Chapter 1: Insert Generic Beginning Chapter Title
Those were his last words before he finally began to die.
Everything around him was starting to slow down, he could feel his body become colder and colder as his heartbeat was cut off so swiftly by the steel blade tearing right through him. Now, it’s a known fact that the brain continues to function for approximately 4 to 6 minutes after the heart no longer functions. He had all 6 minutes for his life to flash before his eyes. Every person he met, every relationship he had created and destroyed, every goddamned moment of slapstick that all lead up to this single point. Why the fuck was this happening? Where did it all go wrong? Unfortunately, he would not be able to find out those answers, for the 6 minutes finally ran out. Then the absolute darkness set in around him.
The next thing he knew, he was alone, naked, confused, and freezing in the bitter cold of the dark void surrounding him.
“Gwarsh, why the fuck is i hear?” pondered Goofy.
Hoping for anyone who could tell him where he was, Goofy proceeded to shout, “HELLO???”
As his cries echoed through the void, Goofy awaited for an answer, but nobody came. So Goofy decided to start wandering around his unknown realm out of a desire to understand where he is. As he wandered, he paid attention to the overall area. Along with the black void above him, the surface was completely covered in several feet of distinctly blue snow that felt as fine as powdered sugar.
“This blue snow… i wonder if this is that blue shit that Walter White used too brag about? H’yuck!” Goofy joked to himself.
But then Goofy swiftly reconsidered his joke and got curious enough to snort some of the snow into his nose. Unfortunately for him, this was an incredibly stupid and obviously bad decision he made.
“HOLY FUCK! THATS FUCKIN COLD AS SHIT! WHY DID I EVEN DO THAT SHIT???” hollered Goofy as he frantically tried to sneeze the snow out.
Overwhelmed by the cold surrounding him and within the confines of his nostrils, Goofy collapsed to the ground. Goofy, once a well-known, endurable, respected troll for the Troll Kingdom, now reduced to a shivering, foolish dog in the middle of an unknown land in the Realm of the Dead.
Knowing that he could endure a lot of things like great falls from the sky, being frozen, and even a bullet through the head, Goofy figured he could curl up under the snow to give him some time to think and figure out where he was. As he was attempting to figure out where he was, he began to feel rather groggy, but he did not want to sleep in this frosty field. However, with each passing minute, his eyelids were feeling heavier and heavier. Goofy found it hard to resist the temptation to slumber underneath the snow, but he certainly tried to stay awake. But after about 5 minutes of struggling, he succumbed to sleeping, and the snow began to blanket Goofy.
After about 1 hour of slumbering underneath the snow, Goofy opened his eyes to see that he was under several feet’s worth of snow. So he tried to move, but he found that he was so cold and so immersed in the snow that he could only move his head! As he squirmed and struggled to get loose, he looked to his left and caught a glimpse of something, rather, someone familiar.
“Donald Duck? What the fuck is you doing here?” asked Goofy.
No answer came from Donald.
Then Goofy suddenly found himself able to free one of his arms from the snow. With said arm free, he attempted to reach over to Donald, only to realize that unlike himself, Donald was nothing more than a severed head! This sight caused Goofy to panic and free his upper half from the snow covering him. Next, Donald’s head began to sputter and quack, which quickly escalated into wild laughter and the next thing Goofy knew, Donald’s head was spontaneously combusting while laughing. But this psychotic laughter swiftly turned into agonized screaming as Donald’s head melted like a hot candle, which motivated Goofy to burst completely out of the snow as he screamed in horror over what he saw; after that happened, Goofy took one more peek to see if there was going to be any remains of Donald’s head. But when Goofy looked, there was nothing there, not a single feather, bone, or even a dribble of melted flesh. Nothing but the same frost that surrounded him.
“Gwarsh. Well that was fuckin creepy as shit.” grumbled Goofy.
“If this place thinks it can troll me it better think again.” continued Goofy.
“Because I know im gonna find a way outta here! H’yuck!” Goofy shouted to no one in particular.
As Goofy continued to search the area, he managed to see a dead tree about 7 meters away toward the east. So Goofy walked over to there to get a closer look at the tree, hoping it may give him some sort of clue on how to escape or perhaps even be some mystic portal of sorts. As he approached the tree, he examined it for a couple of minutes, to see if there was any kind of magical qualities. He touched the tree, nothing happened; knocked on the tree, nothing still; and he even flipped off the tree, but once again, nothing happened.
Frustrated with his efforts being for nothing, Goofy groaned, “Well that was fuckin stupid.”
After that disappointing excuse of a discovery, a bright blue light suddenly came out from above and shined directly on to Goofy.
“GOOFY!!! STEP FORWARD INTO THE LIGHT!!!” shouted an almighty voice.
“What the fuck? God? Is you lightin blue for Autism Awareness?” taunted Goofy
“GOOOOOOOOOFFYYYYYYYYYY!!!” bellowed the voice.
“H’yuck h’yuck you mad God? I bet you is real butt hurt now you divine deadbeat dad. H’yuck!” trolled Goofy.
Then zipping out from the light was none other than Kami!
“Thats it Goofy youre comin with me goddamn it!” hollered Kami.
Then Kami was right in front of Goofy, who fell to the seat of his pants.
“Holy shit! You isnt God!” exclaimed Goofy.
Goofy then pointed at Kami as he explained, “You isnt bearded, you isnt gigantic, and you isnt a white guy neither!”
Kami then smirked and replied, “Thats right im not either of those because the god you know isnt real, he doesnt exist, them Christians have made a major mistake with there belief system.”
Further puzzled, Goofy then asked, “Well then who is you a pickle fucker? H’yuck!”
Ignoring Goofy’s rather pathetic attempt to troll him, Kami introduced himself, “I am Kami God of Earth and one of the many Gods of the Unjiverse.”
“Who the fuck is you talking about?” asked Goofy.
“You will understand in due time. Now come and follow me to the light!” commanded Kami as he floated towards the blue light.
Heading towards the blue light, Goofy muttered to himself, “i bet Mickey will love it up here when he dies h’yuck!”
Chapter 2: Goofy in Paradise
Goofy is now in heaven alongside Kami, but are things too good to be true for someone who lived life as a cruel-hearted troll?
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
After entering the bright, blue light, Goofy suddenly found himself in what appeared to be heaven; yes, heaven, paradise, the farm, the big house in the sky itself! It was truly a magnificent place to be. The weather was a mix of sunny and cloudy with gentle breezes and rainbows of every goddamn color, choirs of all different languages filled the air, and angels were eating bagels with cream cheese. But before Goofy could even take it all in, Kami pulled Goofy over to his side and they began to walk through heaven.
“Goofy is you aware of why you is here?” questioned Kami.
“Because I was shot in the head then stabbed in the heart of coarse!” replied Goofy.
Kami grumbled in frustration, then said, “Not why you is dead Goofy. But why you is not burning in Tartarus. That is the question.”
“Gwarsh! Is you stupid Kami? Everyone knows the question is ‘To be or not to be!’ H’yuck!” laughed Goofy.
Tired of his jokes, Kami glared at Goofy and spoke sternly, “Goofy this is no laughing matter. Hell this shitty trolling is why you was almost sent to Tartarus.”
Then Kami grabbed Goofy by his left arm, held him tightly, and continued to talk.
“Since you is unable to figure out why you is here… ill have to to get to the point.”
“Jesus Kami get off me you stupid ass homo! H’yuck!” hollered Goofy as he tried to squirm himself free.
But Kami did not listen and suddenly, Kami used his levitation powers to carry him and Goofy straight to a large Greek colosseum-like structure. After they land at the entrance. Kami lets go of Goofy’s arm and they proceeded to walk inside.
“Gwarsh! What the fuck is this place? Some kinda vomitorium?” asked Goofy.
“Wrong civilization Goofy. And no this is the Divine Courtroom where the Gods of the Unjiverse determine the fate of particular souls based on their ultimate perpose in life and their overall deeds and misdeeds.” explained Kami.
After listening to Kami’s explanation, Goofy started to put the pieces together, “Wait a sec the reason im here is…”
“Yes Goofy...” interrupted Kami.
“…you is here because you stand on trial for YOURE misdeeds in life.” spoke Kami as he and Goofy appeared in the main courtroom along with multiple beings seated in high chairs.
Then after making his statement to Goofy, Kami levitated over to said beings and he seated himself right next to them. The other beings were Zeus, Quetzalcoatl, Freyja, Aku Aku, Gadget Hackwrench, God from Monty Python, the Goddesses of the Triforce, an adult Frisk, Bender, Littlefoot’s Mother, Optimus Prime, Mothra, and a great white shark.
“Behold Goofy! We are the Gods of the Unjiverse!!!” bellowed Zeus.
Goofy could not find it in him to make any sort of reply, all he could do was nervously gulp as the other Gods began to speak.
Optimus Prime began with, “Autobots! Transform and r-Oops, shit…”
A few of the Gods of the Unjiverse face-palmed in annoyance; Goofy couldn’t help but chuckle at Optimus Prime’s screw-up.
Then an especially frustrated Monty Python’s God roared, “WEVE BEEN OVER THIS BEFORE OPTIMUS PRIME! YOU IS SUPPOSED TO SAY-“
“Yes yes I know… I apologize.” interrupted Optimus Prime.
Optimus Prime took a deep breath and said, “All rise.”
All but Aku Aku stood up.
“Acting as judge for Goofy will be the Second God of Earth Aku Aku.” hissed Quetzalcoatl.
“And now by the powers invested in the Gods of the Unjiverse court is now in session.” spoke Din.
Goofy was sweating with anticipation; not only did he fear the trial itself, but what his eventual fate could possibly be. Would he be forced to burn in Tartarus for all eternity? Would he need to be reincarnated into a much worse state than his past life? Would he somehow manage to gain his wings and halo? One way or another, this was certainly going to be one Hell, errr, HEAVEN of a trial for Goofy!
Welp, you done Goofed.
Chapter 3: The Divine Trial: The Gods of the Unjiverse vs Goofy
Goofy stands on trial before the Gods of the Unjiverse. What fates awaits him? Find out when you read this chapter!
“Eternal blessings everyone. Calling the case of The Gods of the Unjiverse vs Mr. Goofy P.F. Dawg.” said Aku Aku.
“Goofy! You is guilty of the crimes of tormenting animals, provoking people into suicide, failure to save those in need of help, withholding evidence, and especially for trolling!” spoke Aku Aku.
Goofy gulped after Aku Aku listed the charges against him.
“Unless you or anyone else would like to claim the charges false you is condemned to the pits of Tartarus.” stated Aku Aku.
Goofy couldn’t disagree with the charges and he knew that the other Gods of the Unjiverse were in agreement with Aku Aku; it was at this point that Goofy realized how royally doomed he was. But maybe, just maybe, Goofy could ask, no, beg for a way to pay for his crimes without eternal damnation. It was a shot in the dark for Goofy, but he was willing to go for anything at this point, so he began to speak.
“Aku Aku is there any possible way im able to make up for all the bad shit I did in life?” Goofy asked feebly.
“Im afraid there isnt Goofy.” Aku Aku replied sternly.
“You had an entire life to be able to make amends but you was wasting it by trolling people, refusing to put criminals in jail, causing suicides, and yeah I know I already told you the crimes earlier but thats not the point. The point is that right now you is begging to making amends only because you is finally dead while when you was living you never once considered to look within yourself but instead you was preying on other peoples weaknesses to cover up your inability to look at your own flaws.” continued Aku Aku.
“I know I should have been a better person in life but I dont deserve something this awful! Please! Ill do anything to make things right!” cried Goofy as he genuflected in front of Aku Aku and the rest of the Gods of the Unjiverse.
Aku Aku could only look at Goofy with great pity at this point. Once, a proud, cocky, near-indestructible troll, reduced to groveling to escape from eternal damnation. A sight he had seen several times before and most of those ended in great tragedy for both the condemned and those the condemned had hurt. But even after seeing this sort of situation multiple times, it still hurt Aku Aku inside to condemn Goofy to Tartarus, Aku Aku could not help but shed a tear for him.
Then Aku Aku let out a disappointed sigh and said, “Im sorry but im afraid you made your choice a long time ago. You must accept the consequences of your terrible actions by going to Tartarus.”
Just before Aku Aku could proceed with the condemnation of Goofy, Frisk intervened.
“Aku Aku surely Goofy is deserving of some chance to repent for his crimes?” asked Frisk.
“After all, Goofy does appear to be genuine about wanting to make amends for his actions.” continued Frisk.
Before Frisk made their statement, Aku Aku had already been somewhat hesitant about the condemnation; now, he is increasingly persuaded by Frisk’s plea, but he was not in full agreement to the idea just yet.
“Yes Frisk but there im not sure there is anything Goofy could possibly do to redeem.” replied Aku Aku.
“Nayru. May I request to object to that statement?” Frisk politely asked.
“Request granted Frisk.” replied Nayru.
“Kami did you not say that the fate of ones soul can be determined by their ultimate perpose?” asked Frisk.
“Yes I did say that. However because Goofy has died it prevented him from fulfilling said perpose.” replied Kami.
“You claim death prevents one from fulfilling their perpose yet Littlefoot’s Mother was able to continue to fulfill her perpose even after death.” argued Frisk.
Then Frisk turned over to Littlefoot’s Mother and asked, “Was this or was this not the case for you?”
“It was. Even after death I saved my son and brought him to the Great Valley.” replied Littlefoot’s Mother.
“Thus Goofy is deserving of mercy and should be revived to fulfill his ultimate perpose.” stated Frisk.
Goofy sighed with relief that Frisk would surely help spare him from eternal suffering. However, this notion would be challenged as swiftly as it came.
“While all of this is true Frisk you must remember that when ones soul is full of darkness they have lost the way to their ultimate perpose.” objected Freyja.
“AND THAT IS WHY GOOFY MUST GO TO TARTARUS!” bellowed Monty Python’s God.
Goofy jumped in surprise then quivered in fear. He was surely damned now.
“THAT AND FOR GROVELING!” continued Monty Python’s God.
“I MEAN COME ON! WILL ANYONE EVER JUST NOT GROVEL IN FRONT OF THE GODS OF THE UNJIVERSE?! IT GETS REALLY ANNOYING AFTER SEEING IT FOR SEVERAL CENTURIES!” ranted Monty Python’s God.
Despite the fact that Goofy was going to be condemned to Tartarus, even he couldn’t help but feel awkward during the ranting of Monty Python’s God.
“AH PUT A SOCK IN IT ALREADY!” Bender hollered at Monty Python’s God.
“OH COME ON! I CANNOT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO FINDS THE GROVELLING REALLY ANNOYING RIGHT???” asked Monty Python’s God.
“Yes Yes but we is going off track from the matters at hand…” replied Aku Aku.
Goofy then said, “Gwarsh but you-“
“Yes I know I dont have hands.” grumbled Aku Aku.
Aku Aku continued, “Anyway Goofy you is condemned to-”
“BOOOOOOOO!!!” interrupted Bender.
Ignoring Bender, Aku Aku continued with, “Goofy you is-“
“BOOOOOOOO!!!” Bender interrupted again.
Ignoring Bender again, Aku Aku continued with, “You is-“
“AKU AKU IS A JERK!!!” Bender shouted.
Ignoring Bender yet again, Aku Aku continued with, “You-“
“GIVE HIM A CHANCE! GIVE HIM A CHANCE!” Bender interrupted once again.
“Ugggh… Is there anything else you want to say Bender? God of Parties?” sarcastically asked Aku Aku.
“Well I think Frisk is right with their argument! Goofy should get another chance!” stated Bender.
Shaking his head in frustration, Aku Aku asked, “Bender was you paying attention to what Freyja was saying?”
“Yeah but I dont give a damn. Goofy should get another chance somehow! Maybe since he lost his original perpose or what ever cant he get a new perpose instead?” asked Bender.
“Hmmm… well there is that one crisis that could ruin the balance of good and evil on Earth…” spoke Aku Aku.
Hearing this shocked Goofy, so he replied, “Whoa whoa what? Im not sure im able to do that…”
“Well this crisis IS very important and no one else is able to really do this and its better that than burning in Tartarus.” stated Aku Aku.
“True… but I would like some sort of reward…” replied Goofy.
Annoyed by Goofy’s stubbornness at first, Aku Aku was about to send Goofy straight to Tartarus, but then Mothra approached him and whispered to him. As Aku Aku listened, his expression of frustration changed into surprise, as if he were being reminded of something; then this transitioned into a tiny smile. After Mothra finished whispering, she went back to her seat, and Aku Aku was about to speak again.
“Goofy I think I know what you is wanting…” said Aku Aku.
“And what might that be?” asked Goofy.
“Your son… Max Goof.”
Chapter 4: Goofy Goes on His Quest
It goes without saying...
After hearing the name of his son, Goofy shuddered and stared into space as he thought deeply, could it be that these Gods will surely let him see his son again? At this very moment, Goofy had a rush of emotions; joy, surprise, fear, sorrow, and determination. Goofy knew he had to take on this so-called crisis, he just had to see his son again.
“Aku Aku I is willing to solve this crisis.” said Goofy.
“Excellent! In order to solve this crisis of good and evil and reunite with your son you must be willing to go on a great quest.” stated Aku Aku.
“Im listening…” said Goofy.
Aku Aku continued, “But be warned Goofy this quest is a great-”
“HOLD IT! IM THE GOD OF QUESTS! I SHOULD TELL GOOFY OF THIS GREAT QUEST.” interrupted Monty Python’s God.
“Fine go for it.” Aku Aku said as he rolled his eyes.
“GOOFY! FOR YOUR NEW QUEST! FOR YOUR NEW ULTIMATE PERPOSE! YOU MUST SEEK THE SOCIAL JUSTICE WARLORD AND THEIR SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR ARMY! THEN YOU MUST CONFRONT THEM FOR IT IS THERE THAT YOU WILL RESOLVE THE CRISIS OF GOOD AND EVIL!!! AND IT IS WITH THE SOCIAL JUSTICE WARLORD YOU WILL REUNITE WITH YOUR SON!!!” bellowed Monty Python’s God.
“But Monty Python’s God how is I able to find the Social Justice Warlord?” asked Goofy.
“YOU WILL MEET SEVERAL ALLIES WHO WILL HELP YOU ON YOUR QUEST! THEY WILL LEAD THE WAY TO THE SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIORS’ CITY! THAT WILL BE ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW GOOFY!!!” replied Monty Python’s God.
Goofy objected by asking, “But Monty Python’s God how is confronting this Social Justice guy solv-“
“THAT WILL BE ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW GOOFY!!! NOW!!! FOLLOW KAMI TO BE RESURRECTED FROM DEATH!!!” interrupted Monty Python’s God as he pointed at Kami.
“Thanks Gods of the Unjiverse I wont let you down.” Goofy said humbly.
All the Gods but Kami gave thumbs ups in support of him. Goofy was ready for whatever the Gods of the Unjiverse and whatever the Social Justice Warlord had in store for him.
After the announcement of Goofy’s new quest, Kami floated out of his chair and over to where Goofy stood.
“Goofy is you ready for this quest?” asked Kami.
“You bet I is ready for this...
“Why the fuck did you say it like that Goofy?” asked Kami.
“Well because I feel like everyone should know who is going on this quest what this whole quest is for and because nobody else said it yet.” explained Goofy.
“Fine whatever now follow me.” shrugged Kami.
Goofy followed Kami over to a lone dark corridor adorned with ancient Greek columns that led into a chamber that glowed a brilliant bright orange. As Kami pointed Goofy to enter the chamber, Goofy walked inside and saw what was there. Inside the chamber were stone walls covered with Hebrew words that were engraved into the stone, a set of stone stairs that led to the center of the chamber, and in the center was a small well with a glowing orange whirlpool that served as the light inside the chamber. Goofy looked at the whirlpool then back at Kami.
“Goofy. Step forth to the Bath of Revival but do not enter into until I say so.” instructed Kami as he pointed his staff toward the whirlpool.
Then Goofy walked over to the Bath of Revival and looked back at Kami.
“Now what Kami?” asked Goofy.
Kami then held the staff up high with both hands and began chanting in Hebrew. As he chanted, the inscriptions all over the walls began to glow orange; starting from the top and descending to the bottom. As the glowing descended, Kami’s chants increased in speed. Then Kami’s voice became the voices of many as the water from the Bath of Revival slowly rose up to Goofy’s feet. Next Kami stopped chanting and slammed the staff down. The next thing Goofy knew, the water was rapidly flooding above his head. At first, Goofy panicked, but then he realized he wasn’t drowning in this water. Next, the whirlpool in the flooded well began to spin more rapidly as it pulled Goofy into it.
As Goofy was being pulled in, he could hear Kami shouting to him, “REMEMBER GOOFY! FIND THE SOCIAL JUSTICE WARLORD! BRING BALANCE TO GOOD AND EVIL AND YOU SHALL SEE YOUR SON AGAIN! GOOD LUUUUUUUUUCK!!!”
Chapter 5: Goofy’s Arrival on Earth Again
It was 10 minutes past 6 o’clock in the morning when Goofy woke up hollering for a few seconds, then he gathered himself and looked around the area. He found himself laying on a sandy beach near a forest that he could not identify. Looking up to the sky, Goofy saw that there wasn’t a single cloud to block out the stars. Then Goofy immediately remembered that he died, so he checked to see if he was among the living.
He listened to his heart to make sure it hasn’t stopped.
~My heart is still beating…~ thought Goofy.
Then he touched the back of his head to feel for the bullet hole he had before he died; no trace of a bullet hole or any sort of wound.
After that moment, Goofy wanted to believe that the Gods of the Unjiverse had definitely revived him, but he wasn’t 100 percent certain of it, so he gathered himself to look at his reflection in the water; fearing he would see a corpse or a ghost of sorts. Once he looked at himself, all of his concerns washed away with the waves that brought him to the sands beneath him. Goofy saw that he was fully healed from his previous wounds, he was fully clothed, and most definitely among the living!
This gave Goofy a burst of energy as he sprang up to the air and cheered, “YAHOO! Im alive again!”
After landing back down to sandy floor, he saw that his reflection suddenly changed to that of a great white shark’s. No, not just any regular great white shark’s reflection, but specifically the great white shark from the Gods of the Unjiverse! Before Goofy could fathom what was going on, the reflection of the great white shark became the actual great white shark.
“Goofy… We the Gods of the Unjiverse have resurrected you from the void of death itself! Remember the bargain you made with us… please make sure that you will fulfill your epic expedition!” spoke the great white shark.
“Well of course Mr. great white shark! H’yuck!” replied Goofy.
“Forgive me for digressing but I is actually a female great white shark. However I can certainly cognize your moment of confusion as great white sharks is severely lacking in tertiary sexual characteristics.” corrected the great white shark.
“Gwarsh. Im sorry for mistaking you for a boy shark.” apologized Goofy.
“HAW! Water off a shark’s back I say!” laughed the great white shark.
“However I must warn you that along the way you will meet those who would be much more offended by such genuine mistakes that they could even troll you for such things.” continued the great white shark.
“H’yuck! Now who would go and do such things like that?” asked Goofy while he scratched his head.
“They is called the Social Justice Warriors.” replied the great white shark.
“Social Justice Warriors I know about them… but wait a sec… I thought Social Justice Warriors cared about the rights for other people and other good shit like that?” retorted Goofy.
The great white shark frowned solemnly and shook her head briefly.
Then the great white shark explained very carefully, “Yes. Them Social Justice Warriors or SJWs may have some benevolent intentions but in the end they is not much better than trolls. For SJWs is typically misguided with their means of bringing social justice… for those that genuinely wish to bring justice unto others… most of the other SJWs tend to be hypocrites who resort to similar callous actions that would be done by racists and trolls… and some SJWs manipulate others into thinking they is out for supporting other people when they is only in it to benefit themselves and will sic their followers unto those who disagree with them. All the while they hide their insecurities and deepest darkest flaws. This is why I say them SJWs is no better than trolls. And that is why you must maintain caution whenever you is in their presence.”
“Gwarsh! I see! Thanks Ms. great white shark!” chuckled Goofy.
“Now its time for me to go on my quest…” said Goofy as he proceeded to walk away from the beach.
But after a couple of seconds of thinking, Goofy stopped and said, “That is… if I had any idea where I was going… h’yuck!”
“I had considered that this sort of dilemma would occur with you Goofy. After all we had not provided you with any particular directions of where to commence your perilous journey!” said the great white shark.
Then the great white shark began a nauseating gagging sound, which increasingly disturbed Goofy as the gagging dragged on. Then after about 5 minutes of gagging, the great white shark coughed up a couple pieces of a map from her mouth and into Goofy’s hand.
“Behold! The pieces of the map that you will most positively need to in order guide yourself!” announced the great white shark.
Goofy stared at the two pieces of the map. There was one for a hotel that was about 20 miles north from where they were and the other piece had a mountain circled in red ink with the words “SJW CaPiTaL iZ hEeR!” scrawled next to the mountain. While Goofy was somewhat pleased with the fact that he has the location of where the SJWs would all be gathered, that pleased feeling quickly went away with the fact that there weren’t any road names on said piece. Mildly annoyed and perplexed, Goofy just stared at the map pieces then at the great white shark over and over for about three minutes.
Feeling increasingly awkward by Goofy’s stare, the great white shark felt it was necessary to explain her situation.
“Well… I had attempted to relinquish you an entire map but even I is not able to help restore an entire map because that is not among my powers as the Unjiverse’s Goddess of the Sea.” sheepishly spoke the great white shark.
“Seriously?” asked Goofy.
“Yes Im most indubitably certain I cannot merely regurgitate an entire map. Nor can the other Gods of the Unjiverse just give you a straight answer. For we work in mysterious ways.” replied the great white shark.
“Though I can most certainly tell you that at the hotel, you will meet one person who is a woman wearing green. She will ask you to help her on her own personal quest. Accept the quest, for it will not sidetrack you on your grand journey and it may even help you!” continued the great white shark.
“Gee Ms. great white shark, why the fuck wont you just give me her name?” asked Goofy.
But before the great white shark could say anything, Goofy immediately followed up with, “Wait… I know, the Gods of the Unjiverse work in mysterious ways and shit.”
If the great white shark had hands, she’d give him a thumbs up of approval, but she didn’t, so she settled with nodding her head.
“Anyway, my time spent upon this Earth is at its limit and I must return back to Heaven in approximately 3 minutes.” stated the great white shark.
“Wait, I have a question!” shouted Goofy.
“One question, but then I must leave afterwards.” replied the great white shark.
“Why the fuck is you using all those fancy words when you talk?” asked Goofy.
Now it was the great white shark’s turn to stare awkwardly at Goofy.
Then she replied, “Because I use a fucking dictionary and read a fuck ton. Deal with it, you fucking fucker.”
“Now, its time for me to make my return to Heaven and for you to partake in your odyssey!” said the great white shark.
Then she leapt out of the water and flew all the way up to Heaven while shouting, “FAREWELLL GOOOFFYYYYYYYYYY!!!”
“Farewell Ms. great white shark.” said Goofy as he waved goodbye.
Right after she ascended back to Heaven, the sun rose before Goofy.
“Gwarsh with the sun rising, Id say its the perfect symbol for my new life and my new quest for redemption! H’yuck!” lampshaded Goofy.
While Goofy did not have the most reliable help provided to him for his journey, it certainly would not stop him from proceeding with it. Goofy was confident he could find a way to the Social Justice Warlord with what he has been born with, his personal abilities, and the bits of map given to him. Whatever awaited for him, Goofy was ready for it all!