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When The Tide Is Too Heavy

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When the tide is too heavy

Shownu hadn’t been little in weeks, and yes it was adding more stress and yes his members told him time and time again, “just drop Nu, we are here for you, you are safe.” No matter how sweet those words sounded to his ears he kept pushing back that prickly feeling. He was the leader of Monsta X and he had no time to indulge himself, promotions were never ending and he needed to make sure Monbebe’s were happy, needed them to know they will keep working hard to deliver performances beyond their expectations.

Shownu spent his Thursday like anyone else. There was no hectic schedule to follow that day so he made use of the time off. Going to the gym, trying the new steak spot that had just opened up from across their dorm and taking care of laundry. He needed a heavy distraction until he could finally return to his room and curl up. Shownu had been folding the last of his clothes when his head started to tingly, he knew right away what the feeling was from. He hadn’t been little in weeks and even though he wasn’t stressed or overwhelmed at the moment everything just seemed to amplify with the small prickle at the back of his head. He let out a soft whine but quickly went back to what he was doing, “there was no time to be little.” He kept repeating that sentence to himself over and over, almost to the point of it sounding like a mantra.
Dinner had approached the leader like the rising tide and Shownu was a bit startled when Kihyun had called for him along with the others. Shownu was tempted to say he hadn’t been hungry but when his stomach let out an annoying growl for food he knew it would be for naught. He made his way to the dining area and when he sat down Kihyun placed a large plate in front of him. Shownu sent a smile in Kihyun’s direction but the younger could tell he was distracted. Shownu stayed quiet for the majority of their meal which of course isn’t unheard of but in this moment it was a little different. Shownu was eating at a slower pace and he seemed to shrink in on himself whenever one of the boys had spoken too loud or too suddenly. Despite Shownu’s external demeanor his mind was moving a mile a minute, if only he could get himself to move faster he could head back to his room where he could ignore the prickling at the back of his head alone. But as he had noticed nothing had gone in his favor today, so here he sat; alone as everyone else excused themselves.

Kihyun had started to note that something was off with their leader, he knew Shownu’s pride meant a lot to him, knew he wouldn’t let himself slip while they were in the middle of a comeback. But Kihyun couldn’t help but think that Shownu was doing more harm than good. Shownu never liked slipping into his little space but as the years became many he soon became more comfortable knowing his members would never judge and instead took care of him. But now Shownu was refusing to slip. Kihyun knew this comeback had been harder on Shownu, he had a lot going on and still had to make a presentable face in front of the media and their dedicated fans. But a few days of not slipping turned into a few weeks and if Shownu kept pushing himself something worse than a bad drop could occur. Kihyun had heard of Littles making themselves sick or locking out of their Little Space completely and those were the last things he’d ever want Shownu to experience. Kihyun made up his mind and decided that in order for Shownu to feel better he’d have to talk him down. Kihyun started to think of the best options; telling the members and having them join would likely give Shownu more stress than he needed considering how timid the leader was being at dinner so the added attention was not not the best option. Kihyun would take care of Shownu himself, nothing he wasn’t used to… and if he were being honest he was more than excited, he missed his baby boy of a leader; Kihyun wanted to remind the older that he was always safe with him, wanted to remind him that no matter what he would always be cared for.

Time skip (after dindin maybe?)

“Shownu Honey? Will you bring me the dishes from the table?” Shownu had just barely sunken into his head space while eating, and even though he had finished he was still sitting at the table looking lost and more tired than before. The small request from Kihyun had pulled Shownu back to the present and before he could stop himself a small whine had already passed through his lips. Kihyun’s tone was as soft as silk and Shownu could feel himself on the verge of slipping. When Shownu made no move to follow through with Kihyun’s request Kihyun looked at Shownu with an odd expression, one mixed with worry, and as his eyebrows raised to his forehead everything seemed to click and soon Kihyun was taking small steps to where Shownu was seated. When Kihyun finally reached Shownu he knelt in front of him and rested his hands on the leaders knees gently. “Are you tired Darling? Do you want me to make you some milk?” Kihyun’s tone was sugary and oh so addictive, Shownu couldn’t help himself as he slowly shook his head yes. Kihyun could tell Shownu hadn’t slipped yet but it was only a matter of time. Kihyun decided that the dishes could wait as he stood into an upright position while carefully pulling Shownu to his feet. “I’ll make you a bottle so why don’t you go grab your jammies and then head to my room, can you do that for me Baby?” And before Shownu could count to three he had slipped, just like that, the word baby playing over and over in his head like a song on repeat. Kihyun knew that pet name in specific always helped the other male to drop, and yes, maybe he did plan to wait until after he had prepared Shownu’s bottle and helped him settle into his fuzzy pajamas but there was something about the way Shownu kept looking at him, like he had given Kihyun permission, like he was finally tired of running away from that prickly feeling. So here Shownu stood or rather here Shownu sat, feeling so overwhelming that his legs began to wobble and before he knew it his bum had made contact with the hardwood flooring of their dining area. Kihyun let out a soft giggle but quickly sat in front of Shownu, he cupped the Littles face as if it were a flower and then he began to speak, “why’d you wait so long to be little Baby? I know you’ve been so stressed.” Shownu had small tears weighing on his eyelids and he began to close them rapidly, ‘why had he waited so long to be little? He didn’t know, was Kihyun mad because he had waited so long? It’s not his fault he just couldn’t be little there was too much going on and- and still so much was going on.’ Shownu’s tears were becoming to heavy for his eyelids to hold; the dam had broken and he let out stuttering sobs, “Shownu didn’t wanna stay big but- but I had to and- and now Kihyunnie is mad and I didn’t wanna but- but I had to.” Kihyun’s heart was in shambles as he heard Shownu try to answer his question in broken sobs, Kihyun let his hands drop from the Littles face and made quick work to pull his crying baby into his lap, “no Baby, I’m not mad at you, I could never be mad at you, I was just curious but that doesn’t matter now okay, you did such a good job staying big but now you can let go okay, you have to just let go okay Baby.” Kihyun wiped Shownu’s tears but never told the Little he didn’t need to cry anymore, he understood that crying helped Shownu relieve his stresses so they sat on the floor until Shownu’s heavy sobbing turned into small sniffles, Kihyun rubbing his back and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Once Shownu felt more or less relieved of the overwhelming feelings that had been following him for the last three weeks he let his Little Space settle completely. Grasping at Kihyuns sweater with his hands he slowly looked up to greet the man who cared for him the most. Kihyun spoke sweetly as he saw his Little make eye contact, “how about I still make that bottle for you and then read you a story, would you like that Baby?” Shownu shook his head rapidly, completely forgetting about the tears that had just stained his golden skin only moments before. Kihyun let out a gently giggle as he watched the male before him, he slowly made work at getting up from the floor, once he was on stable ground he helped Shownu up and pulled him into his chest. “Shall you stay with me or are you big enough to head to my room?” Shownu had a slight delay as he wanted to stay in Kihyun’s arms for just a little longer, the warmth radiating from his body made Shownu feel safe and loved. After a minute of thought Shownu finally answered, tone a higher pitch than normal, “Shownu wants to stay with you but Shownu will wait in your room!” Kihyun smiled before praising Shownu on being such a good boy, Shownu’s cheeks dusting a light pink as he made way to his destination.

Kihyun had made quick work of Shownu’s bottle, adding a bit more cinnamon as he knew the Little enjoyed it that way. Once finished he headed towards his bedroom, when he reached the door he cooed at the sight before him, Shownu dressed in his bear onesie as he hugged his avocado and bunny plushies close to his chest while resting under Kihyun’s large comforter. Kihyun walked over to the bed in long strides (well not really long strides but like medium strides) and then sat in the small space beside the Little. “Baby, lets have you drink this up before it gets cold hmm.” Shownu turned his head to Kihyun and opened his mouth wide, Kihyun placed the bottle between the Littles lips and watched as Shownu seemed to sink into the mattress further. Soft sounds of Shownu feeding filled the room, his eyes fluttering between opened and closed, not yet feeling ready to sleep. Kihyun had since started running his fingers through the Littles hair watching the sight before him and feeling his heart swell even more. By the time Shownu had finished his bottle he was letting out soft snores, hands clenching and unclenching as his body slowly relaxed into a deep sleep, Kihyun removed his bottle ever so gently and placed it upon his bedside dresser. Kihyun let a chuckle leave his lips as he knew the Little would be grumpy in the morning as he fell asleep before he was read a bedtime story. Kihyun’s smile was filled with nothing but love as he leaned over to place a soft kiss to each of Shownu’s temples. Wishing his baby boy a good night Kihyun moved off the bed after tucking the Little in effectively (no sick Littles on his watch!!!) and changed into his nightwear as quietly as possible. After changing he flipped the light switch off but not before turning on Shownu’s star lamp, he tiptoed quietly to the other side of the bed and crawled into the empty space as he smiled to himself, tomorrow would be a good day, and he and Shownu could make up on lots of lost Little times. He’d wake him with pancakes and read him his favorite bedtime story and then Shownu could spend time with his ‘hyungs’ and when their free time was up they would feel comfortable going back to work, but most of all Shownu would be stress free and ready to take everything on head first.

Shownu woke to the sound of the television and the warmth encompassing his body, he let out at happy sigh knowing he was not alone. The smell of chocolate chip pancakes had made way to his little nose and he sat up quickly, the force of his motions almost throwing the boys on either side of him to the floor. Wonho let out his famous laugh once he saw Shownu’s shocked expression. “Did our Prince sleep well?” Shownu blushed at the nickname, Wonho had always called him as such and each time it made his heart jump. Minhyuk was smiling to himself as he watched the two interact. Shownu began to speak quietly a bit of sadness hinted in his voice, the two boys pulled Shownu in close and waited for him to address whatever it was that was troubling his mind, “Kihyunnie never read to Shownu bc Shownu fell asleep and now I don’t know if Hook will give back Tinker Bell.” The pout that had placed itself on Shownu’s lips was so cute Minhyuk had to stop himself from taking pictures and cooing at their leader. Wonho was quick to respond, “don’t worry your little head our Prince, that’s why your hyungs are here now!! We will read the rest of the story to you while Kihyunnie finishes your breakfast!” Shownu perked up instantly, “and- and you will do the voices for Shownu too?” Wonho let out a loving laugh as Minhyuk replied, “of course we’ll do the voices!!! We’ll do them even better than Kihyunnie too!!” Shownu gasped at Minhyuk’s statement, ‘there was no way!!! How could they manage to have better voices than Kihyunnie!!’ To say Shownu was interested was an understatement, he was brimming with so much excitement he couldn’t sit still. “Minnie Hyung please read to me now before Kihyunnie finishes!!!” Shownu’s words were spoken so quickly Minhyuk could barely keep up. Wonho who had been watching the entire exchange stood and quietly grabbed Shownu’s favorite book, the Little clapping his hands happily as they finally opened the first page, excitement evident in his eyes. Minhyuk took the lead reading as the narrator before diving into his role as Peter Pan, Shownu was so captivated he didn’t even hear when Kihyun had called for the three. Wonho put the book aside with the promise of finishing as soon as their tummies were full, and with that they made way to the dining area, Shownu holding tightly to his hyungs hands as he asked Kihyun for milk instead of water.