and screwed his eyes shut, willing the words out that he didn't want to say. “Look, we both know you have to leave today. There’s no sense getting yourself in deeper by making Aberia pissed.”
Cas had been about to start buttoning his white dress shirt up when his hands stilled and he stood silently, coming to stand behind Dean. His eyes were still closed but he felt Cas' presence at his back. He couldn’t help but glance up, the mirror reflecting Cas’ exposed chest and his fathomless gaze, which was full of fresh defiance. He thought Cas would put a hand on his shoulder, but he felt his hesitation. “Dean, Heaven has tried to take everything from me. Every moment that is my own is a victory in itself. Up there, nothing is mine. Not a moment. Everything I am belongs to them. I am nothing but a slave…I have nothing of my own…”
Dean turned toward him and took a hesitant step forward as he buttoned one of Cas’ open buttons, unable to look him in the eyes. “Cas…Is Naomi going to hurt you for…for what we did? If Aberia can tell, Naomi will too…” Cas sighed as he gently reached out and rested his hands on Dean’s hips as he let him button his shirt.
“Naomi will….say things to try to embarrass me and attempt turn the younger ones against me. Will she physically hurt me? No, not over this. Remember. She already thought we were together…”
As Dean got to the last button, leaving the one closest to his neck undone, he nodded. “I always tried to pretend I didn’t get the jokes that Crowley and the Angels made…”
“As did I, and let it be known…I would rather reek of humanity than anything else.” Cas said softly as he lifted an eyebrow and leaned their foreheads together.
“That is a weird compliment, but I’ll take it. Okay…so now my entire family knows we did…” Dean gestured between himself and Cas, unable to say the words but knowing he would understand. “Except maybe Jack. Not it on that conversation, by the way.”
Castiel smiled brightly and ran a hand softly through Dean's hair, his eyes softening at the pink that flushed the other man's cheeks. “I say we nominate Sam.”
As he straightened Cas’ collar, he ran his fingers underneath it. “I second it. Come on. Let’s go see how awkward we can make this whole morning.”
“Knowing you, exceptionally,” Cas said with affection in his voice and a playful eye roll as he laid a kiss on Dean's head.
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Aberia was sitting awkwardly next to Jack when Dean and Castiel entered. She was poking nervously at the stack of pancakes in front of her, her fork her weapon of choice.
“Hey thanks for waiting, guys…” Dean said with sarcasm as he slid out two chairs and Cas sat next to him. Plates of food sat in front of their seats already.
“Look,” Sam gestured with his fork as he talked, a small bite of pancake hanging off it. “Now that this is going on,” He swirled his fork between he and Cas. “I’m afraid to open your door. So, you’re just gonna have to get yourself to the table.”
Dean coughed on the bite of pancake he’d already shoveled into his mouth, glancing over at Aberia. “Oh, we’re just gonna throw it out there like that?”
“Oh, things have already been discussed I would like to not have been here for…” Mary added as she sat down at the end of the table. “I may be open minded but I’m still your mother.”
Aberia moved her head to follow the conversation until it paused and nonplussed, she added, “You and Castiel had sexual relations for the first and only time today. That is not what the rest of Heaven believes.”
Dean swallowed hard and took a sip of his now cooling coffee. He muttered from his cup. “I’m not the one making it awkward this time, Cas.”
Castiel nodded in agreement. “Heaven has long spread false rumors about me, Aberia. They could not comprehend why I would choose to stay with Sam and Dean if my reasons were not purely self-satisfying and pleasure seeking. The irony of that is that my years on earth have been fairly unpleasant.”
Dean grimaced and sighed as he stood up to get fresh coffee. “It’s true. In general, our lives are pretty miserable. Blood, guts, death, a laugh a minute.”
Aberia’s brow furrowed and her dark eyes tightened. “Then why choose this?”
Castiel studied her face and followed her logic, finishing her thought. “As opposed to living in Heaven?”
“Yes..” She said firmly.
“This is my home, and my family,” Castiel said quietly as he looked around the table and watched Dean sit back down with his fresh coffee.
“But Heaven is our home…” Aberia said as she shook her head and again frowned at the stack of pancakes in front of her.
Castiel sighed and composed his thoughts a moment, frustrated at his inability to make her understand. “ I served Heaven faithfully for a very long time. Heaven was what I was created to serve, but it is not my home.. It is nothing but a painful reminder of everything. I’m sure when I am not around that Naomi has probably hinted at terrible things I have done. Am I right?”
Aberia’s eyes tightened. “She did…she was lying, right?”
“She was not. I have done terrible things, both in the name of and in defiance of Heaven…” Castiel locked eyes with Aberia then, reading her reaction. Dean knew all of this already but hearing Castiel admit it so openly came as a shock.
Aberia tried to read Castiel’s face. “Then is she right about you?”
“I am a killer, I can’t argue that point, but Aberia, the things I did, the Angels I killed…They were trying to start another Apocalypse that would kill every man, woman, and child on this Earth. Many of them…Others I had no choice but to kill in self-defense. I have been tortured mercilessly by many of my own kind, only for not siding with them in their petty affairs of Heaven. I’ve been cut open with Angel blades, had needles pierced into my brain, I’ve had Angels who were my friends threaten to remove …extremely personal parts of my anatomy merely out of spite and the inkling of suspicion as to my feelings for Dean…and the things Naomi did to me overshadow all of those. I cannot live in Heaven. I can never trust Heaven again.” Dean’s eyes grew wide as Cas spoke and his jaw clenched. Castiel felt his tension and he put a hand on his shoulder.
Aberia was quiet, absorbing what he said and Castiel felt a tendril of hope within him when she asked, “Naomi…. what did she do?”
“Naomi was long tasked with reforming rogue soldiers such as me. I was apparently a thorn in her side for millennia…but I remember little of it because she destroyed many of my memories. However, our last session together was restored to me…as much as I wish it was not. Her tool of choice was a drill.” Castiel’s eyes studied the table as he recounted it. “I can vividly remember the way it felt going into my right eye as she bored her way into my skull to extract every memory of loyalty to Sam and Dean. I remember how she had me slaughter copy after copy of Dean until I didn’t hesitate.” He untucked his hands and stared at them. “The first hundred times or so, I refused. She took my fist, shoved my blade handle into Dean’s heart over and over. I can still feel the warmth of his blood on my hands….” He looked up and locked eyes with Aberia then. “Despite my revulsion, my protests, and despite what she incorrectly assumed my relationship with Dean was, she persisted. Even seemed somewhat delighted at the process…. I am sure I would have continued to be her puppet if not for Dean and the Angel tablet breaking me of her hold.” He shivered slightly and Dean put a comforting hand in one of his. “You do not have to agree with my choices, Aberia, but you need to aware of the ones she makes as well.” The table had fallen silent during Castiel’s speech, the descriptions sinking into the silence.
“Cas, you never told us some of that.” Sam finally spoke, breaking the heavy air that had filled the room. He looked distraught as he swallowed hard.
“Why would I want to put that on you?” Castiel seemed genuinely confused at Sam’s statement and his forehead scrunched in confusion.
“Cas, we share that burden,” Sam added with a raised eyebrow that left no room for discussion.
Jack leaned over and spoke quietly to Aberia then. “Those are the reasons Castiel keeps me away from other Angels. Dean calls you all dicks with wings.”
Aberia opened her mouth to speak but Dean cleared his throat, and everyone looked to him. “Enough of that, why don’t we enjoy our breakfast? I think we’ve drudged up enough painful shit for an hour or two.” He squeezed Cas’ hand before dropping it to continue eating. His own hands shook at Cas’ recounting and he swore he’d kill Naomi himself if he ever got the chance…
The table fell silent for a few minutes as everyone ate quietly, save Aberia who spent most of the time poking at her stack of pancakes and frowning as the syrup stuck to the metal fork. She cut her eyes to study Dean and Castiel, who sat close enough that their elbows bumped every so often. She studied Dean the most. He felt her eyes on him, but he tried hard to look anywhere but at her. Finally, he could ignore it no longer.
“What? You’re driving me crazy. What is it?” Dean said loudly as he dropped his fork on his now empty plate, the clatter sounding thunderous in the silence. Everyone’s eyes were drawn to Dean then. Most had been oblivious to Aberia’s scrutinous stare.
“I’m simply trying to understand you. You’re appeal. To Castiel. I don’t understand.”
“Excuse me?” Dean couldn’t muster the understanding to be offended.
“Why Castiel chose you.” Aberia’s eyes tightened as she continued. “You are relatively attractive, I can acknowledge, though Angels really aren’t ones to notice or care about those things. Nothing extraordinary, but attractive. Your soul is very bright but very scarred…” Dean’s mouth hung open and Castiel looked to Aberia with a look that stuck her words in her throat.
His voice was low and dangerous as he spoke, each word chosen carefully to control his temper. “You do not speak to people about the condition or their souls. Haven’t you learned anything from the other Angels? When you have faced the hardships and endured what he and Sam and the others at this table have, perhaps you will understand why their souls shine so brightly despite their scars. Until such time, you have no right to speak of it.”
Aberia, who had been quietly accepting up until that point, stood defiantly, embarrassed to be chastised so openly for something she didn’t understand. Her dark hair swung in front of her face as she leaned across the table. “I didn’t mean to offend, but I don’t understand the ways here. None of this makes any sense! I don’t belong here, and neither do you! Now, can we please go?”
Castiel sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat. He took a steadying breath and his voice was soft, controlled, and much different than only a moment before. “Give me a few minutes, and yes, we can go.” He stood, turned on his heel and walked down the hall to the bedrooms.
Aberia raised one eyebrow, surprised at his sudden acceptance. Dean stood, locked eyes with Sam, who nodded, and he followed quickly behind Cas without a word to anyone.
Cas was already snapping his chest plate back into place as he entered the room. Dean walked up to him, but Cas kept his back to him and hung his head.
“Cas…” Dean said as he went to put a hand on his right shoulder but Cas turned around too quickly. His face was a mix of emotions. Dean knew him well enough to see anger, sadness, and fear. He understood those too. Castiel’s eyes were wild as he spoke.
“I can’t put if off any longer. It’s unfair of me to expect Aberia to understand any of this…she’s basically a child. One with zero experience here. It took me millennia of watching the human race before I was allowed down here. I’m being unfair to her…and dragging this out is unfair to you. I will do have I have to in Heaven to be able to come home. I don’t know how long it will be…but I promise, Dean.”
Dean let a heavy sigh escape and he ran his hand through his hair. “You’re right. She’s just doing what she’s told. I don’t want either of you to get in trouble because of me, and I know. I trust you, Cas. I’ll be safe. You be safe. Everything will work out eventually. It has to, right?”
“Eventually…” Cas leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, resting his hands on Dean’s shoulders. Dean closed his eyes and fought with himself a moment before he wrapped his arms around the other mans’ waist. He would not make this harder on Cas than it already was. Of course, it was hard on him too. However, he had the luxury of being in his home with the rest of his family. Cas was banished from them with no one. He knew as difficult as it was for him, he had the better end of the deal no doubt.
“Dean, I….” Cas began but Aberia’s voice from down the hall interrupted them. She was calling impatiently for him.
“It’s okay, Cas. I know. Me too,” Dean finished for him. Castiel dropped his hands from his shoulders and instead wrapped them around him and pulled him close. Dean could see the panic in his eyes. “It’s okay, Cas. It won’t be that long, I’m sure…”
“I don’t want to go…” Castiel said hopelessly. Dean had nothing he could say that would bring him any comfort, so he let his lips find Cas’ in a soft, chaste, shared sentiment.
Castiel closed his eyes, took a steadying breath, slowly extricated himself from Dean’s embrace, and opened the door to find Aberia.
Chapter 14: Moves to be made and cards to be played
Summary:
With Angels back in the picture, the WInchesters find themselves with little to do. Meanwhile, Cas waits for Naomi's next inevitable move.
Chapter Text
“Well, it took you quite long enough…” Naomi began as Aberia and Castiel entered her office. Aberia glanced to Castiel, uncertainty in her eyes as she noted the defeat in his face at the sight on Naomi. His jaw was tight but he held his chin up, defiant to the last. Naomi's face reeked of contempt as she gave him a once over. Aberia's presence in the room barely of note to her as she studied the thorn in her side before her.
“Don’t start with me, Naomi…please.” Castiel spoke with a calm that had Naomi already startled, but the please left her speechless. She studied him a heartbeat then nodded, choosing her battles with him. Compliance was something she would not take for granted with Castiel. However, it left her suspicious of ulterior motives. With Castiel there were always ulterior motives.
she opened and closed her mouth several times, deciding the best words to choose. “Very well. We have regular training with the choir. Same schedule as before. You’re both dismissed…” with a wave of her hand she dismissed them both from her office. Castiel sighed in obvious relief at the lack of a fight and she studied his back as he left. His wings were sullen, droopy even. She knew spending time on Earth was a bad idea, but it wasn’t like she could argue with God…. even if she wanted to, she wasn’t that stupid. She had not survived as long as she had by making foolish moves. The day would come when she would no longer need Castiel. The new Angels were growing stronger and more disciplined, but she certainly didn’t need him on Earth causing more havoc…What to do…His negative influence on the Angels now could be disastrous in the future. They certainly didn’t need more rogue Angels running around, and though he was a good teacher and strong fighter, at his core he would forever be a renegade. She needed a plan…
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“Thank you for allowing me to meet your…your family,” Aberia said as she paused to find the right words as they strode together down the empty corridor, their soft footfalls the only sounds as she spoke. “Though I do not see the appeal, I understand that they are important to you.”
Castiel looked thoughtfully at Aberia and nodded as they walked. His forehead lowered and his eyebrow raised in consideration of her carefully chosen words. “Accepting something that you do not understand is very good growth for you.”
Aberia fought not to argue and Castiel gave a one-sided smile in response as they stopped in front of the training hall doors, the sounds of the assembled group muffled by the closed doors before them. “It was not meant to sound insulting. Growth is always a good thing, no matter what anyone here tells you. Now come on, training must commence.” Castiel patted her on the shoulder once in a friendly gesture that left Aberia puzzled before they both entered the training area where all the other Angels were patiently waiting.
Before they entered the room, there was the typical murmur of chatter. However, once they entered, what would normally have turned into reverent silence turned instead into softer voices. Not even Angels were above gossip, as Castiel well knew. He knew him being gone would make things a bit more difficult for him when he returned. Leaving Naomi to influence them was always a mistake, but one he could not regret making. He took the chatter in stride, but he singled out those who sounded particularly venomous or angry. He also observed those who seemed to have nothing negative to say. The percentage appeared to be in his favor, but that was information for another day. Castiel cleared his throat and placed his hands behind his back, his face devoid of any emotion. As he waited, the other Angels eventually fell into silence the same way a classroom full of children might. However, as he looked around, he saw some faces changed. Many of them still held looks of eagerness, interest, or even an acceptable level of passiveness. However, a few held a look of arrogance, distaste, or disinterest. Alright Naomi, so that’s how you want to play it? Strategy was his weapon of choice. He could work with this.
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Dean sat with his face propped in his hand as he scrolled through news article after news article. Sam and Jack were beside him doing the same. The bright lights of the library didn’t give any indication that they’d been doing this for hours but the stiffness in his back and the dry, scratchiness of his eyes did.
“Anything?” Dean asked hopefully to Sam as he leaned back and stretched, making the library chair squeak in protest, as if it too had been sitting too long
.
Sam sighed and shook his head, his dark hair brushing his shoulders as he did so. “Looks like the Angels being back to full force has scared a lot of our typical monsters underground for a while. You know you’ve asked me that same questions every half hour. If I find something I’ll tell you." Sam's voice wasn't unkind. He knew hunts were a coping mechanism and an easy way to keep their minds busy when things weren't good, but he couldn't manifest a case where there wasn't one.
Dean got out of his chair and pressed a hand to his back, making his back crack loudly in the quiet room. “I’m bored, Sammy. I need a case. I texted mom and she said there’s nothing to do out there either. She thought she could find something faster than the computer could. It’s quiet out there….I don’t like it.”
Sam laughed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “Yes, God forbid there be a dip in ruthless killings and disappearances.”
Dean gave him a glare as he ran his fingers along the spine of the books on the bookshelf in front of him absently. “You know what I mean…Sure, it’s great that there are less incidents right now but when has that ever meant anything good? It always meant something worse was out there we hadn't figured out yet. Monsters don't stop Sam. they just get quiet or something worse kills them."
Sam couldn't argue with his logic but he knew his brother and he knew he wasn't built for staying in one place for too long, at least not when he was dying for a distraction. “You’re just bored.”
Dean shrugged as he pulled a random tome from the shelf and flipped through the pages, not really seeing the words printed on the page. “Well, yeah. I don’t have a lot of hobbies you know. I’m going stir crazy in this place.” Sam looked to Jack, who had watched them both in silence. He shook his head as he continued to scroll as well. There was nothing to investigate.
Sam sat for a moment, studying Dean as he watched him pretend to study the outdated copy of Myth and Magic he held in his hands. He was bored too. No way to argue it. It had been three months since Castiel had departed and there had been very little communication, just the sporadic affirmation that he was okay when he communicated with Jack. They’d all gotten the feeling he didn’t want Heaven to know Jack could communicate with him, so those messages were few and far between. Dean had been a fairly good sport throughout this dry spell, especially considering how badly Sam knew he could use the distraction of a hunt. He'd noted his brother had made a concerted effort to not take out his own concerns and fears out on the rest of them, which meant he'd internalized it all. Which is where the need for a hunt or a distraction of any kind came from.
He thought a moment, studying Dean's rigid posture. “Why don’t we just…go? We could go on a little road trip. Why does it have to be in conjunction with a hunt?” Sam saw Jack brighten and a small smile form on his face, but Dean’s forehead wrinkled and his eyes tightened. “ it took Sam only a moment to know his hesitation, despite his constant need to go. His brother was torn. "Dean, he’s got wings again. If he needs us, he can find us. He always has in the past.”
Dean looked up at Sam then as he slowly put the book back on the shelf. “I know. You’re right. I know I was the one nagging for a case five seconds ago, but working is different. It feels shitty to go on a pleasure cruise while he's trapped there.” He tapped his fingers on the bookshelf and stole a glance over at Jack, whose face was eager.
"Cas wouldn't want you to sit here bored and frustrated, Dean. He'd want you to have some fun. Heaven's been quiet so we know he's okay. Come on, Dean. We all need this I think," Sam said with as much persuasion as he could muster. He too, needed to get away from the bunker if he was honest with himself.
Jack nodded his head as well, contained excitement brewing behind his eyes that he was not able to disguise. “I can tell Cas what we're doing if you want. If it would make you feel better about leaving.”
Dean bit his lip, warring with himself as he looked at the hopeful faces in front of him. If he said he didn't want to go, they'd accept it, but looking at them now he knew they needed this too. However, Cas wouldn’t want them broadcasting leaving the bunker and themselves vulnerable. Angel radio wasn’t a secure method of communication. He shook his head as he headed to close his laptop down.
“No, he wouldn’t want us to tell everyone. You’re right. If he needs us, he can find us. Let’s get packed…” Dean said with the first hint of excitement in his tone that he’d had in months. Guilt for that plagued his mind a moment, but he knew Cas would understand, nor would he expect him to sit around and wait on the slim chance something happened. They both knew well enough that time did not pause for them.
It wasn’t an hour later that Dean, Sam, and Jack were in the Impala, the windows down and wind whistling past them as they hit the highway. Jack sat in Cas’ typical spot in the middle of the backseat, which put a small pang in the pit of Dean’s stomach. He loved Jack, but he felt like they’d just moved on to a different Angel. Of course, he knew that wasn’t true, more so for him than anyone else, but it didn’t feel right.
He needed this trip but he needed all of the people he loved to be safe and on the same plane of existence more. He glanced over at Sam, who was leaned against the passenger seat, looking relaxed and relieved. When was the last time they just gone out without a hunt as the catalyst? He had to do better…they all had to do better. This was the only life they got and they needed to have a little fun before they died, because who the hell knew when that would be. He focused his eyes forward at the long stretch of highway before them and decided he would try his best to enjoy their time away. Cas would tell him he should.
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“Castiel, Naomi wants to see you in her office,” one of the few remaining older Angels commanded, interrupting one of his training sessions. Cas’ forehead drew down in suspicion and his eyes tightened. He nodded for one of the other Angels to take over and he followed behind, his wings tight to his body in nervousness. Something wasn’t right. She'd never been one to interrupt his work, despite her feelings for him. The Angel leading him was no friend of his either, and never had been. His name was Haal if he recalled correctly. Haal’s posture was tight and purposeful and he didn’t speak at all on the way to Naomi’s office. As he entered, Cas noted Duma and three other Angels waiting to the left and right of her door. He faltered in his tracks, knowing this was a trap. It had to be, but he had no choice but to follow through. He watched as several of the Angel’s eyes fell to the floor, not able to make eye contact with him. That only confirmed his suspicions. it took every ounce of his self control not to break ranks and flee. She was making a move here, and he didn't yet know what it was. Dread filled him as he knew he was vastly outnumbered with not a single ally in the room...
Naomi had been calm and compliant as the time passed, doing nothing to raise alarm with him…which in itself was alarming. She had been downright cordial to him…on the surface. However, Castiel knew Naomi well enough and he could all but taste the disdain in her voice for him. To the younger Angels, however, she put on a good show. He thought all of this as the door to her office closed behind him and he was left seemingly alone with her. Naomi stood and gestured toward the chair, which Castiel politely shook his head to decline. Her shoulders moved in a hint of frustration, a movement that would have flowed into her wing movement…if she’d had wings left to move.
He truly felt for the remaining Angels and the loss of their wings, and he understood why they hated him so much for it. Though it had never been his intent, he had taken something from them he couldn't give back and they were reminded of it every time they looked at him and the new Angels. He could feel their resentment and their thinly veiled hostility at every turn. However, now the air was thick with the promise of a tipping point. He was relieved in a way. Watching his back at every turn, being constantly on edge, and having no one around him who he could trust, it was exhausting. He’d been impatiently waiting for this day for months now…
“You really must argue with me over everything…No matter. This won’t take long.” She leaned across the desk, the palms of her hands pressed down onto the desktop to hold her weight. “I need you to do something…not for me. For Heaven. You aren’t going to like it, but it really must be done, Castiel.”
Cas sighed, his wings moving in unison. By her wording he knew her plan of action. She’d ask. He’d refuse, and the repercussions would begin. He tried to let his face settle into one of disinterest, though his mind was already racing with scenarios. “What do you ask of me now, Naomi?”
Naomi smiled but the smile didn't reach her cold, calculating eyes. “You must understand, Castiel. These new angels have saved Heaven. Our species going extinct is simply not something we can ever let happen again. Now, I’m not going to point fingers as to the catalyst for much of our species’ destruction…but we both know you owe a debt you can never repay. You have blood on your hands and servitude is the only way to change that.”
Castiel gritted his teeth and his hands clenched into fist at his side. Not pointing a finger…Right. “I am not to blame for what had to be done to prevent the complete destruction of Earth. If there had been proper leadership….” He began, his eyes narrowed dangerously as he tried to gauge her next move.
Naomi cut in unapologetically, her face blank but her eyes alight that he'd stepped into her trap. She held up a finger. “Ah! Something we can agree on. Castiel you and I both know God is not going to stay involved forever, and I feel I am better suited to being the right hand, not the face in charge. Even now God is away and losing interest in us quicker by the day. We need someone the Angels can look up to. Someone who can lead them, guide them, inspire loyalty in them…” Castiel was confused as to where this conversation was going. Surely she didn’t want him to be in charge. She’d sooner see him dead. That wasn't even a hard choice...and she'd never let a lesser Angel rule over her.
Naomi smiled in that way to gave no room for argument. She had the face of every Angel he’d ever killed. One of the utmost certainty in their righteousness. It made Castiel shudder to think he’d once had the same look about him. “We need Jack. He’s coming back into his powers, and when that happens, he will be more powerful than all of us combined. He needs to harness that power here, with his true family. We can guide him and teach him to lead us all. The new Angels with respect and revere him and the remaining Angels know of his power enough to accept his leadership. He can bridge the gap between us all.”
Castiel was shaking his head before she finished. “Absolutely not. Jack is part human. He doesn’t belong here, not where you will just manipulate and use him like you did me, and besides, he is almost as much a child as the new Angels area. He is not emotionally mature enough to wield that type of influence. He is where he needs to be. There is no way I would ever turn him over into your hands so you can bind him here as you have me.” His fists were clenched tight at his side and his mouth was drawn in a tight line. Of all the things she could ask of him, knowing he'd refuse, she'd chosen Jack. There would be no discussion, no common ground where Jack was concerned. There were many things he might be willing to do to continue the charade of cooperation, but sacrificing Jack's freedom was never one of those things, as she very well knew.
Naomi nodded her head slowly, unsurprised at his answer and with a small uplift of her mouth, not a smile but a knowing grin. “I of course knew that would be your answer, but I hoped you would be reasonable and choose the well fair of all of Heaven over that of one being.” She slowly let out a breath she’d been holding as he spoke and her features softened. His eyes tightened in response, sensing danger. He would feel safer with anger in her eyes. Softness from Naomi was not to be trusted. “Castiel, if you bring Jack to us, I will make you the deal you’ve always wanted…I…along with the other Angels, will leave you and your Winchesters alone…forever! We will never darken your door again. Think of it. You’ll be free…Just as you’ve always wanted. Jack will be safe here with us, where he belongs, and you can go do…whatever it is…you do down there.” She waved her hand in dismissal as her nose wrinkled in distaste at the implication in her tone.
Castiel’s frown deepened and he shook his head again. Though he could imagine in his mind the life he was being offered and the thought was such a breath of fresh air, he knew he would never rest knowing Jack was in Heaven and under her thumb. He refused to allow himself even the fleeting thought of such a life. He braced himself for whatever blow would follow his statement as he growled out his response. “I said no. I would rather die than condemn Jack to a life of being your puppet, and we both know that is all he would ever be…”
Naomi smiled brightly then, menace in her tone. Cas let out a breath, feeling comfort in the familiar. He knew her next move now. “Well then, I guess you leave me no choice.” Naomi called for the Angels, who came in within seconds and four descended upon him. He didn’t fight. This part he’d expected. His hands were pulled behind his back and cuffed. These cuffs were similar to those on earth embedded with Enochian symbols, but Angel made. He was aware of their weaknesses but those couldn’t be manipulated now. Two Angels pulled his wings and pinned them to his side and he bit back a growl of pain. He locked eyes with Naomi but he said nothing as they led him back the way he’d came…to the training room. Here he knew her next play, and he only hoped he hadn't been wrong in thinking he still had cards to be played in response.
Chapter 15: Naomi's next move
Chapter Text
It really had been a great week. Mom even joined up with them in Dallas. Dean didn’t want to be farther from the bunker than they could drive overnight so 8 hours was his limit, and everyone agreed it was acceptable terms. The week had been a blur of sightseeing for Jack, arcades, karaoke, and general goofing off that Dean could get behind. He couldn’t help himself and of course had to check out the local papers to make sure there weren’t any cases nearby, but things seemed quiet here, at least on the hunter front. They’d just gotten in from a late-night round of putt putt and he was beat. He kicked off his shoes and flopped down hard on the bed, letting it envelope him. They had a suite for the four of them, which was a little cramped but doable. He’d definitely needed this. Now if Jack would get his biweekly okay from Cas he’d feel completely relaxed…well not really. There was no completely relaxed, but this was about as close as he got. He switched on the tv and leaned back. A pang of longing hit him out of nowhere but he was used to it. Even before he and Cas were a thing, he’d missed him and worried when he wasn’t around. Now it was worse but it was no use moping around about it. Cas was in Heaven training Angels…his own needs and worries were small in comparison. He groaned and stood up on his worn out feet as he heard a soft knocking at the door. He put on a brave face and opened the door for Jack and Sam as they came in carrying their laundry from the laundry room. Yeah, things were going to be okay.
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Castiel stood surrounded by every Angel that could be spared to witness the proceedings. That included every one of the Angels he’d been training. He found Aberia’s eyes in the crowd. They locked eyes, her face blank except for a slight tightening around the eyes...and he looked away. He couldn’t let Naomi single her out for anything, and he knew she would exploit any and all weaknesses she could wrap her hands around. His hands were still cuffed, and his wings were held out and away from his body now by two Angels per wing. Naomi had forced him to his knees, but he kept his chin jutted and his eyes up, never showing the defeat she would love to see. His eyes remained sharp as he scanned the room, not knowing what for but forever vigilant and his mind buzzing with possible ways this could end.
Naomi looked down at him, the picture of composure but her mouth pulled up just slightly at the corner. It was subtle, oh so subtle, but Castiel had known her longer than anyone in this room, and he knew she was looking forward to this. She saw his eyes drift to her mouth and like a magic trick, her facial expressions turned to one of regret and disappointment before she turned to address the assemblage. He watched her shoulders rise as she even pretended to take a steadying breath. It was all a lie but he just wasn't sure how many of the Angels would be able to see through her as he did.
“I stand before you all today with distressing, yet not surprising, news. Castiel has refused yet another direct order, one that would help solidify the safety of Heaven and all of its Angels once and for all.” She stopped and let the gravity of her sentence sink and let the whispering commence before she started again. She was a masterful weaver of words, of that Castiel could not deny. ‘Why? Because he cares more about the humans on Earth than he does his Brothers and Sisters here." He felt her lay the heaviness of her inflection on brothers and sisters, trying to cement the family betrayal. He wanted to scoff. this was no family. This was slavery, but he kept his mouth drawn into a tight line. "He cares more about doing forbidden, blasphemous acts with humans than he does about preserving the multitudinous souls within our charge. Because he is a perverse, disobedient, rebel who does not care about any of you!” Her voice reached its peak and the silence after she finished was deafening. He watched her, able to picture the look of victory in her eyes without being able to see her face. She truly thought she had him trapped for good this time. He could not deny it was clever. The voices in the room began to buzz. Castiel looked around slowly, again knowing where this was heading. If she thought any of this came as a surprise to him, she underestimated him once again. However, a plan for how to get out of it had not yet materialized in his mind...That was a problem.
“The only reason Castiel is here is because God commanded it, but what you, my dear Brothers and Sisters, may not know, though I know there is talk amongst you of this fearful truth…is that the great culling of our brethren was led by Castiel himself….along with the Great Fall…It is all on his shoulders and the blood is on his hands…and I for one cannot stand another moment of pretending it to be otherwise.” She looked down at him and shook her head in pretended regret. She put on a good show, Castiel thought to himself as he looked around him. So many were transfixed by her words. A few made eye contact with him and the eyes were full of confusion and hurt. Naomi spoke up again after her words had time to sink in. “It has been very difficult for we remaining Angels to sit idly by as someone as callous and self-serving as he has been tasked with such an important role as training you, but we did as we were told. That is what we are supposed to do…Something else that Castiel has never grasped, not truly. Our purpose is to protect Heaven and to follow orders. We are not beings created to fear, to rebel, to feel human things like lust, wrath, or pride. We are not created for such emotions. It’s not normal…HE’S not normal. We have no choice but to protect you from such…corrupt and unnatural influences. With God absent, we must take on the burden to do what must be done…what should have been done long before now….” Castiel wanted to reply but he knew it would fall on deaf ears. The other Angels around him would never give him the chance to explain. The pain and shock on the faces of the younger Angels made him want to try regardless. He needed them to see who Naomi was…even if he couldn’t change their mind about who they thought he was…He stilled and waited for where Naomi was taking this. She pulled out an Angel blade and he nodded to himself. She’d made sure he didn’t have his coat during the day to day activities, and one reason was so that he could not carry a concealed blade. She did not have those same restrictions for herself or the other older Angels. All that stood between the blade and his flesh was his white dress shirt and pants.
She put a face of regret but he was not fooled, and he could only hope others saw the glint of excitement in her eyes. “Castiel, I tried to fix you. So many hours wasted on you…but you have betrayed us for the last time…I take no pleasure in this.”The lie rolled off her tongue so smoothly as she spread her feet in a better stance and sunk the blade into his left wing, sinking home with little resistance. Nothing could withstand the strike of an Angel blade, not even an Angel. She hit the thickest part, near his shoulder joint, where the largest muscles lie. He gasped and tried to jerk forward but the Angels behind him pulled him back. He felt the damaged muscle twitch involuntarily and knew she’d now grounded him from flying even if he could manage to get away. As she reared back for another strike, he knew it would fall on his right wing. Those blows were for herself and the other Angels who were without their wings. Their jealousy personified by violence. They were personal, and it forced a cry out of him as the second strike hit home in the thick muscle of his wing. He felt blood dribbling down his inky, black feathers, and they ruffled involuntarily, spattering the floor like a deep crimson starscape. He tried not to look around him, but he saw the horror in some of the faces regardless. The truth was being revealed about Naomi now, and if he died here, he was sure the seeds of rebellion would be sown even in his absence.
“Why could you not just do as you were told? You’ve ruined everything for so long…” She growled out as she struck at his face, just below his left eye. The blade sliced deeply at his cheekbone. She’d been aiming for his eye but his leaning away had saved it. “Stand him up…” She said softly and they drug him to his feet. He stood defiantly, his spine straight and his head held high as he locked eyes with her.
“You know why I did what I did…and I don’t regret it,” he said to her as calmly as he could muster. “Zachariah, Michael, and Raphael were wrong. They will always be wrong. Your actions here won’t change that.” Naomi stabbed at him, sinking the blade into his right side and he crumpled forward before the Angels behind him again yanked him up.
“It’s not your place to say what’s right or wrong and what do YOU know about wrong? You’ve broken every rule we ever had…you laid with a human. You have no right to preach wrong…” and she drug the blade down his chest, the anger in her eyes growing as her mask slipped away. Castiel was impressed. He didn’t think she had such capacity for emotion. He wasn’t the only Angel who was feeling more than they should…
However, he was lost for any words other than crying out as the blade dug a trench into his skin. He gasped out and found Aberia’s eyes again. “Someone has to protect them….” He gritted out. The message was a double one. Naomi took it for what she thought it was but Aberia knew and her hands knotted up at her side. How dare he die on her and task her with something like that…Her mind raced as the onslaught on her mentor continued. She looked around her at the other faces and she saw the same sickened look on the faces of more than half the Angels around her. He’d been right about her.
As Castiel barely stood under his own power, more blood pooling at his feet than she’d seen in her brief time as an Angel, she watched Naomi raise her hand and strike him over and over with the handle of the blade. This was no longer about making an example. This was torture…and Naomi was enjoying it. The sparkle in her eye reflected the blood lust she was feeling.
“This world…will be better without you. We…will be better without you,” Naomi said as she raised the blade, this time with the blade itself pointed directly at his heart. As her hand made its way to the target, chaos broke loose. More Angels than could be counted broke ranks and Naomi was knocked away from him, her blade sliding far away from her target. The din of noise was deafening as bodies clashed against one another. Castiel, still handcuffed, had been tossed to the floor by his captors as the others fell upon them. He scooted toward the hall door, being half trampled as he went. His wings dragged behind him uselessly, a dozen or more feet stampeding upon them and ripping out feathers from his wings in their haste. He made it to the door and took in the chaos before him, slumped against the door frame as he pulled himself to standing. There was no making sense of the bodies…but luckily it seemed to be mostly fists, no blades being allowed by anyone except Naomi and a few of her most trusted of late. He blinked blood out of his eyes as it cascaded from a forehead cut that would not stop bleeding. He tried to stand steady, ready to defend himself as he saw Angels heading toward him in the crowd. His vision obscured, he couldn’t make out Aberia and Debriel until they were right upon him. Several other Angels fell behind them, blocking and guarding their backs.
“Come on, Castiel. We have to get you out of Heaven…” Aberia said as she grabbed his arm and pushed him out of the door, unseen by the crowd. He was too wounded to argue or fight her grip as he let himself be led out.
“Where can we go that the others can’t follow?” Debriel said as they made their way carefully down the abandoned halls, looking behind him every few seconds, his wings snapped to his side to give optimal view. Their footfalls, as soft as they were, echoed in the empty corridors.
“His bunker…” Aberia nodded to Cas as she steadied him with one arm slung around his shoulders and his ruined wing bases. Though he was larger in form than her, she was still an Angel and she did not buckle under his weight. Her face was hard and determined as she strode as quickly as she could. “and we’ve got to get these cuffs off…”
“Work together…You’re grace combined should be enough to override the safety mechanism…” Cas said as he pulled away and bared his cuffed wrists to the assembled Angels. The combined seven Angels touched the cuffs, letting their grace flow through their fingertips. The cuffs clattered loudly to the floor, making them wince and glance around nervously.
“How did you know…” Aberia said with a raised eyebrow as she kicked the cuffs down another hallway. Cas let Aberia pull his left arm around her shoulders for support as they continued toward the portal.
“Not my first time in handcuffs…” Castiel said with little emotion in his voice as they continued on.
From behind them, the first stirring of doubt was voiced by Debriel. “Castiel…what Naomi said….” He began before Aberia delivered a frightening glare toward his comment, her hair whipping around as her gaze found him.
"Debriel!" Aberia hissed out with warning at his question but Castiel sighed softly and gestured for them group to stop. Aberia's jaw was tight with displeasure at the decision as she glanced behind them, nervousness and self preservation urging her forward.
“No…you all have a right to know…” Castiel said as he studied his wounds and looked around the corner. He stopped and turned to the assemblage. “If you leave with me, you may very well not be allowed to return. What Naomi said was true…but everything I did was to protect all the people of Earth…not just the Winchesters. The Angels wanted to start the apocalypse early because they were tired of running Heaven with nothing else to do…It was selfish, short sighted, and they were working in tandem with Hell to make it happen. My Winchesters were pawns in their game…and Dean made me see what they were doing was wrong. I did things I regret…but I did them for the right reasons. The humans…they don’t deserve to suffer because of us. They suffer enough for what they do to each other…Now, I know the way to the portal. None of you need return with me. Heaven is going to need you in the aftermath of this..." Cas made the effort to grasp Debriel's hand in a gesture of thanks and attempted to turn to head away on his own but he stumbled, his ragged wings leaving an obvious trail of blood behind him with every painful step.
“Castiel, you can barely stand…I'm coming…No one else has to...” Aberia growled out as she took his arm to steady him as he swayed. She looked to the group, gauging what they wanted to do. With only a moment's hesitation the others nodded their heads and they headed once again toward the portal. “And you have nothing to explain. Naomi’s actions spoke for themselves. She is not someone I am willing to serve.” Debriel and the others made soft sounds of agreement and they made their way down the eerily quiet halls, farther and farther from the chaotic scene still going on in the training room.
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The hotel room was dark save for the bathroom door that was open a crack, illuminating the tan carpet and the edges of the beds, their hunter green comforters about 30 years out of style. Jack had insisted on taking the couch since he wasn’t sleeping as much as in previous months. That had left Dean and Sam to one full bed and Mary with the other. Dean slept closest to the door, his back to the others. Jack’s bed for the night, the couch laid out in a loud pattern of pastel plaid that clashed with the comforters, was pushed up against the wall closest to Sam’s bed. Dean’s eyes were just slowly cracking open due to the snoring coming from his younger brother when he heard a loud gasp from Jack. Dean’s years of survival instincts kicked in and he rolled off the bed, taking a knee and feeling for the nightstand light. As it popped on, Sam sat straight up and had his pistol in his hand, aimed at the front door, which was sitting closed and harmless. Mary, too, was sitting up with her weapon in her hand.
“What’s wrong?” Sam said as he and Dean surveyed the room from their separate locations. Dean had one hand on the light and the other gripping his own pistol that he always tucked under his pillow.
Through gritted teeth, Jack spoke. “Angel…Radio…Somethings…wrong. It’s chaos…a mass of screaming and static. I can’t make out a coherent thought.” Dean and Sam both lowered their weapons as the perceived threat was proven to not be in the room. It took them all a moment to let the words sink in before two sets of eyes found Dean’s. He set his pistol on the nightstand and he instinctively looked Heavenward, dropping his gun back onto the comforter as he pushed up off the floor.
Sam looked over at Dean and back to Jack, his eyes wary and gauging what might set Dean off. “Try to single out a voice…any voice.”
“Sam, I’m trying!” Jack snapped back uncharacteristically. “It’s just...a mass of noise. I can’t make out anything….” He sat up, clutching his head in his hands as his elbows rested on his scooby doo pajama pants, given to him by Castiel. A visual reminder of the reason for his worry.
Sam looked to Dean again, looking for guidance and finding none. “What do we do? What does that mean?”
Dean ran a hand through his hair and paced a step forward,unsure of his next step. “I don’t know, Sam. I don't fucking know…”
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Castiel was thankful they’d installed an alarm system that didn’t require a key. Just a fingerprint and a code. To be fair, he’d still had to wipe his bloodied hands on his shirt before it would accept it, but at least he didn’t have to worry about picking a lock. He stumbled down the stairs alone, his wings dragging behind him, too damaged to be put away in the other plane, and his grace too low to even attempt to heal them. He winced as one of the feathers, bent out of shape, snagged on one of the stairs.
“Dean! Sam? Jack!” Castiel bellowed out as he made his way to the wall they’d scribed the newer wardings on. His own voice echoing back at him was the only reply. He stepped into the Library and noted all the laptops were gone…They weren’t here. He snatched up one of the ceremonial knives that decorated the library shelves and drug it across the Angel warding they’d painted onto the wall, scraping the paint away. As soon as he did, he heard the other Angels descend the metal stairs. He looked up to assure the last of them had entered and as soon as the door shut behind them, he dug his thumb into the dripping wing wound and resealed the sigil in his own blood, gasping in fresh pain as he did so. The other Angels descended upon him and Took his arms to support him as he led them to his room.
“Will this place really keep us safe from the others?” spoke up a blonde, small boned Angel that had entered reluctantly, feeling the cave-like quality of the building as she entered.
“You couldn’t enter until I undid the sigil…It will keep you safe, Koriah. I will keep you safe…” Castiel gasped out as they opened his door. They tried to guide him to his bed, but he stumbled to his desk and slung open the middle drawer. His bloodied hand wrapped around his phone and he powered it up, praying the battery was full enough to do what needed to be done. He let them push him toward the bed and he sat down heavily, manually maneuvering his wings to avoid sitting on them.
“You need to rest…” Aberia said with disapproval as he frowned at the device he clutched in his shaking hand. He couldn’t see himself but the others saw all too well. Blood had begun to dry in dripping lines down his face from the forehead wound. The gash under his eye was swelling and his shirt was soaked in blood from Naomi's blows. Not to mention his wings…which were the most offending injuries to the group. His wings trembled on their own from the muscular damage, though the bleeding had begun to lessen. Not enough time had gone by for the bleeding to stop from such a damning injury.
“I have to call Dean. They aren’t here and they need to know…” Castiel said as he dialed his number from memory and waited. He didn’t have to wait long.
Dean was still trying to decide what to do when his phone rang. He snatched it up off the nightstand and his eyes got wide as he read the caller id. He answered and had it thrown to his ear in record speed his heart racing as fast as his mind.
“CAS?!” Dean bellowed into the phone, making Sam and Jack jump.
Castiel slowly scooted back on the pillows to appease the grouchy Angels around him. His heart felt like it could slow down now that he heard Dean’s voice, momentarily assured of his safety or at the very least being alive. “Dean, where are you?”
Dean held the phone in one hand while leaning against the tv stand with the other. He hadn’t expected to hear Cas’ voice today and his knees went weak at the sound. “We went on a road trip. Dallas. Where the Hell are you?!” Dean said, his voice rising even as Sam shushed him. It was extremely late but there was absolutely something wrong. Dean could hear it in the pinched tone of Cas’ voice. He was controlling his tone carefully…
“I’m at the bunker…You need to be here too.” Cas hissed out as Aberia tried to work on healing his wounds. “Damn it, that can wait…” Cas growled out.
“Whose there with you?” Dean said as he began slinging their belongings in bags with his free hand. Sam followed suit without question, gesturing for Jack to do the same. There was no questioning Dean in whatever was going on until the call was done.
“Seven other Angels…things are…complicated,” Castiel yelled out as Aberia snatched the phone from him.
“Dean, it’s Aberia. Castiel is gravely injured and we need to tend to him. We do not have time for tactfulness. Naomi attempted to kill Castiel in front of the assembly of Angels. Many of us rebelled. Some of us left to assure the commanders safety. We’re at your home. You apparently aren’t safe where you are so I believe he would like you to return here…” Aberia allowed Cas to reach out and grab the phone back from her, a look on his face of great displeasure. She chose to raise an eyebrow in defiance that made him eye roll, even as in pain as he was.
He growled into the phone, attempting not to wince in pain from the sudden movement. “Gravely injured is a stretch. I am fine.”
“He’s lying…” Aberia said loud enough for Dean to hear. Castiel shot her a look of anger enough that his eyes glowed blue even as injured as he was.
Dean began swearing loudly and Cas winced visibly, his attention immediately going to his distraught lover on the phone. “I’m eight fucking hours away, Cas.”
“You can make it in four. I’ve seen you do it. Get here, not for me, but for you. If Naomi gets to you three before you can get here...then I would rather have died in Heaven.” Cas’ voice was heavy and tired needing Dean to understand the urgency. He needed him safe more than he needed to comfort him right now.
“Okay…don’t die,” Dean growled out, his hand already on the door to load the Impala. Sam and Jack were scurrying behind him, throwing every miscellaneous item of theirs in any open bag they had.
“Same to you….” Castiel said more softly now and he hung up. Aberia took the phone away and pushed him back on the pillows as the other Angels descended upon him to begin cleaning up and healing his wounds.
Chapter 16: Uncertainties and Injuries
Summary:
Dean and the others make it home to find Castiel injured and they discuss the events that happened in Heaven and what that means for them now.
Notes:
I'm sorry for the delay! I've had the chapter written but have had a lot come up with the holiday and my job as an animal shelter director. Please forgive the delay and I will try to update more regularly until the end! I hope I removed any grammatical errors as well. I don't have beta readers.
Chapter Text
Dean busted into the bunker only a little more than four hours from the time the call ended. They’d been graced with a late-night drive with no cop cars, a radar detector, and sheer dumb luck. He waited only for the bunker's garage door to seal fully before he was through the door and descending the stairs, his duffel thumping hard against his side. The bloody shoe prints and the dried droplets decorating the grey concrete floor gave him momentary pause as his heart raced more than it had during the ride there. Finding courage, he made a bee line for the hallway to the bedrooms and was met with two stern looking Angels, arms crossed over their chests, blocking his way. He took a breath and took a fighting stance without any thought put into it, ready to do what he had to to get down that hall.
“Let him through,” came Cas’ familiar voice before Dean could even protest. The lump in his throat went down as he heard his voice, strong and bossy as ever, coming from the bedrooms. He wanted to make a smart remark at the two stuffy looking Angels but he held it back as he shouldered past them as they parted, not waiting for them to fully get out of his way. He saw the light shining from Cas’ open bedroom door and he dropped his duffel to the right of the doorway as he got his first look at his face.
Castiel sat propped up on pillows, his wings draped awkwardly off the sides of the bed, the bulk of them resting on the floor. His torso was naked and he had only a pair of what Dean suspected were his own heather grey pajama pants on. He didn’t know if the pants were covering any wounds but what he could see was enough to take in. Cas had deep cuts etched across his chest and face and the right side of his face was swollen so that the eye that was visible was only a blue slit. Despite all of that, Castiel smiled as he saw him. It made the sliver of blue of the swollen eye disappear.
Dean stopped and concern filled his chest as he let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. “You look like shit.”
Castiel laughed then winced as it made wounds on his stomach sting. Aberia glanced to Dean then looked disapprovingly at Castiel as her hands hovered over one of the wounds. Dean saw the wound’s edges shrink but she didn’t appear to be healing him completely.
“I’d disagree but you’re not wrong, but I’ll be fine,” Castiel said with assurance as he locked eyes with Dean as best he could. Though he was injured, his eyes were strong and filled with determination.
“One Angel did this?” Dean said as he slowly made his way to the side of the bed nearest the wall, taking a small evaluation of the other bodies in the room as he went.
Castiel followed his movements with his one good eye. Dean felt like he had the look of a wounded animal in the sight of a predator. “In my defense, I had four Angels holding me and I was handcuffed. I couldn’t much defend myself.”
“What a bitch…” Dean growled out as he pulled an extra chair beside the bed, careful to avoid stepping on the part of his wing that was draped across the floor.
“That is a correct statement,” Aberia mumbled as she stumbled back, gasping for breath as another Angel slid a chair under her. She sagged against the back of the chair, her face pale.
Castiel watched Dean’s face study the scene. He decided to answer his unspoken question. “They are taking turns healing me as they can. They are young and not at their most powerful yet, and wounds inflicted by Angel blades are harder to heal. I also don’t want any of them weakened to the point that it leaves them vulnerable. We don’t know what Naomi’s plans are now…”
Dean studied the look in Castiel’s visible eye and understanding dawned on him. “That’s why you wanted us home so quickly…not for you, but because you were worried she would find us.”
Castiel nodded once. “She has gotten sloppy and let her anger get the best of her. She is very dangerous right now.”
“I can see that…” Dean said softly as he looked over his wounds again. He stopped as he studied Cas’ wings, letting his fingers hesitate above the deep stab wound on the wing nearest him. Many of his inky, jet black feathers were frayed or bent.
“Those are the least of my worries, Dean….” Castiel said quietly as he saw where his eyes were led. Dean fingers traced gently along one of his undamaged feathers, making Cas shudder softly.
“Castiel, if you don’t let us work on those wounds soon….” Aberia said as she rested her chin on her knuckles as she propped her elbow on her knee. She looked between Cas and Dean with obvious bemusement that she was trying very hard to keep to herself.
“Enough. I’ve made myself clear,” Castiel barked back abruptly. Dean raised an eyebrow and looked between them as Aberia scowled.
“What? What will happen?” Dean looked to Aberia and the other Angels for answers as he felt Cas glare at him. Cas then turned his gaze to the other Angels and raised his eyebrow and shook his head in a silent order of silence.
Aberia leaned back in the chair and gave Dean a studying gaze, ignoring Cas shaking his head. “He insists we heal his body first so that he can be ready to fight if needed. That is a fair strategy but if we do not heal his wings before they start to knit back together on their own, they will not heal properly, and they will remain useless to him.”
Castiel turned his attention to her again, laying a gaze upon her that made the other Angels in the room take a further step back. “Aberia, when did you get to be so forthcoming?”
Missing the tense conversation, Dean’s eyes were still studying the deep, penetrating wing wound. The blood had dried around it, making it a dark, angry hollow where tissue and tendon should be. He could clearly see the floor through the exit wound. “Cas…”
Castiel’s shoulders rolled in in such a way that Dean could guess that would have tucked his wings closer to him…if they weren’t so damaged. “Dean, I’ve lived without wings for years. I can do it again if necessary.”
Dean's mouth drew in a tight line, sensing multiple sets of eyes on him in the room. He sensed this conversation had been had by several others but he knew when Cas was deadset on something...“But it’s not necessary. Just let them heal them.” He tried to keep his tone calm but inside, his stomach was swirling as he stared at the wings, softly twitching involuntarily even as he watched them. The fine trembling could be seen if he concentrated on the individual feathers and he knew the pain must be immense.
“Dean, I HAVE to be strong enough to defend myself and the others if Naomi and the others come here. We don’t know what happened after we left. We don’t know if Naomi maintained control and swayed the others to her side. I have to be strong, and I cannot fight if my body is as broken as it is now.”Cas' voice drew Dean's gaze back up to him. He tried to wipe his visible anxiety at the wings and he sighed in defeat. He would argue if he could, but Cas had a very valid point.
“Okay,” Dean said quietly as he slowly took Cas’ hand in his own. The gesture wasn’t lost on the other Angels in the room but they looked away as if they were doing something much more obscene. He felt a hatred deep in his gut for Naomi. He’d done terrible things in his time in Hell and torture was something he knew a great deal about…what she’d done to him was in a similar vein. Those were not killing blows. None of Cas' were. She had struck with intent to cause pain only. He shuddered to think what she might have done without an audience.
Jack walked in moments later, having tried to give Dean a few moments of his own before including himself. Castiel smiled happily as his protégé entered. The other Angels looked on with further hesitation.
“Castiel, you look terrible…” Jack added matter-of-factly as he stood at the end of the bed, his hands resting on the edge.
Castiel laughed again, a sound that startled the Angels around him. “So I’ve been told.”
“Why did she do this to you? I thought you were working together," Jack said as he tilted his head and scrunched his forehead in confusion. Several eyes in the room look somewhat resentfully at Jack's back, but they went unnoticed to the young Nephilim. They did not go unnoticed to Cas, who gave fleeting looks to each of the Angels.
“She has her own motives for everything she does, Jack. I don’t try to understand them,” Castiel added hastily, avoiding making eye contact with Jack as he said it.
“It was because of you,” the demure Angel from earlier said with a surprising amount of resentment in her tone. Castiel gave her another warning look and she ducked her head in response, surprised at her own boldness.
“What? Why?” Jack said with a look of hurt on his face, guilt overriding everything else.
Aberia spoke up then, avoiding Cas’ piercing glare and giving Jack her full attention as she stood up abruptly. “She wanted you to come to Heaven. Castiel told her no, repeatedly, and she beat him to within an inch of his life…if we hadn’t stopped her.”
Cas sat up on the bed, pushing himself up to a better sitting position, but even that slight movement had the other Angels backing away, unsure of his intent. “ABERIA! I am quite dazzled at your suddenly very forthcoming attitude with my family….” Castiel growled out angrily to her. “None of this had anything to do with you, Jack. You were just the excuse she needed to act on her anger.”
‘Castiel, I deserve to know,” Jack said as he sat on the end of the bed now, carefully avoiding Cas' feet.
Dean nodded his agreement as he squeezed his hand. “Kids’ right. If it had to do with him, he deserves to know.”
Castiel rolled his eyes and tried to cross his arms defiantly but the anger went out of him when the movement pulled at one of his wounds. He winced and threw up a calming hand as Jack and Dean both leaned it to help, stopping them in their tracks.
“Fine, fine,” He took a deep breath before continuing, settling himself more comfortably on the pillows. “She claimed you were gaining your power back and wanted you to be the face of leadership in Heaven while she worked as more of a right hand. I told her no. She used my response as an excuse to say I would not choose what was best for Heaven in my actions. Again, it was never about you, Jack. She knew I would say no and she used it. Naomi is predictable, and that is her most obvious weakness.”
“But if she used Jack against you, she knows your weaknesses too,” Dean added as he picked at the edge of the sheet hanging near his knee, fiddling nervously.
Castiel smiled softly and looked to the door as Sam and Mary entered as well to check in on him. “My weaknesses have not been a secret for some time, Dean. However, she will most definitely use you all against me, so now is as good a time as any to tell you, you all will not be joining me if it comes to another confrontation. Also, I will not make any of the Angels come. This is not their fight.”
Voices began shouting all at once from the humans and Angels in the room. Castiel raised an eyebrow in amusement when Aberia and Dean both jumped up from their seated positions to yell at him, louder than the protests from the others. He looked between the two of them with a mixture of amusement and respect.
“If you think I’m going to stay behind and wait to see if you come back AGAIN...” Dean bellowed as Aberia stood with her fists clenched at her side and added, “It is my fight because I choose it, as do the others!”
Castiel rolled his eyes and sighed. ‘Enough! Dean, she will absolutely do everything in her power to see you dead just to hurt me…and Aberia, you all still have a chance to go back. Even if Naomi maintained control after the rioting earlier, she would welcome you back if you disavow me.”
“so, what happened in Heaven?” Mary added quietly from the door. “I still feel a little out of the loop here…”
Castiel leaned his head against his pillow and latched onto Mary’s question to avoid further discussion about the previous topic. “Chuck is currently not in Heaven. He’s off doing…whatever it is he does..to create more Angels. It’s quite a long process. He has been gone since before I returned to Heaven from my last visit, hence why Naomi sent others to retrieve me. She was cool but cordial since then until today, when she requested me to come to her office. I knew then it was a set up. She ordered me to bring Jack to Heaven. I refused, and when she insisted and I again refused, she handcuffed me and they brought me before the new Choir of Angels as a show of force and a lesson in the consequences of disobedience. She made sure to announce to the entire assemblage that I was singlehandedly responsible for the shortage of Angels. Then she proceeded to become quite violent…”
“She beat him and stabbed him many times with the Angel blade then just as she raised her blade to land the killing blow…many of the new choir rose up and stormed the group. It was quite dramatic…” Debriel added when Castiel didn’t seem keen to elaborate.
“Then we,” Aberia gestured to herself and the surrounding Angels, “got to Castiel before he was trampled to death and we all left through the Heaven portal before anyone else was wise to our escape.”
Cas rolled his eyes and attempted to cross his arms across his chest, though he gave up when the movement tugged at his wounds again. “And I said then I could proceed on my own and you did not need to follow…”
Aberia rolled her eyes, almost mimicking Castiel from earlier. “Yes, a very wise plan to walk hundreds of miles dragging broken wings you are unable to hide, covered in blood. Yes, that plan was truly awe inspiring.”
Dean coughed to cover a laugh and then smiled at Cas. “I think I'm starting to like her.”
“Yay….” She said as she leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest defiantly, her newly found sarcasm coming through. “We’ve already discussed it and decided. We aren’t leaving you to deal with Naomi alone.”
Debriel chimed in again as he leaned against he wall. “Isn’t this all premature arguing? We don’t even know if she is going to come for you…”
Cas gave a level look to Debriel. “If she is alive, she will come for me, and I don’t foresee the choir killing her. She is as old as I am and the knowledge lost would outweigh her potential danger. Why do you think she worked so long to fix me as opposed to just killing me? Angels are nothing if not resourceful.”
“This is all very interesting, but shouldn’t we be focused on healing the commander in case of such circumstances? We’ve all rested. We need to continue…” the small statured angel looked at the humans and gestured for them to leave.
Dean huffed and crossed his arms as he leaned back in the chair he’d pulled to the side of the bed. “Then continue on. I’m not stopping you…”
“You are in their home. You will respect them and their wishes," Cas added as he saw an argument brewing, looking to each Angel in kind.
“Yes, sir….” She said, biting back her comment before she came and hovered a hand over him, trying to decide what area to concentrate on.
“You know, two eyes would be super useful in a fight…” Dean murmured as he cut his eyes toward Castiel.
The petite Angel looked like she wanted to argue but she shrugged and hovered her hand over Castiel’s swollen eye. When she laid her hand down, the swelling was all but gone and the cut was a faint red line. She stepped back and Debriel stepped forward.
He looked to Dean, his hands clasped in front of him as he gave him an arrogant, controlled smile. “In our defense, the swelling around the eye was decided to be less critical than the stomach wound that exited out of his back…which is what we have been working on for the last four hours…”
Another Angel spoke up. “And we are not nearly as strong as Castiel and Naomi are at healing. We are mere children in that regard…”
Dean’s anger melted away and he reached for Cas’ hand, which he freely gave. He looked down at Cas then back up to the Angels around him. “I'm sorry. Thank you for everything today. If not for you all…”
“He would most certainly be dead, and that is not in our best interest,” Aberia finished for Dean, her voice blank and unfeeling.
“Well don’t get all emotional about it,” Dean said as he rolled his eyes and Cas let a small smile creep up in the corner of his mouth.
“I didn’t,” Aberia said as she cocked her head to the side in confusion.
Dean just shook his head, knowing now was not the time to give lessons in human sarcasm.
--------------------------------------------------
Everyone that required sleep had dispersed to their rooms for a few hours of it, except for Dean. He had fallen asleep In the chair next to Cas. Castiel had laid his hand over Dean's as he dozed, thankful that he got to see his face again. All of their faces. In the moments leading up to Naomi’s final strike, he’d felt assured of his death. His only regret in that moment was knowing that his family would never know what happened to him and he would not get to say goodbye. He’d given Aberia that last message in the hopes she would take his place as their guardian. It had been a dim hope but if any of them would fulfill his wishes, he thought it would be her. Though their relationship was a rocky one, she was a good Angel, and she had had the most time to meet the humans on Earth. There had been something about her from the start Cas had liked, and hated. She’d come into existence with an attitude, and considering Castiel had always been accused of being created flawed, he’d found her differences endearing. He’d die before he told her so though.
He’d just let his mind drift, studying the planes of Dean’s sleeping face when a soft knock came at the bedroom door. He’d dismissed the Angels to rest and recharge before healing him so he assumed they were ready to get back at it. However, one look at Debriel’s face said otherwise.
“Sir, there is an Angel at the entrance requesting your presence,” he said as Dean quickly awoke at the new noise. Before Cas could answer, Dean was sitting, bright eyed, at his side. As a hunter, you became a light sleeper or you died.
“Which Angel? That will tell me what I need to know…” Castiel said with a glint in his eye as he glanced to Dean.
“It’s Enid, sir,” Debriel replied with a raised eyebrow. Dean could tell by his tone, they knew something he didn't.
Cas' shoulders softened slightly. “Enid? An interesting choice for emissary. Are there others with her?”
Debriel nodded once, quickly enough that Dean would have missed it had he not had his eyes on him. “Josiah and Kirah are with her.”
Castiel nodded and his eyes filled with intrigue and a small smile crossed his face. “Very well. Let them enter and seat them in the war room.”
“Cas, we don’t know what side they’re on…” Dean said as he looked to Cas, concern filling his tone as he stood up abruptly from his chair.
“I do. Those three were chosen to come to us to send a very clear message. I know the new Angels more than anyone, and those three had the most difficulty with Naomi from the start. The choir took Heaven. Let’s see what they have to say,” Cas said as he struggled to sit up and Dean and Debriel both dove to assist him. The two locked eyes over Cas' shoulder and they shared a moment of understanding between them. They'd follow Cas' lead, but both had their own trepidations.
Chapter 17: The calm before the storm
Summary:
Castiel is able to find out the situation in Heaven and where Naomi is and the risk she poses him and all of those he loves
Notes:
I'm so sorry for leaving this story hanging for so very long. Life, depression, and an insane work schedule are the only excuses I can give. This chapter isn't long but it was all I had time to edit today. I have the entirety of the story written out with just some editing needed. I promise I will get another chapter out by the end of the week. I never wanted to abandon this work and I've been determined to get back to it. I apologize to you that subscribed to this expecting regular updates. I still love you guys!
Chapter Text
Enid, Josiah, and Kirah sat nervously at one end of the War Room table as Castiel entered, flanked by Aberia and Debriel. Dean had not been happy with the decision but Castiel had explained that every move he made from here on out had to be a calculated show of force and flaunting their relationship in front of neutral Angels was not a good plan. Dean had grumbled but nodded his hesitant acceptance. Cas had left his chest bare, displaying the still healing wounds along with the burn on his side from Naomi’s handiwork. Another calculated move that Dean had frowned at. The conversation before they left the bedroom had left him frustrated but accepting that Cas knew what he was doing.
"It shows you're weak, Cas," Dean had argued softly as he leaned against the bedroom door.
Cas had glanced at his healing body in the mirror and made a very human gesture of brushing a stray strand of his brunette hair back into place that had fallen onto his forehead. "That logic works for humans, Dean. You can't afford to show weakness to other humans or when on a hunt. Angels don't think that way. Yes, it shows I'm still healing, but it will remind them fully what Naomi is capable of. That is what needs to be focused on now. I need to be seen as the victim, not an instigator or a rebel."
Dean frowned and the lines in his forehead had deepened. "I don't like it. You're helpless. No armor. You're wings are..." he had begun but Cas had turned and put a soft hand on his shoulder, glancing back absently at his damaged appendages.
"My wings...as they are...will stand as another reminder of who Naomi is, and Debriel and Aberia will be there at my side and will not let anything happen to me. They've more than proven they are willing to protect me at all cost, have they not?"
"I'd feel better if it was me," Dean had murmured softly before clenching his jaw and crossing his arms over his chest, trying to hide the helplessness he felt at having to stay on the sidelines.
"I have no doubt I'd be safer with you by my side, but as I said...." Cas had begun gently, his hand squeezing softly into Dean's shoulder again.
"Yeah, yeah. I get it, but I don't have to like it," Dean murmured, sighing as he stepped away from the bedroom door just as Debriel knocked softly.
"It will all be alright, Dean," Cas said quickly as he saw the uncertainty in the hunter's eyes.
Dean leaned against the dresser, his fingers gripping the edge as his knuckles turned white with tension. "You promise?"
Cas opened his mouth to speak but studied Dean a moment before he sighed and shook his head. "I can't lie to you. That's not a promise I can make, but I believe it will be. Now, believe in me."
Dean blew out a nervous breath as he stood straight again and followed him out of the bedroom door and watched Debriel and Aberia flank Cas on either side. "You know I do."
---------------
“Enid, Josiah, Kirah…” Castiel said as he entered, doing his best not to limp or show any signs of the pain his wings were still causing him. He fought to hold them at their natural angle and negate the muscular tremors. It was one thing to have his wounds on display, but he did not want to broadcast the pain he was still in. He truly believed showing his injuries was a strategic move but even he could not bring himself to look like an easy target in front of Angels who might not have his best interests at heart. Cas could feel Dean's eyes on him even now. Yes, he couldn't have him by his side but he gave in to allow him to linger in the background. After all, this was his home they were in, and Cas would always find a way to compromise when it came to Dean.
“Commander….” All three of the new arrivals said in unison as he entered. They stood and waited for him to sit before sitting down themselves. Even Dean raised an eyebrow where he stood leaning against the far wall. Sam, Mary, and Jack had all been awoken to join the meeting. Best not to let anyone sleep through it. They too shared a look at the respect shown to Cas. Dean's fast racing heart slowed a little at that. They did seem to hold him in a place of regard, even now.
“What news?” Castiel said as he nodded his head for them to speak as he folded his hands on the table in front of him. His demeanor was cool and composed as he awaited an answer. He looked from Enid to Josiah and Kirah in turn. The three Angels had always been close and were so similar in looks that had they been human, they would have been able to pass for siblings with their brownish blonde hair and dark eyes. They all studied him back in turn, revealing nothing with their steady gazes.
Enid, mirroring Cas' position across the table with Josiah and Kirah flanking her, immediately responded. “Commander, the Choir has taken control of Heaven. Naomi and those that follow her have been expelled to Earth."
“How long ago?” Castiel said with a mixture of concern and unhidden pride in his tone at the Choir's work.
Enid gave a minute nod of acknowledgement to Cas' unspoken praise. “Only a few hours by human standards. The fight was lengthy but no lives were lost. We would have come sooner but Naomi and the others did not go easily and we allowed some of the defectors time to make a choice between staying and being expelled.”
Castiel nodded and let a sigh escape his lips, his shoulders relaxing in a barely recognizable way. “I am truly sorry it came to that.”
Enid cleared her throat, looking uncomfortable now. “Yes…the Choir agrees that Naomi’s methods are not in the best interest of Heaven but…” She hesitated and looked down at the table, showing a nervousness at whatever news she had to deliver.
Castiel let his demeanor soften as he cocked his head. He felt he knew where the conversation was going but he had to let her say it herself without any coaxing from him. “Go on, Enid…It’s okay.”
Enid locked eyes with Castiel and straightened her posture. “They….we….all agree that we don’t believe you have Heaven’s best interest as your priority either, Castiel.” Enid looked over to the humans standing against the wall and swallowed once. “Please forgive the impertinence…but we are formally requesting that you remain on Earth until such time as you believe your focus can be on Heaven and the souls in our charge.” Dean’s mouth almost fell open. Cas' plan had actually worked…Son of a bitch…
Castiel kept his face neutral but Dean could all but sense the victory in him. “I understand your concern and accept your terms. Though you must understand two things. One, I do not know of such a time when service to Heaven will be the greatest priority to me. Two, that when Naomi confronts me I will have no choice but to kill her. She will not stop as long as I am alive.”
Enid nodded her head and looked to Josiah and Kirah then. Both stood and brought bundles forward that had been waiting in a box at their feet. Josiah’s large bundle was wrapped in cloth and Castiel pulled it off to reveal his chest plate and wing guards. The second bundle was a silver-enlayed, latched wooden box that Kirah sat on the table in front of him delicately. Castiel quickly opened it to reveal Angel blades, seven of them. Castiel held one up and ran the palm of his hand along the blade, knowing it was his. The Angels surrounding him quickly filed in closer to the box and picked up one each, reverently holding them as their own, as if a piece of themselves had been restored. Castiel’s forehead creased and he looked with genuine fondness at Enid and the others as she pulled out a tan cloth from the bottom of the box and handed it out last. He flicked it out in front of him and smiled.
“Son of a bitch…” Dean said with a smile of his own as he recognized Cas’ trench coat. Castiel stole a glance backwards at Dean and gifted him a small smile in response. He was drawn back to the matter at hand by a small clearing of Enid's throat. As he turned, the three Angels had identical quizzical expressions as they looked between Dean and himself.
Enid frowned softly as she pulled her attention away from studying Dean and the other humans gathered at the wall. "We do not expect your attentions will turn back to Heaven for several decades. Time of that increment is not of importance to us. As for Naomi, we expect you to do what you must." Dean tried to concentrate on her words and not on her implications but he very quickly came to the realization that she was insinuating Cas would return to Heaven when and the other humans in the room were dead....Well, that was a cheerful thought. He tried to shake off the sudden thought of him aging and Cas staying exactly the same, something he had tried not to think about. He shoved his hands in his pockets and fidgeted, trying to shake off the thought as Cas continued speaking.
“Thank you Enid…” Castiel said with genuine feeling as he stood, laying his hands palms down on the table. “How many of the new choir went with her?”
“Only sixteen ended up choosing Naomi's side after all was settled and they saw she would not retain control of Heaven. Only six of those were of the new choir.” Enid looked around her at the group surrounding Castiel, obviously tallying the odds in her head. The others in the room couldn't seem to help but do the same.
Castiel could feel the others in the room making their assessments and he spoke firmly. “I will be outnumbered but that’s never stopped me before…Once this is settled, will any members of the choir who wish to rejoin Heaven be allowed to do so? Either those that chose Naomi’s side..or mine?” Castiel looked back at the Angels surrounding him.
Enid nodded and looked to the Angels at his shoulders as well. “Anyone other than you and Naomi that wish to rejoin Heaven are welcome to do so, but they must accept the new regime and our leadership. We have created a committee to make decisions. We will no longer be a dictatorship.”
Castiel nodded firmly and stood straight with his hands clasped in front of him. "A wise decision Enid. I will of course remain at your disposal if you should need advice or assistance. While Heaven may no longer be my home, I hope you can see that I do not want to be your enemy. I’d much prefer to be your ally.” Dean's eyes narrowed softly at the wording Cas had used and made a mental note to discuss it with him later. They had a lot to discuss later.
Enid smiled then, something she had not done yet in her time in the bunker. “Of course, Commander. Always our ally. Now…we need to return and give you time to prepare.” They stood and Castiel quickly walked them up the stairs. Dean watched as he leaned in to each one, speaking softly under his breath. All three left then, looking relieved to depart in his opinion.
Castiel came down the stairs then, finally releasing a look of triumph. The smile he radiated was only negated by the fact that his wings still hung limp and useless at his side.
Chapter 18: What you have to do
Summary:
Castiel and the others prepare for the final confrontation with Naomi and the other Angels, but those Angels that follow him question his loyalties to them in comparison to his loyalty to the Winchesters.
Notes:
I've been writing off and on. I even have a sequel somewhat lined out. Motivation has been lacking and I'm afraid SPN ending had me feeling like my stories didn't matter...but seeing where the ending is heading, I need my outlet for happy endings so trying to continue, even if everyone gets tired of my procrastination and doesn't read. I still love ya'll! Thank you for still following my flakey, slow to update ass.
Chapter Text
His triumphant mood was not long-lived.
Castiel paced the library, his wing wounds now mostly healed. After more convincing by human and Angel alike, they had begun healing them, but they still drug behind him as he paced, the feathers closest to the floor making soft scraping sounds as he moved. More time was needed for them to be at their full strength again and Cas was not keen on waiting for Naomi to make her move. He clenched and unclenched his fists as he spoke, frustration painted evidently on his face. “She’s calling to me. She knows where I am, and this will not end until one of us is dead. Delaying is not going to gain us enough advantage to warrant risking her ambushing us here,” he growled out while the other Angels lingered around him, having heard this argument much over the last hour. "They would not gain entry easily but if they make their way inside we would be trapped inside as well."
Debriel finally spoke up from the other side of the library table, his arms crossed across his chest and a small frown. “We need more time to heal you Commander. She already has an estimated 16 Angels backing her. There are only five of us. Even with you at full strength, it will be close..."
“Nine. Cas has nine,” Dean interrupted coolly as he sat in one of the wooden chairs nearby, his feet kicked up on the table nonchalantly. He smiled defiantly as he felt the other Angels turned in unison to look at him, a mixture of arrogance and curiosity mingled among their faces. He raised an eyebrow in challenge as Cas turned to look as well but only with a sigh of resignation.
“You count yourselves as our equals?” one of the Angels said with a hint of disdain she squashed as Castiel quickly turned his head to cast a glare her way, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Her shoulders rolled in and she cast her eyes to the ground as he spoke, her body language immediately placating.
“They ARE our equals. They have more than proven themselves in battle. Many more times than you have, and without all of our advantanges” Castiel said as he looked toward their group, his voice a dangerous growl that made the other Angels all drop their eyes, hoping to soften his temper. Castiel knew the need to defend his family was torn by an equally great urge to protect them. His two views were at war with one another as he shook his head, unable to make peace with one or other. He turned his disapproving look to Dean now, who, unlike the Angels, refused to bend to his will. “However, I’ve made my views clear on this Dean…”
Dean took a breath to argue, letting his feet slide off the table. He squared his shoulders and wet his lips in preparation. However, Sam cleared his throat and unexpectedly interjected before he could. “Yeah, you have Cas, several times, but we’re doing this. It’s our choice,” Sam said firmly, his arms crossed in defiance as he stood across the room with Mary and Jack, his own body language conveying the argument they'd had over the past few hours.
“Besides, Naomi and the OG Angels don’t have working wings, right?” Dean added with hopefulness as Cas paced slowly over to his chair and rested his hands on the back of it, much like it had pained him to stay away. Dean glanced up at him instinctively and Cas brushed his fingers along the back. Unseen by the group, Dean felt goosebumps raise up his spine and Cas smiled softly.
Aberia huffed in annoyance at Cas' distraction and he pulled his eyes back up to the otherwise oblivious group and gave thought to what Dean had said. “That is true, which gives us a weakness we can exploit, but be assured she will search any and all weakness she can within our ranks as well.” Castiel looked around the room as he said it but his free hand tightened on the wood of the chair, leaving small indentations in the wood. As much as he knew he would not be able to make the Winchesters sit the fight out, he knew Naomi would use his human family against him, much as the others had before her. In his mind, he knew they could handle themselves but he would give anything to keep them out of this very personal fray.
“I can count three weaknesses.One. Two. Three...the Nephilim can probably handle himself...” came another dismissive comment from the earlier Angel as she gestured to Dean, Sam, and Mary. Aberia and Debriel shrank away from her as Castiel’s mouth pulled into a deep frown and he turned toward her. Even Dean gave pause at the storm that brewed in Cas' eyes at her unwanted commentary.
“Your comments are no longer just bordering on disrespectful, Handriel. If you have something to say, I suggest you say it,” Castiel said as he stepped out from behind Dean’s chair, his hands in fists at his side and his body language tense. His wings rippled with a soft trembling he was sure Dean could see from his position behind him. He would be damned glad when he could finally put his wings away...they gave away too much.
Debriel cleared his throat as Handriel stepped forward slightly, her own face hard with frustration. The other Angels looked between Castiel and Handriel with growing concern. “Commander, I don’t think…”
“If Handriel has something to say, she has my permission to say it,” Castiel said as he raised an eyebrow calmly but the other Angels in the room took a step back, sensing the false calm by the set of his wings and the timbre of his voice. The growl all but made the room itself tremble. No one would ever know he agreed with Handriel...in his own way. She saw the humans as weak, and in that she was wrong. However, he was sure Dean at least would be targeted quickly. His mind raced with every possible way this day could go wrong, even as he stood defending his family being here...even while he wanted them nowhere near the battle when it began. Emotions were a complicated matter.
The other Angels then looked between Castiel and Handriel with trepidation, but she still stepped closer, swallowing only slightly as Cas did not waver. The other Angels pretended to not see her slight tremble as she spoke. “Commander, if the humans are allowed to come, some of us will surely be killed by your lack of focus. Tell me, if it came to choosing between our lives and the lives of the humans, who would you choose to save?” Her jaw flexed as Castiel stepped closer to her, effectively blocking the view of a still sitting Dean. Cas studied the other Angels’ face but as they made eye contact, he could not find it in him to argue with her assessment. If Dean was at risk...WOULD he sacrifice one of them to save him? He opened his mouth to answer her when Dean quickly stood and put himself between them, holding up a hand between them. Handriel frowned and stepped backward away from his hand, but Dean looked to her. Cas tilted his head in confusion, not expecting his intrusion into their conflict.
“If it came to that, Cas would sacrifice himself to save everyone. If you don’t know that about him, you don’t know him at all,” Dean said with seriousness as he dropped the hand she had stepped away from. Castiel brought his own hand up to interlace his finger’s with Deans, hesitating only a moment as he knew the other Angels were watching. They locked eyes a moment and Cas hoped his radiated appreciation for Dean's answer...because he'd not been sure he could have argued her point. He briefly went back to a moment in time where he had given up an entire army to keep Dean safe...He knew he would do it again...“And besides,” Dean added as he felt all the Angels eyes in the room on their interlaced hands, “I don’t think Naomi wants any of you guys dead, just Cas and me…and maybe Sam.”
“How do you come by that assumption?” Aberia said as she studied them together, her brows knitted together in a mixture of annoyance and confusion. “We are traitors to the cause of Heaven in her eyes and the eyes of the other Angels in her charge."
“Dean’s right, Aberia,” Cas said as he glanced to Dean and let a small smile of pride flash over his face, fairly comfortable in Dean's assessment of Naomi, but unhappy that Dean was also correct in his assumption that he would be a target. “He’s had enough dealings with her and knows enough of my dealings as well. She wants you to disavow me and join with her to help her paint the narrative that she is the victim and I am the villain, as she has done before. She doesn’t want to kill you. She gave me half a dozen chances, and those are just the ones I know about. Before that, she brainwashed me regularly to maintain control. Also, she knows Chuck will return, and she won’t want your blood on her hands when he does. If she can spin this back to her favor, she will, and your deaths on her hands won’t allow her to do that easily. I know her better than any Angel still living. I know what she’s capable of, but I also know what her limits are. She doesn’t want more dead Angels...except me. Your deaths are not her goal. Your obedience is.”
Debriel stepped up and put a hand on Handriel’s shoulder in a firm gesture to drop the subject. “He would not sacrifice us to save the humans. He would find another way. You know this. When has he ever done anything in his own best interest that compromised our safety?”
“Other than leaving us to Naomi’s tutelage to play with his humans?” Aberia said from the corner and Debriel rolled his eyes in exasperation and shot her a warning glance. "Don't give me that look Debriel. I'm only saying what the others are thinking."
Castiel’s jaw flexed and the smile disappeared again. He was accustomed to having to having to argue himself to the humans in the room, but not the Angels. He stopped a moment, too quick to be noticed by the others. Was asking blind obedience and trust of them any better than what Naomi wanted? No...but he had given them every opportunity to leave. He had to convince the small voice in his head that he and Naomi were not the same. “I told all of you to leave me at the portal. I didn’t try to convince any of you to come with me. I tried to dissuade you from it as a matter of fact. You can still go back to Heaven as Enid said. I will not apologize for my associations, not to Naomi and not to you. I’ve paid my dues to Heaven and I owe you nothing. So GO. I will not have anyone serving by my side that does not want to be there. Heaven will take you back now if you wish it. We’ve handled much worse than this with just us before.” Cas looked back to Dean, Sam, Jack, and Mary and they nodded.
“We got your back, Cas,” Sam said as he gave a level gaze to the other Angels, challenge in his tone and his face stoic.
“And we don’t?” Aberia spat back as she walked toward the group. “We gave up everything to help get him here.”
“Everything?” Dean said with a smirk. “You have no idea what sacrifice is. Talk to me after you've died...more than once.”
“It’s not a contest, Dean,” Sam said softly. “You guys don’t trust us. We don’t trust you. We haven’t had many positive interactions with Angels, with very few exceptions,” Sam said as he looked to Jack and Cas. “But I think we all agree Naomi doesn’t have anyone’s best interests at heart other than her own. Do you want her ruling Heaven in Chuck’s absence?” A definitive no arose from the small crowd of Angels. “Well, there’s something we can agree on. Let’s focus on that and build from it. My family can handle ourselves. You don’t have to worry about that. Can we focus on getting Cas healed before Naomi gets here then? I feel like that ought to be a bigger priority than us fighting among ourselves.”
A silent nod of agreement followed from everyone as a whole. As the Angels ushered Cas away to continue healing him, he turned to Dean. “Be ready. She will most likely have her eyes on you as much as she will me.”
Dean flashed a roguish smile and winked as he said, “What can I say. Angels love me.” He laughed as Castiel rolled his eyes and exited with the others, most of which had stiffened with annoyance at his parting comment. Aberia especially had gritted her teeth hard enough for Cas to hear.
“Him. Of all the humans in the world, you chose that arrogant one,” Aberia grumbled as she followed behind him.
“I assure you Aberia, I had no choice. To know him is to love him. Even I am powerless to his…certain kind of charm.”
“I think you’ve confused charm with arrogance, Commander,” Aberia said with a growl. The laughter from Cas that followed echoed down the bunker halls.
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Dean pushed open the heavy wooden door to Cas’ bedroom and hesitated. Cas had his unclothed back to the door, slowly flexing his wings away from his body, testing them after the final healing the Angels had finally persuaded him to allow he assumed. “Hello, Dean,” Cas said softly without turning toward him, tucking his wings against his body self-consciously as he spoke.
Dean couldn't help but stare at the inky blackness of the thick expanse of feathers. “Hey, Cas. Wings are looking good…”He swallowed as he said it, finding himself entranced by the sight of his wings in such a mundane environment as the bunker. Angel wings didn’t belong under fluorescent lights. They didn’t do them justice…but were still greatly distracting.
“They are mostly healed. There is still a little weakness in the muscle, but they will serve their purpose,” Cas demonstrated for Dean, slowly expanding them and nodding his head at the slight tremor in the base. “I think my wing guards will only serve to make the tremors more noticeable so I am going without them.” Dean glanced at the bed for the first time and noticed Cas’ armor laid out upon it, glinting in the dim bunker light.
“You need help with the chest piece? Everyone else is suited up and ready to go. We found a few extra Angel blades stashed in the armory. I thought I remembered tucking some of them away after some of our Angel issues before. There were enough for us measly humans to each get one.” Dean laughed softly but Castiel finally turned and his laughter died away. Dean's heart immediately began to race at the seriousness on Cas' face. “What’s wrong?”
Immediately, Castiel tried to shut down the worry and emotion obviously painted on his face, trying to find the right balance in the moment. He cleared his throat unnecessarily as he braced for Dean's reaction. “I’m not wearing the chest piece today, Dean. You are.”
Dean started to argue, pushing the bedroom door closed as he stepped forward. He immediately shook his head and revved himself up for this argument. “Cas, no I…” but was abruptly cut off by Cas and his look of sheer desperation he let slip through was enough for Dean's words to get caught in his throat.
“You have as equally big a target painted on you as I do, Dean, and you’re a human going up against Angels. Let me give you some type of protection without you fighting me, please. You will not stay out of this fight no matter how much I ask. Will you do this one thing for me?” Cas' eyes were full of concern and worry, something he didn't have the luxury of expressing around the Angels.
Dean studied his face and narrowed his eyes, pausing a moment to collect his thoughts as he crossed his arms over his chest. “What about mom and Sam and Jack? I shouldn’t get special treatment.”
Cas shook his head softly, his rebuff to Dean's argument all too ready on his lips. “Jack will be fine. His power is returning, and Naomi wants him alive. Your mother means nothing to Naomi, and I say that in a good way. Naomi doesn’t believe in the random murder of humans. She has some form of moral compass, and Sam....Well, due to Sam’s past, Angels are more than a bit wary and cautious of him. She’s not going to target him outright if she can help it. Those that lived through the Apocalypse still have enough fear of him to keep a wide birth unless directly confronted.”
Dean rolled his eyes and a muscle in his jaw flexed as he laughed bitterly. “So, you’re saying I’m the weak link here?” Saying it out loud made him want to argue the point more...but the evidence presented itself quite well. Of all the humans in this fight, he WAS the most likely to be targeted for death.
Castiel was shaking his head before Dean could finish his sentence and he strode forward and placed his palms on his shoulders. “No, Dean. That is not at all what I’m saying. You are by far the strongest human I have ever met in all my time on Earth. If it weren’t for your involvement with me, I’d say your track record would be enough to dissuade her from starting a fight with you at all, but she hates me…and she blames you for everything she hates in me. That hate forced her to reveal her true self to the Angels and she knows this can only end in one of us dead. She will target you to weaken me. Please, Dean. Do this for me.”
Dean sighed and closed his eyes, feeling the comforting pressure of Cas’ hands on his shoulders. He just needed a moment to think. There had to be a logical response that he could give to talk Cas out of it. Before he could think of anything, however, he felt Cas’ hands move from his shoulders to slide up his neck and pull him forward, their mouths pressing together fiercely. Dean responded equally to Cas’ fevered kiss, unfolding his arms and wrapping them around Cas’ back, his fingertips skating across wing tips as he went. It wasn’t as if he had the willpower to turn him down. Cas may have just been praising his strength, but he wasn’t that damn strong, and it wasn't as if they had had much time alone recently.
Cas pushed him forward, pressing him into the closed door and Dean grunted as the air knocked out of him. He got barely a breath back before Cas’ hands were roaming along his side and his fingers were sliding under his shirt. “Please, Dean. Do this one thing I ask. I’ll give you anything you want when this is over,” Cas whispered gruffly in Dean’s ear as his fingers skirted the waist of his pants and Dean groaned. “if you just let me protect you now.”
“You really don’t play fair,” Dean said shakily as Cas’ lips left hot kisses along his jaw line. “I’ll wear the damn armor.” He felt Cas smile triumphantly against his skin and he let out a rattily breath. Cas’ victory all but glowed off of him like a beacon and he gave him one last forceful kiss, his tongue gently sliding along Dean’s own before parting, his eyes full of relief.
“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said as he leaned back. Dean opened his eyes and could not control a grin of his own as he looked at his Angel.
“What?” Cas said as he cocked his head to the side with confusion, mirroring his own version of Dean's grin.
“Did I ruffle your feathers, Angel?” Dean grinned as he gestured to Cas’ wings, fluffed up and trembling softly.
Cas closed his eyes and Dean watched as his breathing slowed. He watched in rapt fascination as his wings smoothed and settled in rhythm with his calming breaths. When he opened his startling blue eyes, he arched one eyebrow playfully. “That you did. They give our thoughts away. Another reason we prefer to keep them tucked away.”
“It’s a nice reminder that you aren’t made of stone,” Dean said offhandedly but Cas’ face became serious and his eyebrow quirked dangerously again.
“Because of you, I am in some places,” Cas said huskily before he stepped back to the bed. Dean felt his face grow flushed at Castiel’s increasing boldness about their relationship. He wished he had the luxury of letting himself think of what life could be like without an enemy to fight and wars to be won. He wanted to let himself get lost in looking forward to more than five minutes alone together and what they could do with such time, but he didn’t get that luxury. At least not today. Cas may have stepped toward the bed but it wasn’t to continue with their earlier activities sadly. He picked up the chest plate and Dean sighed in resignation as he slipped off his over shirt and spread his arms to be fitted with the chest piece. He knew this wasn’t going to make the other Angels happy, but if that was how Cas was going to try to win arguments, he better get used to conceding. However, it was more of a win-win situation in his book.
As Cas fitted the chest piece in place, Dean was distracted by the closeness of him. However, his mind kept reminding him of what was to come. “What’s the play, Cas? Are you hoping the other Angels turn on her or are we looking at an OK Corral type situation here?” Cas let out a small laugh at Dean’s cowboy reference and leaned back, admiring him in the armor in a way that made Dean not mind it so much.
“No one else will get the pleasure of ending Naomi’s life. I have never been one to enjoy ending a life, but I will make an exception here. To think of sinking my blade into her chest...Of removing her poisonous influence from our lives forever...I can only be sorry I cannot inflict that pain as many times as she had me practice killing you. Over and over and over again...” Cas’ eyes looked far away in that moment and Dean knew he was back in that place, brainwashed by the bitch in question. “She took pleasure in it. Fairly reveled in seeing me end you. It would be unfair of me not to return the favor.” He looked to Dean then, his eyes dark and dangerous and Dean swallowed nervously.
“Well I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that look in your eyes,” Dean said as he felt am involuntary shiver run down his spine.
“She is one of the last hurdles in the way of my freedom, our freedom, Dean. She won’t walk away from this. Not this time," Castiel growled out low and dangerous. There was no denying Cas' power in this moment. He could feel the electricity in the air and he hairs of his arms stood on end.
Dean cleared his throat and swallowed hard in an attempt to find his words. “Then you know what you have to do. What we have to do, and it’s time we get it done.”
Chapter 19: Resolution
Summary:
Naomi and her forces finally come to seek revenge but vengeance doesn't always work out the way we plan.
Notes:
I'd been feeling uninspired, then 15x18 happened and I kept trying to write codas but nothing stuck...then 15x20 happened and I had to write something, anything. No spoilers for those who have not watched it but I promise to continue and finish this fic...and I swear I have a mostly pre- written sequel. SPN may be over but our family is forever.
Chapter Text
The sun was just beginning its descent when the two opposing sides met. Cas and the others had thought it best to intercept the group before they came any closer to the bunker. It had taken some coordination and Dean was still feeling the aftereffects of Angel travel in his gut but they’d made good time. They’d had only a few minutes to wait before Naomi and her group emerged from the woods, faces stoic. Without a word, the other Angels formed a formation mirroring Cas’ group, with Naomi in the center of it. Cas stood in the center of his own group with Dean behind and to the right. The other humans of their party were flanked by other Angels. The Angels coming toward them were sterile, all greys and white and devoid of anything but focused purpose. In contrast, Castiel and his tan coat and blue tie could be deemed almost exotic. Compile that with the sprinkling of humans into the motley assortment, and there was no mistaking who was on what side once the fighting began, and for that, they could at least be thankful.
Naomi took in the sight of the group before her with a smug smile, obviously counting on her higher numbers to come out successful. She cleared her throat unnecessarily before beginning to speak. “Castiel, once again you’ve gotten us expelled from our home. Are you satisfied now?” Her words were full of bitterness now, the careful mask she'd worn in defense of her actions all these years was beginning to slip and Cas smiled to himself in vindication. He stood tall, his wings, not healed but stronger, arched proudly above his head. A petty indulgence to rub into the face of the Angels who had so badly mistreated him. “My actions were not to blame for this Naomi. Your expulsion falls squarely on the shoulders of your temper and your intolerance. You gambled with my life and you lost, and I am done being your whipping boy.”
She raised one cool eyebrow, her eyes scanning his wings with barely concealed envy. “Oh, if I have my way, you’re just getting started…”
Cas cocked his head, and shook his head slowly. “What will you do? Beat me? Stab me? Erase my memory? Stab needles in my brain...You’ve tried all of that and I’m still here, yet the Angels before me that supported your endeavors are fewer and fewer.” Castiel said this all with no inflection in his tone as he turned his head to look at the Angels surrounding Naomi. “You’re side has a fairly poor record for success…”
Naomi's face screwed up into a bitter scowl, her eyes narrowing dangerously. “Yes, which just proves there is no justice in this world…after all the Angels you killed…after everything you’ve done…Only a monster such as yourself would stand here and brag about the slaughter of your true family.”
Cas smiled then, a soft knowing smile that he would have liked to have shared with Dean and Sam if he dared take his eyes off her. “You are not my family, Naomi. Everything I did was in defense on this world, this world that our Father created. You are the ones who failed. You chose to do what was best for you, not Heaven. When I had the audacity to stand up and say no, that enough was enough, you villainized me for it.”
Naomi's hand was gripping visibly tighter to the Angel bade in her hand now and Cas knew the talk would soon transition to fighting. She only had so many words left to spew toward him. “You chose to fraternize with humans over your own kind. Humans! Violent chimps with advanced vocal patterns for Heaven’s sake! You let the…you let HIM poison you against us. He is the snake that tempted you and took you from us. All you had to do was do as you were told like the rest of us!” Naomi hissed out her words in Dean’s direction, staggering one step forward toward Dean, but Castiel stepped in front of him as he continued to speak.
“Just because the majority follow, doesn’t make it right Naomi.” The wind ruffled his dark feathers as if to emphasize his words. “We as a race must all learn this or continue to suffer the consequences of our hubris. Angels are not infallible. I have been wrong before. Zachariah was wrong then and you are wrong now. It seems you, unlike me, cannot seem to learn from your mistakes. You seem unable or unwilling to grow above what we were taught. There is so much more to this life than the one sided views we were spoon fed for millennia...”
“Yes, they surely didn’t include working with demons, slaughtering our brothers and sisters, and having sexual relations with humans in our training did they,” Naomi bit back angrily as the Angels behind her began to grow restless.
Cas again shook his head, frustration outweighing the wish to reason with her now. “If that is all you can see of me, you are far beyond my help. I am just sorry that you are prepared to take innocent Angels with you.”
“We do not want to shed anyone’s blood, except yours. Young ones,” Naomi turned her gaze to the other Angels behind Castiel now. “Please. Do not let him lead you to your deaths as he has done so many others. You can still walk away from this. From him.” She turned her eyes to meet those she spoke to but none of them budged as their faces remained devoid of emotion. Naomi waited a moment, expecting some movement from someone, but seeing none, she huffed and her jaw flexed in irritation. “Fine. Have it your way…” She held her arm up and the Angels around her gripped their angel blades more tightly. The Angels surrounding Castiel followed a similar motion and Cas stepped one step closer to Dean subconsciously.
The fighting erupted immediately, blades clashing in thunderous noise. Dean had never heard such a sound. He quickly lost Cas in the fighting. Too many Angels were clustered around him, but he took comfort in the tips of black wings soaring above the jumble of limbs to his left. He whirled, blocking a blow from an Angel, and lashed out, causing a gash to form on the arm of his assailant. The bright blue glow of Grace that shone from the wound make Dean blink and step back, only to duck as the offending Angel swung for his head. When they missed, he felt the clang of the chest piece as someone attempted to strike him from behind and he sent up a silent thank you to Cas for his insistence...He'd hate to go out impaled by Bad Angel Extra number 2. Instead he felt hands shove him roughly and he toppled onto the ground, his cheek hitting hard into the dirt and the metal of the chest-plate knocking the wind out of him. As soon as he could draw a breath he curled in on himself, trying to protect himself from the stampede of feet around him. There was no determining friend from foe at this angle. He crawled carefully through the crowd, trying to find a clearing to stand up and get his bearings in, but he felt himself yanked up by the back metal collar of the chest-piece and he gagged as the front was pushed into his windpipe. He scrambled to free himself from the hands holding him but when he was able to get his head around enough to view his assailant, he knew he was fucked. He tried to push away but she grabbed his right arm at the wrist and twisted it at an odd angel behind his back, making him cry out in pain as he felt bone snap.
“CASTIEL!” Naomi boomed. Her voice screamed in the ears of the humans and the fighting froze. Castiel, having knocked two Angels to the ground, found Naomi. He'd heard Dean's cry over the cacophony of the fight. His eyes were dangerous as he saw her bring her Angel blade up and press it against Dean's exposed throat.
“Naomi….” Castiel growled out slowly and took one step toward her.
“Ah ah…” Naomi said with wicked glee as she pressed the blade into Dean’s neck, causing a small line of blood to ooze out as it bit into the soft skin there.
“Naomi, I will take you apart…” Castiel thundered out. The Angels from both sides began to back away from Castiel and Naomi. Even they could taste the danger in the air. The desperation.
“You took everything from us…from me…You deserve to know that pain,” She said, her voice quivering in anger. “And he deserves to die. Who is he that he should know the forbidden touch of the divine? He is the least of all of them, and yet he thinks he deserves to know what it’s like to…It’s disgusting…You debase yourself with such filth. All it would take is one swift slide and..”
“I don’t think I deserve anything like that…” Dean grunted out, trying to distract Naomi as he saw Sam slowly moving through the crowd. Castiel darted his eyes minutely at Sam's movement but kept Naomi’s gaze on him. Dean gave a grimace-like smile as she shook him again. “I’m just a luck son of a bitch…”
“You’re lucks run out this time, Simian.” Naomi said as he wrenched his arm tighter behind his back.
Dean grunted in pain and ground his teeth together, mustering a laugh through the haze of pain taking him over. “It really bothers you doesn’t it? You’re really hung up on us doing the whoopee. It’s kind of getting creepy at this point, I gotta be honest…” As Naomi glanced down at him, Castiel took another calculated step forward.
“What about you and Crowley?” Castiel growled out as he stepped closer. Dean felt Naomi stiffen at his back.
“Crowley….we….How dare you insinuate…” Naomi's eyes widened and just as Cas wanted, she lost some focus on the human in her grip.
Dean shot a glance to Sam again and then flashed his most obnoxious smile. “Whoa, whoa…you and Crowley? And here you’re giving Cas shit for screwing a human when you did the hibbity dibbity with a demon?”
Naomi bristled at that, all but vibrating in outrage. “Shut up! If you won’t shut up, Ill just have to make you…” Naomi growled out and she went to slide the blade across Dean’s neck.
“Naomi!” Sam bellowed, easily within range now and gun drawn. Her arm frozen and her eyes met his, disbelief mingled with humor at the gun pointed at her. Sam shot and the bullet missed, firing behind her head harmlessly, not even needing her to move to dodge it. She smiled, more amused at the attempt than worried.
“I’m an Angel, you idiot. Bullets don’t hurt me,” Naomi said with a smug smile as she wrenched Dean's arm again.
“It’s called a distraction, bitch…” Sam growled out as Dean twisted around and pushed away. Naomi’s blade sliced across his neck at the release and Dean clasped a hand to his throat and stumbled back, facing Naomi as he fell on his backside. He only had a moment to stare up at her before an Angel blade pierced through her back, the tip glinting with fresh, crimson blood as she screamed, her eyes and mouth alight with her fading grace. Dean screwed his eyes shut, unable to use his hands to shield himself from the dying light of her Grace. As she fell dead to the ground, Aberia was revealed behind her. She threw her blade down in disgust and looked down at Dean. Castiel ran toward him and hit the ground hard on his knees. Blood was pouring out between Dean’s fingers and panic was in his eyes now that he could afford to have them open.
“hold on, Dean. Hold on…” Castiel said as he put his hand over his. His grace was still diminished, but his hand molded over Dean's own and the vein in the middle of his forehead bulged with the effort, even knowing there were other Angels who could assist him. He couldn't NOT heal him and he let out a ragged breath as Dean sucked in a breath of his own.
“Shit that sucked,” Dean murmured as Castiel closed his eyes in overwhelming relief. He grabbed him up and held him against him, still seated on the ground. Dean leaned his forehead against Cas and breathed deeply, something he had not been able to do a moment before. He knew how close it had been...So did Cas. Naomi hadn’t been going for a wound. She’d wanted to something that would kill him before he hit the ground, something Cas and the others couldn’t heal him from. She’d been set on slicing straight through his neck, of that he was certain. He felt Castiel’s wings shudder and he knew Cas knew the same thing he did. “I’m okay, Cas. My brilliant escape plan went off without a hitch.” Dean said with a smirk as he leaned back and studied Cas’ face. He had to try to erase the worry in his eyes. “I promise…I’m okay.” They both made their way to their feet and the Angels parted for Castiel. He looked around him at the remaining Angels of Naomi’s. The human had already made their way to be within the perimeter of Cas' own Angels.
Cas kept a grip on Dean's hand as he gestured at Naomi’s form lying dead a few feet away. “THIS is not what Angels are meant to be. This is not God’s will. She was obsessed with revenge and petty anger. You have an opportunity to be better than she was. You have a choice now…Stand down and return to Heaven where you will be welcome as long as you let go of this feud, or challenge me and we end this now. I will not be returning to Heaven, at their request, so you will not have to see my face again. IF you return to Heaven, you will answer to a committee of Angels. No more dictatorships. It’s a fair offer I suggest you take.” With Naomi gone, much of the hatred had bled out of the Angels before him. Most of the younger ones hung their heads as he verbally scolded them, realizing they had been led astray. Castiel stayed frozen, staring down the few remaining older Angels. Most of them still held a deep dislike in their eyes but Castiel raised and eyebrow and waited, silent.
Duma spoke up first as she looked around her. “I, for one, accept the terms. Those of us without wings will need safe passage to the portal…”
“I am sure the young ones would assist you in that as they return…but while I have you here, let me make something very clear….” Castiel stepped forward out and only then dropped Dean's hand as he flipped the Angel blade in his own once before sheathing in at his side. The sun was setting at his back and he made an imposing figure with his wings casting dark shadows in front of him. “The Earth and my family are off limits to any of your Angelic drama from now on. No more Apocalypses. No more Angelic turf wars. No hunting down Nephilim.” Castiel glanced to Jack then. “Stay away from us.”
A blonde, petite Angel standing next to Duma frowned and tucked her chin closer to her chest. “And if we refuse to accept those terms?”
Cas went to take a step forward but Dean laid a steady hand on his shoulder, holding him back without strain. Cas ruffled his feathers and leveled a heavy gaze on the offending Angel. “Then I will add you to the lengthy list of Angels I killed who also refused to take their drama off this planet.”
“We agree,” Duma spoke hastily before anyone else could say anything. Each of them stepped to the side of a winged Angel and all of Naomi’s remaining Angels disappeared, leaving nothing but Cas and his small army alone with Naomi’s corpse.
As soon as Castiel confirmed their departure, he turned to the remaining Angels. “You all are to return to Heaven as soon as we have returned Sam, Dean, and Mary to the bunker.”
Debriel shook his head. “Not until we have finished healing your wings. Right, Aberia?” Aberia looked up from where she’d been staring at Naomi’s body and nodded, her face blank.
Castiel looked as if he wanted to argue but instead he let out a steady breath and nodded his head once. “Let’s head back then. The sooner that is done, the sooner you can all return to Heaven where you belong.” He nodded for the Angels to go ahead of him and Dean cocked an eyebrow when Castiel waved him ahead as well. Castiel looked over at Aberia, who was picking up her blade where it had been discarded next to Naomi, holding it away from her as if it were a snake ready to strike. Dean nodded his understanding and jogged to catch up with Sam and the others. Castiel walked up beside her and looked down at Naomi’s form. The burnt etching of her wings spanned several feet in either direction, revealing the skeletal husks they were in life. Her eyes were closed as if in sleep and for once she looked peaceful, something Cas was sure she had never felt in this life.
Castiel stood, saying nothing until Aberia looked up at him, her youth showing in her eyes. Her face was pinched hard with emotions she was unsure how to feel. “I didn’t want to kill her, even after everything she did to you.”
“Then why did you? It didn’t have to be you, Aberia," Cas said softly as he laid a hand on her shoulder, both their eyes studying the body below them.
Aberia shuddered, her wings ruffling as she did so and she turned away from the corpse at their feet. “I was the only one in position and you wouldn’t have made it in time to stop her. I didn’t think her petty reasoning was excuse enough for Dean to die…”
Cas turned with her and his face reflected her regret. “For what it’s worth, the first kill is by far the hardest and I’m sorry you had to do it..”
Aberia cocked her head to the side now and her forehead scrunched in confusion. “Why are you not celebrating? You’re free of her.”
He shook his head sadly and he let out a tired sigh as he turned back to gesture at Naomi. “Aberia, I’ve seen too many angels die because they refused to alter their mindsets in the least and I’ve never rejoiced in any of their deaths, nor do I rejoice in Naomi’s now. Am I glad she is no longer a threat to me or those I care about? Of course, but no matter what they do to me, they are still Angels. We are all connected. For better or worse.”
Aberia nodded slowly in understanding, her dark hair hiding the confusion and turmoil in her eyes. “Are we just going to leave her here?”
Castiel sighed softly and his mouth drew up in a tight line, knowing what she would say before he spoke it. “No, I was going to take care of it after you all departed. Would you like to help?”
Aberia nodded her head in one succinct motion. Castiel studied her and could see unshed tears there. He was fascinated at the emotional development of one so young…but Chuck had said these would be different than the last Angels created. He hadn’t been sure then if different would mean better. Now he was sure these Angels would do far more for Heaven than his old regime ever could. They stood side by side, their wings arched high in the air in silent send off as the flames of the funeral pyre licked toward the night sky.
Chapter 20: What does freedom look like?
Summary:
The Angels plan their return to Heaven and Cas and Dean must decide to do with their first tastes of freedom
Chapter Text
He hadn’t had a moment alone with Cas since everything went down, not with five angels crowded around him at all times. He eventually given it up and gone to his own bedroom last night, hoping that Cas would come to him when the work was done but when he awoke the next morning, it was clear his Angel had not come to him in the night. He was further disappointed when he found Cas and Aberia talking softly in a corner of the library. It had taken Dean a bit by surprise when Castiel had pulled him aside and asked his permission to let Aberia stay with them a couple of weeks.
Cas’ eyes had been softly pleading, something Dean wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to say no to…“She needs time, Dean. Do you remember the first person you killed? Not monster…person.”
Of course, he did. Dean swallowed hard and for a moment he put himself back in the place of that scared kid and the feel of that blood on his hands. “Okay, I get it. I do but…”
Cas bumped their foreheads together as they spoke softly, his exhaustion seeping into his words. “The other Angels won’t get it Dean. The new ones have never taken a life, and the older Angels will hold resentment against her, so speaking to them is out. She only has us…and she did save your life…”
“Okay, okay. Don’t have the throw in the life debt shit. That’s why I kept you around,” Dean said with a laugh as Castiel raised an eyebrow in amusement now. He let out a beatific smile at Dean’s allowance and Dean felt his heart hammer hard in his chest.
“Sure, that’s why you kept me around,” Castiel let heat leak into his eyes as he ran a finger down Dean’s jaw and watched with smugness as the man shuddered. “I’ll go talk to Aberia and the others…” Cas said abruptly as he left Dean standing alone in the kitchen, the only room they could find without Angels in it.
“Son of a bitch…” Dean growled out as he followed him out.
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Debriel and the others stood around Castiel, huddled around the War Room table. Castiel’s wings were finally healed and Dean had watched with slight disappointment as he was able to obscure them once again. Without wings filling the room, the gathering might have looked mundane except for the armor the others wore glinting under the sterile bunker lighting. Aberia stood to Castiel’s side, having been very quiet since the events the night before. He studied her as they spoke, her shoulders rolled in on herself as she looked back and forth from Castiel to Debriel.
Debriel was looking on with a mixture of confusion and concern on this face as Castiel argued his case. “Aberia is only staying a couple of weeks, Debriel. I have no intention of her staying on Earth.”
“But Aberia…” Debriel began to argue, stepping forward and away from the other Angels, his hand extended toward her.
Aberia jutted her chin up proudly and stood resolute at Castiel’s side. “Debriel, I just need a little time. I just…I just can’t right now.”
“What do I tell the others? They will ask,” Debriel added softly as he dropped his hand to his side in defeat as Aberia refused to yield.
Castiel looked to Aberia but she seemed to have no further words to add, her eyes warring with the newfound feelings of guilt. “Exactly what I told you. She is returning but her return is just a little delayed. I assure you no harm will come to her under our care.”
“Very well, if that’s what you want,” Debriel looked like he wanted to say more but she nodded her head, and his mouth drew up in a tight line. He sighed and looked to the others, who gave a mixture of nods and noncommittal shrugs which he found unhelpful before turning back to Cas and Aberia. “Then I suppose we have no further reason to delay our departure…Commander…” Debriel clasped Cas’ elbow and he did the same. The remaining Angels repeated the gesture, pressed their fists to their chests and nodded as they ascended the staircase. Debriel stopped and looked down from the top of the stairs. “And if you get into trouble and need our assistance at any time…”
Castiel’s eyes were warm as he looked up ad nodded once in acknowledgement. “I would not wish to involve you in my affairs, but if the safety of my family was at stake…”
Debriel froze with his hand on the railing of the stairs as he looked down. “You truly would ask us for help, correct?”
“I promise, truly…and Thank you, for everything.” As the door to the bunker closed with a ringing edge of finality, Castiel closed his eyes and sighed as he ran hand through his hair. It was if his own mask had finally been allowed to slip and he sunk into a chair as if his strings had been cut.
Sam spoke quietly from the doorway, acknowledging the elephant in the room. “So, what do we do now?”
Castiel huffed out an exasperated laugh. “I have no idea…I’ve spent this last year in Heaven and the years before that fighting or running from Angels…I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”
Dean smiled as he came up to him and placed both his hands on his shoulders, letting his fingers dig softly into the taut muscle there. He leaned down and let his chin rest on him as he spoke softly into the now almost eerily quiet bunker. “Whatever you want.”
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Castiel sat in the library, tucked away in a corner with a thick tome on his lap, his trench coat tucked under him as he passed the time. Dean didn’t see the appeal of palming through the dusty pages but Cas always seemed engrossed, and seeing him happy was what mattered. Dean preferred to set his laptop up at the Library table and peek at him over the top on occasion, perhaps as a reminder he was still here, and safe. It would take some time before he could let himself truly believe they were allowed to have this. Well, some of this…They’d been a voluntary no sex agreement since the Angels left because Castiel felt awkward with Aberia in the bunker with her celestial hearing, and Dean felt uncomfortable with Mary there for much the same reason.
Jack and Sam knew well enough to give them both their space normally, especially now. Mary and Aberia, however, didn’t know those boundaries yet and neither thought they could deal with one of them barging in during a vulnerable moment. Sure, it’d only been a few days, but they hadn’t been together in months…and it was taking its toll. The fact that freedom was staring them in the face, but limitations to that freedom still existed made things more difficult than either had imagined. Dean froze, lost in hedonistic thoughts he’d rather not share out loud when he felt eyes on him. He looked up over his laptop to see Cas staring. There was no smile on his face, just a heat behind his eyes. Damn Angel could sense longing and it made Dean’s face flush pink in the apples of his cheeks as he gave him a scolding look. He fought the urge to childishly stick out his tongue and he slumped back in his chair and ignored the throaty laugh of the Angel across the room.
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Dean lugged his full duffel bag to Castiel’s room and dropped it by the doorway. Cas looked up from the laptop on his lap and gave an inquiring look. Sleeping in separate rooms was complete torture but they knew they couldn’t be trusted to share and not do anything. It wouldn’t be fair. It was early morning and Castiel had expected Dean to still be sleeping. He'd been sleeping till at least 9am these days and Cas internal clock new the sun had not yet begun to rise.
“Turn off Netflix and get packing, Angel” Dean said, still bleary eyed from sleep. Castiel could tell he had not been awake long and he could smell coffee brewing in the kitchen. He tilted his head in confusion and closed down his computer, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.
“What’s going on?” Castiel said as he stood woodenly, his frowning brows obscuring the startling blue of his eyes, a shame Dean thought to himself as he observed his confused Angel.
“We’re being kicked out of the bunker,” Dean said as he rooted through the stocked wardrobe that Castiel rarely used and started tossing stuff in the empty duffel he’d brought in his free hand. Castiel watched with confusion as Dean grabbed up garments he’d never worn. Jeans, sleep pants, a leather jacket Dean had thrifted for him in case of undercover work.
Cas raised an eyebrow and walked closer to him, peering into the duffel with concern. “I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time for me, but why?”
Dean looked at him and put a hand over his heart, pretending to be hurt. “Low blow, Cas. Low blow. This time we’re both kicked out.”
“I’m still very confused, Dean. What?” Cas' voice had taken on the annoyed tone that Dean loved egging on and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.
Dean rolled his eyes and continued packing for him as he huffed out an exaggerated sigh. “Apparently everyone in the bunker has decided we are insufferable and unbearable with the heart eyes and have requested we leave for a few days and get away for a bit.”
Castiel stood straight and studied Dean's face a few beats longer than most would consider comfortable, his face devoid of emotion. His voice was suspicious as he asked, “Wait…just you and me?”
Dean froze, a white t-shirt in hand, and looked momentarily concerned. Perhaps he had read things wrong, and in a matter of seconds his old insecurities rushed in to whisper doubt in his mind. “I mean, yeah, if that’s okay…”
Castiel’s face was a mass of conflicted emotion and it made Dean feel as if he had swallowed a stone and it was settled deep in his gut. “I would want nothing more than to spend some alone time with you Dean..”
He sat down heavily on the bed now, his face cautious as he looked up at Cas. “But?”
Castiel sensed Dean's fear and he sat down quickly beside him, laying a gentle hand on the other man's jean clad thigh. “Aberia…She stayed here to get some help with what she’s going through,”
Dean tentatively put his own hand over Cas' and squeezed, fighting back the doubt that had so easily rushed his mind. “And she’s getting that…From Jack. They have far more in common than you two do, if you haven’t noticed.”
Cas' face fell slightly and a hint of disapproval slid into his voice as he shook his head slowly. “I’ve noticed…I can’t say I don’t agree but isn’t it irresponsible to..”
Dean cut him off abruptly by leaning in and placing one soft press of his lips against his stubbled cheek. “Yes, it might be a little bit irresponsible, but guess what? That’s okay. Aberia chose to stay here. You didn’t make her, and Jack is helping here more than you can. Cas, you’ve killed hundreds…”
Castiel held his head in his hands and murmured, “Thousands…”
Dean cringed to himself and patted his back, “Thousands of Angels…She’s killed one. And is far younger than you. Jack has been through this crisis a lot more recently than you. Let him help her for a few days. We deserve a few moments of peace. Anyway, she was one of the ones that asked you to get the hell out.”
Castiel sat up, an amused look in his eyes now. Knowing Aberia was on board with the suggestion had seemed to relieve a burden from Cas' shoulders and the Angel flashed a brilliant smile that Dean very rarely got to see that and it made him smile in return. “Well in that case….”
It only took them a matter of minutes to get packed and out the door. The others saw them off, bleary eyed but relieved. Dean popped in his favorite tape and smiled as he looked over at Cas. He had his white dress sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his window was down, letting in the early morning chill.
Cas looked over and Dean fondly took a mental image of the wind gently blowing the dark strands of hair off his forehead and the sunrise casting brilliant shades of pink and gold across his features. When Cas looked over and smiled softly, excitement and adventure sparkling in his eyes, Dean felt the first taste of freedom on the wind. “It looks good on you, Cas.”
Cas wrinkled his forehead at Dean's question and asked only, “What?”
“Freedom..” Dean said with a relieved smile as he turned on the radio and they headed off down the road.
Chapter 21: Recreation and unplanned dinner guests
Summary:
Dean and Cas are finally allowed some time alone without the worry of Naomi or other Angels to bother them, but is anything ever that simple? An unexpected dinner guest may complicate matters.
Notes:
This chapter contains sex scenes. This story is intended for readers 18 and over only.
Chapter Text
“Is this one okay? Dean asked as he looked over at the passenger seat, the sun illuminating Cas' face as they looked together at the building in front of them. They’d been driving for several hours and Dean lowered his sunglasses. The hotel was several stories tall and they were parked under the shaded awning where guests unloaded their bags. You could see into the lobby from where they sat parked, seeing guests coming and going through the clear glass automatic doors.
Castiel glanced around and frowned, the lines of his forehead creasing as he did so. “This isn’t your typical choice. The room entrances are inside and only accessible by elevator or stairs. Lots of entrances and exits. Not easy to secure in a fight…Are you sure?”
Dean rolled his eyes and laid his head back against the headrest, giving a lazy grin as he did so, his hand stretching out to find Cas' and squeezing it gently. “Are you expecting a fight?”
Cas shrugged and gave Dean a knowing look, his eyebrow raised in question. “With you around? Always.”
The laugh that erupted from Dean made Cas smile in return. “Fair point but we’re not on a case. This is purely recreational. The website said they have a restaurant and a bar on site and the nicer suites have hot tubs. Let’s live a little. We can bring the gear inside in case of a problem...” He pretended to pout and batted his eyelashes at Cas in a teasing way.
The Angel groaned and grabbed for his seatbelt, unclicking it quickly as he reached behind him for one of the duffel bags. “Oh for the love of all that is holy, don’t pout at me like that. I’m not that strong. Come on. It’s perfect.”
Dean grabbed the other duffel and jumped quickly out of the car. Excitement made him almost giddy as they entered and he whistled softly, admiring the dining area for the restaurant and the small store they had for toiletries and snacks. This was a far cry from the No Tell Motels they typically stayed at, with their stained carpet and thin walls that left nothing to the imagination. He set down his duffle on the floor in front of the check in counter and fished out his wallet, feeling Castiel at his back. He was greeted by a young girl with fiery red hair and freckles who could not have been more than twenty. He smiled charmingly, a skill he was very good at, and the clerk smiled back.
“Hey there, we don’t have a reservation but we're hoping you’ve got something available. Check out would be in, I guess, three days. Not totally sure yet.”
The clerk nodded her head as she glanced down at her computer and tapped several keys before she looked back up, polite interest on her face. “I’ve got a suite with two full beds available for that time frame.”
Dean cleared his throat and felt his cheeks flush as he leaned on the counter, trying for relaxed as he smiled gently. “We’d prefer one king if you have it in a suite.”
The young girl glanced up and between them and her eyes widened just a hair and her own cheeks flushed in embarrassment at her assumption. “Of course. My apologies. The only suite with a king we have available at this time has a jacuzzi hot tub. It does run the rate up a bit though. It is $289 a night and we would need a credit card on file here at the desk.”
Dean pulled out one of the many credit cards in his wallet that matched his current fake ID and he handed both to her, smiling to try to put her at ease after her embarrassment. "That sounds perfect..." He scanned her shirt for her name tag and read it aloud. "Dawn. Thank you."
“Excellent Mr. Jones. Here are your key cards. You are in room 384. The restaurant hours and menu are posted in your room and if you need any additional amenities, please let us know. Enjoy your stay and Robbie can help you get to your room.” She waived over a young man dressed in a red jacket who wheeled over a baggage cart. They laid out their duffels on the cart and they followed the bell boy to their room. Dean tried to act like this was their norm, when he and Castiel were both feeling a bit outclassed here.
As they entered the room and pulled their duffels off the cart, Dean passed the belly boy a ten dollar bill and closed the door abruptly. He leaned against it and looked around the room as Cas stepped further in. “Hell, this is really nice. Let me let Sammy know we’ve stopped for a few days and the hotel location and room number. I’ll be with you in a sec.” Dean tapped out a text message quickly and stuffed his phone back in his pocket. He peaked in the bathroom which was clean and upscale but still had the basic amenities: vanity with double sinks, toilet, and shower. He did look appreciatively at the shower with it’s crisp, clean tile and glass doors. The living area was directly connected to the door and had a tan couch with dark wood coffee table and a two-seater dining table in the corner. A tv was mounted to the wall and the tv controller and guide were on the table along with the menu the clerk had spoken of. He picked it up and glanced at it as he pushed open the door to the other half of the suite, which he assumed was where Cas had disappeared to. “Hey, it looks like the restaurant is open all da….Whoa,”
Dean stopped as he set inside the second part of the suite. To the right of the door was the king bed, adorned in shades of chocolate browns and golds. The jacuzzi was to the left, and the room divided from carpet to tile down the middle. The jacuzzi had new tealight candles, unlit, surrounding its rounded edge. An, until now, unnoticed balcony ran from one side of the suite to the other and there were entrances on both sides. “Well no wonder the little clerk blushed. This room screams that someone is getting laid.”
“That it does. I can’t find a reason to complain about it though...” Cas said with a knowing smile as he looked over to where Dean was looking.
“Just remind me not to get a black light anywhere near that tub,” Dean joked but Cas quirked his head in confusion. “It’s a semen joke…it wasn’t even that funny. Don’t worry about it.”
Castiel noted the menu in his hand. “Do you want to go get food now?”
Dean laid the menu down on the dresser to his left and toed off his shoes. “Nah, let’s get unpacked first. I’m still good from the snack stop we had when we got gas. Sam dragged my ass out of bed so early, I might just like to watch some tv for a bit….unless you want to go do something? I don’t want you to be bored.”
“Being bored has never been something I’ve been lucky enough to experience. You rest. I’ll be content,” Castiel said softly as he picked up his duffle and began hanging everything in the closet.
Dean snatched up the tv remote and plopped himself onto the king size bed, sighing comfortably as he stretched out. The tv snapped on and Dean scrolled through the local channels and beyond. “Nothing good on, never is. I don’t miss cable,” Dean murmured as he watched Cas unpack. The soft sound of the hangers sliding across the closet bar and the hum of the air conditioner made his eyes feel heavy after the early wake up call and the long day on the road. Cas had moved on to Dean’s duffle as well and by the time he was done, Dean was asleep. Castiel looked behind him, hearing the change in his breathing pattern. He laid the empty duffels in the closet and the weapons bag in it as well and slid the door shut softly. He stood a moment trying to decide how to proceed. It took him only a moment to remove his own shoes and socks and softly lie on the bed. He hesitated, knowing Dean as an angry sleeper but he moved slowly. He laid on his left side and softly laid an arm across his stomach. Dean’s eyes creased open in drowsy suspicion, but after confirming who it was, his head lolled to the left and rested on Cas’ right arm before he fell back asleep. Cas felt his heart swell, an impossibility for Angels, and he closed his eyes in contentment.
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Cas’ eyes opened as he felt Dean begin to stir. The light outside had changed and shifted, giving away the passing of the time. Dean sighed sleepily, then feeling an arm around him, sat straight up in bed, his back rigid with immediate tension. He looked over in alarm a moment, his eyes visibly confused until his mind caught up with him, then he flopped back on the pillows in relief. “Shit, I forgot where I was.”
Cas ran his pointer finger softly over Dean’s jaw line. “I'm sorry I startled you. You didn’t seem to mind me being next to you while you slept though. You seemed very relaxed for a while. It was nice to see.”
“I guess with two in the bed, you can watch my back. I should have taken you up on that offer to watch over me when I slept sooner,” Dean said as he yawned and stretched his arms above his head.
Castiel was silent a moment as he stared down at Dean’s face in contemplation. “I did it anyway.”
Dean looked to him, affection in his eyes as he laid his head on his chest and lightly traced his knuckles with his fingertip as he asked, “How many times?” He watched Castiel freeze up a moment then look to Dean guiltily, making him laugh softly at his expression.
Cas ran a finger along Dean's neck and shoulders as he spoke. “I didn’t keep count…but those times you awoke from a bad dream that you thought you’d be trapped in? Those were me…I wasn’t always with you but our bond is strong. I sensed your distress and I could not ignore it…and of course Purgatory.”
Dean nodded against Cas’ chest. “I knew about those though. You saved my ass more than a few times there…”
Castiel moved his left hand to rub circles on Dean’s back now. “Well I’ve always found myself to have a vested interest in your ass.”
Dean threw his head back, laughing as he cupped Cas’ face in his left hand and looked over at him. “Well, I’d say that interest has paid off for both of us,” and he leaned in to kiss Cas’ lips.
Cas softened and leaned to meet him. The soft friction of their lips meeting sent a chill down Dean’s spine as Castiel pulled him into his arms. He ran his right hand into Cas’ hair, momentarily admiring its softness as he tugged softly on the strands captured by his grip. Cas gasped and his mouth opened in response, letting Dean taste the inside of his mouth delicately. He trembled, feeling a shiver of anticipation run down his spine. He could feel Cas’ otherness in his kiss, his hands where they pressed against his back, the hunger in his eyes and he parted the kiss and looked down at him. How anyone could see Castiel and not sense his power, his sheer otherness, had always baffled him. Even with his back turned he could feel Cas’ presence enter a room. Was it just him? He felt a pull that was almost magnetic as he leaned back in to deepen the kiss. His hands slipped under Cas’ shirt, admiring the hard, unseen torso it concealed. He felt the tattoo scar on his left hip as a raised patch. He skimmed his nails over it and was rewarded with Cas grinding softly into his front. A deep, satisfied rumble of satisfaction growled out of his throat and Castiel nipped at his neck in response. Dean gasped and moved to suck his earlobe between his teeth, leaving tiny love bites as he administered his attentions. That got the effect he wanted and Castiel growled through his teeth.
The sound made the hair on the back of his neck stand up like he’d been shocked. The sensors in his brain tried to register Cas’ otherness as danger but he overrode that fear as he leaned back and slipped off his t shirt, letting it mix amongst the bed cover. Cas smiled happily at his reveal and he drug his nails softly down his chest, making Dean’s eyes roll back in his head and his breath shutter out of his mouth. “Oh fuck Cas, yes…” he groaned out much to Cas’ delight.
Cas pushed him back flat on his back and he made quick work of his belt, pants, and underwear, shucking them on the floor in a heap. Dean’s breath was ragged as he laid naked on the bed. Castiel was still fully clothed and he gave him an incredulous look as he bit his lip.
"Care to join me or are you going to draw me like one of you French girls?” he said with a raised eyebrow and sarcasm dripping from his tone. Castiel began to unbutton his shirt, the first hint of uncertainty in his eyes. Dean saw his fingers trembling slightly and he sat up and cupped his face in his hands and laid one chaste kiss on his lips.
“I know its been a little while, but we’ll feel our way along, okay?” Castiel nodded, his pupils dilated so that the mesmerizing blue was but a small ring. Dean swore if he stared long enough, he could see forever in Cas’ ancient eyes and it made him shiver, unable to look away.
“Best not to think about it,” Cas said as he pulled his shirt off, exposing his chest and the scars Dean remembered.
“Reading my minds against the rules, Cas,” Dean said under his breath as he traced his fingertips feather lightly across his chest until he got to Cas’ belt, tugging it free.
“I saw it in your eyes, Dean, not your mind.” Castiel laid back and peeled off his pants and underwear, leaving him bare now as well. He sat back on his haunches and hesitated. Dean had a satisfied smile as he saw Castiel breathing harder without them even touching.
“How do you … I mean, what…” Castiel began, his forehead creased as he looked Dean up and down hungrily.
Dean shuddered and closed his eyes a moment, looking for bravery he wasn’t sure he had. “Can I…”
“Anything you want,” Castiel said solemnly as he saw Dean struggle for words.
Dean swallowed hard and got on all fours and leaned down, planting soft, wet kisses along Cas’ stomach as he worked his way down. Cas’ breathing stuttered and Dean looked up at him with questioning in his eyes. Castiel met his eyes, his lids heavy and his eyes heated as he nodded. Dean proceeded to lay soft kisses down the line of his stomach until he met with Cas’ member. He hesitated a moment, sheer inexperience making him hesitate.
“You don’t have to Dean…” Castiel said softly as he sensed his hesitation.
Dean nuzzled into his thigh and laid another soft kiss there. “But I want to…” he murmured as he laid his first experimental kiss on the head of his dick.
Castiel let out a ragged breath and Dean grinned softly to himself, bolstering his confidence. He licked his lips and ran his tongue along his shaft. He could feel Cas’ eyes on him and he felt his body flush in response. He ran his tongue along the length several times before he wrapped his plump lips around him. He slowly sank the heft of him into his mouth and he angled himself so he could look up. Cas’ eyes were screwed up tightly and his teeth were gritted as if he were in pain. Dean knew better. He turned his attention back to making shallow passes with his mouth and he heard the soft gasps coming from his Angel’s mouth. He was fascinated as he felt Cas grow more firm with every pass, a sense of velvety steel in his mouth. Cas laced the fingers of his left hand gently into Dean’s hair and laid his right hand on his shoulder. He dug the nails of his right hand into Dean’s shoulder, making Dean groan throatily. Castiel gasped and slowly began to move his hips with Dean’s rhythm.
The only sound in the room were Cas’ breathy gasps. The bed didn’t even creak like every cliché Hollywood movie said hotel beds did. “Dean I’m close…” Castiel gasped out and Dean nodded his head in understanding when his cell phone rang.
He tried to ignore it, but being away from his family made him paranoid. He froze and Castiel stilled his movements and groaned.
“Answer it, Dean,” he growled out.
Dean slid him out of his mouth, gave an apologetic smile and turned toward the night stand that he’d left his phone on. He glanced down at the familiar number. “Jack? Everything okay?” Castiel tensed behind him, waiting for news. He watched Dean’s shoulders relax and without hearing the other end of the conversation he knew everything was okay. He stretched out his legs and leaned back on the pillows behind him, admiring the view of Dean lying on his stomach with the phone cradled to his ear. “Okay, get a piece of paper and I’ll give you all the streaming passwords. Never delete site data unless you know all your passwords….and I’m not gonna ask who was looking at what to delete all the cookies and history. Just not on my laptop, kid.”
Castiel huffed out a small laugh and Dean rolled his eyes at him. In response, Cas got on all fours and crawled over to sit between Dean’s stretched out back legs and run his hands up the back of them. He felt Dean tense beneath him and he nipped behind his knee, making Dean swear softly under his breath. “Sorry, no Jack, not you. I stubbed my toe on the coffee table. Hulu is my email and the password is Impala15242, yeah. Same for Netflix. Sam ought to remember that…” Castiel gripped Dean at his hips and pulled him onto all fours as he kissed the small of his back. Dean shuddered under his hand “Uh…Sorry, yeah. I’m still here…those are all of them.” Dean threw Castiel a dirty look and Castiel responded by sliding his hand grip on his hips down and slid his nails along Dean’s ass. “Ohh…okay, Jack. I gotta run. Text me if you need anything, bye!”
Dean made sure the line hung up properly before tossing it gently back onto the nightstand and leaning back, letting his back press against Cas’ chest. “That was rude,” Dean grumbled as he rested his head against Cas’ shoulder, letting him lay kisses along his outstretched throat.
Cas chuckled darkly, smiling against his skin. “It absolutely was. My most sincere apologies. How ever can I redeem myself to you?”
Dean grinded suggestively against him, a smile of his own playing at his lips. “I’ve got a few ideas…”
“I accept your terms,” Castiel said as he nipped at his throat once more before scooting over to retrieve the little bottle of lube he’d found stashed in Dean’s bag. Thanks to his own Angelic gifts they’d had no need for it during their last time together but should they reverse their roles…Castiel called Dean’s name softly and he rolled over to give him his full attention now. “Dean, we can do as we did before. If you aren’t comfortable.”
Dean sighed softly and the corner is his mouth pulled up in the hint of a smile. “I trust you, Cas. I want to try.”
Cas nodded and laid down on his right side, patting for Dean to join him. Dean crawled over and stretched out on his right side, spooning into him. Castiel admired the hard lines of his body with his fingertips as he worked to relax him. He marveled that this deadly creature was giving himself to him. His fingers danced at his hips and spread his legs with his knee. He popped the top of the lube and slicked up a finger. He traced a small wet trail down his ass and found the spot he was looking for.
Dena gasped as he slid his finger in and Cas could sense his tension. “I’ve got you, Dean. If you want me to stop, I will.” Dean shivered as Cas pulled him closer with his free hand and he moved his finger within him. It wasn’t painful but it was completely new to him. Cas grinded against him and the feeling made him audibly groan and his Angel took that moment to begin leaving a trail of warm, wet kisses along his neck as he pumped his finger slowly.
A minute or so of this went by and Dean softly breathed out, “More.” Castiel slid out and slicked up two fingers and slid them back into his tight heat. His dick was quickly rebounding from the clock blocking phone call and Dean could feel it growing against his thigh. He had to admit the more Cas pumped into him, the better it felt. Soon he was working himself onto his fingers and Cas was breathing huskily in his ear in anticipation. “Cas…you now,” Dean gasped out and he felt his skin flush in embarrassment and nervousness.
Castiel shuddered behind him and he felt him nod against his shoulder. Cas slid his fingers out and again popped the lube top, this time slicking up his dick and aligning it before slowly, slowly sliding in. Dean groaned loudly, a mixture of pleasure and pain idling his brain. Castiel stilled when he reached his length and Dean tried to slow his racing heart, feeling Cas move his free hand to trace soothing circles along his skin as he waited patiently for him to adjust.
“Your heart is beating so fast…” Cas whispered softly In Dean’s ear as he laid a hand on his chest. "Are you okay?”
Dean took several deep breaths and rolled his head to the left so he could see his face. “I’m ready,” He murmured as he brought a hand back to run it along Cas’ side.
Castiel nodded and slowly moved his hips. They moaned in unison, Dean’s forehead pressed against Cas’ own. Castiel did another slow stroke and used his right hand to grip under Dean’s left thigh and spread his legs wider. The limb movement allowed him freer access and Dean gasped as the change in angle better let his Angel hit that special spot inside of him that made him see stars for a moment.
“Cas…” Dean gasped out as his toes curled involuntarily. “Goddamn, do that again,” He groaned out.
Castiel bent his head down a little and nipped his ear lobe as he repeated the same movement from before, and Dean could feel the self-satisfaction radiating from him as he again made an obscene noise. Castiel, feeling Dean’s enjoyment and his body relax around him, increased his rhythm, his own heart now beating as fast as Dean’s. He gritted his teeth as he poured all the time they’d missed, all the time they’d been separated, every private moment they’d been denied, into these moments here. No space was left between their bodies and no walls were still standing anymore. The thought made him groan throatily in Dean’s ear and his breathing quicken. Angels couldn’t sweat, or so he’d said, but damn if he’d never felt his heart race this way.
Dean found himself an active participant, moving with every thrust. He surprised himself by moving to deepen the thrusts. He wanted deeper, closer, faster. He’d been unsurprised that he’d enjoyed doing this to Cas. He’d always enjoyed sex, but he’d been unsure if he could do this. It wasn’t some macho thing. He’d simply worried he wouldn’t like it. Oh, how wrong he’d been. There was a small bit of pain along with it, but that apparently wasn’t a problem. His brain swirled with pleasure and pain as Cas was a comforting pressure at his back. He’d never had sex this way. This was far too intimate for one-night stands. This was almost too intimate for him now. Cas could feel every tremor, his racing heart, his deep moans unable to be hidden when his mouth was against his partner’s ear. This felt almost worshipful and he damn well didn’t deserve it. As if Cas could hear him, he held him more tightly against him, changing the movement to longer, smooth strokes and he kissed his sweat dewed neck. Dean hooked his leg behind Cas’, leaving Cas' left hand free to grip his dick. He could feel himself getting closer to his own orgasm and he stroked him to get him there as well. He moaned loudly again when Dean grinded against him with enthusiasm in response.
“You will make me lose it now if you don’t stop that, Dean,” Cas groaned in a voice more gravelly than normal. It was thick with need and Dean smiled up at him, his eyes heavy lidded. He arched into Cas’ hand as he stroked him then pushed back, making Castiel swear in Enochian. “Damn you, Dean Winchester…” he groaned as he quickened his pace, unable to hold back if he was going to act so wanton in the movement.
Dean grunted out a deep, primal sound that mixed with a laugh and might have been one of the most purely sexual sounds Castiel had ever heard in his very long life. He gasped out, burying himself deeply inside Dean as he came, his grip on his dick trembling as he moaned his name. Three swipes from his hand had Dean spilling his own load on the formerly crisp white sheets. They laid there, trembling with after shocks of pleasure for several moments. Dean felt his own heart rate slow as Cas slowly extricated his limbs and rolled to his left, sliding out of his willing body.
“Amen…” Dean groaned out with a grin as he rolled to his side, still breathing a little hard. He and Cas’ naked bodies still touched, and Cas slid his arm back under Dean’s head and he pulled him in for a chaste kiss.
“Blasphemy,” Castiel said with a sated, softer voice as he smiled almost sleepily.
“Pretty sure all of that was blasphemy, Angel,” Dean said with a mirrored smile, his eyelids heavy and content.
“Fair enough,” Castiel said as a true, tooth flashing smile appeared on his face, one Dean wasn’t sure he’d ever actually seen grace his features before. It was carefree and he was almost purring in contentment.
“What do you say we crank up the hot tub after some supper? I need to take a shower first though,” Dean said as he looked down at his body, which was covered in cooling sweat ad his own fluids. He wasn’t even going to discuss what he knew was was going on underneath him. He sat up gingerly and groaned softly and Castiel raised one eyebrow in quiet assessment. Dean waved a hand in dismissal. “I’m fine. But damned if I won’t be a little sore tomorrow, and don’t you dare apologize. That was worth it.”
He quietly padded to the bathroom in the other side of the suite, his feet making little sound on the light tan carpet. Cas rolled out of the bed gracefully and pulled off the bed sheets. He could have mojo’d them clean perhaps but he hated wasting grace on such small things. After being without his grace or with low grace for so many years, he’d learned to not use it needlessly. He put them in a heap at the floor of the closet and grabbed up a new set from the dresser he’d spied it earlier when unpacking. He worked to make the bed as he heard the shower come on in the other room. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as an overwhelming urge to slip into the shower with him came over him. He let a breath out and opened his eyes and forced himself to continue his task, knowing Dean needed recovery time and food. Just as he was pulling the comforter back into place and tossing the pillows back on the bed, his own phone, discarded on his nightstand, began to ring. He picked it up and shook his head at the unknown number, but he hesitated and hit the green phone button to answer. As he held it up to his ear, Dean appeared, smiling and with a towel wrapped around his waist, not yet damp from the shower...He froze as he saw the look on Cas’ face and the one finger held up toward him. Dean studied his face, which had become hard and his eyes tight. As Castiel hung up without saying a word, he cocked his own head in confusion.
“Get clean and dressed quickly. We have a table reserved for us downstairs. Chuck has requested our presence for dinner..." Castiel said as his shoulders slouched and he headed to the closet without another word, his body radiating dread. It took Dean's mind a moment to catch up to what he'd said and his mouth dropped open. Oh. God wanted to have dinner with them...Well, this couldn't end well.
Chapter 22: Unwanted Dinner Guests
Summary:
Cas and Dean are called to dine with Chuck, better known as God, but there is an unexpected and unwanted guest joining them that could take away the freedom that Cas has just begun to enjoy. Deals made may come back to haunt them but Chuck may be able to help him find the true freedom he seeks...but there's always a cost in any deal.
Notes:
A few more chapters to go... ;)
Chapter Text
“Is he gonna make you go back?” Dean began with nervousness as he stood rooted by the doorway.
Castiel turned around the pain in his eyes made Dean ache, wishing so much he erase that look in his eyes now. “I don’t know, Dean. I just don’t know.”
Dean dropped his towel on the dresser and pulled open the drawers Cas had stocked while he slept. He pulled out underwear and a t-shirt that Cas had folded neatly, the corners crisp and neat. He closed his eyes, the small crows feet at his corners scrunching up more noticeably and he sent a silent, angry prayer of his own in the general vicinity of one particular deity. He pulled his shirt on with increased aggression and yanked open another drawer to grab up a clean pair of jeans. He slammed it shut before sitting on the bed to pull them on. Castiel seemed to appear silently beside him, already fully dressed in a pair of jeans he had packed him and a cream colored dress shirt that he’d meticulously rolled the sleeves up on. He had the shirt untucked and had slipped his black dress shoes back on.
You look…nice,” Dean grumbled as he yanked on the black button up and let it hang unbuttoned so he could conceal his gun.
“Thank you…you too, listen Dean…” Castiel began, his voice firm and his eyes avoiding his gaze. “I don’t know what’s about to happen…but I can’t run from him, you know that. I actually thought he would listen to the Angels and leave me be…It was stupid of me to believe..”
“It wasn’t stupid Cas. You made a deal with Heaven. Shocking that they might not follow it…” Dean grumbled as he stood, extending a hand to him.
Castiel took it and stood, leaning their foreheads against each other. He swallowed nervously as he brought his hand to the small of Dean's back, pressing their bodies together so that there was no space at all between them. “I can’t let him take this away from me. I won’t survive another year, another decade, however long he wants my service. This life is all I want. Whatever I have to do to have it…”
“Cas, don’t do anything rash down there. We got this. Now, weapons check? Is he alone?” Dean said as he reluctantly stepped away and grabbed his pistol, tucking it in his waistband after checking the safety. He then went to the weapons bag and pulled out two wicked looking knives and tucked them away sight unseen. Cas flipped out his Angel blade then it was gone, like magic. “One of these days your going to show me where you hide that…or is it too scandalous?” Dean wiggled his eyebrows, trying so hard to make his Angel smile. He was rewarded with a playful eye roll.
“Not THAT scandalous….Now, key cards?” Castiel asked and Dean swiped up his wallet, passing one to him and confirming his own was tucked away inside before he stuffed in his back pocket. "Should we call home to give Sam and them a heads up."
Castiel shook his head immediately. “Needless worry for them. Chuck won’t hurt you. You’re one of his most proud accomplishments. You and your brother,” Castiel said with a spark of pride as he tucked his cellphone away, and tugged nervously at his shirt tail.
“Sure, Cas, whatever you say….After you,” Dean said with an exaggerated wave of his hand as they headed toward the door. He tried to exude confidence he didn’t feel but when Cas' hand brushed against his own as the room door closed with a soft click behind them, he took it up in his own. Castiel looked to him, gratefulness in his worried eyes, and they headed toward the elevator. They passed only a couple of others on their way, all of these stuffy business suit types who were too busy on their phones to pay attention to the two very dangerous beings passing them in the hall. If they’d been paying attention, maybe they’d have felt the hair on the back of their necks stand up as they brushed past an actual living Angel whose nerves were making the air taste electric…but they noticed nothing. As the two of them stepped off the elevator, onto the main floor, Dean felt queasy. Whether it was the elevator, the situation, or the fact that he’d skipped lunch, it didn’t matter. He clutched Cas’ hand tighter as they turned the corner to the restaurant. A hostess was waiting at the stand, her dark black hair pinned back in a neat bun. She smiled her best retail smile as they stepped up to her. However as soon as she got a good look at the two of them, her forehead creased. She recovered quickly but her eyes still held a confused look that they didn’t quite understand.
“Shurley party,” Cas said with more assuredness than he felt, only his hand squeezing down on Dean's showing any of the nervousness he felt.
“Of…of course, the rest of your party is waiting,” the hostess said as she lead them to a booth in the back of the restaurant. It was isolated from the main area...far more isolated than either man liked. The hostess let them go ahead of her and she spoke quietly, “The waiter will be over soon to take your drink order,” as she scampered away.
Castiel stopped before Dean could get a good look into the booth. His back was rigid and Dean could feel the tension coming off him as he went to step around him. He immediately put an arm out the stop him and Dean obeyed. His body language gave no room for argument.
“Chuck…why is he here?” Castiel said with a tremor in his voice Dean wasn't sure he'd ever heard from him. His own back went rigid and his hand itched to reach around for the gun at his back.
“Oh, old pal, you don’t seem happy to see me,” came a nasally, almost British voice that Dean could not place.
Chuck cleared his throat and stood, waving them both to sit down. “Come come now. Everyone have a seat.” Castiel took a hesitant step forward, allow Dean to finally see the other member of the dinner party.
“What the Fuck…” Dean murmured and it was his turn to freeze. Sitting next to Chuck…well Hell, Dean would say it was Castiel except he knew damn well his was right beside him. The man was identical in every way, except his voice and the sneer on his face that Dean had never seen mar his Angel’s looks. The other Castiel was wearing the trenchcoat and tie that Cas normally wore as well.
Castiel immediately manuevered Dean to sit in front of Chuck and Cas put himself in front of the doppelganger. “Dean…this is…”
The Castiel look alike extended a hand, “I'm Empty, or the Shadow. Whichever strikes the most feeling in you. I'm sure you’ve heard so much about me…” He crooned but Dean kept his hands down in front of him, looking to Cas, whose eyes were tight.
“They are the keeper of the Empty…” Castiel ground out between gritted teeth, unable or unwilling to maintain eye contact with the Cas creature in front of him.
Dean could see the fear and loathing behind Cas' startling blue eyes, and it sent a streak of fight or flight to his own system. He jumped up from his seat, ready to bolt. He wrapped his hand around Cas' wrist, tugging him in an attempt to spur his retreat as well. “The…of hell no. We aren’t doing this. Come on…”
“Sit down…” The Shadow said abruptly, his nose wrinkling in distaste, and Dean was thrown back into his seat hard enough that the wooden base of the booth squealed in protest.
“He has nothing to do with this. If you touch him again…” Castiel growled out, anger replacing his fear now. HIs palms were flat on the table as he leaned closer to the Shadow.
“Oh, I didn’t hurt him,” The Shadow said with a raised eyebrow as he rested his head in his hands and stared at Dean. “I did get this whole thing wrong though, didn’t I?” He said as he waved his hand back and forth between them.
Chuck, having sat quietly for the first minute, sipped at the drink in his hand and quirked an eyebrow of his own. “Don’t feel bad. I didn’t see it either. Completely off book.”
“No wonder you wanted to come back to Earth so badly, eh? But you did forget our little deal didn’t you? I told you you would…” Cas’ eyes widened and Dean’s head turned slowly to Cas. His deal. The deal he'd confided in him the night Naomi had taken him. When he experienced a moment of true happiness...The Shadow continued, smirking and sneering, making Dean doubt how he'd ever been fooled that they resembled one another. Even in the same skin, there was no similarity between the two of them. “I was there, you know. At your door earlier. Ready to take you…” Castiel swallowed hard and drew his hands off the table, searching for Dean's in the seat. He had been happy, truly happy, in that moment after. As they’d laid there, soft and content, with no obligations or wars to be won, his heart had been free.
“I stopped him,” Chuck said to answer the unspoken question, his voice smooth and unbothered. “Figured we hadn’t seen each other in such a long time, a few drinks were in order. So…we’ve been talking..”
“You’ve been dealing…” The Shadow said and Castiel caught Chuck’s eye. Dean studied Cas' face and stole glances to the others, knowing this was far above his pay grade.
Chuck crossed his arms and leaned back, the picture of ease and oozing confidence. “Not dealing. Just pointing out what you already know. Jack was half human when he died. Your claim on him, that you used to make your deal with Castiel, isn't valid."
“Angels come to me. It’s been that way for Millenia…” The shadow growled out, banging a hand on the table, making the silverware clatter noisily. Dean felt sick watching the creature in Cas’ form, like looking into a fun house mirror.
“And humans go to Heaven…” Chuck smiled back, cooly crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back in the booth.
The Shadow was having none of it. His teeth were clenched as tightly as his visible fist on the table as he argued. “Well, the last Nephilim that he and your loudmouth mouthpiece killed came to me. Why should Jack be an different?” Cas looked distressed at the tone the conversation was taking but he waited, sensing this as what Chuck wanted of him, his silence.
“So if that Nephilim came to you, statistically speaking as far as balance goes, the next Nephilim would belong to Heaven,” Chuck said coolly as he winked at Cas, unseen by the Shadow.
“Damn it,” The Shadow hissed out, knowing his argument had been voided. He drummed his hand on the table before studying Dean in front of him, again propping his chin in his hand as he glowered at him.. “You. Human. You and your brother were promised to me too by the reapers. Maybe we could…”
“Uh uh,” Chuck said as he put his drink down and his eyes darkened now, done with the Shadow's efforts to undermine him. “The reapers were out of line on that. The Winchesters, ALL the Winchesters, will go to Heaven at their final death. Period. You may control The Empty but Heaven is mine.”
The Shadow crossed his arms and glowered. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll have Castiel, eventually. I may not get to have you today, but when I do…Oh you just thought the last time was bad.” Dean looked over questioningly, noting his nervous swallow and the tension lines form around his eyes. Cas hadn’t mentioned anything about the circumstances he’d found himself in when he was in the Empty and Dean hadn’t asked. He would remedy that shortly.
Cas took a steadying breath as he squeezed Dean's hand under the table, drawing on his touch for courage. “Well, as long as it won’t be today, why don’t you get the Hell out of here and out of my body. Find your own.”
The Shadow crinkled up his nose in amusement, another disturbing site to Dean. “Oh, but see, I had it all planned out. I was going to come in and see you and your human lover all cuddled up, happy and content. I’d let the sight of me make him doubt you, then I’d take you.” He clapped his hands, making Dean jump in his seat, startled. “Bam. No questions. No explanations. Just gone. It was going to be such good payback for all the trouble you’ve caused me, knowing you'd sleep with the regret of the last sight of him being one of doubt.”
“Needlessly dramatic,” Chuck said as he rolled his eyes.
“Says the deity who ran away like a scared child when his sister threw a temper tantrum,” growled the Shadow as he gestured wildly.
Chuck, overly done with the Shadow's antics, let the power roll into his eyes as the friendly mask he wore smoothed away from his face. "At least it took another deity to best me, and not one Angel, and not even an Archangel. He’s a seraphim for Me’s sake.”
The Shadow shrunk back on himself, glowering. “But he will be mine eventually…”
“All those that die as Angels are yours, of course,” Chuck said as spoke. Dean’s eyes tightened. That wasn’t exactly what they’d said earlier…Castiel squeezed his hand again, silently begging him not to interrupt their dialogue.
“And the next Nephilim that dies, is mine,” The Shadow whined now, crossing his arms and tucking in his chin like a petulant child.
Chuck shook his head. “Jack is ours. If another appears, then it would be your turn. But since Jack didn’t stay dead, he’s still ours.”
The Shadow stood up abruptly, making the table tip slightly. He glared down at the others, making Dean even more sure he’d never have confused his Cas with this one. “You’re lucky today, Castiel, but I’m patient, and with the rate you seem to die, I’ll see you again, and you won’t have Go….Chuck, to bail you out one of these days,” He murmured as he stormed off. “Don’t even see why he keeps wasting his time saving you…”
Chuck leaned over. “Sorry I couldn’t give you a heads up but they’re a bit dramatic. Insisted on the shock factor.” Chuck waved over a waiter who’d had the good sense to avoid the table during the arguing.
“Hi there. I need a refill on my drink and they need two bourbons. Thank you very much," he crooned as he winked. The waitress smiled back, suddenly at ease and forgetting all about the loud disruption the table had caused moments earlier.
“What…” Dean began but Chuck held up his hand and he fell silent. Chuck pointed to the bar, where the waiter was filling their drink order, and held a finger to his lips for silence. As the waiter brought back the drinks, Dean’s stomach growled loudly.
“He hasn’t eaten since this morning,” Castiel said with sudden concern, his eyes only for Dean.
Chuck gave his attention to the waiter now, the storm clouds in his eyes from earlier now gone, leaving nothing but a friendliness Dean knew did not always lurk beneath the surface. “Three steaks, best cut. Medium all around? Okay great. Thanks,” Chuck ushered him off again without waiting for Dean or Castiel to answer.
“I don’t eat…” Castiel said with annoyance in his tone as he tried to maintain patience.
Chuck studied Cas' face and then stole a look to Dean, who was equally frustrated and outdone with the runaround they'd endured this evening. He seemed to make a decision after studying the two of them. “Take it to go…You’re probably going to need it.”
Chapter 23: Choices we make for ourselves
Summary:
Castiel is given a choice for his own happiness, but there is not one easy choice. Dean expresses his concern for Cas and his fears.
Notes:
Sorry if the dialog feels clunky. I may edit it some after it is posted, but wanted to get a chapter up.
Chapter Text
Dean had two empty bourbon glasses in front of him and half the steak gone. Cas’ drink and steak were untouched, and Chuck had waved down a waiter for a to go box. Dean and Castiel both looked agitated and impatient as Chuck continued talking...and talking...and talking.
“So, that’s where we stand in Heaven. When I came back and they told what had happened I felt just awful but I also had a feeling you were prepared for that. Was that your endgame to get back to Earth?” Chuck said as he popped another bite of steak in his mouth, his face rapt with interest in Cas' response.
Cas shook his head as he spoke, the pain of Naomi's torture of him still fresh on his mind, and Chuck's digging it up had still struck a cord within him. “No, it was self-defense…. but discrediting Naomi had been in my thoughts as a way to loosen her control over Heaven in your absence.”
Chuck smiled as he swallowed the last bite of steak, pride and true intrigue in his eyes for the Angel in front of him. “Oh, it did that for sure….so, that brings us to our current dilemma.”
Dean slammed his drink glass down after angrily swallowing the last dregs in frustration. “Finally. Can we please discuss how you just promised Cas to the Empty tonight?” He’d been asked to let Chuck talk uninterrupted and all his questions would be answered but he’d gotten fed up about ten minutes in. Patience was not a virtue he possessed.
“Dean…” Castiel began but Dean gave him a warning glance and Cas snapped his mouth shut to glance toward Chuck.
“Dean, I only stated the rules. Anyone who dies an Angel, goes to the Empty. That’s just how it works, and has for millennia." Chuck said this all with little emotion in his voice, like reading from a textbook and not dooming an Angel he seemed to show great interest in.
“Like I said…” Dean said with a sweeping gesture of his hand.
“No, Dean…that’s not what he said. I only go to the Empty if I die as an Angel…” Cas interrupted, wrapping the fingers of his hand around Dean's wrist to still him.
"Bingo," Chuck said with a click of his tongue and shooting invisible finger guns in Cas' direction.
Dean's mouth dropped open in surprise, but he quickly snapped it shut. He drew a breath to start to argue, stopped, and gritted his teeth behind closed lips, making his jaw tighten visibly. “So, he’s forced to become human, is that it?” He hissed out softly though the restaurant was miraculously devoid of any listening ears. Thanks Chuck.
“Forced? Of course not. He has a choice,” Chuck said a calm shrug, letting his gaze fall upon Cas again. He studied him a moment as he folded his hands one on top of the other on the tabletop. “You do have a choice, Castiel.” Cas studied the tabletop, not looking at anyone as his own thoughts spun in his head.
“Yeah, because being human worked out so great for him before,” Dean said with a venomous growl, surprising even himself at the rage in his voice. He felt his hands trembling, softly and hopefully unnoticed as he considered human Cas...and everything he and others had put that vulnerable version of the one he loved through.
“And whose fault was that?” Chuck said with a glower of his own, his face falling as he studied Dean. “Gotta say, that was a pretty low point on your likeability, Dean. Kicking him out of the bunker…I couldn’t even write you that cold hearted.”
Dean’s nostrils flared and he went to stand up but Castiel pulled him back down. “Shut up. The both of you. This is my life. I get to choose. Dean, you could tire of me in a month or year…” Dean began to argue but Cas gave him a warning glare, “and in Heaven I’ll just be your puppet, training Angels for the rest of Eternity, fighting battles…or stay on Earth as an Angel and never fully belong either place.” Chuck nodded as he took another sip, studying Castiel over the rim of it. Patient and waiting Cas to decide his own mind, while Dean was full of anger and fear.
“Being human…. I would live maybe 40 more years…If I’m lucky. I’ll have to eat, to sleep, to…. go to the bathroom.” Both Cas and Chuck wrinkled their noses at that. “Being human is hunger, loneliness, pain…. Being an Angel is indeed much simpler. I feel friendship, anger, love…though I should not, but when I try to compare it to when I was human…it’s like I feel everything now as through a veil. It’s not nearly as clear as before….and I could live for Millenia yet if I remain what I am…” Dean sat listening as the rest of his food went cold.
“All true,” Chuck said as he waited, taking a swig from his bourbon glass.
“You’ve got no opinion on the matter?” Dean interrupted, finally grown tired of Chuck's emotionless expression.
Chuck shrugged and propped his chin on his hands again as he gestured toward Cas. “Hey, we’ve had this conversation. He’s got free Will. He’s not supposed to, but he does, so he deserves to exercise it. Besides, Castiel, when was the last time you were given a true choice in your future? A choice that wasn’t done on the spur of the moment or done to protect someone else?”
Castiel stopped and looked to Dean, his face becoming momentarily hard as he considered Chuck's question. “Never. Everything I have ever done has been on the command of Heaven or done to save someone I cared about about...or for the greater good. I have never been able to take my own future into consideration.”
“This choice Is yours, and only yours,” Chuck said softly, his voice as compassionate and caring as Dean had ever heard him use. It didn't soften Dean to the idea...but he appreciated his tone with Cas.
Cas sat a moment, his gaze on the table and nothing at all. He looked from Chuck to Dean and away again as he tried to find the words to commit to the future he wanted. “I want to be human,” Castiel said softly as he looked over to Dean again, trying not to see the panic and the fear in his lover's eyes.
“Check please!” Chuck said immediately as he raised his hand and a waiter hustled over at once.
“Cas, you can’t…This is who you are!” Dean hissed out softly as the waiter shuffled away with a hefty tip in hand.
“No, THIS is who I am,” Cas said as he pressed his hand to his chest. “An Angel Is what I am. It doesn’t get to define the choices I make or what I want for myself.”
“But your grace and your wings…” Dean argued, his hands clenched into fists at his side as he shot an angry look to Chuck.
“Are both things I have lived without before,” Cas said calmly as he nervously tugged at his tie to straighten it as Chuck watched the two of them silently.
Dean's forehead was creased with concern and the crow's feet around his eyes could not have been more prominent as he frowned. “And you could die…”
Cas' unexpected smile took Dean aback as he leaned away from him surprise as he laughed softly. “Another thing I have done before even as an Angel. Angels aren’t immortal, and looking at the odds, not much more durable than humans in the grand scheme of things…”
“Not my point. You could get cancer or hit by a car or…” Dean argued, his voice taking on a desperate tone he barely recognized as his own.
Cas turned to him and picked up his hand and wrapped it in both of his own. His voice was soft and understanding as he squeezed his hand gently. “Dean, I know all of this. This is something I've thought about for months…for years. Before this, before us…I still wanted it. I love humanity. Being an Angel is not something I have ever loved.”
Chuck cleared his throat as they stared at one another, trying to make their point with their eyes. “Listen fellas, if we’re going to continue the lovers quarrel can we do it somewhere a little less public?” Chuck snapped his fingers and Dean and Castiel were standing in the living room area of their hotel room, and sat in the lone lounge chair in the room, his hands resting on the armrests like a king on his throne. “Okay, continue,” Chuck waved his hand and Dean glared softly.
Cas' face fell as he considered Dean's hesitance. “Dean…are you not interested in me if I’m not an Angel?” He quirked his head and frown lines formed on his face, concern flashing in his eyes now.
“What? Hell no. Don’t be stupid, Cas,” Dean grumbled as he plopped down on the couch and crossed his arms defensively.
“You’re getting closer to the truth, though, Castiel. Ask Dean what he’s afraid of,” Chuck said as he picked up his phone and began texting. Dean gave Chuck a frustrated look and fought not to flip God off.
“This whole thing would be a lot less awkward without God sitting over there listening to everything we say,” Dean grumbled again as he ground his teeth together.
“Look time’s relative up there. If I leave now, I may not come back for weeks, months, years. You get the idea. Gotta settle this now. You think this isn’t awkward for me too? Angels aren’t supposed to find the slightest appeal in you humans. I built them that way, yet he keeps proving me wrong, and I’m GOD. Talk about awkward.” Chuck rolled his eyes and continued his texting as if he hadn't spoken at all.
Dean sat a moment and looked up at Cas, who was standing on the other side of the coffee table, waiting. He scrunched his eyes up and tried to verbalize what he wanted to say. “Cas, I…. I’m afraid. I’m afraid that you becoming human will change you. At least the parts of you that make you care about me…It’s damn selfish. I know…but when you were human the last time, I know how bad things were...but you ran into the arms of two different people...none of which were me even when I came to you.”
Castiel got a pained look in his eye and shook his head slowly. “That’s not fair. I was newly human with no one to help me regulate all the emotions and sensations that came with it…And you know it. You have no right to bring Nora and April up with everyone you’ve been with. No right,” Castiel’s face became angry. “And you don’t think I worry you’ll discard me at my most vulnerable like you did then? Of course, I worry about that, but I am trying to put my trust in you because I believe in you. Can’t you do the same?”
Dean lowered his head and clutched his hands in fists as he leaned his forehead on them. “Yeah, okay.” He mumbled softly before putting his hands down to hang between his knees. “If this is what you want, okay. I’m sorry. I just…”
“I know, Dean. I get it,” Castiel sat down beside him, trying to pretend Chuck wasn’t there. “I’ve never gotten to choose this, and you weren’t there the last time.” Castiel held up his hand as Dean began to argue. “I told you before I understood why you kicked me out, Dean. You do not have to continue to defend it, but I have a right to say that it hurt me. Your family is all that I have should I choose this, and that is terrifying to me after last time. I could choose the Heaven option, spend the rest of eternity training Angels and serving as the head of the Angelic forces, quell demonic uprisings, fight Heavenly battles…I did it for centuries, millenia. But I was never, not once genuinely happy until I met you. Naomi stated many times I never truly did as I was told. I never truly fit in. I never truly belonged there…. but living on Earth as an Angel, I still don’t truly belong. I am not fully committed to any one life, and this could all be taken away from me if another group of Angels takes over and decides that all Angels remaining on Earth must return to Heaven…I would never truly be free. Ever….” Dean sighed and shyly picked up Cas’ hand. Castiel squeezed it and continued. “If I am lucky enough to spend the rest of my days hunting on Earth as a human…that is the most freedom I will ever have had. Think…no more Angel Radio...no one able to track me by my Grace….”
“No sigils to blast you away…” Dean said as the possibilities finally began to form in front of his eyes.
“Exactly. Just regular old human problems...you know, Demons, Croccata, Vampires…Regular old everyday human problems…” Castiel said trying to get a grin out of Dean. When he succeeded, Castiel leaned back, his hand still clasped in Deans, and looked to Chuck. “I suppose it’s settled, then.”
Chuck leaned forward and rose. “Okay. Let’s get moving, then. First, though,’ Chuck snapped his fingers and Dean and Castiel stared, confused. “Oh, sorry, yeah I just took care of that nasty tracking sigil on your back and put your anti-angel tracking tattoo back. You’ll probably find that handy.” Castiel lifted the left side of his shirt up and confirmed what Chuck said as the black Enochian letters peeked out from his exposed skin.
“Thank you,” Castiel’s gravelly voice cracked softly. Seeing the black lettering on his skin gave him a sense of safety he hadn't had in some time now.
“Oh, you know I never agreed with it, but you and I both knew it was temporary. She always was a bit too much…” Dean raised an eyebrow at his understatement as he lifted the back of Cas’ shirt to confirm the tracking sigil was gone. Castiel looked over his shoulder and Dean nodded as he let his shirt fall back into place. “Now, for the slightly trickier part…” Chuck cracked his knuckles and looked around him. “Now might be a good time to mention I’ve never actually removed Grace before…”
“Excuse me, what?” Dean said as his face hardened unhappily, disbelief in his tone.
“I have…by force…” Castiel said as he gestured to his throat, his voice going soft with remembered guilt. His fingertips lingered on his throat as he remembered his own ripped out by force at the hands of Metatron and the crease between his eyebrows formed as he swallowed nervously.
Chuck shook his head quickly, a frown of his own forming as he held up a hand to pause. “No. no need for violence. Grace freely given doesn’t need that. Here, let’s step in here. A little more empty space…” Chuck stepped through to the bedroom area and nodded appreciatively at the large empty area between the bed and the hot tub. “Yeah, this should work. Dean, I will be focused on containing his grace. You’ll need to help him.” He turned and looked to Dean, who had a look of puzzlement now as he followed in behind Cas. Both were full of trepidation, the nerves rolling off of them in waves. It didn't help that they were crowded in a bedroom together with God...this was one of the weirder things Dean could say he'd done.
“What do you mean, help?” Dean said with doubt in his tone as he was beginning to look far more worried. How could he possibly help Cas in a way God himself couldn't?
Chuck walked around the room curiously, glancing at the full hot tub and the disheveled bed that he pretended to skim his eyes over and not see for all of their composure. He turned back to look at him, still standing within arm's reach of Cas. “This isn’t a process you’ve seen before is it?”
Dean shook his head adamantly, glancing to Cas as he did so. “No. I didn't even know it was possible until Cas told me about what Metatron did to him.”
“Just be at the ready. You will know when you[re needed” Chuck murmured as Castiel stepped away from Dean, his feet apart as if prepared for an assault, not knowng what to expect. His mind could not help but go back to his time in Heaven, strapped to a chair as Metatron monologued above him, his body weak for the first time. His mind raised with the possibilities and limitations this choice would bring and yet...He glanced to Dean even as Chuck spoke to him. “Castiel, is this truly what you want for yourself?”
Cas hesitated only a moment before replying, “Yes,” in his gravelly tone, even as he swallowed nervously.
"Very well," Chuck said softly, a soft smile forming on his face as he nodded and gestured for him to kneel. As Cas took a knee, Dean paced behind him. Chuck gestured again for Dean to move off to the side nearest the bed and reluctantly Dean did as he was told. HIs body was a livewire of nerves as he dug his nails into the palm of his hands, the backs of his legs bumping the side of the bed as he fidgeted.
Chuck looked down at Castiel and smiled again, a true smile full of warmth and pride that made Dean suck in a breath. “You’ve done well, Castiel. Now rest…” His eyes glowed a soft golden as he murmured words in Enochian. Dean stepped a bit forward and saw Cas’ eyes reflecting the blue of his grace as he began to speak. The Enochian thrummed in his ears painfully and he fought the urge to cup his hands over them, but was intrigued as Chuck followed up each passage in English.
“grace c ol eol, zacam lrasd oi izizop. Niis de a el ds g aboapri. noan gone lrasd oi noco g etharzi,grace of my making, go from this vessel. Come to the one who you serve. be gone from this servant in peace”
Dean was forced to shield his eyes as the shadow of Cas’ wings enveloped the room, reflected in the bright glow of blue radiating from within him. Chuck repeated the phrase again.
“grace c ol eol, zacam lrasd oi izizop. Niis de a el ds g aboapri. noan gone lrasd oi noco g etharzi, grace of my making, go from this vessel. Come to the one who you serve. be gone from this servant in peace”
Deans’ bones ached as Chuck murmured the ancient language. He felt pressure in his mind, his body, like chains holding him down. So very heavy. Thousands upon thousands of years of knowledge, existence, bloodshed, and battle. he felt Cas...no, he felt Castiel. There was a definitive difference he'd never realized before. He squinted his eyes and watched as the grace formed a blue shimmery stream as it flowed from within Cas. It was beautiful and flowed as a living river. It was strong and bright and…good. Dean could feel the goodness to the point he felt tears pricking at his eyes, and just as bright and dramatic as it had been, it was all but gone. Dean blinked and the room was normal again, except for the stream of light shimmering and hovering near Chuck now. Castiel crumpled to the floor and Dean rushed to throw an arm around him, Chuck all but forgotten in the face of Cas needing help. Dean helped him stumble over to the bed, though he was more dead weight than help. As soon as Dean had Cas on the bed, he turned to see Chuck holding out a small glass bottle that Cas’ grace seemed slightly hesitant to go fully into.
Chuck murmured softly to it like a spooked horse. “Ag mir trian niis de g oi capimao ol qaa. page lap kures” and it slid impossibly into the tiny bottle. Dean would never have thought that bottle could contain it all…but looking over at Cas now, crumpled on the bed, he was unsure how he’d contained that much power within himself. He was in awe, truly, as he watched Chuck cap the bottle and hold it carefully in his hand. He looked to Dean then. “He’s going to need you, Dean. Angels may be strong and powerful but even Castiel is not well versed in true human emotion.”
Dean looked over at Cas, but he seemed to be asleep, his face soft and peaceful in a way Dean had never seen. “He shows emotion…” He added as he looked back to Chuck.
Chuck sighed as he gazed at the bottle of Grace in his hand. “Yes, he does. He wasn’t supposed to even do that, but it’s not the same. Everything he’s felt as an Angel, every emotion of friendship or love…it was fighting an internal battle to even exist. Humans love and hate so easily compared to Angels. He’s going to be…overwhelmed. Eating, sleeping, all of it. He has a leg up on others since he’s experienced it before…but from what I’ve recalled, it didn’t go so smoothly.”
Dean winced and went to sit next to him, checking his breathing reflexively as he brushed a stray strand of hair from his forehead, which was damp with sweat for the first time in Dean's memory as well. “I won’t fail him this time, Chuck.”
Chuck was quiet a moment, watching the two of them in quiet consideration. “I didn’t plan this you know…I know you two think I take this lightly…but I don’t. I did make sure he was the one who rescued you from Hell, that’s true…but I didn’t see this coming.”
Dean looked up, surprised at his forthcoming attitude. He'd never thought to ask why Castiel had been the one sent to save him. He'd always made the assumption he'd drawn the short straw. Who would want that gig? “Why him? Why was he chosen for it?”
“I mean, I couldn’t let you sit in Hell, even if it was the first seal. Castiel…he seemed to always have a penchant for compassion. Going back farther than there are books to tell it. He never did exactly as he was told, that was true…but it was always because he saw the need for mercy. For goodness. Even when I was all old testament. I took note. I knew his need for compassion would be strong enough to save you. Other Angels before him turned back after being sent or died trying because they were afraid. He’s special…Don’t mess it up.” Dean gritted his teeth but thought better of arguing with God and nodded as he studied Cas’ face. “He’s going to sleep for a while. Here…” Chuck held out Cas’ grace, dangling from a chain. The bottle was corked and glowed only softly now. Dean tentatively held his hand out and wrapped his fingers around it delicately, looking confused. “It doesn’t need to go back with me, and he would want it with someone he trusts...and anyway…in case of emergency, break glass.” Chuck laughed at his own clever joke then waved his hand as Dean glowered. “Okay then, well I’m off. Nice seeing you again I suppose. Hopefully you can all stay alive for a bit, okay? You make a lot of paperwork when you die.” And he was gone.
Dean rolled his eyes and studied the small bottle before slipping the chain around his neck, pressing his hand gently over it and feeling the soft warmth radiating from it. He guiltily glanced at his phone, toying with the idea of calling Sam but he knew he would also be the voice of reason and insist they come home or he and the others come to them. All good ideas…but Dean wasn’t ready yet and he knew Cas would need time to adjust to this new life. Better to not lay this on the others via a phone call or text. Everything was fine. No one was in danger. It could wait. He laid the phone down on the nightstand and stood up to change. It looked like he’d be camped out here till Cas woke up. He shucked off his pants and over shirt then dug out a pair of flannel pajama pants from the drawer. Better to have some kind of pants on in case he had to jump and run for some reason. He'd learned that the hard way too many times. He looked back to Cas, still dressed from supper and he hesitated a moment before going over and removing his shoes, gently untying the laces and slipping them off his socked feet. He didn’t think he could wrestle off any of the other clothes while he was so out of it but if he was human now, wearing shoes to sleep was tantamount to torture. After he laid the shoes down neatly in the closet, he felt satisfied and crawled back in the bed. As he sat there fiddling on his phone and listening to Cas’ soft breathing beside him, his eyes got heavy. He gently laid the phone back on the nightstand and rolled to his side, throwing a protective arm over Cas stomach, leaving the lights on to help them both move back into wakefulness when the time came. This was a new beginning for them, and an ending as well, but this was what Cas wanted, and Dean could make peace with that. He laid a soft, stolen kiss on the back of Cas, neck as he molded his body to Cas' back protectively and he let himself sleep, if only for a moment.
Chapter 24: The fallout of a dead cellphone
Summary:
Dean and Cas navigate the new obstacles of Cas' human emotions and needs but when they fail to keep their phones charged, the cavalry rides in to rescue them needlessly and much explanation is in order.
Notes:
I believe we only have one more chapter to go. This one is a bit longer than my recent ones. I hope you enjoy! There is one almost sex scene but no smut this chapter...Please remember, this story is written for ages 18 and up. Thank you.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Dean awoke with a start as his hand hit the firm hotel mattress with a sudden thud. His eyes flew open, years of hunter instincts telling him something was wrong. He took in the scene quickly and put his hands up in a defensive, calming gesture as he saw Cas standing in the middle of the bedroom, his eyes wide and frightened. His body language was defensive with his fists clenched at his sides and his breathing came out rapidly. Dean leaned up slowly, showing both palms empty as he did so.
“It’s okay, Cas. It’s okay. Remember? Your grace and Chuck…” Dean said calmly and watched as Cas’ breathing began to slow, and he stumbled back to the bed. Dean met him at the edge and put a steadying hand on his shoulder as he sunk back onto the mattress. Castiel cradled his head in his hands suddenly and groaned. “What hurts?” Dean asked with concern as he rubbed a calming hand down his back.
“Everything,” Castiel groaned again as he laid flat back on the bed, his legs hanging off the edge. It was dramatic even for Cas and it made Dean smile enough that Cas’ mouth quirked up in response. “Does my pain cause you enjoyment, Dean?”
“No, but your human drama does,” Dean said with a grin as he crawled off the bed and went to the bathroom. He came back holding a paper cup of water and two pills victoriously and he delivered them with flourish. “Tylenol. Nectar of the Gods. Never leave home without it.” Castiel sat up and took it gratefully. He drank the water slowly, savoring it, before setting the tiny cup down on the nightstand.
After he was done, he licked his lips. “I’m still thirsty…” Dean nodded and went to the mini fridge and frowned. Honor bar. He grabbed up the water he knew they’d be charged $5 for but he didn’t care at this point. He tossed it to Cas who went to grab it and missed, frowning as it rolled across the bed like the bottle itself was at fault.
“We’ll have to work on your reflexes now that you don’t have an Angelic edge,” Dean said as he left him with the water and went to warm up the steak they’d brought up from supper. He had a feeling food might be the next request. As the steak turned in the microwave, Dean heard Cas stirring and the crinkle of the apparently empty water bottle before he felt him behind him, peering over his shoulder in curiosity.
“What’s that smell?” Cas said as he put a hand on his side reflexively as he stood behind him. Dean was momentarily distracted as he took in the soft familiarity of such a simple gesture...something they'd been denied for so long...He cleared his throat of emotion as he glanced back at him.
“Your steak. Hungry?” Castiel’s stomach growled loudly in confirmation and Dean grinned widely. He gave a quick peck to Cas' lips as the microwave beeped and he turned back to it to remove it. “Steak, shower, sleep. We’ll get you all sorted out, okay?”
“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said as gratitude all but flowed out of him.
Dean fished the plastic knife and fork from the to go bag and cut the steak into small pieces as Cas watched with rapt attention, his stomach growling again. “No thanks needed. We take care of each other. I got you. You go sit on the bed and I'll bring you some water.” He handed the plate to Cas and filled the empty water bottle from the tap before placing it on the nightstand beside him. Cas sat down, wincing as he did so and Dean hoped the pain killers would kick in soon. He was sure expelling your Grace had to be a bit more painful than the average muscle soreness. He watched him devour the steak readily as he sat cross legged on the bed, and he had a better idea for his achy ex-Angel than waiting for the meds to kick in. He had been leaning against the wall, studying him, fascinated by the slight variances in Cas’ movements. It was subtle. Someone who didn’t pay quite so much attention to him might not notice. His movements were less calculated, less planned. Even his hair seemed to have more of a mind of its own as it stuck up in random places. Castiel felt Dean’s eyes on him and he looked up, one cheek stuffed with food like a scruffy chipmunk. He swallowed and his cheeks turned a soft pink in embarrassment, something Dean had never seen, and it made his stomach tighten in a pleasant way.
“Dean, I’m sorry if my change of status has monopolized our time away. If you’d like to go do something, I will be okay.” Cas was so earnest in his tone and Dean wished he could make him understand that there was nowhere else he'd rather be.
Instead, he shook his head and smiled. “Don’t be stupid. It’s 2am. Only people out right now are crooks and monsters. You’re sleep schedule’s gonna be a bitch, but I’m fine. I actually had a thought about how to help your aches and pains….” He shot a look to the hot tub and Castiel followed his eyes and his own widened.
“I’ve never been in a hot tub. I’ve actually never even taken a bath. There were only showers at the shelter,” Castiel said matter of factly as he set aside his now empty Styrofoam take out box and took a deep swig of his refilled water bottle.
Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and looked down at the carpet in renewed shame. “Cas, I swear to you if I could take away every bad memory you have from the last time, I would.” He heard the bed creak and looked up to see Cas mere inches from him now, his eyes alight so differently without his Grace. He'd seen the difference in a human with and without a soul...but Cas was different. His eyes before were depth-less, powerful, and infinite. Now? They were fresh, mercurial, with a spark of the unexpected...and he felt his heart speed at the difference.
Castiel put his hands on Dean’s shoulders and leaned their foreheads together and Dean was thankful he wasn't as observant as he used to be. Staring into his eyes was overwhelming either way. “I apologize for upsetting you. I was merely making an observation, not trying to make you feel guilty. I promise. You have to let it go. You've no reason to continue to punish yourself for something I hold no animosity toward you for."
Dean shook his head and fought the pinprick of tears at the corner of his eyes. “Seeing you like this…I can just imagine how alone you felt…hungry, cold...and you had nothing. And I…” Dean’s voice cracked, and he turned his head to break eye contact. Seeing him this way, looking into those fresh eyes and knowing he'd turned his back on him before. It was too much.
“You did what you did to protect Sam, and you’ve already apologized ten times over. You can’t carry that guilt around forever. And it worked out in the end, didn’t it?” Cas spoke softly, and Dean could even note a change in his voice. That gravelly tone was still there, but softer. He was so much softer...so fragile.
Dean glared as he raised his head as he coughed out a gruff, bitter laugh. “You died.”
Castiel cocked his head and gave a half smile of his own. “So have you, so business as usual, see?” Dean conceded his point with a nod of his head and he let Cas pull him over to the hot tub, knowing his unhappiness would only serve to make Cas unhappy. He would pretend to be fine, to not blame himself, if he could make him happy this time around. “Now, show me how hot tubs work and stop thinking so much.”
Dean knelt down and began fiddling with the knobs of the hot tub. He read the instructions the hotel had embossed on a plaque and he sighed in disappointment. “It takes a while to heat up.”
“Well, what can we do while we wait?” Dean turned, hearing the odd inflection in Cas' tone, and narrowed his eyes in immediate suspicion. His tone dripped of false innocence. He caught Cas' eyes staring at him as he leaned over the tub. He didn't feel particularly sexy in his t-shirt and flannel pajama pants but by Cas' expression, you'd have thought he was parading around naked.
“Your face tells me you have a few ideas…but really, is that a good idea right now?" Dean crouched as he watched the water fill the hot tub quickly and he looked back to Cas...who looked positively heartbroken. Dean quickly shut off the water and stood, wrapping him in his arms immediately. "I didn't mean anything by it. I just meant you're already sore and super overstimulated..." Dean murmured softly in his ear as Cas stood somewhat stiffly, his chin dug into his shoulder.
"You're right. It's okay...I just...I want. I thought I knew what desire was. How come you never told me it felt like this?" Cas let out a ragged breath in his ear and Dean felt their closeness making physical proof of Cas' words against his thigh. He couldn't say he was thinking very clearly after Cas' words himself...Without his own permission his hands slid down Cas' back to press against his lower back, pressing their groans together, and Dean let out a ragged breath of his own.
"You wouldn't have believed me if I told you it was so different. I figured since you'd have sex when you were human you'd know..." Dean's voice came out hesitant at the end, not wanting to linger on that thought now. He had slept with so many more people than Cas but the thought of that reaper having her hands on his fragile, human Cas...It had always filled him with white hot jealousy but now? Seeing how soft, how helpless he felt in his arms...It was more rage than jealousy now.
"It felt nothing like this," Cas said as he left desperate kisses along his neck, making a fog slide across Dean's mind and muddy up his thoughts. "I want you," Cas all but whined, desperation in his tone Dean had never heard.
"How am I suddenly the responsible one?" Dean said with an attempt at humor even as he felt his argument running dry in his throat. When Cas mashed their mouths together, messy and desperate, he caved completely. He slid his hands possessively along the curve of Cas' ass and felt a desperation of his own growing. He nipped at his ear and Cas’ knees almost went out from under him. Dean quickly caught him and walked him over to the bed, even as Cas apologized. “Sorry…I’m easily overwhelmed right now…Maybe you’re right that it’s not the best idea…” Cas was breathless, his pupils blown to comical proportions...and all Dean could think in the moment was that he wanted to claim this soft human Cas as his. His only. It was very primitive thinking, but his brain was sharing blood with another part of his anatomy and he couldn't help it. That was his story and he was sticking to it.
Dean grinned, wolfish, as he pressed Cas back into the mattress with his body. “Oh no...I think it’s a great idea now. You’ve always had such a damned amount of control and I had to look like the flustered schoolgirl. You turn. It’s only fair, right?”
Cas felt his breathing go ragged as things low inside him ached like they'd been yanked by an invisible cord. How did humans function like this? His skin felt hot as Dean peered down at him with such possession in his eyes. “You make a compelling argument,” he all but gasped out as he went to thread his fingers through Dean's hair.
“Hey, wait…” Dean said as he pushed up on his arms, abruptly cutting off half of the body contact and missing Cas' expression as he frowned at the loss and cocked his head in confusion. “You’re like a brand-new human right?”
“Yes…” Castiel said softly, his forehead scrunched in confusion still. He gripped Dean's shirt in frustration and tried to pull him back down but Dean resisted and Cas' strength was no longer what it was as an Angel, much to his frustration in this moment.
Dean smiled brightly, wiggling his eyebrows in humor as he spoke. “Then you’re a virgin, technically?”
Cas looked at him with such confusion that Dean laughed out loud at his facial expression before bending down to soothe his frown with one soft kiss. “Dean we literally had sexual intercourse in this bed not 12 hours ago.”
Dean grinned at Cas' disgruntled tone and he slid his hand under his shirt as he spoke, smiling wider as he felt him shudder. “No, me and the Angel of the Lord Castiel had sex in this bed. You’re regular old human Castiel.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere…” Cas said as he squinted his eyes at Dean’s description, and his offended face made Dean laugh out loud again.
“Geez, you have no poker face now. I kind of love it. All I’m saying is, I’ll be gentle…” Dean said with a chuckle and Cas rolled his eyes at him, tempted to call the whole thing off to spite him and his cocky attitude.
“You are completely insufferable,” Castiel added as he ran his thumb along Dean’s jaw line, unable to hold a grudge while his body was screaming at him in such a way. Dean leaned into his hand and would have purred in contentment if he could.
“You love it,” Dean grinned again, surprised at how nice it felt to laugh so much. How long had it been?
Castiel stilled below him and Dean leaned in, their noses brushing against one another in their closeness. “I love you,” Cas whispered softly into the quiet of the room.
“Love you too,” Dean said, his voice shaking only slightly. The intimacy made him shudder and he buried his face in Cas’ shoulder, sighing as Cas ran his hand along his spine. He rolled to the side, bringing him with him as he found his lips. Dean lazily ran his hand along the length of him, smiling as he felt him shudder under his fingertips again. He softly parted Cas’ lips with his, running his tongue along his lower lip, coaxing Cas’ tongue to play with his own. It was definitely different than it was earlier. Cas was softer, more pliable in his hands. His body responded with more earnestness and he felt warmer under his touch. These were not bad things, only observations as he and Cas lazily made out, hands softly roaming across any bare skin they could reach, under shirts, dipping into waist bands. The pace was unhurried, simply enjoying the closeness now. Dean found Castiel to be much more responsive to his touches, which he took full advantage of as he once again nipped Cas’ earlobe between his teeth, making Cas’ groan loudly into his mouth.
“Stop doing that,” Castiel gasped out as his body all but bucked against him.
“But it’s for science, Cas,” Dean said with a smile as he moved his mouth to his neck. “Got to find all the sensitive spots you’ve been hiding from me when you were an Angel.” Cas exposed his neck to Dean’s soft lips and murmured words in Enochian Dean was fairly sure were swear words. He was prepared to make him say a lot more but as he was kissing along his neck, Castiel yawned into the pillow. Dean froze, feeling only mildly insulted.
Cas could sense Dean’s stillness and he looked up from the pillow, horrified. “I swear I didn’t mean to do that! I’m aware that yawns are indicative of boredom. I’m not bored!”
Dean smiled and ran a hand along his jaw, watching his eyes close in contentment, unable to contain even his most basic reactions to Dean's touch. He loved it. “Of course not, I know. You’re tired, Cas. We can take a soak in the tub later. Why don’t you just rest a bit?”
Castiel eyed Dean warily, searching for resentment that wasn't there to find. “I’m really fine, Dean. I’m enjoying our time together.”
“And we have at least two full days more of it. Sleep, Cas. I’ll watch over you,” Dean said with a wink that made Cas roll his eyes, but he nodded as his tiredness now took his body from one emotion to the next.
“Just a little nap and I should be good,” Cas said with another yawn as he rolled to his side, his back to Dean’s chest. Dean wrapped his left arm around his stomach and laid his head beside him, his nose buried in his soft hair.
“Sure, just a little nap. Take what you need.” Dean murmured softly into the quiet room. It was still very early. Dean eyed the clock on the nightstand that read 2:32 AM. Maybe he’d just take close his eyes for a bit too. Cas' sleep schedule wasn't the only one suffering. He urged Cas to let him pull the comforter over them and as he felt his warm weight fall asleep his lids became heavy and he fell asleep to the relaxed, rhythmic breathing of Cas by his side.
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Dean’s eyes flew open and he immediately glanced to Cas. He was still sound asleep, but Dean knew what he’d heard. He grabbed up his pistol from the nightstand after extricating himself from Cas’ body. The door to the other side of the suite was closed but he knew he’d heard the soft sound of the main door closing in the other room. The pressure in the room had changed. Years of hunting had given him a sixth sense about these things. With no time to wake Castiel, he held his pistol pointed toward the ceiling and held it near his chest. They were on the top floor and he took that into account as he placed himself by the door, waiting for the person he knew was in the other room to push it open. He could hear soft footfalls now and saw the knob turn. Due to years of heightened reflexes, he was in the doorway, pistol aimed before the door even fully opened.
“Damn it, Dean!” Sam growled out as he aimed his pistol quickly away from his brother’s chest. At the same moment Dean yelled out, “Jesus Christ, Sam!” and he quickly clicked his safety on, his chest pounding with adrenaline.
“What the hell are you doing here?!” Dean almost yelled out. He glanced behind Sam to see Aberia, Jack, and Mary with him. “Bring the whole crew, huh?”
“Well, if either of you had answered your phones, we could have saved a trip!” Sam said sarcastically as he took in Cas, stirring awake in the bed behind Dean, the nightstand light illuminating his confused, sleep addled face.
Dean ran a hand through his hair, letting the adrenaline subside as he walked back to put the gun down on the nightstand. “Hell, both the phones are probably dead.”
Castiel blinked sleepily, his eyes widening with surprise and grabbed up their phones. “Your assumption is correct.” He worked his way out of the bed, his legs wrapped up in the comforter, and rubbed his eyes.
Sam froze as he stared at Cas. He studied him another moment, thankful that at least both of them had clothes on. “Cas...Were you sleeping just now?”
Dean and Cas looked to one another but Aberia pushed forward first, her posture defiant as she looked him over, righteous indignation evident on her face. “What have you done, Castiel?”
Cas immediately snapped to the defense, his posture going rigid and his hands clasping into fists as Dean instinctively moved to his side. “Truly, it’s none of your business, Aberia.”
“Your Grace is gone. You aren’t an Angel any longer…” Aberia’s eyes narrowed and she shook her head, even as Dean casually moved his hand to the chain at his neck to confirm Cas' grace still hung there, unseen by the others.
Castiel looked around at the others all staring at him expectantly. He sighed and Dean glanced behind him. “Let’s go to the living room and I’ll explain.”
Dean huffed. “We were going to do this when we got back…”
“Well, Dean, when Aberia gets an Angel Radio call that they think Cas is dead and then neither of you answers your phones, we tend to worry!” Sam said as he gritted his teeth at Dean’s dismissive attitude.
Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. “I really thought Chuck might’ve done a little of that legwork himself, but I guess that’s too much to ask.”
“Chuck? God was…okay. I’ll make coffee...” Sam said as he turned away and walked back into the living area where a coffee pot sat on top of the microwave. Dean dug out their phone chargers and plugged both of their phones in and grabbed up one of his long sleeved fleece shirts to toss to Cas. He'd noticed him shiver as he'd extricated himself from the comforter and he was rewarded by Cas catching it effortlessly.
“Your reflexes are catching up,” Dean said with a grin as Castiel slid the shirt on. Seeing him in his shirt made a new wave of possessiveness roll over him and he extended a hand to help him out of the bed.
“I’ll get there. I’ll have to actually do training with you and Sam when we get back to maintain my body and reflexes,” Castiel said with the first hint of sulking in his voice. Dean noticed.
“Eh, I don’t think it’ll be that bad to get all sweaty with you, Cas,” Dean said with a wink as he led them out of the room together.
“I heard that,” Sam murmured as he waited for the coffee to brew.
“Don’t care,” Dean said jokingly as he lingered in the doorway. Mary, Jack, and Sam took the couch. Aberia paced near the entrance to the balcony, but Dean hesitated to sit in the last remaining seat. They made an unspoken agreement to not begin the conversation until there was coffee so they all waited patiently as the aroma filled the room. Dean let Sam pour the first cup then he followed suit as he poured a black coffee for himself and one with cream and sugar for Cas. He instead leaned against the wall facing them, sipping his coffee with pretended nonchalance. As Castiel walked into the living area, he held out the coffee he’d made for Cas, who took it gratefully, sniffing it and almost moaning out loud at the pleasant smell.
Dean cleared his throat, jarring Cas from his moment. He looked to the others in the room, answering their quizzical looks.. “New sensations. Overwhelming. Let’s not dwell on it…”
Castiel shot him a look and clutched the coffee in both hands as he looked over the assembled group. “So, as you’ve surmised, I am human now. It was by choice, before anyone gets ahead of themselves…The shadow, the keeper of the Empty, showed up here today to complete our deal.”
Jack frowned then, “The deal that when you finally let yourself be happy, he’d take you…”
Castiel tilted his head to acknowledge the accuracy but before he could say anything else, Dean again spoke up. “Don’t dwell on it, you guys. Keep moving.” Cas looked around at the flushed cheeks of the humans in the room who had pretty much surmised what the trigger was. His face flushed slightly in embarrassment as well.
“Anyway…Chuck intercepted him and then had Dean and I join them both for a…discussion of sorts. Chuck’s point was that since Nephilim are half Angel and half Human and the Nephilim I killed went to the Empty, it was Heaven’s turn to receive a Nephilim. Jack’s place was in Heaven.”
“Wait, you killed a Nephilim?” Jack said with a confused frown. Cas cast his eyes at the floor in remembered shame and Dean frowned before clearing his throat in Jack's general direction.
Jack mumbled. “Don’t dwell on it, right.”
“So, if Jack was supposed to have a place in heaven, then your deal was invalid?” Sam added to get back on track, noting Cas' discomfort.
“Exactly right, Sam,” Castiel said quickly as he raised his head to rejoin the conversation. “So, I was safe from having to fulfill my end of the deal, however, the Shadow made it very clear that when I died as a Angel, my after life would be anything but peaceful. Angels, when they die, go to the Empty. Its simply how it is. However, it is supposed to be sleep. The Shadow wasn’t going to let me sleep...Every moment would be torture. So, my choices were to remain an Angel and be tortured by the Shadow when I die or choose to become human and have the chance to let my actions choose where I go when I die, as humans do.”
“That wasn’t really much of a choice, Castiel...” Mary said with a frown.
“It might not the best options to choose from, but as Aberia’s being notified by Heaven that I was not traceable anymore will show you…I would never have been free as an Angel. As it stands, Chuck removed my tracking sigil and restored my warding tattoo. I am as free as I can be in this life. And I chose it.” Cas said this all with a level tone, trying for calm as he saw Aberia's face grow dark at his eplanation.
“I cannot believe you,” Aberia growled from the corner. Castiel looked to her calmly but Dean made sure his body was between the two of them. He was more than aware of Cas' fragility compared to the angry Angel yelling at him...and he really didn't like that. His metaphorical hackles raised as he turned to her as she ranted. “You abandoned us all at the first opportunity. Maybe Naomi was right…” Dean pushed away from the wall then, but Cas put his hand on his shoulder.
“I can handle this, Dean, but thank you. Aberia, I sacrificed everything I cared about and stayed away from the people I loved for two years to train you all. I had no one in Heaven. I was alone. I had no idea if I’d ever get to return home. After my obligation was complete, I felt no need to continue to bear that burden. I am sorry you are still feeling guilt for Naomi’s death, but I won’t apologize for what I chose.” Cas began to feel anger flare in his gut and a flush form on his cheeks as he watched Aberia try to understand and fail.
Aberia stalked forward and Sam jumped to his feet, ready to intervene as well. Dean stepped closer to Cas. “If you put one hand on him...” Dean growled out. He was unarmed, which was so stupid. He chastised himself for his lack of preparedness. He he looked over to Sam with bordering panic and Sam’s angel blade glinted in the light. Dean nodded and gratefulness reflected in his eyes.
Aberia shook her head even as she stopped short at Dean and Sam's interference. She looked to Cas, who had stepped around Dean's attempt to block him, his fight or flight instinct kicking in, as any good human's does in a fight. “I would not sully myself by touching you, so your human can calm down." Her words made even Jack and Mary stand now, watching her with angry eyes. Jack's explanation of disapproval was lost in her continued words. "You were looked up to by thousands of us. We risked our lives to save you, and you threw everything you were away.”
Castiel shook his head slowly, his eyes wary, but sadness overriding his anger now. “I’m sorry you could only see value in what I was. An Angel is what I was, not who I was. I had to explain that to Dean too. Can you seriously not still see me in here? It’s still me…” He pressed his hand to his chest and she stepped closer, locking eyes with him.
She stared a moment then looked away with disgust. “All I see is another human, a stupid human who let his baser instincts make his decision for him.” Castiel’s face hardened then into a face Aberia did recognize and she took one hesitant step back.
Cas felt his anger win out again as his cheeks flushed and his heart raced. “I tried to help you. I did. I tried to be patient with your insolence, and I trained you to keep you from dying, because I cared. Because I’ve always cared too much. You don’t know everything I’ve been through in my many…many…years,” Castiel stepped into her space, making her back up with every step. “I’ve been alive for millennia. I have served faithfully for millennia. Being human now doesn’t change that. When you have served as long as I have you can judge me and my actions today, but for now, I highly…suggest...you back the fuck off.’ By then, Cas had backed her toward the balcony. “Why don’t you go home, Aberia? I think that would be for the best for you right now.”
“Are...are you ordering me back?” Aberia said with a mix of fear and challenge. She couldn’t decide how she felt, and she realized she'd allowed a mere human to back her down.
Cas, his shoulders rolled forward menacingly and his eyes tight with anger, raised an eyebrow as he locked eyes her with. “Though I have no more authority in Heaven or over you, I suggest for your sake you take it as such.”
Aberia tucked her chin to her chest and bit back a comment as she slumped her shoulders in controlled anger, feeling the disapproving glare affect her more than she'd have admitted it did...and from a human. “I did everything you asked…”
Cas shook his head slowly, his jaw clenched in tension. “I didn’t ask anything of you once I left Heaven. You made choices of your own accord, the same as I did. Now you live with them, the same as I do. You can choose to go back to Heaven, or you can choose to stay on Earth, but for now you do not have the choice to stay in this room with me while I try to talk to my family.” Aberia tried to speak again but Castiel gave her a warning glare. She sighed, narrowed her eyes, and disappeared after a frustrated huff. Castiel waited a beat to make sure she was really gone, then turned back to the group. His eyes widened and he laid a hand flat on his chest as he went to sink into the empty chair. Dean was to his side in an instant.
“What’s wrong?” Mary said with worry in her tone as she and the assembled group hovered near the couch, not knowing how to help.
“Adrenaline rush?” Dean said as he kneeled next to the chair. Cas' eyes were wide as he nodded silently. “Just breathe through it. Your heart will stop racing in a minute, when your body realizes your not in danger anymore." Cas gripped Dean’s hand and Dean squeezed back reassuringly.
“I don’t understand…” Jack said as he watched Castiel struggle, slowly sitting down as Sam and Mary saw there was no need for their assistance.
“You were born at least partially human, Cas wasn’t. His body isn’t used to all the things we are.” Dean answered and Cas nodded gratefully.
Sam observed them both. Dean fussing over Cas, his hand rubbing soothing circles along his back as he whispered calming words. He suddenly understood why Dean hadn't wanted to come home yet. “We wouldn’t have come if we’d just known Dean…”
Dean sighed softly, “I’m going to get you some water, Cas. Coffee will just make it worse.” He padded softly to the kitchen, grabbed a paper cup and filled it with cool tap water. As he handed it to him, he addressed the others. “I’m sorry, but one, you absolutely still would have come. You’d want to help him too, which is expected. He’s family.” Cas sipped quietly and leaned his head back against the chair. “Two. I debated on texting you or calling but how was I going to explain this without a full conversation? I just thought it could wait three days…It’s literally only been a few hours. I was trying to do the right thing here.”
“But Dean, letting both your phones die…” Mary said with disappointment in her tone. "That's a big mistake in our work. We had no way of knowing..."
“It was an accidental oversight. Dean has been distracted with caring for me. I know it seems strange, but going from Angel to human, my senses are overwhelmed…As an Angel I was able to just file away unnecessary sounds, feelings, etc., As a human, it’s more of a learned skill to be able to control my emotions and be able to process things. The air conditioner blowing on my skin, an itch on my arm. None of these were things I dealt with before. I can’t fully help anyone to understand and though I have been through this once before, it does not seem to be making it any easier. Having someone around has helped though.” Cas looked to Dean then, his face radiating gratefulness to the point that those on the couch squirmed in discomfort at the intimacy. Everyone was quiet, letting Cas' body catch up to the current events that they were safe until Jack cleared his throat.
Jack tilted his head, having thought quietly to himself for a minute. He looked to Cas, who had finished his water and was looking more himself. “You told me you had Dean and Sam to help when you were human last time.”
Dean gave Castiel a withering look and Castiel rubbed the back of his neck while avoiding his gaze. “I had their unwavering support...but I was mostly on my own. during that time.”
Dean gritted his teeth as Jack's forehead wrinkled in confusion. “I don’t understand.” Dean immediately stood and jammed his hands in the pocket of pajama pants and Cas watched him warily as he addressed his protégé.
“It’s a fairly sore subject, Jack, but to put closure on it…Sam was possessed by an Angel that was healing him from a grievous injury...and that Angel told Dean that me being with them would put Sam’s life in danger. I was being hunted by Angels, even as a human, and it most certainly could have endangered them all. Dean absolutely did what was best for them with the information he had.” Cas looked to Dean, who seemed very unsatisfied with Cas' telling of events.
The room was silent a beat before Dean growled out, “You didn’t finish the story. You left out the part where you were desperate enough for help that you let a random woman take you home. Said woman then had sex with you and tortured you. Then she killed you in front of us the next day. Don’t leave it out on my account…” The uncomfortable silence in the room was deafening before Mary shifted her seat on the couch, leaning her elbows on her knees.
“Which is why you’ve been trying so hard to give him the time he needs this time…”Mary added softly. Dean nodded as he kept his back to the group.
“I was only dead for a second…” Castiel added softly, his tone apologetic.
That soft sentence was enough to make Dean shake off his own feelings and he spun around, his arms crossed over his chest. “OH, it was only for a second. I know. I was there, remember? Only dead for a second…” Dean grumbled as he stomped out of the room.
Castiel watched Dean walk out as he placed his empty cup on the table. He absentmindedly scratched an itch on his elbow as he turned to the group. “I may not be the only one having trouble processing emotions. He’s been having some issues working through his guilt.”
“We can see that…” Mary said as she watched Dean walk off.
“You were out in the world all alone, like this?” Jack frowned.
Cas glanced again at the door to their bedroom, trying to relay to Jack to stop the flow of conversation. “It wasn’t that bad…We can discuss it another time, Jack.”
“Oh, continue. Don’t sugarcoat it on my amount,” Dean said as he walked back in, having changed out of his pajama pants and into jeans in the minute he’d been gone.
‘Dean…” Castiel pleaded, his tone tired of fighting and unwilling to engage him in this argument.
“The kid wants to know, so tell him,” Dean said as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall again. Cas looked to Sam for support, but Sam gave a shrug. They both knew Dean when he was in this type of mood, and that there was no safe exit strategy.
“I won’t, not when you only want me to tell it to punish yourself.” Castiel stood up, his shoulders rolled forward and his hair falling in his eyes. “And if me being human is only going to make you be filled with regret and self-loathing, I will damn well take my Grace back!” He snatched up the Grace vial where It had been hidden under Dean’s shirt and tugged hard enough for the thin chain to snap easily. Dean grabbed at it; protests stuck in his throat. Castiel had the bottle gripped tightly in his hand but he held it at his side. “I have told you too many times now that there was nothing to forgive. I have begged you to let it go, but if you really want me to tell them all how I ate out of garbage cans, slept under overpasses, and that the reaper who tricked me won me over with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a warm body that made me forget my loneliness and feelings of worthlessness for a moment, so be it. However, I will not stand here and feel guilty because YOU feel guilty.” He stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door, making the wall rattle.
“Shit,” Dean groaned out as he jiggled the doorknob, finding it locked. “Cas, come on…” He turned to his family for moral support, all of whom looked uncomfortable.
“You dug yourself into that hole,” Sam said as he sipped his cooling coffee and Mary shrugged in agreement as she pulled her mouth into a tight line.
Dean sank into the leather chair, the air whooshing out as he sat. He glared at his brother. “If I’d been left alone, we’d both be asleep in there right now.”
“If you’d kept your phones charged, we’d all be asleep right now…” Mary said with an eye roll as she leaned against the back of the couch and glanced at the watch on her wrist.
“I’m sorry I pushed, but he was so resolute that you and Sam that helped him through…” Jack said as he looked guiltily down at the floor, feeling the blame for Cas' unhappy outburst.
“Sometimes people lie to make others look better, even when they don't deserve it. It's not your fault, kid.” Dean huffed out as he stared daggers at the closed bedroom door.
“Aren’t you worried he’s going to take his Grace back?” Sam said as he glanced at the closed door himself.
“Damn it…” Dean growled out as he pushed out of the chair and tapped on the door. “Cas? Don’t do anything stupid…” He jumped back as he felt something hard plunk against the wood door. “Shit. Cas, just…you’re mad. I get it. I’m an idiot.” There was silence in the room as Dean talked. “Okay, I’ll take your silence as agreeance. I’m sorry…I just…” Dean looked behind him at his eavesdropping family and he groaned. “Don’t make me do this in front of them, Cas…”
Sam leaned back and crossed his arms, a half smile forming on his face. “I’m not enjoying watching you grovel at all.”
Dean grimaced and narrowed his eyes at his brother then turned back to the door. “Listen…I know I’ve been kinda hung up on the last time you were human. I know I’ve been insecure about it…and us. I know I tried to talk you out of it…but please, don’t do something in there you don’t want. If you want to be human, I want you to be human, and I swear not to bring up the last time again…but…” Dean leaned in and whispered, “just throwing it out there that I make a really good peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” Another thunk at the door and Dean sighed. He looked back at the completely exasperated looks of his mother and brother and the confused face of Jack.
“You really suck at this,” Sam said with an eye roll.
Dean pouted and slid down to sit at the base of the door. “It’s not like I’ve had a lot of practice in relationships, bitch.”
“Dean, It’s Cas. You know him better than anyone. More so now…okay, no. Not going there,” Sam shuddered and wrinkled his nose. “You’re just gonna have to get through to him like you always have, minus violence or spells. You're the one who can always get through to him. You two speak your own language.”
“Violence sounds like a good option about now…Cas!” Dean growled out as he leaned against the door. “At least let me know you haven’t taken your Grace back and poofed out on me…Shit… Seriously, Cas. Answer me.” Dean’s voice took on a worried tone as he realized that was a possibility.
Castiel, even in all his anger could obviously pick up on that and took mercy on Dean. “If I had taken my Grace back, you’d damn well know it. Trust me,” Cas said from behind the door. Dean’s face visibly relaxed and he leaned his head against the door, making a soft thunk. He crossed his arms over his chest and stretched his legs out on front of him on the floor.
He sighed. “I do trust you.” He looked to his family and he swallowed hard and closed his eyes. “And I love you and you damn well know it. Now, please open the door, Cas. I’m sorry for being a stupid idiot.” The three spectators’ eyes were wide at Dean’s heartfelt declaration. They’d known the obvious but hearing him say it so openly was very much not typical Dean behavior.
The door pulled open and Dean fell backwards, catching himself on his arms. He looked upside down at Cas, who was dressed in jeans and a storm grey t-shirt that Dean had thrown in his bag. Castiel growled out from above him, his hair a disheveled mess, like he'd been running his fingers through it. “You forgot annoying, insufferable, and exasperating.”
“Those all mean the same thing,” Dean said with a flash of a smile to the grumpy human standing above him.
“There are not enough versions of it to describe you,” Castiel growled out as he grabbed up his socks and shoes and started putting them on. Dean grabbed the door face and pulled himself up to a standing position.
“Where are you going?” Dean said as he watched, warily, from the doorway.
“I’m hungry. I’m going to find myself some food,” Cas said as he tied the laces of the tennis shoes Dean had packed extra.
“Not alone you’re not,” Dean said, all but forgetting his family waiting impatiently in the other room. Castiel gave him a look that he was sure many a demon had seen right before they died. He cleared this throat and shoved his hands in his pockets. “What I meant to say was, I’m sure we could all use some breakfast. We could come with you.”
Sam jumped up at the opportunity to escape the awkwardness. “Food sounds good, but it’s pretty early still.”
Mary stood, stretching her arms above her head. “Breakfast sounds good, then we three can head back.”
Sam started to argue but Mary cut him off. “Food then you, me, and Jack head back. You two.” Mary said as she directed her gaze at Dean and Cas. “You take the time he needs but you keep your phones charged and on. Otherwise we do this again.” Dean and Cas nodded in unison, looking embarrassed and rightfully chastised.
“Alright, well, let’s go get some breakfast. I;m sure there's a Waffle House around here,” Mary added with a smile.
Notes:
Comments and kudos are always appreciated! I have a sequel that is in the works but since we know my uploads are crazy sporadic, I would not begin uploading until the story itself is completed.
Chapter 25: To New Beginnings
Summary:
It's the last chapter. Time to find out what a new normal is like.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Dean and Cas had followed them in the Impala and were leaned up against it, watching Mary, Sam, and Jack drive away. Dean believed early morning breakfast had been a good choice since he’d watched Castiel get increasingly flustered by the sounds and smells of the greasy diner. Cas had found Dean’s hand under the table when a combination of a large group of rowdy, hungover college students and a waiter dropping a small stack of dishes to the floor had made an almost unbearable amount of noise even to Dean’s senses. Luckily, breakfast had been served quickly and his family had picked up on Dean’s need to get Cas out of there. He knew when Cas had sat next to him at the diner that he was forgiven. It was Cas. Of course he forgave him.
“Alright, ready to head back?” Dean said as they sat enjoying the morning breeze blowing softly. The sun hadn’t been up long, and the heat of the day wouldn’t hit for a while. Cas nodded silently and opened the passenger door and slid in. Dean walked around to the driver’s side and sat down, looking over at Cas as he cranked it.
Cas buckled and sighed softly as he looked to Dean. “You know we really do need to head home in a day or two. Jack needs me. His power IS returning, and he’ll need guidance.”
Dean sighed and nodded as he played with the radio. “I know. We gotta find our new normal, I guess. Whatever that’s gonna by. But speaking of that. Would you wanna move your stuff into my room when we get back? Or I can move mine into yours if you’d prefer…Or we don’t have to do either. Dumb idea…” Dean said everything in a run on of embarrassed sentences as he pulled out of the parking lot. He felt his cheeks turning bright red and his ears weren’t far behind as Cas sat in silence. He glanced over at Cas, who was staring at him. “Well, you have to say something even if it’s no. Humans don’t just stare at someone when they ask them to move in with them.”
Castiel laughed and it took Dean off guard. He wasn’t sure how to feel until Cas put a hand on his thigh and squeezed. “Of course, I’ll move my things into your room, you ass. Now get back to the hotel room. I feel another need arising.” Dean first looked with concern until he saw the look in Cas’ eyes and felt his hand drift over the bulge in his jeans and away from his thigh.
“Got it…” Dean said with an anticipatory tightness in his stomach. He put his foot on the gas and made sure to only go 5 over the speed limit.
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Cas pressed himself as tightly to Dean’s back as he could as Dean fidgeted nervously with the key card. He was already hard, and he knew Dean could feel it under his layer of denim as he gripped his hips with both hands.
Dean laughed nervously, cussing as the key-card kept blinking red at him. He had repeatedly had to convince Cas…and himself that pulling over on the side of the road was neither safe nor smart. Toward the end he wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince more. Cas kissed his neck, pressing their weight into the door as Dean finally got the key-card to work and they stumbled in. Dean let Cas push him against the door as they came in, letting their weight close it. He groaned softly as their mouths finally found one another. Cas hands felt so hot as he hungrily pushed them under Dean’s shirt.
Cas felt a hunger he’d never felt and it had nothing to do with food. He’d had sex as a human and as an Angel but what he felt now was sheer, raw, need. This man made him feel such extreme emotions. Him being in charge of him as he transitioned to his human life might be a terrible mistake, but one Cas willing to make.
“Whatever you need, Cas,” Dean gasped out as his lover’s hot mouth moved to his neck, leaving tiny love bites as he went.
“You shouldn’t say that…” Cas warned, feeling his voice drop lower and his stomach tighten into anticipatory knots. His hands went to Dean’s belt and he felt his hands trembling as got the buckle undone. His mouth never left Dean’s neck and jaw, so he was blind as he worked it free. He didn’t bother pulling it from the loops as his hands went to the fly of his jeans and dealt with that annoying obstacle as well. Dean gasped out as he sucked a bruise into his neck, marking him. He could feel his desperation and damn if it didn’t turn him on more.
“Cas, if I’d known asking you to move into my room would turn you on so much…” Dean groaned as he slid his hands up Cas’ shirt. Cas chuckled darkly and rutted up against him, making the smirk slide off Dean’s fade.
“You really didn’t think the idea of you in bed with me every morning would get to me? That’s the one thing that I’ve been denied and wanted so, very badly for so very long…” Castiel murmured out against the skin of Dean’s collarbone as he pulled the neckline aside before frustratedly pulling it above Dean’s head. He frowned when Dean pulled away, until Dean grabbed him by the waistband and pulled him toward the bedroom, walking backwards.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, when you’ve got a king size bed to fool around on, you use it. Come on, Angel…” Dean stuttered over the last word and his face froze, studying Cas. “Sorry…if that bothers you…I didn’t…”
Cas’ eyes were dark as he shook his head, his tongue darting out to run over his lips. “I like when you call me that.”
Dean’s smile was bright in the dim room as he pulled down his jeans and underwear, shucking them onto the floor. Though he’d always been fairly confident in how he looked in bed, age had made him a bit soft, the slightest bit insecure. He hadn’t undressed for sex with anyone in a really, really long time…until recently. However, the look Cas gave him did nothing to hurt his confidence. He scooted up on the bed and laid in the middle, his breathing a little fast as he watched Cas unbutton his pants without relaxing his gaze. As Cas removed his clothes and let them fall in a heap on the floor, he put his hands palm down on the bed, gazing at Dean with hunger.
“Why is it that all I can think of is my skin pressed against yours and the breathy, desperate sounds you made when I was inside you? Is that normal?” Castiel’ voice was low and gravelly, and his pupils were swallowing up the icy blue.
Cas’ words didn’t help Dean’s racing heart, but despite the fact that his cheeks flushed pink, he smiled. “For someone whose only been human a few hours? Completely normal. Horny is a pretty strong emotion for even those of us well versed in human life…” Dean rolled over and grabbed the lube bottle from where he’d tucked it in the nightstand, tossing it on the bed and rolling back as Cas climbed up his body, leaving a trail of soft kisses as he went. As he got to Dean’s face, he laced his fingers through his hair and tugged gently, making Dean gasp and his lashes flutter. He swooped in and pressed their lips together, swallowing up his soft noises as his other hand cupped his hip. He grinded them together, their moans mixing and escaping as they both gasped for breath.
Dean was lost in the sounds of Cas. As an Angel, he’d been mostly composed and slowly sensual. Now he was a man on fire and Dean felt he would gladly burn if that were his price to pay. He also knew if they didn’t start moving in a different direction, they’d both lose it without any sex being had.
He gasped out as Cas moved to gently bite on his nipple. He hissed between his teeth as he tried to make words. “Need to…your fingers…Cas!” He gasped as Castiel moved down to his thighs, nipping and kissing to make him open them to him. He felt him reach and snatch up the lube bottle and he felt him trace a finger around, leaving a slick trail before he slid it in. Dean was impatient and after only a few minutes of prep, he tugged Cas down on top of him, groaning and arching his back as their groins slid together. As Cas tilted Dean’s hips and slowly pressed himself in, Dean moaned and locked his heavy-lidded eyes with Cas’ own.
“Angel or human, you are mine, Dean Winchester. Body and soul,” Cas said with a teeth-clenched growl as he slid out and back in, hard, making Dean whine. Cas slid his hands up his sides, gripping Dean’s hands in his own and holding them on either side of his head as he continued his thrusts. Dean moved with him, their warm breaths mingling together as their noses brushed.
“Always have been,” Dean groaned back as Cas pressed their mouths together, swallowing up Dean’s response.
“Always will be,” Cas murmured back against Dean’s full lips as their hearts beat together, bodies melded into one. Human.
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They ate in the car, avoiding the large crowd of people shoved into the too small gas station/diner. Cas chewed thoughtfully on the chili cheese French fries Dean had insisted he order…and then stolen half of.
“Maybe we should extend our vacation a bit if you’re not feeling up to normal yet. Sam, mom, and Jack have everything under control and with Aberia gone, you don’t have to feel bad about ditching her,” Dean murmured as he took a drag of his soda, the straw squeaking in protest.
“I do feel a bit bad about how things went down with her,” Cas said softly as he glanced out the window.
“You did nothing wrong, and besides, I think she’ll come around,” Dean said as he nudged Cas with his elbow.
“Sure…” Cas said absently but then turned as he felt the silence lengthen. “Dean, would you be upset if I wanted to go home?”
“Are you sure? You ready to find what our new normal looks like? They said you could take all the time you needed.” Dean put his burger down, wiping his mouth with a napkin as he watched Cas think.
Cas studied his fries as he spoke. “I…I don’t know if I’m ready to start hunting in this new form yet…but I think it’s time I start preparing for that eventuality. I don’t want to be left at home while you all go on hunts. I want to be useful to you, to everyone. Even if I’m not an Angel anymore.” Cas felt Dean’s eyes on him, and he turned to look out the window again.
“Cas…” He felt Dean’s hand on his thigh, and he blinked back the sudden tears he’d not summoned but had shown up on their own anyway. “Look at me,” commanded Dean’s very serious tone and Cas turned as he took a deep breath. Dean’s face was serious as he gently gripped his chin in his hand. “We’re together now. Human or Angel. Your importance to me has nothing to do with your usefulness to me, never has and never will…but if you want me to train you to be a hunter as a human, I will. You do it because you want to, though, not because you think you have to. Okay?”
Cas swallowed as he absorbed Dean’s words. He tried to imagine what life would be like now, but he couldn’t seem to get past today, tomorrow, the one after that…but it didn’t matter. He nodded slowly to acknowledge Dean’s words, and Dean leaned over and kissed him softly on his lips, his thumb coaxing his mouth open to him. Cas felt his stomach tighten as Dean let out a shaky laugh as he pulled away. “I don’t know what our new normal is going to look like, Cas, but I’m damn happy to find out. Come on. Let’s go home, sweetheart... Whose bedroom ARE we moving into?”
“Whoever has the better mattress…and is the farthest from your family,” Cas added thoughtfully as he remembered how loud earlier had gotten.
“They may move us to the subbasement if we aren’t careful…or we could just drag a mattress to the Dean Cave…Or…” Dean continued to hypothesize as he put the car into reverse and pulled out of the parking spot. As he pointed the car in the direction of home, he threaded his fingers through Cas’ own and cranked up the radio. Cas’ Grace still hung on the chain around Dean’s neck and he took unspoken delight in bringing every piece of the man he loved home with him. Dean and Castiel had both gotten a lot of fresh starts before…but this one…this one meant something more. This wasn’t just a fresh start on an old story. This was a new beginning. Their new beginning.
Notes:
So sorry for the delay in the last chapter. My children, husband, and I have Covid...but I was determined to finish this in 2020. If interested in the sequel (would NOT get strung out this long), please let me know. The sequel, from what is written, has witches, memory loss...and a Sammy love interest ;)
Kudos and comments are always welcome and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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MegumiDoodles on Chapter 2 Sat 26 Jan 2019 05:00AM UTC
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Crossroads_Castiel on Chapter 2 Sat 26 Jan 2019 05:06AM UTC
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MegumiDoodles on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Mar 2019 04:48AM UTC
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StellaOO on Chapter 2 Sun 10 Feb 2019 11:21PM UTC
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SianaCastielNovak on Chapter 4 Tue 29 Jan 2019 04:05AM UTC
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StellaOO on Chapter 4 Sun 10 Feb 2019 11:29PM UTC
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Makayla+Clark (Guest) on Chapter 4 Tue 12 Feb 2019 01:25AM UTC
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StellaOO on Chapter 6 Sun 10 Feb 2019 11:52PM UTC
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Makayla+Clark (Guest) on Chapter 6 Tue 12 Feb 2019 02:11AM UTC
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Asa_by_proxy on Chapter 6 Thu 09 Jul 2020 02:15AM UTC
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CosmicStardustCastiel (Crossroads_Castiel) on Chapter 6 Fri 08 Jan 2021 03:33AM UTC
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Meg (Guest) on Chapter 7 Tue 19 Feb 2019 08:04AM UTC
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Makayla Clark (Guest) on Chapter 8 Mon 25 Feb 2019 04:35AM UTC
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Crossroads_Castiel on Chapter 8 Tue 26 Feb 2019 03:02AM UTC
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