Sam was smiling as he took the stairs up to his and Gabe's apartment. He'd been away for the weekend visiting Dean, and arrived home a night early. Despite their near constant texting, he'd missed his roommate. Dean had teased him more than once about his “boyfriend”, and Sam's denials had been half-hearted at best. He was head over heels for Gabe, and he knew it.
He was so scared though. Last time he'd felt this way had been with Jess. And when he'd dropped to one knee to propose, she'd broken up with him, admitting that she'd been sleeping with Brady, his best friend. But Gabe… his blond roommate with whiskey eyes, a smile full of mischief and fun, the way his eyes warmed when he teased Sam…
They'd talked last weekend, about changing their relationship, had even shared one sweet kiss. Sam had needed a little more time to think, to get past his insecurities. But being away from Gabriel has just cemented his feelings. That was why he was home early. He wanted to surprise Gabe and tell him he was ready for more.
He approached their door, lost in his own world, when he heard voices raised in unmistakable passion from the apartment. He froze, his heart dropping into his boots even as he felt his gorge rising. He swallowed harshly, his keys in hand.
“Fuck, Ro, you're so tight!” Sam's heart was pounding, his hands starting to shake.
“Gabriel, don't stop!” Rowena's voice broke through his panic, and Sam fled.
Sam roamed the city for hours, his thoughts whirling as he tried to grasp what he’d heard. His mind kept replaying Gabe’s voice, those sounds he’d hoped he’d be hearing, but calling his name. His imagination took the moans and supplied images, and he stared down at his groin in horrified disgust, that he could be aroused by the thought of the man who had done this. His hands clenched into fists as his anger grew, and he tried to will away his burgeoning erection.
“The fuck , Winchester?” he asked himself, as the pornographic cries of his roommate and their neighbour echoed in his mind. Before he knew what he was doing, he’d lashed out, punching a sign on the street. His knuckles throbbed, and he strode off angrily, heedless of the tears streaming down his face.
He spent the night in a diner, drinking far too much coffee, his mind spinning. He typed out text after text to Dean, deleting each one in turn. His brother was ludicrously happy with his boyfriend Cas, last thing Sam wanted to do was dump his trouble on him.
His gut roiled, sour with the horrible mix of emotion and bad coffee. Sam’s eyes burned with fatigue and dried tears, and his anger and humiliation grew as the hours passed. Obviously this wasn’t turning out the way he wanted. Why should it for Gabe?
A cold, bitter smile curved his lips, and he hardened his heart. He wants a quick fuck? Well, I can manage that.
Sam waited until ten am, then texted Gabriel that he’d be home soon, and that he had plans for them. The smiling wink he attached at the end was sure to peak his roommate’s interest.
Sure enough, a few minutes later he had a reply.
“Are they sexy plans, Samshine?”
Sam carefully selected two emojis, an eggplant and a peach, the universal sign for anal sex.
“Woah, you sure?”
Sam checked his watch as he waited for the subway to reach the next stop, and thought about the timing.
“You’ve got 15 til I’m home. Might wanna get ready, cause I’m gonna pound that ass of yours.”
“Holy shit. see you soon!”
Part of Sam hesitated, wondering if he really wanted to do this. He stomped down that inner voice, and locked it away, along with all his deeper feelings. Gabriel had been using him, it was time to turn the tables.
Gabe's hands trembled as he opened himself up, his cock swelling as he anticipated Sam's arrival. A flash of the previous day slid into his mind, and he felt an awful stab of guilt. He didn't know why he'd accepted Rowena's advances, he could only move forward. He'd have to tell Sam about it eventually, or it would be a worse betrayal than it already was. But not now. First he was going to climb his Samshine like a tree.
Gabe heard the apartment door open and nearly whimpered in anticipation. He'd just gotten a third finger in, and rutted back against his own hand, biting back a moan at the stretch. He was on all fours with his ass pointed at bedroom door, his head dropped down on his pillow as his door slammed open, and Gabe jumped at the crash as he looked over his shoulder. Sam stood there, his dark-circled eyes heavy-lidded with lust, and he strode forward with an odd, jittery energy.
“Samalam? You okay?” Gabe asked with some concern, then gasped as Sam hauled off his own shirt, and quickly reached for his fly to lose the jeans as well. “Samshine, you look exhausted. You sure you want to do this now?”
Sam straightened from dropping his jeans, and Gabe whimpered at the sight of his cock, long, thick, and flushed red.
“I didn't sleep well. Was too busy thinking of all the things I want to do to you,” Sam growled, and Gabe shivered at the husky tone.
“In that case, come get me. This is all I want, Sam,” Gabe told him, still working his fingers in and out of his body.
Sam gave a sound that was nearly a snarl, and swept forward, grabbing a condom from the bedside table and quickly rolling it on. Gabe started to turn over, but one of Sam's large hands landed on his lower back, pinning him.
“I think I like the view,” Sam muttered, and picked up the lube, slicking his cock with a couple firm strokes. “Are you ready, or did you want to rethink this, talk about it?”
There was an odd hitch in Sam's voice, and Gabe gave a tentative push back, trying to straighten, to turn and confess. Which is when Sam moved forward, and let his heavy cock slide between Gabe's cheeks. Any hesitation vanished from Gabe's mind, and he whimpered.
“Oh fuck, Sam, fuck me!” he pleaded.
“Gabriel, I'm not going to be gentle, or loving. I'm going to pound into you, wreck that ass, and you'll be feeling it for days. You sure?”
Gabe felt a vague frisson travel down his spine, but he craved what Sam offered, and sank down further into his chest, his ass still high and waiting.
“Damnit Sam, I want you, only you! Now get over here!”
Sam was on him in a heartbeat, positioning himself at his entrance and with one rough shove, sliding home. The next hour passed in a sweat-soaked, aching, throbbing blur for Gabe, as Sam brought him to the edge again and again, marked him with his rough grip and his teeth, and Gabe pleaded for more, crying out Sam's name over and over, writhing underneath him, professing his love in a broken voice.
Sam was silent from the start, only grunts and groans passing his lips, and a strange, feral look in his eyes. By this time he had Gabe on his back, his legs over his shoulders as he thrust wildly, his hips finally losing their rhythm. At the last second he pulled free and stripped off the condom, stroking himself harshly until he came in hot spurts over Gabe's stomach and chest.
Gabe stared up at him, his body aching, his cock throbbing in desperate need for release, and tried to understand the change in the suddenly stone-faced man kneeling over him. Sam's eyes were full of emotion, but such a mix that Gabe couldn't begin to decipher them all.
Sam stood, still breathing heavily, his eyes shuttered. He reached for his clothes, not even bothering to clean up the come spattering his chest before pulling his shirt over his head. As he pulled his jeans over long legs, Gabe reached for him, his heart freezing when Sam stepped out of reach.
"Samshine?" he asked softly, pleading.
"You don't get to call me that, Gabriel," Sam told him harshly. "How about you think up a pet name for Rowena, instead."
Gabe felt his words like a blow, and flinched as he finally recognized the complex emotions in Sam's gaze. Anger, disgust, guilt. Betrayal, and worst of all, a heartbreaking pain. The warmth that used to be in his eyes whenever they looked at each other was gone, and its absence was killing him.
"I got back yesterday, Gabriel. All you wanted was a fuck, wherever and whenever. Glad I could help, but it'll never happen again, and it'll never be more."
“Sam,” Gabriel reached for him again, his voice breaking, tears welling in his eyes to match the ones sliding down Sam's face unheeded. “Sam, I'm sorry, please, let me--”
“What, explain?” Sam barked a rough laugh, and Gabe flinched from the despair in the sound. “What, you wanted one last shot at pussy before we got together? I thought that kiss we shared before I left meant something. Clearly not.”
“Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an Uber picking me up in--” he checked his watch “--five minutes. I'll be back for my stuff.”
Gabe watched, frozen, as Sam left. He waited for the apartment door to slam, and when it closed with a quiet click instead, he collapsed, weeping.
Gabe didn't see Sam for two years, and the emptiness he felt dragged him down. He'd called Sam “Samshine”, and it felt like the sun had left, everything just a gloomy grey in his absence.
He thought over their last encounter from time to time. Part of him wanted to be angry at Sam at the cruel way he'd dealt with him. But mostly he felt regret and shame.
So to have Sam standing before him in his newly opened café, looking down at him with his green eyes full of… something… Sam's gaze dropped to the floor, and a faint flush coloured his high cheekbones, and his broad shoulder hunched.
“Gabriel…” Sam's deep voice sent a shiver down his back, and he fought to keep tears from forming in his eyes.
“Sam,” he blurted, desperate to get his words out. “I'm so sorry. I don't deserve for you to forgive me, but I am truly sorry.”
Sam met his gaze for a minute, his green eyes sad and ashamed.
“You didn't deserve that, Gabe,” Sam finally said, and Gabe froze at the nickname. “What I did, you didn't deserve it.”
Gabe drew a shuddering breath, and suddenly noticed the impatient line building behind Sam. Sam glanced over his shoulder and winced, quickly ordering a coffee. He slid down the counter, and Gabe took the next customer, and the next. And the next. By the time the line was cleared, he looked around and Sam was gone.
His shoulders slumped, and he found himself biting back tears again, when Charlie laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. He met her eyes, his own blurred and stinging, and she gave him an understanding smile.
“Chin up, boss. Got something for you.”
She pressed a piece of paper into his hand, and went around the counter to clean up tables and collect mugs.
He glanced at the paper in his hand and froze, recognizing the handwriting. He unfolded it with trembling hands, his heart in his throat.
I don't know if you can forgive me for what I did that day. But I think it's past time for us to talk. Call me?
Sam's number was scrawled below, but that wasn't what caught his eye. At the bottom of the note, he'd signed it.