I am the cosmic Everything, the Nothing. I am the Big Empty, the Sleep. And yours is the only grace that has been touched thrice by God. Together, from our union, the world shall crumble.
Castiel had had it. His perfect moment; the one that had given him his very first taste of true happiness. His only true happiness. Which was a shame, really, because the Cosmic Entity seemed to be a creature of its word.
He awoke in the dark, in the infinite vacuum; he was in the Empty. A figure loomed over him and smiled down, showing too many teeth, a sparkle of malice in its eyes. It looked like Dean, but God, Castiel knew it wasn’t. Even as a demon, he never bore that much hate and rage on his delicate features.
“Wakey-wake, sunshine!” Venomous words flowed down and hit Castiel across his waking face, rapidly followed by a kick to his ribs. Castiel grunted in pain, trying to gather his faculties before the next blow landed.
“Stop!” Castiel tried to slide back from the incoming kick to his rib unsuccessfully. He hissed up at the creature through clenched teeth, “Why look like Dean? You’re not him.”
“Oh, but I am!” the Entity giggled. “I am Dean and he is me.” The creature did a little dance, then leaned down to grasp Castiel by his lapels, lifting his face so they were mere inches apart. “And you and I shall together be.” The Dean look-alike flicked out its tongue and grazed Castiel’s parted lips. He flinched in disgust and shuffled back as far as he could in the Entity’s grasp, a mere centimeter or two, but it was enough to gain him the space to speak.
“What are you talking about? What do you want?”
“Castiel, I’ve chosen thee, for 1 and 1 and 1 is 3.” The thing started rubbing small circles across Castiel’s belly, cooing as if at a baby. “Eternity demands a new deity.”
The entity pushed Castiel flat and fit its Dean-shaped form between his thighs. “Now. Open yourself up to me.” With a flick of its wrist, the mirage of clothing disappeared and only skin remained.
Realization hit Castiel, and he froze in panic. “Oh, God, help me," he whispered into the void, tears he had never learned how to shed in the mortal realm sliding silently down his cheeks.
“God has left the stage, Castiel. It’s time to take the next step on the evolutionary ladder, create a new perfect being.”
Castiel turned his head to the side and stared out at the Big Empty. He was already dead; what was the point of fighting? He wanted to fight, but he didn’t have it in him. Maybe because a small part of him, deep down in the secret spaces of his being, wanted Dean like this, in this way. And even though it wasn’t Dean above him, maybe he could pretend, and it would be OK.
“Hey, hey, hey, Cas. Shhh, it’s ok.” Dean’s hands cupped his face and turned him to look into his eyes. “I got you, buddy, everything is going to be ok.” Those sparkling green eyes were filled with years of friendship and caring, and Castiel melted.
“Yeah, it’s me. It’s ok now, we’re going home. Sam and Jack and everybody is waiting for you. We’ve all missed you.” Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and buried his face into his friend’s shoulder.
“Thank God you found me. I don’t wa…aaahhh!” The being reared its head back and cackled as it shoved its cock into Castiel. The pain that exploded through him was crippling; he was not ready for the intrusion. But even worse than the physical pain bestowed upon his body was the knowledge of how easily he had been fooled. He wanted Dean to save him so badly that he fell for the ruse in 2 seconds flat.
In that moment he knew without doubt that he was pathetic, he deserved this, and he hated himself even more than the Entity, more than the frantic thrusting into his prone body. And he hated Dean. Hated him for giving him a moment of true Joy. It was Dean’s fault he was here.
Michael had been vanquished and Dean had been returned to them. They shared a warm embrace that spoke of all the hardships they endured together over the years. “I’m so glad you’re home, Dean. I love you so much.”
The man hesitated, but eventually smiled with the warmth of a million suns. “I love you, too, man… Yeah, me too, buddy.” As Dean squeezed him tight and gave a pat to his back, Castiel heard with spoken words for the very first time how much he meant to his friend. He was loved. Dean was home, Dean was safe, and Castiel was loved.
Pain shot through him again as the Entity shifted, digging into him, fucking him into the floating nothing of the remarkably solid ground. Not-Dean stared triumph and hate down into Castiel’s eyes, like it knew that taking this form would be the most devastating to the angel. It knew his secret thoughts.
“Stop looking like him!”
The entity continued its howling laughter as it defiled itself deep into Castiel’s grace.
Castiel endured. What other choice did he have? He had awoken the Entity, enraged it with his demands to be sent back to Earth, and made the worst of enemies. Then he angered it again when he shielded Jack from its clutching hands. And now, in repayment, he could feel this thing growing inside of him.
Every time the Entity entered his space, it cooed with delight at what it had wrought. It reminded him of Gollum caressing “Precious” (thanks a whole fuckton for that pop culture reference, Metatron); it sent shivers down his spine. Castiel always cringed at the nearness of the creature, every time it touched him and fed more of itself into his grace, every time it licked his belly and purred at the unborn thing within him. But it never took him again like the first time. And so, Castiel endured.
What felt like eons passed. The thing inside him grew at a snail’s pace; Castiel suspected it would have a gestation period of several thousand years at the least. The only solace he felt was that Sam and Dean and the rest of his friends would be safe from whatever was born of this union. At least, he hoped they would be.
But as it would turn out, luck was not on his side. Sam and Dean would in fact see the offspring he born, for they had discovered a way to put the Entity back to sleep.
“You know I didn’t have to do it that way.” It mocked him one last time as it yawned into its Dean-shaped hand. “I could have simply touched you and transferred my essence into the womb of your Grace.”
“Because I hate you.”
With the last breath of words, the thing fell asleep. Its form oozed like black tar then finally dissolved into the void around them.
And then Dean stood before him, eyes taking in his naked form. “Shit.”
Castiel squinted at Dean, not sure he believed what his brain was trying to tell him. “So, you’re not asleep. Why the ruse? Haven’t you tormented me enough?!”
“Sonofabitch! Cas! It’s me, it’s Dean. Rowena figured out how to put the entity back to sleep for good. But we gotta go now, I only have a small window to be here.”
Dean grabbed him by the arm and in a flash of white light, Castiel felt himself falling through the ether until his essence reinserted itself within his vessel. He sat up with a gasp. He could hear Dean doing the same beside him. He turned to look at his friend who was grinning ear to ear.
“We did it. We got you!”
Dean’s smile faded as Castiel closed his eyes and hung his head. He wasn’t ashamed, he wasn’t sorry, but he was sad that this reunion couldn’t last. He needed to cloister himself away in Heaven immediately and let the angels figure out how to rid him of this cursed condition.
Dean’s hand on his shoulder was warm, comforting. Then Sam’s hand was suddenly at his other side.
“What is it Cas? What’s wrong?” Castiel had so missed Sam’s soothing voice.
“It’s… I should leave. I need to go to Heaven and seek the help of the angels still residing there.”
“No way, man. To hell with those douchebags. If you need help, me and Sammy can do it. We always got your back.”
“I don’t know if there is anything you can do--if there’s anything anyone can do. Maybe not even God could fix this… It’s safer for me to be hidden.”
“Bullshit! Tell me what’s going on, Cas!” Dean was getting mad, and Castiel didn’t know how to respond to that. Best to rip the Band-Aid off and just be out with it.
“I’ve been impregnated! Do you know what kind of monstrosity this thing will be? The offspring of a fallen angel and the cosmic Entity?! It’s not safe for me to be around you.”
Dean's eyes widened. “You’re a man… man. You can’t get pregnant…”
“You forget, Dean. I am an angel . I am neither male nor female. I am a celestial being; I have no need for a uterus to birth a child. My grace is a womb. It is creation.”
Dean spent a few moments sputtering, in shock, so Sam spoke up in his stead. “Even if you have a child, Cas, there’s no way of knowing that it would turn out to be a monster.”
“It’s an abomination!” Castiel roared out his frustration. He so wanted this to be a happy reunion, but he couldn’t muster the calm to make it so.
Jack finally stood up and joined in the conversation, Castiel only now noticing that he was even in the room with them.
“That’s what they said about me and look how I turned out. I’m the son of Satan himself, and I am not evil. Your child will know goodness, Castiel. We will make sure of it.” Jack reached out his hand and placed it on his stomach, his eyes glowing gold for a moment.
“I can feel it, Castiel. It is good, and pure.” Castiel let his head drop to Jack’s shoulder and sighed. He felt arms wrapping around him from all sides, and he felt a sudden contentment. Someone kissed him on the top of his head, but he wasn’t sure who. It didn’t matter.
Dean and Sam were safe. Castiel was safe, and he was home . The Entity was asleep for good. Jack turned out to be a blessedly good creature. And most importantly, he was loved. Maybe they could fix this, or maybe not. But Castiel suddenly had faith in the good nature of the family around him. Maybe everything would be OK.