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my love, my love, my love

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her hand starts in costia’s hair, twisting and tracing the curls surrounding the younger girl’s scalp. she pulls the strands gently, soothing the girl as she sleeps. she watches her chest rise and fall, slow and steady, as she brings costia’s hair over her shoulder. she always found it so peaceful to watch costia sleep, eyes squeezed shut as her mouth shows a hint of a smile, her soul at peace with her mind.

they’ve both been struck with war, losing friends, families, that they loved. moments like this are rare for the both of them. moments where they can watch the sun rise up through the curtains, the smell of candles drifting under their noses. they were at peace together, in the company of each other, forgetting about the rest of the world.

lexa brings her lips to her girlfriend’s neck, softly pressing kisses into where she know it tickles. she takes a deep breath in, and there’s something about the pure smell of her girlfriend that lexa loves; a hint of vanilla, wood, an earthy tint where she’s helped the farmers with their markets. and don’t get lexa started on her hair - a concoction of oils her guards had brought for lexa, yet had gone unused, had the other girl not gotten her hands on them. her musk always smells heavenly to lexa - which just makes her fall just that bit deeper in love with costia - but she would never admit it.

costia’s eyes start to flicker open softly, eyelashes fluttering with the sun shining through the window behind her. the beams of sun illuminate lexa’s skin, lighting up her eyes which focus intensely on her. “hello, beautiful.” lexa’s voice speaks up, sleepiness evident in her voice, still.

“good morning, lex,” costia replies, “how did you sleep, beautiful?” she asks lexa, adoringly. she knows lexa has had problems sleeping ever since being called into the conclave, even more so since she had won. costia had spent many a night whispering gently to lexa, in hopes to get her to finally rest. they’d share a bed a handful of times, costia curled up tightly, however lexa was restless, tossing and turning in order to clear the demons in her mind.

“I slept alright, cos.” lexa sighs. “better than usual. an early start, again. but the view isn’t too bad.” she says, looking back down at costia. “you’re so beautiful, love.” and you’re all mine. lexa wouldn’t have asked for anything better to wake up to than costia. sometimes she couldn't believe that the girl was even hers. she was blessed in every single way possible when it came to costia. she had someone she loved, and someone who loved her back. loved her not because she was commander, but for who she truly was.

as lexa stayed under the furs, with her eyes half open, she felt costia’s weight lift off of the bed. she knew costia was to help the markets today, the rising sun promising a warm, breezy day. lexa could hear the light sounds of costia slipping into her day clothes, lexa’s sleep shirt softly hitting the floor that costia had worn the night before. her eyes started to close, her tiredness taking toll on her body, and lexa knew she wouldn't be awake for much longer.  she hears light steps out of her bedroom in the back of her mind, trying so hard to fight her sleepiness once again.

“i’m just doing some errands, love. they need some help on the stands, i’ll be back soon!” costia shouts, her voice reverberating through the floor of the tower. she walks as softly as she can, the creaky boards of the polis tower wearing old and thin however. her net bag is swept over her shoulder, hair tied messily on top of her head in preparation for the blazing sun, a long day ahead of her. she’d been helping out the market sellers since she was a teenager, helping the people to set up and interacting with the community.

she’d spend hours in the fresh air, dancing from stall to stall, enjoying the light breeze in her hair. she knew she had to be careful, as the city had announced a warning about azgeda presence. there were to be guards at every entrance and exit, men mounted high on horses with their swords close. costia would smile at the men, sending them silent thank yous for keeping her kru safe.

costia was just about to turn around to help another small market seller, when she felt a sharp pain in her back. her chest felt warm, and she shot her hand up to hold herself steady, thinking she might just be dehydrated, until her vision went completely black.

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in her half-asleep state, lexa recognised the sound of steps leading towards her room in her tower. her body was tucked under the furs, comfy and warm, when her door slammed open, waking her up immediately. lexa processes the distinct fur clothing of the ice nation clan, the azgeda, and her heart starts to race . she knows what the azgeda are up to, as commander, and leader of the twelve clans, she had to be careful about her ways if she wanted to keep azgeda close, for her benefit.

the footsteps come closer to her, hands holding a burlap bag, thick fingers gripped tightly around the rope. whatever the guards were carrying, lexa knew that it was something they were after from her, for a very, very long time. she feels the weight of her bed sink, something heavy and warm hit her legs. lexa can feel her heart pounding through her chest as she thinks about what might be inside.

something warm trickles down her leg, and lexa knows something is wrong. shaking hands reach for the rope, untying the top of the sack. she swallows her breath and she begrudgingly looks inside, searching for something that she might be able to identify. the bottom of the bag starts to leak over lexa’s lap, soaking her pants with a thick, dark liquid. she opens the burlap further, and realises this is the last thing she wants to see. dark, black curls, matted with thick blood. the eyes that were once full of life were now glassy and cold, staring into the distance.

her costia. her love. the love of lexa’s life. she knew azgeda were someone to fear, a kru that she was better off keeping her distance, and she hated herself for not protecting costia from them. She knew the ice nation clan were violent, ruthless warriors, however she didn’t expect azgeda to bring costia to her, not like this….

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the next thing lexa feels is shaking. she can feel somebody on her, but she’s not sure what’s real, and what isn’t. she’s shaken up by the thoughts running through her mind, the images that she saw, burning into her mind. she couldn’t believe the things she was reliving. seeing her girlfriend suffer, seeing her in the hands of the ice nation.

that was until she heard her voice.

‘lex? baby are you okay? are you awake?” costia spoke gently, not wanting to alarm lexa. lexa opened her eyes, yet was still unable to form sentences, mouth gaping at the girl in front of her, completely speechless. “you were shaking like a leaf.” costia had concern in her voice, eyebrows knotted together, trying to piece together what lexa had just seen.

“i’m okay, cos. i promise. i’m really sorry, love” lexa stutters out, taking a deep breath to calm herself. “it was nothing, i promise. as long as you’re here, i’m more than okay.” lexa reassures the other girl, still seeing the worry in her eyes. she shakes her head, still feeling costia’s worrying gaze on her. “you mean a lot to me, cos. and i’m really lucky to have you here. i know things are hard, but i think we’ll be okay, as long as we have each other. it was just a nightmare, was all….”

lexa finds costia’s hand, holding it tightly, a silent promise to each other. a promise to keep each other safe, to love each other, to always be there for each other.

“i know we will. of course we’ll be okay, lex. as long as we’re together.”