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How to tame a few Demon Warlords, A x-man, A God, a Play boy, and other adventures in other worldly fucking

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Coming home after a night out is always exhausting.

Especially when everything’s got to be done on the downlow.

I have a breakfast with my sisters in two hours and I recently just got back to this dimension.

I lie on my gray down comforter, staring at the molding on the ceiling for a second.

I roll over onto my side and open a drawer in my nightstand. Pulling it out and then opening the secret compartment inside it, pulling out my faithful little red book. It’s worn with age and the pages are yellow. I’ve been meaning to digitize it- but I haven’t got the time to do so yet.

I turn to the middle, finding my late night flings name and pausing with a pen. Putting a ‘C’ beside his numerous grades. He’s slipping. Last month it was a B minus. Maybe time is getting to him. Maybe he’s distracted. Who knows?

He seemed eager enough for me to leave. Usually I can stay a day or two.

I sigh and put the book back in its compartment.

I exhale slowly, bending down and removing my socks. There’s always something so comforting about taking my socks off. I guess it’s the final signal to my brain that the day is officially done. 

My dress shirt is buttoned wrong and has a few stains on it. I pull it over my head, reaching down and sliding out of my slacks.

I notice with little amusement that I’ve lost my briefs again.

Fuck it all. Those were expensive.

I’ll bill him if he doesn’t return them.

I close my eyes, feeling my body repair itself from our busy night. I pull my slacks into my arms and dig in the pockets, pulling out a handful of gold coins. Ancient currency. Priceless in today’s age.

I never sell them though.

I dig in the bottom drawer of the nightstand- again pulling out a secret compartment and depositing the coins amongst a full compartment of others. I like keeping presents. I can’t help it. It’s been engrained in me from when I’m was a child. My men used to give me presents from all over the globe. Rubies. Emeralds. Diamonds. Sapphires. Pearls. I kept every single one of them.

I feel exhausted... but it’s a small price to pay for getting to fuck the devil. Literally.

Well... one of them anyway. I do have rendezvous with the other ‘self professed’ Satan- but it’s always very strict and formal. His competition keeps it light and breezy. I prefer that but when called upon- who am I to say ‘no’? I’m compensated but I don’t have to be. I have my own money. I mainly do this for fun. I get lonely at night and feel better about myself when I’m sleeping in someone else’s bed.

I get a pathetic hour of sleep before I’m up again and in the shower. Washing off the traces of cum and sweat, smiling to myself at the thought of washing away a handful of ‘future warriors’.

All dressed up with no egg to fertilize. What a life.

I turn my shower off and step out into my foggy bathroom, drying off with a towel while staring myself over in the mirror.

My body is as attractive as ever. As I look at myself, something feels... wrong. And I can’t place it. I shrug the feeling off as I slip into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Toweling off my hair messily- choosing to let it air dry today.

I leave my bathroom and pad into my bedroom. Going to my walk in closet and selecting a black pair of tennis shoes from the fifty something pairs of shoes I have.

The stereotype that women are shoeoholics is amusing to me.

I have more shoes than any of the women I know. Including the models.

I pick my wallet off my black stained dresser and leave my room, walking through my spacious apartment with it’s plush white carpet and it’s high ceilings, and heading out the door.

The restaurant is a measly block away. It would be a waste of gas to drive so I don’t bother with my keys.

I never lock my apartment anyway. If someone is brave enough to rob me- more power to them. My apartment is so minimalistic that they won’t find much to steal.

I check my phone- still at a mere 15%. My host didn’t have electricity so I couldn’t charge it last night. Luckily for me it’s fairly new and the charge lasts forever and a day.

The world is gloomy and gray as I exit my apartment building and head out onto the street.

The air has a nip to it and light rain drops fall on me.

More the better- blaring sunlight would have given me a headache.

The restaurant is a small cafe that Laura and I meet at once a week. Recently she’s taken to bringing Gabby.

I... like it. Our conversation is .. toned down to be more ‘child friendly’- but I like it still the same.

I see my sisters sitting outside on the patio- Laura in her short skirt and low tank top- meaning she’s been shopping for herself again- and Gabby in her mismatched tights and wolverine hoodie.

I don’t know how many lessons I have to give them on fashion before it sticks. I swear, they’ll be the death of me.

I wave as I approach. Seeing two identical sets of green eyes turn to me. Laura’s eyeliner is a little heavy today. I wonder if she’s trying to make some kind of statement or just had a heavy hand. She rarely wears makeup anymore. It’s weird to see her going from a fresh face to one so heavily covered.

Gabby smiles wide, waving back enthusiastically.

I pull a black metal chair out and join them at the table. Three menus are set facedown on the black metal grid of a table. One of those that looks like chain link of some sort- where you can feel dried paint in large metal like blobs on the underside of the table.

“We ordered you a coffee,” Gabby says.

Laura arches an eyebrow. “We didn’t know if you’d be recovering from a hangover or not.”

I grant her a smile. “Not. I happy to say.”

She nods. “So.... where were you last night?”

“Around,” I say pleasantly as I pick up a menu, leafing through the pages though I’ve memorized them by heart.

“I couldn’t find you... I had a friend check cerebro. She couldn’t find you either.”

“Hmm. Don’t set your nosey telepaths after me,” I chide, not looking up from my menu. “I promise you- if you don’t find me at night, I am probably entertaining someone else and therefore unable to answer your call anyway.”

“Entertaining someone else, hmm? And can I ask who he was?”

“Or she,” Gabby adds, looking at me expectantly.

“No, you can’t,” I say simply.

Laura smiles. “Always the secretive one.”

I grant her a smirk. “Sister dear if you knew half of my dealings, your head would spin.”

Her look turns serious. “Illegal?”

I sigh. “No. As agreed I’ve refrained from doing anything overtly ‘bad’.”

She smiles again. “Bobby was wondering when you were going to visit the school again.”

“So he can awkwardly stare from a distance while he tries to figure out how to correctly make a move?” I ask, clucking my tongue. “I don’t see why he’d be in a rush to repeat last time.”

Last time we were... interrupted. Rudely. By none other than my life giver and an ‘urgent’ mission.

Oh the joys of trying to successfully bed an x-man.

Bobby’s really the only one of interest.

Though on a bad day if I were feeling bad enough about myself- I’d take Remy.

Maybe I should look into the fact that I use sex as a way to feel good about myself. But... that sounds like it would involve a therapist and really- who has the time?

“I think he thinks his odds are better with Logan gone on his honey moon,” She says.

Hmm. The honeymoon. How sweet.

“Did he get my gift?”

“If by ‘gift’ you mean a condolence card to his bride- then yes,” She says smirking. “You could have come to the wedding you know.”

“I could also claw my eyes out with rusty paper clips,” I say.

“Fair point,” Laura says.

“The cake was good,” Gabby says, taking a sip of the sprite in front of her.

“Not a fan of cake.” I put my menu down.

“They had shrimp. Like... a LOT of shrimp.” Gabby smiles. “It was awesome!”

“I’m glad you had fun,” I say with a smirk.

I’m not opposed to my father’s new bride.

In actuality I like her more than I care to admit.

And I admire her for being able to put up with my father. Any woman that can stomach that man is worth a least some respect.

“Ororo makes a good mom,” She says. “At least- I think she does. I’ve never had a mom before.”

Laura smiles. “She’s doing a very good job.”

“Your attire seems to suggest otherwise,” I say with a hum.

“What?” She asks in confusion.

I motion to her. “You’re reverting back to your.. gothic attire. All black, tight, short, heavy eyeliner.”

Laura hums to herself. “I’m finding my look,” She says simply.

“And I’m sure this has nothing to do with the vampire you’re trying to sway,” I say with a grin.

Laura looks down at the table- a blush gracing her cheeks.

“Oh come on,” I tease. “You can rib me about my dates but I can’t return the favor?”

She sighs and looks up. “It’s hard to date women after being forced into the idea of only dating men.”

“You get used to it,” I say gently. “For the record, Ms. Lee would be lucky to have you.”

Laura smiles. “You think that about everyone.”

“Well you’re better than everyone,” I say simply. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“As our big brother aren’t you supposed to say that?” Gabby asks.

“I mean it,” I say, winking at her.

She grins. “You’re in a good mood today.”

I hum to myself. “I guess I am.”

“I suppose that has something to do with your ‘entertainment’ last night?” Laura teases.

I shrug. “I guess.”

“Why do you two always talk about dates?” Gabby sticks her tongue out. “It’s gross.”

“You’ll learn,” I laugh. “Or not. It may not be your thing.”

“I can’t understand why it’s anyone’s ‘thing’,” Gabby says,crossing her arms. “Dating is hard, it takes up a lot of time, and you have to put up with another person like ALL the time. And you only get one! Who only wants ONE person to be with? How do you know you’ve picked the right one if you don’t get to sample all that’s out there???”

Her reaction makes me laugh- genuinely laugh at that. “Maybe monogamy isn’t for you.”

Laura smiles as well. “It’s something you can work out when you’re older,” She says simply.

Gabby shrugs. “If you say so.” She sips some more of her sprite.

Eventually the waiter comes with my coffee and takes our orders.

We have a pleasant yet uneventful breakfast and finish in a timely manner. We’re not ones to linger.

Laura hugs me tightly. “I’ll see you next week,” She says.

Gabby hugs my waist. “I’ll text you!” She says.

I know she will.

“Be safe going home,” I say fondly.

That’s the closest I can come to telling them that I ‘love’ them.

They know not to push the issue.

I walk back to my apartment and open my door. Under it, along with a few suspicious scorch marks is a note.

I pick it up with amusement.

It asks for a rendezvous tonight.

Of course at the moment I have no way to reposed to him without using some kind of witchcraft. Which he’s taught me juuuuusssssst enough to protect myself while traveling between dimensions and to summon him when I need him.

He’s not a fan of that.

He prefers our encounters to be on his terms and on his turf.

It’s... charming.

I get to play concubine to an actual King.

It’s good for a self esteem boost.

Bad for my image if I let the world know I’ve been bedded by one of the biggest ‘womanizers’ this side of the Big Dipper.

I can imagine it would cause quite a stir amongst some people. The amusement I gain from that thought is almost enough to let it slip. Almost.

But then I’d be tied down by rumors. And I hate that.

I look at the note with fondness.

The handwriting is steady yet quickly scrawled.

To be honest, he’s not used to writing in English.

He has his own tongue from ages past, but he’s also quite fluent in Latin.

Which my knowledge of amazed and amused him.

I suppose it’s the only pay off I got from my years of lessons.

I should thank Master.

In fact, in this instance I should thank him for a lot of things.

My strict diet and self control to maintain a fuckable body. My guarded emotional distance to keep from getting overly attached. My slight father figure issues that lead to some.. interesting times in the bedroom.

The thought of actually thanking him after accepting all he did to me was in fact abuse- is an odd one to me.

I spent years trying not to dwell on my upbringing.

Laura made me focus on it. Called it into the light. Showed me that my... way of viewing the past was skewed.

Maybe the abuse has something to do with my day to day dealings. Especially when it comes to picking partners here lately. None of these men- save Bobby- can be seen necessarily as ‘healthy’.

Eh. What’s a guy to do? Focus on his mental health? It’s so much easier to fuck the night away and banish it from my mind.

My relationship with sex is... complicated. I need it to feel worth something. To feel good about myself.

I don’t think I’m doing it for the right reasons. For human connection. For intimacy.

Ha. There’s nothing intimate about what I’m doing.

Hopping from bed to bed like an olden days harlot.

I’m too into my head.

I sigh and try to focus on the here and now.

The paper in my hands turns to ashes- as they always do.

I walk into my small kitchen and pull a pear out of my fridge.

This counts as a healthy snack- right?

All I had at the cafe was coffee.

Several of my lovers fuss over my eating habits.

I’m quick to point out that their love for my body is one of the reasons my... complicated relationships with food exist.

I am partial to Neyaphem sweets. Something about the sugar they use- it’s pure. Uncut. Sweeter.

As a quote ‘concubine’ it’s my right to demand to be showered with gifts.

I finish the pear and go to sit on my leather couch, staring at the blank 65 inch TV in front of me.

There’s the sound of something being conjured in my bedroom- the stench of sulfur. The loud noise of an items sudden appearance.

I sigh and stand to my feet, walking into my room to be greeted by a very familiar- yet unwanted sight.

“What do you want?” I ask flatly.

The large black creature in front of me crosses his arms. “Well that’s hardly anyway to talk to a guest- now is it?”

“I don’t count you as a guest. More like a errand boy.”

Blackheart huffs. “A role I assume is fair to see me as.” He watches me carefully. “Father wants to see you.”

“Hmm... sorry. I have another engagement,”I say.

The creature shifts on his feet. “He wants you to accompany him to an event.” 

“You must not have heard me,” I say with a smirk.

“You must not have hear me,” He counters. “He’ll pay you handsomely.”

“I’ve no interest is seeing your father tonight,” I say. “So...” I shoo him with my hands. “Be gone.”

He circles me. “You dismiss me knowing full well I can throw you over my shoulder and force you to come with me.”

“Do it. I dare you,” I say. “Your father will have words with you.”

He growls- guttural and deep. “Why all these powerful beings want to see your mortal self- I have no idea.”

“Would you believe that the sex is just that good?” I ask.

“It must be,” He says stiffly. “Father never keeps lovers this long.”

“Hmm.” I raise my eyebrow, watching him circle me. “Like I said, I have a prior engagement. I’ll not be seeing him tonight. Run along and tell him to call again another night.”

Blackheart stops moving, going completely still. “You are so weak,” He chuckles. “Such a fragile thing. I can snap your bones in my hand.”

“And your threats make me that much more likely to join your father as his side piece,” I say.

“He promises a good time,” Blackheart says. “If that means anything to you.”

“It doesn’t. Now go.”

“You know he doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” He growls.

“But he will this time. Go.”

“Who’s so important that your shunning a lord of hell?” He asks, watching me carefully.

“Hmmm If I told you- it’s ruin the fun, start a war, and no longer be a mystery.”

“Atlantan?” He asks.

“I can’t stand going under the ocean.”


“Too stiff.”


“Not in the mood to drink.”

“Hmm.” He nods. “You’re such a lucky boy- aren’t you?” He asks.

I don’t like his phrasing.

“Having all these powerful men want you.” He stops in front of me and cups my chin, turning my face up. “But you’re really nothing,” He says. “Just a whore. A flavor of the week. Everyone’s new favorite toy.” He licks his black lips. “One has to wonder what exactly makes you so special....hmm? Your eyes...? Your lips? Your body?”

I feel his eyes roam over me.

“You’re making me uncomfortable,” I growl.

He smirks. “Consider my father’s offer. I would truly and sincerely hate for something to happen to you. But you are,” He fingers my lip, “Oh so painfully mortal. Aren’t you?”

“I dismiss you,” I stay stiffly. “Begone.”

He huffs. “You don’t have the balls.”

“I revoke your invitation to this house,” I say, knowing just what to say. “And I banish you from it.”

“Fucker,” He growls as he’s forcibly teleported back from whence he came.

I inhale deeply- sitting on my bed.

“Too many all powerful fuckers,” I mutter, laying back.

I’m starting to doze as my phone goes off, I check the screen and see Johnny’s texted. I open his message and sigh. He is ALSO inviting me out tonight. Oh so sweetly- too.

No scorch marks on my floor, no threatening offspring, no ‘promises’ of a good time. Just a simple movie date.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember, with all that I’m currently involved in, that it’s okay to do simple mortal things.

I don’t respond to his text, instead curling on my side and pulling my pillow to my face.

Three invites from three different men- two of which are more powerful than any other being I can currently think of. Oh what is a boy to do?

I kick my shoes off, giving myself over to the pleasure of sleep.

All of this can wait for an hour or two.

Mephisto surely isn’t stupid enough to try and force the issue. Blackheart won’t be back unless I summon him. Of course, he could send another lackey- but I think he sends his son as a sign of how ‘serious’ he is.

I think of it carefully. A formal night on the arm of the devil, being something pretty to look at in front of all of his friends and allies. A stiff fuck in his opulent bedroom. A gift of something large and shiny. Payment.

Argh. Then there’s his counterpart. And Johnny.

At least they’re not pushy.

The bed is soft and warm- but I can’t shut my mind off.

Not all the way.

I’ve made so many ‘friends’ in the dark magic catagory. I could easily summon someone to find out what Mephisto actually wants.

I could.. but what a waste of energy.

I’m focusing on nothing when the smell of sulfur hits my nostrils again- this time from the living room.

I groan and stand to my feet, surprised and happy that it’s not a person that’s been sent to me.

On the coffee table in front of my couch is a small parchment wrapped package.

I open it and find a rather large gem of some sort. Not earthly.

Beside it is a bundle of cloth. Clothing.

The note says that someone will be by to collect me at five.

I can’t help but shake my head.

The only way to tell him ‘no’ is to summon him, one of his lackeys , his offspring, or simply try in vain to use a Ouija board. That’s like shouting into a dark hallway though- everyone can hear you and only the really nasty ones are likely to respond.

I go to my cabinet and pull out some salt- salting the doorway and all the windows. Then making a line in front of my bedroom door.

It won’t stop them from entering- but it will at least slow them down.

I crawl back into bed- head spinning from all my activity and the little amount of sleep I’ve gotten.

I wish I had someone behind me.

I sleep better with someone else in my bed.

To be honest, though, I haven’t actually slept in my bed in a few nights.

I close my eyes and drift off- enjoying being enveloped by my own scent and my own belongings. Demon Lords, lackeys, and dark magic can wait.

I’ve got some serious resting to do before I even entertain the THOUGHT of entertaining.


I let some amusement filter through my mind- I do like being the favorite toy. I’ll be honest enough with myself to admit that. It strokes my ego. Out of all the creatures these beings could choose- they choose me. They want me. I am wanted.

I... I like to feel wanted.

Maybe that has something to do with my ‘issues’, as Laura puts it.


Not worth focusing on at the moment.

I keep my eyes closed and finally-blessedly- drift off to sleep.