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The Tale of Stiles Stilinski and His (Non)Existent Boyfriend, Derek Hale

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The thing about dating Derek is you should brag it to everyone. Like, hell. Have you seen the man's face? It looks like God sculptured it himself, like all of the Greek God sprinkle him with hotness and whatnot just to mess with the sanity of the humanity. He's the living proof that God is real.

In short, Derek Hale is the perfect definition of art.

So, yes. You can really tell that Stiles has been bragging about him to everyone that he knows. He's been telling some poetic stanzas about Derek's face, Derek's abs and well, if he even said something about Derek's dick, he was not sober. Bragging Derek Hale is kind of mandatory. Derek wasn't bothered, though. If anything, he's quite happy on how Stiles is so proud that he's dating him.

Apparently, though. Stiles has been... Too proud?

"What?" Stiles asks, shocked. Because... what? His college friends want him to... what?

"A date," Jennifer repeats. "A date, Stiles. I booked you a date with my friend, Rocky."

"But, Derek --"

"Stiles," she sighs. "Look, I know we kind of supported you with your whole... Derek Hale, The Perfect Boyfriend Fairy Tale. But, you seriously need to date real people."

"What," Stiles says, with no question mark. "You think Derek is not real?"

She looks at him like he's stupid. "Yes,"

Stiles slumps in his seat.

"It's not you, Stiles." Rob says who's across him. "It's your stories. I mean, dude. Do you really think we will believe you that a guy, like in your description, looks like porn do exist?"

Stiles can sense the 'a guy who looks like porn will screw with you' tone but he decides not to mention it. Instead, he settles with, "And you're making me date a what? A guy named Rocky? Who even has a name Rocky?"

Jennifer shrugs. "At least, he's not non existent."

Stiles face palms himself.


Derek's phone is ringing and it's just so happen that Erica is there, and not, you know, Derek. What polite people do when they see a phone that's ringing? You answer them, right? Erica doesn't know. Polite is not in her vocabulary.

So, she glances at Derek's phone and sees Stiles' name. Her eyes widen and excitedly takes the phone and answers it.


"Erica?" Stiles asks. "Where's Derek?"

Erica snorts. "I was excited to answer the phone because it was you, but all you care about is Derek,"

Stiles lets out a small laugh that makes Erica feel... giddy. Nobody knows that. But, Stiles is her best friend. She trust him as much as she trust Boyd. And Stiles understands things that nobody can. "Sorry, I miss you too. How are you?"

"I'm fine," she sits in the couch and tries to get comfortable because Derek be damned. She's going to talk to her best friend as much as she wants. "Derek left with Scott. Something bout with Deaton. I think they're doing something about the territory."

"That's good," Stiles comments.

"Why did you call Derek, by the way? Isn't Derek always the one who calls you? Well, I know you call, sometimes." she smirks. "When you're drunk,"

Stiles groans in the other line and Erica tries to hide her giggle. "I just need to tell him something. It's kind of important,"

"Is someone dying?"

"No," Stiles answers. "Not that kind of important. Dude, if someone is dying, you'll know that I'd probably be screaming in this phone right now."

"Well, what is it?" she asks. "Why are you calling Derek?"

Stiles sighs like he's defeated. Erica can just imagine that Stiles is rubbing his face with his hands. "Okay," Stiles breathes. "Okay, so. You know, Derek is like the hottest person who ever walked on Earth. Other than you! Of course, other than you, Erica. You're pretty hot, too."

Erica snorts fondly but she says, "Continue."

"So, yeah. He's hot, so you know, it's my obligation to tell the whole world about his perfect everything."

Erica nods. Stiles is not wrong. Boyd is so great in general. (especially in bed) so of course, she would tell it to other people. "Then?"

"Well, some people think I'm lying."

Erica gapes. "What?"

"I know, I --" Stiles exhales deeply. "They even set me up on a date because they thought I'm so lonely. I'm not lonely. I'm so not lonely, I have fucking Derek Hale and you can read that both ways.

Erica really finds this funny, she really does. She would laugh at it, of course. But, Derek... Derek is fucking scary. He will rip out your throat if you touch Stiles. On the early days of their relationship, Derek won't even let them touch him. So, it was really hard for everyone, especially Stiles, because let's get real. Stiles can get handsy and people will want to touch. Erica remembers that Derek went 'Red Alpha Eyes' on her, full force and she almost wanted to kill her own self. (Stiles was there to save the day, her batman.)

So, yes. Erica is scared for these people who's fucking around with Stiles.

"Are you sure you want to tell Derek? I mean, he --"

"No," Stiles cuts her off with an answer. "Jesus, no. But, he needs to know. You know how he gets,"

Erica bites her nail because she does know. She experienced it. "I hope you tell your friends to dig their grave now,"

"Erica," Stiles warns.

"What?" she asks, like she's telling 'you know it's true'. "They're better be prepared if they want to have a nice grave,"

Stiles' answer is only a long, heavy sigh.

"Same," she tells him.


this stiles you set me up on date ditched me, the text says. he could have been polite enough to tell me that he's not interested.

stiles ditched his fucking date last night, the text follows. tell him he's a death meat

Rob lets out a small chuckle because Jennifer is ridiculous. Also, Stiles is ridiculous. He's letting his date (possibly some real sex life) slide because of his non existent boyfriend. Don't get him wrong, he loves Stiles like a brother. But, Stiles has been dreaming? imagining? a Derek Hale that he's supposed to be dating. Rob might be stupid, but he's not dumb.

He opens the door to the room that he's sharing with Stiles to see almost 10 people sitting in the couch and the ground. And they're also glaring at him. He's about to ask who are you and what are you doing here when a guy looks like his age asks, with a 'if your answer is wrong, I'll kill you' tone. "Who are you?"

And who is he to be the one asking Rob this? This is his room, this is his -- oh, shit. Shit. The girl with red hair stares at him, like she's plotting Rob's death and Rob is too young to die. "Rob, Stiles' roommate. I'm --"

A girl, who is besides the guy who looks like is in the same age as him, interrupts. "Didn't Stiles mention a Rob before?"

His posture relaxed and smiles at Rob. "I'm Scott, sorry for being a --" he points with himself which is a fucking understatement. He almost had a heart attack. "I'm Stiles' friend. We all are,"

A guy in the ground snorts and the red hair who's besides him, elbows him in the ribs and the guy looks surprised. The girl just gives him a skeptical look. The guy just sighs and looks away.

"We're sorry for stopping by without permission --" the girl who is sitting next to Scott says, but she's interrupted with a girl who's sitting next to her.

"Isaac, what the fuck are you doing?"

The guy -- who's supposed to be Isaac -- is sniffing the fucking couch. A part in the couch where Stiles likes to sit and that's -- 

"This space smells like Stiles," Isaac comments. He's currently sitting in Stiles' favorite part of the couch.

"Uh..." Rob says dumbly. "Well, I guess because that's Stiles' favorite part of the couch." he blinks.

The girl who interrupted Allison, suddenly growls and that's so fucking scary and says, "GIVE ME THAT SPACE!"

"No!" Isaac exclaims. "It smells like Stiles!"

"Stop that!" A guy in the ground, who looks like a black greek God, fuck, yells. "Stiles' bed is always free, fuckers."

The guy who snorts when Scott mentions the 'friends with Stiles' gives a 'you're kidding me' look with the Black Greek God. "Boyd," he says. "You really think Derek --" Derek, Rob's mind supplies. Derek is real? "-- will let us cuddle Stiles in his bed? Really?"

The girl with the red hair just flips her hair and rolls her eyes. "I'll be the one dealing with Derek if he says no." she gives everyone a dead look. "I didn't come along here just to see them do gross things."

So, Derek... Derek is actually real. He's... Stiles is actually telling the truth? But -- but, Derek is not real. He's too perfect. Is he even here? Okay, so the guy who's name is Isaac -- and currently cuddling Stiles' space, Jesus. -- is actually pretty hot. Curls, green eyes, pink lips. His jaw is actually pretty dope, too. But, not that Derek. Okay, so the guy who's name is Boyd is a fucking greek God. Just -- he gives off that look with his everything. But, his name is Boyd. So not Derek. And the guy who's sitting next to the scary red hair girl is... Pretty. And sexy. He's the actual definition of The Vogue Model. But, not Derek. And Scott? Scott is the definition of bad boy with the good boy looks. He's pretty buff. But, Rob is sure he's not Derek. So, none of them is Derek, does that mean --

"If you're looking for Derek," The girl, who was fighting with Isaac, interrupts his tunnel of thoughts. "He's not here, but I can tell you." she looks at him dead in the eye. "He will be," There's something in her tone that scares the shit out of Rob. Like, she was speaking of --

"Erica," Boyd warns.

"What?" Erica asks. "It's true! You know what will happen if Derek is here, right? Derek will --"

"Erica," Boyd warns once again.

"I need a drink," he announces and why the fuck did you say that, Rob? "I'm going to go --"

"You should," the red hair girl doesn't even let him finish. God damn it.

"Jackson, tell your girlfriend to calm down." Scott tells The Vogue Model dude but Jackson only offers a shrug.

The girl besides Scott giggles.

"Not you too, Allison?" Scott sounds betrayed.

"Sorry, Lydia is too funny."

Rob just walks out the room and closes it.

He needs a drink. Possibly a lot of it.


Jennifer sees Rob before he sees her. He got this look in his face where he just looks so fucking traumatised. Rob catches her eyes and walks towards her table and sits in the chair available.

"Hey, Rob. You okay? Did you see Stiles? Rocky is here --" At the mention of Stiles' name, Rob shakes his head and takes Jennifer's drink which is rude but Rob drinks all of it and she hasn't even drink any of it, damn it.

"Rob, are you okay? And you're paying for that," she tells him.

Rob looks at her in the eyes. "You need to tell Rocky to go away and not even get near Stiles, alright. If he values his life. Just --"

Jennifer glares at him and punches his arm. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I met Stiles' friends, they are so -- rude, and weird but also scary. Mostly scary and Derek is real, Jen. Oh my, God."

Jennifer wants to laugh at Rob. Rob meets Stiles' friends and then they told him that Derek is real? Stiles maybe just paid these people. "Did you met Derek, then?"

"No, but --"

"Then, he's not real."

"But, Jen --"

Rob is interrupted with people who's saying, 'is that Stiles?' and 'oh my God. Who are the people he's with?' Jennifer looks at where the people are looking at and holy mother of all Holy.

Is that Stiles Stilinski with the hottest people she'd ever seen? And there's a man who has a very secure hand in Stiles' waist who looks like a walking sex and porn or maybe combine. And his jaw, oh, God. Is his jaw real? Is he even -- and oh, no. No. Oh, my god. Derek is real and Stiles is telling the truth.

"I told you," Rob tells her. "He's real, and he's even hotter than Stiles' description."

Stiles smiles at their way and waves. Derek looks at where Stiles is looking at and gives of the 'I don't give a shit' vibe. He's hot, but also looks like a murderer. How does he makes it work?

"Hi, guys." Stiles greets them. "Fancy seeing you here?"

Jen can only just offer a nod.

"Oh, well. Everyone," Stiles looks at his friends and points at Rob. "You met Rob, right?" The girl with the red hair just raises her eyebrow but she's also only the person who answers. "Yes,"

"This is Jen," Stiles points to her. Jen waves at them, because the tension is fucking real.

"This is Lydia," Stiles points to the girl with the red hair who flips her hair and offers nothing but a bitch vibe. Which is... Scary. It's like she's plotting everyone's death. "This is Erica," he points out the girl with blond hair who gives off a irritated sigh. "The guy next to her is Boyd," Boyd is nice enough to smile at them. "And this baby over here is Isaac." Stiles ruffles the guy's hair who looks like a 10 year old and the guy -- Isaac -- smiles happily at him. "This is Jackson," he points out to the guy who looks like he has a better things to do than to meet them. "And this is Scott," he points out to the guy who is next to him. "And this is Allison." he points out to the girl who's besides Scott. "Lydia and Jackson, Erica and Boyd, Scott and Allison are all plotting to make cute babies," Jen can sense that Stiles is teasing.

"And what does Derek and you make?" Jackson snorts. "The grandpas?"

The whole group laughs at them and for the first time, Derek smiles. But, he smiles at Stiles. Like Stiles is the sun or something.

Stiles' friends are all hot and knockouts. And Derek is exactly what Stiles said. More even. It's just -- it's hard to believe something even if it's right in front of you.

"So, guys. I think we're all going to order food now. You guys should come with us, this is my treat." Stiles tells them happily.

"Oh, no." Rob swallows. Because Stiles' friends are all currently looking at them... More like glaring but -- "I'll stay right here, thanks though."

"Next time, then. How about you, Jen?"

Jen scans Stiles' friends and they're all looking at her with that scary look in their faces. Derek is also looking at her with one eyebrow raise. "I'll stay right here with Rob, thanks for the offer."

"Oooookay," Stiles drawls. "But, if you guys change your mind, come to our table." Derek shakes his head to no one in particular but guides Stiles away from their table. Scott scowls at them, Allison just smiles apologetically, Jackson looks offended, Lydia raises an eyebrow,  Boyd offers a disapproving look, Isaac and Erica, though, full force on glaring at them and shaking their head which is rude. Also, who teaches these people manners?

All of them walk away except Erica who tells them, "Be glad that I didn't tell Derek what you did to Stiles. Be glad that my friends didn't do anything to you. Do that again with Stiles," she licks her lips and growls. "You're dead," she smiles sweetly at them and then walks away.

"I need more alcohol," Rob announces.

"Count me in," Jen says.

They need more than just a glass of wine.


Rob went home that night, he's kind of tipsy but not much. He wishes that Stiles' friends left now but when he opens the door and sees them cuddling Stiles in front of the TV, his dreams are crash.

Rob is startled with Derek  (Oh my, God. He's seeing him up close and he's so fit, Jesus. The word hot or fit or anything does not describe this man.) who's holding a glass of water.

"You're Stiles' roommate?" he asks.

"Yes," Rob blurts out. "Yes," he answers again.

"Great, can Stiles call dibs to this room even just for the night?"


"I can give you money for you to take a room in a hotel, if you want."

"No, that's fine... But, uh... Why do you even need this room, though? Why can't you -- I mean, you're giving me money to a hotel room, why can't you just --"

"Stiles likes to have sex in his college room, I'm just making his dreams come true," Derek answers without missing a beat and did he just -- fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

"So, if I were you," Derek tells him. "Bring a hand sanitizer when you come back," Derek smirks.

"Sourwolf!" Stiles exclaims. "Where's my water?"

"Coming, dear." Derek deadpans.

Derek gives Rob a look like 'I'm waiting and patience is not my best trait' so he just answers, "Of course,"

Derek nods at him and walks away. Rob decided not to let Stiles notice him. He just want to get out of this room in peace. But, before he closes the door, he sees Derek kisses Stiles slowly and passionately when he gives Stiles the glass of water.

Rob swallows the lump in his throat.

Damn, he thinks. I was one step away from my death.