Chapter 1: Prelude - Too Late Now
Prelude - Too Late Now
It was an eerily still night. The air crisp - my breath heavy, as I stood in the courtyard with my fellow Top Ten – the other cadets behind us. A slide reel of the previous three years flashing through my mind. Those had been the easy part.
The wheat had well and truly been separated from the chaff, only the most elite recruits still remained. And I, [F/N] [L/N], was amongst the best. My decision to join the 100th Cadet Corps had been lax, at best. Really just an ends to a means, a way to piss of my brothers who were all too dense to make it in. Growing up the youngest in a family of all boys ensured I was constantly accused of being inadequate. My mother passing when I was young didn't help my situation either – I never really know how a 'young lady' was meant to act. I never looked like the pretty girls at school, never tall and slim, but I was strong.
Everything came easy to me at basic training, surprising both myself and the instructors, who'd taken a real shine to me. As the years passed, I rose to the top – easily making the Top Ten. But now, all the drills and tuition behind us, those who had managed to finish the intensive three-year program, must now choose which legion to join.
For me, the decision should have been easy. The Military Police was the obvious choice. Only the top recruits were permitted to join, ensured a life of relative safety guarding the royal family and protecting the Capital. Well concealed within the innermost wall, Sina, the idea of 'real' battle, was all but a farce.
The Garrison was the largest of the three regiments, and where most of the Southern District recruits behind me would end up. With no breech of the wall in 96 years, the likelihood of titan interaction was slim to nil. Days would be spent maintaining law and order, with a whole lot of slacking to boot.
Then there was the Scouting Legion, or The Suicide Squad as my brothers like to refer to it. They actually partook in direct titan contact, actively leaving the safety of the walls. Despite being the 'Hope of Mankind', they were not looked upon too favourably in recent times. Anyone dumb enough to enlist must surely having a death wish.
Shuffling to attention, we watched as the Commanders of each regiment took the stage before us. Nile Dok of the Military Police and Dot Pixis of the Garrison were announced, but the head of the Scouts was in the Capital and had sent the Captain of the Special Operations Squad as his replacement.
When his time came to talk, Captain Levi Ackerman delivered a speech that was short – and far from sweet.
"If you're not the best, we don't want you – and I'd be lying if any of you have caught my eye."
Stepping down from their pulpit, he strolled towards the front line. Walking along – front and back, looking us up and down, the expression on his face never changing, not uttering a word.
I'd heard about Levi Ackerman many times before, he was a legend. The best fighter humankind had, but he was smaller than I expected. I had seen him once a few years earlier coming back from a mission, but on a horse I guess everyone looks the same. He stopped at the end of the line, seeming to be done with his inspection, but then he recoiled. Circling me, the same expression on his face, eyes piercing through me whenever they met my gaze. He stopped behind me, taking a step closer. I could only assume he was trying to intimidate me, though I felt anything but bullied. I'd never felt like this before, and I didn't really understand what was happening to me. As I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, mine became shallow in response, so I straightened my stance to compensate. My chest was pounding, and after what seemed like an eternity – but was more likely only a few seconds – he whispered.
"I highly doubt you'll make a good soldier with an arse like that!"
What seemed like all the blood in my body rushed between my legs. The Captain then swept my hair back off my shoulder, so as to utter directly into my ear;
"At least it would make riding a horse more comfortable."
He walked back to join the Commanders. 'What the fuck was that?' I thought before remembering where I was. My face turning red at the realisation that all eyes had been on me.
It was impossible for me to concentrate on anything else that proceeded for the rest of the evening. My eyes remained glued on Captain Ackerman's form, as he nonchalantly stood before us with an air that screamed he'd rather be anywhere else. Once though, during Commander Dok's address, his eyes caught mine. A slight tilt upwards of his head, followed by his arms crossing his chest, he dominated me from a distance.
When the time came to choose my regiment I chose the scouts without hesitation. Glancing at Captain Ackerman, catching him rolling his eyes at my choice.
Oh well, too late now. Where do I sign my life away?
Arriving at the Survey Corps barracks was filled with anticipation and anxiety over thoughts of when I'd see Captain Ackerman again. The answer, however, wasn't the one I had hoped for. He was out on a Mission, and Commander Smith was still to be in the Capital for several more days. So with no person of note in sight, I was assigned to a lesser Captains crew, soon to be shipped off to the Eastern Territories to begin my military life disappointment.
The day before I was scheduled to leave, whilst in the yard practicing drills, I was summoned and asked to go to the Commanders office. Arriving at his door, I was greeted by a guard and told to go inside, take a seat and wait. Once inside I looked around, wondering why I'd been called there. Surely I couldn't be in trouble so soon, or maybe Captain Ackerman had told him to get rid of me.
He did say that he didn't think I'd make a good soldier.
As the thoughts of our first encounter flooded back to my mind, my heart started beating faster. Before I knew it, a hand landed on my shoulder, and I gasped in surprise.
"Cadet [Y/N], sorry to keep you waiting."
I looked up and was met with the eyes of Erwin Smith - the bluest I'd ever seen. Smiling down at me, it felt like electricity was shooting from his hand through my entire body.
He walked over to his desk and sat down. "There is no need to worry," he looked at me reassuringly, "I'm asking all the new recruits here because I missed your orientation."
Relieved with his admission, and by the calmness of his voice, I sank slightly into the chair.
"And besides," he continued, "Captain Levi said I should keep an eye out for you."
"I'm sorry Commander," I blurted out, tensing up again. "I know the Captain has his doubts about me, but..." I stopped, noticing that Commander Erwin had begun to smirk.
"That's not exactly what he said."
Before I got a change to ask what he meant, there was a knock on the door. The guard entered telling him that the next recruit had arrived, and just like that, my time was up. I stood and began walking towards the door, turning around one last time to say goodbye - but as I did, my eyes met the Commanders and he quickly turned his head away. His cheeks beginning to blush.
Had he been watching me? He must have been. Why else would he be embarrassed?
I decided not to say goodbye after all, just turned and walked away, a huge smile taking over my face. I'd never felt so confident in my entire life. I guess I didn't need Captain Ackerman after all.
Chapter 2: You Owe Me
You Owe Me
Time skip 4 years
The monotony of my life in the survey corps was not what I had expected. My squad were glorified cleaners. I had only really seen titan battle twice. Yet I suppose I shouldn't be complaining. It had been a few years since the attack in Shiganshina and everything had settled down. Not needing all the scouts out on mission was a good thing, right?
I made sure that during my off time I kept up my training so as to not to loose my edge. One day before supper I was in the yard running laps when I heard my name being called.
"[Y/N]!" A voice shrieked.
I stopped dead in my tracks and looked over to see who it was. A woman with glasses was standing at the door to the barracks with a crazy smile on her face. I jogged over.
"My name is Hanji Zoe. A pleasure to meet you," she beamed.
I quickly saluted, "A pleasure to meet you Major."
"Yeah yeah," she continued. "How would you like to get out of this place? To be honest I don't know why you have been here for so long. I was looking over your transcripts and you're so bloody smart."
"Um, thank you. But what do you mean get out of here?"
"I mean out of this shitty squad. I need people like you. I'm allowed to start experimenting." She seemed way to happy but anything had to be better than the life I was currently living.
"What are you going to be experimenting on?"
"Well that's why I need your help. We need to figure out all the finer points, but the main thing is that Erwin has given me permission and I want to get started right away!"
I was so excited to be doing something important, though I still wasn't exactly sure what it was going to be yet.
Hanji showed me to my room. I couldn't believe it; I didn't have to bunk with anyone! There was a bed by the window, a small leather couch, a table, and my own wardrobe!
"Wh-what? I get my own room?" I asked.
"C'mon" she beamed, "of course you do. Can't have my best minds be kept awake all night by others snoring."
"Thank you so much Hanji, I-"
"No time for that" she interrupted, "Commander Erwin wants to welcome you, and I've got more important things to worry about. So go see him and ill see you at dinner."
She quickly spun around and walked away, humming some weird tune. I looked around my room again before realising what she had said. Go see Commander Erwin. My god, it had been years since I'd seen him, and who knows how long since thinking about him.
I reached the Commanders office and knocked.
"Come in", he said and I entered and headed over towards the chair in front of his desk. "Ah [Y/N] I'm glad to see you arrived safely, please have a seat over here."
He stood up from behind his desk and gestured towards the brown leather couch that was sitting against the back wall of his office. A teapot and cups were set up at a small table in front of it. He sat down. Did he want me to sit next to him? It didn't seem right. I was just a cadet and he was the Commander. But the only other chairs were at the desk so I guess he did. I took a seat and he poured us both a tea and began to talk.
"I've wondered from time to time about you [Y/N]. How you have been getting on. So when Hanji got permission to capture a Titan to experiment on it, I suggested you to her."
Capture a titan? She had left that part out.
"Thank you Commander."
"Please, call me Erwin." He placed his hand on my thigh. The same electricity I had felt 4 years earlier shot through my body. He didn't remove it right away. I look up at him and he was looking at me. Fucking hell, his eyes were even bluer than I remembered.
"So, remember you owe me one." He smirked finally pulling his hand away. "And also, now that you will be working on such an important project, my door is always open."
"Yes sir." He glared at me, "Sorry, I mean Erwin." I couldn't help but smile. "You make me feel weirdly comfortable. You aren't nearly as scary as people make out."
"No? I suppose not. That job goes t - '.
The door was swung open.
"Speak of the devil" he continued, "Levi, what do you want now?"
"Well a cup of tea it turns out, but where was my cup? Not where I left it, not next to my teapot on MY shelf!"
"Calm down Levi, it's just a cup."
"Just a cup?"
"See [Y/N]. I'm defiantly not the scary one." I couldn't help but giggle.
There was no reply from Levi. I looked in his direction and he was staring right at me.
"[Y/N]. Where have I heard that name before?" Captain Levi walked over and leaned onto the edge of Erwin's desk. He paused there for a few seconds before turning around and facing me again.
"Stand up!" He demanded.
I looked at Erwin. He raised his eyebrows as if to say, "Well, do it." So I complied.
"Now turn around. Not the whole way, just face the wall."
Holy shit. This guy was such a dick. Who did he think he was?
"Ah, now I remember. How could I forget that?"
"E-excuse me Captain?" I stammered before remembering our first encounter. Surely he wasn't referring to my arse, after all we were in the Commanders office and...
"Didn't I tell you it was a nice one Erwin? Though it seems a bit tighter than I remember."
"Don't worry about him. He isn't usually around such pretty girls." Erwin said reassuringly.
Did he just call me pretty? Did Levi Ackerman just say I had a nice arse? What the hell was going on? All the feeling I had felt those years earlier were flooding back. The pounding in my chest, the blood rushing between my legs causing me to tingle.
"Oh and cadet, your harness is undone."
"Oh, I'm sorry, which one" I replied with my voice shaking as I turned back around to face Levi.
He stared walking towards me, "Never mind, ill get it." I expected him to reach out to my shoulder but he squatted in front of me. Reaching between my legs towards the harness around my right thigh. Erwin just sat there saying nothing. I could feel how close his hands were to my womanhood. I felt so hot there I was scared he could feel it. It seems like he was taking longer than necessary. I was throbbing and I was scared. I wanted him to touch me and I didn't care that the Commander was sitting behind me.
He pulled his hands away and stood up directly in front of me. He was only slightly shorter than me, but felt like a giant in comparison. His cold grey eyes starred at me. Expressionless he says, "You owe me one brat."
"You and me both Captain." Erwin chimed in finally breaking his silence. "But that is for another time. I think it's time you left."
A half smile came across Levi's mouth with his eyes remaining as stoic as ever. He reached down to the table and picked up the tea that had been poured for me. He took a sip, his gaze not moving from mine.
"If I ever see you using my cup again, ill have you cleaning out the stables for a year!"
He left leaving Erwin and I alone once more. Feeling the moisture caused by Levi, and embarrassed by it, I thanked the Commander for the tea despite not getting any and excused myself. Outside the door I leaned my back against the wall closing my eyes. What had just happened? Surely it was inappropriate for a Captain to fix my harness like that. And why did Erwin not say anything? I was so confused as to why I had enjoyed it so much. I had never even kissed anyone. At 15 I joined the trainee corps, graduated at 17 and went straight to work. Now I'm 21 and feeling like a woman for the first time. Why did he have this power over me?
Still leaning against the wall I take in a deep breath to compose myself. I needed to head back to my room to change my underwear and maybe have a shower if there was time. I started walking down the corridor back towards my room looking at my feet. I turned the corner and ran into someone. Before I could look up to see who it was, I was pinned against the wall, my hands up by my face.
"You liked that didn't you brat?"
It was Captain Ackerman! I was almost too shocked to speak.
"W-what do you mean?"
"Please, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I could feel you shaking."
He was so close to me. His hips were pressed up against mine and his right thigh was pushed between my legs. There was no questioning it this time, I knew exactly what his intention was. I was ashamed to admit it to myself but I liked how he was treating me. How he took what he wanted, and I'm glad he did because god knows I had no idea what I was doing.
Every muscle in my body was starting to tense. His deep grey eyes stared into mine as I started to feel dizzy and tremble.
"You're doing it again."
"I'm sorry Captain, I don't mean to."
"I'm not scaring you am I?" He smirked releasing my hands and they fell to my side, "You can fuck off if you like. But something tells me you aren't going anywhere."
I didn't answer him, but I didn't attempt to move either. He placed his hands back on the wall by my shoulders and moving his hips backwards he ran his leg up between mine until his knee was right up against me. I twitched and let out a small gasp. He smiled, knowing the power he had over me. He began moving his knee in small circular motions against me. My whole body was numb except there. My core started pounding again, and my once moist panties were now dripping wet. Levi stopped and lowered his leg.
"You really are a shy little bird. I bet you have never even been touched before have you?"
I shook my head. Was it really that obvious? I closed my eyes and let my head rest against the cold stone wall. The captain placed his hand between my legs rubbing firmly with his middle finger, I let out the smallest moan and I heard him smirk.
"You really need to calm down [Y/N], you're soaked."
My face instantly turned red and I hung my head. I was so embarrassed that he could feel it through my pants. It didn't stop him though. He continued to rub me. I could feel the pressure start to build up around my clit. I didn't want my first orgasm to be in a cold hallway, but I didn't want him to stop either. I leaned forward slightly resting my head on his shoulder. I was so close.
"That's it." He whispered, "Just relax."
BANG! We heard a door slam and some muttering. Levi took his hand away and stepped back, I could see that I wasn't the only one aroused as I looked down at him. He put his hand on his bulge and rubbed it, as though trying to make it go away.
"Look what you did," he said, his low monotone voice returning as he started to walk away.
What I had done? I hadn't done anything. I didn't ask for this.
The captain turned around and came back. Leaning in he whispered in my ear;
"don't you dare change your pants before dinner. I want you sitting there dirty just for me."
With that he walked away for real this time leaving me confused. He was the cleanest person I had ever met. He would clean his office after the cadets already did it. But he wanted me to be dirty... for him?
Chapter 3: What Am I Doing?
You Can't Break Me!
I really didn’t want to eat tonight, but my urges drew me to the dining room. After walking through the door I saw Hanji standing up at her table waving for me to come over. I noticed the room was mostly empty, which calmed my nerves. I made my way over to where she was sitting and sat down. Mike was already sitting with her.
“Here,” she put a plate in front of me. “I got you some dinner but it’ll be cold by now.”
“Thank you Captain, I’m not really hungry anyway so it doesn’t really matter.”
“Have it your way. Tomorrow we start trying to figure out how to catch one of those fuckers!” Hanji perked up.
“You probably could have mentioned that when you asked me to join your squad,” I added with attitude.
“You’ll be right,” she continued. “I’m so excited!” She jumped up out of her seat, eyes shut and fists clenched.
Hanji continued ranting about her plans but I wasn’t listening. I hung my head looking at the cold plate of food, placing my elbows on the table. I noticed a small bread roll. I could force that down. As I was picking it up someone placed their plate next to mine. It was Commander Erwin. He didn’t greet us, as he knew it was pointless to try and interrupt Hanji. He stepped over the bench and sat down to my left side. As soon as he started eating he spread his legs so that his right leg was completely rested up against mine. It seemed weird, but after the day I had had, nothing was impossible. So I left my leg where it was took a bite out of my bread roll.
“Don’t tell me your still going on about your ‘capturing a titan’ bullshit!”
Captain Levi had just arrived. “You’re going to get yourself killed Hanji,” he continued, placing his dinner to my right side. Hanji stared at him for a few seconds, and as soon as Levi sat down she continued unabated.
I finished the bread roll, pushing my plate away from in front of me. I slumped onto the table resting my chin in my palm and staring in Hanji’s general direction. The commander had still not said a word to anyone and Levi made the occasion ‘tch’ sound. The dining room was empty now except for the Captains table, which wasn’t unusual as they generally worked late. Hankie had stopped addressing us as we showed little interest in her rants and had spun around to face Mike.
Erwin finished his meal and upon placing his knife and fork on his plate, like it was a cue, Captain Levi wrapped his left foot around mine and pulled it across opening my legs. Erwin placed his hand on my left thigh and squeezed it. My eyes widened in the shock, but I made sure I didn’t move. I kept my position for a few seconds longer before straightening up and placing one hand under the table. If they thought that they were going to try and shock me, then two (or three) could play at that game. I placed my hand on top of Erwin’s and careful not to be detected, moved his hand deeper between my legs. Once he was in place and rubbing where I wanted, I took my hand and put it on Levi’s thigh. I waited to see if there was going to be a reaction, but nothing, like he was expecting it. He just kept eating. I moved my hand in the same way I had moved Erwin’s until I reached his cock. I rubbed it for minute or so and I could feel it growing. He reached his hand under the table and moved my hand away.
I was slightly shocked by this. I thought this is what he would have wanted, but Erwin moved his hand too. I was dejected. I let out a small sigh in defeat and placed my head on my arms on the table. I had not been like that for five seconds before feeling a hand on each leg moving towards my harnesses. Both men began to unbuckle the straps around my thighs.
I finish unclasping the harness from her muscular but soft right thigh. I ran my hand up and down where they had been tied and I could feel the indentations from the straps. Fuck! I couldn’t wait any longer. I know this isn’t what Erwin and I talked about, but I needed something now! I unbuckled my belt and undid my pants, then reaching over and taking [Y/N] hand and placing it on my cock.
Holy Fuck! Is the first time I touch one going to be in the dining hall with other people around? But I didn’t stop. I wanted to know what it felt like, and Erwin was running his fingers lightly over my lips, which through the fabric was enough to send tingles through me making my head all hazy.
I reached into the Captains pants and took it out. Oh my god, I could barely fit my hand around it. I was surprised by how big it was. Then I froze. I remembered I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. My mother hadn’t been around to teach me anything about sex, and what I did know I learnt from over hearing my brothers.
“OK, were going.” Mike announced and I quickly took my hand off Levi.
“See you all tomorrow. And [Y/N], don’t forget tomorrow we start planning!” Hanji concluded before leaving the table, then the room after placing her plate on the trolley.
It was now just Erwin, Levi and myself.
Finally they had gone! I was already so hard it was starting to hurt from being trapped in my pants. I stopped touching [Y/N], stood up and collected all three plates taking them to the trolley, leaving the table empty.
“Sorry about that [Y/N]” Erwin announced finally breaking his silence, “But we needed to see how you would react. Wether you would give us up.”
I looked over to the Commander as he walked back to the table. Unable to draw my eyes away from the huge bulge in his pants I stuttered.
“Ha, what do you mea..”
“I see she got to you too’, Levi interrupted as I saw him place his own hand on his cock. I watched him for a second move his hand up and down his shaft, learning for when I would get another go.
“At least I was able to keep it in my pants!”
“C’mon”, Levi argued. “Those two were so oblivious to what was going on. Let’s just get on with it ok?”
“Get on with what? I’m sick of being the only person who doesn’t know what the hell is going on!” I really had had enough now. It was clear that they were both in on something and I wanted to know what.
“Well [Y/N] you see. Our job has become very stressful. Overwhelmingly so. And we need an outlet. Something to help release the stress.”
“We need some fun. Something to look forward to after a hard mission, or a long day training more brats like you.”
“And what does that have to do with me?” I questioned.
“Come on [Y/N]. I know that you are pure, but you’re also very smart.” I loved hearing that Erwin thought I was smart.
“Look brat, we want you to help us out. Be our stress reliever. We want to have fun with YOU!”
I blushed, “Why me? Why now?”
“To be honest we had discussed doing something like this quite a while ago, but we could never agree on who to do it with. Then when Hanji approached me about putting a team together I remembered how gorgeous you were and how Levi told me he wanted to bury his face in your arse. I just hoped that he still felt the same way. I didn’t tell him you were coming and I surprised him with you earlier. I mean do you really think after all these years I don’t know which tea cup is his?”
“I went and saw Erwin after our little meeting in the hallway.”
“I don’t know Commander. I’ve never done anything before. I have no idea what I’m doing, what if I disappoint you?”
“We are both going to be here for you, to teach you, but to make sure you feel good too.”
“Don’t act so coy little bird! You haven’t done your harnesses back up,” Levi breathed in my ear. “And are you still wearing the same panties dirty girl?”
I turned around to look at him. His deep grey eyes staring at me with lust. I realised then that I had all the power in this situation. They had been waiting for who knows how long and they found me. The thing they wanted most all hinged on how I acted next. The power was intoxicating and more of a turn on that anything Levi had done to me so far. I got up and turned around sitting on the table with my feet on the bench. I spread my legs, my harnesses hanging down.
“Why don’t you see for yourself?”
I was stunned. I mean its what I wanted her to say but upon hearing it, I froze. This had been such a long time coming. Fraternising in the Survey Corps wasn’t allowed, and I understood why. Right now I’m so glad I mentioned my frustrations to Erwin, and when he admitted he felt the same, we knew we had to make some strict rules and stick to them. We decided that we had to be a team in order to keep things ‘professional’. We would both agree on who with, and there would never be feelings involved. If we ever thought the other was crossing that line, the other would rein them in. And most important, our chosen participant had to agree to follow the guidelines as well.
And now here we were. She had just given me permission. I snapped myself out of my daze and shifted myself along the bench, positioned between her legs, my head in line with her stomach. I ran my hands up and down her inner thighs and finally up to the belt latch on her harness and undid it.
“Next time I wanna see you only wearing this,” I whispered to her.
She placed her hands slightly behind her and leaned back watching me. I undid her pants and unzipped them, exposing the plain white underwear she had on. I leaned in and kissed her stomach just below her belly button, I heard her inhale sharply.
It was Erwin.
“Don’t get too carried away yet.”
WHAT! Erwin, what are you doing? I didn’t want him to stop. There had been so many things today building up to this moment. I wasn’t nervous anymore; I was excited and ready to go.
Levi, still leaned between my legs, turned his head to Erwin and glared at him with his emotionless face, but the Commander and I knew exactly what he was saying.
“Look Levi, I’m sorry but we still need to go over a few things. [Y/N] needs to understand exactly what agreeing to this means.”
“Tch”, Levi muttered and leaned his forehead against my stomach in annoyance. It felt so nice to be so close to him. I took my right hand and placed it on the back of his head and started to slowly run my fingers through his hair before turning back to Erwin.
“Ok Commander Smith, go ahead.”
“Firstly, when it’s just the three of us, we are not your Captain and Commander. We are Erwin and Levi and we’re all equal. Secondly, during training, on missions, every other aspect of our lives in the Scouts remains the same. You will not get preferential treatment and Levi won’t take it easy on you when it comes to chores and punishments. Third, no one else is to know about this and lastly, there is to be no emotion involved. If feelings develop, we stop.”
I nodded in agreement. Those rules seemed fine to me, but it would have been nice to not have to do as much cleaning.
“She’s got the picture Erwin, come on!”
“[Y/N], do you fully understand what we are asking you to do?”
I nodded my head again and smiled, batting my eyes. Trying to come across as coy as I could.
“So you know that there will be times when you are called to our offices. You can’t tell any….”
Erwin continued to go through rules that were of no interest to me. I understood the most important part, they needed me and that felt so good. I felt Levi tilt his head slightly and start to lick along the top band of my underwear. I looked down at him and noticed he had started stroking himself again. My heart started pounding once more. The rush of knowing that he couldn’t control himself around me was intoxicating. I knew Erwin said we were going to be equal, but that’s not what I had in mind.
“Ok Erwin, that’s enough.” I interrupted him whilst at the same time grabbing the hair at the front of Levi’s head and pushing him away from me. He was left looking at me with his grey eyes full of lust and annoyance.
“I get it. You both want to fuck me.” I said continuing to stare into Levi’s sexy eyes. A smile appeared on his lips
“But I have a few rules of my own. Firstly, you know I’m untouched, so you have to be slow and gentle.” I made sure I was still looking at Levi for that because I wouldn’t have to worry about The Commander in that regard.
“I already told you that…”
“I wasn’t finished Erwin.” I interrupted him again. I already knew that I had Levi eating out of my hand but I still needed to work on his superior. I looked over at him and he was still standing a few meters away. God he was tall. I hadn’t really looked at him that much because Levi had consumed my headspace for most of the day. But now, looking at him as an object, I could see he was just as sexy as Levi, maybe physically more so. He had the body of a god. Broad shoulders, large biceps, a strong chest. He didn’t have his jacket on so I could see the definition of his muscles trough his white shirt, and I wanted to rip it off. I threw Levi’s head back and as he grunted I unbuckled the clasp across my chest, the last one holding the leather harness to my body. I moved my left leg over Levi’s head and stood up, the harness falling off my shoulders. I stepped slowly towards Erwin as I continued.
“Secondly, I need you to teach me what you like. I want to make you feel good. I’m a willing participant and not someone you can just pump and dump when your finished, so you had better make me feel good too!”
[Y/N] was standing directly in front of me on the bench, making her the same height as I was. She clearly wasn’t the weak girl who had initially been presented to us. I could tell she was nervous, but the confidence she exuded was such a turn on. I couldn’t find the words to answer. She starred deeply into my eyes and bit her lip. She truly was beautiful, but not in a conventional way, and even more so because she didn’t realise it. Her hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail. I reached behind her head and let her hair down. She lowered her head slightly, blushing.
“There is one more rule.” She muttered. I placed my finger on her chin and tilted her head back up to look at me again.
She didn’t continue right away instead starting to undo the harness across my chest. Once finishing there, she started on my belt.
“I’m in charge. There is no equality here. We start when I say, and stop when I say. You may want me so bad one day and if I say ‘no’, you deal with it. But if I want you, you better come running!”
I didn’t think it was possible to be harder than I already was.
“Yes miss,” I replied.
I started running my hands up and down her sides. Her body was even better than Levi had described. So many of the female Scouts seemed to loose their feminine curves with all the training, where hers seemed only to be enhanced by it. She had a small waist that worked to accentuate the size of her hips, and fuck me, her arse was the best id ever seen. I made my way back up to her shirt and started unbuttoning it. Once completed, I untucked it from her pants and removed it from her shoulders. She did the same to me. I glanced over her shoulder and noticed the jealousy in Levi’s eyes. She then removed her bra exposing the most perfect breasts I’d ever seen. They weren’t big at all, but they were perky, and her cute little nipples were hard and begging to be touched.
I can’t believe I had just exposed myself to Erwin, but I didn’t feel vulnerable at all. My heart was still beating heavily, and my clit was pounding, but I didn’t feel nervous either. I ran my hands up and down every perfectly chiselled muscle on the Commanders chest and stomach. I noticed how big the bulge in his pants had gotten and figured, ‘it’s now or never’. I undid his belt and unzipped his pants, I went to reach into his boxers but his hand stopped me.
“Not yet,” he breathed, leaning towards me and brushing his lips against mine. He started kissing me slowly, his hands resting on my hips. He sucked my bottom lip into is mouth and nibbled on it. Why did that feel so good? Suddenly he placed both of his hands on my behind and pulled me against him, pushing his tongue inside my mouth. Our tongues started rolling over each other. I could feel his manhood pressed against me, as he massaged my arse. When we broke for air, I tried again for his boxers, and this time he didn’t stop me. I reached in and pulled out his cock. ‘Jesus Christ!’ I thought to myself. What the hell am I going to do with that? These guys were both seriously well hung. Trying to not come across to inexperienced, and remembering what I saw Levi doing earlier, I started stroking it. He moaned and rested his head on my right shoulder.
I heard Levi sigh in anger, hopping up on the bench with me and walking over. I felt his erection press against me as he started kissing the left side of my neck.
I couldn’t wait any longer! I had wanted her since I first saw her at the cadet squad graduation. Her body etched into my mind. I had thought about what she looked like under her clothes and what I would do to her quite a few times since then, but how she was here in front of me and I wanted to see it for real.
I kissed her neck as I took off my harness and shirt. So far I had only seen her back and it was as toned and soft as I had imagined. I reached around to feel her chest. Her tits are flawless! They fit perfectly into my hands. I squeezed her nipples between my fingers and she let out a ‘squeak’. I pressed myself harder against her arse, moving one of my hands down to the top of her pants, running my fingers along the top of her underwear. She didn’t tense up or tell me to stop, so I took the queue to continue. Keeping my hand on the outside of her panties I ran my hand down till I felt wetness, rubbing there for a few seconds.
“There’s my dirty little girl,” I muttered into her ear.
I stepped back slightly and removed her pants completely. Making my way back to her underwear but this time slipped inside them. Her lips were dripping and hot. I circled my middle finger around her clit. She started moaning, her head leaned back to rest on my shoulder as she let go of Erwin.
Levi’s fingers were magic! I couldn’t concentrate on Erwin anymore, and I didn’t care how he felt about it. Electricity was starting to build up in my core, sucking energy from all over my body causing me to become weak at the knees. I leaned back further onto Levi allowing him to take more of my weight. Erwin leaned forward and started sucking and biting on one of my nipples. This only heightened the pleasure. The tension began building. I reached my hand around and placed it on the back of Levi’s neck as he started to nip at my ear lobe. Then it happened, an explosion in my core. I let out a load moan as shock waves pulsed through my stomach and down my legs causing small spasms and an overwhelming feeling of euphoria. Levi removed his hand as I remained perched against him, breathless.
After a short while, Levi placed his finger on my chin and turned my head around to meet his before kissing me deeply. I felt like I wanted to go to sleep, but Erwin had other ideas. He pulled me away from Levi and back towards him.
“Are you right to keep going?” He asked me softly.
I wasn’t sure how much more I could take, but looking into Erwin’s sea blue eyes, I just couldn’t say no. I nodded my head. He grabbed my arse, pulling me in and kissing me passionately once more. He ran his hands down to the top of my thighs, and lifting me up wrapped my legs around his waste. Still kissing me, he walked to the end of the table where he laid me down, his body coming with me. We kissed a while longer before he broke away and removed my underwear.
“Erwin, I’m not sure it will fit.” I whimpered
A side smile appeared on his face and his cheeks blushed slightly. “It’s ok, I’ll make sure you’re ready.”
I leaned over [Y/N], placing my left hand by her side and my right reached between her legs. Her pussy was so hot against my fingers. Parting her lips I slipped my middle finger inside. She inhaled sharply, muscles gripping around my finger. I moved it slowly in and out and in circular motions until I could feel her muscles start to relax again. Inserting my second finger, repeating the process and finally a third. [Y/N] began moving her hips, pushing herself against my hand trying to make my fingers go deeper. I knew she was ready. I removed my hand and rubbed the juices from my fingers on the head of my cock to make insertion easier. I pulled her all the way to the edge of the table.
I couldn’t believe how quickly I had recovered from Levi’s magic and was now wanting more. I’m glad Erwin was going to be my first, for more reasons than one. Both men were very large, Erwin was long but Levi was really thick, and that scared me the most. The commander too was gentle, always checking that I was ok where Levi took what he wanted.
“Are you ready?” Erwin questioned looking down at me with kind but lustful eyes.
“Just be gentle,” I pleaded.
The Commander took himself in his hand and placed his member at my opening, circling around my entrance. He looked deeply into my eyes and I starred back with visible apprehension. Slowly he pushed himself into me. I clenched my jaw and shut my eyes tightly. Part way in he paused letting me adjust. After nodding approval for him to continue, he entered as far as he could. It hurt, but not as bad as I thought. The Commander removed himself fully before entering me again, this time with no stopping. When I didn’t wince in pain, he started pumping himself slowly inside, claiming me. After about a minute, all pain had subsided and pleasure flooded my body. I arched my back, letting small moans escape my lips. Erwin took the queue and started pumping faster. A hand slid behind my back, propping me up. I placed both my hands behind his neck. I was so close to him now I could feel his breath and notice small beads of sweat forming around his temples. I licked my lips.
“You’re a natural.” He breathed in my ear as he thrust himself deeper inside me. “You feel so fucking good!”
“I’m glad you like it.” I replied cheekily bitting my lip while my head rocked back and forth.
We stayed like this for a little while longer before he pushed me back down onto the table. I could tell his animalistic side was taking over and I got turned on even more. He grabbed my legs just below my knees, holding them apart and pulling against me. I grabbed his for arms, and dug my nails in. Faster and deeper he pounded, the jarring movements shaking my breasts.
“[Y/N] I, I’m gonna…”
“I wanna see.” I demanded, propping myself up on my elbows.
The commander stepped back slightly and removed himself from inside me. He pumped himself a few more times before releasing himself on my stomach - hunching over me, panting. I ran my fingers up and down his arms till be regained his breath.
“About fucking time” we both heard Levi smirk, and I couldn’t help but let out a small giggle.
Erwin took a napkin from the dinner trolley and cleaned me up before leaning in and kissing my forehead. “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he whispered.
“Do I look like I’m hurt?” I questioned smugly. Using my hand against his chest, I pushed him away from me. “You can’t break me, besides I want some more.”
His eyes widened in shock as I jumped down from the table. I looked at Levi, his face now wearing the same half smile Erwin had possessed earlier. Never letting my gaze break from Levi’s, I turned myself to face the table and leaned forward, bending over it resting my upper body on my elbows, hands flat against the wood. I bit my lip and tilted my bead downwards.
“You ready daddy?”
Was I ready? She had to be fucking kidding. I’d been slowly loosing my mind sitting over here like a good boy waiting my turn. I made my way over. [Y/N] was going to be the death of me. This little bitch knew exactly what she was doing as she started wiggling her hips back and forth making her arse shake, inviting me in. I let my right hand connect with her right cheek with a loud ‘smack’, squeezing it after impact.
“Harder daddy!” She taunted, turning to look at me with a smirk, “is that all you’ve got?”
I slapped her again, and again relishing in the shock waves my hand sent down her thigh. She started to squeal. This little shit had no idea what was coming her way. Erwin, forever the gentleman had taken one for the team in being her first. I however, hated virgins and was certainly no ‘lover’.
Where had this side of me come from? In the short span of about 20 minutes, I had gone form a girl who didn’t know what to do with a dick in her hand, to a woman begging her superior officer to spank her harder. I was so grateful for how Erwin had treated me, guiding the way, but now I was ready to know what it felt like to be used.
“What are you waiting for?” I jeered, not bothering to look back.
I knew what was coming and braced for impact.
Who was this girl? Was she intentionally provoking me? Positioning myself at her entrance and grabbing her hips, I pushed deep into her core with one trust. She screamed. Had I hurt her? Honestly I didn’t care. I began pounding away, her screams giving way to moans.
“Why didn’t you tell me she was this fucking tight?”
Erwin laughed as he continued to redress.
[Y/N]’s chest and left cheek were now flat on the table, her arms bent and hands by her face. Letting go of her hips, I grabbed both her wrists, pulling them behind her back. As though it were instinctual to her, she contorted her hands to grab my for arms, allowing me to pull against her, deepening my thrusts. I could hear her hips banging against the end of the table as it scuffed along the floor. She arched her back further making it possible to reach around and grab one of her bouncing tits, pinching her nipple.
“Yes daddy, more.” She pleaded with me, reaching back to grab hold of and squeeze my hips. Desperately trying to pull me in further.
More than happy to oblige! I grabbed her shoulder with one hand and a fist full of her hair with the other, yanking her head back.
This wasn’t meant to happen. I was suppose to stay in control. Successfully manipulating the situation thus far. Erwin was everything he was meant to be. Needing to feel like a prince, with me his damsel in distress. Levi on the other hand was primal. If I was too weak he wouldn’t enjoy himself as much and in order for me to keep control, I needed to give him what he desired. To make him think he couldn’t get what I was giving from anywhere else. But I never knew pain could feel this good! What Erwin had done was amazing, but Levi was hitting me somewhere different. Each of his powerful stabs, building pressure and swelling my pleasure. My thighs were starting to burn. The tingling that originated in my centre was now beginning to radiate outwards, heating my whole body as it went. I was done for. All control of my body was lost.
“Le-vi, I, ah, don’t stop…”
A few more thrusts was all it took to break down the dam that had built up inside me. Warm liquid ran down my legs. I shut my eyes, my body was limp, only being held up by grips to my shoulder, hair and Captain Levi still inside me. I have no idea how long I was suspended there, the ecstasy was to all-consuming. Even my body crashing down onto the table wasn’t enough to break me out of my trace.
“Look’s like we’ve got a squirter.”
This brat was full of surprises. I could feel her muscles spasm and contract around me. I’d never had a pussy that felt this good, and the little shit was making me cum too soon. I pulled out and unloaded on her perfect arse. The last thing I needed was this bitch getting pregnant and ruining our fun.
“Thanks princess.” I panted, slapping her arse one more time before bending down and pulling my pants back up.
As I was reaching behind, grabbing my harness to pull it back up over my shoulder, I was hit in the chest with a napkin.
“Don’t be a prick.” Erwin scalded glaring at me
“Tch”, I muttered as I wiped her.
“You’re a god damn mystery.” I darted my eyes to Erwin as he continued, “one spec of dust and you loose your shit, but that…nothing.”
“I’m an enigma.” I rolled my eyes and threw the napkin in the trash.
“So what are we going to do with her?”
Chapter 4: Who Run the World?
Who Run the World?
I was awoken by the sound of birds and light streaming in through my window. How did I get back here? It must have all been a dream. Thank fuck! Breakfast would have been awkward otherwise. Throwing the quilt back and rolling over towards the edge of the bed, I winced in pain. Looking down, I noticed bruises on my hips and thighs, and what was I wearing? This wasn’t my shirt. I looked like a kid who had tried their parent’s clothes on. Sitting up, I noticed a package wrapped in brown paper with a note on top:
You passed out last night so we brought you back here.
Keep my shirt, it looks cute on you.
I know we said no special treatment, but take the morning off. You deserve it.
See you at lunch.
Captain Ackerman washed your uniform – the freak!
Glancing at my clock I noticed the time was already 10am. Thank god for the morning off or I’d have been in deep shit. I grabbed my towel and toothbrush and headed for the showers, not bothering to change out of the Commanders shirt, knowing they would be empty.
I wasn’t in pain like I thought I would be, but things were definitely ‘tender’ to say the least. The hot water felt amazing on my skin and soothed my bruises. Fuck Levi, I was gonna kill him for that. But who was I kidding, I loved every second of it. As I remembered all that’d transpired the previous night, a huge smile spread across my face. It was perfect, and I had controlled the entire thing. Well… up until the end - passing out hadn’t really been in my play book. Damn the Captain! I was going to have to be careful of him, at least though it gave Erwin a chance to come to my rescue.
If I played my cards right, I could really work this ‘situation’ in my favour. My first four years in the Scouts had been mundane and boring as hell. Now it was my chance to write the story. I know Hanji had given me the initial opportunity, but there is a reason there’s the saying; ‘behind every great man there’s a great woman.’ And behind these two men, I could be pulling the strings.
Finishing up, I headed back to my room, towel wrapped around me.
I wasted the rest of my morning off, and now it was time for lunch. It was nice having time to just lounge around without my uniform on, especially the harnesses, but, no rest for the wicked. Unwrapping the brown paper from around my uniform, I put it back on. It had never been this clean, not even when it was new. Levi really was a freak. When did he have time to wash it? The man mustn’t sleep.
Leaving my room, I headed towards the dining hall. About half way down the corridor, a door opened and out stepped Captain Levi.
“Good morning Captain,” I greeted. He simply nodded his head. “Thanks for washing my uniform, it looks grea…”
“Why would I wash your uniform cadet?” He stated abruptly, though not raising his voice.
“Come on, we are going to be late for lunch, you don’t want to get in trouble.”
He took a few paces forward, leaving me standing there puzzled.
“You coming [Y/N]?” He questioned without looking back.
I jogged a few steps to catch up with him. This was going to be harder than I thought - with Levi at least, but who doesn’t like a challenge?
“Commander Smith had to cover for you this morning with Hanji. You sprained your ankle, so make sure you limp.”
“Sir?” I questioned... “FUCK! We were meant to start planning today.”
“Hence why Erwin covered for you.”
“No shit shorty.” I delivered a swift punch to his left arm. He shot steely daggers at me.
I starred back at him as coyly as I could, biting one side of my bottom lip. He exhaled sharply from his nostrils and smirked a half smile.
“You’ll be the death of me brat.”
Placing my index finger between my teeth and biting down, I tiled my head forward, looking up. “Why Captain, whatever do you mean?”
“Fuck you [Y/N], move your arse.” He grinned and smacked me right were he had so many times the night before.
“Yes daddy.” I whispered, but this time I got no reply. The captain sighed in defeat, slumping his shoulders and hanging his head. I left him there, continuing to walk the rest of the way on my own.
And just like that, I was back. He really was no match for me. Women really do rule the world!
Fucking hell! She had me right where she wanted me.
I watch her walk away, damn that arse! She really was going to be my undoing. I swear she was making her hips sway more than usual. Shit, I couldn’t have followed her even if I wanted to, the little brat had made me rock hard again. What’s happening to me?
Not even that tight little piece Krista from the 104th had this effect on me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d spent many a night in bed alone thinking about her. Those blue eyes looking up at me through her blond hair as she gripped my cock, sucking it dry. And things had been easy with Petra, she was easy to control, given it was purely convenience and she was infatuated by me. There were never any hallway conversations or flirting, try as she mite. Just a few quick fucks over my desk when she brought me my tea, I was never even bothered to take her harness off. I’m just glad Erwin never found out.
But [Y/N] had surely been sent here to destroy me. It had only been one day. One god damn day. I would have literally done anything to have the opportunity to bury my face between her legs, my god I needed to know what she tasted like! Well shit, I guess I’m not gonna to be making it to lunch after all. I’ve got a much more pressing matter I need to take care of.
Walking back into my office I slump down onto the couch and undid my belt. The last thing I needed her to knowing was how easily she could make me hers. But deep down, I think she already knew. I'd washed her clothes! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? God damn OCD!
I entered the dining room, scanning the tables to find Hanji. There she was, same table as last night, Commander Smith seated next to her. Remembering my imposed frailty, I limped over to gather a plate of food. Standing in line, Erwin approached and took the plate out of my hand.
“Go and take a seat [Y/N], I’ll get your lunch. You shouldn’t be walking around on that ankle.”
He winked at me whilst placing his hand on the centre of my back, gently guiding me in the direction of other Officers before taking my place in the line.
There had been no electricity pulsing within me upon his touch this time, and I was glad for it. This meant I could hold my nerve around him. Despite the intimacies we had shared, I did still enjoy his light chivalrous touch. I turned back to look at him, and he smiled back at me. Captain Ackerman may have been able to get me going with the snap of a finger, but Commander Smith was the one I was going to have to be careful of. He was a real man, one I could see sweeping me off my feet.
Even with the implementation of ‘rules’, I knew it was going to be impossible for feelings to not come into the picture.
Sitting down across from Hanji, I apologised for my absence that morning. She didn’t seem to care too much, starting without me. I knew she would. In the short time I had known her, she didn’t strike me as someone who relied too much on others. Not for their help or approval. She knew what she wanted and would get it by any means necessary. I admired that in her. It was nice to have a strong female to look up to (something severely lacking in my life thus far). It was still a little disappointing however, as this showed this assignment wasn’t really going to be a team effort.
Placing lunch in front of me, Erwin returned to his original seat.
“Nothing to special today I’m afraid. I got you two bread rolls though.”
“Thank you Commander, you’re to kind.”
I picked up a roll and tore it in half. Right before I could take a bite someone ran into the table.
“Yeager! Watch where you’re going!” Scolded Mike.
“Sorry sir, I could have swore these tables were further apart.”
“Don’t be stupid, why would someone move just this table?” Mike questioned.
“Out of my sight Yeager, I’m through with this conversation.” Waving his hand, Mike dismissed the Cadet from our presence.
Feeling my face heating up, I tilted my head downwards in the hope that no one would notice my red cheeks. Touching my hip and recalling my bruises, I remembered Levi slamming me against the edge of the table and the sound of it scuffing along the slate floor.
Without lifting up my head, I looked over at Erwin. He was visibly trying to hold back a smile when he caught my gaze. Unable to sustain it in any longer we both started laughing.
“What’s so funny you two?” Hanji inquired quizzically.
“Oh ah, nothing really.” Erwin replied rubbing the back of his neck.
“We were just remembering last night.” I stated, Erwin’s eyes widening in disbelief.
“Yeah remember, you saw me fall down the stairs, twisting my ankle?”
“Oh of coarse, it was really funny.”
“Guess you had to be there.” Mike uttered bluntly.
That was close, but I managed to avert any crisis whilst potentially giving Commander Smith a heart attack in the process.
He kicked me under the table, shooting death stares in my direction. With no one noticing I fired back a timid, yet blatantly sexy smile. He shook his head slightly, smirking in the process. It was so much fun to mess with him.
Leaning onto the table with my elbow and resting my chin in my hand, I stared at Erwin. All other parties were occupied again, so they were none the wiser. I look my right foot, with it’s perfectly clean boot, and started to run it lightly up and down the Commanders calf.
“Do you know where Levi is,” he asked quietly making sure I was the only one who could hear.
“I think he, well…. Needed to take care of some personal business.” I replied raising my eyebrows.
“What did you do to him?”
“Nothing sir, just thanked him for cleaning my uniform.”
“Do I get a ‘Thank you’ for giving you my shirt?”
“Now Commander, if we only did nice things for what we could get in return, they wouldn’t be as nice anymore would they?”
“You’re the worst.” He mouthed.
Yes I was. And I really was enjoying my new found dominance. Continuing to rub my foot on Erwin’s leg, I raised it higher till it was on his thigh. Licking my lips and twirling my hair around my finger, I knew it would be driving him crazy.
As abruptly as I’d started, I stopped and got up from my seat. Making sure to limp, I walked around to Erwin’s side of the table and took the plate from in front of him. Whilst leaning down, lingering for a moment, I whispered in his ear.
“I’d like to have a bath tonight sir. Can I use yours?”
I didn’t bother waiting for an answer, I already knew what it would be.
Chapter 5: She Was Trouble
She Was Trouble
It was after ‘lights out’ and I still hadn’t made my way to Erwin’s room. My intention had been to make them wait, and now the time had come to make my way over.
Butterflies filled my stomach on the walk there. I hadn’t felt them last night because there was no time to think. The whole situation was so unexpected, I hadn’t the time to develop anxiety. Tonight however, was a whole different story. What if after tonight they loose interest? What if it was only exciting the first time? What if I wasn’t any good and they regretted their decision.
Worry filled every corner of my mind, but here I was, standing in front of Erwin’s door. Ok, deep breath. I’m the one in control. Right?
Without bothering to knock I opened the door. Both men were sitting on the brown leather coach against the wall. First I met Erwin’s gaze, his eyes were wide with shock.
“Where the hell have you been?” Levi demanded without lifting his head, tea in hand.
Propping myself on the arm of the coach next to him with one leg, while the other foot remained on the floor I muttered. “Now Captain, didn’t anyone ever tell you that good things come to those who wait?”
He turned his head to look at me, raising his eyebrows, while the rest of his face remained emotionless. But I took that as a win.
Every decision regarding this encounter was strategic, starting with my choice of outfit (or lack thereof). I had chosen a white, full-length silk robe. And only that robe. It was one of the few comforts I'd brought with me from home, thus far being disappointed at the lack of opportunities I had to wear it. I wore it lose over my chest, making sure it didn’t cross over allowing my breasts to show just enough. Draping off my right shoulder, and cinched firmly at my waist to accentuate it.
“Tch.” Was the only response I got. There was the inkling of a smirk at the side of his mouth, which let me know he could be easily broken.
“Would you like me to go run the bath [Y/N]?” Erwin offered.
“No thanks Erwin, I think I’ll take a shower first and wash myself off.”
With that I made my way to the already opened bathroom door. Both men had a clear view inside, which was perfect. Stopping in the doorway, I untied the sash and let my robe fall to the floor. I stood there a few seconds before continuing to the shower. Opening the curtain I turned the water on. Once the temperature was right I stepped in and closed the curtain again. Never looking back once.
This girl was good.
She was different to the other young female cadets. She had an heir about her, one that demanded attention and your respect. She had her head screwed on. She was trouble.
“Well if you’re just gonna sit there I’m goin’ in.”
I began undressing, leaving Erwin in his front row seat.
Pulling back the curtain, I saw one of the best sights my eyes had ever seen. [Y/N] was leaned against the shower wall, water pouring over her body. Her right hand was between her legs, fingers working on her clit. Left arm was crossing her body, fingers pinching her right nipple. Leaning her head back against the tiled wall, she looked at me out of the corner of her eyes.
“What took you so long Captain?”
She didn’t need an answer, just for me to show her how thankful I was. Stepping into the shower and leaving the curtain open I started kissing her, tongue in right away. This was no time to take things slowly. I wrapped my hands around to the small of her back and moved her to the back wall of the shower, where the water wasn't directly hitting us. Moving from her mouth, I kissed down her neck and along her shoulder blade as I slipped two fingers inside her. There was no flinch this time, just a small sigh of pleasure. Once my fingers were sufficiently wet, I removed them and brought them to her mouth. To my surprise, she showed no hesitation in licking them before grabbing my wrist and putting my fingers in her mouth, sucking herself from them.
“Good girl. Now it’s my turn for a taste.”
I kneeled down in front of her, the water hitting my back. Grabbing her right leg, I placed it over my shoulder allowing me better access. One hand gripped her perfectly voluptuous hip, while the thumb of the other circled her clit as I glared up at her. She stared back down at me, her eyes begging for more. Using my middle and index fingers I separated her lips and licked their insides. I dipped my tongue inside her, making sure to lap up as much of her as I could before returning to her clit.
Continuing with my tongue, I pushed my fingers inside her again, curling them around to stimulate her g-spot. Flicking my tongue, her moans started to echo through the tiled room. Her body tensed. She ran a hand through my hair before gripping it tightly, making sure not to disturb my position. It didn’t take long for her body to spasm, causing her back to slide down the wall. This made her pelvis to tilt out towards me, allowing my hand better access.
What was he doing? Maybe he hadn’t noticed.
“Levi, I just came.” I panted, giving him permission to stop.
“I don’t remember asking for your input brat.” He retorted.
Turing his hand so his palm was facing upwards, he forcefully shoved his middle three fingers inside me.
“FUCK!” I moaned smacking my hands flat against the shower wall beside me. Tightening his grip on my hip for better leverage, he darted his hand in and out. Faster and deeper, each stab hitting the perfect magic spot.
I looked up for the first time and noticed Erwin leaning against the bathroom door frame. He was naked and stroking himself, enjoying the performance. I didn’t break his gaze as Levi brought me to climax a second time.
Having Erwin watch was more of a turn on than anything physical Levi had done. As though he didn’t need to touch me himself, as if just seeing me satisfied was all he needed. It only made me crave his touch more.
“Are you just going to stand there?”
I could watch her for hours. She had a maturity that I didn’t understand, considering her years. Any of the other cadets would have turned to mush after the previous nights escapades, reverting into drivelling piles of neediness. We would’ve been bombarded with insecurities. Do you like me Captain? Did I do good Commander? Should I wait to hear from you again? But not [Y/N], it seemed to make her stronger. If it really had been her first time, then for her to have conducted herself the way she did today, well my respect has grown ten fold. I had planned on giving her some space for a while as she processed what had transpired, but it clearly wasn’t what she had in mind. She’d grabbed the rains and I was happy to surrender them.
I was mesmerised by her, hanging on every sigh, every breath and moan. Each and every movement captivated me further. Then she looked at me, drawing me in closer with her intoxicating stare. Levi was manipulating her to his will, but she was steadfast in my gaze, as if it gave her the strength she needed to keep going. Right then and there I would have done anything she asked me to.
“Are you just going to stand there?” She beckoned.
Watching her would have been enough for me tonight, but who was I to turn down her invitation. Grabbing a towel off the rack, I placed it on the bathroom floor. Offering [Y/N] my hand, I lead her out of the shower. We stood a short while as she kissed my chest and ran her fingertips over my hip muscles, sending shivers up and down my spine. I leaned down to kiss her. Those lips were as soft as I remembered. Making my way down to the floor, taking her with me, all the while never breaking my lips away from hers. Once she was sitting on my lower stomach I could reach around and grab her arse. Muscular and soft. She caught me looking at her breasts, with nipples perfectly erect. Leaning her body forward she brought her chest to me, allowing me to suck and bite them without having to move my hands from her perfect backside.
Never in my 39 years had I ever felt passion as deeply as I did in this moment. I wanted her so badly but refused to make the move. She was a goddess and I was ready and waiting for her to use me however she saw fit.
Pulling herself back from my mouth and placing her hands on my chest, she moved into a squatting position. Removing her hands from my chest, she spat in her right hand, rubbing it on the head of my cock. Lowering her grip, and using her other hand to separate her lips, she guided me slowly within her. Stopping when I was just inside. She balanced herself there, moving up and down only an inch or so. All the squats from training were really coming in handy. I could see in her eyes how much she was enjoying teasing me. Biting her lip she slid down my length a little more only to bring herself back up until only just the head of my dick was still inside her. She continued this for several minutes, never allowing the satisfaction of feeling her fully engulf me.
Several times I had tried to touch. To grab her arse again or stimulate her clit but each time I was denied.
“Come on [Y/N], it’s not fair to tease him like that.”
“Shut your fucking mouth and get over here.” She demanded of Levi.
Once he was standing to her side, she stopped again with me just inside her, and didn’t move.
That’s right princess, you know what to do!
While still hovering over Erwin – the poor son of a bitch – she grabbed my cock firmly by the base and spat on it. For a girl who was a virgin not 24 hours earlier, she certainly had come a long way. Using her saliva to lubricate my shaft, she began stroking it. Fuck that felt good! I purposely hadn’t touched myself so to fully appreciate it when she finally did. Looking up at me and licking her lips, she teased,
“Now it’s my turn to taste.”
Leaning forward she took the head of my cock in her mouth and circled her tongue around it. Slowly she sucked more and more into her mouth until I hit the back of her throat. She opened her mouth and pulled her head back, a trail of spit connecting me to her lip. She ran her tongue from the base, the whole way up like a lollipop.
I stepped back out of her reach. She glared at me with anger-fuelled lust.
“You’re doing very well Princess, but you don’t get anymore till you share the love.”
I was thankful to Levi. Her teasing had become too much to bare. Resting her hands behind her on my thighs, she bounced a few more times before slamming herself down. I could feel as her pussy stretched, accommodating all of me. She still wouldn’t allow me to touch her, smacking my hand at any advance it made. She set the rhythm perfectly. Her feet were now flat on the ground allowing her the perfect angle to thrust her hips up and down. Her moaning got loader and loader as I could feel her pleasure increase. The thoughts of who might hear never entered my mind. Luckily someone was using their head.
Approaching [Y/N], mid moan, Levi thrust himself inside her mouth. Though surprised, eyes widened, she never let her rhythm falter. She grabbed Levi with one hand, leaving the other on my thigh to maintain her balance. I closed my eyes. She felt so good, but I didn’t want to cum yet. I focused on the sound of her arse slapping against my hips each time she bounced. Every now and then I could hear her gag or cough. Levi could be so rough, though she seemed to relish in it.
“Fuck, Fuck…. Erwin make me cum!”
She placed both hands on the towel next to my legs and suspended her hips mid air. I grabbed them and with all my strength started pushing up into her. Her screams became deafening as they echoed through the tiled room. Demanding me to go harder and not stop. Levi had to put his hand over her mouth to muffle her cries as she contracted around me before letting loose, squirting all over my stomach.
I held myself inside her till she regained her composure and announced;
“I want you both to cum on me at the same time.”
She pulled herself off me and knelt in front of Levi, picking back up where she had left of. Levi’s hand wrapped in her hair, pushing himself into her throat. I stood up next to him. [Y/N] ran her left hand between her legs and dipped her fingers inside herself, using it as lubrication for when she grabbed my cock. Timing the strokes perfectly while Levi continued to fuck her face. He pulled her off him, allowing her to catch her breath. She starred up at him consumed with lust, spit dripping down her chin.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” I asked breaking her attention.
“Don’t be such a pussy.” She jeered. She ripped Levi’s hand from her hair and moved slightly more in my direction.
“Don’t you like me being a dirty girl?”
“I’m just trying to be considerate.”
“I said I was going to call the shots Erwin. And right now I want both of your cum on my tits!”
I knew Levi would be loving this, and while I could admit it defiantly had it’s charms, I didn’t like seeing her as such an object.
“I love tasting myself on you Commander.” She breathed, mid lick before taking as much of my into her mouth as she could. Over and over she bobbed her head, hand placed firmly at my base. It was hard to resist the urge to push myself further into her throat as Levi had done.
I was glad when she let go of Levi and placed her right hand just above the back of my knee. All I had wanted since seeing her orgasm in the shower, was to have her all to myself.
Levi didn’t seem to care, taking the opportunity to grope her breast and pinch its nipple.
“I’m ready.” He announced, and so was I.
[Y/N] scooted herself backwards a few inches and Levi stepped in from the side. Arching her back slightly, she shared her gaze with each of us.
The rise and fall of pleasure within me was coming to it’s peak, when almost simultaneously we both unloaded on her chest. A criss-cross of white strands coating her breasts. She ran her finger through it before sucking it clean. First looking at me, then Levi. She stood up, and tapping us both on the cheek she simply said;
Before re-entering the shower and closing the curtain behind her.
Chapter 6: Idiots!
(Now I know that the 104th didn’t graduate till 850, the same year as the 49th Expedition. But let’s pretend that there was some time lap over where the cadets joined the Scouts just before the expedition took place. And Krista is 18. Because if not - I just can't)
Several days had past since our tryst in my bathroom. Other than a few sexy smiles and grabbing of thighs under the table during meal time, I really hadn’t seen her. Well, physically I hadn’t. The harsh reality was that every time I closed my eyes I saw her. Staring at me, leg draped over Levi’s shoulder as he pleasured her.
We were only two ‘goes’ in and already my number one rule was plaguing me. Surely I wasn’t developing feelings for her. It was just infatuation. But I was no school boy, I was the god damn Commander of the Scout Regiment! Another part of this situation I didn’t fully understand is why, deep down, I didn’t mind sharing her. That last night in my room, I thought I’d wanted her all to myself. But the glaring truth though - that I couldn’t escape from - was what had turned me on the most: Having her watch me pleasure myself, as Levi had his way with her.
That wasn’t the only thing playing on my mind though. Hanji was becoming way to consumed with her latest experiment. All day she talked about nothing else. It was nothing new for Hanji to become obsessed with something. But this was different. The loss of life within the Corps was always high with every mission, and our main objective – at it’s core – was to rid the world of Titans. Not keep them as pets!
There is no way to know if anything can be learnt from keeping them captive. And was it really worth the potential death toll this mission would likely rack up? Surely not. She wouldn’t like hearing it, but Hanji would just have to dedicate her time and effort into something else.
‘Helping myself out’ just isn’t gonna cut it anymore. Thankfully work and training took up so much of my time during the day, but those long nights were hard. I craved her, and I swear the little bitch was avoiding me on purpose. I’d never slept as well as I had after our last encounter. My regular destructive thoughts hadn’t afflicted my mind that night. She was my new drug, and I needed a taste.
Seeing her in the dining hall during meals did help. If I arrived before Erwin, I could sit next to her. But it was hard keeping my hands to myself. Smirks, nudges, the odd grab of my crutch, only made it worse.
I still couldn’t believe she’d just left us both standing there, naked. She wouldn’t let us in the shower either till she was done. I’ve never been much into small talk, but I thought she might have stayed a little while afterwards. But no! She got out of the shower, was still wet when she wrapped herself in her robe again and left. As I left I could see her wet footprints still visible on the ground.
Why had I wanted to follow them?
*Knock*Knock* – “It’s Hanji, can I come in?”
Once she’d entered my office I could instantly tell this was a conversation I wasn’t going to enjoy.
“Whadya want four eyes?”
In typical Hanji fashion and with no regard for how regular people conversate, she started spewing words at me.
“I want you by my side Captain when I capture it. The titan I mean. This is so important to me, and to humanity. The potential for what we can learn hold no bounds. I will not stop until I……”
Hanging my head where I sit before gripping the bridge of my nose, I sigh.
“I can’t do this anymore Hanji.”
“But Captain! Just hear me out.” She slammed both her fists on my desk.
“No more. This topic is driving me mad. It didn’t work last time and I can’t see it being any more successful, were it attempted again.”
“We are already going to be out there. The 49th Mission is scheduled, it’s the perfect time!”
“Please, you fucking psycho, just leave me alone.”
It had been my full intention to make them sweat. I could see in their faces during every meal, that they had no idea what was going to happen next, and I fucking loved it. Honestly though, the plan was never to have it go on this long. Initially I just needed to give myself a break. Having gone from virginity to consecutive nights of fun, was all the punishment my poor little hole could take. After the second night I felt like I thought I would have from the first. It literally hurt to walk. I couldn’t help but giggle though, I’d always assumed it would be Levi who’d leave me sore, but the courteous bastard had surprised me.
Now however, I was caught up in the work that’d brought me here in the first place. Hanji was an acquired taste that’s for sure, but I didn’t mind. It was fun seeing how her mind worked and learning from her in the process. So many people mocked her obsession, labelling her insane. I didn’t see her that way. She had a fire in her eyes that so many others lacked.
Over the past week we had developed a process by which to capture, transport then secure the titans. Now we were working on what Hanji referred to as ‘the fun part’. This peaked my interest as well. The experiments. Topping the list were studies to determine a pain threshold (if any), effects of water deprivation and starvation. She didn’t like referring to it as torture, instead calling them games. She really did love those big disgusting things.
But as for right now, I was hungry.
Hanji had gone to speak to Levi and I told her I’d wait for her to return so we could go to lunch together. And thank god, here she comes now.
Walking through the already open door before slamming it behind her, Hanji begins to pace the room. Muttering under her breath.
“What happened Hanji? What has Captain Clean done now?”
“It’s not him I’m angry at. That fucking eyebrows, he wont let me go on the 49th expedition!”
“Ok, try to calm down and tell me what’s going.” I pleaded with her. In the short time I’d known her, I’d learnt she wasn’t easy to talk down from the edge.
“I went to Captain shorty pants to ask him to ride with me and help capture our pet. He said no! I was so mad. I thought if I went to see the Commander I’d be able to convince him to make Levi help me. I really thought he could be persuaded. I almost had him, until I told him you were coming too. How did he not expect me to take you as well? You’ve been here with me the whole time, I couldn’t leave you out of the chase?”
“So I’m the problem?”
“No, well yes. But not my problem. Erwin kept telling me that you weren’t experienced enough. That you would be a liability. I told him that I wouldn’t go without you. Then he banned me from the mission all together. I can’t believe it. Then he cancelled this. All this. He said capturing a titan was no longer a priority. How are we meant to understand them if we can only observe them from a distance?”
Now I was mad. For so many reasons. How could Erwin disregard all the work we had put in? And did he really think I wasn’t experienced enough? Yeah, I mean I’ve only seen Titan combat twice, but I made top 10. I was more than competent with my 3DMG. And banning Hanji. She was the Fourth Squad leader, and the point of her position was literally to study titans.
“And, Levi called me a fucking psycho.”
I could hear in her voice that she was hurt by this. She knew others referred to her as such, and it never seemed to bother her. She’d laugh and pull a crazy face, or pounce on them. But this seemed to have really affected her. Still, I couldn’t tell if it had been Levi’s words, or Erwin’s commands.
“I’m not going to lunch today. You go without me.”
With that she left. I sat a while longer, gathering my thoughts, and as I went to get up I herd arguing. My first instinct was that Hanji had ran into Levi or Erwin in the hallway, but no. This was two female voices. I couldn’t tell what they were saying, but they were still close enough that it would be awkward if I walked into the hallway. Once I was certain it had stopped, I made my move.
To my surprise I wasn’t alone in the hallway. Left leaning against the bricks was a small blonde. Upon approaching her, she quickly saluted me.
“No no no,” I implored her, shaking my hands. “I’m no one important like that.”
“Oh I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “I always see you at the Commanders table so I just assumed you were a squad leader or something.”
“It’s all good, simple mistake. I’m just like you. Well, not quite as green, but similar all the same.”
She glaced up at me with kind eyes, albeit slightly tear stained ones.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes I’ll be fine. My friend Ymir was scolding me for going off on my own after this mornings training.”
“Sounds a bit possessive.”
“She means well. She cares about me deeply, I just forget it sometimes, that’s all.”
To say this relationship dynamic struck me as strange, would be an understatement. But who was I to judge.
“Say, why don’t you walk with me to lunch, and sit with us.”
Her eyes widened with appreciation for the kindness I’d shown.
“Are you sure I wont be any trouble? I’m so new here I don’t want to cause a fuss. And what if they don’t want me there?”
“Stop it, I’ll be there too, and remember I’m just like you.”
She nodded and we began walking to the mess hall. “I’m [Y/N] by the way.”
“I’m Krista. Krista Lenz.”
“Nice to meet you Krista.”
Krista seemed like a sweet girl, albeit a little too accepting. Her relationship with Ymir made me feel uneasy, but I couldn’t place my finger on exactly why.
Making small talk as we made our way to the dining hall. She was very pretty. Much more the sort of girl I’d have assumed Levi and Erwin would go for. Submissive, thin, ready to please.
I entered the dining hall and headed towards my usual table. The meal line was too long at present. I was a few meters in front of Krista before I realised she had stopped. With apprehension in her eyes, she looked at me before turning her head to where Ymir was seated. What sort of control did this girl have over her? It seemed like more than a normal friendly relationship.
Approaching Krista I took her hand.
“It’s fine, come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”
Squeezing my hand she let me lead her. I caught a glimpse of Ymir, who was visibly enraged.
“So guys, this is Krista, she’s gonna eat with us today if that’s ok.”
Head tilted slightly downwards, and peaking out through her blonde hair she muttered, “If it’s too much trouble I’d be happy to sit elsewhere.”
“Just take a seat brat.”
“Don’t mind him, that’s Captain Levi, but you already knew that. He’s really just a big teddy bear.”
I pinched Levi’s cheek, shaking it slightly before he bat my hand away. “Tch.”
“Unless it’s during training.” I whispered to Krista as we sat down.
“I’m pretty sure you already know who everyone is, but this is Thomas, Commander Smith and Captain Mike. Hanji wont be joining us today.” Gesturing around the table, making sure the end was directed solely at Erwin.
Krista was seated next to Mike. He was already absurdly tall, but next to her, looked like a giant ready to devour its prey as he leaned in to smell her. She jumped in her seat, startled, and slowly turning her head towards me with the widest eyes I’ve ever seen. Nodding sympathetically I leaned in to her.
“I know. It’s weird. As. Fuck! But, I guess you’re one of us now.” She giggled, calming her nerves.
Patting her knee and signalling that the food line had shorted, we got back up and headed over. I could see Levi talking to Erwin while looking in our direction. Luckily Krista didn’t notice, it would have only made her paranoid.
Throughout the remainder of lunch Erwin and Levi kept catching my eye, whilst giving me sly smiles and motioning with their eyes towards my guest. What were they playing at?
“So Commander, Krista tells me she made the top 10 of the 104th Cadets.”
“Yes [Y/N], we are just as impressed by her as we are with you. Krista, did she tell you she was top 10 too?”
“I’m nowhere as impressive as [Y/N]. I just made it in the final spot.” She was so modest.
“Don’t be stupid.” I retorted while playfully hitting her arm.
“We’re very pleased that so many top quality cadets chose the Scouts this year.” Erwin continued.
“Especially this one.” Levi added his two cents, though only loud enough for Erwin and myself to hear.
I rolled my eyes. Were they trying to make me jealous? It really wasn’t working. Seeing two grown men in their 30’s acting like little boys was more amusing than anything. And the more they behaved that way, the more I concentrated on conversating with Krista. Once or twice Levi had grabbed my thigh and Erwin had attempted to get my attention under the table, but I just wasn’t having any of their games today.
I was still too mad at how they’d treat Hanji. She would do anything for either of them and respected them both so much. Now seeing their true immaturity made my blood boil.
Placing my arm around Krista’s shoulder, pulling her in toward me, rustling my other hand through her hair I proclaimed:
“I really like this little critter. She’s a keeper.”
She blushed and smiled at me, placing her hand on my knee. “I like you too.”
These silly boys could keep trying to make me envious all they wanted. If she had a thing for anyone, I’m certain it wasn’t either of them.
Once everyone was finished eating, and Krista had returned to her regular table. With Ymir looking less than impressed. I gathered all the empty plates.
“Captain, is our meeting still on for this evening after dinner?”
Levi looked puzzled before finally picking up what I was putting down.
“Mmhmm [Y/N]. And I expect you to be on time.”
Making sure to collect Erwin’s plate last I leaned it, just like last time:
“You’re not invited!”
Chapter 7: My Beating
This picture is exactly how I picture Levi's face to be at the end of this chapter.
AANNDD!!!! It's my fave fanart of him in the entire world :D
Erwin had told me [Y/N] didn’t want him here. Was I getting excited over nothing? Or was she trying to get back at him for cancelling the study she’d been working on? Come to think of it, that had to be it. That damn study was the only reason she was brought here in the first place. If it’s cancelled does she go back to her old squad? Fuck Erwin, I was pissed at him now too!
There’s no way I’m gonna give [Y/N] up. She does things to me no one else has ever been able to, but Hanji and that stupid god damn experiment. Why did it have to be so ridiculous? I just couldn’t see how it was worth risking lives to bring one back alive. Still, I’d have to have a word about it with Erwin.
I just couldn’t sit with the officers at dinner tonight, instead inviting myself to sit with Krista and the other new recruits. They all seemed really nice with the exception of Ymir (no surprise) who death stared my the whole time, visibly becoming restless when I placed my hand on Krista’s while addressing her at one point.
Each had their own quirks and charms, most notably the stoic Mikasa and the crazy flirt Jean. A few times Eren tried to pull him into line when he’d make comments he didn’t deem as appropriate. I thought it was sweet though. Who doesn’t want a cute younger guy being infatuated by them?
It was never my intention to permanently leave the officers table, but I needed the Commander to know I wasn’t happy. The reality that my position here was in jeopardy hadn’t escaped me either. I’m still unsure about how I am going to handle that situation, but what I do know is there’s no way in hell I’m going back to my old squad. I’d join the Garrison before I let that happen.
Now, however, it was time to go and see Levi.
Once again wearing my silk robe, I made my way down the hall to his room, being sure to check the coast was clear this time because it was still early in the night. I didn’t bother knocking, he knew I was coming.
Entering his office, the Captain was already leaning on the front side of his desk, watching the door. After locking it behind me, I continued into the room, stopping 1 meter in front of him.
“Daddy. There are some things I need to talk to you about.”
I didn’t answer, instead undoing my robe and letting it drop to the floor. All I was wearing were my boots, harness and white cotton panties. My hair cascading over my shoulders.
Lust swelled in his eyes. It became harder to concentrate on why I had come to see him in the first place. His primordial gaze overtaking any logic and reason he may have possessed up to this point. I could feel his hands ravaging me, tracing every inch of my harness despite them still being folded across his chest. I’d gone about this all wrong. There is no way he would hear anything I’d have to say.
He stepped towards me, placing a finger on his chest I stopped him.
“Now daddy, there is only one rule tonight.”
“Yeah, sure, ok…”
I could hear his voice trying to hurry me along. His frustration at having to wait was almost palpable.
“You can do whatever you want. Anything at all. But, you have to do me one favour.”
“Is that it? You done?”
I nodded, really having no idea what I was getting myself into. Levi was not a gentle lover, and up to this point I’d bee surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Lovey dovey, kissey-kissey wasn’t my thing. But now however, I’d be lying if I wasn’t at least a little bit scared.
“You made a big mistake princess.”
“Right, first things first. The only thing you are allowed to say is ‘Yes daddy’, got it.”
“And that’s only when I let you talk.”
Levi removed his cravat from his neck, before tying it around my mouth like a gag. He then removed his belt and taking my hands, bound them together at the wrists with it, leaving the end out like a lead. I was pulled to the desk. He made me face it, while he walked around to the other side, still holding the belt, then tying it to the arm of his heavy wooden desk chair. My stomach flat on the cold wood.
He went into his room, returning with another belt. Folding it in half, and standing slightly behind me to the side, he hit me with it. I tried to cry out, but his cravat muffled my attempt.
“Funny, you liked being spanked the other night.” He smirked before laying a few more lashes across my arse.
“That’s it, take my punishment like a good girl.” *Smack*Smack*
“This is for making me wait so long.” *Smack*Smack*
“That’s for parading that sexy little cadet around in front of us today.” *Smack*Smack*
“And that’s for touching her when you knew we couldn’t.”
Finally he stopped, throwing the belt to the ground.
Levi ran his hand over my right arse cheek, then the left before grabbing the side of my underwear and ripping them off me. Fuck that was hot! The pain had all but subsided, leaving only a tingling sensation as he ran his fingers over the welts. Leaning forward, he started kissing them.
“If you’re a good girl I won’t have to do that again. I don’t like hurting you.”
Like fuck he didn’t!
The feeling of soft pecks gave way to the wetness of his tongue as he ran it along the ridges he had created. Whilst starting to kneel he ran his hands down between my thighs, pushing them apart.
“Well, well, well,” he murmured. “Looks like you like it kinky.” Referring to my pussy, which was now, literally dripping down my leg.
Grabbing my cheeks in his hands, and lifting me up slightly, he began running his tongue up the inside of my legs, lapping up the juices. Once he was satisfied there was none left, he pushed his face between my legs so his tongue could circle my clit. Instinctively I tilted my hips upwards allowing better access. Holy hell. I didn’t think having a guy eat you out from behind would be such a turn on! Slowly he ran his tongue along my lips and through to my arse. Yes! Oh god, yes! He remained there a while, as he rub my clit with his thumb.
I was ready to cum.
My cues must be really obvious because he teased me like that for a good 10 minutes. Each time I was ready to climax he would stop, and blow on my cunt. This was torture. The sensation wasn’t enough to send me over the edge, but made my legs shake each and every time.
Once he had enough tormenting me that way, he stood up and I heard him unzip his pants. Finally, at least I’d be able to orgasm while he fucked me.
Grabbing his dick, he used it’s head to circle my clit, then pushed himself half way inside me. He pulled out and circled my clit again, repeating this several more times till I was moaning through my gag.
“Alright then,” he smirked, grabbing the harness around my waist, thrusting himself inside me.
My head bucked back with the sharp pain, as my pussy worked to accommodate all of him. I’d forgotten about how good the pain he put me in felt. I’d only had actual sex with Erwin the second time, and trust me, that felt beyond amazing, but with Erwin (to an extent) I craved connection. I wanted him to know how good he made me feel, where with Levi, all I cared about was how he felt.
I must have been showing signs of climax again, because right before it happened, the bastard pulled out.
Screaming at him through the cravat in my mouth, I attempted to turn my head and look at him. For this, I was rewarded with a hand to the back of my head, pushing my face down, while the other hand grabbed my right leg and forced it onto the desk.
He was so hard he didn’t need to guide himself back in.
It wasn’t long before he released his hand from my head, and moved it back down to my arse. He circled his thumb around my hole before inserting it slowly. A small muted moan escaped my mouth. Burying it deeper as he continued to fuck me. Finally it felt like he was going to let me cum. Then he pulled out again. Son of a bitch!
I could hear him laughing, that prick. Taking my leg down from the desk, I kicked him in the shin with the heel of my boot.
“You cunt!” He yelled at me.
Storming around to his desk chair, he untied the belt and forced me to kneel in front of him. He ripped his cravat from my mouth.
“Now promise you wont do anything like that again.”
I stared up, a depth of malice still lingered in my eyes.
“Do you promise?”
“Yes daddy.” The words reluctantly spilling from my lips.
I was still so horny, wanting so desperately to cum. With hands still bound by the Captains belt, I attempted to touch myself. Feeling the tug on the belt, which he still held in his hand, he pulled it, yanking my hands away. Then stepping on it, leaving no slack for me to move them.
“Not tonight. Now open up.”
I shook my head and looked down. He grabbed me by the chin, pulling my face up.
“I said, open up!”
I tried to shake my head out of his hand, but he squeezed tighter.
“I don’t want any part of you in my mouth.” I jeered at him.
“Now princess, you said I could do anything I wanted.”
Sighing and with apprehension, I opened my mouth.
“Wider… Stick out your tongue.”
Grabbing a fist full of my hair and pushing himself all the way to the back of my throat, he made me gag. But this time round he didn’t stop to let me catch my breath. Relentlessly he fucked my face till tears welled in my eyes. This wasn’t fun anymore.
Finally it seemed like he was ready, but I didn’t want him to cum in my mouth. Unfortunately I didn’t get a say in the matter and he unloaded himself before pulling away, releasing the belt from under his foot in the process.
I was full of rage. I raised my still bound hands above my head and brought them down with all my strength onto his stomach before spitting the cum back at him. Then collapsing onto the ground. Crying.
Aw Shit. I clearly took that to far. Last time she loved gagging on me.
There was a knot in my stomach. What had I done. I never wanted to actually hurt her. My stomach fucking hurts from where she punched me and I’ve got jiz on my boots, but I don’t care. What the hell do I do now?
I walked to my bathroom and grabbed my towel. Kneeling down beside her, I placed it over her, then took the belt from around her hands.
“I’m really sorry [Y/N]. I thought we were on the same page, but now I know we weren’t. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You’re such a prick.” She coughed at me, looking up through tear stained eyes. I took the corner of the towel and wiped her face.
“I know. I should have listened to you.”
As she continued to cry, I picked her up and leaned her against my chest, embracing her.
“All I wanted was to get you to talk to Erwin.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m scared that I’m going to be sent back to my old squad now he’s cancelled my work with Hanji.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I was gonna talk to him about it myself. I don’t want you going anywhere.”
“You were?” She sniffled.
“Don’t be stupid brat. And it’s not just because of our arrangement. I’d genuinely miss seeing your face around.”
There was no further response. She just dug her head further into my chest.
“Why don’t you stay here tonight [Y/N].”
“No thanks Captain.” She pulled away from me, but I didn’t want her to.
Intimacy was something I hadn’t really ever experienced, and that was how I liked it. Too many people had been taken from me already, so keeping everyone else at an arms length just made it easier to cope when they, inevitably would be taken too. But she had given me no choice. She had forced through the wall and demanded my comfort, my sympathy. And now, I didn’t want to let her go.
“I’ll walk you back to your room.”
She nodded, accepting the offer. I stood and grabbed her robe before offering her a hand to stand. Placing the gown over her shoulders, she slipped her arms through the sleeves, and I tied the sash for her. I held out my arm and she took it.
“Would you like me to come in for a little while?” I asked her once we reached her door.
“No thanks Captain, I’ll be fine from here.”
Leaning in, I placed a kiss softly on her cheek.
“I really am sorry.” She smiled and I began to walk away.
“Captain.” She beckoned, so I turned back around.
She slapped me across the face.
“That’s for not letting me cum.”
I starred at her as I rubbed my cheek. Half filled with shock, the other half with admiration.
“And would it kill you to be nicer to Hanji!”
Chapter 8: What Next?
The Expedition was only a few days away and Erwin had still not changed his mind about Hanji going.
In spite of him, and until I was inevitably discharged from my current position, we continued our work in secret. I’m not sure what the Commander thought we were doing, but he had basically left us alone since his fight with Hanji.
That didn’t surprise me though, considering I hadn’t talked to him since telling him not to come to Levi’s room that night. I continued to eat at the Officers table, greeting him and saying good bye, but nothing else. My fate seemed inevitable though. I assumed that the only reason he hasn’t reassigned me yet was because he's too busy with the Mission’s preparations.
Levi, however, seemed softer towards me. Not in a way that I’m sure anyone else would notice, but I could see it. I got smiles instead of smirks. Friendly nods rather than eye rolls. He had even brought me a cup of tea the night after our ‘encounter’. I’m sure it was his way of trying to make it up to me.
“Ok Erwin, enough is enough.”
“Captain, you can see how busy I am getting ready for this expedition.”
I continued to pace in front of Erwin’s desk, refusing to leave. So many times I had tried to breech the subject with him, but faltered in my attempts. I kept pushing it out of my mind, concerned he would think I was sweet on her, cementing her fate. She was doomed from every angle I looked at it. I sighed and sat down in the chair in front of Erwin’s desk.
“Look. I don’t want this to come across the wrong way, but…..”
“It's about [Y/N] isn't it?” Emotionless, I starred at him. “I can read it all over your face. Since your little one-on-one yo…”
“You’re jealous!” It was my turn to interrupt.
“Levi, don’t turn this back onto me.”
I dropped my head, shaking it slightly. I was 100% jealous of their secret rendezvous. Every fibre of me being wanted to know what had happened. What did he make her do? What had he done to her? Whatever it was had been enough for him to change around her. I knew he thought he was being inconspicuous, but I see the behaviour of everyone in the Regiment. He hadn’t “tch’d” her once since that night. And besides, he couldn’t have her. The rule was, no emotions.
“Erwin. I’m sure there is nothing that I can say to change her fortune. But I think she deserves to know before we leave.”
“Where she is being repositioned.”
“Are you serious Levi? She isn’t going anywhere.”
“Fucking hell Erwin. You are one oblivious bastard.”
I looked at him puzzled. Understandably I had been very busy. Insanely busy, but I have no idea what he is referring to.
“The only reason she hasn’t been talking to you is because you cancelled the study.”
“Well I know that.”
“The study that she was brought here to work on. Specifically. So no study, no [Y/N].”
Holy hell, I really was oblivious. I’d been so caught up in everything else I forgot to look at it from her side. My intention was never to reassign her. He was a great partner to Hanji, and seemed to understand her on a level that neither of us had been able to.
“That’s the reason she came to me the other night. She wanted me to talk to you. To convince you to let her stay.”
“So you two didn’t fuck then?”
“Of course we did.”
“I knew it. That’s why you and her have been so close. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much kinder you have been towards her.”
Levi smirked before bringing his hands to his face, and rubbing his fingers around his eyes.
“No Erwin, I screwed up, that’s why.”
There are so many things I could assume in this moment, and part of me wanted to. I didn’t want to admit that I had let my emotions get the better of me. That I allowed myself to be jealous. But what did he mean by ‘screwed up’.
“What did you do Levi?” I asked with an exhale.
“I took it to far.”
Levi lowered his head, visibly disgusted with himself. I allowed him a moment, and when he raised his again, I motioned for him to continue.
“She told me I could do anything I wanted. All she had on was her harness and boots. I mean come on… I gagged her and tied her to my desk.”
He better not have hurt her.
“I hit her with my belt.”
I’ll fucking kill him!
“She seemed to love all of that, but then I got carried away. Once I untied her from the desk I made her give me head while she couldn’t move. She said she didn’t want to but I thought it was part of the game.”
I could hear the regret in his voice. Reading the emotions of others was one of things I could confidently say that Levi Ackerman was not good at. So it was of no surprise to me that he didn’t hear her.
“When I was done she punched me in the stomach and started crying. I honestly felt like shit Erwin.”
“Well, were you your typical Levi self afterwards?”
I was visibly shocked.
“Trust me, I am still just as stunned as you are. I got a towel and covered her. I wiped her face and hugged her. I kept saying sorry over and over. I even asked her to stay the night, but she said no. I just walked her back to her room.”
Thank god she hadn’t said yes to staying.
“So that’s why I’ve been so nice to her. I keep telling myself that it’s because I don’t want her to call of our arrangement. But the truth is, I hated seeing her hurt. Erwin, what’s wrong with me?”
I faked a small laugh and shrugged my shoulders. “You’re an enigma remember?”
He rolled his eyes, and we both sat in uncomfortable yet understanding silence. We both knew why he felt that way, and I’m certain he knew he wasn’t alone. At this point, the guidelines of our encounters may as well not even exist. He knew I felt as he did, or I would have sent her away already. If she hadn’t burrowed her way inside me, I would have had no problem letting Hanji take her on the expedition and risk her life catching a titan. But it was my selfishness that caused her to run into Levi’s foreboding arms in the first place. I had devastated her, and now I was torturing her with uncertainty. I was furious at Levi for what he had done to her, but she seemed to have forgiven him. That luxury had not been afforded me. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of how much pain she must be in.
Chapter 9: The Struggle for Power
Every time I chose a picture, I hope it conveys the emotion of the given chapter.
I think this truly shows Erwin's inner struggle.
The Struggle for Power
I had to talk to [Y/N]. Levi was right; she deserved to know what was happening before we left on the Expedition. The only problem was wether I was going to allow myself to continue in denial. Would I simply tell her that she wasn’t going to be moved, and she could stay working with Hanji? It was the truth, and all (I’m sure) she really wanted to know. Or did I tell her everything? That the reason I cancelled the study was to guarantee her safety - at least in that capacity. That I couldn’t explain why, but the thought of not seeing her face again across the table during meals, was literally more painful than anything I could imagine.
There are still so many things I don’t understand myself, so I couldn’t burden her with them as well. Sleepless nights I’d spent in contemplation. This entire scenario was right out the pages of a ‘how not to do life’ book. Levi and I hadn’t discussed that we both clearly felt more for [Y/N] beyond the confines of our agreement. But we knew the feeling was mutual. The nagging reality – the elephant in the room – was… Why didn’t either of us seem to care about sharing her with the other?
I sincerely did not care about her being with Levi. Beyond the jealousy of being left out, the thought of them being intimate with each other excited me. And now knowing what happened between them, all anger in regards to that situation had subsided. There was no guttural pain, no tearing in my chest in regards to that. What did gouge at my heart however, was the thought of her being in pain. Physically and emotionally. The possibility of loosing her. But what would I be loosing her from? What really was all this? The delusions of an almost 40-year-old fool, that a young beautiful woman would be happy to be passed between two men twice her age?
But love didn’t seem the right way to label it either.
The cause of her current pain was me. And I hated myself for it. How could I have been so blind, that in my desperation to protect her I had done the complete opposite? Now she hated me. Laughing and flirting with Levi after how he made her feel, and what he put her through. She deemed those actions warrant for forgiveness, yet she still wouldn’t speak to me. We barely made eye contact, not through fault of trying on my behalf. She wouldn’t even sit across from me at the table anymore.
Snap out of it Ewrin! Stop being a pussy and just go talk to her.
The developing relationships I had with Hanji and Krista were the only things keeping me sane. But if I was whisked away, they just became two more things I had to leave behind. But my brain was working overtime trying to decipher the actions of Commander Smith and those god damn beautiful eyebrows. Fuck, stop it!
I hope Levi has spoken to Erwin by now. All this uncertainty was killing me. If I was being transferred just tell me, it would be pointless to wait till after the mission. And if I was staying - Just freakin tell me already. Was this payback for me hooking up with Levi? Ahhh!
I flopped down onto the coach in my room and rubbed my face with my hands. I was going to have bite the bullet and just ask him. Put a stop to this stand off.
Note to self – set alarm for 5am. It would have to be before the Expedition left.
Who the hell is that? It’s after lights out in the dorms but… I wasn’t given time to answer.
“[Y/N], it’s me, I’m coming in.”
The door opened slowly and in walked a rather sheepish looking Commander. I just looked at him, a wave of relief washing over my body. This may have been the conversation I was dreading the outcome of, but at least he had made the first move.
“I’m sorry this has taken so long.”
He walked over to the couch where I was sitting and sat down next to me. I just starred forward as he placed his hand on my knee. No! I wasn’t ready for that yet. I stood up and walked over to the small table in the corner of my room and sat down there. Don’t get me wrong, I was more than happy he was here, but I wasn’t ready to let him know he could be forgiven that easily.
He hung his head, shaking it he sighed.
“I deserved that.”
Silence filled the room for what seemed like an eternity. Neither of us wanting to be the first to talk, to admit defeat. Then finally;
“Ok, this is my fault. I admit to that. I’m here to answer any questions you may have of me.”
“Is that your pathetic excuse for an apology?”
“I’m a Commander. Do you think I spend a lot of my time apologising? I’m out of practice.”
There was the half smile and the twinkle in his eyes that I’d missed. If he was here to answer my questions, I was gonna make sure I asked them all.
“Am I being sent back to my old squad?”
“There is no way in the world that will ever happen. You may think that is for my own selfish reasons, but if nothing had ever happened between us the answer would still remain the same. You are just too valuable. You understand Hanji in a way none of us can, and I can see the value in your work with her outside of that.”
I exhaled loudly and slumped my head into my hands, perched up by my elbows on the table. “Why di…”
“It should have never taken this long for me to tell you.”
“Why did you cancel our study? And why did you not think I was capable of assisting Hanji in the titans capture?”
He could hear the anger in my voice rise.
“I do think you’re capable.” He couldn’t look at me, instead staring at the floor. “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“Excuse me? I’m part of the Survey Corps. You can’t wrap me in cotton wool! And why? So your little fuck toy would be here waiting for you when you got back?”
“No, it’s not like that.”
I was so angry now, I wanted to unleash on him, but he was so defeated it almost seemed cruel. I walked over and stood in front of him, looking down in an attempt to maintain dominance.
“What is it like then? What other possible reason would you have to not want me in danger? You better not tell me you fucking love me, because that would be pathetic!”
“I don’t love you. Not like that anyway. I don’t understand it myself [Y/N].”
He raised his head to look at me. His eyes starred deeper than they had ever done before, as if he was looking into my soul trying to find the answer. The contempt on my face was beginning to erode. My clenched fists relaxed, my face demanding he try to make me understand.
He took my hands and stood - I was happy to surrender my power to him for now. Running his hands up and down my arms he continued:
“I honestly can’t explain it. I’ve spent day’s wracking my brain trying to figure it out. Like I said, I know I’m not in love with you, but the though of loosing you devastates me.”
Looking forward I run my eyes across his chest. He is wearing only his white shirt, pant’s and belt, the remainder of his uniform having been disregarded throughout the day. I only just noticed he was barefoot. In that moment all I wanted was for him to hold me, and that confused me - In the same way I could see Erwin was tormented.
“Were you jealous of Levi and I?”
Well that wasn’t what I expected to hear.
“Well at first, but not for why you would think.”
Placing his two fingers under my chin, he raised my head to look at him and smiled.
“I like seeing you two together. I’m not bothered by it, you can fuck him whenever you want. Sharing you doesn’t faze me. Just don’t let me hear he has hurt you again.”
I blushed, averting my gaze, but he pulled me back in.
“He told me what happened. He’s been beating himself up over it. Seems you’ve had the same affect on him.”
“I don’t understand Erwin. I’m just a cadet.”
“You are more than just a cadet. You are wise beyond your years. An old sole trapped in the body of an unbelievable intelligent and sexy nymph. I wish you could understand the control you have over us, then you mite be able to comprehend what I’m trying to say.”
His eyes swallowed me. I was his in that moment and no one else’s.
Leaning forward, fingers still on my chin, he brought his lips to meet mine. They were chapped and damaged, but they were perfect. This felt like my first true kiss. It wasn’t filled with lust and want. There was passion, but it overflowed with cosiness and the feeling of security.
After breaking away I placed my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around his waste.
“Why were you and Levi acting like two little boys gawking over their first crush when I brought Krista to eat with us?”
He smirked and I felt him shake his head.
“Levi thinks she’s hot, and yeah I agree, but…”
“Lovely, you wanna fuck her now.”
“Look, we’d both fuck the shit out of her, but it would be a mess. We wouldn’t be able to have what we have with you. She doesn’t hold a candle to you really. We’re male, it’s in our DNA for our eyes to wander, to wanna screw anything half decent looking with a pussy and a pulse. But you are smarter, your body is sexier, you are more stunning and you challenge us.”
He’s done it now.
All the animosity I had harboured for the Commander was already a distant memory. Hearing that he desired someone else but only truly wanted me was beyond arousing. I hadn’t let it fall on deaf ears either that he admitted to liking it when me and Levi hooked up. That he didn’t mind sharing me. Which was good, because I wasn’t willing to give either of them up.
I pushed him backwards onto the couch and straddled him. His hands instinctively grabbed my arse as I continued kissing his perfectly imperfect lips.
“Just do me one favour Erwin.”
“Let Hanji go on the Expedition. She's the second-squad leader, you know it isn’t fair to exclude her.”
He knew I was right and I was enjoying the reclamation of my power over Commander Smith.
We could agree on one thing, I didn’t love him, or Levi. But I had to admit the niggling in my mind had been there too. I’d missed being close to him. More specifically the feeling of being close to him. The dynamic of our relationship could only be described as oxymoronic. When I was around him, all I wanted was the feeling of being held in his arms. To feel the strength he possessed. He could do anything he wanted with me, make me bend to his will, but he would willingly relinquish that role to me. I loved being in control, and Erwin was pliable. My will was his command.
Growing up I never had the pleasure of those mother daughter conversations about love, relationships and alike. And the best I got from my father was “don’t let any boys near your sister!” I never got to see a caring relationship first hand, between two people, so I really had nothing to go by here. One thing I did know, was just that. A relationship was meant to be between two people, right? Now I know we weren’t in a ‘relationship’ per say, but it was one none the less. And it was with three, level headed, consenting adults, who all seemed ok with it. It just didn’t make sense.
Right now - as The Commanders hands gripped my arse and I kneeled over him - was not the time to be playing scenarios over in my head.
“Erwin” *kiss* “I don’t” *kiss* “understand” *kiss* “something”.
He pulls his head back slightly, my hands still gripping his cheeks.
“Why don’t you mind me being with Levi?”
“I don’t know. Even though our relationship can be tumultuous at times. And I worry sometimes that he is a bit emotionally retarded, I trust him more than anyone. And watching you with him is hot.”
“Do you have a thing for both of us?”
“Fuck no!” He half laughed, half coughed. “It’s watching you, and your reactions to what’s happening.”
I tried to understand, and I guess I kinda did.
“Why do you think we don’t mind ‘sharing’? Surely that’s not normal.” I use air quotes to get across what I meant without knowing exactly how to explain it.
“Who the fuck knows.” He shrugged. “Our lives are far from ordinary. Regular citizens, going about their daily lives, they can have normal relationships. Normal families, normal sex. They have the same fear we do, but it’s muted. We are on the front line, day after day. I suppose, if your 'day to day' is bat shit crazy, it’s only inevitable our private lives would be too.”
That made more sense than I think even Erwin expected it to.
“So would you care if I was with someone else? Like, as in, watching me with another guy?”
“I don’t really know. With Levi it… It’s a respect thing. And he knows what he’s doing, he knows how to make you feel good. But don’t get confused. I’m not saying that I only like to watch.”
Placing my hands on top of Erwin’s, which had not moved an inch, I giggle, “Yeah, I think I got that part.”
There is literally no place in the entire world I would rather be right now. I was hers and she knew it.
She moved her hands from mine, running them up my arms to my shoulders. Gripping my biceps, she let out a sharp exhale. Moving to my shirt, she undid the buttons and separated it, baring my chest. She ran her fingertips over me, lingering on some of my battle scars, before removing the shirt from my shoulders.
“You’re so strong, you could break me in half if you wanted.” She breathed, sucking in her bottom lip.
“I feel so tiny compared to you.” The lust I had seen in her eyes, but only for Levi, finally starred back at me.
Without hesitation I grip her shirt, ripping it open causing buttons to fly across the room. After stripping it from her body, I reach behind her back and remove her bra. I’ll never get sick of seeing those!
“Suck them.” She pleaded.
Taking one of her nipples in my mouth, alternating between sucking and biting, while my hand massages her other breast. Pinching the nipple between my thumb and forefinger. I loved how much having her tits played with turned her on, and the squeaks and soft moans she made only encouraged me more.
Undoing her pants, I saw something I wasn’t expecting. Red lace underwear. Ok, it’s on!
Grabbing her arse again I lift her before throwing her down on the couch, causing her breasts to bounce. Her pants were gone in one swift move, and she was left lying there, almost completely naked. A vision of desire. A hand running through her messy hair. One leg raised, slightly bent at the knee.
“Make me yours Commander.”
Grabbing her hands, I pinned both arms above her head. Kissing her deeply. Her mouth opening right away allowing my tongue to enter. I took both her wrists in one hand, while the other undid my pants, pushing them and my boxers as far down as I could.
Lifting the already bent leg up to rest on the back of the lounge, I pulled her panties to the side and pushed inside her. There wasn’t much room for her to move, but her head writhed backwards. Again and again I pounded into her, giving her no time to get use to it.
“Fuck that deep!......oh……mmmm….…Feels like your gonna hit my fucking throat!”
Releasing her hands, I grab her other leg and bent it up till her knee is almost at her shoulder. This allows me to enter her further. I lean over, bracing myself with my left arm, and holding her newly raised leg in place at the same time. Over and over I pound myself into her, eliciting euphoric cries with each connection. I don’t pace myself, there was no need. It’s as though my body knew what it’d been missing and wasn’t gonna let either of us down.
What next? I look around her room and I’m spoilt for choice. Anywhere but the bed!
I pull out and sliding my arms under her already bent legs, and beneath her back, I lift her up. Kicking my pants off the remainder of the way. She clasps her hands behind my neck as I carry her to the table she was sulking at earlier. Laying her down, I position her legs so they are straight in the air, her feet above my shoulders. Gripping the front of her thighs, right near her hips, I ease into her. Slower this time. As far in as I can before removing myself completely. She glared at me as if to say ‘no fair’, but I just raise my eyebrow and give a half smile before repeating the process several more times.
“[Y/N] your pussy is so tight. Don’t ever keep it from me this long again!”
The position of her legs meant I couldn’t get as deep as before, but I was enjoying the greater friction it caused. I could see in her eyes she wasn’t gonna cum like this. There was no position that wasn’t gonna feel good to me, so holding her ankles I pulled her legs apart as far as they will go. On queue, her back arches and facial expression changes. She grabs behind her knees and pulls them down, opening herself up more. Grabbing one of her hips, I use my other hand to work on her clit.
Yes Erwin. Thank you! I knew I was going to be sore again tomorrow.
Fuck! He’s rubbing me now too. When Levi had made me cum by touching me it was just that. Touching. I had also had orgasms from both men fucking me. Both kinds were amazing, but different. One an explosion, the other a calming release, both leaving me a gooey hazy mess. So what would this be like? The tension was building in my core. The most beautiful man I’d laid eyes on staring down at me, devouring me with every thrust. The animalism that had turned me on so much in my other partner, now prevalent in his gaze. This is what I had imagined sex to be like.
A few more pumps of Erwin’s flawless manhood, and I was spent. I could feel myself contract around him as he groaned at the added sensation. My eyes rolled back slightly in my head as my body convulsed on the table. The commander stopped, holding himself inside me until the wave had passed. Afterwards, picking me up, careful not to remove himself from me, and carrying me back to the couch, sitting down with me on top of him.
“Now I want you to make me cum.”
I placed my hands on Erwin’s shoulders and began to slide myself up and down his giant shaft. He grabbed my hips, but without stopping I lowered his hands to my thighs. If he wanted me to make him cum, he didn’t get a say in the pace. He would be a good boy, sit back, and take it.
A few minutes passed and I knew I wasn’t going to cum again, but I didn’t care. Just the feeling of Erwin being inside me still, gave all the satisfaction I needed.
“I’m gonna cum.”
He announced, but I didn’t hop off. I went faster. I slammed my hips down harder.
He moaned as he wrapped his arms around me, with one last thrust holding me down on him as he nestled his head in my neck.
We stayed like this for a while, just embracing. Our chests rising and falling in unison. And it felt so comfortable – despite the sensation of his seed running out of me.
“You shouldn’t have let me cum in you.” He whispered, still panting.
“It’s ok. I wanted you to.”
I’d never felt as close to anyone before. This is what intimacy must feel like. I was still certain I didn’t love him, but I wasn’t ready for this feeling to end.
“Will you stay with me tonight…….The Expeditions tomorrow and I don’t know if… I mean when I’ll see you again.”
He leaned in and kissed me. His cracked lips still as endearing as when we began.
“I was worried you wouldn’t ask.”
Chapter 10: My Home
[Y/N] removed herself, and slumped onto the couch next to me. She looked down between her legs. With the prettiest little screwed up nose, she looked at me and said, giggling cutely:
“It feels so gross.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Despite the power she tried so desperately to portray, the small glimpses of her innocence were what I found the most satisfying. I grabbed her destroyed shirt from the ground and handed it to her.
“Your fault little miss.”
She stuck her tongue out at me as she cleaned herself up. Throwing her shirt on my stomach when she was done. Grabbing my shirt from the back of the couch she put it on, doing up only a few buttons through the middle.
“That one’s out of commission, so this is mine now.”
“I already gave you one of my shirts.”
“Well now I guess I have two.”
Standing in front of me, she was the most beautiful she’d ever looked. Recently ravaged, hair still dishevelled, a cheeky smile. Wrapped in my shirt, claiming her for me.
She reached out her hand for me to take.
“Come on, I’m tired, and I know you need to get up early.”
The night before a mission I would rarely sleep. The stress of the unknown wouldn’t allow it.
Leading me to her bed, she pulled down the covers and hopped in. I lay down and she rest her head on my chest, laying one arm across me. My free arm held hers as the one she was laying on wrapped around her back. The bed was only small, but even if it were bigger, we wouldn’t have taken up any more room. There was no way I was gonna let her go.
I chose this life. But remaining stoic in the face of danger, and carrying humanity on my back had taken its toll. Not that I could let anyone know. Levi had seen glimpses of my anguish over the years, but he was not one to judge the inner torment of others – for obvious reasons.
Upon Levi’s admittance to being sexually frustrated, I fooled myself into believing that was my problem too. That sexual release would somehow undo, or at least ease the burden I was carrying.
After the first time with [Y/N] in the mess hall, I felt the weight lift. I slept well, my mind clear. The next morning though, it was back. Then seeing her at lunch, faking her limp, I was happy again. We can make this work, and we have to for my sanity. The revelations brought on by the second evenings escapades, didn’t dampen my mood either. They only made it more interesting. In the days that followed, I didn’t find myself continuously lusting after her as I had been. Instead, more than satisfied with her smiles, her attempts at being seductive. They were so endearing.
Now laying here, embracing her. This is what I had been missing. The mind and body of a strong woman to placate me. To fight against my demons, and simmer them down. And her innocence, allowing me to take care of something small. Something manageable, juxtaposed against the entirety of humanity. To do something I hadn’t done in the almost 5 years since becoming Commander. Relax.
‘Good night Little Miss.” I whispered, kissing her for head.
She simply kissed my chest in response before nestling back in.
Little Miss. I love hearing him call me that.
I knew he let me feel like I had all the power, all the time. This name showed that. He was happy, if I was happy.
I knew this may be the last time I saw him. The final time feeling his strong arms around me. I attempted to push those thoughts out of my mind, and to remain present in this perfect bundle.
But now things were back as they should be though, I couldn’t help but feel one thing was still missing.
There was a soft tap on the door.
Exhaling from his nose, Erwin mumbled. “I knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away.” As he pulled himself out from underneath me.
I knew who he was referring. And I was relieved.
He knew his knock didn’t need a response, as he quietly opened the door and entered my room. Levi removed his clothes and blew out the few remaining candle still lit. I threw the covers back. He climbed over both of us in the bed, laying himself against the wall before pulling the quilt back over us all.
I lay in the middle, sandwiched between, possibly, the world’s two most powerful bodies. Both facing in towards me, each with an arm draped across my body. I was content. I was home.
*BANG*BANG* “[Y/N], OPEN UP!” *BANG*BANG*
Ha, wha, who?
I sat up straight in bed, woken up by someone banging on my door. It was still dark outside.
“Would you tell them to fuck off!”
Levi nudged my ribs with his head, compelling me to get up.
“Hmm, yeah ok.”
Rubbing my still heavy eyes, I threw back the quilt. Where was Erwin? I covered Levi back up in a hopeless attempt at concealing him. Making sure all the buttons were done up on the Commanders shirt, before unlocking my door and peaking my head through a small crack. One eye shut and the other squinting at the light from the hallway.
“Hanji, what do you want? It’s really early.” I uttered, still drowsy.
“Early bird catches the worm, don’t ya know! Oh and Erwin just came to see me. I’m going on the expedition!”
*yawn* “That’s great, congrats.”
“I don’t know what made him change his mind.”
“Can I come in?” She questioned eagerly stepping towards the door.
“I’m not decent Hanji, and I really didn’t get much sleep last night.”
She pouted. “Spoil sport. I wanted to talk about our plan.”
“So Commander Smith said the capture was back on?” I asked, dozy but hopeful.
“Ummm…….. No. But I know ill be able to convince him once were in the field.”
Resting the side of my head on the doorframe. I closed my eyes and sighed.
“Well it seems that we don’t have anything to talk about then. I’m glad you came to see me before you left, but, please Hanji, I need to get some more sleep.”
Not bothering to wait for another response, I shut the door and leaned forward against it. Resting my for head against the wood and letting my arms dangle by my side. Hanji stormed off in a huff, rambling something in her usual fashion.
Something hit me in the back.
“What the fuck was that?” I begrudgingly asked without moving my position.
“Eyebrows left it for you.”
Bending down to pick up what the Captain had thrown, I noticed it was a piece of paper. A note he’d scrunched to make it easier to throw. I lit a candle and sat on the edge of the bed.
Please don’t come and see us off.
I want only thoughts of last night and the image of you sleeping peacefully.
Remember, you are more important than you know.
Make sure Levi isn’t late.
It would’ve been nice to get the chance to actually say goodbye, but I’d respect his wishes. He’d just better make sure he comes back alive!
“Oi brat! Get back in here.”
Levi wrapped an arm around my stomach and pulled me down into the bed.
A smile overcame my face. “I thought I was your princess?”
“Why does it have to be exclusive? It’s not like we are.”
“Ooo, you cheeky bastard.” I laughed and pretended like I was trying to get away from him.
His other arm joined in, pulling me backwards to his body. I conformed to his position as we lay spooning.
“How do you feel about all this?” I asked reluctantly, breaking the perfect silence.
He nuzzled his nose into the back of my neck.
“I don’t really know… But if you’re happy, I’m happy.”
I smiled. Content in my last interaction with The Commander, and now this one with Levi. I decided then and there to not confuse things by trying to label them. If it was working, it was working. And like Erwin said. We don’t live normal existences, so how can we expect our private lives to be any different. So you know what? This is our normal, and I’m alright with that.
And I was so freakin happy.
Chapter 11: A Spanner in the Works?
A Spanner in the Works?
The 49th Expedition only left one day ago and I’m already pretty bored. Hanji had left me nothing to work on, seeing as she was such a late inclusion. Luckily Krista was still around, because everyone else I liked was gone.
I joined the new cadets in their training. It’d been a hot minute since I practiced my hand-to-hand combat, and a lot of the newbies were showing me up. Annie in particular. I was enjoying myself though, remembering a time when all I wanted was some excitement. Something to break the boring drudgery. It had given me time to work on my battle skills though, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to use them again thanks to Erwin.
Hah, I laughed to myself. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this is how things would turn out. I suppose I’d developed a very different set of skills, ones that were potentially more powerful…
“These guys don’t work us as hard as Levi does.”
Krista panted as she slumped down next to me on the bench I was sitting at.
“You look pretty worn out to me.”
I replied, nudging her arm.
“It’s not the same, I like being pushed as far as I can go. If your not challenged, what’s the point?”
I was beginning to think Erwin and Levi had been wrong about Krista. She seemed a lot deeper than one would expect on first contact. And it seemed she thought similarly to Hanji: If something’s easy, then it’s not worth doing. So don’t be happy with what you already know, find the answers to questions no ones asked yet.
“Come on, let’s get back out there.” Krista urged, patting my leg before running off.
Sigh. She was right. I knew how much I’d miss all the officers while the mission was on, so I may as well distract myself as best I could. Jogging after her, smacking Jean on the butt as I went past. He spun around to see who it was, dropping his head to shield the blushing cheeks he developed after I winked at him. I giggled to myself. It was too easy.
I was one of the first to enter the dining all that night. Slim pickings were always on the menu when most of the Regiment were on Expedition. Just soup and bread rolls. Grabbing a tray and heading to my regular table on autopilot, momentarily forgetting it meant I’d be dining alone.
Yuck minestrone, I hate tomato and celery. I pushed the bowl away from me and grabbed the bread roll, my usual go to.
“Can I have your soup?”
A loud voice, dripping with insatiable hunger begged. Looking up I noticed Sasha, Mikasa, Eren and Krista.
“Oh coarse you can Sasha.” I smirked pushing the bowl to the other side of the table as she sat down. “Why are you guys sitting over here?”
“Ymir is in another one of her filthy moods.” Sasha replied, her entire bread roll already in her mouth.
“And I told them it would be ok if we sat with you. I hope that’s alright.”
Krista had made her way around to my side of the table and sat down.
“Why wouldn’t it be, you dork?”
She laughed softly, looking down modestly.
“[Y/N] is so much nicer to be around than Ymir, isn’t she Krista?” Eren asked her in a strange way. Almost cheeky, like he was trying to get her to admit to something.
“Stop it Eren, Krista can do things in her own time.” Mikasa scolded him, her face devoid of most emotion.
I had a slight inkling as to what he was talking about, but now wasn’t time to breech the subject. Krista turned her head away in embarrassment. Thank Christ for Sasha:
“Oh my god this soup is so good! [Y/N], anytime you don’t want your food, send it my way. I’d be happy to have it.”
“Sure thing Sasha.” I rolled my eyes, and we all laughed.
Dinner was over, and it was free time before lights out (thankfully something I didn’t have to abide by – the luxuries of having my own room and all.) Krista and I still remained in the mess hall talking, the last few trickles of remaining cadets had just left. Sitting on the bench we were faced in towards each other, one leg bent and resting on the chair and an arm leaning on the table.
“I don’t know why you’re friends with Ymir if she makes you feel like shit all the time.” I stated, in the most caring voice I could.
“It’s hard to understand. She just cares about me too much, and it gets all twisted up sometimes.”
“Right…” I said rolling my eyes. “She’s crazy jealous.”
Resting her for head in her palm, Krista sighed. “No, she’s only jealous of you.”
“I’m clearly not someone to be envious of, that’s very clear from my performance today. I use to be so much better, but working with Hanji, I guess I’ve let my skills slip.”
“That’s not why she doesn’t like you.”
“Oh well, can’t win em’ all.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“That’s the problem. She thinks you have everything. You sit at this table, you work with Hanji, guy’s drool over you - just look at Jean.”
I giggled slightly, finding it funny how different she saw me compared to the image I’d had of myself my entire life. It really is astounding how far I’ve come in a little over a month.
Krista placed her hand on top of mine: “And….I like you. That’s what she hates the most.”
I stared at the blonde cadet, contemplating what to say next. But even if I could’ve decided, there was no time to answer. Her beautiful face started moving slowly towards me, hair in her face like always, eyes never leaving mine. Leaning over me, perched up by her arm on the bench. She kissed me. And I didn’t retreat.
Her lips were the most supple thing I’d ever felt. Like instinct my hand held her cheek as I kissed back. Her free hand ran its fingers through my hair. This sensation was so different to what I experienced with Levi and Erwin. Their bodies were hard, faces scratchy, hands dry, lips cracked. But Krista was soft in every sense of the word.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” She apologised as she pulled away.
She blushed, hiding her smile in her hand.
“I’ve never done that before. Kissed a girl I mean.”
“Well neither have I you know.”
We both giggled, leaning back in towards each other.
“I know this is what Ymir is most jealous of. That I don’t see her like I do you... Most conversations with her are hard to maintain. She is too immature and quick to temper. But [Y/N], you’re amazing. You’re so smart, so nice and so beautiful.”
“It’s really nice to hear that. But things with me are really complicated.”
“Well, nothing serious could ever happen between us.”
She lowered her head, “So you don’t like me.”
“Krista, I do. But not in the capacity that will give you fulfilment.”
We sat there in silence for a while, not moving our bodies away from each other until finally she raised her head.
“There is something going on between you and either Captain Levi or Commander Smith, isn’t there?”
I couldn’t make any words come out of my mouth, I just starred at her in shock.
“Don’t play dumb, I can see that they look at you like I do. So which one is it?”
Raising my eyebrows and tilting my head to the side I managed to mutter, “it isn’t one of them.”
It was clear she was still hurt, but her quizzical stare begged to know more.
“Well, sometimes it one, sometimes the other. And sometimes…both.”
I can’t believe I just told her. And it was clear to see she wasn’t ready for it. What I didn’t see however was judgement in her gaze. She just nodded, grinning.
There was no fear in telling her, I knew she could be trusted. But that cheeky smile was now imprinted on my brain.
She straightened up, and smacking both her knees in unison said, “I know I can’t compete with them, so I wont push this any further. I just hope you’ll still wanna be my friend.”
Bringing her leg over the bench, I knew she was leaving, but I didn’t want her to. As she started walking away, I stood up and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back around to face me.
“No ones having a competition Krista. What I have with them is amazing, and I don’t want it to ever stop. But right now, all I know is I don’t want you to walk away from me.”
She grabbed my cheeks and kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her body to mine. Right then I understood why Levi and Erwin’s hands spent so much time on my arse and tits. The female body is fucking amazing. Soft and smooth where it counted, and she smelt soooo good.
I nibbled on her bottom lip, a small sigh of pleasure escaped her.
“Hop up on the table.” I directed, motioning my head.
She complied without hesitation, laying down on her back.
Momentarily freezing I though, ‘what the fuck do I do now?’ before remembering back to my first time when Erwin said he would teach me. So I’d become the teacher, and just do what felt good to me.
I climbed on top of her and began kissing her neck. Her eyes remained closed as she made small humming noises.
Laying down on my side next to her, I began unbuckling the harness across her chest, half expecting some resistance, but none came. The buttons of her shirt were next. Undoing each one as I continued placing kisses on her neck or tracing my tongue on her ear. Once finished I separated her shirt revealing she wasn’t wearing a bra. She didn’t need to. Her breasts were small and suited her frame perfectly. Running my fingertips over her chest, I could see her nipples become erect almost instantly. Now my favourite part. I leaned down and started to suck on her right nipple. A swift inhale and a slight moan told me she liked it as well.
Whilst flicking her nipple with my tongue, I undid her pants. To my surprise she reached down and shimmied them till they were just below her hips. This girl really reminded me a lot of myself.
“You sure?” I asked, making certain she was comfortable with what would inevitably happen next.
Her hand reached behind my head and pulled me into another passionate kiss, her tongue darting into my mouth. When we broke she whispered:
“Please give me my first orgasm.”
Holy shit, nothing like a bit of pressure. I gave a slight nod before running my hand down her stomach till it reached her underwear. I placed my hand over her panties and started rubbing her. I could feel how wet she was, unable to not think that this is how I must’ve felt the first time Levi touched me. She was trembling with nerves.
“I can stop if you like.” I offered placing a small peck on her lips.
“Please don’t. It feels good.”
Sliding my hand into her underwear, I traced my middle finger along her lips, feeling everything out. I settled on her clit, massaging it. Her fists clenched and she shut her eyes again. She was starting to heat up, and I could feel myself becoming clammy. Moving my finger again, this time tracing her entrance before pushing my finger inside her. She let out a small gasp. I could tell she was trying so hard not to make a sound. And it was so damn cute.
“It’s ok to make noise. It let’s me know I’m doing it right.”
Her face instantly went red as she quickly spun her head away from me. I nudged her neck with my nose.
She must have been smiling because she raised her hand to her mouth. Fine, I thought to myself. I dare to you stay quiet.
I took her nipple into my mouth again and bit lightly on it, at the same time plunging a second finger into her core. She was breaking, I could feel it. Removing my fingers I rubbed them on my thumb, making it slick with her wetness. Then, like a pro, I reinserted the fingers and began rubbing her clit with my thumb. She pressed her lips together, humming through them.
I finally understood what Erwin had been trying to explain to me. Sometimes, just seeing the other person fulfilled is all the satisfaction you need. I was toey and wet, but this was about Krista. It was her turn to be the princess.
Her body was tensing. Her back was beginning to arch as she rocked her pelvis against my hand, pushing my fingers deeper inside.
“Yes….. please don’t stop.” I heard her squeak.
Applying slightly more pressure with my thumb and bringing my face close to hers, I sucked on her ear lobe.
Her body convulsed as the waves crashed over her. I took my thumb from her clit, but left my fingers inside, studying the feeling of her walls gripping around them.
After she settled, I removed my fingers, fighting the urge to lick them clean, instead wiping them on my pants. I just don’t think she’s ready for that yet. I then laid on my back with my hands behind my head. Krista shimmied her pants back up and rolled in towards me, resting her head on my right shoulder.
I needed to explain to her that this couldn’t be a regular thing. That what I had with Erwin and Levi was the most important thing in my life, and without that, I don’t think I could go on. But now wasn’t the time, I wasn’t going to ruin this moment for her.
“Sorry for making things more complicated.” She whispered.
“Pfft! I only do complicated.”
Chapter 12: Blinders
It was true, everything in my life had been beyond complicated since being transferred to HQ. And now here I was, lying wide-awake in bed at 3am, the previous nights developments replaying over and over in my head. I guess I had known for a while that Krista may have a thing for me, but I was so caught up in everything going on with Erwin and Levi, that I pushed it aside. Being with them had made me impulsive regarding all things sexual. But what I needed most from Krista was her friendship, and I may have potentially destroyed it with my selfish urges.
Still though, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. How she felt, smelt and tasted. And how it felt to be the one fulfilling the fantasies. The night before the mission I realised that a lot of my power over Levi and Commander Smith, was superficial. Yes, I was the one who had dictated when and how most the encounters took place, but there is something to be said for having total and utter control. Having someone wholly and utterly succumb to you.
I’m still convinced I’m not in love with Erwin and Levi, but I do love how it makes me feel to be with them. Sharing my bed with both of them that last night was the most personally content I ever remember being. I couldn’t wait for them to return, to feel their embrace, to kiss them, to take care of them while they recuperated. Surely they would be fine, right? I mean of coarse. Remember who I’m talking about here, if anyone would be alright it’d be Humanity’s Finest and the god damn head of the Regiment! Still despite my stomach churning concerns, I couldn’t help but admit – I don’t think I’m done with Krista yet.
Frickin alarm. I must have fallen asleep from complete exhaustion. Doesn’t seem to have helped much though, I feel like I fell of a horse. What 5:15am? Shit, I forgot I promised Mikasa and Krista I’d go for a run with them this morning. That’s the last thing I feel like doing right now, but I should go. Show Krista that everything is just like before. But who enjoys getting up this early? The sun’s not even up!
Lighting the candles by my wardrobe, I get dressed and head to my door.
I’d stepped on something. A note had been slipped under my door. Please be Mikasa telling me she doesn’t feel well.
I’m sorry if last night makes things awkward between us. That wasn’t my intention.
I know it was a one-time thing.
Please don’t think I expect anything more from you beyond your friendship.
I’ll be there just like before whenever you need to talk, and I hope you can do the same.
That being said though, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me ;)
Well thank goodness for that. I just hope she means it. I’m sure she does, nothing I’ve seen so far would lead me to believe she would lie. But now however, I have to go on this run. Sigh. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.
The girls had already started by the time I got there. I waited till they reached me, and joined them.
“Didn’t think you were coming.” Mikasa said without any hint of fatigue in her voice. This chick was superhuman.
“Trust me, I considered it.”
We made a track around the field, the barracks, out to the trees and back. Wow, even when the Mission is back I need to make more of an effort to get out here. I can barely keep up with them. An hour must have past, and who knows how many laps, before Mikasa decided we’d had enough. Thank Christ! I hunched over, hand on knees, trying to catch my breath.
“You look like shit.” Mikasa laughed.
“Gee thanks. I’ll blame Hanji, that way I don’t have to admit I’ve gotten lazy – ah…..What the fuck?”
Krista had jumped on my back, tackling me to the ground. I wrapped my arm around her and swung my leg forcing us into a roll till I was on top.
“Maybe I do still have it.” I stated proudly tapping her on the cheek.
“You’re always welcome to train with us.” Mikasa offered as she walked over.
Once she was in arms reach, Krista grabbed her ankle, sending her tumbling down on top of us both. We laughed as we rolled apart from each other till we were laying in a line on the grass, looking up at the sunrise.
“It’s boring without everyone here.” Mikasa sighed.
“I dunno, I think it’s been alright.” I smirked slightly, tapping Krista with my foot.
“I just hope we get to go out on the next one. What’s the point of all our training just to be left behind?” Krista added, slightly annoyed.
“I’m glad for it. Eren’s still way to hot headed.”
“I’ve been out there twice. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”
“What! You never told me that!” Krista sat up, glaring down at me.
“It’s not really something I like to talk about. And…and…let’s just say I understand why Captain Levi is the way he is.”
Mikasa sat up beside Krista, and I continued laying in silence remembering what it had been like. The desolation, the indiscriminate loss of life. My cadet training hadn’t even finished when I was thrown in the deep end at Shiganshina. I knew that’s where Eren and Mikasa were from, and that’s the precise reason I hadn’t brought it up. How could I explain to them that we weren’t prepared? That being there made absolutely no difference. All these memories had been buried deep. They were so long ago it was like they never even happened. At least that’s what I told myself. I was angry when Erwin told me I wasn’t going out with the 49th, but it was because I didn’t want him to think I was weak. The truth being, I was relieved not to be involved.
I can’t believe these flashbacks hadn’t reared their ugly heads till now. I’d become soft in those 5 years. Ha, I finally get it. Why Levi and Erwin both struggle to sleep. Why the Captain – forever austere – had softened around me. And Commander Smith so willingly let me take control. Why they both needed to spend that last night with me. This little world we’d created was like a dream. An alternate reality separate from the inevitable devastation they knew was around every corner. How could I be such an idiot?
A tear started welling in the corner of my eye. I quickly swiped it away before it ran down my cheek. I ain’t no fuckin’ crier!
“It’s gotta be almost time for breakfast. I’m gonna go take a shower.” I jumped up, brushing the grass off me before turning and walking away.
Krista jogged after me. “They’ll be fine, they’re practically invincible.” She said reassuringly.
“I don’t know what will do if they don’t come back.”
Stopping dead in my tracks, I hung my head, allowing the tears to fall directly from my eyes to the ground. She rubbed my back. It was full of sincerity and worry. Resting my head on her shoulder, she embraced me while I wept. Never in my life could I remember allowing my emotions to take me like this. Overwhelming all my sense and reasoning. I wanted to stop, but I just couldn’t.
Krista grabbed the top of my arms and pushed me back, looking sternly into my eyes.
“Now go and have a shower, and I’ll see you at breakfast.”
Chapter 13: Homecoming
“[Y/N]! [Y/N]! There you are, they’re back!”
I dropped my tray of food where I stood, it was of no importance anymore. Krista waited for me to reach her at the door, and ran beside me. I couldn’t get outside quick enough. Out the main doors and across the field we ran, until we could get a good look at the bodies still riding horses. We stood, shoulders tensed, in silence as we both scanned the faces. Krista let out a noticeable exhale a split second before I saw him.
I sprinted towards the horse, not caring who saw what was going to happen next. Surely it could be overlooked because they had been away, and I was the only one of the ‘group’ left behind. The scouts were all riding straight for me. About 10 meters before I reached Erwin’s horse, I stopped and reached up my left hand. He rode beside me, and reaching down, locked arms with mine and threw me up behind him. Wrapping my arms around his waist and breathing him in, I placed my head on his back. Nothing needed to be said, not that he could have heard me anyway over the sound of hooves, carts and the clanging of 3DMG gear.
Once the horses reached the stables I jumped down, and began scanning faces again. Darting between different Scouts and animals, starting to become a little flustered until:
I spun around, and there he was, standing with one hand on his hip, looking like the whole thing had been a terrible waste of his time. There was my Levi, I wouldn’t want him any other way. I ran to him, throwing my arms around his shoulders on contact.
“Calm down princess. You don’t want people to start talking.”
I could hear the smile in his voice. Letting go and taking a small step back, I looked him up and down. He seemed fine, a few cuts and bruises, but nothing serious.
The cadets who’d been left behind had all made there way over by now. Spotting Krista, I shot her the biggest smile, letting her know they were both well. She winked back at me, returning the smile.
“Yeager, take my horse and make sure it’s watered.”
“Yes Captain Levi.”
Handing over the reigns to Eren, he motioned for me to follow him. “C’mon, lets go find eyebrows.”
I clenched my fists tightly, digging my nails into my palms. It took every ounce of my self-restraint not to grab his arm or hold his hand. We wandered back through the scatter of bodies till we found him, talking with Mike. Once noticing us, he excused himself and headed in the direction of the main building. We didn’t follow right behind, instead waiting a minute or so before heading the same way.
We soon caught up to him. It was becoming harder and harder to contain myself, but I took a deep breath and focused on questions.
“So tell me what happened! I want to know everything.”
“Well it was defiantly Hanji’s trip, that’s for sure.”
I look up at Erwin as he spoke, but he didn’t look back. Then I noticed his hands were clenched as well.
“Stupid bitch went rogue and tried to taken down a titan on her own. Damn near got Oluo killed.”
It was amazing how I was starting to tell the idiosyncratic differences in Levi’s voice. This one said he was pissed, but also persuaded. Confusing as always.
“You’re going to have a lot of work on your hands in the coming weeks.”
I should have known Hanji would try something stupid like that, but Erwin didn’t seem mad or annoyed about it. And why was I going to have a lot of work to do? Wait, I hadn’t seen -
“Is Hanji ok?” I begged frantically.
“Simmer down princess, four eyes is fine. I’m sure she’ll be searching for you soon enough.”
We finally reached the HQ main building.
I let [Y/N] walk up the stairs to the main door in front of me, ensuring I got a good view of her best asset.
“Fuck I missed that.”
“Stop it Captain.” She looked back at me, giggling as she walked through the door. Once she was through, I pinned her, chest first against the wall. My body pressed up against hers, running my hands up and down her sides as she let out faint moans. Reaching her shoulder, I swept her hair from it, bearing the side of her neck. Kissing it I whispered:
“I thought I was your daddy?”
She pushed me back with her arse, allowing enough room to spin and face me before pressing her lips against mine. Grabbing my hips, she thrust my body against hers, wrapping a leg up and around me. I raised both hands to her face and held it as I savoured the feeling of her, making up for lost time.
“Don’t ever leave me for that long again.” She panted, pulling back slightly.
I noticed tears were welling in her eyes, and she tried to wipe them away like they never existed. For the first time I saw that I’d made my way in. The small victory I needed to let me know I mattered as well. I had started to worry I was just the one she liked to fuck, but Erwin was the one she ran to for emotional fulfilment. I know how I’m perceived, and it’s all my own design. The bi product of poverty, violence and abandonment. Without realising it, [Y/N] had shown me I did have a heart. She’d ripped open my chest and proved it was still beating.
We stared at each other in this close proximity, knowing exactly what the other was saying without uttering a word. I used my thumb to wipe away a few more of the tears she was trying so hard to stop. Then kissed her on the forehead and stepped back, releasing her.
[Y/N] ran towards me, throwing herself into my arms. It had been hard allowing Levi his time with her, but we were all in this together. Seeing her running across the field towards me was the confirmation proving all three of us truly held equal stakes in this. Her arm reaching up, the invitation, and grabbing it was my acceptance that this was more than I could previously admit to it being. As she held onto me, I had wanted so badly to put my arm over hers, or place my hand on her thigh. I’d already crossed the line by pulling her up behind me, so any further actions ‘out of my character’ would just cause too many problems.
She was all I thought about each and every minute we were away. Not in a distracting manner, taking my eye of the main objective. But as though she was guiding me through the decisions I made. The revelations brought forward by the discovery of Ilse’s notebook made me realise, Hanji had been onto something the whole time. I needed to take a more objective stance in the future.
And now, standing here holding her, I realised I never wanted to leave her behind again. She may be in danger, but I’d rather her be by my side.
Her head was buried in my shoulder and I could feel her shaking.
Rubbing her eyes on the shoulder of my shirt, before looking at me, I saw the tears that previously lines her eyes had become full on sobs. Her eyes and nose were red from crying, but I didn’t care. This was her in her most raw form, at her most beautiful, showing me how much I meant to her.
Feeling her slip from my arms, and not wanting to let go, I lowered my self to the floor. I sat cross-legged with [Y/N] in my lap, legs wrapped around my waist, hands on her lower back.
“I missed you so much little miss.” I admitted, nudging my nose against hers.
The smile I received, broke through her tears, lighting up her face. She placed a soft kiss on my lips.
“Didn’t think I’d miss those chapped lips so much.” She whispered, resting her forehead against mine.
We just sat there, embracing each other. Breathing in harmony.
“Sorry to interrupt, but everyone’s almost back.” A slightly puffed voice announced breaking the silence.
Levi and I spun our heads towards it, worried.
[Y/N] hadn’t moved, her forehead still rested against me, now just above my ear. She breathed deeply before sighing.
She kissed me on the cheek and stood up. Moving over to petite blonde cadet and taking her hand.
“Go and do what you need to do. I’ll see you in Erwin’s office after dinner. I’ve got a surprise.”
With that she turned and walked away down the hall, hand still clasped with Krista’s. Leaving Levi and I behind in shock.
“The fuck?” Levi muttered.
I didn’t answer right away. It was a development I hadn’t expected, but I had confidence in [Y/N]’s judgement. If she trusted Krista enough to tell her, I would just have to believe it was for the best. Besides there was no time to worry about it now. I straightened myself up and walked back towards the door with Levi. Standing just outside next to the Captain, both with hands behind out backs, looking forward. One thing was defiantly certain though:
“If she hadn’t come to tell us it would have been messy.”
Levi nodded in agreeance.
Chapter 14: Four
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“If this is the way I get to be with you again, then yes.”
I leaned forward and pecked Krista on the lips. We had both left dinner early and were waiting in Commander Smiths office. She was perched on the front of his desk, and I was facing her, standing between her legs.
“You were such a good friend to me while they were away.” I said softly, running my fingers along her forearms.
“I don’t plan on changing that now they’re back.” She smiled sweetly.
“I can’t thank you enough for being a look out.”
“Hmmm, I’m pretty sure you’ll think of something.”
Her deviant side was starting to come out, and I couldn’t be more proud. She still understood our physical relationship was purely for fun, and seemed fine with it. Plus she had proven her worth in the friendship department, many times over. So right now, here we were, waiting. Each wearing one of the Commanders shirts. Only.
“I wanna do it like I said.” Krista stated, playing with the collar of my shirt before pulling me in for a kiss.
“What the fuck?”
I was the first to step into Erwin’s office and witness the ‘surprise’ [Y/N] had mentioned. She was standing with her back to us, wrapped in Krista’s legs. Upon hearing the door lock, she turned her head:
“Take a seat boys.”
And that’s exactly how I felt, like a boy having all his wildest dreams come true. I couldn’t believe it. They were both wearing eyebrows ridiculously oversized shirts, and they’d been kissing. I was hard already.
We took a seat, Erwin on the couch while I sat on the single seater beside it. [Y/N] turned to face us, stroking the legs still wrapped around her waist.
“So I should probably fill you in. Krista clearly knows about us. It would seem that all three of you have similar tastes.”
“Ok, so – “
“I wasn’t finished. She managed to keep me well occupied while you were away, and as a thank you – she’s gonna to have some fun tonight too. Just one rule. I’m the only one who gets to touch her.”
[Y/N] made her way to the office door and opened it.
“Feel free to leave if you like Levi. But we both know you’d regret it.”
There was no way in hell I was leaving this room. But how could she parade her in front of us and expect us not to want some interaction. Satisfied she’d made her point, she walked back to the desk and climbed onto it. Moving behind Krista, she knelt down, placing a knee either side of the Cadets hips.
Reaching around and leaning slightly over her right shoulder, I started rubbing the outside of her thighs. Krista tilted her head away from me, leaving her neck open for me to kiss.
“I’m the only one who’s ever touched her. I taught her like you taught me…..on the same table.” Glancing up I saw the Captains eyes widen as he stroked himself through his pants. I noticed too that Erwin’s bulge was growing.
“I think it’s working.” Krista smiled, moving my chin towards her for another kiss.
“It’s ok. You can’t touch her, but you can touch yourselves. And everything else is on the table.”
Slowly I began unbuttoning Krista’s shirt, from top to bottom. Once complete I removed it from her body. Her nipples were already hard as I ran my hands over her breasts, squeezing her nipples between my middle and index fingers. She bit her bottom lip and released a faint moan. Bringing my hands to her thighs once again, this time moving between them and separating her legs. I exposed her to Levi and Erwin, who now unable to control it any longer, started stroking themselves.
Bringing my fingers to her mouth, Krista opened and sucked on them. Once they were sufficiently wet, I removed them and sent them back down to trace and lubricate her cunt. Separating her lips with my fingers.
“See how pretty that is? I’m the only one lucky enough to know what it feels like.”
The frustration on both mens faces was clearly visible, and the tension in the room was building. I was already so wet, just knowing I could have something they both wanted. But neither would dare do anything, risk jeopardising what they’d built with me.
As I slipped my middle and ring fingers inside her, Krista gasped and leaned back onto me. Raising her knee and resting her food on the table, she opened herself up more, allowing my fingers to reach her g-spot. Her moans became more intense, not shy to let me know what felt good this time around.
“Why don’t we get more comfortable?” I suggested softly in her ear, she nodded and sat back up.
I hopped down from the desk and picked her up, placing her on the coach next to Erwin. Allowing both men an equally good vantage point. I kneeled in front of her, separating her legs once more. Grabbing under her thighs, I pulled her arse to the edge of the seat. Ever since me and Krista hooked up in the Mess Hall I’d been thinking about how she tasted. I knew I couldn’t do anything again one on one, so when I proposed this idea to her, and she agreed, I knew the night the Expedition returned would be ideal.
So now here I was, face to face with pink perfection. Krista’s didn’t look like mine, her inner lips poked out slightly, glistening and enticing. Placing my mouth on her, I sucked them in before pulling back and letting them slide from my lips. I ran my tongue over them some more, tracing their outline, before making my way up to her clit. It was swollen and begging for attention. I sucked, licked and flicked it with my tongue, till her moaning started to pick up its pace. I could feel she was close to climax when I stopped and blew on her, just as Levi had done to me.
“That’s it princess.” I herd him breath. Frustrating as the lesson was, I’d learnt that orgasms were usually more intense the longer they were denied.
Once her breathing settled down again, it was time to continue. I forced her legs up to give me the angle I needed to push as far inside her with my tongue as I could. I lapped her up and she tasted so good. She was pushing herself against me, trying to make me go deeper. I released her legs, plunging two fingers inside, hitting her special spot instantly. I massaged it while returning my tongue to her clit. She pushed her arms into the couch and threw her head back.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Levi stand up and start removing his clothes. He knelt down behind me, grabbed my hips and pulled them up, forcing me to remove my hand from Krista and balance on all fours. He moved my head back between her legs. I felt him circle me with the head of his dick, before pushing in. I moaned on Krista and it seemed to intensify her delight. Each thrust Levi gave me added extra pleasure for her.
“[Y/N]”. She beaconed for me to look at her. “I’m so close.”
I increased speed as best I could, she grabbed Erwin’s hand and placed it on her breast. As he pinched her nipple she let out a final prolonged scream, trembling. My mouth was dripping in her cum. While Levi continued to fuck me, I reached up and gestured for Erwin. As he leaned down I grabbed his collar and pulled him in to kiss me. Sharing the taste of Krista with him.
I’m done with waiting my turn, now was not the time for courtesy. Reaching down and hooking my hands under her arms, I pulled [Y/N] away from Levi and onto my lap. My uniform was still on, pants only pushed down slightly, but I didn’t care. I needed her now! Krista may as well not even be here.
Levi was less than impressed with my interruption, grunting at me in anger. But what he did next really surprised me. He picked himself up and grabbed the shirt Krista had been wearing from off my desk, handing it to her.
“Do you want a shower?”
“No thanks Captain.” She replied meekly, redressing in the shirt. Taking a seat in the chair Levi had been sitting in.
“She want’s to watch.”
[Y/N] looked at me deviously, one eyebrow raised.
“Well we better make sure she gets a good show.”
She smiled in agreeance, grabbing the base of my shaft, positioning it at her entrance, and easing down as she clenched her walls around me. The warmth of her core enveloped me. The power I felt knowing she was totally penetrated by me was intoxicating. She didn’t move, only contracting and releasing her muscles as I starred back at her. I wrapped my arms around her tight, wanting to savour the moment. There may have been two others in the room, but it was like we were the only people left in the world.
Snapping out of our trance, and remembering the task at hand, I grabbed [Y/N]’s arse as she started grinding herself on me.
Feeling Erwin enter me, was like scratching the most intense itch that nothing else would satisfy. Levi had felt good, like always, but it was these close moments I’d craved while they were gone. And the Captain wasn’t one for affection during sex.
As I swayed my hips back and forth, I could feel the head of Erwin’s massive manhood rubbing against my cervix. It hurt, but felt so good at the same time – I didn’t need him pounding into it though. So putting my feet on the couch, back by his hips and gripping my hands tightly on his shoulders, I changed the angle. Sliding my pelvis up and down, each full insertion hammering my g-spot. The familiar feeling I loved so much was taking over my body, I was beginning to loose control, and the Commander knew it as well as I did. With his hands still firmly gripping my arse, he took over. My neck went limp, each bounce sending my head rocking backwards.
One final downward drop, drenching him as my eyes rolled back in my head. Fuck! That was the best one yet!
“I don’t think I could ever get tired of seeing that face.”
The smugness in his voice was clear, and I loved it.
“But I think The Captain’s been patient enough. Whatd’ya say we share?”
I knew this would be coming at some point, and now was as good a time as any. Strange as it may seem though, having Krista there calmed my nerves.
Erwin stood up, taking me with him and sat on the front of his desk. He brought my legs up so I was kneeling, and slid back inside me. Reaching around to my arse he slowly pushed a finger inside, then another once he felt me relax. Levi made his way over, tracing his rough hands over my back he whispered:
“You sure you’re ok with this?”
I nodded, “just please go slow.”
Erwin removed his fingers and leaned back on the table with his hands. Placing one hand on my shoulder, Levi stepped close. I could feel him press against my hole, but stopped when I inhaled sharply. Breathing out slowly, trying to relax, I insisted:
“It’s ok. I’m ok.”
The pressure built again as he slowly pushed in. I held my breath cause it felt like there wasn't enough room inside me for air and The Captain. The initial sensation was like a tightening in my throat, uncomfortable but exciting. Once I was fully comfortable, he grabbed my hips and slowly moved in and out of me. It was the most pleasantly lavish sensation, and I became uber aware of my entire body. Gently kissing my shoulder sent shock waves through to my toes. Grabbing Levi’s hands, I wrapped them around my stomach, pulling his torso against my back. Placing my hands on Erwin’s chest, I began moving my hips, rocking on both men. Causing them to moan in unison.
I heard the door close softly, signalling Krista had taken her leave. I’d enjoyed her being there, but it wasn’t about her anymore. She knew she’d never be apart of what the three of us had. I just hoped one day she would understand the fulfilment, the contentment , and the overwhelming joy.
Levi had never been so gentle with me, I could feel how much he cared about me. But enough was enough.
I was a glutton for punishment. He pushed my back till my chest was flush with Erwin’s and grabbing my hips, let the old Levi take over. Kissing the Commander helped to stifle my moans. It felt good, but it was defiantly an acquired taste. Not something I needed all the time.
It wasn’t long before I knew Levi was gonna cum. He grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back to him. Twisting my head to the side, he kissed me, unloading in my arse. A short while after, pulling out and heading to the bathroom for a shower.
I was still inside Erwin when he stood up and threw me down onto his desk. He grabbed a chunk of my hair, yanking my head to the side as he pulled on it. His other arm was wrapped behind my back, pinning me in place. Like I was a dog on heat, and he was under my spell, burying himself as deep in me as he could – as fast as he could.
Finally he was done too.
Picking me up bridal style, he carried me to the bathroom and put me down in front of the shower.
“I’ll see you both in bed.” He said tiredly, before cleaning himself up at the sink.
Dealing with both of them had taken its toll on me tonight.
Stepping in the shower with Levi, he held his arms open, welcoming me in. We stood there under the hot water, embracing. Eventually the water ran cold.
Chapter 15: That's When I Knew
That's When I Knew
Cold water started running down my back, but I didn’t care. I was as good as asleep in Levi’s arms when he leaned forward and turned the shower off. He reached out from behind the curtain and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my back and partially over himself.
“You know we’ll have to move at some point.” He said softly.
“Mmmm.” I hummed, my head still resting on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry if you weren’t ready for that out there.”
“It’s ok.” Reluctantly I answered sleepily, not because I didn’t want to, but because I was wrecked. “I expected at some point it’d happen. Part and parcel of this whole ‘thruple’ thing we’ve got goin’ on.”
“Hmh. You can be funny when you wanna be princess.”
“Gee thanks Captain.”
“You know you don’t have to call me that.” He insisted gently.
“I know, but I like it. My Captain and Commander.” I nestled back into his shoulder.
“It’s hard sharing you with him sometimes.”
“I get that, but we can’t really go back and change how things happened.”
“I know.” He paused. This was obviously hard for him, as he struggled to find the right words to use. I hadn’t known him for that long, in the whole scheme of things, but I knew these types of conversations were very foreign. Apart from Erwin and myself, everyone else knew only the kick arse titan killer – Captain Levi Ackerman: Humanity’s greatest hope. The clean freak with a quick temper that you definitely did not fuck with! But that’s not the person standing with me right now. I’ve got the gentle soul, the man who is clearly cold, but won’t move till I’m ready. I’m still amazed by how much he’s changed from that night in his office, as though me hitting him flicked the switch, allowing light inside.
“I don’t think I can handle you being with Krista again. It was such a turn on seeing you two together, but the more I think about it, you are so close to her already. I can’t bare the thought of having to share you with her too.”
Finally standing, I took Levi’s face in my hands and looked deeply into his beautiful grey eyes.
“She knows she will never be apart of what we have.”
He nodded his head slightly in my hands, averting his gaze, but I pulled him back in.
“If you say no more, I’m fine with that. You mean far more to me than she does. Just don’t expect me to end the friendship.”
“I’d never ask that.”
I kissed him softly on the lips. The towel fell to the floor of the shower as we wrapped our arms around each other again.
“C’mon before I fall asleep in your arms.”
We made our way to the Commanders bedroom. Erwin was already laying on the right side of his bed, covered in a white sheet with his leg sticking out, hands behind his head. Levi made his way over to the left side.
“I’d be surprised if there’s any water left in the tanks.”
“Shut up blondie.” I sniggered, crawling in between the two from the base of the bed.
Levi was facing in towards the middle. I copied his position, allowing him to drape an arm across my waist as I lay my hand on Erwin’s chest.
“I think we need to figure a few things out. We can’t all sleep in here every night.”
“Tch! And what makes you think I’d wanna sleep in your filthy bed on a regular basis?”
“Boys, boys, boys. This has been the best day I’ve ever had, please don’t ruin it. And besides, I like my own bed.”
There were no more replies and bickering. Erwin leaned over and blew out the candle on his bedside table.
“Let’s not plan anything. It’s developed perfectly so far, so why change it now. Plus you’re forgetting the most important thing – I’m the only one that matters, so just keep me happy and everything will be peachy.”
They both scoffed.
[Y/N] was right, she was the only one that mattered. There were times that I wished Erwin wasn’t there, and I still kick myself for how I handled the only time I had her fully to myself. But still, it was reassuring he was going through it all as well. Strange as it may seem, it was weirdly comforting, the three of us in bed together. Almost like I didn’t have to worry about taking care of [Y/N] on my own. She was precious and I liked knowing that he was looking out for her too. I trusted him more than any person in the world, so who better to share the burden.
“It’s gonna be hard for me to keep my hands to myself.” We both laughed. “Stop it…” She couldn’t help but giggle as well.
“You know what I mean. I’ll want to kiss and hug you all the time. I’m gonna struggle to not grab your hand and hold it.”
“We will all have to fight our urges when we’re around everyone else. It’ll just cause too much trouble otherwise.”
I knew he was right. Way too many problems would arise if it became public knowledge, the worst being Erwin could loose his position. And how would be explain all this? We can’t even fully grasp what the hells going on, how can we expect others to?
It hadn’t taken long for me to fall asleep, I assume the same could be said for bed mates. So why was I awake now when it was still so dark? Able to make out Erwin’s silhouette in front of me, I reached behind to feel for Levi but he wasn’t there. Slowly I pulled my self out of bed, feeling my way around the room before bumping into the chest of drawers. Opening it, I pulled out the first thing I placed my hands on. It was giant t-shirt. Well giant to me anyway, I could imagine it looked perfect hanging off the Commanders broad shoulders, not that I ever saw him in anything but his uniform.
I put it on and headed for the bedroom door.
“What the fuck!” Who the hell put’s a chair in the middle of a bedroom?
“[Y/N] is that you?”
“Ow, yeah shit. Sorry to wake you.”
“Come here missy.”
I hobbled slowly over to the bed, I didn’t need to kick my foot on anything else. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Erwin rolled towards me and put his hand in my lap.
“What are you doing awake?” He asked tiredly.
“I woke up and Levi was gone, I was gonna go and see if I could find him.”
“Don’t worry about him, he never sleeps. I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did.”
He wrapped his other arm around my waist and tried to pursued me to lay back down.
“Just let me hold you. You’ve spent more time with him than me, I’m starting to think you like him more.”
“Don’t be stupid,” I nudged his shoulder. “You’re the one who left us the morning of the Expedition.”
I hadn’t thought about it before, but I really had spent more time with Levi. I’d never really been mad at him, just shocked, but his remorse was so endearing I couldn’t remain salty towards him. It had been almost 2 weeks though when I didn’t speak to Erwin, and we only had the time in my room before Levi joined us. I can’t say I felt more towards Levi like Erwin suggests, but why am I being drawn to him right now? Why do I want to leave this room and literally, the finest specimen of manhood any woman could ever lay eyes on? And what for, a short, angst ridden, mental health nightmare waiting to happen!
“So why are you leaving me now?”
*sigh* “I’m not leaving you Commander, I’m just worried.”
“That was really hot tonight. You and Krista. Didn’t think you had it in ya. Prefer to see you receiving though.”
I could hear the desire in his voice. I still wasn’t able to understand why he liked seeing me with other people. Actually I thought they would have the complete opposite opinions on the matter. I figured Levi would be the one begging for another show, trying to get me to convince Krista to let him ‘have a go’. Not asking me to stop. And I’d always assumed Erwin to be the jealous type.
“Levi doesn’t want me to be with her anymore.” I confessed.
“He doesn’t have the right to tell you what to do.” Erwin was noticeably peeved by my admission.
“Well he kinda does. Wether you want to admit it or not, we’re all in a relationship.”
My eyes had adjusted to being open in the darkness and I could make out the frustration on the Commanders face. He clearly didn’t like hearing those words, yet he knew they were true.
“Look, if it bothers you so much, I can leave and never come back into your office unless it’s for official business. You were the one who made the ‘no emotions’ rule, so you can call this whole thing off if it’s what you want!”
I was pissed. How could he have acted the way he did when they arrived back, but be like this now. He held me so gently, he was so vulnerable in his emotions. It had all felt so perfect and so right. Why couldn’t he admit to me that this was more than he originally wanted?
“Little miss. I don’t want you to go… I know what you’re saying is true, but it’s still hard to hear. I’ve always prided myself on remaining austere – not letting emotions cloud my judgements. It scares me, how strongly I feel for you, and it pisses me off that someone else is telling you what to do.”
“He isn’t telling me what to do. I can see how much I mean to him, and it hurts him to see me with someone else. I’m sorry that he doesn’t get off on the person he has feelings for being violated by someone else!”
I could see the sting of my jab in Erwin’s face. I didn’t want him to hurt, but I needed to smack some sense into that beautiful head.
“So he doesn’t want you being with me either then?”
“He never said that. I don’t fucking get it either Erwin! I don’t know why you like seeing me with other people, and why he hates it but can handle it when it’s you. I don’t know why I have feeling for two men. Fuck! I care about both of you equally. I love different things about each of you!”
Holy shit! I froze, neither of us said anything. Surely it was a mistake, I thought I said it but really something different came out of my mouth. Right? A few more moments went by with no interaction. Fuck him then, he could have been nice about it, hugged me or something. How wrong I had been! I knew I’d have to watch out for him, but I didn’t think it would be because he kept making me feel like shit!
I stood up and walked to the bedroom door, I was almost completely out when he finally spoke up;
“[Y/N], I don’t….. I….”
“It’s too late Commander, I already know.”
I closed the door, gathered my things from his office and headed for my room.
The tears start to flow down my cheeks once more. I’ve never cried as much in my whole life as I had in the past few days. I can’t believe he didn’t follow after me. I mean I didn’t want him to, it was too awkward, I didn’t know what I’d say if he did. But I still thought he would have. How did this day take such a sharp turn from the perfection it first showed itself to be?
Entering my room, I threw my things in a pile on the couch, but I didn’t want to be in here either. I couldn’t sleep now anyway, I’d rather aimlessly wander the halls. Still wearing just Erwin’s t-shirt, I left my room again. Who cares anyway? Not like anyone’s gonna see me, no one in their right mind would be awake.
The hallways were lit dimly with candles lining the walls. I counted them as I pointlessly strolled, in an attempt to keep my mind clear of the clouded thoughts trying to push their way in. Turning the corner towards the dining hall, I noticed the glow from under its door was much brighter than anything else. Curiously I headed for it.
Seated in his usual spot, at our usual table was Levi. My Captain. What a sight for sore eyes. He raised his head from his hands and slowly looked in my direction, his face softening once he realised it was me.
“What are you doing up princess?”
“You weren’t there when I woke up, so I wanted to come and find you.”
As I got closer I could see a look of concern overcome his face.
“Nothing, just couldn’t sleep.” Completely forgetting I’d been crying.
“Don’t lie to me. I’m not stupid – your eyes are all red.”
I sighed as I sat down, did I really want to tell him what Erwin said?
I didn’t want her to leave, but I didn’t know what to say. She’d taken me by surprise and not for the first time since getting back. I knew we were in a relationship, a crazy fucked up one. And I knew that holding her in the hallway yesterday was the most relieved I’d ever felt, so why was it so hard hearing that? It’s not like she said actually said ‘I love you.’
Unable to fall back to sleep, I tossed and turned in my bed, replaying the scene over and over in my head. None of this was meant to happen, we weren’t mean to fall in love. Fuck, now I’m saying it. But I didn’t mean it. I knew I didn’t love her, I liked her a whole lot, more than anyone else before she came along. But surely you can’t love another person and be fine sharing them. A relationship is one thing, but people in love get married, and you can’t marry two people, so she clearly just misspoke. That’s all it was, just a slip of the tongue. She was clearly shocked by the words too, that was visible in her body language and expression. So why then had she been so upset when she left? Without intention, I’d once again been the cause of her pain. But why was she mad? Did she want me to tell her that I hated seeing her with someone else like Levi did? It just wasn’t true so I’m not gonna lie about it. Does she want me to be possessive of her, show jealousy, fight for her time and attention? That’s just not the man I am. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got feelings, but I‘ve never been the one to contest for someone’s affections. Countless girls and women have thrown themselves at me over the years, even before I was Commander, so I know it’s not a power thing. I’m not stupid, I know what I look like. I don’t chase, I don’t need to.
My god, I sound like a fucking narcissist. It was all true though. Before I was Commander I had let many, many women walk out of my quarters. All of them silently begging me to chase after them. I’d never wanted to, the relief of them leaving cemented that another ‘one’ was over. And the quicker they reached this point, the better. And I’d slept so soundly once they were gone. I was career driven, I didn’t have time for their games. And my god, there were so many games! They all thought they could manipulate me, withhold sex, give me better sex. None of it worked, they were all too thirsty.
[Y/N] however had shown me complete indifference. For two weeks she didn’t beg, she didn’t vie for my attention, she ignored me. She didn’t flaunt her growing relationship with Levi in front of me, she had actually been very subtle about it. It just seemed to me like it was being blasted across a giant screen. And even now, when she left not long ago, I hadn’t felt the forced tug from her. She really didn’t want me to follow her. So why is this the first time I feel like it’s exactly what I should’ve done?
I’d been able to admit we were more than I wanted us to be, but not to this until now. In reality, I’d known since the conversation with Levi in my office:
When I got so mad that he hurt her – that’s when I knew.
When my stomach churned cause she wouldn’t look at me – that’s when I knew.
When I thought about her every second she wasn’t with me – that’s when I knew.
When she is the only one I’ve ever wanted to race after – that’s when I knew.
And when I all I want to do is protect her, hold her, kiss her and fuck her – that’s how I knew.
I’ve always known.
“Come on princess, I know those aren’t just tired eyes.” I pried a little more, I could tell she was upset. She wasn’t wearing her usual vivacious aura. She sat down next to me and leaned her head on my shoulder. She breathed in deeply before letting out a huge sigh, almost like she was trying to force the feelings out of her body.
“I told Erwin that you didn’t want be hooking up with Krista anymore and he got pissy. He said you had no right to tell me what to do.”
I didn’t know what else to say, what the hell was Erwin playing at? It feels like we’ve had our first stumble. It couldn’t have been clear sailing for much longer. Sooner or later one of us was going to want something different, and I would never have thought it would be me.
“I told him that you had every right to ask it of me, cause we are in a relationship…”
She waited for a response, the tone of her voice was seeking approval. Asking, hoping that I agreed, but I wasn’t sure if it needed an answer.
“He said he thinks I like you more than him. And asked if you didn’t want me to be with him anymore. I told him you never said that. Things just got a little heated. I told him I didn’t understand what was going on. That I’m sorry you didn’t get off on seeing the person you cared about get fucked by other people. That I didn’t like one of you more than the other and I love different things about each of you.”
Ok, ok. I heard it.
“But I don’t know why I said that.”
I knew exactly what she was referring to.
“And he just went weird. He didn’t say anything, just laid there with a face like a slapped arse. So I left, and now here I am.”
I didn’t know what words to use, I just wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer. What had happened to us? This was all meant to be a bit of fun, then we went and left her for almost a week. Coming back to everything turned upside down.
“Come on, let’s got back to my room. We don’t have to sleep, but it’s a lot more comfortable.”
She nodded and slowly rose. She held my arm and continued to lean on my shoulder as we made our way out of the dining hall.
I had no idea how I was meant to act. What little affection I remember from my mother is hazy, misted with fear and hatred for all those men. My adolescence hadn’t been much better. I tried so hard to please, to prove I was worthy of being loved, but I was thrown aside again and left to fend for myself. All I knew how to do was to fight, and to kill. I’ve always been drawn to protecting the weak, those who couldn’t help themselves. But only a select few were ever granted enough access to get close to me. With Farlan and Isabel, we made our own family of sorts, but they were taken away too.
There had been plenty of girls and then women come and go. There was no passion, try as they might. They all thought they could fix me, heal the broken man, but they were all just there to serve one purpose. And they were all too stupid to see it – I guess that’s why I’d chosen them in the first place.
Since dedicating myself to the Survey Corps I’d never looked back. I had a purpose, I was wanted and needed, I was humanity’s soldier. People feared and respected me, I’d finally made something of myself. I finally had everything I’d ever wanted and I didn’t think anything was missing.
Seeing the tears form in her eyes knowing that I’d safely come back to her - That’s when I knew.
Running her hand down my arm and lacing her fingers with mine – That’s how I knew she did too.
It was no secret to anyone that Levi was a man of few words. As I walked hand in hand with him back to his room, I couldn’t help but feel at ease. He hadn’t said anything when I mentioned our ‘relationship’, strangely though, it was the answer I was after. Silence was so comfortable with him, and I usually knew what he wanted to say without ever having to. I could read his eyes, his expressions, even his breaths.
We weren’t walking with purpose, instead ambling slowly. Happily taking advantage of being in each other’s company outside of the confines of our rooms. It was nice not having to worry about who might see us. Eventually though we reached the door and Levi stole a kiss. It was passionate and lingering, neither of us wanting to pull away, the realisation of doing such would mean we had to hide ourselves away once more.
Eventually though, like all good things, this too must come to an end. Entering Levi’s office he started lighting candles, I watched him as I curled up on the couch with my head rested on the arm. He was mesmerizing.
All of a sudden things felt surreal. Like I was a teenager again gawking at my crush. I was in Captain Levi’s office. ME! How had I gotten so lucky?
“You’re so tired princess.” He spoke tenderly, brushing the hair away from my face. “Why don’t you go lay down on my bed. I won’t sleep anymore and I’ll just keep you awake.”
“I’m not going anywhere without you Captain.”
He smirked, a smile growing on his face. He knew I had him wrapped around my finger.
“Fine, come on then.” He gestured towards his bedroom with his head. “But only if you’ll take off blondies shirt.” He playfully raised his eyebrows and I jumped up from the couch and smacked him on the bum. He spun around trying to catch my hand, but I darted away from him before he could. Running towards his bedroom door, Levi stepped in front of me blocking the way. I reached forward and lightly slapped his cheek, before leaping back as his hands reached for my hips.
“Come on Captain, is that all ya got?” I beaconed him with both hands and I crept backwards. The look in his eyes said ‘you’ve got no hope.’ As he stepped towards me. ‘Oh Shit!” I ran to the far side of his desk as he approached the other. A game of cat and mouse ensued around Levi’s office till he thought he had me cornered. All my escape routs were blocked, but I still had the upper hand. Staring him directly in the eye, I grabbed the t-shirt and swiftly removed it from my body leaving me standing in front of him naked. While he was distracted I ran towards the desk chair to his right, stepped on it and jumped over it’s back before darting into his bedroom, collapsing on the bed in a fit of hysterical laughter.
“Well played Princess.” A smug look of adoration strewn across his face as he walked into the room after me. Like he was happy to have been beaten at something for once. Whilst struggling to calm down my laughing, Levi undressed and walked over to ‘his’ side of the bed, turned the covers down and hopped in.
“Spoil sport.” I jeered at him.
“I’m trying to be respectful, and it’s hard as hell with you sitting there naked.”
“I think we’re a little beyond that Captain.”
“You always deserve my respect. I just think it would be out of line to take advantage of you right now.”
He rolled over so he was facing outwards. Who was he? Cause it certainly wasn’t the Levi Ackerman I knew. I crawled into bed, positioning myself against his back. Reaching around I placed my hand on his growing erection.
“It seems like someone else has a different idea.” I whispered in his ear, beginning to stroke it.
“Please stop it [Y/N].” He insisted, pushing my arm away.
“What the fucks wrong with me? First Erwin now you!” Stropping, I threw myself to the other side of the bed and pouted. I was beyond confused. Unable to comprehend how the perfect homecoming had turned into the two of them shunning me.
“You’re not the one with the problem.”
“So what’s changed then? A few hours ago you were happy to stick your dick in my arse, now I can’t even touch you… That’s it isn’t it? I’ve lost all honour in your eyes. You’ve done everything you wanted and now you have no use for me anymore.”
Here they came again, those bloody tears!
“Don’t be stupid.” I could hear the frustration in his voice.
“Well what is it? What have I done wrong?”
I threw the covers back and kicked my legs out. I was about to sit up when I was pinned to the bed. The Captains body was on top of mine, his torso propped up by his arms.
“What? WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”
“You.” He answered in the calmest voice he could. My breathing slowed and my brow furled, seeking an explanation.
“I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything before. That’s the only way I can explain it… And I’m trying really hard not to screw it up.”
He dropped his head, unable to bear me looking at him any longer in this vulnerable state. The front of his hair hung down and tickled my fore head. Pushing it back, and tilting his head up, I gave him a reassuring peck on the lips.
“I want you too. More than I ever though possible, and none of this makes any sense, but we got here and that’s just how it is.”
He pressed his lips against mine, but this kiss felt different than all the others. It’s as though it was telling me how he felt when his words couldn’t. The story went on and on as he trailed kisses from my mouth, down my neck and along my collar bone. I gasped when he hit the magic spot.
“Fuck me daddy!”
Stopping and bringing his head up to look me in the eye, he asked;
“Please call me Levi.”
It was like I’d forgotten everything that’d happened between us and I was seeing him for the first time. I nodded sweetly, leaning up to his ear I whispered:
“Levi, make this the one I’ll always remember.”
He let out a deep sigh. One of relief, like it was exactly what he wanted to hear, and in doing so it felt like his body became weightless. Like all the burdens he’d been carrying instantly evaporated. With no effort at all he rolled me over, inverting our positions. Now that I was lying on top, his hands were free to explore my form. His fingers traversing every lump and bruise, every rise and fall, each and every imperfection I had, studying them.
“That tickles.” I giggled as his hands reached my lower back.
There was respect in every movement he made. He never tried to grab or grope me like he usually would, and as he looked into my eyes I could see a depth that had been missing till now. The swirling emptiness in my chest was insatiable. He kissed me so slow and deep I could feel in the pit of my stomach.
He drew his hands over my arse and to my thighs, pulling my legs apart so I was straddling him. I sat up giving him the view he desired so he could take the rest of me in. Now was the first occasion I’d gotten to truly examine him, and he allowed me all the time I needed. Never touching me, or trying to move things along.
He was carved to perfection, but I already knew that. It was what was strewn across his body that I wanted to know about. He was covered in scars. Some small, others stretching longer than my hand.
“I wanna know how you got each of these.” I said, leaning forward and kissing a large one that ran from his shoulder blade down his chest. “I wanna know everything about you. Where you came from, and how you ended up here. Don’t close yourself off to me anymore Levi, if this is going to work I need you to give all of yourself to me.”
I knew doing what I asked of him would go against every fibre of his being, but this was a test. If he wanted a future with me in it, he would just have to bite the bullet.
“What do you wanna know?”
“Did you really grow up in the underground?”
He rolled his eyes like he knew I’d start there, but I wasn’t one to shy away from anything.
“Yeah, my mother worked in a brothel. We were dirt poor and it was the only thing she could do get enough money to feed me.”
There was a long pause as he allowed me to process his words.
“She died when I was really young. I had no one to take care of me, and I started to starve. A guy called Kenny came to see her and when he found out she was dead he took me in. He taught me how to fight and survive, but he left me as well. I managed to build a decent reputation for myself with my two best friends, but they were killed by a titan…”
A single tear ran down her cheek, but I could tell it wasn’t one of pity. It was like she was taking my pain into herself, sharing the weight and lightening its load on my soul.
I sat up to be closer to her, our bodies making a ‘V’ shape. Each time I breath out, she’d breath in. I’m not sure how long we remained like that, just looking at each other.
“I love you princess.”
Her expression never wavered. She simply leaned in and kissed me, accepting my admission. I wrapped my arms around her.
“Is there anything you wanna know about me?” She asked softly, rubbing her cheek against mine.
“Everything. But there’s plenty of time for that.”
Placing one hand between her shoulder blades and the other in the small of her back, I laid her down, caging her body in mine. I felt her separate her legs beneath me. Lowering myself to my elbows and linking my arms through hers and under her shoulders, I slowly entered her. It felt like every trouble I’d had in life fell to the wayside. Her hands roamed from my hips, finally settling in the middle of my back. Our faces were close, and our eyes never left each other’s.
I had such a hunger for her. Every part of her mind, body and soul tempted me. She was all I needed to get through each day. All I needed to push through the mundane. She made me feel optimistic, I was fully immersed in her. This time it wasn’t about what I was doing to her, but what I was doing with her. It felt like I’d finally found what I’d always been searching for, the sense of discovering what had always been missing – a completeness I’d never felt with any of the women before her. I was finally home – at this moment, in her arms.
Normally I was enthralled by his technique, but nothing this time felt rehearsed. It was about what we were doing together. He wasn’t nervous or unsure, he was just there. With me. There was an intensity that hadn’t been there before, this wasn’t just about ‘getting off’. There was no past or future, no titans, no walls, no fear or anxiety. Just the two of us melting into one person – for two amazing sweaty hours!
We weren’t rushed, there was no self-consciousness. He unravelled every uncertainty and made me more content in myself. I never felt like he was using me, or that I could be replaced. I was the only one he needed. This was the sex that all other times would be compared to.
Eventually a slow vibrating wave started in my toes, rising through and arching my back before sending my mind swimming. On reflex my head tilted backwards, but Levi brought it back down so he could look me in the eyes as my orgasm took over me. He rode me through it as I clamped down around him. My entire existence felt alive. I became aware of every cell in my body as he sped up, raising himself above me. As he drew closer his head dropped down, but I raised it to look at me as he had done.
“I love you too Captain.” I softy proclaimed, with all the truth and honesty I could muster.
One more thrust was all it took before I felt myself fill up. It didn’t feel gross and weird like last time, it felt complete.
We both remained present, dripping in sweat – his body hunched over mine as he attempted to regain his breath. I smoothed the hair away from his face and kissed his forehead, nose then lips.
“That was amazing Levi.” I panted.
He kissed my cheek as he lowered himself further down onto me to rest his arms. I wrapped mine around his back, neither one of us wanting to move. I felt so safe underneath the weight of his body – I didn’t want this feeling to end.
OMG actual love scene (not just smut) are soooooo hard to write!
Chapter 17: I knew before you did
I Knew Before You Did
Levi and I hadn’t fallen asleep, instead just lying with each other watching the sunrise through his window.
“I don’t wanna get up.” I smiled and rolled in towards Levi, nestling my head into his shoulder. “I don’t want to ever leave this bed.”
“If we lived in a different world, I’d stay right here with you princess.” He lightly kissed the top of my head as he ran his fingers through my hair. “But you know as well as I do that Hanji would get no work done without you holding her reigns.”
We both laughed. She really was a brilliant woman, but she got distracted by new thoughts so easily.
“Plus Petra, Oluo and I are going with her to see the parents of the soldier whose notebook we found. Which reminds me, I’ve got a surprise for you.”
I propped myself up on one arm and looked excitedly into Levi’s eyes.
“Well, it comes from the Commander, but I’m gonna tell you.”
“Fucking get on with it.” I slapped his chest because he was purposefully taking his time.
“Haha… Alright… Eyebrows changed his mind, the titan capture is back on.”
I quickly sprung up so I was kneeling next to him. “You’re kidding? That’s amazing! Does Hanji know?”
“Not yet, he wants me to wait till after she meets with Ilse’s parents. Guess you know why Erwin said you would have a lot of work on your plate.”
“That’s the best news ever Levi!”
“Tch.” He rolled his eyes and head away from me, pretending to be offended.
“Stop it you.” I said coyly, kissing his chest. “You know what I mean.”
“No I don’t, why don’t you show me?”
He grabbed my leg pulling it over so I was sitting on his hips. I started circling my finger over his abs.
“Now Captain, I’d really LOVE to, but we need to have a shower. We were so sweaty before and the sheets are all dirty. I don’t think there’s time to – “
Playfully pushing me off him and running to the bathroom he called out, “I’ve got first shower.”
I shook my head and smiled as I lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling. I bunched some of the sheet in my hand and pulled it to my face. I knew Levi would think it was dirty, but I found it’s smell intoxicating. A unique blend of each of our pheromones. It was subtle, but nothing else in the world had that scent. How did I get so lucky?
Reluctantly I pulled myself out of the Captains bed, and followed him into the bathroom.
“You know, there’s no such thing as ‘first shower’ when you’re as close as we are.” I said slapping Levi’s perfect arse as I stepped into the shower.
“Tch, it’s still my shower brat.” He replied sarcastically handing me a toothbrush.
“Where did this come from?”
“I always keep spares, plus morning breath isn’t overly delightful.” He deadpanned, trying to get a rise out of me.
I flicked some water at him and proceeded to brush my teeth. When I was done he took the toothbrush from me and leaned out of the shower to put it next to his on the sink.
“I’ll keep it here for whenever you sleep over.”
“Have to remember to get one for Erwin’s t - …”
Fuck! I really need to work on thinking before I talk. After the amazing morning we’d spent together, the last thing Levi would want to be reminded of is that I wasn’t only his.
“I’m sorry. That was out of line.” I hung my head in complete shame. I could tell that he was still tormented by the situation.
“You love him too don’t you?” He asked gently, stroking my arm. All I could do is tell the truth. I asked him to give all of himself to me and I had to do the same in return. And that meant telling him what he likely didn’t want to hear.
I nodded. “I didn’t think I did, but I know it’s why I got upset and left his room. I don’t understand how Levi. How can I love two people?”
Unable to hide my inner turmoil any longer, I cupped my face in my hands and turned my back to him. Sobbing as I leaned against the corner of the shower. My cries became uncontrollable and I felt like my legs couldn’t support my weight any more. I collapsed onto the floor of the shower, my legs twisted to the side, the water washing hair over my face as my head hung down.
Levi turned the water off, knelt down and pulled me to his chest, slowly rocking me
“I’m s-so s-s-sorry.” I tried to talk through the cries. “I d-don’t wa-ant to hu-urt you.”
Neither of us said anything else until I calmed down. Once I had settled Levi held my chin and tried to make me look at him. I didn’t want to, knowing how red and puffy my eyes and face would be.
“I look horrible. I don’t want you to look at me like this.”
“Tch.” He tried again, more forcefully this time, making my bloodshot eyes look him. “You will never not be beautiful to me.”
“How can you say that after what I just said?”
“I knew you loved him even before you did… Listen… Our whole world is crazy and so are we. We’d never leave the walls if we weren’t. I fell in love with you with Erwin in the picture, and my feelings haven’t changed. I’d rather share you with him over not having you at all because none of us have any idea how much longer we’ve got left. You’re the only one who thinks this is a problem, so stop stressing about it.”
“But I don’t understand how.”
“What’s not to understand? We love you – you love us. End of story.”
“He doesn’t love me.”
“Oh yes he does. He’s just too stubborn to admit it. You’re forgetting I know him better than anyone.”
“You need to talk to him as soon as you get a chance. But I’m fucking freezing so I’m getting out.”
He left me sitting on the tiles feeling extremely juxtaposed to how I had earlier. It seemed like I was the only one making an issue out of this, as far as Levi and I were concerned anyway. I did trust him, I honestly did and I needed to heed his advice.
The rest of the morning went off without a hitch. Levi fetched my uniform from my room so no one would have to see me leaving his office wearing Erwin’s t-shirt. Breakfast was exciting – there were several times when we caught each others eyes, and felt the pull to kiss. It was hard restraining the urge, settling instead for my right foot wrapped around his left ankle under the table. I didn’t want us to go our separate way’s once the meal was done, but he had to leave with Hanji.
It wasn’t till they rode away that I realised The Commander hadn’t been at breakfast. Probably sulking from last night because he thought he’d lost out to Levi. Funny thing was I likely would have stayed with him had he handled the situation better, but then I’d never have had the time I did with Levi. It was a real catch 22 situation, one couldn’t happen without the other. That was the whole ordeal summed up. I couldn’t have Erwin without Levi, and each couldn’t have me without sharing with the other.
I just needed to know for myself if The Commander shared our feelings, but I’d have to go and deal with that later. First I had to head over to the lab, Hanji had left us a pile pre-emptive work. I’d have blown it off and left the others to it if Levi hadn’t told me the project was back on.
Entering the lab I saw Moblit and Nifa already there.
“Must be pretty important if she wants us all here.” Nifa stated.
I grabbed a thick folder from the bookshelf and joined them at the table.
“Right, she wants us to go over everything we’d worked on to do with the Titan capture project.”
Their eyes widened as they looked at each other then back to me.
“I wouldn’t get too excited just yet, she didn’t say anything was going ahead. She just wants us to make sure there aren’t any holes in capture method we came up with. We need to run multiple possible scenarios to ensure there are no Scout casualties.” I stated matter-of-factly, handing each of them a copy of the files.
“When will she be back?” Molbit queried.
“I’m not sure, they’re going into one of the towns. Captain Levi said something about a journal they found. I’m not 100% sure.”
“Surprised he didn’t tell her everything.” Nifa whispered to him, but making it loud enough for me to hear.
“Excuse me?” I demanded quite harshly.
“Don’t get your panties in a twist. You and short stuff just seemed very friendly at breakfast this morning is all.”
“That is all! And even if there was something going on it wouldn’t be any of your business.”
“Hardly…” She rolled her eyes, attitude seeping from every poor. Emotionless I looked at her, gesturing with my hand for her to explain herself.
“Weeeeellll… if something was going on with Captain Levi and…anyone, you can’t expect people not to talk. It’s Le-vi Ack-er-man for christ sake. Every man wants to be him, and every woman wants to fuck him. If he ever settles down, the lucky girl will be the most hated woman in all three walls.”
I bit the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood. I was beyond furious, but I knew every word was fact.
“Come to think of it Molbit, if she had something going on with anyone I’d put my money on Commander Smith. Wouldn’t you say? Everyone saw how she jumped up on his horse yesterday. Very out of character for old eyebrows.” She elbowed him, seeking his input or agreeance, but he didn’t seem interested in her drama. He just flipped through the pages of the study in front of him.
“You should be concentrating on more important things Nifa.”
“Like what [Y/N]? Why your face is bright red and the file is scrunched up in your hand? Hahaha, I don’t know which would be better… or worse! Don’t get me wrong I’d love to get my hands on the Commander, who wouldn’t! Those arms wrapped around me... I wonder how big he is. Any idea’s [Y/N]?”
“Fuck you Nifa!” I pushed the folder across the table in her direction and stood up. “You two sort this shit out, I’ve already done my fare share!”
“OOO, touchy.” Nifa laughed knowing she got the reaction she wanted.
The thought of Erwin touching her made me physically sick, and I just couldn’t be in the room anymore. But was it that obvious to everyone, or was she just extra savvy? She certainly was jealous that’s for sure. Levi Ackerman and Erwin Smith were Wall Rose’s most eligible bachelors, so why wouldn’t she be.
Heh... Unlucky bitch! They’re both mine. A smug smile appearing on my face as I left the lab.
Chapter 18: Don't Look Back in Anger
Don't Look Back In Anger
After storming out I was hit in the face by how tired I was. Hanji and Levi wouldn’t be back for at least a few hours yet, so I decided to go take a nap. I knew Hanji would be too excited to give a shit about me not being in the lab for the morning, if she even ‘heard’ it at all.
“[Y/N].” I heard someone calling out my name and running up behind me.
“Oh hey girl.” It was Krista. I had so many things to tell her.
“So what happened after I left?” She asked, reverting back to her role as ‘friend’.
“Oh my god Krista, it was crazy.” Rubbing my eyes, trying to focus.
“Good or bad? Cause you kinda look like crap!” She chuckled.
“Cheers ya bitch.” I smirked at her before poking out my tongue. “I’m on my way back to my room to take a nap.”
“Hmm…Hmmm…” She nudged me in the ribs. “Didn’t get much sleep.”
“You have no idea.” Shaking my head I opened my door. “You comin? Unless you have somewhere to be.”
“I should be training in the yard, but Captain Levi isn’t running it again, so it’s not like I’m missing out on anything. This is way more important.” She pushed me into the room. It was clear she cared more about the juicy details she had missed, over my exhausted state. And that made me happy. I knew we would be fine and my best friend wasn’t going anywhere.
I collapsed onto my bed and she sat next to me, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them.
“Go on then… Dish.”
I rolled towards her and sheltered my face under my arm, pretending like I didn’t want to tell her. In reality though, the complete opposite was true. Slowly I peaked out from under my arm, revealing a huge smile.
“Oh my god, get on with it!”
“Ok, ok, ok. So firstly, you were a hit. Well done.” Raising my hand, I gave her a high five. “Surprisingly though, more with Erwin than Levi.” I paused, remembering his admission on the topic. “He told me he didn’t want me hooking up with you anymore, Erwin got the shits over him saying that, and it became a whole thing.”
I filled Krista in on every that happened from my accidental drop of the word, to Levi and I’s actual admittance of it.
“Wow, I really didn’t see that coming. From Captain Levi I mean…. I’m so happy for you.” She started poking me in the stomach. “Did ya say it back? Did ya? Did ya?”
“Not right away. I knew I wanted to…” I rolled onto my back and threw my arms out to the side. “Hmmm Krista, Levi Ackerman said he loved me!” We both squealed like 10 year olds as I kicked my legs back and forth.
“You’re so lucky [Y/N].” She sighed, lying down next to me. “They’re perfection.”
“Wait…What? I thought you liked girls.” I flipped to face her, propping my head on my hand.
“I never said that, I just liked you.”
“Fuckin’ hell Krista.” I flicked her fore head, “why didn’t you do more last night then?”
“Have you seen me? I’m literally half the size of Commander Smith – he’d rip me in half. And Levi, I thought maybe, but even he’s was like… as big as my arm!” She held her arm against her lower stomach, ‘comparing’ its size to her. My god she was funny, I was glad she’d found me, I really needed cheering up after my run in with Nifa.
“You know it stretches… And the whole thing doesn’t have to go in.”
“Honestly, I’d been contemplating it, but after seeing how you were after they got back… I knew I couldn’t. It was pretty clear things were more serious than you’d let on. I couldn’t hurt you.”
“It wouldn’t have hurt me.”
“You don’t know that. You didn’t think Levi would have a problem with us but he did. It’s probably what made him realise he loved you. What if the opposite had happened? What if you saw me with one of them and hated me for it? You’re my best friend, I couldn’t stand if you didn’t talk to me anymore. And besides, I got a good look trust me! Those bodies won’t be leaving my mind any time soon.”
“They are pretty amazing…Hey.”
“Do you think Erwin loves me too? Levi seems to think he does.”
“I don’t know. The way he looked at you last night when.. well… you know what you were going. I’ve never seen him look as intently at anything before. And I’d trust Levi, he spends more time with him than anyone. Why?”
“I dunno, just struggling with something. It’s all-good though… Fuck! I forgot to tell you about Nifa. In front of Molbit she accused me of there being something between Levi and I. Then said it was probably Erwin I was with. Is it really that obvious?”
“He did pull you up on his horse.”
“Shit, that’s what she said too.”
Erwin and I had both been so caught up in the moment that we had made a huge lapse in judgement. It hadn’t gone as unnoticed as we’d hoped.
“Ok my love, I’m gonna leave you to rest.” Krista leaned forward and have me an air kiss. “The nights have been so nice, a bunch of us are meeting outside after dinner if you wanted to join us. Unless you get a more interesting offer.” Making the sex action with her fingers before scooting to the edge of my bed.
“Get the fuck out.” I joked and play pushed her back as she was getting up.
“Ok, just rest up. If tonight is gonna be anything like last night, you’re gonna need it.”
She turned and wiggled her eyebrows at me as she slipped out the door.
I couldn’t bring myself to make it to breakfast today and see the two of them together. I knew when she left me she’d have run right into Levi’s arms. I hated the thought of him being able to comfort her when I couldn’t. It was obvious that she’d been able to change him, and without even trying. There wasn’t much I didn’t know about Levi and that included the countless women he’d left in his wake during his life in the underground. He had a power over the opposite sex, it was something we both had in common. So seeing the way he began treating [Y/N], it was clear to me that she meant more to him than any of the others before her.
My mind was my greatest enemy at present, it was sending images of Levi and [Y/N] swirling through my head. It wasn’t their closeness that bothered me, it was that I didn’t have it too. It wasn’t jealousy of the act of them being together, it was more about how each time I’d get close enough to grab it too, my hand would turn and push it away. Why was I perpetually in self sabotage mode? What the fuck was wrong with me? I knew I wanted her, I already accepted that. So why was I standing at the fence outside her house? The gate was right in front of me, all I had to do was unlatch it and walk through. But I couldn’t, it was an invisible boundary I didn’t know how to step over.
I looked at all the paperwork in front of me, I’d hardly made a dent in it. I ran both hands through my hair before resting my head in my hands propped up on my desk. Since this whole thing started, I feel like I’m the one always seeking her approval, always feeling the need to apologise for something. And this time was no different, but I didn’t quite understand why I felt like apologising. I hadn’t really done anything wrong, my reaction was warranted, and I didn’t know what to say – so why did I have to say something if it didn’t feel right to? Fuck this girl and how she’s making me feel! I wasn’t going to beg for forgiveness this time. I’m gonna hold my ground, if she feels the same way I do then she’ll have to come to me. Relationships are a two way street, at least that’s what I remember my mother saying – I think…
Proud in believing that I was in the right, I got back to my work.
I hadn’t realised how late it was until I finished a pile of papers and looked over my shoulder to my window, noticing the haze of dusk falling across the grounds of HQ. A group of cadets had began to gather at a small outcrop of trees clearly visible from my office. I’d worked straight through lunch as well as dinner it seemed, the realisation sending hunger pains directly to my stomach. I pushed myself back from my desk, and just as I stood up the door opened.
“Hi Commander.” [Y/N] entered my room with a tray of food in hand. “I didn’t see you in the dining hall at all today, and I thought you might be hungry.”
Well well well, look who it is.
She placed the tray on my desk and pushed it over till it was in front of me, then took a step back and silently looked at me.
Neither of us said anything for several minutes. I had returned to my seat and she sat at one in front of my desk. I’d been the first to cave last time and my stubbornness was starting to settle in. Leaning back in my chair, I crossed my arms over my chest showing her she wasn’t going to win.
He really can be a tenacious prick when he wants to be. Fine, I’ll let him have this round, but mostly because I didn’t want my time with Levi tainted with his pettiness.
“I figured I’d find you here sulking.” What? You didn’t think I’d let him off that easily did you?
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and smirk at his reaction. “There it is again Commander – Face like a smacked arse!”
“If you have nothing constructive to say cadet, you can leave.” Cadet? I could tell by his tone that his confidence was stinging.
“I don’t know what to say… I’m sorry… I missed seeing you today.”
“I find that surprising. You were quick to leave my room last night, and upset in the process.”
Annoyed at the tone his voice continued to hold onto, I felt compelled to match it.
“I would have stayed if you’d been nicer.” I spat back at him.
“Are you kidding? I tried to get you to stay.”
“Pff, till I said the worst word you could ever possibly hear!”
Erwin took a deep breath and uncrossed his arms, his expression softening slightly.
“That’s not true, it just took me by surprise. I didn’t realise how fast things were moving, and how much you cared for me till the expedition returned.”
“How much I cared for you?... You could have rode straight past me Commander.”
It was clear that this meeting had not been the one Erwin was hoping for. I stood up and made my way over to his window, noticing Krista, Jean, Mikasa, Reiner and a few other cadets laughing. What a world away it seemed to be.
“What do you want from me Erwin? To say sorry for something I meant?”
“I don’t know.” His voice was almost a whisper, but mine only rose.
“Do you love me?”
I turned back to the window, my anger rising. Levi insisted the Commander loved me, so why couldn’t he admit it? My eyes fell on Krista’s face and I could see how happy she was. I’d been happy too in Levi’s arms not that long ago. My eyes wandered over to Reiner. Could I? I needed to put this issue to bed. I needed to know once and for all if Erwin loved me as well. If he didn’t my life would be a lot easier, concentrating all my energy on Levi would be more than enough for me. But I knew I’d always wonder, wether we could have made it work if I’d just pried a little harder.
“OK!… You LOVE me sucking you off… You LOVE my tight cunt… You LOVE seeing me fucked by other people. Fine, let’s see how much you LOVE THIS!”
As I spun around I saw Levi standing in the doorway, I’d been yelling so loud I didn’t even hear him open the door. His face silently pleading with me, he knew as well as I did what my intentions were. I looked at the Commander, giving him one last opportunity to stop me and admit to what I needed, but nothing.
I pushed past Levi – still in the doorway – and he grabbed my wrist.
“Please don’t.” He begged.
I ripped my hand from his grip. “I have to Captain, if you have a problem with it, take it up with him.”
Chapter 19: Pulling Rank
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I shouted from the door.
“I don’t want to hear it Levi.” He threw his hand up and turned away.
“Your stupidity doesn’t just affect you.” I was frozen with anger, my fists clenched so tightly I could feed my nails breaking the skin of my palms. “Just admit that you love her too.”
“Too? Well isn’t this an interesting development.” Turning back towards me with brow furled and narrow lips. “I should have known.”
“Don’t give me that shit, you know as well as I do you feel the same.”
“Oh I’m sorry Levi, I didn’t know you lived in my fucking head!”
“I don’t have to, it’s written all over your face every time you’re with her.”
“I don’t fall in love. I never have and this time’s no different.”
His body was defensive as he stared at me with his eyebrows knit tightly. But his face wasn’t as convincing as his words were.
“You’re such an idiot. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to either of us, and she fucking loves you, you stubborn prick!”
Slowly I began making my way towards him, matching his expression as our gaze intensified. “It’s been so long since you had to answer to anyone, and you don’t know how to handle it. You can’t bear the thought of not being in control!” I was now chest to chest with him.
“Hmh, little Levi. Does she suck your dick better than anyone else and you think you love her for it?”
How dare he trivialise my feelings! Not able to hold on anymore I sent one of my fists crashing into his ribs.
Laughing through the pain, he coughed; “Seems like I’ve hit a nerve, or is it me? You can’t stand the site of me fucking the shit out of her, knowing you can’t fill her like I do.”
He knew his words hurt me deeper than anything physical, but it didn’t stop me delivering a swift kick to his side – winding him.
“I’m not like you, I already know she’s enough. I don’t need to see her riding someone else to realise I love her. I swear to god Erwin, if this hurt’s her – I’ll fucking kill you!”
Hunched over with hands on his knees he starred me down.
“You are forgetting I’m still your Commander and I can have you stripped of your position. Is she really worth all that?”
Right before the answer left my lips, I noticed her through the office window making her way over to the group of cadets. I couldn’t watch this – retreating to the couch, head in hands.
I stopped momentarily just inside the main doors to regain my composure. After a few deep breaths I made my way over towards the cluster of trees. I’d quickly stopped by my room to change out of my uniform as I’d noticed the other cadets had done so. It would also make it easier to flaunt myself, cause fuck him that's why! I wore a fitted long sleeve top and a black skater skirt.
As soon as Krista noticed me she started waving, and I skipped the last bit of the way. She was seated on the grass about one meter from Reiner who was leaned up against the trunk of a tree. Instead of sitting right down, I stood between them and bent down from the waist – keeping my legs straight – to give Krista a kiss hello.
“Is he checking me out?” I whispered in her ear, holding the position clearly longer than I needed to.
Tilting herself slightly forward to look around my legs, before attempting to stifle a giggle. “Um, yeah!”
“Good.” But I knew he would be, I could feel the bottom of my arse peeking out from under my skirt.
I sat down next to Krista, leaning back on my hands toward her, but stretching my feet out in front of me. Playfully kicking Reiner’s when I caught him looking at me again.
“What you lookin’ at cutie.” I asked him coyly.
“N-nothin. Just never seen you out of uniform before.” He stuttered, but didn’t look away. I pulled the side of my bottom lip in between my teeth.
I had gone years not knowing the appeal I held for men, and even know I didn’t really understand it. But I knew what my strengths were and I planned on exploiting them.
“What are you doing?” Krista inquired faintly.
I turned my head towards he so Reiner couldn’t see what I was saying. “Proving a point.”
“Is this about the Commander?”
I winked at her, but the salty expression had returned to my face.
“Are you sure you wanna do this?” She inquired.
“I don’t see any other way. If he still insists he doesn’t love me after this, I’ll just give up.”
“That’s pretty fucked up [Y/N].” It was visible in her eyes that she didn’t like the idea, but I wasn’t backing down now.
“The whole thing is fucked up. He think’s he wants to see me with someone else, so I’ll give it to him.”
“I think you’re forgetting something.”
Before I got a chance to answer I felt a raindrop fall on my thigh, then another.
“I’m heading back in.” Sasha explained and others agreed.
“You coming?” Krista asked with relief in her voice.
“No, I like the rain. I think I’ll stay a bit longer.” My answer may have been directed at her, but my eyes were staring directly at Reiner.
“Think I’ll stay too.” Reiner contributed.
With a sigh she recoiled. “Suit yourself.” Then jogged to catch up to the others.
I knew full well that all the dorm rooms were on the backside of the main building, and only the offices were on the front. All the officers’ rooms were in darkness or had the curtains drawn with the exception of Erwin’s. Luckily Reiner wasn’t directly facing the building, so hopefully he wouldn’t notice.
“I’m cold.” I announced meekly as I crawled towards him on all fours. I tapped at his legs, for him to spread them, and once he did I positioned myself between with my back against his chest and my head resting on his shoulder.
I could feel his deep breaths quicken as I took his arms and wrapped them around me. Being under the tree helped shelter us from the rain, which was still only lightly sprinkling.
Running my fingertips along his forearms. “I never really noticed before how strong you are. You’re almost as big as Commander Smith.”
“Fine.” I move my fingers to his legs, which were bent, up to my sides. “You might be a little bigger.”
He started rubbing the side of his head on top of mine. Feeling his stubble lightly scratch my ear, I let out a faint moan whilst tilting my head away from his, granting him approval to do more.
Softly he started kissing my neck as I traced my fingers higher along the inside of his thighs. Reaching under my arm he grabbed my breast and slowly began massaging it in his strong hands. It didn’t take long for my nipple to become hard, and once noticing, he pinched it through my shirt.
I could now clearly feel his erection – through his sweatpants – pressing against my back. Pushing against it slightly caused his breath to hitch.
“Someone’s a little excited.” I playfully teased.
“What d’you expect? You’re fine as fuck! I’ve barely been able to hold it together since you flashed that perfect arse in my face.”
My god, this really was too easy.
Pushing myself off his chest, I brought myself forward till I was on all fours in front of him – A calf under each of his bent legs.
“You mean this one?” I asked looking back at him.
“Holy shit.” He breathed. Running a hand up the outside of each of my thighs before reaching my backside and squeezing it. I reached behind and pulled my skirt up, revealing the whole thing to him. He placed a hand on my pussy, stroking with his middle finger. “Seems I’m not the only one excited.”
“Well… What do you expect? You’ve been eye fucking me since I got here. Sorry for being turned on by thoughts of what you wanna do to me.”
“Ha… You aren’t gonna walk right when I’m finished with you.”
I stood up – glancing at Erwin’s office and seeing him still standing in the window – then turning around, standing over him with a foot on either side of his hips.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
Reiner grabbed my wrists and pulled me down to straddle him. Twigs and stones were scratching my bare knees and shins, but my mind was elsewhere.
“You’ve got no idea what you’ve gotten yourself in for. I’m not gentle and I don’t play nice.”
“What makes you think I’m a nice girl?”
Yanking my head back by pulling my hair, he started kissing my neck again.
“Don’t be a pussy.” I taunted him.
He pulled my head back further – causing me to grunt, he then started biting my shoulder. “Mmm”, I moaned. He clamped down at the point where my neck and shoulder meet, causing me to cry out.
He laughed, I slapped him, and we glared at each other.
Like an explosion, he thrust his lips onto mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kisses intensity. His hands wandered frantically up and down my back as mine made their way through his hair. I started grinding my hips on his crotch, he moaned into my mouth and I smiled through the kiss.
“What are you so happy about?” He queried as he pulled back to catch his breath.
“You’re just so easy to get going.”
A pissed off look overtook his face. He grabbed me and threw me backwards onto the grass.
“OW! Fucking hell Reiner, that hurt!”
I tried to rub the back of my head but he pulled my hand away, pinning it above my head with the other one.
“Hey Captain. You might wanna come have a look at this. It would seem you aren’t the only one she likes to get rough with.”
I’m assuming curiosity overtook his better judgement, and he sheepishly made his way over to the window. His eyes widened when he saw [Y/N] pinned underneath the large blonde cadet
“How much longer are you going to let this go on for Erwin?” The pain was evident in his voice.
I just shrugged. “I don’t see a problem.”
Laying on the grass, pinned down by Reiner’s strength, I could feel the rain start to fall. He bent down to kiss me again and I forgot about the pain in the back of my head. Whilst still kissing him, I glanced up at Erwin’s window and saw Levi turn around and walk away from it.
What was I doing? He is what Krista had been referring to when she asked if I’d forgotten something. In my anger and determination to prove something to Erwin or hurt him in the process, I’d forgotten about how it would make Levi feel.
I shook my head from side to side underneath Reiner’s trying to get away from his kiss.
“Reiner stop. I don’t want to do this anymore.” I pleaded.
“You don’t get to stop now.” His voice was soft though it felt like a deafening yell. I started to kick my legs beneath him, but he pinned them down with his feet. “You asked for this – parading yourself in front of me.”
“Please Reiner, don’t do this. I’m sorry I lead you on, but I’ve changed my mind.”
“Fuck you slut.”
His words cut through me like a knife to the chest. He was right, with me throwing myself at him like I did. I’d been with three people in the past 24 hours and he made four. What had I become? Nothing but a slut!
Reaching under my skirt he pulled my underwear down as far as he could with one hand, before doing the same with his sweatpants. I tried desperately to close my legs, but I was no match for the power he possessed. There was no making sure I was ready, he just pushed his way into me as I screamed.
He cupped a hand over my mouth as he forced himself in and out of me. My insides felt like they were being torn apart with pliers and his breath felt like burning coals on my neck. Tears were streaming down my face, as I attempted to look to the Commanders Window. I could make out his silhouette, but I was too far away to make eye contact.
“Shorty… You walked away right when the show was starting.”
I laughed, turning to look at Levi. He was completely defeated. He stared aimlessly at the floor with pain in his eyes I hadn’t seen since he lost Farlan and Isabel. In my haze of power I’d forgotten who I was. I’m not a tyrant, I’m a Commander. My job is to look out for the best interest of others, not to put them in danger. I was nothing without Levi, why was I letting my pigheadedness blind my rational? [Y/N] had brought us so much closer, so why was I now using her as an excuse to push us apart.
Regret filled my chest as I turned back to the window.
They’ve started. Levi doesn’t need to know. What… Why is his hand over her mouth? What the fuck is be doing to her?
“He’s ra – “
My words were lost in my frantic rush to get out of my office. I could hear Levi calling out to me, but I didn’t have time to stop.
It was too painful to watch Commander Smith just stand there and watch the torture, so I closed my eyes tightly and grit my teeth, waiting for it to be over.
“Reiner… Reiner…” I opened my eyes and saw Erwin running towards me. “Get the fuck of her.”
In his crazed state, he hadn’t heard the Commander approaching till it was too late. Erwin pushed him off me, and he quickly pulled his pants up. Standing up he spat at me.
“Fucking whore was begging for it.”
Then something I never thought I’d see happened. Erwin lost his cool.
“Apologise!” He yelled as he punched Reiner underneath his right eye, sending him back down to the ground.
Reiner laughed at him, pulling himself back up. “No fucking way.” He taunted, squaring up for a fight.
“Erwin don’t! He’s not worth loosing your job over.”
He looked down at me, remorse seeping from every pore. He relaxed his stance.
“Get the fuck out of here before I change my mind.”
Attempting to come off as the bigger man, Reiner scoffed and casually walked away.
Erwin swooped down and grabbed me in his arms, I rest my chin on his shoulder. Then I giggled. He looked at me with utter confusion.
“Look.” I nodded my head in the direction of the main building.
The Captain was slowly sauntering down the front steps towards Reiner, one had on his hip and the other stroking his chin. He let him pass him by, allowing him to think he was home free.
“Braun!” Levi beaconed. “Did you say sorry?”
“Not you too Capti– “
With one swipe of his leg Reiner was on his back. Calm as ever, Levi stepped closer, placing his foot on his chest.
“Did you say sorry?”
All he received was a hatred filled stare, so he repaid him with a kick in the side.
“I can do this all night Braun.”
Nothing. Another kick to his ribs. If he tried to get up, he got a boot to the face. Eventually a faint gurgled 'sorry', could only just be made out through the sound of the now pouring rain.
“Tch…Go clean yourself up cadet, you’re filthy.”
As Reiner struggled to his feet, Erwin gripped me tighter. We were well and truly saturated.
“Please forgive me Erwin.” I barely managed to push the words out my mouth before releasing all my pain through sobbing.
“Don’t be stupid, I’m the one who’s sorry. If I hadn’t been such and Idiot I could have just admitted how much I love you [Y/N].”
I wrapped my arms around him as my wails continued. Looking over his shoulder I noticed Levi sitting on the steps. He raised his head and caught my eyes. I couldn’t make out his expression through my tears and the rain, but he soon stood up and walked back inside.
“I-I-I l-lo-ve y-you t-t-oo.”
I was unable to distinguish between the rain and her tears, but I knew those stuttered words were the sweetest one’s I’d ever heard.
“I’ve loved you for a while but couldn’t admit it to myself. I was afraid it would make me weak… Vulnerable… I was scared. I’ve never wanted to give myself to someone before and I didn’t know how to handle it. I’ve always been able to make logical decisions, and I still can’t make sense of this. So please, please forgive me for being such a fool.”
“I can’t be with anyone else Erwin. Other than you and Levi. I just can’t do it.”
“No more! I don’t want to see anyone other than him and myself ever touch you again.”
She kissed my cheek and laid her head on my shoulder, but I could feel her shivering.
“Come on let’s get inside. Ill run us a bath.”
She nodded without raising her head. I stood up with her in my arms and carried her to my room. On he way we passed Levi’s, and he was standing in the doorway so I stopped.
“You alright princess.” He asked, stepping out and brushing the wet hair from her face.
“Yes Captain… Thank you.”
He leant over and kissed her, momentarily holding his forehead to hers as they both shut their eyes and breathed in. I felt no envy, just longing for the depth of connection they shared.
“I love you… Take care of her Erwin.”
“I love you too.”
“I’m sorry Captain for how I behaved earlier. It was childish and uncalled for. I take full responsibility for what happened, and I only hope I can make it up to both of you.”
“Is that so.” He cocked an eyebrow at me, before moving his eyes to [Y/N]. “So I guess that means…”
“Yes Levi.” I rolled my eyes. “You were right. You were right about everything. I was scared and… I love her.”
“Tch… Get out of my sight you two.” He smiled kindly and returned to his room.
Never putting [Y/N] down will we reached my bedroom, I laid her gently on my bed while I ran the bath. When I returned she was already undressed and sitting on the edge of my bed with her hands under her thighs. My eyes traced her body. Not in a way that most other men would in this moment, but as one of a protector. She didn’t really need my protection – she was the strongest woman I knew, but sitting there she also seemed so small and helpless. Noticing the scratches on her legs, I made my way over and knelt at her feet. Lifting her leg I started kissing the cuts.
“I will spend every day we are together making it up to you… I’ll never let anyone ever hurt you again… You are the most precious thing to ever come into my life and I’ll never let you almost slip away again.”
“Erwin.” I looked up at her. “Let’s get in the bath.”
I carried her in and lowered her into the warm water. I stepped in behind her, but she remained sitting with her legs drawn to her chest and wrapped in her arms.
“Do you think I’m a slut?”
An exhale of disgust left my body as I rubbed my hand on my forehead.
“No. None of that was your fault, so please don’t let his words hurt you as well.”
“I know that but… hmh… I was with you, Levi and Krista just last night.”
“Stop that right now. I don’t want to hear anything so stupid come out of your mouth again.” I started gently rubbing her back. “How would it look if after starting it off the way it did, we thought you were a slut. Come on, that’s just dumb. And if you’re a slut after being with three people, what the fuck does that make Levi and I?” She managed a small giggle. “So no more of that pathetic, self deprecating talk ok?”
She relaxed her legs and leant against me. She took one of my arms from the side of the tub and placed it across the top of her chest, and laced the fingers of her right hand with mine, resting the other on my leg under the water.
“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you two.” She quietly admitted.
Kissing the back top of her head I insisted. “We’re the one’s who don’t deserve you.”
Chapter 20: She Run MY World
Literally got lost staring at this picture
She Run MY World
“What are you going to do about Reiner.” I bashfully enquired.
With an tormented exhale from his nose – making it obvious he was trying to pick his words carefully so as not to upset me further – Erwin finally spoke. “I don’t know. Maybe nothing.”
“Oh.” I hung my head, defeated.
“A Commander can’t really have that sort of blood on his hands. I might just let Levi have his fun.”
A secret smile spread across my face.
“Much easier to explain away his appearance. Training mishap or failed gear. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to bash his skull in.”
I noticed his fists clench as he took a long, slow breath in and out. Placing my hands on his fists, I forced my fingers between his till they were woven together.
“I’m sorry.” He sighed softly.
“Don’t be. I’d be upset if you weren’t pissed. I am… It was nice seeing you loose control out there. I’ve never seen you ever waver, and more than anything that showed me how much you love me.”
“I’m surprised Levi didn’t kill him.”
My smile was growing harder to keep under wraps. Most women are lucky to find one man in their lives, to serve and protect them. But I had two. I know it wasn’t fair, and I didn’t care in the slightest. I guess it was compensation for the fact that any of us could be gone in the snap of a finger. That did remind me of something though.
“Um, so Nifa knows something’s going on.”
“She’s just a gossip, let her talk.” He replied dismissively.
“I’m serious. She pretty much hit the nail right on the head. She said there was something between Levi and I, then said about me and you, and the horse thing.”
“Didn’t anyone ever tell you that you’re no one unless you’re being talked about?”
“So what are you saying Erwin?” I was overwhelmingly hopeful, but trying hard not to show it.
“That people will always talk, you can’t stop it.” He chuckled.
Elbowing him playfully in the ribs I retorted, “Fuck you’re the worst.”
He wrapped his arms back around me and squeezing tightly said, “I know you wanna tell people Little Miss – and I’m not saying we won’t – I just don’t know if now is the right time.”
Succumbing to his grip, I relaxed again. “I don’t think there will ever be a right time for you.”
Despite my frustrations, I felt so safe lying in the bath wrapped in Erwin’s arms. In the remaining time we were in there, he must have kissed my shoulders or top of my head about 100 times – telling me he loved me. Apart from that, we didn’t really talk much, just enjoying each other’s company. Feeling the relief we both felt knowing all truths were finally out in the open.
Closing my eyes and shifting my body sideways slightly, I nestled back into Erwin’s embrace. Much like when I’d been in the shower with Levi the previous night, Erwin was clearly staying put till I was ready to move.
“I’m tired and pruney. Let’s get out.”
“I thought you’d fallen asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you.”
“No, just didn’t want to move. If I can’t feel your hugs outside our rooms, I have to take advantage of every chance I get.” There was some playful sass in my tone.
“You are such a little smart arse.”
“Would you have me any other way?” I spun around so I was kneeling facing him, shooting a cheeky smile.
“Not in a million years.”
Grasping my shoulders he pulled me towards him for a kiss. The familiar sensation of his chapped lips against mine, sent warmth to my chest. Your heart isn’t logical like the brain, or reactive like your body. It only feels and experiences the truth and reality of love. It feels happy to experience the good and bad, to accept the flaws. Giving into this moment, this kiss, was the perfect expression of sharing, caring and togetherness between our two souls. Chemically, mentally, spiritually, we connected. All light and sound faded away till we were just floating in a black hole – two cells joining together and sparking.
I didn’t hurt anymore. Even if our love couldn’t fix this world, it certainly made it brighter, and so much easier to travel through with him by my side.
This was the best feeling in the world. My heart was pounding and my head spinning as every fibre of me was relaxing to touch and melting into her. It was as though I was seeing colour for the first time.
I was her hero. She had surrendered herself to me. I had not earnd her trust, she had gifted it to me and it was the greatest interpretation of her love. I desired to serve her, nurture and push her towards her dreams. Be the best man I could be. She was the one who’s happiness I would put above my own.
She made me feel alive when she experienced and expressed her emotions with me – in all their states – and without justification. I yearned for her to share her pain, fears and desires with me – and longed for her to teach me how to give mine. [Y/N] was my refuge. My hearts secret place where all my passions were safe to land, and I would never leave her. She will continue to win over every other woman. Despite knowing my eyes will wander, they’ll always land back with her.
She was physically stunning, and had a body for sin, but it was her kindness, loyalty and humour that had inexplicably won me
Bringing herself forwards she straddled me, arms straight and resting on my shoulders, wrists just crossing. My hands rested on her lower back as my eyes beamed up at her, full of adoration. I couldn’t possibly fathom that anything else in my life could ever be as good as this.
Then she started grinding her hips on me. No [Y/N]! This isn’t right, not now. Placing my hands on her hips, I stopped her movements.
“Stop.” The spark in her eye dissipated as confusion set in.
“But… why? Isn’t this what you want?”
What the fuck had we done? She’d been so naive coming into this, and with everything that ensued, we’d led her to believe that she was only valuable as a giver of pleasure. I felt sick to my stomach.
“[Y/N]… You’re what I want. Not that.”
“I… I was just trying to say thank you.” She turned her head in embarrassment.
“You only have to say it… Don’t ever think that you only have worth because of what’s between your legs… I love it, but only because it’s part of you…There is no way I’m going to touch you like that after what happened tonight.”
Taking her arms from my shoulders, she wrapped them around herself, trying to shield her body from me. A single tear rolled down her cheek as her bottom lip quivered.
“Do I disgust you now?” She managed to hold herself together.
“In no way, shape or form. You’re more precious than ever.” Sweeping the hair back from her face and holding the back of her head to look at me, I continued. “You mean more to me than anything, than all of humanity. You’ve showed me that life can be worth living. You are my reason to go out every day and be the best man I can be. You keep me on my toes and hold me accountable for my stupidity. I love our banter and your sassy comments…This isn’t about remorse or pity, you’re more valuable than that. Your mind is what I love and all this perfection is just a bonus… A fucking amazing bonus… I know this all started as a bit of a head fuck. You were only meant to be a piece of arse, but you never let that be the case. From the get go you made us sit up and pay attention. You took off and we had to struggle to keep up the chase. You are different from any women either of us have ever known, and every man who ever meets you will wish he was us, because you – every single little bit – is the best gift anyone could get.”
She heard me, but it was clear she was struggling with it.
“I’ll just have to prove it to you. And I don’t care if it takes the rest of my life.”
She gave the slightest of nods and I brought her forehead down to rest on my shoulder.
“Whatd’ya say we get out?”
“Yes please…I was wrinkly before, so I must look ancient now. So quick, before you take everything back.”
“There’s my girl. But I’m already an old man so I should be the one worrying.”
“If all old men had bodies like that, then there would be a lot more happy old women walking around.”
I pulled out the plug and let the water drain as we continued to joke around. These really were the times I cherished most. That would stay with me while we were apart.
Once we were dry, I carried her back to my bed.
“I am able to walk you know.” She quipped.
“You can do a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean you have to.” Sighing she dramatically threw her head back and let her body go limp – playing dead. “Just let me take care of you tonight – you little shit. Then tomorrow you can go back to being your usual controlling self.”
She peaked at me through one squinted eye and screwed up her nose at me. “Oh oops.” I deadpanned as I dropped/threw her onto the bed.
Letting her body collapse into a crumpled pile where it fell. “You’re lucky I’m already dead, or that could have really hurt me.” Her mumbled voice stated, head half buried in the mattress.
She was such a clown, everything she was doing was making me fall deeper. I knew I’d never be bored, and we’d always have fun.
I didn’t respond. I blew out all the candles, finishing with the one next to the bed, then climbed in and made myself comfortable. [Y/N] still hadn’t moved. She was dedicated that’s for sure, but there was no way she was comfortable. Slowly, in the dark I felt for her, trying to go unnoticed. I reached her foot first and started to tickle it but with no reaction. I made my way up her leg to her back, but still nothing. Then finally at her ribs she couldn’t contain it any longer. She started writhing on the bed, frantically kicking her legs and flailing her arms to get my hands off. Kneeling over her, I stopped. Thanks to the light of the moon, I could see her panting underneath me. That wasn’t new, but this was my favourite time. Tapping just below her hip I gestured.
“Come on sweetness. Get your tooshie into bed.”
*Sigh* “We need to think of something else for you to call me.”
“But I like it... My Commander.”
“But I don’t. I’m not your superior in here.”
“Ok... You’re the boss.” She giggled.
I internally rolled my eyes and shook my head. Who was I kidding, we both know who was really in charge.
I was awoken to Erwin’s hands rubbing my shoulder.
”What time is it Blondie?” I yawned, rubbing my eyes. I’d so easily fallen asleep, head rested on Erwin’s chest. His breaths had lulled me into such a deep slumber that I didn’t move all night.
“Yep.” It was never too early for a little sass. “You said you wanted a different name. I’ve called you it before, and I like it. So deal with it.”
“You’re gonna be the death of me.” He tussled my hair, making sure most of it landed in my face.
Not wanting to move again, I attempted to blow the hair away. “Don’t talk like that.” Frustrated at the lack of affect it had, I pushed the hair away and flicked Erwin on the forehead. “It’s not funny.”
“You are such a mystery to me sometimes Miss.”
“What’s not to understand?” I Propped myself up so I was looking at him. “I don’t want you joking about anything being the death of you. I’ve only just got you where I want you.” Winking, I shot the Commander a devious smile.
“You little shit!” He pushed me back, and threw the sheet over my face – pinning me underneath it. “Famous last words sweetheart.”
My muffled voice was as quick as ever to respond. “You know, I bet Levi would be happy for round two.” He slowly peeled back the sheet, revealing the biggest, cheesiest grin on my face. “It’s just little ol’ me. Perfection incarnate.”
“Pff. Have you always been this much of an idiot?”
“Mhmm, you’ve just never stuck around long enough in the mornings to find out.”
“Well I promise that’s gonna change. I can’t have you thinking you’re only good for one thing… You can go get me breakfast as well.” A sly smile, beamed down at me.
“When does my new uniform arrive?”
“New uniform?” He was puzzled.
“Yeah… I’ll bring my Scout ones back. Won’t have any need for them seeing as I’m the new maid.”
“If it means you won’t be in danger, I can have it arranged.”
“Don’t you fucking dare!” I kicked my legs beneath him till he rolled off.
“I was only joking.”
“I don’t like to be thought of as someone who needs protection. I joined the Survey Corps because I wanted to lay my life down for the service of humanity. I’m not a meek little girl who can’t hold her own Erwin. You of all people should know that.”
She was right and I knew it. I’d said to myself before that I wanted her by my side in battle and I meant it. Plenty of women would have been happy for the protection I could provide, but she wasn’t. She was no ones lesser, and that’s why I wanted her out there with us.
“I know [Y/N]. And please trust that I don’t think of you that way. I love that you aren’t happy to sit by the wayside… Forgive me?”
She crossed her arms and stuck her out my bottom lip, peering from the corner of her beautiful eyes at me. She really could be a brat sometimes.
“I guess….. If I have to.” She threw herself onto my chest and started quickly kissing random parts of my face. She then stopped and cupped her hand over her mouth, and breathed out. “Yuck, morning breath. Do you have a spare toothbrush?”
I loved how open she was, she didn’t seem embarrassed by anything. It really felt like she didn’t need either of us. I couldn’t get enough of her independence, we were a match made in heaven. I knew I’d never have to question what she was thinking or feeling, because she would never hesitate to let me know. She grabbed the bull by the horns. I’d had plenty of emotionally needy women in the past who kept quiet about their feelings through fear it would chase me away – the reality being, just that is what sent me packing. With [Y/N] there was no guess work. And I fucking loved it.
“Sure, you can have it on one condition.” She nodded her head. Her mouth was shut tightly – she was such a crack up. “We can still get a maid outfit for you to wear just for me.”
The look on her face was priceless. It instantly read shock, then gradually turned to one of perversion as she pondered the possibilities.
Jumping off the bed and heading to the bathroom she said. “You got yourself a deal sweet cheeks.”
“It’s under the sink, toothpaste is in the top drawer.”
Turning back towards me she winked and shot me ‘finger gun’ hand gestures. A half smile spread on my lips and I shook my head. She turned back towards the bathroom, and slapped her right arse cheek as she walked through the bathroom door.
“Oh come on!”
Whilst brushing my teeth, Erwin joined me at the sink. He rested his elbow on my head, and fixed his hair with his other hand.
“Why is your mirror so high?” I mumbled with a mouth full of toothpaste.
“Didn’t really have shorties in mind when I put it up.”
I shrugged, accepting his reasoning.
“When you’re finished, go get dressed. There’s some stuff on the bed.”
I gave him a silent ‘aye aye captain’ salute, before rinsing my mouth and leaving the room.
Fully expecting to see a regulation Scout uniform waiting for me, I was understandably surprised to see a yellow fluffy dressing gown.
“What the hell is this Erwin?” I yelled in to him.
“Just shut up and put it on.”
Fine. But the sun was well and truly up by now, I should be getting ready.
Wrapping the gown around my naked body felt amazing. It was such a stark change from the rigid harness and boots.
“Do you like it?” Erwin inquired as he began to dress in his uniform?
“Where did it come from?”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“Oh so it’s one of your flings?”
“You can be so insufferable...You’re the only one who’s ever worn it.”
“I don’t care if some chick left it behind. It feels amazing, and it’s mine now.”
I went and sat on the corner of the bed, and twiddled my thumbs as I looked around the room. When Erwin was dressed he walked over and have me a kiss on top of my head.
“I’ll be back soon with some breakfast.”
“Hey Blondie.” I called out after him. “Why did you want me to put this on?”
“You aren’t going anywhere today.” He smiled back at me from his office.
“But won’t people wander where I am?”
“Let me worry about that. Just stay put, I won’t be long.”
With that he left. A smile of contentment grew on my face as I theatrically threw myself backwards onto the bed with a squeal. I moved my arms and legs, as thought I was making a snow angel, allowing all my body to feel the softness of the fabric on my skin. I never wanted to be treated as ‘less than’, but a few days off from training, or Hanji’s shenanigans every now and then would be eagerly welcomed.
As I lay staring at the ceiling, running the tie of the gown through my hand. I secretly hoped that Erwin would be accompanied by Levi on his return.
I hadn’t slept at all last night, but that wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. When the time was right, I dressed and made my way to the dining hall, hoping I’d see [Y/N]’s face, happy and back to normal. Erwin and her weren’t there when I arrived, and I contemplated turning around, but before I got a chance that deranged titan-lover latched onto me.
“Oh Levi! I still can’t believe it… Can you believe it? When will we go? When will we start the preparations?”
“You know Hanji, most people take a breath and let their questions be answered.”
“Oh you’re so cute when you’re mad.” She pushed her cheek into mine, and pulled me towards the food line.
“And you’re crazy 24 hours of the day.”
“Oh hush you! Say, where’s your little girlfriend?”
I tried to keep cool, and brush her comment off. “I don’t know what you’re talking about you four-eyed freak.”
This time she rubbed her nose into my cheek, grabbing my arm tighter. “Don’t play coy with me Captain Cutie. Anyone with half a brain could see it at breakfast yesterday. I was screaming inside, I love it so much!”
“Keep you’re voice down Hanji.”
“The only thing I can’t figure out, is how The Commander fits into all this. She was up on his horse… I’ll put it all together eventually.”
“Stop speculating. You don’t know what you’re talking about. We are close with her, but that doesn’t mean anything is ‘going on’.”
“Suuuure it doesn’t.” She dramatically rolled her eyes, moving her head with them. “Oh shit! Look at Reiner.”
“Yeah, he sure is a clumsy mother-fucker.” I didn’t even bother looking in his direction.
“Hey Erwin! Over Here!” She frantically started waving and jumping whilst still holding onto me.
“God damn it Hanji, let go!”
“Oh sorry Captain. Hehe. Good morning Commander. Thanks again for reinstating the capture experiments.”
“No problem.” His eyes met mine. “Good morning Captain. I’m glad I found you here.” I cocked an eyebrow. “What do you say we get our food and head back to my office and get a start on the paperwork from the expedition. It should have been started yesterday.”
I nodded. I knew what was going on, but didn’t need to give Hanji any more ammunition.
As the line slowly moved forward, we stood either side of shitty glasses in silence. She never stopped babbling about her usual shit. Once we got out food we headed for the door.
“Hanji… Hanji! [Y/N] won’t be in the lab today, she’s helping us.”
She let out a gargantuan squeal and almost dropped her tray.
“Why the hell did you go and do that eyebrows?”
He looked down at me. “Well she needed to know why she wasn’t gonna be there.”
“Yeah but she knows something’s going on… Don’t look at me like that, the psycho figured it out.”
Without discussion we had ended up at a table by the door, both standing directly behind Reiner. He was slumped over the table with his back to most of the room. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I felt him shudder.
“You really do need to be more careful Braun. You look like shit.”
All the cadets at the table traded stares between Reiner and myself.
“Captain Ackerman addressed you cadet.” Erwin chimed in, his voice was low and commanding.
“Yes Captain… Sorry sir… It won’t happen again.”
“See that it doesn’t. We don’t need you tripping up again and causing casualties in the field.”
As Erwin spoke Krista’s eyes met mine and she gave me a soft knowing smile before mouthing “she ok?” I nodded back.
“Come on Commander, I don’t want to waste any more of my time here.”
I really don’t know what I’d do without Levi. All those years ago when he decided to stick with the regiment, I’d never have guessed the relationship would take the shape it did. He was more than my right-hand-man, he was my other half.
We were almost back at my room when Levi spoke again.
“Are we really doing paperwork for the day?”
Chuckling as I opened the door. “Hell no, I’ll get Arlert to help me with them tomorrow.”
Chapter 21: Our Perfect Day
Our Perfect Day
“Captain!” I only just had enough time to put my tray down on Erwin’s desk, before [Y/N] jumped on me.
“Simmer down princess.” I tried to maintain my austere demeanour, but she knew she'd cracked me long ago.
“I love how you still try to be all tough around me.” She said, before licking the side of my face.
“What the fuck was that for?” Rubbing my cheek on my shoulder. “You look like a giant chicken by the way.”
“Don’t hate… You’re just jealous you have to wear your uniform.”
Turning her nose up at me, then skipping back into Erwin’s room and to sit cross legged on his bed. Patting on either side of her for us to sit down. He obliged and headed in, holding their trays.
“I don’t think so.”
“Lighten up Levi. It’s not like it’s your bed.”
“But the crumbs…” I couldn’t hold back the look of disgust.
“Just come sit on the chair then.” [Y/N] yelled out to me. Fine…
She was always going to get her way, and part of me hated it. I can barely remember a time in my life when I had to answer to anyone. Even the Commander. But this girl…
I was taught to stay strong, be tough in the face of sadness. I’d always put up a false bravado when wrestling with my emotions. I was never able to communicate what I needed, I’m not sure if I ever knew what I truly desired. [Y/N] was kind and understanding. An amazing listener who didn’t let me wallow in my own self pity – I was beginning to open up to her. Be vulnerable. But she also accepted me for who I was, warts and all – not that I had any. She was my champion, and she cared about my opinion.
And I know this sounds stupid, but for the first time I felt like a hero. Her hero. I knew most of the time she didn’t need me, but like last night, I would always be ready should the need arise. But she also knew when I needed my space, and respected me as an individual outside of all this.
I loved her so much. She never pretended with me. There were no secrets or misinterpretations, because I’m pretty sure the girl had a broken mind filter. Everything she though would no doubt come spilling from her lips.
“Levi… Levi… Levi!” [Y/N] was kneeling on the edge of the bed, waving her hand in front of my face. “You back with us now?”
“Yeah, sorry… What did you want?”
“I wanna go on a picnic.”
She crawled back to where her food was, and started eating.
“Any thoughts?” Erwin asked, mid chew.
“We could go out past the 3DMG training grounds….” I was surprised that Erwin was willing to even entertain the notion of taking this outside. She must have really lit a fire under his arse. “I’ll tell Mikasa to take the days training. She’ll work them harder than the other slackers I left in charge last time. No one should come looking for us out there if they think we're here.”
[Y/N] clapped her hands and rocked back and forth anxiously awaiting Erwin’s final approval.
“Ok, just this once…”
I just couldn’t say no to her. And as she rewarded me with a kiss on the cheek, I knew the risk would be well worth the reward of seeing her happy.
Once we finished eating, each of us had jobs to do, and were to meet at the stables in an hour.
I wasn’t the first to get to the stables. Levi was already there, looking pissed off as ever. He had a blanket draped over his shoulder as he leaned against his horses stall, who had already been saddled and ready to go.
“Tch. One hour!”
“Not today Ackerman.”
He just rolled his eyes at me and snatched the basket from my hands, motioning for me to get a move on.
“Sorry sorry sorry sorry…" [Y/N] came running in, cutting the slight tension. "Krista came by my room while I was getting changed.”
“That brat should be training.”
“Not today Levi!” She jeered.
I couldn’t hold my laugh in, and was instantly shot daggers. “The-the girl has a point.”
“I just don’t see what the point is of making scheduled plans if I’m the only one who’s going to abide by them.” He sulked.
“Daddy…?” She seductively look at him.
“Princess please.” He begged.
“I know, I won’t call you that anymore.” She slowly made her way over to him and walked her fingers up his chest. “Can I ride with you?... Cause you know, getting my horse ready will just waste more time.” She batt her eyelids.
A defeated sigh escaped him as he tapped her backside. “Go on then, move your arse.”
[Y/N] quickly spun around and opened the stall, and taking the reigns, walked Levi’s horse out of stable. She stood there looking back at us with a hand on her hip. “Come on you two, get a wriggle on.”
We both shook our heads in unison. Levi walked beside me as we made our way out.
“Why do we put up with her Erwin?”
“I don’t know myself sometimes… But look at her, look at that cheeky face.”
“Tell me about it… She certainly has a power I can’t explain.”
“She’s innocent, intelligent, crazy and playful. I think that’s what I like most.”
“You’re right about that. She’s everything I didn’t know I wanted wrapped into one ball of energy. And the view isn’t bad either.”
“What are you two babbling about?” She interrupted.
“Talking about you, not to you. Now out of my way princess.” Levi smirked as he mounted his horse.
“Such rudeness Captain.” She spat back at him before taking his hand and climbing up after.
We rode out through the forest, past the giant wooden titan dummies, till we reached a clearing on the other side. A small stream trickled through its centre and it seemed a world away from HQ.
“This is perfect.” [Y/N] yelled to me, jumping down from Levi’s horse before it came to a stop. She ran and sat down by the stream, quickly ripping her boots off before heading to its bank. She went to step in, but hesitated. Taking a step back to her boots, she undid her pants and slid them off. She waded into the water and kicked her feet sending small splashes onto the grass. With her shirt hanging down and covering up half of her underwear, and her loose hair blowing carelessly in the breeze, she was a vision of true beauty. I caught myself staring at her, but glancing at Levi, she’d entranced him too.
I cursed myself for agreeing to this outing, knowing it would be hard to top. I worried I’d never be able to make her as happy as she was right now? Our life wouldn’t be filled with many day’s like this. It was going to be a continual struggle, something all three of us had to work hard on, to keep it together.
Making my way over to the blanket Levi had laid down a few meters from [Y/N]’s shoes, I sad down beside him and allowed myself to become mesmerized once more. She squatted down, running her hands back and forth in the water, sporadically reaching in to pick up a stone or something else she deemed interesting enough.
“She really is worth it, you know.”
I silently nodded.
I looked back to my boys sitting by the bank, offering them a gentle wave. I didn’t remember much of my mother, but I knew she’s be proud of my resilience, my resolve and my ability to find love. I’d managed to reel in the perpetual bachelor and tame the wild beast. They each filled holes I didn’t know existed – with only one true hiccup along the way. Neither had ever shown the need to prove how strong, masculine or heroic they were, they’d both been willing to meet me where I stood. To treat me fairly and as an equal.
It took some time but we’d developed a mutual respect amongst the three of us. There was no longer jealousy. They’d been able to show me kindness, empathy and patience, and I no longer saw that I only held one intrinsic value. I knew that I could be with them in it’s most naive form. Just physically being together, in silence, nothing intended or perceived.
We were together in friendship. The future was an exciting adventure I couldn’t wait to embark on. We would challenge each other perspectives and be open to new experiences. But it was more than just companionship, it was a partnership. All three with equal stakes, working towards a common goal.
Making my way to the blanket, I squeezed between them and knelt down. Wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders, first kissing Erwin’s cheek then Levi’s.
“Thanks for today… I know it’s gonna be hard, but I know we can make it work… We have to.”
“I’m not going anywhere Princess.”
“You’re stuck with me.”
I took my arms from their shoulders and laid down on my stomach between them. Letting my legs bend up as I circled my finger on the fabric of the blanket.
“When do we have to go back?”
“It’s not even lunch time yet, then we’ve got all after noon.” Erwin reassured me.
Rolling over I smiled at them while shading my eyes from the sun with my hand. “Good.”
I soon closed my eyes and relished in the warmth of the day on my skin. Finally I understood what all the heartache, misery and loss was for. Why we had to trudge through the mundane and push through the daily monotony.
It was for times like this: Perfect, complete and innocent.
Chapter 22: Preparations
The day in the clearing with Erwin and Levi had been the best of my life. We spent most of the day laying on the blanket, sharing stories and jokes. We learnt more about each other in that single afternoon than some partners learn in a lifetime. Neither of them made a move on me, despite being half naked, and that made me feel so valued.
The sun had well and truly begun to set when we finally left. I tried to convince them that we should stay the night. Sleep under the stars and keep each other warm, but they wouldn’t humour the idea. In the end Erwin had to pick me up and put me on Levi’s horse because I refused to move.
When we arrived back at HQ, everyone was conveniently at dinner, which made it easy for us to slip in unnoticed. I hadn’t wanted to ruin the day by being forced to see Reiner again so soon, so Levi gave me a key to his room. I showered and changed back into the dressing gown Erwin had given me, and made my way to Levi’s office like a stealthy ninja.
After eating and playing damage control with Hanji, Levi joined me in his room with my dinner. He informed me that Erwin had a few people he needed to talk to, and once that was done and washed, he’d be joining us too. After giving me my food, and dropping another oversized chicken joke into the mix, he had a shower while I ate.
It was the perfect ending, to the perfect day. We all sat on Levi’s bed (only because we were freshly bathed), and played cards for I don’t know how many hours. I had no idea what I was doing, but they didn’t go easy on me either – I’d have kicked their arses if they had.
In the end we fell asleep. I was spooned my Erwin, while my hand held Levi’s and one of my feet lay between his. When ever one of us needed to move during the night, it was like we all instinctively knew and would move as one, easily finding a new position. Levi stayed in bed the whole night, and any glimpse I got of him, I saw him sleeping soundly.
All three of us were reluctant to drag ourselves out of bed the following morning, knowing full well that it would mean the perfect day had come to an end, and real life had to start once more. We all knew we may never get another chance to spend time together like that again. It was made all the harder by knowing Hanji was going to bring the titan capture mission as quickly to fruition as she could. And both Erwin and Levi knew they couldn’t keep me out of the field this time round. So with the very real threat that this could all be over sooner than later, we tried to keep our heads up.
The week that followed had been hard. I was worked to the bone with Hanji preparing for the capture. Nine days between missions was a quick turn around, plus we had to finalise so many extra things that weren’t involved in the regular expeditions. It had taken 3 days alone for our whole team – and pretty much every cadet – just to make the net’s we’d need.
I’d barely seen the Captain and Commander other than at breakfast. Not having time to stop meant one of us (usually Molbit) would be tasked with grabbing us some food to eat while we worked. One night while I lethargically traipsed back to my room from the lab, Levi pulled me into his and tucked me into bed. And another Erwin had sheepishly invited himself to spend the night in my room after claiming ‘he couldn’t sleep’.
We hadn’t had sex – in any combination – in 8 days. While I loved that it was no longer the driving force behind us, I was starting to miss it. And though we barely had time to string a sentence together, I knew Erwin and Levi would be missing it too. We needed to keep developing ourselves in order to share a non-shameful and exciting sex life. I didn’t know much, but I understood it would be the glue that held us together long term. Like food, it’s not a luxury and had to be made a priority now we knew where each other stood.
So here it was. The night before my first proper expedition with the Scouts. Every ‘I’ was dotted and all ‘T’s’ crossed, all we had to do was wait for morning. Erwin wasn’t going out this time, instead he and Hanji believed a smaller team heading towards a cluster of trees only a few hundred meters from the wall would be the safest bet. We wouldn’t go hunting them, we’d wait for them to come to us – ready and set to strike.
It was nice to see Levi and Erwin in the dining hall when I entered this evening, and not just cause it would make rounding them up afterwards a hell of a lot easier. Making my way to the table, food in hand, both men shuffled apart making room for me to sit between them. Hanji was sat directly across from me and, tapped her feet and shook her grinning head from side to side at the site. Levi coughed loudly to draw the attention away from her and I used all my self control to not verbally chastise her. Pursing my lips, I instead chose to stare her down and mouth ‘stop’ once I had her full attention. Erwin purposefully asked her a question about the following day to change the topic, and she soon forgot and was off on another tangent.
Both men had a hand on whichever of my legs were closest to them, while I took turns placing mine on one, then the other softly stroking them under the table. Whenever it felt like no one was paying attention to us, I took the opportunity to talk.
“Your room after dinner?” I questioned Levi.
He nodded and hummed in response.
“Come to Levi’s room after, ok?”
Erwin squeezed my hand to show he heard me.
Once I’d finished eating I excused myself. “Hanji, you’ve absolutely killed me this week and I need to go to bed.”
I’d taken to wearing the key Levi gave me on a string around my wrist. Untucking it from inside my shirt sleeve, I unlocked his office door.
I wasn’t sure how long they’d be, but I knew what I wanted to do. Undressing, I left a trail of clothes – starting with my boots and harness – from just inside the door all the way to they bed. I left on my undies and a tank top – no bra. When I was happy with how the clothes were purposefully strewn across the floor, I went and brushed my teeth. Looking at myself in the mirror afterwards, I really studied my face. My self confidence had grown exponentially. I still didn’t see myself as a breathtaking beauty, but I finally saw my appeal. My lips were full and my eyes were bright, the slightly sun kissed skin across my nose and cheeks, gave he a healthy glow. I rubbed my fingers through the roots of my hair to mess it up, as well as taking some strands down across my face.
Happy with my work, I made my way back to the bed. Turning down the pristine white sheets, I noticed that Levi had made it with three pillows. Aww, he melts my heart. Unsatisfied with my first choice of position, I changed, then again, and again. Finally I decided; on my back, leg away from the door bent slightly, propped up on my elbows and biting my bottom lip. In my mind it was the perfect medium of seductive and playful.
I waited, and waited.
“My god, I thought Hanji would never shut the fuck up.” Erwin exclaimed, just as frustrated as I was.
We walked as fast as we could without bringing any attention to ourselves. Once in the hallway my office was in, it became a competition. Erwin started taking bigger steps. “Keep up shorty.” So I jogged past him. “Nice try, you giant eye browed monster.” He tried to barge me out of the way as I opened the door, and we both stumbled inside. We instantly froze, noticing the path of clothing laid out before us. Glancing at each other before frantically undressing ourselves as well.
“You’d better be ready for us princ - …” Really? I thought to myself.
“Hah!” Erwin chuckled, “I guess we were longer than we thought.”
Lying half on her stomach, turned away from us was [Y/N]… Asleep!
“Look at that arse.” Erwin said as he leaned against the door frame.
“You think I’m not?” I rolled my eyes. “So… Do we let her sleep or what?” I really wanted him to be the one to suggest we wake her up. I wanted to show respect, honestly I did, but I really needed her tonight. And more than just sex, the kissing, cuddling and teasing as well. I needed the feeling of truly intimate pleasure only she could give me. We were yet to be physical since our ‘joining of minds’, and it would seal the deal.
“No… I mean clearly she hadn’t planned on falling asleep.”
“Yeah.. You’re right..” I added, slowly nodding my head.
We looked at each, both motioning to the bed with our heads at the same time. Sly smirks spread on our faces knowingly, each taking a slow step towards the bed, then another before running and jumping on it.
The REAL Dirty
“Ha…What!” [Y/N] shouted as she was startled awake. Her eyes were still struggling to adjust to being open as she spun herself around. Her fist went flying into my jaw and she kicked Levi so hard in the chest it sent him flying off the bed.
“Hey! Hey!” I yelled as I held her down. “It’s us.”
She slowly blinked her eyes till they focused on my face. Bashfully she giggled. “Guess I don’t know my own strength.”
“Ya reckon!” Levi exclaimed as he stood up rubbing his chest.
“I’m sorry Captain, but that’s what you get for sneaking up on me… You know Erwin, you can let me go.”
I grinned at her smugly.
“Don’t do it.” Levi suggested as he hop back on the bed, looking down at her with me.
The same expression she had when I’d suggested the maid’s outfit returned to her face. “No… Please… My husband will be back soon, and if he find’s you here he’ll kill you.”
“I think it’s worth the risk, wouldn’t you say?” I asked Levi as I continued to hold her wrists by her shoulders, kneeling to one side of her.
“Definitely.” He nodded before gripping her underwear and sliding them down her legs and off her feet. Running his hands from her ankles all the way back up to her hips causing her to hum with delight.
I released her hands and she lowered they by her sides. Sliding the straps of the top off her shoulders, I pushed it down till it sat below her breasts. [Y/N] then removed her arms from it completely, leaving it bunched across her stomach. Taking her wrists again, I placed them above her head and ran my hands along the inside of her arms, just lightly grazing the side of her tits once I reached her ribs. Her nipples puckered before our eyes. Levi took a candle from off his bedside table and held it over [Y/N]. Tilting it slightly he let the hot wax drip down the centre of her chest. Inhaling sharply, she arched her back before relaxing again.
“More.” She begged, eyes full of want. He willingly obliged. Leaving a trail of drops along each of her collar bones.
She shook her head and he smiled with cunning eyes. This time he allowed the wax to leave its marks just below each of her breasts. Her eyes were shut. She took long deep breaths through her nose – subconsciously biting her lip. She savoured each and every scalding kiss.
I was caught in a trance once again. It never ceased to amaze me how she kept surprising me with how adventurous she was. No matter how many times I have sex with [Y/N], I’ll always be excited by it, and a little anxious as well to be honest. There’s a sense of disbelief, or feeling like I’m punching above my weight. I’d imagined her naked the first time we met in my office all those years ago, and from our first tryst together – and every time since – I thanked every god there was that she would even let me touch her.
I would’ve never guessed practically being burnt would feel so fucking good! I knew it wouldn’t leave any damage, but the initial sting of each drop was luxurious on my skin. Looking up at the two of them – one kneeling ether side of me – I knew I wanted all three of us to be involved this time round, from start to finish, I just hoped I could keep up with them.
I ran my fingers over each of their stomachs. There was not an ounce of fat visible on either of their bodies. Each looking like they’d been carved from marble. Several bruises that hadn’t yet been visible the last time we were intimate, now littered their torso’s. I loved those the most, along with the scars. They were their medals of honour worn secretly under their uniforms. The proof they’d once again laid their lives on the line.
Both were noticeably aroused. I lightly ran my fingertips over the head of their dicks through the fabric of their boxers before tugging at the hems. “Off now!” I demanded. In the blink of an eye, it was as though they’d never been wearing them in the first place. Spitting in each of my palms, then rubbing them together, I reached for their manhood’s. Their backs straightened at my grip, and after a few strokes I noticed some pre cum spill from Erwin’s. Rubbing my index finger over his slit, I then traced my lips with it before sucking it clean. All the while never breaking my eyes from his, or my left hand from Levi. A few more pumps and the tip of Levi’s dick was glistening.
I moved onto all fours, pushing my arse and cunt into Erwin’s stomach, while licking the Captains cock clean.
“You just gonna sit there Commander?” I mocked the surprised look on his face. “Get on your back!”
Turning back to Levi I pushed him backwards till he was standing up by the side of the bed and my hands were propped up on the edge. Licking my lips, I started lowering my head again – but he stopped me. His hand clutched the hair above my neck. “I want a kiss first…” Leaning towards me but stopping so close to contact that I could feel his warm breath on my lips. “It’s been too fucking long.” He whispered, tugging my head back further. “Do you know how hard it was for me the other day not to grope your arse and take you right there on the rug?” My body jolted uncontrollably and the smallest squeak escaped my mouth. “You could have screamed as loud as you liked, no one would’ve heard.” I raised one side of my top lip at him and stared with a look that said ‘well…what you gonna do about it?’
Slamming his mouth against mine, he administered the most forceful and intense kiss I’d experienced to date. It was rough and full of lust. His tongue didn’t have to force it’s way in, I was ready and waiting for it. Breaking his mouth away from mine, I panted – catching my breath. The hunger in his eyes was profound, and sexy as fuck! He ripped my head back again, and I opened my mouth wide, sticking out my tongue. Levi spat in my mouth then pushed my head down onto his girthy manhood as far as he could till it reached the back of my throat. Forcing my head up and down along as much of his length as I could fit inside me. It was intoxicating, the feeling of Levi invading my mouth and his salty tip teasing the back of my throat. Lifting my head back up to look at him, with trails of saliva dripping from my chin. “I’m not finished.”
“Tch, if you say so Princess.” I shook my head till he removed his grip from my hair. Taking the base of his shaft firmly in my hand, I steadied myself as best I could under the more than distracting circumstances, and dove back in.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s no such things as a bad blowjob, but [Y/N]’s mouth was like a gift from heaven. She was truly skilled. Now she was in control, she teased my tip with her tongue enough to drive me wild. Finally she took me into her mouth again till she hit her hand. Her mouth was soft and warm, and I fucking loved the look in her beautiful eyes when her mouth was full of me. Those full, pouty lips focusing on my crown, pulling up and down my shaft – fuck I loved this girl! I loved being dominant, but there was something about it being her choice, the more obvious it is that she wanted it, the better it was for me. And she was literally gagging for it. Saliva dripped over her hand, the swirling of her tongue made my toes curl. And every time she pulled back to catch a breath, she would pump me till her warm mouth coated me again.
Looking up at me, eyes watering. “I love you Levi.”
“I love you too… Now back to it.”
“Aye Captain.” She smirked with a wink. She licked the head of my cock several times before sucking on it gently to create a vacuum. Then – so goddam slowly – she ran her lips down, further than before. She didn’t stop at her hand, instead she removed it from me completely, then kept going. I felt pressure as she pushed me to the back of her mouth. She gagged and pulled back, coughing. “You ok?” I asked, placing my hand on her shoulder. But I got no answer, she just bat my hand away and pushed Erwin out from between her legs. The look of determination in her eyes was captivating. Flipping herself onto her back – head just off the bed. She snapped her fingers at Erwin then pointed to her pussy, and he followed orders like the gentlemen he was. Then got back to work on me. I noticed her shoulders relax as she exhaled from her nose before forcing my dick down her throat. This time it slid in like a hot knife through butter. “Ah… Fuck!...” She pulled me out, then pushed me back in again. Once she had a feel for it, she reached around and grabbed my hips, forcing me forward into her again.
Well… I didn’t expect to like this. The overwhelming physical sensation of having a cock down my throat was so kinky and hot. And Levi’s uncontrolled grunts made me feel dirty in the best possible way. My throat was coated with thick, glossy mucus, and each time he pushed into me it gushed out my mouth, spilling onto my chin and cheeks.
All the while this was happening, Erwin had got to work as well.
It had taken him no time at all to get on his back, head between my legs, arms wrapped round my thighs, hands on my arse. Pressing his face to my core and putting his mouth over all of me. With my lips inside his, he sucked… hard – my body convulsed at the sensation. He ran his tongue up and down my folds, inside and out. He released his suction, and with the flat of his tongue, he licked from my opening up to my clit. He licked up and down the centre, then the sides before sucking and lightly nibbling on my labia. I started rocking my pelvis, encouraging him to do more. During his long, strong strokes, he started dipping his tongue in as he passed over my hole. Then he started lingering longer, circling his way around just inside. But then I pushed his head away.
I didn’t want him to stop, but I needed to roll over to give myself a better angle for what I was doing to Levi. So now he was on his stomach with my legs over his shoulders. Kissing down my inner thigh, he made his way to my clit. He licked it once before sucking it into his mouth. If I wasn’t preoccupied I would’ve been writhing with pleasure. This felt like nothing else. The pressure from his gentle suction, combined with the forceful flicking of his tongue was euphoric. I really pitied that they couldn’t cum over and over like I could, it must fucking suck.
Well speak of the devil. I pushed my crotch up into Ervin’s face, forcing him to apply more pressure. He then stuck two fingers into my pussy, and curling them around began massaging the bundle of nerves inside me. Reaching around, he pushed down with his hand just above my pubic bone, intensifying the feeling further. It was so hard to concentrate with what Levi was doing to me, but I succumbed to my natural instincts and let my body take over. It was coming on strong. Starting with the strain in my throat around the Captains girth, it pulsed down through my chest. I barely had enough time to push Levi back before whipping my head up and grabbing onto Erwin’s hair, letting out the most hedonistic cry as my core burst open – drenching Erwin’s face.
Holy shit that was hot! There is something about forcing a person to loose all restraint. To forfeit all inhibitions, and allowing themselves to entirely succumb to your will.
Raising myself up and kneeling between [Y/N]’s legs, her cum dripping from my chin, I watched her staring at me in disbelief. Chest heaving, a look of bewilderment. I grabbed her, flinging her body against mine and into my embrace. She licked herself from my face then kissed me deeply. Intensely.
I wanted to feel her stretch as I forced my way in so fucking badly, but I wanted this to last as long as possible too.
She slid her way off me till she was kneeling too. Never letting her lips leave mine, she took me in her hand and started pumping. Levi climbed back onto the bed and closed in behind her. Kissing her neck, he started playing with her tits. [Y/N] broke away from me and rest her head back on his shoulder, giving into the soft bliss of his lips on her neck. A welcome pause in the so far fast paced escapade.
I noticed her hand make its way between her legs and fondle around slightly. “Alright boys, I’m ready for more… Levi… Get in the chair!” She demanded, gesturing at the chair near the end of his bed. She didn’t have to tell him twice, and a second later she was pulling me to the edge of the bed.
“Why don’t you sit and watch for a little while Commander?” She mewed in my ear as she bent over me. Running a finger from my stomach, up my chest, then flicking it off my chin forcing me to look up at her as she stood up straight.
I slouched down in the armchair till my head was resting on its back. The rear view of [Y/N], fully naked, hip popped to the side was breathtaking. The light from the flickering candles danced on her skin, accentuating the curve of her spine. Her form was so damn feminine: Small perky tits, narrow waist, thick juicy hips. It had become exceedingly hard to not get a sneaky grope in while waiting for food, and as more days past since the night we told each other how we felt, I could feel myself slowly loosing my mind.
“Get that arse over here.” Reaching out a hand. She stepped backwards till she was in front of me so I could reach out and smack her. I loved how it sent ripples down her firm thighs.
“What do you want to see Blondie?” She asked with a cheeky finger pulling on her bottom lip.
“That cunt stretched open… Bouncing on his cock…”
Thank you Commander! She bent over slightly, arching her back – making her butt look even bigger – and revealing her pussy to me. Fuck she was good! She just oozed sex appeal. Putting my hand on her hot, dripping cunt, awoke the animal inside me. I leaned forward, grabbing her hips, pulling her down towards me. She giggled, but this was no time for games. I held her just above me, no need to guide myself in, just a tilt of my hips brought me to her slick entrance.
I slammed her down onto to me as I thrust up. Suspended just high enough so all but my tip was out of her each time I pulled back. She grabbed the arms of the chair to brace herself from the onslaught I was about to deliver. I didn’t want to go slow, I wanted to feel the force of her walls around me as I rammed into her, over and over.
“Shit!... Ah!... I love how much you stretch me Captain.”
“And I love your tight little cunt.”
The sound of her arse slapping against my hips, her juices running down my shaft. Her constant moans were music to my hears. None of us any longer caring about who may hear.
Forcefully filling her again, I didn’t pull out. Wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her back down to the chair with me.
“Pretty sure the Commander wanted to see.”
“He sure did.” Grinning slyly she leaned her back against my chest before turning her head to kiss me.
Turning back to look at Erwin, she raised her legs and placed a foot on each of my thighs just above the knee. Letting her knees fall apart, she gave him the view he desired. Watching as her lips gripped tightly around my cock as she rocked herself up and down – fucking me. My hands gripped her tits as I rest my head back again, letting her do all the work. Admiring the feeling.
I could see the desire build in Erwin’s gaze as he split is eyes between mine and my pussy – firmly wrapped around the Captain – stroking himself. I knew he loved watching us together, or more specifically us using each other, and I revelled in giving him a show. It turned me on so much having him intently watch the most intimate of acts, and made all the better by now knowing it was only something he wanted from this small union. Both of them only able to stomach seeing me with the other, not because of any shared feelings there, but because of mutual respect and trust. Just me and the two men I loved – both loving me in return.
“You wanna go now Commander?”
Bringing my legs down off Levi, and slowly standing up. Feeling him slip out of me, I missed the feeling instantly. Sometimes my pussy doesn’t feel like it’d be ok unless it was filled, and this was one of those times. I ached for Erwin to be inside me.
He grabbed me, pulling me up to his chest. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him. Our tongues meeting instantly in a deep and energetic clash. Backing me up against Levi’s wardrobe till I was pressed against it. Placing one hand on my arse, he reached underneath and grabbed his dick – finding my hole, he dropped me onto it. Repositioning my legs so they were bent over his forearms, with hands bracing the door on either side of me. I leaned my head back on the wood of the door and Erwin rest his forehead on my shoulder as she continued to push up into me.
I adored how small I felt compared to him. I knew he’d never hurt me, but the thought of him being able to make me do anything he wanted, got my heart racing. I loved when he manhandled me, taking what he wanted, moulding me to his will.
“Ah… Oh… Yes… Harder…”
He was hitting my g-spot and the pressure of his body against mine meant his trimmed hairs rubbed against my clit with each upward thrust. Looking over Erwin’s shoulder as my head bobbed up and down, lips slightly parted with moans continuing to spill from them. I met eyes with Levi, who was actually watching and seemed to be enjoying the spectacle. That was the one thing that’d been missing from out group sessions. I guess now he understood that there was no need for jealousy or resentment. He finally saw that I loved them both the same, and he need not fear losing me. Finally I was 100% free and could let myself go fully.
My legs started to twitch uncontrollably and I wrapped my hands around the Commanders neck. Erwin grabbed my arse and stepped back from the wardrobe and turned around letting himself rest there instead. With his powerful arms he slammed me up and down on him in mid air. My neck went limp and my head fell backwards, my hair dangled just above my arse.
“Shit!... I’m gonna cum again!”
I have no idea how, but he picked up the pace even more. Smashing himself deep and hard against my cervix.
My entire body tensed and released, the room started to spin and everything went hazy. My hands began to slip from around Erwin’s neck. Luckily Levi had been watching so intensely, cause he managed to catch me just as my grip broke. Setting me down in the chair, both men watched as my body continued to spasm.
“What the hell did ya do to her?” I smirked.
“Hmh, no idea.” He looked puzzled, but clearly impressed with himself as he rub the back of his neck.
“Well done either way.”
Her eyes fluttered open, her face holding onto the strongest look of contentment. A soft smile formed, “Mmm… That was a good one.”
“Fuck yeah… Why are you guys just standing there?” A small amount of lethargy was still present in her voice.
“Well we kinda lost u there for a minute.” I informed her.
The look on her face changed back to one with purpose. “So that’s two for me, and none for you…” Repositioning herself on the chair so she was kneeling on it with her chest resting on it’s back. She stared me down and lightly tapped one of her butt cheeks. “Hop on Captain.”
This was my favourite way to fuck her, mostly because of the vantage point it provided. Being able to see my dick slide in and out of her, paired with the jiggling of her arse from the force of my thrusts. The sounds of my hand as it slapped her cheeks and the squelch of us both riding each other. All made it unbeatable.
“Get over here Blondie.” She beaconed, waving him over. Before he was even the whole way there, she’d grabbed onto him and pulled him towards her mouth.
She was like a woman possessed with one goal in mind. Ferociously she sucked me in like her life depended on it, her hand working what wouldn’t fit. Eyes locked on mine, as each thrust Levi gave her pushed me against the back of her mouth. I’d had countless blow jobs in my life, with most chicks being to concerned about how they looked for them to really be any good. They weren’t relaxed, they held their lips wrong, didn’t use their hands. Yeah, I shouldn’t complain, and just be happy that they let me put my dick in their mouths, but now I knew what I’d been missing. None of those things could be said about [Y/N]. She didn’t care about being sloppy, about spit on her face. The more her eyes watered, the more she got involved. She stuck out her tongue and hit it with my cock, then a few quick sucks before pushing it into her cheek and popping it out. Variety really is the spice of life.
Then with her swollen lips wrapped firmly around the head of my cock, she wiggled her eyebrows at me. Then, the next time Levi jolted her towards me, she relaxed her throat and took all of me in.
“Fuckin’… Awesome… Ay?...” Levi stated between jabs.
I’d never had a girl, woman, whatever do that before. I’d been so absent-minded earlier, too caught up with what I was doing to her to take notice of what she was doing to him.
We were working in complete harmony: The force of Levi pushing me onto Erwin, and him pushing me back more tightly onto Levi in return.
Levi put his hands on the small of my back, and as he slid me down his rock solid cock, I’d tighten in anticipation for my cunt to meet the base of his dick and push me hard in the opposite direction. That force would then propel me forward, and shove my lips into the base of Erwin’s dick. I felt perfectly squashed between them, crushed by the sheer force of their need for me as we melded into one. I was spoilt by the myriad of sensations, the final two being Levi’s constant and firm spanks and Erwin’s tug on my hair.
I could tell things were coming to a head. Their grunts became primal and it took on a ritualistic air.
Levi hunched over me, wrapping his arms around my stomach. Erwin held my head with both his hands, pushing himself as far down my throat as he could. 3… 2… 1… The chain reaction was sparked. Erwin’s thick, salty seed, gifted to my throat. I eagerly gulped it down before chocking as I came again, causing my pussy to twitch on Levi which sent him over the edge. His cum seeping out of me, running down my legs.
That was everything I’d hope it’d be, and better. I felt so used… And so loved.
I fucking love being a woman, I’d never in a million years wish I was a man.
Sorry that was so much longer than the other chapters.
Hope you got your smut fix though XOXO
Chapter 24: Oh No He Didn't
Oh No He Didn't
“Hehe, Erwin… Let me go.” I playfully struggled in his arms.
“I don’t wanna.” He sulked. “Can’t you just stay here with me?”
The time had finally come, it was the (very early) morning of the titan capture attempt. I knew his wanting me to stay safe came from a different place, not one of control, but one of protection. What man, or woman for that matter, doesn’t want to keep the ones they love out of harms way? Things had changed a lot in the past week or so, and I felt contentment for the trust he had in my abilities. That he would never try to hold me back from anything I set my mind to. I knew he’d never tell me I couldn’t go, but it was still sweet hearing it. I’m not made of stone.
“Well, I think Levi’d have a coronary if we stayed in his room while he wasn’t here.” I gave him some cheek while circling my fingers over his torso.
“Aww, come on. We can christen the maid’s outfit.”
I gently slapped his chest. “One track mind much?”
He sighed deeply, taking my face in his hands. “You are so precious to me.” The slightest of smiles tugged at the corners of my mouth, and I let my eyes drift slightly down. “Please look at me.” He begged. Looking directly into his eyes for so long was a little awkward, but he locked our gaze. It was like he was trying to tell me what his words couldn’t, attempting to open the window to my soul, allowing him to reach through and embrace me. The awkwardness slowly dissipated and was replaced by anticipation and hope. With love. A calm serenity washed over me. “There will never be a list long enough to explain all the things I love about you. There will never be a word strong enough to express how I feel. I’ll always struggle to communicate how deeply I care for you, and all I can do is say sorry. Sorry that sometimes I won’t know what to say. You’ll ask me what’s wrong and I’ll say nothing. But please believe me, it’s just my way of telling you that no words will ever suffice.”
Slowly he pulled me into a kiss. A soft, gentle and innocent kiss. It wasn’t searching for anything, it didn’t need validation. It was purely intended as a seal, as a reassurance of his words.
“Well that was perfect… I don’t know why you don’t think you are enough just as you are. I don’t need all the fancy bells and whistles Erwin, I’m not that kinda girl.”
“I know, but it makes me want to do more. I wish I could give you the world, and everything good within it…”
He lowered his hands from my face and rest them in the small of my back. Snuggling my head into him, I felt all the anticipations I had for the day ahead melt away. If things didn’t go as planned, at least I was content in knowing I’d found true happiness, that I’d be able to live on through him.
“I don’t need anything else in this life. Just this.”
“Ahem! Way to make me feel special.” Levi had joined us, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed, towel wrapped around his waist. “So I take a shower and come back to find I’ve been squeezed out.” A side smile growing on his face.
Standing on my tippy toes, I stretched up and gave Erwin one last kiss. “I love you Commander.” I whispered before making my way over to Levi. He held an arm out for me and I leaned against the side of his body as he draped it over my shoulders. I wrapped one of my arms around his back and rest my hand on his hip. “You finished your sulking?” I asked, rubbing my nose on his cheek.
“You’re such a brat.” He smirked, gently wrapping his arm around my neck and pulling my head into his chest.
Erwin turned to leave, with his hand on the door knob he stopped and looked back to us. “Make sure you bring her back safe Ackerman… Or I’ll have your head.”
I raised my eyebrows and turned up my nose at him, but I couldn’t be mad.
“We both know she’s not the one I need to worry about.” Levi jostled my hair before placing a kiss on the top of my head.
“I know, just be safe.”
With that Erwin left Levi’s office.
“You know when I said this is all I need, I meant this…” Making a circle with my finger. “As in all of us.”
“It’s all good brat… I was just messin’ with ya. It’ll take more than that to get rid of me.”
He rolled his eyes and headed back into his bedroom, but I grabbed his towel as he walked away. “Throw it in the hamper would ya.” Completely unfazed, and quick as ever was his reply. I just smiled and shook my head. “And get a move on, you don’t want us to leave without you.”
I propelled up to my position. Everything was secure, in place and double checked. The giant net we had spend days making, hung folded up in a ring, strung between four strong branches. It was a well hatched out plan, and it had to work… It just had to.
I heard a hook sink into the tree behind where I was standing, and less than a second later Levi was next to me. “You got your crossbow ready?”
“This isn’t your mission Levi.” I popped out my hip and glanced over my shoulder at him. “Believe it or not, there are some things I may know more about than you.”
He started chuckling. “You’re so easy… I just dangle it in front of your face and you can’t help but bite.”
“Shut up!” I pushed him in the chest and he stumbled back slightly as Nifa landed on the large branch too.
“Captain, Hanji is ready and awaiting your signal.”
“Right… It’s now or never…Is everyone ready?” He called out to the eight scouts perched in the tree tops. Getting the answer he needed he ran down the branch, slapping my butt on the way past before shooting out his spikes and flying off to the edge of the cluster of trees.
“And what exactly was that?” Nifa demanded, in her usual queen bitch tone.
“It’s not the time or the place Nifa.” I calmly replied, taking my position. “I suggest you get ready too.”
I was poised and ready to go, with Nifa standing close behind me. On Levi’s signal that we were ready and waiting, Hanji took off on her horse from amongst the trees. The sun was only just rising as she rode away, and the nervous anticipation grew in all of us.
It must have only been about five minutes before we heard her voice in the distance and Levi joined the group once more, on a branch with Moblit. “Five meter titan, incoming from the north, look alive soldiers.”
“Come on baby… Just a little further… Aww catch up… I won’t bite.” Hanji came whirling through the trees, stopping a few away from us. The ground shook slightly as the titan forced its way through the outcrop and towards its centre. “I’m up here big boy!” Hanji shouted causing it to look up. It’s eyes fixed on her as she jumped over the branches till she was just below us. Like the bat-shit-crazy woman she was, she reached out her hand to it. “Come on, up here.” The titan stopped and thrust it’s arms towards her. Jumping onto a higher branch, she released the steel arrow form her crossbow right into the titans wrists. Spurs rapidly folded out from both ends, locking it in place. “NOW!” She yelled, propelling to higher vantage point.
Moblit, Rasha, Keiji and myself all pulled on ropes, releasing the net. With the help of weights, it went plummeting to the ground where another eight scouts were waiting. Some pulled on ropes, tightening it around the titan’s ankles, while others shot more bolts into it’s body attached to wires already rooted into the earth. The team who released the net now had the task of tightening the top and suturing it to anchor points on the tree trunks. Once it was secure, Nifa, Lauda, Levi and Petra took their cue. With a spindle of rope on their backs, they flew in circles around the titan, wrapping it up and ensuring further immobilisation. The last step was a few bolts to it’s torso and shoulders, holding it in place till we got the cart and horses ready.
“YAHOOOO!” Hanji screamed. “We did it! We actually freakin’ did it! Let’s head down team, we might even be back for lunch.” She repelled to the ground, with us following behind.
As soon as I landed and my hooks had wound back, I felt a hand on my shoulder turning me around. My favourite steely gaze met mine. I opened my mouth to say something, but I’m not even sure what anymore, because Levi gripped the back of my head and pulled me in to a kiss.
I heard Nifa gasp, “I knew it.” She huffed.
I placed my hands on his chest and pushed back slightly. Again I tried to speak but was interrupted. “I’m sick of hiding, I don’t care if everyone knows. And if eyebrows has a problem with it… He can eat a dick!” My face overflowed with happiness and I swear I even saw the faintest sparkle in his eyes. Wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling my body to his – our ODM gear clanging on impact – I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him the biggest ‘fuck off everyone’ kiss.
“YAY!” Hanji squealed, clapping her hands. “[Y/N] and Levi caught a titan in a tree, now they’re K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” I smiled into the kiss and Levi raised his hand from beneath my hair and gave her the finger over my shoulder.
“Alright shows over.” The Captain announced with his arm still around me. “Let’s get this piece of shit back to HQ before any of it’s friend come to visit.” He gave me one last peck before barking orders again, leaving me standing alone, the sole target of dozens of eyes. My face turned pink and I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
“W-well, you heard the Captain… Hop to it.”
Chapter 25: Oh Yes He Did
Oh Yes He Did!
It had taken a little longer than expected to secure the titan on the wagon. We’d only really been in the market for a 3-4 meter, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Making my way out form around the back of the cart, I noticed my horse wasn’t tied up where I’d left it. Noticing Levi in the process of mounting his, I walked over.
“Hey, have you seen Priya? She’s not where I tied her.”
“With the titan being bigger than we expected we needed more horses to pull the cart.” He ever so nonchalantly replied.
Rolling my eyes, I looked up at him with my hand on my hip. “Oh… And I suppose you just had to use mine.”
“Cut the sass Princess… “ Peering at me out of the corner of his eye before taking his foot from the stirrup and reaching a hand out to me. “You can ride with the titan, or take your chances with me. Your choice.” It was obvious how clever he thought he was from the smile he was desperately trying to hide.
I took his hand and climbed up behind him. “You can be so insufferable.” I jeered as I threw my leg over, then leaning forward to rest my chin on his shoulder “…But I love it.” I knew the time that’d passed since the kiss Levi stole from me hadn’t been long enough to quell the stares, but I was still surprised by how big of a reaction his latest attempt at public affection had received. “Are you happy with your little show Captain?” I smirked into his ear.
“Very.” Was all the answer I got. He ran his right hand back from my knee up my thigh till he felt my fingers. Knitting mine with his, he took my hand and laid it across his chest. Taking my left hand, I hooked my thumb under the front of his belt and gripped tight.
“Are we still waiting on anyone?” Levi yelled. After getting no response except for the frustrated thrashing of the titan, he walked us over to Hanji. Upon our approach she clasped her hands together and held them up to her cheek, grinning from ear to ear. “Tch…I don’t really wanna stick around any longer than he wave to four-eyes.”
“Why can’t you just let me have this short stuff? It makes me so happy, two of my favourite people...” She let out a slight squeal, clearly trying to contain her excitement somewhat so as not to piss off Levi too much. He just shook his head, but I could feel no tension in his body. I knew that he, as well as myself, were relieved it was out in the open – well this much anyway. The fact that he literally wanted to parade me around like an actual Princess, was… unexplainable. He didn’t want to hide me away, he wanted to show me off. He was proud of me and didn’t give two shits about what any one else had to say about it. Not that anyone would really dare say much, risk getting the crap beat out of them or toilet cleaning duties for life. “I’ll ride up front. You, Petra and Eld take the rear.” He nodded and we rode to the back of the formation.
We both knew what she was doing. She couldn’t risk everyone being too distracted looking at us, and not focusing on getting back safely. So far this mission hadn’t resulted in any casualties and keeping it that way was of utmost importance. On Hanji’s command we set off on the short journey back to HQ.
I felt so free riding behind Levi. I knew that there were still many facets yet to be unearthed, but the gratification of knowing he had taken the first step meant I didn’t even care what Erwin’s reaction was going to be. I took the hand on Levi’s chest, and moved it till I could feel his heartbeat – it was racing a million miles a minute.
I knew he was nervous.
I knew never in his life had he ever made a move for love.
I knew that his dynamic around the Legion would change as a result.
I knew there would be an adjustment period and a billion questions.
I rest the side of my face on the back of his shoulder and took a deep breath in – trying to tell him without words that he need not fear a thing cause I was there with him. Taking the reigns in one hand, he placed the other over mine and held it there. Slowly I started to feel the beats lessen. Kissing his shoulder and nuzzling it with my nose in reassurance.
Back through the Wall gate and into the outskirts of the HQ compound, Hanji sounded the horn to alert we had returned. Levi took my hand from his chest and kissed it. “You ready for it?” He asked, turning his head slightly back to me.
“You bet!.. Can’t wait…” I replied half full of sarcasm the other half full of truthful anticipation.
“You’ve been spending too much time with Crazy Glasses.”
The team made our way towards the stables. In the distance I could see a large crowd forming and two bodies, one large one small, broke from the front of it. Levi squeezed my hand in preparation because we both knew who they were.
“Commander… Commander!” Krista burst through my office door, breathless. “I just heard the return alert.”
“They’re back already?” Pushing myself back from my desk, I hurriedly stood as Krista ran back out the door. I knew it took at most five minutes to get to the stables under normal circumstances, but with a titan in tow I figured I could make it there before they did.
Quickly I caught up to Krista and we jogged there together – well I jogged and she struggled to keep up. Once there, we broke through the front of the crowd with the returning Scouts still several hundred meters away. Moments later Mike joined me to my left side. Krista jumped, realising her place and fell back into the crowd with the other cadets.
“You smell weird.” Mike stated, eyes looking forward.
I shrugged and scanned the faces on horseback, I couldn’t see [Y/N]. My heart sank. Every plausible scenario flooded my mind. It was growing harder by the second to hold my composure. I can’t have lost her so soon.
The more we have, the more we have to lose. The more someone means to us, the more afraid we are of losing that person. I could feel Krista’s eyes darting between me and the approaching hoard, wanting so badly for her to take my hand. To squeeze it and tell me everything was fine. To share our increasing anxiety and take comfort in knowing that someone at least understood what I was feeling.
Regret tore at my chest. Why had I resisted my emotions for so long, and pushed her into the path of pain? Why hadn’t I wrapped my arms around her from the get go and submitted myself – taking any feasible opportunity to savour each and every moment? This was why! I knew full well that the feeling of true joy danced with true sadness. I’d still been hesitant to go ‘all in’ for fear of public heartbreak.
“Commander!” I spun my head around to Krista, seeing her beaming and pointing to the back of the pack.
There they were. There she was. On the back of Levi’s horse, arms wrapped around him. I didn’t even notice at the time that I wasn’t fazed by it. That I didn’t care that people could see his hand gripping hers. Jubilation oozed from every pore and realisation sunk in.
As Hanji approached and stopped directly in front of us, Mike and I saluted with the cadets following suit.
“Mission was a success Commander. A TOTAL SUCCESS!!!” She bellowed, hopping down from her horse and handing the reigns off to a cadet. “No casualties, not even an injury. Went off without a hitch!”
Gradually the remaining troops filed in, and soon the cart housing the thrashing titan became everyone’s focal point. I joined Hanji and Mike as we approached it.
“Everything went to plan… He’s a little bigger than expected, but just perfect… “
“[Y/N].” I herd Krista explain as she ran towards her and threw her arms around her. Pulling away I noticed Krista cover her mouth to stifle a scream as [Y/N] spoke to her.
“Oh that reminds me.” Hanji placed her hand on Mike’s shoulder. “You two will never guess what happened… Shorty –“
“Blondie!” [Y/N] yelled upon catching my eye.
“Blondie?” Hanji and Mike repeated to each other.
She set off sprinting in my direction. I only had to take a few steps before she catapulted herself towards me, throwing her arms around my neck. I wrapped mine under hers and spun her around as her head rest on my shoulder and legs flew out behind her. The excitement of the titan had dissipated and been replaced with curious stares at our public display of affection.
“Hmh, that’s why he smelt strange.”
Slowing the spin to a stop, she slid down my body till her feet were on the ground and her hands at the back of my neck. We stared at each other smiling. Falling for her meant I not only had to face the fear of losing her, but now I was slapped in the face with my own mortality. I’d thrown my life away countless times with no regret, it was part and parcel of the life I’d chosen, but now it held more meaning. The thought of it became frightening. In an attempt to cover my fear, I’d focused on superficial concerns. I’d picked fights with her and Levi. Even attempted to sabotage the relationship. I’d tried to rationalise it to myself a million times why no one needed to know what was going on. But why had it bothered me so much?
She eventually released her hands from my neck and attempted to step back, but I wasn’t letting go.
“Erwin… Everyone’s watching.” She whispered, more proud than embarrassed.
But I didn’t care. “Let them.” Tightening my grip on her lower back and pulling her back to my chest, I leaned in. She raised herself on her toes to meet my lips with hers.
“Awww, I get it now.” Hanji’s voice could he heard above the ‘ooo’s’ and muttering.
“You’ve got to be kidding… Him too?”
“Shut the fuck up Nifa!” Krista and Hanji spat in unison.
We both laughed, pulling away from the kiss. She swung her arms around my waist and I embraced her back, cuddling her head to my chest.
“Well, well, well… Isn’t this an interesting turn of events?”
The muttering stopped suddenly as the scouts from the mission slowly parted. Levi sauntered through the crowd with his arms crossed, feigning an attitude. As he got closer small gasps and a ‘oh shit!’ could be heard. [Y/N] giggled and looked up at me.
He stopped in front of us and crossed his arms. “Tch.”
A side smile swept part of my face and I reached out a hand to Levi. “Thanks for bringing her back safe Captain.”
“I had nothing to do with it Commander.” He smirked shaking my hand, once finished he held it out for [Y/N] to take. She took it and stepped towards him wrapping her arm around him in a side hug, pecking him on the lips. There was an uproar of voices and speculation as the three of us looked at each other totally unaffected.
“Right… Hanji get that thing contained in the barn and Mike… see everyone calms the fuck down. We’ll see you at dinner to decompress.” Hanji nodded and Mike shot a wink and a sly grin as the three of us walked together to the main building.
I took [Y/N]’s hand in mine and kissed it as Levi turned around to address everyone a final time. “I don’t want any questions about this. If you’re too dense to figure it out on your own, then we’ve got bigger fish to fry… Capeesh?” He left no time for an answer and jogged back to us, slumping his arm around [Y/N]’s shoulder.
As we happily strolled back to the main building, Mike’s voice could be heard, “What the hell did Captain Levi say cadet?” and “It’s none of your fucking business.” He berated. It was gratifying to know that at least three people had our backs.
Chapter 26: An Official Thruple
An Official Thruple
My senses were heightened. I noticed the crunch of the grass beneath my boots, the whirl of the wind past my ears and the loose strands of hair across my face. There was an air of freedom in our walk back. So many weights had already been relieved from our shoulders that with this final gesture we seemed to float on air. The sun seemed warmer, the air fresher and Levi and Erwin’s touch appeared more sweet and intense.
Rolling my eyes to myself for my inner monologue sounding like a broken record, but… Once again… I just didn’t think I could get any happier. These two men just kept surprising me, but this had to be it though. It’s not like any more bombshells could be dropped.
“Nice to see you grew some balls Commander.”
“Shut it shorty.” He teased. “But I guess I could say the same about you.”
[Y/N] wrapped an arm around each of our waists and pulled us close to her sides as we entered the main doors of HQ. “It’s so nice not having to sneak around and worry who might see us this time… I’m glad you aren’t angry Erwin.”
“What’s there to be angry about?”
“Nothing, that’s just the point. I mean what I should have said is; I’m also glad you grew some balls.” She elbowed him in the ribs.
“Little shit.” He laughed lunging at her, but I wrapped my arms around [Y/N]’s waist, and swung her – giggling – out of his way.
“Two against one isn’t fair.” He sulked, but [Y/N] stepped in between us holding up her hands.
“Hey… Hey! Let’s not talk about two against one not being fair. It’s nice to see the tables turn every now and then.” She then stuck out her tongue and jabbed us both in the stomach before sprinting away around the corner.
Neither of us chased after her, it was kind of symbolic really. The last step had finally been taken, and without a word uttered about it between us. It was organic. None of us needed to chase, or convince. There was no longer a need to impress or worry. We all knew our role. We knew she was going to be there when we turned the corner in the same way she was going to be there when we woke the next morning.
I could safely say that I had no regrets. Letting go of the concern for what others would think meant I also let go of any doubt. We all knew that our lives were uncertain so every day from now was ours for the taking.
Rounding the corner to the hall where Erwin and I’s offices were, I saw [Y/N] unlocking my door and making her way in.
“I guess we’ll need to get some more keys made up.” Erwin mentioned.
“Surely there’s a better way than keeping three separate rooms.”
“I’ve been thinking about that actually… We both need to keep offices, but her room doesn’t have a bathroom… I know you too well, so I’d never ask you to move. You keep your office where it is and your bathroom to yourself. I’ll move my office into [Y/N]’s room – it’s bigger than the office I have now anyway. And my room will become our living quarters. With the office furniture removed we can make it more homey, and you can have your way with the bedroom and make it as sterile as you like. Whatever makes you comfortable.”
I was surprised by how thoroughly he’d thought about this. He really did know me better than anyone. He understood that I’d still need my own space even though he wouldn’t, and he’d let me organise his room even though I knew it’d drive him crazy. He was my first true partner in life. Since meeting we’d both grown together making the other stronger. I trusted him implicitly and I knew he felt the same. I guess that’s why this could work, cause… and not in the same way as with [Y/N] but… I don’t think I could live without him either.
“Ok… In the meantime we’ll stay in my room.”
Right before we entered the open door of my office, Erwin paused, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I’m glad you’re in this with me. It wouldn’t have worked had it been anyone else.”
“Tch.” I brushed his hand off my shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’ve got the hots for me too!”
“Levi.” He sighed sharply through his nose. “Why do you have to ruin everything?”
“I agree ok… Just quit getting so sentimental.”
My heart swelled in my chest. I was hiding just inside the door, my original plan being to pounce on them as they entered. Now however I was a sobbing mess.
“Ummm… What’s wrong?” Levi queried with a raised brow. “You’re not pregnant are you?”
“Piss off Levi.” I batted his chest, then wiped the tears from my face.
“Just making sure… You went from laughing to a blubbering mess in an instant.”
Coming to stand behind me, Erwin wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head. “Something we should probably be more careful of though.”
“It’s really not an issue.” I dismissed his concern. “I haven’t had my period in years anyway.” I noticed Levi give Erwin a what the fuck look, and could only assume his face read the same. “You’re kidding right? My god… Haven’t you ever wondered why no one really ever gets pregnant around here?” Silence. I face palmed. “Ok, well I didn’t know till it happened to me but. Wait! If you really didn’t know, you two are very irresponsible!” More silence and a shrug from Levi. “Hmh, it’s not cause of the no fraternising rule. If you guys broke it, assume you aren’t the only ones. *sigh* Most of the female cadets either have it stop or never start bleeding in the first place. Women need body fat to support pregnancy, and in case you hadn’t notice, there are a lot of women running around with six packs. Bland food only for sustenance, daily intense training. So basically, the stronger we become, the less chance we have of getting knocked up.”
“Riiiiiiggghhhttt…” Levi moved to his couch and flopped down on it, crossing his legs and resting his arm along the back. “So why were you crying then?”
Tilting my head up and backwards to look at Erwin who was still standing behind me, I reached around his head and gave him and upside-down kiss. “You… Both of you. I heard what you said about each other, and it was just so sweet.” He rubbed his nose against mine before I pulled away and walked over to the couch positioning myself next to Levi. I pulled my legs up beside me and leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. “But I only fully heard what you said just before coming in… You said something about saying in your room in the meantime. The meantime of what?”
I explained the room re-configuration plan to her and she could barely contain her excitement. Rattling out a list of things she wanted for the ‘new’ room, and where they were to go. Levi and I just sat and nodded. I’d add the occasional ‘Ok’ and he’d say ‘sure’. We both knew she’d have final say in anything anyway, and she knew as well as I did what Levi was like, so there was no issues there. One thing she did come up with, which was utter brilliance, was the addition of a second bed to the bedroom. A new larger one, big enough for all three of us to sleep comfortably, and a smaller one on the opposite wall in the corner. We agreed there would be some nights we wouldn’t all want to share, or someone may come back late. There was a multitude of possible scenarios where it could come in handy.
Before we knew it, the sun was starting to set. “Do you mind if we leave for dinner a little early? I’d just feel a bit more comfortable than walking in with the dining room full.” [Y/N] asked, and we were happy to oblige. As we turned the corner to the mess hall, an eerie silence fell over us. We could hear many, many people already inside – clearly wanting to arrive early for their front row seats. We paused just outside the doors and though nothing seemed uncomfortable, there was a clear uneasiness. None of us wanted to be the one to say ‘what now?’ We’d been so use to living in the shadows, I had no idea about what would be considered appropriate public behaviour.
Ever the voice of reason, [Y/N] grabbed our hands. “Come on you pussy’s, it’s just dinner. And besides, you run this place.”
Levi and I places a hand on each of the double doors, and pushed them open. It felt like the curtain being drawn on opening night. The audience poised in anticipation, not daring to breathe risk missing something. I never thought the day would come when I’d say I'm glad Hanji was as boisterous and she is. “There’s hardly anything left, so hurry up and grab a tray before it’s all gone.” Her voice cut through the silence. [Y/N] took a step forward, still holding our hands. Some chatter had picked up and Krista came bounding over to us.
“I hope you don’t mind if I borrow her for a minute. I’ll have her back to you in a jiffy.”
“I don’t need their permission Krista.” [Y/N] turned to us. “Could you please get my food and I’ll meet you at the table?”
“Of course.” I lent down and kissed her on the cheek before she skipped away with Krista.
“Eeee! I can’t believe it’s finally out!” Krista cheeped, squeezing my right hand in both of hers as we approached her table.
“Neither can I. It feels like I’m dreaming. Think someone needs to pinch me.”
“With pleasure.” Ymir deadpanned. Ignoring her remark, Krista pulled me to sit down next to her.
“We just wanted to say we’re happy for you.” Eren was the next to speak up.
“Make sure you tell me if anyone gives you a hard time.” Mikasa contributed.
“I kinda had a feeling.” Sasha spluttered with a mouth full of mashed potato and Connie jabbed her in the ribs.
“You have no idea how good it is to hear that guys. I’ve been so worried for so long.”
“And just how long has it been going on?” Asked Ymir, earning her a slap on the thigh and daggers from Krista.
“It’s ok.” I reassured her. “A while… Since just after I was transferred here. But wasn’t serious till quite recently.”
“See Ymir. You never had anything to worry about. So maybe you can lighten up a bit.” Eren quipped.
The whole table laughed and I saw my boys sit down at the Officers table. Mike nudge Erwin’s shoulder and chucked while Thomas attempted to give Levi a high-five but was left hanging. Hanji giggled at the scene playing out, the whole time Nifa sat there with a face like a slapped arse. I shook my head and smirked to myself.
“What’s so funny?” Inquired Jean.
“Ha? Oh nothing… Just wondering whose expression is funnier – Ymir’s or Nifa’s.” Connie and Sasha both leaned up from the table to unsubtly gawk behind them, each exclaiming a different name upon inspection. “I just can’t believe that people care this much. I mean we brought a titan back today, and no one was hurt. That’s a miracle, but this is what everyone wants to talk about.”
“Well you have to understand it’s because of who it involves.” Mikasa declared. “Before any of us joined the Corps, we’d all heard of Commander Smith and Captain Levi.”
“They’re like gods amongst men.” Eren continued. “So any relationship they had was bound to be on everyone’s radar. And well… all this…” He made awkward circling motions with his hands, not knowing what words to use so as to not put his foot in his mouth.
“Yeah she gets it!” Mikasa slapped his hands down.
“It’s ok everyone. We know it’s not conventional, but we also know our lives are too short to worry about what everyone else thinks.”
“They’re happy, and that’s all that matters.” Krista nodded.
I could tell Connie was itching to ask something, but Sasha would frantically shake her head each time he looked at her. “Just spit it out Connie. What do you wanna know?”
“Right… So…. Um… The Commander and Levi… Are they…” He pointed both his index fingers towards each other, making his fingertips touch.
“Fuck no!” Krista and I burst out laughing. “Not never, not ever.”
That seemed to clear up pretty much every question they had, the last being the one on everyone’s mind. I was about to stand and make my way to my food, but Mike whistled loudly and stood on the bench – towering himself over all in the room.
“Attention please. I’m only going to say this once. The no fraternising rule has been lifted.” Cheers erupted throughout the hall. “Yeah – Yeah.” Mike motioned for the Scouts to calm down. “But if you think that means everything else is lax then you’ve got another thing coming. If we catch any of you where you aren’t meant to be after lights out, you get handed straight over to Captain Levi to punish as he see’s fit. Is that understood?”
“Yes.” All replied united.
“Good. And no orgies!” He winked before stepping down.
“Guess that mean’s we don’t have to hide our love anymore.” Jean proclaimed, draping an arm around Mikasa’s shoulders.
“Move it or lose it horse face!”
Chapter 27: Sanctuary
After dinner the three of us retreated back to Levi’s room. Before I even made it through the door though I was stopped by his hand on my chest. “Uh-uh, you know the rule. Go clean yourself up if you think you’re staying here tonight.” I resisted the urge to mess up his hair before I walked away to my room.
Once inside, I stood in the middle of my office for a few minutes, reanalysing the plans discussed about how to make it a decent living space. Most of it should work, but being on the corner of the building its dimensions were slightly different to Levi’s so some tweaks would have to be made.
The full weight of the situation hit me like a tonne of bricks. Soon we would be able to come and go from this place as we pleased. No sneaking around, not trying to be quiet. [Y/N] wouldn’t have to dart into my bedroom if someone knocked on the door. I’d have my own separate office, and this was just for us. Our sanctuary where we weren’t to be disturbed. Sure there would be some exceptions to the rule; Hanji and Mike would be able to approach, and there would be times when they’d join us inside. Krista no doubt would be a regular fixture as well. But I was going to put as much effort into keeping my role as Commander out of our bedroom and not bring my work home with me.
After showering, I put on an oversized t-shirt and some pants and headed down the hall. I was no longer concerned about any of the cadets seeing me this casual, and they only had to try and push me to realise I still held the same power. Levi’s door was unlocked and he was sitting at his desk, also dressed in more comfortable attire. Mike and Hanji had agreed to be in charge of everything and deal with any issues that might arise – short of a wall breach or attack – giving us tonight and tomorrow to settle in. Hanji also dismissed [Y/N] from duties the next day, but insisted she be back and ready to work extra hard the day after.
“Can you please tell him to stop working.” [Y/N] called out from in the bathroom.
Levi sighed and looked at me knowingly. “This is it you know… We’ve officially surrendered to her. She’s the alpha and she knows it.”
I made my way to lean on the doorframe of Levi’s room, and peeked in at our girl in the bathtub. She noticed me, and placing the backside of her hand under her chin, raised her head and gave the cheesiest grin – showing all her teeth. I chuckled through my nose and shook my head. “Yep… But I can’t say no to that face and neither can you.”
“I don’t want to either. But I can’t let her know that… Need to try and keep up appearances.”
“What are you working on anyway?” I questioned, making my way over to his desk.
“Paperwork from today. I know tomorrow will be a write off cause we’ll be at [Y/N]’s beckon call trying to get the room sorted.” He rifled through the papers, spreading them out and looking slightly overwhelmed. I scooted a chair to the front side of his desk and grabbed half the files.
“What are you doing? This isn’t your burden.”
“Let’s just get it done ok? Do you really wanna have to listen to your princess complain that you aren’t paying her enough attention? I know I sure don’t… Happy wife, happy life, my father would always say. And even though that’s not what she is, the sentiment remains the same. We’re in this together remember, and that means I’m here to help you as much as her.”
Levi nodded and handed me a pen. It was basic post expedition paperwork and reports on each of the Scouts that were on the mission. I filled out what I could and started a pile for Levi to sign off on.
“You two better not be doing what I think you are.” [Y/N] yelled out again, but her tone was playful. I looked at Levi and stood up, heading in to her, he followed but stood back. I squatted down next to the bath and crossed my arms on its side. I told her that we were going to work on it for another half hour then we would be hers for the night. I explained that once we were in the new room, there’d be no work allowed inside, but she had to respect that there would be a lot of late nights where she’d be in there alone.
She nodded and smiled sweetly, leaning forward to give me a gentle kiss. “Ok, you’ve got till the water’s cold.” She winked and pushed my arms off the side of the tub.
Levi was already sitting up, gazing out the window at the sunrise when [Y/N] and I woke the next morning. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the back of her neck. “Why don’t you quickly get ready so we can leave early for town.” I didn’t have to tell her twice.
“Do I have to wear my uniform?” I told her no, and she happily gave Levi a kiss on the cheek and headed for her room after informing me she’s meet me at the main doors in fifteen minutes.
“You comin’ too Captain?”
“Nope, too much shit to get done here.”
Once getting myself ready, I stopped by Levi’s office again to leave him the key to my room. Then I met [Y/N] and we made our way to the stables.
We took our horses and hitched them to a small cart and headed out. [Y/N] looked so beautiful in the dawn light. She’d worn a sundress that fell till just below her knees and a cardigan due to the morning chill. Her hair was out and flowed behind her in the wind as we rode towards the town.
Heading down the main street, she scooted over to me, placing a hand in my lap. She knew the people in town knew who I was, and I knew she wanted them to know I was taken now. So I humoured her and gave her cheek a gentle kiss before pulling the horses over and helping her down from the cart.
“This is my favourite bakery, they make the most amazing scones. Thought we should get some breakfast before you drag me through every shop.”
She giggled and let me lead her inside.
Pulling out a chair for her to sit on at a small table by the window, I looked at the baker behind the counter and smiled. “It’s been a while Bill, but I’ll have two of my usual.” [Y/N] smiled up at me as she took my hand and rubbed the back of it against her cheek. Once she released it, I ran my fingers through her hair, twisting a strand around my finger.
“I love seeing you this happy Miss.”
“And I love being this happy.”
I made my way over to pay, receiving an inquisitive grin from Bill. “Never in all your years of coming here Commander, have you ever brought someone with you.”
“Come now Bill, I have people with me all the time.”
“No… They were colleagues. I can tell she has your heart.”
I glanced back at her, she was leaning on the table with her arms crossed, people watching through the window. “That she does my friend.”
“Won’t take long for the news to spread around here. Can’t say there won’t be some very disappointed young ladies though.”
“None of them could hold a candle to her.” I shrugged turning back around. “So how much do I owe you?”
“Nothing today Commander.”
“You’re too good to me sometimes.”
After eating [Y/N] and I made our way up and down the main street picking out some things for the room. We got a large rug, a few pictures for the walls and some new bedding. Not much else was needed as we would consolidate the couches and coffee tables we already had.
By the time the cart was loaded with everything, a small crowd had gathered. As I was about to help [Y/N] up to her seat, an old lady stepped towards us, taking her hands. “Oh Commander Erwin, she’s just lovely. We are all so please to see you finally find someone.”
Bending down, I kissed the lady on the cheek. “Thank you Edith… This is [Y/N].”
“It’s lovely to meet you dear. If he doesn’t treat you right just let me know and I’ll whip him into shape.”
They giggled softly to each other, but being almost lunchtime we had to go. Back up on the cart we waved goodbye and took our leave.
Once we arrived back at HQ, I stopped the cart by the front doors and jumped down. Poking my head inside I called out to the first cadets I saw. “Yeager, Kirschtein.”
“Come help get this stuff up to my room please, then you can head to lunch.”
[Y/N] was already in the back of the cart with a picture frame under her arm. The four of us gathered everything together and headed upstairs.
The hallway outside my office was cluttered with furniture and Scouts were moving in all directions. Levi was inside scrubbing the fireplace, wearing his usual cleaning get up. The room smelt like a cocktail of bleach and other chemicals, but he was in his element.
“A lot further along that I though you’d be Levi.” I spoke as Eren and I carried the rug into the room.
“I wrangled all the cadets on stable duty as punishment to help here instead.” He replied, wiping his brow with the back of his hand.
“Is the floor clean or do we need to take this back out?” He motioned for us to continue in and [Y/N] skipped behind.
“Put it over here please.” She instructed, pointing a little ways from the fireplace. Once unrolled, it took up about half the room, just as we hoped it would. I dismissed Eren and Jean and after giving [Y/N] a hug goodbye, they made their way to the dining room along with the rest of the cadets.
The three of us worked through lunch putting the room together. All our couches and armchairs formed a ‘U’ shape around the edge of the rug, facing the fireplace. A coffee table sat in the middle, a few trinkets lined the mantle and one of the new pictures hung on the wall above it. Behind the large seating area, we put a table covered with a floral tablecloth, a vase at its centre and four chairs around it. My bookshelf was returned to the corner and its dusted contents restored to their rightful place.
The bed had already been stripped, so after putting the new bedding on, Levi and I carried a single bed in we acquired from the storeroom. [Y/N] made the new bed while I cleared room for her in my closet. The small chest of drawers from her room was brought in as well, and the bedroom was complete.
Levi headed back to his room to bathe, while [Y/N] sat on my lap on the couch. Never in all my adult life, did I think I’d make a home with someone. I was married to my job and humanity was my mistress. But if I was being completely honest, I think I would give it all up for her. She’d never ask me to though, and it made my love for her stronger. The fact that I’d found someone willing to share this insanity, made me only want to fight harder.
When the Captain returned, he laid on the couch next to us – and after taking off his shoes – rested his feet on the arm. “Let’s eat in here tonight.” He suggested. “Who knows when we’ll all have another night free.”
In hindsight I was glad Levi had suggested we have dinner together in our room that night, cause we’d seen very little of [Y/N] since. Hanji hadn’t been joking that she needed to work hard on her return, but it wasn’t our place to say anything. She was part of Hanji’s squad and had to work how and when she saw fit.
I was surprised at how much time Levi was spending in the new room, but I was glad for it. I can only assume he missed her as much as I did, and needed the company.
I found I was drawn to the small bed in the corner of our bedroom, perhaps it made me feel more secure without [Y/N] to hold. So I would sleep there and Levi took the big bed, never actually spending a night in his own room. Whenever [Y/N] would stumble back – which was always incredibly late cause the Captain and I were already in bed – she would collapse next to one of us, and after a few short words the following morning, she’d be gone again.
With the titan being held in the old barn, food was taken out to the research team for breakfast and lunch. The squad would join us for dinner but quickly rush up to the lab to go over the days results and plan for the one ahead. They all seemed liked shells of their former selves – the walking dead, blindly following their leader. To say they were overworked was an understatement.
This had been going on for weeks, and Levi’s attitude was all the worse for it. We were grinding on each other, and snapping over the smallest annoyance without [Y/N] to mellow us out. Still I didn’t want him to leave though, and I was beginning to wonder how I’d spent so much of my life alone.
The nights had started getting colder, and as I stoked the fire, some ash fell out onto the floorboards.
Levi let loose a tirade of insults and I knew the time had come. I walked to the door, and holding it open, motioned for him to follow me. “Enough is enough… Come on, let’s go get our girl.”
Chapter 28: ...
Just a few thank you's and dedications.
BalloonBoi - for sticking it out with me from the very beginning.
Alma_Rohe, LarxeneSanguine & Lady_Rhey - for your kinds words.
sunrow - for helping me break the block when it kept rearing it's ugly head
Hotaru+Halfeleven - for picking me up when I needed it the most.
WriterOnAMission - for the best inspiration I could ask for.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The nights were freezing now, and I was thankful that Hanji didn’t have me working on anything too important at the moment. It meant I could retreat to my safe place, at a reasonable hour today. Upon opening the door, my face was greeted by warm air, thanks to the fire Levi was currently attending to.
I took off my boots and jacket, leaving them in a pile by the door before rolling myself from the back of the lounge and onto the cushions, positioning myself so my arms were behind my head and my feet were crossed over one of the arms.
“Tch, you’re hopeless. Is it really that hard to hang it up?” Levi huffed as he picked up my jacket and hung it next to his and Erwin’s.
“And deny you the privilege of having something to tidy..? That wouldn’t be very thoughtful of me now would it?”
“Ever the cheeky little bitch aren’t we?” He poked as he lent over the back of the couch to give me a kiss. “Do you want to have a shower before dinner or wait till we get back?”
“To be honest, I don’t really feel like eating tonight. I don’t feel 100%, but a cup of tea would be nice.”
“Anything for my princess.” Levi doted before hanging the kettle over the fire.
Throwing both my legs into the air and swinging them around, propelling my body into a seating position – my face winced in pain. A sharp sting – like a rubber band being flicked – shot from my hipbone in towards my belly button. It took by breath away, but it wasn’t the first time it’d happened, and as quickly as it arrived, it was gone again. I shrugged it off like I usually did and continued watching my mesmerising Captain as he set out a teapot with oolong tealeaves and cups with saucers. I’d grown to appreciate the taste of the stuff, not requiring any additions – just taking it black. Right before the water boiled, Levi removed the kettle and poured the water into the teapot.
My inability to make a cup of tea the way Levi liked it, was the only thing that he said still bothered him about our relationship. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out how it tasted any different when I made it, but he insisted it just wasn’t right.
While we waited for it to steep, he sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages [Y/N].”
“Well that kinda happens when you’re on a Mission and I’m suck behind maintaining the live experiments in the lab.”
“I know.” He sighed as he stroked the hair on the back on my head.
We sat there talking for hours about my work and the recent Expedition. I glanced at Erwin’s bookshelf and wondered where he was. Eventually Levi told me to have a shower cause we couldn’t sit up any longer.
I hadn’t been in long before I felt the Captain slip in behind me. I smiled to myself cause it’d been a while since I’d felt him close to me like this. Life and work had gotten in the way. My heart still fluttered though, just as it had the first time he touched me. As he closed the space between is, I felt his lips on the side of my neck as his hands made their way around to my stomach. I’d gained a little weight recently from spending so much time in the Lab and I was a little self-conscious about it. I spun around in Levi’s arms so his hands were in the small of my back, and I ran my fingers over his chest.
“I really need to start training again.” I said breaching the topic.
“Why? I like having more to grab onto.” His voice breathed into my ear, as his hands travelled south and squeezed my arse.
I let my hands wander over his shoulders and arms while we kissed, fondly recalling the first time he’d joined me in the shower. This shower. I pulled the curtain back in case Erwin came home and wanted his usual front row seat, and the Captain smiled into the kiss.
As is usually the case when you’ve been with someone for a while, a lot of the foreplay goes out the window, but for some reason tonight, Levi was feeling extra frisky and started trailing his kisses further and further down my torso. The water cascaded over his face as the kissed the soft skin of my stomach, while his hands ran up and down my more voluptuous sides. He squeezed and nipped at my hips with his teeth as a hand made it’s way between my thighs.
He knew my body inside out and with little effort found the spot he was looking for. His thumb got to work while his lips and tongue got acquainted with each of my new curves. I leaned back, unable to support myself any longer in such a vulnerable state, but despite the hot water, the winter made the tiles unbearably cold.
“Can we take it to the bed?” I asked, and Levi stood up and turned the water off. He handed me a towel and wrapping himself in one, headed out.
The warmth of the bedroom was so welcoming, and I closed the bathroom door so we didn’t lose any more heat. Haphazardly drying myself, I grabbed the original shirt Erwin had given me and put it on – not bothering to do up any of the buttons.
Levi was already lying on the bed waiting. I climbed on at a right angle to him, and gripping his shaft, took his dick into my mouth. “Bring that over here.” He rasped, grabbing my thigh and guiding me so my legs were straddling his face.
A few minutes later I heard the door open and latch again. Soon I saw Erwin standing at the bedroom door, and I pulled back from the Captain. Wiping the spit from my chin, I asked if he wanted to join in.
“Not tonight Missy.” He whispered before placing a feather light kiss on my lips. I reached out to grab his hand, but he was already sitting on the bed in the corner, loosening his tie.
Levi gripped my hips again and pushed on them, hinting he wanted me to move, so I crawled forward till my hips were over his. He pressed the head of his cock against my opening, and as I sat up, took all of him inside me. His size may have been less of a shock to my system now, but it never got easier to contain my moans. Each and every time he entered me, gasps of pleasure would spill from my lips.
Holding my arse as my core swallowed him whole, I never let my eyes leave the Commanders. As was the case when all this started, he still loved to watch and we enjoyed putting on a show. Levi sat up, wrapped one arm around my waist, using the other to support his weight. I changed from grinding to bouncing, and each time I came back down, Levi would thrust himself up to meet me. Harder and harder he hammered as my screams grew louder. He pushed my body forward so I was on all fours and pounded me till I felt myself dripping with his seed.
I rolled myself of Levi, and he headed back to the bathroom.
I made my way over to the small bed in the corner, but it was cold and empty…
I ran my hands over the surface desperately searching for any signs of warmth, but found none…
I curled up my body and gripped the sheets while I screamed into the mattress…
The year was 852, and it had been two years since Erwin left me…
The six months the three of us shared together had been the happiest of my life…
In all the time that had past, the love I felt for him never weakened or wavered...
Each time I closed my eyes, I saw his ocean blue ones staring back at me. I’d often reach out with my hands to touch him, swearing he was there…
Many times I’d thought about saying goodbye to the world in the hope he’d be waiting for me on the other side…
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave Levi alone…
Every day he had to live with the decision he’d made, and see how much it hurt me. And despite us both knowing the choice he made had been the right one, it didn’t do much to quell the pain…
Life had to go on though, and I refused to hold a grudge. Erwin would have forbid it. And having each other to lean on was the only thing that enabled us to get this far…
I walked back into the bedroom to the sounds of [Y/N] sobbing…
I climbed onto the bed, sitting in the spot where I knew she’d seen him, and lifted her head onto my lap…
I knew she still talked to him, and so did I...
My grief was just as strong as hers was, but I needed to remain strong or both our minds would break apart…
She hadn’t been out on a mission since it happened. Hanji knew her mental health couldn’t handle it, and understood she would be more of a liability than anything else…
Hanji, being the new Commander, also never made us leave our room. She kept Erwin’s office as an homage to him, and gave my office to the new Fourth Squad Leader…
I shimmied down in the bed, and embraced [Y/N] tightly, bringing her head to my chest. Her weeping settled, and soon she was sleeping soundly. Running my fingers once more over her stomach, I laughed to myself about how I always seemed to know the important milestones in her life before she did…
There would be three of us living in here again, soon enough…
Well that's it guys.
Thanks for sticking it out with me.
All your beautiful words have mean the world to me, and fueled the passion I had for this project.
*Kisses for everyone*
Chapter 29: SPECIAL: Our New Family
SPECIAL: Our New Family
“Captain Ackerman! Captain Ack – “
I spun my head towards the open doorway of Hanji’s Office, to see Historia panting – her floor length white dress clenched in her hands so as not to trip while running.
“Commander Hanji, Captain, I’m sorry to interrupt you!” She exclaimed, quickly saluting.
“Ahhh, Historia! What are you doing? You don’t have to salute them!” Eren cried, standing up only to bow slightly in her presence.
Hanji began laughing uncontrollably at the exchange, almost falling backwards on her chair.
“I’m sorry Captain – I mean Levi. I guess old habits die hard, but it’s time,” she implored.
My eyes widened at the realisation of what those words meant. Hanji yelled, springing to her feet and – dragging me by the arm, made her way to the door.
“Eren, Armin, we will continue this discussion later. There is a far more pressing matters right now, so please inform Levi’s Squad that [Y/N] has gone into labour!”
“What?” Eren bellowed.
“Of course Commander, right away. Should we gather them together?” Armin inquired.
“No need, this may take a while. Send Sasha to their rooms in two hours for an update.”
With that, Hanji pulled me out of the room and down the hallway.
So many things had happened in the past five months.
Historia was visiting from the Capital, having only arrived two days ago. Her plan was to stay until the baby arrived, but it was early. Uncertain of the exact due date, Hanji theorised that the time was coming and sent news to her. To my amazement, she’d arrived three days later, guards, politicians and advisers in tow – taking up an entire wing of HQ and being a real pain in my arse. I don’t mean Historia herself of course, but we could have done without the entourage.
Seeing my room in sight, I shook my arm free from Hanji’s grip and bolted to the door. I flung it open and rushed to the internal door to our bedroom. There was complete silence, bar the sound of very heavy breathy – stopping me in my tracks. I’d never been privy to what a woman went through during childbirth, but I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy time for [Y/N]. Seeing her in pain was my Achilles heel. I wanted to be with her, comfort her – everything inside willing me to open the door, but my physical body was winning this battle. Far too many times I’d seen her in pain since Erwin’s passing…
“Snap out of it Levi!”
A swift hand connected with the back of my head. It was Historia. How did this tiny woman always manage to be there when we needed her most? She had so often been the voice of reason for [Y/N], and now it was my turn. She was right, what the fuck was I doing? The love of my life was behind that door and I was standing here like a god damn child.
Entering my bedroom, I was met by two nurses – brought by Historia from the Capital, with [Y/N] laying on the small bed in the corner. It’s exactly where I’d expected to find her. Her place of comfort.
“Are you alright?” I blurted out, walking to the bed.
“She’s fine sir!” One of the nurses informed, stepping in front of me, “labour has only just begun, and her contractions are still ten minutes apart.”
I tried to manoeuvre around her, but both women were blocking my way. My anger began to build. This was my house, my partner, my room and my baby!
“We will inform you once the baby is born.”
“Like fuck you will!”
“Please, you are distressing the mother.”
I could hear [Y/N] giggling from behind them, along with slightly strained moans and the rustling of sheets
“You need to return to the bed, Miss.” One of the nurses told [Y/N], but she clearly didn’t know who she was dealing with.
Waddling over to the unwanted help that Historia had so lovingly provided me, I could see Levi through the small space between their bodies. His hands were clenched into tight fists and his eyes were piercing through them with an intense hatred that only my Captain could provide.
“Tori!” I yelled.
“Yes Brit?” She answered, entering the room with Hanji.
“Would you mind letting these two lovely ladies know that they are not needed for now, and they’d better leave if they value their lives.” I smirked.
“Are you sure?”
I could see Levi dart his head in her direction, and Hanji leant against the door frame.
“But your Majesty,” a nurse began, “she needs to rest before the contractions speed up.”
“I think you’ll find that walking around during the early stages has far more beneficial effects, possibly leading to a quicker labour.” Hanji spoke knowingly, as she stared at her fingernails.
“I’ve got everyone I need, thank you.”
“You heard the woman, I’ll get you when she’s ready to start pushing.” Hanji continued, pushing herself off the wall and joining Levi. She propped a playful arm around his shoulders, stepping him aside allowing the nurses to storm off in a huff.
“I love you to death Tori, but I told you I didn’t need them.” My eyes rolled as I sat back down on the edge of the bed. “I’ve got Hanji, she knows what she’s doing.”
In the twenty seconds since the nurses left, Levi had calmed down considerably and made his way to sit next to me. I was about to speak when I felt the tightening begin in the top of my abdomen, slowly building and pushing downwards. My brows knit tightly together as I grabbed Levi’s hand and clung onto it for dear life. Long, arduous breaths left my body as I breathed through the pain.
Once it was over, my grip on Levi’s hand loosed and I chuckled at the red marks I’d left with my nails.
“Sorry ‘bout that Captain,” I beamed at him, endeared by the fact he hadn’t even flinched. Raising his palm, I kissed the welts before placing it on my cheek.
“You feel clammy,” he muttered, a slight tone of concern in his voice.
“I’m fine,” I dismissed.
“She feels clammy,” he repeated his unease, this time to Hanji.
“That’s because she’s in labour, Short Stuff.” Hanji replied sharply, flicking Levi in the forehead.
“Touch me again Four-Eyes and I’ll break your fingers!”
“Ooo.” She jumped back cackling, “still as feisty as ever. Better work on that temper, you’re gonna be a daddy very soon.”
Levi and Hanji had grown very close in recent months, she leaned on him for support just as Erwin had done. He let her get away with so much more than he ever had before, but it was clear she would never completely fill the void.
“Do you guys mind leaving us alone for a while?” I asked, scooting back onto the bed as best I could.
“Sure thing,” Historia agreed, taking Hanji by the collar and pulling her out backwards from the room. “We’ll be just out here if she needs anything, ok Levi?” She advised, poking her head back through the door before closing it.
Seeing that I was struggling to find a reasonably comfortable position, Levi gathered the pillows from our large bed and brought them over to me.
“What would I ever do without you?” I asked, looking lovingly into his eyes.
“Well you wouldn’t be in this position for starters.” He addressed me with his typical Levi dryness, and I loved him even more for it.
Lying on my side with knees raised, was currently the most comfortable position, and once the pillows were arranged Levi laid down behind me. His body formed to mine as another contraction took over. His arm lay across the large bump that was my stomach, and I laced my fingers with his and squeezed. Having him there didn’t ease the pain in any way, but it made it easier to bare. He was my partner in life, and even though it wasn’t a man’s place to be present during childbirth, there was no place either of us would rather him be.
That’s how I knew I was the luckiest woman on earth.
Despite it being two and a half years since we lost Erwin, there was still a gaping hole in our lives. In those first twenty-four months, my mind had been cloudy in a haze on denial. I spent most of the time pretending he was still around - believing my hallucinations were reality. Levi had never torn me out of that world, scared I’d break down completely – meaning he’d have lost us both. Needless to say, it was a relief to everyone; Hanji, Levi and his entire squad, that I seemed to snap out of my trance when he finally gathered the nerves to tell me I was pregnant. A fact that I, embarrassingly, was the last person to know about.
To say we were nervous, was an understatement, though only I understood the true extent of the Captains anxieties. With Historia ruling in the Capital, his squad had become our extended surrogate family, with aunty Hanji the mother I so dearly needed. They’d basically prepared everything we’d need – seeing as though this would be the first ‘official’ Survey Corps baby. In the past, all pregnant soldiers were either discharged, or sent away till they had their children. But we were a special case. How exactly do you tell humanities strongest solider that he can’t have his cake and eat it too?
As the hours passed, Levi never left my side. Helping as best he could, his support more valuable at getting me through the events than any remedy the finest nurses provided. When the final stage was in sight, Hanji posted Jean and Connie at the door to our room – with Sasha and Mikasa in our living quarters ready with water constantly boiling on the fire if needed. Hanji, Historia and the two nurses joined us in the bedroom.
Levi was positioned behind me as I rest back on his chest. My hands held tightly onto his as the nurse told me it was time to start pushing. Never in my life had I experienced agony such as this. Nothing could possibly describe the absolute torture. But then, as if something otherworldly had known my plight, a tremendous calm overtook me. For the next short while, my psyche ceased to exist in its human form – my body took over as I floated above myself.
“There’s not need to worry you know, you’ll both make great parents.”
As my physical body strained beneath me, my aura was engulfed by familiar arms.
“Please come back with me.” I pleaded. “We need you.”
Warmth compressed around me, but no response was uttered.
“Why did you stop coming to me?”
“You didn’t need me anymore…look around, can’t you see all the love in this room?
“Will you visit again?”
“This is the end. I’m required elsewhere.”
“But I’m forgetting what you look like.” I sobbed, trying desperately to see him but to no avail.
“I’ve made sure that will never happen…I love you [Y/N].”
With that, I descended back into consciousness.
“It’s a boy!” Hanji screamed dashing out the door to tell the squad.
Panting, sweaty and completely wrecked, a tiny blonde-haired bundle of perfection – that looked nothing like Levi or myself, was thrust into my open arms.
“Looks like old eyebrows is still in control of something.” Levi whispered in my ear.
“Have you thought of a name?” Historia asked as Hanji burst back through the door.
“Edwin…It also means ‘friend’.”
No further explanation was needed, we all knew to who’s name I was referring.
Exhausted, I lay my head back on Levi’s shoulder as he brushed away the hair that was stuck to my face.
After cleaning me, the nurses gathered all the soiled cloths and ushered the two other women out with them, leaving us alone.
This tiny place we called our home, was made by three, for three. It hadn’t felt complete for some time, but now, finally, we were a trio again.