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a group chat au except its discord

Chapter Text

Welcome to the beginning of the cry and die (gay edition) group.

——————————————

bullshit
whats up FUCKERS

ryro
why am i here and where am i

bullshit
ur on discord, silly
and ur here bc ur my friend :))

BLEACH BOY
i’ve never met you before how the fuck did you get my tag

bullshit
;))

BLEACH BOY
nevermind
i dont want to know

bullshit
where is everyone else :((

spookyjim
sleeping
like normal people
because its four in the fucking morning

BLEACH BOY
actually its 3:57

spookyjim
i dont know who you are

BLEACH BOY
neither do i

spookyjim
but kindly fuck off

BLEACH BOY
no

spookyjim
fair enough

BÅŃDĮTØ
@spookyjim#5186 what even is sleep

spookyjim
oh hi there ty! :))

BÅŃDĮTØ
hello! :)))

ryro
gay

bullshit
ryan

ryro
yes

seaman
yes?

bullshit
wait shit i forgot there are two ryans
alright
george

ryro
im going to rip off your dick and shove it down your throat

BLEACH BOY
kinky

ryro
shut the fuck up awsten

BLEACH BOY
how the hell do you know who i am

ryro
we have chemistry together

bullshit
ryan

ryro
WAIT FUCK

bullshit
RY ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME

ryro
WHY WOULD I CHEAT ON YOU FOR HIM
OF ALL PEOPLE

bullshit
so you would cheat on me for someone else

ryro
well you get really fucking annoying sometimes and that spencer kid is cool

bullshit
blocked

 

Chapter Text

garry
oh wow iM LATE

oh, fRaNkIE
fuck

garry
a constant mood
wait can i invite milky way

spookyjim
milky

garry
yes

—————————————
milkyway has been added to the group.
—————————————

milkyway
im going to kill you gee

bullshit
wAIT
GARRY IS GERARD

garry
who the hell
wHO THE HELL DID YOU THINK IT WAS
SPONGEBOBS PET SNAIL

bullshit
yes

seaman
actually spongebob’s pet snail is named gary not garry

bullshit
and you know this how?

seaman
gary come home

ryro
of course

tall glass of water
Hello there. I’m here.
Also, hello Ryan.

ryro
hi

seaman
hello

BÅŃDĮTØ
there are two ryans

tall glass of water
I’m aware.

milkyway
who the hell is everyone

tall glass of water
I’m Dallon.

spookyjim
josh

bullshit
breadbin brendon

ryro
ryan

seaman
ryan

BÅŃDĮTØ
tyler

BLEACH BOY
hi there newcomer im awsten and i dont know anyone except ryan who i apparently have a chemistry class with

garry
mieky add ur boyf

milkyway
one hes not my boyfriend
two okay

—————————————
pepper wentz has been added to the group.
—————————————

pepper wentz
hi im mikeys boyfriend

garry
dont fucking lie to me ever again mikey

milkyway
:((

BLEACH BOY
hey wontz add your friend patrick

—————————————
soul punk has been added to the group.
—————————————

soul punk
im going to kill myself if i get invited to one more fucking chat

pepper wentz
dont :((

milkyway
:((

garry
:((

spookyjim
:((

BÅŃDĮTØ
:((

BLEACH BOY
:((

bullshit
:((

tall glass of water
:((

seaman
:((

—————————————
The group name has been changed to :(( .
—————————————

ryro
why would you do that

bullshit
i dont know

tall glass of water
It was because he found it somewhat as a meme.

bullshit
no shit dal

tall glass of water
Rude.

bullshit
reverse uno card

tall glass of water
I don’t understand?

seaman
just go with it

tall glass of water
Alright. . . ?

ryro
dallon not understanding memes is the purest thing

seaman
dallon in general is the purest thing

BLEACH BOY
i dont even know him and i completely agree

garry
hes our mom too

bullshit
DAL YOURE OUR MOM

tall glass of water
I’m a male.

oh, fRaNkIE
still our mom lmao

soul punk
i thought i was your mom :((

pepper wentz
we can have two moms

milkyway
we stan our lesbian moms

tall glass of water
I’m asexual, how would we have kids together?

soul punk
adoption

tall glass of water
Who’s the original mother?

garry
ray

oh, fRaNkIE
ray

milkyway
ray

—————————————
raygun has been added to the group.
—————————————

raygun

me

Chapter Text

BLEACH BOY
hey assholes

bullshit
you called

tall glass of water
Calling us “assholes” is rather rude.

BLEACH BOY
fuck you
anyways
im gonna invite some people

raygun
oh no

———————————————
geoff for president and otto for president have been added to the chat.
———————————————

pepper wentz
mmm yes daddy
new meat

geoff for president
oh no

oh, fRaNkIE
oh but yes

garry
“mmm yes daddy”

———————————————
The group name has been changed to mmm yes daddy .
———————————————

ryro
wh
what happened

bullshit
mmm yes daddy happened

ryro
but why

tall glass of water
Why not?

spookyjim
yeah gEorge do you have a fucking problem with daddy kinks

BÅŃDĮTØ
josh
do you have a daddy kink that you’re not telling me about

spookyjim
NO

bullshit
jOSH HAS A DADDY KINK????

spookyjim
NO GO AWAY

BÅŃDĮTØ
denial

geoff for president
im scared

Chapter Text

geoff for president
this one cute guy told me i was pretty and i had a strong moment of gay panic™

BLEACH BOY
aw my son is getting himself a boyfriend
he better not lay a finger on you and if he does you two better have protection

geoff for president
i’m

bullshit
omg

otto for president
wHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE

geoff for president
uh
he had curly hair and a beanie

otto for president
SKSKSKKSKS

geoff for president
THAT WAS YOU??

otto for president
YES

geoff for president
shit ur cute

otto for president
shit no u

#gotto4lyfe xd
do you like my new username :))

geoff for president
no

otto for president
no

ryro
completely unrelated but this one guy was wearing a shirt that said “i used to be a people person”
vv relatable btw
bUt i misread it as “i used to be a lesbian”

soul punk
also very relatable

tall glass of water
Very.

raygun
i mean
what’s the difference

bullshit
lesbians aren’t people they are ɢǟɛ

seaman
the big ɢǟɛ

BÅŃDĮTØ
they are ɢǟɛ and that is all

#gotto4lyfe xd
where are geoff and otto

ryro
probably fucking

geoff for president
NO WE ARE NOT

pepper wentz
oOH DID I MISS SOME
TEA

garry
mmm tEa

bullshit
you missed a bit

BÅŃDĮTØ
quite a lot

tall glass of water
The tea has gotten cold, you’re so late.

milkyway
ouch

soul punk
cold tea is good wdym

#gotto4lyfe xd
PATRICK

pepper wentz
TRICKY

garry
WHAT THE FUCK

soul punk
WHAT DID I DO

otto for president
he’s not wrong

bullshit
DISGRACE

spookyjim
SIN

geoff for president
IM DISAPPOINTED

otto for president
:((

Chapter Text

ryro
wasn’t last last week the ides of march

seaman
BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH

bullshit
wasn’t that the day the one roman dude got stabbed a shit ton
what was his name
julian citrus

soul punk
JULIAN CITRUS

tall glass of water
IT’S JULIUS CAESAR, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.

pepper wentz
no i like julian citrus better

milkyway
no one cares what you prefer, peter

pepper wentz
that’s not very nice, michael

garry
he’s about to punch you
you know that right

pepper wentz
nah he loves me he wouldnt

milkyway
OH YOU WANNA BET

pepper wentz
nOPE I’D RATHER NOT

milkyway
that’s what i thought

raygun
now, ladies
stop arguing

milkyway
yes ma’am

pepper wentz
SIR YES SIR

milkyway
shut UP

pepper wentz
:((

milkyway
>((

bullshit
what happened to the eyes

milkyway
it got so mad that its eyebrows went down far enough to cover its eyes

pepper wentz
ouch

milkyway
be quiet, peasant

pepper wentz
im sorry ily :((

milkyway
ilyt :((

pepper wentz
ily more

milkyway
don’t doubt it

soul punk
I SPAT OUT MY TEA

bullshit
was it cold tea

soul punk
yes

bullshit
ew

otto for president
oh but yum

geoff for president
is my dick yum too

bullshit
JEFFERY

geoff for president
one
that is not my name

tall glass of water
And two?

geoff for president
no thats all

Chapter Text

seaman
oh btw dallon and i are together

tall glass of water
RYAN
RYAN SEAMAN
MAN OF THE SEA

bullshit
OH MY GOD

tyseph
WAIT REALLY

jodun
JOIN THE ɢǟɛ

tall glass of water
Sigh
Yes, really

ryro
dallon is losing his punctuation

tall glass of water
You guys are a bad influence.

ryro
oh we know

bullshit
now just stop using capital letters like a loser and you’ll fully be one of us

ryro
ONE OF US

geoff for president
ONE OF US

tall glass of water
NO

tyseph
ONE OF US

jodun
ONE OF US

tall glass of water
STOP IT

otto for president
ONE OF US

seaman
ONE OF US

bullshit
ONE OF US

garry
ONE OF US

raygun
ONE OF US

tall glass of water
N O

oh, fRaNkIE
ONE OF US

milkyway
ONE OF US

tall glass of water
I give up

seaman
you’re no fun ☹️
no ew i forgot discord does that

bullshit
☹️

seaman
shut the fuck up kyle

ryro
what the FUCK is up kyle

pepper wentz
no what’d you say

oh, fRaNkIE
what the FUCK dude

bullshit
step the FUCK up, kay

seaman
what have i done

tall glass of water
hell

bullshit
gasp dALLON USED LOWERCASE LETTERS

tall glass of water
No i dudnt
fick

bullshit
are
are you okay

tall glass of water
mo

soul punk
mo?

bullshit
momo

garry
moto

ryro
I THINK MOTO MOTO LIKES YOU
HERE HE COMES

bullshit
divorce

pepper wentz
I LIKE EM BIG

geoff for president
please don’t

oh, fRaNkIE
I LIKE EM CHUNKY

tall glass of water
stop

bullshit
dallon
dallas
dally dal

tall glass of water
get on with it

bullshit
as much as i thank you for ending that what the fuck is going on

tall glass of water
i dont
know

ryro
d’allonger

tall glass of water
if you’re referring to my legs they don’t need any more lengthening

ryro
actually it was my damn french autocorrect

bullshit
u have autocorrect

ryro
yes

seaman
loser

ryro
hey thats mean :(

bullshit
dont be rude to my boyfriend u shit pickle

tall glass of water
Don’t call him that!!

bullshit
there we go back to normal

Chapter Text

ryro
where’s awsten i haven’t seen him in a while



#gotto4lyfe xd
them* thanks
and i kinda uh
broke my toe



ryro
oh sorry
how the hell did you break your toe



#gotto4lyfe xd
i tried a backflip



bullshit
that must have been the worst backflip anyone has ever done in the history of mankind how do you manage to break your toe doing a fucking backflip



#gotto4lyfe xd
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT



bullshit
THAT DOESNT EXPLAIN HOW IT HAPPENED



#gotto4lyfe xd
I DONT KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED I THINK I JUST SLIPPED



tall glass of water
AND I THINK THAT’S BULLSHIT!



bullshit
hi


tall glass of water
Go away.



bullshit
:((



#gotto4lyfe xd
hold on im changing my name i cant do this one



geoff for president
good



BLEACH BOY
fuck off i broke my toe

 

garry

yeah fuck off 😤😤

 

BLEACH BOY

emojis are for losers

 

bullshit

excuse you theyre called 🅴mojos

no fuck

 

garry

what are emojos

 

ryro

oh

haven’t you heard?

 

bullshit

FUCK OFF MILK SANDWICH

 

ryro

milk,, sandwich?

 

bullshit

is that not what i said

 

tall glass of water

Well, technically, you didn’t say anything.

 

bullshit

SHUT UP DALLON STALLION NO ONE ASKED YOU

 

ryro

IM CRYING

 

garry

DALLON STALLION I AM. DECEASED

 

pepper wentz

remember that time i almost gave myself heat stroke

 

geoff for president

no

 

bullshit

have u been lurking??

 

pepper wentz

yes

 

geoff for president

yeos

 

bullshit

oh my god

 

oh, fRaNkIE

i got heat exhaustion from a shower once

 

garry

the shower hated you

i know

because i was the shower head >:((

 

milkyway

those shits are

sexy??/??/!

 

garry

PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ THE THIRD WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM

 

pepper wentz

oh hes a little drunk

 

garry

ON WHAT

 

pepper wentz

not entirely sure but hes fine

its not like he has any brain cells to lose anyway

 

milkyway

hAy!!

im righy hear!!

 

pepper wentz

im sorry ily :((

 

milkyway

i donr

 

pepper wentz

wow okay

 

garry

ive raised him well

 

pepper wentz

hEY

Chapter Text

pepper wentz

brendon doesnt have a forehead

 

tyseph

have you seen him

his forehead is probably bigger than his dick

 

bullshit

keyword

probably

 

ryro

i dunno hes right

 

bullshit

WOW OKAY

 

pepper wentz

ANYWAys like i was saying

he doesn’t have a forehead he has a fourtwentyhead

 

bullshit

yeah,,

 

BLEACH BOY

everyones favorite bitch is back

 

garry

idk i think frank is my favorite bitch

 

BLEACH BOY

hey shut up

 

otto for president

you’re my favorite bitch awsten

 

geoff for president

dont listen to them otto its a trap

im your favorite bitch remember

 

otto for president

no i

actually don’t remember

 

tall glass of water

Ryan is my favorite bitch.

 

ryro

aw thanks

 

seaman

he was talking about me u peasant

 

bullshit

fun fact i have rya n correct to bitch on my phone

ro ss corrects to boy

 

ryro

so im bitch boy

 

bullshit

yes

 

ryro

hold on

 

bullshit

i’m holding

 

bitch boy

is this better

 

BLEACH BOY

no only i can be boy

 

bitch boy

oi fite me mate

 

geoff for president

please don’t

 

bitch boy

OI YOU WANNA FITE ME TOO MATE

(ง’̀-‘́)ง

 

oh, fRaNkIE

FIGHT

FIGHT

FIGHT

 

tall glass of water

Don’t encourage them!

 

BLEACH BOY

(ง •̀_•́)ง

 

tall glass of water

Look what you’ve done.

 

oh, fRaNkIE

sorry mother

 

bitch boy

ᕦ( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )ᕤ

 

BLEACH BOY

SHIT

 

bitch boy

ᕙ (° ~͜ʖ~ °) ᕗ

 

BLEACH BOY

I GIVE UP

 

bitch boy

good

 

bullshit

that looks like mr potato from peppa pig

 

bitch boy

thats why i have it i fucking love peppa pig

 

soul punk

peppa pig?

 

garry

YO PEPPA PIG WAS MY FUCKING JAM

 

bullshit

i watched little bill

 

bitch boy

whats little bill he sounds like a rapper

 

bullshit

it was my favorite show as a kid

but all i remember was that one time he learned to play violin and another time he learned sign language for ice cream

 

bitch boy

i watched caillou

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

xd i ship ryan and caillou

 

bullshit

what the fuck did you just say

 

tall glass of water

You’re fucked, Awsten.

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

thanks

 

bitch boy

ᕦ( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )ᕤ

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

stop

 

bitch boy

ᕙ (° ~͜ʖ~ °) ᕗ

 

tall glass of water

STOP YOU’RE SCARING MY FAMILY.

 

seaman

I CALL BULLSHIT

 

bullshit

my phone’s not ringing yet wanna explain

 

seaman

fuck off

 

tall glass of water

Fuck off.

Chapter Text

bitch boy

my vagina hair is everywhere

FUCK

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

THAT WASNT MEANT FOR YOU

 

soul punk

HAHA WHAT THE FUCK

 

BLEACH BOY

god i hate when my vaginal hair gets everywhere

 

soul punk

me too

 

bullshit

how does that even happen

 

bitch boy

i’d rather not tell

 

soul punk

shaving or crabs

probably crabs

 

bitch boy

c

crabs??

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

im crabby and wanna know why? because i have crabs.

 

soul punk

its lice

 

bullshit

isnt crabs just vagina lice

 

soul punk

yeah

 

bitch boy

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CALL THEM CRABS

 

soul punk

cuz they look like crabs

 

bitch boy

WHY NOT CALL THEM VAGINA CRABS

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

oh~

can you be my vagina lice?~

 

bullshit

because people with a penis can get them too

 

bitch boy

THEN WHY DONT YOU CALL THEM PENIS AND VAGINA .COM GRABS

NO FUCK

CRABS

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

patrick, please

fuck me, patrick

 

bullshit

god has left the conversation.

 

soul punk

awsten please not in front of the children

 

bitch boy

yeah not in front of brendon

 

bullshit

hey what

 

BITCH YOUNG MAN

they’ll learn eventually. please, i can’t withstand it for much longer.

patrick, you’re so fuckable right now, please. i won’t bring the mask out this time.

 

soul punk

CHILDREN IM SORRY

okay lets go

 

bitch boy

DMS PLEASE

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

are you ready patrick?

 

bullshit

ryan im scared

 

soul punk

yes father

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

good

we’ll be in the shower right next to the bedrooms

 

bullshit

no not that one

 

soul punk

yes that one

 

bullshit

please dont sin the rubber duck

 

tall glass of water

I-

I’ll go back into hiding.

 

bullshit

NO DONT LEAVE ME ALONE

 

soul punk

bitch we USIN the rubber duck

oh hi dal :))

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

its gonna be lathered in juices

 

bullshit

no please

 

soul punk

rubber ducky really is the one

 

bullshit

patrick the duck is still a virgin dammit

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

not anymore :))

Chapter Text

geoff for president

i think i had a foot fetish as a kid

 

bitch boy

you what

 

geoff for president

i SAID

I THINK I HAD A FOOT FETISH AS A KID

 

bitch boy

WHY

 

geoff for president

I DONT FUCKING KNOW

 

——————————————

bitchy witchy has been added to the group.

——————————————

 

bitchy witchy

ooh are we talking about fetishes

my boyfriend had an ear fetish

 

bullshit

can i just ask one question

 

bitchy witchy

go ahead

 

bullshit

what the fuck

 

bitchy witchy

title of my autobiography

 

——————————————

asslex has been added to the group.

——————————————

 

bitchy witchy

ALEX TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR EAR FETISH

 

asslex

YOU TOLD THEM ABOUT MY EAR FETISH?

 

bitchy witchy

NO I WAITED FOR YOU TO TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR EAR FETISH

 

asslex

I DONT HAVE AN EAR FETISH

 

bitchy witchy

BUT YOU USED TO

 

asslex

FUCK OFF NO I DIDNT

 

bullshit

EAR FETISHES?????

 

asslex

NO

WHO ARE YOU

 

bullshit

WHO ARE YOU

 

raygun

LADIES

 

soul punk

SHUT YOUR FUCKS

 

tall glass of water

AND INTRODUCE YOURSELVES LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE.

 

asslex

YES SIR

 

bullshit

hi im brendon

 

bitch boy

ryan

 

seaman

ryan

 

asslex

alex

 

bitchy witchy

jake

fuck

jack

 

asslex

jake

 

bitchy witchy

shut up

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

YELLOW HELLO MY NAME IS AWSTEN

THEY/THEM THANKS

 

asslex

do

do they always scream

 

garry

no

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

only when i want to

 

garry

by the way im gerard

 

oh, fRaNkIE

my names frank and gayrard is my dumbass boyfriend

 

garry

hey rude

 

pepper wentz

YEET HI IM PETE

 

milkyway

he’s an idiot dont pay attention to him

i’m his boyfriend mikey

 

otto for president

im otto

 

geoff for president

my name is geoff please vote me as president not otto

 

otto for president

I RUN A BETTER CAMPAIGN THAN YOU

 

geoff for president

FUCK YOU

 

otto for president

been there done that

 

asslex

oh my god

 

tyseph

hi

tyler

 

jodun

josh socks

i

i meant sosh

 

bullshit

whats a sosh

 

jodun

i dont. know

it just rhymes smh

 

tall glass of water

There. Now was that so hard?

I’m Dallon.

 

soul punk

my name is patrick and me and dallon are the moms

 

raygun

im ray i’m the birth mother patrick and dal are adopted moms

 

asslex

nice okay

 

tyseph

josh has a daddy kink

 

jodun

NO WEVE BEEN THROUGH THIS

 

bullshit

ACTUALLY I SEEM TO REMEMBER

YOU DO

 

jodun

FALSE

:((

 

bullshit

some things you two need to know about this chat:

-josh has been accused of having a daddy kink and he’s the only one who denies it

-ryan (the bitch one) fucks caillou

 

bitch boy

HEY

 

bullshit

hi

-pete is a meme

-otto has a better campaign

 

geoff for president

THIS IS ASSAULT

 

bullshit

-dallon is the only one who actually cares about grammar

-patrick and otto like cold tea

 

soul punk

yum

 

otto for president

slurp slurp

 

tall glass of water

Disowned.

 

soul punk

YOU CANT DISOWN ME IM THE MOM TOO

 

tall glass of water

Shit.

 

bitchy witchy

DISGUSTING

COLD TEA BELONGS IN HELL SO IT CAN GET WARM LIKE ITS SUPPOSED TO BE

 

asslex

idk cold tea is pretty good

 

bitchy witchy

divorce

 

bullshit

-there are two ryans dont mix them up there’s semen ry an and bitch rya n

 

asslex

why do you put spaces in between  letters of ryan

 

bullshit

because my phone automatically corrects r yan to bitch

 

bitch boy

i dont approve of this nickname

 

bullshit

YOUR NAME IS BITCH BOY

 

seaman

ITS NOT SEMEN ITS SEAMAN

 

bullshit

TOMATO TOMATO

 

seaman

sigh

 

bitchy witchy

“tomato tomato” -brendon

 

bullshit

BEAUTIFUL

 

bitch boy

i’m

 

tomato tomato

i love it thank you

 

bitch boy

BRENDON PLEASE

 

tomato tomato

YOU CANT STOP ME

 

asslex

this chat is. a mess

 

tall glass of water

Oh, we know.

Chapter Text

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

GUYS

PRIDE

 

bullshit

im trying to sleep

 

BLEACH YOUNG MAN

ITS JUNE

PRIDE MONTH

THE MONTH OF GAY AND TRANS PEOPLE

 

bullshit

SHIT YOURE RIGHT

BITCH GET UP WE’RE GOING TO A PARADE

 

bitch boy

its

two in the morning

 

bullshit

and?

 

bitch boy

good point

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

who wants to go to target with me

 

bitch boy

why

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

so we can get flags

and other shit we see

 

bitch boy

i dont know if target sells pride flags but yeah i’m in

 

bullshit

are you gonna pick us up or do we have to drive on our own

because i dont have a car

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

i’ll come get you

where do you live

 

bullshit

in a house

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

okay smartass guess youre not going

 

bullshit

NO WAIT

 

tall glass of water

I’ll go, too. Mostly because you need supervision.

 

bullshit

yeah true

pattycakes wake up you’re going too

 

soul punk

dont call me that ever again

where are we going

 

bullshit

target

 

soul punk

why

 

bullshit

why not

 

pepper wentz

me and mikey are going too

 

tall glass of water

It‘s actually “Mikey and I”.

 

pepper wentz

its actually shut the fuck up you stupid ass giraffe boy

 

tall glass of water

That’s rude.

 

seaman

yeah thats mean

and im going with you bitches

 

milkyway

ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP I WAS TRYING TO SLEEP BUT ALL THIS FUCKING BUZZING IS NOT HELPING

AND YOU ARE NOT VOLUNTEERING ME FOR ANYTHING, PETER

 

pepper wentz

too late come on

 

milkyway

hang on let me wake up gerard and frank

 

garry

HE KICKED ME IN THE RIBS

 

milkyway

youre welcome

 

garry

okay frank and i are coming

 

bitch boy

yeah we know

you two have been coming for each other since seventh grade

 

garry

GEORGE RYAN ROSS THE THIRD

 

bitch boy

that would be my name dont wear it out

no please dont wear it out just ryan is fine

 

oh, fRaNkIE

what did i fuckin miss

 

bullshit

we’re all going to target

 

oh, fRaNkIE

seventeen gay kids going to target at two am

 

bullshit

well not all of us

i dont think geoff otto ray tyler josh jack or alex are going

 

bitchy witchy

i heard my name

oh we’re going to target

count me in

 

asslex

dear maria

 

bullshit

what

 

asslex

nothing

im going

 

bullshit

okay so just geoff otto tyler josh and ray

 

garry

RAY NEEDS TO GO OR ELSE THE KILLJOY SQUAD ISNT COMPLETE

 

milkyway

dont call it the killjoy squad

 

garry

killjoy squad

 

raygun

no

 

garry

RAY PLEASE

 

raygun

but what if i dont

 

garry

WE NEED YOU

 

raygun

and i need my sleep

 

garry

WERE GETTING PRIDE FLAGS

 

raygun

get me one

 

garry

not unless you come

 

raygun

you’re going to keep bothering me until i agree arent you

 

garry

yeah

 

raygun

fINE

 

garry

:DDDDDD

 

oh, fRaNkIE

why dont you give me that many Ds

 

garry

OH MY GOD

 

tyseph

FRANKLIN

 

bullshit

TYLER COME WITH US

 

tyseph

can we go by taco bell

 

bullshit

sure if its open

 

bitchy witchy

YAY

 

asslex

YOURE NOT GOING TO FUCK THE BURRITOS AGAIN

 

bitch boy

AG A I N

 

geoff for president

what happened

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

tyler get your boyfriend

geoff get your boyfriend

we’re all going no complaints

 

geoff for president

fuck

Chapter Text

Looking back, Awsten shouldn’t have been driving while half-asleep. They had nearly gotten into three different crashes, and none of the others really trusted them anymore. Everyone had been crammed into their van, Dallon in the passenger seat to make sure there weren’t any wrecks and that it was a safe trip. It really wasn’t, but no one died, so they were good.

Otto was complaining about how he never agreed to this, Awsten, we couldn’t have waited until morning? Geoff nodded to show his support. Josh had fallen asleep in the back, resting his head on Tyler’s shoulder. Mikey and Pete were arguing over a thousand different things a minute, with Patrick looking exasperated. Ryan R. had the AUX cord for about three seconds before Brendon snatched it away and started blasting Despacito. Ryan S., Jack and Alex were on the floor, Jack screaming the lyrics and Alex and Ryan desperately trying to shut him up. Gerard was silently sipping coffee while Frank talked to him about something Awsten couldn’t hear. Ray sat beside the two, listening intently.

When Awsten finally pulled the car into the parking lot of Target, they turned around in their seat and looked at everyone. Brendon thankfully stopped the music, giving Awsten a chance to speak.

“Okay,” they began, “We are not going to be kicked out. Understand? Act like normal people for a bit. It can’t be that hard.”

“What if we don’t know how to act like normal people?” Jack asked.

“Then do whatever Dallon is doing, because he actually is a normal person.” Awsten responded.

Brendon raised his hand.

“No, you can’t ride in the cart.”

Brendon put his hand down. Ryan patted his head.

Awsten looked around. “Any more questions?”

No one spoke up. Otto yawned.

“Alright, let’s go.”

 

Otto was tasked with pushing the cart, which he wasn’t too happy about.

“Why can’t I just ride in the cart and sleep?” He’d protested.

Not many people were in the store, so the group was able to go wherever they wanted. Brendon got lost at one point and Ryan scolded him when he returned.

“You’re a fucking idiot , how the hell did you get lost in a Target?”

“Shut up, Ryan. You sound like a child, you can’t lecture me.”

“I- I-” Ryan stammered. “No I don’t!”

Geoff broke in. “Yeah, you do.”

Ryan crossed his arms. “You guys are mean.”

“Well, have y’all heard—” Patrick started.

“Y’all?” Pete interrupted.

“Shut up! Anyways, have you heard Andy’s voice?”

“Andy?” Mikey looked up. “Isn’t he that one kid that looks really punk but sounds like he’s five?”

“That’s the one.”

Otto piped in. “Can you be a little quieter? I’m trying to sleep,” He mumbled.

“No,” Brendon and Pete said in unison. Otto groaned.

As they went on, Awsten rushed up to the front of the group, walking backwards to face them while they spoke. “Okay, we’ve got a couple hours to buy whatever the hell we want that we can purchase. I say we get flags first, so we don’t forget.”

“Can we get food?” Frank questioned.

“Depends.” Awsten looked behind them to make sure they didn’t run into anyone. “I have no idea if Target even sells pride flags, but we can always paint over those American flags.”

“That’s disrespectful to America!” Brendon called out.

Patrick turned to look at him. “Do any of us actually care about America, though?”

Brendon paused before shrugging. “Good point.”

They traveled the store, with occasional comments from Brendon about weird shit they saw and Otto trying his very best to stay awake. Tyler kept getting distracted by random shit and Josh had to pull him along. Awsten grabbed a bottle of bright green hair dye and tossed it into the cart as they passed it. No one said anything, but Otto gave them a strange look, almost as if to ask what the fuck they were doing. Awsten just shrugged in response. Otto shook his head and kept walking.

“Hey, Pete?” Awsten heard from behind them.

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” Mikey mumbled, clearly stifling a yawn.

Pete was quiet for a moment. “I love you too,” He said finally. Awsten could tell he meant it. They smiled to themselves. Mikey wasn’t the type to confess his love like this, so the tiredness must be getting to him.

“I found some.” Came Dallon’s voice. Otto pulled the cart to a stop beside a cardboard box with multicolored flags drapes over the sides. Awsten absentmindedly reached out and picked up the non-binary flag. They placed it gently in the cart. Ryan R. just rolled his eyes and grabbed the rainbow-striped one, tossing it over his shoulder in the buggy.

Everyone each got their own flags representing their sexualities (minus Geoff, who hadn’t figured his sexuality out yet and was perfectly fine with that). No one was probably ever going to use them, but they were nice to have anyways.

“Can we get food now? I need a midnight snack.” Frank whined.

Dallon checked his phone. “It’s 2:57.”

Frank spun around and stared up into Dallon’s face. “I may be short, but I will actually fucking fight you right here and now.”

Shaking his head, Dallon gently pushed him out of the way. “Sure.”

“We can get food,” Awsten said.

Tyler wandered over to where they were walking, with Josh close behind. “Food?”

Awsten grinned at Tyler’s confused, dreamy-like state. “Yeah.”

Tyler nodded. “Food is my romantic orientation.”

“What’s your sexual orientation?”

“Josh,” Tyler exclaimed. Josh made an embarrassed squeak and hid his face in his hand. Awsten laughed.

“What are we laughing at?” Jack appeared suddenly beside them.

Awsten jumped. “Uh, nothing.”

Jack scanned their expression. “You sure?”

Tyler poked Jack in the shoulder to get his attention. “Me and Josh are getting married.”

“Really?” Jack raised his eyebrows.

Tyler bobbed his head up and down vigorously while Josh blinked. “I didn’t agree?”

“So you don’t want to marry me?” Tyler turned around, pouting.

Josh’s face flushed. “I didn’t say that!”

“What the fuck is this?” Brendon asked, sounding concerned.

Awsten looked ahead and rolled their eyes when they saw him staring at a dark yellow and blue tank top worn by a mannequin. It was ugly, they had to admit.

Frank and Alex walked back to everyone, carrying assorted snacks. Awsten blinked, not having realized they’d left.

Gerard sighed. “What the fuck.

Frank giggled. “My hand slipped.”

“Alright, we have food! No more asking,” Awsten said loudly.

Otto was getting tired of pushing the buggy, so Patrick took over. Instead he leaned on Geoff’s shoulder, eyes occasionally fluttering closed.

Not much else was needed, so they all went over to the checkout lane where a tired and exasperated-looking girl stood.

Dallon, Patrick, and Ray were the only ones apart from Awsten who had actually thought of bringing money since, you know, you need to pay for this shit or it’s illegal. Ryan S. did throw in a Twix, and they all piled into the car after everything was paid for. Thankfully, Ryan R. got to keep the AUX cord and play good music like Green Day. He only played Green Day. Three songs, over and over. At least it wasn’t Despacito.

When everyone was home, Awsten checked their phone to see eight unread messages from Discord.

 

tyseph

bro that was fuckin sick as frick

 

jodun

tyler im begging you to go to sleep

 

tyseph

hey thats no way to talk to your husband >:(

 

jodun

go to SLEEP

 

tall glass of water

Sleep would be a good decision.

 

soul punk

all of you go to bed

 

raygun

now

 

tyseph

yes moms

Chapter Text

garry

GUYS

CAN I ADD SOMEONE

 

bullshit

yeah who

 

garry

she’s rlly cool

 

bullshit

she?

 

garry

yeah sHE are you sEXIST

 

bullshit

no i love girls

i just wasn’t expecting it

 

—————————————————

lynz has been added to the group.

—————————————————

 

bullshit

lynz?

 

lynz

yeah!! short for lindsey

well not short exactly, it’s a nickname

 

bullshit

nice

 

tyseph

i like her she seems cool

 

lynz

bro thanks :00

 

tyseph

bro ur welcome

 

garry

she’s amazing i love her

platonically

 

lynz

ilyp too dude

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

new person?

hi i’m awsten

 

lynz

hi there

wait what are ur pronouns

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

they/them uwu

thanks for asking

 

lynz

no problem uwu

 

asslex

ooh i like you

you’re cool as fuck

 

garry

what did i tell you

where are the moms™

 

raygun

you called?

 

tall glass of water

You mean us?

 

soul punk

we’re here!

 

garry

you three should have matching usernames

 

raygun

like what

 

tall glass of water

Wait, I have an idea.

 

soul punk

what is it

 

blossom

The Powerpuff Girls.

 

lynz

oh my god

 

bubbles

nice idea

 

buttercup

the holy trinity

 

bubbles

lets do the wonder pets next

 

lynz

no do team umizumi

 

buttercup

I FORGOT ABOUT THAT SHOW

 

bubbles

LETS DO IT NOW

 

blossom

I CALL BOT !

 

bubbles

RAY

ROCK PAPER SCISSORS ON WHO’S MILLIE

 

buttercup

NO WAIT I WANNA BE GEO

 

lynz

are you even at the same place how can you play rock paper scissors

 

geo

shh

GUYS LET’S DO IT

 

garry

do what

 

millie!

.

 

geo!

.

 

bot!

.

 

garry

actually fuck you three

 

geo

we’re just doing all we know how to do

 

lynz

i love them

 

millie

SEE SOMEONE CARES

 

garry

shit

Chapter Text

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

heyheyhey

we have something to tell you

 

jodun

who’s “we”

 

geoff for president

awsten, otto, and i

 

jodun

ooh do you have some tea to spill

 

otto for president

actually we do

 

jodun

SPILL

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

geoff u say it

 

geoff for president

polyamory is cool

 

jodun

what

OH

 

otto for president

THAT IS THE WORST WAY TO SAY IT

 

geoff for president

IM SORRY IM BAD AT THESE THINGS

 

lynz

BRO THATS GREAT

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

THANK UWU

 

oh, fRaNkIE

im convinced lindsey is a goddess

 

lynz

plot twist: i’m satan but i just want friends

 

oh, fRaNkIE

no ur a goddess

 

lynz

i’m the goddess of tumblr shitposts

 

jodun

honestly a mood

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

whats your url

 

lynz

its queen-ofthe-shitposts

 

geoff for president

nice

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

im gonna follow you

 

lynz

you better smh

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

rude

 

bitchy witchy

what did one snowman say to another

“bro im thirsty can you get me a cup of your blood”

 

otto for president

what the fuck

 

geo!

guys

go to sleep

 

bitchy witchy

make me daddy

 

geo!

dALLON

 

bitchy witchy

shit im going

 

bot!

GO TO SLEEP, IT IS ONE THIRTY AM.

 

bitchy witchy

SHIT YES MA’AM

Chapter Text

tyseph

alright any more announcements or new members to add or are we good

 

lynz

wow someone’s salty

 

tyseph

well we havent had anyone new for a while until jackson and alexander and now you came along

 

bitchy witchy

my name’s not jackson

 

tyseph

shut up

 

asslex

change your name to jackson

 

bitchy witchy

MY NAME’S NOT JACKSON

also hi have we met

im jack

 

asslex

yes we’ve met im your boyfriend

 

bitchy witchy

I WAS TALKING ABOUT HER DUMBASS

 

asslex

OH

 

lynz

no we havent met im lindsey

im the coolest girl here

 

asslex

you’re the only girl here

 

lynz

LET ME LIVE MY DREAMS

 

pepper wentz

EXCUSE YOU IM THE COOLEST GIRL HERE

 

lynz

FUCK YOU IM COOLER

 

asslex

i love how the first thing lindsey says to pete is “fuck you”

 

pepper wentz

FINE THEN I GET TO BE THE PRETTIEST PRINCESS

 

milkyway

i dunno about princess

more like prettiest bitch

 

bitchy witchy

excuse you

 

bitch boy

um

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

wow okay

 

the bitch of living

i feel. attacked

 

bitch boy

SHUT UP LINDSEY THATS CHEATING

 

the bitch of living

YOU CANT CHEAT WITH SPRING AWAKENING

 

bitch boy

WHAT THE FUCK IS SPRING AWAKENING

 

the bitch of living

A GREAT-ASS MUSICAL

 

bitch boy

oh no its a theater kid

 

the bitch of living

aCTUALLY i only like sa so

 

asslex

how does “the bitch of living” tie into spring awakening

 

bot!

It’s the title of one of the songs.

 

the bitch of living

how do you know this

 

bot!

I love Spring Awakening, how else?

 

the bitch of living

DUDE I LOVE YOU

 

seaman

thats my job

 

bot!

No, it’s fine. We all love her and most of us are in relationships.

 

the bitch of living

im discord famous

 

bitch boy

more like “gay emos on discord famous”

no one else on discord knows you

 

the bitch of living

damn

they should

they’d love me

 

bitchy witchy

even the furries?

 

the bitch of living

especially the furries.

 

bitchy witchy

im not sure how but that period at the end makes it sound threatening

 

bot!

It’s because I’m the only one who can use punctuation without sounding like a maniac.

 

bitchy witchy

true

 

millie!

im gonna settle this

lindsey is the coolest girl and the prettiest bitch

 

pepper wentz

HEY

 

the bitch of living

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY

 

bot!

Actually, you didn’t say anything.

 

millie!

if you don’t shut the fuck up right now you shitty-ass mount everest ripoff i will play jump rope with your intestines.

 

bot!

ʸᵉˢ ᵐᵃ’ᵃᵐ

 

the bitch of living

hey dont talk to my spring awakening pal like that >((((

 

millie!

honey shut your lipstick-stained pigtail mouth or i will actually rip out your skull and beat you to death with it.

 

the bitch of living

lmao please do

 

millie!

i

DEAR GOD OKAY IM SORRY PETE STOLE MY PHONE I DIDNT MEAN IT IM SORRY

 

pepper wentz

wow dont get so worked up it was a JOKE

 

millie!

YOU OFFENDED PEOPLE

USING MY ACCOUNT

 

pepper wentz

oh did i

whoops

 

the bitch of living

dammit i wanted to be beat to death with my own skull

oh well guess there’s always the moritz route™

 

bot!

Please don’t. :((

 

bullshit

who’s moritz

 

bitch boy

where’d you come from

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

where’d you go

 

bitch boy

what

 

geoff for president

wHERE’D YOU COME FROM

 

otto for president

COTTON EYED JOE

 

bullshit

what the FUCK

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

listen

we’re from texas

 

otto for president

yee to the fucking haw

 

geoff for president

giddy up

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

howdy

 

bullshit

RYAN WHAT DID YOU DO ITS TOO SOUTHERN

 

seaman

I DIDNT DO ANYTHING

 

bitch boy

HE WASNT TALKING ABOUT YOU IDIOT

 

seaman

WELL IM SORRY THAT I RESPOND TO MY NAME

 

bitchy witchy

alex and i have a friend named rian

 

seaman

please dont add him its too complicated already

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

WAIT HAVE I TOLD YOU GUYS ABOUT MY SHOW

 

geoff for president

AWSTEN PLEASE NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

ITS A BIRD

ITS A PLANE

ITS TWO GUYS

WITH THE SAME NAME

 

otto for president

CONTROL YOUR AWSTEN

 

geoff for president

THEY’RE YOUR AWSTEN TOO

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

TWO GUYS

WITH THE SAME NAME

YEAH THEY’RE BOTH CHRIS

SPELLED THE SAME WAY

 

the bitch of living

c

chris??

 

tyseph

i would watch that

 

jodun

tweet netflix and show them your lovely idea

 

geoff for president

please don’t encourage them it’s scary



Chapter Text

bullshit

i’m gay

 

bitch boy

honey we know

only a gay can get as dramatic as you are

 

the bitch of living

all of us are gay

 

bot!

In some form.

 

geoff for president

idk i just like dick but sometimes pussy

i dont labels

 

the bitch of living

honestly a mood

 

geoff for president

but none of us are straight i think its safe to say

 

the bitch of living

we’re here, we’re queer, we’re filled with existential fear

 

geoff for president

BEAUTIFUL

 

bullshit

THATS OUR NEW MOTTO

 

bot!

I LOVE IT.

 

bitch boy

WE’RE HERE!

 

bullshit

WE’RE QUEER!

 

the bitch of living

WE’RE FILLED WITH EXISTENTIAL FEAR!

 

geoff for president

beautiful

im in tears

 

the bitch of living

no don’t cry :((

 

geoff for president

I WILL CRY IF I WANT

THAT PERFORMANCE WAS BEAUTIFUL

 

the bitch of living

aw you’re welcome

 

geoff for president

who said i was thanking you

 

bitch boy

OH

 

the bitch of living

I THOUGHT WE HAD A FRIENDSHIP

A FUCKING BOND

AND YOU JUST THREW IT AWAY

 

geoff for president

bold of u to assume i have friends

 

otto for president

UM

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

HELLO

 

geoff for president

YOU’RE MY DATEMATES NOT MY FRIENDS

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

okay yeah you suck at making friends

 

geoff for president

im being attacked

otto help

 

otto for president

error! 404 not found. try again later.

 

geoff for president

LINDSEY

 

the bitch of living

hi

 

geoff for president

tell awsten to stop bullying me

 

the bitch of living

no

 

geoff for president

DA L LO N

 

bot!

Maybe later.

 

geoff for president

goddammit

 

the bitch of living

but hey

at least we’re still here, queer, and filled with existential fear :))

 

geoff for president

HHHHH

Chapter Text

the bitch of living

opinions on stranger things?

 

garry

overrated. next question

 

the bitch of living

yea but

idk i still like it

 

bitch boy

i am

incredibly straight for max

and i’m gay

 

the bitch of living

mood

 

bullshit

I HAVENT FINISHED SEASON THREE NO SPOILERS

 

the bitch of living

OKAY

 

bullshit

chAnging the subject

ryan used to like having a bug pp

*big

LMAO BUG PP

 

bitch boy

i have a bug pp too

multiple pps

 

bullshit

oh ;))

 

bitch boy

;)))

 

bullshit

you can fill all of my pores up at once ;;)

 

bitch boy

yes ;)))

 

bullshit

mmm~ ;))

 

the bitch of living

what

 

bullshit

n o t h i n g

 

bitch boy

dont w o r r y about it

 

AGENDER BLEACH BITCH

oh

 

bullshit

put your massive pps in my ears, daddt~

daddt

 

bitch boy

i will mommy

 

the bitch of living

CAN WE END THIS

 

raygun

YEAH WE’RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN

 

the bitch of living

again?

 

raygun

long story

 

the bitch of living

i—

alright

Chapter Text

bullshit

HE ATE MY FRIES

 

soul punk

whomst

 

bullshit

THE BITCH LAD

 

bitch boy

YOU OFFERED ME ONE

 

bullshit

I DIDNT THINK YOU WOULD ACTUALLY TAKE IT

 

bitch boy

THEN WHY WOULD YOU OFFER IT

 

bullshit

I DONT KNOW

 

soul punk

LADIES YOU NEED TO CALM THE FUCK FRICK FRACK DOWN

I CAN GET YOU BOTH MORE FRIES

 

bullshit

mcdonald’s

 

soul punk

what

 

bullshit

they were mcdonald’s fries

 

soul punk

im disgusted

you’re just making me go into mcdonald’s

order two small fries and leave

 

bullshit

medium

 

soul punk

EVEN WORSE but if it stops your lovers quarrel then fine

 

bullshit

yay!!

 

bitch boy

:))

 

soul punk

and don’t offer any to each other if you dont actually want them to eat it

Chapter Text

bullshit

so we’re on discord

 

bitch boy

indeed

 

bullshit

you know what that means we can do

 

bitch boy

make bold and italicized and underlined words and all that

 

bullshit

well yes but what else

 

the bitch of living

CREEPER

 

bullshit

AW MAN

 

bitch boy

NO

 

bullshit

RYA N YOU RUINED IT

 

the bitch of living

come on :((

 

bitch boy

,,,,,,, fine

 

bullshit

creeper?

 

the bitch of living

aw man

 

bitch boy

so we back in the mine

 

milkyway

got our pickaxe swinging from side to side

 

bullshit

side side to side

 

bitch boy

this task a grueling one

 

soul punk

hope to find some diamonds tonight

 

the bitch of living

night, night

 

BLEACH BOY

diamonds tonight

 

soul punk

heads up

 

bullshit

you hear a sound, turn around and look up

 

bitch boy

total shock fills your body

 

seaman

oh no, it’s you again

 

the bitch of living

i could never forget those eyes

 

BLEACH BOY

eyes eyes eyes

 

seaman

eyes eyes eyes

 

bullshit

caUSE BABY TONIGHT

 

soul punk

THE CREEPERS TRYING TO STEAL ALL OUR STUFF AGAIN

 

BLEACH BOY

CAUSE BABY TONIGHT

 

the bitch of living

GRAB YOUR PICK SHOVEL AND BOLT AGAIN

 

tall glass of water

(Bolt again, -gain.)

 

soul punk

and run, run

 

bullshit

until it’s done, done

 

the bitch of living

until the sun comes up in the morn

 

BLEACH BOY

causE BABY TONIIIIGHT

 

bitch boy

THE CREEPERS TRYING TO STEAL ALL OUR STUFF AGAIN

 

tall glass of water

Just when you think you’re safe,

 

seaman

overhear some hissing from right behind

 

bullshit

right right behind

 

the bitch of living

that’s a nice life you have!

 

BLEACH BOY

shame it’s gotta end at this time time time

 

seaman

time time time time

 

raygun

blows up, and your health bar drops

 

milkyway

and you could use a one-up

 

soul punk

get inside, don’t be tardy

 

bullshit

so now you’re stuck in there

 

seaman

half a heart is left but dont die die die

 

soul punk

die die die die

 

the bitch of living

die die die die

FUCK

 

bullshit

GODDAMMIT

okay lets just

lets just try again

 

the bitch of living

:((

 

bullshit

creeper?

 

the bitch of living

creeper? aw man

 

BLEACH BOY

aw man

 

bullshit

HHHHHHHH

 

the bitch of living

creeper?

 

BLEACH BOY

aw man

 

seaman

so we back in the mine

 

the bitch of living

got our pickaxe swinging from side to side

 

bullshit

side side to side

 

soul punk

this task a grueling one

 

tall glass of water

Hope to find some diamonds tonight, night, night.

 

bullshit

diamonds tonight

 

the bitch of living

heads up

you hear a sound, turn around and look up

 

garry

i have dust on my breasts

 

bullshit

what the fuck

 

garry

OH SHIT YOU WERE DOING SOMETHING

 

milkyway

you dont have breasts

 

garry

then explain how i got dust on them

 

the bitch of living

can i have your breasts

 

garry

dust or no

 

the bitch of living

preferably not but whatever’s best

 

garry

okay thats one money

 

the bitch of living

i only have 69 cents

 

garry

you know what that means ;))

 

the bitch of living

:(((( i don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets breasts

 

garry

i mean

that too

Chapter Text

the bitch of living

hit or miss

she took the goddamn motherfucking kids please come back karen i promise i’ll do better

 

garry

are u okay

 

dead memes

no

also do u like my new username

it fits

 

garry

if any of us used that it would be you or brendon

 

bullshit

no it works for her best

 

dead memes

thanks u

 

bullshit

oh are we roleplaying now

nuzzles u

 

dead memes

hesitates before pushing u away im sorry……. im not ready yet

 

bullshit

looks at u with big eyes u dont.. want me?

 

dead memes

looks away so u dont see my tears no i love you!! a lot!! but after miss piggy i don’t think i’m ready for someone else so soon

 

garry

AGHJAHKD MISS PIGGY IM FUCKING SOBBING

 

dead memes

glares at u I KNOW I MADE BAD CHOICES GABRIELLA DONT RUB IT IN

 

BLEACH BOY

knocks on your door hello?? anyone home? its the walmart delivery guy…

 

dead memes

gets up ok ill be right back

opens door

oh ur cute

 

BLEACH BOY

blushes thank u,,,,,,,,,, >///~///<

 

dead memes

invites u in u know,,, i always like to go after the cute ones if u know what i mean ;))

 

soul punk

oh for fucks sake what did i walk in on this time

Chapter Text

dead memes

i posted

 

BLACH BOY

what’d you post

 

dead memes

[attachment: 1 image]

(it’s a picture of a post on lindsey’s tumblr blog. the text reads: “me, sitting in my shower, sniffing my eleven different flavours of soap: young and sweeeeet, only seventeeeeeennn, dancing queeeeeeeennn,”)

 

otto for president

u spelled flavors wrong

 

raygun

it doesnt matter how she spelled it, how the fuck do you know what they taste like if you’re sniffing them

 

BLEACH BOY

why are you singing dancing queen in your shower

 

geoff for president

why shouldn’t she be singing dancing queen in her shower

 

bitch boy

shes singing it out of tune????

 

oh, fRaNkIE

why are you sitting in your shower sniffing your soaps

 

tall glass of water

Why are you smelling soap instead of actually showering?

 

dead memes

IM NOT SMELLING THEM IM SNIFFING THEM

ALSO DID U NOT READ THE URL

QUEEN-OFTHE-SHITPOSTS

ITS A SHITPOST

WHY ARE YOU ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS

 

soul punk

is this something you actually did

 

dead memes

indeed

oh i see why you’re asking questions now

Chapter Text

charlotte

SPOOPY SPARY SPELETONS SPEND SPIVERS SPOWN SPOUR SPINE

 

paul

its only october third and this is how you act

 

emma

of course

 

professor hidgens

its Time

 

charlotte

TO DIE

 

professor hidgens

LISTEN JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE THESE NAMES DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN QUOTE IT EVERY CHANCE YOU GET

on that note, please continue

 

charlotte

:)

SORRY TO INTERRUPT

BUT WE GOT BONES TO PLUCK

 

ted

No let’s sing the scarier songs!! It’s spooky season!!

 

sam

please explain which song is scarier than the one titled “join us (and die)”

 

ted

‘What Do You Want, Paul?’

 

mr davidson

hey thats

actually quite understandable

 

ROB COP

listen that song,,,,,, that was scarring

 

charlotte

aNYWAYS its scary time and we need to pain everyones houses black and orange sorry i dont make the rules

 

ROB COP

maybe not

that much all out

but we can head to the Lobby of the Hobby

 

paul

another road trip :00

 

mariah cop

but this time with lindsey

 

charlotte

:)

 

general mcnamara

I CALL SHOTGUN THIS TIME

 

ted

That’s fair.

Chapter Text

professor hidgens

WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

 

homeless guy

it’s nnn which means i cant watch the grinch :((

 

mr davidson

im sorry WHAT

 

homeless guy

OK MR I WANNA BE CHOKED BY MY WIFE

 

professor hidgens

while he jerks off

 

mr davidson

ok FIRSTLY we dont talk about that and SECONDLY AT LEAST IM NOT IMPLYING THAT I’LL LOSE NNN BY WATCHING THE GRINCH

 

ted

What’s. What’s NNN?

 

mr davidson

oh my.

 

homeless guy

honey,,,,,

 

professor hidgens

i dont even know how to respond

 

ROB COP

it stands for no nut november

 

professor hidgens

AWSTEN

 

ted

I—

So you’re saying that the Grinch turns you on?

 

homeless guy

essentially

 

ted

Oh, dear.

 

ROB COP

okay but imagine

the grinch

undressed

on your bed

 

ted

I DON’T WANT TO IMAGINE THAT!

 

nora

imagine his furry hand on your thigh, creeping up towards your hips

 

paul

imagine his legs spread open, watching, waiting

 

hot chocolate boy

imagine lowering your face and burying it in slightly sticky hair

 

mariah cop

imagine that spicy green sauce oozing into your mouth

 

professor hidgens

i don’t want to imagine that the grinch squirts wasabi from his dick

 

general mcnamara

oh for fucks SAKE can we go just one week without this shit

Chapter Text

mariah cop

ims o

im so fucking stuoid

thisod so dumb i cannot egen function

 

zoey

are you okay

 

mariah cop

I HAD SUCH A MOMENF OF GAY PANIC TJAT O FORGIT THE WORD SHIRT

 

ROB COP

ok so i was wearing a worm on a string shirt

 

zoey

can i see the shirt

 

ROB COP

[attachment: one image]

(it’s a picture of awsten’s shirt. it’s black with a pile of worm on a strings. in comic sans, it reads “consciousness is an illusion, it’s worm time babey”.)

 

zoey

incredible

 

ROB COP

ANYWay

and he was talking to me like “oh thats a nice,,,,” and he broke off bc he looked up at my face and just stared and kept stuttering trying to figure out what he was saying

 

mariah cop

YIURE PRETTY OKAU

 

emma

am i pretty too??

 

mariah cop

of coutse yoy are !! yourr verh pretey snf i love hou judt as much!!

 

emma

your typos somehow make me believe that even more

 

mariah cop

i shoukf thpo sll the time then

 

zoey

STOP THIS IS SO SOFT I CANt

 

ROB COP

i love both of u so much,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :(

 

emma

you’re the person we’ve dreamed of :(

 

mariah cop

i live you enough to have a mayching username

 

emma

damn i shouldve been sam

but sams an asshole though

 

sam

Excuse Me

 

emma

go away were being soft

 

zoey

go away they’re being soft

 

ROB COP

usernames dont matter if we’re already a perfect match

 

emma

IM READY TO CRY I LOVE YOU SM :(((((

 

mariah cop

guys come over to my house and watch a movie w me :((

 

sam

wear protection

 

emma

i

 

zoey

Am Going To Murder You With My Cold Bare Hands Because You Killed The Mood And I Cannot Forgive You For That

Chapter Text

ryro

GUYS

MOVIE NIGHT

 

lynz

WE SHOULD HAVE A MOVIE NIGHT

 

BLEACH BOY

WE SHOULD

 

bullshit

LETS DO IT

 

bitchy witchy

WHAT MOVIE

 

asslex

WE SHOULD WATCH IT

 

tall glass of water

What?

 

asslex

it

 

tall glass of water

What are we talking about?

 

asslex

it

 

tall glass of water

I don’t understand!!

Oh.

OH.

LIKE THE MOVIE IT. BASED ON THE STEPHEN KING NOVEL. RELEASED IN 2017. ABOUT THE CLOWN GAYS.

 

asslex

YEAH THAT ONE

 

bullshit

dallon referring to it as “about the clown gays” makes me so happy for some reason

 

geoff for president

as long as there arent minions i’m good

 

otto for president

do you REALLY wanna vote for someone who doesnt like minions? vote me for president!

 

geoff for president

okay mr “my mom bought me mega blocks instead of legos as a kid”

 

otto for president

YOU TAKE THAT BACK

 

BLEACH BOY

lets watch despacito me after it

oh my GOD *****dESPICABLE

 

garry

how do you know i had a strange day? i wore matching socks

 

lynz

oh my god thats

im not used to that

 

garry

MOMMY WOULDNT TAKE ME TO SEE WATERPARKS

 

BLEACH BOY

we’re gonna sue you

 

garry

no sue my mommy shes the one not taking me

 

milkyway

i’ll take us

 

garry

you cant drive

 

milkyway

and your point is

 

ryro

anyways come over to my house we’re watching it

 

[2:06 am]

 

lynz

ALEX WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR

 

[5:48 am]

 

asslex

OH MY GOD i dyed it LAST WEEK

we spent ALL DAY together yesterday and you DIDNT NOTICE

 

[10:20 am]

 

lynz

well if you werent wearing that mickey mouse hat then i wouldve noticed sooner

 

asslex

youre so,,, not observant

 

lynz

am i a loser then

 

asslex

oh my god you’re obsessed with that now arent you

 

lynz

WHO SAID I WAS REFERRING TO THE LOSERS CLUB

 

asslex

YOU LITERALLY JUST. YOU SAID “R PLUS E” OUT LOUD AND STARTED CRYING. I KNOW BECAUSE WE’RE LYING ON THE SAME COUCH. IN THE SAME ROOM.

 

otto for president

two bros, chillin on the couch, a few feet apart because they’re not straight

 

lynz

ok boomer

 

otto for president

we’re the same age

Chapter Text

lynz

what do you do when you read too many sad fics

 

garry

perish, i guess

 

lynz

but then how will i be able to read more sad fics :(

 

garry

valid

read some hurt/comfort and then fluff

 

lynz

god youre a genuis

 

garry

what fandom is it bc i might have recs

 

lynz

,,,,,,,,,,,,um

 

soul punk

istg if youve been reading my little pony fanfics again

 

garry

AGAIN

 

lynz

NO ITS NOT THAT THIS TIME

 

garry

T H I S T I M E

 

lynz

oKAY WEVE ALL DONE SOME THINGS BEFORE

 

garry

IM FAIRLY CERTAIN YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHOS READ MLP FANFICS AND CRIED

 

lynz

I DIDNT CRY OVER THEM

 

soul punk

she cried over them

 

lynz

how dare,,, this is betrayal at its finest

 

soul punk

but to the point

what fandom

 

lynz

a fandom 🤡

 

soul punk

is that

is that a hint

 

asslex

I SWEAR TO FUCK

YES IT IS A HINT

SHE JUST GOT FINISHED RAMBLING ABOUT THE FICS TO ME

 

lynz

WHY ARE YOU ALL TRAITORS

 

asslex

YOURE OBSESSED

 

lynz

WHATS WRONG WITH ME BEING IN LOVE WITH THE CLOWN GAYS

 

garry

yeah whats wrong with it >(

dw ive got some fic recs if u need them bb

what ship

 

lynz

st,,,stenbrough,,,,,,,or reddie,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

garry

i’ll dm u some links

 

lynz

i owe you my life,,,

Chapter Text

lynz

man ceweaw makes weawwy weird noises

 

bullshit

WHAT THE FUCK

 

lynz

WAIT I PUT ON THE OWO CHWOME EXTENSION HOWD ON

 

bullshit

J E S U S

 

lynz

okay im back

anyways

ceweaw makes weird noises

WHAT

 

bullshit

I THOUGHT YOU TURNED IT OFF

 

lynz

WEWW I THOUGHT I DID TOO BUT GUESS NOT

HOW DO I TUWN THIS OFF??????

 

tall glass of water

Go to Chrome, and next to the search bar you should see icons representing your downloads. You can remove it that way.

 

lynz

dawwon youwe vewy smawt and aww but thats what i did and it didnt wowk

 

tall glass of water

Ah.

Then perish, I guess.

 

bullshit

SGKAGSKAHSJSKAJJSK

 

lynz

I C A N N O T B W E A T H E

IM GONNA TEWW AWW MY FWIENDS THAT YOU SAID THAT

THANKSGIVING DINNEW? “HEY MOM DAD GUESS WHAT MY FWIEND ACTUAWWY TOLD ME THE OTHEW DAY”

 

tall glass of water

Reading that is giving me a stroke.

 

lynz

im gonna take advantage of this,, pwedicament

h-hewwo is anybody thewe

cave slowly begins to fill with water

 

bullshit

oh no

 

lynz

h-hewwo pwease somebody hewp me

hewwo!!

you can feel the surface of the water barely lapping at you

nononono hewwo!! hewwo! hewp me!

 

obama

God wwest youw soul.

 

bullshit

IM GOING TO CRY

 

lynz

hewwo! ma'am why awe you doing this to me hewwo!! hewp me pwease

 

obama

:|

 

lynz

m-mr obama is that you hewwo! pwease hewp me i seem to be in a wittle bit of twubble mr obama hewwo h-hewwo

 

obama

:|

 

lynz

pwease mr obama pwease save me i downt wanna die

h-hewwo mr obama awe you stiww thewe

 

obama

:|

 

lynz

m-mr obama pwease im dwowning h-hewwo im scawed

i’ll do anything fow you mr obama pwease hewp

 

obama

Anything?

 

lynz

anything fow you mr obama!

 

obama

Then perish.

:

 

bullshit

IM IN TEARS I HATE THIS SO MUCH

 

lynz

D:

Chapter Text

lynz

did anyone evew actuawwy figuwe out what i was twying to say

 

obama

Something about cereal, I think.

Oh dear fuck I didn’t change my username back.

 

lynz

keep it, cowawd

 

obama

The OwO portion of that makes it sound both less and so much more threatening.

 

soul punk

jesus

i need bleach

 

bullshit

i still have some left if you want it

 

soul punk

thank you

 

BLEACH BOY

hi

why

who

wHO IS OBAMA?????

 

bullshit

the old president of america

 

obama

Me.

 

BLEACH BOY

figured

w H Y

 

obama

God wwest youw soul.

 

BLEACH BOY

i dont think its possible to drink yourself but guess what i’m about to try

 

lynz

im gonna change something

thewe

 

soul punk

i’ve been. so incredibly scarred.

 

wynz

b-but why ono

 

soul punk

stop that!!

 

wynz

oh okay ;n;

 

soul punk

PLE A SE

 

wynz

pwease cannot hewp you in this worwd of no gods

 

soul punk

oh fucking HELL

 

wynz

heww is not unwike this universe, but we have made it worse than anything imaginabwe

 

obawma

We awe onwy bown to die with no one weft to save us.

 

soul punk

NO PLEASE

BRENDON

 

bullshit

HELLO

 

soul punk

OKAY GOOD YOURE SAFE

AWSTEN

 

BWEACH BOY

the puwge of owo is hewe

 

soul punk

NO

I REFUSE

IS ANYONE ELSE STILL HERE

 

tyseph

im here!

 

jodun

i’m not allowed to leave tyler so hi, i’m here

 

soul punk

thank you

 

bullshit

forget singing aliens, get ready for owo

OH NO I SAID IT

 

soul punk

NO PATRICK NO

 

bullshit

YOURE PATRICK??

 

soul punk

SHUT UP ITS FROM SPONGEBOB

 

bullshit

IM NOT FACT CHECKING THAT SO OKAY

 

BLEACH BOY

join us pwease

we’ww tweat you wight

 

bullshit

i dont want to

 

soul punk

please don’t !!!!!

 

obawma

Pwease do.

 

wynz

its onwy faiw

 

peppew wentz

come on, it’ww be fun!!

 

soul punk

no.. not you too…….

 

geoff for president

the owo is taking over

 

peppew wentz

i’m happy now, awmost

but i stiww need you

 

soul punk

i cant

 

peppew wentz

why nawt?

 

soul punk

its for the best

 

peppew wentz

then,,,,

then,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

soul punk

im sorry

 

peppew wentz

sowwy doesnt mean anything

pewish, i guess

 

bullshit

PLEASE LET US GO

 

tyseph

WERE DESPERATE

 

jodun

shh dont tell them that!! they’ll never let us go now!!

 

BWEACH BOY

i’m afwaid i cant do that, bwendon

 

jodun

what did i tell you

 

tyseph

sorry father

 

bullshit

i—

 

geoff for president

did you know that long before i ran for president, i had a much truer and,,,,,, deeper passion

 

bullshit

deeper?

 

geoff for president

shut up and stick to the script

yes! my first love was, and always will be….

 

bullshit

rips off the cover

 

geoff fow pwesident

owo cuwtuwe!

 

soul punk

oh GOD no

 

bullshit

this guy is fuckin nuts!!

 

geoff fow pwesident

This Is Humanity’s Eweventh Houw

,,,and i have pwepawed something fow the occasion

 

bullshit

guys i think

i cant do this anymore

 

geoff fow pwesident

yes?

 

buwwshit

I’m Weady

 

soul punk

NO!!!

 

buwwshit

wet it out, patwick

fuck that sounds,, stwange

 

soul punk

i think,,,,,,

i feel it,,,,,,,,,,

 

wynz

dont wesist it

 

jodun

please resist it!!

 

soul punk

it hurts but

i have to do this

 

peppew wentz

awe you finawwy coming to us?

 

souw punk

i could nevew weave you, petew

 

tyseph

strange way to let us know you’re jerking off but

 

souw punk

JESUSBDHAFSJASJJSJAKSKSJJSKKSKSKKA

N O

 

jodun

guess its just you and me tyler

 

tyseph

hey josh can i tell you something??

 

jodun

yeah?

 

tyseph

,,,,i fucked your mom

 

wynz

ok fuck you both that made me cwy a wot and you know that

 

asslex

still not over the fact that you cried at a horror movie but okay

 

wynz

WISTEN I THOUGHT THEWE WAS GONNA BE AN ACTUAW WOVE CONFESSION WIGHT THEWE

 

jodun

ALEX!!!

 

tyseph

WHERES JACK???

 

asslex

wow okay nice to see you dont care about me

jackson where are you

 

bitchy witchy

tHaTs NoT mY nAmE

also hi ive been lurking

 

jodun

its just us, guys

 

bitchy witchy

oh no i’m leaving you fuckers

 

jodun

i—

 

bitchy witchy

peace out, wosers

 

wynz

nooo dont say that wowd

 

asslex

youre a COWARD

 

bitchy witchy

youwe the one whos too scawed to join us but okay

 

asslex

i feel attacked

and by my own boyfriend no less

 

bitchy witchy

then come on

 

asslex

oh okay coow

 

jodun

its

its you and me again

 

tyseph

otto?? and the ryans?? and the killjoy squad??

 

gawwy

we’ve been thwough this

we’we not the kiwwjoy squad

 

oh, fWaNkIE

we awe absowutewy the kiwwjoy squad

 

waygun

shouwndt we vote?

 

miwkyway

its the kiwwjoy squad end of discussion

 

tyseph

correction: otto and the ryans

 

otto for president

vote your president to be someone who, i dont know, dOeSnT jOiN tHe oWo PuRgE??

 

geoff for pwesident

vote fow someone who isnt a cowawd

 

otto for pwesident

vawid

 

tyseph

correction correction: the ryans

 

wywo

god i fucking hate this

 

seaman

i couwd nevew weave my obawma

 

obawma

I wove you, Sea Boy!!

 

tyseph

its just you and me and half of ryan r, i guess

 

jodun

but tyler, what if?

 

tyseph

you’re not suggesting what i think you are, are you?

 

wynz

ooh tension

 

buwwshit

i cant wait!!

 

wywo

pwease we need you!!

 

souw punk

one of us!!

 

peppew wentz

one of us!!

 

seaman

one of us!!

 

obawma

One of us!!

 

jodun

i’m sowwy, tywew

 

tyseph

NOOOOOOO

 

jodun

commit

 

tyseph

i dont want to have to do this,,

 

jodun

do it, pussy

 

tyseph

i’m scared

but its time

 

jodun

oh?

 

tyseph

i’m happy now

i got what i wanted, finawwy

 

jodun

and whats that?

 

tyseph

you.

Chapter Text

the pumpkin king

jack (skellington. not,,me,, but im watching tnbc for the first time) is all “ooh im from spooky city so im Scary” when honestly???? he’s a Dork when he sees all the christmas shit

 

lynz

HOW HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

 

the pumpkin king

i,,,,,dont know

but whats this is a song that i could jam to

 

lynz

i must be dreaming

wake up jack, come on, this isnt fair!

wHATS THIS??

 

the pumpkin king

they

dont have presents in scare square??

 

lynz

its not called scare square

 

the pumpkin king

man the residents of spook block are wild

 

lynz

okay those are actually p creative names so im giving you credit for that

 

the pumpkin king

whos the voice actor for jack i love his voice—

SANTY CLAUS

 

lynz

yeah

santie babie

 

the pumpkin king

i came here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn

“interesting reaction………. but wHAT does it MEAN” me in every class

why is

the christmas tree on fire????

 

lynz

its a witch

 

the pumpkin king

ah

LISTEN TO SALLY SHES TELLING YOU WHATS GONNA HAPPEN

listen to the ladies jack smh

wait no

ok even if jack isnt the pumpkin king anymore, i am >((

 

lynz

ok pumpkin man

 

the pumpkin king

they’re spanking santa ;))

 

lynz

list of sentences i never expected to read: that

 

the pumpkin king

well its TRUE

ok now shut up i need to actually pay attention

oh my FUCK hes such a dork

i love one (1) skeleton

no hes,,,hes not dead this is a disney movie

 

lynz

well whatshername died in up

 

the pumpkin king

thats??????? pixar????????????????????

 

lynz

shit u rite

 

the pumpkin king

YES HES PUMPKIN KING AGAIN

 

lynz

u get ur happy ending

 

the pumpkin king

i do!!

damn im not as flexible as he is and DEFINITELY not as sexy but i guess i’ll do

 

asslex

you are sexy but i have a crisis now because im not sure if i want to admit that On Main™ but if i dont i’ll be implying that a skeleton is sexier than you

 

the pumpkin king

a skeleton is sexier than me

jack’s! o! kay!

jack’s! o! kay!!!!!

ohohOHO theres snow

 

lynz

indeed there is

 

the pumpkin king

aw

happy ending :’)

 

lynz

:’)

 

asslex

:’)

Chapter Text

jodun

[uwu.mov]

(it’s a video of everyone- minus tyler- singing happy birthday. they're all grinning, and after they are finished there are mumbles of “god, we sounded horrible”. they were very off-key. josh blows a kiss at the camera and the video ends.)

 

tyseph

aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

you're all slimeballs. you're awful. fucking losers. i love you.

 

lynz

weve been through this, we don't say the l-word in here

but i love you too uwu

 

jodun

but you just said the l word????

 

lynz

nO l*ve isnt the l-word smh

its l***r

 

jodun

,,,,lover

 

lynz

no

 

asslex

jesus fuck you're too obsessed

 

lynz

its called staying on brand sweetie!!

 

tyseph

anyways i love you all so fukcnfig much

 

asslex

we love u too!!! happy birthday you absolute coward

 

the pumpkin king

thank u for existing 💕💕

 

tyseph

:’)

Chapter Text

jingle bells

im making biscotti yall want some

 

the pumpkin king

whats biscotti

 

jingle bells

food

right up your alley

 

the pumpkin king

shut up only my parents say “right up your alley”

 

jingle bells

clearly not

 

dreaming,,of a white,,christmas

can i have some biscotti

 

jingle bells

of course

what kind

 

dreaming,,of a white,,christmas

yes

 

jingle bells

understandable

anyone else

 

the pumpkin king

i’ll try some

 

jingle bells

ok wait im gonna make everyone five pieces and if anyone doesnt want theirs then

more for me

 

dreaming,,of a white,,christmas

you wouldnt mind sharing the unwanted ones w me would you

 

jingle bells

that depends

 

dreaming,,of a white,,christmas

acceptable

Chapter Text

jingle bells

reasons i should never go to new york:

one: i dont have enough money

two: i’d be screeching lyrics constantly

 

dreaming,,of a white,,christmas

i think i already know but lyrics to what

 

jingle bells

king of new york, of course

 

dreaming,,of a white,,christmas

understandable have a nice day

 

goose.

wait whos that by

 

jingle bells

uhh like,, jack feldman

 

goose.

whomst

 

jingle bells

so u see im almost a theatre kid (but not quite) and theres this one quite popular musical, based on a movie of the same name

 

goose.

,,,heathers

 

jingle bells

ew no

 

dreaming,,of a white,,christmas

unpopular opinion- heathers isnt that great

 

jingle bells

opinion accepted

 

dancers dancing

I disagree, but your opinion is respected.

 

jingle bells

anyway its

newsies

 

dancers dancing

I have an idea for Halloween next year.

 

jingle bells

pff its december

but if we remember then of course

 

goose.

i still have no clue what that is

 

jingle bells

okay yknow what

im inviting you all to my house at this very second so we can watch newsies

 

dancers dancing

I’m in your driveway now.

 

jingle bells

wait are you actually

 

dancers dancing

I was walking past so, yes. I am.

 

jingle bells

wack

Chapter Text

the pumpkin king

seminal noodles

 

calling birds

i?????

 

dreaming,,of a white,,christmas

im still not over

“and i found my voice!” “AnD i LoSt My ShOe!”

like?? that’s so ducking funny

 

calling birds

i????

 

drummers drumming

there’s vagina hair everywhere

 

hens

PLEASE I TRY TO REPRESS THAT

 

calling birds

I??????????????

 

french

im watching tom holland on the disney channel rn

 

goose.

crashes through window

i heARD TOM HOLLAND???

 

turtle doves

the poor window

 

goose.

dont we have homeowners insurance

 

turtle doves

no we’re broke

 

goose.

just like the window

 

turtle doves

GODDAMMIT

tapes the window together with flex tape

 

goose.

hope its flex tape clear

 

turtle doves

its not smh

 

goose.

why cant we use flex seal or flex glue

 

turtle doves

because this shit is expensive so we use what we have

 

the pumpkin king

can i add some friends

 

turtle doves

oh dear

yes

 

bang bang and brrm brrm have been added to the group.

 

bang bang

oh

 

turtle doves

hello???

 

bang bang

who are you

 

turtle doves

hhh i dont want to go through all these introductions again

 

bang bang

understandable

cant we just like

change our usernames to,, Our Names and make our pronouns our custom mood

 

turtle doves

holy FRICK youre a genius

 

jack

thats most of the reason why we’re complete opposites

 

rian

SDNIHFNJSK

 

alex

is he wrong

 

ryan

not another one

 

ryan

two is enough

 

rian

its?? spelled different??

 

ryan

shh

also @ryan should we change it to ryan r and ryan s or do we want to confuse them

 

ryan s

lets be nice for now

 

ryan r

fine

 

brendon

ah! meat!

 

rian

what

and i cannot stress this enough

the fuck

Chapter Text

lynz

guys wait

 

gerard

what are we waiting on

 

lynz

ok boomer

anyways if someone brings a red balloon to my birthday i’ll smite them

 

gerard

isnt your birthday in may??

 

lynz

Yes.

 

dallon

Excuse you. Why are you punctuating.

 

lynz

wait fuck

 

dallon

May I ask why you’d “smite” someone if they brought red balloons, particularly?

 

alex

u were there on Movie Night u know she gets emotional over these things

 

lynz

richie tozier deserved better in this essay i will

 

zack

wheres the rest of the essay

 

rian

we want the rest

 

lynz

:00 REALLY

 

rian

YES

 

lynz

ok so first off we have: he’s a closeted gay boy. literally canon. we know bc pennywise sings a whole ass song abt it like?? ok

 

dallon

You said “ok” twice in that message.

 

lynz

u think i care?

anyway

hes a closeted gay boy (and later a closeted gay man) and pennywise knows this and won’t (emma perkins voice) shut thE Fuck Up! about it

so obviously hes dealing w internalised homophobia which is never fun

two! he found out he lost his best friend like an hour after regaining his memory. holy fuck dude

three! HE LOST. THE LoVE OF HIS L I FE. IN HIS ARMS. without ever saying “i love you” one last time

and since this was only. a few days after getting his memory back. that means he definitely remembered how in love they used to be and realised his feelings were still there (we know thanks to him re-carving r+e into the bridge) and so. idk im just feelin Love For Richie Tozier tonight

 

zack

that was beautiful

 

rian

im crying

 

alex

lindsey should shut up about it: an essay by me

reason one: i fell asleep when chapter two came on but thanks to her rambling ive practically memorized the script

 

lynz

*memorised

 

alex

i take back my title! it’s now “lindsey should shut up: an essay by me”

 

lynz

ASDFGHJKL

 

geoff (is a better president)

and so this PUMPKIN GUY just. fucking screamed at me. and im just??

 

lynz

Excuse Me

 

geoff (is a better president)

WRONG SERVER

 

brendon

THIS SEEMS TO BE A REOCCURRING THING

 

geoff (is a better president)

I MAKE MISTAKES OKAY

SENDING MESSAGES TO THE WRONG CHAT IS MY ONLY FLAW (which is why im a better president)

 

otto (is better than geoff)

hah loser

my only flaw is dating you

 

geoff (is a better president)

ok ouch

 

awsten

holy fuck thats. okay

 

otto (is better than geoff)

sksjsk i didnt mean iT—

 

geoff (is a better president)

wow softie

i dont want a softie ruling me

 

otto (is better than geoff)

thats not what you said last night

 

lynz

HOLY FUCKXJDJJDKAKS

 

zack

JESUS

 

brendon

SHSJSJJSJJEJSJ

 

awsten

OTTO I

DJCJDKDKDLZK

 

geoff (is a better president)

i cant believe it

betrayed by my own boyfriend, political rival..

 

rian

isnt that the plot of red white and royal blue

 

geoff (is a better president)

shit u rite

otto become prince of england so we can have our romance novel

 

awsten

:(

 

geoff (is a better president)

we were already boyfriends and then otto came along and we were both like :0000

 

awsten

i think

going accurately

u and otto were together first and then i came along but ok ill take it

Chapter Text

brendon

i watched the grinch and

his heart isnt the only thing that grew three sizes if you know what i mean ;’)

 

lynz

DEAR JESUS

Chapter Text

lynz

sorry i don't know what im doing right now i don't have 2020 vision

 

jack

“ah yes, CARESS the HAND on your WALL” -me, a few seconds ago

 

lynz

EXCUSE ME

 

jack

I WAS WATCHING FIVE MINUTE CRAFTS AND THEY MADE SOAP IN THE SHAPE OF A HAND AND STUCK IT TO THE WALL AND THEN THEY JUST STARTED CARESSING IT

 

zack

WHAT THE HELL

 

ryan

IM SO CONCERNED WHAT

 

ryan

WHY ARE YOU WATCHING FIVE MINUTE CRAFTS

 

jack

wHy NoT

 

ryan

fair

 

brendon

so wait guys

i tried following a bob boy tutorial

 

zack

excuse me

 

brendon

why must you excuse yourself

 

lynz

“bob boy”

 

brendon

what

OH WAIT SHIT

SHHSBSKXNSKNXKK

 

ryan

IS THIS BECAUSE YOU MADE ROSS TURN TO BOY

 

brendon

KXBSKBXKANSK YES

 

bitch

I SWEAR TO FUCK

 

brendon

ANYWAYKJCHSKXJ

i did a bob r*ss tutorial and uh?

it was supposed to be a sunset

[fuck!.jpeg]

(it’s a picture of a canvas. it’s painted mostly black, with a large red circle in the middle. the tips of white trees were added at the bottom as an attempt to fix it.)

 

lynz

HESUJDHSSH

TJATS THE FUCKINGN APOCALYPSE

 

dallon

That looks like it would belong in my elementary school art classroom.

 

jack

communist japan

 

bitch

japan’s evil twin (with trees!)

WHAT

JAKC SHHSKSKSKSMJCJS

 

jack

IM NOT WRONG

 

patrick

THAT IS NOT WHAT COMMUNIST JAPAN’S FLAG IS

 

jack

SHUT UP JHSKXBSKXBJS I FEEL ATTACKED

 

brendon

YOU SHOULD???

 

pete

wait japan is communist?

 

brendon

WWHAT

 

patrick

NO???

 

lynz

WHAT ARE YOU O N

 

pete

NOTHING???????????

 

dallon

ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT IS WRONG? DO YOU NEED AN AMBULANCE? WHAT?

 

zack

SINCE WHEN IS JAPAN COMMUNIST

 

pete

ID ONT KNOW THATS WHY I ASKED

 

patrick

ITS NOT

 

pete

THEN WHY

ok

nevermind

i dont even

i cannot

okay

ok

ok

o k a y

 

lynz

go get ur caramel frappe

 

pete

gladly

Chapter Text

lynz

so uh guys

i have

uh

can i

hhhhhhhh

can i tell you something

 

tall glass of water

Yes, of course.

 

asslex

yeah ofc!!

 

lynz

UH

okay

im

okay so u know how

im

aaAAAAAA

 

asslex

you dont have to tell us

 

lynz

no i want to

 

asslex

take ur time then :0

 

lynz

aa ok ok

um

im kinda sorta

not cis??

i mean

im not coming out as trans guy

im telling u that im a trans girl

and i

thought u should know that

 

asslex

thank u for telling us!!

 

tall glass of water

We support you!

 

lynz

aaaaaaa

 

bitchy witchy

wait have any of my nicknames ever made u uncomfortable?? bc i call people dude and bro a lot n yeah

 

lynz

no youre good!

 

bitchy witchy

okay good

 

bullshit

your title as the prettiest girl hasnt changed :)

 

lynz

thank u,, im so honoured,,,,,,,

ok but seriously ily guys 🥺🥺

 

bullshit

ur so valid 😔👊

 

lynz

brb gonna go. cRY

thank you sm aaa

 

asslex

youre still my bestest fwiend owo

 

lynz

oh jesus Fuck