Work Header

Perks of being bored Avengers

Chapter Text

"WHY THE FUCK IS THERE AN ALPACA IN THE KITCHEN?!" Steve groaned, burying his head into the oh so soft blankets. His head hurts. The sound of heavy steps echoed as his beloved Bucky barreled into the bedroom.

"What the hell did you and the damn gods do last night?" Bucky snipped. Steve raised his head, his blonde hair in despair. 

"mgrhkbwgdashv...." Steve mumbled. The Winter Soldier gave his lover a queer look.

"Care to repeat that in English?" with a loud, protesting groan, Steve sat up, his massive pecs shimmery from late night sweat.

"I said Thor, Loki and I had a few drinks of some Asgardian mead, got a bit carried away, and..." he trailed. 

"And what?" the dark haired man asked, his muscular arms crossed.

"That's it. I have no idea what we did next." Steve rubbed his eyes, and swung his legs over the bed. He stood, and stumbled to the bathroom buck ass nude. 

"Bleagh!" Bucky turned around and glowered at the five foot fluffy creature as it gently butted his/her head at his back. In the bathroom Steve sniggered.




The alpaca munched happily on a large bowl or bread crusts and instant oats as Steve downed his fourth cup of heavenly bean juice. James "Bucky" Barnes glowered at Steve Rogers as he himself grumpily drank cinnamon tea. The alpaca grunted and wagged its tail with glee as it found a sweet piece of apple at the bottom of its bowl.

"Where the hell did you find an alpaca in New York City anyway?"

"I have no idea, Buck. I don't even remember when I made it to the bed last night." Steve stood and got another cup of coffee. Bucky sighed and finished his tea. The metal armed man side stepped the still groggy blonde and grabbed an apple. The damn alpaca snorted and daintily cantered over to its new master. The brunette glowered as the fluffy critter nudged its head for the fruit.

"Hey, Cap and Sarge! Do you know where I placed....Why is there a llama in the kitchen with you?" Tony stopped in his tracks as the alpaca then took a marble like shit next to Bucky's bare feet. And then pissed on them.

"Oh come on!" the Ex assassin bemoaned. Steve fought hard not to laugh as his finished his final mug of coffee. Bucky sent him a well perfected murder glare and stalked off, muttering curses in Russian.

"First of all: its an alpaca. Second: do you think you can ask FRIDAY to check the camera feeds on how I got this thing in here without waking anyone up?" Tony gasped and grabbed for his chest like he was having cardiac arrest.

"YOU DID THIS?!" he yelped. Steve nodded as he began to sweep up the alpaca crap. He peppered the puddle of pee with thick paper towels.

"I think so."

"You think so? How did you forget you got an alpaca in your apartment?" Tony asked.

"The damn bastard got drunk with Mr. Mischief and Sparkles." Bucky stalked back in the room, heavy boots decorating his feet now. Tony balked.

"What the hell did you drink? I thought you couldn't get drunk!" Stark asked/yelped.

"Thor brought several bottles of mead back from Asgard. Loki brought some from Jotunheim. We shared a few bottles of each and next thing I knew, Buck here is complaining about the alpaca." said alpaca was leaning into Steve's hand as he tickled the things super soft chin. Tony pinched the bridge of his nose, clamped his eyes shut and mentally counted to thirty... in french.

"FRIDAY, bring up last nights surveillance cameras and check to see if Thor and his Brother/bride are awake as well."

"Of course, Boss." FRIDAY's Gaelic laced voice responded. The Living room TV switched on, and so, all three human men went to see what happened last night. The alpaca followed.


The screen shows Steve, Thor and a scantly dressed Loki taking modest sips of golden liquid and switching back and forth with sips of melted snow colored liquid.

"This mead. Its pretty good. There is hardly a bite to it." Steve said. Thor chuckled.

"Asgardian mead is a smooth alcohol, potent, but harmless to a gestating mother. for children though, we heavily water it down with rain water or juice. Usually it is too powerful for common mortals. But since you are no common mortal, it should be safe." Thor sipped the snow looking mead next. Loki swirled the snowy mead around, apparently marveling as the liquor glistened in the dim light.

"You, Sargent Barnes and maybe Vision are possibly the only Midgardians who can handle godly spirits. Captain, try the Jotunheim variety." Loki sipped the icy looking drink. Steve switched out the gold mead for the icy looking one. He then took took a swig.

"Hey, this ain't bad either. If swallowing the Asgardian stuff is like basking in the summer sun, then this is like sampling a winter full moon." he stated. Loki smiled, amused.

"How poetic." The tall, almost nude God of Mayhem smirked. Thor chuckled.

"The Fellow Captain is not wrong in the comparisons. Besides Loki, its much easier to drink these mead varieties than to even dose ourselves with Vaneheim pepper wine." Loki nodded at his mate's words.

"True." Steve finished his drinks.

"What does pepper wine taste like?" he asked.

"Like hot acid, but it is a wonderful burn. Vaneheim liquor should be good for the rest of the Avengers to try, not as potent as Asgardian or Jotun drinks." Thor replied. Three then drunk their spirits in pleasant silence. This went on for a few hours, until all three appeared to be three-to-nine sheets to the wind.

Steve, his cheeks rosy from the alcohol, was giggling at a thought. Loki was snuggled in Thor's lap, playing with the God of Thunder's growing beard.

"He...hey! How would you two propose for marriage?" Steve stammered. Thor nuzzled Loki's slim neck, his facial hair making the younger god giggle.

"Well, An Asgardian would give his intended livestock, the more to their tastes, the better." Thor explained. Loki nodded.

"A Jotun would create a nest of treasures for the two intendeds to breed with luxury." Steve appeared to be deep in thought.

"What do Yohtonnes consider as luxury?" he asked. Loki placed a kiss on Thor's equally pinked cheeks.

"Furs, tomes, any type of literature really. There is also special objects like jewelry, pottery, clothes and their beloved favorite dried and preserved foods." Loki explained.

"Is that how Thor proposed to you?" Steve asked. Both immortals laughed.

"Nay. Loki gifted me the nest and the recollected metal of Molnjir, and I gave him a flock Midgardian birds he treasures and spoils." Thor explained. Steve was silent.

"I don't know what to give him." he whined. Loki, coming down from his drunkenness, gazed at his Midgardian friend.

"What do Midgardians do to propose?" he asked.

"Well, there are all sorts of things. Most Americans thought give their intendeds a diamond ring. But That will be a bit hard."

"Why" Thor asked.

"Engagement rings are worn on the left hand. He doesn't have a left hand." the mood seemed a bit morose. Loki seemed to be plotting something.

"I have an idea." He then motioned the two large blonde men together and began to whisper. Steve looked skeptical, Thor looked delighted and Loki looked pleased.

"Then it's settled. Lets go!" Thor took another swallow of a random glass of mead, Gently placed Loki on his feet and motioned his barely smaller friend to the door.


Around four am, Steve came stumbling on his floor with the blasted alpaca cradled in a fireman's hold and gently placed the very confused animal in the spare room. He stumbled around the apartment for thirty more minutes, singing some rude french drinking song under his breath, and staggered into the bathroom. five minutes later had him swaying to the bedroom stark naked. and the screen then went black.




"Huh." Tony then looked at a red faced Steve and a slack jawed Bucky.

"...So that's what happened..." Steve muttered. Bucky turned and looked at the damn alpaca, who was resting by his feet.

"The fucking alpaca is a proposal?" he whispered. Steve nodded.

"Apparently." He then let out a gasp and shot to his feet, scaring the daylights out of the alpaca and Tony.

"Shit! I remembered something. Be right back!" The six foot tall male then took off down the hall. Bucky and Tony stared down the hallway, stared at each other, and stared at the alpaca. After several minutes, Steve cam scurrying back. Bucky stood. And Steve dropped to one knee. He held out a box, a bit too big for a ring box.

"I should have done this a hell of a long time ago. But There were a few reasons why I didn't. Number one: it was illegal then. Number two: I was waiting until you were better. and Three: I needed to find the perfect moment, and well, I guess this is it." He opened the box, revealing a set of dog tags. On one tag, the words "Til the end of the line." were engraved, on the other the sketch of two doves and a shamrock.

"James Buccanhan Barnes... Will you do me the honor of-" He was cut off as Bucky dragged him up to his feet and smashed his pout like lips to Steve's.

"Of course, ya punk!" He smiled at Steve, his blue eyes trickling with happy tears. Steve smiled, and gave his fiance another tender kiss.

"...So, what about the alpaca?" Tony asked.