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Awkward Questions

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It was a normal day in Beach City post–Diamond reformation and Lars’ return. Steven’s aunts and grandmother (as they had come to be known by the town’s population) had decided to stay on Earth for a little while to see what Steven found so appealing about it. Things had been going pretty smoothly ever since, bar a few interesting questions.

 

On this day, Steven had decided to hang out with Lars and Sadie on the beach. The three were sitting on blankets, talking to each other and drinking soda, when the ground started to shake.

 

Knowing what this meant, Steven looked up and smiled. “Hey, White! How’s it going?”

 

White Diamond had a look of confusion on her face. “Starlight, I have a question about human culture.”

 

“What is it?” Steven asked.

 

“Well...when I was walking through town, a young male human hollered that he wanted me to, I quote, ‘step on him’. Why would a human willingly want to do something that would get them seriously injured or killed?”

 

Whatever Steven was going to say next was cut off by the sounds of Lars suddenly choking on his soda.

 

Making sure he was done, Steven scratched the back of his head. “Honestly, I don’t know what that expression means either. Lars, Sadie? You have any ideas?”

 

After sputtering for a few seconds, Lars collected himself and started to speak. “Okay, first of all, has someone explained...uh...human copulation...to you?”

 

White raised an eyebrow. “Human copulation?”

 

“He wants to know if you know what sex is,” Sadie interjected.

 

White’s eyes lit up in understanding. “Oh! The Greg human gave the other Diamonds and I ‘the talk’ about that some time ago.”

 

“Steven, your dad is now my hero,” Lars muttered. Then he cleared his throat. “Well, some humans need to be ‘turned on’ before having sex. Different humans are ‘turned on’ by different things. For example, the guy who was yelling at you is ‘turned on’ by strong women, well, stepping on him.”

 

White raised an eyebrow. “He is ‘turned on’ by his untimely demise?”

 

Sadie shook her head. “Usually, that phrase is said about women who are around the same size as the speaker.”

 

“Ah!” White nodded. “Thank you for the clarification. I’ll be on my way now.”

 

With that, she walked off.

 

Steven turned to the two teenagers. “Thanks for the help, guys!”

 

Lars flopped down on his back and groaned. “Just promise that we never have to do that again.”