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Do you feel it?

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It was hard to tell when it all had begun.

 

Perhaps when they first looked at each other with a longing that wasn’t appropriate to their brotherly bond? When they’d finally recognized (and thoroughly rejected) the feelings they had for each other? Perhaps when they ruthlessly ground against each other against a wall with only their carnal desires in mind? Or maybe you could argue it all started the moment the mutagen changed their nature forever.

 

Regardless of when it started, Leonardo was determined to put an end to it. His conscience had become an unbearable voice these past few weeks and it was starting to edge him to insanity. It had become especially irritating ever since his “encounter” with Raphael. The fact that his brother did not only share his struggles (which was already shocking enough) but had already accepted these new feelings, and what’s more, decided to… to… indulge in them! This was throwing off his own resolve. So much so, that even his hard as stone will bent to Raph’s… advances.

 

But not anymore; he wasn’t going to allow this behavior a second longer. He went radio silent after the incident, ignoring his younger brother as much as it didn’t raise any suspicion amongst the rest of the family members. The only thing that could make the situation worse would be having Don or Mikey poking their noses where they didn’t belong.

 

That strategy, however, would not last forever, and eventually Leo had to accept sparring with Raphael just to avoid any questioning from the younger turtles.

 

He just hadn’t expected to be completely left alone with him…

 

“So are ya finally gonna stop running away from me?” Raphael finally spat, breaking the cold shoulder Leo had been working so hard to maintain for the last week or so.

 

“We’re not talking about this.”

 

Leo kicks, swings, Raph dodges.

 

“Well sucks for you ‘cuz I’m already doin’ just that.”

 

“...”

 

A roll, stab from a sai, miss.

 

“What? Ya rather I force the words out of you with a kiss?”

 

Flinch.

 

“I said, we’re not talking about this.” Leo retorted, gripping his katanas tighter.

 

“Fine, don’t talk then, we’ll eventually fuck each other ‘nyway but I thought you’d want me to sweet talk ya into it first or somethin’.”

 

Teeth grinding, spin and kick, fall.

 

“Ouch!”

 

“It’s not gonna happen again and you better watch that mouth in front of the others.” Leo replied, cold and unmoving. 

 

“Tch. Is that how ya get yerself to sleep at night? Telling yerself it ain’t happenin’ no more? I’m not a fucking idiot, Leo, I felt you. It’s gonna happen again.”

 

Slice, block, jump.

 

“Don’t you dare pretend you know everything, Raph. I said this is over and you’ll deal with it whether you like it or not!”

 

“No. Nu-uh, you’re not giving me orders on this one, Fearless.” Raph’s tone held its signature challenge, only serving to boil Leo’s blood further.

 

“I already did, and I suggest you drop this whole thing before it blows up in your face.”

 

“What? Like it already did on you? Unlike you, I dealt with this a lot more calmly for a change, and it doesn’t matter how much ya try to deny it, you want this as much as I do!”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Hell! If it was only the physical shit ya wouldn’t be so freaked out, but you’re scared because ya want more .”

 

Clenched fists.

 

“Shut. Up!”

 

“Come on, Leo! Admit it!”

 

“I said shut up! You know nothing!”

 

Turn and swing. Block. Metal clanking on the floor.

 

“I know you! And I can tell how ya feel, Leo! I see it in your goddamn eyes! I feel it too, dammit!”

 

Punch, hit, bruise and kick.

 

“No. I. Don’t! Stop saying nonsense! I could never think of something like that!”

 

Left blow, strike, bruise. Stop.

 

“My body reacted, so what!? We’re freaking teenagers, Raph, it happens! It doesn’t mean anything and it CAN’T mean anything! You- You think this stuff is just- okay!? Oh, I’m suddenly horny so I’m going to act upon it no matter the consequences!? This is not a game, Raph! Wake up! This- This “feeling” you’re talking about, it doesn’t exist! It’s an illusion crafted by your hormone-filled brain and your lack of discipline! It’s not real!”

 

Resume. High kick, dodge, roll.

 

“Oh it’s real, alright! Ya can try to fool yerself Leonardo but your eyes give you away! When we see- When we look at each other- there’s something!”

 

“No! There! ISN’T!”

 

There’s a growl and a swift kick that manages to barely land on Raph’s chest. It’s not a strong hit but the sudden change of his center of balance sends Raph toppling backward to land on his shell.

 

Apparently, Leonardo wasn’t expecting that to actually work. Raph’s fall ended up tripping Leonardo’s own feet as well, sending them both to the floor. As soon as Raph opened his eyes he saw the blue banded turtle directly on top of him, his eyes showing a bit of surprise but other than that only raw rage could be seen in them, comparable only to that of the younger turtle’s.

 

They held the gaze contest for some time, only sending the remains of insults and obscenities from the previous argument in complete silence. Their hearts raced at maximum speed from the adrenaline rushing through their bodies, their chests rapidly rising and falling in their attempts to even their breathing. The exchange seemed to last forever, it was unclear what needed to happen to break the tense moment.

 

And then Raphael’s gaze softened.

 

His frown disappeared and his snarl vanished, even the tension in his muscles seemed to be washed away entirely. His stare never faltered, though, and it somehow appeared even more intense even through his now half-lidded eyes.

 

It was the most puzzling thing Leonardo had ever seen. Just a second ago Raphael was looking at him as mad as it was physically possible, now his big hot-tempered brother barely looked like a kicked puppy dog. It was an instant distraction for Leonardo’s own heated rage. His pupils searched his brother’s expression, looking everywhere for clues as to why the sudden change in atmosphere was-

 

And then Raphael brought his hands over to Leo’s head.

 

The motion was so smooth and slow that not even Leonardo’s peripheral ninja vision caught it. He was only able to tell Raph was caressing the back of his head thanks to the warm rough texture grazing his skin, he even felt the tug on his mask tails that indicated his brother was playing with them too. This only added more confusion on top of him, he doesn’t know what do or say to this, what was Raph trying to do now?

 

“Do you really… not feel it?”

The question hung in the air, looming on top of them, making it heavier and heavier with each passing second. Leonardo doesn’t know what he should answer, or what the question even alludes to. He’s stuck looking like an idiot while trying to search further clarification in Raph’s light amber eyes. His heart rate picks up again but his brain seems to be experiencing a fatal malfunction. He can’t speak, he can’t move, both Raph and the moment have completely left him paralyzed but the red banded turtle himself appears to be completely unfazed.

 

“When you look me in the eyes… do you really not feel a thing?”

 

Raph’s mouth moved, but Leo barely registered it. His breathing was still hitched from Raph’s almost pleading face. His lips started trying to form a response much before his brain did, but it only managed to come out in the form of I’s and Uh’s.

 

Raph waits patiently, surprisingly, but then his hands slide softly down Leo’s head, stopping at the base of his face and gently cupping his brother’s cheeks. The motion delicately pulls him a couple inches downwards, well violating his personal space, and that’s when Leo gives up on trying to form a response.

 

The touch on his skin feels good, right, even, and his lungs find difficulty breathing again at the new proximity. He wants to run away, at the very least look in another direction that’s not towards his brother’s enthralling eyes, but Raphael’s gaze locks him in place and refuses to let him free. Finally, Raph is the first one to break eye contact, but only briefly flickering to Leo’s lips, and Leo doesn’t miss it, he does the same thing in reflex and in doing so notices how moist Raph's are, even seeming to twitch the moment he looked at them.

 

They stare at each other for a while longer, the youngest waiting for Leo to pull away, yell at him, smack him, anything, but Leo's reaction is limited to a couple of slightly panicked glances, and Raph decides that's good enough for him.

 

He pulls Leo down the rest of the way and their lips, at last, meet.

 

They had never kissed, not like this, on the mouth, not even when they had their little escapade last week. Raph closes his eyes on instinct and holds Leo in place firmly, not enough to be restraining, but enough to show him how committed he was. Leo makes a muffled sound in surprise, reflexively rejecting the contact with a small push. The attempt is weak, though, and it’s not enough to discourage Raph from slowly moving his lips, deepening the kiss ever so slightly.

 

Raph was right. Raph was so very right. There was nothing in that moment Leo could not feel, even the texture of the mat under his fingers seemed to be enhanced by a tenfold. His brother’s lips felt so natural pressed against his, like they belonged there, like they were meant to be there all along, maybe it was only because they were two of the last four of their kind, but that explanation was hardly satisfactory. Nothing had ever felt so right in his life, not even the sexual pleasure he had experienced with Raphael last week. There was just something so inherently right about kissing Raph that made his arms wobble a bit under the weight of his own torso.

 

His chest swelled with elation, his body accepting the new contact with zero hesitation and he starts moving his mouth too in response to Raph, soft caresses against eager lips. Immediately Raph’s arms tense up slightly before relaxing again and then excitedly snake upwards to circle around Leo’s neck, pulling him impossibly closer.

 

It was hard to believe Leo could literally feel Raph physically melting below him. How preposterous; to think big, hot-headed, strong Raphael Hamato could become goo underneath his frame; yet here he was, witnessing just that.

 

That realization caused Leonardo to deepen the kiss in response, his mouth started to pick up a pace and he gently parted his lips to quickly flick his tongue against Raph. The turtle in red stiffened and blinked a couple of times. Did… Did Leo just…? A shocked “mpfh” escapes his throat as the gentle tongue of his brother asks for permission and Raph doesn’t stop to think about denying it for a single second. It doesn’t take long for him to start reciprocating with his own tongue just as eagerly as before, little moans of approval reverberating from his chest every second or so.

 

It’s magical, sweet, absolutely perfect, and the cheesiness would make Raphael gag if he wasn’t so busy being swept off his feet by this unbelievable kiss. Their lips weren’t even meant for kissing, for fuck’s sake! And yet here they were, perfectly molding into each other, Leo’s tongue stroking him firmly yet hesitant, coating both of their mouths with the other’s saliva, like it was always meant to be this way, like it was their destiny from the moment they mutated. Add more reasons for Raphael to gag later.

 

Raph feels the heat rising in his chest, he wants to get up and pin Fearless against the wall and continue where they left off last week, but the moment is too frail and the emotions so raw and pure that he’s afraid it’ll break at the first false move, so he ignores the urge. It wasn't worth the risk to break this moment, nothing was. He would treasure it properly until the day he died.

 

God he was turning into such a sap now.

 

A lifetime passes, or at least it feels like it does, before the kiss naturally slows down and finally stops. Leonardo looks into his brother’s eyes one second longer before pulling away for good, rising from the ground perhaps a bit too quickly. There’s visible disappointment in Raphael’s eyes, but Leo doesn't miss the touch of satisfaction in them.

 

“I-I…” He tries to find his voice again, but gives up when the turtle in red props himself up, first his elbows and then his entire body is lifted from the floor. He stares at him almost in terror as Raphael approaches him again, like he’s scared of his own brother, like Raph’s the embodiment of his deepest and darkest desires.

 

There’s a fight inside of him, a realization that plops its entire weight onto his shoulders now that Raphael’s lips aren’t pressed against his. He’s wanted to ignore it for the entire week-- scratch that, he’s been ignoring it for months now. But he can’t do it anymore, it’s right in front of him, searching his eyes and approaching dangerously closer.

 

Raph stops just a foot or so away from him, but he sneakily grazes Leo’s fingers before lightly intertwining them with his own. The contact burns, it scares Leo, but he doesn’t react besides tensing up and looking panicked as hell. There’s a thousand thoughts going through his head and there’s no time to catch up with any of them. What is this going to mean for the rest of their family? Would something like this ever be accepted? Is Raph really right about this? What if he’s not and Leo’s brain is also playing a trick on him to--

 

“Well?”

 

Leo’s attention snaps back to his brother, but it takes him a while to figure out what he means.

 

And there it is, in Raph’s eyes, it finally clicks. He was right. God, who cares if Raph’s right or not, it was true, there was nothing else he wanted more in this moment, nothing else he had wanted more in his life. His heart swelled with longing, his skin burned in desire, there was no going back for him after today, not after that kiss that still sent tingles running through his spine, how could he deny it after that? 

 

“I feel… everything” Leonardo’s heart finally replies as it throws away every last doubt. They will probably be back to haunt Leo again, but for now he was free of them, free to make the decision to love Raphael.

 

He maneuvers his hand to hold Raph’s properly and Raphael’s face almost splits in half from the huge grin that formed on it. That was all Raph wanted, he didn’t need anything else to tug on his brother’s hand and pull him closer to his mouth once again.