One day, Rachel Berry woke up and suddenly felt different somehow. No, she didn’t suddenly have a penis or some shit like that, okay?! She felt like today was the fucking day, you know. Today would be the day she’d finally confront Quinn Fagay abuout the blonde’s lady toner for her, and she was gonna kiss her too. Because why the fuck not? I’m writing this thing.
The bell rings as the normally chipper brunette finally made her way to glee club. Just because she’s ready, doesn’t mean she feels like shitting her tiny skirt. As soon as she entered the class, she saw the short haired girl. She’s not preggo any more though, okay. And she’s not a cheerio. It’s that stage. Anyway, the only seat left is “conveniently” right next to the girl. Rachel takes a deep breath, repeating ‘she def wants to fuck me’ in her head. She’s right. I mean, Diana had a lady boner for Rachel. Fuck, I mean Quinn. Shit.
Rachel settles down next to Quinn, on her left side, to be specific, because I feel that’s importnat. How do you use comas again? Anyway, Quinn turns to the diva and immediately smiles. To her, Rachel Berry was the epitome of beauty, amazing, perfect, and every other fucking good word I totally should have used then. So Rachel is amazing to Quinn. Quinn would give her pretty blouses and dresses away just to get a chance to even kiss the talented brunette. It’s why she was such a fucking dick to her before, because she secretly wanted to be the dick in her, if you catch my drift.
“Hey Rach. Are you okay? You came a bit late,” Quinn says. And to that, Rachel bit her lip to prevent from saying, “that’s not what you’ll be saying tonight.”
Because she was gonna do this with fucking class and woo the shit out of the previously pregnant girl. She turns to said girl and smiles . She opens her mouth but the words refuse to come out, like she ate glue nachos or something like Drake and Josh. After a pathetic third attempt, she quickly stands up and walks to the middle of the room saying, “I have to sing!”
Everyone but Quinn and Finn groaned. Finn wasn’t super interested in Rachel though. He was just playing with one of those roll up worm things that make a loud crunch sound when you murder it. Quinn was interested though. She raised one of her eyebrows in that perfectly annoying way that also arouses you, you know?
Rachel ignores the stares and hurriedly whispers something in the guitarist’s (of the band they have in there) ear that makes him give her a weird look but just nods and whisper amongst the band.
As the song starts, Rachel repeats her mantra in her head, turns around to avoid the eye contact , and then starts singing.
“My girlfriend’s a dick magnet
My girlfriend’s gotta have it
She’s hot, can’t stop, up on stage, doing shots.”
Nearly the entire glee club Is staring at Rachel like she died and some sexual robot replaced her. Santana looks kind of impressed and turned on (same), Brittany is dancing along, Archie looks a little uncomfortable, Finn has named his worm friend thing and they’re playing on the piano together, and Quinn is just fucked. She’s fucking fucked, man, especially when Rachel turns around and looks directly at her for most of the song. Rachel embraces her sexy self and shakes her ass around the room because fuck yeah. Quinn nearly forgets how to breathe when Rachel sings,
“she likes to shake her ass
She grinds it to the beat
She likes to pull my hair
When I make her grind her teeth
I like to strip her down
She's naughty to the end
You know what she is, no doubt about it
She's a bad, bad girlfriend! “
While grinding on the poor blonde. She struggles to keep her hands to herself but once Rachel finishes the song, Quinn grabs Rachel by the hand and pulls her outside where she pushes the shorter girl against the wall.
“W-was that for me?”
Rachel rolls her eyes and slips her arms around the taller girl’s neck bringing her down for a heated kiss. They don’t get too far though. They’re both grinding against each other and moaning and groaning all over so loud that Sue yells “GET A ROOM YOU PRECIOUS GAYS” from across the corridor. And Rachel and Quinn do. Get a room. They go to Rachel’s room actually because it’s soundproof and that’s the smart thing to do no matter how horny they are for each other.
They stay together, get married, have four sons and three daughters, all successful in life and/or biz just like their mothers.