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playing with fire

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My mom told me every day to always be careful of guys, because love is like playing with fire:

I’ll get hurt.

 

She was right, you first realized about it during your second grade, there was this kid whose parents has just divorced, that day you asked your mom why the red thingies didn’t connect Michael’s parents like it connected yours. Your mom panicked hard, boy, she even passed out. Your dad tried to calm her down but end up panicking as well. At first they searched for help, psychologists, therapists, even an exorcist. People always assumed you were just a weird kid with an amazing imagination.

Until someone mentioned sorcery. At first it sounded totally ridiculous but apparently magic was the only answer. When the old Chinese lady with the tarot cards in her hand looked at you and smiled, looking at you the same way you look at someone you love when you haven’t seen them in a long, long time you knew it meant something. She knew you weren’t crazy; she could see the red thingies too.

She called you a “Seeker” and told you a story about a witch in the ancient times, how she could see the red string of fate, just like you. How she once told his destiny to an emperor and how that lead her to her dead

Seekers were weird, a one-in-a-million kind of weird. And even thought you were pretty much the supreme matchmaker and that was really cool but nothing could be perfect, Seekers weren’t supreme, you could see everyone else’s string. But you couldn’t see yours, you could feel it though, loosely attached to your finger.

You knew you were screwed when the first time your string tensed was when the spider-guy was jumping around the city, you were just a few streets away from a casual robbery and the iconic red and blue character appeared out of nowhere, flying through the sky, the string in your hand tensed as he passed and loosened in the second he was out of your sight. You weren’t stupid, you knew what it meant. Your soulmate was Spiderman, whoever he was under that mask.

 

My mom might be right, because when I see you, my heart gets hot. Because rather than fear my attraction to you is bigger

 

You were scared, it was clearly obvious that your soulmate was vigilante/superhero/flying nerd in spandex. But your soulmate was your soulmate and it was your responsibility to take care of him, because apparently he was too busy taking care of everyone in the city to worry about himself.

And you liked it. You liked him, way more than you cared to admit.

So you turned yourself into his shadow, you knew his usual hiding spots and where he liked to sit just to spend some time. So you make it a thing to leave first aid kits and snacks on those places.

You didn’t know but Peter realized about this, he silently thanked you every time one of your “spidey packs” helped him. He didn’t know your name or how you looked but he liked you enough to leave sticky notes every once in awhile with a ‘thank you’ and a smiley face. You had every one of them hidden in a box under your bed.

But all that cuteness couldn’t hide the truth, he was putting his life in constant danger to protect the innocent. He was just a guy in a costume, he wasn’t Thor, he was a mere mortal and the scratches on the spider suit were a constant reminder.

 

I can’t stop this trembling it goes on and on and on, I wanna throw my all into your world. Look at me now, you are burning me up like this, I can’t turn it off

 

Saying that you were worried was an understatement, the fact that the first time you actually talked to your soulmate was because some thugs tried to beat you to wasn’t really the romantic first encounter you were expecting.

“are you okay? Did any of them tried to, you know? You need a doctor? A cookie? How many fingers do you see?” he rambled, holding you in his arms. The knot in your pinky was burning, the butterflies in your stomach turned into pterodactyls and your face was so red that you could pass for an apple. But you were so happy you didn’t care. He was next to you; after all this time you were kind of meeting your soulmate. His voice sounded so young and even carefree, his eyes were hidden but you could detail the worried expression under his mask.

“I’m fine, thank you for saving me Spiderman” you mumbled looking at the floor, how embarrassing to meet your soulmate like this.

“How cool! You actually got the name right! It’s been my pleasure, here” he offered you his hand to help you get up and an electric shock hit your body when you take it. He definitely was the one. But how would you explain everything? You can’t just ‘Hey, Spidey, I’m y/n. I’m your soulmate, pretty cool, huh?’ him, can you? So you didn’t say a thing. You just watched as he leaved, swinging through the city.

 

Oh no, I’ve already come too far. Suddenly, none of this is a game anymore

 

This is the part of the movie when you expect both main characters to meet again and flirt and a lot of things that just happens in rom coms. You meet him again? Yes. Did it end up like it would in a rom com? No.

When your mom asked you to come with her to visit one of her old high school friends you were reluctant at first but after some negotiation you finally agreed. You meet Mary Jane that afternoon. Her mom and your mom used to be really close, though you and MJ were kind of forced in the situation, you end up liking her a lot, she was funny, extroverted and very smart. Her soulmate was so lucky.

After two months or so, you were visiting MJ every Saturday, the routine meeting was ironically refreshing for both of you, talking to someone that was completely out of your circle allowed you amplify your horizons, you learned a lot about her friends and specially her boyfriend Peter, apparently he was the neighbor and seemed like a really sweet guy, you haven’t meet him yet but you really hoped they were soulmates, he make MJ happy and despite their fights and up and downs she really seemed to love him. Soulmates or not, it was true love.

You were talking about how dumb some of your classmates was when you heard the knock at the door.

“are you waiting someone, MJ?” You asked

“Not really, I’ll go and see. Wait a sec” She told you before walking out of the room, you waited for about fifteen minutes before starting to get worried. Has she been abducted? Someone deleted her memories like in that Men in Black movie? Was one of those girl scouts? God you hated those cute girls with their cookies, curse those cookies.

You slowly walked out of the room, trying be as quiet as possible, you could hear muffled voices from downstairs, a warm feeling in your stomach; you found MJ on the kitchen, making out with the guy you assumed was Peter, her boyfriend. Well this is awkward.

You cleared your throat and they separated immediately, what an introduction, huh? MJ fixed her hair and winked at you with a smirk, you smiled and looked at her pinky as discreetly as you could. The red string hanging loose on her finger. How sad.

“Well, y/n, this is my boyfriend. Peter this is y/n” She introduced both of you with a smile, the moment your eyes set on Peter the warm feeling turned into a burning sensation, it almost hurt, almost.

“Nice to meet you, I’m y/n” You smiled, offering him your hand, he takes your hand in his, and it felt like you’ve been struck by lightning. Almost like that time… no. Nope. Mayor no. You looked at his brown eyes and you just knew it.

“Hey, I’m Peter”

Well fuck.

 

Love is like red fire. Blow, wind, so the fire will grow. Is this a medicine or poison? Not even my mom knows. A robber in my heart, why don’t the police know?

 

After the lamest moment of your life, and maybe the most embarrassing too, you remained silent. It wasn’t hard since MJ was oblivious of your so called “talent” so the soulmate theme remained untouched, but at the same time she wasn’t stupid, she has realized the way you looked at Peter, the way you always avoided him as much as possible, at first she thought you despised him, but then she caught you blushing every time the two of you talked, trying to hide the smile in your face when he passed by just to say hi, admiring him from afar, the same way you look at a really beautiful paint in a museum; No touching, no crossing the line, just admiring him.

MJ was hurt like you have no idea, her friend having a crush on her boyfriend? That was some Gossip Girl drama! but she also appreciated that you cherished her friendship enough to keep those feelings hidden under a rock. Both of you were having a Girls Night with sappy rom coms and ice cream as stereotypical as it might sound. Both of you were watching this old movie Only You when a thought crossed MJ’s mind.

“hey, y/n… do you believe in soulmates?” You choked on your ice cream before looking at her, no one ever asked in you believed in soulmates, at your eyes they were as real as the sun, but it make you question yourself, would you believe in soulmates if you weren’t a seeker?

“…no?” It wasn’t your best answer but it was an answer at least, MJ didn’t believe you. As expected

“C’mon y/n be honest” she winked at you “I think they’re real”

“Maybe Peter is your soulmate then”

“You really think so?”

“yeah, I do”

 

Pour out your oil in my burning heart. This is past addiction; this love is crack. The color of my heart is black

 

After that night you thought a lot about the Chinese lady from your childhood and her stories, also about all those soulmates that were happier separated. Maybe you weren’t really meant to be. Maybe you’re just making all this up because you don’t have a soulmate and you have a crush on your friend’s boyfriend who –apparently- also happens to be Spiderman. Maybe you’ve been watching too many Julia Roberts movies lately.

Perhaps it was a bad idea to drink all that bottle of wine that your mom kept hidden under the sink in the kitchen by your own and now you were getting all emotional. Yeah, blame the alcohol. Seems like the best option. Honestly, your drunk self wasn’t really the smartest, apparently it was your lamest self, you realized while scrolling down on some Spiderman fan sites with glassy eyes and an empty bottle next to you, somehow it was right to felt this way about the hero, but just looking at the guy behind the mask? big, huge, massive no. Peter meant you were crossing a line, Spiderman on the other hand was a hero, so you could have a crush on him without the guilt eating you out. Anyways all this mess was wrong. And you need to fixed it somehow.

Mary Jane had a soulmate out there, somewhere, and no, you weren’t planning on forcing both of them to meet. But his mere existence gave you a little hope. The little idea that someday, perhaps, you could have a chance.

When the lump in your throat and your glassy eyes were so evident that you couldn’t ignore it anymore you decided that it was enough being lame; you needed to sober up. After a shower and a black coffee, you walked out of your house without a destination in mind, just walking around the city trying to distract your mind seemed like a good thing.  It was barely past noon and you were about to buy an ice cream when you heard a huge explosion in the Queensborough Bridge. Your mind summoned Peter automatically, he possibly was there. But everything you don’t needed right now was him, you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, counting to ten; when you opened them you decided that this was a no-spider-slash-peter-day, it was not your responsibility, you were allowed to forget about him; so you ignored the explosion and continued with your day.

You walked around the city for about an hour when Peter reappeared in your mind, the sun was setting, and apparently your foot betrayed you because you were in your way to MJ’s house in Queens before you realized.

Just a few streets away you stopped: Something was wrong. You could hear screams, also something was burning and it wasn’t in the oven, you walked faster, while your mind decided to play every worst scenario possible in your head.

You stopped.

There was the entire neighborhood, surrounding Spiderman. An unmasked Spiderman. It looked like the worst of your nightmares, the suit was torn and Peter was beaten up and bleeding, The Green Goblin was in front of him, looking triumphant. Oh Hell no.

The crowd was getting bigger, and you managed to get to a spot where you could see, but you couldn’t move, your body didn’t seem to listen you.

A Truck ran over the Goblin before crashing in a lamp post, Peter saved the driver, it was MJ, he looked at her with those eyes, full of love, before they kissed like in the movies. You felt the string tense in your finger and wondered, would someday someone look at you with those eyes? Those eyes of a puppy in love that Peter always gave to MJ. They separated, and Peter throw MJ in the air, then he catches her with his webs. Telling her go get safe just seconds before Green Goblin or excuse me, Mr. Osborn appeared beneath the truck.

Peter was quick, he raised the truck above his head and smashed it a couple of times in Mr. Osborn’s face before it exploded sending Peter away, you could feel your heart in your chest, it was beating fast and erratic, it was scared. Just like you. You knew he was Spiderman; you knew he had it worse but watching it with your own eyes was different than reading news online. On the news you always knew how it ended, but not here.

MJ and the human torch walked next to peter, I barely moved, something was pulling me in his direction like a magnet but my conscience was screaming that I must stay away, that that wasn’t my place. Who was I to Peter Parker? It was Mary Jane’s place to be by his side. Not mine, I may be his soulmate, but I wasn’t his.

“Has anyone called 911?! Is anybody a doctor?!” MJ screamed with tears running down her cheeks “Somebody do something!!”

Everything seemed blurry after that, your chest hurt and the tears burnt in your eyes, it took all your will power not to breakdown in tears and throw yourself in peter’s dying arms. You wanted to scream, to cry, you wanted to be able to do something.

“Please don’t die Peter, don’t you dare to die, not now, maybe in 70 years Pete, but not now please, not tonight. Peter please, don’t die, please don’t leave me, one more day, just one more day big boy, don’t you dare to give up now…” you rambled in whispers, unable to breathe, the tears were cascading down your eyes and your knees were weak, you were hugging yourself, but your eyes never leaved Peter’s body. He said something you couldn’t hear and smiled, his eyes closed slowly and you felt how the string in your finger loosened slowly, you could feel Peter’s life drifting away.

You looked down at your left hand, the little red string clearly visible in your pinky for just a few seconds before a flame coming from Peter’s end burned it to ashes. You fell on your knees, biting your lip trying to hold your sobs.

He was gone. Forever

 

I can’t control it; This fire path is spreading too quickly. Don’t stop me, so this love can burn up this night

 

You cleaned your tears before looking at the boy in front of you with a sad smile. He smiled back, the tears in his eyes threatening to fall.

“Thank you for telling me your story, y/n” he sniffed

“No. Thank you for listening, Miles.”