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Echoes in the Darkness

Chapter Text

You had always wondered how you would die. Since the first time someone pointed a gun at your head, you knew things at your life wouldn’t be simple and you probably wouldn’t live a long time. No children, no grandchildren and you definitely wouldn’t be a host to those big festivities as thanksgiving and birthdays.

Well, at least you wouldn’t have to pretend happiness and satisfaction every second, like those women from commercials standing next to the stove and laughing at their children running through the house, while a lazy husband slept on the chair.

A shot in your heart or something capable of wrecking your brains out was good enough, you wouldn’t complain. Be poisoned and dying while looking across the table at your enemy was pretty romantic and tragic at the same time, an exquisite way to die, but probably too painful. Blood loss was convenient, but it would take too much time and you rather an ultimate and rapid death.

Truth be told:

You never thought your death would be so quiet and clean. And not in a million years you would’ve imagined that you would try to cling to the most insignificant details of your life just to stay alive. You were the kind of person that used to accept death as a lover, sometimes even hoping that it would come soon and save you from the hell called life.

You dreamed and prayed for this to happen so many times in your life that at some point you just stopped believing it would happen to you. You were sure that your body and soul were cursed to walk this earth for the rest of eternity, not feeling anything for anyone, killing and bathing yourself in blood like there was nothing wrong. Fucking senseless and never being able to emotionally connect to people around you. Sitting alone in the dark and smoking all through the night while watching a car sinking in the river and a beautiful sunrise.

At which point of your life had you become this weak, useless piece of skin and meat that waited to be saved? That hoped someone would magically appear and break the glass that confined your body from the rest of the room.  When had you became so vulnerable and hopeful that it was possible to be something other than what you were your whole life? What was the reason that at this second, this tiny and miserable second, you wished to live?

 

Ah, you knew the answer. But it was easier to pretend you didn’t.

Because you rather die than admit that he was your only weakness.

Cursed was the day you chose to go to that fucking place, instead of bossing Hinata to do it in your place. Curse was the day you entered that store.

If it weren’t for this, you wouldn’t be dying right now. Or rather, if it weren’t for this event, you would’ve accepted death gladly instead of crying and scratching the glass around you, like a rat trying to run from a trap. You closed your eyes and breathed. All you could see was his face. All you could do was pray to see him once again, please, please.

Please.

Death, just this once, let me go and the next time you have me I’ll run to your arms and we will be happy together for eternity. But I beg you, just for this one time, let me see him again.

Curse was the day you met him.

Chapter Text

“You know that if you didn’t stay until late drinking and smoking you wouldn’t have a headache, right?”

“Tsukishima.” a small voice resonated through the living room. Probably Hinata coming from the kitchen with a cup of water and a pill.  “You shouldn’t talk like this to her, she was working last night.”

“It can’t be so difficult to work on a pub. She probably worked for 10 minutes then headed for a club to get laid, do drugs and drink.”

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi whined behind the blonde boy. You closed your eyes and pretended you weren’t the target of the mean man as Hinata walked to you and handed the cup and a pill, a caring smile on his face.

“Was it hard yesterday? Did you get enough rest? You can stay on the couch if you want to sleep a bit more.”

“I’m okay.” you swelled the remedy and the water in a single sip and got up.

“You better not believe that just because you were promoted, we are now letting you do whatever you want or some shit like that.”

“Pissed because a girl took your dream job, Tsukki? It’s been weeks, I thought you would have gotten over this by now.” you used his nickname just to annoy him as you usually did, and his glare was enough to make you forget your headache for a few seconds.

“I would if my dream job was to be a fucking waiter at a shitty pub all night long.”

“At least she’ll get to see those above us and hear the discussions of the top killers. She’ll be dealing directly with the bosses. That’s pretty cool, I mean,” Hinata started talking and moving his hands around excitedly. “That’s your chance to get out of here, [Name]!”

“You know that if she gets out it doesn’t mean that she’s taking us with her, right Hinata?” you rather keep looking at the rug under your feet than to stare at the two. “Even if she’s been here for years, she doesn’t feel anything for any of us. She wouldn’t shed a tear even if we were all killed.”

“Tsukki, maybe you shouldn’t talk like this to her like this…” Yamaguchi tried to intervene, but you knew that not even his pleas wouldn’t soften Tsukishima’s heart. Well, you all lived in a difficult world. And making connections, caring about other people only caused pain and suffering for both sides.

But that didn’t mean you felt nothing towards the people you lived and worked with for the last two years.

“And if I died you would throw a party, wouldn’t you Tsukki?” you laughed humorlessly and placed the glass at the coffee table. “Using my photo to train darts, drinking my favourite beer and smoking a lot of pot just to make me envious from the other side.”

“You mean from hell, right? It’s the only place you could go, and maybe not even the devil would accept you.”

“Okay, why don’t the two of you just take this heated argument to the bedroom and drown your frustrations and hate in a really steamy session of casual sex?” you heard Tanaka make an unhappy comment while opening the door, at his side Nishinoya was having a blast probably laughing at the disgust face you and Tsukishima were making.  “It would be a really good time for the two of you, maybe light up the mood around here.”

“I’d rather be tortured.” you decided it was best to just ignore him instead of initiating a new argument.

“So, [Name], how was your day?” Noya asked while putting a black suitcase on your hands. “Daichi said we should give this to you. He wants you to deliver this to Kuroo.” 

“Our renown killer rental is now an errand girl. Such a nice promotion, I’m so envy!”

“Just shut up for once, Tsukishima. It was tiring as always, Noya.” You grabbed the suitcase, feeling the weight carefully. “It’s heavy, that’s not cocaine, is it?”

“Too many questions, dear.” Tanaka answered while lighting up a cigarette. “By now you should know it’s not good to think too much about those things, unless you want to end up dead or as someone’s whore.”

“You'll work today too, right [Name]?” Hinata’s soft voice asked you. You noticed he was standing next to the sofa with a mug on his hands.

“Yeah, probably. Hey Hinata, do you think you can buy those cigars I like from that store across town? I’ll grab you a drink from the pub in exchange.”

“You know I’m not able to resist your deals.”

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready or something by now?” Yamaguchi declared and you took a look at the watch hanging on the room.

“Yeah, I’m leaving.” you took the suitcase and ran to your room to get ready for another tiresome night of serving drug dealers, rental killers, burglars and whores. Sometimes you wondered if you really had received a good offer or if someone above you was just laughing at your expenses.

 

“Hey [Name], rested well?” Lev asked you as soon as you finished putting your apron. You breathed heavily before turning around and smiling at him. First step to make someone like you: smile at them and pretend you care.

When Daichi offered this job to you he explained exactly what it meant and his expectations. He believed you would be able to get together easily with everyone that worked at the pub and, as soon as they trusted you, to extract important information they had. Not only from your co-workers, but you would be able to listen to important conversations between high standards people and start an intrinsic database about them and the deals they made.

He trusted you were clever enough to provide him the information he needed.  But somehow you were stuck as a waiter, noting orders and delivering food; and, of course, no one was stupid enough to talk while you were around. If you didn’t give any useful information as soon as possible to Daichi, you knew he wouldn’t be merciful.

“Yeah, I’m good to go! Is Yamamoto coming today?”

“Actually, Akaashi told me you’re staying at the bar today. Apparently, Yamamoto is busy with a few things in Tokyo.” the white-haired boy stared at your suitcase “You have an errand today? I can cover you if you want.”

“I’m good, thanks.” your eyes glowed with the idea that you would be at the bar today. It was definitely the best place to get a few important information since most of the customers got drunk pretty easily and the ones that didn’t had no choice unless talk while you served them.

“Hey, my break is around 3:50 pm. Want to share a smoke outside?”

It was easy to understand Lev’s intentions, the way he avoided your eyes, how his hands intertwined nervously and his feet moved uncomfortably. You two were around the same age, soon hitting your twenties, but you were too different from each other.

Lev wasn’t deeply drowned at the same dark world you were, so he had time to stare at your ass and maybe even believe that you two could be something more. He could develop feelings, while you were too shallow to this colorful world of loving, of caring, of hope and happiness.

You smiled and gave him a blink.

“Sorry Lev,” you flirted while touching his chest for a few seconds “today I’m kind stuck on the bar. Maybe another time?”

“Sure, but I’ll remember it, okay? I’m not giving you up yet.”

“Don’t worry, I know.” you left the room fully aware of his gaze on your back, but didn’t give a damn. You went directly to the bar after saying hi to your others co-workers, and started cleaning the cups, wood and the expensive bottles beautifully organized on the glass shelves. 

“Hey [Name], we’re opening in a few minutes.” you could recognize that monotonous voice in seconds, no matter how far you were from him. Sometimes you were sure your insides twisted just imagining how it would feel to have his voice next to your ear. “Are you good there?”

“All ready, Akaashi-san.”

“Good. Hey, you know how the guys at the bar can get touchy so be careful with them, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can, that’s why I’m trusting a newbie to take care of the most stressful place at this pub. Stay away from trouble or you’ll never having that privilege again.”

The only trouble I wanted to be involved is the one on your pants, boss.

“Understood.”

 

The guy definitely wasn’t kidding when he said you would be staying in the most stressful place. In less than 3 hours you were as tired as you would be after a whole night working on the other areas. You had to deliver so many drinks that most of the time you couldn’t even pay attention to what those men were talking about. At least, until you realized the one asking for a whiskey was no one less than Kuroo Tetsurou on flesh, a malicious smile directed at you.

You would be lying if you said that those bright golden orbs didn’t cause an effect on you. The way he lowered them to observe each piece of you made you shiver, and realizing how misty they rapidly became made you feel satisfied. He smirked even more once he knew he was caught eyeing you and slowly licked his lips.

“I thought you came for something else.” you told him, trying to be louder than the background music. “I’m not for sale Kuroo-san.”

“Not yet, darling. But I believe you would be a top commodity if you entered the market. I would definitely be your first buyer.”

“You know I’m not that hard to get right?” you sensuously leaned your elbows and arms on the wood counter, exposing as much as you could of your neckline and grinning when the man was easily distracted by the sight. “Why don’t you wait for me at the back door? I have a break in fifteen minutes.”

“How long does your break lasts?”

“Enough for you to have what you want.”

“I’ll be waiting then.”

You stared at him for a few more seconds, making sure to bite your red lipstick stained lips before start walking away. You weren’t able to. He held your wrist before pulling your body towards his well-built chest. You held your breath for a second and your hands immediately flew to under your skirt, where a holster and a knife were strategically placed to be easily reached in cases of emergency.

“Don’t pull the knife, kitten.” his hands caressed your wrist delicately, his hot breath reaching your ears with his husky voice, making your hands shiver from excitement and fear. So, this was how it felt to be dealing directly with someone as clever and important as your own boss, an associate, but someone that could certainly kill you in the blink of an eye. Someone that was your enemy unless the contrary was proven.

Your hand only moved a few centimeters away from your knife, but you stood still to show him you weren’t a threat. You almost screamed when you suddenly realized the hand that weren’t holding your wrist was under your skirt in seconds, completely immobilizing and making impossible for you to defend yourself.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. Unless you want to hurt me.” he nibbled the lobe of your ear and licked it as if you two weren’t in front of other people. You were sure he was having a lot of fun from the tone of his words. “I actually have a reward because you gave me such a nice view.”

You felt the point of his fingers curiously exploring your skin while still holding your hand. If you weren’t so petrified by his actions you would be glad by how nice his finger felt on your thigh, how his body was warm against your, how nice he smelled and how good it was to have your chest glued to his. Almost making you wish there weren’t any clothes to separate the both of you.

“The only reward I want is to keep working and do what I was commanded to, Kuroo-san.”

“The shop you always go for cigars,” he ignored your answer and kept talking. “There’ll be a robber there tomorrow around 2’o clock, so unless you want to stop smoking your favourite brand, maybe you should do something.”

“What do you mean by that?” he was gone in a second, without sparing you a second glance. You breathed heavily and then realized he had left a paper on your hand. A telephone number and a short note saying his subordinate would grab the suitcase. Your fingers were trembling.

He could’ve killed in an instant if he wanted to. This was the power people like him held on his hand. A power that not even you, who had killed more people than you could count, was able to shield yourself from.

Daichi said you were cleaver and would fit in perfectly at a place full of men like Kuroo. At the time he told you that, you felt proud that someone had finally noticed you on the dark world you lived. You thought that maybe you could finally leave the mud and dirty that it was killing and hiding bodies, the runt of the litter.

Now you were scared. The things you learnt all your life meant nothing for men that were as well trained and intelligent as Kuroo and Daichi. If before you felt like nothing, now you were only a pawn on their chess board being thrown around, a life that no one cared if was lost.

“Hey, cutie, bring me another beer!”

You crushed the paper and smiled.

“Coming!”

Chapter Text

“Why are you up so early Yamaguchi?” you asked as soon as you opened the door and saw the man putting his jacket on. “Already leaving for work?”

“Me and Tsukki will talk with a few guys that don’t want to pay for what they bought. Nothing big.”

“Good luck. I’m heading straight to bed.”

“Have a good rest. I made coffee.”

“Oh, you’re still alive.” Tsukishima showed himself and walked past you to put his shoes on.

“Tsukki…” you heard Yamaguchi call his friend’s name with a tint of reprobation.

“Don’t sound so disappointed or I might think you don’t like me, Tsukki.”

“Tch.”

The sound of a door opening and closing. Silence. You took the paper from your pocket. You analysed quietly his beautiful handwritten, realizing how his words were legible and had large spaces between them; how he had pointed, large letters that were also interestingly connected. You tried remembering everything from how a person’s personality was intricacy connected to its handwriting.

Kuroo was outgoing, enjoyed freedom and independence, was pretty confident and was very logical. The way he applied pressure to the note suggested tension and anger as well as his pointed letters confirmed that he might be holding aggression.

But why had he given you his number? He wanted some fun with you? Or was it a trap? Maybe he wanted to make Daichi believe you were betraying him. But why? As far as you knew the two of them were on good professional terms.

And more so, he had told you about the attack at the cigar shop. Was it related to the number? Does he wanted you to take this job? Was it a test? Or maybe the ones responsible for the attack were his enemies and it was convenient for Kuroo to throw his task at someone else’s hand. Maybe they were Kuroo’s partners and he just wanted an excuse, like you killing his people, to stop his partnering with Daichi.

So many possibilities and you couldn’t get to a conclusion. There wasn’t enough information for you to deduce his intentions. You didn’t have enough information about Kuroo’s personality, or the kind of business him and Daichi were having, not even what their partnership was about. You were a low-level killer, nothing more. And now, somehow, you were stuck in a situation too complex for you.

“You are biting your nails again, [Name].” Hinata handed you a mug of warm milk. The boy was always sweet and kind to you, even if you never did anything to deserve being treated like this. “I am almost sure that I can see smoke coming from your head.”

“Good morning Hinata. Milk?”

“You need to sleep. Drinking coffee, isn’t good for you!” he drank the dark liquid from his cup and for a second you wanted to scold him and yell that he had nothing to do with your sleeping habits, but you held the cruel statement from leaving your lips. He was the most caring about you in the house, and ever since day one, he was always nice to you. “How was work?”

“Good.” you lied. He didn’t need to know how your head was messy with so many theories and thoughts. “Thanks for the milk, I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

“Okay, sleep tight!”

 

13 pm.

You had one hour before the attack. Actually, half an hour considering that you needed at least thirty minutes to get there. You had slept with the topic on your head, but you didn’t reach a conclusion. You didn’t have much time left and, considering everything, maybe it was better to just ignore everything and stay home.

But your conscious wouldn’t let it. Not because the owner of the place was an old man who was probably innocent and had a death sentence, but because you were curious. You wanted to know why Kuroo had told you that, you wanted to know who were the people trying to robber that place and why. You needed to know because it was the kind person you were.

You never cared the consequences of being like this or about what happened to yourself. Bruises, burns, holes from fire guns were consequences that you understood could happen anytime in that world.

Death was just a harder consequence.

You wore your leather pants and a jacket with a hood, took your sunglasses and went downstairs in seconds. You saw how Hinata had a puzzled look on his face and smiled.

“I’m going to buy the cigars.”

“But I thought you asked me to go.”

“Sorry, I ran out before I realized, so I’m going now. Anyway, it’ll be good to out for a while. The sun’s shining, right?”

“Sure, I guess.” he returned to his previously position on the couch and kept watching television. “Just don’t go around killing people like that time or Daichi will be mad at you.”

“I’ll try, but I make no promises. Can I take the Audi?”

 “Tsukishima and Yamaguchi took the red one, so you’ll have to take the black.”

“You’re not using it today?” you took the keys after removing the false bottom from one of the drawers.

“Nah, I’m stuck at home today.”

You stopped for a second. Maybe you could ask Hinata to do this. He wouldn’t mind to go get the cigarettes for you as long as he gained something in exchange. You held the keys. It was the easiest choice since if something bad happened he would be able to run and tell you. Whatever situation Kuroo had in mind he would never expect you to send another person on your place.

I could avoid so many complications…

“Hinata?”

“Yeah?”

“…”

No. I can’t.

Your feminine intuition screamed that you had to do it yourself, alone.

“Do you want something?”

You parked the car with fifteen minutes to spare. It was a securely place next to an alley that reached the store’s back door. Trusting the tinted windows, you took the Glook .19 that was on your backpack and placed it on your back, hiding it with your jacket. You took your knives as well and hid them on holsters. You breathed heavily before leaving the car.

Your mind was blank, like it usually was before any job you took. This was one of your best qualities: as long as you were expecting something you would be calm and collected, able to do everything you had to. Soon, you were waiting on the other side of the street eating a hot dog while discretely looking at the shop’s door. You couldn’t see inside, so you didn’t know if the owner was there. No one suspicious was around yet.

8 minutes. A girl walks by you with her father, she’s telling she wants a dog.

7 minutes. You see an old man yawning while crossing the street.

6 minutes. The hot dog stand owner sells a coke to a teenager.

5 minutes. A woman opens her window and smiles at the weather.

4 minutes. Four men appear on the corner. They wear purple jerseys, jerseys you knew too well.

3 minutes. You should leave, now that you know why Kuroo told you that information.

2 minutes. They are opening the shop’s door.

1 minute. The last man looks at you and smiles before closing the door.

Zero. You cross the street.

 

Maybe you liked the blood. Maybe you liked the madness that was standing in the middle of the battlefield. Maybe you were just crazy. Maybe you just wished to die. Maybe all of those were the reasons why you entered that place, knowing there was a really big chance you wouldn’t go out uninjured. You covered your hands with gloves and got inside.

Don’t go around killing people like last time, said Hinata. Fuck him, that’s the only thing I’m good at.

“Please, don’t hurt me! I’ll give you everything!” you heard someone’s voice as soon as you opened the back door. You were fast, they hadn’t checked all the exits yet, or they were stupid enough not to care. Oh, you remembered, that’s the owner’s voice.

You entered slowly and walked lowered and silently like you always did, hiding behind the boxes of products and took your knife, holding it firmly on your hands. You heard the door to where you were, the stocks, opening and closing.

You held your breath, closed your eyes and stayed extremely focused only on the sounds of the steps. Far, far, far, middle, middle, close, close, close, close. You opened your eyes and got up just in time to cut his throat easily. The man didn’t make a sound.

The blood spilled and stained your clothes, but you held the body to avoid any noise. You carefully placed the dead man on the floor and took the gun he had on his hands.

Three to go.

The next part would be more difficult since you had only a few minutes until the other three noticed something was wrong. You walked through stock to the door where the man had appeared and breathed, you knew the owner had a gun under the counter. If your distraction was fast enough for him to reach it, your chances to kill all the enemies would significantly rise.

“Tell me where that is or I swear I’ll fucking spread your tiny brain on the walls!”

They are looking for something? What are they looking for in a tobacco store, Kuroo?

“No matter what happens don’t tell him!”

“Shut up your fucking asshole! I’ll make sure to cut you in pieces just to make the boy talk.”

Now.

You opened the door with a loud noise and smiled sweetly with how the three man turned their heads to you. Tiny seconds, but enough for you to shoot one of them straight at the heart and for the owner to lower himself reaching the shotgun he had.

Two to go.

Instantly he shot the man that was closer to him, but his aim was bad and only reached his right shoulder. The man on the purple jersey screamed, but had strength enough to shoot the owner’s head. His life was over in a second and you heard a scream.

 “UKAI-SAN!”

But you didn’t have time to think, since the one that wasn’t hurt tried killing you with a few shots that you nearly didn’t deflect. You breathed heavily while hiding behind the wall.

“Fuck, Shibata do something!” you heard through the shots, and you knew his ammo was probably ending.

“The fucking asshole just shoot me!”

“Stop crying like a bitch and help me now! Take the boy while I kill that fucking whore.”

They want him alive. That will be the death of them.

You knew the tallest of the two was coming behind you and decided to play. You were tiny and delicate, used to move around without making a single noise. How long could you hide from him?

“Hey little rat, where are you? I can hear you screaming and crying, you know? Maybe if you lower your gun, I can have give you some mercy, sweetheart.”

You dropped a box a little far from you and he immediately shoot it. Good. He is impulsive. That wouldn’t last long, and since his partner already had a hole on his shoulder, it would be even easier. The hardest part was running before the police arrived. How much time passed since the first shot?

“We can have a really nice time together. Have you ever been with a man? A real man? I’ll make you fell like you’re torn in two, baby.”

Ah, your eyes darkened and you suddenly stopped walking. It would be a pleasure to make a hole right at the middle of his eyebrows. You would be so glad to see the blood spilling and his eyes unmoving reflecting death.

 “Why don’t you come and get me?” You pushed a box that created a cascade effect and he started shooting everywhere. In a second you were behind him, smoke coming from the tip of your gun while you observed the man falling. You smiled and smashed his right knee with the weight of your foot, appreciating the sound his bones made while cracking.

“Kai?” for a second you almost forgot where you were, but the voice coming from the front brought you back to life.

One to go.

You didn’t even waver and just entered the store pointing you gun to the man already shivering and impaired because of the bullet lodged on his body.

“Give me your gun,” he screamed while pointing his own at the black-haired boy’s head. “or I’ll fucking kill this boy.”

“You say that like I care.” You shot him in a second, but this time he fell from the three bullets on his chest. The boy screamed and leaned on the counter, puking what was probably his lunch on the floor. You whispered to yourself. “Although he was lying. You can’t kill someone you need information from.”

“Thank you.” he was cleaning his lips, but was so pale that it was almost as he had seen death itself in front of him. Well, maybe he had. You pointed the gun at him.

“I’m not here to save you.”

“Wait, please! I haven’t done anything wrong! Don’t kill me!”

“I know. But you saw me, and I can’t have you around telling people I’m a killer, darling.”

“I won’t tell, I swear! I promise, but don’t kill me. I swear, I’ll tell them it was Ukai that did this, please!”

You breathed heavily, and heard police sirens. Police was coming, meaning you didn’t have much time. The boy was looking down, still begging for his life, but his pleadings only annoyed you. You touched the trigger.

“Please, there’s something I need to do! I can’t die yet!”

I CAN’T DIE YET! Your own voice resonated through your ears.

Sirens, the boy in front of you.

Tell me what you know! The burglar was threatening the boy because he knew something.

Blood on the floor, the smell of iron.

Tomorrow… Kuroo’s voice. Why telling you about this?

Your gun pointing to the black haired man’s head.

He knows something, something important enough for Kuroo to want him alive. To make me come here.

Pleading eyes looking at you. Police sirens, brake sounds.

Fuck it.

“You’ll come with me.”

You grabbed the boy’s arm and dragged him with you walking on the stocks room and jumping boxes, not even sparing a glance at the dead men with purple jackets glued to the floor. You opened the door to the alley and in less then a minute of running you were on the car.

“Get in the fucking car right now!”

The boy didn’t think twice with a gun pointed to his head and seated on the passenger seat. You took the driver’s seat and before there was any sight of the police you were already gone, the gun still pointing to the boy besides you.

 

Buildings appeared and disappeared and instead of going home you just drove around aimlessly. He didn’t say anything and neither did you for a long and tense amount of time. One hour and a half after, you decided to park next to a forest. No cars were on that road.

“Are you going to kill me?” he asked with a surprisingly calm voice. Now that the adrenaline was over, he was probably accepting his destiny.

“That will depend on your answers.” You held the gun on your hand firmly and leaned its tip on his temple. “Tell me the truth and maybe I’ll let you go.”

A lie. It is so easy to roll your tongue and tell a lie. That’s another thing you are good at.

“Who are you, kid? And why were those men behind you?”

“I’m not a kid. Those men weren’t behind me. They were looking for the new drug.”

“The new drug?” shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. What the hell had you got yourself in? Fuck Kuroo and his mind games. You got yourself in some shit you definitely weren’t supposed to. “Wait, what’s you name?”

“I’m Kageyama Tobio. And I’m the son of the man who created this drug.”

Chapter Text

“Wait, how can you just spill it out like this? Wasn’t supposed to be a secret? That man told you not to tell anyone.”

“This information won’t take you anywhere, since I don’t have any idea of what drug it is or where the hell it is for.”

“Why didn’t you tell this to those men?”

“I didn’t have the chance, everything was too fast, just thinking about it make me head spin. And they would’ve killed me if I told them something like this.”

“What makes you believe I won’t?” you pressed the tip of your gun harder on his temples.

“I know you won’t kill me.” the stoic expression he wore almost made your blood boil. You squinted your eyes and approached your face to his, holding his chin to make his eyes directly face yours.

“If you think that just because I’m a woman, that I can’t kill you and thrown your body on the woods where it will root, stink and be eaten by worms for weeks before anyone finding it, then you are very wrong boy.” you held his chin until you were sure there would be bruises, but his eyes didn’t quiver and that only made you even more annoyed. “If you want, I can torture you a little bit before killing. Wouldn’t it be fun for the two of us to have blood all over the floor?”

“I am not doubting you, it’s just… I think that if you wanted me dead, you would’ve done it before, at the store. But you saved me.”

You freed his face and stopped pointing the gun at him. He wasn’t wrong, even if you hadn’t done this because of pity. Something made you believe this boy was important for something, important for Kuroo; and the fact he was somehow related to a mysterious drug only made you more interested in him. The malicious and manipulative man had moved his strings to make you save the boy. And now you were stuck with him.

“I can’t go back.” he said while looking to the road and you knew from the way his bottom lip trembled that he was holding his tears. “I don’t have anywhere to go now.”

He was special and you couldn’t let him go. If you did, that meant that Kuroo would have him. And that Kuroo would find that drug before Daichi, meaning that somehow you would be behind him in this crazy search. And you wouldn’t let this happen after killing four men and almost being caught fleeing a crime scene. You smiled and turned the car’s motor on, it was a long way home.

“You’re staying with me for a while. At least I know what kind of drug we are talking about.” you heard him breathing with relief and for a second regretted your words. That wasn’t a good idea. “You better know that I’m only doing this because you’ll be useful to me, not because I pity you. From the moment you become useless, I’ll kill you myself, boy.”

“I’m not a boy. My name’s Kageyama Tobio and I’m eighteen.” you stayed silently and agreed. “It’s true, I’ll be nineteen on December!” you turned the radio on and ignored him once again. “Hey.”

Pause. You looked at him from the corner of your eyes, ignoring the road for a few seconds. He had his head held up high, but you could see that his hands were shivering. Was it the first time he saw someone dying? The first time he saw blood? Was he afraid of you and your stained shirt?

Maybe he was thinking about jumping from the car to save himself. Maybe he would tell you he hated you for making him a prisoner. You wandered if he wanted to throw up again or if he was thinking how those men kept their eyes open after being shoot. Oh, how sweet was to think that you were there when he had his innocence taken away; how you were part of the reason he had his innocence taken away. Just like once, so much time ago, someone did the same with you.

“Thank you. I mean, for saving me.”

You clenched the steering wheel tight.

That wasn’t the reaction you were waiting for.

 

“I tell to not go killing people around and as soon as I turn on the news, your favourite tobacco store has 5 bodies. Awesome job, [Name].” that was Hinata talking as soon as you opened the door. You didn’t have time to react. As soon as he turned around and saw a man standing next to you, even if he had blindfolds on and his hands were tied, Hinata pulled out his gun. “Who the hell is he and why you brought him here?”

“Calm down Hinata. Don’t worry, he’s not a threat.”

“[Name], you just broke a rule. You know you’re not supposed to bring anyone here! If Daichi finds out he will definitely kill you!”

“So now you go out for cigars and come back with stray dogs?” you felt a shiver on your spine. Oh, how you wished that Tsukishima wasn’t home; if you were completely fucked before for bringing Kageyama to your place, now that Tsukishima knew, you would be dead in less than an hour.

“This is no place for your fucking hook-ups.” You felt the tip of Tsukishima’s pistol on your right temple and didn’t even tried to move. Yamaguchi was probably holding Kageyama and pointing a gun to him as well. “Daichi won’t forgive you this time.”

“[Name]?” you heard the quivering voice from the blindfolded man behind you. “Is everything okay? Because I think someone is pointing a gun to me.”

“Don’t move Kageyama. Hey, guys, I know how this looks like, but you have to hear me. He’s not one of my hook-ups, you all know that I would never do something like this. He’s my hostage, okay? I will talk with Daichi and he’ll understand that I had no other choice than bring him here.”

“Well, for me it seems like you are our hostage right now, [Name].” you watched how Tsukishima’s smile widened and sighted. It wouldn’t be easy to deal with him. Hinata still held his gun up high, directed towards Kageyama; this time you couldn’t depend on his help. You were alone. “Hey Yamaguchi, who you think will take [Name]’s place when Daichi get rid of her? Hinata, Tanaka and Nishinoya are too much loud and stupid for it.”

“I’m pretty sure Daichi would rather choose a hooker than you, Tsukki. You’re to salty to deal with people and too stupid to gather information.”

“We’ll see about that.” You heard him taking the security lock off and felt him pressing the gun harder against your head. “Oh wait, you won’t be alive to see it.”

“I know you won’t kill me. You’re all bark and no bite, Tsukki.”

“I can’t kill you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t kill your fucking floozy.” you instantly felt when the gun stopped touching you and a shiver ran down your spine.

Shit again. How I got myself in this? Fuck!

Tsukishima was taller and probably stronger than you, but you were faster and had better instincts. Before he could pull the trigger, you grabbed the barrel with your left hand and placed your head off centerline to avoid getting shot. At the same time, you did a karate chop wrist with your free hand, turning Tsukishima’s gun hand to face himself.

If it was any other person, with the risk of getting shot he would’ve dropped the gun. But it was Tsukishima you were fighting with, and he didn’t even flinch before reacting and trying to punch you. You were fast enough to avoid it and used the weight of the movement on your favour to grab the gun from his hands and point to him. Immediately you knew Hinata’s and Yamaguchi’s pistols were aiming your head.

“Why are you doing this for someone like him?” Hinata asked you, but you kept your fixed posture ready to shoot the blonde’s heart at any second. “You don’t point a gun to a friend.”

“He didn’t think about it while pointing it to me, did he?” you breathed heavily, feeling all the tension of the room on your muscles. Each person was waiting and watching closely all the others to any unusual movement. “I’ll drop the gun, but I really need you to listen to me. Please.

“We will.” Yamaguchi was the one who answered and you saw how he exchanged an intimate look with Hinata. Tsukishima hadn’t moved and didn’t seem worried with the gun turned towards him. “Tsukishima won’t hurt you, right?”

“He won’t hurt me or Kageyama. Promise.”

“I fucking won’t.”

You slowly raised your arms and bowed down, placing the pistol next to your feet. You kicked it until it reached Hinata and immediately you saw the ginger one putting his gun back to its place. Yamaguchi did the same, but kept his arms around Kageyama’s neck. Tsukishima just said a “Tch” and went to sit on the couch like nothing happened.

“He knows something.” you started while leaning against the wall, grabbing your shirt and realizing the blood stains it had. Sadly, it was one of your favourite shirts. “Those shits from Shiratorizawa were after him and I stole the guy from them. Long story short, I believe Daichi will be happy with the gift. As long as he’s alive and able to talk.”

“He knows what?” Tsukishima asked.

“I thought Tanaka told us yesterday not to make many questions. I’m obeying it.”

“What makes you believe he’s not a spy? Bringing him here was your stupidest decision.” Hinata spoke. “You forgot that Noya told us that Daichi wouldn’t be in Miyagi tonight?”

“I had nowhere else to take him. I need to work and I can’t take him with me.”

“Fuck, now you want us to babysit your hook-ups? Go to the fucking hell, [Name].” Tsukishima wasn’t making things easy for you. If only you could stab that beautiful white neck of him to make him quiet. “Don’t bring your problems home and wait for us to care of them. You’re not a fucking kid anymore, so stop acting like one.”

“You wanted me to just drop him and wait until our enemies got valuable information to use against us? That’s exactly the reason Daichi trusts me more than you, Tsukishima.”

“Stop now the two of you!” Hinata screamed, something he only did when he was extremely pissed off. The both of you quieted immediately. “I’ll watch him out while you’re out.”

“You know that doing everything she wants won’t make her fall in love for you, right Hinata? You are always her fucking pet and never gets even a shag. Pathetic.”

“Shut up. This has nothing to do with you Tsukishima.” Hinata walked to Kageyama and even though he was much lower, he grabbed the man’s shirt and made him stand on his knees. Kageyama was silently and breathing heavily, not understanding anything since he had the blindfold covering his eyes. “Move an inch without my consent and I’ll kill you. Are we understood?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you Hinata.”

“You own me your damn soul, [Name]. And I will charge you.”

 

“Hey, sweetheart, bring me a Sazerac and a Dry Martini!”

“Yes, sir.  I’ll bring it right away.” You answered while walking to the kitchen. Lev was stirring a pan and smiled at you, to which you gave a tired smile as an answer. “I feel like I’ve been here for years and this night is never over.”

“It’s unusual for you to complain. Tough day?”

“You have no idea.” You grabbed the plate your co-worker handed over to you and paid attention to the table number he told you. “I have my break in five minutes. Want to share that cigarette?”

“Sure, I’ll meet you at backdoors.” he had a singsong tone that almost made you laugh. It would be good to distract yourself from everything that happened earlier and from the stress that was working on the pub. Unfortunately, destiny had other plans.

“Thank you, baby.” you heard him happily talk to you as if nothing had happened. The man with messy hair and mischievous smile was sitting on one of the red leather chairs and started to cut his delicious steak as soon as you gave the plate to him. “You look astonishing as always. Why don’t you make me company for a few seconds?”

“You have a lot of guts to come back here, Kuroo-san.”

“Oya? That’s pretty mean for you to say after I was so nice.”

“I don’t think you are nice with anyone unless you have second intentions.” you ran your hands over your apron to dislodge it. “What do you want?”

“I want the boy.” he slowly chewed the meat and cleaned his lips with the paper napkin. “Where is he?”

“As far as I know, he was kidnapped or killed. Those men from Shiratorizawa are pretty dangerous, aren’t they?”

“Just like you.” he leaned his elbows on the table and supported his chin on his hands while staring at you. “You don’t want to play this game with me, baby.  Give me the boy and you walk out of it unharmed.”

“Why sending me when you could’ve sent your man, Kuroo-san? What are you planning?”

“Me, planning something?” he placed his hands above his heart and his countenance voice turned into false innocence. “I’m always this nice!”

“I have no intention on entering the dangerous game you, Daichi and all the other bosses play, Kuroo-san. I’m good as I am right now. And if you excuse me, I need to continue working.” you turned around and decided to ignore his little act.

“Are you, though?” you stood still to listen his words, even if you didn’t want to. “As far as I know, you used to like being on top, [Name]. I bet in more than one way.”

You turned to him with awfully lifeless eyes.

“Stay away from my past, Kuroo Tetsurou.”

He chuckled.

“I’m not the one digging around, baby. But I can provide you information that Daichi won’t, as long as you do as I tell you.”

“I thank you for the kind offering, but I’m good. I can take care of my own problems.”

I won’t do as I did before.

“You have my number if you ever change your mind, darling.”

 

Lev politely lit your cigarette.

“Were you talking to Kuroo-san back there?” he took a drag on his cigarette and you did the same on yours. You closed your eyes and enjoyed the silence for a second. “You know he’s trouble right? Best to stay away.”

“I know. But trouble is always looking for me, Lev. And I can’t pretend someone’s coming to save me.”

He was silent for a while and you wondered about what he was thinking. He opened his mouth and then closed, like a gulping fish. Then he looked around and realizing no one was close, he turned to you and started whispering.

“On your day off Kuroo-san was talking from another guy from Tokyo, his name is Bokuto Koutaro. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but I’m pretty sure that ‘rifles’ and ‘shotguns’ were quoted a few times.”

Bokuto and Kuroo dealing guns? As long as you knew Kuroo only provided cocaine for his associates. Something was wrong, very wrong.

“Why are you telling me this?” you observed him, who was unusually quiet and collected, but you knew from his facial expression that he wasn’t lying. Someone as Lev wasn’t clever enough to create such a complex lie only to make you suspicious.

“I’m pretty sure Yamamoto works for Kuroo-san, but I know you’re with that other guy here from Miyagi. And I know you’re not here only to work.” you gave him no answer, only exhaled the smoke. “Of course, you know nothing is free. This first was only a free sample.”

“What do you want in exchange, Lev?”

“I’m pretty sure you know. I don’t want much, just enough to make me satisfied sometimes.”

Cocaine. If only it was that easy to get your hands on your boss’s traffic product.

“If you provide me with good stuff, I’ll make sure to retaliate.” You threw the rest of the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it to put out the fire. “But if I discover you’re dealing with Yamamoto or anyone else as well, you’ll be dead in a second Haiba Lev.”

“I know.” he repeated your gesture and opened the door to go back to the restaurant. “Don’t worry, this is a game I’m not interested in playing. I care enough for my life to know that you’re someone I shouldn’t lie to.”

“Good.”

Akaashi was waiting for you when you got inside. He stared at you emotionlessly before sighting.

“Someone called Tanaka said he wanted to talk to you. You have five minutes before I kick his ass out of here.”

You agreed and ran to the pub’s front door. Tanaka being here was definitely not a good sign. Technically, he and Nishinoya held the same position as Tsukishima and Hinata, but since they worked with Daichi much longer that all of you, they were closer to your boss. If Tanaka was here, meant that he already knew about Kageyama and that Daichi knew as well.

“You never stay too much time out of trouble, do you?” the bald one said, actually laughing as if he saw a kid getting caught doing something wrong. You would never understand his sense of humor. “Daichi said he’s coming for you at home as soon as he’s done with his business. He’ll be here tomorrow morning.”

You looked around making sure no one suspicious was around. Mostly the street was desert with the exception of a homeless man passed out a few meters away. You thought about Kuroo and how he said he could provide the information you needed; he probably had a really complex web of people and connections everywhere.

“What am I supposed to do until them?”

“Find out as much as possible. Me and Nishinoya will be out for a few days, and Hinata, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima have things to do as well. You’ll be alone to care of it.”

“And if I don’t find out anything?”

“Then you’ll have to talk with Daichi. You created this problem, now its time for you to find out the solution.”

“I deeply appreciate your emotional support, Tanaka.”

“Weren’t you the one who always said you could figure things out alone?” he made a serious expression, something you rarely saw happening. Deep down you knew that it was your fault, you were the one who always kept everyone else away. But you only did it because you were afraid. “Hope things work out. See you later.”

And you were alone again. Well, you were used to this by now.

Chapter Text

You took a long time sizing up Kageyama Tobio, who was currently tied to a wood chair with a black blindfold covering his eyes. From the way he tried moving his muscles you could easily conclude he was uncomfortable for staying in the same position for so long.

You observed how his beautiful oval face, pale skin and a tint of pink tinting his cheeks, probably due to the heat inside the room you had just entered. His eyes were covered, but it was easy to see that his dark eyebrows were curved down, as if he wore an angry expression. His nose was little and slightly pinched upwards, his mouth had a scowl with pursed thin lips. For the first time you realized he had no facial hair, even if his hair was full and lustrous, a little messy from the current situation, black and straight.

He had broad shoulders, was muscular and solid as if he practiced some sport. His posture was rigid, back completely stretch and legs slightly parted. You saw that he still wore the clothes from last night, denim blue jeans, a white v-shirt and a blue cardigan that were all crumpled, dirty and with a few stains of blood.

You held a red folder on your hands, something Hinata handed you as soon as you came home from the pub. He explained that Yamaguchi had requested Kiyoko for a full background research on Kageyama Tobio and he was giving you all the results, trusting that you would know what you were getting into.

“Kageyama, it’s me.” you started, leaning against the wall a few meters from him and opening the fold. “Hinata did something to you?”

“No, he was just quiet. Considering the circumstances, I believed it was better not to say anything.”

“So, you’re actually kind of clever.” you grinned a bit. “Listen, I will make a few questions and I need you to be honest with me, okay? It’s not only your ass that might be on the line.”

“You saved me.” his answers were a surprise to you once again. “I mean, I’m kind of a hostage right now but I guess it’s better than be dead.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” You whispered.

“I have no intentions of lying to you.”

“Okay let’s begin. When’s your birthday?”

“December 22nd

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen.”

“Occupation?”

“I used to go to college, but had to work to pay for it, so I applied to work at Ukai’s shop. The tobacco one.”

You checked each answer he gave you with what was written on the papers neatly organized at the folder. As always, Kiyoko did an amazing job of hacking and discovering absolutely everything about any person. You had always admired her ability with technology, which she usually answered complimenting your survival skills.

“What about your mother?” he breathed heavily and paused for a moment before answering.

“She ran away with a man when I was a child.” True.

“Your father?”

“He used to work to a pharmaceutical industry. Two years ago, he started working on a laboratory, but he never told me much about it. He used to leave really early on the morning and come back home really late. We almost never talked to each other and everytime I questioned him about work, he said it was none of my business. I moved out six months after he started working there.”

The date he told you checked with the two different addresses you had on the file. You walked to him and removed his blindfold; he blinked a few times to get used to the light. You pulled a chair and positioned it right across him and faced him closely. You could easily tell if someone was telling a lie as long as you had memorized the face patterns the person did when she was telling the truth. You repeated the same questions as before, this time without blinking while looking at him.

“When it was the first time you touched a girl’s breast?”

“What kind of question is this?” he blushed slightly.

“Answer it.”

“Fifteen.”

“Liar.”

“Okay, okay I was seventeen, okay? Tch.”

“Late bloomer, huh?”

“What? No!” you laughed lightly with his embarrassment.

“Look Kageyama, here’s the deal.” you crossed your arms and leaned your back on the chair. “I need something solid to give my boss if I want to stay alive. I need something from your father, or the drug or anything that we can use as a starter. He’ll be here tomorrow, and if we don’t have it, we are both dead.”

“I told you what I knew. My father probably has the drug formula because he is the creator. And I only know this because I heard rumors about it, and then those men came after me. I have no idea why there are people looking for it or what it is. I swear.” True.

No, there must be something more. Maybe something he doesn’t even suspect is a clue.

“Wait, rumors? What you mean with that?”

“One of my father’s ex-colleague went to the store once and asked if I knew anything about my father’s current job. Since we had already parted ways, I told him we weren’t talking anymore and he answered accusing my father of getting involved with the creation of drugs. He left a lot annoyed, but back then I had other things to worry about, so I didn’t paid attention.”

“Do you remember his name?”

“No, it’s been a long time. All I know is that they worked together at the pharmaceutical company.”

“It’s probably a beginning.” you smiled and took your cellphone to send a message to Kiyoko. After asking Kageyama’s father name and the company he worked, you asked if she could help you. In less than a minute you received a ‘Yes’ and she told you owned her a box of imported cigarettes.

“If we find the drug formula, I’ll destroy it.” you turned to Kageyama with a puzzled look. “Ukai died because those men were looking for information about this. He died for something he had nothing to do with. I won’t forgive my father.”

The words awoke a part of your mind you didn’t want to, not right now. You felt resentment, hate, sadness and mostly anger because you knew exactly what it was like to suffer the consequence of other’s mistakes. Of your parents’ mistakes. I will never forgive him. For a second it was almost as if the two of you were connected somehow, trying to survive after suffering the consequences of someone else’s decisions.

No.

No.

No.

We are not the same.

I am a killer.

I know that. I know there’s no turning back.

“If I find the drug formula, I’ll do whatever I want with it.” your voice sounded more raucous than you expected.

“You need me.”

“I don’t need anyone!” your voice trembled, but Kageyama didn’t noticed or pretended not to. He gazed down as a shy child being reprimand and you breathed heavily. “You’re still my hostage, Kageyama Tobio. Don’t think that just because we might die for the same stupid reason that we are friends.”

You left the room before he even had a chance to reply.

 

“So, this is the list of people your father worked during those years.” You threw a thick pile of papers on Kageyama’s lap. He moved his head slightly to observe the faces printed on the first page.

“None of these.” He moved uncomfortably, his hands still tied on the back of the chair. You observed the twopaper food containers with the words ‘cup noodles’ imprinted and the steam coming from it.

“I’ll untie you.” you approached the man and started moving the rope. “Just so you are able to eat and look at the papers.” Before he had any chance to even move an inch, you squeezed his wrists making him whimper in pain. You knew this was probably something you shouldn’t do to a hostage, but after reading everything about his life you knew he couldn’t hurt you even if he wanted to.

“You better not try anything funny. The only thing I need is your mouth tomorrow. I won’t hesitate to break your bones if I suspect anything.” You pulled his hair forcefully and his neck bended, his eyes staring directly at yours. “Are we understood?”

“Yes, madam.”

You gave him an annoyed look while he rubbed his red and blooded wrist. You handed him the cup noodle with chopsticks and he eagerly started eating and making noise. You seated on your chair and did the same, slowly enjoying the meal.

“It’s delicious.” he exclaimed happily.

“It’s cup noodles. It’s not delicious, it’s only enough to keep you alive for now.”

“I used to eat them with my father every Friday.” his eyes were lowered, staring intensely at the cup on his hands. “Before, I mean. We used to watch movies together all the time. Sometimes I was too tired from volleyball practices after school and slept. He never minded and just kept watching the movie just to tell me the summary afterwards.”

So, this is what it feels to have a father figure?

You kept chewing your noodles and didn’t answer him, but that seemed to prevent the boy in front of talking.

“Sometimes I used to eat cup noodles with a few friends as well, even thought our coach told us it wasn’t healthy and wouldn’t provide us energy enough for the training. But it was always fun to seat and talk with them, discuss our next games.” he was silent for a second, just enough to eat a little bit more of his meal. “I… I won’t be able to see them again, will I?”

You faced him blankly. He had a sad smile on his lips, like he had already accepted his fate. You couldn’t explain why, but seeing him like this after talking about how common his routine was made you feel a bit uncomfortable. Things weren’t supposed to be like this. Teenagers and young adults like him were supposed to be going out with friends, parties, spending time dating.

Not stuck in an old basement, tied to a chair while eating a meal after 24 hours starving. You belonged to this world, not someone like him.

Maybe you should’ve avoided his suffering. Maybe you should’ve killed him back then.

I can’t die yet. he said. I won’t forgive my father.

Humans are such fools, you thought to yourself. believing that desire is enough to reach anything.

“No.” you replied after some time. “I don’t think so. You should be thankful for being alive.”

“I’m thankful you saved me. I don’t mind losing the things I used to enjoy, as long as I can find why my father created the drug. Why he entered the underworld.”

“Underworld?” you laughed and almost choked, having to stop for a few seconds to cough. “So cute.”

“What?”

“No one calls it like that. You’re not in a movie.” You laughed a little more before setting the paper cup aside. “Now come on. Finish your meal and let’s find that guy who knew about your father. Something tells me he’s directly related to the reason your father started creating this drug.”

 

“I can’t find him. It’s none of these guys.” the two of you were sited on the floor, with at least 20 pages with completely different faces spread around you, looking for the man that contacted Kageyama before.

“That’s impossible. I’m sure those are all the man that worked at that company. He has to be here. Look again.”

“I looked at least 5 times at each page. I’m sure he’s not here. His appearance is not someone easily forget.”

“Shit.” you pushed away the papers around. “He must have deleted his own record.”

“Why would he do something like this?”

“Because he knew someone would look for him.”

Something, something, something. There must be something you let it pass, something that you could use to prove everything Kageyama told you was true, that the drug actually existed. You had only a few more hours until Daichi arrived. Luckily, it was your day off at the pub.

“The pub. Maybe Lev can help me.” You took your cellphone and called the boy. He answered in less than three ringtones.

“[Name]? To what do I owe this pleasure?” his voice was carefree, background noises making it difficult for you to hear him well.

“I need a favour.” you didn’t wait his words demanding a payment. “I’ll bring to you tomorrow. I need you to gather me all the info you have about anyone who talks about pharmaceutical industries or similar at the pub. Keep an eye on Bokuto and Kuroo, they’ll be there tonight, won’t they?”

“That’s oddly specific.” he commented. “But I will. A strange coincidence, don’t you think? Them being here every time you aren’t.”

“I’ll work this out later. Right now, I really need you to do what I asked you, Lev.”

“Don’t worry, I never fail on my obligations.”

“We’ll see. Call me as soon as you have something.”

You put the phone back on your pocket and turned to Kageyama.

“I’ll need to tie you again.

“Are you going somewhere?” he asked while siting on the chair. As always, he was strangely obedient, even offering his wrists for you to tie. “You know I don’t have anywhere to go, right? Even if I tried escaping, I’m pretty sure there are more guys looking for me. I never learned to fight or to shoot, I would be dead in seconds.”

“You think this is some vacation camp? I’m not here to fucking protect you.”

“I know. I know you would kill me if you could. But I still need you, kidnapper-san.”

“I have a fucking name.” you told him while making sure he wouldn’t be able to escape. “If you call me kidnapper-san ever again I’ll cut your fucking tongue, boy.”

“I also have a name. Call me Kageyama, please.”

“Tch.”

 

No one was walking in the park at an hour like this. You could feel the cold breeze entering through the rips of your jeans and lifting your shirt to kiss your skin. Not even the jacket covering you was enough to avoid the low temperatures. Leaves fell on the ground one by one, sometimes hitting the wooden bench and the water fountain, sometimes making sounds when you crashed them with your old boots.

You took a seat on the concreate semi-wall part of the water fountain and watched as the air you exhale formed a white foam next to your lips. There were a lot of plants, but most of them didn’t have any flowers and the beautiful orange carpet on the floor reminded you that autumn would soon end and allow winter to come. You smiled. You loved snowflakes and hot cocoa. You liked how the streets were emptier because most people weren’t courageous enough to go outside due to the cold.

The blood stained the snow, instead of staining the floor, like on the other seasons.

During the winter a body could stay hidden for a long time before it was found.

“I see you’re not very good at hiding your presence, Asahi-san.”

“That wasn’t my intention at all, [Name].” the man laughed softly while sitting beside you. “How are you? Unusual for you to directly contact me.”

“I’m in a little bit of trouble, but nothing I can’t handle.” you took a paper package from under your jacket and handed it to him. “Sorry, I don’t have much time. I need to go back as soon as possible. It’s the exactly amount you asked me, all cash.”

“I know I can trust you.” he took the package and discretely handed you a small plastic bag in return. You checked the white powder content for a second before putting it safety inside your bra. “But are you sure you want to start something like this? You know that Daichi doesn’t allow his people to use the product he smuggles.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not for me.” you adjusted the black hood on your head and smiled at the man. “Can I trust that this will stay between us?”

“Of course, as long as you pay me, I’ll take it to my grave.”

“Thanks, Asahi-san. See you later!”

“Watch out for yourself, kid. You know I don’t want see you hurt, right?” you stared at him for a second. Asahi one of the people responsible for selling the cocaine around Miyagi, and when you started working for Daichi he was the one who taught you about all the alleys and ways to avoid the police around. Even if it was for short amount of time, he was attached to you. Maybe because you were a girl, maybe because you were a lot young when you began. Maybe because he never saw how you smiled when you were killing and hunting people. You kind of liked him too. “Stay out of trouble.”

“I know.” you smiled and reassured him, getting up. “But trouble is always chasing me. Luckily, I can take care of myself. I’ll send you a message again.”

You were a few meters from the house until your phone rang. You answered as soon as you identified Lev’s number on the screen.

“Hey [Name], whatever you got yourself into, you need to stop.”

“Lev? Why are you saying this?” you stopped on your tracks and looked around nervously. In the first hours of the day there was no one on the streets, even though, you felt that someone was observing you. You touched the pistol just to feel somehow safer, but it wasn’t enough for you to stay calm. “Did something happen?”

“I don’t want the cocaine, it’s just not worth it.” he was breathing heavily, his voice was tremulous and he spoke quickly. Something is wrong. “You should leave it alone too.”

“Lev, what did you find out? Why are you so anxious? Tell me please!”

“There were some weird men here today, I’ve never saw them before. They were talking about how some guy that used to work on a pharmaceutical industry – I don’t remember the name – and was making a few researches on something called LTAN. I don’t know what it is, but”

Lev started whispering and you noticed how silent it was the background, how you could hear his steps, as if he was looking around and trying to move away from something.

“They were talking about that shooting on the store and about murder. [Name], what did you get involved with? Please, you need to stop looking for whatever this is. It’s dangerous, they said-”

The man couldn’t finish his sentence, there was thump and then you heard someone screaming, was it Lev? You heart pounded and it was almost as you could hear it on your ear. Something was wrong, you could hear a lot of steps. More than one person. More steps and a muffled boom, was it a gunshot? SHIT, LEV! You remained silent, ear glued to the cellphone speaker but without mumbling a single word, not allowing yourself to breath.

“Whoever you are, you should really hear your friend.”

You felt your whole-body freeze in an instant. Even if it had been years since you last heard that voice, you could still recognize it in the thousandth of a second. Your eyes widened, your hands and limbs started trembled and you had to lean on the wall not to fall. His voice carried so many memories and mixed feelings that you felt you could puke at any second and tried your best to held your ragged and harsh breaths.

Lev, I’m sorry.

“If you keep minding business that aren’t your own, I’ll find you.”

You felt dizzy and for a second you were sure that man was right behind you, whisperering his threats at your ear, his hot breath licking your ear lobes. A smile on his lips, like nothing and no one could ever hurt him. You closed your eyes, feeling the drench on your skin, fingers curled into a fist and waited for what seemed like an eternity for him to end the sentence.

“And I’ll kill you, just like I did to your friend.”

A continuous beep reached your ears.

Chapter Text

You stepped on the cellphone until you were out of breath. You kicked it and smashed it with all the strength you had, but it wasn’t enough to make your body stop shivering. You breathed deeply, trying to steady yourself. After so much time, it was impressive how his voice was enough to shaken you so much.

It didn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t next to you, but miles away; probably getting rid of Lev’s body so no one could discover what happened. To make sure no one knew he was looking for the drug. But why? How does he know about it and why does he want it? How did he discovered bout Lev? Could he track you?

LTAN. Was this the name of a component? A place? The drug’s name? An abbreviation?

You couldn’t think clearly. You could still hear his voice ringing on your ears. If you closed your eyes, you could feel his hands hovering your skin, grabbing and caressing; making you shiver and moan. You could feel pain due to the cold edge of his dagger cutting you, you could sense the blood dripping and adorning your skin.

Ah, you still hunt my dreams and my nightmares, Oikawa Tooru. Will I ever be able to forget you?

 

“I have a new clue.” you stated while opening your browser. Kageyama was on your side, untied, eyes glued to your screen. The search mechanism delivered 567,000 results in 0.73 seconds for your key-words.  “Have you ever heard of something called LTAN?”

Nothing was interesting. There were a few things about orbital mechanics, about the longitude of the ascending node, variation of local time, a few videos about flights and something related to an airport. Maps couldn’t find a location, so it probably wasn’t a place; no chemical results on google, so it probably wasn’t a component of the formula. What other options? Think.

“It doesn’t sound strange to me.” Kageyama answered, eyebrows bowed and his face tensed in a funny way while he was thinking. “There was a time that I saw a few papers spread on my father’s office, but back then I couldn’t understand anything. I barely remembered this, but now that you said… It’s an abbreviation. But for what?”

“Was it written on the papers?”

“I don’t remember.”

“You better do.” you tried a few more search but they were all useless. “There’s one more thing. The person who went looking for your father… Was he a brunette guy? Brown eyes, spiked hair and that looks like a model? Around his mid-twenties.”

“What? No, it was an older guy, with glasses and shaved hair.” his dark eyes stared at you for a few minutes. “But I might know the guy you’re talking about. If it’s the one I’m thinking about he has a snub nose and is a little arrogant. I saw him once, talking with my father at the house gate and thought it was weird because as soon as he saw me, he left. When I questioned my father, he said it was only one of the neighbors, but he was obviously lying.”

“I can’t believe he really is involved in all this. Fuck!” you hit your fist on the table and cursed. Kageyama jumped back and shuffled with his words.

“Wait, do you know him?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Now we’re stuck in the middle of a war.” you clenched your fists and breathed heavily. “My boss won’t ever forgive us. Even if we give him all the info he wants, I got myself into something I was not supposed to. We know too much.”

Kageyama stayed silent. You could hear a drop hitting a surface, not really far from where you two were. The notebook screen showed the first page of an unsuccessful research. On the basement there was no window, but you knew that the sun was probably rising outside. How much time was left until you gave your last breath? You knew Daichi was coming. Ah, if only you knew that playing Kuroo’s mind games would take you here, you would’ve given Akaashi a piece of your mind. At least you could’ve fucked someone one last time.

“Can we… Escape?”

“I’m not this kind of person. I receive all the consequences of my actions. I won’t run.”

“Even if this costs your life?” you felt his piercing gaze on you, but you didn’t face him. You closed the notebook and smiled.

“It’s not like my life is that worthy anyway.” you paused, inspecting the worn wall paint and wondering how many people had died here. How many people had lived here? How many of them were happy and how many were stuck on the same misery that was living, like you? You would never know the answer. “The world will be a better place once I’m gone.”

“Is it really okay to just give up?”

You turned your head abruptly, but he wasn’t looking at you. He was also inspecting the wall and you wondered what he was thinking. For a second you wished you could read his mind. Was he afraid of dying? Was he afraid of suffering? Maybe he wished he could have said goodbye to someone.

“There are a few things I still want to do.” he looked at you, and you held a stoic expression. “There was a party I promised to go with my friends, and a really nice girl I want to ask on a date. I stopped playing volleyball once I got into university, but I really want to play one more match. I wish I could eat pork curry with an egg on top and drink my favourite brand of milk. I want to find my father and understand why he did all he did.”

“[Name], do you still have things you want to do?”

I can’t die yet. I want to find him. I want to kill him. I want him to suffer as much as I did.

“Our wishes are insignificant.” you ended the discussion with dead eyes. “There are no such things as hope when you’re lost in darkness.”

 

Daichi was smiling. A wide, terrifying smile. Even if you couldn’t see Kageyama, you could imagine his petrified expression in utter terror, body shaking. The man with brown hair was wearing a sharp-looking and well-fitted black suit, probably an Armani. Underneath, a long-sleeved blue shirt with a pinned collar and a red long tie. His usual knee-length black overcoat was sitting on the back of the leather chair.

You and Kageyama stood still before him like suspects being analyzed by the victim while he was comfortably sated on a stylish leather chair behind a beautiful wooden desk. Sugawara was standing right beside Daichi, but instead of smiling he was staring directly at you with a mixture of worry and reprimand.

“Is this all you have to tell me?” his grating voice resonated by the room, and even if everything about the situation made you tense, you answer was collected and calm.

“Yes sir.”

“Just tell me just one reason why I should let you live, [Name].” you saw how Sugawara flinched and felt Kageyama moving uncomfortably at your side. “You received confidential data and instead of contacting me, you went to a place you knew would be aimed, killed man you were not authorized to and brought a suspect person inside our safe house. Furthermore, you acted independently to obtain information and caused the death of a co-worker. Someone who wasn’t even involved in our affairs.”

Silence. There was nothing you could say to defend yourself, because you knew his words were the truth. You couldn’t refute because you knew you only did all of this due to your own curiosity and selfishness. It was wrong. You knew and you did anyway because that’s the kind of person you are. You destroy anything on your way to obtain what you want.

You know this. Daichi knows this. It’s your biggest quality and worst flaw.

“You know this could be considered as treason, don’t you?” he moved on his chair and for a second you lost your breath. Treachery was the worst thing someone on this world could do, something absolutely unforgivable and that lead to a death sentence, usually a cold-blooded shoot straight to the heart. Traitors bodies were burned instead of buried, names carved on the walls for no one to repeat those actions.

“Yes sir.”

“Why aren’t you defending yourself? Have you accepted your destiny?”

“From the moment I signed that contract with you, I accepted all your judgements and its consequences.” how calm could anyone be while waiting for the final verdict? Your voice didn’t tremble, your eyes never left Daichi’s smiling lips, your whole body didn’t move an inch for the exception of your lips. “I told you absolutely everything. I don’t intend to contest your judgement, sir.”

He stopped smiling and looked at the papers sitting on his desk. Kageyama’s red folder, the pile of papers with different workers from the pharmaceutical company, your notes about LTAN and Oikawa’s and Kuroo’s connection to it. He had absolutely everything you had gathered in this little amount of time. The only thing Daichi had brought with him was a file with Haiba Lev’s name on it, a photo of his soaked dead body with a hole on his head easily viewed by all of you.

“Face the other wall and stand on your knees, [Name].” his voice was clear and flat. You remembered the first time you saw each other, how he held a knife against your throat and with that same tone said you were welcome to join his people if you wanted to. Back then he had removed the knife as soon as you said yes, and Sugawara smiled reassuring you.

“Daichi-san…” you heard the white-haired man’s angelic voice. You were glad at least you would be able to hear it one last time.

Back at that day, you were dirty, hurt, soaked in blood and full of bruises, but Sugawara offered you a hand to get up and Daichi apologized for the ‘little fight’ the two of you had, that it was only a test to evaluate your skills. Sugawara placed his overcoat on your shoulders and said ‘welcome’ so sweetly that you almost cried. It was one of the few times in your life you really felt needed.

You turned around, but not fast enough to miss Kageyama’s confused face. The boy moved a bit, but soon Sugawara was holding his arms and moving him away from you. He resisted, but his strength was nothing compared to the other man’s built and trained body. You got on your knees.

“Wait, what are you doing?” you heard Kageyama exclaiming and for a second felt pity for him. Such a sad destiny for someone that used to go to college and play volleyball. He knew happiness and had lost it. At least you couldn’t lose something you never had. “Please, don’t do this, it’s not her fault! Please!”

You felt the cold steel touching the skin on your back, a little close to your spine. You felt all the hair of your body raising when you heard Daichi pulling the safety lock of his gun off. Kageyama was still screaming and asking for your boss not to do this, please, to kill him instead.

Why? Why do you so much to save me? Can’t you see? I don’t want to be saved, Kageyama.

On your first day at the home base, they bought Chinese food. Once your few belongings were arranged on your new room and you were clean, everyone gathered around the table and attacked the white boxes.

Daichi and Sugawara were calmly discussing the last hockey game while eating, Tsukishima was quietly paying attention to his food and Yamaguchi was shyly looking at you. Nishinoya and Tanaka were discussing something about the beautiful traits of someone called ‘Kiyoko’ and Hinata was sated beside you, telling all the member’s name and their favourite food. You stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do until Hinata took the last box of noodles and offered to you.

Don’t worry, you’ll get used to us soon.” he smiled sweetly at you, and for a second you were sure that all of them were just friends gathering for a night to have some fun and talk. Not merciless rental killers, dealers and bosses of a giant and complex cocaine distribution.

“Please, don’t kill her…” this time Kageyama wasn’t struggling, demanding or offering himself. He was begging for your life. “Please, it wasn’t her fault.”

You closed your eyes. Where were the flashbacks everyone had when they were close to die? Why you couldn’t see your parents, the man who first offered you a gun, the man who you’re your virginity, the ones that laughed at you? Why Oikawa wasn’t on your imagination? Why you couldn’t remember those words someone told you after your first assassination?

Ah, I want to remember.

Maybe the ones who were destined to hell didn’t deserve to have a look back on their lives.

Only fair.

Daichi pressed harder the tip of the gun on your skin, you could feel it on your ribs. How long did it take for him to pull the trigger? It seemed like a century for you.

I don’t want to die yet.

You heard a deafening and buzzing sound.

Chapter Text

You always thought dying would be painless. So why were you feeling an agonizing amount of pain? First there was a really loud noise and a strong impact that made you fall to the floor in a second, then there was numbness all over your lower right abdomen and a horrible and indescribable burning sensation. You felt an achy pain as well, and for a heavily second everything was gone, only to come back even more painful afterwards.

Your ears were ringing, your eyes turning in your orbits and you wanted to cough, but was trying really, really hard to keep breathing. You could hear someone screaming on the background, you knew that voice, didn’t you? Oh, it was burning so much. Burning and itching and poking like there was someone with a needle.

It took a moment for you to realize that your hand was holding the place where the pain was coming from. There was something stick, you wanted to know what it was, but the pain was so much you couldn’t focus on anything. There were thousands of stimuluses at the same time.

You could hear voices on the background. Burning. You tried to swallow to remove the bad iron taste on you mouth, but couldn’t. Pain. Your tried breathing through your nose, but you couldn’t, you puffed again and again and there was never enough air. Itchy. You felt the stick on your hands, and oh, it was probably blood. You had been shot, hadn’t you? Why you weren’t dead? Please, just kill me. It hurts too much.

You opened your eyes. Your left cheek was pasted to the ground, and that stick thing was everywhere. Someone screamed. You saw a man getting close to you.

Please, make it stop. I can’t take it anymore. I’m begging you, please.

You couldn’t speak, they were probably only mumbles from an almost dead delusional woman. Even though you couldn’t stop trying because you just wanted it to be over. The man approached more and you felt the burning sensation relieve a little.

“I won’t kill you this time.” who was he? You couldn’t remember, you didn’t want to remember. Fuck him and his words, all you could think about was the pain. “You’ll live and suffer. You’ll clean all the mess you made. And if you ever act without my orders ever again…”

He grappled your hair, right next to the scalp, approximating your face to his. You felt a lot a pain from the way he pulled you hair, and the intensity of the burning only increased. You could see the blood on his hand. It was a mess. You were a mess. Why was he doing this to you?

“I’ll kill you in a much more painful way.” his fingers never left your hair, his eyes completely dull and he had such a terrifying expression that you almost cried. Why couldn’t you cry? It hurts. It is okay to cry when you’re hurt, right? It’s burning, please help me. “Are we understood?”

“Daichi-san, it’s enough. If you keep this, she’ll die from blood loss!”

“Are we understood, [Name]?” you wanted to answer. You wanted to tell him yes, yes, yes, yes, but you couldn’t speak, you could barely breath. You tried moving your head and nod, and the pain was still there. It would never stop, would it? It burned and itched and ache and it was so numb. Maybe this was hell. You were finally there.

“Yes.” you finally replied and he let go of your hair. Your head hit the floor and suddenly all the sensations were slowly decreasing, and you started feeling cold. You were sleepy, and just wanted to let the darkness come in. No one was waiting for you anyway, right? It was okay to fade. You heard someone screaming your name.

Kageyama, I can’t take it anymore.

You blacked out.

 

Ennoshita-sensei said you were delirious for at least 3 days and on the 4th, couldn’t remember who you were. Now, finally drinking the water that his nurse, Yachi, had offered, something made sense. You couldn’t remember much with the exception of your moments talking with Daichi at his office and a few flashes of pain, blood and his final words reverberating your mind.

I am alive.

“What about…” you drank another cup of water. You throat felt dry, your lower abdomen was numb and all your body ached, you couldn’t move. “Kageyama? Is he… Alive?”

“Yes, at least for now. Yachi, tell him she’s awake, please.” the blonde girl shake her head and left the room. Your room, your bed, your roof. But there were a lot of medical stuff in it, including a needle perforating your skin that was probably providing you serum. “You had a hard time, I thought you wouldn’t survive the infection. I’m glad you’re as tough as a lion. “

You heard the door opening and saw the white-haired man enter. Yamaguchi raised himself from the seat next to your bed and left saying he was going to grab you some food. Sugawara silently sat down on your bed and touched your hand gently, but it only lasted a few seconds.

“How are you feeling?”

“As if I had crossed the gates of hell and somehow returned alive to tell the story.” you tried to raise yourself but moaned in pain; Sugawara held your waist – the place you weren’t shoot – and helped you sit.

“At least you are alive. Although you probably won’t be leaving this house for a few days.”

“Yes, I guess so.” you touched your belly, but didn’t feel anything. “How angry is Daichi-san?”

“Considering he almost took a piece of you with a shot? I would say pretty much.” he breathed heavily. “You know he had no choice, right? The fact you are alive means he actually cares a lot about you.”

“Cares so much that he almost killed me? I’m not sure I enjoy the way he feels about me.” you tried joking around, but the situation was too heavy for it. Sugawara didn’t laugh.

“He asked me to stay here to make sure you would be okay.” The two of you stared at each other for a few minutes in silence.

“Why he didn’t kill Kageyama?” you twisted the white sheet at your fingertips.

“He was going to.” Sugawara raised himself and pretended to look at the books at your shelf. “He begged for your life again and again. He offered himself to save you. After you were shot, he begged Daichi-san to save you, that he would do anything as long as you lived. You really got the boy at your fingertips. What kind of spell did you used?”

You stayed silent. You couldn’t understand why Kageyama wanted to save you so much. Was it because you had saved him? Because you gave him food and allowed him to stay without the moorings? Or maybe it was because of your answer when the two of you talked about dying?

“He said it was because you saved him when no one else could.” Sugawara took out one of your books and smoothed the cover before opening it and flip through the pages.  The Catcher in the Rye. “That’s a rare thing. Having so much loyalty from someone you met in less than 48 hours. He is different, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yes.” you whispered and replaced a lock of hair behind your ears. “That’s why Daichi didn’t kill him?”

“You know there’s no other virtue that Daichi appreciates more than loyalty.” he closed the book and placed where it was. “Of course, he failed the physical test. Now he has a really ugly purple eye and a lot of bruises on his body.”

“He failed the physical test?” it was almost as if there were gears moving and fitting into each other at your head. “Wait, you don’t mean that he-”

“He’s a part of us now.” you gulped, trying to adjust your thoughts. “He’s actually a fast learner and Yamaguchi said he has good aim; Hinata said he’s also good wielding a knife. However, Tsukishima is giving him a hard time with physical combat.”

“He doesn’t belong here, Sugawara.” You remembered his words, how he looked happy and satisfied talking about the things he still wanted to, how he had a gleam on his eyes. How he wanted to play volleyball again, and go on a date, and visit places. It wasn’t fair that he had to be stuck in a place like this. “He’ll die. He’s not the type of person that kills others. You know this and Daichi knows it too. What kind of game are you two playing?”

“You knew from the moment you brought him here that he was going to die.” the white-haired man bends down and looked at you. “You said you would accept the consequences of your actions, and he is one of them. Maybe he’ll die, maybe he won’t. Whatever happens, you are the only one to blame, [Name].”

You breathed heavily. He was right, as always. He ran his hand through his locks and for a second you were petrified, observing how beautiful and delicate his actions were, how beautiful the mole close to his eyes were. It was good to lose yourself on details like this when your mind didn’t want to think about anything.

“You weren’t like this. I thought you never cared about the blood you spilled or what happened to others, innocent or guilty, as long as you could get what you wanted. Why is this boy different?”

I don’t know. Is he different to me? Would I cry if he died? All I know is that I don’t want him to.

Why?

His voice, your voice. You knew from the moment he spoke those words that an invisible thread had formed on your little finger and around his. You knew that after so many years running from connections, staying away from feelings, not feeling empathy for anyone or anything, it was a miracle that only a few words broke all your defenses.

I can’t die yet.

“Because he said he still had something to do. That he couldn’t die yet.” you whispered, and Sugawara understood in an instant, smiling at you. He and Daichi knew everything about your past, things that not even you wanted to admit to yourself, and even so, they accepted you with open arms and smiles. Of course, nothing was ever free, but this was the best you knew.

“If he said so, then he won’t die until he has done what he needs to.” he got up and stroked your head, like an older brother.  You liked it, but would never admit to anyone. “But you can’t let him change who you are, [Name]. In this world, you need to protect yourself above anything else.”

“I know this.” you nipped and pulled his hand away with a lid, crossing your arms. “Nothing will change. Actually, you shouldn’t take serious someone who just woke up from a three-day delirium. Just forget what I said.” Sugawara laughed, and the sound was refreshing after the tense conversation.

“Good to have you back.”

Ennoshita came back with a tray and some food, and you realized you were actually a lot hungry. Behind him were Hinata and Yamaguchi that started filling you up with questions and statements and comments about so many things that you couldn’t follow them. Sugawara walked to the door and said you should eat and rest more and he would come back later to talk business.

You felt glad he gave you some time to digest the news and think about everything.

 

“Hey, you look horrible.” was your first statement when Kageyama entered your room on the next day. You had slept and eaten a lot, and was beginning to feel a little better; Ennoshita left saying that he would be back in a few days, but Yachi remained to help you with remedies and to change the serum when it was needed. The pain wasn’t completely gone as before – probably due to the stronger anesthetics they had applied when you were delirious - but it was manageable with the pills. “Can’t complain much, at least we are alive.”

“I guess so.” he answered and you stopped for a second, not knowing exactly what to say. He wasn’t your hostage anymore, he was a… A colleague. Kageyama probably felt your discomfort and tried to lessen the room’s heavy mood.

“I guess we’re kind of partners now? Sugawara-san said we’ll be working together with the LTAN case.”

“Case.” you laughed humorlessly. “You know we are not detectives, right?”

“I know.” he stared at his feet for a long time, pondering his next words. “It’s not your fault. I mean, the fact that I belong here now.”

“I never said it was.”

“Yeah, but when you look at me… I’m not sure if you just despise me completely or if you blame yourself for the fact that I’m alive and here. Guess I really hoped it was the second option.”

“It doesn’t matter.” you closed your eyes, not giving him an honest answer; some things were better unsaid. Sugawara was right, you couldn’t change because of him, you couldn’t allow whatever empathy or sense of similarity that existed between the two of you grow, or that would be the death of you. “Forget what happened before and focus on learn everything you can if you want to remain alive in this branch.”

“Yamaguchi said you were the best shooter here, that if you were healthy you probably would be the one teaching me.”

“Maybe I can help you once I’m 100% okay again. If you buy me some cigarettes of course, you should know that nothing here comes for free.”

“Yeah, I kind of already own a lot to Yamaguchi, Hinata and Tsukishima even if I’m completely broke.” realizing you weren’t as bitter as before, he sat on the chair next to your bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m in a bit of pain, but I’ll be better soon. Don’t make such a sad face, it’s actually a miracle I had never been shot before, considering everything I do.”

“Did it hurt? You didn’t scream when you were shot, but you seemed to be in a lot of pain. And on the others days you were mumbling a lot of nonsense things. I was really afraid you were going to die.”

“I’m not weak, you should learn this as fast as you can.” you took the glass of water on the table next to you and drank it. “And you shouldn’t sneak on a girl’s bedroom when she’s sick and delirious. It’s disrespectful.”

His cheeks immediately turned pink and you only laughed discreetly while he mumbled that it wasn’t his intention to sneak on you, that he was worried but no one allowed him to enter your room, and he was always occupied with the training and had no other time to come than the night. You also heard him say something related to Ennoshita’s broken promise and allowed yourself to smile a little.

Times of peace before another storm, you told yourself. Let him enjoy it while he can, before drowning on the sea of blood this world is.

You returned the glass to the table, settled more comfortably on the bed and heard Kageyama mumble about his day.

Chapter Text

“I don’t want to use those fucking nicotine patches instead of smoking.” you stated as soon as Yachi proclaimed you couldn’t smoke for a while. “I’ll die anyway, so why should I care about my lungs?”

Of course, you had to listen to a 30-minute speech about how you should look out for your health, exercise regularly, eat fruits and vegetables and stay away from drinks, cigarettes and drugs. Oh, and you also had to listen about the after effects and dangers of using cocaine since Ennoshita had found out the plastic bag hidden on your bra when preparing you for the surgery. Luckily, you had told Daichi the reason you had bought it, so you wouldn’t be getting into more problems for now.

“So, I’ll give the orders now because I have to leave soon.” Sugawara said as rapidly as you were able to walk to the living room. It was a rare occasion, since everyone (Hinata, Yamaguchi, Tanaka, Nishinoya, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, you and the new member - Kageyama) were comfortably spread out on the sofas and chairs during what was supposed to be a busy Tuesday.

“Daichi doesn’t have much information, and to be sincere until you and Kageyama talked to him, he didn’t even know about the drug’s name. What we know is that a few years ago someone started providing money for a research using ghosts companies and charity centers, with a intricated, well designed and complex transfer money scheme; of course, there are no evidences.

Somehow, around 6 months ago rumors began to circulate about this new drug, they said it was something tougher, a narcotic stronger than cocaine and LSD but that somehow, didn’t have so many side effects on the addicts. That the use of this drug could happen for years routinely before killing the drug user.

Of course, as soon as those people on top of the traffic deals heard about it, they went crazy. Can you imagine how much more profit a drug user can generate if he lives longer? That’s how everything began.

I believe Oikawa wants to have the monopoly of this new drug. Ever since he left Shiratorizawa’s gang he’s having a hard time trying to establish a territory and an area for him to work with his merchandise. This new drug would save him a lot of work and deals. On the contrary, Kuroo is the only cocaine provider for Tokyo and Miyagi. If Oikawa gets the formula, there are high chances Kuroo might loses his position.

I know getting information about all this will be hard, and that’s why Daichi wanted everybody to know, even if Kageyama, [Name] and Tsukishima are the only ones directly responsible for it. If anyone hears something from the streets, we need you to tell them about it.”

“Wait, Tsukishima too?” you exclaimed, but you the only one surprised.

“Yes, you wanting or not, you’re still not in your perfect conditions yet and Kageyama is just a beginner. It would be reckless to send the two of you to take care of something so dangerous.”

“You have a problem with me?” Tsukishima’s gravelly voiced reached your ears only to make you annoyed. “I'd be careful if I were you before going complaining to Daichi. He might actually kill you this time.”

“Don’t fall for his taunts, [Name].” Nishinoya began talking while attacking a pack of snacks. “You know he only does this to annoy you.”

“I’m really expecting the two of you to stop bickering while working on this.” Sugawara stated, hands on his waist. “I believe no one wants to see Daichi really angry, do you?”

There was a one-minute tense silence while everybody shivered with memories of an angry Daichi; mostly you, feeling cold and terrified remembering the way he grabbed your hair while you were almost fainting from blood loss. His frightening face and emotionless words, waiting for an answer while you begged for your own death on your mind.

“But why aren’t Kuroo and Oikawa behind the one who financed all the research? It doesn’t make sense.” Hinata was the first one to break the silence. “He’s probably the one with the formula. Why look for Kageyama?”

“We don’t know this yet…”

“Unless the financer is dead.” Yamaguchi added. “Or I don’t know, somehow they know that he doesn’t have the formula.”

“Maybe they are just following everyone that has a minimal connection to all of this.” Tsukishima said while staring at his nails, not very concerned about the discussion.

“Kuroo might be, but Oikawa doesn’t have that much resources to waste.” you refuted, but this time the blonde did not try to make a sarcastic rejoinder.

“What if it was stolen?” Tanaka suggested while holding a half-empty bottle of beer. “I mean, that’s pretty common to happen in any business area, right?”

“Something like that couldn’t be easily stolen. The guy was probably working on a super secret and very well-equipped underground laboratory or something.” Sugawara opined.

“Like those from movies with hundreds of security levels and laser bands to avoid intruders?” Hinata eyes were glowing while imagining the place, and everyone just ignored him since you all were used to it by now. Kageyama had a funny and puzzled look on his face while staring the ginger. “I’m sure they are like gwah and puaw! So cool!”

“He definitely didn’t work alone. Usual drugs take decades or even more to be produced. It took him how long to produce it? Two years? It must have been a gigantic investment, with many people working on it.” you said while trying to get more comfortable, feeling your abdomen scratch.

“Anyone working there must have been strictly researched and tested before attending. And since its illegal things we are talking about, anyone suspected would have been killed in seconds or less.” Tsukishima was the one to reply you this time. 

“Any human system is error prone. I believe this is a possibility. It makes sense for them to believe Kageyama was working with his father and, for some reason, betrayed him and ran away with the formula.”

Everyone stared at the boy as soon as you finished your sentence. You knew no one trusted him yet, just like once they hadn’t trusted you. This was something you couldn’t change, he would have to earn his trust. Sugawara breathed heavily and started talking again.

“Those are all assumptions and we can only work once we have real info. Oh, I almost forgot, Kiyoko will be available anytime you need and she’ll put your requests first. Reach her when you need. Me and Daichi will get in touch from time to time to hear from you.”

It seemed like the meeting was over. Everyone started leaving, talking unconcernedly as they went about their business. But you had many questions haunting your thoughts.  How did Oikawa know Lev was listening to his talk at the pub? How did he know the person on the phone was minding his drug affairs? And how Bokuto and his ‘gun talk’ with Kuroo were related to all of this?

“You two will get wrinkles soon if you keep doing this face for so long.” Hinata said while smiling at you and Kageyama. You were glad he always offered help to move you around, even taking food to you sometimes. Of course, he always said you owned him quite a lot by now. “Need help getting back to your room?”

“I can help too, if you need.” Kageyama eagerly told you.

“I appreciate, but I rather stay here a little bit longer. It is tiresome to stay in that stuffy bedroom for so long. Thank you thought.”

“Yeah.” for a few seconds you felt like Hinata was a bit uncomfortable with Kageyama’s presence, but took it as your imagination. “See you later then.” Hinata said and left. Kageyama stayed on your side, but didn’t dare to move closer.

“It’s real now, isn’t it?” he asked, observing his fingers opening and closing, avoiding your look.

“I don’t have any motivation quotes, if that’s what you are expecting. I won’t tell everything will be okay.” a short pause to breathe deeply. “This life is pretty shit. As soon as you get used to it, the better is.”

“I thought you said you didn’t have quotes to offer me.”

“Shut up.”

It took you around a week to be back on your tracks again. Of course, now you held a pretty nasty scar on your right lower abdomen and you probably would feel a little self-conscious going to the beach with a bikini. Ha, as if you ever had time to go to the beach or actually worry about your physical appearance instead of worrying about your life.

You woke up fluttered with one of your cellphones ringing at midnight thirty. You were almost completely healed, with the exception of still having to take the antibiotics and a gauze covering your scar. You immediately recognized Kiyoko’s number and answered it, her calming and silvery voice as always greeting you and asking about your health. As soon as you replied she started talking business.

“I heard there’ll be a party tonight. I’m sending you the location.” you heard the ‘bip’ of a notification. “Apparently there’ll be a few Shiratorizawa guys there. I thought maybe you guys would be interest in taking a look.”

“You are the best Kiyoko, I’ll head there with Kageyama and Tsukishima. It’s our first clue in a few days.” you could hear the woman typing quickly through the call, she was a workaholic.

“You should stay low-key. I don’t think they will be happy to see you after the tobacco store incident.”

“Don’t worry.” you smiled while taking off your shorts and opening your wardrobe’s door to reach a red leather pants and your thigh-high boots. “We won’t be kill-joys, just young adults looking for some fun at a Saturday night.”

 

“So, they are having an underground party in old train cars in the middle of an abandoned subway station?” Kageyama asked while you jumped a yellow stripe saying “no trespassing” and reached a really old and dirty set of stairs. There were old newspapers, broken glass bottles, empty cigarette packs, and even some used condoms on the floor.

“It’s actually a pretty cool place for parties.” you said with hands hidden on your black jacket pockets and chewing a gun. “Bribe a few cops to close their eyes and you’ll have a good place for drug trading, drinking, prostitution, getting high and hearing good music. I actually enjoy them when I don’t have work to do.”

“Chill out or they will suspect us.” Tsukishima told Kageyama. Your feet were the only sound when you reached the platform, and you saw a pretty neon flashy arrow showing you would’ve to walk to reach the destination. There was a faint sound of electronic music and you realized a group of people a few meters ahead smoking, drinking and laughing. “We’ll have to get down to the rails.”

“Isn’t dangerous?”

“Quite a lot.” You answered in a singsong tone, balancing and taking the leap to jump from the edge of the platform. Tsukishima came right behind you, but Kageyama hesitated, analysing the distance and you laughed at him. “Are you afraid of heights? Come on, you won’t break your neck jumping from there.”

“Such a coward, if you can’t jump, then you should go home. You’ll only get on our way.” Kageyama scowled at the blonde’s word, but jumped a bit clumsily. “Let’s go.”

You took one of your cigarette packets out of your pocket and offered it to Tsukishima, who accepted it. When you did the same with Kageyama, he pulled back and said he did not smoke.

“Take it anyway. We don’t have drinks, it’ll be weird if we are empty handed. Have you brought some cocaine, Tsukishima? We might need it to get in.”

“Yes.” He lighted his cigarette and offered you the lighter.

Your steps echoed on the darkness as well as Kageyama's coughs when he tried the cigarette for the first few times, making you and Tsukishima laugh. White smoke formed around the three of you in the barely lit tunnel, hemmed in by the perfect arching sandstone walls adorned with several metal pipes, sometimes giving a claustrophobic sensation.

A bit far you could see the lights and people, the beat of the music getting louder and louder, your heart pounding with excitement. You held Kageyama’s tense shoulders and massaged them, whispering on his ears.

“Breath and smile, imagine you are going to a college house party. We can’t afford to stay out of this, so put your hands here” you positioned them pretty low on your hips. “and pretend we’re a very modern couple looking for some exotic fun, okay?”

“Do you really think that it would be enough to deceive them?” Tsukishima asked looking at how the two of you.

“Jealous, Tsukki?”

“Like anyone could feel jealous of someone like you.”

“Don’t worry.” you squeezed Kageyama’s shoulder and winked. “If it’s not enough I can always use my femme fatale charm to get in.”

“Hey” Tsukishima said when you encountered the people near metal bars that separated the rest of the tunnel from the party. He took the plastic bag with the white powder and handed the man dressed in black with piercings on his face, saying the password that Kiyoko had shared earlier. It was actually pretty easy to get in.

The music was so loud that your skin tingle, it was like the floor was rattling. There was dry-ice smoke swirling the blues, acid greens, hot pinks and gold neon lights that flashed everywhere like police sirens, but much more colourful. There were people everywhere, almost no room to move around, most of them smoking and drinking while jiving, twisting, turning and grinning like idiots to the music’s beat.

You could see the sweat forming on their foreheads, running down their cheeks and shining like their skin was bathed in tiny diamonds. A few couples were kissing each other on the middle of the dance floor, hands roaming all over, bodies so glued together it was like no one could break them apart. You smiled and looked at Tsukishima; Kageyama held your body close to his like a child afraid of getting lost.

“If I find any of them, I’ll take him somewhere more private.” you almost screamed at Tsukishima’s ear, trying to be louder than the music. “Can you find me here in an hour?”

“Yes, but take Kageyama with you.” he answered. “I’m not babysitting.”

“Whatever, just do what the fuck you need to do. I’ll find a way to seduce them while babysitting.”

“Tch.”

In seconds he was swallowed by the multitude of bodies. You knew he could take care of himself. The big problem would be finding one of those purple jacketed assholes in the middle of the crowd and make them vulnerable enough to be dragged by you into a discreet corner, where you could torture for info. All this while watching out for Kageyama, who was observing at everything around him like he was stuck in a trance.

Poor kid lost in so much sin.

You grabbed his hands to make sure you two wouldn’t lose each other, and he woke up, almost despairing when he saw that Tsukishima was no longer around. You assured him it was okay and commanded to keep his eyes open for anyone wearing a purple jacket.

“And let’s really hope he’s interested in participating in a ménage à trois.”

Chapter Text

It was electrifying, thrilling, wild.

The electronic music was loud and you danced to the beat, dragging Kageyama with you. Most people held bottles of beer and other alcoholic drinks in their hands while moving reckless to the sound, while you tried to walk around the crowd, but always ended up bumping into everyone and bathed with lost droplets of alcohol.

Soon you were stinking and feeling gooey, but that didn’t stop you from keep moving. It was so hot you wished you could take your jacket off, but it would be too reckless when your knife was well-kept there. You could see a few girls and boys taking their shirts off and rolling them in the air while laughing.

There were a few people in clusters, most of them next to the walls, making out, drinking or using drugs. Sometimes an occasional drunk stumbled in you and tried to start an awkward and confusing conversation, to which you just ignored and kept your way. Many different lights blinded you and made it harder to reach the center of the crowd; looking up you could see a stage and a few cages where almost naked man and woman danced wildly.

Music, people, voices, dry-ice, smoke, the smell of pot, lights. You wish you were high, and not looking for someone on that endless mass of people. For a second you felt everything around slowing down, was it because of the music? No, the group of people next to you were dancing in slow motion. Why? You were not on the effect of any drugs. Not yet, at least.

You remembered the first time Oikawa brought you to one of these places.

At the time you two stole a Land Rover and he drove for at least 3 hours on a completely empty road, rock musing blasting the speakers throughout all the way. You remember his animated voice telling you about this abandoned place in a tiny city were thousands of people reunited for at least 3 nights of complete madness. Of course, you two would only be able to stay for a few hours since you had sneaked out, but it would be a unique experience.

You were sixteen, but Oikawa caressed your waist and said he would never let anything bad happen, so you just held your tongue out and accepted when he happily placed a small square of paper on it. It was your first-time using LSD, and he kissed you so many times and whispered on your ears that it would feel so amazing, that you believe him.

You always believed him.

Even now, you couldn’t remember very well how you had spent all those hours on that crazy camp. When trying to remember, all you had were a few flashes of people holding, kissing and touching you; man, and women you didn’t know. You remembered how soft the floor felt, and how you believed the sky had an amazing purple colour and you never wanted that overwhelming good feeling to be over.

Most of all, you remembered how ethereal Oikawa looked with all those lights and people around him. You remembered how his eyes glowed and how sweet his tongue felt while exploring every inch of your mouth. His hair sometimes turned red and green and blue and you sang to him an excerpt from one of your favorite songs, one he definitely didn’t know.

Everything is blue. Your hair, your smoke, your dreams.

If you were focused enough, you could still feel his hands grabbing your breasts, the grass pinning your back, how you saw a rainbow forming on your eyes when he caressed your legs and kissed your belly, leaving little purple marks all over your skin. You were so high; all your senses were sharp and sensible; the way he touched everywhere, the way he slid in and out of you creating waves of pleasure that spread all over your body. You cried and called his name, feeling earthquakes of pure ecstasy while begging him to keep going until you forgot your own name.

He made you come so many times you cried of pure pleasure.

The only memory that wasn’t a flash was how his face contorted beautifully when he laughed afterwards, how he lied on the valley of your breasts and whispered to you with a guttural and weak voice due to fatigue.

“You feel like home.”

 

Someone was calling you. Wait, where were you again? This isn’t Oikawa’s voice.

The electronic music, people around, voices and smoke. Kageyama was in front of you, shaking your shoulders. His lips were moving, but you couldn’t focus on his words and your vision was blurred, like you needed glasses. How long were you lost in memories? Memories that should be locked in the farthest part of your brain, memories you promised to never ever visit again.

“Hey, I think I saw one of them.” finally you could understand Kageyama’s words, and realized he was pointing towards a red-haired man with Shiratorizawa’s purple jacket, who was already moving and being lost in the crowd. “Shouldn’t we go after him?”

“Not him.” you said in a voice that gave no room for questions. “But if he’s here it means there are others not far away. Let’s find them.”

“Wait, are you okay? You seemed out for a few minutes.”

“Don’t ask, let’s just do what we came here for. Now.” the two of you wondered around for a few more minutes, and you were cursing everyone when you saw another man wearing the stupid purple jacket.

You practically threw himself on the man, pressing your breasts firmly into his back and smiling maliciously when he turned around. He had beautiful brownish eyes and his copper-colored hair was parted unevenly in two sides; he was relatively low compared to Kageyama, who was stiffly standing at your side. You touched his chest and realized he was slightly drunk, but not enough to stumble on his words.

“Hi there, handsome.” you blinked and he raised an eyebrow at you. “Looking for some fun?”

“Not really interested.” he answered, taking a sip of his beer and offending you with his disinterested gaze. You felt like punching him, but just lowered the zipper of your jacket, allowing him to take a look at your sensual red and black lacy bra.

“Are you sure?” you bite your lip and held Kageyama’s hand. “Me and my friend are actually interest in trying a few new things. Don’t want to join us?”

He eyed Kageyama for a few seconds before smiling. You had to held an envious remark that stayed on the tip of your tongue. You were cruelly rejected while Kageyama seduced your prey without even trying.

“Are you up for everything?” he lowered his eyes to you, finally closing the distance between your bodies and grabbing your ass cheek.

Anything as long as this night is memorable, right baby?” your hands traveled to Kageyama’s chest and you almost laughed at his desperate gaze. “Let’s go somewhere less crowded, so we can start?”

“Sure.” He threw the bottle he held on the floor and grabbed you and Kageyama by the hands, easily walking through the crowd, like the jacket he wore had an invisible importance and no one dared to cross his path.

 

It was definitely less crowded, but it wasn’t exactly the place you would’ve chose to have sex, although considering that you were in a subway tunnel, you could not expect too much. It was relatively far from the people dancing and you could see a lot of couples next to the walls moaning and moving suggestively, but it wasn’t pleasant for you to watch.

Shirabu, at least that was what he called himself, pressed you against the wall and started kissing your neck hungerly while Kageyama stood still, observing the two of you and not knowing what to do.

You held the man’s neck with one hand and pretended to moan while gesticulating for Kageyama to come closer. Since you had told the Shirabu that your friend was shy, he had chosen a part of the tunnel that entered a bit, creating a semi-detour where the others couples could not see you. A big advantage considering your plans.

“Aren’t you joining?” the green-eyed man asked Kageyama suspiciously.

“He’s just shy.” you laughed and started unzipping your jacket. “Can you believe he was seventeen when he touched a girl’s boobs for the first time?”

“You are kidding right?” Shirabu and you laughed loudly, Kageyama approached you with reddish cheeks.

“Don’t worry, you can touch my boobs. That’s what we came here for, wasn’t it?”

“I can do much more.” his eyes turned dark when he gazed at the two of you, and you raised an eyebrow at him, a confused smile on your lips. Shirabu smiled widely when he saw how Kageyama sucked the skin of your right breast, strolling through several different regions, leaving little red marks behind. You moaned in delight, not faking this time.

“That’s a pretty skilled tongue you have there.” he said while observing the two of you.

“My tongue is not the only skilled part I have.”

“Have you seen his fingers?” you smiled archly at Shirabu. “He told me he used to be a setter when he was in high school. I’m pretty curious to know how good he really was. But I’m also good at a few things. Why don’t you allow me to show you?” you pushed Kageyama away for a few seconds and stopped in front of Shirabu, getting on your knees. “Let’s have a lot of fun today, okay?”

He didn’t have time to stop your hands once you grabbed the gun placed on his belt. In a second you were pointing to his chin and Kageyama tied his hands with a rope. It was your time to smile widely while his brownish eyes turned into fury.

“You little whore, how dare you? Have you any idea what kind of mess you’re getting yourself into?”

“I didn’t want to be in this situation. But due to the currently circumstances, I can’t afford to let you go. I need information.”

“You think I’ll really tell you anything? You can kill me, there’s nothing to me to say.”

“We’ll see about it.” you gave the gun to Kageyama that kept pointing towards Shirabu’s chin, and you took the knife from your jacket. “How many fingers do you think you can lose before telling us what we want?”

“You can do what you want. I won’t tell anything.”

“Here’s the point.” you grabbed Shirabu’s hair and pulled down hard, putting your knife gently on his throat. You knew Kageyama was tense, but his features were cold as if he knew exactly what he was doing. “I know that people like you from Shiratorizawa can’t stand torture. You are not trained to handle the pain. So, we can do the easy way: you tell me what I want to know.” You paused and whispered to his ear. “Or we can do the hard way: where you’ll lose a few fingers and maybe your balls, and then, you'll tell me what I want to know.”

“Go fuck yourself, you son of a bitch.”

“Maybe I’ll cut your tongue when I’m done.” you positioned a cloth on his mouth and cut his right thumb without hesitation. He trembled and screamed, but no one could hear him because of the loud music. You saw how Kageyama breath changed slightly, you didn’t have much time before Shirabu realized that the man with the gun probably wouldn’t be courageous enough to shoot him. “If you want to tell me something, just shake your head and I’ll stop cutting your fingers, okay?”

The next one was his index finger, the blood was starting to pool next to your shoes, but you didn’t mind. It was easy doing this when you didn’t have to listen the screams, but at the same time it was kind of boring. You cut his middle finger too before he started shaking his head. You smiled and took the cloth from his mouth.

“What… What you want to know?” he was breathing rapidly, much sweat forming on his forehead and neck.

“What do you know about LTNA?”

“What? I don’t know about anything!” you pressed his ring finger and he started talking again. “Okay, okay! The drug right? That’s what you want to know?”

“Yes. Tell me everything you know right now or I’ll make sure you lose all your right-hand fingers.”

“Everybody is looking for the drug.” He breathed deeply and for a second you thought he would faint, but he kept his posture. “Ushijima paid for it for the last few years, but something happened and the formula was gone, no one knows exactly why. We are looking for every single person that was involved on this for the last years, but its hard to find clues. All we know is that the formula and the creator vanished completely.”

“Why did you come here tonight?”

“There’s a guy here. Someone who worked at the laboratory.” he shivered and got unbalanced, but you held his arms firmly. Kageyama stoic expression wouldn’t last long, you could see the fingers that held the gun not so stable anymore. “My partner was responsible for getting him and discovering about the others, I just came to have fun, I swear.”

I don’t have much time. If Shirabu realizes Kageyama hesitating we’ll end up dead.

“How is Oikawa related to all of this?”

“What do you mean? Oikawa? Is this the guy who left Shiratorizawa to create another gang? I don’t know anything relating him and the drug, I swear!”

One last question.

“Why you went to that Tobacco store? What were you looking for?”

“I heard they were looking for the creator’s son, something about him having the formula. But something happened and we fell on a trap. A fucking bastard killed 4 of us.” He paused for a second. “Wait, if you know about this… And you know about Oikawa too, are you-?”

Your knife reached his throat before he could finish the sentence. Kageyama barely had time to pull away to keep the blood from flowing into his clothing. You took a few steps back only to avoid the body from reaching you as it fell to the floor. The red puddle almost reached your shoes. Kageyama held his hands in front of his mouth, probably trying to keep him from throwing up with the scene. You cleaned your knife with a piece of cloth, gazing the body with contempt.

“Let’s go, we have to met Tsukishima.”

Kageyama was glad to leave, but you looked at the purple jacket for a few more seconds.

 It was the same jacket Oikawa wore on the day you two went to that party. It was the same jacket he hanged around your body on the long trip back, when you were too cold and tired to talk to him. When you slept on the passenger’s seat and said for the first time you loved him.

Now Shirabu’s jacket was stained in blood.

You wondered how Oikawa’s jacket looked like when he decided to leave Shiratorizawa.

For a second you wished it was stained in blood too.

Chapter Text

“We have to go, now!” you barely had time to breath, because as soon as you reached the place you and Tsukishima had agreed to meet, he grabbed your arms and almost dragged you towards the exit.

“What happened?”

“I think someone noticed I was spying. He might be after me.” Tsukishima was tense and you realized that something was wrong.

“Let’s go.” In instants the three of you were trying to run as discreetly as possible, always looking behind for someone behind.

Luckily you reached the platform without noticing anyone, and as soon as you all touched the stairs to go back to the surface, you all ran to get to the car and disappear. A shiver ran your spine as soon as Tsukishima accelerated to turn the first corner, and you saw a red-haired figure standing next to the wall.

No, it can’t be him. He was on the subway and he wasn’t following us.

But you knew it was him. Tendou Satori, one of Shiratorizawa’s most dangerous man.

A man who, a long time ago, had taught you how to shoot.

“They know.” you whispered silently and Tsukishima punched the steering wheel, cursing so many profanities that you weren’t sure if he was breathing. “How?”

“One of the guys from Shiratorizawa was conducting an interrogation. I was hiding and listening, but I had to be close because the damn music was too loud. Things got nasty and the man being tortured screamed for help and looked at my direction. I barely had time to escape.”

“Please, tell me you gathered some information. The guy that I got only told me his partner was there to get a dude who used to work at the laboratory. He had nothing useful, he was only there for fun.”

“Manabu Naoi. He was one of the chemists, he ended dropping a few co-worker’s names. Write them down and we will send it to Kiyoko.” you took your phone and did as he told you. Tsukishima was back to his normal coldness and Kageyama was quiet in the back seat. “He said he had no direct contact with the project director. Each person was responsible for only a part of work and research, and they all were divided into several departments. The only one who knew all was the director, probably Kageyama’s father.”

“Did you find out something about the day the drug disappeared?” you asked him. After the darkness of the night, the dawn’s light was welcoming. Tsukishima’s gaze not even once left the road in front of him, and looking at him so peaceful almost made you forget about how dangerous the situation you were involved.

“Didn’t have time for it.” he stayed quiet for a few minutes. “It’s a matter of time. We have to find these co-workers before they do.”

“And escape before they find us.” you whispered and gave a sidelong glance at the back seat. Kageyama was sleeping heavily, his head leaning against the glass; you didn’t know if due to all the exhaustion of the situation or if it was simply because it was much easier for him to close his eyes and pretend that none of this had happened. “Let’s grab something to eat while Kiyoko looks for the names. We might have to hit the road soon.”

“Okay.”

It was one of the few times Tsukishima agreed with you without complaining. For a second you thought about saying that being caught wasn’t exactly his fault, but you knew that this comment would probably only start another fight, so you stayed quiet. You were too tired too deal with him right now, so you closed your eyes and turned the radio on, allowing the hard rock song to invade your thoughts.

 

“How you do that?”

“Pancakes? I’m pretty sure you use some flour, sugar and-”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Kageyama pushed the untouched food plate away from him while you happily chewed your pancakes. “How can you just come here and eat after… Everything?”

“It could be worst. We could have taken you to eat pizza. Tomato sauce would never look the same for you.”

Like that person did with me after the first time I had to kill someone.

“Nothing will never taste the same.”

“You’ll eat later, when you get hungry.” you grabbed his plate and started to eat his pancakes, with the same appetite as ever. His blues eyes were glued to his own hands, his fingers still trembling. “If you want an easy and philosophical answer, you should try google. I don’t have it.”

“How can you be so used to it? It doesn’t affect you at all to know that he is-”

“Not really. When you grow up in a place like I did, things like this are typical.”

Kageyama stared at you for a few minutes in silence. You knew he was confused, but there was still space for him to feel pity, something that annoyed you. You speared the pancake and chewed angrily at him for looking at you like this, and angry at you for sharing something so personal.

“How long? How long since you first, you know, did that to someone?”

“You’re quite bold, huh?” you smiled mischievously at him. “My first time was actually really pleasurable; his dick was quite long and-”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about!” you laughed hard at how red his face was, and how annoyed he seemed at your comment.

The truth was that you didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want him to know how dark and bloody your past was. For a second you imagine how he would react if he knew you were only eleven years when you first killed someone. Would the pity on his eyes increase? Or would he be afraid of you? If he knew you could coldly murder a lot of people for no reason, would he get away from you?

Why am I so interested in his reactions?

Because he is innocent. a voice answered from the deepest parts of your mind. And you want to ruin his innocence, just like all those people did to you. You want to see each and every of his expressions as all of his ethics and morals come crumbling down.

You want to devour him whole, until he doesn’t have any kindness left.

You will ruin him, like you to do everything you touch.

I know, you answered the voice. Is that so wrong?

“Will I ever get used to doing this someday?”

“It’s a slow process.” you answered calmly, ignoring your own thoughts. “Nothing is completely right or wrong in this world, you know? Everyone does exactly what they need to remain alive. That’s how humans are.”

“Is it worth it? To hurt so many people only to remain alive?”

You stayed silent. That was a question that each person had a different answer to. Sometimes the same person would answer differently depending on which part of her life she was living. When you were younger you would’ve said no, but now…

You don’t hurt people because you need it. You hurt them because you like it.

You hated that voice, but you couldn’t avoid it.

“Am I disturbing the romantic mood?” Tsukishima’s voice stole you from your thoughts. He was holding a coffee can and a newspaper.

“There’s no romantic mood.” Kageyama complained.

“Already told everything to Sugawara. He said Kiyoko will contact us soon with a few addresses. He also said that considering they know Tokyo better than us, we should stay out of sight.”

“Guess this is our clue to leave?” you asked him while sliding out of your seat. You took your wallet and handed Kageyama the money. “Can you pay it while I go to the bathroom?”

“Sure. Meet you in the car?”

“Yeah, I just need to wash my face.”

The restaurant’s bathroom wasn’t pleasant at all, the floor was dirty and a lot of used towels were flowing out of the trash can, almost as if no one had cleaned the place for a while. You breathed heavily looking at yourself in the stained mirror. You had dark bags under your eyes and your hair was a mess in what used to be a braid; you tried your best to fix it, but soon gave up. You washed your face, but felt something touching your back.

“You should really check the booths before getting so comfortable and vulnerable, [Name].” your eyes met Tendou’s black ones through the mirror. He wore a sarcastic smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to kill you. You know Ushijima would slay me if I did it. It’s just a nice talk.”

“Then why are you still pointing the gun to me?”

“I’m not crazy enough to stay in a room with you unarmed.” he laughed. “After all, you used to be one of our best.”

“Are you here to talk about our wonderful old memories together, Satori?” you turned around and he held the gun to your stomach. Your back was supported by the sink and your hands were visible to him, showing you had no intention to grab your knifes or your gun. “I have better things to do.”

“Like spy on our guys? I have to admit, it was pretty bold of your friend.” he slid the muzzle of the gun down your belly, moving the fabric of your blouse up and exposing your skin. “Much bolder of you to kill one of ours.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Ushijima may like you, but he won’t stand still while you kill our people.” Satori found the gauze you covering your stiches, result of Daichi’s fury, and pressed his gun towards it, making you moan due to the pain. “This is our last warning. It doesn’t matter if you grew up with us, we’ll kill you if you keep messing with our business.”

“Is this a declaration of war?”

“We’ve been good to you all your life.” he pressed harder the gun against you and you almost puked from the pain it caused. “Ushijima should’ve killed you a long time ago, when you decided to leave, you ungrateful brat.”

“Like the boss did with my mother?” you spilled your words with pure hate. “Even if he wanted, he couldn’t kill me. Like he can’t kill Oikawa, even though he also abandoned all of you.”

He grabbed your chin and forced your head against the mirror. Your vision blurred for a few minutes and you had to lean on the sink in order to not fall on the floor. The water was still running and you focused on the sound to remember what was happening. Had the mirror broke? Were you bleeding? You couldn’t tell.

“If it were up to me, you and Oikawa would have been dead for a long time.” he caressed your cheek slowly. “Be careful next time, because if I find you, I will make sure that I take a good advantage of every corner of your body before killing you.”

“You’re disgusting. I hate you.”

“Why? I’m lovely!” He laughed. “Oh, and don’t worry.” he finally pulled away and lowered the gun. But even if you wanted to kill him right now, you couldn’t. Tendou was the one who taught almost everything you knew, meaning you had no chance against him and he knew it. “We no longer have interest on the boy. Have fun with someone as useless as him.”

“[Name]? Are you there? Did something happen?”

“You should go now.” Tendou whispered while smiling. “Your friends are worried and you don’t want them to get in and find us together, do you?”

“I’m okay” you answered touching the back of your head and trying to ignore how the objects in front of you were shaking. “I just need a second.”

“It was good seeing you again. Hope to kill you next time, though.”

You opened the bathroom's door, knowing that Tendou was already gone somehow. Kageyama stared at you in confusion. He almost wasn’t fast enough to catch when you stumbled and fainted on his arms.