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Sixty Nine

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Shen Qingqiu hid a smile behind his fan as he looked at the antics of his companion that was currently holding on like some leech (a cute leech, if he were to be honest) on his right arm. The taller male had been talking non-stop about anything and everything under the sun for his shizun’s ears.


They started the day with Shen Qingqiu internally cursing the very large and long and insert all the adjectives that fanfiction authors use to describe a wonderful cock. He remembers venturing into the fanfiction world once and he’s honestly in awe at how authors are able to spew five thousand words on smut alone.


Anyhow, as expected of a protagonist of a supposed harem novel, Luo Binghe had been gifted with such a divine dick.


Shen Qingqiu’s ass beg to differ.


(He complained about it once to that useless author but Shang Qinghua just put his hands together in a mocking prayer and said, “RIP Peerless bro’s ass”.)


As of this moment, his ass is still feeling some phantom suffering although admittedly, Luo Binghe had been getting better and better each time they do it. Not that he’s going to say that out loud. Their usual morning routine was interrupted though by the arrival of a messenger stating that Yue Qingyuan called for them.


The urgent request piqued Shen Qingqiu’s interest while his younger lover had all but grumbled about everyone trying to steal a moment with his shizun. In order to alleviate some of his sulking, Shen Qingqiu let him wrap himself like a (very cute) leech around him as they traversed across Cang Qiong Mountain to go to Qiong Ding Peak.


However, from the moment they stepped foot on Qiong Ding Peak, Shen Qingqiu could not help but feel that there was an anticipating silence from the System. The last time he felt this happen he ended up growing a pair of breasts and lost his dick for a whole day. He shivered in remembrance of that cursed day and he decided to bury that memory again on the deepest parts of his unconscious.


“Is Shizun cold?” came the worried inquiry from the overgrown puppy on his arm.


“This teacher is fine. There is no need to worry,” he replied softly.


Seemingly satisfied with his response, Luo Binghe beamed up at him and they continued towards the receiving area.


The moment they entered the room they were greeted by the sight of Yue Qingyuan...and the original Luo Binghe.


Shen Qingqiu immediately shut the door.


“Was that - ”


But Luo Binghe wasn’t able to finish his question with gritted teeth when Yue Qingyuan’s voice called from inside, “Come in Shen-shidi. We have an important thing to discuss with this gentleman with me.”




Yue Qingyuan, you fool!


【System activation successful! New mission: Capture a mutual enemy with the other dimension’s Luo Binghe. Success Points to Earn: 6969. Accept mission? Y/N】


That anticipating silence from the System definitely wasn’t a fluke, after all! The System truly lived to see him suffer! And excuse me?! What’s with that immature point system??


Shen Qingqiu mentally aggressively pressed the “YES” button and dragged his Luo Binghe inside...and was met with the original Luo Binghe’s sly smile.


(Luo Binghe. Original Luo Binghe. Ah, everything is a mouthful. Bingge and Bingmei it is then.)


Naturally, this pissed off Bingmei and he drew his sword, “You dare show your face here again?!”


“You seem radiant as ever, Shizun ,” commented Bingge as he casually ignored the threatening aura of his other self.


He repressed an unpleasant shiver on his spine with the sultry tone the seated man took. Thankfully, a few words from Yue Qingyuan kind of stopped an alteration right then and there. Zhangmen-shixiong is such a magnificent character! A bit dumb on using the term “gentleman” on the little devil with them but he can live with such flaws if he’s able to convince two protagonists to calm down and listen to him.


The two newcomers settled down in front of the other two who had been sharing a cup of tea before they arrived. The peace obviously doesn’t last long when the other peak lords start pouring in.


Liu Qingge in particular is decidedly unimpressed with what he’s seeing, “Why the hell are there two of them?! That’s two more than necessary!”


“There’s literally only two of them,” replied the Xiu Ya sword.


“I said what I said.”


Just as another round of chaos was about to descend (much to the unconcealed amusement of Bingge judging from his manic grin that’s directed at him and an equally unconcealed hostility from Bingmei basing on the reddish fleck on his eyes as he glared daggers at his other version), Yue Qingyuan tapped his sheathed sword to the floor twice.


Everyone finally deigned to shut up.


“There exists a mutual enemy for both our dimension and this Luo Binghe’s,” Yue Qingyuan started and gestured to the one beside him, “And this piece of cloth with a currently unidentifiable array that he has brought as evidence, I believe that working with the other dimension is beneficial.”


Look at all these convenient plot twists. He’s not even going to ask how it’s possible that there’s another dimension?! Or the fact that the little devil on his side has already been acquainted with us?! It’s like the author of this particular script doesn’t have any creativity left for some plot!


【Successfully identified the reason for the events! Points earned: 69.】


What the fu -


He wasn’t even able to finish his cursing wh en a thunder rumbling sound resonated within the room. Shen Qingqiu saw a flash of something on the corner of his eye and on instinct, he pushed his Luo Binghe away. There’s a brief moment of electrifying discomfort that went through him and felt his gaze become hazy.


In a matter of seconds, the pounding in his ear stopped and he wakes up from whatever trance he was pulled in just in time to see two Luo Binghe’s slice through the accumulated fog from whatever caused the flashing a while ago. They both freeze when their eyes found him and Shen Qingqiu wonders why, for some reason, they looked so big.


Lifting a hand to supposedly reach out to his Binghe, it was then that he noticed the loose clothes on the floor. Internal panic started growing when he realized what exactly happened.


【Mission officially started. Path A wherein one becomes a six or nine year old child has been chosen! Points earned: 69.】






“Our common enemy has two abilities,” stated Bingge as his eyes never left the newly shrunk Shen Qingqiu who tried his best not to meet his eyes by fanning himself casually as if everything was right in the world.


“Let me guess. First is the ability to sneak in undetected and the second is to regress people’s age,” continued Bingmei whose focus did not stray from his deaged Shizun.


“Oi! Stop it with those eyes already!” shouted Liu Qingge.


“What eyes,” was the distracted simultaneous replies of the two demon lords.


Liu Qingge, bless his shidi’s soul, slammed his palm on the desk, effectively cracking it into two, “Those fucking eyes that loudly speaks on how much you both seem to want to eat him alive!”


“Don’t be ridiculous,” huffed Bingmei, “I am no cannibal. Ah, but I’m not too sure about that dirt over there.”


Bingge didn’t address the unveiled insult on him and looked straight into Shen Qingqiu’s eyes, “I’d like to eat him , sure.”


Scandalized gasps (the peak lords in general), amused laughter (Qi Qingqi, your true colors are seen), and raging roars (Liu-shidi, why are you making such an undignified sound with Luo Binghe) resounded in the closed space.


Sensing a big turmoil about to happen, Shen Qingqiu decided to suck some of his pride. He stood up and let his tiny legs transport him in front of his Luo Binghe and flopped himself gracefully on the other’s lap. He leaned his back towards the muscular chest of his old disciple and continued fanning himself.


He felt vibrations of excitement come from the young man behind him and he glanced at him. True enough, akin to a puppy getting his treats, the only thing missing in the image were some ears and a wagging tail. Ah, Luo Binghe is really cute. Unable to help himself, he let his small hand not holding the fan pat the head of the other.


Shen Qingqiu had to blink multiple times to confirm that the wildly wagging tail he saw was just his imagination.


【Initiative to diffuse tension via positioning ones back to the protagonist’s chest like some reversed position is noted! Points earned: 69.】


One day, he’s going to find the System and he’s going to let loose.


【Warning: Do not threaten The System or you will lose 69 points.】


One fucking day .


“How did you know about this common enemy?” questioned Liu Qingge after he himself has calmed down (thanks to the poking of Qi Qingqi - really, that woman is on a whole nother level).


Bingge gave a small “tsk” at the PDA happening in front of him before replying,”It has happened on my world when one of my wives got shrunk as a kid.”


One of your wives?! You mean you’re fucking loads of other people besides Shen Qingqiu?!” was the aggressive questioning of his favorite shidi.


“I assure you,” Bingge said silkily, “I would drop my entire harem should Shizun choose to come with me - come in more ways than one because goodness knows if my pathetic self here can make him.”


Bingmei growled at the number one insult he’s sensitive about, “You just brought the problem here! So don’t get cocky!”


Bingge laughs and throws a scroll he’s been keeping in his robes to the center which was detailing an elaborate plan on how to control multiple universes. This supposedly implies that the next target of their enemy had always been their universe.


Shen Qingqiu believes that such a tool was way too convenient. He proceeds to throw a shady glance at Shang Qinghua who returns it with a sheepish smile.


After murmurs ran through, Yue Qingyuan cleared his throat to get their attention, “We need to focus on the matter at hand. Peace amongst us,” he threw the two Luo Binghes a pointed look which made Liu Qingge smirk at them, “is vital in order to bring Shen-shidi back. We must learn how to work together,” his eyes shifted to Liu Qingge which in turn made the two Luo Binghes throw smug looks at him, “in order to defeat a common enemy.”


Zhamen-shixiong is definitely a dependable cannon fodder!  


Everyone nodded at the tiny speech of their leader. Achieving their common goal peacefully now seemed to be within reach!


Then Mu Qingfang raised his own question, “Shouldn’t we check out the traces left by the perpetrator? Besides that piece of cloth, do we know anything else that the perpetrator left behind?”


“Oh, there’s a very big array mark he left behind,” responded Bingge as he started standing up.


“Where is it then?”


“My world.”


Protests were thrown left and right and Shen Qingqiu bid the peaceful achievement dream he had goodbye. However, he also knew that he’d have to join in checking the thing out anyway and tugged at his Luo Binghe to signify that he should stand. To be honest, Shen Qingqiu as a six year old can stand on his own but what’s the point of exerting so much effort when he can just cushion himself comfortably on his old disciple’s chest being carried like some tiny god.


【Mission successfully moving along! Points earned: 69.】


This fucking System.


【You will be departing in 69 seconds.】


He wants a fucking refund for a more mature System.




Because of course the universe (which is probably ruled by an entire clan of systems) can’t just let things be normal and easy - once they found the array on the original Luo Binghe’s dimension, it lit up and caught Liu Qingge.


They left with a kid Shen Qingqiu and went back with the same thing plus a kid Liu Qingge as well.


【Shen Qingqiu is six years old. Liu Qingge is nine years old.】


Shen Qingqiu hastily (and forcefully) tapped the close button of the System. He already knows how much points he’s gained anyway.




They return to their own dimension and the cavalry (Luo Binghe refused to give his Shizun to anyone, the original Luo Binghe is sticking close to them much to the annoyance of his counterpart, Mu Qingfang is leading the group with a sulking Liu Qingge trailing after him who was being held on by Qi Qingqi) tried their best to hide the two peak lords who are now kids (“six and nine years old” “yes, System - we know ”).


Once they are within the confines of the receiving area of Qiong Ding Peak, Yue Qingyuan crumpled his paperwork and gave them a stiff smile. Shen Qingqiu observed their sect head and mentally sighed in resignation. That’s the look of someone holding something in and oh, he knows what their Zhangmen-shixiong is refraining himself in doing.


【Accompanying task: Make Yue Qingyuan happy by letting him interact with his six and nine year old shidis.】


In an effort to shut the System before it gives another sixty-nine reference, Shen Qingqiu got down from Luo Binghe (much to the despairing crocodile tears of the maiden-heart Binghe) and held Liu Qingge’s hand. He ignored the spluttering of his fellow deaged peak lord and tugged on the lower robes of their shixiong.


Upon getting his attention, Shen Qingqiu grabbed both his hands and put the left one on his own head and the right one on Liu Qingge’s.


Yue Qingyuan’s initial shock was quickly replaced by a fond smile as he patted their heads.


“Kindly refrain from pinching my cheeks as I’m not interested in getting hurt,” he lightly warned though.


“Yeah! Mine too!” was the quick agreement from Liu Qingge whose face was all flushed red.


Luo Binghe started wailing and Shen Qingqiu had to go back to him and pat his fluffy head with his tiny chubby hands.


In a matter of second, Qi Qingqi addressed the people inside the room, “I remember the array we saw. It was in a tome that I read a while back.”


She started walking towards the exit when she noticed that no one was following her, “Excuse you all? I’m not the one who needs that information the most so get your asses up!”


With a scathing remark of, “Men truly are trash!”, the rest of them can only hastily run after her disappearing form on the way to Xian Shu Peak.


Once they arrived, Liu Mingyan was the one who greeted them by the entrance. Before she can give her greeting to her peak head, her eyes found the form of her older brother who has now shrunk and a stilted squeal escaped her. She gave an incoherent greeting, rushed to Liu Qingge, and proceeded to carry him away.


“Did she just kidnap Liu-shidi?” asked a dumbfounded Mu Qingfang.


“He’s her brother. Does that even constitute as kidnapping?” answered Shen Qingqiu.


Qi Qingqi doesn’t seem bothered though and demanded that Mu Qingfang help her look for the tome in question because she found the rest of their group useless. Now, normally, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t mind not being asked to help because that meant more time for him to relax but the moment his fellow peak lords left, he realized he was left with the worst possible combination.


“Shizun, won’t you rest on my lap? This day must have been tiring for you,” smirked the original Luo Binghe as he invitingly patted his lap.


Haha. No way in hell you little devil. He’s not going anywhere near him and his (most definitely) equally divine dick.


“Shizun, don’t mind the trash speaking and come to me instead,” Bingmei butted in and he held out his arms.


“I can make you come faster, harder, and better. So hold on to me instead, Shizun.”


“Aiyo, trash has evolved these days. In the past they only stink and now they stink and make noise. We don’t want you dirtied by such trash, Shizun. Here, my arms are open.”


The exchange of barbs continued for a while until Shen Qingqiu reached his limit. Shizun this. Shizun that. If he hears “Shizun” one more time, he’s going to throw his fan at somebody.


Hmmm, okay so maybe not his fan. It’s the most precious thing he has, after all.


Thankfully, sometimes the universe deems it necessary to sprinkle him some mercy as Qi Qingqi and Mu Qingfang return with the tome at hand.


“In order to reverse the effects of the array and close in on the perpetrator, we’re going to need a certain plant from the Demon Realm.”


Shen Qingqiu honestly thinks he’s had enough of all these magical plants, thank you very much.


“Mingyan, get your brother back here,” instructed the Xian Shu Peak Lord through some paper talismans floating around. And true enough, a few seconds later, Liu Mingyan appears with the deaged Liu Qingge…


...who was dressed in some frilly Lolita looking clothing with his hair in braided in pigtails.


Silence reigned as they all took in Liu Qingge’s new look.


He glared at all of them as if daring anyone to say anything as he brushed his hand on his sword attached to his back. Mu Qingfang coughed once, Qi Qingqi unabashedly grinned at the sight, Bingge looked disturb (HAH - if he had kids with Liu Mingyan back in his dimension then he’s willing to bet that one of them would look like Liu Qingge), and Bingmei’s eyes never even strayed away from his Shizun.


Liu Mingyan tearfully bids her cute brother goodbye while Liu Qingge also waved his hand at her. He’s red all over and is definitely highkey embarrassed especially given that he hasn’t changed his new look yet but the happy gleam in his eyes as he got to bond with his sister was also palpable.


Unable to help himself, Shen Qingqiu went over to him and pinched his chubby cheeks.


(Bad choice - now, there is a crying Bingmei who keeps on saying that Shizun can pinch his much cuter cheeks instead.)


【You will be departing in 69 seconds. You have also earned 69 points times 69.】


The System just fucking had to.




【You have 69 choices for your course of action. Pick your desired number.】


Shen Qingqiu mentally screamed at the heavens and his current situation of him dangling and all tangled by some tentacle plant -


- with the original Luo Binghe smiling like the Cheshire Cat directly below him who seem to have no intention of helping (and yes, Shen Qingqiu feels like he’s Alice in Wonderland right now).


They arrived at the Demon Realm at exactly 69 seconds and he’s tempted to slap himself over the fact that he made a point to count. The point is, after sprinkling some mercy on him a while ago, the universe flipped the board again making  everything go downhill fast.


Apparently, that special plant they needed is in a space where all sorts of other plants are and they have to carefully navigate through it. He initially rejected his Luo Binghe’s whining that he carry him. He now resents his past self.


Some tentacle-plant snatches him and while Liu Qingge was the first one to catch up since he’s smaller so he was able to crawl easier, his confidence on the great war lord seems to be misplaced at the moment. Nine-year-old Liu Qingge still dressed in some Lolita frills with pigtails (if he wasn’t dangling mid-air, he’d have found the look hilarious) declares he was going fight that monster.


He then tried to draw his sword and ended up almost toppling over because he couldn’t handle its weight.


Because Shen Qingqiu isn’t above being petty, he actually finds the scenario extremely satisfying. It’s not everyday you witness the infamous war god fail. And cutely at that.


Liu Qingge growls in frustration making his cheeks puff up and Shen Qingqiu internally cries that he can’t smush those cheeks.


Then the tentacle plant started moving away again leaving the fuming Liu Qingge behind.


Someone slices through the surrounding plants and the brief moment of relief he felt was pulled to a stop at the sight of Bingge. He doesn’t know whether he’d rather get choked by the tentacle plant or be in the mercy of the little devil staring at him amusedly.


【Again, you have 69 choices for your course of action. Pick your desired number.】


Well, here goes nothing. He presses number 1.


Nothing happens.


He presses numbers 2, 3, 4, and so on consecutively and still, nothing happens.


What the hell?! System, why are you malfunctioning at such a crucial time??


A slice of spiritual power breaks more plants in their vicinity and the sight of his Luo Binghe almost makes him cry.


“How dare you touch Shizun in such a manner!” Bingmei screamed at the tentacle plant who was now sheepishly  rubbing its back.


Oi! How are you being a bashful plant now?!


He continuously presses the choices given by the System and grits his teeth when nothing still happened even though he’s reached 60 already. He ran his fingers through the choices like someone slamming their hands on a piano and hit all the remaining choices at once.


【You have chosen #69 - Nipple Play Accident. Enjoy your choice.】




The tentacle plant brushes one of its vines across Shen Qingqiu’s chest and he accidentally let out a mix of yelp and moan.


(He hopes he chokes to death before all of this is over, fucking hell.)


Listen, his nipples are his erogenous zone, okay?! Don’t judge!


Fortunately (unfortunately?), the plant’s action and his reaction earned the ire of his Luo Binghe who wildly tears it down. Shen Qingqiu is smothered in Luo Binghe’s hug and to be honest, this seemed like the safest place right now so he wraps his arms around the other’s neck and his his red face on his chest.




He doesn’t respond but peers at his savior from his position on his chest with a teary eye.


【Luo Binghe.exe has stopped working.】


(Liu Qingge seems to have adapted with his small body and is violently beating up the other plants he can reach and the bloody sight with him still dressed like a little girl is kind of disturbing. Bingge, that asshole, was just casually leaning on some tree trunk and isn’t even approached by the wild plants. Qi Qingqi arrives at the scene and reconfirms that men are trash as she shows the plant in her hand.)


【Luo Binghe.exe is still hanging. Would you like to reset him?】


What? How?


【Have you tried turning him on and off?】


He wishes he could turn the System off.




Technically, everything after that is all good and dandy.


They return to Cang Qiong Sect and put the plant on the array in the cloth of evidence making it call forth the perpetrator who ends up being eaten by the plant. Shen Qingqiu has a lot of questions as to what happened because he was expecting a grand fight but he needs to save his sanity so as usual, he accepts things as they are.


He and Liu Qingge starts to glow and in a flash, they return to their old bodies.


The issue at hand is that their clothes do not match their forms which basically just means they’re naked.


Liu Mingyan rushes to her brother to give him clothes while Luo Binghe takes off his outer robes to wrap it around Shen Qingqiu. Yue Qingyuan declares the case closed and decides that the original Luo Binghe should then return to his dimension with the conclusion.


Surprisingly, Bingge easily agrees.


Then in a blink of an eye, he’s beside Shen Qingqiu and is pressing a kiss to his cheek.


Luo Binghe roars in fury and unsheathes Xin Mo.


【Mission: Capture a mutual enemy with the other dimension’s Luo Binghe is successful!】


Bingge slices a dimension open and jumps into it with a toothy grin.


【You have earned a total of 6969 points!】


Yue Qingyuan turns to Liu Qingge, “Liu-shidi, why are you wearing women’s clothes?”


【Thank you so much for your patronage! New mission pending: Have a romantic dinner for two with Luo Binghe using the 69 position! Accept mission? Y/N】


Shen Qingqiu hugged the outer robes of Luo Binghe around his self tighter and mentally screamed to the universe.