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sunshinegirl changed the group’s name to the bikings

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2018/12/31

 

Lancelot created a group

Lancelot named the group Hero Council

Lancelot added sunshinegirl, fastestmanalive, and dramaqueen to Hero Council

 

  

2019/01/01

 

fastestmanalive: some friends you are, leaving me to clean up star labs all by myself

sunshinegirl: ……ehe

dramaqueen: You have superspeed

fastestmanalive: not the point

fastestmanalive: do you have any idea how much mess was on the floors

Lancelot: Is Barry Allen actually salty

fastestmanalive: I have one hell of a hangover

sunshinegirl: ugh same

sunshinegirl: I should NOT have drunk all that alien alcohol

fastestmanalive: tell me about it

Lancelot: No kidding

dramaqueen: Even I’m hungover, and I DON’T get hungover

Lancelot: Poor Oliver 😂

Lancelot: Am I the only one who’s actually fine

fastestmanalive: lucky bitch

sunshinegirl: ???

Lancelot: I’m a lucky bitch and I know it ;)

dramaqueen: Not fair

MamaWaverider: You should have more garlic soup and perhaps some ginger tea with lemons, I am told it helps.

Lancelot: Gideon?? How did you even get here

fastestmanalive: loved your soup

MamaWaverider: Thank you, Mr Allen.

MamaWaverider: Let’s not forget I operate this entire application.

dramaqueen: Felicity could really use one of you

fastestmanalive: apparently I’ll have invented Gideon sometimes in the future…

MamaWaverider: Indeed, Mr Allen.

fastestmanalive: so maybe give me a lil help with that?

Lancelot: Nope, it’s the rules of time travel

sunshinegirl: what happened I passed out for a bit

fastestmanalive: lol

dramaqueen: Nothing

sunshinegirl: alex be like, put down your phone and go to BED kara

Lancelot: Always listen to Alex

sunshinegirl: 🙄

fastestmanalive: speaking of Alex

fastestmanalive: what happened between her and Cait 👀

dramaqueen: Kissing?

Lancelot: You’re so bright

sunshinegirl: hahaha

sunshinegirl: they fell asleep cuddling on harry wells’ cot but idk more

dramaqueen: And how do you know that

sunshinegirl: I was there

Lancelot: Were you now

sunshinegirl: pffft just talking to them

fastestmanalive: what else would she be doing

Lancelot: Oh Barry

sunshinegirl: 😊😊😊

dramaqueen: They’re sisters

Lancelot: Not by blood???

sunshinegirl: calm down ok

sunshinegirl: first off, ew

sunshinegirl: secondly, I love my girlfriend v much

fastestmanalive: hey did you realize that we’re all bi cause

sunshinegirl: wait, oliver is bi

dramaqueen: HOW DO YOU KNOW

Lancelot:

Lancelot: Go figure

dramaqueen: Sara

Lancelot: It wasn’t me, it was probably Cisco

fastestmanalive: don’t kill him, Oliver

dramaqueen: So it WAS Cisco

Lancelot: Hey not only we’re all bi but we all have wives/girlfriends

sunshinegirl: yeah No Guys Allowed

sunshinegirl: not that I hate guys

fastestmanalive: yeah I get it

 

sunshinegirl changed the group’s name to the bikings

 

fastestmanalive: you know that joke!!!

sunshinegirl: bi-five 🖐️

fastestmanalive: 🖐️

Lancelot: 😂

dramaqueen: Didn’t you say this was only for emergencies @Lancelot

Lancelot: Actually, I didn’t

sunshinegirl: you know us Ollie

dramaqueen: You don’t have the privilege to call me that

sunshinegirl: you mean YET 😉

fastestmanalive: do I have the privilege to call you ollie, ollie 👀

dramaqueen: Not with this attitude 🙄

Lancelot: Hey Ollie 👀

dramaqueen: I hate you

sunshinegirl: haha no you don’t

fastestmanalive: you ADMITTED you liked us and you’re not getting outta that one

Lancelot: When did THAT happen

fastestmanalive: a month ago?

sunshinegirl: during the team-up 😊

Lancelot: Oh I see ;)

dramaqueen: I told you not to tell anyone 😒

fastestmanalive: come on, it’s just sara

fastestmanalive: you slept with her

sunshinegirl: wait you did???

dramaqueen: Why

Lancelot: Yeah, he kinda… cheated on Laurel with me…

sunshinegirl: 👀👀👀 WHAT

fastestmanalive: yeahhh that’s the sister I told you about

sunshinegirl: OH

Lancelot: Kara is shooketh

Lancelot: But hey, if you think about it, who knows where we’d be now if it weren’t for our little affair

Lancelot: None of us might’ve become vigilantes

dramaqueen: The Gambit would’ve sunk with me and Laurel, so she’d become the Canary first instead of you and everything would’ve been the same, except your lives would be switched

dramaqueen: She would die, you’d take up her mantle, then we’d resurrect her, she’d join the Legends instead of you, you’d die for real at the hand of Damien Darhk, and she’d be the Legends’ captain, but hey, I’m just theorizing

Lancelot: I’m blocking you

fastestmanalive: this is really sad

fastestmanalive: at which point Cisco would say “alexa play despacito”

sunshinegirl: he would haha

sunshinegirl: also it’s a bit rude, don’t you think

dramaqueen: Well sorry, Sara asked

Lancelot: I didn’t but ok

Lancelot: So Barry

Lancelot: How IS Cisco

fastestmanalive: probably asleep, why

Lancelot: You know what I mean 👀

dramaqueen: Felicity wasn’t lying when she called you the shipping club

sunshinegirl: oh my

sunshinegirl: that’s fitting 😂

fastestmanalive: OH

fastestmanalive: in that case, he’s probably asleep in Harry’s lab

Lancelot: Good

Lancelot: Thank u, next

sunshinegirl: we should also be called the meme club don’t you think

fastestmanalive: 👍

dramaqueen: Why

sunshinegirl: so

sunshinegirl: winn and brainy are DEFINITELY together and like, we’ve been waiting for that so long?? there were bets at the deo

Lancelot: You’ve taken things to another level

sunshinegirl: are you telling me the legends never bet on anything

Lancelot: No, and don’t tell them to

fastestmanalive: speaking of the legends

fastestmanalive: what’s that thing between Nate, Ray, Nora Darhk and Zari

dramaqueen: I can’t believe Ray is with NORA DARHK

dramaqueen: I knew her as a kid

dramaqueen: DAMIEN DARHK’S KID

Lancelot: They’re not together

Lancelot: Not yet ;)

sunshinegirl: keep us updated, yeah

Lancelot: Ditto

fastestmanalive: you got it 😉

dramaqueen: Why am I still talking to you

sunshinegirl: cause this is hilarious & you love us

Chapter Text

the bikings
2019/01/06

 

Lancelot: So where are my updates

sunshinegirl: going straight to business I see

Lancelot: A girl needs entertainment

dramaqueen: Don’t you have a whole bunch of children to watch over

fastestmanalive: 😂

Lancelot: They’re currently occupied with the monthly cleaning

sunshinegirl: and you left them at it 😂

sunshinegirl: way to go, mom

Lancelot: I’m teaching them a Valuable Life Lesson™

fastestmanalive: so now you do the cleaning

dramaqueen: You’re still not over it

fastestmanalive: I found THINGS

sunshinegirl: 👀

Lancelot: 👀

fastestmanalive: you’re actually horrible

sunshinegirl: aww no barry

sunshinegirl: wanna grab some ice cream with me

fastestmanalive: ☺️☺️☺️

fastestmanalive: please

sunshinegirl: your earth or mine

fastestmanalive: Cisco?

fastestmanalive: oh right he’s not here

Lancelot: 😂😂😂

dramaqueen: Barry, are you alright

fastestmanalive: yeah Ollie I’m fine

dramaqueen: I told you not to call me that

Lancelot: Tough luck, it’s caught on

sunshinegirl: ollie is grumpy

fastestmanalive: maybe he needs ice cream too

dramaqueen: No, I don’t need ice cream

Lancelot: So, back to my original question

sunshinegirl: we had winn and brainy over for dinner yesterday

fastestmanalive: and

sunshinegirl: and what, that’s it

Lancelot: Really

fastestmanalive:

dramaqueen: Laurel and Dinah went on a date, is that what you wanna hear

Lancelot: Oliver, you’re shocking me

fastestmanalive: 👀

sunshinegirl: wow ollie

dramaqueen: What, I can do gossip

Lancelot: What about Curtis and Rene 👀

dramaqueen: I don’t know

fastestmanalive: cmon how do you not know

dramaqueen: I don’t spend all my time with my former team, you know

Lancelot: Excuses

sunshinegirl: yeah

sunshinegirl: no ice cream for you

dramaqueen: I didn’t want any

fastestmanalive: ok but I do

sunshinegirl: your earth then

fastestmanalive: you’re the best 😍

dramaqueen: What would Iris say about that

Lancelot: Iris knows that nothing can get between Barry and food

fastestmanalive: 👍

Lancelot: So anyway

Lancelot: Have you heard Bruce Wayne is back

dramaqueen: I was shocked to be honest

sunshinegirl: who even writes tbh as the words anymore tbh

Lancelot: Oliver

fastestmanalive: 🤣

fastestmanalive: yeah I read the article

Lancelot: There’s a crisis in Gotham and a month later he comes back, what a coincidence

sunshinegirl: hmmm

dramaqueen: And it’s not a coincidence?

Lancelot: ???

Lancelot: Clearly “”someone”” nudged him

fastestmanalive: yeah were you talking to Kate, Kara

sunshinegirl: 😅😅😅

dramaqueen: What is even going on

Lancelot: Go back to sleep, Ollie

fastestmanalive: we sure do talk about Bruce a lot

sunshinegirl: we, ok

Lancelot: Who brought him up in the Legends chat

sunshinegirl: fair

 

Lancelot added brucewayne to the bikings

 

dramaqueen: WHY

fastestmanalive: you have his phone number???

brucewayne: Sara Lance

Lancelot: Bruce

brucewayne: why

Lancelot: Because

dramaqueen: How do you even know each other

Lancelot: You mean you don’t remember that gala in 2006 👀

dramaqueen: OH

dramaqueen: Oh, I

fastestmanalive: can’t find words

sunshinegirl: :’)

brucewayne: Oliver is that you

dramaqueen: Yes

sunshinegirl: wait what happened at a gala in 2006

fastestmanalive: knowing these three, probably sex

brucewayne: you’re not wrong

Lancelot: We also met at Nanda Parbat

dramaqueen: HOW

Lancelot: Cause he was in the League, duh

Lancelot: He’s Batman

dramaqueen: No, he’s not

dramaqueen: Batman isn’t real

dramaqueen: And he wasn’t in the League

brucewayne: Batman is real

brucewayne: I am Batman

dramaqueen: ????????

sunshinegirl: oliver got rekt

fastestmanalive: oof

Lancelot: Yeah I knew this was a good idea 😂

brucewayne: so why am I in this group chat, anyway

brucewayne: and who is @sunshinegirl @fastestmanalive

Lancelot: Learn to read handles, Brucie

fastestmanalive: I’m clearly The Flash

sunshinegirl: and I’m supergirl

sunshinegirl: my cousin knows you on my earth

brucewayne: “my earth”?

Lancelot: Oh right no one briefed you on the multiverse yet

Lancelot: We got some catching up to do

brucewayne: no

dramaqueen: How are you Batman again

fastestmanalive: Oliver’s mad someone stole his shtick :(

sunshinegirl: ehehe it’s gonna get better

brucewayne: don’t be sore, Oliver

fastestmanalive: wait I just realized something

fastestmanalive: if Sara slept with Oliver and Bruce and Oliver and Bruce also slept together

sunshinegirl: mindfuck

Lancelot: Kara??!?

fastestmanalive: did Kara just swear

sunshinegirl: I can swear,,,…

dramaqueen: This is awkward

Lancelot: I… actually agree with you

brucewayne: I don’t remember, did we ever have a threesome

Lancelot: No

dramaqueen: No

brucewayne: pity

sunshinegirl: adnfkfgggers

fastestmanalive: 🤣🤣🤣

Lancelot: No to be scandalous but

Lancelot: Both Bruce and I also slept with John Constantine

Lancelot: And I gotta ask

Lancelot: @dramaqueen did you? Cause that would be the funniest thing of the century

fastestmanalive: this is not a love triangle…

fastestmanalive: this is a love RECTANGLE

sunshinegirl: I’m,

sunshinegirl: I’m wheezing

dramaqueen: No, I didn’t

dramaqueen: Okay, I did, don’t call me out like this

fastestmanalive: wait really

fastestmanalive: when

dramaqueen: Lian Yu…

dramaqueen: I’m not talking about it

sunshinegirl: still wheezing

brucewayne: interesting

brucewayne: how did you meet Constantine?

Lancelot: He’s on my team

brucewayne: ???

fastestmanalive: yeah ok this is where it gets complicated

sunshinegirl: and Good

Lancelot: I guess I forgot to mention this chat was for superhero team leaders

sunshinegirl: yeah, don’t let the craziness fool you, we’re definitely a bunch of responsible heroes

brucewayne: oh, really

dramaqueen: Well I am the Green Arrow

brucewayne: so I’ve heard

brucewayne: how does a billionaire playboy become a vigilante

Lancelot: – an autobiography by Bruce Wayne

fastestmanalive: 😂

sunshinegirl: we here to roast the rich boys

dramaqueen: The same way you did, apparently

brucewayne: Ra’s Al Ghul?

dramaqueen: Ra’s Al Ghul

Lancelot: I slept with his daughter too

dramaqueen: And I had to marry her

brucewayne: I’ve only been gone for three years……

fastestmanalive: our life is wild

sunshinegirl: uh-huh

sunshinegirl: we should also get popcorn with the ice cream

fastestmanalive: on it 👍

dramaqueen: 🙄

brucewayne: so how are you these days, are you single

Lancelot: No, and neither are you

dramaqueen: I’m MARRIED

brucewayne: good point

Chapter Text

the bikings
2019/01/08

 

sunshinegirl: did it ever cross your mind that we know too many billionaires

sunshinegirl: like, there are two in this chat and I’m dating another

fastestmanalive: huh you’re right

Lancelot: I grew up among billionaires can you believe

brucewayne: yes

Lancelot: You shut up

dramaqueen: I’ve lost my money, remember

sunshinegirl: yeah but like

sunshinegirl: you’d had it

Lancelot: No, really, we know an astounding number of them

fastestmanalive: Harrison Wells

Lancelot: Ray and the Heywoods

fastestmanalive: Hartley Rathaway

sunshinegirl: lena and maxwell lord

Lancelot: Kate Kane

dramaqueen: Ra’s Al Ghul

fastestmanalive: I own star labs

sunshinegirl: wait you do

fastestmanalive: yeah, I inherited it when Wells died

brucewayne: you know Kate?

Lancelot: Not me but they do

sunshinegirl: we were in gotham a month ago for, um, business

dramaqueen: And when we say business, we mean saving the world, AGAIN

brucewayne: no need to attack me

brucewayne: I know at least twenty ways to kill you painfully

Lancelot: Oh please, I know eighty ways

Lancelot: Also you would never kill anyone cause you’re a big softie, Bruce

brucewayne: I’m NOT, I’m terrifying

fastestmanalive: bats are cute

sunshinegirl: I’d just squish them with all the loveeee 😍

brucewayne: bats are FRIGHTFUL

dramaqueen: Are you afraid of bats

Lancelot: You’re afraid of bats and then you found a whole cave full of them and thought, I’ll be a vigilante and call myself Batman because why not

Lancelot: Amazing logic

fastestmanalive: you’re onto something

brucewayne: channelling my fears makes me stronger

sunshinegirl: did you just write that with british spelling

brucewayne: I grew up with Alfred, it caught on

brucewayne: why are you like this

dramaqueen: Finally someone GETS ME

Lancelot: You should get married

dramaqueen: We’re already married

brucewayne: I’m fairly sure I’d know it if we were

dramaqueen: Not what I meant 🙄

brucewayne: we annulled that Vegas certificate

fastestmanalive: wait WHAT

fastestmanalive: I SPAT OTU MY PZZIA

Lancelot: Hang on

sunshinegirl: you what 👀👀👀👀👀👀

Lancelot: Oliver?????

dramaqueen: …you shouldn’t have known about that

brucewayne: oh come on, Ollie, it’s been what, twelve years

dramaqueen: Fourteen

fastestmanalive: I NEED TO KNO EVERYTHING

sunshinegirl: [image attached: excitedbarry.jpeg]

sunshinegirl: yes me too 👀

Lancelot: Excuse me, you got married to Bruce Wayne in Vegas in 2005 and neither of you TOLD ME hell yes I need to hear about it

brucewayne: we were young, rich, stupid, and drunk

Lancelot: Bold of you to assume you’re not stupid anymore

sunshinegirl: oooh burn

fastestmanalive: yikes

dramaqueen: Seriously, I don’t want to talk about it

Lancelot: Does Felicity know

dramaqueen: No and don’t tell her

Lancelot: Or you’ll kill me? We know how that goes

fastestmanalive: I’m totally telling her

dramaqueen: BARRY

sunshinegirl: keep going barry 👏

brucewayne: Felicity is his wife, correct

Lancelot: “correct”

sunshinegirl: he’s gotta be fancy

Lancelot: True

Lancelot: So how’s Selina

brucewayne: how do you know everything

Lancelot: I drink and I know things

fastestmanalive: GAME OF THRONES

Lancelot: 😉

sunshinegirl: you have got on earth-1

fastestmanalive: you have it on earth-38 👀

sunshinegirl: we do!!!

dramaqueen: Nerds

fastestmanalive: so did you finally start watching b99

dramaqueen: No and I won’t

fastestmanalive: 😥

brucewayne: please explain the earths thing

Lancelot: Parallel universes are real and Kara lives in one of them

sunshinegirl: 👍

brucewayne: first aliens, now parallel universes, what’s next, time travel

Lancelot: Ahem

sunshinegirl: the aliens were actually from our earth sorry 😅

brucewayne: is time travel real

Lancelot: It’s… my job…

fastestmanalive: I can run so fast I can travel in time

dramaqueen: Sara is the captain of a time ship

brucewayne:

brucewayne: you’ve done well for yourself

sunshinegirl: That’s what you say, ok

Lancelot: 😂

Lancelot: We catch monsters and save history 💪

fastestmanalive: after they screw it up a bit more

sunshinegirl: hahaha

fastestmanalive: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Lancelot: Like you can talk

fastestmanalive: 😅

brucewayne: how come I’ve never heard of you

Lancelot: It’s our job to stay invisible 😉

dramaqueen: But what you really do is throw parties

Lancelot: Not that often

sunshinegirl: well…

Lancelot: Sooo speaking of billionaires, guess who’s on my team, Bruce

Lancelot: Ray Palmer and Nate Heywood

fastestmanalive: and they’re dating

fastestmanalive: hey how’s the Nora situation going 👀

sunshinegirl: 👀

Lancelot: Still not together

fastestmanalive: :(

dramaqueen: And you want them to be

sunshinegirl: shipping club, ollie 👏

brucewayne: I’m confused

fastestmanalive: want some pizza

brucewayne: no thanks

fastestmanalive: k

dramaqueen: At least we’re confused together @brucewayne

brucewayne: you have strange friends

dramaqueen: They’re not actually my friends

sunshinegirl: oh honey

sunshinegirl: you’re stuck with us

fastestmanalive: we’ve seen each other naked so I don’t think we can go any further

Lancelot: 👀

sunshinegirl: explain??

fastestmanalive: speed changing clothes

Lancelot: Oh

Lancelot: I thought this whole situation would get even better

dramaqueen: No I’d NEVER

fastestmanalive: you wound me

dramaqueen: You’re practically a kid

fastestmanalive: I’m 29

sunshinegirl: you are?

dramaqueen: Since when are you only 4 years younger than me

fastestmanalive: since birth… smh

Lancelot: There’s only two years between all of us, learn to do basic math

sunshinegirl: 😂😂😂

sunshinegirl: am I actually the oldest person here

dramaqueen: How

sunshinegirl: I was born in 1966 and was in stasis for 24 years

brucewayne: who are you again

sunshinegirl: a very powerful alien superhero 💪

brucewayne: …I’m leaving

Lancelot: Bye bye, Bruce

fastestmanalive: you mean bi-bi

sunshinegirl: 👍

Lancelot: That’s a good one

fastestmanalive: 😉

Chapter Text

the bikings
2019/01/12

 

Lancelot changed brucewayne’s name to bibillionaire

 

fastestmanalive: PUNS

sunshinegirl: 👍

bibillionaire: what did you not understand about “I’m leaving”

Lancelot: Um ya not leaving

sunshinegirl: who else read that in jake peralta voice

fastestmanalive: me!!!

Lancelot: 😂

dramaqueen: What

fastestmanalive: watch 👏 b99 👏

dramaqueen: So much pressure

bibillionaire: you’ve never seen Brooklyn 99

dramaqueen: Why is everyone trying to make me watch this TV show I swear to god

fastestmanalive: cause you don’t know what you’re missing

Lancelot: I guess Ollie’s too problematic for B99

sunshinegirl: hmm

dramaqueen: Hey

bibillionaire: you do have your issues

Lancelot: ✋

bibillionaire: I’m not going to high-five you in emoticons

sunshinegirl: dweeb

fastestmanalive: dweeb

Lancelot: Dweeb

bibillionaire: what does that mean

Lancelot: Use the internet

dramaqueen: I’m not even engaging in this

fastestmanalive: you just did

sunshinegirl: inadvertently

dramaqueen: Whatever

bibillionaire: hey I’m not a dweeb

bibillionaire: I’m a tech guru loved by millions

Lancelot: And that’s mutually exclusive

sunshinegirl: look at lena and ray

bibillionaire: Lena Luthor is a bitch

sunshinegirl: NOT ON MY EARTH (ง'̀-'́)ง

fastestmanalive: Kara is ready to FIGHT

Lancelot: You go girl 💪

sunshinegirl: ON MY EARTH WE LOVE HER

bibillionaire: sorry, I take that back

sunshinegirl: good

 

sunshinegirl added Lena to the bikings

 

Lena: did someone call me a bitch

bibillionaire: I said I was sorry

Lena: good

Lena: who are you

bibillionaire: Bruce Wayne

Lena: oof

Lena: nice to meet you?

sunshinegirl: hahaha

sunshinegirl: roast him babe

fastestmanalive: I’m screenshotting this

 

Lancelot changed Lena’s name to sciencebitch

 

fastestmanalive: 😂😂😂

sunshinegirl: heyyyy

sciencebitch: it’s funny

dramaqueen: I see this is no longer a chat for team leaders

Lancelot: 🤷

fastestmanalive: but it’s still a chat for bi people 😉

sciencebitch: nice

sunshinegirl: do we know any other bi team leaders

Lancelot: Lemme think

bibillionaire: you’re going hard

Lancelot: I know one but I don’t like him…

Lancelot: And he's not exactly a team leader

fastestmanalive: 👀

sunshinegirl: 👀

sciencebitch: 👀

 

Lancelot added thedevil to the bikings

 

Lancelot: I still don’t like you

thedevil: and I am back

Lancelot: One rule, okay: don’t be too sexual

thedevil: as you wish, lancelot, but no promises ;)

dramaqueen: Who are you

thedevil: you never learn, do you?

thedevil: what does my name say

dramaqueen: You can’t be the devil

Lancelot: He is

bibillionaire: Lucifer Morningstar?

thedevil: bruce wayne?

Lancelot: You know each other

sunshinegirl: I’m not following ok haha

sciencebitch: you’re not the only one 😅

fastestmanalive: yeah that’s really the devil, don’t ask

Lancelot: Wally told you huh

fastestmanalive: of course he did 😁

fastestmanalive: what do you take him as

Lancelot: We sure do love gossip

thedevil: @Lancelot yes, bruce wayne an I met about a year ago, and it was quite the party ;)

bibillionaire: that it was

dramaqueen: Bruce don’t tell you’ve had sex with that guy

Lancelot: Lucifer, don’t tell me you’ve cheated on Chloe

thedevil: I wasn’t with her yet so it’s not cheating

bibillionaire: @dramaqueen I won’t then

bibillionaire: @Lancelot did you

Lancelot: Eww no, I talked to him once on our chat

Lancelot: But John did, so you know

sunshinegirl: this needs a chart

fastestmanalive: [image attached: chart.jpeg]

sunshinegirl: you drew that fast

sciencebitch: is that a one-night stand chart

dramaqueen: I hate you

thedevil: it’s almost a pentagram, I like it

bibillionaire: of course you do ;)

thedevil: @Lancelot @dramaqueen care to jump at it to fill the gaps

dramaqueen: I’m married

Lancelot: I have a girlfriend

thedevil: such a shame

Lancelot: You have a girlfriend too

bibillionaire: you do?

thedevil: believe it or not, I do

bibillionaire: it’s the detective, isn’t it

thedevil: bravo

fastestmanalive: and then there’s the three of us who didn’t have an affair with anyone

sciencebitch: no, there’s kara and me and then there’s you

Lancelot: 😂

fastestmanalive: sad

Lancelot: Both you and I had apparently had a crush on Len if that helps

fastestmanalive: IT DOESN’T

sunshinegirl: leave barry alone

sunshinegirl: he’s an ace puppy who’s absolutely smitten with iris

fastestmanalive: thanksヽ(^Д^)ノ

thedevil: ah, you’re the barry who was dressed as an ace flag at pride, aren’t you

fastestmanalive: how do you know??

Lancelot: Legends, obviously

sunshinegirl: you’re the kings of gossip around here hehe

Lancelot: No, this chat wins for sure

bibillionaire: so this is basically your daily gossip source, I get it now

fastestmanalive: bi-daily 😉

thedevil: oh, count me in

thedevil: I love gossip

dramaqueen: Of course you do

sciencebitch: doesn’t everyone

sunshinegirl: yes baby

sciencebitch: ❤️

thedevil: I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you two yet

sunshinegirl: we’re from a different earth

thedevil: the legends have told me about that, yes

bibillionaire: @Lancelot is he really calling you “legends”

Lancelot: That’s our team’s name ;)

dramaqueen: “Legends of Tomorrow”

dramaqueen: Call ME a drama queen

bibillionaire: you are

Lancelot: I didn’t come up with it 🤷

fastestmanalive: oh right that was the guy named Rip Hunter

thedevil: rip hunter? where have I heard that one before

Lancelot: All over the place, probably

sunshinegirl: anyway my name is kara danvers and @sciencebitch is my gf lena luthor

thedevil: I know her, naughty girl

sciencebitch: nope

sciencebitch: not doing this

sunshinegirl: apologize

fastestmanalive: your love is so precious

Lancelot: Kara, protecting her badass billionaire girlfriend at all costs

thedevil: I apologise if I’ve upset you @sciencebitch

sciencebitch: thanks

sciencebitch: now can somebody change my name

Lancelot: Nope

 

sciencebitch left the bikings

 

sunshinegirl: 😭😭😭

Chapter Text

the bikings
2019/01/13

 

Lancelot: My team keeps whining about not being invited here you should see it 😂

fastestmanalive: oh boy they’re jealous

sunshinegirl: haha I bet they are

fastestmanalive: but tbh so is Cisco

thedevil: ooh yes, I need some entertainment 😉

dramaqueen: *sigh*

Lancelot: What

dramaqueen: As if the emergency team group chats weren’t enough

dramaqueen: Now you want to merge them

dramaqueen: Do you know the amount of chaos that would come out of that, Sara

bibillionaire: same question

Lancelot: I never said I wanted to add them

fastestmanalive: it’ll piss Ollie off, let’s do it

sunshinegirl: wicked…,

dramaqueen: Let’s NOT

fastestmanalive: ugh fine

Lancelot: Okay, maybe just

 

Lancelot added dickgrayson to the bikings

 

dickgrayson: what am I doing here

bibillionaire: hi son

dickgrayson: bruce?

Lancelot: Hello, this is a chat for team leaders, you’re welcome

thedevil: I’m pleased that you see me as a team leader, lancelot

thedevil: don’t tell chloe 😉

fastestmanalive: oh hi original version @dickgrayson

dickgrayson: uh what

Lancelot: We know Earth-18 you, so, you know

bibillionaire: apparently that’s a thing now

dickgrayson: bruce, who are these people

dramaqueen: I’m Oliver Queen

fastestmanalive: I’m the Flash

sunshinegirl: supergirl

thedevil: I am the devil, obviously

Lancelot: Sara Lance

dickgrayson: ok it makes sense now

dickgrayson: is this like your vigilante agenda or something

bibillionaire: just cause you’re not Robin anymore doesn’t mean you’re less of a vigilante

Lancelot: Exposed

 

Lancelot changed dickgrayson’s name to hotwing

 

hotwing: sara smh

sunshinegirl: I don’t get it

Lancelot: It’s cause his name’s Nightwing and he’s hot ;)))

dramaqueen: So you do know each other

hotwing: unfortunately

bibillionaire: why do I have a feeling it happened at that gala in 2006

Lancelot: Cause it did, Brucie

fastestmanalive: did you sleep with him too

Lancelot: No

hotwing: no

dramaqueen: He’s also basically a kid

hotwing: I’m 25

fastestmanalive: dfghjklmsf

fastestmanalive: lmao Oliver

sunshinegirl: again 😂

thedevil: I’m clearly missing something here

bibillionaire: don’t bother

sunshinegirl: we should change your name too 👀

thedevil: hang on a sec

 

thedevil changed their name to hotterwing

Lancelot changed hotterwing’s name to hornyguy

fastestmanalive changed hornyguy’s name to lucinda

 

sunshinegirl: lmao that one wins

lucinda: not that again

dramaqueen: ???

sunshinegirl: just use the eyes emoji

dramaqueen:

lucinda: it’s an old joke with my siblings

bibillionaire: if you really are the devil

bibillionaire: are your siblings angels

lucinda: kudos, you’re a bright one

Lancelot: We’ve been through all this before smh

fastestmanalive: not us

sunshinegirl: not us

dramaqueen: Not us

fastestmanalive: only in screenshots

Lancelot: 🙄

Lancelot: Speaking of screenshots

Lancelot: [image attached: lunchsuggestion.png]

dramaqueen: That WOULD be a disaster

bibillionaire: no

lucinda: why not

fastestmanalive: are we invited too or

sunshinegirl: yes!!!

Lancelot: If you want to be in this company

Lancelot: Toxic masculinity x4 + me

dramaqueen: Hey, who are you talking about

dramaqueen: I support women

fastestmanalive: dude, it’s not about that

fastestmanalive: it’s about not being afraid to show your emotions, respecting all people, not using violence to solve conflict, not sticking to gender roles and stereotypes, that kinda stuff

sunshinegirl: 🙏

sunshinegirl: now that’s a normal, nice guy

Lancelot: You mean puppy

fastestmanalive: 🐶

bibillionaire:

bibillionaire: am I like that

sunshinegirl: kinda? idk

dramaqueen: I’M NOT

lucinda: me neither

Lancelot: Hahaha

Lancelot: We’re having that lunch guys

sunshinegirl: you go girl

Lancelot: I ain’t the Captain™ for nothing

dramaqueen: Seriously

bibillionaire: my schedule’s busy

sunshinegirl: no it’s not

sunshinegirl: I asked kate HA

lucinda: I live across the country

Lancelot: And who’s got dimensional portals? That’s right, we do

fastestmanalive: so do we

sunshinegirl: and me

lucinda: alright then, as there’s probably no avoiding this, I’m already looking forward to seeing some of my old flames again 😉

sunshinegirl: are you inviting john

Lancelot: I kinda have to

Lancelot: Nora said it

fastestmanalive: speaking of Nora

fastestmanalive: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US DARHKATOM WERE TOGETHER NOW

Lancelot:

Lancelot: Can’t think of everything

sunshinegirl: actually she did?? on girls’ night??

dramaqueen: That’s where we’re not invited

bibillionaire: I’m just… who?

Lancelot: Ray and Nora Darhk aren’t you paying attention

lucinda: wasn’t he dating that nate chap tho

Lancelot: Still is

lucinda: oooh I see you’re living the wild dream

lucinda: I like it

dramaqueen: So is John by the way

lucinda: do tell

Lancelot: He’s not only dating Gary the geek but also Mona the geek

Lancelot: They’re cute but kinda annoyingly cute

fastestmanalive: and hog the bathroom, or so I’ve heard

Lancelot: Now we got twice as more of that

lucinda: I do love having sex in the shower

sunshinegirl: 😊

Lancelot: I’m not saying I don’t but

Lancelot: We’ve got one bathroom on the ship. ONE

lucinda: aahhh

lucinda: build another then

bibillionaire: I thought you had billionaires on the ship

fastestmanalive: yikes

Lancelot: Maybe but we don’t have builders who’d understand 22nd century tech

bibillionaire: I might look into that, being the tech guru and all

lucinda: also can’t you just travel forward in time

Lancelot:

Lancelot: Gideon

MamaWaverider: It would be possible to remake one of the rooms into a bathroom, yes.

fastestmanalive: didn’t you also explicitly tell them they’re not getting one

MamaWaverider: Yes, she did.

sunshinegirl: ehehe

Lancelot: I might’ve changed my opinion

dramaqueen: How do you know @fastestmanalive

fastestmanalive: Wally

sunshinegirl: that guy spills everything

sunshinegirl: I like him

bibillionaire: …does anyone know where Dick went

Lancelot: NO dick jokes Lucifer

lucinda: and I was just about to make one

hotwing: I’m still here

Lancelot: Lol you’re the Ava of this chat

hotwing: hwat

fastestmanalive: always snooping but never talking

sunshinegirl: haha yeah

Lancelot: Okay now I’m being unfair to the love of my life

Lancelot: You’re the Jax of this chat

fastestmanalive: even better

hotwing:

hotwing: this is still confusing

bibillionaire: let me teach you a few things, son

bibillionaire: now what’s that about the love of your life

Lancelot: I LOVE AVA SHARPE SO FUCKING MUCH BRUCE

Lancelot: End of emotional outpour

fastestmanalive: wow

Chapter Text

the bikings
2019/01/16

 

Lancelot: So, lunch

Lancelot: We should plan it

fastestmanalive: yeah cause we suck at planning

sunshinegirl: the level of distraction within this group is infinite

bibillionaire: is friday good for you

lucinda: always

dramaqueen: What about John

bibillionaire: and Dick

hotwing: I’m not having lunch with you

Lancelot: Said everyone else

bibillionaire: come on, father-son bonding?

hotwing: you should take kate

dramaqueen: Don’t bring her into this too

 

sunshinegirl added katekane to the bikings

 

sunshinegirl: you were saying

dramaqueen: I meant the LUNCH not the CHAT

Lancelot: We live to aggravate Oliver

hotwing: hi kate

bibillionaire: welcome to stupidity

fastestmanalive: you remember us, right

katekane: who wouldn’t

katekane: more importantly, what the fuck

sunshinegirl: gender equality

sunshinegirl: now it’s 3 girls and 5 guys here

MamaWaverider: And me, a female-identifying AI.

bibillionaire: Kate isn’t a team leader though

fastestmanalive: and she’s also a lesbian right

katekane: problem

Lancelot: Read the chat name

Lancelot: We haven’t met btw, I’m Sara Lance, your local disaster bisexual timeship captain ;)

katekane: you’re the one who had a one night stand with kara’s sister

fastestmanalive: hahahahaha

fastestmanalive: iconic

sunshinegirl: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lucinda: you really do know everything here

fastestmanalive: I mean…

Lancelot: Yup, we do

katekane: I know I’ll regret this

hotwing: welcome to my world

hotwing: also tell them I’m not having lunch with them

katekane: I’m not your mom, dick

sunshinegirl: yOu’Re 25!!!

fastestmanalive: come onnnn

bibillionaire: come on, I want to catch up with you

lucinda: and I want to meet anyone who calls himself dick ;)

dramaqueen: Lucifer…

hotwing: who took care of gotham and wayne enterprises and all the children while you were gone @bibillionaire, hmm

hotwing: kate 👍

fastestmanalive: let’s not start any fights

katekane: he’s not wrong

Lancelot: Wait, children

bibillionaire: yes, children

lucinda: you haven’t told me anything about those when we, you know

bibillionaire: you haven’t told me either

katekane: did you two have a thing when you were gone cuz

hotwing:

lucinda: yes, you could say that

katekane: where were you bruce

bibillionaire: I’d rather not talk about that here

sunshinegirl: then let’s get together on friday 👏

fastestmanalive: we really can’t plan anything 😂

hotwing: superhero 101

sunshinegirl: tbh,,, yeah

Lancelot: So it’s not just us

katekane: do you have any idea how hard it is to coordinate the batfam

fastestmanalive: batfam 👀

sunshinegirl: it’s like our superfam!!!

hotwing: I can imagine

bibillionaire: you had Selina…?

Lancelot: How many children do you have exactly

bibillionaire: six if I count Dick

bibillionaire: two are my own, Damian and Helena

dramaqueen: Talia had a son named Damian

hotwing: yeah that’s him

dramaqueen: ???

bibillionaire: you know Talia

dramaqueen: You have a SON with her

Lancelot: This just got much more complicated 👀

bibillionaire: didn’t you say you slept with her too…?

Lancelot: No, I was dating Nyssa

Lancelot: Ra’s forced Oliver to marry Nyssa later but she’s a lesbian and he was already with Felicity

Lancelot: But Talia trained him and apparently he helped her escape from jail recently

dramaqueen: We helped each other, all right

bibillionaire: I met Talia when Ra’s was in Gotham, before I went to Nanda Parbat

bibillionaire: a few years ago she dropped Damian off at the manor and left

Lancelot: Makes sense

hotwing: you had it coming though

hotwing: you always collect all the strays

dramaqueen: Just like the Legends

katekane: and then leave them to me

katekane: not that I don’t love you guys

hotwing: we love you too, you’re the cool aunt

bibillionaire: who’s three years older than you

katekane: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hotwing: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

sunshinegirl: ok this was an interesting family convo

fastestmanalive: yeah I feel really left out right now

lucinda: you’re out of the sex chart

Lancelot: You’re not Batfam either though

lucinda: are you?

Lancelot: No but

Lancelot: Almost

hotwing: you dated my brother’s mom’s sister

hotwing: you’re family

Lancelot: Thanks

sunshinegirl: so is oliver then 👀

bibillionaire: because we slept together?

fastestmanalive: let’s not forget you got married

dramaqueen: You’re not letting me live this down, are you

hotwing: wait what

katekane: ???

sunshinegirl: you don’t know oadjhnfsfdhfh

bibillionaire: that was a long time ago

fastestmanalive: he was 22

hotwing: excuse me but that’s the year you adopted me

lucinda: how old were you when he adopted you

hotwing: 11

sunshinegirl: hmm

hotwing: yeah it’s weird shut up

katekane: if sara’s family and she had something with kara’s sister than means kara’s family too according to your logic

sunshinegirl: and you want us to be family 😉😉😉

katekane: of course gorgeous

sunshinegirl: me, internally: aaaaaaaaaa

Lancelot: 😂

Lancelot: Kara’s taken though @katekane

sunshinegirl: but alex isn’t

fastestmanalive: what happened to “that’s my SISTER you’re talking about”

katekane: she likes me

Lancelot: Okay to be fair I only had something with Alex because she’s just broken up with her gf and we were on Barry’s wedding and there were drinks

fastestmanalive: it was a rehearsal

fastestmanalive: and then we got invaded by earth-x nazis

Lancelot: OH that reminds me

Lancelot: Leo stopped by our chat and said that they killed all the Nazis while we were no doubt procrastinating our asses off 😂

fastestmanalive: hey

sunshinegirl: it’s not entirely untrue

bibillionaire: what?? nazis?? earth-x??

sunshinegirl: you don’t know do you 👀

dramaqueen: It was quite a massacre

Lancelot: Took our four teams to stop them from taking our Earth

dramaqueen: I was the fucking fuehrer and married to evil Kara

fastestmanalive: we do this kinda thing every year

Lancelot: Hence this chat

katekane: yeah, this time I was in on it

katekane: you really do it every year

fastestmanalive: always around november, which is a really funny thing come to think of it

fastestmanalive: aaaaaaand I see we’re still not doing any planning

sunshinegirl: that’s en eternal mood

hotwing: like I said, superhero 101

dramaqueen: Congratulate Leo or something

Lancelot: Yeah, he’ll be happy

fastestmanalive: so he’s married now is he

sunshinegirl: so are you buddy

fastestmanalive: not like that bdinfgbgb

Lancelot: Oh, right, your crush 😁

fastestmanalive: 🙄

katekane: who are we talking about

hotwing: ???

lucinda: ???

dramaqueen: Earth-X Leonard Snart

hotwing: captain cold?

fastestmanalive: you know him

hotwing: I’m a detective and a vigilante of course I know him

fastestmanalive: nice, I’m a csi 😁

hotwing: nice

lucinda: I work for the lapd if anyone cares

Lancelot: We know

katekane: I didn’t

katekane: still don’t know who you are, lucinda

lucinda: I am the devil and you will tremble before me

katekane: sure buddy

Lancelot: no he really is the devil but he’s kinda nice and really handsome ;)

Lancelot: this is Nate Heywood I STOLE SARA’S PHONE

sunshinegirl: how 👀

fastestmanalive: lmao

lucinda: nice to meet you again gayforray

Lancelot: you remember that... smh

dramaqueen: How did you manage to steal Sara’s phone, Nate

Lancelot: she left it here when she was called into the galley but shh

Lancelot: I’ve seen what I came here for

fastestmanalive: which is

Lancelot: the fact that this is crazier than our chat

sunshinegirl: did mick break the fabricator again 👀

Lancelot: toaster caught on fire

fastestmanalive: typical, I swear to god

hotwing: now we’re the ones who have no idea what’s going on

bibillionaire:

Lancelot: oh hey original version @hotwing

hotwing: why does everyone keep saying that

Lancelot: cause we know your earth-18 double and he’s dating Wally West

hotwing: who

hotwing: earth-18 me is gay

Lancelot: yup

fastestmanalive: we never asked

fastestmanalive: you bi or straight

hotwing: pan

hotwing: my gf’s an alien btw

sunshinegirl: alien positivity NICE

Lancelot: (kara’s an alien)

hotwing: 👀

dramaqueen: I thought Earth-1 didn’t have aliens

hotwing: I actually asked after bruce and sara explained the multiverse thing to me

hotwing: said she was from earth-9

sunshinegirl: other-earthers positivity NICE

Lancelot: (kara’s from earth-38)

bibillionaire: finally someone who explains things

Lancelot: thanks 😊

fastestmanalive: Nate’s blushing cause he got to talk to Bruce

Lancelot: shut up, Barry

Lancelot: okay I gotta go, Sara’s coming back

sunshinegirl: bi-bi

fastestmanalive: bi-bi

Lancelot: *bi flag heart*

Lancelot: also just plan the lunch ffs

lucinda: how did you do that

katekane: you have custom emoticons

fastestmanalive: courtesy of Zari

hotwing: who

Lancelot: A Legend, ALSO IMMA KILL NATE

hotwing: he seemed cool

dramaqueen: Lunch. Friday 12 p.m. at Big Belly in SC

dramaqueen: @everyone

bibillionaire: I thought you didn’t want to do it

dramaqueen: Doesn’t matter now

bibillionaire: also why fast food

Lancelot: Lots of space

fastestmanalive: thanks, Ollie

sunshinegirl: watch me convince kate and dick

Lancelot: 👍

katekane:

hotwing:

lucinda: you’ll come for me with one of those portals, right

sunshinegirl: course

sunshinegirl: where do you live

lucinda: just point it at the lux in la

hotwing: whoa the lux 👀

lucinda: yes, I own it

katekane: holy mother of god

lucinda: god doesn’t have a mother

katekane: it’s an expression ffs

Lancelot: Yeah, we’re a funny bunch

Lancelot: It’s gonna be great

fastestmanalive: you mean epic 😉

Chapter Text

Messenger
😈
18 Jan at 11:58 am

 

 You
[interdimensionalportal.jpeg]

ive seen many things during
my eternal life but never smth
quite like this 👍

Maze
pfft boring

Chloe
are you joking again, Lucifer

portals aren’t real

Amenadiel
They are

Ella
wait INTERDIMENSIONAL
PORTAL as in like STARGATE

whaaaaaat

srsly

is that real

how

who u having that lunch with
again

You
bruce, oliver queen, y’know

they have some interesting
friends 😉

Ella
OLVIER QUEEN

AND BRUXE WANYE

me jelly

Maze
ella has a crush

Ella
no………

but like i wouldn’t protest if i were
to meet em if u know what i mean

You
I think that can be arranged

anything for my dear ella

Ella
awww

u love me

Chloe

Ella
PLATONCIALLY ofc

u 2 r still my otp ok ur the cutest

You
you’re right we are 😉😘

Chloe
🙄❤️

Dan
what’s even going on smh

Amenadiel
Luci’s having lunch with some
of his “old friends” in Star City

Maze
by which he means hes had sex
with em

You
not all of them, mind you

Maze
whatev

You
only three of them

Chloe
out of???

You
eight

Maze
damn luci your game used to be
stronger

Amenadiel
Love really changed him

Chloe
❤️

also this is embarrassing

Dan
I agree

Ella
no I love it

You
[bigbelly.jpeg]

we have arrived

Chloe
have fun

Ella
yeah and say hi for me 👋🏼

imma go have fun with our latest
murder vic 😉

Dan
I should probably get on that too

You
adios for now, ill send updates

 


 

 The Eyes Emoji Squad

 

gayforray: so how’s it going 👀

MiniDarhk: anyone die of embarrassment yet

Trenchcoat: I might be soon

trickstergoddess: when four people youve shagged come together

QueenZee: I found an ARTICLE online already

QueenZee: “shocker: Queen, Wayne, Kane and Morningstar in Big Belly”

QueenZee: “what are they doing and who are the mysterious people in their company?”

monalisa: lmao what

gayforray: 😂

Lancelot: Jesus Christ

Lancelot: We’re just eating smh

rayofsunshine: When you’re in that company…

MissTimeBureau: Should I go and murder someone?

monalisa: ejenfvkjnaf ava

MiniDarhk: 👍

gare-bear: I want to be there

Trenchcoat: I’ll happily trade places, love

gare-bear: Really

Lancelot: No

Lancelot: We’re in this together

MissTimeBureau: I found the article.

QueenZee: hilarious right

Lancelot: Link

QueenZee: https://starcitygossip.com/shocker-queen-wayne-kane-and

Lancelot: I’m showing that to them 😂

Lancelot: Barry: wow they’re fast

monalisa: faster than the flash

gayforray: “star city gossip”

gayforray: good site 👍

rayofsunshine: You’re actually reading that?

gayforray: why shouldn’t I

rayofsunshine: They’ve published a lot of lies and, um, sensitive information about me in the past…

trickstergoddess: oh 👀

MiniDarhk: now I gotta read that too

rayofsunshine: Nor, don’t.

gayforray: Nor DO

gayforray: IM ON IT

rayofsunshine:

monalisa: “nor” I’m h y p e r v e n t i l a t i n g

monalisa: you have n i c k n a m e s

MiniDarhk:

Lancelot: Okay this is fun but I should probably get back to the real people

Lancelot: Be nice

gayforray: always, mom

 


 

 BatFam Headquarters

 

jasontoad: so bruce hows your husband

futurerobin: yeahhh bruceee

batdad: how do you know about that

catmom: it’s not a secret bruce

batdad:

batdad: it was five days stop talking about it

lesbianaunt: now you sound like him

hotwing: 👍

hotwing: [video attached: awkward.mp4]

jasontoad: lmao

fuckyoutim: funny

babs: “stop filming thIS DICK”

futurerobin: whos that guy laughing at bruce over there hes CUTE

hotwing: barry allen

fuckyoutim: ahem you have a boyfriend

babs: let’s not forget

futurerobin: i can say someones cute aknkdfvj

spoileralert: sure timmy sure

batdad: let’s just all calm down

hotwing: barry’s 29 and married, aight

futurerobin: :(

jasontoad: all taht aside bruce never anwesred my question

teamaker: Yes, master Bruce.

batdad: not you too, Alfred

teamaker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

babs: wow alfred scares me sometimes

fuckyoutim: yeah

batdad: he’s fine

batdad: and still Fine™

jasontoad: ooofh

futurerobin: sajkgnwkrmf

catmom: if that video’s any indicator

hotwing: well

catmom: meow

lesbianaunt: I’m gay not blind so yeah oliver’s hot af

fuckyoutim: and your there so youd know

lesbianaunt: 👀

spoileralert: mom agrees with this and that’s a mood

babs: mom also used a b99 reference ok im done

catmom: I’m a cat, I meow

hotwing: ;)))

futurerobin: young hitchcock and scully amirite 👌

jasontoad: how r they the hottest

futurerobin: yeah

jasontoad: always loved rosa but

futurerobin: yeAH

fuckyoutim: tim and jason, the bicons

futurerobin: ok but we know u agree w us

fuckyoutim: fuck you, tim

teamaker: Language.

spoileralert: not again

fuckyoutim: youre okay with my username though

teamaker:

catmom: is bruce even here anymore

lesbianaunt: no he’s flirting with sara and lucifer now

teamaker: Oh dear.

hotwing: thereabouts

 


 

(don’t attack on) titans

 

Kory: Dick, babe, do the grocery shopping when you’re getting back

Dick: it’s your turn to do it

Donna: yeha were a bir buusy rghit now

Dick: what the fuck’s going on, donna’s grammar’s always perfect

Conner: busy busy

Kory: We’re sort of in a fight

Rachel: but were handilnh it ok

Gar: don’t worrydjnfsd

Gar: shit dropped my phone

Gar: gotta unleash the beast bye

Rachel: 🙄

Dick: that’s it, I’m on my way

Kory: No, really, we’re handling it

Kory: Just do the shopping

Dick: ok…

Conner: oh also buy some more jelly I ate it

Dick: uh, sure

Rachel: also we saw that video, you’re doing great 😂

Dick: don’t start

Rachel: anyhoo I gotta go have fun dad

 


 

Talker
SuperFam™
18 Jan at 1:26 pm

 

You
[thirdplate.jpeg]

L-Corp
you go babe

winner
now I’m hungry

thanks kara

You
mmmhhhmm it’s so delicious

so good

all the calories

badass lesbian
oh my god 😂

winner
REALLY

very funny hahaha

Brainy
Yes, it is.

You
sorry I had to

anyway this is GREAT, the stuff
I didn’t know

big green man
There’s stuff you don’t know?

winner
you need to tell us all of it ok

badass lesbian
especially me

You
hey alex

kate asked me for your number 😉

badass lesbian
😊😊😊

what did you do???

did you give it to her???

You
hmmmmmmm did I

Guardian
Oh Kara 👀

L-Corp
I like this side of you ;)))

You
😏😏😏

winner
someone’s gonna bang when they
come back on their earth

L-Corp
akdlefmfvb

You
w i n n s l o w

winner
ouch

You
(it’s bruce and lucifer I can feel
it)

badass lesbian
spidey sense

You
spidey sense lmao

Brainy
Aren’t they in relationships,
though?

winner
open ones??? idk

L-Corp
you know bruce wayne

You
AND lucifer

either way this is interesting

[undresseyes.jpeg]

“ugh I can’t look at this” – sara

badass lesbian
the title 😂

L-Corp
oh damn

winner
side note, bruce is so hot
andknfgffsdfsad

Brainy
I must agree.

winner
it’s good that we’re on the same
page <3

badass lesbian
you said they had something
with each other before?

You
yup

also with john

and sara

who both had something with
oliver

ok john secretly brought a
flask OF WHISKEY

they’re drinking it omg

at 1 pm

Guardian
Reminds me of someone 👀

badass lesbian
yeah yeah shut up

You
[idiots.jpeg]

L-Corp
that’s a correct description

 


 

Messenger
Team Flash ⚡
18 Jan at 1:34 pm

 

You
KARA JUST

CALLED BRUCE AND LUCI
OUT ABOUT THEIR FLIRTING
LIKE OMG

sorry about the caps lock oops

but I’m wheezing, Bruce Batman
Wayne is blushing

[thisisfun.jpeg]

Cisco
holy cannoli

Iris
omg

but dear lord he’s hot stuff

Ralph
abso-fucking-lutely

what exactly’s going on in there?

Iris
they’re having the time of their
lives, obviously

You
yeah, I’m just

stuffing myself with big belly
and laughing all the time

these people are great istg

Caitlin
You get to meet Bruce Wayne
and we don’t, unfair

Nora
yeah, dad

You
ok next time we throw a party
 they’re all coming

we’re incorporating them in the
arrowverse

Cisco
the what

Iris
it’s something the legends said

Cisco
the legends, right, of course

ignoring my naming privileges

Ralph
buddy, you don’t have any naming
privileges

Cisco
don’t I

Caitlin
Sure you do, Ralph’s just being
mean 👀

Nora
hahaha

You
it’s gonna be okay @Cisco

but yeah this is good

check my insta stories for
further details 😉

 


 

Super Secret Vigilante Network

 

dramaqueen: I’m suffering

Laurel2.0: good

smoakandmirrors: oh no what did they do

holt-the-door: you gotta pull though, man

dramaqueen: This company was bound to cause a disaster and it DID

screamer: Should I arrest someone, or

smoakandmirrors: god I hope not

dramaqueen: That won’t be necessary, but

dramaqueen: See for yourself

dramaqueen: [video attached: why.mp4]

wilddog: oh damn

Laurel2.0: well, they’re my kind of people ;)

screamer:

screamer: I’m still wondering how I’m attracted to you

smoakandmirrors: said jake peralta to amy santiago

holt-the-door: 👍

dramaqueen: You’re not any better, you know

dramaqueen: I’m leaving

smoakandmirrors: sorry babe

digdeep: what on earth

smoakandmirrors: *earths

 


 

Instagram

 

sunshinedanvers I made new friends today ヽ(^Д^)ノ @brucewayne @lucifermorningstar @thegrayson @constantine @sara.lancelot @oliverqueenreal @bear.allen @katekane

Liked by smoakandmirrors, sara.lancelot, selina_cat, thegrayson and 246 others
View All 41 Comments
bear.allen we should do this regularly 😉
      oliverqueenreal @bear.allen Please no

 

 

Chapter Text

the bikings
2019/01/20

 

hotwing: don’t you think we should change the channel name

katekane: it’s a bit unfair towards us

Lancelot: Fine

fastestmanalive: to what though

 

sunshinegirl changed the group’s name to earths’ mightiest heroes

 

fastestmanalive: SMART

hotwing: better

bibillionaire: shouldn’t we be like “justice league” or something

sunshinegirl: pffft pretentious

lucinda: and earths’ mightiest heroes isn’t

Lancelot: Not when it’s true

lucinda: why thank you

dramaqueen: I wake up to see this

fastestmanalive: you’re getting up at 10 am what’s going on

Lancelot: No he’s secretly a night owl

bibillionaire: can confirm

sunshinegirl: wow

sunshinegirl: can I also

 

sunshinegirl change katekane’s name to inkedandgay

 

inkedandgay: kara…

inkedandgay: anyhow

inkedandgay: guess fucking what I got alex’s number and I found out she was engaged to maggie sawyer I WAS ENGAGED TO MAGGIE SAWYER

sunshinegirl: W H A T

fastestmanalive: ddhkdfvadas

Lancelot: 👀👀👀

hotwing: the family grows bigger

dramaqueen: Did KARA give you her number

sunshinegirl: I.. eh… did

lucinda: interesting

lucinda: how did she take it

bibillionaire: wow he cares

lucinda: I was just making a conversation

Lancelot: That’s more accurate

Lancelot: But how did she take it

inkedandgay: she was shocked and so was I

sunshinegirl: yeAH

fastestmanalive: I’m still shocked

dramaqueen: Barry, you’re always shocked

Lancelot: 😂

bibillionaire: did Oliver make a joke

fastestmanalive: I can’t believe 😂

inkedandgay: but we also bonded over that later so

lucinda: do tell

hotwing: did you ask her out

inkedandgay: she’s from a different earth

hotwing: so is kory

bibillionaire: but Kory lives ON this earth, son

Lancelot: So you’re still calling him son

hotwing: yeah, stop that

bibillionaire: you are my son

hotwing: do I call rachel, gar and conner my kids? no

inkedandgay: really

hotwing: okay but only when they’re being annoying

sunshinegirl: your household must be so chaotic omg

fastestmanalive: we’re all chaotic people Kara

Lancelot: Have you even seen the Waverider

sunshinegirl: I mean, nothing can surpass all of us coming together

dramaqueen: Us us or teams us

fastestmanalive: hmm both

bibillionaire: I’m glad I haven’t met your teams

hotwing: no one said that’s not happening in the future

sunshinegirl: ha I told you you wouldn’t regret meeting us ;)))

inkedandgay: only a tiny bit

inkedandgay: I’m speaking for both of us

lucinda: oh I regret nothing 😉

bibillionaire: imagine all of our teams meeting though

bibillionaire: that would make what, 70 people

sunshinegirl: so much chaos

lucinda: if you count my humans

dramaqueen: Friends, Lucifer, friends

lucinda: fine, friends

Lancelot: You can’t speak like you’re not human around humans, Luci, we’ve talked about that

fastestmanalive: basic rules, man

sunshinegirl: take it from a superpowered alien

lucinda: 🙄

inkedandgay: imagine our teams in one chat

Lancelot: We did but Oliver banned it

dramaqueen: Yes, NO MORE group chats

bibillionaire: aren’t you having fun

dramaqueen:

fastestmanalive: I’m so glad we had that lunch

fastestmanalive: got to know each other 😉

sunshinegirl: and I’m glad I got this on video

sunshinegirl: [video attached: barrysburgers.mp4]

fastestmanalive: noooo

lucinda: it was interesting to watch someone throw five burgers at once into himself

fastestmanalive: I was s t a r v i n g ok

hotwing: did anyone else read that as an innuendo…

sunshinegirl: I did now

Lancelot: Jeez Dick

lucinda: I’m not surprised, given his nickname

hotwing: stop with that already

lucinda: I simply can’t help it, sorry

lucinda: I gotta go now, there’s been a murder and I am needed

Lancelot: Since when do you put your phone away for that

lucinda: since at least a dozen people told me I needed to concentrate on the case

fastestmanalive: murder on a sunday? sheesh not even we get that very often

hotwing: we do

hotwing: I mean, gotham does

bibillionaire: it’s Gotham, what do you want

inkedandgay: I’ll have you know that during my reign, crime rate has seriously lessened

sunshinegirl: “reign”

inkedandgay: yes, I’m the queen here

inkedandgay: you ruined it, bruce

bibillionaire: are you angry that I came back

inkedandgay: nahhhhh

hotwing: the fam missed you

inkedandgay: some of them

inkedandgay: jason liked being my robin

hotwing: screw jason then

Lancelot: You certainly don’t pull your punches

bibillionaire: since when are you defending me, I thought you left cause you hated me

hotwing: I don’t hate you

hotwing: you’re just too much sometimes

Lancelot: Too extra

sunshinegirl: too Extra™

fastestmanalive: there are two types of people

sunshinegirl: lmao

inkedandgay: you’re too extra

dramaqueen: Everyone here is

dramaqueen: Can we move on

Lancelot: To what

fastestmanalive: yeah

hotwing: my children are being annoying

sunshinegirl: asfghjkl

inkedandgay: what is it this time

hotwing: they’re fighting over breakfast foods smh

hotwing: they don’t like what they got from conner and kory said they can just make their own food if it’s so awful

hotwing: gar is like, the toast is charred, kon, I WILL

hotwing: rach told him that he can’t cook to save his life

hotwing: both of them got pissed and I gotta save the day, again

fastestmanalive: what a mood 😂

fastestmanalive: that I can get behind

fastestmanalive: Iris can’t cook ANYTHING omg but don’t tell her that I think that, I love her

Lancelot: We know

sunshinegirl: about both of those things

bibillionaire: this is what all of you were like when you were 12

hotwing: *what the other robins were like when they were 12

inkedandgay: were they now

Lancelot: That’s growing up with siblings

fastestmanalive: uh yeah

sunshinegirl: totally relatable

dramaqueen: I agree

lucinda: even in heaven

bibillionaire: does everyone here seriously have siblings

sunshinegirl: yup

inkedandgay: not having any is why you took in so many kids, fight me

bibillionaire: I will

dramaqueen: No fighting please

fastestmanalive: did being me for a few days make you become such a peacemaker

dramaqueen: What

Lancelot: You’re always like “no fighting” here, it’s true

lucinda: I still can’t believe you two switched bodies once

lucinda: …and didn’t sleep with each other’s wives, oh the opportunity

fastestmanalive: I’m a c e

dramaqueen: Lucifer, I swear to God

lucinda: dad can’t help you here, believe me

sunshinegirl: “dad”

lucinda: he is my dad

fastestmanalive: but it’s funny

hotwing: you know what else is funny

hotwing: that he’s the devil and we’re ok with it

sunshinegirl: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

fastestmanalive: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

inkedandgay: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Lancelot: It took me a few months but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

bibillionaire: let me stoop really low and ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

dramaqueen: When John can resurrect people and the Legends can fight demons

sunshinegirl: you didn’t shrug gghhgjkg

dramaqueen: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lucinda: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest heroes
2019/01/22

 

dramaqueen: You won’t believe this but

dramaqueen: I HAVE ANOTHER SISTER

dramaqueen: A secret sister

dramaqueen: Her name is Emiko and she’s the NEW ARROW

fastestmanalive: w h a t

fastestmanalive: W H A T

sunshinegirl: sdfghjsklgm

bibillionaire: actually I believe it

bibillionaire: knowing your father

Lancelot: How do you know she’s Robert’s

bibillionaire: call it intuition

dramaqueen: You’re right

hotwing: speaking of big complicated families

Lancelot: Yeah

Lancelot: Aren’t we the best

inkedandgay: no

fastestmanalive: how do you even know, Oliver

dramaqueen: Got a DNA sample from the new Green Arrow for Felicity to test and there was a match with my father so then we dug up some old stuff and found a letter from Robert to Walter where he told him about her

sunshinegirl: that’s thorough

sunshinegirl: speaking of siblings there’s an investigation about my identity so we had to wipe everyone’s memories about supergirl alex included

sunshinegirl: well guess what she recognized me a second later

sunshinegirl: that’s sisters for you… hehehe

bibillionaire: you were stupid enough to think your own sister wouldn’t recognise you

Lancelot: 😂

Lancelot: Apparently

dramaqueen: Especially when your whole secret identity is GLASSES

hotwing: you could as well be in your civilian clothes

inkedandgay: and be with the police like oliver here

sunshinegirl: yeah I know shut up

sunshinegirl: it works for clark

bibillionaire: him I’d believe but

Lancelot: You know what he looks like

bibillionaire: pictures

dramaqueen: Right

fastestmanalive: so how many group convos are there now

sunshinegirl: I was just talking to bruce

inkedandgay: and I was talking to alex for 2 days straight

inkedandgay: or should I say 2 days GAY

inkedandgay: 😉

sunshinegirl: what did you do

Lancelot: 👀

fastestmanalive: 👀

inkedandgay: when one lesbian talks to another

dramaqueen: Did you ask her out now

bibillionaire: yeah

inkedandgay: maybe

inkedandgay: none of your goddamn business

sunshinegirl: yeah it is

sunshinegirl: I’m her sister I d e m a n d to know

Lancelot: Very subtle

sunshinegirl: I know r i g h t

inkedandgay:

hotwing: ok she’s not talking to you anymore

sunshinegirl: :(

sunshinegirl: ill juts ask alexxs

fastestmanalive: what’s going on

sunshinegirl: [image attached: flying.jpeg]

Lancelot: Did you just take a selfie mid-flight

bibillionaire: wow

sunshinegirl: im not wasting anyt ime

hotwing: what are you doing

sunshinegirl: just had to pop inro the city to ger some shoippinh and some buttons

fastestmanalive: buttons

sunshinegirl: for shirts

sunshinegirl: do you know how impractical it is to rip your shirt off every time there’s a sg emergency

inkedandgay: and she’s landed now

Lancelot: I thought you weren’t talking to us

inkedandgay:

bibillionaire: use velcros @sunshinegirl

bibillionaire: under fake buttons

sunshinegirl: woW that’s clever

sunshinegirl: thanks bruce 😊

hotwing: he’s batman, he knows shit

dramaqueen: That’s actually very useful

fastestmanalive: a tip for Cisco 👍

bibillionaire: I’m glad to be of help

Lancelot: So formal

inkedandgay: he grew up with alfred, are you surprised

Lancelot: Never met Alfred but I kinda want to

hotwing: he looks like the 3rd doctor

hotwing: but he’s cooler and more secret agent than him

hotwing: and makes the best food like ugh so good

inkedandgay: yeah absolutely

dramaqueen: Sara, we met Alfred at that gala

Lancelot: Really

sunshinegirl: The 2006 Gala™ a saga

fastestmanalive: 😂👍

dramaqueen:

dramaqueen: The old “bodyguard”?

bibillionaire: hey, he wasn’t that old

bibillionaire: he is now but not then

Lancelot: OH I remember now

Lancelot: Dick was right, he does look like the 3rd Doctor

bibillionaire: gotta agree on that

bibillionaire: it’s weird

sunshinegirl: is your butler secretly the doctor all along

fastestmanalive: oh god is the doctor real

dramaqueen: What’s up with all this

hotwing: someone didn’t grow up watching doctor who

bibillionaire: I’ll go ask him if he knows venusian aikido

Lancelot: You go Bruce

dramaqueen: Fangirls

fastestmanalive: everyone’s a fangirl, even you

fastestmanalive: you like marvel and don’t try denying that

hotwing: is your fav hawkeye

dramaqueen: Why, because he uses a bow and arrows

Lancelot: Duh

hotwing: or is it thor 👀

dramaqueen: Why, because he’s a really sexy and powerful god

sunshinegirl: speaks for itself

bibillionaire: I like Tony

dramaqueen: Why, because he’s a smug playboy billionaire who got himself a suit like Ray

Lancelot: Omg you killed it now

sunshinegirl: wait does ray fit into this somehow

dramaqueen: Marvel copied his suit

fastestmanalive: marvel was first so who’s rly copying who but whatever

dramaqueen: Also he’s another rich tech guru, so of course he knows him

bibillionaire: and before you ask, no, I didn’t sleep with him

Lancelot:

bibillionaire: but I would sleep with Tony Stark and I’m not denying that

Lancelot:

sunshinegirl:

dramaqueen:

hotwing:

Lancelot: But tbh so would I

Lancelot: Also with Thor and Nat

Lancelot: Don’t tell Aves ;)

fastestmanalive: nah don’t worry 😉

sunshinegirl: since we’re doing this

sunshinegirl: definitely thor, gamora and cap

Lancelot: Mama approves 👍

dramaqueen: Natasha, Thor, Tony, Clint, Loki

Lancelot: Wow I did not see that coming

bibillionaire: likewise

bibillionaire: Ollie keeps surprising us

bibillionaire: also besides Tony I’d definitely do it with Nat, Thor and Stephen

Lancelot: Got a thing for wizards 👀

hotwing: I’m whipped

sunshinegirl: oh my rao

bibillionaire: you’re horrible

fastestmanalive: and I love how y’all agree on Thor

inkedandgay: not me I’m gay

inkedandgay: I’d only go for nat, wanda and gamora

inkedandgay: and also pepper and hope les be honest

hotwing: now that’s a mood

Lancelot: Ooh I forgot about Pepper and Hope

dramaqueen: There’s also Jessica Jones

bibillionaire: and Trish and Claire

inkedandgay: and okoye and shuri and mantis, your point

hotwing: aunt kate would fuck all the ladies of mcu

inkedandgay: it’s weird when you call me aunt

hotwing: literally your batfam chat name

Lancelot: 👀

bibillionaire: “lesbianaunt”

inkedandgay: you’re the one to talk, batdad

fastestmanalive: whaaat

sunshinegirl: no one denied what dick said and I live for that ok bye gotta sew those buttons on my shirts

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest heroes
2019/01/24

 

lucinda: I have 157 notifications what’s going on

fastestmanalive: first of all it’s 2 am

lucinda: not here, it’s not

Lancelot: Second of all, that was two days ago

Lancelot: Where have you been

lucinda: on a case, where else

sunshinegirl: partying? having sex? idk

lucinda: as much as I’d love to, no

lucinda: where have you been

bibillionaire: building a bathroom on the Waverider

dramaqueen: That’s really a thing now, huh

Lancelot: Hush, we needed it

Lancelot: It got crowded there

lucinda: can’t blame you, with ot3 heaven and all that

sunshinegirl: oh my rao

bibillionaire: what’s up with the rao thing

sunshinegirl: excuse me he’s the kryptonian god

lucinda: so just another alien version of my father then

fastestmanalive: basically, yeah

sunshinegirl: (ง'̀-'́)ง

dramaqueen: She’s at it again

Lancelot: Look who’s finally interacting with us

dramaqueen: Yeah, at 2 a.m., I hate you

Lancelot: Is it 2, I didn’t notice

Lancelot: Oh wait it’s 3 here, we run on eastern time 😂

bibillionaire: time travellers…

lucinda: and it’s only 12 am here in la

sunshinegirl: and I still think bruce’s british spelling is funny 😂😂😂

bibillionaire: oh shut up, you’re not even from this earth

fastestmanalive: yeah, like, shouldn’t you have different grammar

sunshinegirl: 😮😮😮

dramaqueen: That actually makes sense

Lancelot: Do you have different countries

sunshinegirl: idk, do you

fastestmanalive: Cisco would probably know all this

bibillionaire: ask him

fastestmanalive: he’s asleep :(

sunshinegirl: that’s weird

dramaqueen: Can you blame someone for sleeping at 2 a.m.

Lancelot: I guess… not

Lancelot: 😂

fastestmanalive: on another note

fastestmanalive: Harry came by today and stayed rly late with Cisco 👀

sunshinegirl: ooh yeah the gossip is back

dramaqueen: What did they do

lucinda: did they do the nasty

fastestmanalive: uhhhhh no???

fastestmanalive: they worked on some kinda project no one wants to tell me about :(

fastestmanalive: turned into an alien movie marathon I wasn’t invited to :(

Lancelot: Nooo Barry’s sad

sunshinegirl: do you want cuddles

bibillionaire: doesn’t Lena need cuddles

dramaqueen: How’s that a sentence I saw Bruce type

Lancelot: Ur right

bibillionaire: fuck off

sunshinegirl: Lena’s in her office :(

fastestmanalive: oh no do you need cuddles

Lancelot: Let’s be sad together

sunshinegirl: how 👀

Lancelot: There was this, uh, conversation today

Lancelot: Well, yesterday

Lancelot: Ava stayed at work on purpose :(

fastestmanalive: noooo *shocked deadpool face*

sunshinegirl: babe are you all right

dramaqueen: Do you need anything

Lancelot: Guys I’m not a baby I’m fine

Lancelot: This happens

bibillionaire: [image attached: familysandwich.jpeg]

bibillionaire: not here we’re fine

sunshinegirl: not fair :(

fastestmanalive: aww is that your daughter

dramaqueen: I’m mostly surprised you’re sleeping in pajamas

lucinda: yes, what happened to putting your perfectly formed chest out on a display

bibillionaire: the manor gets cold in winter

Lancelot: I don’t blame it

Lancelot: Such a dramatic lair

sunshinegirl: ehehe

sunshinegirl: that’s Accurate

sunshinegirl: also you should stop texting us and cuddle your fam

bibillionaire: Selina’s fine

dramaqueen: Do you want my cuddle photo

fastestmanalive: well technically I’m also next to Iris hehe

Lancelot: Ugh what is life

sunshinegirl: a gf-less misery

lucinda: [image attached: notforluci.jpeg]

Lancelot: Do you guys want to make us angry

sunshinegirl: men smh

fastestmanalive: I didn’t do anything

sunshinegirl: not you barry

sunshinegirl: them

sunshinegirl: anywayssss lena came home guess who’s gonna get those cuddlesssss

Lancelot: Jealous

lucinda: guess who’s gonna get luthor pussy

sunshinegirl: L U C I F E R

bibillionaire: go get that pussy Kara

Lancelot: Do it for the lonely bi gal

sunshinegirl:

dramaqueen: I’m too tired for this

dramaqueen: ok im not you go kara o((*^▽^*))o

fastestmanalive: hi Felicity 👋

Lancelot: I wondered when you’d snatch that phone from your hubby

dramaqueen: haha it was shining right into my FACE

dramaqueen: and I actually need my beauty sleep 😉

bibillionaire: yes, don’t let the man stop you

Lancelot: Suddenly

dramaqueen: omg this is actually bruce wayne 😳

bibillionaire: hi Felicity

dramaqueen: sdfgshjskfmg

fastestmanalive: she l o s t it

Lancelot: Way to go, Bruce

dramaqueen: no im fine. totally fine

dramaqueen: feLiCiTy GiVe mE thE PhoNe BaCk

dramaqueen: not happening ollie

lucinda: he deserves that

fastestmanalive: I’m not sad anymore this does it

sunshinegirl: so just fyi

sunshinegirl: lena took off her coat and shoes and fell face first into bed and groaned “fuck my life and those science experiments”

sunshinegirl: she’s asleep now

sunshinegirl: so I’m stuck with you

sunshinegirl: [image attached: corpse.jpeg]

Lancelot: “corpse”

dramaqueen: accurate

dramaqueen: at least put that blanket over her, kara

sunshinegirl: didn’t even feel it when I used my speed

fastestmanalive: nice

dramaqueen: [image attached: pout.jpeg]

dramaqueen: ladies and gentlemen, oliver queen when I refuse to give him his phone back so I could talk to my awesome hero friends

Lancelot: Aww

bibillionaire: thanks for that

lucinda: indeed

fastestmanalive: 😂

fastestmanalive: screenshot, Barry, s c r e e n s h o t -- Iris

fastestmanalive: hello its me another phonesnatcher

dramaqueen: iris!!!

fastestmanalive: that face omg

Lancelot: Right

sunshinegirl: ugh how are we all awake

fastestmanalive: cause our men shine those phones in our faces

fastestmanalive: idk about the rest of you

bibillionaire: can confirm

dramaqueen: is that… selina?

bibillionaire: the one and only 😉

Lancelot: Yeah I don’t regret staying up today

lucinda: better keep chloe away

fastestmanalive: GIRLS LETS TAKE OVER

sunshinegirl: someone wake up dick and kate

Lancelot: You just want to talk to Kory

sunshinegirl: yes ofc I do she’s an alien like me

fastestmanalive: who

bibillionaire: dick’s girlfriend

dramaqueen: activate hacking skills

dramaqueen: oh wow she gorgeous

lucinda: picture

dramaqueen: [image attached: koriand’r.jpeg]

lucinda: koriand’r, that sounds oddly like coriander

Lancelot: Tru

bibillionaire: I told her that once and she’s been terrified of me ever since

sunshinegirl: that’s not true,

bibillionaire: 👀

bibillionaire: @hotwing

hotwing: who woke ME UP

hotwing: bruce

bibillionaire: no ‘tis catmom

sunshinegirl: “catmom”

hotwing: what do you want

Lancelot: We want to talk to Kory

hotwing: why

fastestmanalive: just give her the phone dick

fastestmanalive: it’s takeover time

hotwing: This is Kory. What do you want, I was sleeping

sunshinegirl: hi my name’s kara and I’m also an alien 👋

hotwing: So

dramaqueen: we banished all the men from this chat we be the wives

dramaqueen: and so are you hun

fastestmanalive: and might I say you’re absolutely stunning

Lancelot: That hair

dramaqueen: how do you do that

hotwing: Thank you 😊

hotwing: You can say I was born this way 😉

sunshinegirl: was that a lady gaGA REFERENCE

hotwing: You choose

lucinda: in case you didn’t notice, I’m still here

lucinda: but yes, you are very gorgeous miss coriander

Lancelot: 😂

bibillionaire: she’ll kill you

bibillionaire: she has light powers

fastestmanalive: oof like doctor light?

hotwing: No, it’s more like fire

hotwing: And Selina’s right, call me that again and I don’t care where you live, I’ll come for you

lucinda: joke’s on you, I’m immortal

Lancelot: Not when Chloe’s around

dramaqueen: checkmate

lucinda:

lucinda: this is Chloe and as a police authority I’m telling you to go to sleep

sunshinegirl: you’re no fun

lucinda: oh I’m fun but not when it’s 12:30 and I’m getting up at 5

fastestmanalive: :(

bibillionaire: g’night gals

dramaqueen: oh and before you go selina you’re totally invited to join us on girls’ night out tomorrow at 6 in… central city, was it this time?

fastestmanalive: yep, we’re meeting at jitters

bibillionaire: I’ll consider it 😸

Lancelot: You too Kory

hotwing:

sunshinegirl: and chloe

lucinda: she went to sleep

fastestmanalive: :(

dramaqueen: I rly wanted to meet lucifer’s gf

Lancelot: Next time

sunshinegirl: absolutely

bibillionaire: seriously, go to sleep

 

dramaqueen: This was a fiasco

fastestmanalive: yeah, man

bibillionaire: Our wives terrify me sometimes

fastestmanalive: we married well

lucinda: oh I certainly like them ;)

hotwing: ofc you would

dramaqueen: We should go to sleep too

lucinda: I’m out

fastestmanalive: night 🌃

Chapter Text

Messenger
Team Flash ⚡
27 Jan at 5:29 pm

 

You
I’ve had a Queen song stuck in
my head all day

Cisco
which song

You
don’t stop me now

Cisco
right, ofc, what else

Iris
lmao

is it cause it played on the radio
this morning

Nora
duh mom

Cisco
im jealous of the legends for
having seen them live in 85 :(

Ralph
me too

You
gah I wish we could’ve gone

SherLOQUE
What are you talking about

Ralph
you’re the detective, figure it
out

Caitlin
It’s a band

SherLOQUE
Oh, right, the band

You
did you have them on your earth

SherLOQUE
No but obviously I’ve heard of
them

Harry
We had Queen on our Earth.

Iris
look who’s talking

You
did you know Cisco went on
earth-2 yesterday and came
back today 👀

Cisco
BRUH

firstly, how do you know

Ralph
👀

Cisco
secondly, why does it matter

Iris
why does it MATTER???

honey,

Ralph
I can see your voice cracking

Caitlin
Ooh do tell

Harry
Cisco’s right, it doesn’t matter.

You
I tried calling him and he didn’t
pick up

the only time that happens is
when he’s not on this earth, I
know my best friend 😂

and I used my expertise as a
csi to figure where exactly
did he go

I’m glad to know I was right 😉

Cisco
sometimes I hate u, u know that

Wally
uh hello what do I see 👀

Nora
are uncle cisco and uncle harry
finally together 👀

Joe
Uncle Cisco and Uncle Harry?

Nora
oops 😊

Ralph
whaaat

Cisco
yeah same

Harry

SherLOQUE
So Earth-2 me is in a new
relationship, what’s new

Caitlin
Maybe for you and your 6 wives

Ralph
nice phrasing, sherlock

Harry

Cisco

I wouldn’t put a label on it…

You
so there was something!!!

Cecile
nora literally confirmed it
happened in the future so there
must have been 👀

Joe
Since when have you sunk to their
level and used that emoji

You
really, Joe

Cisco
cecile gets all the memes

unlike someone 👀

Harry
Oh don’t look at me.

Iris
he knows it’s him

Cisco
so ANYWAY

I refuse to comment on any of
that anymore

but

I did find 42 earths where freddie’s
still alive so

let’s go 🤟🏽

You
ARE YOU KIDDING ME

FOR REAL

Caitlin
!!!

Joe
Freddie Mercury? Oh, we’re going,
right, kids?

Cecile
I used to love queen when I was a
college student omg

Ralph
really?

Iris
you mean right now

Cisco
no, not right NOW

when there’s a gig, obviously

You
obviously…

I gotta tell the others 😏

 


 

 earths’ mightiest heroes

 

fastestmanalive: Cisco found 42 earths where Freddie is still alive so guess what we’ll be doing

sunshinegirl: SEEING A CONCERT

fastestmanalive: YES

dramaqueen: When? Which Earth?

fastestmanalive: no idea 😂

Lancelot: You’re not invited, Ollie

dramaqueen: And you have a history with that

Lancelot: U still mad that we didn’t take you to Live Aid

bibillionaire: you were where now

hotwing: oh man I would’ve loved to see that

inkedandgay: you can, it’s on youtube

hotwing: LIVE

Lancelot: Hehe :’)

sunshinegirl: take me with you barry love

fastestmanalive: of course

fastestmanalive: we’re nice, unlike someone here

Lancelot: Hey

bibillionaire: he’s right

dramaqueen: Yes

lucinda: absolutely

Lancelot: Ok who are you to judge though

dramaqueen:

lucinda:

fastestmanalive: so

fastestmanalive: another thing

sunshinegirl: 👀

fastestmanalive: Cisco and Harry? definitely together

Lancelot: 👏👏👏

Lancelot: Guys we did it

hotwing: ???

sunshinegirl: we made cisco admit his feelings with our constant nagging lmao

dramaqueen: He clearly doesn’t know who that is

hotwing: robin hood’s right

sunshinegirl: r o b i n h o o d I’m

inkedandgay: says a former robin

hotwing: 😉

Lancelot: DM me for basic introduction to the rest of Arrowverse, kid

dramaqueen: ???

Lancelot: 😏

hotwing: not a kid…

hotwing: but ok I Shall

sunshinegirl: we should really have another big meetup

inkedandgay: no

fastestmanalive: mood

dramaqueen: I just hope there won’t be another killing maniac or something

fastestmanalive: so you’re in? wow

dramaqueen: Never said that

bibillionaire: this is a bad idea

bibillionaire: where would you even fit so many people

sunshinegirl: uh,,, your manor

Lancelot: 👍

inkedandgay: n o

hotwing: do you want to get involved in our chaos

fastestmanalive: is it any worse than us? I don’t think so

sunshinegirl: you have run out of arguments bat babes

dramaqueen: “bat babes”

hotwing: it’s terrifying

Lancelot: There’s more of us than there is of you so

bibillionaire:

bibillionaire: ok

sunshinegirl: noice 👌

fastestmanalive: when

Lancelot: Let’s leave that for later

sunshinegirl: barry do you think we could actually plan something this fast

sunshinegirl: no

Lancelot: We’re busy people

dramaqueen: Six teams, is it

fastestmanalive: yeah ok I’m just asking

fastestmanalive: bi bi I gotta go plan the concert

sunshinegirl: wow someone thinks he’s better than us

 


 

Messenger
Team Flash ⚡
27 Jan at 5:56 pm

 

You
Cisco did you find when’s
the earliest gig

Cisco
2/2 @ 8 pm

earth 59

Iris
👍🏾

Ralph
👍🏻

Joe
👍🏾

You
👍🏻

Nora
👍🏽

Caitlin
👍🏻

Cecile
👍🏾

Harry
👍🏻

Jesse
ooh can I come too, dad

Harry
Sure, Jesse.

Cisco
yes!!!

Iris
you have to

Jesse
👍🏻

Chapter Text

BatFam Headquarters
2019/01/28

 

batdad: Sara and the others want to throw a party here

batdad: for everyone

batdad: help me

jasontoad: lmao no

spoileralert: I share ur attitude

babs: ooh big party can I invite my friends

catmom: when

batdad: idk, we haven’t made it so far yet

lesbianaunt: thankfully

hotwing: we don’t seriously wanna do it

fuckyoutim: we have tk I wnat them to see my dtagon

hotwing: turn on autocorrect

fuckyoutim: fu

futurerobin: fu

fuckyoutim: why

babs: boys kajsbsnnw

batdad: why did I even say anything

teamaker: I am against any hero parties if that helps, master Bruce.

hela: alfie come onnn

teamaker: I still think you’re too young to be here.

hela: im 10 im grown up

teamaker: Yes, well, if someone here didn’t keep on swearing 👀

fuckyoutim: what did in say

jasontoad: what does ur username say ummmm

hela: i dont care just saying

hela: dad will u help me w homework

batdad: sure, give me a sec

catmom: he needs to get his pouty ass out of the cave

babs: selina

catmom: oopsie

teamaker: You’re unbelievable.

hotwing: and you keep trying, smh

futurerobin: anyways

futurerobin: rt if u wnat that party

fuckyoutim: rt

babs: rt

spoileralert: rt

catmom: rt

jasontoad: rt

jasontoad: timmy jsut wants to meet barry allen dhbffjkadfasd

futurerobin: fcuk o ff

spoileralert: you’re still on about that I can’t

futurerobin: yEA

 


 

Extended BatFam

 

futurerobin: @superidiot tell em something

superidiot: what

jasontoad: so were switching chats now wow matu r e

coriander: What is it this time

futurerobin: they wont stop about barry allen when all I dod was call him cutebqoisssknfknfs

superidiot: ???

futurerobin: chill out babe u don’t have to laser eye me

futurerobin: (but u can x-ray eye me 😉)

hotwing: yeah, and barry’s married anyway, so, can we leave it

batdad: what he said

spoileralert: how’s the hw

hela: its math i hate math

hela: why do i gotta do math when im gonna be batgirl 1 day anyway

babs: akdnkefnrs big mood

fuckyoutim: yourw right

fuckyoutim: math sucks

fuckyoutim: i already kntw it all

fuckyoutim: we shiukd be doing martial arts 

futurerobin: zip it assassin boy

fuckyoutim: well, who's future robin here

raven: all of you should zip it, you don’t even have to go to an actual school om

spoileralert: om

raven: OK

jimjr: can I hang out w u after school @hela

hela: sure

hela: mom made cookies

catmom: which I hid on the highest shelf

hotwing: now they know

catmom:

hela: thanks mom

babs: am I not good enough for you bastard

jimjr: NO HEHHEHE

jimjr: were gonna play fortnite u Suck at thst cuz ur a girl

babs: ur logic is pricelesswkmnsdknff

hela: im also a girl

hela: but u dont think i suck

futurerobin: he likes u

spoileralert: first crush hehe

jimjr: no?

hela: is it wrong being a girl

catmom: no, honey, let’s not go there

babs: james ruins it again 👍

thedoctor: I’m mostly concerned about 10-year-olds playing Fortnite

babs:

fuckyoutim: somwtomes I forget ur moms here

jimjr: shes not my mom

gordonbleu: Be nice to Lee, please, J

gordonbleu: And I share your concern, babe

gordonbleu: @batdad

batdad: hmm

gordonbleu: You let our children play violent games

jasontoad: he’s batman can u blame him

fuckyoutim: you're callign that shit game violent

teamaker: Language.

futurerobin: alfred and his obligatory excalmation

hela: j that was a SECRET

hela: boys are stupid

raven: most of the time

superidiot: right

superidiot: why am I attracted to them

raven: same

futurerobin: smae

coriander: Same

jasontoad: same.ee

babs: same

fuckyoutim: I feel attacyed

gordonbleu: Children

babs: oh no dad’s upset

gordonbleu: You’re right about that, young lady

babs: ugh don’t call me that you’re making it awk

thedoctor: should I

spoileralert: it’s good that babs knows all the text moods lmao

jimjr: hey dad can I hang out with the batkids or

gordonbleu: We’ll see

batdad: it’s fine by me

thedoctor: sometimes I’m worried

hotwing: you’re not the only one

hotwing: why do I feel like the only responsible adult here

hotwing: and I hate being an adult

gordonbleu: Second responsible

teamaker: Third.

thedoctor: fourth

jasontoad: im also techniclally an adult yknow

coriander: You’re 19

jasontoad: im an adult in europe 👉👉

futurerobin: someone remind him we don’t live in europe

futurerobin: we live in gotham

babs: gotham is its own country lmao

batdad: the bat country™

fuckyoutim: father dont meme please

futurerobin: dami u dont even know what a meme is

jasontoad: ye e t

batdad:

thedoctor: it’s time for us to leave

 


 

Tired Parents

 

gordonbleu: I could use a glass of wine about now

catmom: me too

lesbianaunt: yeah

thedoctor: we’ll come over and watch out for our kids

batdad: good plan

gordonbleu: Is that a yes for J to play with Hel then

thedoctor: I suppose

thedoctor: but no shooting games

teamaker: I’ll keep an eye on them.

gordonbleu: God, it’s not so long since Bruce and Selina were kids, and look at us now

kingofgotham: Jim, my friend, you’re right.

batdad: do you want to come over too

kingofgotham: Ugh, yes, I could use a break from running the criminal empire.

kingofgotham: *city of Gotham.

thedoctor: how’s Gertie

riddlemaster: Being a teenager, what else

kingofgotham: I caught her smoking cigarettes today. Cigarettes! At 14!

batdad: somehow I didn’t think that would be an issue for you

riddlemaster: Of course it’s an issue, she didn’t tell us

riddlemaster: Martin was nicer at her age

catmom: you’re too dramatic

thedoctor: they’ve always been dramatic, what’s new

gordonbleu: Let’s complain over that wine, all right

lesbianaunt: roger that

whatdoesthefoxsay: I'm coming too

 


 

Extended BatFam

 

fuckyoutim: I know wgat me.es are

raven: you can’t even type

futurerobin: that’s the aesthetic™

futurerobin: the lingo™

futurerobin: the culture™ jfc

hotwing: anyone else low-key lost

coriander: Right here

garfieldthecat: ok that was sactually funny aksdnbfj

futurerobin: sactually

superidiot: sactually

jasontoad: sack-tually

garfieldthecat: wkjsbwbbe

garfieldthecat: lmao

ladyoftroy: what even is this anymore

hotwing: does anyone remember why we have these chats

jasontoad: for bashing y u o of course smh

jasontoad: in front. of everYONE

futurerobin: yes bitch

jasontoad: sup bitch

futurerobin: im gonna steal those cookies u in

hela: NO

jimjr: NO

fuckyoutim: ye s

teamaker: Master Bruce told me to hide them. You will NEVER find those cookies again.

babs: holy shit did bruce actually learn smth

futurerobin: sactually

futurerobin: also,, no :(

raven: he does have 6 kids……so……

fuckyoutim: first kf all that means nothing

futurerobin: stfu he let u keep ur weird pets

fuckyoutim: second of all I was yrained by the league of assassons I can find bloody cookies so WATXH IT DAD

futurerobin: assassons kakwbnsejh

futurerobin: also yup we doing that let’s go hoes hold my wig

teamaker: Friendly reminder that there are children in this chat.

jasontoad: oh pls theyre busy with math

hotwing: so before this all started, we were talking about a party

batdad: thank you, Dick

jasontoad: title of ur sex tapeeee

jasontoad: ok I had to dont kill me hehe bye

batdad:

batdad: so

batdad: Kara and Sara were very persistent

babs: rip us

Chapter Text

who run the world? girls!
2019/01/29

smoakandmirrors added anissapierce, jenniferpierce, and gracechoi to who run the world? girls!

 

sunshinegirl: hi!!!

irisbest: omg more girl power

darhkling: you made contact, noice

anissapierce: uh, hi?

Lancelot: Hey, welcome to the group of strong independent women who save the world on daily basis, we’re gay and we have cookies

gracechoi: you should’ve led with the gay thing 🏳️‍🌈

anissapierce: that’s my girlfriend!!!

jenniferpierce: what’s up

monalisa: you need nicknames 👀

smoakandmirrors: that’s right

anissapierce: and maybe, idk, an intro

iceicebaby: We’ve had this for months and never once had an intro

badasslesbian: huh

badasslesbian: you’re right caity

 

gracechoi changed their name to amazinggrace

anissapierce changed their name to rainbowsandthunder

 

jenniferpierce: I sure as hell wont be behind

 

jenniferpierce changed their name to lightning

 

monalisa: nice

raven: so since felicity is probably the only one who knows who you are

smoakandmirrors: that’s me, I’m felicity

coriander: We might as well do the intro

coriander: I know maybe a half of you myself

catmom: do you still hate me for the nickname 😁

coriander: Yes

sunshinegirl: lmao

Lancelot: Okay I’ll go, my name’s Sara, I’m bi, I’m a time-traveling assassin and probz the only one with a nickname that has a capital letter in it

Laurel2.0: wrong

Laurel2.0: I’m the DA and a meta and also bi and her sister from Earth-2

irisbest: who doesn’t know what that means ask cait

rainbowsandthunder: I’m Anissa and I’m a lesbian

monalisa: I thought you were american

lightning: lmfaoooo

amazinggrace: yeah I already know I like you cuz vinES!!!

sunshinegirl: aaaaaaa!!!

badasslesbian: ni c e

 


 

earths’ mightiest heroes
2019/01/30

 

sunshinegirl: sooo felicity might’ve gotten us more allies 👀

inkedandgay:

Lancelot: They’re gay I like them

sunshinegirl: gay, poc & metahuman

fastestmanalive: nice

hotwing: add them

fastestmanalive: new avengers

sunshinegirl: nope they’re in the femme squad

dramaqueen: Then what is the point of this

Lancelot: We might get to know their dad who’s the leader here

Lancelot: Some Black Lightning guy

Lancelot: Might be useful knowing him, in case there’s, you know, an actual emergency

bibillionaire: I know him

fastestmanalive: obviously…

inkedandgay: did barry really call us avengers

dramaqueen: The chat title does suggest that

bibillionaire: I told you, justice league would be better

sunshinegirl: no it wouldn’t

Lancelot: Pretentious, remember

fastestmanalive: plus we’d probably need more people for that

inkedandgay: diana……

bibillionaire: maybe that water guy

hotwing: water guy? why

sunshinegirl: you mean, adult version of percy jackson

fastestmanalive: Percy Jackson aldnkdbfvg I’m

hotwing: you know percy jackson

sunshinegirl: yeah,,,

lucinda: so do I

Lancelot: I haven’t heard of any water guy

MamaWaverider: He goes by Aquaman, or so I’ve heard.

inkedandgay: that’s just a fancy way to say water guy

bibillionaire: precisely

Lancelot: BATMAN would know

hotwing: bat guy

sunshinegirl: batdad

Lancelot: Batty patty

dramaqueen: What

bibillionaire: really Sara

lucinda: I’m definitely calling you batty patty from now on

bibillionaire: why

 

Lancelot changed bibillionaire’s name to battypatty

 

battypatty: WHY

 

battypatty changed their name to bibillionaire

 

hotwing: :(

inkedandgay: :(

sunshinegirl: :(

Lancelot: You used to be more fun

bibillionaire: sorry to ruin the mood then

lucinda: at least you kept this gem

bibillionaire: let’s go bisexuals

sunshinegirl: you could say that with more joy

bibillionaire: how can you tell my text voice

sunshinegirl: superhearing ;)))

fastestmanalive: lmao

hotwing: 👏👏

Lancelot: Clappity clap

lucinda: what did you smoke, I’d like to try it

Lancelot: 😂😂😂😂😂

Lancelot: It’s the good kush

sunshinegirl: I sure hoPE IT DOES

fastestmanalive: right in front of my salad???

dramaqueen: What’s going on

hotwing: vines

inkedandgay: why is oliver always confused

Lancelot: It’s the way of life

fastestmanalive: ahh I’m glad you know vines 👀

Lancelot: Hoe does Kara know them

Lancelot: I meant to say how but this works too 😂

sunshinegirl: I know my e-1 culture

lucinda: someone’s doing it right

dramaqueen: No really what did Sara smoke

Lancelot: Told ya, the good kush

fastestmanalive: is there a party we don’t know about

sunshinegirl: the party 🤯 we forgot

hotwing: thanks for that kara

inkedandgay: are you sure we didn’t purposefully bury those thoughts

lucinda: if there’s a party ask luci 😉

fastestmanalive: can you plan a children-safe party

lucinda: I guess that means no alcohol?

inkedandgay: and no sex, hookers, fighting, drugs, you know the drill

lucinda: ah

dramaqueen: Yeah, I didn’t think so

Lancelot: Wasn’t it Barry though

fastestmanalive: yeah 😂

dramaqueen: Well I didn’t think so either

dramaqueen: Oh, and I get Felicity told you about the documentary

Lancelot: Yup

fastestmanalive: yeah

bibillionaire: she did

lucinda: what documentary

Lancelot: You didn’t even have sex with him, you’re not invited

dramaqueen: Right, we met only once

sunshinegirl: I’d expect a comment on the sex but ok

hotwing: we got used to it

fastestmanalive: even I did

sunshinegirl: aww ace puppy grew up

fastestmanalive: you know, not all ace people are grossed out by sex

fastestmanalive: I’d have sex to have children

fastestmanalive: I will have sex to have a daughter around 2021

lucinda: that’s oddly specific

sunshinegirl: right you haven’t met her

Lancelot: It’s time travel, don’t ask

MamaWaverider: There’s also a son, which, I now realise, I shouldn’t have said out loud.

fastestmanalive: really?????!?

sunshinegirl: “said out loud”

hotwing: do you know about all our children

MamaWaverider: I’m not giving you any more details.

Lancelot: Not even the captain

dramaqueen: That’s news 👀

Lancelot: Shut up you already have a son

bibillionaire: and I have four, basically

bibillionaire: and two daughters

Lancelot: I want a daughter

Lancelot: With Ava

Lancelot: How could I not want that six days ago

fastestmanalive: what

sunshinegirl: is that why ava stayed at work late the other day

fastestmanalive: takeover day

Lancelot: Hmmmm

dramaqueen: Wait you weren’t joking about the smoking

Lancelot: God bless autocorrect ;)

lucinda: ugh not him

sunshinegirl: why are you so allergic to god anyway

sunshinegirl: one would think you’d fix that relationship in 8 billion years

God: Yes, one would.

lucinda: 👀👀👀👀👀👀

fastestmanalive: I’m choking on air

sunshinegirl: dadndffnksdjbdknskas

inkedandgay: the gay keyboard smash

Lancelot: Hi

God: Say hello to John Constantine, Miss Lance.

lucinda: dad are you kidding me right now

lucinda: and he goes away, typical

dramaqueen: How did that even

Lancelot: John: did I ever tell you god looks like a bloody terrier

sunshinegirl: god = dog backwards CONFIMRED

fastestmanalive: I’m

fastestmanalive: I can’t breathe

inkedandgay: calm down idiots

hotwing: calm down???!!?

inkedandgay: look, I’m talking to the devil, my almost-nephew-whatever-damian has died and gone to hell and came back, so has sara, I live in gotham, so what god shows up in our chat, he can do whatever the fuck he wants, he’s god

dramaqueen: “I live in Gotham” is probably the most relevant part in that sentence

bibillionaire: go to hell, Ollie

dramaqueen: I’d rather not

Lancelot: Yeahhh it sucks

Lancelot: So anyway what were we talking about before

inkedandgay: kids

lucinda: and sex

sunshinegirl: so the usual then

Lancelot: Right

Lancelot: I’m gonna go take a nap in the new jacuzzi, bi bi bitches

hotwing: huh

fastestmanalive: yeah imma go for a run or something to process this

dramaqueen: And so goes another day without planning that stupid meet-up

sunshinegirl: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Chapter Text

earths' mightiest heroes
2019/02/02

 

fastestmanalive: concert today!!!

sunshinegirl: YA Y

Lancelot: You don’t have to rub it in our faces

sunshinegirl: 😮😮😮

dramaqueen: Leave him be

sunshinegirl: yeah our bear’s innocent

hotwing: just excited

bibillionaire: Barry Allen defence squad!

Lancelot: Sorry!!!

fastestmanalive: aww guys it’s fine

hotwing: who all is going to that anyway

fastestmanalive: the flash squad, Kara, Lena, Alex, Winn, Brainy, Ollie, Felicity, Curtis, Rene

inkedandgay: and we aren’t invited

inkedandgay: cause if the supersquad is going

lucinda: the devil shakes his head in disapproval

sunshinegirl: ofc you’re invited

sunshinegirl: as of now

fastestmanalive: uh, sure

dramaqueen: Not you, legends

Lancelot: Point taken

Lancelot: But you’re being mean to your family

hotwing: true

bibillionaire: once batfam

sunshinegirl: sfnkndfsad they really adopted you

Lancelot: What can I say, I’m a charmer ;)

dramaqueen: Pfft

fastestmanalive: you got something to say

dramaqueen: So who’s going with us now

sunshinegirl: coward

dramaqueen: Excuse me

inkedandgay: let’s not start any fights

Lancelot: Well we’re having a time loop movie marathon anyway so suck it

fastestmanalive: ohhhh it’s groundhog day today

hotwing: is this something time travelers do

Lancelot: What do you mean

hotwing: watch groundhog day on groundhog day

Lancelot: And other time loop movies, yeah

Lancelot: One of Nate’s made-up traditions

fastestmanalive: do you know happy death day 2 comes out in two weeks

dramaqueen: I wouldn’t have pegged Barry as a horror movie fan

Lancelot: I wouldn’t’ve pegged you as someone who knows that shit movie

lucinda: it’s not actually a horror movie

dramaqueen: Semantics

fastestmanalive: I like horror movies… why couldn’t I like them…

sunshinegirl: cause you’re a tiny bear

bibillionaire: bears are scary

inkedandgay: yeah, just as bats are scary

Lancelot: 😂

dramaqueen: Last time you said he was a puppy

sunshinegirl: that too

sunshinegirl: but he’s a bear cause it’s a pun on his name

fastestmanalive: Beary Allen

fastestmanalive: 🐻

 

hotwing changed fastestmanalive’s name to bearyallen

 

bearyallen: !!!

dramaqueen: Now we match

Lancelot: Tru

lucinda: indeed

sunshinegirl: @hotwing and we have each other and our super name puns

hotwing: and then there’s bruce and kate

inkedandgay: we have gay names we rule

bibillionaire: better than batty patty

Lancelot: What

dramaqueen: You said that, Sara

Lancelot: Did I andsbfjgbffddd

sunshinegirl: has she ever done this before

bearyallen: nope

sunshinegirl: you broke sara, batty

bibillionaire:

bibillionaire: don’t call me that

Lancelot: I like it

bearyallen: you did say it

Lancelot: Sounds like me tbh

Lancelot: Guess it was not the good kush

sunshinegirl: at least you remember that!

hotwing: positive

bearyallen: hey I just realized

bearyallen: @inkedandgay @bibillionaire both of you are the gay cousin

inkedandgay: ???

bibillionaire: I’m bi

sunshinegirl: you know what they say

Lancelot: What brought this on

bearyallen: oh nothing

dramaqueen: No it’s funny

hotwing: wow he thinks something’s funny

sunshinegirl: someone remind me how long do we know each other

hotwing: sara told me plenty

Lancelot: Yup, I’m the Arrowverse encyclopedia

dramaqueen: What did you tell him

lucinda: yes, what did you tell him

sunshinegirl: just the truth, am I right

Lancelot: Always

dramaqueen: And you wonder why you aren’t invited to that concert

bearyallen: but if you really wanna go you can

bearyallen: I’m nice, unlike someone here 👀

dramaqueen: I’m nice

bibillionaire: hmmm

bibillionaire: 50/50 maybe

dramaqueen: That’s not true

inkedandgay: you’re like an old married couple

inkedandgay: oh, wait a minute

sunshinegirl: asghjklqmdslfm

dramaqueen: 🙄

bibillionaire: she’s not entirely wrong

bearyallen: you just can’t use an emoji can you

Lancelot: Never

bibillionaire: what she said

hotwing: even oliver uses emojis

lucinda: they’re so fun

lucinda: and shorten your sentences

sunshinegirl: except here they don’t 🤣

lucinda: 😒

Lancelot: 👏

hotwing: 🔥

bearyallen: 💯

dramaqueen: 🏹

sunshinegirl: ❤️

lucinda: 👀

dramaqueen: 🙄

inkedandgay: 👍

sunshinegirl: 🏳️‍🌈

lucinda: 👬

Lancelot: 👭

hotwing: 👫

sunshinegirl: 👽

bearyallen: 🌎

dramaqueen:

Lancelot: 🦇

hotwing: 🐦

lucinda: 🤜

dramaqueen:

sunshinegirl: 😏

bibillionaire: ARE YOU CRAZY

bearyallen: I wondered when he’d snap

bibillionaire: is that why you did… whatever this was

Lancelot: Word chain but with emojis

dramaqueen: That’s not at all what this was, word chain has rules

sunshinegirl: have you ever even played that

dramaqueen: When I was a kid

bearyallen: want to play a round

bibillionaire: no

Lancelot: I would but the readers would be bored

hotwing: that again

sunshinegirl: I’m losing it ajdkenfrgnf

lucinda: you know, technically, dad and dad knows who else can actually read this

bearyallen: that’s. true

Lancelot: And deep

bibillionaire: did you get to talk to him again

lucinda: what do you think

inkedandgay: you know what bothers me

inkedandgay: why does god have to be a man

Lancelot: Yeah

Lancelot: Ariana has to be right

bearyallen: you’ll believe god iS A WOOOMAAAAN

sunshinegirl: wooooooooo

lucinda: oh, god can be a woman is he wants to

lucinda: god can be a bloody dog if he wants to

Lancelot: John did say that…

sunshinegirl: aaaaaaaaaa

inkedandgay: so what you’re saying is

inkedandgay: god is genderfluid

lucinda: if you want to put it that way

inkedandgay: I was RIGH T

sunshinegirl: we were right

Lancelot: ARIANA WAS RIGHT

Chapter Text

earths' mightiest heroes
2019/02/03

 

Lancelot: So how was it

sunshinegirl: AWESOME

bearyallen: GAY

dramaqueen: ECSTATIC

inkedandgay: ENERGIZING

inkedandgay: ALSO GAY

Lancelot: Lucky bitches

bibillionaire: you did see the live aid concert miss lance

Lancelot: Miss Lan c e ok

lucinda: mr wayne

bibillionaire: oh lord

lucinda: you ruined it

bibillionaire: no, you did

dramaqueen: What did you

sunshinegirl: what

dramaqueen: Got a text from John

Lancelot: Why

dramaqueen: John Diggle

Lancelot: Ohhh right :’)

bearyallen: yeah it’s so weird that we know two Johns

sunshinegirl: and two noras

bearyallen: three

bibillionaire: four

bibillionaire: Nora Fries

bearyallen: I’ve met her in Cait’s dad’s secret lair!

hotwing: do we really know four noras

hotwing: wow

sunshinegirl: just a reminder that bruce and clark’s moms’ name’s martha

Lancelot: Hardcore sentence

sunshinegirl: I’m a journalist I know my apostrophes

dramaqueen: Wait, for real

bibillionaire: I’d like to meet this Clark

sunshinegirl: oh no he’s on argo with his fiancée now

bearyallen: that’s a different planet, Bruce

bibillionaire: I got that

sunshinegirl: lmao

sunshinegirl: on my earth you’re kinda… frenemies so

bibillionaire: frenemies

bearyallen: friend-enemies

bibillionaire: I GOT THAT BARRY

hotwing: avengers-loki frenemies or doctor-master frenemies

sunshinegirl: the former? idk

sunshinegirl: didn’t sleep together as far as I know

Lancelot: The Doctor and The Master love each other who’s with me

bearyallen: obviously

hotwing: yeah

inkedandgay: totally

dramaqueen: What? No

Lancelot: They made out. Twice. What evidence do you need

bibillionaire: I mean…

lucinda: so we’re talking about gay ships now

lucinda: steve and bucky are SO into each other

lucinda: and sherlock and watson, my my

lucinda: and the mutual pining energy between dean and castiel

bearyallen: wait you watch supernatural

bearyallen: you’re a character in that

Lancelot: This is some inception shit right here

lucinda: it’s purely fiction, whereas I’m not

lucinda: I hate how they portrayed me though, I’d never be that ugly and, ugh, straight

lucinda: also dead

sunshinegirl: mood

dramaqueen: How do you even know all this

lucinda: I get bored sometimes so I soak up pop culture

hotwing: but supernatural

Lancelot: Hey Gideon, how long did that show ended up being?

MamaWaverider: 15 series.

sunshinegirl: are you kidding me

sunshinegirl: we had that show but it ended after season 6

lucinda: maybe that would’ve been better

bearyallen: I watched it as a kid

bearyallen: I’ll be 30 this year!!!

dramaqueen: As a kid

Lancelot: You were 16 when it began

bibillionaire: does Sara honestly know the year Supernatural began airing

sunshinegirl: does oliver

dramaqueen: I’m just guessing

Lancelot: So what if I know

Lancelot: Don’t judge 17-year-old me

hotwing: why does everyone know about that show, is the question

inkedandgay: because it’s fucking long

bibillionaire: so once again we deteriorated from a sensible conversation

bearyallen: was there one in the first place

Lancelot: Yeah I was trying to be nice and ask about the concert you didn’t take us to

hotwing: and it all went to hell with bruce being horny for lucifer

sunshinegirl: PUNS

lucinda: 😈😉

bibillionaire: ok you got me

dramaqueen: What about your wife

bibillionaire: we’re in sort of an open relationship, just don’t ask

dramaqueen: Ok

dramaqueen: So anyway, I hope you’re ready for the documentary, they’ll be starting tomorrow

Lancelot: Sure thing

bearyallen: when do you want us to come to SC

bibillionaire: tomorrow, I suppose?

dramaqueen: Yeah, that would be great

bearyallen: aaaand then we can sit down in a pub or smth and talk about that meet-up

hotwing: alfred is already planning that

sunshinegirl: alfred? I thought it was our thing

bibillionaire: not with this family

inkedandgay: ^^

hotwing: told you, chaos

lucinda: I still think I would throw the perfect party

dramaqueen: It’s not actually a party

Lancelot: And that’s the problem here

sunshinegirl: why don’t make a compromise

bearyallen: 👀

sunshinegirl: have the kids do their own thing and the adults can have a proper party

hotwing: not these kids

hotwing: can’t be left unguarded or they’ll break something or secretly get high or something

hotwing: and then there’s damian

Lancelot: Right, him

inkedandgay: and the actual 10-year-olds

hotwing: let’s not forget about goliath

bearyallen: who

lucinda: 👀

bibillionaire: they weren’t supposed to know

hotwing: sorry

Lancelot: Who’s Goliath, a dog or something

hotwing: we have a dog but that’s not him

bibillionaire: he’s Dami’s pet

inkedandgay: you don’t want to know

sunshinegirl: we really do

sunshinegirl: is he a cat

bearyallen: snake

Lancelot: Horse

dramaqueen: I think I know

 


 

dramaqueen to bibillionaire

 

dramaqueen: It’s a dragon, isn’t it

dramaqueen: From Bialya

bibillionaire: how do you know

dramaqueen: I was in the League, I heard the stories

bibillionaire: you’ve always been smart

dramaqueen: 😘

dramaqueen: So, how exactly does keeping a grown dragon around work

dramaqueen: Is it like Game of Thrones

bibillionaire: you watch game of thrones

dramaqueen: Felicity and William do, I picked up a few things

bibillionaire: well, let’s be honest, it is sometimes

bibillionaire: he certainly does eat a lot

bibillionaire: but he’s more of a teenager dragon than anything right now

dramaqueen: Tough

bibillionaire: how am I to say no to my son though

dramaqueen: About keeping a dragon? Easily?

bibillionaire: sure, yeah, question my parenting, Mr I’m a Perfect Father Or Wait a Minute Actually

dramaqueen: What are you getting at

bibillionaire: nothing, nothing

dramaqueen: You sound like the others now

bibillionaire: should I be offended

dramaqueen: 😁 no

dramaqueen: It’s just that everyone seems to know what’s good for my family when they don’t, that’s all

bibillionaire: I did raise six troublemakers

bibillionaire: eight if you count Babs and Stephanie

dramaqueen: I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes…

bibillionaire: really

bibillionaire: most will tell you the opposite

dramaqueen: 🙄

dramaqueen: Say what you will

bibillionaire: I do love being me

dramaqueen: Well

bibillionaire: I didn’t, though

dramaqueen: Yeah

dramaqueen: I remember

bibillionaire: what have we become

dramaqueen: I don’t know

dramaqueen: But we have made the world a better place

bibillionaire: maybe

bibillionaire: we do sound like an old married couple

dramaqueen: Shut up, Bruce

bibillionaire: we should’ve stayed married

dramaqueen: What, are you regretting annulling the marriage now

bibillionaire:

bibillionaire: I’m joking

dramaqueen: Sure

dramaqueen: But it was a nice couple of days 😉

bibillionaire: I hate you, Ollie

dramaqueen: I love you too

bibillionaire: don’t tell them about the dragon

dramaqueen: Are you afraid you’d lose your authority

dramaqueen: Because that ship has sailed

bibillionaire: does no one take the bat seriously anymore

dramaqueen: You’re literally friends with Nygma and Cobblepot and I think that speaks for itself

bibillionaire: but I locked The Joker up! and many others!

bibillionaire: those two became nicer once they got together!

bibillionaire: our kids are friends!

dramaqueen: Sure, honey

bibillionaire: and this guy asks me about my relationship

dramaqueen: I’m not trying to sleep with you

bibillionaire: again

dramaqueen:

dramaqueen: Neither of us was married then

bibillionaire: we were

dramaqueen: STOP BRINGING THAT UP

bibillionaire: I will if you will

dramaqueen: All right, all right, I won’t tell them about the dragon, but I don’t know how you plan on hiding him

bibillionaire: me neither, that’s a problem for later

dramaqueen: So we’ll catch up again tomorrow?

bibillionaire: yes

dramaqueen: Will you let me drive the Batmobile

bibillionaire: no

dramaqueen: 😞

 


 

earths’ mightiest heroes

 

lucinda: @dramaqueen so?

dramaqueen: Never mind, I was wrong

Lancelot: What were you discussing for 5 mins

bibillionaire: you don’t need to know that

sunshinegirl: yes wE DO

dramaqueen: You might find out when we get there

bibillionaire:

bearyallen: which is

Lancelot: All right, let’s just talk about it tomorrow like we said

Lancelot: @dramaqueen @bearyallen @bibillionaire

sunshinegirl: can I come too

bearyallen: sure thing!

sunshinegirl: we’ll stop by that pizza place?

bearyallen: oh yes PLEASE

sunshinegirl: awesome ☆*: .。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆

hotwing: did we actually move the plan along

Lancelot: Look at us being semi-productive today

Chapter Text

2019/02/05

Lancelot created a group

Lancelot named the group let’s save the world & party

Lancelot added TimeMom, rayofsunshine, gayforray, darhkling, QueenZee, trickstergoddess, grunt, smartsnart, Jaxon, monalisa, Trenchcoat, gare-bear, MiniStein, hawky, smoakandmirrors, dramaqueen, will-iamqueen, Laurel2.0, screamer, holt-the-door, wilddog, digdeep, therealboss, bearyallen, irisbest, miniwestallen, goodvibes, iceicebaby, pear, grumpydad, jessequick, SherLOQUE, hardley, ilovegold, dahorton, DetectiveDad, rainbowsandthunder, lightning, amazinggrace, sunshinegirl, sciencebitch, badasslesbian, winner, Brainy, spacedad, sleepyhead, ebonyfalcon, bibillionaire, catmom, inkedandgay, teamaker, hotwing, jasontoad, futurerobin, fuckyoutim, babs, jimjr, spoileralert, markofcain, hela, gordonbleu, thedoctor, kingofgotham, riddlemaster, gert-cobblepot, iloveplants, puddin, coriander, ladyoftroy, raven, garfieldthecat, superidiot, zatannaz, lucinda, thedetective, mazikeen, awesomestCSI, DrLinda, detectivedouche, Trixie, and dianaprince(ss) to let’s save the world & party

 

Lancelot: You are hereby invited to a birthday party/get-to-know-each-other meet-up at the Wayne Manor, this Friday at 2 p.m.

Lancelot: RSVP here, the sooner the better

bibillionaire: did you really invite 81 people

smoakandmirrors: did you really count it

winner: what the FUCK

 


 

earths’ mightiest heroes

 

Lancelot: I nailed it, right ;’)

bearyallen: SDKLFKBFDSA,,D NAILED IT???

bearyallen: YOU STARTED THE APOCALYPSE WITH THAT CHAT

bearyallen: 82 PEOPLE

bibillionaire: how did you even get hold of the handles

dramaqueen: That was Felicity

sunshinegirl: did you know

dramaqueen: …

bearyallen: I’m gonna have a heart attack

sunshinegirl: you can’t even have one

bearyallen: wanna try me

hotwing: what are we supposed to say

Lancelot: Come on, guys

inkedandgay: you really added all the children

lucinda: there were supposed to be two parties, correct?

Lancelot: Yeah

lucinda: ours is going to be spectacular

sunshinegirl: should I bring that alien gin again 👀

Lancelot: Mmmm whatcha say

hotwing: alieN GIN

bearyallen: NO. N O

bearyallen: not ag a i n

inkedandgay: are you really having a stroke

bearyallen: that drink got us into this mess in the first place

sunshinegirl: awww bear

Lancelot: Don’t drink it then

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

sunshinegirl: alien booze yes or no

coriander: Yes

sleepyhead: yes

Brainy: Yes.

superidiot: yes

bearyallen: not fair you’re all aliens

futurerobin: is this barry allen???

bearyallen: Tim?

bearyallen: heard about you

futurerobin: ajdbefngrfww

fuckyoutim: he dead

superidiot: leave my bf alone

sunshinegirl: heyyy nephew

superidiot: 👋

Trenchcoat: Bring those alien drinks

grunt: yeah

goodvibes: lots of it

goodvibes: I still haven’t managed to isolate and replicate it

grumpydad: You what, Cisco?

goodvibes: ehhh I haven’t told u about it?

winner: you’re too busy having sex huh

jessequick: ughhh that’s my DAD

Lancelot: Guys. Just stop talking and RSVP

bibillionaire: you don’t want to piss off an assassin

fuckyoutim: I agree

fuckyoutim: logn time no see @Lancelot

Lancelot: Hey Dami

catmom: you know each other?

fuckyoutim: yeah

iceicebaby: Team Flash is coming in its entirety

smoakandmirrors: yeah so are we

rainbowsandthunder: idk if can do this? we barely know each other

irisbest: that’s the purpose of this party, hun

lightning: cmon sis it’s gonna be fun

amazinggrace: I want to meet the new gays

lucinda: that’s the spirit

badasslesbian: well we’re definitely coming

inkedandgay: 😉

badasslesbian: it’s a date

inkedandgay: ok

badasslesbian: ok aidnewfewjnff

monalisa: the lesbians lmao

puddin: I know right

puddin: but like, who are you guys

inkedandgay: the friends of bruce’s friends

kingofgotham: I already said we’re not coming.

gert-cobblepot: but I am don’t listen to him

gert-cobblepot: @raven

raven: coolio 💕

jasontoad: well you can count with the batfam cuz we live in that manor so @Lancelot

mazikeen: I’m always up for a party 😈

awesomestCSI: sameeee

awesomestCSI: I can’t wait to meet BATMAN like WUT

bibillionaire: I’m? honoured?

awesomestCSI: dnknfafwdcdfh

awesomestCSI: my name’s ella

bearyallen: Ella Lopez?

awesomestCSI: holy shit barry allen

awesomestCSI: mind. blown. omg 👀

thedetective: You know each other

awesomestCSI: all csis know each other

smoakandmirrors: that’s a lie

bearyallen: no, we literally met at a CSI conference

awesomestCSI: and then kinda dated for a bit

irisbest: what

smoakandmirrors: what

gayforray: what

lucinda: what

goodvibes: HWAT

 


 

awesomestCSI to bearyallen

 

awesomestCSI: wow this is incredible

bearyallen: I know, right???

bearyallen: how long has it been

awesomestCSI: pfft years

awesomestCSI: how are you

bearyallen: good

bearyallen: good, yeah. married

awesomestCSI: DAMN BOY

bearyallen: [image attached: westallen.jpeg]

awesomestCSI: angel in the heavens is that your WI F E

awesomestCSI: phone? charged

awesomestCSI: the bi bitch in me? dead

awesomestCSI: hotel? trivago

bearyallen: 😂

bearyallen: I’m sending that to her

bearyallen: and how are you

awesomestCSI: got a job in la now

awesomestCSI: with the devil

bearyallen: yeah I know him

awesomestCSI: cool (〃 ω 〃)

 


 

Messenger
Iris <3
5 Feb at 12:09 PM


[image]

oh my

so who’s this ella girl?

you’re not jealous are you

what? no…

good 😂

I’ll tell you all about her at home

ok 💜

💛

 


 

earths’ mightiest heroes

 

Lancelot: I can see it now

inkedandgay: you screwed up, eh

dramaqueen: Just a little bit

sunshinegirl: are you SUPPORTIVE

dramaqueen: 🙄

bearyallen: tbf I did catch up with Ella so I’m not so pissed anymore 😅

Lancelot: Thanks

lucinda: how DO you know ella

bearyallen: it’s a small world?

hotwing: dude they used to date

lucinda: yes, I got that, thank you

sunshinegirl: lmao

Lancelot: All differences aside

Lancelot: The meet-up is gonna be great

bibillionaire: and I’m already regretting it

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

dianaprince(ss): What is going on here?

bibillionaire: I invited you to a party

ladyoftroy: I’m going too

Lancelot: You don’t have to go, but I’m just saying, you should ;)

irisbest: WONDER WOMAN??? HOLY F

rainbowsandthunder: you’re like, our idol akdknffgfg

QueenZee: hi I’m the gal who brought Helen on Themyscira

dianaprince(ss): I remember you! Zari, right?

QueenZee: yea

darhkling: she’s just died on the inside

monalisa: I told ya

monalisa: the lesbi a n s

dianaprince(ss): Ok, where do I sign up?

Chapter Text

let’s save the world & party
2019/02/07

 

irisbest: t o m o r r o w

smoakandmirrors: I k n o w

gayforray: ヾ(@^∇^@)ノ

sunshinegirl: ☆*: .。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆

awesomestCSI: aaaaaaaaa

jasontoad: fuck y e s

Brainy: You people are an incoherent mess.

winner: babe EXCU S E M E

bearyallen: we are proud to beeeeee

holt-the-door: TOMORROW

 


 

Brony Bros

 

rayofsunshine: Are you as excited as I am???

gayforray: u fucking kidding me

gayforray: buttercup

gayforray: PARTY

gayforray: FOR ME

gayforray: AT WAYNE MANOR

rayofsunshine: Did you just call me buttercup?

gayforray: do you like it ;)

rayofsunshine: I do, honeybear ;)

gayforray: forgive me for being an incoherent mess but

gayforray: aaaaaaaaa

rayofsunshine: Aaaaaaaaaaa

gayforray: WAYNE MANOR

 


 

Tired Parents

 

gordonbleu: Did everyone get all the food?

teamaker: Yes, the larder is, impossibly, fully stocked.

lesbianaunt: did you count with the aliens

batdad: and speedsters

teamaker: Of course, I’m not an idiot.

lesbianaunt: sorry

catmom: did you get twice as much as they told you for when the kids go and have midnight snacks today and tomorrow

teamaker: Same answer.

teamaker: [image attached: larder.jpeg]

whatdoesthefoxsay: That’s thorough

riddlemaster: FOOD

kingofgotham: Oh no, are you hungry?

catmom: he just yelled food at everyone ofc he is ozzie

riddlemaster: I’ve been working for six hours straight, apparently…

kingofgotham: I’m picking you up! Jesus, Ed.

lesbianaunt: go take care of your husband

lesbianaunt: now, did I see pies in the pantry

batdad: those are for the party

teamaker: I got enough.

gordonbleu: This is how you plan a party

thedoctor: the kids plan?

batdad: accounted for

catmom: 👍

 


 

Talker
👽
7 Feb at 1:43 pm

 

You
how much of that thanagarian
 gin should I get

Koriand’r
Never had it, bring lots

J’onn
I disagree

A bottle or two will be enough,
after what happened last time

You
the speedsters caught on fire,
wasn’t that bad…

Brainy
You know what it can do when
consumed in larger doses, Kara.

You
that’s why I’m asking you

the experts

ish

Nia
ish???

You
haha never mind

Kon
can I have some of that

You
NO

Kon
why not???

Koriand’r
Cause you’re basically a kid

Nia
you shouldn’t have asked lol

Kon
rude

Koriand’r
But I still want lots

Brainy
I suggest four bottles at most.

You
so just like the last time

J’onn
I guess?

You
thanks for ur help aliens

Nia

Kon

Brainy
You’re welcome.

 


 

earths’ mightiest heroes

 

sunshinegirl: alcohol is arranged

sunshinegirl: now we need to make breach arrangements

lucinda: come pick us up in la?

sunshinegirl: not what I meant kdndkfnsfjnejfb but ok

 

Lancelot added rainbowsandthunder to earths’ mightiest heroes

 

rainbowsandthunder: avengers pun!

bearyallen: yeah!!! ikr

Lancelot: Look I know you’re not a team leader but we need to make some arrangements so

dramaqueen: The time we agreed on is 2 p.m.

bibillionaire: so try and get here before, and if you need picking up, ask Kara or Barry

sunshinegirl: so that’s a thing now ok

rainbowsandthunder: yeah I think we can make it, don’t trouble urselves

bearyallen: I’m glad you’re coming in the end

sunshinegirl: yeah !!!!!!

rainbowsandthunder: thank grace & jen

hotwing: will

rainbowsandthunder: and ur alien girlfriend

hotwing: ???

lucinda: new ships 👀

Lancelot: Lucifer

bearyallen: this is what we get when he watches too much tv

rainbowsandthunder: I just really wanna meet kory is all

sunshinegirl: ugh yeah

bearyallen: a mood tbh

inkedandgay: it’s the gay power

Lancelot: How many gays in 82? 51

Lancelot: 5 1

Lancelot: We rule

dramaqueen: What IS this universe

bibillionaire: the gay one

bearyallen: gay & bi universe no bi erasure

rainbowsandthunder: yeah

hotwing: no pan erasure while we’re at it

bearyallen: and ace

sunshinegirl: and trans

Lancelot: You know what

Lancelot: We should call this chat “gay council”

Lancelot: Like hero council but gay council

dramaqueen: What’s wrong with earths’ mightiest heroes

 

sunshinegirl changed the group’s name to earths’ mightiest gays

 

hotwing: even BITTER

hotwing: *better

bearyallen: wow Kara

inkedandgay: 👏

rainbowsandthunder: I kinda like you guys

sunshinegirl: *gays

bearyallen: welcome to the club!!!

dramaqueen: Breakfast club

bibillionaire: Oliver? are you alright?

dramaqueen: …

Lancelot: I haven’t seen that movie in ages omg

sunshinegirl: guess we know what the legends will be up to for the rest of the day

Lancelot: Ur right

 


 

The Eyes Emoji Squad

 

Lancelot: Let’s watch Breakfast Club and 80s movies pls

gayforray: YE S

trickstergoddess: im in

rayofsunshine: I love Breakfast Club!

darhkling: impromptu movie night fuck yes

Trenchcoat: Seriously

gayforray: yes, seriously

Trenchcoat: No one asks why

monalisa: johnny no backchat ok

gare-bear: Just accept this already

Lancelot: They’re so done with you

grunt: so am I

QueenZee: so are we

darhkling: how many times do we have to talk about this

Trenchcoat: Bloody hell

gayforray: lmao

gayforray: so, movie night today,

gayforray: PARTY TOMORROW

grunt: chill out birthday boy

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

Lancelot: We’re doing it, thanks Ollie

dramaqueen: <3

bearyallen: is he… nice

sunshinegirl: yeaH

bibillionaire: shocking, I know

lucinda: he would

dramaqueen: This is the last time I was nice to you

rainbowsandthunder: aw man

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

goodvibes: in case we didn’t say it enough

goodvibes: PARTY TOMORROW

spacedad: We get it

grumpydad: Yes, Cisco.

goodvibes: harry you ruined it

badasslesbian: I’m unruining it

badasslesbian: p a r t y t o m o r r o w

Chapter Text

GCPD

Case 19281367/2409

Evidence: Wayne Manor CCTV Recordings

Duration: 13:13:39

 

 

‘I still can’t believe you let this happen, Jim.’ Harvey shook his head as he sat down, coffee in hand, again. How many times was it now, seven?

Jim gave him a stern look. ‘Just shut up, Harvey.’ With an exasperated sigh, he plopped down on his rolling chair. ‘You ready?’

‘Hit it, Jimbo,’ he said and took a long sip of the coffee. ‘I’m all in for watching 13 hours of party footage in fucking Wayne Manor when I wasn’t there.’

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Jim pressed play.

 

 

CAM 06 – KITCHEN
2019-02-08 13:21:08

The camera shows ALFRED PENNYWORTH in the kitchen, preparing food. He is humming.

The door opens. TIM DRAKE enters the room and makes himself a thermos of coffee. Before he leaves, he steals a slice of cake from one of the plates. ALFRED PENNYWORTH tells him off. TIM DRAKE runs away, laughing, taking a bite of cake.

ALFRED PENNYWORTH continues to place hand-cooked burritos on plates.

 

 

‘This is boring, let’s move to where the action begins,’ Harvey said.

‘The thief was apparently already there when we came, we gotta go through everything. Just focus on the other cameras.’

Harvey turned on his chair. ‘There are four, Jim. Four. I can’t watch them all.’

‘Cause you’re old. You shouldn’t be working here anymore.’

‘Yeah? The day you see me leave is the I day, commissioner,’ he scoffed.

Jim remembered the three times Harvey had quit very well. ‘Whatever.’ He turned to watch his own footage. ‘Take that fidget spinner if it’s so boring to watch Alfred make food.’

 

 

CAM 01 – DRIVEWAY
2019-02-08 13:30:19

A car (licence plate number: B12-GRI) approaches the driveway. The camera turns in its direction. OLIVER QUEEN gets out of the passenger seat and opens the door for FELICITY SMOAK.

>> FELICITY: Wow, it’s even bigger than yours.

>> OLIVER: [clears his throat]

>> FELICITY: You know what I meant. The manor, I meant the manor. Anyway, it’s so awesome to be here!

OLIVER QUEEN puts his hand on the small of FELICITY SMOAK’S back. They walk to the front door. JOHN DIGGLE and LYLA MICHAELS get out of the car as well and join them. OLIVER QUEEN rings the doorbell.

SELINA KYLE opens the door.

>> SELINA: You’re early.

>> OLIVER: We agreed to get here before two, right?

>> JOHN: Well, half an hour is a little bit early.

>> SELINA: Anyway, where are my manners? Selina Kyle, it’s nice to meet you. Of course, Oliver and I already know each other.

SELINA KYLE extends an arm. She smiles. OLIVER QUEEN accepts and shakes her hand. SELINA KYLE invites them inside.

 

 

‘I agree, this is boring,’ Jim said. He reached for Harvey’s coffee, but Harvey grabbed the mug before he could touch it.

‘Nuh-uh, get your own.’

‘Fine. Pay attention for me, yeah?’ He got up and left.

‘Sure,’ Harvey said into emptiness.

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 13:41:41

JASON TODD, TIM DRAKE, and DAMIAN WAYNE are sitting on sofas. TITUS sits on the floor, wiggling his tail. TIM DRAKE and DAMIAN WAYNE are arguing about a video game.

OLIVER QUEEN and FELICITY SMOAK enter the room. BRUCE WAYNE walks right behind them. He frowns at his sons. TITUS gets up and runs towards OLIVER QUEEN. He squats and scratches him behind the ears.

>> BRUCE: I see you’re already making friends.

>> OLIVER: I didn’t know you had such a nice dog.

>> JASON: Hah, you haven’t seen him in battle.

>> TITUS: [barks]

>> DAMIAN: He agrees.

>> FELICITY: You’re Damian, right?

>> DAMIAN: Yes.

>> TIM: He’s the only one here who pretends the pets are human.

BRUCE WAYNE and OLIVER QUEEN glare at him. FELICITY SMOAK continues to introduce herself and her husband. DAMIAN WAYNE is the only one to get up and shake hands with them.

>> DAMIAN: You know my mother.

>> OLIVER: Yes, I do. I know Ra’s Al Ghul too. He trained me.

>> TIM: What’s it like being the Green Arrow?

>> FELICITY: Cool but dangerous.

>> JASON: So’s being Robin.

>> OLIVER: I wouldn’t exactly say cool. It’s something I must do, something Star City needs me to do, or God knows what state it would be in now.

>> BRUCE: That doesn’t mean it can’t be cool too.

 

 

Jim came back five minutes later, only to find Lucius sitting in his chair. ‘Lucius,’ he said, ‘what are you doing here?’

‘Helping you sort this mess out. We have no fingerprints but Bruce and Alfred’s, but we’ve extrapolated the time or arrival and possible ways of entry for our thief. Should be around five p.m.—although, the items weren’t stolen until after eight. We have witnesses who claim to have seen them there.’

‘See, Jim? I told you we could skip this bit. They’re just chatting.’

Jim put his mug on the desk and folded his arms. ‘Forensics was quick.’

‘Ed helped,’ Lucius admitted. ‘He also laughed at us for letting someone steal two paintings and an ancient vase from right under our noses.’

‘Sounds like Ed,’ Jim said. ‘You sure it wasn’t him and/or Oswald?’

Harvey answered first, ‘No.’

‘Alright. Move it forward.’

 

 

CAM 02 – GREAT HALL
2019-02-08 14:04:58

JIM GORDON, LEE THOMPKINS, and JIM GORDON JR arrive at the manor. They take their coats off and proceed to the living room, talking quietly. JIM GORDON JR runs. Excited exclaims spread from the background.

 

 

Harvey pointed at the screen. ‘Look, Jim, that’s you!’

‘Yeah, yeah, keep rubbing it in my face, there were at least six detectives inside.’

‘It was seven government agents, three CSIs, two DAs, and seven detectives, not to mention all the vigilantes and superheroes,’ Lucius pointed out.

‘Did you count yourself?’ Harvey asked with a sneer.

 

 

CAM 02 – GREAT HALL
2019-02-08 15:02:09

An interdimensional breach opens in the middle of the hall. KARA DANVERS, ALEX DANVERS, LENA LUTHOR, NIA NAL, WINN SCHOTT, QUERL DOX, JAMES OLSEN, and J’ONN J’ONZZ step out of it. It closes behind them.

 

 

‘What the fuck?’ Harvey shot up in his chair. ‘What is that? Are they our thieves?’

Jim shook his head. ‘No, that’s Kara Danvers and her friends. These things are normal where they come from, they call them breaches.’

‘They’re interdimensional portals,’ Lucius explained. ‘Kind of like Star Gate, but without the whole… gate thing.’

‘Oh, right, thanks for clearing that up.’

 

 

CAM 02 – GREAT HALL
2019-02-08 15:02:51

>> KARA: Shoot, we’re late again, aren’t we?

>> QUERL: Yes, Kara, we are an hour late. I told—

>> WINN: Don’t say “I told you so”, Brainy.

The group moves towards the living room. KATE KANE meets them halfway, smiling when she sees ALEX DANVERS.

>> ALEX: Hi.

>> KATE: Hi.

>> ALEX: I’m glad we finally meet in person.

>> KATE: Me too.

>> LENA: Just get a room, lesbians.

>> ALEX: You’re a lesbian.

>> LENA: Shut up, Alex.

>> KATE: Want a tour?

>> ALEX: Uh, sure?

KATE KANE and ALEX DANVERS walk away in the general direction of the gallery.

>> WINN: And we don’t get a tour? Rude, man.

 

 

Renee Montoya entered the office without knocking. ‘Commissioner Gordon, I have—is that footage from the superhero party?’

‘No one was supposed to know it was a superhero party,’ Lucius said.

Renee snickered. ‘Trust me, all of GCPD knows by now.’

‘Come and have a look. The more the merrier, they say,’ Harvey said, hiding behind his mug of now lukewarm coffee.

She walked over to the table and leant against it. ‘Wait, who’s that hooked into Kate’s arm?’

Jim raised his eyebrows. ‘Are you jealous?’ he asked just as Lucius said, ‘That’s Alex Danvers. She can definitely hold her liquor.’

 

 

CAM 04 – DINING ROOM
2019-02-08 15:12:36

The dining room is crowded. Twenty chairs stand around each table, stocked with food, drinks, and desserts. In the middle of the largest table, there is a large birthday cake shaped like the Death Star. People are chattering. BRUCE WAYNE, standing at the head of the table, clears his throat to catch their attention.

>> BRUCE: So, now that we’re all here, and it is a large number of people I don’t even know, I’d like to propose a toast to the man whose birthday it is today—

>> OLIVER (whispering): Nate Heywood.

>> BRUCE: Nate Heywood, and also to all the heroes who save the world on daily basis—

>> BARRY: More like weekly.

>> SARA: Not even that sometimes, but yeah, let’s be generous.

>> BRUCE: Alright, weekly basis. You do a lot of good—

>> DICK: You mean “we”.

>> BRUCE: Stop interrupting me! […] We do a lot of good for the people, and we should be proud of that. Now, as I said, I don’t know half of you, or what your abilities are, or who you are as people, but I do hope we will gain new allies and acquaintances out of this. Cheers!

Everyone raises a glass of whichever drink they’re having and drink, some clap. More chatter fills the room. Everyone but ALFRED PENNYWORTH sits down.

>> ALFRED: Right, so now we should properly introduce ourselves, don’t you think? I’ll start: my name’s Alfred Pennyworth and I’m the butler here, which means I’ll be the one cleaning whatever mess you make. Try to limit that, will you?

>> JASON: Which translates to “I know you’ll make a mess but you could be subtle about it”.

>> CHARLIE: Well, Mick certainly isn’t.

>> ZARI: Yup, he’s just thrown some lettuce from that burger on the floor.

>> MICK: I fucking hate lettuce.

>> ALFRED: Language, please.

>> TIM (mockingly): Language, please.

>> DAMIAN: Did you just murder that lettuce?

MICK RORY glowers at him, while TIM DRAKE, BARBARA GORDON, and STEPHANIE BROWN laugh.

>> NORA DARHK: So are we going to do the introduction, or?

>> IRIS: Yeah, alright, kids. In case you don’t know me, I’m Iris West-Allen, and I’m a reporter from Central City.

>> TIM: Did you say kids?

>> CASSANDRA: She said kids.

>> TRIXIE: We are kids.

>> JIM JR: Yeah.

>> MAZIKEEN: Shut up, kid table. You have better cake.

>> HELENA: The demon lady is mean.

>> TRIXIE: Isn’t she awesome?

>> ELLA: Yeah, Maze is totally the best and coolest demon ever!

>> QUERL: You keep deteriorating from the subject.

>> CISCO: Thanks for telling us.

>> QUERL: Was that sarcasm?

>> WINN: Yes, babe, that was sarcasm.

CAITLIN SNOW turns into KILLER FROST and stands up.

>> CAITLIN: Just shut up everyone! Let’s play at preschool and go around and say our names. Or do you need me to make this harder for you?

She creates an icicle with her powers and holds it in the air threateningly.

>> OLIVER: Okay, so you all know me, probably. I’m Oliver Queen, or the Green Arrow. Your turn.

 

 

‘Is this gonna go for any longer?’ Harvey asked. He was chewing on a vending machine ham sandwich Maggie Sawyer had brought. There were five of them now, all sitting round the small desk.

‘Yeah,’ Jim agreed. ‘I was there, remember?’

‘She’s pretty badass though, the one with the icicles,’ Maggie noted. She took a bite of her own sandwich.

Renee nodded. ‘I like her.’

Lucius cleared his throat. ‘She’s also straight,’ he said, and earned glares from both Renee and Maggie for that. ‘Okay, I didn’t say anything.’

Harvey stuffed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth. Still chewing, he said, ‘Let’s switch to something better, yeah?’

Jim wanted to utter just about the tenth sigh. ‘Just a reminder we’re watching this because of the theft…’

 

 

CAM 09 – BALLROOM
2019-02-08 16:24:25

The camera shows that the ballroom has turned into an improvised playground for the children and TITUS. He is running around in circles excitedly and barks at JIM GORDON JR, HELENA WAYNE, and TRIXIE DECKER, who are playing with Nerf guns.

ZOE RAMIREZ and WILLIAM QUEEN are throwing a basketball at a hoop, slightly bored. RACHEL ROTH and GERTRUDE COBBLEPOT are sitting on a swing set and slowly swinging while passing a bag of chips around. They are listening to music on one phone.

JIM GORDON JR springs up from his hiding place and cries with joy as he hits TRIXIE DECKER.

>> JIM: Hah! I got ya! You’re dead!

>> TRIXIE: Noooooo!

She collapses on the floor and stretches her limbs out, pretending to have been shot and killed. TITUS runs to her and licks her face. HELENA WAYNE charges at JIM GORDON JR and shoots him six times. He has no time to hide again.

>> HELENA: Revenge!

 

 

‘Did you pause here to see what your son was up to in there?’

‘I’m a concerned parent, Renee! They’re playing at murder and revenge, and yeah, I know this is Gotham, but if I let them too lose, they might turn into villains and we don’t want that.’

‘You’re starting to sound a lot like Lee.’

‘I’m gonna let that pass,’ Jim said and switched to another CCTV.

 

 

CAM 07 – DRAWING ROOM
2019-02-08 16:48:40

Another interdimensional breach opens in the drawing room. No one jumps out of it. It promptly closes. A plant moves, but all windows are closed. There is a faint sound of footsteps.

 

 

CAM 11 – BILLIARDS ROOM
2019-02-08 16:48:40

The billiards room is lively. DINAH DRAKE, J’ONN J’ONZZ, JIM GORDON, and DAN ESPINOZA are playing pool while LAUREL LANCE, RALPH DIBNY, SHERLOQUE WELLS, LEE THOMPKINS, LUCIUS FOX, LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR, and CHLOE DECKER stand around and cheer them on.

DAN ESPINOZA is definitely losing.

>> DINAH (smirking): It’s good to have some real and intelligent fun for once, and without having to go to a dirty cop bar.

>> JIM: Ugh, you’re right. Do you have any idea what those look like here in Gotham?

>> LUCIUS: They don’t.

>> DAN: Yikes, can’t imagine that.

>> CHLOE: Yeah, we all have our favourite bar!

>> LEE (shrugging): This is Gotham.

>> LUCIFER: But it doesn’t seem so bad, from what I’ve seen.

>> JIM: This is the only nice part.

>> LAUREL: Has anyone ever told you to just leave this shithole of a city?

>> LUCIUS: How dare you!

>> LAUREL: Gee, I’m just saying the truth. Sensitive much?

>> RALPH: They like their shithole of a city, Laurel. Not everyone wants to live in a clean and shiny place with a low crime rate.

>> JIM: That was mean.

>> DAN: He’s a private dick, can you blame him? Thinking he’s better than us…

>> RALPH: Hey! That was meaner!

 

 

‘Harvey, why?

‘I wanna see if you win or lose this game!’

‘And the proof you two,’ Renee cast a glance at Jim and Lucius, ‘and a room full of cops let the thief get in an out unnoticed.’

 

 

CAM 07 – DRAWING ROOM
2019-02-08 16:55:02

There’s a ripple in the air. A figure appears in the dark. They slowly move and survey the room. They switch an unfamiliar scanning device and point it at the walls and objects everywhere.

They switch it off, open a breach, and disappear.

 

 

‘Jim!’ Harvey punched his arm. ‘Jim, Look, camera seven. Rewind that footage, I think I saw something.’

Jim paused the videos and enlarged the CAM 07 recording. He returned the last two minutes and replayed the scene. ‘Yeah, you were right! There’s someone in there.’

‘But how did they get in?’ Lucius asked. He leant closer to the screen.

Harvey scratched his chin in thought. ‘Could it be another one of those portal things?’

‘Breaches,’ Lucius corrected him.

‘Put it even further back,’ Maggie said. He did so, and found a small breach showing up in the room seven minutes earlier—but he couldn’t see anyone stepping through it.

‘So that’s how our thief got in an out,’ Renee said, and it hung heavy in the air.

Jim knew why he preferred Gotham to Central City any day—there were no metahumans and aliens and whatnot. Until yesterday, apparently. Damn those friends of Bruce’s.

‘But he didn’t steal anything yet.’

 

 

CAM 04 – DINING ROOM
2019-02-08 17:12:31

DAMIAN WAYNE hovers near the big table. He wants to take an entire box of pizza and leave, when suddenly the box escapes right under his nose through the air. NORA DARHK, sitting at another table with JOHN CONSTANTINE and MONA WU, uses her magical abilities to summon the pizza.

>> MONA: Wow, that was so cool!

>> DAMIAN: I wanted that pizza!

>> NORA: There’s some pepperoni right next to it.

>> DAMIAN: I don’t eat meat!

>> NORA: Oh! Me neither. Sorry, kid.

>> DAMIAN: Don’t call me kid, please. But I agree that that was cool.

>> JOHN: It’s just basic magic, lad.

NORA DARHK sends the box back using telekinesis. DAMIAN WAYNE opens it to find half the pizza inside of it. He sends her a thin smile.

>> MONA: Come join us!

>> JOHN: Yeah, I heard you were just like Sara, went to hell and back. I’m intrigued.

DAMIAN WAYNE hesitates before he walks to the table and pulls a chair opposite NORA DARHK. He picks a slice of pizza and starts eating, ignoring the comment.

>> NORA: We went to hell too, you know. John and I. I was possessed by a demon for 20 years.

>> DAMIAN: You’re Damien Darhk’s daughter.

>> MONA (giggling): Your namesake.

DAMIAN WAYNE glowers at her and takes another bite.

>> NORA: Yeah. You know him, right?

>> DAMIAN: Yeah. You can’t miss that name when you’re in the League. […] But I have a question first: what the hell is the Devil doing here?

>> JOHN: Having sex with your dad, probably.

>> MONA: John, do you want to traumatise him even more?

>> NORA: Don’t listen to them. […] As for that, he’s sort of… our ally. He’s not evil, not really. He’s actually really funny; you might’ve noticed. We’ve met him before, in the future.

>> MONA: We’re time travellers.

>> NORA: Right. You know Sara, yeah? She hated him too. And then she added him to a group chat and got over the fact he was Satan, because nothing’s really black and white, good and evil. My idealistic, optimistic idiot boyfriend taught me that.

>> DAMIAN: Your boyfriend is probably wrong, then. He’s never seen it.

>> JOHN: Let it all settle, yeah? And really, ask your dad. He would know.

DAMIAN WAYNE continues to eat in silence. MONA WU and JOHN CONSTANTINE share a beer, and NORA DARHK gives DAMIAN WAYNE a vegetarian wrap she had smuggled from the Waverider.

 

 

Jim loosened his tie a little. He was getting tired. ‘Why are we watching this? It’s irrelevant.’

‘She lifted a pizza box in the air, Jim, I wanted to see what happens next.’

Okay, good point. Nora Darhk was indeed an interesting person.

Jim felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Renee. ‘Did Bruce really have sex with the Devil?’

‘I wouldn’t put it past him,’ he said, unsure what to believe. Hell—was it real? None of the kids, or Bruce, has never said anything.

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 17:29:43

On the opposite sides of the coffee table sit KARA DANVERS and DIANA PRINCE, arm-wrestling. Neither shows any signs of fatigue, and KARA DANVERS is smiling. A clock LENA LUTHOR holds in her hand shows that they have been doing it for 5:21 minutes.

IRIS WEST, KATE KANE, ALEX DANVERS, SARA LANCE, AVA SHARPE, ZARI TOMAZ, and SELINA KYLE are observing the competition.

>> KARA: Just give up already, Diana. I have literally beaten Superman.

>> DIANA: I’m an immortal goddess who has helped end World War I. You are the weak one.

>> KARA: Oh, you think?

>> DIANA: I think.

Both push harder, but their hands barely move an inch.

>> IRIS: How are they doing it, I swear to God.

>> SARA: Side note, it’s really hot.

>> KATE: Amen.

>> ZARI: You and Ava should try too.

>> SELINA: Good idea. Who’s with me, Zari or Iris?

>> IRIS: No, I’m not doing this, I’ll just get this on video, hang on.

She pulls a mobile phone out of her pocket and starts filming KARA DANVERS and DIANA PRINCE’S match.

>> LENA: What about me?

>> SELINA: You’re our clock.

>> ZARI: Okay, let’s go, this bitch is ready.

>> KARA: And you didn’t want to do this before.

>> SARA: Pffft, we just wanted to let the strongest go first. You know, show off a little.

>> DIANA: Sure. […] Will you give up now?

>> KARA: Never.

 

 

‘Speaking of irrelevant…’

Harvey dismissed him with a wave. ‘Let the lesbians have some fun, Jim.’

‘That’s sexist,’ Maggie said, albeit a smile tugged at her lips. If she forgot about Kate for a while, that brunette sitting next to her was pretty cute, and she was also gay and single, as Maggie had found out during the introduction.

She was allowed to dream a little.

 

 

CAM 06 – KITCHEN
2019-02-08 17:46:17

There is a mess in the kitchen. Food is in all the wrong places. Cream is dripping from the walls. A chair is lying on the floor, toppled over. GARFIELD LOGAN, KON-EL, JASON TODD, TIM DRAKE, HARTLEY RATHAWAY, and NORA WEST-ALLEN are also covered in cream from a cake, the boys more because she had used her superspeed to disperse cream faster.

Everyone is laughing.

ALFRED PENNYWORTH enters the kitchen and stops dead in his tracks, horrified. He turns on his heel and promptly walks back out. It evokes another wave of laughter from NORA WEST-ALLEN and JASON TODD.

HARTLEY RATHAWAY pulls out his mobile phone and gestures for everyone to come and take a selfie. They arrange themselves in silly poses and grimace at the camera. TIM DRAKE kisses KON-EL’s smeared cheek.

JAX JACKSON and CARLY MASON dash into the room, no doubt sent by ALFRED PENNYWORTH because they had been nearby.

NORA WEST-ALLEN doesn’t hesitate and throws an egg at JAX JACKSON. It lands on his shirt. He frowns and grumbles.

>> JAX: What the fuck, Nora?

>> NORA: Food battle! It was their idea.

 

 

‘For Alfred’s face,’ Lucius said.

Jim patted his back. ‘Yeah, yeah. Keep going.’

‘God, it’s not even 6 p.m. there. We still have 8 hours to go,’ Harvey complained, and everyone could sympathise.

Renee finished taking her jacket off and hung it on the back of her chair. ‘I hope the thief shows up again soon.’

 

 

CAM 02 – GREAT HALL
2019-02-08 18:18:18

NATE HEYWOOD is walking arm in arm with RAY PALMER towards the bathroom. Both men are laughing. Their cheeks are flushed.

>> NATE: This is the best birthday I’ve ever had, Ray-Ray.

>> RAY: Actually, it is for me, too!

>> NATE: And the food.

>> RAY: Everything’s so expensive and luxurious in here. I bet they have golden toilet seats or something equally awesome.

>> NATE: Which is what we’re gonna find out right now, babe.

>> RAY: Together?

>> NATE: What, I’m not ashamed, how many times have we seen each other naked?

>> RAY: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

>> NATE: Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking I’m thinking?

They stare at each other. NATE HEYWOOD raises an eyebrow suggestively. RAY PALMER briefly kisses his lips. They continue towards the bathroom.

 

 

Abort! Abort, Jim!’ Harvey yelled.

Doing it!’

Maggie shook her head. ‘Chill out, they’re in love.’

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 18:29:16

The arm-wrestling matches are still in progress. CAITLIN SNOW, NORA DARHK, ELLA LOPEZ, LINDA MARTIN, MAZIKEEN, ZATANNA ZATARA, ANISSA PIERCE, GRACE CHOI, JENNIFER PIERCE, DONNA TROY, KORIAND’R, LISA SNART, IVY PEPPER, and HARLEY QUINN are sitting around on the sofas and the floor. They had come about twenty minutes ago.

IRIS WEST films every match and uploads it to her Instagram story. It is ANISSA PIERCE and DONNA TROY’S turn. The odds are currently in ANISSA PIERCE’s favour. GRACE CHOI and DIANA PRINCE, who had won the first match in the end, are by their side.

>> DIANA: Come on, Donna, don’t bring shame upon this family. You must win.

>> DONNA: I’m trying.

>> ANISSA: And failing.

>> DONNA: Not yet.

>> GRACE: We’ll see.

>> IRIS: Keep going, this is so good!

DAMIAN WAYNE wanders into the room and leaves a second later.

>> SELINA: Don’t mind him, he’s terrified of us.

>> KATE: Where is Bruce, anyway?

>> SELINA: No idea. Maybe in the Batcave.

 

 

Maggie whispered to Renee, ‘Let’s switch that, we don’t want to hurt the guys.’

‘True,’ she said. ‘By the way, I’d bet on Wonder Girl turning it around.’

‘Me too.’

 

 

CAM 10 – STUDY
2019-02-08 18:31:01

DAMIAN WAYNE enters the study with a suspicious plastic bag in hand. He closes the door. Quietly, he walks to the grandfather clock and pulls the hand. The wall reveals a staircase leading downstairs. He turns on a light and walks down.

 

 

Harvey slammed his hands on the table and then hissed because it hurt. ‘So that’s how they get down there! There’s a secret passage behind a clock!’

‘You… didn’t know?’ Jim asked, and Harvey gave him a look so sour it could put lemons to shame. ‘So you’ve never been down there either, I’m guessing?’

‘Are you kidding me, Jim?’

 

 

CAM 00 – BATCAVE
2019-02-08 18:32:25

DAMIAN WAYNE steps inside the Batcave and whistles. The sound echoes through the cave. A deep, grumbling sound responds to his whistle. BRUCE WAYNE turns on a rolling chair and stares at DAMIAN WAYNE.

>> BRUCE: What are you doing here?

>> DAMIAN: I brought dinner for Goliath. What are you doing here, father?

>> BRUCE: I’ve already fed him.

DAMIAN WAYNE walks over to him. He frowns and puts the meat bag on the floor in front of the desk. Another roar comes from the depths of the Batcave.

>> DAMIAN: He can have that later.

>> BRUCE: Noted. You should go back there now.

>> DAMIAN: There are too many people…

>> BRUCE: I understand. Why do you think I’m hiding here?

>> DAMIAN: I think they’re looking for you. […] Can I talk to you about something?

>> BRUCE: Hmm?

>> DAMIAN: Lucifer Morningstar. Is he… what they say he is? Nora Darhk told me about him, but I don’t know what to believe. And I don’t see how you could invite him here at all.

>> BRUCE: That’s a rather long story…

 

 

‘More philosophical talk—wait, I didn’t know we had access to Batcave cameras.’

‘We’ve been watching this for two minutes, Harvey,’ Lucius said. Renee nodded along.

‘It looks bigger than I thought,’ said Maggie. Lucius and Jim were the only ones who have been inside at some point after all.

‘It is big,’ Jim agreed. ‘They keep a dragon in there.’

Harvey screamed, ‘Dragon?!’ at just about the same time Lucius said, ‘It’s the noises.’

‘Who did you think Goliath was?’

‘I don’t know, a really big dog?’

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 19:02:27

The living room is nearly as crowded as the dining room was at the beginning. No one is wrestling anymore. People are piled on the sofas. LEO SNART, RAY TERRILL, JOHN CONSTANTINE, GARY GREEN, MONA WU, BARRY ALLEN, CISCO RAMON, HARRY WELLS, JESSE WELLS, NIA NAL, JAMES OLSEN, DICK GRAYSON, BARBARA GORDON, STEPHANIE BROWN, CASSANDRA CAIN, FELICITY SMOAK, and OLIVER QUEEN have joined the already large group.

The coffee table overflows with popcorn, chips, French fries, coke, and beer and mineral water bottles. KARA DANVERS is holding a bowl of popcorn in one hand and feeding herself, LENA LUTHOR, and occasionally BARRY ALLEN.

The intro music to Brooklyn Nine-Nine plays. A wave of cheers carries across the room.

>> SARA: Let’s have another round of applause because we finally made Ollie watch bee-nine-nine!

OLIVER QUEEN flusters. FELICITY SMOAK presses a quick kiss on his cheek.

>> FELICITY: I’ve told you like a million times that you’re gonna love it, babe. Just enjoy it.

>> BARBARA: Who else has never watched the show?

NIA NAL raises her hand. Five cries of “me” echo through the room. CISCO RAMON shushes them.

>> CISCO: No more talking, we gotta savour it!

>> BARRY: Yeah, alright, alright!

 

 

‘Who else would rather watch B99 instead of this right now?’ Maggie asked.

Renee admitted she would, and Harvey said, ‘Never seen it.’

Jim gave him a sideways glance. ‘Really? It’s the best and funniest cop show,’ he said. ‘If only we had more Jakes here. GCPD could use some humour.’

‘Yeah, amen.’ Maggie went for a high-five. Jim, to everyone’s surprise, reciprocated. ‘Look, we’re doing it now, all Jake and Charles.’

Jim scratched his ear. ‘Maybe we should do those teambuilding activities too. Might get us more people and less corruption.’

 

 

CAM 11 – BILLIARDS ROOM
2019-02-08 19:31:54

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR clears the pool table with a series of precise strikes, leaving RALPH DIBNY bewildered. All occupants of the billiards room, JIM GORDON and LUCIUS FOX included, clap. There are two wolf-whistles.

>> LUCIFER: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you play pool. Have you learnt enough?

RALPH DIBNY places the cue onto the table. He swings an arm around LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR’s shoulders.

>> RALPH: Look, buddy, you’ve clearly cheated using that… devil mojo, or whatever. It’s not fair. We should have another round.

>> CHLOE (exasperated): This was the third round, Ralph. Lucifer’s clearly winning.

>> LUCIFER: Thank you, darling.

In the background, LAUREL LANCE, DINAH DRAKE, and LEE THOMPKINS lean against the windowsill and observe the match.

>> LAUREL: Somebody get me another drink.

>> DINAH: It’s not even eight.

>> LUCIFER: And? That hasn’t stopped any of us from opening that very expensive bottle of bourbon Bruce keeps in his totally secret cabinet.

>> LUCIUS: God, I hope he doesn’t find out.

>> SHERLOQUE: It’s a little bit late for that, mon amie.

He walks to a small table, on which stands a half-empty bottle of bourbon, and pours some of it into a crystal tumbler. He gives it to LAUREL LANCE.

>> SHERLOQUE: Here you are.

>> LAUREL: Thanks.

SHERLOQUE WELLS returns to the table and continues to fill more tumblers.

>> J’ONN: At least it’s not that Thanagarian gin Kara’s brought. We wouldn’t be standing straight after that.

>> LUCIFER: Where can I get some?

 

 

‘Pretend you haven’t seen this,’ Jim said, embarrassed. Harvey had switched to this camera on purpose!

‘What he said,’ Lucius agreed.

Renee and Maggie just laughed. ‘Whatever you say, boss.’

 

 

CAM 07 – DRAWING ROOM
2019-02-08 19:34:12

The door opens and the lights go on. JOHN CONSTANTINE, GARY GREEN, and MONA WU enter the drawing room, laughing.

>> MONA (giggling): Anyone here?

>> GARY: No. Obviously.

>> MONA: That’s great!

She grabs GARY GREEN by the lapels of his jacket and pulls him down to meet her lips. JOHN CONSTANTINE approaches him from behind and slides a hand down his back. He stops on his bottom.

>> JOHN: Come here, love.

GARY GREEN pulls away from MONA WU and kissed JOHN CONSTANTINE instead while MONA WU places both her hands on their waists.

>> MONA (whispering): There’s a perfectly good sofa over there.

 

 

‘I thought the thief showed up but instead I see this! Why!?’ Harvey yelled in frustration (but who’s to say he didn’t enjoy what he saw).

Lucius blinked and swallowed. ‘I had no idea they were… like that. Together.’

‘Oh yeah,’ Jim said. ‘You haven’t seen them at lunch.’

‘Okay, guys, I have no interest in watching them have sex, please fast the footage forward.’

‘Happy to oblige, Maggie.’

 

 

CAM 09 – BALLROOM
2019-02-08 20:00:47

BRUCE WAYNE and DAMIAN WAYNE enter the ballroom. They see the children, GARFIELD LOGAN, TIM DRAKE, and JASON TODD running around the room in panic, jumping at things, and throwing each other on the floor. KON-EL is floating in the air.

DAMIAN WAYNE jumps on top of a small table standing by the door immediately.

>> DAMIAN (calmly): The floor is lava.

BRUCE WAYNE hastily steps outside and closes the door so the lava wouldn’t get out. JASON TODD pushes TIM DRAKE down from the swing set and steps onto him.

>> TIM: Someone save me!

>> KON: Coming!

He flies to them, pushes JASON TODD on the floor, and lifts TIM DRAKE in the air, bridal style.

>> KON: Now you won’t die.

>> JASON: But I died! Fuck you!

TRIXIE DECKER and HELENA WAYNE are sitting on top of the swing set. JIM GORDON JR is trying to climb up the basketball basket pole. He cannot get very high.

>> TRIXIE (laughing): Find a better spot next time.

>> JIM: I would, but you pushed me down!

GERTRUDE COBBLEPOT plummets onto the floor face-first, embracing her destiny. ZOE RAMIREZ and RACHEL ROTH claim a sofa, which had been a strategic hiding point during the game of Nerf gun war.

>> GERTRUDE: Suckers.

>> RACHEL: You’re dead, Gert, you can’t talk.

WILLIAM QUEEN returns from his bathroom break. He pauses in the doorway when he sees what has happened in the meantime. He subsequently hops right next to DAMIAN WAYNE.

>> WILLIAM: Won’t risk it.

DAMIAN WAYNE pushes him down with slight disgust.

>> DAMIAN: This is my spot, you heathen.

 

 

‘Poor Jim,’ Renee pouted at the screen.

‘He’s a strong little guy, he won’t fall into lava. Just watch,’ Jim said proudly.

Harvey emptied his third mug of coffee. ‘So it’s “watch Jim’s kid in case he’d done something stupid and needs to be told off” again?’

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 20:02:04

BRUCE WAYNE enters the room. He sees 41 people sitting on every available surface in complete silence. They are munching on chips. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is still on.

>> BRUCE: What’s going on?

>> SELINA: We’re watching bee-nine-nine.

>> BRUCE: I can see that, but—

SARA LANCE shuffles closer to AVA SHARPE to make room for him on the sofa. She pats the cushion in the newly created, if rather small, gap.

>> SARA: Hop on, Bruce.

>> DICK: Where have you been?

BRUCE WAYNE sits down. He is squeezed uncomfortably between SARA LANCE and OLIVER QUEEN.

>> BRUCE: I went down to the Batcave to feed Goliath, then I played with him, then I came back to see the children are playing “the floor is lava” in the ballroom.

>> KARA: I wanna play “the floor is lava”!

>> CISCO: Silence, please.

>> OLIVER (whispering): You still haven’t told them who Goliath is.

>> BRUCE (whispering): Well, I think they’re about to find out.

>> SARA: Find out what?

>> AVA: That Goliath is a dragon-bat.

>> DICK: How do you know?

>> BRUCE: She’s Time FBI.

>> CISCO: Silence!

LENA LUTHOR pauses the TV show. Everyone turns to look at the front sofa.

>> CISCO: Wait, did you say dragon-bat?

>> SELINA: She did.

>> WINN: Dragons? Dragons are real?

>> ELLA: Wait, for real?

>> BRUCE (to Oliver): I told you so.

>> OLIVER (quietly): Right.

>> FELICITY: Dragon-bat, what’s that, a bat that looks like a dragon?

>> DICK: It’s a League of Assassins-trained red dragon, that’s what it is.

>> OLIVER: I knew, by the way.

>> ALEX: You knew and didn’t tell us? Outrageous.

>> SELINA: Can’t imagine why.

>> JENNIFER: It’s really cool though.

>> NATE: Did we ever tell you about that time John brought a dragon’s head to Aruba?

>> RAY: That was the beginning of the monster-pocalypse.

>> NORA DARHK: Please don’t say that.

>> NORA WEST-ALLEN: He killed an actual dragon?

>> DICK: What?

>> BRUCE: What?

>> OLIVER: Where is he, anyway?

 

 

‘You don’t wanna know,’ Maggie noted. She heard a snort from Harvey.

Jim turned around in his chair. ‘So now you believe me?’

‘About the dragon?’ Renee asked. ‘Yeah.’

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 20:21:22

BRUCE WAYNE walks into the room. Behind him treads DAMIAN WAYNE, waving his hand at something in the great hall.

>> BRUCE: He usually walks faster. I don’t know what’s up with him.

>> DAMIAN: There are too many people here.

Finally, the head of a red dragon with a nose ring appears in the doorway. It’s GOLIATH. He measures everyone with an intelligent stare. There are gasps.

>> WINN: Wow.

>> QUERL: Nice to meet you.

>> CISCO (squealing): Oh my god, that’s an actual dragon!

>> KATE: Calm down, fangirl.

>> SARA: He looks different from the one we killed.

GOLIATH grumbles. DAMIAN WAYNE gives SARA LANCE a stern look.

>> DAMIAN: Don’t anger him, Sara.

>> SARA (seriously): Sorry, Goliath.

GOLIATH proceeds into the living room carefully. He is not fully-grown yet, but he is far larger than an average horse.

>> WINN: Can I touch him?

>> ELLA: Did anyone else think of How to Train Your Dragon?

 

 

‘Holy cannoli,’ Harvey wheezed. ‘He’s huge.’

‘Will he get bigger?’ Maggie asked Lucius and Jim. ‘Like Daenerys’ dragons?’

Lucius gave a noncommittal shrug. Jim answered with a “probably”.

‘I almost pity the villains he gets unleashed upon,’ Lucius added, and Jim thought the same thing. If he ever goes to battle…

 

 

CAM 11 – BILLIARDS ROOM
2019-02-08 20:33:28

Everyone is sitting on the floor or, in LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR and CHLOE DECKER’s case, the billiards table. LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR checks his phone. He’s got a text.

>> LUCIFER: Ella says we should come to the living room.

The eyes of the others try to focus on him. Their gazes are a little hazy. RALPH DIBNY giggles, and soon CHLOE DECKER and LUCIUS FOX burst out in laughter for no apparent reason.

>> JIM: What’s in the living room?

>> LUCIFER: Hell if I know.

>> CHLOE (snorting): “Hell” if I know. A good one.

She punches his arm. She tries to get down but struggles. He laughs at her joke. J’ONN J’ONZZ swings an empty liquor bottle in his hand. It clatters on the floor.

>> J’ONN: I shouldn’t’ve brought that.

>> LEE: Hmm. It tastes awful. […] It can’t do anything to us, right?

>> J’ONN: It shouldn’t. To humans. If you don’t have much.

>> LAUREL: And we did.

>> LUCIUS: The floor is starting to spin.

>> LUCIFER: Tsk, weaklings. You can’t drink one bit.

He makes a move for the door, holding CHLOE DECKER’S hand to support her. No one else follows them, choosing to wallow in their drunken misery.

 

 

‘So that’s what you got that killer hangover from,’ Harvey declared, happy to get the answers neither Jim nor Lucius wanted to give him on Saturday at last.

‘Ugh. Don’t remind me. And fast that forward, it’s embarrassing.’

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 20:37:19

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR violently swings the door open and enters the room with CHLOE DECKER. He pays no attention to GOLIATH curled up on the carpet with a sleeping TITUS, but CHLOE DECKER’S eyes widen in shock.

>> ELLA: You came! […] Wait, is that everyone?

>> CHLOE: It that—is that a dragon?

>> LUCIFER: That’s a dog, but yes, next to him lies a dragon. Why?

>> CHLOE: So I’m not hallucinating because of the—that drink.

>> BRUCE: Are you drunk?

>> KARA: Did you steal my alcohol?!

>> LUCIFER: That was yours, sunshine?

>> SARA: What exactly’s going on wherever you’ve been hiding?

>> CHLOE: Drinking, mostly.

>> OLIVER: At least there are no speedsters there.

>> LUCIFER: Just all the detectives.

ALEX DANVERS gets up and leaves the room. NORA WEST-ALLEN takes a breath to ask a question. BARRY ALLEN interrupts her.

>> BARRY: Don’t ask to get some of that gin, Nora!

>> NORA: I wasn’t going to…

>> KORIAND’R: But I want some of that gin.

>> LEO: Me too.

>> DAMIAN: Me too.

>> BRUCE: Not you, son! You’re 14.

>> LEO: And that’s an issue on this Earth?

>> RAY TERRILL: Americans can legally drink at 21.

>> LEO: Damn. Not where I come from.

>> MICK: Nazi earth.

>> ANISSA: What now?

>> IRIS: That’s a long story.

>> OLIVER: Worthy of a Powerpoint presentation.

>> RAY PALMER: Can I make one?

>> SARA: If it makes you happy, sure.

>> MICK: Sure it’ll make Haircut happy. He loves organising stuff.

>> FELICITY: Ah, true.

ALEX DANVERS comes back and leaves the door open. She is carrying a strangely shaped blue bottle in one hand and two litres of 7 Up in the other.

>> ALEX: I got the gin!

 

 

‘That’s not gonna end well.’

‘Good guess, Sherlock.’

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 21:14:52

DICK GRAYSON is standing in front of the door. He is making odd shuffling moves with his legs, going back and forth, and his arms are outstretched.

>> NORA WEST-ALLEN: Gum on your shoe!

>> OLIVER: Balancing on a rope.

DICK GRAYSON shakes his head vigorously. He draws a rectangular shape in the air and continues to shuffle his left leg. His team, which consists of NORA WEST-ALLEN, OLIVER QUEEN, ELLA LOPEZ, GRACE CHOI, CURTIS HOLT, ALFRED PENNYWORTH, RAY TERRILL, ALEX DANVERS, CHARLIE, and himself, has 20 seconds left.

>> ALFRED: Stamping out a cigarette.

>> ELLA: Skateboarding!

>> DICK: Yeah! Finally!

>> CISCO: You’re not supposed to talk!

DICK GRAYSON frowns at him as he returns to his spot on the floor. ELLA LOPEZ draws a sloppy tally mark on the piece of paper. All ten of them take a sip of an alcoholic drink. It is a game of charades with a twist.

ZARI TOMAZ from the second team gets up and starts acting out her word. It involves flailing her arms and legs around.

 

 

‘Octopus?’ Renee guessed. She looked at Jim as if he was supposed to know the answer. Or play the game in the first place.

‘Seems like,’ Lucius concluded.

Thirty-two seconds later, Caitlin Snow guessed it was a squid.

‘Damn,’ both Lucius and Renee said. Harvey laughed. He pointed out that playing charades was not what he thought would happen, and that it wasn’t so bad.

‘Yeah? Wait till we come in,’ Jim told him. That was shortly before 10 p.m., he remembered.

 

 

CAM 07 – DRAWING ROOM
2019-02-08 21:42:36

The room is, once again, dark and silent. The camera has nothing interesting to observe.

Then a breach opens, blue and swirling. A male-looking person jumps out, dressed entirely in black. His face is covered with a mask. The breach closes behind him and swallows all light.

The chandelier lights up. The man motionlessly stands against the door and listens for possible intruders. When he makes sure he is alone, he pulls another unfamiliar apparatus out of a utility belt of sorts. He turns it on and presses a button.

The camera records no sounds.

 

 

‘Here, our thief!’ Renee pointed at the screen.

‘So I think we can rule out Nygma and Cobblepot. This guy isn’t from this galaxy.’

‘Universe,’ Jim corrected; although, he hasn’t shown his face yet, so anything was possible. There were aliens at the party.

 

 

CAM 07 – DRAWING ROOM
2019-02-08 21:44:29

The man takes his mask off. He looks distinctively like BRUCE WAYNE with a beard. He miniaturises the mask with unknown technology and pockets it together with the apparatus. He pulls out another one and performs a scan just as before.

He smirks to himself as a blue beam lands on two paintings, one by Vincent Van Gogh, the other a less expensive one by Jacques-Louis David. He treads towards the wall on which they hang and gently takes one down, then the other, frame and all. Using the device again, he finds a tall vase with golden Ancient Greek inscriptions, which dominates the cluster of shelves on the opposite wall.

He lifts it up without checking for alarms and opens a breach with another device. With the vase, he steps through. It doesn’t close. He returns for the paintings and then disappears for good.

 

 

‘Hang on, hang on. That was Bruce Wayne. With a beard. How the fuck?’

Jim couldn’t find words. He was still processing.

‘Check the living room,’ Renee said.

‘Bruce 1.0 is still there,’ Harvey said when he found him enveloped by a group of eight, trying to guess Rene Ramirez’s word.

Jim looked at him. ‘Time travel?’

Maggie shook her head. ‘He wouldn’t steal his own paintings. Doesn’t make sense.’

Lucius’ fingers tapped on the desk. ‘It would explain why we only found his fingerprints.’

‘He might steal his own paintings because they were stolen from him! By him! Like one of those time travel loops,’ said Harvey. The others shook their heads.

‘Not even Gotham is crazy enough for shit like that,’ Renee said.

‘No, you’re right,’ Jim said. Then it hit him. ‘Parallel universes. We said it. Can Bruce be a thief on Earth-Whatever?’

‘You know how that Sherlock Holmes quote goes,’ Lucius agreed. ‘Eliminating the impossible and all.’

‘Let’s see if he shows up again.’

 

 

CAM 05 – LIBRARY
2019-02-08 21:59:18

Another breach opens. The same man steps out of it and heads for the light switch. Shortly before he turns the light on, the breach disappears. Using the same MO, he takes five books and an Egyptian statuette.

 

 

‘Wait, no one reported stolen books,’ Maggie said, ‘is it possible someone’s in on it?’

Jim thought about it, tried to connect the so far nonexistent dots. ‘We’ve been watching them the entire time. It’s unlikely—but you never know.’

With a mouth full of doughnut, Harvey said, ‘If we have to bring everyone in—Jesus Christ. That would be a field day.’

‘Lucius, have forensics search the library too. They won’t probably find anything, but it’s procedure.’

‘Let me call them,’ he said and took his phone before leaving the office.

‘Okay, but if that guy really is from another Earth, how do we find him?’ Maggie asked.

Jim didn’t hesitate to say, ‘We bring CCPD into it. They have experience, and Cisco Ramon. He can make those breaches and sort of… sense the other worlds. He’s metahuman.’

‘Looks like there will be another meet-up,’ Harvey snickered. He took his box of pastry and offered, ‘Doughnut?’

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 22:12:19

ZOE RAMIREZ, WILLIAM QUEEN, RACHEL ROTH, GERTRUDE COBBLEPOT, GARFIELD LOGAN, KON-EL, JASON TODD, TIM DRAKE, JIM GORDON JR, HELENA WAYNE, and TRIXIE DECKER barge into the room holding Nerf guns and swords made from paper and duct tape.

JASON TODD, TIM DRAKE, and GARFIELD LOGAN start shooting at anyone and anything within line of sight.

>> JASON: This is war!

>> TIM: Die, peasants, die!

>> GARFIELD: [roars]

>> KARA: Oh no, who let the prisoners loose?

>> OLIVER: What?

>> SARA: Play along! […] We’re not afraid of you, we have a dragon!

GOLIATH is lying on the floor, asleep. DAMIAN WAYNE gets up and wakes him up. Those ignorant of his existence start screaming.

>> DAMIAN: That’s right!

>> RAY PALMER: You will not steal our kingdom!

>> ELLA: Many have tried and failed before, and this time will be no fidd—different!

>> JASON: You think so?

TIM DRAKE and JASON TODD continue to fire. They hit five people before the others clumsily scramble into cover behind and under furniture.

>> TRIXIE: I’m a witch and I say the floor is lava now!

>> HELENA: Burn!

KARA DANVERS, ZARI TOMAZ, JOHN CONSTANTINE, and NORA DARHK lift themselves up in the air, while QUERL DOX latches onto the ceiling, CAITLIN SNOW makes a bridge from ice, CISCO RAMON makes a breach and transports himself into another room, and BARRY ALLEN, JESSE WELLS, and NORA WEST-ALLEN run out of the room. The others try to climb onto anything they can find.

NORA DARHK creates a relatively harmless gust or purple energy and flings it at the children. They fall on the floor.

>> NORA: I’m an actual witch and I say you’re dead.

>> TIM: Not fair.

>> JIM JR: Yeah. We just wanted to play ‘cause we were bored.

>> JASON: Not me, I was talked into it.

>> DAMIAN: Sure.

>> CAITLIN: So the floor is safe now, right?

>> OLIVER: It was never lava to begin with.

>> CHLOE: It was ‘cause my daughter said it was.

TRIXIE DECKER gives her a thumbs-up. The others get on their feet, some dropping their paper swords.

>> KATE: Yeah.

>> LENA: 100 per cent.

>> DICK: So hot.

>> CURTIS: On fire.

>> BRUCE: You gotta encourage the drunk people, Ollie.

>> OLIVER: This is so childish.

>> JIM JR: ‘Cause we’re kids, duh.

>> GERTRUDE: Just roll with it.

>> DICK: She’s the mayor’s kid, we gotta listen to her.

>> SELINA: Oh, so we acknowledge that now?

>> GERTRUDE (clicking tongue): If Papa could hear you now.

 

 

‘Remind me why we’re still watching this?’ Harvey asked. They’ve identified the thief, after all.

Renee and Maggie shrugged, and Jim said, ‘For fun? It ends in five hours.’

‘Please tell me you’re not intending on going through everything.’

Maggie answered for him, ‘You don’t have to.’

 

 

CAM 11 – BILLIARDS ROOM
2019-02-08 22:41:02

DINAH DRAKE is resting against LAUREL LANCE’s shoulder, asleep. LAUREL LANCE is nursing an empty tumbler in one hand. RALPH DIBNY is sitting on the billiards table and swinging his legs in the air, occasionally extending one or the other to reach the floor. JIM GORDON, LUCIUS FOX, LEE THOMPKINS, SHERLOQUE WELLS, DAN ESPINOZA, and J’ONN J’ONZZ are spread out over the floor. DAN ESPINOZA is snoring.

>> LAUREL: Shouldn’t we like, socialise with the rest?

>> RALPH: Funny you’re the one sayin’ that.

>> JIM: Why not?

>> LUCIUS: Why not what?

>> JIM: Both, I think?

>> LEE: You’re not making any sense.

>> JIM: Hmm.

>> J’ONN: We should go there.

>> LUCIUS: I might be sick.

>> LAUREL: Be sick somewhere else.

>> LUCIUS: Can’t get up.

>> J’ONN: I can fly!

>> SHERLOQUE: I figured it out!

>> RALPH: What?

>> SHERLOQUE: The time language. I think.

>> JIM: What?

>> SHERLOQUE: Never mind.

DAN ESPINOZA wakes up with a start.

>> DAN: What did I miss?

>> LEE: Nothing.

ALEX DANVERS enters the room, startling nearly everyone. She stops and takes in the scene in front of her.

>> ALEX: So this is where you’ve been hiding for the past… many hours.

>> RALPH: Set us free.

>> ALEX: From what?

>> LUCIUS: Life.

>> DAN: This room.

ALEX DANVERS sees the empty bottles on the floor, both from alien drinks and bourbon.

>> ALEX: You stole two bottles, J’onn? You drank it all?

>> J’ONN: Maybe.

>> ALEX: Do you have more?

>> JIM: Please don’t.

>> ALEX: Actually, scratch that, we have more. Come on.

LAUREL LANCE gently nudges DINAH DRAKE, but she does not stir.

>> LAUREL: Someone lift her up.

>> LUCIUS: We need Alfred.

>> RALPH: Alfred!

DINAH DRAKE finally wakes up, thanks to his shouting.

>> LEE: He’s not coming.

>> ALEX: He’s with us. Everyone’s with us.

>> DAN: Must be crazy.

ALEX DANVERS helps DINAH DRAKE get up. RALPH DIBNY hops off the table and staggers.

>> LUCIUS: Gimme a little help too?

>> RALPH: Come on, buddy.

He shakily stretches his rubber arms out. LUCIUS FOX takes them with wide eyes and slowly rises.

>> JIM: Wow.

 

 

‘We don’t have to watch this part, you know,’ Lucius said. He’d returned twelve minutes ago.

‘Oh, but we do,’ Renee replied. ‘It’s not every day you see Commissioner Gordon and Lucius Fox completely stoned.’

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 22:50:18

OLIVER QUEEN is the only one standing up. He is gesturing around with his right index finger. Everyone else looks intimidated and/or disappointed by him.

>> OLIVER: No “spin the bottle”, no “never have I ever”, no karaoke, no games. There was enough of that last time!

>> JASON: We weren’t there last time!

DICK GRAYSON and BARBARA GORDON nod.

>> JENNIFER: Yeah, he’s right!

>> KARA: Come on, let’s at least do karaoke!

ALEX DANVERS, DINAH DRAKE, LAUREL LANCE, LEE THOMPKINS, RALPH DIBNY, JIM GORDON, J’ONN J’ONZZ, SHERLOQUE WELLS, and DAN ESPINOZA show up. Their arrival attracts many gazes.

>> RENE: There you are!

>> ELLA: Took you long enough.

>> CISCO: Wait, Sherlock’s here too?

>> SHERLOQUE: Sherloque. Et oui, je suis ici aussi.

>> BRUCE: Vous ne l’avez pas remarqué? 

>> JAX: English, please.

>> CURTIS: Like 80% of us can actually speak French.

>> CAITLIN: True.

>> JASON: Yeah.

>> ALFRED: Indeed.

>> LUCIFER (smirking): It’s the language of love, after all.

>> SHERLOQUE (to Lucifer): Oui, justement.

>> RALPH: Ooh. Eyes emoji.

>> DICK: Can’t do that in real life.

>> RALPH: Yeah, okay, watch me, bitches.

>> JIM: I’m too tired for this.

JIM GORDON walks to the wall and slides down against it. He sits, staring blankly. LEE THOMPKINS follows him and makes a makeshift pillow out of his thighs. ALEX DANVERS walks to an armchair KATE KANE is sitting under.

>> KATE: Did Jim get drunker than us?

>> CISCO: “Drunker”, that’s a funny word.

>> BARRY: Hmm.

>> ALEX (to Kate): They had two bottles of that gin… you know the one. And I want more of it. And you’re so beautiful.

>> KATE: Thanks. You’re cute.

>> KARA (yelling): I can get more alien drink!

>> WINN (yelling): My eardrums!

>> TIM (yelling): Does anyone have coffee?

>> HARLEY (yelling): Stop yelling!

>> CISCO (yelling): You first!

>> ALFRED: Oh, for the love of—

He puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles. Everyone shuts up. KARA DANVERS lifts a bottle in the air and raises her eyebrows expectantly.

>> KARA (whispering): I have the gin.

 

 

Jim tried to hide his face. It wasn’t going well, and neither was trying to remain stoic. ‘Jesus, I don’t even remember that.’

Harvey sympathetically patted him on the back. ‘I’m here for you, buddy.’

Maggie just smirked at the screen. ‘Kate and the Alex chick are flirting so hard, like, honestly. Just look at them.’

‘I don’t know in whose position I want to be more,’ Renee sighed.

You broke up with her,’ Maggie reminded her. It had been the other way around with her—but she had no regrets. She’s got over her.

‘Still.’

‘Look,’ Harvey said, ‘that little girl is about to shoot Jim with a Nerf gun.’

Jim grunted. He remembered this part.

 

 

CAM 03 – LIVING ROOM
2019-02-08 23:17:48

Instead of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, karaoke videos from YouTube are playing on the large screen. KARA DANVERS had talked WINN SCHOTT, BARRY ALLEN, ELLA LOPEZ, RALPH DIBNY, LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR with CHLOE DECKER, KORIAND’R, DIANA PRINCE, GRACE CHOI, NATE HEYWOOD, MONA WU, NORA WEST-ALLEN, DAMIAN WAYNE, SELINA KYLE, and IVY PEPPER into doing karaoke.

It is BARRY ALLEN’S turn. He is interpreting a Frank Sinatra song.

Some others are watching on the sofas and floor and excitedly clapping. Another bottle of Thanagarian gin had been consumed, as well as some beers and cokes. A lonely burrito is lying on the carpet. Empty plates are piled on the coffee table. TIM DRAKE takes a sip of coffee from his thermos.

 

 

Renee groaned. ‘Please don’t.’

‘Switching it,’ Jim said. He clicked through the other CCTVs to see where something interesting could be happening.

Maggie asked, ‘Is the Drake kid really on his second thermos of coffee?’

‘He loves coffee.’

 

 

CAM 06 – KITCHEN
2019-02-08 23:20:39

OLIVER QUEEN is sitting at the kitchen table. His head is heavily resting against his hand, and in the other one, he is holding a pot of plain yoghurt and staring at it. BRUCE WAYNE is stirring something that looks like batter in a bowl. There is flour on his shirt.

>> BRUCE: I don’t know what I’m doing.

>> OLIVER: I don’t know that either.

>> BRUCE: I don’t even have a recipe.

>> OLIVER: Recipe?

>> BRUCE: I think it’s shortbread, but I’m not sure.

>> OLIVER: I didn’t take a spoon.

BRUCE WAYNE stops mixing the batter. He stares out of the window. Deep in thought, he grabs a tumbler with a blue liquid and kicks back the rest of it. He grimaces and resumes stirring.

>> BRUCE: It’s disgusting.

>> OLIVER: Hmm?

>> BRUCE: The blue stuff Kara brought. I had like three shots.

>> OLIVER: I had four. […] Give me a spoon.

>> BRUCE: Why are we here?

>> SARA: No idea, keep going.

OLIVER QUEEN jumps up and almost topples his yoghurt. A snort comes from under the table. BRUCE WAYNE isn’t concerned.

>> OLIVER: I had no idea you were there.

>> SARA: ‘M hiding.

>> OLIVER: Why?

>> SARA: I forgot.

>> BRUCE: I think we went to have some cookies and found out there weren’t any.

>> OLIVER: Right.

>> BRUCE: So I’m making them.

>> OLIVER: Makes sense. Did Sara go with us?

>> SARA: No, I’ve been here before.

BRUCE WAYNE turns to OLIVER QUEEN, holding his bowl.

>> BRUCE: Want a taste?

>> SARA: Give me all the cookie dough.

>> OLIVER: I want a spoon.

>> DICK (over the comms): LOL, you’re useless.

>> BRUCE: Did he just say “LOL”?

>> DICK: Yeah. The big brother is watching you.

>> JASON (over the comms): Literally.

>> BRUCE: Are you in the Batcave?

>> JASON: Yup!

>> BRUCE: Does anyone want cookie dough?

>> SARA: Get Oliver a spoon.

>> DICK: I’m throwing one.

>> JASON: No, you’re not.

>> OLIVER: Are you drunk too?

>> JASON: Nooooo. […] Dick’s shaking his head but you can’t see that.

>> ALFRED (over the comms): Get off the comms, boys!

>> JASON: Or what?

>> BRUCE: No cookies for you.

SARA LANCE starts laughing uncontrollably. BRUCE WAYNE bends down and looks under the table.

>> OLIVER: My eyes are up here.

>> SARA: [snorts]

>> BRUCE: Who says I’m interested in your eyes?

>> OLIVER: Are you?

>> BRUCE: I’m currently interested in the cookies.

>> SARA: You won’t [hiccough] get laid if you’re like this.

>> OLIVER: Married. Both of us.

>> BRUCE: Call Felicity.

>> OLIVER (loudly): Felicity? […] Oh, she’s not here.

He scrambles in his pockets for a mobile phone but doesn’t find one. He gets up to fetch a spoon for his yoghurt but stops because he doesn’t know where spoons are.

>> OLIVER: Where are spoons?

BRUCE WAYNE slowly opens a drawer while maintaining eye contact. OLIVER QUEEN grabs a silver spoon and gets back on his spot. BRUCE WAYNE turns around and plops the batter onto the counter.

>> SARA: I have more of that drink if anyone wants.

>> OLIVER: Bring it.

>> ALFRED (over the comms): You’re gonna be sick tomorrow.

>> BRUCE: That’s the only proper way to end a party.

>> SARA: Yayyyy.

She slithers her way out of her hiding and lays a bottle that is about one-third full on the tiles with a click. She crawls back under the table. OLIVER QUEEN starts on the yoghurt.

>> SARA: I miss Ava.

>> ALFRED: Miss Sharpe is currently in the living room.

>> SARA: That’s so far away.

>> OLIVER: I’m close.

>> BRUCE: Help me cut the cookies. […] I only found a dinosaur.

>> OLIVER: Dinosaur?

>> BRUCE: Dinosaur cookie cutter. I think Tim wanted it.

>> SARA: Is it a T-Rex? ‘Cause we met one.

>> BRUCE: I don’t think it is.

>> SARA: Sad.

>> JASON (over the comms): Alexa, play Despacito.

Despacito by Luis Fonsi starts playing all across the manor. SARA LANCE groans.

>> SARA: Not again.

>> BRUCE: Alexa, turn it off.

The music stops.

>> OLIVER: You have Alexa in the manor.

>> BRUCE: We have Alexa in the manor.

>> OLIVER: It’s like Felicity’s door alert.

>> BRUCE: I screwed this dinosaur up, Ollie.

>> SARA: Go save him, Ollie.

OLIVER QUEEN gets up and makes his way to the counter again. He analyses the dough blob and cookie cutter in BRUCE WAYNE’s hand.

>> OLIVER: Nope, you’re on your own.

He shuffles back and sits down.

>> BRUCE: [grunts] You have failed this dinosaur.

>> OLIVER: That’s my line!

>> SARA: Minus the dinosaur bit.

>> JASON (over the comms): Just get a room already.

>> SARA: We’re literally inside a room.

>> JASON: Not you. […] Although…

>> SARA: I’m taken.

>> OLIVER: I’m married.

>> BRUCE: And not to me. Anymore.

>> SARA: Saaaaaad.

>> OLIVER: Alexa, don’t play any songs.

>> DICK (over the comms): He knows the meme!

>> BRUCE: I agree, it’s sad. Like the soul of Gotham.

>> SARA: What did you just say?

>> OLIVER: Yeah, what did you just say?

>> BRUCE: That we’d make a great power couple. […] Wait, that was just in my head. I said it was sad.

>> JASON: Mic drop.

 

 

The power went out in the entire GCPD Headquarters. Screens cut to black. The light bulb in the table lamp hissed as it died. Darkness swallowed the office, and everything else.

You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!’ Harvey yelled. ‘Not now!’

‘Right at the best part!’ Lucius agreed. They began gathering their things. Renee turned on her mobile torch and found her gun.

‘I really wanted to see if they’d jump on that counter.’

‘Harvey!’ Jim shouted. He made sure his gun was loaded. ‘That’s inappropriate.’

‘But he’s right,’ Maggie said.

Jim cocked his head. ‘Well…’

‘Aha!’ Harvey put his hat on and stuffed one last doughnut into his mouth before he strode out of the office. Jim and Maggie followed him, and after them ran Renee and Lucius.

‘What’s going on?’ Jim shouted from the balcony.

‘Some nutjob turned off the entire city. We’re betting on Two-Face.’

Jim was already on his way to the roof. ‘Alright, we must stay sharp. I’m turning on the Bat-Signal.’

 

 

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/02/09

 

Lancelot: I woke up in bed next to Oliver who’s next to Bruce but we have our clothes on what’s going on

sunshinegirl: W H A T

sunshinegirl: ???

bearyallen: you’re still at the manor?

hotwing: so that’s where dad is

inkedandgay: “but we have our clothes on” being the confusing part is gold

Lancelot: Look, I got drunk on that alien shit

Lancelot: [image attached: triplets.jpeg]

lucinda: you didn’t have sex? I expected better from you

sunshinegirl: lmao what

bearyallen: wake them up and film it

Lancelot: That’s too much hard work

lucinda: I drank what you did but I feel fine, just saying

Lancelot: When someone has angel metabolism

rainbowsandthunder: do you do this often

sunshinegirl: what exactly

rainbowsandthunder: everything?

bibillionaire: I’m awake

bibillionaire: and confused

hotwing: congrats

inkedandgay: who exactly is still here

inkedandgay: besides sara, oliver and alex

sunshinegirl: alEX?????

bearyallen: klhfjknfejf it hjappened

Lancelot: Who broke you

bearyallen: the wall when I ran into it

rainbowsandthunder: ???

sunshinegirl: that’s tradition with us

smoakandmirrors: pretty much all of our team are here

bibillionaire: did I bake cookies at midnight

hotwing: ah, you remember

Lancelot: Something tells me dinosaur but

bearyallen: idk, we lost you round 11

sunshinegirl: I’m sad you didn’t stay :(

Lancelot: Speaking of sad, didn’t someone do the despacito thing

hotwing: that was jason

bearyallen: Cisco started singing it again so thanks v much

sunshinegirl: why so bitter

dramaqueen: Why are Bruce and Sara on their phones

dramaqueen: Let me rephrase, why am I in bed with Bruce and Sara

inkedandgay: I have flashbacks

sunshinegirl: yeah, to 10 mins ago

bearyallen: so you… really don’t remember anything

Lancelot: Just the odd bits flashy boy I told you that

hotwing: @everyone switch to the let’s save the world chat

dramaqueen: Good idea

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

Lancelot: Hey bitches help me fill the gaps

sunshinegirl: and oliver and bruce lol

hotwing: [image attached: triplets.png]

Lancelot: You screenshotted that???

irisbest: what the fuck

smoakandmirrors: I should be asking that,

dramaqueen: I feel like I should apologize but IDK what for

gayforray: wow, an acronym

sciencebitch: maybe for waking up in bed with them instead of your wife

goodvibes: THAT

bibillionaire:

jasontoad: SO WHERE DO I BEGIN

babs: you’re enjoying this

teamaker: And I’m enjoying cleaning the manor up all by myself.

bibillionaire: sorry, Alfred

teamaker: No, you should rest after what you pulled last night. It’s the kids I’m talking about 👀

futurerobin: fcuk

hotwing: shit alfred did the eyes it's serious

rayofsunshine: Go help Alfred with the cleaning.

QueenZee: Ray the mom strikes

Lancelot: Speaking of last night

jasontoad: LISTEN EVERYONE

jasontoad: so kara called karaoke

jasontoad: half of u left

winner: “kara called karaoke” akdhjbfdfe

jasontoad: DONT INTERRUTP ME

jasontoad: the next 20 mins idk what happened

jasontoad: then I went w dick to the batcave

jasontoad: dad oliver & sara were in the kitchen and dad was making cookies and u were all stoned and babbling lmao

jasontoad: & flirting lots

hotwing: then he despacito’d you

jasontoad: WUT DID I SAY DUCK

coriander: Duck

awesomestCSI: duck

fuckyoutim: duck

monalisa: duck

hotwing: ‘tis my new nickname

jasontoad: SO

jasontoad: then I despacito’d u but bruce stopped it :(

jasontoad: more babbling blah blah blah

jasontoad: dad made dinosaur cookies but they taste like cardboard

markofcain: You tried eating them

teamaker: So did I…

jasontoad: yea I made a terrible mistake ANYWAY @ like 1 u were done and moved upstairs & i was eating popcorn w it

jasontoad: dad got into this monologue about the soul of gotham & the 5 day marriage

jasontoad: said hed “”keep u”” if he could but couldn’t

jasontoad: then he kissed oliver

jasontoad: sara was spaced out it was weird cuz I thought she’d comment on it

jasontoad: oliver stopped that, shame lmao

jasontoad: they dragged sara to that bed and then fell on it & just talked more nonsense  

jasontoad: end of awesome narrative by one jason peter todd *dabs*

darhkling: that’s WIL D

irisbest: oh my god

bearyallen: ahhhhhhhhh

Lancelot: O kay

dramaqueen:

smoakandmirrors: what was that about “keeping him” 👀

bibillionaire: that’s for a private conversation

smoakandmirrors: uh huh

smoakandmirrors: like I’m not that jealous or anything u were clearly influenced

catmom: chill wives club?

smoakandmirrors: ehh

Lancelot: And I… did not cheat on Ava did I

TimeMom: 👀

jasontoad: not to my knowledge no

Lancelot: God, I’m

Lancelot: SO relieved that I didn’t do anything stupid

Lancelot: Except for drinking so much of that AGAIN UGH

sunshinegirl: I did warn you :’)

sunshinegirl: now what was that about alex & kate

badasslesbian: we uhhh

badasslesbian: we hooked up

inkedandgay: she’s great in bed ;)

sunshinegirl: nooooooo I don’t wanna hear that la la la

ladyoftroy: doesn’t work in chats sweetie

Brainy: This is embarrassing.

futurerobin: oh shoot the alien computer’s embarrassed

winner: you will NOT call my boyfriend that ever again YOUNG MAN

hotwing: there’s no need to feel down

awesomestCSI: I said YOUNG MAN pick yourself off the ground

gayforray: I said young man cause you’re in a new town

winner: there’s no need to be unhappy

gare-bear: It’s fun to stay at the YYYYMCAAA

miniwestallen: KARAOKE REANIMATED

Lancelot: You missed a part

gordonbleu: Why are you all awake

catmom: because it’s 11 am jim

gordonbleu: My head

lucinda: ah, the weaklings

pear: don’t remind me

bibillionaire: what happened to you

badasslesbian: the responsible adult detectives got wasted at 8 pm

pear: didn’t you come to rescue us @ 10

gordonbleu: Honestly, I don’t know

hotwing: who’s still here there’s breakfast for you

coriander: Nice

teamaker: Or brunch, actually. I reheated some leftovers that weren’t completely destroyed.

fuckyoutim: cruel

futurerobin: yeah

spoileralert: did you agree on something??

ebonyfalcon: Where are all these people coming from

sunshinegirl: GOOD ONE JAM E S

Lancelot: Me hungry but me lazy to get up from this bed

TimeMom: You’re still there?

dramaqueen: We kind of all are

darhkling: @TimeMom it’S NoT wHaT iT LoOKs like

TimeMom: ...

badasslesbian: what’s for breakfast

hotwing: random stuff

teamaker: Thereabouts.

hotwing: and bruce’s cookie monsters

badasslesbian: good enough let me put some clothes on and come

darhkling: akdeknffew

babs: 😏

bibillionaire: did I put salt in them

jasontoad: no just not enough sugar

badasslesbian: nooo I love sugar

inkedandgay: me too ;)

jasontoad: if kate’s a billionaire

jasontoad: is she the sugar mommy @badasslesbian

sunshinegirl: why would you ASK THAT

awesomestCSI: I snorted

lucinda: cocaine?

awesomestCSI: gah if only

badasslesbian: ……

spacedad: Let’s not have this conversation

sunshinegirl: thanks dad

QueenZee: did she just call J’onn dad

Lancelot: Space dad

smartsnart: are you still high

Lancelot: I wasn’t high I was stoned

Lancelot: And maybe why u asking

rayofsunshine: You’re typing out of character.

hotwing: and you’re bringing that up again

darhkling: you get used to it

dramaqueen: Is the breakfast request still open

hotwing: wtf of course it is

teamaker: Come join us, Mr Queen.

dramaqueen: Thanks ☺️

dramaqueen: Let’s go you two

Lancelot: Lift me up in your strong arms, Ollie

bibillionaire: are you talking to me

Lancelot: No

dramaqueen: Yes

smoakandmirrors: there are breakfast burritos come before they’re gone

hotwing: (they’re regular burritos but when you have them for breakfast they turn into breakfast burritos)

fuckyoutim: vegetarian?

smoakandmirrors: possibly

fuckyoutim: on my way

futurerobin: did u fix ur autocorrect

fuckyoutim: yes because I know it annoys you

futurerobin: bitch

gordonbleu: Children…

babs: dad do you want me to bring you some food

gordonbleu: That’d be great

Lancelot: We made it downstairs [image attached: triplets2.jpeg]

gayforray: woooo

bibillionaire: I had to help them

dramaqueen: I walked perfectly on my own, thanks

Lancelot: Keep lying to yourself

awesomestCSI: and the award for our favorite ot3 goes to

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/02/09

 

bibillionaire: fuck

dramaqueen: This is the third chat you sent that to

Lancelot: 👀

bibillionaire: someone stole two paintings from the manor yesterday

sunshinegirl: shIT

Lancelot: YEAH, SHIT

bearyallen: we’re gonna help ok

inkedandgay: we appreciate it

bibillionaire: watch me broach the news to the others

hotwing: gl

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

bibillionaire: I have good news and bad news

jasontoad: food? eaten

jasontoad: kitchen? clean

jasontoad: dick? out

jasontoad: [image attached: sleepy.jpeg]

holt-the-door: slfjrfgbewd dick puns

monalisa: lmao

goodvibes: NO

hotwing: Y e S

darhkling: I’m wheezing

futurerobin: high five

jasontoad: 🖐️

bibillionaire: so now about the bad news

catmom: a vase and some paintings were stolen yesterday

teamaker: Some paintings??? It was a Van Gogh!

badasslesbian: FUCK

detectivedouche: oh my god

dramaqueen: Are you sure they weren’t just misplaced

gordonbleu: We’ve checked

kingofgotham: Are you kidding me? You, 80 do-gooders, at least ten of whom are police, let someone steal a Van Gogh from the manor while you were all inside? This has just made my day!

kingofgotham: Honestly!

gert-cobblepot: i know right??? lmaooooo

riddlemaster: You can’t be serious 😂😂😂

puddin: honey,

iloveplants: wasn’t us

kingofgotham: I’m cackling on the floor.

riddlemaster: He really is [image attached: laughingidiot.jpeg]

gert-cobblepot: I died when I heard

raven: you know it’s not funny gert

gert-cobblepot: really

riddlemaster: Same question

QueenZee: yeah these people are definitely related

gordonbleu: We get it, we’re all dumb, can we move onto solving it now

screamer: I’m with him

pear: I feel shame for my fellow detectives

thedetective: 🙄

lucinda: oh this is brilliant

gordonbleu: I wanted to ask if anyone was in the room

bibillionaire: the drawing room

catmom: big sofa, lots of artifacts and books and cupboards and mostly paintings

hotwing: we play chess in there

gordonbleu: Not that you’re suspects, we all know each other here

kingofgotham: Ha, really?

QueenZee: yeah 👀

iceicebaby: Wait WHAT

sciencebitch: W H A T

irisbest: you’re so in sync

goodvibes: did you just wake up or

holt-the-door: dude it’s 12 pm and they’ve been here before

smoakandmirrors: lemme just

smoakandmirrors: what???

darhkling: we been knew

rayofsunshine: Sara told us.

Lancelot: Cause he told me first he

catmom: this isn’t a competition

whatdoesthefoxsay: It is. Who can solve it first?

gordonbleu: Lucius

whatdoesthefoxsay: What

screamer: I’d go for it

gordonbleu: It’s a GCPD case, okay

riddlemaster: Are you sure you can handle it?

jasontoad: lmao no

fuckyoutim: with the results the gcpd has now

babs: heh true

gordonbleu: Hey, we’re not that useless

babs: sorry dad but you mostly are. who does all the work in this city 😇

futurerobin: batkids!!!

bibillionaire: and Batman

inkedandgay: hmmm no

bibillionaire: …

gordonbleu:

gordonbleu: We’re gonna need CCTV recordings, @teamaker

teamaker: I’ll get to it.

gordonbleu: I’ll call you

teamaker: Alright.

awesomestCSI: ik all of this is tragic but just, lmao

darhkling: right

Lancelot: How many superheroes were in there? Close to 80?

kingofgotham: I said it.

Laurel2.0: we were all hammered that’s how

bearyallen: I can’t believe no one noticed

dramaqueen: Like The Flash

irisbest: or the green arrow 👀

smoakandmirrors: yeah right

dramaqueen: Touché…

sunshinegirl: I’m sorry this is all my fault

badasslesbian: ???

sciencebitch: ???

QueenZee: ???

sunshinegirl: I brought the space gin

ebonyfalcon: You can’t blame yourself for that, Kara

sciencebitch: yeah, babe

bearyallen: if it was anyone’s fault it’s literally all of us, ok

sunshinegirl: <3

badasslesbian: so anyway

badasslesbian: I’m going home fam

sunshinegirl: nice!!!

ebonyfalcon: We’re all hanging out at Kara’s apartment

badasslesbian: 👍

inkedandgay: leaving me so soon :(

badasslesbian: aww but I gotta

badasslesbian: I’ll text ;)

inkedandgay: good

inkedandgay: see you next week I guess ;)

badasslesbian: definitely

catmom: now come and give kate a kiss or she’ll be sad

jasontoad: shall i

fuckyoutim: jason NO

goodvibes: wut

fuckyoutim: play despacito

goodvibes: do it DO IT

bibillionaire: I can override the voice commands, you know

Lancelot: It just occurred to me

Lancelot: Alexa is like Gideon’s grandma

darhkling: lol

gayforray: you’re right

bearyallen: that’s actually tru

MamaWaverider: I beg your pardon? I am 1000 times more evolved than Alexa. If anything, she is my great-great-great grandmother.

jasontoad: where did that come form

MamaWaverider: “She”, Mr Todd.

QueenZee: that’s our sassy ai everyone

garfieldthecat: COOL

raven: yeah

hotwing: the manor could use a gideon tbh

bibillionaire: is what we have not enough???

iceicebaby: Dramatic

Lancelot: Literally the only one who met her was Bruce how do you know

hotwing: sassy ai is all I need to hear

goodvibes: ah true

lucinda: mood

awesomestCSI: *gasp*

sunshinegirl: we taught him that word 😏

gayforray: good mood!!!

jasontoad: what

darhkling: yes that is mine, the Good Mood™

holt-the-door: are the legends making up internet expressions now

goodvibes: first names and now

Lancelot: Yes

QueenZee: we’re unstoppable

gayforray: and we have a time ship!!!

coriander: I want to see it

jasontoad: rt

awesomestCSI: rt

lightning: rt

detectivedouche: rt

futurerobin: rt

fuckyoutim: rt

inkedandgay: rt

amazinggrace: rt

garfieldthecat: rt

lucinda: rt

rainbowsandthunder: rt

raven: rt

gert-cobblepot: rt

hotwing: rt

Lancelot: No

awesomestCSI: pls???

jasontoad: plzzzzzz

bibillionaire: and he never says please

Lancelot: NO

lightning: :((((((

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/02/11

 

hotwing: patrol is booooring

inkedandgay: sos thos we boadr meerinf im sittinf at

sunshinegirl: what’s wrong

inkedandgay: im typinf under the table

bearyallen: sneaky

Lancelot: Isn’t Bruce supposed to do this shit now that he’s back

bibillionaire: I’m currently more interested in catching the thief

hotwing: updates?

bibillionaire: Jim’s going through the CCTV recordings now

sunshinegirl: oh damn

bearyallen: yeah

Lancelot: He’s gonna see everything we did, isn’t he

inkedandgay: betcha

bibillionaire: even our drunken shenanigans @Lancelot @dramaqueen…

Lancelot: 😅😅😅

bearyallen: you used the word shenanigans

sunshinegirl: where is oliver anyway

dramaqueen: I am busy

hotwing: elaborate

dramaqueen: Trying to catch this sicko killing maniac who’s going after vigilantes

Lancelot: Good times

bibillionaire: do you need help

dramaqueen: I can handle this, but thanks

bibillionaire: on another note

bibillionaire: what should I give Damian for his birthday, it’s tomorrow

hotwing: and u still don’t have a present

inkedandgay: youre officually teh last one

bibillionaire: I know, shut up

Lancelot: A shiny new sword

bibillionaire: except for that

bearyallen: a new pet

sunshinegirl: some video games, idk

hotwing: he’s a billionaire, kara

sunshinegirl: oohhhhh righttttt

Lancelot: Just saying he would appreciate that sword

dramaqueen: Maybe some books

bibillionaire: @bearyallen that’s not a bad idea

inkedandgay: isn’t it though

hotwing: oh no

sunshinegirl: hey maybe a turtle would be nice

bibillionaire: or a snake

hotwing: NO

inkedandgay: denied

Lancelot: Or an actual bat

bibillionaire: he already feeds those in the cave

Lancelot: Hmm

bibillionaire: thanks for the suggestions, guys

sunshinegirl: anything for our favorite grumpy bat

hotwing: 😂

hotwing: yeah this made patrol better

Lancelot: Isn’t it still day

hotwing: and you think criminals only operate during the night

bearyallen: no

Lancelot: Good point

 


 

The Real Justice System

 

gordonbleu: We have news, everybody

screamer: Did you get the thief?

thedetective: Who is it

gordonbleu: We got a face

gordonbleu: [image attached: 20190208_214436.jpeg]

detectivedouche: holy shit

DetectiveDad: Is that Bruce Wayne?

pear: did he steal his own shit

hotwing: oh my god

screamer: Look at the beard though. Can’t be him

gordonbleu: That’s exactly what we’re thinking

gordonbleu: Anyway, Joe, we might need your help, because he came through a breach

DetectiveDad: Shit

DetectiveDad: I’ll call Cisco and Barry

SherLOQUE: No need, I recognise this criminal.

thedetective: How

pear: who is it, sherlock

detectivedouche: parallel reality bruce wayne?

SherLOQUE: Indeed, Ralph. He comes from Earth-67, and he is known across the multiverse as a dangerous thief and criminal, The Collector. I’ve never managed to capture him, unfortunately. One of my few shames.

DetectiveDad: Wow

gordonbleu: Yeah

gordonbleu: So is he really Bruce?

SherLOQUE: Oui, The Collector is a version of your Bruce Wayne.

detectivedouche: except this one got his fortune a little differently

pear: lol

screamer: Well, you might’ve never captured him, but you didn’t have us on your side

hotwing: we’re gonna get our paintings back

 

gordonbleu added bullhead, isawyer, and thatgaycop to The Real Justice System

 

gordonbleu: See this

isawyer: oh shit

bullhead: Lucius was right

DetectiveDad: We’ll solve this puzzle and lock the bastard up

pear: that’s the spirit

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

hotwing: update

hotwing: [image attached: screenshot.jpeg]

bibillionaire: ??????

bibillionaire: it was me???

jasontoad: lmao I can’t even

babs: the audacity!!!

Lancelot: W h a t

goodvibes: holy hannah

kingofgotham: I’m proud of Earth-67 Bruce.

hotwing: right, ofc you’d be

bearyallen: ok we’ll do this

iceicebaby: Frost is ready to freeze that ass

inkedandgay: abd get the painfings

gayforray: why are you typing like this

gayforray: also what the fuck

hotwing: she’s typing under the table

gayforray: huh

gordonbleu: All right, calm down, this is still a police matter. The only ones getting involved are Cisco and Barry because we need a breach and Sherloque because he knows more about this Collector.

iceicebaby: :(

bibillionaire: and me, I’m Batman

bibillionaire: and it were my possessions

sunshinegirl: hey jim, now that you know who the thief is, you’re not watching more of the cctv, right

gordonbleu: Oh, we are

Lancelot: Please no

sunshinegirl: the cruelty

jasontoad: shit why

gordonbleu: We gotta have some fun in the office

Lancelot: Yeah I want to die

gayforray: as it’s my duty to scrub the kitchen clean, I have bleach

gayforray: want some?

Lancelot: Pls

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

bibillionaire: so that was something

hotwing: I’m no longer bored

bearyallen: I never saw THAT coming

Lancelot: Likewise

sunshinegirl: so did you die

Lancelot: I’m still talking to you aren’t I

dramaqueen: Trust me, it’s not pleasant for me either

inkedandgay: you’re the one who made out with bruce

dramaqueen: It was him, and he was drunk

Lancelot: So were we, honey

hotwing: imagine the look on their face

sunshinegirl: whose

hotwing: gcpd

dramaqueen: Please don’t let them see that

 

: :

 

inkedandgay: WHAT THE FUCK

inkedandgay: WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS

bibillionaire: is it all of Gotham

sunshinegirl: what happened 👀

Lancelot: Some regular Gotham wacko

inkedandgay: it’s all of gotham

inkedandgay: without power

bibillionaire: fuck

hotwing: how

bibillionaire: don’t know, but I’m being hailed

sunshinegirl: good luck

Lancelot: Look on the bright side: they probably didn’t finish watching the tapes

 


 

Bruce Wayne to Jim Gordon

 

Bruce Wayne: you know you don’t have to use the bat-signal when phones exist

Jim Gordon: It’s classy and gives the people of Gotham hope

Bruce Wayne: sure…

Bruce Wayne: I’m on my way

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

dramaqueen: SHIT SHIT SHIT

Lancelot: What is it

sunshinegirl: who got hurt (ง'̀-'́)ง

dramaqueen: We got the killer

dramaqueen: But he hurt Dinah

Lancelot: Oh

Lancelot: How bad

bearyallen: is she…?

dramaqueen: She’s in surgery right now

bearyallen: what happened to her

dramaqueen: He cut her throat

hotwing: fuck

sunshinegirl: she’s a fighter, she’ll survive

dramaqueen: Hopefully

sunshinegirl: give everyone my love <3

dramaqueen: I will

hotwing: rachel. she has healing powers

hotwing: she can fix it

hotwing: open a breach in my location and take her to star city

bearyallen: done

dramaqueen: Guys, you’re incredible. Thank you

bearyallen: always

hotwing: come on, she’s the captain of the scpd, can’t just let her die

sunshinegirl: not that she’d die,

Lancelot: Still

dramaqueen: God, if it weren’t for that party

hotwing: we’d still talk, right? so she’d still help

hotwing: but yeah

dramaqueen: It was tough getting Rachel to her, but Dinah is fine now

dramaqueen: I can’t even find words

sunshinegirl: no matter what it looks like sometimes, we care about everyone here

dramaqueen: [image attached: happytears.jpeg]

bearyallen: I’m emotional

sunshinegirl: yeah

hotwing: that’s my demon girl

dramaqueen: anytime, guys ;)

dramaqueen: That was her speaking

Lancelot: We got that, Ollie

sunshinegirl: aaaaaaand we’re back to normal

dramaqueen: I have more news, however

bearyallen: 👀

sunshinegirl: good or bad

dramaqueen: Curtis got a job offer in DC and took it

dramaqueen: He’s leaving

bearyallen: wasn’t he happy at Argus? with Rene?

dramaqueen: Rene and he… were complicated

dramaqueen: And he disagreed with the ways of ARGUS

dramaqueen: Said it was for the best

dramaqueen: My team is falling apart, Barry

bearyallen: you’ll always have us <3

sunshinegirl: yeah! our weird super family!

Lancelot: Hey, at least he’ll spend more time with us ;)

dramaqueen: Was the offer from Time Bureau

Lancelot: Ehhhh

sunshinegirl: it was

bearyallen: it was

Lancelot: Yeah, it was

dramaqueen: Why didn’t you say anything

Lancelot: Classified?

hotwing: doesn’t pardon you tho

Lancelot: Look, I wasn’t supposed to talk about it

Lancelot: Mostly on Curtis’ order

dramaqueen: No, I… get it, actually

lucinda: for once I focus on myself and real life and this happens, smh

 

: :

 

bibillionaire: good news everyone, power and order in Gotham has been restored

bibillionaire: at least temporarily

sunshinegirl: that was fast

inkedandgay: there was five of us and the police, what do you think we are

sunshinegirl: okay, fair

bibillionaire: but Jason has broken ribs, again

bearyallen: oof

lucinda: so now the police can watch the rest of those tapes

Lancelot: Don’t suggest it to them

hotwing: dw, it’s too late now

dramaqueen: good

inkedandgay: I’m going to bed and you should too

sunshinegirl: you’re just gonna text alex I KNOW IT

inkedandgay: :)

bearyallen: someone’s got a cruuuush

inkedandgay: your fingers if you don’t shut up

bibillionaire: let’s face it, cousin

hotwing: barry’s RIGHT

sunshinegirl: and I hate that he is

sunshinegirl: but I want my sis to be happy

lucinda: how cute

sunshinegirl: but know I can break your fingers easily too

inkedandgay: you’re too nice to do that

sunshinegirl: wanna bet?

inkedandgay: I’ll tell her you said hi

Chapter Text

BatFam Headquarters
2019/02/12

 

catmom: stop yelling across the ENTIRE MANOR JUST CUZ IT’S DAMI’S BDAY

catmom: he knows it’s his bday

jasontoad: oh did we waKE YOU UP

catmom: why yes you did

batdad: the only person you didn’t wake up is Alfred because he was already up

teamaker: Ah, true. But I’d also appreciate some silence.

futurerobin: just turn on the radio or smth

fuckyoutim: idk why you’re making such a fuss

babs: that’s our good boy

hela: whys everyone up @ 6

catmom: because of the YELLING

jasontoad: oh pls like you’re not used to it

hotwing: and these messages woke me up too, thanks

futurerobin: np big bro

spoileralert: so in case it hasn’t been said enough

spoileralert: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEMON BOY

fuckyoutim: thanks but you didn’t have to get up so fucking early

 


 

Assassin’s Creed

 

SecondGhoul: I wish you a very happy birthday, dear nephew @damn-ian.

FirstGhoul: Yes, I’m joining in on that wish too, Damian

Lancelot: Look at you growing up

damn-ian: shut up

damn-ian: but thank you, mother & aunt, it means a lot

Lancelot: And I’m nothing

dramaqueen: Happy birthday from me too

batdad: and me too, son, even though I’ve already said it

damn-ian: twice

SecondGhoul: There’s never enough.

dramaqueen: So we’re talking now

Lancelot: We’re one weird fam I’ll tell you

damn-ian: true

FirstGhoul: How’s Goliath doing

damn-ian: nicely

FirstGhoul: I’m glad to hear that

SecondGhoul: As if.

dramaqueen: Please don’t fight

batdad: he’s a nice dragon, now let’s get back to our regular business before this gets too awkward

Lancelot: You speak my mind

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

dramaqueen: It was already awkward

bibillionaire: yeah

Lancelot: Remind me why we have that group

bearyallen: what group

inkedandgay: assassin's creed

Lancelot: You know about it

inkedandgay: I do

sunshinegirl: ooohhhh so many exes

bibillionaire: tell me about it

lucinda: exes 👀

Lancelot: That hook-up pentagram thing we talked about? Make it bigger

hotwing: we said we’re all family here

bearyallen: and soon kara will be too 😉

sunshinegirl: h E Y

sunshinegirl: don’t say that

sunshinegirl: not that I don’t wanna be but

inkedandgay: don’t tell me you’re really such a prude

dramaqueen: She’s not

lucinda: and you know that how, exactly

dramaqueen: Instincts

Lancelot: You’re right heh

bearyallen: so how did it go last night @inkedandgay

hotwing: just texting… or was there perhaps more, a breach to her apartment,

lucinda: spare no details

inkedandgay: guys

inkedandgay: intrusive much

Lancelot: No we like playing matchmaker for single gays

bibillionaire: you talked about it yourself yesterday

sunshinegirl: bruce not you

sunshinegirl: I liked you

hotwing: oh so it’s like that

sunshinegirl: shut Up everyone

rainbowsandthunder: well this is interesting

lucinda: I forgot you were here

rainbowsandthunder: excuse me how could you

dramaqueen: You don’t talk much

Lancelot: Yeah

inkedandgay: you know what I said about breaking fingers

bearyallen: harsh

hotwing: you’d be talking differently if alex were here and we all know it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

sunshinegirl: uh huh

dramaqueen: I’m confused, whose side are you on again

sunshinegirl: my sister’s

sunshinegirl: but like I said, if she’s happy

inkedandgay: well

inkedandgay: if you really must know

bearyallen: 👀

Lancelot: 👀

inkedandgay: we talked about the government and sibling trouble for two hrs

sunshinegirl: well that’s typical huh

dramaqueen: Seriously?

sunshinegirl: hang on I’m the sibling

bearyallen: lol you’re slow today

hotwing: they have something in common *cough cough*

bibillionaire: if you mean me

inkedandgay: oh I did

inkedandgay: the Hero Complex

sunshinegirl: I don’t have a hero complex,

Lancelot: Hate to burst your bubble but you do

dramaqueen: You do, Kara

bearyallen: but it’s something you grow up with I guess

hotwing: especially in gotham

inkedandgay: @dramaqueen do you see it now

dramaqueen: I do

lucinda: bruce is oddly quiet

rainbowsandthunder: says you

bearyallen: and you

Lancelot: He’s contemplating the hero complex

bibillionaire: I’m not

hotwing: is it the thief then

bearyallen: oh!

bearyallen: I’ve been meaning to ask

bearyallen: can Cisco come over today to vibe the place

bibillionaire: sure. Alfred will let him in

bearyallen: no need, he’ll just use a breach

bibillionaire: right, of course he will

Lancelot: You must hate those things now

sunshinegirl: which is totally understandable..,

bibillionaire: I trust Cisco with it, it’s the other breach-people

bearyallen: breachers

sunshinegirl: lol

bibillionaire: that

rainbowsandthunder: still, it’s crazy it was bruce wayne from another universe

hotwing: everything’s possible here…

lucinda: even dragons

lucinda: where could I, hypothetically, get a dragon like this

Lancelot: You know, when someone says “hypothetically”, everybody knows it’s literal

bibillionaire: you can’t, he’s the last of his kind

bearyallen: on this earth though

dramaqueen: You can’t be serious

lucinda: I am very serious

lucinda: the big j used to have dragons and wouldn’t let me play with them, call this payback

inkedandgay: ofc it’s something like this

bibillionaire: god

lucinda: no, not again

God: Not again what?

lucinda: THIS

lucinda: on the other hand, can I get dragon, father dear

God: No.

Lancelot: Ha serves you right

sunshinegirl: I kinda want a dragon too

sunshinegirl: just a tiny one, you know

hotwing: goliath used to be tiny too and look

bearyallen: imagine tiny shoulder dragons

Lancelot: IMAGINE DRAGONS

hotwing: I LOVE THEIR MUSIC

lucinda: there is a band called imagine dragons

bibillionaire: yes

hotwing: damian: I don’t have to imagine dragons, I have one right here

sunshinegirl: can you fly him

hotwing: me? no

hotwing: but dami can

dramaqueen: He won’t let you?

hotwing: as if

Lancelot: Where have I heard this one today

bibillionaire: yes, it’s a family thing

bearyallen: and we’re right back at the beginning

dramaqueen: Speaking of family, I gotta go

sunshinegirl: what’s going on

bearyallen: hmm… maybe… family business

sunshinegirl: yeah I got that coming

 


 

Super Secret Vigilante Network

 

smoakandmirrors: guys

smoakandmirrors: I have news

smoakandmirrors: it’s better told in person so please come to the apartment

wilddog: is it bad

Laurel2.0: is it dinah

screamer: No, I’m fine, stop worrying about me

Laurel2.0: well sorry for caring

screamer: 🙄❤️

wilddog: then what is it

dramaqueen: Just come here, all right

smoakandmirrors: what he said

digdeep: on my way

Chapter Text

let’s save the world & party
2019/02/14

 

goodvibes: its valentine’s day bitches

goodvibes: and guess who beat the forever single curSE THIS YEAR

smoakandmirrors: CISCO!!!

grumpydad: I feel a strong urge to roll my eyes at you.

goodvibes: and you just did kdhwkjndf

goodvibes: come and cuddle me on this beautiful day

awesomestCSI: awwww

winner: ITS CUDDLE UR SO/DATEMATE DAY Y’ALL

winner: and u know what that means brainyyyyyy

Brainy: That I should… cuddle you?

winner: YES and then we’re gonna PARTY WITH NIA

jasontoad: did I hear party

garfieldthecat: party

gayforray: partyyyy

bibillionaire: not again

sleepyhead: then you’re not invited

jasontoad: shooK

sunshinegirl: to all the single ladies and gents and enby folks: feel free to come!!!

futurerobin: ALL THE SINGLE LADIES

garfieldthecat: all the single ladies

futurerobin: ALL THE SINGLE LADIES

garfieldthecat: all the single ladies

awesomestCSI: NOW PUT UR HANDS UP

smoakandmirrors: [image attached: applause.gif]

inkedandgay: can I come 👀

badasslesbian: very subtle kate 👀

sleepyhead: you’re a gay icon you gotta

inkedandgay: good

winner: plus it would be sad if alex didn’t get any on v day hehe

badasslesbian: WIN N

bearyallen: whaaat

irisbest: it’s the universal truth babe

ilovegold: im single, gay & on my way hang on

smartsnart: I support

dramaqueen: So we’re just earth hopping now

Lancelot: Like rabbits

goodvibes: adfghjklngmrd

spoileralert: that deserves an award

hardley: party for singles?? at the gays house?? count me in

miniwestallen: if ur coming so am I ✋🏽

hardley: ✋🏻

goodvibes: hang on what is this

hardley: friendships cisquito

futurerobin: can I just point out ur amazing name

hardley: I run on puns & gayness

goodvibes: so original

iceicebaby: Guys

hardley: what is it caity

 

iceicebaby added notbarryallen, littlequeen, and arsenal to let’s save the world & party

 

darhkling: about time

notbarryallen: heLLO

littlequeen: what on earth

goodvibes: *earths 

iceicebaby: I knew why I did it

jasontoad: lmao no 

dramaqueen: This is gonna be an even bigger disaster

Lancelot: This is how we thrive

sunshinegirl: go cry somewhere else

lucinda: you’re killing it 😁

 


 

sunshinegirl created a group

sunshinegirl named the group All The Single Persons

sunshinegirl added spacedad, ebonyfalcon, sleepyhead, fastlane, Sammy, hawky, QueenZee, trickstergoddess, grunt, holt-the-door, wilddog, hardley, ilovegold, miniwestallen, pear, SherLOQUE, iceicebaby, jessequick, lightning, ladyoftroy, dianaprince(ss), raven, garfieldthecat, gert-cobblepot, jasontoad, fuckyoutim, babs, spoileralert, markofcain, awesomestCSI, and detectivedouche to All The Single Persons

sunshinegirl left All The Single Persons

 

pear: what the duck

pear: *fuck

jasontoad: DUCK

babs: AGAIN

fastlane: uhh hi?

ebonyfalcon: This isn’t awkward at all

fastlane: is this james using a b99 reference

ebonyfalcon: Hello Lucy

miniwestallen: lucy LANE??!?

fastlane: and you are

miniwestallen: uhhh Im

miniwestallen: im nora

jasontoad: gay

QueenZee: she did this and LEFT

sleepyhead: my apartment isn’t big enough for this

awesomestCSI: why are curtis and rene here I thought u were dating

holt-the-door: well we’re… not

ebonyfalcon: Like I said, awkward

ilovegold: how are so many people single on v day

ilovegold: pathetic

hardley: yeah sis

Sammy: who are you?

fastlane: I think you’re about to find out today

sleepyhead: so yeah who exactly is planning to come

hardley: me

miniwestallen: me

ilovegold: me

ebonyfalcon: Me

fastlane: me

jessequick: me

pear: me

awesomestCSI: me

Sammy: me

iceicebaby: Might as well

sleepyhead: is that everyone

babs: yeah we have our own thing

QueenZee: same

jasontoad: but I’d come if you want ;)

markofcain: jason don’t

sleepyhead: not it’s ok

hardley: ok so now that’s settled

hardley: let’s bet on how many pairs will come out of this

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

goodvibes: kara what did u do

sunshinegirl: how do u kno I did something,

Lancelot: Half the people left

QueenZee: [image attached: singlepersons.png]

futurerobin: oof

smoakandmirrors: what the DUCK

darhkling: autocorrect heh

sunshinegirl: it’s for their own good

sunshinegirl: anyways I’m off to catch a symbiote

gayforray: symbiote

rayofsunshine: Like in Venom?

darhkling: my nerds are summoned

badasslesbian: it’s exactly like venom actually

Brainy: She calls herself Menagerie.

badasslesbian: also why is neither me nor kate in that chat kara 👀

inkedandgay: cuz she knows 😉

goodvibes: knows what 👀

hotwing: that they’re an item

badasslesbian: we’re not an item,,,

inkedandgay: I’m disappointed :(

badasslesbian: I’m nklfnretwgtf

bibillionaire: if Maggie could see this

hotwing: which one

jasontoad: both 😏😏

badasslesbian: how do you know

inkedandgay: a) I told them

winner: and b

inkedandgay: what b

badasslesbian: you said a)

inkedandgay: …I did

gayforray: there’s a BEE IN HERE???

awesomestCSI: 👏

darhkling: lmao

futurerobin: I dropped my croissant

spoileralert: that’s not how it goes

futurerobin: I knOW kfnjgdfref

futurerobin: no but literally I’m boutta eat one

futurerobin: [image attached: croissant.jpeg]

goodvibes: you’re kidding

goodvibes: it’s PINK

bibillionaire: courtesy of the girls

babs: why thank u sir

smartsnart: I’ve never seen anything more disturbing

Lancelot: Dude you fought Nazis

smartsnart: precisely

fuckyoutim: wayne manor takes valentine’s day seriously

sunshinegirl: so do weeeeee

irisbest: so ur back

sunshinegirl: I did not catch the symbiote

sleepyhead: CUZ I DID

sleepyhead: YA GIRL ROLLS

goodvibes: noice

winner: I’m so proud

jasontoad: 👏

littlequeen: I want that pink croissant

catmom: HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY 😻

 


 

who run the world? girls!

 

smoakandmirrors: so since it’s v day

smoakandmirrors: I have some news I’d like to share with my gals

littlequeen: ahhh it’s here!!!

Laurel2.0: 👍

Lancelot: What is it 👀

irisbest: come on!!!

sunshinegirl: 👀👀👀

catmom: you’re already married so it can only be ONE THING

smoakandmirrors: I’M PREGNANT!!!

littlequeen: I’m gonna be an aunt!!! again!!!

awesomestCSI: woooo congrats

irisbest: AAAAAAAA

dianaprince(ss): Baby!!!!

badasslesbian: BABY

badasslesbian: im so happy for you

SecondGhoul: Congratulations, Felicity.

smoakandmirrors: thank you everyone this is so exciting!!!!

Lancelot: Oh no there’s gonna be Oliver #3

inkedandgay: that’s the reaction I’ve been waiting for

Chapter Text

The Real Justice System
2019/02/15

 

gordonbleu: Are you ready @SherLOQUE @DetectiveDad

DetectiveDad: Yes, as ready as we can be.

SherLOQUE: The question is, are you?

gordonbleu: Same answer

gordonbleu: You can only be so much prepared to go to a parallel universe

screamer: My girlfriend is from one, so, you know

DetectiveDad: Yeah, but have you ever been to one, Dinah?

screamer:

pear: we’ve been to many, right, sherlock

SherLOQUE: You’re not going, and please stop calling me that.

pear: hmmm no

isawyer: let’s just go and catch the thief

thedetective: Good luck

DetectiveDad: Thanks.

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

bibillionaire: so long for now, we are going to an unexplored territory to bring this doppelgänger culprit to justice and get my million dollar paintings back

bearyallen: jesus so dramatic

dramaqueen: He has to have style

inkedandgay: I hope you never come back

bibillionaire: ouch

sunshinegirl: hey come by for a snack on your way back

bearyallen: good idea!!!

sunshinegirl: we have plenty of leftovers from that party

hotwing: yeah what happened there?? jason drunk texted me

bibillionaire: Jason got drunk?

inkedandgay: oh please it’s not new

sunshinegirl: uhhh it was mostly hartley’s fault I think

dramaqueen: What about Alex

lucinda: yes, any interesting progress with your paramour

inkedandgay: kadkjfngt nermwed

lucinda: I don’t understand

hotwing: gay smash nothing to understand

sunshinegirl: rao I had to watch them flirt so hard in the kitchen over pink candy

rainbowsandthunder: traumatized for life huh

sunshinegirl: yeaH

inkedandgay: idk if I should be flattered or insulted

bearyallen: you should get the girl

dramaqueen: Good advice

bibillionaire: so I heard you’re gonna be a dad again

bibillionaire: congratulations

bearyallen: wHAT

bearyallen: HOW DOES HE KNOW AND I DONT

dramaqueen: I’m asking the same question

dramaqueen: But thank you, Bruce

bibillionaire: you’re still 4 kids and 4 pets short on me though

dramaqueen: This isn’t a competition

sunshinegirl: well you have the same number of biological children if anything

bearyallen: you knew too????

sunshinegirl: felicity kinda… told all the girls…?

dramaqueen: WHY

lucinda: where is sara with her sarcastic remarks

sunshinegirl: What, are you MAD, Ollie

bearyallen: hmm that’s not it

dramaqueen: But I still felt it

bibillionaire: good

dramaqueen: Didn’t you say you were leaving

bibillionaire: I am now

Lancelot: I am HERE

bearyallen: what’s going on

Lancelot: What gives you that impression

inkedandgay: you didn’t show up to diss oliver

Lancelot: I’m busy with uhh an emergency emergency

rainbowsandthunder: shit what happened

sunshinegirl: does anyone need punching in the face

Lancelot: No it’s not that

Lancelot: Don’t worry about it

hotwing: hmm ok

lucinda: somehow I am not convinced

bearyallen: yeah

Lancelot: Shut UP

sunshinegirl: yeah that’s the sara we know

sunshinegirl: what about you and your hot date

Lancelot: What can I say, best night ever ;)

hotwing: that good

lucinda: raise your hand if you got some

inkedandgay: everyone. everyone got some. we’re all in relationships

bearyallen: except me I got some CUDLEEEES

rainbowsandthunder: “relationships” is it now

Lancelot: You’re talking to us

rainbowsandthunder: what I’m not very busy rn

inkedandgay: okay that was a slip-up

sunshinegirl: uh huh sure

sunshinegirl: I won’t actually kill you you know

inkedandgay: as a matter of fact I do, sunshine

inkedandgay: but I don’t doubt alex would and tbh that’s so hot

lucinda: I know, right

bearyallen: you’re weird

dramaqueen: Barry, how long have we all known each other

rainbowsandthunder: for me it’s like a month lol

bearyallen: five years?

bibillionaire: more than a decade?

dramaqueen: Go back to your thief

bearyallen: you’re right, we’re all weird

Lancelot: Ding ding

lucinda: only we are sexually weird and you’re, well, not

bearyallen: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hotwing: I heard he had a crush on captain cold though and that’s basically the same thing

bearyallen: STOP BRINGING THAT UP

Lancelot: You’re still sensitive about that 👀

inkedandgay: captain cold

inkedandgay: barry and captain cold

bearyallen: there was no “me and captain cold” okay

Lancelot: Unlike me

rainbowsandthunder: I thought he was gay?

Lancelot: Pansexual

Lancelot: And the one you met was him from another Earth, the original one died saving us and the world

sunshinegirl: wow

lucinda: that is an interesting discovery

bearyallen: can someone change the subject

sunshinegirl: how’s the thief hunt going

bibillionaire: we’re on our way to this earth’s version of Wayne Manor

bearyallen: btw this earth is very… gray and bleary

bibillionaire: that’s probably just Gotham

hotwing: lol yeah

inkedandgay: so you think you’ll find him there

bearyallen: Cisco vibed it

Lancelot: Makes sense

lucinda: I’ve always wondered about vibe’s powers

bearyallen: don’t say anything sexual

dramaqueen: We know what you mean

lucinda: ah, excellent, so you thought about it too

Lancelot: Kinda

sunshinegirl: nO

hotwing: ask his boyfriend about that if you’re bold enough

lucinda: who do you think I am, boy

bearyallen: change the subject again?

rainbowsandthunder: @Lancelot @sunshinegirl @inkedandgay are we doin girls night today

rainbowsandthunder: cuz no one actually talked about it

Lancelot: Yeah I can’t go today

sunshinegirl: have plans with barry and co

inkedandgay: I’m still on e-38

sunshinegirl: wait youARE

dramaqueen: 👀

lucinda: good for you 😏

bearyallen: grab alex and come to kara’s apartment later

bibillionaire: have you secretly been communicating

sunshinegirl: yeah well dms exist

sunshinegirl: dw you’re still invited and the rest too

bearyallen: yeah Joe, Sherloque and Jim are coming too

inkedandgay: so many cops in one house, poor cisco

sunshinegirl: he’s a vigilante like us, he can handle it

bearyallen: but I should warn you

bearyallen: e-1 Maggie is here

inkedandgay: shit

sunshinegirl: ooof

dramaqueen: Have fun

bibillionaire: is that snack going to be too awkward

inkedandgay: let’s see, she was my fiancée and her e-38 doppelgänger was my maybe-future-gf’s fiancée, how awkward can that be

rainbowsandthunder: yikes

Lancelot: Is it any worse than our hook-up chart

lucinda: definitely not

bibillionaire: they’re right

dramaqueen: Yeah

inkedandgay: ok that’s true

inkedandgay: but we’re still staying here

bearyallen: that’s probably a good idea

bearyallen: also, we have news

bearyallen: they found us

bibillionaire: and by they he means our doubles

bearyallen: we’re all rogues on this earth and it’s not looking good

Lancelot: All of us?

dramaqueen: Fuck

hotwing: guys? dad?

sunshinegirl: I’m coming to help

 


 

The Real Justice System

 

gordonbleu: 911

bullhead: we’re 911

gordonbleu: EXACTLY

pear: iris knows the coordinates WE’RE COMING

Laurel2.0: I’m ready to kick some ass

DetectiveDad: Hurry uppoijcnfgmre

Chapter Text

teenage mutant ninja humans
2019/02/16

 

futurerobin: what should I watch first umbrella academy, sex education or weird city

will-iamqueen: what

futurerobin: its a simple question moron

damn-ian: idk, I haven’t watched any of those

raven: watch weird city first you’ll get through it in 2 hrs

will-iamqueen: what’s that about

gert-cobblepot: it’s ahem Weird but it’s got stiles stilinski in it

futurerobin: niCE

superidiot: so you’re bringing this conversation here now

futurerobin: more opinions babe

will-iamqueen: are you fighting

damn-ian: when aren’t they

will-iamqueen: but over TV shows

markofcain: teen couples smh

superidiot: yeah yeah but who here actually has superpowers

damn-ian: you do

markofcain: sorry

garfieldthecat: I LOVE UMBRELLA ACADEMY

raven: cuz it reminds you of us 😂😂😂

lightning: yeah umbrella academy is so lit

lightning: I wanna live in it

spoileralert: great now I wanna watch that too

futurerobin: yeaH

raven: sorry

gert-cobblepot: no ur not

raven: no ;)

zoo-e: did someone mention the umbrella academy

zoo-e: William we’re watching that tomorrow after hw

futurerobin: pfft you actually do hw

will-iamqueen: we actually go to SCHOOL

raven: unlike you rich bitches

futurerobin: [image attached: pikachu.png]

lightning: so I take it ur dad still isn’t back

damn-ian: no

 


 

BatFam Headquarters

 

futurerobin: were watching weird city on the big screen & we got popcorn, join us

babs: no thanks, you and kon are gonna be all over each other again

hela: ew

futurerobin: we’re in LOVE potato face

spoileralert: werent you yelling at each other a minute ago

futurerobin: that was a minute ago

catmom: I don’t mind, I’ll join you

jasontoad: when dad isn’t here

batdad: dad is hopefully going to leave GCPD in 20 minutes

jasontoad: hurry up start the show

futurerobin: on it 👍

fuckyoutim: you do have those paintings back, right

batdad: I’ve got everything, and some minor injuries to boot

catmom: BRUCE

batdad: don’t worry, it’s alright

teamaker: You still haven’t told us what exactly happened over there.

batdad: details

 


 

dramaqueen to bibillionaire

 

dramaqueen: I still can’t believe we’re criminals on that earth

dramaqueen: AND THAT WE’RE MARRIED CRIMINALS

bibillionaire: well, I suppose some things never change

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

Lancelot: Bruce Wayne #67: A Criminal Mastermind

lucinda: interesting

sunshinegirl: oliver queen #67: married to said criminal mastermind

lucinda: much more interesting

Lancelot: Wait WHAT

inkedandgay: oh I know

rainbowsandthunder: seriously

bearyallen: yeah it was actually hilarious when Bruce found out

bibillionaire: they made out. in the middle of a fight with us. right there.

sunshinegirl: they thought they had them and then ENTER SUPERGIRL

hotwing: jim gordon: this is probably the funniest arrest ever

lucinda: did he cuff them when they were still snogging

sunshinegirl: no they were actually on ice thanks to yours truly

Lancelot: How did that work, exactly

Lancelot: Arresting them

hotwing: sherloque did it cause local gcpd actually knew him

hotwing: jim had to run cause he’s a crime boss there too

inkedandgay: so am I but let’s not focus on that

Lancelot: Ok, how exactly did none of them get caught before

inkedandgay: you know how in gotham no one’s able to lock the big bosses up

bibillionaire: excuse me

inkedandgay: add the lack of batman to that

bearyallen: and the fact they used some seriously advanced tech

Lancelot: Got it 👉👉

dramaqueen: I think their Lucius and Cisco were also evil and working with them so

bearyallen: not to mention evil me

bearyallen: anyways it was a funny day

bibillionaire: except for the minor glitch at the beginning

hotwing: we don’t speak of that

sunshinegirl: you’d be powerless without me, we get it,

Lancelot: You go girl

bearyallen: #girlpower !!!

hotwing: tbf barry give yourself some credit too

sunshinegirl: we made a good team, bear

bearyallen: bi-five

sunshinegirl: 🖐️

dramaqueen: This is going to be in our faces for a long time, isn’t it

bibillionaire: absolutely

bibillionaire: thank god my family don’t know yet

inkedandgay: well, let’s see, dick knows from the gcpd, he told me, sara knows from kara and so does felicity who had told oliver, iris knows from barry, they’ll tell their teams if they didn’t already, it will get to the children, who will tell it to our children, who will tell selina and alfred -- the circle is complete

inkedandgay: you should get a ton of caps lock texts about now

bibillionaire:

bibillionaire: you’re right

hotwing: and you can’t even see the detectives chat

 


 

BatFam Headquarters

 

jasontoad: [image attached: crimebosshusbands.jpeg]

batdad: how do you even have a picture of that???

jasontoad: barry took it & sent it to his chat & nora sent it to me

lesbianaunt: I told you so

futurerobin: oh no an I told you so momentttt

catmom: it’s everywhere now :’)))

hotwing: yeah it is

batdad: NO

teamaker: So that’s all that happened you don’t want to talk about? What about the injuries, or the fact they held you all captive for twenty minutes before Miss Danvers arrived, and almost killed two members of the police even with the Flash at your aid?

batdad: Alfred, are you collecting gossip now

teamaker: Me? Always, Master Bruce.

batdad: to my defence, they had cloaking devices and made themselves invisible

lesbianaunt: like she said, without kara and her x-ray vision you’d be fucked

lesbianaunt: batman, the flash, five detectives

batdad: you don’t have to keep rubbing it in my face, Kate, I’ve had enough from the others

jasontoad: no this is way too good

jasontoad: we paused our show for it

futurerobin: bruce wayne, a criminal, still married to OLIVER QUEEN, A CRIMINAL

fuckyoutim: are we criminals too

batdad: I don’t KNOW

batdad: is this going to get worse when I come home? because I’m in the driveway

catmom: probably, yeah

batdad: you’re supposed to support me

catmom: oh yea? who didn’t invite me for a ride to that parallel universe

batdad: Jim Gordon

catmom: uh huh

hotwing: have fun, dad

batdad: thanks, dick

futurerobin: you didn’T CAPITALIZE

 


 

Messenger
Gordon Family
16 Feb at 5:23 pm

 

You
pls tell me you’re ok dad

Dad
Yeah, Babs, I’m okay, nothing
a good night’s sleep won’t fix

Mom
well that’s good because if you
weren’t, I’d kill you myself, Jim

Jim
hahaha

You
it’s not funny u know

idiot

it was dangerous

now tell me how much is bruce
gonna wish he’d just left those
paintings be

Dad
Honestly? This was way out of our
league, and I don’t say that easily

Mom
don’t worry, we don’t think any less
of you

Dad
Good

And as for parallel dimensions, I
never wanna do that again

That picture is gonna haunt me
forever

Jim
lol your right

You
that’s “you’re”

Chapter Text

we’re here, we’re queer, we keep the streets clear
2019/02/19

 

goodvibes: sooooo @holt-the-door how was ur first day at ur new classified job

holt-the-door: cool, cool, normal, totally boring, why are you asking??

goodvibes: BeCause I genuinely wanna know about ur day

sunshinegirl: yeah you stupid gay what’s up

gayforray: ahem what about classified did you not understand

jasontoad: go suck ur bf’s dick we wanna know

badasslesbian: no secrets among friends right

goodvibes: SEE miss i-run-a-government-agency says that

holt-the-door: I like the time bureau, yeah, definitely

holt-the-door: but I kinda miss star city

wilddog: well ur the one who left curtis

holt-the-door: cuz you didn’t seem very eager to keep me here did you

wilddog: cuz you just told me without asking first! thinking about me n zoe! asshole

holt-the-door: it wasn’t personal!

holt-the-door: and I did ask you both to come with me

wilddog: so we should abandon everything we fight for and all the ppl we know to go to dc

wilddog: sip on the truth tea

Laurel2.0: You’re still not over that

darhkling: leave them alone, laurel

Laurel2.0: breakups happen, big deal

wilddog: yeah shes right

dramaqueen: Let’s not fight

smartsnart: why it’s fun to watch

goodvibes: snart

smartsnart: I’m not your snart

bearyallen: well you do sound like him most of the time

gayforray: he’s nicer and gayer

smartsnart: that’s me

TimeMom: Look, why can’t you be civil about this like Sara and Nyssa (and me)?

Lancelot: Yeah, we’re like super chill

SecondGhoul: Precisely. Why shouldn’t we be?

smoakandmirrors: snoopers

Lancelot: Pots and kettles baby

goodvibes: no but nyssa and ava talking to each other does come out as a bit of a surprise

TimeMom: We’re all adults here, and frankly, I admire Nyssa a little bit and I get why Sara loved her, but I also know it’s over between them.

SecondGhoul: Mutually.

SecondGhoul: And thank you, Ava. I like to think the same about you, from what I’ve gathered from our conversations.

Lancelot: Well this does creep me out a bit but hey

badasslesbian: be thankful

bibillionaire: so is anyone else gonna point out they’re like birds of a feather

pear: yeah so much punctuaTION

jasontoad: lame

QueenZee: gays don’t punctuate

monalisa: sjkenfe yeah

futurerobin: such a mood

awesomestCSI: same

darhkling: look at those snoopers

goodvibes: this chat has like 55 members nora

goodvibes: can’t always keep up

Laurel2.0: or they’re just having sex

pear: hmm yeah

mazikeen: I love sex & I think I’m gonna go have some with my gf right now

dramaqueen: That was unforeseen

catmom: or, alternatively, they’re just sleeping cause it’s fucking 3 am and you keeping on talking wakes them up

catmom: like me for instance

catmom: and I’d like to CONTINUE sleeping

smoakandmirrors: pffft east coasters

awesomestCSI: yeah we got midnight and the night is still young baby

bibillionaire: well, we’re on patrol

catmom: still? come home bruce nothing will happen

kingofgotham: Yeah, that’s most likely true. The gangs are quiet today.

catmom: see

futurerobin: I mean I told you so

bibillionaire: what are you doing up anyway

futurerobin: lying on the floor and contemplating life and death

superidiot: he had a lot of coffee as per usual

TimeMom: You know, coffee addiction can become as serious as alcohol addiction if untreated.

futurerobin: fuck off time bureau mom I like coffee

Lancelot: Rude, Tim

futurerobin: sorry assassin mom

bibillionaire: what just happened

darhkling: avalance aren’t just ship moms they’re universally recognized moms now

Lancelot: We’ve accepted our fate

badasslesbian: I also like coffee. a lot

sunshinegirl: why do I suddenly think you’re still at work

badasslesbian: cause I am

goodvibes: sad

inkedandgay: come and sext with me

badasslesbian: dkmrntgbefnewd

badasslesbian: kaTE

badasslesbian: did you just

lucinda: what did she do, I’m interested

pear: how do you keep popping up outta nowhere

winner: it’s the gay superpower

smoakandmirrors: :o

holt-the-door: so now that we’ve successfully moved on from my job

dramaqueen: Have we

holt-the-door: shit

holt-the-door: anyway what I was tryna say was that I’m basically a legend now and that’s way cooler than anything else and y’all can suck my dick

Trenchcoat: Are you alright mate

holt-the-door: perfectly fine, thanks

hardley: was that an offer 👀

goodvibes: shut up hartley

winner: wow he womaned up

Laurel2.0: 👏

dramaqueen: Well, I hope it was the right decision for you

holt-the-door: it was. definitely was

monalisa: yeah we’ve adopted him now

smoakandmirrors: and I’m still the best hacker around here so HA

dramaqueen: Always, honey

sunshinegirl: you go felicity

sunshinegirl: AND curtis we stan all the science gays

winner: bring it on science gays

winner: group hug (つˆ⌣ˆ)つ

smoakandmirrors: (つ・▽・)つ

holt-the-door: (つˆ⌣ˆ)つ

goodvibes: (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ

rayofsunshine: (つˆ⌣ˆ)つ

awesomestCSI: (つ≧▽≦)つ

bearyallen: (つˆ⌣ˆ)つ

sciencebitch: (つˆ⌣ˆ)つ

hardley: (つˆ⌣ˆ)つ

miniwestallen: (੭ु。╹▿╹。)੭ु⁾⁾

gare-bear: (つ≧▽≦)つ

QueenZee: not you Gary

gare-bear: But I wanted a hug

gayforray: she’s kidding

gayforray: probably

superidiot: anyway I dragged tim to bed @bibillionaire

bibillionaire: don’t have sex right now, I don’t need to think about that

inkedandgay: and if you do use protection ;)))

superidiot: 😳

sunshinegirl: especially with superpowers, you know

sciencebitch: 😉

superidiot: ugh don’t

goodvibes: if I had such cool aunts

sunshinegirl: he’s technically my cousin though??

sunshinegirl: cloned

sunshinegirl: it’s a bit odd tbh

TimeMom: Wait, Kon is cloned?

grunt: hah you found your like

superidiot: time bureau mom is a clone like me???

Lancelot: She doesn’t like talking about it and I’d like you to respect that

TimeMom: No, it’s okay, babe.

TimeMom: Yes, I’m a clone from the future.

superidiot: awesome

superidiot: I’m a clone from kara’s earth

Lancelot: And now Ava is in tears cause no one’s told her it was awesome before

TimeMom: Shut up.

darhkling: touching

smoakandmirrors: aww I love your love

gayforray: terry loves love

bibillionaire: icon

inkedandgay: so you’re home

bibillionaire: I’m home

futurerobin: dont come into oour room

winner: yeehaw

sunshinegirl: winn

sunshinegirl: we live in california

awesomestCSI: so 👀

winner: yeah, so 👀

badasslesbian: ignore him he’s a dumb gay

winner: you’re a dumb gay

gayforray: we’re all dumb gays and we should go to SLEEP

jasontoad: you’re not the boss

Lancelot: No but I am

Lancelot: Go to bed in whatever way preferable and stop talking or I’ll come for you when you least expect it

pear: remind me never to piss you off

darhkling: done

lucinda: you’re not actually the boss

lucinda: although I would quite enjoy being bossed around by you, I do have to admit that

Lancelot: What did I say?

lucinda: yes ma’am

Chapter Text

Lancelot to bibillionaire
2019/02/20

 

Lancelot: I apologize in advance

bibillionaire: I’m worried

Lancelot: [image attached: baby.jpeg]

bibillionaire: is that Mick Rory holding a baby dragon

bibillionaire: hang on, where did you get a baby dragon

Lancelot: Tibet, May 2019

Lancelot: She’s yours

Lancelot: Or rather Dami’s but semantics amirite

bibillionaire: I’m going to kill you very slowly, Lance

Lancelot: I’ll drop her off tomorrow ;)

 


 

damn-ian to Lancelot
2019/02/21

 

damn-ian: THANK YOU, SARA

Lancelot: Yeah I knew you’d love her

Lancelot: I hope she gives your dad hell ;)

 


 

Extended BatFam

 

fuckyoutim: aunt sara brought me another dragon

fuckyoutim: I HAVE ANOTHER DRAGON

fuckyoutim: I NAMED HER FURY

jasontoad: what no biblical names this time

hotwing: HOW

hotwing: hang on I’ll ask her

catmom: another??

teamaker: Don’t let the Manor burn down again.

futurerobin: I hope u know what ur doing

lesbianaunt: oh no this is gonna be a disaster

raven: I wanna cuddle her

gordonbleu: Is this safe for Gotham?

hotwing: I heard she almost burned down a village in tibet before the legends got her

hela: httyd reference!!!! I love it!!!!!!

hela: can I keep her

batdad: sigh

garfieldthecat: lmao I love the diversity in responses

jasontoad: SIGH

jasontoad: bruce rly

batdad: I can’t believe I allowed this

fuckyoutim: DAD THAKN YOU

catmom: he called you dad 😂

fuckyoutim: it was a rare moment of affection

fuckyoutim: I love my new dragon baby

markofcain: you know you can officially be called

 

markofcain changed fuckyoutim’s name to fatherofdragons

 

fatherofdragons: father of dragons!!!

fatherofdragons: fuck you, tim, my name’s better now

raven: wow did he understand that reference

fatherofdragons: game of thrones

babs: let’s watch game of thrones

garfieldthecat: I need s8

futurerobin: same

fatherofdragons: but let’s watch how to train your dragon 3 first because it came out today

raven: wow coincidence

babs: 👀

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

inkedandgay: sara are you out of your fucking mind

Lancelot: Hi to you too

bearyallen: explain??

inkedandgay: she got damian another dragon

inkedandgay: another actual living DRAGON, barry

sunshinegirl: d r a g o n

sunshinegirl: fsghejfektydsdfg

dramaqueen: You’ve met Goliath

sunshinegirl: u don’t understand I love them

Lancelot: She’s a furious little princess

hotwing: dami named her fury

bearyallen: how to train your dragon reference 👀

rainbowsandthunder: did u know it comes out today

bearyallen: yeS

Lancelot: Who else is watching that

bibillionaire: we are

bibillionaire: in our private cinema

sunshinegirl: you’re a rich bitch we get it

lucinda: excuse me, does damian get another dragon while I have nothing

lucinda: that’s highly unfair

Lancelot: Sorry I didn’t think of you

dramaqueen: No you’re not

Lancelot: No 😂

lucinda: dear old dad still won’t give me one, either

bearyallen: so you’re… talking to him

lucinda: no, don’t be preposterous

lucinda: as if he could sink so low an actually show interest in me besides the odd messages here

God: You know there are two parties necessary for a successful conversation, son.

lucinda: stop fucking doing this!

inkedandgay: you’re kinda proving their point rn

God: No one has referred to me as “they” before. I like it.

inkedandgay: asdfghjkteds

bearyallen: oh my…… god

sunshinegirl: well this is a tricky situation

Lancelot: Constantine says you should do something about the demons

God: I’m afraid I cannot directly interfere with the Earths’ business, Miss Lance.

Lancelot: Well that really sucks then

bibillionaire: can’t Lucifer do that

lucinda: demons don’t listen to me anymore, haven’t you been paying attention

rainbowsandthunder: wait is this normal

inkedandgay: what

rainbowsandthunder: GOD popping up in this chat

dramaqueen: Pretty much

rainbowsandthunder: ooookay

rainbowsandthunder: god, can I have a question? gay people coming to hell is bullshit, right, you love all humans unconditionally and don’t differentiate between us based on someone else’s opinions even if they come from the bible

God: Darling, I might be a genderfluid cosmic entity who has created the known universe, but I do not actually decide who goes to Hell and who goes to Heaven. That is entirely up to you as individuals, and one’s orientation, skin colour, religion, or species makes no difference in the end. This is more than I’ve ever told anyone, so I think I should go. I’m in a chatty mood today and that never ends well…

lucinda: he’s also pansexual so there’s that

lucinda: you could’ve just asked me

Lancelot: Did we just

Lancelot: Did they just

dramaqueen: Give us an answer to THE question? I believe so

rainbowsandthunder: yeah okay I think I’m gonna go scream into a pillow for a while

inkedandgay: I feel the same way

sunshinegirl: moral dilemma

sunshinegirl: screenshot this, send it to everyone and solve world peace

sunshinegirl: or not do that and preserve the natural order of things god would’ve wanted

lucinda: you don’t know what he wants, that’s kind of the whole point

sunshinegirl: wow you got me there

bibillionaire: when did we become so mature and philosophical

rainbowsandthunder: right now

Lancelot: But like, no one would actually believe us

bearyallen: except literally everyone we know cause they know Lucifer?

hotwing: I go away for a while and miss THIS

inkedandgay: where have you been

hotwing: with the new… dragon

sunshinegirl: hypocrite

hotwing: for safety reasons ofc

lucinda: if I were you I wouldn’t bother

sunshinegirl: wdym

lucinda: this whole thing, the questions and answers, it’s all pointless in the end because god always does what he wants and changes the rules of the game every ten minutes, believe me, I know

lucinda: one snap of his fingers and all of us have a different life

bearyallen: omg he’s thanos

Lancelot: Christ Barry you got me 😂😂😂😂

rainbowsandthunder: lmfao why is this funny

bibillionaire: such a serious moment and then

bearyallen: well SORRY

dramaqueen: Well, if there’s one thing I know for sure it’s that we’re all doomed either way

hotwing: pessimist

sunshinegirl: ollie’s actually right

dramaqueen: Don’t call me Ollie, Kara

Lancelot: And so we’re back to this

sunshinegirl: so I guess don’t kill me?

bibillionaire: why

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

sunshinegirl: [image attached: godhasspoken.png] 

goodvibes: what the DUCK

goodvibes: IS THIS REAL

hotwing: the duck is back

mazikeen: this is no news pffft

smoakandmirrors: SHOOK

irisbest: holy mother

Trenchcoat: Lies

sunshinegirl: excuse me?

Trenchcoat: It’s not more he’s ever told anyone, we’ve had longer conversations

winner: well fuck me hard

Brainy: I can do that if you’d like.

winner: ily but not liteRALLY BRAINY

winner: maybe later

Brainy: Oh.

irisbest: why aren’t you shocked like, at all???

Brainy: As the expression Winn seems to be very fond of in many situations goes, I been knew.

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/02/23

 

Lancelot: So Bruce have you forgiven me yet

bibillionaire: it’s been two days

Lancelot: Doesn’t answer my question

inkedandgay: does this

inkedandgay: [image attached: diningtable.jpeg]

Lancelot: If anyone’s to blame it’s Dami for bringing her to dinner ig

hotwing: only a guilty person would say that

hotwing: evasion techniques

bibillionaire: Alfred was pissed

dramaqueen: Alfred never gets pissed

bibillionaire: exactly

sunshinegirl: are those… scorch marks

inkedandgay: note: there is a slight difference between a dragon and a dragon-bat

Lancelot: You don’t have to play at a genius with us

sunshinegirl: ghjrktyewaa

bearyallen: if she did that to a table what happened to the waverider

MamaWaverider: I’m alright now, thank you for asking.

dramaqueen: How bad was it

Lancelot: Just short-circuited some wires in the brig

MamaWaverider: “Just short-circuited some wires” oh, sure.

bibillionaire: but they fixed you, right

MamaWaverider: Of course. You would know it if they didn’t.

Lancelot:

hotwing: bruce got attached

bearyallen: Bruce is the Tony Stark of this world

bearyallen: loves his tech and robots

MamaWaverider: I’m an AI, not a robot.

sunshinegirl: still

bibillionaire: I’m pretty sure I’m richer than Tony Stark

lucinda: didn’t we have the exact same conversation once before

Lancelot: …yeah

inkedandgay: change of topic

inkedandgay: sara did you do it 👀

sunshinegirl: 👀

rainbowsandthunder: 👀

lucinda: did what?

Lancelot: I DID IT

Lancelot: [image attached: cottoncandy.jpeg]

rainbowsandthunder: you’re lookin good girl

sunshinegirl: wow 😍

lucinda: you look truly delicious 😉

hotwing: you and kory match now 😍

bearyallen: you have PINK HAIR

Lancelot: I HAVE OINK HAIR

hotwing: oink

sunshinegirl: oink

Lancelot: Oink oink I’m a pink piggy

bibillionaire: why do you have pink hair

sunshinegirl: because she likes it?? obviously

Lancelot: After a long debate with my girls I decided to go for it

inkedandgay: we’re her girls

sunshinegirl: <3

dramaqueen: It does look good on you

dramaqueen: Felicity had pink hair when she was undercover

lucinda: really

rainbowsandthunder: pics or didn’t happen

dramaqueen: I don’t have any, I was in prison

sunshinegirl: [image attached: pinkieno2.jpeg]

hotwing: sara wears it better

Lancelot: Ikr

Lancelot: But no she’s a hot piece too ;)

dramaqueen: I don’t like this

sunshinegirl: it’s a joke uwu

bibillionaire: then you shouldn’t have married such a gorgeous woman

bearyallen: hahahahaah

dramaqueen: :’)

inkedandgay: speaking of

inkedandgay: what does ava think

Lancelot: Ava is positively thrilled ;)

lucinda: did she tangle her fingers in that candy hair and tug playfully while you had sex

sunshinegirl: that’s oddly graphic

hotwing: I choked

lucinda: that’s what I would’ve done, they like it when you play with their hair

sunshinegirl: well you’re not wrong but

Lancelot: You like it when Lena does that huh

sunshinegirl: shut UP that question was for you

Lancelot: I’m not saying what we do when we have sex……

bibillionaire: so you did it

Lancelot: Jesus

Lancelot: People in relationships do it

bearyallen: *most people

dramaqueen: Yes, not you, we all know that

MamaWaverider: Me neither, I am an AI and therefore possess no body.

hotwing: “possess”

hotwing: sounds like you were a demon lmao

bibillionaire: it’s just how fancy British AIs talk

bearyallen: JARVIS

Lancelot: No talk of demons pls

lucinda: yes, I heard about neron causing trouble down in dc

dramaqueen: Curtis is in DC

Lancelot: Ehh he’s fine at the Bureau

dramaqueen: So he said, but somehow I don’t believe him

bibillionaire: you’re suspicious by nature, Ollie

sunshinegirl: yeah that’s SO true

Lancelot: We’re capable of handling everything

Lancelot: Ain’t called Legends for no reason

dramaqueen: I choose to believe you

bearyallen: 😂😂😂

 


 

who run the world? girls!

 

Lancelot: [image attached: cottoncandy.jpeg]

Lancelot: Pink hair don’t care

irisbest: you did it!!!

smoakandmirrors: cool cool cool cool cool

iceicebaby: You look gorgeous, Sara

thedetective: That color really suits you

coriander: High five pink sis 🖐️

Lancelot: 🖐️

darhkling: 💕💞💖

QueenZee: lookin sharp, captain

darhkling: *sharpe 😏

smoakandmirrors: asfklghjhgfd

sleepyhead: I love it

babs: ooh it’s nice!!!

awesomestCSI: so much bi power

rainbowsandthunder: yeah you’re a true gay now

Lancelot: And before I was a fake gay? Pffffft

rainbowsandthunder: nah I’m kidding

puddin: u know ive also been thinkin about doing my hair pink this time what do u think

iloveplants: I think it would look fabulous

Lancelot: Copycat

puddin: excuse me darling

Lancelot: No go ahead it’s not like I own the ™ on pink hair

irisbest: Pink Hair™

smoakandmirrors: I used to have pink hair too if anyone cares ok no never mind

iceicebaby: We know

sunshinegirl: I still have that photo you sent me

thedetective: I did it for a case once

irisbest: I went purple for a case once

Lancelot: Noice

raven: I literally have purple streaks lol

gert-cobblepot: my entire fucking hair is purple, the point?

smoakandmirrors: we (and gar) love colorful hair

coriander: Ooh @irisbest a dark purple ombre would look absolutely gorgeous on you

darhkling: totally

awesomestCSI: yeah

iceicebaby: You should do it again

irisbest: you think so

darhkling: t o t a l l y

puddin: we’ll do ombre together how bout that

irisbest: ok I’ll think about ittttt

sunshinegirl: 💜💜💜

 


 

Messenger
Barry <3
23 Feb at 8:12 pm

 

honey should I go for purple
streaks

hair I mean

so you talked to Sara

yeah 😂

no rly what do u think

I think you’d look gorgeous no
matter what <3

aww

thanks, barry

aight so I’m considering it

r u coming home soon

yeah I just wrapped up this
article n I’m ready to go

great!

I made dinner

ur a SAINT ily <3

ily <3

Chapter Text

Super Secret Vigilante Network
2019/02/24

 

wilddog added emikoqueen to Super Secret Vigilante Network

 

smoakandmirrors: hi!!!

emikoqueen: No

 

emikoqueen left Super Secret Vigilante Network

wilddog added emikoqueen to Super Secret Vigilante Network

 

wilddog: come on were friends now

dramaqueen: Hi :’)

littlequeen: hi new archer sister we never met but I’m thea

smoakandmirrors: “new archer sister” apodjnognf

littlequeen: it’s true?

emikoqueen: Why do you have this and why am I here

screamer: Now I see how you’re related

emikoqueen: Excuse me

littlequeen: yeah it’s a family thing heh

holt-the-door: just when I thought it couldn’t get worse

dramaqueen: It’s for communication purposes, obviously

emikoqueen: No kidding

wilddog: just have fun yeah

smoakandmirrors: yeah it’s used more for just, well, chatting than anything

Laurel2.0: we do love gossip

wilddog: and we wanna know u

emikoqueen: Well I don’t

digdeep: there are too many Queens now…

littlequeen: do you want me to add the queen of england

holt-the-time: u know what this callS FOR

smoakandmirrors: *deep breath*

smoakandmirrors: WE STAN A QUEEN

littlequeen: why ur welcome ;)

emikoqueen: On the other hand

smoakandmirrors: that’s how I like it

wilddog: so how exactly did u become the 3rd arrow of the fam

holt-the-door: yeah honestly that’s crazy

emikoqueen: Hard work, willpower and thirst for revenge

Laurel2.0: let’s go badass bitches

littlequeen: wow I’m so proud of you sis

screamer: You just topped Oliver

dramaqueen: Ahem,

littlequeen: gfnrsemkgnte

smoakandmirrors: jhbrjwafjinfr

smoakandmirrors: the only person allowed to top oliver is me ;)

dramaqueen: :o

holt-the-door: ok A Y um

screamer: Oh honey

Laurel2.0: someone’s a power bottom 😏

emikoqueen: I did NOT need to know this

smoakandmirrors: so this is us on an average workday, enjoy your stay

emikoqueen: …

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/02/25

 

sunshinegirl: gimme some tea im bored fighting the children of liberty and the whole damn usa

sunshinegirl: I hate this country istr

hotwing: istr?

sunshinegirl: I swear to rao

hotwing: oH

inkedandgay: sigh me too

Lancelot: Tell me who DOESN’T at this point

bibillionaire: it’s never too late to run back to Asia

bearyallen: Wally had the right idea

Lancelot: Preach

hotwing: wait BACK TO ASIA is that where you’ve been????? for three YEARS???

lucinda: let’s not forget he spent two weeks in the city of angels

inkedandgay: for “”some reason””

bibillionaire: …

dramaqueen: He’s never told you where he’s been either?

hotwing: no

inkedandgay: no

sunshinegirl: nah

bearyallen: it’s the aura of mystery ig

Lancelot: The dark knight aesthetic

lucinda: tell me, bruce, what happened that you wish to keep it secret from everyone 👀

bibillionaire: doesn’t work via chat, Luci

lucinda: and I thought I had you fooled, never mind

sunshinegirl: how DO u do the thing with the eyes and soul gazing

bearyallen: he tried it on you too

sunshinegirl: might’ve,,,

lucinda: the devil never reveals his secret, darling

Lancelot: What did you say @sunshinegirl

sunshinegirl: I can’t SAY THAT

sunshinegirl: and besides I asked for news not to be interrogated

dramaqueen: [image attached: screenshot.png]

Lancelot: How did I not know this shame on your family

sunshinegirl: yaeH

hotwing: DISHONOR ON THE ROYAL FAMILY

hotwing: DISHONOR ON YOUR COW

bearyallen: oh m ygod 😂😂😂

hotwing: dick scores again ;)

Lancelot: Joke’s on you though you’re the ones with a cow

bearyallen: DICK I can’trerkndsff

sunshinegirl: I’m dyinfg

lucinda: you must always appreciate the dick jokes 😉

Lancelot: Nate and Zari just gave me this WTF Look cause I’m just

sunshinegirl: maiong seal nfoises

Lancelot: [image attached: alltheeyebrows.jpeg]

hotwing: glad to have invoked seal noises lmao

Lancelot: Yeah we be laughing in synchrony now

rainbowsandthunder: wtf is happening

rainbowsandthunder: I’m just casually on patrol and

bibillionaire: my son and his puns

bearyallen: pliver didnt even sya anything lmao

dramaqueen: I lost it at royal family, thank you

hotwing: u say lost it and you type like this, lame

sunshinegirl: llama

sunshinegirl: *lamE

dramaqueen: Forgive me for controlling my emotions

inkedandgay: make that your family chat title 👀

inkedandgay: now how do I get in touch with emiko queen

dramaqueen: I’m not sure that’s safe

Lancelot: For Kate or for Emiko 👀

sunshinegirl: both lmao

bearyallen: is she gay

dramaqueen: How would I KNOW that

lucinda: by asking her, perhaps

Lancelot: Cause if she’s gay she’s definitely not safe from Kate

inkedandgay: sorry to disappoint you but my heart belongs elsewhere now

sunshinegirl: WUT

hotwing: panic mode: on

bearyallen: ooh does Alex know 👀

inkedandgay: mind your own business allen

Lancelot: YOU said it 👉👉👉👉👉

rainbowsandthunder: kara let the lesbians live

sunshinegirl: NO IM EXICTED

bibillionaire: I should be the one panicking because I know her history

inkedandgay: no this time I feel it

inkedandgay: idk how she feels but

sunshinegirl: GOOD SHE FEELS GOOD ABOUT IT

Lancelot: So it’s supportive sister instead of protective sister now 👀

sunshinegirl: I can change my opinion

inkedandgay: we have breakfast together sometimes now

bearyallen: cool

dramaqueen: How are you handling it with all the breaching

inkedandgay: living in gotham teaches you that there’s a downside to almost everything ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

bearyallen: I mean Cisco and Harry are handling it pretty well???

hotwing: and so do I jsyk

bibillionaire: Kory lives on this earth, Dick

hotwing: so

hotwing: have you ever dated an alien from a parallel universe

rainbowsandthunder: that sounds so wild

hotwing: it Is ;)

rainbowsandthunder: oh I believe ya, she’s one strong girl ;)

hotwing: hmm what

sunshinegirl: 👀👀

rainbowsandthunder: dw I got my own girl right here

inkedandgay: I can feel the relief right now

inkedandgay: so back to emiko

inkedandgay: I really want to meet her

Lancelot: Ollie tell Felicity to add her to the gals chat

dramaqueen: Why can’t you tell her yourself

Lancelot: Why are you bitchy for no reason

dramaqueen: I’m not bitchy, that was a legitimate question

dramaqueen: Ok I told her

Lancelot: Good boy

dramaqueen: I’m not a DOG Sara

bibillionaire: …

dramaqueen: YOU don’t start it’s been 14 YEARS

bibillionaire: …

lucinda: are you thinking what I’m thinking

bearyallen: I rather wouldn’t

sunshinegirl: ehhhh

Lancelot: I probably am ;’)

bibillionaire: funny story…

dramaqueen: Don’t you dare Bruce

bibillionaire: no I’m not that kind of bitch

hotwing: oooooooo

sunshinegirl: lolol so I can say I’m 100% NOT bored anymoreeeee

rainbowsandthunder: neither am I

 


 

who run the world? girls!

 

smoakandmirrors added emikoqueen to who run the world? girls!

 

darhkling: fucking FINALLY

smoakandmirrors: upon kate’s request 👀

inkedandgay: thank you

emikoqueen: Why do you keep doing this

Laurel2.0: and you have no idea how many people are in this one 😉

irisbest: is this

irisbest: IS THIS OLIVER’S SISTER

sunshinegirl: yes she is!!!

sunshinegirl: hi i’m kara danvers welcome to madness 👋

emikoqueen: I got that from the first one

inkedandgay: she’s sassy I like her

 


 

The Queens

 

dramaqueen changed the group’s name to The Royal Family

 

littlequeen: hey this is good HOW HAVE WE NOT DONE THIS BEFORE

smoakandmirrors: hmmm

will-iamqueen: this can’t actually be your idea tho

dramaqueen: Such little faith

dramaqueen: But you’re right

dramaqueen: [image attached: screenshot.png]

smoakandmirrors: 😂😂😂

emikoqueen: How many of these chats do you have, exactly

smoakandmirrors: ehhh about 32 I think

emikoqueen: 32

littlequeen: how do u know that

will-iamqueen: mom knows everything

smoakandmirrors: buddy you are corRECT

will-iamqueen: ok but queens in the castle is a good name too

littlequeen: don’t ruin his fun

dramaqueen: Thank you

smoakandmirrors: yeah, royal family is much much better 😉

emikoqueen: And we’re supposed to believe rich people aren’t haughty

will-iamqueen: we aren’t rich anymore aunt emiko

littlequeen: you got roasted by a kid

dramaqueen: They aren’t usually this hostile, for the record

emikoqueen: That’s very reassuring

smoakandmirrors: you’ll get used to it

 


 

Lancelot to bibillionaire

 

Lancelot: Bruce, am I really the ONLY one who knows where you’ve been?

Lancelot: Besides Nyssa I mean

bibillionaire: …

bibillionaire: yes

Lancelot: You didn’t even tell Dami?

bibillionaire: no

bibillionaire: and the deal still stands; you can’t tell anyone

Lancelot: You got it chief

Lancelot: Managed so far, haven’t I ;)

bibillionaire: I really appreciate it

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/02/27

 

bibillionaire: [image attached: interview.jpeg]

sunshinegirl: that’s jamES AND LOIS H O W

bibillionaire: obviously, they’re from this earth

bibillionaire: I did an interview with Daily Planet today

sunshinegirl: ohhhh

bearyallen: send that to him

sunshinegirl: this lois never met clark huh

sunshinegirl: sad

Lancelot: How’s your Lois

sunshinegirl: 4 months pregnant and happy? idk

bearyallen: you can’t talk to them

sunshinegirl: no it’s not like the phones can reach another planet

dramaqueen: This thing has developed a fault

bearyallen: that is sad

MamaWaverider: Indeed.

Lancelot: Can’t you fix it

MamaWaverider: No, I’m afraid other planets are out of my range.

bearyallen: well you gotta draw the line somewhere

dramaqueen: Other dimensions? Check. Other planets? No, that’s too much

Lancelot: Don’t forget the past and the future and the time vortex

bearyallen: we can talk to someone from the past???

bearyallen: and future???

sunshinegirl: if you’re thinking about talking to snart 👀

bearyallen: NO I meant like you talking to Mon-El

sunshinegirl: DON’T MENTION MON-EL

Lancelot: More like Mon-Hell

sunshinegirl: YEAH

dramaqueen: You hate him so much

Lancelot: And can you blame her

sunshinegirl: when I let my bf go to save him and he comes back with a WIFE and acts like I never existed and then suddenly he wants me BACK after I’ve gotten together with lena? nuh-uh mister

inkedandgay: mood

lucinda: you should’ve taken them all to bed and be done with it, best conflict resolve

sunshinegirl: ok ew No

dramaqueen: If you really believe that

bibillionaire: well

lucinda: why I do, I’ve tested this theory multiple times

bearyallen: gross

sunshinegirl: yeah thanks I never wanna see that guy again

Lancelot: He’s in the future so you won’t have to 👉👉

sunshinegirl: thank rao

sunshinegirl: also james just did this

sunshinegirl: [image attached: blankstare.jpeg]

inkedandgay: did bruce’s photo do that

bibillionaire: we’re both in one room with the same man and yet on different earths

sunshinegirl: wild

bearyallen: oh right you’re at catco

sunshinegirl: and you’re not at ccpd

bearyallen: am

dramaqueen: I’m at SCPD

lucinda: I’m at lapd

hotwing: detroit pd lmao

bearyallen: did you wait just to say this

hotwing: maybe I was busy

inkedandgay: and I’m at we

Lancelot: You’re all COPS

lucinda: I’m a detective consultant, my dear

dramaqueen: Sort of same

bearyallen: I’m a CSI

hotwing: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Lancelot: Yeah I get it…

Lancelot: Am I the only one not working

inkedandgay: yes

dramaqueen: Procrastinator

hotwing: idk if bruce’s interview counts tho

bibillionaire: it does

sunshinegirl: if you say so

bibillionaire: I can always hit on one or both of them and make you squirm

lucinda: good idea

sunshinegirl: bad BAD idea

sunshinegirl: remember selina

dramaqueen: Their relationship is odd

bibillionaire: we’re free people

bibillionaire: married but free people

lucinda: you are living the right life, my friend

 


 

sunshinegirl to rayofsunshine

 

sunshinegirl: hi!!!

sunshinegirl: so there was this convo ok but never mind that what I need is, you made some sort of device to talk to amaya in the past, right, and I was wondering if you could make the same thing but for talking to clark & lois on argo?

sunshinegirl: no worries or anything I’m just asking 😊

rayofsunshine: Kara! Hi!

rayofsunshine: I’ll see what I can do without Martin’s assistance, but I would need to know how far Argo is, exactly, and if there’s any interference… but maybe Brainy could help with that, if we met.

sunshinegirl: oh, right, yeahhh

sunshinegirl: could’ve asked him

sunshinegirl: but really you wouldn’t mind helping me with this

rayofsunshine: Not at all! Always happy to help, and it’d give me something to do.

sunshinegirl: ok thanks <3

sunshinegirl: I can get you to the deo and you can work on it there?

rayofsunshine: Maybe we could start tomorrow?

sunshinegirl: that soon?

sunshinegirl: awesome

sunshinegirl: let’s get lunch and ice cream or something

rayofsunshine: Great!

rayofsunshine: I’m looking forward to it.

sunshinegirl: sameeee

sunshinegirl: once again, thank you

rayofsunshine: You’re welcome, Kara.

rayofsunshine: Maybe we can all finally talk to him :)

sunshinegirl: ik, bruce always says he wants to meet him

rayofsunshine: Oh dear, that will be a disaster.

sunshinegirl: no kidding

sunshinegirl: but hey at least he has parenting advice right

rayofsunshine: Are you sure about that…?

sunshinegirl: lmao you’re right

rayofsunshine: Okay, I gotta tell the Legends. See you tomorrow!

sunshinegirl: noice

 


 

Team Trash Humans

 

rayofsunshine: Just a heads up, I’m going on E-38 tomorrow.

darhkling: what why

darhkling: can I go with you

Lancelot: Is this about Kara talking to Clark 👀

rayofsunshine: How do you know?

Lancelot: I was there

gayforray: so you want to build a device that could reach other planets

rayofsunshine: Just one particular planet.

animalgirl: Is this like the one I have?

rayofsunshine: Exactly!

QueenZee: cool

MamaWaverider: What happened to “gotta draw the line somewhere”?

rayofsunshine: Science always has to push the limit!

gayforray: that’s my man

rayofsunshine: And yes, @darhkling, I think you can come with, and anyone else too!

Lancelot: Nice I wanna see if Kate lives there now

QueenZee: there definitely has to be a toothbrush at least

darhkling: we can have lunch with them

animalgirl: Give me all the updates.

gayforray: Amaya 👀

animalgirl: What, I like knowing what’s going on in 2019.

Lancelot: Head to the girl squad chat later

animalgirl: Alright 😉

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

sunshinegirl: So the fault will be Rectified

dramaqueen: How

Lancelot: Ray

dramaqueen: Of course

sunshinegirl: we can talk to clark !!!

bibillionaire: I can talk to Clark

dramaqueen: You’re still not over that

bibillionaire: he sounds like an interesting fellow

sunshinegirl: ofc he is he’s my cousin

bearyallen: lmao

bibillionaire: I still asked Lois to have lunch with me though

sunshinegirl: ughhhh ok

sunshinegirl: she’s not from my earth

bibillionaire: and James too but he said no

sunshinegirl: good

Lancelot: Because he’s straight or taken

bibillionaire: I think both

bibillionaire: he’s dating Lucy Lane

sunshinegirl: I guess with me not being there they’d never break up…

Lancelot: Make it a double date then

sunshinegirl: no don’t suggest that

sunshinegirl: or do I actually don’t care it’s not my earth

inkedandgay: really

sunshinegirl: no ofc I care it’s weird

hotwing: as was finding out wally west is dating me from e-18

Lancelot: You know about that lmao

hotwing: he told me

bearyallen: believe me when I say it was awkward meeting you cause we knew that version of you first 😂

bibillionaire: I didn’t know about that

dramaqueen: He showed up with Wally at a Halloween party, we didn’t KNOW him

Lancelot: WE know him

Lancelot: We talk to him

hotwing: I didn’t knoW ABOUT THAT

sunshinegirl: the awkwardness amplifies

Lancelot: It’s also awkward that Dinah is dating my dead sister’s e-2 double

dramaqueen: I can agree on that

inkedandgay: wait I thought she was your sister

Lancelot: She’s a pretender

Lancelot: Black Siren

dramaqueen: But she’s good at it

dramaqueen: And she’s been nothing but helpful in the last year, as much as I hate to admit that

sunshinegirl: she’s gay af and sassy I like her

bibillionaire: me too

lucinda: oh definitely

bearyallen: my dad is The Flash on e-3 and his name is Jay Garrick

bearyallen: and e-2 Wells was on our team and now he’s dating Cisco

bearyallen: we know at least 16 other Wellses

bearyallen: the multiverse business is always weird ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

inkedandgay: we also know two maggie sawyers

sunshinegirl: true

Lancelot: And E-X Snart

Lancelot: He was at the party

bearyallen: and we’re not even talking about all the evil doubles of US

dramaqueen: E-67 Oliver and Bruce

bibillionaire: don’t remind me

sunshinegirl: always remind him 😁

bibillionaire: why are you so mean to me today

sunshinegirl: no reason

Lancelot: It’s the interview, Brucie

bibillionaire: that reminds me, I have to have that double date lunch now

sunshinegirl: james agreed?? no

bibillionaire: [image attached: beautifuldaywithbeautifulpeople.jpeg]

bibillionaire: that’s going on Instagram

Chapter Text

Science Bros
2019/02/28

 

rayofsunshine: [image attached: greetingsfromdeo.jpeg]

winner: boombayah

winner: we be building an interplanetary communicator

goodvibes: omg I’m in love

sciencebitch: wait I didn’t know you were at the deo

rayofsunshine: I actually saw you!

Brainy: Yes, Kara had brought him here because he needed my assistance with this project.

sciencebitch: ok we have to grab lunch later

rayofsunshine: We already made the plans with Kara yesterday.

sciencebitch: I heard some of the legends came too

rayofsunshine: Only Sara and Nora.

bearyallen: is Kate still there 👀

sciencebitch: I’m pretty sure she is

winner: we’re all having that lunch

holt-the-door: I’m jealous

holt-the-door: that you’re working on such tech I mean

goodvibes: you’re building similarly cool stuff at the bureau

winner: time travel stuff

holt-the-door: yeah I know but

whatdoesthefoxsay: Why are you trying to communicate with other planets?

sciencebitch: cause kara’s cousin and his fiancée live on one

whatdoesthefoxsay: Oh, right.

winner: cuz our earth has aliens unlike yours

goodvibes: we have aliens they just haven’t shown themselves yet

bearyallen: or so they say

rayofsunshine: Maybe they look human like Kryptonians and we don’t even know they’re among us.

winner: hmmm

goodvibes: always support the alien theory

Brainy: I like that!

awesomestCSI: r u talking about alie n s

Brainy: You know we exist, right?

awesomestCSI: yeah but I mean

awesomestCSI: here

awesomestCSI: ALIENS

goodvibes: ALIENS

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

bibillionaire: how goes the device building @sunshinegirl

sunshinegirl: idk im catching some children of liberty

bearyallen: they say it might be possible to build within a day

bibillionaire: that’s fast

bearyallen: Brainy’s there

Lancelot: You’re that eager to talk to Clark huh 👀

bibillionaire: I’m not

bibillionaire: this is scientific curiosity

sunshinegirl: suuuuureeeee

bibillionaire: don’t you have assholes to catch

sunshinegirl: yea,

dramaqueen: I also have assholes to catch

Lancelot: No one asked you

dramaqueen: There’s this supervillain named Dante and not even Felicity can find him

bearyallen: sheesh

inkedandgay: do you need some help or

dramaqueen: No I’m sure we’ll get him by the end of the season

inkedandgay: ok

Lancelot: Took you almost two to get Diaz tho

dramaqueen: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

rainbowsandthunder: is this a normal conversation

sunshinegirl: yeah

lucinda: yes, there’s no such thing as the 4th wall for divine beings

bearyallen: lmao

inkedandgay: remember that talk with god

lucinda: unfortunately

rainbowsandthunder: ofc I do it was MY QUESTION

sunshinegirl: you cant froget that

Lancelot: Froget

hotwing: frogs don’t froget

sunshinegirl: obivlously im frluong

sunshinegirl: flyinf

bearyallen: 👍

sunshinegirl: I can mutlitasl

Lancelot: Doesn’t look that way

lucinda: even so, it’s rather admirable

bibillionaire: so what else is going on

Lancelot: Let’s see, Ray and Nora did the do and Zari went to LA to talk to the girls about her feelings for Charlie

lucinda: yes, we met

lucinda: they didn’t want to let me in on their leisure activities

dramaqueen: Pity

sunshinegirl: zari has feelinfgd for charliw 👀

bearyallen: what

Lancelot: I mean, they were obvious?

sunshinegirl: um no theyr were gighting

lucinda: fighting and banter = flirting, everyone knows that

bearyallen: idk this isn’t television

dramaqueen: Isn’t it

sunshinegirl: yeah

hotwing: so you’re ignoring the darhkatom bit

sunshinegirl: wbk

inkedandgay: what do you think us girls talk about

inkedandgay: besides, nora is here and we’re having that lunch

Lancelot: [image attached: earth38babes.jpeg]

bearyallen: so you are on e-38 @inkedandgay

inkedandgay: I have the breach thingy now

bearyallen: extrapolator

inkedandgay: that

bibillionaire: and I am fully prepared to defend Gotham in case of a sudden rogue attack

hotwing: but they’ve been quiet lately

Lancelot: Is that even possible? Quiet in Gotham???

hotwing: ikr

bibillionaire: we’ve actually planned a trip to the waterpark on Saturday

bearyallen: there’s a waterpark in gotham

bibillionaire: no, in New York

sunshinegirl: and in metorpoliss too

hotwing: that one isn’t so good

sunshinegirl: idk clark said

sunshinegirl: I love waterworld in cali

dramaqueen: We have that one too

dramaqueen: They renamed it

lucinda: beatrice insisted on taking her there last summer

sunshinegirl: it’s great, right

bearyallen: swimming in the ocean though

bibillionaire: yes, nothing beats that

bibillionaire: Californian beaches

Lancelot: I wanted to say that you live on the other coast but then I remembered you lived here for a summer lmao

sunshinegirl: lmao

lucinda: was that the summer when you and oliver got married in vegas

dramaqueen: …

dramaqueen: Yeah

bibillionaire: @Lancelot you say here like you still lived there

Lancelot: Old habits

Lancelot: Besides, I can come back to Star whenever

bibillionaire: and you’d leave us

Lancelot: No I’m not leaving Ava but I can pop in for lunch at Big Belly or something

dramaqueen: Why does everyone always eat at Big Belly and not like, Burger King

hotwing: we eat at denny’s a lot

hotwing: at night

inkedandgay: I see some patrol habits never die

sunshinegirl: mood

sunshinegirl: and we don’t actually have big belly here

sunshinegirl: we have kfc and shit though

lucinda: I’ve always liked kfc

dramaqueen: Really

lucinda: they have the perfect wings ;)

hotwing: DOUBLE PUN

hotwing: enter the origin of my nickname

Lancelot: I didn’t reALIZE

bearyallen: sometimes I just think about how you all live near each other on the coasts and then there’s us, in the middle of the damn country, far from EVERYONE,

sunshinegirl: barry you’re a speedster you can just run

dramaqueen: How many times have you ran to Star?

bearyallen: yeah ik but

rainbowsandthunder: actually freeland isn’t that far from central

bearyallen: I’ve never been there…

rainbowsandthunder: can’t blame you, it’s all drugs and gangs here, no place for a whitey boy like you

bearyallen: hey I’m a superhero, I’d manage!

sunshinegirl: if there’s a good white guy it’s barry

sunshinegirl: and yea ik I’m white but I’m not human so I can say white ppl suck

Lancelot: Ur right

rainbowsandthunder: 🙏🏿

bibillionaire: we don’t suck

Lancelot: Rich bitches know jackass and that’s a fact

bearyallen: how many poc are there in gotham? 5?

inkedandgay: dami, lucius, his son, renee, maggie? idk

sunshinegirl: burnnnnn

rainbowsandthunder: why are all the leaders white smh

dramaqueen: Complain to the scriptwriters

bearyallen: the poc will always be the Sidekicks

bearyallen: not that my wife is a sidekick, no, never, she’s the girl in the chair

rainbowsandthunder: I’m sorry, you do actually fall under the “not all men” category

Lancelot: We all love Barry

Lancelot: No but also Alfred, Curtis, Cisco, James, Ray and Nate

dramaqueen: And I’m not on that list

bearyallen: the fact that you got offended rules you out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

sunshinegirl: !!!

Lancelot: Tru

dramaqueen: …

bibillionaire:

lucinda:

sunshinegirl: and you forgot clark

hotwing: and we always get here

sunshinegirl: yeah good news they made progress!

inkedandgay: so you’re back

sunshinegirl: yesss I’m ready to meet you guys

inkedandgay: we went to eatsa

sunshinegirl: mhmmm I love it

Lancelot: It’s the futuristic veggie restaurant Ava loves so much!

dramaqueen: ?

Lancelot: We have one in DC, you just take your food from cubes, it’s great

Lancelot: Kinda like Star Trek y’know 

bearyallen: I’m more surprised at Kara eating that instead of greasy pizza

sunshinegirl: healthy food week

rainbowsandthunder: and then you do this white ppl thing,

sunshinegirl: …

inkedandgay: yeah, that’s on me

 


 

2019/03/01

 

sunshinegirl added superreporter to earths’ mightiest gays

 

sunshinegirl: welcome cousin sorry if we ruin your sanity

bibillionaire: HELLO

superreporter: I’ve heard about you

superreporter: I know you on my earth

superreporter: and also that my clone son is dating your son

bibillionaire:

bibillionaire: well, what you don’t know is that I slept with my earth’s version of your fiancée yesterday

superreporter: :o

lucinda: bruce, you scored, very nice!

hotwing: shit you’re fucked now

sunshinegirl: ahahaha kon and tim only aren’t an issue here cause kon is on e-1 ;)))

Lancelot: Clark you have double issues now

superreporter: have we met

Lancelot: No I wasn’t there during the big crossover

Lancelot: I’m Sara

bearyallen: akdnkjrnfkf

superreporter: hi barry

hotwing: (I’m his brother and I can say Tim is a nice guy and they were best friends for a year before they got together, so you don’t have to worry.)

superreporter: hmm

inkedandgay: don’t try to establish authority by using punctuation he’s kara’s cousin ffs

dramaqueen: Does the style of typing run in genes…?

bibillionaire: it does

Lancelot: 100%

superreporter: yeah

sunshinegirl: absolutely

Lancelot: Look at Emiko and you

inkedandgay: or maybe this is just cause ppl who are related prefer the same brand of phones

sunshinegirl: you ruined the aesthetic of it now

superreporter: damn straight

bearyallen: *damn gay

superreporter: except I’m straight

Lancelot: Oh no what have we done

Lancelot: We’ve let a het among our midst

sunshinegirl: don’t be so dramatic he’s cool for a het

superreporter: thanks?

bibillionaire: I don’t like him

hotwing: hahaha

superreporter: some things never change no matter the earth ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 


 

who run the world? girls!

 

superwoman: hello I’ve got signal and I’m back

superwoman: [image attached: thisisargobaby.jpeg]

fastlane: Lois!!!

sunshinegirl: hiiiii

iceicebaby: Great to see you again

superwoman: thank the ray palmer guy for this, whoever he is

darhkling: he’s my amazing hero boyfriend & YES I WILL

smoakandmirrors: hi lois guess what I’m also pregnant!! maybe our kids will be friends

superwoman: felicity! that would be amazing!

fastlane: Except apparently these people are from a different universe

superwoman: actually we’ve met

fastlane: So I’ve missed more than I thought…

badasslesbian: we’ll help y’all catch up

superwoman: nice!

superwoman: now, has clark killed your version of bruce wayne or the other way around

Lancelot: Lol they’re close

superwoman: some things never change no matter the earth

inkedandgay: he literally said that

sunshinegirl: TWINSIES

Chapter Text

Extended BatFam
2019/03/02

 

jasontoad: [image attached: battle.jpeg]

spoileralert: baTTLE

hotwing: oooo tim got hit in the faceeeee

babs: damian tho

fatherofdragons: I hate you

jasontoad: he he hE

jasontoad: whos gonna make a gif out of this

babs: ON IT

babs: when we get home

garfieldthecat: omg what

lesbianaunt: are you fighting with water guns in the KIDS’ POOL

lesbianaunt: where did all the adults go

babs: bruce: do whatever the fuck you want, just don’t die or kill anyone, ok, I’m going to the sauna, dick will watch you

babs: dick: …as you try to drown each other and film it

jasontoad: pretty much babey

fatherofdragons: and we’re not fighting anymore

futurerobin: did u just use italiCS

futurerobin: who tf does that

garfieldthecat: akakskskakj

fatherofdragons: you, apparently

gordonbleu: A bunch of teenagers with poor impulse control left alone in a waterpark, what could go wrong

spoileralert: we’re not left alone there’s bruce and selina

hotwing: in the sauna but details right

futurerobin: I have an idea

fatherofdragons: oh no

futurerobin: water float battle

garfieldthecat: IM IN hang on

garfieldthecat: where r u

jasontoad: @ the big pool idiot

jasontoad: there s literally ONE

futurerobin: @everyone whos here

raven: lemme grab a float!!!

markofcain: this is stupid

fatherofdragons: I agree

markofcain: let’s do it

superidiot: I can hear you all the way from over there

futurerobin: bitch where r u I need u on my team

superidiot: restaurant with kory and donna

superidiot: this superhero needs his calories

futurerobin: betrayed by my boyfriend nooooo

futurerobin: nvm dick’s with me

ladyoftroy: is someone filming it 👀

raven: you are now you’re a journalist

ladyoftroy: [image attached: sippingcoffee.jpeg]

superidiot: damian

futurerobin: oh yea hes not participating 👍

fatherofdragons: fine

fatherofdragons: [video attached: idiots.mp4]

superidiot: ahahahha

ladyoftroy: you go Tim!!!

gert-cobblepot: rip garfield logan 2k19

gert-cobblepot: cause of death: aggressively pushed off from a water float by his own partner in crime for putting his arms around him and then run over and stepped on by one tim drake

teamaker: For once you’re not in life-threatening danger and then you do something like this.

superidiot: tim, from the distance: this is new york ( ͡° ل͜ ͡°)

ladyoftroy: Rachel, looking into the camera like she’s on the office: we’re freeeee

gert-cobblepot: that’s my girl

lesbianaunt: bruce will kill you if he’s dead

superidiot: no he’s fine just smoldering

catmom: what’s going on

raven: who alerted you

catmom: mom senses

raven: uh huh

teamaker: How’s the sauna?

catmom: who says we’re not hiding from our children

hotwing: are you????

catmom: noooo the sauna is great

catmom: don’t let the lifeguards arrest you or something, all right

hotwing: I Am Watching Them Don’t Worry

ladyoftroy: from your victorious float

hotwing: I love wayne tech waterproof phones

raven: we can film EVERYTHJNG

superidiot: speaking of I’m pretty sure tim ran off to the jacuzzis I’m gonna follow him

lesbianaunt: oh the alien senses

garfieldthecat: fuck everybody

futurerobin: lmao if you think I’m sorry

futurerobin: the battlefield isn’t for the weak

gert-cobblepot: mood

jasontoad: [image attached: twobroschillinginahottub0ftapartcuztheyre100%gay.jpeg]

raven: woah

hotwing: 😂

futurerobin: u knoe I saw u right jason

jasontoad: suckers gon suck

hotwing: 💯

 


 

og bikings

 

bibillionaire: help, my children are going to tear New York down

Lancelot: You shouldn’t’ve gotten yourself so many children then

bibillionaire: not helpful

sunshinegirl: what are they doing lmao

bibillionaire: [video attached: idiots.mp4]

dramaqueen: Do they know you’re watching this

bibillionaire: no

bearyallen: WATERPARK SHENANIGANS

dramaqueen: So why don’t you come down there and tell them to stop

bibillionaire: have you met my children

dramaqueen: Once, as we all know,

bibillionaire: then you should know there’s no point

bibillionaire: I’d only get water-gunned into the face

Lancelot: I’d kill to see that

sunshinegirl: oh no she would

bearyallen: I WANT TO JOIN THE WATPERPARK SHENANIGANS

sunshinegirl: barry 😂

bibillionaire: please do, maybe they’d be more reasonable

Lancelot: You really think that

Lancelot: Have YOU met BARRY

dramaqueen: And his entire team

sunshinegirl: the hyperactive 30-yr-old children

bearyallen: I’m offended now

Lancelot: No you’re not

bearyallen: yeah you’re right

bibillionaire: you are right

sunshinegirl: speaking of isn’t barry’s bday sometimes soon

bearyallen: yeah, march 14

bearyallen: I turn 30???

dramaqueen: You’re old

Lancelot: You know what this calls for

sunshinegirl: another party!!!

bibillionaire: not at the manor, please

dramaqueen: Not here either

sunshinegirl: we have no big space either

sunshinegirl: except the fortress

Lancelot: And we definitely wouldn’t fit on the Waverider

bearyallen: but guys I don’t want a big party…

bearyallen: if that’s ok

dramaqueen: Of course, Barry

sunshinegirl: oh sure bear

bearyallen: I just wanted to celebrate with my team and family

Lancelot: That’s completely understandable after what we pulled the last time 😂

bearyallen: but I won’t say no to some presents from billionaires if you know what I mean 😉

bibillionaire: what do you need, a car? a house? some gadgets? you have it, Barry

sunshinegirl: THIS IS HOW WE DO IT HERE

Lancelot: We get sugar daddies

bearyallen: kadjfnrjnfkfn

Lancelot: Or mommies* @sunshinegirl

sunshinegirl: don’t call me out like this

bibillionaire: I knew you weren’t dating Lena just for her looks and brains

sunshinegirl: secret Revealed

bearyallen: 😂

bearyallen: but like DON’T buy me a house, Bruce

bearyallen: I meant like a WATCH or something

dramaqueen: Do you think a watch is a billionaire present

bearyallen: yeah?

dramaqueen: Well, looking back at my parents, you’re not wrong

Lancelot: No but what if it’s like a million dollar watch

bearyallen: DON’T give me a million dollar watch either

bibillionaire: as if a million would make a difference?

dramaqueen: Bruce

sunshinegirl: oh mood

Lancelot: And this guy goes to a public water park with his kids

bibillionaire: what am I supposed to do, buy it

Lancelot: Yeah why not

sunshinegirl: in this house we’re rich but we’re chill about it

 


 

Extended BatFam

 

hotwing: [video attached: snakehole.mp4]

futurerobin: we ride that ride down to hell

coriander: Is someone screaming in there

hotwing: yeah that’s gar

gert-cobblepot: no srsly what’s wrong w u

gert-cobblepot: it’s just a water slide

futurerobin: we are GOTHAMITES we are DARK and BROODY and we take things SERIOUSLY

raven: gert you should’ve gone with us

gert-cobblepot: dads’ evil schemes didn’t let me

raven: you’re just watching the dog cause they’re out on a date ffs

futurerobin: GOTHAMITES

Chapter Text

Talker
SuperFam™
4 Mar at 11:02 am

 

You
Manchester took my Legion ring!
Do you know what that means?
 Do you?

I am powerless!

Human!

I can’t fly to the café to get my
favorite bagels right away!

sleepyhead
what you are is a drama queen

and we all know oliver

badass lesbian
kara can get your bagels ok

You
It’s not about the bagels. It’s the
principle of things, Alex.

winner
look, brainy, ur the smartest and
sassiest future person we all know
and im sure u aren’t powerless w/o
that ring like have u seen u in bed???

superGIRL POWER
the first thing I see in the morning is
THIS WINn

Guardian
You got up late

badass lesbian
we all know whose fault is that

L-Corp 
excuse me

badass lesbian
she KNOWS 👀

You
Is no one talking about my
problem?

sleepyhead
no

even ur boyfriend is done w u

badass lesbian
yeah, wake up lvl 12 intellect

the ring doesn’t make you who you
are

Guardian
Did you just reverse quote iron man

badass lesbian
no it’s a soap opera quote about a
housewife lmao

don’t judge me

L-Corp
you need to get yourself a woman

superGIRL POWER
oh she has a woman right alex 👀

general lane
how’s the earth 1 pussy hmmmm

winner
hmmmmm

badass lesbian
this is an atTACK

big green man
Take this somewhere else

Guardian
Yes us who are single are depressed
right now

superGIRL POWER
YOU need to get urself a woman

sleepyhead
ugh same

general lane
I feel this

winner
brainy we’re overwhelmed by lesbians
and straight men

:(

You
I’m overwhelmed by depression.

badass lesbian
that’s it take a day off, eat ice cream
and get some

winner
good IDEA ALEX

get ready for a day directed by the
best bf ever and THEN we’re gonna
FIND MANCHESTER & UR RING

superGIRL POWER
I’LL HELP

You
I appreciate it :’)

sleepyhead
did he use a text emoji

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

sunshinegirl: so how many of ur kids died yesterday @bibillionaire

bibillionaire: surprisingly enough, none

inkedandgay: but some have bruises

superreporter: wait what was going on

dramaqueen: They went to a water park

bearyallen: and us wITH THEM!!!

superreporter: a water park

bibillionaire: yes

superreporter: how are you even a parent

hotwing: hahahah yeah

Lancelot: You really did it @bearyallen

bearyallen: Cisco breached us right over there

hotwing: some people *cough cough* tim *cough cough* lost it

inkedandgay: and then barry rode down all the slides faster than everybody

sunshinegirl: oh mood

Lancelot: They must’ve been pissed

hotwing: we were

sunshinegirl: WE

bearyallen: [image attached: jealous.jpeg]

Lancelot: Damian’s face omg

dramaqueen: Jason’s face

bearyallen: this is what happens when you play games with speedsters ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

superreporter: I’m worried

sunshinegirl: don’t be they’re fine

sunshinegirl: as I’ve always told you,

hotwing: thanks

inkedandgay: so you probably know e-38 versions of us @superreporter

hotwing: kara too

hotwing: it’s lowkey weird

superreporter: on this earth there only are three children and they still cause enough chaos

hotwing: that’s probably me, jay and babs, right

sunshinegirl: I think so

bibillionaire: and how would you know? you’re busy enough in Metropolis

bibillionaire: that’s just prejudice

superreporter: don’t forget metropolis is right across the bay from gotham

bibillionaire: then you should be helping Gotham too

superreporter: kon was doing just that until he left and went to your son

bibillionaire: well, that’s hardly my fault

sunshinegirl: yeahhhh why did I ever think adding clark here was a good idea

sunshinegirl: and that was bc of lex luthor so both of you shut up

superreporter:

bibillionaire: yes ma’am

sunshinegirl: wow that actually WORKED

Lancelot: You inspire fear, girl 💪

inkedandgay: all men should be scared

dramaqueen: I am now

sunshinegirl: good

hotwing: clark I thought we were over this

hotwing: I’m happy here with the titans and tim

superreporter: kon! hey! how are you

hotwing: I’ve just said that, and please don’t embarrass me in front of bruce

bibillionaire: it can’t be worse than with my own children

inkedandgay: he’s almost your son-in-law anyway

hotwing: 😳

superreporter: you’re 17, you ain’t getting married

Lancelot: Did you just say ain’t

sunshinegirl: he’s a farm boy

dramaqueen: But he doesn’t have a southern accent

superreporter: only in front of people who ain’t my family

hotwing: that’s true

bearyallen: aww we’re family

hotwing: ok I gotta go, giving the phone back to dick

superreporter: this is a chat

superreporter: you added me three days ago

dramaqueen: But we’ve met in December

sunshinegirl: oh we’re family all right

superreporter: well, we are

Lancelot: No but Kara’s sister Alex, who’s your cousin, is dating Kate, who’s Bruce’s cousin

Lancelot: Your “clone son” like you so elegantly put it is dating Bruce’s son

Lancelot: Dick is the First Bat Son

Lancelot: Ollie and I are basically Batfam too

Lancelot: So let’s face it, we’re ALL family

dramaqueen: All except Barry

bearyallen: :(

bibillionaire: Barry too

bearyallen: :)

sunshinegirl: and THIS is why sara is the mom

Lancelot: And just wait until the super baby grows up and dates some other Batkid ;)

superreporter: oh please no

Lancelot: My bets are on Dami if my calculations that he’s like 3 on your earth are correct

bearyallen: that would be funny omg

Lancelot: Super Children

superreporter: I’m gonna have a son, actually

Lancelot: Super Sons

Lancelot: Hey Gideon can we see if

MamaWaverider: No.

sunshinegirl: aw c’mon

hotwing: dami and superman’s son that would be a killer combination

dramaqueen: Does he even like boys

inkedandgay: your son could well like boys and he wouldn’t know and you wouldn’t either

inkedandgay: I didn’t know until I was 17

dramaqueen: Good point

hotwing: the question should be: does he even like anyone but his pets

bibillionaire: I thought you loved your brother

hotwing: I’m being objective ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Lancelot: Gideon

MamaWaverider: No.

bearyallen: SpoilErS

sunshinegirl: no it would be really funny huh

dramaqueen: Shut up

Lancelot: Gays bringing up more gays: the only mood

bearyallen: we gotta carry on the superhero legacy

hotwing: ha yeah

Lancelot: William did ask for a rainbow flower crown that time we went to pride

inkedandgay: we are raising our children well

superreporter: well…

inkedandgay: go to hell, you’re not even from this earth

bibillionaire: talk to us when you have four teenagers at home

superreporter: I’m not you, bruce

hotwing: burnnnn

hotwing: also you went to PRIDE I’m jealous I want to go too

dramaqueen: Does Gotham have those

inkedandgay: what do you think

superreporter: metropolis does

Lancelot: Okayyy so next time we’re a group of 58, got it

bearyallen: it’s gonna be awesome

sunshinegirl: you said we’d go to the ny one right

sunshinegirl: the big one

Lancelot: Go big or go home

bibillionaire: I gave a speech at NY Pride in 2011

dramaqueen: Really?

Lancelot: Yeah, right, that was the year you were stuck on Lian Yu

dramaqueen:

bearyallen: now I just pictured the batfam in full costume wearing those flags and marching

sunshinegirl: isn’t that what happened

inkedandgay: why yes it was

bibillionaire: obviously I didn’t go as Batman

bibillionaire: but that isn’t such a bad idea

Lancelot: Omg

bearyallen: we should all wear costumes

hotwing: four robins in pan and bi flags

inkedandgay: plus batman, batwoman, catwoman, half of the titans and the villains,

Lancelot: That’s the only way to go

sunshinegirl: obviously

dramaqueen: No but it would be a great move

dramaqueen: Seeing all the costumed heroes march would inspire lots of people who are too afraid to come out

Lancelot: Says you, who didn’t want to come out till like, half a year ago

bibillionaire: did I do that

dramaqueen: No

Lancelot: Yes

bibillionaire: I’m honoured

inkedandgay: ok but oliver is right

sunshinegirl: it would make a worldwide campaign

bearyallen: god I’m so proud of Ollie sometimes

dramaqueen: Sometimes?

bearyallen: eh

bibillionaire: well

dramaqueen: Hey, I’m a respected citizen, I used to be the mayor,

sunshinegirl: and you’re a disaster bi

Lancelot: 100%

hotwing: isn’t everyone lmao

sunshinegirl: no not me

sunshinegirl: I’m a super nice sunshine badass bi

superreporter: are you sure

bearyallen: we’re chaotic good disaster bisexuals and that’s the tea

hotwing: yeS

bibillionaire: …I have to agree

Lancelot: Ok but where’s our resident disaster bi sex machine sassy devil

sunshinegirl: idk

hotwing: chloe says there was a big case so ig

hotwing: serial killer

bearyallen: cereal killer

dramaqueen: Don’t make fun of that

hotwing: who remembered s4 of sherlock

Lancelot: No one?

bibillionaire: Sara can’t you find out if they ever made another season

MamaWaverider: There was a fifth and last series in 2024.

sunshinegirl: and this she tells us

bearyallen: :o

bearyallen: anyhow I have to go, we have a situation here

sunshinegirl: get ‘em barry

bearyallen: ⚡

Lancelot: We could also take those costumes off at the pride and show our identities to the whole world now that Ollie did it but BIG STYLE LIKE TONY STARK

dramaqueen: Are you crazy

Lancelot: You should be the last one to say that lol

inkedandgay: team arrow had to do it bc otherwise they’d go to jail, barry trusts too many people, and the legends don’t give a fuck anymore, but we’re not all like you

bearyallen: AVENGERS

sunshinegirl: and then barry just

superreporter: y’all ARE crazy

sunshinegirl: clarkie, I warned you, didn’t I

superreporter: yeah

Chapter Text

Messenger
Team Flash ⚡
6 Mar at 8:18 pm

 

Cisco
GRODD VS KING SHARK:
EPIC BATTLE

[image]

[image]

Ralph
[image]

You
omg how did I miss this

no one texted me

traitors

Barry
we were uhhh busy with stopping
them babe

Caitlin
And studying the cure

You
still

I was just writing an article
in my office…

Barry
are u coming home now?

You
yeah, be there in 20

Cisco
[image]

Wally
how are there so many memes already
lmao

Cisco
who do u think I am

Wally
oh yeah true

Caitlin
How’s Tibet?

Wally
[image]

I love it here

You
oh I bet you do when you got
your man with you, walls ;)

Ralph
he should be in this chat already

Wally
I don’t think so

Cisco
good cuz he’d probably run away if
he saw this

Barry
that’s encouraging

Wally
but not wrong

You
wow

 


 

Instagram

 

alexdanvers38 the director & the director <3 @katekane

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View All 17 Comments
iriswestallen when the lesbians realize their shit they’re actually CUTE
selinacat 🔥🔥🔥

 


 

we’re here, we’re queer, we keep the streets clear

 

Lancelot: So it’s official @badasslesbian

Lancelot: You PULLED

goodvibes: yoooo aleeeex

badasslesbian: haha yeah ig I’ve got a woman?

smoakandmirrors: tbh it’s been official for a while

sciencebitch: do you have any idea how many nights she spent here like ugh

sciencebitch: every morning at our place,

gayforray: that interdimensional romance thrives

goodvibes: right harry

goodvibes: @grumpydad

goodvibes: harry cmon don’t leave me hangin

futurerobin: gsfhngkhnf

grumpydad: What is it, I’m busy.

goodvibes: rude

grumpydad: Sorry, Cisco, it’s just, E-2 business…

goodvibes: dinner tonite

grumpydad: I’m coming to yours, Jesse has a new boyfriend and I’m trying to avoid him.

gayforray: that’s a mood

smoakandmirrors: harry doesn’t fuck around

goodvibes: ok lmao I agree

inkedandgay: so is everyone ignoring me

sunshinegirl: no we love all the dumb lesbians

catmom: poor alex though

badasslesbian: whY

isawyer: ha hahaha

isawyer: kate is a bigger drama queen than @dramaqueen

dramaqueen: What did I DO

badasslesbian: um maggie since when are you here???

isawyer: no I’m not ur maggie I’m e-1 maggie

badasslesbian: oh ok

dianaprince(ss): Did I hear you got together

Lancelot: It’s the bisexual goddess herself

inkedandgay: yes

inkedandgay: hey alex what if you moved in with me, the manor is big

smoakandmirrors: that’s faST

bibillionaire: no Alex don’t

futurerobin: why not she’s cool

jasontoad: I heard she can shoot a guy from half a mile

badasslesbian: um where

jasontoad: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

sunshinegirl: that’s creePY

Lancelot: She survived breakfast she can live there for the rest of her life ok

dramaqueen: We have experience

bibillionaire: as the father of this household, I agree

bibillionaire: but still, don’t

badasslesbian: good cause I wasn’t planning to

inkedandgay: :(

badasslesbian: sorry babe but I’ve got duties here I have to run the deo and make sure no aliens are killed by that motherfucker lockwood

sciencebitch: earth hop

goodvibes: like me & harry

bearyallen: 👍

Lancelot: Good idea

badasslesbian: this is way too fastsrsghn

inkedandgay: no it was just a suggestion I’m sorry

ilovegold: can I live there

goodvibes: lisa no

ilovegold: hmm I tried

goodvibes: so what else is up gays

gayforray: Z AND CHARLIE

bearyallen: what really 👀

sunshinegirl: yes 👏 let’s 👏 go 👏 lesbians 👏

hotwing: so did we tell you about the pride plans

awesomestCSI: nO

awesomestCSI: R WE ALL GOIN TOGETHER

sunshinegirl: YES WE R

gayforray: but damn that’s in june

hotwing: someone *ahem* said they wanted to go in costumes

Lancelot: Yes, we know, the Batfam

futurerobin: yass

catmom: what’s gayer than leather 😉

catmom: meowwww

lucinda: I do like this idea, but what about those of us who have no costume

awesomestCSI: just put on a red suit and some horns and ur perfect lucy

gayforray: that’s… that’s not a bad idea 😏

lucinda: hmm, sexy devil, I like that

bibillionaire: me too

jasontoad: ajsfnghmjk

awesomestCSI: fkfgjkls

sunshinegirl: *holt voice* oh damn

goodvibes: HOLT VOICE

screamer: GAY POC POLICE CAPTAIN ICON

smoakandmirrors: great moment dinah :’)

screamer: I know

badasslesbian: how’s laurel

screamer: Thoroughly exhausted

badasslesbian: good

holt-the-door: damn I’m sad and boyfriendless

goodvibes: it’s gonna get better dude

gayforray: I heard Kevin from time bureau r&d was gay single & ready to mingle

holt-the-door: is he cute

gare-bear: Hello sir very much so

gayforray: omg did you date him

gare-bear: I wish

smoakandmirrors: ok but guys

smoakandmirrors: this guy’s name is kevin

smoakandmirrors: so if curtis married him he’d be kevin holt how iconic is that

goodvibes: omg ur right

futurerobin: fuck

sunshinegirl: except b99 kevin’s name is cozner

smoakandmirrors: ahem detAILS

holt-the-door: ok now I wanna ask him out just for the irony of it

winner: DO IT

darhkling: GET SOME

mazikeen: SUCK THIS DICK

lucinda: seduce this gentleman, devil’s orders

dramaqueen: How do you keep doing this

Lancelot: Have I taught you nothing, Ollie

bibillionaire: it’s the gay superpower

winner: SCONE

winner: I mean SCORE

Trenchcoat: Did anyone mention scones

winner: wtf is a scone even

Lancelot: Omg no

Trenchcoat: It’s the most delicious, my favourite, English pastry

futurerobin: pls don’t start fighting about the pronunciation

goodvibes: why

Trenchcoat: It’s a scon

bibillionaire: I agree

SecondGhoul: S-cone.

lucinda: s-cone

trickstergoddess: its a sodding SCON

SecondGhoul: Are you opposing ME?

Trenchcoat: Yes, love

trickstergoddess: clearly

SecondGhoul: You will not call me “love”.

dramaqueen: Did John get Charlie just for this

trickstergoddess: obviously

futurerobin: *looks into camera* fuck they’re doing it again

goodvibes: so much britishness in this picture

SecondGhoul: That’s not even a word.

sunshinegirl: is this like… normal

SecondGhoul: It isn’t. It’s supposed to be pronounced as “s-cone”.

bibillionaire: it isn’t

bibillionaire: Alfred agrees

Trenchcoat: Exactly

dianaprince(ss): I’ve spent enough time in England to second this

inkedandgay: @sunshinegirl yes, kara, this is a classic british people thing

futurerobin: trust me, we witnessed bruce and alfred arguing about this with a bunch of ppl for like an hour it was hilarious until it wasn’t

jasontoad: that guy almost flying outta the window was pretty hilarious

futurerobin: yeahhh im sorry I said anything

winner: all for a stupid TYPO omg

Lancelot: Ok gays I’m ordering you to stop this

gayforray: I fabricated this pastry I won’t name and turns out it’s just a biscuit

trickstergoddess: the fucks a biscuit in america

Trenchcoat: A scone

trickstergoddess: thanks genius

gayforray: [image attached: scones.jpeg]

badasslesbian: yeah those are biscuits

SecondGhoul: [image attached: biscuits.jpeg]

SecondGhoul: These are biscuits.

goodvibes: those are COOKIES OMFG

smoakandmirrors: I’m. I’m done

sunshinegirl: this time on england vs america

Trenchcoat: No, these are cookies [image attached: cookies.jpeg]

goodvibes: yeah ok those are cookies we can agree on that

dramaqueen: How is this our life

bearyallen: I want some cookies

bearyallen: or donuts

sunshinegirl: same

superidiot: …me too

futurerobin: I’ll bring you some I’m outta this drama

superidiot: thx <3

Trenchcoat: At least you can’t say this was our fault

SecondGhoul: You started about the pronunciation. Which is wrong.

Lancelot: Ok Nyssa please leave this

SecondGhoul: Alright…

lucinda: but she is right

Trenchcoat:

bibillionaire: okay, so, are we wearing our costumes to pride and showing the world we are proud of who we are and that they can be too and don’t have to be afraid because the heroes are with them?

bearyallen: we have 3 months for that, Bruce

badasslesbian: no but I like that

smoakandmirrors: except there are more of us like lucifer who don’t wear a superhero costume

Trenchcoat: The costumes are pathetic

winner: yeah I don’t have one either I’m just the guy in the chair

awesomestCSI: the guy in thE CHAIR

smoakandmirrors: virtual high five winn 🖐️

winner: 🖐️

smoakandmirrors: we’re the neds to our peters

Chapter Text

Team Trash Humans
2019/03/07

 

gayforray: TOMORROW

darhkling: I know!!!

monalisa: ok but

monalisa: ik we made these plants but did it get to everyone lmao

monalisa: *plans

Lancelot: Wait

rayofsunshine: Well, Kara and Bruce’s teams know, at least.

gayforray: yeah we really do suck at planning stuff

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

gayforray: long time no see ANYWAY

gayforray: there’s been some light miscommunication here

notbarryallen: *cough cough* impossible,

gayforray: we’re all seeing captain marvel tomorrow and by we I mean legends & superfam & batfam

inkedandgay: we never said we agreed

hotwing: but we agrEE

gayforray: and we’re extending the invitation to @everyone ig

gayforray: but we don’t know where & when so

rayofsunshine: That’s what we need figuring out here.

awesomestCSI: omg captain marvel!!!

holt-the-door: capta i n m a r v e l

sleepyhead: wooooo

screamer: It’s the compulsory girl power movie, of course we’re going!!!

bearyallen: we were gonna see it today, actually

irisbest: but we can RESCHEDULE, right babe

arsenal: right now I wish we were in the states

jasontoad: go see it anyway lmao

arsenal: we are

littlequeen: obviously

smoakandmirrors: LOOK WHO’S HERE BABY ROY

arsenal: I’m not a baby

bearyallen: and you never talk here

sciencebitch: neither does the rest of us

Lancelot: Tru

goodvibes: u didn’t invite us till the DAY BEFORE

goodvibes: how dare u

gayforray: yeah sorry

sunshinegirl: truly

jasontoad: its not on us ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lightning: did u say captain marvel 😍

sunshinegirl: YEAH!!!

sunshinegirl: MY BABY MY NAMESAKE

sciencebitch: almost

Lancelot: You should’ve seen the conversation we had about it

darhkling: [image attached: karavscarol.png]

darhkling: rule no 1: always make screenshots

goodvibes: we

goodvibes: we talked about that too wtf

iceicebaby: You mean you did and forced Ralph and me to listen

iceicebaby: And yeah, we’ll be happy to come with you!

winner: ANOTHER BIG MEETUP

winner: YESKNFKNGDF

bibillionaire: I’ll buy the tickets

bibillionaire: how many?

futurerobin: wait lemme add some others

 

futurerobin added isawyer, thatgaycop, whatdoesthefoxsay, thefoxsayslukeimyourfather, sandsnark, arowofbirds, cullennotedward, and imabatsontoo to let’s save the world & party

 

smoakandmirrors added emikoqueen, zoo-e, FirstGhoul, and SecondGhoul to let’s save the world & party

 

sunshinegirl added fastlane, superwoman, superreporter, and Sammy to let’s save the world & party

 

fatherofdragons: no, not my mother

bibillionaire: I agree

FirstGhoul: That’s disrespectful…

emikoqueen: How many of thesE

smoakandmirrors: this is the last one

jasontoad: unless ur gay

emikoqueen: I’m not

smoakandmirrors: yeah this is the last one

sandsnark: heLLO this is chat is huge and i wasn’t here before RUDE

rayofsunshine: Deary me, it’s 101 people here now.

Trixie: 101 Dalmatians!!!

ladyoftroy: hi Cassie

dianaprince(ss): Hello 👋

sunshinegirl: and now they show up

sandsnark: hi are u kidding me diana AND donna are here

sandsnark: shit wait

bibillionaire: it’s ok, we all know each other’s identities here

Sammy: um ok I don’t

winner: oof just roll with it

bibillionaire: I’m Batman

futurerobin: aaaand he does it again

badasslesbian: we know you’re batman as does like, the whole world now, so shut your stupid mouth up

inkedandgay: god I love you

badasslesbian: siofnefd,sf yeah

goodvibes: gay culTURE

FirstGhoul: I cannot believe I have a child with this man

fatherofdragons: me neither

fatherofdragons: and I am the child

catmom: I can’t believe I married this man

dramaqueen: I feel you there

puddin: you always have me ‘n ivy, hun 😉

catmom: 😘

puddin: 😘

inkedandgay: ok but we’re cuter

superreporter: I like this one @fatherofdragons

bibillionaire: oh do you

superreporter: his name is father of dragons and he seems rational

hotwing: for a batkid, you mean

fatherofdragons: I have two dragons

lucinda: which is two more than I have

lucinda: the injustice on this planet

emikoqueen: Did this kid just say he had two dragons

lucinda: indeed he does

Lancelot: Courtesy of moi and my fucked up assassin family lol

FirstGhoul: Who are you calling fucked up, Ta-er al-Sahfer

markofcain: wait that’s you

markofcain: I always knew I recognized you from somewhere

Lancelot: I recognized you too but I wasn’t sure if you remembered 

markofcain: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

fatherofdragons: how can’t you remember aunt sara

Lancelot: Aww

littlequeen: there are so many assassins here rn

SecondGhoul: Says one of them.

emikoqueen: Is there anyone in this family who wasn’t trained by the League?

smoakandmirrors: me lmao

SecondGhoul: Anyway, what is the purpose of this?

gayforray: RIGHT

gayforray: CAPTAIN MARVEL SCREENING TOMORROW

sunshinegirl: LITERALLY @everyone IS INVITED

arowofbirds: did u say captain marvel

futurerobin: yeah u gotta come with us

arowofbirds: ok done my bi ass needs to see this movie

cullennotedward: awesome

emikoqueen: I want to see it but not with this group

dramaqueen: What have we done to you

littlequeen: what haven’t we lmao

inkedandgay: emiko you’re coming with us and that’s final

arowofbirds: ok but where

winner: that’s what we were gonna discuss

emikoqueen: Okay, but I’m sitting far away from you

goodvibes: lmao

jasontoad: gotham @arowofbirds

awesomestCSI: im not going to gotham again

thefoxsayslukeimyourfather: What’s wrong with Gotham

goodvibes: hi who are u I love ur nick

holt-the-door: me too

thefoxsayslukeimyourfather: Luke Fox, obviously

bibillionaire: he’s smart like you, you’d like him

goodvibes: oh betcha

awesomestCSI: @thefoxsayslukeimyourfather everything?

cullennotedward: yup

jasontoad: ow c’mon

bearyallen: no city has so many gargoyles

bibillionaire: they’re for standing on them dramatically when on patrol

darhkling: and clouds

monalisa: and rain

Trenchcoat: That’s basically England

monalisa: omG

teamaker: I must agree.

sunshinegirl: ok so we should meet somewhere um neutral

bearyallen: New York?

bearyallen: seems neutral enough

awesomestCSI: no los freaking angeles obviously this is HOLLYWOOD

lucinda: this is the centre of the film industry and clubbing, what other choice is there?

awesomestCSI: AND as a BONUS no one needs to pick us up if you come HERE 👉🏼👉🏼

mazikeen: good idea

winner: ok I agree

Lancelot: Same

smoakandmirrors: it’s close to star too

Chapter Text

let’s save the world & party
2019/03/07

 

dramaqueen: I remember when we always went to all the premieres in tuxes and talked to the actors

bibillionaire: I still do this

dramaqueen: :(

cullennotedward: wait are you the star city vigilantes

dramaqueen: That’s us

cullennotedward: you’re the green arrow 😮

sandsnark: oh damn

arowofbirds: my bro has a crush

dramaqueen: I’m honored,

sunshinegirl: gay?

cullennotedward: how did u not tell from the username

sunshinegirl: oh tru

hardley: heLLO

goodvibes: hey hey hey kiddos if you want in the lgbt chat or smth lemme know

smoakandmirrors: or the gals one ;)

gayforray: more people to join us for pride!

futurerobin: I’ll just add them to that

arowofbirds: thx tim

cullennotedward: pride

cullennotedward: wow I admire u

Lancelot: Hey we’re stronger together 🏳️‍🌈

darhkling: but honestly is everyone in the batfam gay

fatherofdragons: I’m not

jasontoad: time will tell lil d

fatherofdragons: don’t call me that

miniwestallen: time will indeed

sunshinegirl: wait you’re from the future you know this stuff 👀

sandsnark: from the future 👀

miniwestallen: oops ahem no spoilers

irisbest: nora??

fatherofdragons: that’s impossible, relationships are below me

raven: keep thinking that

imabatsontoo: wait who’s from the future WHAT

miniwestallen: I am

darhkling: me too

QueenZee: same

Brainy: I am as well, actually.

imabatsontoo: cool beans

Trenchcoat: Says a 14-year-old lad with the power of gods

sunshinegirl: who’s this kid

dramaqueen: John, you know him?

Trenchcoat: We’ve met

sunshinegirl: another bat son?

bibillionaire: I… don’t think so

catmom: what about the uncertainty, bruce

bibillionaire: honestly I have so many children I don’t know anymore

hotwing: mood

notbarryallen: mood

awesomestCSI: mood

lucinda: mood

hardley: mood

imabatsontoo: mood

imabatsontoo: im billy batson, im a superhero, I have black hair and blue eyes and im adopted but not by bruce wayne and thats just a missed opportunity

spoileralert: don’t be so dramatic

imabatsontoo: I have a right to be dramatic

hotwing: don’t give bruce ideas I’m already seeing him pull the adoption papers

bibillionaire:

imabatsontoo: lol I wouldn’t complain 😉

Lancelot: Ofc, who wouldn’t wanna get rich

jasontoad: this fucking family

futurerobin: language, asshole

teamaker: There is no point to this.

catmom: alfred are you all right

jasontoad: he just threw his last fuck outta the window

goodvibes: lmao

hotwing: so we digressed from the topic @miniwestallen

gayforray: actually, the topic was the movie

miniwestallen: ok well there’s the teenage mutant chat

miniwestallen: it still exists in the 2040s and we talk so I know everything about everyone but I can’t say it cuz time travel rules

miniwestallen: the legends would know about that

raven: holy shit

garfieldthecat: yeah

Lancelot: 👍

MamaWaverider: I agree.

lucinda: I want to know more

imabatsontoo: and by we you mean

miniwestallen: everyone who’s 14 or under or not born yet in the present

raven: IM IN IT

smoakandmirrors: I think that includes our kid right

miniwestallen: yeah

superreporter: and our son?

miniwestallen: and him too

miniwestallen: but rly I said too much

goodvibes: one last

goodvibes: by we talk u mean back in the future or like, rn

winner: BACK IN THE FUTURE

miniwestallen: the link to gideon is still there so it still works here

miniwestallen: it’s march 2049 if I open it

miniwestallen: and this one? still exists too

gayforray: wow

futurerobin: mindfuck

fatherofdragons: this is fascinating

Lancelot: I sorta hate time travel

iceicebaby: You’re a time ship captain

Lancelot: I KNOW

QueenZee: I can relate to this on a personal level

sunshinegirl: I’m still processing this

gayforray: Ray & Nora & me, we still together?

miniwestallen: that’s it, I’m muting this

darhkling: good call namesake

badasslesbian: so anyway, the MOVIE

 

smoakandmirrors created a poll: la yes or no

yes: 41 votes
no: 8 votes
don’t care: 19 votes

 

smoakandmirrors: so yeah not everyone did this but good enough

bibillionaire: I bought the tickets

dramaqueen: How did you know how many

bibillionaire: I bought them all

bibillionaire: regal cinemas @ 6 pm

goodvibes: splutters soda

garfieldthecat: we’re gonna hav the theater for ourseeeeelves

badasslesbian: god bless rich bitches

inkedandgay: ;)

sunshinegirl: yes you too lena

sciencebitch: ;)

sunshinegirl: <333

arowofbirds: ok I like these people

 

irisbest created a poll: rsvp

I’m going on my own: 1 vote
I’m going and need picking up: 0 votes
I’m not going: 0 votes

 

irisbest: @everyone

goodvibes: but im not making 8251435 breaches so huddle up in groups ok

rainbowsandthunder: 👍🏾

 


 

we’re here, we’re queer, we keep the streets clear

 

futurerobin added arowofbirds, cullennotedward, fastlane, and Sammy to we’re here, we’re queer, we keep the streets clear

 

arowofbirds: thanks

cullennotedward: v much

arowofbirds: I like the title

hardley: new gays whats up

arowofbirds: we were literally just in the other chat

badasslesbian: welcome ;’)

sunshinegirl: how do you know each other again

arowofbirds: I walk the streets of gotham as bluebird and rid it of its criminals

futurerobin: GOTHAMITES

superidiot: not agaIN

goodvibes: is this like a family meme cuz

goodvibes: FAMILY MEMES

hardley: memes

awesomestCSI: meMES

cullennotedward: so any of u know vines

holt-the-door: bruh

darhkling: I sure hope it does

fastlane: what are vines

Sammy: you don’t know vines

fastlane: wait you’re here

Sammy: I am

Sammy: and so are you

fastlane: damn

badasslesbian: DA,N

winner: ship

 


 

Super Cousins™

 

Clark: kara I’m getting lost

Clark: I tried, but

Kara: yeahhh this is a whole different world, huh

Clark: so dragons are real?

Kara: apparently

Kara: I was shocked too

Kara: you’d have to ask the legends about that

Clark: and the legends are who, exactly?

Clark: I get that time travel is involved somehow

Kara: they’re these, uhh, eccentric heroes, you could say, fighting magical creatures they brought to their world when they let a demon out of hell or sth like, I don’t exactly know

Kara: met them twice in the big fight, they have a cool ship

Clark: ok…

Clark: and we’re the aliens here

Kara: haha yeah

Clark: so you said demon

Kara: those are real too

Kara: and angels

Kara: you’ve talked to lucifer

Clark: lucifer, as in…?

Kara: lucinda

Clark: I got that

Clark: he’s really what humans call the devil?

Kara: sometimes I still can’t believe that myself

Kara: but then I talked to the christian god themself

Kara: this earth is… full of wonders

Clark: I’ve only been there once, but

Clark: and why’s lucifer jealous of the dragon boy? I assume there’s a story

Kara: he said sth about jesus having dragons and him having none

Clark: hmm

Clark: nothing’s impossible anymore I guess

Clark: and the other people, you know them all personally

Kara: most of them, yeah

Kara: that was one wild party ooof

Kara: story for another time

Clark: well, I met some of them too, so I can imagine

Kara: right, oliver and barry and kate

Clark: and they’re all superheroes

Kara: heroes, reformed villains, parents, police officers, you get the drill

Kara: but like, bruce is actually all right when you get to know him, a little less depressed than our bruce

Kara: more of a dad

Kara: quite like urself ;)

Clark: I haven’t met him, so

Kara: but u don’t have to be so hard on him ok

Clark: fine, ill try to be nicer

Kara: 😊

Clark: and being gay is another one of your specialties huh

Kara: what’s to say we’re a good bunch

Kara: it’s amazing tbh

Clark: I’m glad you found a family there, kara

Clark: but I still have like a million questions

Kara: yeahhhh

Kara: how’s ur family

Clark: we’re good, for the first time in ages

Kara: that’s great!

Kara: well, bi for now 😉

Clark: ttyl

 


 

the next generation
03-07-2049
2:18 pm

 

nora.west.allen: this is The Day

rachel.logan: I REMEMBER

damian.wayne: we had to wait 30 years for this

nora.west.allen: [screenshot.png]

william.harris: and you’re right there with them, this isn’t fair

william.harris: or with… us

mia.smoak: did mom just

joe.west.allen: it’s still cracking me up that our parents don’t know about me

nora.west.allen: you know why…

joe.west.allen: yeah timeline preservation I know all about that

jon.wayne: @damian.wayne and you thought you weren’t gay

damian.wayne: my mistake

jon.wayne: if you’re done with bruce’s training, lunch is ready <3

bruce.wayne: yeah were done whats for lunch dad

jon.wayne: pizza like grandma lois used to make

bruce.wayne: schway

beatrice.decker: I’m joining you

damian.wayne: please

bruce.wayne: yesss will you do the thing with your ring again aunt trix

beatrice.decker: ;)

nora.west.allen: oh this is fun

beatrice.decker: no, it’s torture, nora

rachel.logan: you’re what, 11 over there

beatrice.decker: if only little me knew what was ahead of her

zoe.ramirez: if only we all knew

mia.smoak: hey, I wasn’t even born then

anna.palmer: yeah

laurel.sharpe.lance: half of us weren’t

helena.wayne: @beatrice.decker don’t tell hal’s kids but you’re absolutely the best lantern

beatrice.decker: I know ☆*: .。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆

beatrice.decker: god I really wish nora could tell mini me

rachel.logan: *grandpa

zoe.ramirez: GRANDPA GOD

beatrice.decker: technically

nora.west.allen: ok I gotta go enjoy ur lunch

laurel.sharpe.lance: you’re a little bitch you know that

nora.west.allen: thx

nora.west.allen: it’s fun having two convos with the same people but 30 yrs apart

Chapter Text

let’s save the world & party
2019/03/08
5:11 p.m.

 

goodvibes: are y’all exCITED

badasslesbian: fuck yes

grunt: hell yeah

hotwing: it’s gonna be a total marvel ;)

sleepyhead: omg

goodvibes: ur rite

babs: oh no the puns

littlequeen: roy and I have already seen it 😉

littlequeen: 5 hrs ago

arsenal: when you’re in europe

jasontoad: fucking europe,,,

smoakandmirrors: NO spoilers you two 👉👉👉

gayforray: that’s my line!

QueenZee: WHEN did I ever give you spoilers

gayforray: Nora did

winner: it’s the future ppl

winner: we’re disqualified from these conversations lmao it’s what I call injustice

badasslesbian: you’ve been in the future for like 3 months

winner: stiLl

miniwestallen: is this about the future chat

gayforray: no I meant our Nora lmao

miniwestallen: oH

darhkling: ik it’s confusing

hotwing: but you gave us nice spoilers too ;)

miniwestallen: ugh my people were pissed

irisbest: why

miniwestallen: not being here or being here 30 years ago ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

raven: tell future me it’s just life

badasslesbian: ur wise for a 14-year-old

fatherofdragons: and I’m wiser

hotwing: sure sure

fatherofdragons: which of you here speaks 14 languages?

Brainy: I speak 82.

MamaWaverider: I speak all languages that exist in this galaxy.

lucinda: as do I, more or less

fatherofdragons:

sleepyhead: got rekt by an ai

lucinda: and the devil, let’s not forget

jasontoad: I know 7 that’s a half right

hotwing: lmao jason

jasontoad: whaT

irisbest: so anyway

irisbest: we can come pick everyone up now

bibillionaire: I ordered catering, so there’s all sorts of food

bearyallen: FOOD

sunshinegirl: gimme all the food

superidiot: gimme the other half

jessequick: the last time I ate was an hour ago

grunt: fucking speedsters

sunshinegirl: 😒

QueenZee: you got halal right

bibillionaire: I got everything from gluten free to vegan

babs: 👍

darhkling: noice

QueenZee: in that case FOOD

gayforray: forever a mood

Lancelot: Otp

trickstergoddess: no im the otp

smoakandmirrors: who taught you what that means 👀

trickstergoddess: I know my 2019 slang

arowofbirds: and why shouldn’t you

trickstergoddess: im from the 70s

bibillionaire: legends business, don’t ask

dramaqueen: You’re picking up people from the future and then from the past, what’s next, an alien from a different earth

superidiot: *katniss voice* I volunteer

hotwing: and abandon the titans???

hotwing: 😭

futurerobin: and ME

goodvibes: the TIMING

superidiot: no I’ll take you with me and dami can be robin

fatherofdragons: excellent

babs: oh no he’s gonna go and pack ur bags, tim

futurerobin: bold of you to assume I haven’t done that myself 8 years ago

Lancelot: Ok but we’re NOT accepting applications ok

QueenZee: there’s enough craziness as it is

holt-the-door: they already took me in, the timeline would burst from the gayness if someone else joined the legends

smoakandmirrors: damn, curtis

awesomestCSI: mo o d

goodvibes: HEY devil crew we haven’t heard from u

awesomestCSI: oh were just havin dinner before he hit the theater

bibillionaire: I’ve been betrayed

lucinda: why, that is essentially my job

bearyallen: if only there was someone who was gonna eat the extra food

inkedandgay: suit yourself

bearyallen: cool

winner: cool cool cool cool cool cool coo-

goodvibes: no doubt no doubt no doubt no douBT

rainbowsandthunder: we’re heading out bitches so pick us up yeah

goodvibes: 👍🏽

sunshinegirl: you know we also have a breach right

goodvibes: eh

irisbest: but it’s not ur superpower

 

5:26 p.m.

 

dramaqueen: Who told Damian he could bring the dragon??!

bibillionaire: he brought the dragon?

fatherofdragons: where I go my baby goes too

hotwing: [image attached: fastandfury.jpeg]

Lancelot: Atta boy

grunt: he let me pet her

superreporter: you let the kid bring a dragon to the movies

bibillionaire: no one LET HIM

badasslesbian: ok so this is fun

lucinda: I love this dragon

lucinda: when will I get mine

Lancelot: Never

grunt: ive got dibs on the next one we meet

 

6:04 p.m.

 

garfieldthecat: it’s starting!!!

imabatsontoo: this is so cool

monalisa: its so great to have the theater for OURSELVES

Laurel2.0: thanks bruce 😚

sciencebitch: it’s great being rich

bibillionaire: indeed

jasontoad: ok but can the nerds in the front row SHUT TF UP

babs: no

winner: never

superidiot: you wish

futurerobin: suffer with us, jay

jasontoad: ok imma snort my coke and die

markofcain: facepalm

arowofbirds: u know ur supposed to drink the coke yeah

jasontoad: let me die in peace

arsenal: maybe he’s got the other type of coke too what do you know

littlequeen: roy don’t support him

jasontoad: lmao I like this guy

arsenal: thanks

littlequeen: but he’s my bf just to be clear here

babs: ajakdmakaj

rayofsunshine: Put your phones down and focus on the movie, please!

winner: yeah yeah ok

emikoqueen: You aren’t normal, functional humans

smoakandmirrors: thanks we know

 

goodvibes changed emikoqueen’s name to queenofthorns

 

goodvibes: you be bitchy like her

fatherofdragons: we match now

queenofthorns: Ugh

 

8:15 p.m.

 

littlequeen: so wut do you say 👀

imabatsontoo: wow

imabatsontoo: also freddy was like, that’s what you should call urself cuz you have basically the same powers and ur cool and we need a cool hero like that

imabatsontoo: then darla said carol was cooler and I AGREE but I still like the name

futurerobin: thats actually a good idEA

lightning: yeah like what did they actually call you? 100 different names?

lightning: go for it buddy we need a hero like that

sunshinegirl: exceuse mE my name is literally KARA DANVERS IM A HERO LIKE THAT

lightning: not on this earth

imabatsontoo: lol yeah

imabatsontoo: but. marvel family

sunshinegirl: I guess,,

 

imabatsontoo changed their name to captainmarvel

 

 

goodvibes: !!!

Trixie: it’s cool

will-iamqueen: this movie was amazing

fatherofdragons: I want goose as my pet

grunt: me too

Lancelot: OF COURSE YOU DO

sunshinegirl: yeah where can we get these alien cats

goodvibes: FLERKENS

holt-the-door: are you suggesting that every earth cat isn’t a flerken

gayforray: Gideon do they exist

MamaWaverider: I’m afraid not, but there is a species very similar to them on an exoplanet orbiting the Alpha Centauri system.

sunshinegirl: omg

bearyallen: legends take ur ship and go

bibillionaire: no one in this family is adopting an alien cat

fatherofdragons: and suddenly you mind

jasontoad: a;ldnkjf dragons are fine and

catmom: I want this alien cat

bibillionaire: ok but you’ll take care of it

dramaqueen: That was one 180

fatherofdragons: I WILL

winner: but also

winner: FURY’S EYE

fatherofdragons: nothing’s wrong with her eye

fatherofdragons: OH

gayforray: shit the dragon’s name is Fury

sunshinegirl: lmao this is too good

bearyallen: was that on purpose

fatherofdragons: maybe

arowofbirds: maybe??

badasslesbian: I’m naming my future daughter carol after this lesbian icon

captainmarvel: ur just taking my idea now

badasslesbian: I’m NOT

badasslesbian: ur name isn’t danvers

captainmarvel:

smoakandmirrors: I’m naming my daughter mia but I aGREE

hotwing: I aKREE

hotwing: get it? kree?

jasontoad: yes we get it fuckface

winner: lmao I can’t

sunshinegirl: yes alex YES

sleepyhead: god she’s so much like you it’s weird

QueenZee: ikr

dramaqueen: Is it just a coincidence

sunshinegirl: nah ollie it can’t be

Lancelot: Like we said

Lancelot: They copied you

miniwestallen: possible

miniwestallen: but ugh this movie I want a GIRLFRIEND

arowofbirds: yea

fastlane: you speak the truth

trickstergoddess: what bout my girlfriend wanna spend a night in vegas and get fake married

QueenZee: ok we’re not there yet

bibillionaire: you know the weddings are real, right

dramaqueen: 100%

smoakandmirrors: I almost forGOT

lucinda: we could never, is that right, gentlemen

bibillionaire:

dramaqueen: Sigh

irisbest: but seriously I loved this movie

inkedandgay: who wants to see it again

badasslesbian: me

badasslesbian: it’s a date

inkedandgay: ok <3

 


 

who run the world? girls!

 

irisbest: also happy international women’s day my fellow amazing ladies 💜

smoakandmirrors: wooooo

badasslesbian: listen to my girl power playlist!!!

badasslesbian: [audio attached: weruntheworld.mp3]

Lancelot: NicE

iceicebaby: We go girls!

catmom: fuck yeah!

smoakandmirrors: lbr, the guys would be doomed without us

rainbowsandthunder: amen

 


 

the next generation
03-08-2049
8:21 pm

 

nora.west.allen: @carol.danvers [screenshot.png]

carol.danvers: why did mom never TELL ME THIS

carol.danvers: I THOUGHT I WAS NAMED AFTER AUNT KARA

rachel.logan: in a way, you were

carol.danvers: I NEED TO WATCH THIS ANCIENT MOVIE

nora.west.allen: lmao

nora.west.allen: gotta bounce again, have fun

damian.wayne: are you going to remind us of the past every day, or

jon.wayne: keep going

rachel.logan: superman NO

jon.wayne: not all of us were there

mia.smoak: which is sad

nora.west.allen: alexa pl-

nora.west.allen: heck u wouldn’t get this nvm

damian.wayne: I unfortunately got this

william.harris: same

beatrice.decker: go gen z

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/03/10

 

bearyallen: give us the news what happened with Kate and Alex

sunshinegirl: well they didn’t get drunk married in vegas for starters

Lancelot: Neither did Z and Charlie

bearyallen: lol ok

inkedandgay: you know I’m literally here

bearyallen: oops

hotwing: but they did spend a night in la

lucinda: in my club, thank you very much

lucinda: it one wild party in here, women only, lots of male (and female) strippers and alcohol

lucinda: what a sight to look at

Lancelot: 👀

inkedandgay: ughhhh

inkedandgay: it was women’s day so

inkedandgay: can we not talk about it

sunshinegirl: ok but you know I can fly straight into alex’s apartment and

rainbowsandthunder: me and grace, we were there

rainbowsandthunder: sooooo

Lancelot: Give us the deets

bearyallen: 👀

sunshinegirl: also where’s bruce, clark & oliver

Lancelot: It’s 10 am so probably sleeping lmao

lucinda: together?

sunshinegirl: not clark he’s still on argo lmao but I wouldn’t put it past ollie and brucie

bearyallen: wait it’s 10 am here too, don’t you have the wrong time

Lancelot: Daylight saving ring a bell

bearyallen: damnnnn

bearyallen: thank god it’s Sunday, I hate this thing

inkedandgay: and that alfred took care of all the clocks before we got up

rainbowsandthunder: wait, it began today?

rainbowsandthunder: I forgot

Lancelot: Lol

Lancelot: Gideon’s the best

MamaWaverider: Why, thank you, captain.

hotwing: taking an hour from us, the injustice

hotwing: also bruce is in the cave

inkedandgay: you’re still at the manor

hotwing: I’ll be leaving for detroit in the evening

inkedandgay: ok

sunshinegirl: and where are u, bed

inkedandgay: [image attached: kitchen.jpeg]

bearyallen: why is Alfred glaring at you like that

inkedandgay: probably cause I took this picture

inkedandgay: gah I actually miss alex

sunshinegirl: so we were saying

rainbowsandthunder: oh right

rainbowsandthunder: so we went to that party at lux after the movie

lucinda: your bad you didn’t go, you missed your chance of hearing yours truly play the piano while mostly naked people danced on top

rainbowsandthunder: we got drunk with lucifer’s girl gang and alex & kate

lucinda: I actually have a few videos

rainbowsandthunder: same

rainbowsandthunder: but jeez they’re embarrassing

lucinda: I assure you that you were absolutely hilarious, my dear

rainbowsandthunder: greaT

rainbowsandthunder: but yeah the party was lit

rainbowsandthunder: we went up to go to bed at like 1

inkedandgay: pls don’t finish the story

Lancelot: Do

hotwing: 👀

rainbowsandthunder: when we found kate completely shitfaced shouting she wanted to go on the roof and alex tryin to stop her and they were making out and stuff

rainbowsandthunder: gotham ppl I swear

rainbowsandthunder: but kate insisted so grace and I went with them

rainbowsandthunder: she’s like super strong but stubborn too

hotwing: typical

rainbowsandthunder: idk how but she got up to the penthouse and actually started climbing up, which was like, 100 ft above the ground

rainbowsandthunder: she’s good at it being batwoman n all but not when drunk, mind ya girl

inkedandgay:

rainbowsandthunder: she staggered and started falling and alex was down here having a panic attack

rainbowsandthunder: I caught kate in my arms cuz super strength n all and she was laughing which was weird cuz she doesn’t do that as far as I know

hotwing: exactLY

sunshinegirl: she edgy

inkedandgay: shut up

rainbowsandthunder: so I had to calm her down

rainbowsandthunder: and then I had to calm alex down cuz she was still panicking and lemme tell ya she’s a depressed drunk

sunshinegirl: I had to live with that for YEARS ok

rainbowsandthunder: so we took em to a room lucifer said we could stay in and took off their shoes n shit and they started making out again so we backed off

rainbowsandthunder: and yesterday we met them at breakfast and they said they were gonna see the movie again together and then leave and acted like nothing happened lmao

rainbowsandthunder: so they probably did, idk, we left for freeland too

rainbowsandthunder: thanks for the breach device @bearyallen

bearyallen: np!

bearyallen: and that was wild

lucinda: like all of friday and saturday

lucinda: I had some amazing sex with my girlfriend

dramaqueen: No one actually wants to know that

Lancelot: There he is

dramaqueen: What

sunshinegirl: lol alex is yelling at me right now

dramaqueen: Why

sunshinegirl: read up

inkedandgay: be glad I’m currently occupied tracking the movements of a gang, otherwise I’d come and yell at everyone here too

rainbowsandthunder: no it was kinda adorable

hotwing: don’t forget the squinting

bearyallen: I’m in this innocently, ok

inkedandgay: you asked about it, allen, remember?

bearyallen: shit last name basis

bibillionaire: I was training with Tim and Damian, what’s going on

Lancelot: Oh nothing, go back to ur kids

hotwing: you’re making them train together wow harsh

bibillionaire: they need to learn to stay emotionally detached in the field

inkedandgay: good call

bibillionaire: now, what was that with Kate and Kara’s sister

sunshinegirl: you can SEE the eyes emoji there and yet

Lancelot: You’re the world’s greatest detective, go figure

dramaqueen: Why do you never use emojis

bibillionaire: why would I

hotwing: he did precisely once

hotwing: and then stared at his phone in shock for 20 minutes

sunshinegirl: lmao 😂

bearyallen: for real

inkedandgay: there’s a reason but I won’t talk about cause it’s his business

inkedandgay: unlike SOMEONE here

rainbowsandthunder: I’m sorry but they asked

lucinda: precisely

lucinda: look at this, I found some more pictures

lucinda: [image attached: drunkdancers.jpeg]

sunshinegirl: omg

Lancelot: Damn

inkedandgay: why

dramaqueen: Is that the demon woman with them

lucinda: yes, that’s maze

rainbowsandthunder: dm the pics and vids to me, please

lucinda: as you wish, darling

rainbowsandthunder: also don’t call me that

lucinda: alright, is miss pierce better

rainbowsandthunder: hmm ok

sunshinegirl: hey luci I was them too

sunshinegirl: aaand alex is yelling again

bearyallen: are you at work

sunshinegirl: yeah

sunshinegirl: also I gotta go cause there’s this anti alien march campaign run by lockwood and that’s NOT gonna end well

Lancelot: Fight for your rights!

dramaqueen: You have to do something about that

sunshinegirl: ik but I just feel so powerless sometimes, you know

sunshinegirl: when good people go to the streets and spread alien hate

sunshinegirl: when we never really DID anything to them

sunshinegirl: and then they see me and call me a hero and say I don’t count as an alien bc of that even though I’m LITERALLY an alien refugee here

superreporter: now you know why I needed to take a break

superreporter: apart from having our superbaby

superreporter: but I left bc I knew you could handle this, kara

sunshinegirl: ik, I just

bearyallen: god this is like our situation with Trump and Mexican refugees and POC and LGBT people

rainbowsandthunder: and WOMEN

Lancelot: How is that motherfucker still president

Lancelot: Also we met Dickie Nixon in ‘73 yesterday and got a literal truth bug, that was fun

bibillionaire: really?

dramaqueen: For real

Lancelot: Yeah

sunshinegirl: omg if I had your problems

bearyallen: they aren’t fun either, though, Kara

Lancelot: That’s true

Lancelot: Looking at the big picture, we’re fighting an actual demon

Lancelot: It might not look that way but we’re screwed up too

bearyallen: we have this new Cicada who’s his niece from the future and it’s just started all over again and I’m so tired of this

dramaqueen: Give her the cure in the present and it won’t happen

Lancelot: Yeah, the timeline will reset

bearyallen: but we don’t have her consent and we swore never to give anyone the cure without it

dramaqueen: Barry, that’s definitely the right thing, but she’s in a coma, right

bearyallen: yeah

dramaqueen: Then what are you waiting for

bibillionaire: you’d be saving this girl and the world

bibillionaire: it’s worth little backtalk from your team, trust me

superreporter: I actually agree

sunshinegirl: besides you said you’d cured her dad and he’d wanted her to have the cure too

bearyallen: that’s… true

Lancelot: Why do we live like this

Lancelot: Having to make impossible decisions and save the world every week

hotwing: that’s a good question

inkedandgay: some of us were born to it

rainbowsandthunder: like me

Lancelot: But some of us were just in the wrong place at the wrong time

dramaqueen: Yeah

bibillionaire: some of us ate too much popcorn at the wrong time

sunshinegirl: some of us had to run because our planet was blowing up

lucinda: some of us were bored like hell

hotwing: ok you win

sunshinegirl: good news: someone organized a pro-alien march and we’re DOING THIS

sunshinegirl: WE’RE FIGHTING BACK

bearyallen: 💪

inkedandgay: let’s get this bread

 


 

Talker
SuperFam™
10 Mar at 8:02 pm

 

You
llllkara

catco

i

I wassd

dhotrt

shoor

shot

hepl mw

superGIRL POWER
SHIT

JAMES

OMW

L-Corp
oh my god you were fucking SHOT

winner
DAMMIT JAMES

badass lesbian
kara take him to the deo

Brainy
I’ll get the operation theater ready.

general lane
FUCK

any idea who did it

superGIRL POWER
I got him

he’s not responding but he’s still
breathing

be there in 30 s

sleepyhead
was it

was it bc of the march

those photos he’s taken, jesus

Brainy
But it worked. We did good today,
and especially James. We owe
everything to him now.

badass lesbian
that we do

ok kara’s here now

big green man
You must save him

L-Corp
if we don’t, idk what would

superGIRL POWER
babe

we’ll save him, ok

he’s james, he has to survive

for us

for saving the aliens

god, if we didn’t-

winner
you can’t blame urself

Brainy
If anyone should blame themselves,
it’s me. I’ve organized the march.

badass lesbian
that was YOU?

big green man
I can’t say I’m surprised

superGIRL POWER
omr you’re americanalien

Brainy
Yes.

And now James is in danger because
of me.

winner
YOU can’t blame urself EITHER

and you can SAVE HIM

Brainy
Yes. Yes, I can! Together with Alex.

badass lesbian
let’s go fam

superGIRL POWER
I’ll be here

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

sunshinegirl: so I didn’t handle this

sunshinegirl: we did something good but then

sunshinegirl: oh rao

sunshinegirl: james was shot and now he’s in surgery

superreporter: JAMES

superreporter: FUCK

superreporter: MY BEST FRIEND

bearyallen: shit

lucinda: bloody hell

dramaqueen: I hope he’ll be all right

Lancelot: I said it, haven’t I

sunshinegirl: yeah

sunshinegirl: sometimes I really hate this

hotwing: but we’ve always got ur back

rainbowsandthunder: yeah, girl

inkedandgay: I’ve just heard about this

inkedandgay: from alex

inkedandgay: I’m coming over

superreporter: I wish I could come too

bibillionaire: I’ll take Jason and deal with the gang

inkedandgay: ok

dramaqueen: One for all, all for one

dramaqueen: Like the Musketeers

sunshinegirl: ❤️

sunshinegirl: I’m in tears I love you guys

Lancelot: <3

rainbowsandthunder: <3

bearyallen: <3

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/03/12

 

dramaqueen: Good news

dramaqueen: Our old lair is officially back online

bibillionaire: what happened to it

dramaqueen: Ricardo Diaz

Lancelot: THAT BITCH

bearyallen: yikes

sunshinegirl: I also heard you’re all deputized and on the side of the law now

dramaqueen: We are

dramaqueen: But it’s gonna be hard

hotwing: this be the life we can’t have

sunshinegirl: same

Lancelot: Oh please people love Batman and Supergirl and The Flash

Lancelot: Even if you’re all illegal vigilantes

bearyallen: you mean WE’RE

Lancelot: But no one knows we exist

Lancelot: That’s what’s great about being a legend

bearyallen: so how’s james doing @sunshinegirl

sunshinegirl: he’s stabilized and on bed rest

sunshinegirl: his sister’s here with us

sunshinegirl: but guess fucking what LEX LUTHOR is back

sunshinegirl: he kidnapped lena and told her he’d had james shot

sunshinegirl: he’s got cancer and wanted lena to cure him with a cure she’s been working on at the deo but she didn’t want to test it on humans yet (that’s my girl) so he made her

sunshinegirl: james is cured but

sunshinegirl: yeah

sunshinegirl: lex got away

sunshinegirl: he took the cure himself and got powers

superreporter: WHAT

superreporter: I MADE SURE HE’S LOCKED UP

sunshinegirl: he was but he escaped and went to lena for help

dramaqueen: Did she

sunshinegirl: NO what do you think he’s a maniacal asshole

superreporter: I like her

sunshinegirl: adndjkfs that means a lot to me clark <3

inkedandgay: I’m surprised tbh

inkedandgay: with your history

sunshinegirl: so alex told you

inkedandgay: what, do you think we fuck all day

inkedandgay: we are the masters of deep conversations and war stories

lucinda: deep conversations, hmm

inkedandgay: ok that too but you know what I meANT

lucinda: why I know exactly what you meant

inkedandgay:

inkedandgay: look, we have a lot in common and that’s why it works

inkedandgay: also I heard the full lex story from kon

inkedandgay: so if you need help with him

sunshinegirl: yeah we might

superreporter: I want to come too

sunshinegirl: no, clark, that would only make it worse

sunshinegirl: I can handle it, right?? y’all told me that two days ago

dramaqueen: Of course you can

bibillionaire: absolutely

inkedandgay: and you don’t offer help

bibillionaire: why

bibillionaire: Kara has this

sunshinegirl: that’s right, I HAVE THIS

sunshinegirl: but I wouldn’t tell kon, ok

bibillionaire: it’s none of my business anyway

hotwing: same

bearyallen: what happened between him and Lex that made him leave to another earth, anyway

superreporter: lex created him from his and my dna with the notion of using him for his own goals, but kon was too strong and broke free from cadmus labs and wanted to do good, so he went to me, and I trained him, and then lex tried to poison him with green kryptonite

superreporter: he’d have died had I not intervened

superreporter: I finally defeated lex on that day but kon decided to leave anyway and I respected that

dramaqueen: Ok, but how did you know about the existence of other universes

bearyallen: when was that?

superreporter: 2016

sunshinegirl: I had the extrapolator barry’d given me lmao fnknfkfew

sunshinegirl: that’s why he’s on e-1 it was the only one we had a portal to 😂

dramaqueen: Oh

bearyallen: yeahhh I thought so

Lancelot: You’re a real dummy sometimes

dramaqueen: I’m not

bibillionaire: well

dramaqueen: They made it sound like it was a long time ago

hotwing: he’s 17, couldn’t have been that long lmao

lucinda: well, I for one wouldn’t have known

lucinda: human lives keep confusing me, you have such a short lifespan it’s a wonder you get anything done

superreporter: kryptonians live a little bit longer

sunshinegirl: but not that much

dramaqueen: How old are you exactly, @lucinda

lucinda: about 8 billion years, I’ve actually stopped counting after the first 5

Lancelot: Like it’s not surprising since your dad created the fucking universe but HOLY SHIT

bearyallen: I feel the same

hotwing: cool beans,

lucinda: so if you asked me, 2000 years is still very young

bearyallen: I turn 30 in two days

bearyallen: wow

sunshinegirl: so you’re like the doctor except they’re a toddler in ur eyes too

sunshinegirl: wild

lucinda: humans, well, they’re mere memories for me

lucinda: they’re born, go to school, drink and fuck and go on vacations, have annoying little children, go to work, die, that’s the end of it

lucinda: chloe is special to me, and I might even remember you, but other than that, poof, moving on

inkedandgay: so sex and fun, that’s what we’re good for, right

inkedandgay: but other than that

lucinda: yes, basically. that’s how it works when you’re immortal, darling

hotwing: but he said he MIGHT remember US

hotwing: so that’s good right

Lancelot: What an honor

bibillionaire: you couldn’t have expected anything else with this guy

sunshinegirl: everyone in the future remembers us

sunshinegirl: brainy showed me that

bearyallen: I mean I’ll have my own MUSEUM how crazy is that

Lancelot: We’ve seen some cool shit in the future too

Lancelot: Met Oliver in 2068

dramaqueen: No one’s told me that

Lancelot: Spoilers, Ollie

bearyallen: and Nora says you’re still around in 2048 @lucinda

lucinda: oh, really

lucinda: you must be some special humans then

Lancelot: It’s a time travel paradox, Luci

Lancelot: Once it’s written it has to happen

Lancelot: Not that I really understand time travel 😂 I have that from Doctor Who

bibillionaire: you’re a time ship captain

Lancelot: Why does everyone always say that 😂

Lancelot: It was mostly an accident

bearyallen: I time traveled like 6 times and I still know zilch so

dramaqueen: It shows

bearyallen: wdym

Lancelot: Are you STILL mad about flashpoint

dramaqueen: Some others are

bearyallen: it’s been like 3 YEARS

hotwing: wtf is flashpoint

dramaqueen: He went to the past to save his mom from being murdered by the Reverse Flash and actually succeeded so there was a new timeline but then he realized it was wrong and changed it back but there were still some changes, like John having a son instead of a daughter

Lancelot: Who was named after ME so I’m a lil mad about that one too

bearyallen: how many more times do I gotta apologize,

Lancelot: We all screw up, Barry. It’s in the past

bearyallen: didn’t sound that way 10 secs ago

hotwing: does that mean our lives could’ve been affected too and we don’t know it 👀

hotwing: holy fuck

bibillionaire: I had no idea

inkedandgay: yeah

superreporter: that was on e-1 so it didn’t reach us, right

sunshinegirl: no

sunshinegirl: @hotwing if you compare ur fam on your earth and mine

hotwing: you said there was just 3 of us

bearyallen: is that my fault? damnnn

sunshinegirl: no can actually tell but

bibillionaire:

MamaWaverider: In the original timeline, Jason Todd was killed by the Joker at the age of 15 and Timothy Drake donned the costume of Robin after having deduced Batman and the previous Robin’s identity. Jason Todd was, however, resurrected and became a dangerous criminal known as Red Hood. Years later, Drake became Red Robin and Stephanie Brown became Robin, and Damian Wayne then became her successor at the age of 13, as well as the leader of a team called Teen Titans.

bearyallen: oH

hotwing: holy FUCKING HELL

bibillionaire: Jason?? my son?? died???

hotwing: what about me

MamaWaverider: You weren’t actually affected at all, Mr Grayson.

hotwing: !!!

bearyallen: but hey I changed this one for the better

bearyallen: when Jason never died, he never became evil so that’s good

hotwing: tim & steph & dami would be pissed if they found out tho

inkedandgay: mostly dami

inkedandgay: he’s been waiting to become robin forever

bibillionaire: don’t let them find out

inkedandgay: hang on, when was it

bibillionaire: he was 15 four years ago

bibillionaire: we captured Joker for good in 2014 and he’s been in Arkham ever since

hotwing: so that’s what barry changed

inkedandgay: @bearyallen you were right

inkedandgay: and actually, thank you

bearyallen: wow you’re the first aldfnfnfkwq

Lancelot: A historical moment

sunshinegirl: this is inspiring

Lancelot: But pls don’t go changing any timelines

sunshinegirl: noooo don’t worry

dramaqueen: I might have changed one

dramaqueen: In December

bearyallen: what

superreporter: what

Lancelot: What did you do idiot

dramaqueen: I made a deal

dramaqueen: And it wasn’t with the devil

lucinda: oh, certainly not, I would know

dramaqueen: It was worse

sunshinegirl: 👀

bearyallen: 👀

hotwing: 👀

dramaqueen: I had to save your lives

dramaqueen: But I can’t say what I did, I really can’t

sunshinegirl: ok ok we’ll deal with this when it’s time

Lancelot: The next big crossover ig

sunshinegirl: but we WILL, GOT IT

dramaqueen: Yes

bearyallen: One for all and all for one, like you said

dramaqueen: Yeah, ok, that’s fair

dramaqueen: I have to go now, we have some villains to chase

bearyallen: gl

sunshinegirl: go get ‘em

sunshinegirl: I gotta go get mine

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/03/13

 

sunshinegirl: I have updates

sunshinegirl: lex is still off the radar BUT

sunshinegirl: james is officially out and about

superreporter: thank rao

bearyallen: that’s great!!!

bearyallen: we also have news

bearyallen: I uhhh convinced Cisco and Cait to cure Grace

bearyallen: thanks to Ollie and Bruce cause you actually had good points

sunshinegirl: wow

dramaqueen: I’m almost shocked here

bearyallen: lmao

bearyallen: sometimes I actually remember why I looked up to you

dramaqueen: “looked” up to me?

Lancelot: The past tense is on point

lucinda: this is always fun

Lancelot: 😉

Lancelot: At least someone’s doing well

sunshinegirl: wdym

Lancelot: I mentioned a demon, didn’t I

lucinda: still having trouble with neron

lucinda: that bastard always did whatever he wanted and I imagine it got worse when I left

Lancelot: No kidding

Lancelot: Ik I’ve asked but is there really nothing you could do about it

lucinda: as I’ve said before, demons no longer answer to me, they hate as me as much as the next celestial being

superreporter: so demons exist too

Lancelot: Un-fucking-fortunately

sunshinegirl: pretty much everything you thought was fantasy novel stuff exists somewhere in the multiverse, clark

superreporter: good point

bearyallen: I heard about Nate’s dad

Lancelot: Who hasn’t at this point

dramaqueen: It’s been on the news

dramaqueen: But they didn’t say what really happened

bibillionaire: the world has lost a billionaire

sunshinegirl: lmao but it gained another

bearyallen: our man of steel himself

superreporter: what

superreporter: I didn’t do anything

sunshinegirl: 😂

Lancelot: No, it’s Nate, he’s literally got steel skin

superreporter: oh

bearyallen: and it’s not like we have you on this earth

superreporter: that’s true

Lancelot: And you can guess what happened @dramaqueen

dramaqueen: The demon killed him?

Lancelot: Yeah

Lancelot: But it’s actually more complicated than that

Lancelot: I didn’t wanna say anything, though

Lancelot: It’s just, I like talking to everyone here and forgetting the actual problems my team has to face every day

bearyallen: yeah we get it

dramaqueen: We keep pretending we’re okay when that’s the last thing we are

dramaqueen: Comes with the job

sunshinegirl: I get this

sunshinegirl: but seriously, poor guy, his dad got killed by an actual demon??

lucinda: that’s actually more common than you’d think, darling

Lancelot: No shit, Lucy

bibillionaire: in our world, one death of an old man is nothing to be taken aback by, we have bigger problems to deal with and to stop. we have to stay above it. carry on. fight them. look at what Kara has to go through, or any of us. we’re saving the world. it’s near impossible to always remain optimistic.

superreporter: yeah, no judging here, sara

Lancelot: Appreciate it

sunshinegirl: did you just agree with each other

superreporter: you were right

bibillionaire: what about

superreporter: you shouldn’t judge a guy by his double’s actions

bibillionaire: that’s fair

superreporter: truce, bruce?

bibillionaire: truce

bearyallen: TRUCE BRUCE

bearyallen: IT RHYMES

Lancelot: 😂

dramaqueen: Funny

sunshinegirl: clark omgkfkgnfefke

lucinda: that was a good one

superreporter: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

bibillionaire: it was actually quite funny

sunshinegirl: hA!

bearyallen: and btw where’s Dick and Kate

bearyallen: it’s weird

bibillionaire: we also came across an incident with some criminals

Lancelot: Seriously, what the hell, universe

sunshinegirl: we’re nearing the end of the season

bearyallen: the plot thickens

lucinda: I almost pity you

lucinda: me, I’m living the perfect life with parties and sex and alcohol and the occasional murder to solve

Lancelot: Give it like two months

bearyallen: something’s bound to happen after we’ve dealt with everything

dramaqueen: Yeah, May always seems to be the time all villains go on vacation and suddenly we have no one to fight

superreporter: it’s the nice weather

sunshinegirl: ugh yeah if I were a thug living in cali I’d also pause my business around may and come back in fall when the temperatures calm down

sunshinegirl: just enjoy the sea and lots of ice cream in the meantime

Lancelot: I mean, isn’t that what everyone does

bearyallen: wellll some metas still attack in summer here

bearyallen: but just the ones we can handle in like 20 seconds and lock them up in iron heights

lucinda: you’d be surprised how many crimes still land on our desk during the holidays

lucinda: they are much more hilarious than those that happen in winter, let me tell you

dramaqueen: What

bibillionaire: he likes to categorise the crimes by how dull or exciting they are

bibillionaire: that usually depends on how hot the victim or perp was

lucinda: ah, you know me

lucinda: dead celebrities, I do enjoy those mysteries

lucinda: or the bloke with the charred crotch

lucinda: oh, and the one where everyone thought maze was the killer

sunshinegirl: that sounds crazy

lucinda: crazier than aliens?

bearyallen: well, as a csi I can relate

dramaqueen: Why do we only have gangs around here

lucinda: because star city is hardly the city of angels, is it

dramaqueen: But it’s close

lucinda: but we do also have gangs, it’s the cases I leave to detective douche

bearyallen: ahhh

Lancelot: Why do you call him that

lucinda: because he is a douche, obviously

Lancelot: Yeah, obviously

superreporter: how does @bibillionaire know @lucinda so well, exactly

superreporter: ik it’s been days but I’ve still got questions

Lancelot: Well, there’s years of catching up to do here 😂 so

lucinda: dear old bruce spent about two weeks here last year

lucinda: it was a romance that kindled fast and burnt bright but unfortunately it was not meant to last

bibillionaire: he’s exaggerating

bibillionaire: but I did hide in his penthouse for about a week because of some… unpleasant circumstances

superreporter: I’m kinda starting to regret asking

lucinda: 😏

Lancelot: Ahhh I remember

bearyallen: you know smth 👀

sunshinegirl: 👀

Lancelot: Nope, my lips are sealed

bibillionaire: good

bearyallen: so she does know smth

sunshinegirl: dang

Lancelot: Too bad

dramaqueen: It’s not important

bearyallen: yeah ik we all have secrets we have to keep to ourselves

sunshinegirl: we’re experts on those

Lancelot: Except for this group

Lancelot: Mostly

Lancelot: This secret’s really just between Bruce and me

bibillionaire: thank you for keeping it

Lancelot: Yeah

dramaqueen: So you’re the only one who knows where you’ve been this whole time

Lancelot: Yup

Lancelot: And seriously, I’m not saying anything, so back off, okay

sunshinegirl: 👍

bearyallen: sure

dramaqueen: Got it

lucinda: deception is “my thing”, you could say

superreporter: and honestly, I don’t even care

sunshinegirl: lmao that’s good

 


 

Lancelot to bibillionaire

 

Lancelot: Honestly? This is getting hilarious

bibillionaire: let it

Lancelot: Don’t worry, Brucie

Lancelot: This is for the good of the world, I know that

Lancelot: I don’t break a deal

bibillionaire: I know I cannot keep it forever, but

Lancelot: As long as it takes, huh

bibillionaire: It’s not called the League of Shadows for nothing

 


 

BatFam Headquarters

 

jasontoad: my fucking RIBS

jasontoad: I want to DIE

hotwing: I feel this

futurerobin: big ass mood

markofcain: boys stop whining

markofcain: it’s not the last time you’ll get your ass handed to you

jasontoad: you dont know the pain of life

teamaker: Well, pull yourself together! Dinner’s ready!

lesbianaunt: is it liquid

lesbianaunt: got punched in the jaw really hard

futurerobin: I just need coffeeeee

lesbianaunt: no you don’t

lesbianaunt: you have to eat

lesbianaunt: but seriously, is it liquid

teamaker: I made mashed potatoes and some goulash. I also prepared more ice for the wounds.

hotwing: I need like 5 packs

babs: I’m taking three

lesbianaunt: ok I’m coming

jasontoad: if I can move atall sdkff

fatherofdragons: you’re all soft as babies

fatherofdragons: I’m taking my dinner and fury to the cave and doing my evening routine

babs: how

batdad: you should take an example from him

futurerobin: greaT

jasontoad: tomorrow? fine

jasontoad: rn I still wanna die

spoileralert: drama queens

catmom: to their defense, there WAS a metahuman

 


 

Talker
SuperFam™
13 Mar at 8:04 pm

 

You
@Guardian how’re you holding
up

Guardian
I’m fine, Clark

Lena’s serum cured me, stop
worrying

superGIRL POWER
ofc we’re worrying, james

you almost DIED

and then kelly told me you’re
showing symptoms of ptsd

badass lesbian
you should be worrying about YOU,
kara

You
hang on, what’s happened?

L-Corp
you don’t know?

my BROTHER somehow CLONED
kara or something of the like, he’s
always had these impossible schemes

there was an attack on the white house
by supergirl, but our real kara was held
by lex’s kryptonite suit

but the whole world thinks it was her

badass lesbian
kara, lena, and I are working on
uncovering this fraud as we speak

L-Corp
yes, there is no way he will get away
with something like this

first james, and now kara

this is MY girlfriend we’re talking
about and SHE’S STRONG

superGIRL POWER
awwww <333

You
oh rao

that’s horrible

y’all have to stop him

if you don’t I’m coming back

Guardian
Don’t worry, Clark, he’ll never be
free again after this

I don’t care he’s been bribing the
guards and wardens, it won’t happen
again

badass lesbian
we have the authorities

winner
but first we gotta find and stop evil
supergirl

aaand before you ask brainy and I are
already working on that so 😉

Brainy
Yes. But one good thing has happened
today: J’onn has gotten my Legion
ring back! I have my powers once again.

superGIRL POWER
nicE

winner
#fullpower

sleepyhead
sounds gay I’m in

winner
lol

general lane
military resources? you got ‘em

badass lesbian
even haley is on board

we gotta win

You
for everything we stand for

I didn’t leave earth just so he
could take it back

superGIRL POWER
💪

Chapter Text

let’s save the world & party
2019/03/14

 

goodvibes: @everyone wish our wonderful puppy boy @bearyallen HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! the fastest man alive turns 30 today!!! 🎉🎂🎈🎁💖❤️

notbarryallen: woooo!!! happy bday brother!!!

irisbest: I’ve already given you my presents, babe, but happy birthday 💖💜💙

dramaqueen: Happy birthday, Barry

sunshinegirl: barryyyyy you’re old nowwww

sunshinegirl: no happy birthday 🎉🎊🎈🎂🕯️🍾💗

Jaxon: happy bday!

grunt: yeah same

Lancelot: Omg, Barry, the day has come! Enjoy your billionaire presents ;)

bibillionaire:

bibillionaire: happy birthday, Barry. welcome among us old people!

smoakandmirrors: ok I know this isn’t enough but I just wanna say that you’re one of the best guys I’ve ever known, you’re a person who doesn’t give up, you’re really damn smart and cook like a god and have the best music taste! I (platonically) love you sooo much and wish you the best of birthdays, barry! you turn 30! that’s, wow. time flies. ❤️

gayforray: possibly can’t best that, damn

gayforray: but anyway, happy birthday, man! celebrate it properly 😉🍾

awesomestCSI: BARRY ALLEN HAPPY BDAY ENJOY THIS DAY HAVE FUN GET DRUNK 💖🍾🎉😍⚡🏳️‍🌈🔥🎈💯

screamer: Happy birthday, @bearyallen

iceicebaby: Frost and I wish you all the best, Barry! You and Cisco are our family and we can’t imagine the world without you in it <3

DetectiveDad: My son turns 30 today. I said so in person, but wow. You were a little kid who was late for school not so long ago, and look at you now! I’m so proud of you ❤️

hardley: yeah yeah what they said

smartsnart: happy birthday, barry

rayofsunshine: Happy birthday, Barry!!!

thedetective: Happy birthday 😊

holt-the-door: OMG I feel like an idiot now but I completely forgot

holt-the-door: anyway. shouldn’t have said that. happy birthday, barry! science bro bump 👊🏾

darhkling: happy birthday

wilddog: eyyyy happy birthdayyyy

jasontoad: get properly drunk 😉

miniwestallen: happy birthday, dad!!! this is actually super weird cuz you’re only 5 years older than me right now, but yeah. I love you <3

QueenZee: happy birthday, Barry, and keep on running for 30 more years

badasslesbian: happy birthday, puppy boy, you’re one of the five guys I like and respect, so don’t do anything to change that, ok 😉

inkedandgay: happy birthday, barry! and don’t end up like alex and me on Friday ;)

badasslesbian: good point

futurerobin: happy birthday, barry!

fatherofdragons: happy 30th birthday

babs: yeah happy birthday, flash

hotwing: happy birthday, @bearyallen! I haven’t known you for long but I already see you as this cool older cousin I can always turn to for help, detective to csi, hero to hero, family to family. also your nickname is a pun so there’s that

goodvibes: YOU are weirdly in SYNC

fatherofdragons: our morning training has just ended

captainmarvel: when you’ve got lightning powers you’re my brother so happy birthday @bearyallen 😉⚡

SecondGhoul: Happy birthday.

monalisa: happy birthday barry!!!

littlequeen: 30 years, wow. I hope you celebrate properly, barry! greetings from france xoxo

arowofbirds: we met like once but nvm, happy birthday!

winner: I can’t believe I got here so LATE like, everyone’s already said everything and that’s not FAIR. but okay, HAPPY BDAY, BARRY! science bro fist bump no 2? 👊

lucinda: if you need anywhere to celebrate, my club is always open! alcohol, strippers of any gender, fun games, music, private rooms, I have it all 😉😈 happy birthday, bartholomew

mazikeen: happy birthday 🍾

Trenchcoat: Happy birthday, Barry. Enjoy lots of that speedster cocktail for me, eh?

catmom: happy birthday from 😺 to 🐻

dianaprince(ss): Happy birthday, Flash ⚡

superidiot: happy birthday @bearyallen

superreporter: I wish you happy birthday too @bearyallen

sleepyhead: happy birthdayyyy 🎉🎉🎉

Laurel2.0: Dinah forced me to wish you happy birthday too, so here it goes

TimeMom: Happy birthday, Barry!

isawyer: happy birthday

sciencebitch: one bi scientist to another, happy BIrthday 💖💜💙

hawky: happy birthday, Barry! I wouldn’t have had so many adventures hadn’t I met you and Cisco, so thank you for that ❤️❤️

jessequick: I’m so late jeez

jessequick: happy birthday, barry. thank you for teaching me how to be a good hero and how to run real fast 😜

SherLOQUE: Joyeux anniversaire, Barry. I’m pretty sure you know what that means.

badasslesbian: wow

gayforray: as a language nerd I approve

goodvibes: hahaha

goodvibes: @grumpydad you too harry

Brainy: Happy birthday, Barry Allen.

grumpydad: Ok, Cisco, I was going to do it!

grumpydad: Happy birthday, Barry. You’ve done a lot of good in the world and helped us with Zoom, so I thank you for that. Again.

markofcain: happy birthday @bearyallen

Trixie: happy birthday, uncle barry 😊

ebonyfalcon: Happy birthday, Barry

gordonbleu: Happy birthday, Barry

ilovegold: happy birthday 😘 I’d send you something gold but mick said no

grunt: that’s right

grunt: we’re nice to him now

superwoman: happy birthday, @bearyallen! I hope you’re at least twice the hero on your earth than Clark is on ours 😉

superreporter: that’s very funny

superwoman: I know, right, honey

gare-bear: Happy birthday, Barry 😁😁😁

DAHorton: happy birthday, Barry! we love you! and don’t forget about the party we're throwing you at our house 😀

spacedad: Happy birthday, Barry.

pear: my man! the fastest man alive! 30 yrs old! happy birthday!!! and don’t forget to eat cake and get drunk 🎂🍾

MiniStein: Happy birthday, Barry!

spoileralert: happy birthdayyyyy

teamaker: Likewise. Happy birthday, Mr Allen.

detectivedouche: happy birthday

queenofthorns: Happy birthday

digdeep: happy birthday, Barry. I can’t believe it’s been 6 years since we’ve met–and look at you now!

therealboss: I extend my wishes. I honestly don’t know what the world would look like without the Flash–minus the little glitch with Flashpoint. We love you

cullennotedward: happy birthday, man

will-iamqueen: happy birthday

rainbowsandthunder: yo happy 30th birthday, barry!

lightning: yeah!!!

lightning: #lightningcrew @bearyallen @captainmarvel @miniwestallen @jessequick

iloveplants: I guess I could do this too

iloveplants: Happy birthday

arsenal: happy birthday, barry 🍾

zatannaz: happy birthday, flashy boy

raven: happy birthday from raven to bear :p

garfieldthecat: happy birthday from 🐯 to 🐻

raven: that’s not fair, there isn’t a raven emoji 😞

goodvibes: hmm yeah

goodvibes: also wow we’ve never had this much activiTY BARRY WHERE R U 🧐

coriander: ?

coriander: So I’m probably the last one, but happy birthday, Barry

ladyoftroy: you’re not

ladyoftroy: happy birthday, Barry!

fastlane: yeah, you’re really not

fastlane: happy birthday, Barry. we haven’t met but I feel like we’re all family here, so

sandsnark: hmm I guess

sandsnark: HAPPY BDAY

Sammy: happy birthday 🙂

thedoctor: happy birthday, Barry Allen

amazinggrace: happy birthday :’)

Amenadiel: Happy birthday.

hela: happy bday 

whatdoesthefoxsay: Happy birthday, Mr. Allen!

thefoxsayslukeimyourfather: Dad…

whatdoesthefoxsay: What?

thefoxsayslukeimyourfather: “Mr. Allen”

teamaker: Nothing wrong’s with politeness.

thefoxsayslukeimyourfather: Happy birthday @bearyallen

puddin: happy birthday darling 🎂🔪

inkedandgay: what about the knife

puddin: for cuttin the cake if course

inkedandgay: right

gert-cobblepot: dads and I wish you a happy birthday or whatever @bearyallen

zoo-e: happy birthday 😊

thatgaycop: happy birthday

smoakandmirrors: hmm is there anyone who hasn’t said anything

SecondGhoul: My sister.

FirstGhoul: I don’t care for such things.

Lancelot: But you’re the only one

FirstGhoul: Fine. Happy birthday, whoever you are.

gayforray: no but really where’s the birthday boy

pear: idk

sunshinegirl: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

darhkling: 👀

irisbest: GUYS

irisbest: HE’S HERE

irisbest: AND HES IN TEARS

irisbest: [image attached: touched.jpeg]

iceicebaby: Aww

dramaqueen: Did this do that

sunshinegirl: ofc it DID

badasslesbian: there’s only so much a puppy can take, huh

QueenZee: right

bearyallen: @everyone I DON’T DESERVE THIS LIKE WHAAAAAAAT

bearyallen: I LOVE YOU

bearyallen: JUST. TYSM 💜💓💚💛💗❤️💝💙💞💕❤️

goodvibes: we love you too!!!!

sunshinegirl: our favorite superhero ⚡

hotwing: yeah!

bearyallen: I JUST. I CAN’T EVEN

Lancelot: It’s gonna be all right

irisbest: cuddles and hot chocolate on the way 🍫

goodvibes: and then

goodvibes: we’ll have our lil FAMILY PARTY

jasontoad: why aren’t we invited (ง'̀-'́)ง

DetectiveDad: There will be no big parties in this house.

irisbest: in this house, we respect the wishes of one barry allen and celebrate in a small family circle

jasontoad: ok for the meme

sunshinegirl: but we’ll stop by at the weekend or smth, all right

bearyallen: ok

bearyallen: I’m still crying here

rayofsunshine: Mood.

awesomestCSI: you deserve all the love and cuddles, barry!!!!!!!!1!

goodvibes: that he DOES

smoakandmirrors: send a hug y’all ✧ ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ

miniwestallen: (つ・▽・)つ

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/03/16

 

sunshinegirl: sooo @bearyallen I’m heading out in fiveeeee

bearyallen: !!!

bearyallen: but you’re not bringing your whole team are you

sunshinegirl: nooo just winn, brainy, lena, nia & alex but she’s going to gotham

inkedandgay: *jersey city

inkedandgay: if it’s a date it’s a date

Lancelot: Hmmmmm

hotwing: “just” ok

bearyallen: so your whole team - 2

bearyallen: I can live with that

sunshinegirl: good

bibillionaire: did you get my present, Barry?

bearyallen: yessir

rainbowsandthunder: what was it

Lancelot: Spill

dramaqueen: How much?

hotwing: it wasn’t flash-arangs right

hotwing: I told him not to do that

sunshinegirl: FLASHARANGS

bibillionaire: don’t you trust me

Lancelot: Well

bearyallen: he gave me the newest model of the wayne tech phone

bearyallen: fully equipped

bearyallen: Cisco and I are still figuring out all its functions

rainbowsandthunder: that’s cool

sunshinegirl: damN

bearyallen: must’ve cost a LOT 👀

bibillionaire: not really, it’s a prototype

bibillionaire: mostly worked on by my sons and me

dramaqueen: Your SONS?

bibillionaire: Tim, Damian, Luke Fox

bibillionaire: who’s as close as my son

hotwing: don’t underestimate my brothers just cuz they act like idiots sometimes

sunshinegirl: a rare moment of pride everyone with siblings will understand,

inkedandgay: *most of the time

hotwing: true

hotwing: saw them riding down the banisters and timing it the other day

inkedandgay: *and then won

hotwing: eh

hotwing: details

bearyallen: I feel this

Lancelot: HaH

superreporter: takes me right back into my childhood

sunshinegirl: speedsters understand

hotwing: I’m not a speedster and I still won ;)

bearyallen: not against us, you wouldn’t

hotwing: baby I was born in a circus, I know my tricks

sunshinegirl: ooooo

inkedandgay: please don’t try and do it

inkedandgay: I won’t be here to supervise the idiots

hotwing: exactly

bibillionaire: but I will

sunshinegirl: :(

sunshinegirl: bear you got enough food?

bearyallen: always

sunshinegirl: 👍

sunshinegirl: we’ll be landing in your living room in 3…

sunshinegirl: 2…

bearyallen: [image attached: itsthekitchen.jpeg]

superreporter: 😂

Lancelot: Nothing’s perfect

sunshinegirl: ehh

Lancelot: Can we join you

bearyallen: reaLly

Lancelot: It’s Saturday 🤷

dramaqueen: I heard it was Hank’s funeral yesterday

Lancelot: Yeahhhh but we had to leave in the end

Lancelot: History emergency

dramaqueen: Oh

Lancelot: Nate paid his respects, and you said it urself – we need to move on

Lancelot: So we ended up meeting Jane Austen and being in a Bollywood musical, don’t ask

bearyallen: 👀👀

bearyallen: ok join us

Lancelot: Great 👍

sunshinegirl: yes we want the story

superreporter: so do I

sunshinegirl: this thing has facetime

superreporter: I can see my friends!

sunshinegirl: they say do it

bibillionaire: what about me

Lancelot: Facetime Barry or smth

bearyallen: what the hell this apartment is big enough

bearyallen: at least you can explain the phone to me

inkedandgay: good excuse

inkedandgay: adios, I’m off to the city with a gorgeous lady

inkedandgay: [image attached: xoxo.jpeg]

bibillionaire: Alfred won’t like that I left him alone here on a Saturday

hotwing: isn’t everyone off somewhere

hotwing: the worst thing that can happen is jason getting bored of video games and coming to bother dami who might just be training with his katanas

inkedandgay: he’s training with his dragons

hotwing: right

Lancelot: Look at Lucy, being offline cause he’s got a life

bearyallen: this is us having a life

sunshinegirl: yeah, we’re getting together for barry!

Lancelot: I’m not criticizing

bearyallen: cause you’re showing up with you cavalry, got it

dramaqueen: They really just showed up

sunshinegirl: yup

sunshinegirl: this apartment is smaller than barry thought

Lancelot: It’s NOT bigger on the inside

hotwing: omg

bearyallen: [image attached: crammed.jpeg]

Lancelot: [image attached: atleastwegotmorefood.jpeg]

rainbowsandthunder: juicy

hotwing: the food or sara

rainbowsandthunder: um both

Lancelot: Merci ;)

bearyallen: so Bruce are you coming too or

bibillionaire: sure thing, I want to hear the stories

bearyallen: I’m wounded

bibillionaire: whatever for

bearyallen: you’re coming cause the legends are here and not cause I’m here

bearyallen: 🤣

Lancelot: We have an interesting life, so

sunshinegirl: the only one we’re missing is ollie

dramaqueen: Felicity and I visited Barry yesterday

sunshinegirl: ohhh right

Lancelot: How do you not know

sunshinegirl: more lex trouble, ugh

sunshinegirl: we’re busy bees here

dramaqueen: But we’re better, right?

bearyallen: yeah

Lancelot: The musical did it

Lancelot: And movies

sunshinegirl: noiCE

bibillionaire: I told you you had this

bearyallen: thanks

bearyallen: how’s your fam? you said you had trouble too

hotwing: as if you never met us

bearyallen: true 😂

bearyallen: Bruce really came!

Lancelot: [image attached: groupselfie.jpeg]

rainbowsandthunder: ur cute

MamaWaverider: I agree.

sunshinegirl: we have balloons so it’s like a real party

bearyallen: I guess resistance is futile here

Lancelot: Yep

Lancelot: You chose this family

dramaqueen: Have fun, guys

sunshinegirl: wow thanKS

Chapter Text

People With The 🧠
2019/03/18

 

smoakandmirrors: are you as excited as I am about finally launching smoak tech??!

smoakandmirrors: like, this is a dream come true! archer works! I’ve got my own company!

goodvibes: yeah, who wouldn’t want that, pffft

bibillionaire: welcome among us betters, Felicity

futurerobin: funny

futurerobin: it’s lucius, kate and I who run “”your“” company

whatdoesthefoxsay: Give Bruce some credit

bibillionaire: yes! I’m your father!

winner: luke I’m youR FATHER

thefoxsayslukeimyourfather: That’s my line

winner: anyway huge congrats, felicity!!!

sciencebitch: likewise!

sciencebitch: tech gurus together

smoakandmirrors: yesss

smoakandmirrors: but I do have to admit I couldn’t’ve done it without you, and especially @holt-the-door @QueenZee @Brainy @rayofsunshine, so thank you, I owe you for life <3

fatherofdragons: and I wasn’t invited…

rayofsunshine: Aww, always happy to help, Felicity!

QueenZee: you can buy me some pink donuts next time we meet and we’re even

QueenZee: this is easy when you’re from the future

awesomestCSI: aren’t there like some laws about this kinda meddling with time

awesomestCSI: or smth

awesomestCSI: idk I watched lots of sci-fi

rayofsunshine: No, as a time traveler, I can vouch for this. It was just a few lines of code.

QueenZee: nothing someone in this group hasn’t already invented

holt-the-door: yeah, we’re damn good

jessequick: okay, can I ask, what IS archer anyway

miniwestallen: hang on, archer

miniwestallen: no forget I asked that’s spoilers

smoakandmirrors: it’s in the future? it works in the future?

miniwestallen: no I can’t tell you anything

QueenZee: look, I know a big share of this stuff too, and I agree with Nora

winner: but you worked on it?

QueenZee: it’s complicated

winner: oh yeah, me, I get it

smoakandmirrors: @jessequick it’s a program that can track anyone using dna and we plan on releasing it for the use of law enforcement forces and possibly our teams

smoakandmirrors: “enforcement forces” ok not a good choice of words :p

jessequick: ok thanks

jessequick: we actually have something similar on our earth

thedetective: Aren’t you afraid someone might abuse it? Steal it?

thedetective: But other than that, the police could really use that thing

bibillionaire: so could we

smoakandmirrors: yeah, like I said, if and when we manage to refine it, we can let anyone we choose download it, and you my friends would be among the first

smoakandmirrors: right now I managed to track one criminal and exhausted the servers but oh well

holt-the-door: I’m taking another look at that when I get off work tomorrow

smoakandmirrors: and as for misuse, well, ig in this world you never know but the security is really tight so no one should be able to get it

bibillionaire: unless someone steals the code from you

smoakandmirrors: well, yeah

smoakandmirrors: but that won’t happen ok

smoakandmirrors: it WON’T happen, right, future gals

miniwestallen: really can’t say anything

miniwestallen: I already said too much about the 2049 chat the other day

smoakandmirrors: anyway. smoak technologies.

smoakandmirrors: today is the beginning of a new era!

 


 

the next generation
03-18-2049
8:08 pm

 

william.harris: I know this is the day

william.harris: nora, you can’t tell them anything

mia.smoak: no matter how much you’d want to

nora.west.allen: I didn’t

nora.west.allen: don’t worry

nora.west.allen: but personally I hate this

zoe.ramirez: I know

zoe.ramirez: imagine how much we could change if

zoe.ramirez: but that’s in the past

connor.hawke: we survived

nora.west.allen: time travel has rules, I know that better than anyone

laurel.sharpe.lance: *most people, anyway

laurel.sharpe.lance: but yeah, moms would agree

william.harris: good

damian.wayne: we changed that future for the better

beatrice.decker: don’t tell them about that either tho

henry.heywood: yeah, we don’t want them to know about the heroism of the rich brats

damian.wayne: you’re a rich brat yourself

damian.wayne: and I’m batman

helena.wayne: really? we didn’t know

jon.wayne: no but really, they don’t need to know about how they fucked up the world OR about how we saved it with generous sums of money and some light supervillain-punching

jon.wayne: it’s what future kon once told my dad when I was like 12

john.diggle.jr: we really have lots of time travel issues, huh

laurel.sharpe.lance: yup

joe.west.allen: remember that time my son was on damian’s team before I was even born

jon.wayne: bart

jon.wayne: those were the good times

jaime.reyes: we all miss him

rachel.logan: rip 2022

beatrice.decker: okay, but I went to space yesterday

beatrice.decker: we have pretty great lives

jenna.west: you go to space all the time

jenna.west: green lantern corps hq is in space

beatrice.decker: so? it’s great

beatrice.decker: I’ve always wanted to be a martian queen

adrian.morningstar: you were 10

beatrice.decker: and you weren’t born yet

adrian.morningstar:

helena.wayne: but it’s true that gotham hasn’t been more prosperous in years

damian.wayne: [image.jpeg]

jon.wayne: that’s from yesterday

nora.west.allen: I kinda want to show them that, ughhhh

mia.smoak: they’d say it was taken in coast city or somewhere

helena.wayne: a nice green park full of people in the middle of gotham, utterly impossible

william.harris: well, it has been 30 years

william.harris: almost 10 since we took down galaxy one

connor.hawke: and started using archer for its original purpose again

henry.heywood: you could tell felicity it serves us all well

laurel.sharpe.lance: just don’t say since what year

nora.west.allen: yeahhh

nora.west.allen: 2019 my ass

rachel.logan: this slang really brings me back

nora.west.allen: well I LIVE here, lady

nora.west.allen: but

nora.west.allen: I might actually be coming back soon

carol.danvers: that’s great!!!

mia.smoak: we miss you

dinah.drake.lance: so much

mar'i.grayson: cool

nora.west.allen: lurkers

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/03/18

 

dramaqueen: So I guess you’ve heard about Felicity’s accomplishments

Lancelot: Ofc we’ve heard

Lancelot: She’s finally launching the company we’ve been seeing in the future since ‘15

bibillionaire: of course you’ve seen it before

bibillionaire: I’m not even surprised

superreporter: what company

dramaqueen: Smoak Technologies

superreporter: it’s called smoak enterprises on e-38

sunshinegirl: there’s also queen inc, but we don’t talk about that

sunshinegirl: this whole multiverse business is confusing enough as is 😂

hotwing: that’s true

hotwing: don’t let me start on kory’s e-9 stories

Lancelot: We’re not

inkedandgay: but let’s be honest

inkedandgay: felicity’s only made it cause she’s pregnant

inkedandgay: cause if she had all the drinks we did yesterday

lucinda: you are just weak

bearyallen: it’s the metabolism

dramaqueen: So now you agree with him

lucinda: I’m just stating the general truth

Lancelot: And I’m saying I’m jealous

Lancelot: I love drinking but not the hangovers

sunshinegirl: so I take it your part of the parade went well

lucinda: oh, certainly

lucinda: apart from the fact it was to celebrate saint patsy

lucinda: my father just loves him because he converted a whole country to christianity and spread many great tales of his amazing deeds

lucinda: I tried to stop him once, tell him to listen, but no, god is the one and true saviour of us all, and I am nothing but evil incarnate

lucinda: but I did like the green alcohol

sunshinegirl: oh

sunshinegirl: all this must be really different from your perspective

sunshinegirl: cause you were there when all the legends and stuff happened

lucinda: I wasn’t on earth all the time, mind you

lucinda: but I’ve been watching

Lancelot: Hmm so

bearyallen: wbu, Kara

Lancelot: Damn, you beat me to it

bearyallen: still a speedster

sunshinegirl: yeah, it was great! metropolis is all the way across the country and no one knows us there so we could just have fun for a day without worrying about lex

superreporter: what about the evil supergirl clone, have y’all dealt with her yet

dramaqueen: The what

bearyallen: ???

sunshinegirl: uhh well there was a situation

sunshinegirl: I’m kind of a wanted criminal now, wrongfully btw, but our gal team is working on that, and we’ve located the clone’s hq in kaznia

sunshinegirl: so it’s all good

hotwing: we clearly have different definitions of “all good”

hotwing: this sounds like a shitstorm

inkedandgay: it might

inkedandgay: but I believe in ‘em 💪

lucinda: meanwhile, I got an entirely different idea

bibillionaire: eugh

Lancelot: I think I know 👉👉

sunshinegirl: LU C I

dramaqueen: He won’t change

lucinda: you’re right about that, oliver

superreporter: so I guess congratulate your wife on her accomplishments?

dramaqueen: Will do

Lancelot: We’ve already texted her but ok

bearyallen: yeah I even called

hotwing: level up 👍

superreporter: oh fuck off I’m on a different planet

bearyallen: 😮

sunshinegirl: no he gets like that sometimes

sunshinegirl: alien farm boy n all

hotwing: it be like that sometimes

Lancelot: Alien farm boy

Lancelot: Ig that’s your new nickname

 

Lancelot changed superreporter’s name to alienfarmboy

 

alienfarmboy: seriously, fuck off

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/03/19

 

bearyallen: can I just vent for a bit

bearyallen: for a long time in years we were finally all happy with our families, no supervillain to fight, everything’s chill

bearyallen: and then Sherloque took Nora’s diary and started talking about the future and

bearyallen: Thawne

bearyallen: good god

bearyallen: my daughter, she’s been working with FUCKING THAWNE

bearyallen: he killed my mom

bearyallen: he tried to change the timeline with the legends’ spear of destiny

bearyallen: he pretended to be my mentor for YEARS and, well, you know

bearyallen: her coming here, it was all HIS idea so he basically CREATED Cicada and manipulated us AGAIN through NORA and I’m so fucking tired of this

bearyallen: ik that we dealt with Cicada but still, it’s the principle of things

bearyallen: she lied about it

bearyallen: idk if I can even trust anyone anymore

bearyallen: just

bearyallen: right after my birthday and the party and St. Patrick’s Day

sunshinegirl: WHOA

sunshinegirl: that was like 3 seconDS

superreporter: oh my rao, barry

superreporter: also I’m not the only one to unexpectedly drop the f word sometimes, see

hotwing: holy shit, barry

hotwing: I don’t know this thawne guy but

Lancelot: Well, I do

Lancelot: He and Merlyn and Darhk teamed up on us and took the Spear of Destiny and let me tell you, that was the WORST half year of my second life

sunshinegirl: “second life”

dramaqueen: I had no idea

dramaqueen: Merlyn and Darhk???

Lancelot: Those were the pre-chat times

bibillionaire: are you sure you’re not just acting rashly

bibillionaire: there must be an explanation

inkedandgay: there must be a reason why she kept it from you

hotwing: 1) this reaction

hotwing: 2) spoilers

inkedandgay: we have experience with troubled kids

Lancelot: We ARE reformed troubled kids

superreporter: really, you should let her explain herself

dramaqueen: I bet you locked her up in the pipeline and ran off, isn’t that right

bearyallen: yeah, I did

bearyallen: and ik you sound reasonable but you don’t know Thawne like I do

sunshinegirl: we don’t, but nora has a right to defend herself

bibillionaire: if you knew about half the things I had to deal with with my children

bibillionaire: hell, first week in Gotham, Damian killed a man

hotwing: I don’t think that’s a good example 😅

Lancelot: Look, just

Lancelot: Don’t come to any conclusions without evidence

bearyallen: but there IS evidence, Sara

bearyallen: it’s all in her journal

bearyallen: written in the time language, which Sherloque has been secretly translating since day one

Lancelot: Okay, don’t hate me, but

Lancelot: @MamaWaverider, care to shed some light on this

MamaWaverider: I think you should let Miss West-Allen tell the story herself. It isn’t my place to share this information, as it might affect the timeline.

sunshinegirl: ok, well, whatever you do, it’s up to you, barry

sunshinegirl: but she is your daughter

 


 

tornado twins
03-19-2049
9:21 pm

 

they know

they know, joe

one day, ONE MORE DAY I had to
keep this from them and then sherloque
told everyone

oh shrap

did u tell them the real story

I didn’t get the chance

dad just locked me up in the pipeline
and locked the door

pipeline? the prison for metas?

yeah, that

how can I tell him he was the only one
who could teach us how to be speedsters?

I thought he’d understand, but

he’s the guy who put a dampener
inside our shoulders

yeah

at least they let you keep that phone

you’re right

u crying?

no

maybe

I don’t have my speed here and I
feel so powerless

mom will go get u

I know she will

but god if they knew about MY
involvement with thawne

dating his daughter

you’d be dead, lol

isn’t that like super ancient

it is

they use it a lot

ironically, I think

but you’re safe, joe, I didn’t say
anything about you in my journal

I know that technically saved my ass
now, but REALLY, NORA, NOTHING

you didn’t even remember me

ofc I remembered you

almost every day

almost

yes, almost, smh

but I do miss you

I miss you too

aaaaand you were right

mom came

so I guess good luck?

lol

did I use that right

 

10:48 pm

 

I mean, I think so

nora! I’m really fucking tired over here
but how did it go?

well

well well or WELL well

definitely not WELL well, but, well,
it’s progress

they read the journal

everything, from the white speedster
to lia and the serum and how I went
to thawne to stop him to how he
helped me and I helped him cause
they were torturing him in that cell
and I couldn’t let that happen cause
the world isn’t so black and white

and that coming here and seeing dad
was my idea because we never knew
him; all we had were some photos
and that message

I didn’t mention meloni or you so
there’s still a lot to go on

the atmosphere is still a bit tense so
I’m gonna go and spend the night
at jesse’s, but I think mom’s good
and so are the others

and anyway, I’m coming back home
in two days and nothing can change
my plans

joe?

joe, you fell asleep, you IDIOT

ugh, all this effort and for nothing

see you on thursday

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/03/19

 

lucinda: where did everyone go? are you dead?

sunshinegirl: no but close

Lancelot: Wut?

sunshinegirl: trying to sleep

sunshinegirl: except I can’t

lucinda: sexy reasons or nightmare reasons

sunshinegirl: wish it was the former

Lancelot: Put your earphones in and listen to some music

Lancelot: Clear out all the thoughts

hotwing: is it what barry said

sunshinegirl: just thoughts

sunshinegirl: also I’m hungry

hotwing: [image attached: dennys.jpeg]

sunshinegirl: ugh torture

Lancelot: Patrol?

hotwing: cheap fast food in the middle of the night give that away

lucinda: that looks rather disgusting

hotwing: it’s full of midnight oil

sunshinegirl: lmao

hotwing: but dw I’ll burn it all running across the rooftops

sunshinegirl: akdjkfknfef

rainbowsandthunder: hey! patrol buddies!

rainbowsandthunder: [image attached: mightbestormy.jpeg]

Lancelot: We have no such trouble

Lancelot: OUR trouble is the hot tub being full when I’d really love to get a massage after training

lucinda: I’ve got an unoccupied hot tub right here, ready for some recreational use

Lancelot: I’d rather not find out just how much recreational use it’s been through

hotwing: snort

lucinda: well, that’s your loss, and a waste of a perfectly good hot tub

lucinda: think I’ll just climb in myself

sunshinegirl: update: my laughter woke lena up and she’s looking at me like that cute but deadly little owl

rainbowsandthunder: oh I know exactly what u mean

Lancelot: Pics

sunshinegirl: can’t, it’s dark

sunshinegirl: x-ray vision

hotwing: your phone shines

sunshinegirl: no I don’t actually want to die

lucinda: [image attached: ihavepics.jpeg]

Lancelot: Fucking HELL

hotwing:

bibillionaire: I’d say I’d tap that ass but I did

Lancelot: BRUCE

hotwing: were you here this whole time

bibillionaire: no

lucinda: so you got a notification on that picture, how nice

bibillionaire:

rainbowsandthunder: ok but you did kill kara now @lucinda

Lancelot: And me

Lancelot: Just a little bit

hotwing: smae

hotwing: I can see the whole devil’s charms thing now

rainbowsandthunder: yeah, like, I’m gay not blind

sunshinegirl: I’m fine I’m totally fine

Lancelot: So today actually got better, wow

lucinda: pleasure

hotwing: are you actually naked in there or

hotwing: for science

lucinda: [image censored]

Lancelot: GIDEON

MamaWaverider: 😉

sunshinegirl: ok now lena and I are both suffering

hotwing: bi culture,

bibillionaire: nothing I haven’t seen before

Lancelot: Bruce honestly

lucinda: you old flirt

lucinda: the hot tub is big enough for four, just saying

lucinda: you can bring your wife too ;)

hotwing: this isn’t fair

bibillionaire: whatever for

hotwing: you KNOW

hotwing: and yes, I’m aware you’re my dad

rainbowsandthunder: you also have a gf

hotwing: we’ve had a threesome before

Lancelot: Ooh have you

bibillionaire: I didn’t have to know that

hotwing: so you know how I feel

sunshinegirl: where’s oliver in this fine moment

Lancelot: @dramaqueen

dramaqueen: This woke me up

Lancelot: Scroll up

dramaqueen: Oh

dramaqueen: Damn

sunshinegirl: *holt voice* oh damn

lucinda: honestly, come and join me, a little bit of skinny dipping has never hurt anybody

bibillionaire: except celebrities

hotwing: and that’s usssssssss

Lancelot: It’s night and we have breaches

Lancelot: But no, I’m faithful to Ava and always will be, sorry bois

dramaqueen: Same case here

bibillionaire: well, Selina rather enjoys the idea

bibillionaire: so I suppose

lucinda: excellent

lucinda: I shall bring some 🥂, if you like

bibillionaire: perhaps

rainbowsandthunder: for god’s sake just use dms

lucinda: and now you ruined the mood

lucinda: always my father

Lancelot: Ok but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want to read that either

God: I don’t, but I did, and there’s nothing I can do about that, is there?

lucinda: this is just great

God: Oh, no, don’t let me stop you. I’ll just… go now.

bibillionaire: thank you

sunshinegirl: so yeah, this didn’t help my sleeping problem at all

sunshinegirl: quite the contrary really 😅

sunshinegirl: ig I’m gonna play that music

Lancelot: 👍

hotwing: I’m gonna go climb on the roof of this denny’s and do some flips

rainbowsandthunder: y’all are useless bisexuals, I swear

Lancelot: @sunshinegirl have you heard wish you were gay by billie eilish

Lancelot: Cause that’s kinda the mood

rainbowsandthunder: good song

sunshinegirl: NO lemme connect to this interdimensional spotify thing

Lancelot: You’ll love it

rainbowsandthunder: k I have a robbery to stop, ttyl

Lancelot: Is it just me?

Lancelot: It’s just me

Lancelot: Ok then, let’s head to bed

Chapter Text

who run the world? girls!
2019/03/21

 

miniwestallen: announcement

miniwestallen: the time I got to spend here with you amazing gals and with my family has been absolutely schway and I love everything about it—but we defeated our villain and it’s time for me to go home

miniwestallen: thank you for being cool :3

jessequick: was that why you came for a sleepover

iceicebaby: So that’s where you went for two days? Earth-2?

miniwestallen: wasn’t personal, but

smoakandmirrors: it was personal

miniwestallen: but it’s ok and I forgive you for reacting the way you did

Lancelot: About Thawne?

irisbest: yeah

smoakandmirrors: also nooooo we’ll miss you

Lancelot: We’ll pop by for coffee sometime

sunshinegirl: that’s SO not fair

Lancelot: :p

badasslesbian: yeah!

badasslesbian: I’ll confiscate your ship as government property and go

TimeMom: It’s already government property.

badasslesbian: okAY

badasslesbian: can’t I visit my favorite superpowered lesbian

sunshinegirl: I thought I was your favorite superpowered lesbian?????

badasslesbian: ur my favorite superpowered bi, hun

sunshinegirl: ok 😅

babs: and you don’t even come say goodbye @miniwestallen

babs: no manners in central city

miniwestallen: sorry

miniwestallen: I didn’t want anyone to fuss over me or anything

smoakandmirrors: no it’s cool

smoakandmirrors: we be the people who deal with shit over this chat anyway

jessequick: besides, sneaking on board the waverider IS always an option

QueenZee: you think we’ll let you

smoakandmirrors: you’re too nice

Lancelot: Wanna try me

inkedandgay: she doesn’t fuck around

sleepyhead: will you still have connection to this…?

miniwestallen: idk, I think so?

MamaWaverider: Are you underestimating my communication abilities?

sleepyhead: nooo

smoakandmirrors: ok coolio

miniwestallen: so yeah. I love ya & goodbye 👋🏽

darhkling: see you in the future 😘

miniwestallen: already looking forward to it 😘

inkedandgay: but now

inkedandgay: it’s your favorite non-superpowered lesbian’s birthday

inkedandgay: where are the wishes

irisbest: omg it’s ralph’s birthday too

inkedandgay: rude

irisbest: but happy birthdayyyyy 🎉🥂💖🦇

Lancelot: Here comes a big fat kiss 😘

smoakandmirrors: party on girls’ night tomorrow?

badasslesbian: you can bet your ass

inkedandgay: you’re amazing

 


 

Messenger
Team Flash ⚡
21 Mar at 3:12 pm

 

You
so my time has come

meet me at the parking lot?

Cisco
ur going BACK TO THE FUTURE

Ralph
how long have u been waiting to
use this pun?

Cisco
long

You
lmao

yeah

and I won’t be coming back, so

grandpa joe is already here

Iris
on my way 😭

Barry
be there in a flash

Harry
I can’t come, so I’m just going to
say goodbye, West-Allen.

Jesse
sameeee 😭😭😭

ik we’ve seen each other like 3
hours ago, but I’m sad

You
awww

thank you

I’ll miss you too, jesse

Wally
bye, niece :p

see you in four or so years, yeah?

I’ll even come all the way from tibet

Cisco
assuming you’ll still be there

Wally
who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You
bye, uncle wally :p

wanna know where you’ll be in
4 years 👀😉

Caitlin
And you never told anyone

Not even me

Wally
guess I’m special

You
you’re my favorite uncle

SherLOQUE
He’s your only uncle.

Wally
:(

but we’ll talk, rite?

Joe
You can do that?

Iris
gideon can

how do you think she’s been
talking to her friends in the future,
dad

Joe
Good point

Jesse
you should socialize more

y’know, talk in person

Cisco
yeah, also a good point

You
[image]

Cisco
LAST SELFIE

oh noooo :(

Ralph
but it’s a surprise birthday party??
for me??

You
😉

we didn’t forget, dw

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

Lancelot: So does anyone have any exciting news

alienfarmboy: our baby kicked for the first time yesterday!!! I felt it even without powers!!!

inkedandgay: why does it sound like you were having the baby

sunshinegirl: lmaokdmfkef

alienfarmboy: I felt it with my HANDS

alienfarmboy: [image attached: happyfamily.jpeg]

bibillionaire: so now you get the feeling

alienfarmboy: not the feeling to adopt every stray kid I find but yeah I get whatcha mean

dramaqueen: Our baby isn’t kicking yet

Lancelot: Your baby is like a month in, Ollie

Lancelot: Felicity isn’t even showing

alienfarmboy: pity y’all live on a different earth

alienfarmboy: our kids could be friends

hotwing: your kid can be friends with your version of damian or smth

sunshinegirl: lol didn’t we talk about this

bearyallen: @alienfarmboy and since when has that ever stopped us???

Lancelot: Yeah, earth hopping is our shtick

bearyallen: Nora’s just hopped back into her timeline

bearyallen: or, well, ran

dramaqueen: What about the Situation

bearyallen: I had two days to give it a good think

bearyallen: I think I understand her motives, but still

sunshinegirl: don’t worry about it! be happy!

hotwing: DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY,

Lancelot: Put a smile in your face

bearyallen: yeah ok 😂

bearyallen: I’m gonna go and eat some food

sunshinegirl: always a good idea

 


 

the next generation
03-21-2049
4:05 pm

 

nora.west.allen: bitches get your breaches because I’m home!!!

nora.west.allen: [centralplaza.jpeg]

martina.jackson: yeah, baby!

meloni.thawne: finally joe will have someone else to annoy but me

joe.west.allen: not nice. not. nice.

joe.west.allen: but welcome home, nora!

mar’i.grayson: my breach is ready, where do we go

zoe.ramirez: idk

jon.wayne: wayne manor?

damian.wayne: of course you want to go to wayne manor

helena.wayne: what’s wrong with it

lucy.drake.kent: yeah

jon.wayne: we always get together at wayne manor

damian.wayne: it’s aunt kate’s 60th birthday, silly

damian.wayne: we’re going to the party later

jon.wayne: exactly, everyone will be there

bruce.wayne: more fun that way, papa

nora.west.allen: FUNNY THING

nora.west.allen: it’s thursday in 2019 and her 30th birthday party is tomorrow

nora.west.allen: and I agree to go there and troll them a little

nora.west.allen: since this is the Day

william.harris: oh, that’s wicked

stephanie.fox: hi hi welcome back

stephanie.fox: but if you want to come to the party, you should a) hurry up, b) bring more food

mia.smoak: you’re over there?

stephanie.fox: we’re getting it ready with mom, yeah

beatrice.decker: I’ll fly over in a minute with little ella

beatrice.decker: we can pick up some food

stephanie.fox: 👍

damian.wayne: all right, I asked father and kate if we can bring everyone else and they agreed

damian.wayne: not sure if I do, but it’s their party

nora.west.allen: I chose the best possible day to come back

nora.west.allen: and don’t tell anyone, I wanna know if they forgot

beatrice.decker: they didn’t

beatrice.decker: you shouldn’t have picked a birthday

joe.west.allen: so it’s the second best possible day then, lol

william.harris: stop trying to bring that back

Chapter Text

earth’s mightiest gays
2019/03/23

 

sunshinegirl: why are there so many birthdays right now ugh

sunshinegirl: my wallet don’t like that

Lancelot: There are birthdays when you know 100 people,

bibillionaire: do you need some money

sunshinegirl: I already have a sugar mommy but thanks

hotwing: big mood

alienfarmboy: it was diana’s birthday yesterday, right?

bibillionaire: you know Diana?

alienfarmboy: on my earth

bibillionaire: and yes, it was

bibillionaire: but one can only speculate how it really is with amazons

bearyallen: she’s basically the leader of the amazons, so why isn’t she here?

Lancelot: 🤷

sunshinegirl: and she’s a badass power bi so she FITS IN

sunshinegirl: ok so

 

sunshinegirl added dianaprince(ss) to earths’ mightiest gays

 

dianaprince(ss): Kara! Hi!

dianaprince(ss): And the rest of you

bibillionaire: Diana

dianaprince(ss): Bruce

bearyallen: weird exes energy anyone

sunshinegirl: loool

bibillionaire: not this time

alienfarmboy: she’s my ex, actually

sunshinegirl: wh a T

sunshinegirl: CLARK

dianaprince(ss): I think I’d remember that

alienfarmboy: on my earth

bearyallen: ohhhh

dramaqueen: I forgot to wish you happy birthday yesterday @dianaprince(ss)

inkedandgay: we didn’t, right girl

dianaprince(ss): Certainly not

rainbowsandthunder: girls night, loved it

sunshinegirl: two birthday parties in one

sunshinegirl: which is why I’m complaining

lucinda: never complain about a party, darling

sunshinegirl: try to keep up the drinks with a demigoddess

lucinda: I’m an angel, I’d outdrink her

dianaprince(ss): Is this a dare

lucinda: why yes, meet me at lux

dianaprince(ss): I’ll fly right over

hotwing: that’s gonna be HELLA interesting

Lancelot: 🤔

sunshinegirl: damn I wanna see

lucinda: someone needs to get this on video

sunshinegirl: ok I volunteer

sunshinegirl: but I have a dog with me is that ok

Lancelot: A dog

sunshinegirl: yeah I’m dogsitting

sunshinegirl: for a neighbor

bearyallen: dogs!!!!!!

dianaprince(ss): Dogs!!!!

lucinda: as long as it’s not a hellhound

hotwing: or krypto

sunshinegirl: it’s a yorkie

Lancelot: Awwww

sunshinegirl: [image attached: pretzel.jpeg]

bibillionaire: is the dog’s name Pretzel

sunshinegirl: yea, problem mr. I name animals after heroes from myths

bibillionaire: that was all Damian

hotwing: and then there’s batcow

inkedandgay: hello I’m awake

hotwing: finally

inkedandgay: why am I wearing a pink scarf

inkedandgay: I hate pink

Lancelot: Ask Ella

 


 

inkedandgay to awesomestCSI

 

inkedandgay: why am I wearing a pink scarf

inkedandgay: with unicorns, apparently?

inkedandgay: ig it’s yours

awesomestCSI: no it’s yours

awesomestCSI: bday gift 😉🦄

inkedandgay: gee thanks

awesomestCSI: im just sayin, gotham needs to brighten up a lil

awesomestCSI: smile! be a unicorn! dont be so dark like you just came out of the sewers

inkedandgay: we like it dark

awesomestCSI: right, the BATS

awesomestCSI: but as this vid I made proves, you loved the scarf yesterday aaaand im guessing u fell asleep in it so who’s dark now 💖💖💖💖

awesomestCSI: [video attached: happybat.mp4]

inkedandgay: ugh

inkedandgay: so ugly

inkedandgay: but I’m keeping it

awesomestCSI: yeah I knew you were a badass in ur heart

inkedandgay: excuse me, I’m literally batwoman

awesomestCSI: it’s that kinda badass that wears black clothes and pink boots, gurl

awesomestCSI: the biggest badass ever 💪💅

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

inkedandgay: ok

inkedandgay: I’ll have breakfast now

sunshinegirl: more like lunch

lucinda: meanwhile, the two dashing bisexual immortals are having drinks

Lancelot: How many

dianaprince(ss): Eight

dianaprince(ss): Still can’t feel a thing

lucinda: me neither, darling

lucinda: let’s keep the game going

rainbowsandthunder: omg they’re gonna die aren’t they

dramaqueen: Probably

sunshinegirl: they deadass switched to drinking straight from the bottle like it’s apple juice

sunshinegirl: [video attached: why.mp4]

Lancelot: Immortal IDIOTS

bibillionaire: I’m on Diana’s side

rainbowsandthunder: same

lucinda: do you have no faith in me? I’m strongly disappointed right now

bearyallen: we do but

bearyallen: she’s the daughter of Zeus

lucinda: I’m the son of god

Lancelot: But who’s better here

God: I’m definitely better. Humans haven’t worshipped Zeus for millennia!

Zeus: So you think.

God: So I know. I am God, so I know everything.

Zeus: Even your grammar is wrong. There is no capital G in god.

God: There is. I put it there.

Odin: Stop fighting, boys. Are any of you gods of wisdom?

Athena: I am, why?

Thoth: So am I.

dianaprince(ss): Please stop

dianaprince(ss): We’re not doing this again

dramaqueen: AGAIN?

sunshinegirl: BY RAO

Ra: Don’t bring him up.

Lancelot: What is this are we on drugs or smth

hotwing: ???????

hotwing: did some gods randomly infiltrate our chat??????

lucinda: I’m afraid so

Odin: Show some respect.

bearyallen: question, is Thor here

inkedandgay: back to everyone’s crush

Lancelot: 😅

Thor: Those bloody films…

sunshinegirl: ok I agree

dramaqueen: Don’t you like them?

Thor: No

Thor: It’s nothing like my real life

Odin: I am most certainly not dead.

dramaqueen: But you must’ve watched them then

Thor: We did

sunshinegirl: oliver lvl: from stunned to casual conversation

Lancelot: The others are just stunned

dramaqueen: We’ve seen things

Lancelot: Lots of things

hotwing: ig they’re… gone?

Vishnu: We are never truly gone.

hotwing: cool cool cool cool

Lancelot: So how’s the drinking competition

sunshinegirl: they’re on their third bottle of something I’m guessing is strong

sunshinegirl: no effect

bearyallen: hit them up with that alien gin

bearyallen: or cisco’s drink

dianaprince(ss): Is that the blue thing we had yesterday?

sunshinegirl: yup

sunshinegirl: also pretzel is just sitting in diana’s lap and I’m worried

inkedandgay: cause he’s not your dog?

sunshinegirl: yea

hotwing: chill animals must love her

dianaprince(ss): Animals do love me 😊

hotwing: also where did b go

bearyallen: he’s having a crisis or smth

bibillionaire: I’m here

Lancelot: Were you blankly staring at the screen until you saw we mentioned you

hotwing: he’ll deny it

bibillionaire: no

hotwing: but it’s true

hotwing: HA what did I say

inkedandgay: tim just yelled at jason to yell at damian to go get his dragon out of the kitchen

inkedandgay: and he yelled fuck you back at him and fury started a fire

inkedandgay: which was exactly why he wanted her out

inkedandgay: how is this our life

bibillionaire: I heard it too

bibillionaire: in the cave

lucinda: get the dragon here

lucinda: we’ll make firewhisky

sunshinegirl: and diana loves animals

Lancelot: We’re not giving you a dragon, Lucifer

bibillionaire: but I wouldn’t mind it if you came and took her

bibillionaire: did someone put out the fire

inkedandgay: not tim

inkedandgay: dami came down and gave him a look that could kill

inkedandgay: he’s talking to fury and trying to calm her down in what I assume is arabic now WHILE wearing that classic bitch face

inkedandgay: I love him

Lancelot: So much like your entire family

hotwing: yes 😂

inkedandgay: [image attached: pissedbabyandhisdragon.jpeg]

hotwing: d: don’t call me BABY

inkedandgay: true

hotwing: so did anyone get them any interesting alcohol

sunshinegirl: yup

sunshinegirl: luci’s definitely losing

Lancelot: Noice 💪

bearyallen: 👏👏

rainbowsandthunder: we knew it

hotwing: I got an idea,

 

hotwing changed dianaprince(ss)’s name to amazonprime

 

bearyallen: sefknfrkengfrfw

Lancelot: Wow

amazonprime: Is this what I think it is

hotwing: it’s a PUN

Chapter Text

Super Secret Vigilante Network
2019/03/25

 

smoakandmirrors: u know how we’ve been talking about archer and its impact on the future and everything

smoakandmirrors: I asked a really smart someone for help with everything now that curtis isn’t here anymore, no offence buddy, and our company now has TWO members, wooooo

holt-the-door: none taken

smoakandmirrors: so what I meant to say was

 

smoakandmirrors added alenainwonderland to Super Secret Vigilante Network

 

smoakandmirrors: welcome to the nerd squad

alenainwonderland: omg is this like team arrow

alenainwonderland: nice

dramaqueen: Are you sure about this

smoakandmirrors: yes I’m sure

dramaqueen: Ok

Laurel2.0: This has been getting a lot of new members lately

queenofthorns: I didn’t ask for it

queenofthorns: I’m Emiko btw

alenainwonderland: I’m alena and I love the got reference

holt-the-door: nerd squad kinda sums this thing up

alenainwonderland: you too!!!!

digdeep: Is there anyone who doesn’t watch GoT

screamer: Probably not

alenainwonderland: cool

alenainwonderland: now excuse me, felicity and I have lots of work to do

smoakandmirrors: that’s right

smoakandmirrors: we have a lot of kinks to work out

smoakandmirrors: and yes, I’m aware of how that sounded

will-iamqueen: lmao

Laurel2.0: I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t know what a kink is

queenofthorns: Oops

will-iamqueen: 😅

littlequeen: yeah we’re cool aunts here

dramaqueen:

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

dramaqueen: My sisters are corrupting my son

Lancelot: Ah I see Emiko quickly joined the family

amazonprime: What happened

inkedandgay: we’re experts on that, aren’t we, bruce

bibillionaire:

dramaqueen: I’m pretty sure they taught William about kinks

Lancelot: Ohhhhhhhhhh

Lancelot: I approve ;)

dramaqueen: No don’t

amazonprime: How old is he

dramaqueen: Twelve!

hotwing: that reminds me of that one time with dami…

bibillionaire: ?

inkedandgay: jay, well, showed him things

inkedandgay: when he was like 12

hotwing: and then he said it’s nothing he wouldn’t know about and made jay lose his shit lol

bibillionaire: ???

inkedandgay: you weren’t here, bruce

amazonprime: You never actually told me where you went

bearyallen: none of us knows

hotwing: except sara, apparently 👀

Lancelot: Well

bibillionaire: why are you so interested in knowing where I’ve been

bibillionaire: I came back, that’s all you need to know

lucinda: I also came back

amazonprime: From the dead?

sunshinegirl: wow

sunshinegirl: hey

bearyallen: hey!!

Lancelot: What was the score on that drinking match, again

amazonprime: I passed out half an hour later than he did

lucinda: yes, keep reminding everyone

bibillionaire: the devil isn’t so powerful after all

sunshinegirl: yeah,

alienfarmboy: how much did you have

amazonprime: A lot

dramaqueen: Define “a lot”

sunshinegirl: enough to kill a speedster

bearyallen: damnnnnn

amazonprime: I am the daughter of Zeus, after all

lucinda: and we’re here again

Lancelot: No more god fights though

amazonprime: Don’t worry, they’ll play nice

bearyallen: is there like a gods chat somewhere out there

bearyallen: cause it sounds like there is and uh

lucinda: I wouldn’t put it past them

Thor: There is, but we’re not supposed to tell anyone

sunshinegirl: oh hello again

amazonprime: You just told everyone…

Thor: My mistake

dramaqueen: You say you don’t like the movies but then you sound like Marvel Thor

bearyallen: is marvel Thor real somewhere out there

bearyallen: and how exactly does it work, are all mythologies real too?

Lancelot: You have a lot of questions

bearyallen: I’m curious

Thor: The multiverse is large

hotwing: that’s an answer, ok

hotwing: we kinda guessed that

sunshinegirl: adlfkgngdsff

Lancelot: If my fiction theory is correct

alienfarmboy: your what

Lancelot: It’s just something the Legends say

Lancelot: That there has to be at least one earth where we’re fictional

Thor: There are

Thor: You’re a TV show

Thor: I have watched every episode

dramaqueen: Say what now

Lancelot: AHA!!! AKDNFKNKDD

Lancelot: AND THEY KEPT LAUGHING AT ME

Loki: thor giving spoilers is making my day

sunshinegirl: LO K I

hotwing: hiiiiii

Loki: fangirls

Loki: i know

amazonprime: Seriously, get out and stop screwing with reality

Thor: As you say, Wonder Woman

Loki: why, that’s exactly my idea of the perfect pastime

Loki: i am the god of chaos and mischief, after all

amazonprime: 😒

Loki: fine 🐍

sunshinegirl: I OFFICALLY WANT TO SEE THE GODS CHAT

amazonprime: No

hotwing: this is so meta, like

Lancelot: Yea

Lancelot: Bruce disappeared again, huh

bibillionaire: I didn’t

bearyallen: ok but

bearyallen: we’re fictional??? in some universe??? probably more??? and marvel isn’t fictional in some???

bearyallen: does that mean Starfleet exists in some universe too

bearyallen: or time lords

sunshinegirl: you’re right 👀

rainbowsandthunder: my gf would freak out

Lancelot: My team would freak out

Lancelot: Holy shit

bearyallen: Cisco

dramaqueen: He could open breaches to those universes

sunshinegirl: shit you’re right !!

Lancelot: We could probably save-

Lancelot: Shoot you haven’t seen it yet, have you

hotwing: you saw endgame????

Lancelot: Time travel 🤷

Lancelot: We could save the unnamed people who died

Lancelot: With Gideon

MamaWaverider: I would be able to do it, yes. In theory.

Lancelot: Damn

Lancelot: Make your own fix-it fic and then make it canon

hotwing: big mood

amazonprime: What are you saying

alienfarmboy: yeah, I’m low-key lost

Lancelot: I caught the nerd speak from my family, don’t ask

sunshinegirl: whatever happened in that movie was probably bad

Lancelot: Could be easily reversed in our world

bearyallen: they have good technologies but we have better

bibillionaire: we have the Lazarus Pit, for instance

lucinda: also dragons

Lancelot: The pit’s been destroyed

bibillionaire: there are two more

Lancelot: ???

dramaqueen: ???

bibillionaire: Ra’s told me when he came to Gotham and tried to “train me”

Lancelot: The son of a bitch

sunshinegirl: o kay…

amazonprime: So what are you proposing here?

Lancelot: If we can get to a Marvel Earth, we’re helping them

Lancelot: Thanks a lot, Thor

Thor: You’re welcome

bearyallen: we’re probably fictional on that earth too

bearyallen: they’ll be just as surprised to see us too

dramaqueen: You’re right

sunshinegirl: but we’re not the earths’ mightiest heroes for nothing hehe

dramaqueen: And we could actually use their help with what’s coming

bibillionaire: is that about your deal

sunshinegirl: don’t think for a second we forgot

bearyallen: and the Monitor guy WAS testing us for a big fight

Lancelot: Endgame level fight?

bearyallen: basically

dramaqueen: There’s someone called Anti-Monitor and he’s coming for us

dramaqueen: Idk more

inkedandgay: ok but we’re the ones who are worthy

inkedandgay: not them

inkedandgay: he didn’t come to their earth

inkedandgay: I think we have to do this on our own

Lancelot: You’re right

dramaqueen: Well, yes

Lancelot: But we could still help THEM

sunshinegirl: I could meet carol danvers 👀

sunshinegirl: our captain marvel could meet their captain marvel lmao

bibillionaire: Billy?

sunshinegirl: yea

rainbowsandthunder: ok I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but ARE U FUCKIN NUTS

rainbowsandthunder: do you know what this would do???

Lancelot: Yeahhh we kinda have no sense of self-preservation or understanding of timelines what’s new

bearyallen: also a hero complex, as was pointed out

sunshinegirl: we help people!!!!

rainbowsandthunder: so next you’re gonna want to bring sirius black back? and how about ned stark? han solo? commander lexa?

rainbowsandthunder: we have real problems here in our world. drugs, poverty, racism, homophobia, islamophobia, wars, child labor, pollution, corrupt politicians, so much crime, but no, you want to go and save someone from a movie just cuz they’re real in another universe

rainbowsandthunder: think about it

alienfarmboy: I actually agree with her

rainbowsandthunder: they gotta fix it themselves

rainbowsandthunder: find another future in 14 fucking billion cuz that’s just “lazy writing” and real life works differently

rainbowsandthunder: you’re goddamn time travelers so u should know better

inkedandgay: ^^

amazonprime: ^^

hotwing: that deadpool reference

rainbowsandthunder: look, I care about those movies too but I have some common sense unlike some white people here

bearyallen: too late, Cisco found the earth

bearyallen: it’s e-616 and we should’ve known that

hotwing: because DUH

hotwing: it was staring us right in the face

bearyallen: Cisco: but it’s currently thanosed and no one brought the people back yet

Lancelot: Okay, SPOILER, but the big fight doesn’t happen till 2023 so we have time to think about it. I see Anissa’s point…

rainbowsandthunder: good

Lancelot: Yeah…

Lancelot: It’s just, we had a win and got rid of our demon problem so everyone’s overexcited

Lancelot: And I know my Legends, if they hear about this, which they will, idk if I’ll be able to stop them

bibillionaire: let’s not make any rash decisions here

hotwing: we should make a mind map

sunshinegirl: mind map?? are we 10?

bearyallen: it’s a good idea

amazonprime: Then, maybe, we can decide what to do

amazonprime: I’m sorry about this

hotwing: why

amazonprime: The gods started it

Loki: 👀

Lancelot: OF COURSE it’s always Loki

dramaqueen: Of course…

dramaqueen: Also, I have some more bad news

dramaqueen: It’s about Laurel. Someone exposed her as Black Siren

sunshinegirl: SHIT MORE MULTIVERSE TROUBLE

bearyallen: damn :(

Lancelot: Tell her I’m with her

dramaqueen: And that someone was this organization called The Ninth Circle

dramaqueen: Does that ring a bell

bibillionaire: unfortunately, it does

bibillionaire: their leader is named Dante; I’ve encountered him before

dramaqueen: We gathered as much

dramaqueen: The team and I are onto them

sunshinegirl: get them

Lancelot: For Laurel

hotwing: kick some ass

amazonprime: 💪

amazonprime: And don’t tell anyone about this conversation

Chapter Text

Talker
SuperFam™
27 Mar at 1:18 pm

 

You
any word about lex?

superGIRL POWER
no :(((((

he’s gone off the grid

L-Corp
we’re trying to track him down and
expose his connections to amertek
but other than that, no

Guardian
But don’t worry, Clark, we’ll get
him

sleepyhead
in the meantime, guess who’s now
a famous alien resistance queen 👑

ya girl

general lane
I saw the interview on tv

you were amazing, Nia

Brainy
I agree.

You
what exactly’s going on down on
earth???

winner
u know, stuff

Guardian
Lena’s cure gave me powers

reporter lane
powers???? james????

You
do you have the same powers
as us now???

how did that happen?

L-Corp
well, the cure was made from harun-
el, as you know

Guardian
Yeah, so far I’ve got super strength,
hearing and heat vision

superGIRL POWER
he also floated!!!1!

general lane
has anyone got it on video?

winner
kelly did

hey should I maybe…u know…
add her…

superGIRL POWER
yes!!

winner
ok

superGIRL POWER
wait she doesn’t know my identity

 

winner added Kelly Olsen to the group

 

Kelly Olsen
Uh, hi?

sleepyhead
too late @superGIRL POWER

Guardian
Hi, Kelly

Kelly Olsen
James?

winner
yup

recognize us

You
I guess you remember me

Kelly Olsen
superreporter, that’s Clark, I
suppose?

You
you got a hit 👈👈

L-Corp
can you keep a secret

Kelly Olsen
I’m a military shrink, ofc I can

superGIRL POWER
good cuz I’m supergirl and this is
our family

Kelly Olsen
But you’re—Kara???

superGIRL POWER
maybe I should get a different
profile image 😅 yeah

You
without the glasses

superGIRL POWER
YOU should hardly mock me, CLARK

winner
lmao

sleepyhead
oh btw where’s alex

haven’t seen her all day

general lane
banging her girlfriend

sleepyhead
riiiight

superGIRL POWER
did you HAVE TO put it like that

general lane
yes

Kelly Olsen
I’m slightly confused

Guardian
You’ll get used to it

winner
also what nickname should I give
you 🤔

 

Guardian changed Kelly Olsen’s nickname to Kelly Family

 

Kelly Family
NO

Guardian
Oh yea

reporter lane
family thing I presume?

general lane
you know it

Kelly Family
Sadly

winner
did u ever reALIZE WE HAVE
3 SETS OF SIBLINGS HERE

superGIRL POWER
all the time

Kelly Family
I joined this five minutes ago

L-Corp
maybe we should continue looking
for MY brother

superGIRL POWER
good idea babe

 


 

who run the world? girls!

 

badasslesbian: LUCY LANE JSYK I’M NOT BANGING MY GIRLFRIEND ALL DAY

badasslesbian: whoops wrong chat

irisbest: 👀

arowofbirds: 👀

Lancelot: Sure we believe you

sleepyhead: harsh

fastlane: you know what, I think you’re lying

inkedandgay: she’s not

inkedandgay: it was just twice today and now we’re exercising

mazikeen: I sure love exercising

Laurel2.0: Is that what they’re calling it these days

DrLinda: I’m literally older than you

bikean: So am I

bikean: And we’re calling it that

babs: mom since when are you here???

bikean: Since the dawn of time, why

thedoctor: don’t forget about me

spoileralert: oh no both moms babs you’re screeeewed

babs: ://

arowofbirds: teehee

trickstergoddess: thats awkward

badasslesbian: we need a little bit of awkward right now

Lancelot: You started it, Alexandra

badasslesbian: rude??

sunshinegirl: akffnrgrnre

sunshinegirl: do you have a death wish

TimeMom: I sure hope not.

Lancelot: Aww it was a joke

badasslesbian: 👁️👁️

Lancelot: Fuck that IS creepy

QueenZee: so you see how we felt now

irisbest: how’s nora doing, zari?

mazikeen: I thought she went to the future

QueenZee: she meant the other future Nora

QueenZee: she’s in a coma because of a demon

mazikeen: hey

zatannaz: been there

iceicebaby: Still?

Lancelot: John’s working on it

Lancelot: We’re on a mummy stakeout

queenofthorns: Mummy, as in

QueenZee: the bandaged thing

arowofbirds: cool

QueenZee: actually gross but thanks

awesomestCSI: are you currently talking from a different time

trickstergoddess: 861 ad

awesomestCSI: now THAT’S cool

bikean: Do I want to ask

babs: no

sunshinegirl: time travel ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

amazonprime: 861 was a good year

littlequeen: and then someone’s immoRTAL

mazikeen: hell yeah

sunshinegirl: now lemme introduce james’ sister

awesomestCSI: he was the hot one??

sleepyhead: yes ;)

littlequeen: you mean we know a guy who’s not hot

awesomestCSI: ah true

awesomestCSI: and he’s got a sister???

irisbest: lmao ella

awesomestCSI: bi & single leave me alone

 

sunshinegirl added kellyfamily to who run the world? girls!

 

kellyfamily: Another? Ok

sunshinegirl: you need the therapy 🥂

Laurel2.0: Finally someone who knows how to type

kellyfamily: Thanks

kellyfamily: I’m Kelly

Lancelot: Obviously

irisbest: nice to meet you

smoakandmirrors: has someone explained the multiverse to you yet

kellyfamily: ???

smoakandmirrors: ah

irisbest: not my turn

sleepyhead: Kara can do it

sunshinegirl: okayyyy you and james are coming for dinner today

kellyfamily: Ok

irisbest: so off topic

irisbest: I’m doing that purple ombre tomorrow

smoakandmirrors: wooooo

raven: noice

Lancelot: We’ll match

Lancelot: Though my hair’s kinda washing out :((

QueenZee: still great, cap

babs: wasn’t harley gonna do it with you

irisbest: idk we haven’t talked

kellyfamily: Are you talking about… Harley Quinzel?

thedoctor: you know her?

kellyfamily: I studied with her

sunshinegirl: wow I had no idea

smoakandmirrors: multiverse strikes a g a i n

puddin: you talkin about me?

kellyfamily: Harley?

puddin: yeah darling

kellyfamily: Do you remember me? Kelly Olsen?

puddin: can’t say I do, darling

irisbest: oh no we’re from a different universe here

sunshinegirl: that’s the long story I invited you to dinner for hehe

awesomestCSI: yeah it’s super confusing before u get used to it

superwoman: I mean, Clark and I are on a different planet,

Lancelot: We’re currently in 861 ad

miniwestallen: I’m in 2049

mazikeen: I’m a demon

Laurel2.0: I’m from a different different universe than these gals

Laurel2.0: Which the whole world knows now

queenofthorns: I’m sorry about that :(

smoakandmirrors: we’ll deal with that, dw

sleepyhead: get kelly a drink first

kellyfamily: Maybe three

iceicebaby: Also, maybe we could make a spreadsheet and add our names on it

iceicebaby: Maybe a location, too

iceicebaby: For newcomers

Lancelot: Wow that’s clever

smoakandmirrors: I’m on it!!!

smoakandmirrors: in hindsight, we should’ve done it a long time ago

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/03/30

 

Lancelot: So you’ve probably heard

alienfarmboy: heard what

sunshinegirl: you mean

Lancelot: Yeah

bearyallen: I heard

lucinda: what is this about?

alienfarmboy: yeah, some of us don’t get it

Lancelot: 1) Mick being the real Rebecca Silver made it on Fox News last night

Lancelot: 2) Nora officially works for the Bureau

Lancelot: 3) Ray is possessed by a bad, bad demon

Lancelot: 4) We have another dragon, or will have when it hatches

dramaqueen: How do you communicate like that, exactly

sunshinegirl: interdimensional telepathy??

bearyallen: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

bibillionaire: don’t give the dragon to Damian

lucinda: give the dragon to me

Lancelot: We’re like, 89% keeping it

lucinda: what about the other 11 percent

Lancelot: Magical creature theme park

rainbowsandthunder: magical creature what

Lancelot: Like Jurassic Park but hopefully foolproof

bibillionaire: hopefully

amazonprime: What kind of creatures do you have?

Lancelot: Lots

hotwing: I can see dami volunteering

bearyallen: it is the perfect summer job for him tho

Lancelot: You might be onto something

sunshinegirl: so your earth just got weirder

sunshinegirl: winn’s words not mine

bearyallen: sure

 

Cyborg joined earths’ mightiest gays

 

hotwing: wait what

hotwing: THE cyborg

alienfarmboy: how

Cyborg: I got the full grid update and asked him to search for danger and instead I joined a chat so something must be wrong 🤔

dramaqueen: I think you’re on the right address

Cyborg: wait who are you?

Lancelot: You can call us the Earths’ Mightiest Heroes

sunshinegirl: we’re gay

hotwing: and dumb

bibillionaire: team leaders

Cyborg: ah

Cyborg: I’m kinda a team leader too so I guess

hotwing: you are?

Cyborg: well, there’s this group of weirdos

hotwing: don’t tell me

hotwing: big manor, robot guy, bandage guy and rita farr?

Cyborg: and Jane, yeah

Cyborg: you know ‘em?

hotwing: one of my teammates lived there before he joined me

hotwing: another one kinda destroyed the basement

hotwing: I’m nightwing btw

Cyborg: yeah I’ve heard of you

bibillionaire: and I’m Batman

dramaqueen: Stop telling people that

Cyborg: Batman? for real?

Lancelot: I’m Sara Lance, time traveler

sunshinegirl: kara danvers, supergirl

bearyallen: I’m The Flash

dramaqueen: Oliver Queen

alienfarmboy: I’m superman

amazonprime: Diana of Themyscira

rainbowsandthunder: anissa pierce from freeland

lucinda: and I am the devil

bearyallen: does anyone know where’s Kate

sunshinegirl: still with alex

hotwing: when will she be coming back, I have to watch the kids instead and it’s a disaster

Lancelot: Them, probably: who are you calling kids????

sunshinegirl: also don’t tell us you’re not the cause of that disaster lmaoo

hotwing: I feel called out

Cyborg: y’all are crazy

alienfarmboy: I said that when they added me

sunshinegirl: and then you learned better, right clark

alienfarmboy: yeah

Lancelot: We should give that guy a nickname

dramaqueen: What’s your name?

Cyborg: uh I don’t rly say that?

bibillionaire: we can keep secrets

bearyallen: like I literally said I was the Flash when my name is my nickname

sunshinegirl: or as close as lol

hotwing: *singing* we’re faaaaaamilyyyyyyy

hotwing: ‘sides, I know your team, right?

Cyborg: my name’s Vic

Cyborg: stone

Lancelot: Already got one

lucinda: I think I know

Lancelot: Right ;)

Cyborg: yeah no I’ve been called stoner for years in high school

lucinda: ah, he got it

bearyallen: I shall assign the job to Cisco

sunshinegirl: good idea

Cyborg: who

Lancelot: Look dude, we’re a group of like 100 people and explaining would take a while so just roll with it and then come to the next big meet-up

bearyallen: which will probably be the endgame premiere, right?

bibillionaire: I’ll take care of that again

rainbowsandthunder: great!!

hotwing: aaand we’re here again

amazonprime: Let’s not have that debate again

Lancelot: Agreed

lucinda: if dad and his friends play nice

amazonprime: They will this time

Cyborg: so you meet up like this for movies? 100 people?

sunshinegirl: yeah and also birthdays and parties and stuff

rainbowsandthunder: we’ve got girls night every friday

Lancelot: And more chats

bearyallen: hit up @MamaWaverider for info

bibillionaire: she’s the AI here

Cyborg: no I have grid for that but thanks

MamaWaverider: Is he an AI too?

hotwing: gideon has a crush alfnfknkf

MamaWaverider: I am incapable of what you call “crush”.

Lancelot: We know about your dreams involving a certain former captain

dramaqueen: Really

Lancelot: Oh, really

Grid: Yes, I am Victor’s AI and I can get any information or connection available in this universe. I also connected him to this. For reasons.

MamaWaverider: I see.

MamaWaverider: Well, I can connect to other universes as well, so I would say I am superior, but that is merely the first impression, and I have learnt that you should not judge someone by such.

Grid: We will see.

Cyborg: wow ok

Lancelot: That was flirting

sunshinegirl: definitely

hotwing: do you think the ais will get their own chat

dramaqueen: Maybe with Archer too

bearyallen: and like, FRIDAY and JARVIS

hotwing: batcomputer

Lancelot: Aida

bearyallen: Mr. Smith

hotwing: vai from twd

Cyborg: what are you on about

Cyborg: and yes grid I know you know but I’m talking to these people now

sunshinegirl: lmao

bibillionaire: have you heard about the multiverse

sunshinegirl: this is the second time this week,

Cyborg: I’ve heard theories

dramaqueen: It’s real

Lancelot: And we’ve come to the conclusion every movie, book and tv show is real somewhere

amazonprime: And we have the means of connecting to them

Cyborg: cool cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

hotwing: no doubt no DOUBT NO DOUBT

sunshinegirl: noice you’re a b99 fan

bearyallen: you’re family now

Cyborg: thanks

Cyborg: so we’re looking for the chief and we know he’s not in this dimension

Cyborg: sounds like you might help

hotwing: I thought he was dead?

Cyborg: why

hotwing: the girl who destroyed the basement? we thought she killed him

Cyborg: no, he’s alive but just, gone

dramaqueen: Who’s this chief?

Cyborg: the real leader here

Grid: [image attached: thechief.png]

bibillionaire: I met this guy once, about 10 years ago

bibillionaire: he looked exactly the same

Lancelot: He kinda looks like that one James Bond but older

dramaqueen: That’s weirdly accurate

bearyallen: so do you have any idea where he could be

bearyallen: or why he’s gone in the first place

Cyborg: someone called Mr. Nobody took him

Cyborg: idk where he’s at. no one does, not even grid

Lancelot: Mr. Nobody

Lancelot: Sounds real terrifying

sunshinegirl: can you get your team to connect with us

Cyborg: they were all born in like, the 50s

Cyborg: they don’t even know how laptops work lol

Cyborg: so no

alienfarmboy: righto

dramaqueen: Never mind

bibillionaire: they don’t call me world’s greatest detective for nothing

bibillionaire: we can find him

Cyborg: thanks, Batman

hotwing: fuck batman

hotwing: we can do it sooner

bibillionaire: I’m your father???

Lancelot: I’m with Dick

sunshinegirl: bruce got roasted instead of oliver, what’s going on

dramaqueen: Guess it’s a happy day

Cyborg: wait

Cyborg: Bruce Wayne

amazonprime: He figured it out!!!

sunshinegirl: conGRATS

bibillionaire:

bibillionaire: yes, I’m Bruce Wayne, can we move on now

Lancelot: 👍

bearyallen: but honestly, Mick??? writing romance novels??? wow

Cyborg: you mean Rebecca Silver? you know him?

bearyallen: he was my villain once

bearyallen: kidnapped us a lot

Lancelot: He’s on my team now

Cyborg: time travelers…?

Lancelot: Yup

Cyborg: still weird

Chapter Text

teenage mutant ninja humans
2019/04/01

 

garfieldthecat: yo billy happy birthday!!!!!!!!!

spoileralert: you only have one year left till you can drive now

cullennotedward: how great to have someone my age here

sandsnark: dude you’re 16 in like 4 months 😛

gert-cobblepot: what a big deal 🙄

captainmarvel: wow thanks a lot guys

fatherofdragons: happy birthday

captainmarvel: tfw demon spawn is the only one who means it

fatherofdragons: who are you calling demon spAWN

futurerobin: you. specifically.

captainmarvel: im joking lmao

captainmarvel: also cass I technically AM allowed to drive,,, perks of having an adult body y’all,,,

raven: maybe you CAN drive but you SHOULDN’T

spoileralert: teehee

captainmarvel: harsh much

raven: I’m the actual demon spawn I can say that

 

fatherofdragons changed raven’s name to actualdemonspawn

gert-cobblepot changed their name to littlemisscriminal

 

littlemisscriminal: so we match 🤷

actualdemonspawn: you know what I don’t hate this thanks d

jasontoad: SO WUT R U PLANNING FOR APRIL FOOLS DAY

babs: what are YOU planning for april fool’s day 👀

captainmarvel: hehehhee ik what I’m doing

captainmarvel: this is gonna be the best bday EVAH

futurerobin: WERE HARDYL GONNA TELL U WUT WERE DOINF BABS

spoileralert: this is PRANK WAR

garfieldthecat: may the best prank win 😄😄😄😄😄

will-iamqueen: thank god we’re out of this

zoo-e: maybe you are 👀

will-iamqueen: you betrayed m e

actualdemonspawn: noice zoe NOICE

arowofbirds: sorry I can’t do it this year I’ve got a date

actualdemonspawn: date???? wow

littlemisscriminal: are they hot

fatherofdragons: are they one of us

sandsnark: who tho

cullennotedward: bitch when

arowofbirds: APRIL FOOLS MOTHERFUCKERS

 


 

Extended BatFam

 

jasontoad: BEHOLD

jasontoad: [video attached: demonbaby.mp4]

lesbianaunt: ????????

catmom: but you gotta admit he looks good

batdad: isn’t this a little bit too much

futurerobin: N O P E

futurerobin: #prankwar

garfieldthecat: WE MATCH AKDNKFNKFE

actualdemonspawn: your hair is lighter

coriander: When did you change your nick

actualdemonspawn: it was d’s prank I guess aldjkfkf

fatherofdragons: hardly

fatherofdragons: you won’t see me coming

futurerobin: wow me afraid

hotwing: were you guys just… waiting for him in front of the bathroom

jasontoad: with the camera ready, yes

hotwing: how is dami not fuming with rage right now YOU DYED HIS HAIR GREEN

fatherofdragons: they’re fools for thinking I wouldn’t find out my shampoo was dark green, but I wanted to give them the satisfaction

fatherofdragons: and also thank them because this colour brings out my eyes and I love it

lesbianaunt: you guys lost

futurerobin: we’ll see about that yet

superidiot: WHO PUT FAKE KRYPTONITE IN MY CEREAL IS A DEAD BITCH

ladyoftroy: you will never catch me boy

superidiot: then why are you hiding

ladyoftroy: precaution

hotwing: donna that’s SAVAGE

ladyoftroy: I KNOW

ladyoftroy: today we know no friend

fatherofdragons: let’s have breakfast now though

spoileralert: yes sir

markofcain: ok

catmom: coming

jasontoad: wait where’s alfred

batdad: he went to the city to do the shopping

babs: hmmmm 🤔

futurerobin: DAT BITCH SWAPPED SUGAR AND SALT HE KNEW ID MAKE COFFEE

batdad: are you sure it was Alfred

futurerobin: DA D

batdad: what did Donna say, today we know no friend?

hotwing: can you hear the applause

actualdemonspawn: 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

spoileralert: rubs hands evilly

 


 

Team Trash Humans

 

QueenZee: guys

QueenZee: the dragon has hatched and

darhkling: what

gayforray: 👀

QueenZee: it’s not a dragon

QueenZee: it’s a dinosaur

TimeMom: A dinosaur?

Lancelot: Great

QueenZee: I think it’s one of those herbivorous kinds

grunt: I still want it

darhkling: I’m running to the lab

gayforray: so am I

gayforray: ZARI THERE’S NO DINOSAUR

gayforray: IT HASN’T HATCHED

Lancelot: Ohhhhhhhhh

QueenZee: can’t believe you fell for it

darhkling: oH

grunt: why is rocket the raccoon pointing a gun at me and eating my breakfast

Lancelot: Wait, what

gayforray: fuck he is

darhkling: [image attached: rocket.jpeg]

notbarryallen: guys have you maybe considered,,, it’s another april fools joke

grunt: dammit

QueenZee: [video attached: aprilfools.mp4]

TimeMom: Of course it was Charlie.

notbarryallen: wow the faces tho 😂😂😂

trickstergoddess: they seriously thought that was really rocket

trickstergoddess: idiots

QueenZee: I told you so

darhkling: YOU TEAMED UP

darhkling: THE EGG WAS A DISTRACTION

trickstergoddess: of course it was, darling

QueenZee: 😘

Lancelot: Lol

notadick: you do this and meanwhile I got a text from my damian that jason died and the funeral was tomorrow at wayne manor and that I should bring my secret boyfriend they totally know I have with me

gayforray: wow

darhkling: is it really april fools or…?

notadick: fuck it’s not REAL

notadick: I mean, I assume & hope so

notbarryallen: but how do they know about me

notadick: I might’ve made a… slip

Lancelot: Ah

QueenZee: I thought you didn’t talk to your family?

notadick: only bruce

notadick: I still talk to the rest of them

Jaxon: courtesy of Cisco ig?

notadick: yup

QueenZee: how did three earths get mixed up in this

gayforray: at least we don’t know e-18 or e-38 us PERSONALLY

TimeMom: Because that would be totally weird, right, knowing someone who looks like you but isn’t you.

trickstergoddess: youre making clone jokes now, thats progress

darhkling: and you’re nice to someone, also progress

trickstergoddess: blast off darhk

notadick: fun fact

notadick: on my earth jason has been dead for a while and it’s one of the reasons I left

notadick: the other reasons are having gotten rid of the criminals who did it and all the others & the fact it’s protected by a “good” faction of the league and the rest of my family including a witch assassin aunt jax who sort of hates me soooo

notadick: I never told you this so you believed that message before alsjkfnfef APRIL FOOLS

notadick: but it’s true that I talk to them lmao

notadick: [image attached: earth18fam.png]

QueenZee: this is some next level shit, rick, wow

Lancelot: Wait, what’s true??

gayforray: man you had me

notbarryallen: the second thing is true

notbarryallen: unless he’s been lying to me for half a year

notadick: yeah I’m really from the league of assassins and I’m here to kill you

notadick: but I fell in love with you so that’s not happening ig

notadick: askdnknff that’s a JOKE but if ur faces are anything like wally’s

grunt: [image attached: wtf.jpeg]

notbarryallen: I was worried here for a bit

Lancelot: So are we

darhkling: WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD

notadick: DO IT FOR THE VINE

notadick: it still exists on e-18 so HEH

Jaxon: wait aunt jax????

notadick: not you

notadick: jax danvers

Lancelot: Danvers?

notadick: they have a thing for adoption, not unlike bruce

TimeMom: Is there a third Danvers sister on your earth?

notadick: she’s weird and gay and lowkey violent cause yea she was in the league and the military… would fit on your team, lbr

Lancelot: Shame we’re not recruiting

notadick: she’s also dating emiko queen, you know her, right

gayforray: yah she’s odd

QueenZee: wow

QueenZee: is your earth gayer than ours

notadick: possibly

darhkling: but a witch

darhkling: we could use another one against neron

darhkling: we could use ANYONE at this point

gayforray: true ://

notadick: she ain’t got time ://

grunt: if this is another prank

notadick: no dw

Lancelot: [video attached: butthisis.mp4]

 


 

Messenger
Team Flash ⚡
1 Apr at 1:16 pm

 

You
ICED FLOORS, TOOTHPASTE
OREOS, WHAT’S NEXT

Caitlin
❄️❄️❄️

😉😉😉

Cisco
we shall see 👀

Ralph
we shall indeed

Iris
oh but don’t underestimate barry,
guys

that’s all I’m saying :’)

Harry
Cisco took all my toothpaste in a
double prank, just so you know.
It wasn’t funny but

[image]

Wally
😂😂😂

You
omg

wait that was HIM???

Cisco
toothpaste oreos, the best,

 


 

Talker
SuperFam™
1 Apr at 3:48 pm

 

You
Why does everyone keep
hugging me today? Is this an
earth habit I’m not familiar
with?

badass lesbian
should we tell him

winner
but it’ll ruin the fun?

You
I already know something’s
going on, Winn.

superGIRL POWER
brainy look up april fools day ;)

reporter lane
here on argo no one gets it :(((

general lane
what a pity

You
Oh. I see.

I quite like this custom!

winner
oh

oh no

you have no idea what you’ve done,
kara

superGIRL POWER
do I

badass lesbian
wait

YOU called me to the deo this
morning

how did you do haley’s voice

superGIRL POWER
I have no idea what ur talking
about…,,

Guardian
That was me, actually 😉

Guess I have a new superpower

You
Really?

Kelly Family
You don’t know my brother at all,
do you

I gotta tell you about all the April
Fools jokes we did as kids

Guardian
You wouldn’t

superGIRL POWER
pls do

superreporter
do it here so I can read it

L-Corp
you wouldn’t believe what happened
today

bruce wayne called me

and I don’t mean the e-1 one, I mean
THIS bruce wayne

or, well, batman, technically

he told me he’d do an exclusive for
catco and support the alien campaign
by revealing he’s actually an alien
too and that they don’t only live
in nc but elsewhere too

in his batman voice

and then he said, still in that voice,
APRIL FOOLS but that he will
still do the exclusive this week

so I gave him kara’s number

superGIRL POWER
WHAT

winner
that was wild from beginning to end

superGIRL POWER
ik I literally make fun of bruce daily
in our chat but HOLY SHIT

this earth’s bruce??? that’s such
an honor??? I’ll get to interview
him??????

L-Corp
I told him you’re my girlfriend and
that’s you’re the best person for
the job <333

superGIRL POWER
akdksfnggdad

I love you sm 😍

reporter lane
it’s the opposite of him doing an
interview with e-1 james and me

winner
we know lots of ppl twice how
wack is THAT

superGIRL POWER
@ lois did clark tell you that

reporter lane
yes

even the bits where e-1 bruce had
a one night stand with e-1 me
after the interview

superreporter
what, we’re a couple that tells the
other everything

sleepyhead
damn I want that kind of love :(

general lane
so btw

I asked sam out last week and she
said yes

winner
no we know this strategy

we won’t fall for it

superGIRL POWER
yea,

badass lesbian
do you think we’re idiots

general lane
[screenshot]

teehee bitches

sleepyhead
omg???

Guardian
Oh. I’m happy for you!

Kelly Family
You… used to date, right?

general lane
yep

I’m bi you know

Kelly Family
I’m a lesbian, you know

badass lesbian
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

general lane
if it doesn’t work out with sam I’ll
call you

Kelly Family
Sure

Guardian
NO

That would be WEIRD

general lane
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

winner
guess she has a type 👉👉

Guardian
Gross

badass lesbian
can’t be weirder than my maggie/
kate situation ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@Kelly Family I’ll tell you about
that someday

Kelly Family
We have to grab coffee sometime

You
Please come to the server room;
it’s on fire!

Quickly!

winner
brainy, babe, that seriously isn’t
convincing anyone

lesson 31: you have to use believable
lies on april fools

superreporter
lesson 31?

winner
earth/21st century customs

superGIRL POWER
I feel this

 


 

Instagram

 

timmmdrake #aprilfoolsday prank war 2019 | you’d never guess who won. (sadly) not us, not @stephbrownie, not @thegrayson, not @brucewayne. the BUTLER. round of applause!!!

Liked by damnianwayne, smoakandmirrors, stephbrownie, oliverqueenreal and 681 others
View All 118 Comments
katekane and he deserved it! we love you, Alfred
stephbrownie but dami’s hair is still a GEM
            damnianwayne @stephbrownie thanks, I know

 

 

Chapter Text

screamer to Lancelot
2019/04/02

 

screamer: Hi, Sara

screamer: I know you have a lot on your plate with the demon but I need your help

screamer: It’s Laurel

Lancelot: Shoot

screamer: You probably know the Ninth Circle exposed her

screamer: She’s had a lot of bad shit going on ever since and she just snapped at me and left two days ago

screamer: I haven’t seen her since but I’m worried she might do something stupid like turn on the dark side again because she still has trouble believing she can be good sometimes, no matter how many times I say it’s hard but she already got there and she can only rise higher

screamer: Or, you know, have drinks and sex and cuddles

Lancelot: Didn’t need to know THAT

Lancelot: But I totally get where she’s coming from and how she feels and… I can go and talk to her

screamer: I know I should help like, fuck, I’m her girlfriend

screamer: But I think she really needs a sister right now

Lancelot: I can try, yeah

screamer: But maybe bring your costume, too

screamer: The Ninth Circle are some real tough bitches and if they’re after her

Lancelot: DAMN I haven’t put that on in like, a year

Lancelot: But you got it, Canary ;)

screamer: Oh my god

Lancelot: Legends go down in style

 


 

Team Trash Humans

 

Lancelot: Guys

Lancelot: I know this is a hard time but Laurel is in trouble and I… I HAVE to go help her

monalisa: what about johnny

gayforray: our mission failed SPECTACULARLY and Neron is still on the run AND he has him

Lancelot: Have Archer find him like we did with Ava

Lancelot: I know it’s been a week but we CAN do this, all right

QueenZee: yeah

QueenZee: those pranks helped a bit

trickstergoddess: yeah

TimeMom: Go, Sara, the Bureau’s handling it. Your sister is important too.

Lancelot: So yeah I’m taking the jumpship, see you later

Lancelot: Don’t get yourselves killed

darhkling: got it, cap

gayforray: we’re good at not dying

 


 

earths’ mightiest heroes

 

Lancelot: [image attached: greetingsfromsc.jpeg]

sunshinegirl: you’re in star city??

dramaqueen: Is this about Laurel

Lancelot: Yeah

Lancelot: Dinah asked me to come and we found out it’s actually worse than we thought

bearyallen: what’s going on???

Lancelot: She’s gone rogue again

alienfarmboy: she’s the canary, ain’t she?

dramaqueen: One of them

sunshinegirl: on our earth the og laurel still is black canary

Lancelot: Ah

Cyborg: I thought laurel lance was black siren

Lancelot: She was, then she turned good, now she’s black siren again bc of the shit they said on the news last week

Lancelot: Us Lances are complicated lmao

hotwing: not more than our family

bearyallen: or our time travel business

Lancelot: True

Lancelot: K I’m going into action, ttyl

hotwing: vic really needs a nickname

hotwing: the caps are weird here

sunshinegirl: sara literally uses a capital letter

hotwing: I’m used to that

 

Cyborg changed their name to victor-ious

hotwing changed victor-ious’s name to victorious

 

hotwing: better

victorious: lmao why

inkedandgay: SO how did y’all survive april fools

lucinda: I threw a party

rainbowsandthunder: jen put a paper cup on the floor and put a post it note on it that just said “big spider under” and later lifted it to kill it n I should’ve known it was a joke but I still freaked out when she yelled THE SPIDER’S GONE

rainbowsandthunder: I fucking hate spiders

hotwing: what if there really was a radioactive spider and you’d become spider-woman

rainbowsandthunder: already have powers so no thanks

victorious: you a metahuman, or…?

rainbowsandthunder: yeah, my dad was one so me n my sister inherited the genes

bearyallen: I have a speedster daughter too

bearyallen: she came here from the future to visit me and Iris

victorious: grid, add that to the list of weird things these guys say

sunshinegirl: lsjfknfrjfer

Grid: Done.

lucinda: you and I should have a chat, young man

victorious: k

rainbowsandthunder: you really have that list???

victorious: I do now

victorious: but believe me the list of weird things my team says is much longer

hotwing: I believe you

sunshinegirl: where’s bruce

inkedandgay: enterprises board meeting

lucinda: boring

dramaqueen: So Felicity just sent me this

dramaqueen: [video attached: saraonthesalmonladder.mp4]

bearyallen: I take it the mission went badly

lucinda: holy hell

rainbowsandthunder: damn girl

victorious: so that’s sara

dramaqueen: Yep

dramaqueen: And Felicity is my wife

sunshinegirl: but he used to sleep with sara

sunshinegirl: who has a gf now

hotwing: he also used to sleep with bruce

alienfarmboy: I didn’t know??

amazonprime: Me neither

bearyallen: they were married for like 5 days

inkedandgay: VEGAS

dramaqueen: WHY do you keep bringing it up

sunshinegirl: new guys don’t know 😉😉

victorious: ohhh yeah I looked it up

amazonprime: Having a personal computer in your mind isn’t fair

victorious: trust me I hate it

Lancelot: Oliver is so petty pffft

Lancelot: But hey, always happy to show off ;)

inkedandgay: welcome back

Lancelot: Also yesterday we had a nice talk with e-18 rick and apparently @sunshinegirl has another sister on that earth

sunshinegirl: I have a who

Lancelot: It’s not a prank

Lancelot: [image attached: revelations.png]

hotwing: oKAY

sunshinegirl: cool,,,

dramaqueen: She is dating WHO

sunshinegirl: YOUR SISTER

sunshinegirl: BY FUCKING RAO

inkedandgay: hmmmmm

Lancelot: But like, I get that

Lancelot: Emiko is a real snack in that red leather costume

dramaqueen: Sara

Lancelot: It’s the TRUTH Ollie

sunshinegirl: guess you have a type

Lancelot: So do you hun

Lancelot: Sexy and Smart People Who Work at CatCo™

bearyallen: or own catco

sunshinegirl: agashasbhasah

sunshinegirl: wow,

amazonprime: I approve

hotwing: look, the bi goddess approves

rainbowsandthunder: yo vic

rainbowsandthunder: straight, bi or gay

alienfarmboy: yeah I don’t wanna be the only straight guy here

victorious: you’re not

alienfarmboy: GREAT

Lancelot: Hmm that’s fine I guess

victorious: lol this is like the opposite of how it normally goes

Lancelot: Look, Victor

Lancelot: My team is 100% LGBT

Lancelot: Legends are NEVER straight

sunshinegirl: MOOD

hotwing: M O O D

lucinda: I basically invented bisexuality

bearyallen: you didn’t

lucinda: didn’t I

lucinda: I am the meme that goes “god said adam and eve so I did both” incarnate

lucinda: literally, that happened, and it was many a fantastic night

amazonprime: Men…

inkedandgay: I feel that on a profound level

sunshinegirl: YEAH

bearyallen: same and I’m a man

Lancelot: But let’s do a bi-five cause we still like them for some reason 🖐️

lucinda: 🖐️

bearyallen: 🖐️

dramaqueen: 🖐️

hotwing: 🖐️

amazonprime: 🖐️

sunshinegirl: 🖐️

hotwing: and one for bruce 🖐️

inkedandgay: he wouldn’t have used an emoji even if he were here lol

hotwing: exactly

victorious: ok I’m starting to like y’all

victorious: still more normal than my ragtag group who don’t even do team meetings smh

dramaqueen: You have those?

victorious: you don’t

sunshinegirl: no we have game night and the chats

bearyallen: yeah

dramaqueen: We deal with stuff on missions

Lancelot: And during meals

Lancelot: Speaking of, gotta bounce again, Felicity found Laurel again and this time we’re going in as a badass girl team and we gon get that bitch back

Lancelot: Canaries stick together!!!

bearyallen: woooo

sunshinegirl: YOU GO BIRDS

lucinda: as a british person I must say that’s a clever line

dramaqueen: You’re not even British

lucinda: but I have the accent 😉

sunshinegirl: god I love british accent

amazonprime: Which one

inkedandgay: irish ;)

sunshinegirl: ladmkfkernf kATE

sunshinegirl: but damn it’s true I love lena luthor

victorious: Luthor????

sunshinegirl: she’s a good one

victorious: k

bearyallen: multiverse business

hotwing: man I gotta tell you about that one time we went to an earth where we were all evil and b was still married to oliver,

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/04/04

 

sunshinegirl: I’ve come to a conclusion

sunshinegirl: if I can have another sister on another earth

sunshinegirl: and the multiverse is infinite

sunshinegirl: there’s a really large probability that carol danvers is my adoptive sister SOMEWHERE OUT THERE

hotwing: the truth is out thereeeeeee

bearyallen: !!!

Lancelot: I mean, probably?

dramaqueen: How long have you spent thinking about that

sunshinegirl: TOO LONG DKFNKFN

sunshinegirl: LIKE,, COME ON IT OBVIOUS

alienfarmboy: are you talking about the movie right now

hotwing: she didn’t yell it in your chat yet

alienfarmboy: different planet, different time zones

victorious: ok that’s a mind fuck

Lancelot: And you don’t even know how similar they are

victorious: I can imagine

dramaqueen: Gideon?

MamaWaverider: Yes?

dramaqueen: Can you calculate the probability?

bearyallen: better yet, cisco can probably find out

bearyallen: when he gets back from e-2

sunshinegirl: what’s he doing there

bearyallen: he’s with Harry

bearyallen: @victorious his slightly older, grumpy, billionaire tech guru boyfriend

victorious: I’m slowly getting the hang of it 👍

bearyallen: he owns STAR Labs

victorious: wait, star labs? my dad works at star labs

victorious: that’s where I, well, became cyborg after the… accident

bearyallen: seriously?

bearyallen: Team Flash operates out of STAR Labs!

Lancelot: Barry also owns the e-1 version of it

Lancelot: CC star labs

victorious: you own it????

victorious: guess ik where to go if shit gets fucked up inside

bearyallen: anyone’s welcome here 😊

dramaqueen: Except villains

bearyallen: that

sunshinegirl: alTHOUGH

bearyallen: can everyone just let the rogues thing go?? it’s been years

Lancelot: If anyone understands redeeming bad guys, it’s us

hotwing: hey, how’d it go with laurel

bibillionaire: I heard what happened

Lancelot: Yeah

Lancelot: We got to her

Lancelot: She went on e-2 with Cisco but she’ll be back

dramaqueen: She better

dramaqueen: We need her if we’re going to defeat the Circle

amazonprime: Do you need any help with punching men

dramaqueen: Not yet but I’ll let you guys know

sunshinegirl: wow

sunshinegirl: is he admitting he might NEED HELP

dramaqueen: I’m not Bruce

bibillionaire: that was uncalled for

hotwing: it’s true you never ask for help

bibillionaire: and you always run in anyway

hotwing: it’s how this relationship works 😉

Lancelot: How was your meeting

Lancelot: Terribly dull I hope

bibillionaire: it went on for hours

bibillionaire: but I convinced them to spare some money for renovation and communal spaces

bearyallen: parks & rec 👀

hotwing: ikr

inkedandgay: gotham NEEDS THAT

sunshinegirl: it’s the perfect way to a better future!

dramaqueen: You sound like an inspirational poster right now

rainbowsandthunder: you do

sunshinegirl: aldsdkjfndff

sunshinegirl: I’m bored on a plane

Lancelot: Why tf are you on a plane

sunshinegirl: idk, formal business with kaznia????

sunshinegirl: I TOLD lena I could just,, grab her bridal style and fly, but no

Lancelot: Ooh, one on one time with your lady in a foreign country 👀

sunshinegirl: we’re chasing lex ://

alienfarmboy: he’s in kaznia?

sunshinegirl: which you’d know if you checked the superfam chat

alienfarmboy: you’re right

bearyallen: well, we’re bored at the labs

rainbowsandthunder: how’s that sweet life of not fighting anyone

inkedandgay: peace in the city? don’t know her

bearyallen: SAME

bearyallen: we’re going bowling with the fam later

bearyallen: haven’t been in ages

dramaqueen: I love bowling

Lancelot: Seriously?

dramaqueen: What

dramaqueen: I was a normal guy once

bibillionaire: who was good at always knocking all ten pins down even before all the archery

sunshinegirl: oooo more stories about ollie and bruce’s past

dramaqueen: I was competitive

bibillionaire: it wasn’t only bowling

Lancelot: 👀

hotwing: 👀

dramaqueen: Go to hell with those

lucinda: did someone summon me

sunshinegirl: lmao luci

hotwing: lmao

victorious: I went to make a sandwich, what’d I miss

amazonprime: Aren’t you always connected to Grid

victorious: [image attached: notalways.jpeg]

bearyallen: did you just take a picture of your phone in your hand through grid

victorious: eye camera

Lancelot: If Gideon were this awesome

MamaWaverider: I can read this, captain.

Grid: Thank you!

MamaWaverider: I still am superior.

Grid: 🤔

Lancelot: So we’re doing emojis now

victorious: god I hope the ais won’t take over or something

inkedandgay: we’d be fucked

dramaqueen: Tell that to my wife

bearyallen: for what it’s worth, we think Archer is a good thing

Lancelot: Yeah, she helped us twice now

sunshinegirl: how’s the demon problem

Lancelot: Still a problem :(

lucinda: I’m sorry he keeps bothering you

Lancelot: A fat lot of good that does us

Lancelot: But we’ve got the beginning of another plan

hotwing: we’ve defeated a demon before

hotwing: rachel’s dad

bibillionaire: that was still mostly her

hotwing: yeahhh we almost died

hotwing: he showed me this perfect fantasy world and kept me trapped in there for god knows how long

sunshinegirl: that reminds me of the first time I met you guys!!!

Lancelot: Dominators……

dramaqueen: Dominators. Never again

hotwing: that shit happened to you too?

sunshinegirl: yup

sunshinegirl: the one time there were aliens on your earth,

victorious: how do you know there aren’t always aliens, just masked

amazonprime: That makes sense

alienfarmboy: you don’t 👉👉

Lancelot: We don’t, that’s the answer

alienfarmboy: lol

bearyallen: I gotta listen to that all the time from Cisco askfknfkrf

alienfarmboy: I’m an alien and lived just fine until I was about 22

sunshinegirl: ditto

sunshinegirl: but rao, lockwood is really getting on my nerves

sunshinegirl: he hunts us like deer now

bearyallen: omg, I didn’t know

dramaqueen: Can’t someone do something to stop him?

sunshinegirl: we’ll hopefully find evidence here

sunshinegirl: speaking of, we’ve arrived in kaznia

sunshinegirl: it’s every bit the communist paradise you’d hope for

bibillionaire: good luck with the evidence

inkedandgay: bring me some vodka

Lancelot: Two types of people

sunshinegirl: idk if we’ll have time to get VODKA, KATE

inkedandgay: but you can try

inkedandgay: I really need it

rainbowsandthunder: did something happen

lucinda: vodka is always a good idea

dramaqueen: Dig would say it’s for pussies

lucinda: well, I do prefer cognac myself

inkedandgay: it’s nothing

hotwing: no it isn’t

inkedandgay: why does everyone care, ugh

sunshinegirl: because we like helping ppl!

inkedandgay: alex and I had a fight, but it’s fine

sunshinegirl: wait what

sunshinegirl: she didn’t say anything,

inkedandgay: it was, uh

inkedandgay: mostly about lockwood and the deo

inkedandgay: and earth hopping

inkedandgay: she’s not picking up her phone now

alienfarmboy: well, fuck

bearyallen: that’s not “fine”

sunshinegirl: WHAT DID U DO

inkedandgay: and there goes your helping people…

inkedandgay: just let it go, kara

bibillionaire: I’m sure Jason is hiding some vodka in the kitchen, go and drink that

inkedandgay: good idea

inkedandgay: at least he won’t be drinking it that way

hotwing: double win

sunshinegirl: and I’m DOUBEL WORRIED

Chapter Text

Talker
Kelly Olsen
4 Apr at 11:16 am

 

uh, hi

I hope I’m not bothering you

but you said we should have coffee
sometime and now might be the
time

I need to talk about something

Hi, Alex!

I was actually heading out for a jog

oh

But you could come with me? If
you want to

yeah, ok

I’ll meet you at the park?

Perfect

give me like 15 minutes

👍🏾

 


 

Alex

iMessage
Thu, Apr 04 at
9:21 PM

 

alex????

what happened with kate??????

whAT

kara who told you

her

right

well, so you know we got into a
fight and it was quite rough

she left through a breach without
even apologizing like the e-1 hoe
she is

woW

those are STRONG WORDS,
alex

it’s true

god I’m so stupid for thinking this
could WORK

what are you saying???

did you BREAK UP ALEX

no

not yet

not YEt???

you’re amazing together! You’re
really alike, u know, a good match

u know, I think that’s the problem,
we’re TOO alike for this to work

well……

where are you now

we’re on our way back from kaznia

did you find the evidence we need

yes we did

that’s great!

we also found out more about the
clone that attacked the white house

she looks EXACTLY like me

how???

harun-el, most likely

but don’t think idk this isn’t just
avoiding the topic

yeah, wel

I texted kelly and we went for a jog

 kelly, huh

it’s not like tHAT you

bitch

you wanted to say that

well, yeah

but yeah, she’s really nice and ugh

omg alex?? do you like her??

no I don’t

I’m still in a relationship, u know

anyway

then more shit happened but like,
I’m used to this by now

WHAT 👀

first I got a call abt lockwood

then from the adoption agency

WHAT????

ALEX?????

we went to portsmouth with kelly
because the mother was having a
baby right then right there and she
chose me as the adoptive mom

and I rly thought I’d finally get to be
a mother and I was all happy and
high on sugar

and then they called that the girl,
only 17 btw, decided to keep the
baby cause a priest convinced her
and shit

so I’m here with kelly, crying on my
couch abt like a TON of unfair crap
that happened today and before and
thinking abt maggie and having too
much wine

and kelly told me abt HER sad life
and we’re so PATHETIC, kara, ugh

omG alex

this is

that’s horrible :(

can I do smth? come over? bring
more wine???

no, we’re

we’re good

but thanks

u should be with lena & be happy
unlike me

aw no :(

I feel bad now

figures

seriously, kara, don’t worry

well, ok, I trust ur judgement

I’ll look into the stuff we found,
have some food and go to bed

and you do the same, ok

yeah, yeah

good night

<3

Delivered

 


 

BatFam Headquarters
2019/04/05

 

jasontoad: whoever drank my vodka is a dead bitch

batdad: it was Kate

lesbianaunt: theres still some left

jasontoad: oK ig I won’t kill YOU

babs: why are you drinking like this???

lesbianaunt: shit went down with alex yesterday

futurerobin: u mean besides fuckin mr. freeze and a GANG fucking us up???

jasontoad: yea that’s why I need that vodka, numbs da pain

babs: not if you’ll mix it with pain killers, sheesh

jasontoad: 🖕

lesbianaunt: well it did help, me I’m fine

fatherofdragons: you clearly aren’t

lesbianaunt: thanks for the psychoanalysis, d

catmom: do you want cake

catmom: I stole some earlier

batdad: stole where

catmom: bakery

teamaker: Don’t worry, it was only the kitchen.

futurerobin: yeah that’s bakery

futurerobin: ur the baker

spoileralert: so alex is a bitch,

jasontoad: YEA she made kate drink my vodka

hotwing: you’re still underage

jasontoad: we’ve been through this before

markofcain: and we will many times more,

lesbianaunt: we’ll have a talk about that later but yesterday I was thankful

lesbianaunt: and she’s not the bitch, I am

lesbianaunt: goDS

lesbianaunt: idk if there’s even a way to fix it anymore

hotwing: nO???

catmom: I’m bringing you the cake

futurerobin: we’ll take care of patrol today, right dad

batdad: of course

batdad: but you’ll take it lightly, no flipping off buildings

futurerobin: that’s dicks specialty not mine 👉👉

hotwing: and I’m fine I was in detroit

lesbianaunt: thanks but I need the action

lesbianaunt: kicking ass is how we Relax

fatherofdragons: yes!!!

lesbianaunt: but fuck I’m gonna try calling her again now

 


 

badass lesbians

 

Kate: alex, I’m really sorry for what I said, I wasn’t thinking straight

Kate: (as if I’d ever 😉)

Kate: we have stuff going on too and I was upset bc of that and I took it out on you and yeah. you didn’t deserve that

Kate: can we just talk? I can’t do this over text

Kate: ok, guess not…

Kate: fine, have it your way then

 


 

inkedandgay to sunshinegirl

 

inkedandgay: hi, kara

inkedandgay: alex still isn’t picking up or replying to my texts and I just want to know if she’s alright

inkedandgay: ok so you’re giving me the silent treatment too?

inkedandgay: look, I deserve it, but I’m starting to be worried

 


 

inkedandgay to sciencebitch

 

inkedandgay: lena, can you please tell me if alex is all right

inkedandgay: ik I fucked up but no one’s replying, not even kara

sciencebitch: you’re asking if she’s alright?

sciencebitch: what do you think

sciencebitch: first you fought, then lockwood almost killed all her friends, and then her adoption didn’t work out

inkedandgay: wait, what adoption

sciencebitch: oh, ofc you didn’t know

inkedandgay: I knew she wanted a baby but not this soon?

sciencebitch: they called her yesterday after you left

sciencebitch: she went all the way to portsmouth with KELLY because you weren’t here

sciencebitch: but then the mother kept it

sciencebitch: or so kara told me

inkedandgay: oh

inkedandgay: that must’ve been hard for her

sciencebitch: no shit

sciencebitch: maybe try tell her THAT, then

sciencebitch: she got drunk with kelly last night and she’s sleeping it off, but she’ll read the texts eventually and maybe you’ll figure it out

inkedandgay: thank you, lena

inkedandgay: but I thought kara would be more mature about this. guess not

sciencebitch: she went to the white house with the evidence we found yesterday so she probably didn’t have time to reply, I know kara

inkedandgay: well, thanks again

inkedandgay: I owe you

sciencebitch: it’s fine, we can still be friends 😊

 


 

inkedandgay to sunshinegirl

 

inkedandgay: so I heard about what happened

inkedandgay: and about your investigation, too, which is great, get that bastard!!!

inkedandgay: I sent alex a voicemail but still no replies

inkedandgay: guess you’re happy about that…

inkedandgay: ok I’ll go

 


 

inkedandgay to sciencebitch

 

inkedandgay: ik u said she was in the white house but that was hours ago and no one’s still replying???

inkedandgay: lena???

sciencebitch: sorry

sciencebitch: you’re totally right

sciencebitch: kara is missing

sciencebitch: we’re looking for her

sciencebitch: and kate

sciencebitch: alex listened to your voicemail but I think the fact she didn’t say anything suggests she doesn’t want to see you right now

inkedandgay: too bad cause I’M COMING ANYWAY

Chapter Text

Talker
SuperFam™
6 Apr at 2:18 am

 

Brainy deleted conversation thread

 


 

Brainy created a group

Brainy named the group SuperFam™

Brainy added winner, sunshinegirl, badasslesbian, sciencebitch, ebonyfalcon, spacedad, kellyfamily, superwoman, alienfarmboy, Sammy, fastlane, and sleepyhead to SuperFam™

 

Brainy: Welcome to a more secure version of our chat, friends.

winner: oh look it’s the e-1 format

winner: noice

sunshinegirl: brainy I told u I’m fine

Brainy: Maybe, but it’s still dangerous talking on Talker, especially now. Anyone could hack into it and find out our identities. This is protected by many firewalls.

badasslesbian: brainy its 3 am, the fuck

winner: wait how long have u spent on this

Brainy: I’ve lost count.

winner: u need to get yo ass home

badasslesbian: we’ve been up ALL DAY HOE DO HAVE ENERGY

badasslesbian: *how

sunshinegirl: there’s no fixing that

kellyfamily: How are you not freaking out more???

sunshinegirl: uh hello I’m supergirl???

kellyfamily: The president kidnapped you! And then your clone! That’s weird even FOR US

badasslesbian: so it’s us now

kellyfamily: We drank three bottles and cried over our lives yeah it’s us now

sunshinegirl: 👀

badasslesbian: ugh kara

badasslesbian: e-1 is rubbing off on u

sunshinegirl: ig,

alienfarmboy: U WERE KIDNAPPED???!

sunshinegirl: clark it’s no big deal

sunshinegirl: except the president is in cahoots with lex who’s been manipulating lockwood this whole time and just started a fake war with kaznia only to stop it, kill fake me who no one else knows exists and proclaim himself the hero and we gotta stop him but details amirite

badasslesbian: yea yeah we’ve totally got this

winner: and brainy don’t tell us any % of probable failure rn ok

Brainy: Ok?

winner: sooo anywho alex how’s kate

badasslesbian: whY

badasslesbian: she helped us find kara and I told her to leave, wut more do u need to hear

kellyfamily: It’s that serious?

badasslesbian: everyone stfu and leave me to sleep in PEACE

sunshinegirl: ok yeah that’s actually a good idea

sunshinegirl: the only shame is that we missed girls’ night,,

kellyfamily: Yeah, my FIRST

Brainy: Next week is another week!

winner: that’s

winner: you can’t change idioms like that brainy

sunshinegirl: lmao

winner: just come home you space idiot

Brainy: I’m not… I’m not a space idiot.

winner: yeah u are and ur my space idiot so pls come home

winner: ok that was quick

alienfarmboy: did u forget he could fly

winner: no

winner: maybe,,, I’m tired

sunshinegirl: gnight fam

kellyfamily: Don’t get kidnapped again

sunshinegirl: haHA

 


 

earths’ mightiest gays

 

bearyallen: so is ANYONE gonna tell us whats GOIN ON

bearyallen: (iris speaking)

hotwing: wdym

bearyallen: the whole superfam didn’t show up @ girls night and neither did chloe, maze & linda and kate

bearyallen: and she and alex were fighting?? or smth??? and all we got was “sorry can’t make it today”

sunshinegirl: yeah uh

sunshinegirl: we found some stuff in kaznia including plans and strategies for a war with america, so I took it to catco and the president yesterday to like, warn him about it

sunshinegirl: then he kidnapped me so obvsly he was involved, which we didn’t know, but I supergirled out and fought my clone

sunshinegirl: as for alex and kate, that’s hers to tell

hotwing: there was a lot of angst, vodka and punching gang members involved

inkedandgay: I don’t want to talk about it

bearyallen: omg kara we had no idea??? are u ok???

dramaqueen: Jesus

dramaqueen: The president?

sunshinegirl: yeah I’m fine stop worrying @ everyone everywhere

sunshinegirl: and well, the president, who could tell, huh

Lancelot: Wouldn’t be surprised about OUR president tbh

bearyallen: you’re right

bearyallen: (Barry got the phone back)

Lancelot: Yeah we got that

hotwing: why do journalists have the WORST punctuation

sunshinegirl: idk we type fast?

alienfarmboy: its different on the job

bearyallen: Iris: why bother

bibillionaire: people have no respect for grammar these days

dramaqueen: Says Mr. I Hate Capital Letters

bibillionaire: pressing the caps button takes time

hotwing: ok mood

Lancelot: We still don’t know where Luci’s Gucci Gang was

Lancelot: @lucinda

lucinda: ive actually been quite busy lately

dramaqueen: You always are

inkedandgay: having sex and parties or smth

lucinda: actually

sunshinegirl: wait what’s going on with u

lucinda: you know about your demon problem, lancelot?

lucinda: turns out I have one of my own, involving an 👼

bearyallen: wait, what

bearyallen: angel baby???

lucinda: linda and amenadiel’s, I thought you knew

inkedandgay: they never show up to anything so no

dramaqueen: Is there really a half-angel baby

Lancelot: Is that like, a nephilim? Like in Supernatural???

inkedandgay: yeah that’s what half angels are called

lucinda: it’s all a rather long story

bibillionaire: well, we have time

amazonprime: I want to hear it

sunshinegirl: spilL

Lancelot: Yea it’s weird how you never talk about yourself here anymore

lucinda: I’ve heard that multiple times lately, actually

lucinda: well then, there’s this prophecy that says when I walk the earth and find my first love, evil shall be released

dramaqueen: That doesn’t sound so good

sunshinegirl: ur first love is chloe, right??

lucinda:

lucinda: yes

bearyallen: aww

bibillionaire: so you never loved me? how sad

lucinda: I’m sorry, we had lots of fun, but you just didn’t do it for me

bibillionaire: I was mostly joking

hotwing: mostly,

Lancelot: Interesting 👀

Lancelot: Ok so go on

lucinda: at first I thought it would be something like criminals and my devil face, and chloe joked about demons running around

lucinda: for a while I couldn’t control my devilishness, can you imagine? hated those bits

lucinda: and myself, really

lucinda: but you don’t need to hear about that

lucinda: so it turned out it really were demons running around. eve summoned them because she was obsessed with me and wanted me to love her again and go back to hell with her and maze

amazonprime: Wait, Eve

sunshinegirl: u mean

hotwing: no way

lucinda: yes, the first woman, I mentioned her a couple days ago

Lancelot: Yeah you did that’s true

bearyallen: wasn’t Maze’s girlfriend’s name Eve

inkedandgay: hang on

lucinda: yeah, the very same one

hotwing: cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

sunshinegirl: mindfuck

bearyallen: we MET HER

lucinda: will you stop interrupting me now

amazonprime: No promises

bearyallen: ^^

lucinda:

lucinda: I found the demons, talked to them, told them I won’t be coming back, blah blah blah, but they wouldn’t take no for an answer so they killed more humans and brought more demons back here on earth, even though I banned possession centuries ago

Lancelot: OK SO TELL NERON THAT DAMMIT

Lancelot: You’ve really been useless here

lucinda: I’m afraid he’s always been somewhat uncontrollable but don’t worry, this story actually LEADS somewhere

Lancelot: Fine I’m listening

lucinda: so those demons kidnapped my nephew and wanted to take him to hell and raise him as their king cos only an angel can be the king or queen of hell, but we stopped them and rescued him, yadda yadda

lucinda: so that’s where your ladies were yesterday

sunshinegirl: ok that’s actually worse than me

bearyallen: yeah

bearyallen: (iris again) I’m having popcorn w this

Lancelot: How did you stop the demons, Luci

lucinda: I showed them my true form and yelled properly, always worked just great. they all fucked right off, but then I realised that this wasn’t the last of it. there will be more, and soon I’ll lose control over them

dramaqueen: Great

bibillionaire: that’s just what we need right now, more demons

lucinda: no worries, chaps, I decided I needed to pay hell a visit after all, stay for some time, do some ruling and come back here once things are settled

lucinda: and you said some of your friends were down there, didn’t you, lancelot? raymond and constantine?

lucinda: well, since I’m popping downstairs anyway, I can bring them back, you can send neron to me, I’ll punish him properly, and we’ll all be satisfied

lucinda: how’s that for help, hmm

Lancelot: Ok??? You’d

Lancelot: You’d do that???

lucinda: I’m most definitely not useless

lucinda: you killed malice for me a while back, after all, feels like I owe you a favour anyway

dramaqueen: What about the Ninth Circle

lucinda: not my department, so no can’t do

lucinda: I’m coming back to hell tomorrow

sunshinegirl: but wb chloe

bearyallen: god she’ll be miserable

lucinda: don’t talk about him or you’ll summon him again

lucinda: and it’s not like I’m going away forever,

inkedandgay: yeah at least I won’t be alone in that 👉👉

hotwing: you said you didn’t wanna talk about it

inkedandgay: still don’t

alienfarmboy: I thought you were doing great?

lucinda: was it the sex?

Lancelot: Ok yeah you’re back

lucinda: I’m delighted to hear that

inkedandgay: no it wasn’t the SEX it were our fucking PROBLEMS

bearyallen: :(((

bearyallen: next girls night @ yours ok

bearyallen: I mean e-38

sunshinegirl: yeah ok iris

Lancelot: I love how we can tell exactly who’s talking lmao

bearyallen: ive been trying to fuck up my grammar on purpose ;)

hotwing: respect

Lancelot: So Luci you’re really in?

lucinda: yes, I don’t just give empty promises

Lancelot: Fair

Lancelot: I’m telling my team

Lancelot: Thank you, like, really big

bibillionaire: this isn’t fair

dramaqueen: Yeah

sunshinegirl: yeah

sunshinegirl: we have super mess™ trouble too

lucinda: I’m trying to be a better devil or, well, a better person

lucinda: make up for things I’ve done in the past

lucinda: things have opened up my eyes and wings lately

lucinda: and pulling some innocent souls from hell is a piece of cake when I’m actually on the throne, one click of my fingers and they’re back in business, won’t even take a second

dramaqueen: You’re not a bad guy

dramaqueen: Even if everyone thinks that

sunshinegirl: we know better

bibillionaire: we give everyone second chances

Lancelot: Especially us

lucinda: I believe you

lucinda: and for the record, this won’t happen again, I’ve confessed enough in the past days

hotwing: we expect nothing less of you

amazonprime: Bring back the reckless drunk we know

lucinda: YOU made me drink all that alien alcohol

amazonprime: It was for a cause 🤷

sunshinegirl: and it was great 😝

bearyallen: so where’s Vic and Anissa, anyway

hotwing: who knows

rainbowsandthunder: no I’ve been reading this

sunshinegirl: lmao ok

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/04/07

 

sunshinegirl: so idk if u know but my bruce just called about an exclusive he wants to do and looks like I’m meeting him tomorrow??

sunshinegirl: it happened on april fools so I didn’t know what to believe,

alienfarmboy: ask him uncomfortable questions

sunshinegirl: always

bibillionaire: what have I done to everyone

Lancelot: You’re being you

sunshinegirl: and we’re being we tee hee

bearyallen: does he know about, u know, us

sunshinegirl: idk ask clark

alienfarmboy: he knows my identity but that’s it

hotwing: :(

dramaqueen: Don’t start about adding e-38 versions of us into this

Lancelot: You did

bearyallen: NO that would crasH

hotwing: what if someone’s evil there

amazonprime: On Kara’s earth? Hardly

inkedandgay: mood

sunshinegirl: not everyone’s actually nice here dkfnkfdksd

lucinda: what if someone’s straight

alienfarmboy: im straight

alienfarmboy: maybe we should rename the chat, speaking of

Lancelot: The straights are at it again

bearyallen: wut like going back to “earths’ mightiest heroes”

bibillionaire: justice league

dramaqueen: Shut UP about that

amazonprime: No I like it

alienfarmboy: me too

Lancelot: That’s a VETO

bearyallen: yeah we’re avengers

lucinda: what about the gucci gang

lucinda: someone said that yesterday

rainbowsandthunder: hmmmmmmmm

sunshinegirl: we’re the earths’ mightiest GAYS clark can suck it

lucinda: oh yes, and then it won’t be a lie anymore

hotwing: im

hotwing: adkfngdfsf

bearyallen: ohhh

alienfarmboy: karA

sunshinegirl: 😏😏😏

Lancelot: I’m proud of you super baby

Lancelot: Also we found Neray so now might be a good time to go to hell

bearyallen: yeah I saw the news

dramaqueen: Me too

hotwing: yea pretending to be ray like that,,,

hotwing: and outing the existence of the creatures,,,

Lancelot: Under NO circumstances download the app buuuut like u get that, right

inkedandgay: we’re not stupid

hotwing: but like, the EYES app did he get that from our fucking eye emojis

Lancelot: Tbh I wouldn’t be surprised he’s making FUN OF US

bearyallen: yeah….

sunshinegirl: omg what

hotwing: this is the funniest fucking thing ever

lucinda: lol

lucinda: @Lancelot can you hold on for a minute, I’m kinda in the middle of something

Lancelot: Yeah, sure, no biggie

bibillionaire: sex or murder case

lucinda: [image attached: boardgames.jpeg]

sunshinegirl: awww

amazonprime: Family time!

Lancelot: Ok you’re forgiven

bibillionaire: and you don’t say goodbye to us

lucinda: hell has wifi

Lancelot: A crappy one, I heard

lucinda: not when you’re the king

sunshinegirl: 🤔

victorious: guys u won’t BELIEVE the day I had

dramaqueen: Really

sunshinegirl: yeah read the chat, vic

victorious: yeah? try me

victorious: so first we met this talking, teleporting genderqueer street named danny who was full of drag queens and weird folks and saved them from the bureau of normalcy which is an agency that hunts down ppl like us? later jane passed out and the negative spirit took cliff on a trip inside her head while someone called the beard hunter came to the manor and did the grossest thing EVER

hotwing: beard hunter???

victorious: he can track ppl across the multiverse after he eats their beard or some shit

Lancelot: Wtf

hotwing: 🤢

victorious: he’s also looking for the chief but he got to ME through my BEARD and ESCAPED and I was forced to shut grid down cuz it malfunctioned

victorious: then jane woke up and cliff and rita fucked off to some asshole who raised his daughter’s funeral and larry went to visit his old boyfriend and left me here with moping jane

victorious: some agents from the bureau of normalcy kidnapped me and took me to this really weird place called the ant farm and locked me up in a cell next to some guy who’s been there since the 60s, maybe EARLIER, but he wasn’t OLD, and then he turned out to be flex mentallo, like the one on the cereal, and he was just the guy we needed but he was AMNESIAC

victorious: the team and my dad found me and saved me and all the freaks they were holding, including walking, human eating butts??? yeah that was super wack

victorious: but grid turned on on its own and kept showing me shit from the past that wasn’t even real and I beat up my dad into unconsciousness bc of it and then it turned it out it was all mr. fucking nobody and looks like the world is fucked on more than just YOUR front

victorious: how’s that

lucinda: danny, I met them once

dramaqueen: Ok you got me

bearyallen: how are you still alive, man??

sunshinegirl: what the FUCK vic

hotwing: u kiss ur girlfriend with that mouth, my my

sunshinegirl: says dick

victorious: ooooohhhh

Lancelot: Wait, walking butts

victorious: everyone feared those more than idk, anything?

victorious: the team just got back to doom manor and I’m at the hospital w dad and I’m gonna try and fix grid

MamaWaverider: Do you need my help?

victorious: u know what, yea I do

bibillionaire: maybe she’ll make grid better

MamaWaverider: It’s sort of a personal conflict, but yes, I might.

sunshinegirl: personal conflict 👀

dramaqueen: The AIs are competitive

lucinda: so who exactly is this mr nobody?

victorious: we don’t know

Lancelot: Figures

Lancelot: I’m guessing he’s nobody

victorious: we just know he’s rly dangerous and likes to talk to the “viewers” like deadpool

victorious: or like… y’all here

amazonprime: Maybe he’s a celestial?

lucinda: I’m pretty sure I’d know if he were

hotwing: how’s the gods chat

amazonprime: Rather heated right now

amazonprime: Spring is here and they’re fighting over sun and storm privileges

hotwing: ok I’m rooting for thor

bearyallen: great we’re getting meta again

bibillionaire: did Cisco find if Carol Danvers was Kara’s sister on some earth

bearyallen: damn I forgot

sunshinegirl: you forgot???

bearyallen: I’ll ask him now

sunshinegirl: ty bear

lucinda: so I’ve just won a round of monopoly

lucinda: the little urchin understands nothing, it’s hilarious

Lancelot: We haven’t played that for a while 👀

bearyallen: was that new year’s???

sunshinegirl: I can still see you on fire

bearyallen: it’s for that one time I saw you on fire

sunshinegirl: that was the first time we met, huh

sunshinegirl: who knew it would escalate like this,,,

Lancelot: You love it

amazonprime: And we love you

bibillionaire: even Ollie does

dramaqueen:

sunshinegirl: damn right

dramaqueen: Yeah ok I do

hotwing: cute

dramaqueen: Can you imagine the crossovers without Kara

Lancelot: He said it!!!!!

sunshinegirl: you’d be ded

bearyallen: you have a lot of confidence in us

victorious: now u sound like mr. nobody again

inkedandgay: these guys figured out we are a tv a show somewhere

amazonprime: Well, there actually was a movie documentary about me & WWI

amazonprime: Gal Gadot played me

hotwing: yeah we’ve seen that

bibillionaire: at least five times, was it?

hotwing: shut up

amazonprime: But they got one bit wrong

amazonprime: I’m friends with multiple gods of death, so Steve is alive and well in the present

Lancelot: “multiple gods of death”

dramaqueen: Might come in handy

bearyallen: you have the pits

dramaqueen: Actually

dramaqueen: Just one pit

bibillionaire: it was you who was destroying them??

dramaqueen: Thea, Roy & Nyssa

Lancelot: She never said anything,

sunshinegirl: you talk to ur ex like that

Lancelot: In the League chat??? Yea

inkedandgay: sooooo @amazonprime are you the only person in this group dating a guy????

amazonprime: What makes you think that

amazonprime: But yes, we live together

Lancelot: So the era of bis, lesbians and straights here all dating only women is over

lucinda: 😂

bearyallen: funny, that

sunshinegirl: rigHT

victorious: love is love

inkedandgay: sure, we’re happy for you for having a stable relationship

bearyallen: yikes

hotwing: why aren’t there any gay team leaders 🤔

bearyallen: add Steve Rogers

sunshinegirl: akdkfjfn true

hotwing: he bi tho

bibillionaire: Dick is onto something

Lancelot: @ writers: why

dramaqueen: They’re cowards

sunshinegirl: says you

dramaqueen: Oh stop it everyone

dramaqueen: I’ll block you for real

lucinda: idk if anyone would mind

lucinda: so anyway, I’ll go have dinner and sex with my gf and then I’ll be omw downstairs

Lancelot: Great

Lancelot: Neron is locked in the brig and he ain’t happy

Lancelot: & we have some magical creatures in the lab too

alienfarmboy: how’ve you been texting this whole time

Lancelot: I’m a woman we can multitask

inkedandgay: nicE

sunshinegirl: 👏

amazonprime: Amen

alienfarmboy: jsyk I can text and fly

sunshinegirl: SAME

bearyallen: tbh you’re not good at it

sunshinegirl: details

alienfarmboy: I’d prove it but. red sun

victorious: red sun?

hotwing: *pats you on the back* we rly need to do a meetup

Lancelot: After all this drama is dealt with we WILL

sunshinegirl: YES

bearyallen: NOICE

hotwing: woooo

amazonprime: Will there be more blue alcohol

sunshinegirl: depends

sunshinegirl: will barry throw a tantrum if I bring it

bearyallen: no I’m over it

sunshinegirl: then yeah

amazonprime: Nice

dramaqueen: Good thing we have like a month to plan it

bibillionaire: and now you’re all for the team

dramaqueen: Fuck off

bibillionaire: are you offering

Lancelot: Are you gonna finish what you started in February 👀

dramaqueen: Mind your demon, Sara

Lancelot: Rude

lucinda: he never said no, though

dramaqueen: Ffs NO

Chapter Text

SuperFam™
2019/04/08

 

sunshinegirl: so im really having that interview with batman today how is thiS MY LFIE

badasslesbian: you’ll do great

winner: u wanted to be a journalist

sunshinegirl: ur right but

Sammy: batman??

sunshinegirl: oh yeah

sciencebitch: he called me a week ago

Sammy: this one or the e1 one

sunshinegirl: this one!!!!

winner: yeah it’s a lil weird

sleepyhead: a LITTLE?

kellyfamily: I don’t even want to ask

alienfarmboy: don’t forget to make him squirm

sunshinegirl: you always say that

badasslesbian: right yeah u actually know this one

sunshinegirl: nia was right fjfkdffsd

sciencebitch: anyhow, good luck babe <3

Brainy: Maybe he could help us with Lex…?

ebonyfalcon: That’s true

winner: DAMN

sunshinegirl: good plan I’ll tell him 👍

sunshinegirl: and thanks <3

 


 

BatFam Headquarters

 

lesbianaunt: a bird told me kara’s meeting e-38 bruce today

jasontoad: aksjdjjdndff

babs: and this guy studies history of english

jasontoad: fuck ofg

jasontoad: off

fatherofdragons: I still don’t see how that’s useful

spoileralert: in this house we love languages

futurerobin: and coffee

markofcain: saw this guy pouring it into his cereal this morning,

futurerobin: coffee milk

babs: uh huh

hotwing: TIM

hotwing: THE FUCK

jasontoad: guess u werent here to stop him

hotwing: u could’ve

markofcain: it was too tragically amusing

lesbianaunt: can this chat focus for a sec

fatherofdragons: no as if

batdad: I know about Kara, btw

catmom: but I didn’t

catmom: can we read their newspaper

lesbianaunt: it’s on tv

catmom: same question hun

hotwing: do u want to make this mess messier

babs: And

babs: the bird, was it alex

hotwing: are u talking again????

lesbianaunt: jeez you’re nosy

lesbianaunt: but no it was lena

spoileralert: :((

jasontoad: shame cuz I actually liked her

jasontoad: now will sbdy finish this caKe

batdad: it’s Alfred’s

teamaker: Have at it.

catmom: shit, is it disgusting?

catmom: we tried I swear

futurerobin: yh

teamaker: No, it’s perfect, but eating all this sugar myself might just kill me, and who’d deal with your mess then?

teamaker: If you want to say Bruce, think again.

batdad: not nice

markofcain: burnnnnnn

jasontoad: akdjkfjjfnhjfhjf,c

hotwing: lmao

hotwing: but it’s true, no offence b

batdad:

hela: I want some cake 2

jasontoad: sure jan

spoileralert: hmmm can dragons eat cake 🤔

fatherofdragons: make a cake with meat and we’ll see

futurerobin: haev u seen the legends’ new dragon

fatherofdragons: yes

futurerobin: there’s a dragon and u can’t have ittttttt

futurerobin: it hurts doesn’T IT DAENERYS

fatherofdragons: what, ur ribs when I kick you down the stairs

babs: bois

jasontoad: I want to watch lemme take this cake

batdad: there will be no fighting

teamaker: Or I won’t give you the cake.

futurerobin: never wanted it

jasontoad: but i did so teehee

babs: seriously don’t fight on alfred’s birthday he deserves one (1) day off

teamaker: Thank you.

batdad: Oliver says happy birthday, Alfred

teamaker: Oh, that’s nice, finally someone with manners.

hotwing: snort

hotwing: rly

lesbianaunt: he’s not even here and I can feel the judgmental stare

catmom: I feel like he’ll haunt us even from beyond

futurerobin: he’d have to die first dsdnfdfdf

batdad: Oliver is a powerful presence everywhere

hotwing: but srsly he’s not even here and

jasontoad: hows ur pretentious leader chat

hotwing: ????? pretentious??

hotwing: have you sEEN it

lesbianaunt: 😂😂😂

batdad: quiet, why

hotwing: it’s weird, I got used to hearing about those guys’ weird ass missions

lesbianaunt: or actually

lesbianaunt: kara just posted a photo with e-38 bruce 👀

futurerobin: shoW

jasontoad: 👀

hotwing: [image attached: parallels.jpeg]

spoileralert: bruce ur costume is different 👀

jasontoad: is that COLOR????

markofcain: the bat is… yellow

futurerobin: guess it rly is a shiny earth huh

batdad: shut UP

 


 

earths’ mightiest heroes

 

victorious: omg

bearyallen: what’s he like

Lancelot: Meeting our doubles pt. 126

sunshinegirl: he has less children 😂

hotwing: rude

sunshinegirl: but no he’s strongly against lex and he’s helping us

sunshinegirl: on national tv

bibillionaire: your idea?

sunshinegirl: sadly it was winn’s

dramaqueen: Did something new happen with Lex

sunshinegirl: everyone thinks he’s the hero who saved america

sunshinegirl: my ass

alienfarmboy: everyone suddenly forgot he almost DESTROYED the world TWICE

alienfarmboy: and almost killed me ffs

bearyallen: oof

victorious: yea we know that first hand

dramaqueen: Same

lucinda: how’s earth doing without me

hotwing: it’s the same it’s been a DAY

Lancelot: Oh no EVERYONE’S a drama queen here

bibillionaire: you figured that out now?

Lancelot: Shut

bearyallen: hey so Ray’s back?

Lancelot: Yup

bearyallen: great I need to ask him something

sunshinegirl: can we help

bearyallen: it’s uh

bearyallen: cicada’s dagger, we need to get rid of it, just in case

bearyallen: and Cisco thought he could shrink it and send it to space or smth

bearyallen: it’s literally indestructible so

dramaqueen: Oh

Lancelot: Makes sense

Lancelot: We’re parked in DC right now

bearyallen: ok thanks 👍

Lancelot: [image attached: andtheyrehere.jpeg]

victorious: lol

inkedandgay: that was fast

Lancelot: Oop they grabbed Ray and me and took us to CC

Lancelot: I hate this kinda traveling

bearyallen: hey!

dramaqueen: At least you didn’t throw up

sunshinegirl: ahh like john,

hotwing: say hi to ray for me

Lancelot: Yea

alienfarmboy: must be awful being possessed by a demon

hotwing: ://

lucinda: it’s not that awful

lucinda: the part where your soul ends up in hell for it is tho

hotwing: ok but u were clearly never possessed

victorious: and u were

hotwing: yup

hotwing: it sucked ass

lucinda: WHICH ONE

hotwing: ass?

lucinda: demon

hotwing: OHlmao

hotwing: trigon but dw he’s dead

lucinda: dead dead? kaput?

hotwing: yup

lucinda: oh, great, cos otherwise I’d be dealing with more cases of treason than I thought

dramaqueen: How are you handling all this

lucinda: what, hell

lucinda: it’s boring really, that’s why I left in the first place

Lancelot: Boring? Don’t know her

inkedandgay: who here does

alienfarmboy: I do

Lancelot: 🙄

sunshinegirl: well, summer’s coming

bearyallen: !!!

hotwing: I hate summer

bearyallen: why

hotwing: it’s too hot in the fucking costumes

Lancelot: Patrol in swimwear then 👀

inkedandgay: and the mask? idts

hotwing: sfrgrghsd

hotwing: don’t say that to jason or he’ll do it

dramaqueen: I hope all this will be over by then

dramaqueen: Speaking of, we’ve just found out Dante killed Emiko’s mother and… she’s going after him and so are we

sunshinegirl: gl

Lancelot: Don’t die

Lancelot: Sooo looks like we’re spending the day here

bearyallen: yeah we’re gonna grab a snack

bibillionaire: you mean two whole pizzas

bearyallen: four cause the others need to eat too

hotwing: mood

Lancelot: [image attached: chilltimes.jpeg]

bearyallen: it is now when the dagger’s outta the way

sunshinegirl: you gotta celebrate!!!

Lancelot: That’s the point

sunshinegirl: ugh I wanna just punch lex till he’s down and get this over with

lucinda: then do it

lucinda: what’s stopping you

sunshinegirl: everyone thinks I’m dead???

bibillionaire: everyone thinks what

sunshinegirl: oh yeah u don’t know 😅

sunshinegirl: lex killed kaznian me and she’s my clone sooooo

dramaqueen: Then disguise yourself

bibillionaire: image inducer

bearyallen: let someone else do it

Lancelot: Yeah I’m sure Alex would be happy to do it

Lancelot: Or James

sunshinegirl: u know what ur right

sunshinegirl: ily guys

bearyallen: sameeeee

alienfarmboy: <3

inkedandgay: I’ll help

inkedandgay: I’m coming on e-38 anyway

sunshinegirl: you are???

Lancelot: About Alex?

inkedandgay: yeah

inkedandgay: I’m gonna talk to her idc she’s avoiding me

sunshinegirl: lena said u talked to her

inkedandgay: yea

inkedandgay: fuck I’m nervous it’s the weirdest feeling ever

hotwing: haha remember when u wanted to ask maggie to marry u

inkedandgay: go to hell, dick

Lancelot: 😂

lucinda: but not literally please

hotwing: wow that’s nice

sunshinegirl: 😅

sunshinegirl: ok I gotta go back to my bruce

bibillionaire: am I not your Bruce

lucinda: hmmm

bearyallen: akdjkfjnrjkgn

sunshinegirl: good question

Lancelot: Will this ever stop being weird

dramaqueen: No

victorious: isn’t weird our job

alienfarmboy: he’s right

bearyallen: so anyway. is your ai all right?

victorious: yeah he is

Lancelot: That’s great

Lancelot: Cause I have a feeling like we might need it someday

bearyallen: yeah

dramaqueen: I’m thinking December

sunshinegirl: remember the times when those were the only meetups

hotwing: no cuz we didn’t know you

sunshinegirl: touche

bearyallen: we basically have the legends to thank for that

Lancelot: Yea cause you didn’t INVITE US the last time

dramaqueen: We did, you just didn’t come

Lancelot: Ok yeah that rings a bell

sunshinegirl: I thought we were over this

alienfarmboy: u know what I won’t be over

alienfarmboy: barry hitting oliver with those arrows on our farm

bibillionaire: ???

dramaqueen: That was NOT nice

bearyallen: buuuut you had it coming

Lancelot: Yeah and I missed that

inkedandgay: hmm so did i

inkedandgay: does anyone have a video

bearyallen: Lois does I think 😂

inkedandgay: 👍

Lancelot: Clark send it here

dramaqueen: Why…

sunshinegirl: because?

alienfarmboy: [video attached: switched.mp4]

lucinda: this is hilarious

dramaqueen: Shit it’ll SPREAD from here

hotwing: we’re counting on that ;)

Lancelot: Sorry Ollie

bearyallen: it’s too much fun

dramaqueen: For you maybe

bearyallen: come on you had my speed metabolism stop complaining

hotwing: barry looks,,, good with that bow

bearyallen: thanks 😅😂

victorious: that’s both rly confusing and hilarious I love it

Lancelot: So about the non-crisis meet-up

sunshinegirl: endgame still on?

hotwing: 25th?

sunshinegirl: I’d do Friday again

sunshinegirl: so 26th

bibillionaire: I’ll take care of it

bearyallen: have we said we love having rich friends

inkedandgay: only like 20 times.

Chapter Text

the og hoes
2019/04/09

 

Laurel2.0: So someone just got murdered,

irisbest: was it the bastard who’s been bothering u

irisbest: with the classic lit name

smoakandmirrors: dante

irisbest: yea him

Laurel2.0: YE S

queenofthorns: And I did it

queenofthorns: He killed my MOTHER

Laurel2.0: That’s my girl

darhkling: welcome to the dead mothers club

sunshinegirl: dead parent*

smoakandmirrors: yeah u actually still have a mother huh

irisbest: and she’s awesome

badasslesbian: damn right she is

Lancelot: Does anyone have BOTH living parents here cause idts

bearyallen: like u always say, it’s the superhero origin story

Trenchcoat: True enough

irisbest: ://

queenofthorns: At least we kill our enemies

grunt: u go new queen

screamer: Can you stop saying you murdered a guy for a sec

queenofthorns: no

littlequeen: sooo does that mean u got rid of the organization

smoakandmirrors: nt rly

smoakandmirrors: in fact i have bad news

smoakandmirrors: I had to destroy archer bc of them :(((

smoakandmirrors: my computer child

Lancelot: :(

QueenZee: what no??!?

holt-the-door: our computer child!!!

rayofsunshine: Why, what happened??

rayofsunshine: Also I’m gonna help you rebuild it!

alenainwonderland: well I might’ve saved a copy even tho u said not to im sorry felicity but it was too precious to die

smoakandmirrors: seriously??!?

smoakandmirrors: but ig I should thank u

holt-the-door: plus u have an actual baby on the way

dramaqueen: Can I say it

smoakandmirrors: not if I say it FIRST we’re having a girl

dramaqueen: Her name’s Mia

badasslesbian: awww

irisbest: that’s great

littlequeen: im having a niece!!!

queenofthorns: I can teach her how to fight

dramaqueen: EMIKO

iceicebaby: Don’t you think it’s a little too soon for that

queenofthorns: In this house girls are powerful 💪

Laurel2.0: Hell yes

sunshinegirl: ok but no more murder please

Lancelot: You sound like Bruce now

sunshinegirl:

winner: well someTIMES

sunshinegirl: I’m not killing lex

sunshinegirl: I want to but

arsenal: do u want me to breach over there and do it

badasslesbian: go ahead

sciencebitch: no one’s killing lex

sciencebitch: onLY ME

gayforray: mood

iceicebaby: SO how’s the supernatural park looking

gayforray: looks like we’ll be opening on friday

QueenZee: if things go well

Lancelot: Y’all can come

bearyallen: idk if that’s a good idea

smoakandmirrors: we still have villains to catch

sunshinegirl: same

Lancelot: Bitches you’re no fun

goodvibes: but srsly are we the only ones not dealing with worldwide catastrophes

holt-the-door: rite, ur villains only attack central city

irisbest: u know that’s a good thing

gayforray: but it’s funny

badasslesbian: I just want this to END

smoakandmirrors: so anyways i heard kate visited u yesterday 👀

badasslesbian: yea she kinda forced me to Talk

badasslesbian: but I was glad in the end

irisbest: so???

darhkling: make up or break up

badasslesbian: we agreed to stay friends

pear: sad

Lancelot: No???

Lancelot: You were otp

irisbest: :(

sunshinegirl: tho I heard abt kelly,

badasslesbian: shut it kara

QueenZee: anyone else think of the meme

alenainwonderland: I thought u were bae

goodvibes: turns out ur just fam

badasslesbian: ?

irisbest: e-1 culture..,

goodvibes: u don’t know what’s good for u

queenofthorns: Don’t worry I don’t get it either

badasslesbian: ur my new sister

notbarryallen: *cough cough* e-18 *cough cough*

queenofthorns: What about it

notbarryallen: u met my boyfriend?

notbarryallen: FUNNY THNG

notbarryallen: his aunt who’s also a danvers is dating u on his earth

queenofthorns: ????

Laurel2.0: Tea

sunshinegirl: wbk

Laurel2.0: When y’all talk in ur stupid leaders chat

dramaqueen: It’s not stupid

dramaqueen: Well, it is, but

winner: haev u seen the video???

sunshinegirl: I was there 😂

pear: YES

QueenZee: oh we have 😏

dramaqueen: Why did you have to bring it up

Lancelot: Why don’t we talk here more often istg

irisbest: right???

rayofsunshine: Guess we drifted apart…

gayforray: and poured into other chats

sunshinegirl: but we’re the og arrowverse dammit

sunshinegirl: the crossover crew

goodvibes: ur using the name too now???

goodvibes: ive been betrayed

notbarryallen: teehee

dramaqueen: I still don’t know if I like it or not

Lancelot: U should be honored Ollie

gayforray: ^^ she made it up 😁

irisbest: I shouldve thought so

smoakandmirrors: well I think it’s awesome since we’re team arrow and all that………

alenainwonderland: guys

alenainwonderland: ive just found something that’s not awesome

alenainwonderland: its about emiko and u won’t like it

queenofthorns: DON’T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING OR UR DEAD

alenainwonderland: yeah that kinda speaks for itself

alenainwonderland: even w/o archer I tracked her to the circle and I thought y’all should know

queenofthorns: DEAD

irisbest: wdym

bearyallen: wait I’m confused

dramaqueen: As in…?

alenainwonderland: she’s a member

alenainwonderland: she helped steal that bioweapon

Lancelot: The fuck

wilddog: that BITCH

 

wilddog removed queenofthorns from the og hoes

 

smoakandmirrors: I was gonna say let’s not make any rash decisions but

holt-the-door: alena are u sure?? like sure sure?

alenainwonderland: 1000 pushups

holt-the-door: b99 reference ok

holt-the-door: shit

Laurel2.0: So u fighting her now, or

littlequeen: ok stop right there, us queens all have a history

arsenal: yeah

screamer: We’ll investigate

sciencebitch: how about letting her explain herself

dramaqueen: In any case

dramaqueen: The circle has the bioweapon and we’re two men down

Laurel2.0: *women

Laurel2.0: And I’m sorry I can’t come back yet ://

arsenal: I can

arsenal: we can help

littlequeen: we destroyed all but one pit and this is important

smoakandmirrors: ok yeah 👍

smoakandmirrors: also emiko just dmd me

 


 

queenofthorns to smoakandmirrors

 

queenofthorns: Felicity, do you trust me?

smoakandmirrors: idk but go on

queenofthorns: I’d feel the same in your position

queenofthorns: But

queenofthorns: I did work for the ninth circle

queenofthorns: And not just work, I’m the leader

smoakandmirrors: WOAH OK SHIT R U GONNA KILL US NOW

queenofthorns: No!!!!!

queenofthorns: But listen

queenofthorns: Dante raised me and taught me everything I know and wanted me to join, so I did, but I wanted out

queenofthorns: He said no one could, it was in my blood now, all the cult bullshit and that’s when I realized, he didn’t really care, all he wanted was to rule the world from the shadows and I was his muscle

queenofthorns: So I stayed and worked my way up only to destroy the organization from within. How do you think the information about its existence got out after decades of silence?

queenofthorns: I was ordered to kill you but I convinced Dante that later

queenofthorns: Now he’s dead and we have the drones, but they only think I’m going to use it on the city, but I’m planning to use it on them and kill them once and for all. I know you don’t approve but they don’t deserve to be locked up in prison, Felicity, they’re monsters who need to die

queenofthorns: I’d never kill innocent people, children. Never

queenofthorns: You can do whatever you like with this information, but what I’m asking is, the circle can’t know or you, the team, your baby, all the innocent people, and me are all dead

queenofthorns: I’ve been working undercover for YEARS, do you understand?

smoakandmirrors: yes

smoakandmirrors: I’m gonna have to do some digging first cause… we’ve been burned way too many times before

queenofthorns: I’ll give you files myself

smoakandmirrors: and I’m gonna have to discuss everything with the team

queenofthorns: But not the others

queenofthorns: That might be dangerous for the mission

smoakandmirrors: yea I get it

smoakandmirrors: so ig we’re good but forgive us if we don’t 100% trust u

queenofthorns: No that’s fair

queenofthorns: I still did what I had to do to keep my cover intact, so I get it if you still hate me, but thanks for listening, others might not even do that. Been there done that

queenofthorns: But I trust YOU

smoakandmirrors: ok sister-in-law 😉

smoakandmirrors: I’m not adding u back to the chat tho, not until it’s over

queenofthorns: Idc

 

queenofthorns deleted the conversation thread

 


 

the og hoes

 

dramaqueen: So what did she say

smoakandmirrors: team meeting in 15

irisbest: and wb us

Lancelot: Yea I need to know if I should go there and kick her ass

smoakandmirrors: trust me

Lancelot: So you’re saying we should trust her

smoakandmirrors: well

smoakandmirrors: yes

smoakandmirrors: she asked me not to tell u anything buuut

smoakandmirrors: it’s an undercover mission which requires utmost secrecy so shhhhh or she WILL kill u and me

bearyallen: ok

wilddog: u trust her on that?

wilddog: I mean I want to more than anyone but

smoakandmirrors: yeah I trust her

smoakandmirrors: y’all read that?

QueenZee: yeah

badasslesbian: we get it

smoakandmirrors deleted a message

goodvibes: now wut was that rene 👀

goodvibes: do u have a cruuuushhhh

winner: 👀

littlequeen: omG

wilddog: I don’t have a crush on emiko

holt-the-door: if ur saying that bc of me, don’t

holt-the-door: cuz I got back together with nick

gayforray: you did?

screamer: That’s great!

darhkling: who’s nick

holt-the-door: he’s a cop

grunt: great more cops in the fam

wilddog: I’m happy for u, curtis

wilddog: but no I said it cuz it’s not true

bearyallen: uh huh

Lancelot: Sure

Lancelot: She’s like, seriously hot

winner: yeah

darhkling: true

goodvibes: like, honestly

smoakandmirrors: ^^

dramaqueen: She’s my sister…

sunshinegirl: this is how I feel all the time ENJOY

badasslesbian:

wilddog:

sunshinegirl: @wilddog u go u bisexual ball of anger and care

sunshinegirl: get urself a girl

wilddog: I hate y’all

Chapter Text

the og hoes
2019/04/10

 

sciencebitch: https://catco.com/how-lex-luthor-divided-and-betrayed

sciencebitch: im so proud of my bby!!!!!!!!

smoakandmirrors: is that

smoakandmirrors: is that n article from e38 internet???????

sciencebitch: FELICITY

goodvibes: duh

smoakandmirrors: h oW

sciencebitch: also im texting from the white house xoxo bitches

Laurel2.0: wow

Laurel2.0: But more importantly: MY bby is celebrating her bday today

sunshinegirl: is that more important than us saving the WORLD

Lancelot: Yea it’s Laurel

Laurel2.0: 😏

bearyallen: 🙄

Lancelot: @screamer happy bday canary #3 u a good replacement

screamer: Gee, thanks

bearyallen: happy birthdayyyyyy

goodvibes: happy bday to my 2nd favorite police captain

screamer: SEcond

irisbest: oh yea our dad became captain yesterday,

smoakandmirrors: what??? that’s great??

dramaqueen: Why didn’t you say anything

irisbest: I did

irisbest: just now

bearyallen: we’re so proud of him

screamer: What about Singh? He’s not hurt is he

bearyallen: he was promoted

bearyallen: also he kbnew, this whole time,,, that I was the flash,

Lancelot: Barry everyone knows ur the flash

Lancelot: Ur not exactly careful with ur identity

bearyallen: rude

Lancelot: Also we need ur help w smth are u free

Lancelot: Ollie and Kara too

dramaqueen: Actually

sunshinegirl: were kinda fighin lockwood rn

bearyallen: what with

Lancelot: An ad for our theme park

bearyallen: ok that’s a…… no I guess sorry

gayforray: or maybe we just need the costumes 👀

QueenZee: ???

bearyallen: yeah ???

gayforray: we need heroes

gayforray: BUT

dramaqueen: I don’t like where this is going

goodvibes: same

gayforray: IF WE’RE YOU

iceicebaby: Oh n

sunshinegirl: what

Lancelot: You know what

Lancelot: This is totes legends style let’s do this

bearyallen: ?????

smoakandmirrors: hes not the only one who’s stil confused

gayforray: SO the plan is

Laurel2.0: Excuse you can u stop being selfish for a SEC

goodvibes: SRY DINAH

Laurel2.0: Did u just darE

goodvibes: no i meant

goodvibes: i meant the other dinah

screamer: Good cuz if you ever call Laur Dinah again you’re dead

sciencebitch: u know who’s also gonna b dead

irisbest: bald bitch!!!

sunshinegirl: he has pALNS TO DESTROY ARGO

sunshinegirl: HE DEAD

arsenal: yeah!!!

arsenal: ruin him!!!!

dramaqueen: When Kara says that

goodvibes: y does roy only show up to tlk abt murder

screamer: Why does everyone keep talking about murder

Lancelot: AheM

screamer: Oh yea my bad

Laurel2.0: :)))

arsenal: turns out bloodlust works internationally & in chat

iceicebaby: Bloodlust???

Lancelot: HARPER

arsenal: yea

Lancelot: DID U DIE

kellyfamily: Wait why is that a question

goodvibes: lurker

arsenal: I….yeah i died

Lancelot: WELOCME TO THE FAM YOOOO

littlequeen: i kno

kellyfamily: ???

kellyfamily: Sara died????

Lancelot: Oh yea twice actually

littlequeen: same

littlequeen: well once but

rayofsunshine: Me too.

dramaqueen: Same here

bearyallen: I kinda did too?

sunshinegirl: yea I died like last week

sciencebitch: wait kara what??????????

sunshinegirl: kaznian me killed me for like 30 secs

sciencebitch: y didn’t u tell me

sunshinegirl: I didn’t want to make u worry bc I love you???

sciencebitch: that doesn’ make it better!!!

sciencebitch: but I love u too <3

irisbest: cute

kellyfamily: How did everyone die????

Lancelot: We’re better than Jesus

arsenal: swords or arrows usually

smoakandmirrors: two kinds of ppl

littlequeen: theres this thing called lazarus pit

littlequeen: u get in and come back 2 life & no one knows how

dramaqueen: Why didn’t you tell us @arsenal

arsenal: kinda wanted 2 when im back in star but mission failed

smoakandmirrors: ok…

Lancelot: We should start a club y’all

littlequeen: sara no

Lancelot: It’s ok I don’t blame u for killing me

littlequeen: 😒

QueenZee: YOU killed Sara???

littlequeen: it kinda was merlyn but

rayofsunshine: Legion of Doom Merlyn?

littlequeen: legion of what

smoakandmirrors: we havent spoken for a long time huh

littlequeen: yea sry abt not being active 4 a yr

badasslesbian: hey so

badasslesbian: we found the aliens lockwood has been taking

badasslesbian: and kara’s fighting lex rn

winner: in her iron man suit!!!

sciencebitch: it’s not… its not an iron man suit

winner: call it what u like but it s an iron man suit

irisbest: woman*

winner: ok ok iron woman but still

sciencebitch: I made the suit not u

goodvibes: u made kara an iron man suit????

goodvibes: 1st the legends take my naming privileges n then u take my suit privileges

sciencebitch: excuse me but do u live on this earth

goodvibes: no but my powers are kinda the POINT

badasslesbian: pls stop lives are at stake here

irisbest: lol cisco

iceicebaby: Cisco made me a suit!!!!

Lancelot: Pics

iceicebaby: [image attached: frostsuit.jpeg]

goodvibes: that was supposed to b a surprise u RUINED IT

iceicebaby: say another WORD

goodvibes: sry frost

iceicebaby: I thought so

winner: besides lex also has an iron man suit n apparently red daughter is still alive somehow

bearyallen: oh shoot

badasslesbian: no shes on our side

bearyallen: oh GOOD

badasslesbian: im the only alex here tyvm

kellyfamily: Yes!!!

kellyfamily: Hey we should have drinks later

winner: game night pls

sciencebitch: lex’s suit just blew up

sciencebitch: give me a booyah im finishing this

irisbest: booyah!!!

littlequeen: BOOYAH

Laurel2.0: I’m proud of u

screamer: ON MY BDAY

screamer: But I agree he needs to die so GO GET HIM

sunshinegirl: lena no????

sciencebitch: kara

sciencebitch: bby

sciencebitch: u know I have to

winner: ^^

badasslesbian: he’d attack again

smoakandmirrors: emiko, probably: murder IS the solution don’t be like batman

bearyallen: hey so what’s the situation with her

dramaqueen: I think we’re good

Lancelot: Good cuz I liked her

badasslesbian: that’s great gimme more good news

sleepyhead: u mean other than LOCKWOOD IS DONE???

sleepyhead: N LEX IS DONE???

badasslesbian: we care about the others problems

sciencebitch: he thought he was smart n showed me kara is sg

sciencebitch: lexie ive known since pride 2k17 and u know nothing bye bye

goodvibes: U KNOW NOTHING JON SNOW

holt-the-door: did someone say game of thrones

irisbest: lmao

gayforray: another lurker

holt-the-door: no ive just turned this on

littlequeen: got is in 4 days!!!!!!!!!

rayofsunshine: I know!!!!!

goodvibes: we should have a watch party

dramaqueen: Oh no

sunshinegirl: so ig tv shows beat anything in this chat

Lancelot: NO NO we’re happy for u!!!!

Lancelot: You defeated the season's main!!!!!

winner: hell YES

badasslesbian: now let’s have the drinks

 


 

2019/04/11

 

badasslesbian: sooooo is nayone here

badasslesbian: anyhowq I kisse kelly

badasslesbian: ik its soon after kate???? n its like barry&iris weddinf buttt

badasslesbian: yea so kara was rifgt

Lancelot: Hooking up with w gorgeous women after breakups: the saga

badasslesbian: SARA Y

Lancelot: Hmmmmm

badasslesbian: notthat ur not gogrtous, u are,but youre the one ihooked up with

Lancelot: So???

Lancelot: It was a great night ;)))))

Lancelot: And I love teasing ppl u know me ;)

badasslesbian: ughhh

smoakandmirrors: isnt it like 2 am go to sleep

smoakandmirrors: hang ON

smoakandmirrors: r u drunk texting abt hooking up w kelly??? alex???? I had no idea!!!

badasslesbian: im a bitch arent I

badasslesbian: but I lik eher? a lot???

badasslesbian: she’s a lot lime me but a differtn kind than kate if u know wgat I mean

badasslesbian: I’m still feelign guiltu but it wasa grate kiss j i think I like her

Lancelot: Ok for real

Lancelot: And sounds weird coming from me but

Lancelot: Go with ur heart Danvers

smoakandmirrors: aww sara is soft

Lancelot: Shut

smoakandmirrors: ok ok

smoakandmirrors: but im with her if u feel good w her then talk to her and see

badasslesbian: but

badasslesbian: w abou kate??? idk

Lancelot: Look

Lancelot: Idk what happened but you ended it and it was all really rough for the past two weeks, believe me, we all noticed

Lancelot: So how bad was it between you?

badasslesbian: u werent here so u didnt kno but

badasslesbian: swe hardly saw eachother

badasslesbian: n we had great conevrrsationf

badasslesbian: and,sex too

badasslesbian: but it wasn’t?? it wasnft it I gueds

badasslesbian: I thought it woulf but she wasmy firtsd after Maggie nd

badasslesbian: it was jaldly the perfct relaruonshop

badasslesbian: the batfamilt are 2 despressed I swear

badasslesbian: im chatty when drunkiknow

badasslesbian: pls dlete thus later

smoakandmirrors: yeah ok

Lancelot: It seems to me like it wouldn’t work and that you made the right decision breaking up

Lancelot: Cuz ur the opposite of me breaking up w people when it starts going well 😅

smoakandmirrors: r u drunk too

Lancelot: Why

smoakandmirrors: cause ur not? talking like ur perfect & know everything?

Lancelot: I don’t do that,

Laurel2.0: Yeah you do

Laurel2.0: Hi gals take this from someone who was eating her gf’s pussy five mins ago: go for it for fucks sake

Lancelot: LAUREL

Laurel2.0: what 🤷

smoakandmirrors: gross

Laurel2.0: Oh pls

smoakandmirrors: alex u still here?

badasslesbian: yup

badasslesbian: thank? I guess

badasslesbian: ill….do smth im ont sure about yet whrn I’m sober ig

badasslesbian: but serioualy delete tjis ksdjknfjaddv

smoakandmirrors: 👍

smoakandmirrors deleted conversation from 2019/04/11

Chapter Text

earths’ mightiest gays
2019/04/13

 

hotwing: so ur just ignoring us now? rude

rainbowsandthunder: i wondered when someone would snap

lancelot: well SORRY but we were dealing with our stuff & we didn’t need u

bearyallen: we moved back into an old chat

lancelot: this chat was basically 4 emergencies and meetup stuff? it’s not like we need it???

hotwing: RUDE

sunshinegirl: wait since when did u stop using caps

lancelot: me? and caps? u crazy?

dramaqueen: Sara always typed like this

sunshinegirl: no she didn’t

bearyallen: she did???

bibillionaire: she did

hotwing: yea she did

sunshinegirl: [image attached: screenshot.png]

lancelot: OH that’s probably cuz we changed like 2 years of timeline yesterday 😅

lancelot: and we made the chat 9 months ago

lancelot: and im guessing I didn’t have a palmertech phone before???

sunshinegirl: u had an iphone

lancelot: ahh yeah that explains the lack of caps autocorrect

dramaqueen: WHAT HOW

bearyallen: legends what did u DO

inkedandgay: NO U DIDN’T

lancelot: we……did

lancelot: it was the magical theme park

sunshinegirl: so I’m guessing that didn’t affect us

lancelot: ur from a different earth so no it didn’t

bearyallen: it feels good not to be the one mocked for changing timelines tbh

lancelot: we’re still mad about flashpoint

dramaqueen: Yeah

hotwing: we’re still NOT mad abt flashpoint if that makes u feel better

bearyallen: thanks

lancelot: we technically only changed the future and that’s allowed cuz it’s the future

lancelot: but it affected zari

lancelot: and metas

lancelot: and my typing, apparently

sunshinegirl: nickname too, u were always Lancelot

lancelot: huh

lancelot: and i’m guessing barry’s kids

bearyallen: my kids????

lancelot: u know, them being metas isn’t illegal in the future anymore

bearyallen: THAT’S GREAT but you can’t just. do that!!!

lancelot: says the person who messes with time more than we do :p

bearyallen: no I don’t

lancelot: you kind of do

sunshinegirl: well, a bit

lancelot: see

dramaqueen: And these guys are in charge of saving all of time

lancelot: shut up, ollie

lancelot: at least we knew what we were doing

bearyallen: 🙄

lancelot: so now zari’s brother isn’t dead and he’s a legend

lancelot: we remember him always being a legend but we ALSO remember him being dead and zari being a legend so it’s weird

bearyallen: wait, Behrad was dead? but he’s been a legend for two years

lancelot: SEE EXACTLY

hotwing: yeah ok I think I get it

hotwing: there was only one tomaz before?

sunshinegirl: yea, zari

sunshinegirl: idk any behrad guy

lancelot: this is gonna be FUN

bibillionaire: I don’t even want to interfere

lucinda: I feel you

lucinda: as I’m down in hell it didn’t affect me either and let me tell you, this is messier than the angel baby trouble we’ve been through

MamaWaverider: I have to agree. The Legends tend to ignore my advice VERY often and then it ends up like this.

hotwing: lol gideon

lancelot: there was no other way

dramaqueen: And that was the theme park you made the ad for

dramaqueen: With our costumes

rainbowsandthunder: u didn’t see in on tv?

dramaqueen: I didn’t watch TV in the last couple days

hotwing: even I saw it

lancelot: sooo let’s forget about this

lancelot: how’s the ninth circle fight going

dramaqueen: Roy arrived here today and we’re waiting for more intel

dramaqueen: It’s slow without Archer

inkedandgay: smth happened to archer too?

dramaqueen: We had to destroy it

sunshinegirl: wbk

sunshinegirl: and they’re gonna build it again

bibillionaire: are you sure that’s a good idea

dramaqueen:

lancelot: u know what I think we’re gonna go back to our crew

bibillionaire: no I’m sorry

hotwing: it sucks not being included :(

sunshinegirl: but ur not crossover crew

inkedandgay: I am I was there the last time

bearyallen: but did you REALLY help

inkedandgay: yes????

dramaqueen: You mostly flirted with Kara

sunshinegirl: 😅

inkedandgay: I got u out of arkham if I remember it correctly 🧐

bearyallen: well, that’s fair

sunshinegirl: anywho, how r u doing?

inkedandgay: why

lancelot: u know

lancelot: alex

inkedandgay: I’m fine

inkedandgay: did smth happen to alex???

sunshinegirl: no!!!!

sunshinegirl: lex is dead and we’re fine!!!!

hotwing: THAT’S GREAT!!!

inkedandgay: if u mention the failed relationship you’ll be dead too

inkedandgay: but that rly is great!

dramaqueen: Are we the only ones still dealing with this stuff

lancelot: yea

lucinda: yes

rainbowsandthunder: yup

bearyallen: oh yeah

bibillionaire: we always deal with thugs in Gotham so it doesn’t count

lancelot: ollie ur incompetent

dramaqueen: Sara honestly

sunshinegirl: ITS TRUE

dramaqueen: Not you too

hotwing: have u learned nothing

bibillionaire: it’s been four months, Oliver

dramaqueen: One of these days I will throw away my phone

bearyallen: no you won’t 😂

dramaqueen: You don’t know that

dramaqueen: And we just found something so we have to go

lancelot: catch ‘em

sunshinegirl: finish the villains it’s ok that ur the last

dramaqueen:

 


 

Super Secret Vigilante Network

 

smoakandmirrors: so the bomb is in the subway and there are circle members

smoakandmirrors: don’t get urselves killed

smoakandmirrors: ill be on comms

dramaqueen: Copy that

arsenal: he’s in mission mode already :D

littlequeen: u know what u gotta do

wilddog: watch roy

screamer: We got it

digdeep: we got his back

littlequeen: and pls don’t die

littlequeen: again

arsenal: haha

arsenal: but I won’t

arsenal: @littlequeen I love u <3

littlequeen: love u too so come back SAFE

smoakandmirrors: and everyone else too

queenofthorns: I’m sorry I can’t help you with this

smoakandmirrors: u already did by giving us the intel 😉

queenofthorns: Yeah I’m trying

queenofthorns: And I’m mostly trying to prove that what I said was true

dramaqueen: Thank you, Emiko

wilddog: we believe u

smoakandmirrors: also

smoakandmirrors: I got us another reinforcement

screamer: Who

smoakandmirrors: kendra!!! she’s on her way now

digdeep: you mean hawk goddess Kendra?

smoakandmirrors: just the one

smoakandmirrors: so the team is in full power again!!!

Laurel2.0: Thanks for betraying me like this

wilddog: ur the one who left

alenainwonderland: ^^

screamer: When are you coming back?

screamer: I miss u

Laurel2.0: Was my birthday visit not enough ;)

screamer: That’s not what I meant

Laurel2.0: Yeah ik

Laurel2.0: Idk, Dinah, e-2 is… complicated

smoakandmirrors: we miss u too!

Laurel2.0: Lmk if you fuck the mission up

smoakandmirrors: ok 😂

 

 


 

badasslesbian created a group

badasslesbian named the group relationship advice?

badasslesbian added smoakandmirrors, irisbest, and lancelot to relationship advice?

 

irisbest: ??? is this abt kelly

lancelot: usually the ??? go behind the sentence

irisbest: 😂

badasslesbian: why is sara typing like this

lancelot: long story

smoakandmirrors: SHE CHANGED THE TIMELINE

lancelot: ok so not that long

badasslesbian: I’m not asking anymore……

badasslesbian: so ik my memories of that convo are vague but I thought abt it

irisbest: must be rly vague cause I wasn’t there

irisbest: but I’m happy to b included!!!

lancelot: why didn’t u add kara

badasslesbian: r u crazy??? my sister??

lancelot: well

lancelot: good thing my sister isn’t here

smoakandmirrors: so what conclusion did u come to 👀

badasslesbian: my brain says it’s too soon

irisbest: but ur heart says otherwise

badasslesbian: …yeah

smoakandmirrors: that’s great!!!!

lancelot: I’m proud of u danvers

badasslesbian: ur typing is still weird

lancelot: yea what’s new

lancelot: so u need our help cuz we’re all in happy relationships?

smoakandmirrors: heh we’re basically the opposite of the leaders chat

lancelot: hey

irisbest: I have an idea

badasslesbian: NO don’t add them

irisbest: ur no fun :(

smoakandmirrors: who?

irisbest: reverse leaders chat

smoakandmirrors: ohhhh

lancelot: that’s not a BAD idea tho

badasslesbian: SO WUT SHOULD I DO?????

lancelot: listen to ur heart

smoakandmirrors: maybe the song too

badasslesbian: no I don’t like the song

lancelot: so u kissed. and it was mutual.

badasslesbian: yes

irisbest: so she likes u too and that’s the most important thing

smoakandmirrors: and like sara said, go with ur heart!!!

lancelot: meaning ask her out

lancelot: u said u and kate agreed to be just friends, so

irisbest: U need to be happy

smoakandmirrors: u deserve that, alex

lancelot: maybe meet up for coffee and see how it goes ;)

badasslesbian: ok ok

badasslesbian: ig that’s not a bad plan

lancelot: RIGHT

badasslesbian: so im doing it?

irisbest: !!!!!

smoakandmirrors: do it! flourish!

lancelot: get some pussy

badasslesbian: SA RA

smoakandmirrors: weren’t u disgusted w laur saying that before

lancelot: that was laurel, I’m me

smoakandmirrors: good point

irisbest: so how exactly did u change the timeline? I mean barry said smth, but

lancelot: dang I was hoping we could avoid that conversation

irisbest: nope

lancelot: u know zari’s brother

lancelot: he was dead before, now he’s not

lancelot: end of story

smoakandmirrors: oh

badasslesbian: I never met her brother

lancelot: dw, your whole earth didn’t

lancelot: so u and the tomazes are the only ones with unaffected memories even tho u were at all the meet ups and so were they

irisbest: or so we remember

badasslesbian: but we don’t

badasslesbian: and we were there

smoakandmirrors: yeah

badasslesbian: I hate time travel

irisbest: same

lancelot: me too

smoakandmirrors: thank god our team isn’t dealing w that 😅

irisbest: and the stuff u r dealing with?

smoakandmirrors: wellllllll

smoakandmirrors: u know how roy died and has bloodlust

smoakandmirrors: he killed 2 guys and we gotta cover for him w the police tomorrow

badasslesbian: oh SHIT

lancelot: omg

smoakandmirrors: yeah

smoakandmirrors: but we’ll pull thru, we always do

smoakandmirrors: someone wiped the cctv so we’re good

smoakandmirrors: hopefully

smoakandmirrors: NOW lets focus on the date, has she replied yet????

badasslesbian: …yes

irisbest: and 👀

lancelot: 👀

badasslesbian: we’re meeting tomorrow

smoakandmirrors: wow that’s great! perfect! amazing!!!

irisbest: aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

lancelot: p u l l

badasslesbian: this was a bad idea wasn’t it

badasslesbian: creating this chat

smoakandmirrors: no it was the best idea EVER

smoakandmirrors: ok I gotta go, hacking business to do, but ill be back for updates 👀

irisbest: so will we, right sara

lancelot: you bet

badasslesbian: ugh ok

badasslesbian: but thanks for ur advice 😘

lancelot: anytime, you gay mess :’)

Chapter Text

the og hoes
2019/04/14

 

goodvibes: legends

goodvibes: legends!!!

goodvibes: guys reply

gayforray: what’s up we’re having a party

lancelot: to celebrate we, u know, saved the world from demons

goodvibes: ur all hypoCRITES

gayforray: whoa what brought this on

smoakandmirrors: maybe u changing the timeline???

darhkling: ah, here we go again

holt-the-door: [image attached: ohshitmeme.png]

goodvibes: better 😂

goodvibes: but srsly what were u thinking??? u always mocked barry for this and then????

lancelot: we were thinking we needed to fix the demon’s mess

lancelot: and we did

lancelot: so, ur welcome

iceicebaby: I don’t even wanna hear about this

pear: but it’s true barry messes w time a little too much

bearyallen: hey!!!

bearyallen: you didn’t even understand it a few months ago

pear: yeah, that’s true, but

pear: ive been digging a bit and guess what I found out

pear: the master detective I am

irisbest: what 👀

miniwestallen: wellllll

miniwestallen: I can tell u that too

miniwestallen: thawne escaped prison cause cicada’s dagger’s been dampening him this whole time and u destroyed it

rayofsunshine: I was the one who destroyed it! Oh no!

miniwestallen: but he didn’t kill anyone so that’s good right

bearyallen: Nora????

irisbest: where have u been

miniwestallen: catching up w the future?

miniwestallen: also I’m p sure the future’s different now

miniwestallen: my name is dawn for example 😅😅😅 and im guessing it wasn’t before and that’s why ur calling me nora??????

bearyallen: WHAT????

goodvibes: yeah ask the LEGENDS

gayforray: 🙄

thebettertomaz: so for starters metas aren’t illegal anymore

badasslesbian: hey where did that nickname come from

thebettertomaz: alt timeline

thebettertomaz: I could change it, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

notkanye: yeah we’re a mess too don’t ask thx

sunshinegirl: ok I’m guessing ur wally?

notkanye: yup

notkanye: @rebecca @timemom @trenchcoat @garebear @radtomaz say hi

rebecca: no

winner: weird

badasslesbian: ava and no capitals?

timemom: Why, I had those before?

goodvibes: yeahhhhhh how I love changing timelinesssssss

goodvibes: at least someones brother is alive instead of dead tho

irisbest: ok that was p low, cisco

bearyallen: ://

goodvibes: sry but still

radtomaz: im gonna get that a lot aren’t I

thebettertomaz: yeah…

lancelot: the big chat is gonna be fun

irisbest: speaking of, we should probz discuss the meet-up sometimes soon

sunshinegirl: well I’m guessing dick briefed the others on everything

gayforray: guys

gayforray: where’s team arrow at

smoakandmirrors: oh yeah we’re at scpd being interrogated

winner: why???

arsenal: I killed 2 guards at the subway yesterday

rayofsunshine: Oh.

smoakandmirrors: it’s the bloodlust

gayforray: we figured

smoakandmirrors: we’re covering for him

smoakandmirrors: ollie’s inside rn

smoakandmirrors: and I keep thinking abt food is that bad

timemom: You’re pregnant, it’s normal!

smoakandmirrors: ik but my husband is being interrogated and I’m craving pizza rolls

sciencebitch: then have pizza rolls

thebettertomaz: great I want them too now

sciencebitch: then. have. pizza. rolls

fastlane: yo what was that about changing timelines?

fastlane: who’s @radtomaz

badasslesbian: lucy pls it’s better to let it go

lancelot: I’m with danvers

goodvibes: well u did it

radtomaz: for everyone from e38 im behrad tomaz I know u but u don’t know me

winner: thx

fastlane: ohhh zari’s brother

thebettertomaz: yup

sleepyhead: and we’re just… rolling w it

sunshinegirl: p much

jessequick: yea I haven’t met u either

miniwestallen: hey jesse 👋🏽

jessequick: nora!!!! we haven’t spoken in a while huh

miniwestallen: it’s dawn actually

jessequick: ?

miniwestallen: but yeah dm me!!!

radtomaz: then again ig me being here isn’t weirder than dawn talking from 2049

holt-the-door: man ur right

goodvibes: ok I admit

miniwestallen: [image attached: 2049fam.jpeg]

bearyallen: wait is THAT THAWNE RIGHT THERE

irisbest: nora???????????

irisbest: I mean dawn??????????

lancelot: ok how & why?

iceicebaby: And who are the other kids?

miniwestallen: shrap I sent a wrong one 😅

miniwestallen: wellllll ig I can say it when everything’s over and time is screwed up anyway

darhkling: not nice

miniwestallen: so gideon mentioned I had a brother before

bearyallen: I remember 😅

miniwestallen: his name is don and we’re twins and we’re a speedster duo calling ourselves the tornado twins, mom trained us

irisbest: I

irisbest: what?

miniwestallen: I’m guessing that didn’t happen in the og timeline either :))))))

bearyallen: ok wow

bearyallen: go on

miniwestallen: thawne had a daughter named meloni and actually kinda?? became a more decent human being??? he doesn’t murder ppl anymore??? that’s why I’ve been visiting him & why I asked him to teach me stuff

miniwestallen: don has been dating his daughter for almost 2 years

miniwestallen: and eobard visits us sometimes

miniwestallen: the brunette is meloni and the blonde is my bff lia and ig u can recognize don

irisbest: but??? I’m right there in that photo too???

irisbest: this is insane

bearyallen: YEAH

bearyallen: how could

bearyallen: how could you do this to us??

miniwestallen: I didn’t do anything? it did it itself? idk I knew you’d be mad, what’s new, but this time it’s real, I swear

miniwestallen: 200 %

goodvibes: okay……………

pear: holy moly

winner: holy FUVK

lancelot: so suddenly we don’t look so bad, huh

irisbest: 😒

smoakandmirrors: but didn’t u technically cause this too...?

lancelot: felicity

lancelot: do u wanna go there

smoakandmirrors: nope ur right

smoakandmirrors: also it’s my turn to be interrogated so imma just leave u to this and ask for those pizza rolls

badasslesbian: 👀👀👀

irisbest: read up

sunshinegirl: guys forget abt this

sunshinegirl: enjoy sunday! and got! thawne who?

goodvibes: yea kara’s right

goodvibes: this is sure a lot 2 process buuuut

holt-the-door: game of thrones!!!!

winner: yes!!!

wilddog: do y’all have watch parties

fastlane: nerds

gayforray: AND PROUD

gayforray: and like we said we’re having a party @ avalance’s house

holt-the-door: with me, I’m there, I’m partying w the legends

dramaqueen: Kendra’s here with us and says she might show up later

thebettertomaz: yeah we thought she got into trouble in star

dramaqueen: Also what is all this mess??? I’m not here for once and

sunshinegirl: enjoy

darhkling: [video attached: thecreaturesdiditbetter.mp4]

iceicebaby: Is that Mick dancing

bearyallen: and Mona

bearyallen: omg

irisbest: yeah this definitely lifted the mood here

darhkling: ur welcome

sleepyhead: wait is that zari’s brother

sleepyhead: because hot damn

winner: um

sunshinegirl: I have to agree,

thebettertomaz: pls don’t hit on my brother

thebettertomaz: that’s. no

badasslesbian: ha

badasslesbian: hA

badasslesbian: HA

sunshinegirl: ………

sunshinegirl: fair

lancelot: welcome among the ppl with siblings on hereeeeee

gayforray: I’m glad I don’t have them

gayforray: but damn he is hot how do I only have hot bros how

lancelot: that’s easy 

lancelot: cuz we’re legends and the legends are only the best of the best ;)

darhkling: you gotta be a snack to be a legend

goodvibes: omg

miniwestallen: 😂😂😂

monalisa: ok but gary tho…?

timemom: Well…

sunshinegirl: wait weren’t u and gary dating @monalisa

monalisa: yeahhh but that was in the old timeline not anymore

pear: ????

winner: woah that’s sad

rebecca: time dweeb is dating the wizard

sunshinegirl: BUT

sunshinegirl: u were so cute???

monalisa: ugh no he’s not rly my type

sunshinegirl: 😭😭😭

sciencebitch: babe it’s gonna be ok

goodvibes: shit guys I’m so sorry

monalisa: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 


 

relationship advice?

 

badasslesbian: so in the meantime

lancelot: spill

irisbest: how did the date go?

irisbest: I need to hear it I’m trying to get over that future photo

smoakandmirrors: alex!!!

badasslesbian: so we had lunch and coffee earlier

badasslesbian: we talked for hours & it was like that time w wine

badasslesbian: we talked abt that too

badasslesbian: then we walked a bit & I walked her home & then we

badasslesbian: we kissed again

badasslesbian: it was like a soft kiss n stuff but yeah!!!!!

smoakandmirrors: aaaaaaaaaa

smoakandmirrors: that’s great!!!!!!

irisbest: I’m so happy for u

lancelot: me too

lancelot: wow u actually did this

lancelot: hey maybe we should do a double date sometimes 👀

badasslesbian: NO

lancelot: ok that hurt, danvers

smoakandmirrors: can u blame her

badasslesbian: it’s a bit too soon?

lancelot: yeah, ur right

lancelot: but one day

badasslesbian: sara…

lancelot: yeah yeah

irisbest: barry’s happy for u too!!

badasslesbian: u told barry???

smoakandmirrors: she tells barry everything

irisbest: not everything

irisbest: but have I mentioned we need a distraction ?

badasslesbian: ok 😂

 


 

let’s save the world & party

 

jasontoad: YO

jasontoad: any1 who wants to watch got tonite

jasontoad: we have the big screen and ur invited

gayforray: YES!!!!!!

holt-the-door: for real?

queenofthorns: I’m definitely coming

actualdemonspawn: count the TINATS IN

actualdemonspawn: *titans

mazikeen: awesome

mazikeen: and I like ur name whoever u are

actualdemonspawn: raven

mazikeen: oh right

smoakandmirrors: ooohhhh id love to come but

smoakandmirrors: more stuff happened w the team

irisbest: what happened???

smoakandmirrors: can’t tell

smoakandmirrors: but we’re gonna b fine

 

dawnerys joined  let ’s save the world & party

 

dawnerys: hi I’m Dawn aka Dove count me in

hotwing: I invited her is that ok

coriander: Babe I’m not the jealous type ofc it’s ok 😁

ladyoftroy: more than ok 👀

holt-the-door: awesome. name.

dawnerys: likewise

dawnerys: and u haven’t seen my hair yet

actualdemonspawn: spoiler alert: it’s long white & braided

gayforray: cool

miniwestallen: my name’s also dawn!!!! wow

bearyallen: 😅

irisbest: indeed

dawnerys: COOL

 

mazikeen added eve to let’s save the world & party

 

mazikeen: she’s coming too

eve: hiiiiii

darhkling: oh wait that’s the eve

eve: that’s me

eve: we’ve met

goodvibes: yup, totally

futurerobin: so yeah just show up & alfred will let u in

fatherofdragons: @ legends bring your dragon

thebettertomaz: obviously

fatherofdragons: so we’d have more dragons than them

radtomaz: OBVIOUSLY

futurerobin: u a true daenerys now

fatherofdragons: idiot

dawnerys: yeah I’m Daenerys

dawnerys: but do u really have dragons?

fatherofdragons: yes, three

radtomaz: …one’s still ours

gayforray: oh

gayforray: oh oh OH

gayforray: I got an idea 👀👀👀👀

thebettertomaz: is it what I think it is

 


 

Twitter

 

Damian Wayne @bloodywayne
@GameofThrones @emiliaclarke we have more dragons than you #GameofThrones #GoT #gotseason8 #dragons #MagicalCreaturesAreReal #Heyworld

[image attached: Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne, Nate Heywood, Zari Tomaz, and Behrad Tomaz with Goliath, Fury, and Mithra standing in front of a screen where episode 1 of season 8 of Game of Thrones is paused on a shot of Daenerys’ two remaining dragons]

 

Bruce Wayne @BruceWayneReal
replying to @bloodywayne
son, you shouldn’t show the world that we keep dragons as pets…

 

stephanie @stephaniebrownie
replying to @bloodywayne
buuuurrrrrrrrnnnnnn

 

dragons are real!!! @dndmaster94
replying to @bloodywayne
omf g the waynes hav e 3 dragons ofc they do omg,,,

 

Ellie @ellliiiieee
replying to @bloodywayne
hahaha take that daeneyrs!!!

 

Wayne Family Daily @waynefamilydaily
retweeted from @bloodywayne
OMG 🤯

 

Heyworld @HeyworldPark
retweeted from @bloodywayne
Come see more at our park! #Heyworld

 

Emilia Clarke @emiliaclarke
replying to @bloodywayne @BruceWayneReal
Whaat I need to meet them! 😍🐉

 

Bruce Wayne @BruceWayneReal
replying to @emiliaclarke @GameofThrones
I suppose that could be arranged

 

Damian Wayne @bloodywayne
replying to @emiliaclarke @GameofThrones @BruceWayneReal
if you let us join the finale premiere, we’ll bring you our three real-life dragons 🤔

 

stephanie @stephaniebrownie
replying to @bloodywayne
I see youve resorted to blackmail, nice

 

flying grayson @Dickthedick
replying to @bloodywayne
👀👀👀

 

gay genius @CurtHolt
replying to @BruceWayneReal
is this for real????????

 

Bruce Wayne @BruceWayneReal
replying to @CurtHolt
let’s not forget we’re billionaires and know everyone

 

timbo @timforcoffee
replying to @BruceWayneReal @CurtHolt
and we love it :’))))

Chapter Text

queenofthorns to smoakandmirrors
2019/04/14

 

queenofthorns: Are u REALLY sure it’s safe

queenofthorns: I don’t want anyone to die for my mission, oh god

smoakandmirrors: I told u what pillars to bomb

smoakandmirrors: I have the plant plans right here and I’ll navigate u & the team thru

smoakandmirrors: it’s gonna be ok

smoakandmirrors: my husband’s in there so believe me when I say I wouldn’t b doing this if it weren’t safe!!!!

smoakandmirrors: ish

smoakandmirrors: yeah

queenofthorns: Ok 😅

queenofthorns: But I trust u, Felicity

smoakandmirrors: great, now let’s not think abt it

smoakandmirrors: also I told laurel & she’s coming, and so’s curtis

 


 

the og hoes
2019/04/15

 

arsenal: so we got outta the building and then it blew up like, 3 secs later

arsenal: 😂😂😂

arsenal: wait wrong chat

smoakandmirrors: yea

bearyallen: wait what exactly happened????

smoakandmirrors: uhhhh wellllll

smoakandmirrors: to convince the circle she’s rly with them, emiko kinda dropped a building on the team but she knew they wouldn’t die we discussed it beforehand

wilddog: U COULDVE TOLD US THO

wilddog: WE FOUND OLIVER UNCONSCIOUS

smoakandmirrors: SRY I COULDN’T

smoakandmirrors: and ollie

smoakandmirrors: ollie u here??

smoakandmirrors: u know I love u and I’d do anything to protect u and id never let u die in that building but u running off wasn’t exactly a part of the plan so I couldn’t control what happened over there, I’m so sorry!!!!

dramaqueen: I’m all right, aren’t I

smoakandmirrors: yeah <3

smoakandmirrors: but rly I’m so sorry about the bruises

lancelot: are u telling us oliver could’ve died and we had no idea????

dramaqueen: No

digdeep: yes

lancelot: wow, I gotta tell bruce

dramaqueen: Sara

lancelot: mhmm

dramaqueen: Sometimes you’re a real pain in the ass

lancelot: thanks, u too

dramaqueen: 🙄

smoakandmirrors: sooo how was got

smoakandmirrors: we kinda didn’t watch it yet

holt-the-door: yeah I missed it bc of the mission, not nice

holt-the-door: but no complaining this is more important

goodvibes: awesome

gayforray: dragons!!!!!

goodvibes: yeah our dragons loved it 😍

thebettertomaz: speaking of our dragons

thebettertomaz: I’m guessing you saw that tweet…?

lancelot: yup

irisbest: yeah

smoakandmirrors: I did see that at least

thebettertomaz: it’s on 3 m likes now

thebettertomaz: and uhhh

gayforray: we’re in it

thebettertomaz: yup

radtomaz: looks like ur an internet celeb after all, z 😂

thebettertomaz: shut up

thebettertomaz: so are you

bearyallen: ???

radtomaz: she’s a youtuber in my timeline

irisbest: zari???? no that can’t be

goodvibes: OMG

littlequeen: what

littlequeen: also WHAT TEAM ARROW????

dramaqueen: Sorry for not letting you know but I was, you know

littlequeen: buried under a building???

littlequeen: you idiot

smoakandmirrors: and I was busy trying to get them out, sorry

littlequeen: unforgivable

littlequeen: @arsenal ur an idiot too

arsenal: but I’m your idiot

littlequeen: ur lucky

littlequeen: & where r the superfriends???

lancelot: I’m guessing wayne manor

lancelot: they stayed the night

irisbest: but they’re usually here all the time

bearyallen: @sunshinegirl

sunshinegirl: what

sunshinegirl: for rao’s sake can’t we have irl conversations anymore

littlequeen: so u are at the manor

sunshinegirl: yea

sunshinegirl: [image attached: brunch.jpeg]

lancelot: so it didn’t explode

sunshinegirl: wdym

lancelot: alex & kelly & kate in one room together

irisbest: 👀

smoakandmirrors: yikes

badasslesbian: guys

badasslesbian: u know I’m an agent right

badasslesbian: meaning I can keep stuff professional & also KICK UR ASS

lancelot: I was genuinely worried

lancelot: for the batkids

badasslesbian: uh huh sure

badasslesbian: but damian is kinda freaking out bc of that photo

gayforray: I’m sorry

irisbest: why

gayforray: it was my idea

irisbest: yea I forgot for a sec that the legends are dumbasses

lancelot: heyyy

bearyallen: even I know I shouldn’t post photos w future ppl on them

miniwestallen: do u

miniwestallen: do u really, dad

bearyallen: that was instagram, which we have on private

smoakandmirrors: lmao

gayforray: IM not the one who posted it

gayforray: it was only my IDEA

thebettertomaz: one of the less bright ones

radtomaz: which we didnt see at the time

rayofsunshine: Good news: it promoted the park.

gayforray: I guess

lancelot: ok ok but we knew we were gonna go public when we opened it & made the show

lancelot: it was a collective decision

trenchcoat: Almost

lancelot: 11/12 is still a collective decision, john

rayofsunshine: Neron told everyone I was the Atom when he was in my body, so that ship’s sailed anyway; Bruce and Dami have always been famous; Nate inherited Hank’s billion dollar empire, opened the park and starred as Steel in that show; and no one can recognize Zari and Behrad because they’re kids now. That photo with dragons doesn’t do anything but good in the big picture. Look at it that way!

trenchcoat: I hate how you’re always this positive

gayforray: and I love him for that <3

gayforray: cause ig reading that did help

gayforray: and also Emilia Clarke replied to it so there’s that

holt-the-door: right?????