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I Didn't Want You To Know

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Dan’s POV

This wasn’t how Dan was imagining his Christmas would go two days ago when he said goodbye to Phil.

“I’ll be fine Phil. It’s two days and then I’ll be on the train home to see my family. Enjoy yourself and say hi to everyone for me.” Dan told his boyfriend with a smile as he wrapped his arms around the older boy’s neck.

“If you’re sure. I won’t forget to tell them. Don’t worry. I love you, and I’ll see you in a week.” Phil replied kissing Dan before grabbing his suitcase and starting to open the door.

“I love you too. Now hurry up and go before you miss your train.” Dan said stealing one last kiss before shoving Phil out the front door. As he closed the door, he could hear Phil’s chuckle as he walked down the hallway towards the elevator.

Phil was visiting his parents up North and Dan was on the couch with his phone on beside him and his head in his hands. The notification alerted him that his train was cancelled due to the tracks being covered with snow. He had planned to leave on the 23rd so that he wouldn’t have to spend too much time with his family. But with no trains leaving from or arriving at London until further notice, and predictions for snow storms overnight, his chances weren’t good. So for the first time in his life, Dan would be spending Christmas by himself. He sent a quick text through to his mum to let her know that he wouldn’t be joining their family for Christmas.

hey mum i won’t be home for xmas. train’s cancelled because of the snow. don’t worry, i’m fine and Phil won’t be gone for that much longer.

His mum replied almost instantly after reading her son’s message.

That’s alright, your father and I understand completely. We’ll let Collin have your share of turkey. Try to visit soon though, everyone misses you and you have to tell us all about your travels around the world this time. Love Mum x

That sounded about right. Of course she only wanted to hear about his adventures with Phil from Interactive Introverts. He didn’t have the heart to tell Phil, so he sent him a message at the time that he train was meant to be arriving letting him know that he got home safely. Which wasn’t technically a lie as he was home. Just not at his childhood home. The curly brown haired boy curled into the fetal position on the couch with his phone in his hand and a reply from Phil brightly projecting on it.

I hope you have a good time. Mum asked when you’re coming to visit next and that she was planning enough food to feed you too. Oops, probably should have let her know you weren’t coming. I’ll call you tonight once you’re settled in. I love you <3

The tears freely started falling down Dan’s face as he curled further into himself. At least by not telling Phil, his Christmas wouldn’t be ruined because of Dan. So he replied with shaking hands.

i love you too. talk to you soon <3

Phil’s POV

Phil smiled as he looked at Dan’s reply. He missed him immensely even after only two days. However, being practically joined at the hip meant that when they spent time apart, they struggled. He knew that Dan would be struggling even more so than himself, as he didn’t enjoy spending time with his family as much as Phil did with his. When he thought about their durability apart from each other he let out a small laugh as he shook his head. They were truly pathetic he thought.

“Philip! Get off your phone and spend time with your family. I know that you usually spend all day on technology, but this is family time, not work time.” His mum scolded him.

“Sorry Mum. Dan just let me know that he got home safely. I’ll stay off my phone until after dinner, then I’m going to call him because I promised that I would call him later.” Phil compromised.

“You two are unbelievable. You can barely last five minutes without each other. Honestly.” Kathryn muttered under her breath. Phil heard his mother’s mutter and grinned and laughed. When he stopped laughing he stuck his tongue out at her in response.

“Anyway, when’s Martyn getting here? And is he bringing Cornelia?” Phil asked trying to move on to stop his mother’s teasing from escalating.

“He said he would be getting in late this afternoon or early evening and no he isn’t bringing Cornelia this year. She has gone back to Sweden to visit her family seeing as she lives in the UK now and never sees her family.”

“Okay, cool so I have at least another three hours before I start getting teased relentlessly for missing Dan 24/7. Got it.” Kath laughed at her son’s response.

Instead of staying downstairs with his mother, Phil went upstairs to his bedroom to text Dan some more ignoring his mother’s request and his compromise to stay off his phone. Closing his door so that his mum didn’t see him on his phone again, he laid down on the bed ready to text his boyfriend.

Hey, I escaped Mum. I should be able to text you until Martyn arrives. Or we can call if you want. It’s up to you >_<

He got a reply a few minutes later, presumably after he got to his bedroom away from his parents.

hi, i think i can only text right now because i’m not sure when i have to be social -_-’

Phil laughed at that, as even when he’s with his family, Dan doesn’t like being social. They texted each other for about anything and everything. The only reason that they stopped was because Dan’s brother apparently arrived at the house.

Alright, have fun. I’m still going to call you in a few hours though! Love you <3

love you too <3

Phil smiled, as he got up off the bed and headed down stairs to help his mum prepare dinner.

“Hey Mum, is there anything I can do to help?” he asked nodding his head in the direction of the food.

“Yes, actually! Can you please cut up some potatoes for everyone for tomorrow. I don’t want to do it tomorrow.”

“Sure.” Phil replied quickly moving to grab the spare chopping board and another knife. Halfway through cutting the potatoes, Phil’s phone started ringing. Normally he would ignore it, but when he saw the contact name he was quick to answer it. Kathryn looked at him giving him a “you said you wouldn’t use your phone” look. He quickly mouthed the name of the contact and she gave him an understanding look.

“Dan’s mum,” he mouthed.

“Hi Phil, how are you?” Dan’s mum, Lisa asked.

“I’m good thanks. How are you?” Phil replied, making small talk. He was worried something had happened to Dan within the hour he had been helping his mum.

“I’m good,” an awkward silence hung over the line.

“I’m sorry, but has something happened to Dan? I was talking to him about an hour ago and he said he had to go because Adrian had arrived. Is everything okay?” Phil’s words hung in the air.

“No, sweetie. Nothing has happened to Dan. Well at least not physical. Phil, Dan isn’t here. He’s still back in London. Sent me a text at around midday to tell me that all trains were cancelled going to or from London. I wasn’t sure if he told you,” Phil bit his lip thinking of how he could reply.

“He didn’t tell me. Thanks for letting me know. I have to go now.”

“Alright, I thought I should let you know incase he hadn’t let you know. Bye Phil.”

“Bye, Lisa.” Phil promptly hung up turning to his mum. Kathryn turned to look at her son, obviously having been eavesdropping on the conversation.

“You want to go back to him, don’t you?” She said a knowing look on her face. Phil gave her a guilty smile and a small nod in reply. “Stay for dinner and you can leave in the morning. I’ll get your father or Martyn to drive you back to London because there’s no way you’re getting a train back.”

“Thanks Mum. You’re the best.” He said leaning down to give her a hug.

Dan’s POV

Around dinner time, Dan got a text from Phil instead of a phone call.

Hey Bear, I can’t call you ;( The service tower near us was attacked by snow! So I have no reception and am texting you over the internet. I would Skype, but we both know what Martyn’s like with interrupting us. Sorry x

Dan sighed. Yet he wasn’t sure if it was one of relief as he knew he wouldn’t break down, or one of sadness as he wouldn’t get to hear Phil’s voice. But regardless, he understood as the exact same thing happened with the trains.

that’s alright. i understand. i’ll talk to you tomorrow yeah? ily Lion xx

I love you too, Dan <3 xxx

Tomorrow would be Christmas Eve and then it would only be 2 days until Phil returned. Only 48 hours. But that was tomorrow. He crawled into his and Phil’s bed feeling a lot more alone than he had the past 2 nights without Phil, knowing he wouldn’t have any family with him for Christmas.

* * *

When he woke up the next day the first thing he noticed was how wet his pillow was. He didn’t remember crying himself to sleep, so he must’ve had a bad dream. Ridiculous, he thought. He was a grown adult, he shouldn’t be thinking this way, he was a 27 year old damnit. He made his was into the bathroom to take in how he looked.

“I look like shit,” he deadpanned to his reflection. He wasn’t wrong. His usually golden-brown eyes were inflated, puffy and red. His hobbit like hair was limp and disheveled. His lips were cracked from lack of water and the bags under his eyes were conspicuous. “Oh well, it’s not like Phil’s going to see me like this.” he spoke to his reflection again.

The cold hard tiles turned into soft plush carpet as he made his way back to the bedroom. He curled into himself on the bed and opened up YouTube. He needed to hear Phil’s voice, so he simply typed into the search bar; A Festive Day In The Life Of Dan And Phil.

Phil’s POV

As Phil made his way downstairs, with his suitcase packed he thought about how horrible Dan must be feeling right now. He loved Dan and couldn’t bear to think of how he was feeling, thinking that he would be alone for Christmas. But as he hugged his mum and brother goodbye, and got in the car, he couldn’t text Dan to let him know he was coming home due to the lack of service. Oh well, he supposed. This would just have to be a surprise for him.

The drive from Manchester to London should only be a four and a half hour drive, but with cars on the road driving to be with family and heavy snowfall, it would be a long drive. It was currently 4pm as his dad had to get back home from work before he could take Phil.

“Thanks for driving me, Dad. I know it’s a long way in this weather.” Phil said gratefully to his dad.
“It’s no problem, Phil. Honestly, if this ever happened to your mother, I would try to get to her too.” Nigel replied not taking his eyes off the road. The conditions were too horrible to even remove his eyes for a second. “You do know that I’m not going to be able to take you all the way into the city because otherwise I won’t make it back for tomorrow morning.”

“I know. I’ll catch a cab back to my place. It’s no problem.” Phil left it at that for the rest of the car ride.

As London got closer, Phil glimpsed at the time. 10:30pm. He still had to get back to his flat, which could easily take another hour because of stupid cab drivers and the weather. Oh well, at least he was getting back, he thought. His dad pulled up around the outside of the city near a bus stop.

“Thanks for driving me so far, Dad. I really, really appreciate it.” Phil said leaning over to hug his father.

“It’s no problem Phil. Now get out so you can be with Daniel for Christmas.” Nigel smiled at his son as he climbed out the passenger seat. Grabbing his suitcase out of the car boot and opened the taxi app on his phone. He waved his dad off as he called for a cab.

* * *
Before he knew it, the clock had hit 11:45 and he was pulling up outside his apartment complex. He thanked the driver and payed him, collecting his things and headed inside. As soon as he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was that all of the lights were off. ‘Dan must be in the bedroom,’ he thought. He made his was to their bedroom leaving his big coat, shoes and luggage near the door as he made his was across the flat.

He saw Dan curled into a ball in the middle of the bed, computer open and silent tears rolling down his face. He glanced on the screen and saw Phil Is Not On Fire 1. With a final glance at the time on his phone, 11:59 he made is way over to the bed.

“Hey, Bear, merry Christmas.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper. Dan heard it and whipped his head around. Seeing Phil standing there made his silent tears turn into sobs. Phil was quick to move and sit on the bed and wrap his arms around the younger boy.

“I didn't want you to know. I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas. How did you find out?” The brown haired boy sniffled.

“Your mum called me. She told me that you were stuck here by yourself last night. My dad drove me to the outskirts of London and then I caught a cab. I couldn’t let you be alone for Christmas.” Phil said running his fingers gently through Dan’s hair as Dan’s sobs slowly started stopping.

“I didn’t want to ruin your family Christmas.” Dan sighed looking up and Phil. His chocolate eyes, still glossy, metled into Phil.

“You are my family, Dan.” Phil whispered connecting their lips. The kiss was tender and sweet.

After pulling away, Dan looked Phil in the eyes before burying his head in Phil’s chest.

“I love you so much. Thank you for coming home.”

“I love you too. I’ll always come home for you.