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The Author Writes This Exclusively At 3 AM And Therefore Didn't Think Of A Title (by Fall Out Boy)

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KeithK added KatieH, KidlatG, LanceM, AlluraA and RomelleY to a groupchat

KeithK renamed the groupchat to Talk Slowly To Me


LanceM : owo ?

AlluraA : ...Keith ?

KeithK : it's easier for me that way


KatieH changed their pseudo to Smol

LanceM changed their pseudo to Long Boi

Long Boi changed KeithK's pseudo to Knife Boi

KidlatG changed their pseudo to Hunk

Knife Boi changed Hunk's pseudo to Sunshine


Sunshine : fair


AlluraA changed their pseudo to Dancing Queen

Dancing Queen changed RomelleY's pseudo to Hunk's Doppëlganger


Long Boi : hold the fuck on

Smol : fuck being hold,

Long Boi : mullet what is this in the first place

Knife Boi : a group chat

Long Boi : wow thanks sherlock

Long Boi : but what for

Knife Boi : i told you, it's easier for me

Long Boi : ya alright but who are all those guys

Smol : stop assuming our genders

Long Boi : lemme rephrase : who are all those fresh glorious pals of yours

Knife Boi : urgh

Sunshine : i don't know if it's better or worse

Smol : i'm keith's lab partner

Sunshine : we have english literature together !

Long Boi : i just so happen to eat lunch at his table

Long Boi : and make fun of his hair

Long Boi : also i double text a lot, sorry about that

Long Boi : now who are the other members of this unlikely team

Knife Boi : this was a mistake-

Dancing Queen : hi yes hello i'm Keith's history tutor, my name is Allura. hi Keith !

Knife Boi : hey allura

Hunk's Doppëlganger : i'm romelle, nice to meet you

Hunk's Doppëlganger : not sure why i'm here tho

Knife Boi : soccer team sticks together

Hunk's Doppëlganger : valid point

Long Boi : soccer team

Long Boi : you're in the soccer team

Knife Boi : yeah, what about it

Smol : oh boy

Long Boi : this is very jock of you, mullet

Knife Boi : fuck you

Long Boi : oof buy me diner first

Sunshine : ...are you guys always like this ?

Knife Boi : if you consider three weeks as always then yes

Knife Boi : lance is a rude bitch

Long Boi : gASP

Long Boi : i'm offended

Knife Boi : and a drama queen

Long Boi : bitch you're free to eat by yourself no one's forcing you to stick with me

Dancing Queen : i don't want to interrupt anything but can we do proper introductions ? i can't tell who's who

Dancing Queen : Keith, why don't you start ?

Knife Boi : why, all of you know me

Hunk's Doppëlganger : pwetty pwease ?

Smol : i will pay you actual cash to never type that again

Long Boi : keeeeef

Sunshine : please keith ?

Knife Boi : urgh FINE

Knife Boi : i'm keith, he/him, junior year, and i know every one of you because of classes

Knife Boi : allura your turn

Dancing Queen : my name is Allura, she/her, i'm a senior and sometimes i help Keith with history

Long Boi : that's sweet

Long Boi : i'm lance, he/him, junior, keith is the closest thing i have to a friend since this school hates transfer students apparently :)))

Long Boi : also i'm from cuba

Sunshine : that's so cool, i'm samoan/filipino ! island buddies !

Long Boi : for real ??

Sunshine : yeah ! please call me hunk, he/him, i'm in junior year and keith is paired with me this year for eng lit

Hunk's Doppëlganger : okay but now i'm curious, why am i your doppelganger

Dancing Queen : babe i've met the man and he's you on all levels except physical

Long Boi : i am a wolf

Smol : i am a wolf

Smol : ...wait a minute

Long Boi : !!!

Long Boi : meme team ?

Smol : keith i like this one let's keep him

Knife Boi : oh for fucks sake

Long Boi : i feel loved

Sunshine : in this group we support lance

Smol : agree

Knife Boi : seconded

Dancing Queen : thirded

Hunk's Doppëlganger : yas bitch

Smol : I Feel Love In This Chili's Tonight

Long Boi : guys

Long Boi : guys i'm crying

Long Boi : you all are too sweet to be real

Long Boi : keith you have to make me meet them

Knife Boi : idk i feel like there is enough chaos already



Dancing Queen : dear lord

Sunshine : goodness gracious

Smol : ew emotions

Long Boi : D:

Knife Boi : jesus alright

Long Boi : :D

Dancing Queen : [gasps in british] some of you didn't introduce yourself !

Smol : fuck

Hunk's Doppëlganger : we didn't ?

Hunk's Doppëlganger : welp. i am romelle, she/her (pls pls pls be careful with my pronouns it means a lot to me) and i'm in the mixed soccer team of the school with keith ! also i'm a junior

Knife Boi : pidge stop being sneaky

Smol : urgh okay

Smol : my name is katie holt but i go by pidge. i'm still figuring stuff out about my gender, for now i'm sticking to she/her/they/them, depending on the day. and i'm a junior too i guess

Long Boi : you guess ?

Smol : i'm a literal child

Smol : i'm two years younger than keith

Long Boi : gasp

Long Boi : a toddler

Smol : nvm i don't like him anymore take him back

Long Boi : remind me to bring you applesauce when we meet

Smol : i'll headbutt you in the stomach


Space Expedition

Gaylien : Shiro This Was A Mistake

Space Man : why is this sentence capitalized

Gaylien : why do you never capitalize anything

Space Man : capitalization ? in this economy ?

Earthling : this reeks of chaotic millennial energy and i'm here for it

Gaylien : adam save me

Earthling : perish

Space Man : no,

Space Man : keith what is even happening

Gaylien : i made a gc with my friends

Earthling : you have friends ?

Gaylien : oh fuck you

Gaylien : yeah i do

Gaylien : pidge ? romelle ?

Space Man : ah

Earthling : and that guy you've been complaining for weeks ?

Gaylien : him too, he's actually decent when he tries. and hunk and allura are here

Earthling : i fail to see how it is a problem

Space Man : me too

Space Man : oh no wait

Space Man : too much interaction in one day ?

Gaylien : ...yeah

Space Man : urgh

Earthling : real talk here : communication, keith. you have to tell them when it gets overwhelming.

Gaylien : it's weird enough that i made them share a gc, i'm not going to put restrictions on this

Space Man : adam has a point tho, this is about your well being and it means letting them know that sometimes you can't handle too many people at once

Gaylien : hhhhh

Space Man : keith

Earthling : /keith/

Gaylien : why are you both like this

Space Man : hush you love us

Gaylien : gross

Gaylien : see you at home

Earthling : shiro he loves us

Space Man : i'm so proud