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WIP Amnesty: Who In the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

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The V.I.L.E headquarters building is a huge warehouse, white or gray brick, with an imposing air. It is surrounded by a barbed wire fence with some fabric scraps stuck in the barbs.

LIGHTNING FLASHES. Red graffiti spelling out “ACME Sucks” is seen on the wall.

THUNDER. Through the gathering puddles of mud in the V.I.L.E compound, a pair of black-stockinged legs with black high heels walks purposefully towards a GUARD BOOTH.

LIGHTNING FLASHES. A black-leather-gloved hand types 8-4-5-3 (“V-I-L-E”) into a numeric code pad. The LEGS step inside the guard booth.


There is a mechanized, soothing, female voice speaking.


Welcome to the V.I.L.E Headquarters. Lowering cell to outer chambers.

The GUARD BOOTH stops moving; there is the swirl of a red trench coat as the woman inside exits.


A spotless, all-metal room: completely empty and bare save for another code pad next to a smooth, knobless metal door.

The black leather glove is removed with a flourish, revealing a beautiful – almost sexual – female hand with red manicured nails. The index finger of this hand is pressed flat to the code pad.

INSERT: Green computerized writing scrolling through characters around the finger on code pad. Finally, the scrolling stops, and the finger is removed. In the same green letters, the screen reads



The metal door dissolves, and the walls on either side of it slide noiselessly to opposite sides, revealing a room of gargantuan proportions, emphasized by the fact that in the very center of the vault – behind what used to be the metal door – sits the Sphinx. As in the ancient Egyptian monument.


Welcome, Carmen Sandiego, to the V.I.L.E Inner Chambers.

The profile of CARMEN SANDIEGO looks into the room. She is a stunningly beautiful woman with a film noir detective movie sex kitten edge. She has long brown hair, and most of her face is concealed behind a large floppy red fedora with a black hatband – the only visible facial features are a pristine white jaw, chin, and bright red lips.

It is essential that no more of her face is ever shown.

Carmen Sandiego walks into the vault.



My name is Carmen Sandiego. I am a master thief.

Carmen Sandiego pulls a clipboard from inside her red trench coat and begins a round of the vault, collecting inventory. She first approaches the sphinx, and makes a mark on the clipboard.

CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. - continuing)

My vault holds in its depths all of the wonders of the world.

Carmen Sandiego continues to make her rounds, marking on her clipboard. Included in the vault are: The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, The Temple of Artemis, The Great Pyramid of Giza, The Olympian statue of Zeus, the Colossus of Rhodes, the Eiffel Tower, a pool or plastic bag of huge proportion labeled “The Caspian Sea,” The Empire State Building, The Golden Gate Bridge, The Taj Mahal, the raised hulk of the Titanic, Machu Picchu, a glass aquarium that spans an entire wall and is labeled “The Indian Ocean,” the Terracotta Army of Xi’an, the scrolls from the library at Alexandria, etc.

The ceiling is Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel fresco.

Safes, trunks, and treasure chests fill the floor and available wall space; some are open revealing mounds of gold, silver, jewels, etc., and other are full of documents.

CARMEN SANDIEGO (V.O. - continuing)

My adversaries usually have but two questions for me when… if… they find me: Why and how.

Those are my secrets.

This is my story.