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Getting to Sexy

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The thing is, Blaine can hardly blame Kurt, really. He sort of blames himself, a little - he sometimes thinks that if he hadn't taken so long to get his shit together, maybe they could have avoided all this trouble. It's embarrassing to realize just how bad he is at this; he'd somehow thought that being gay would put him above and beyond all the stupid cultural bullshit about sex, but he'd somehow pulled some kind of messed up madonna/whore thing all over Kurt, and it can't have helped the situation they're in now.

Because it's true - for a long time he saw Kurt as someone a little bit needy, a little unsure of himself and... not without sex, really, but he never really thought about it. Kurt wasn't somebody he'd thought about at night, in the dark - he'd been obsessed with Jeremiah, for one thing, and then there was that kiss with Rachel and he'd spent a full week thinking about breasts, seeing if it would work for him. (It didn't, in the end, and that, more than any second kiss or sobering up, was really what it came down to.) It wasn't that Kurt had turned him off, he'd just... never really considered it.

But on the other hand, he totally blames Kurt, because really - that boy spends hours every day staring into a mirror. Can he not see himself? And even before now, even before they'd kissed and he'd learned so much more about Kurt's heart and his relationship to his own body, it's not like he could have missed what Kurt looked like.

Because the boy is fine. He's not movie-star handsome, not really - he's too fine-boned for that, somehow. He's runway model handsome - long and lean and like he could blow away in a strong breeze but he doesn't by the force of his will alone. For all of Kurt's antics and his ridiculous ideas of what sexy is (that all seem to have been informed by 1940s femme fatales, from what he can tell), he has this masculine energy to him, so much determination and will and strength.

And so now that Blaine has kissed him, has been allowed to hold his hand and explore the fine grain of his palm and fingertips, he knows it won't be enough, that he could never get enough of Kurt and his hands and his mouth and his... his body. And he gets that Kurt's not quite ready for that, not yet, but he also knows how badly he wants to be, how much it will mean to Kurt when he finally is ready. Because there's a lot Blaine doesn't understand about romance, but he knows Kurt. Kurt is passionate and he never does anything halfway, and he's thoughtful and compassionate and sweet, so sweet. One day - one day Kurt is going to be ready, he's going to see sex as an option for himself and he's going to want somebody and, more than anything, Blaine hopes it's him.

Only, you know, as far as he's concerned? That day could come any time now, because Kurt is driving him crazy.

He'd kissed him and it had been this huge paradigm shift, like the world had ticked 30 degrees to the right and shaken everything up, because before when he'd seen Kurt he'd just seen his friend, this really good-looking guy who was sort of untouchably clueless. Now... now when he sees Kurt, all he sees is one big tease. He wears all these clothes, and Blaine is dying for just a little bit of forearm action, or something, my god. Every once in a while when they're hanging around at his house he'll slip off his tie and undo his top few buttons, and there's this dip, right between his collarbones, that... and see, this is how he gets these days, all sidetracked and flustered.

So, you know, maybe it's worth trying to help Kurt see himself a little differently. It's not that he wants to rush Kurt - I mean, sure he wants him, but he really cares about him, and that came first and there is no no way he'd ever do anything that he thinks could get Kurt hurt. But he's not above pushing him a little either, because sometimes Kurt can be stubborn, and Blaine's worried that Kurt has cast himself as little baby penguin forever and that is just... well, it's not only ridiculous, it's totally unacceptable.

He starts the next day, just something small. They're walking to classes after lunch, and Blaine slings his bag over his shoulder and, instead of taking Kurt's hand, he takes his arm instead. Kurt smiles down at him, just a little, and Blaine can tell he likes it - it makes sense, it probably appeals to his deeply romantic sensibility, and Blaine can imagine the way Kurt sees them right now, like something out of a sweet and romantic musical. And that's fine - it is sweet. It's also kind of hot, because now Blaine has both hands wrapped around Kurt's bicep and, yep, just as he thought - there's real definition there. He squeezes once, and when Kurt doesn't react, he starts sliding his hand up and down his arm, letting his hand glide over the curve of the muscle. Kurt uses that arm to shift his bag and the muscle balls and tenses and Blaine doesn't even try to stifle a "god, Kurt, your arm" and Kurt freezes in place.

"What? What's wrong with it?" and his eyes have gone big again, like he's waiting to get hurt.

"Are you kidding me? There's nothing wrong with it. I figured you would be strong, but this is - wow," Blaine says, and he follows it up with a squeeze.

Kurt smiles at him, a little uncertain. And look, Blaine gets that he has issues, but doesn't Kurt ever even look? "Not an arm man, huh? That's too bad - this is... it's really working for me.

"But they're - I mean, I guess they're okay, but they're not, like, bulging. I always keep meaning to get around to lifting weights, they say that works pretty well, but I'm pretty busy with yoga and dance and performance and school, so -"

Blaine shakes his head. "No, yeah, - too much is too much. Yours feel perfect. They're strong, and defined, and... well, to be honest, I kind of want to see them so I can touch," and oh lord, he's blushing again, and it's a good thing it's so cute, "but, yeah. One more way my boyfriend is super hot." And it's true, is the thing, but he doesn't want to scare Kurt so he smiles at him.

Kurt's face is - well, okay, he's not horrified, so that's a start. He also doesn't look like he's about to run the other way, or cry, so Blaine is going to call this progress. He does look a little confused, though, and when he says, "... my arm? I mean, it's just - there? Attached to my shoulder?" Blaine can't help it, he has to tease him a little bit, so he slides his hand up and yup, they're also kind of gorgeous, firm and strong and broad, and there's a little dip there where he wants to rest his head.

"Yes. Yes it is, and very nicely so." Kurt's still looking at him. "Don't you get it? It's your arm, and it's part of you, and you're ... well. You're sexy, Kurt."

And if he'd thought Kurt was blushing before, that was nothing compared to what's going on now, but he also looks a little upset. "I think we've already established that that's not the case, Blaine," and he can see Kurt wrapping in on himself.

"Whoa, whoa. That's not true. What we established was that you don't know how to act sexy. That has nothing to do with whether you are sexy. You don't understand it, and you couldn't ramp it up intentionally to save your life -" "Or the Warblers' chances at Regionals, apparently," Kurt interjects bitterly, "-okay, sure, but my point is that you, just you, walking around in your body and with your spirit - you don't have to try. Believe me. It's all right there."

And just as he's saying that, something clicks over in his brain, something that he knew but hadn't quite put together. They're a lot alike, he and Kurt. They're both performers, only Kurt took it to a whole new level - he'd had to, that was the whole point of McKinley, really - and Kurt really has no idea what to do with something he can just be. Kurt is a walking act of will sometimes, and this must terrify him.

Well at least he understands a little better what he's dealing with. On the downside, though - this is going to take some time, and they've been standing in front of his classroom for a while, so Blaine just says, "Look, I need to run. But we'll talk more about this later?" and Kurt just keeps staring at him, looking confused and a little lost. Blaine drops a kiss on his cheek and whispers, "yeah, definitely more later," and slips into his classroom.

Blaine's feeling all kinds of lucky later that very same day when he's on his way back from running to the Headmaster's office as a favor to his English teacher and he sees Kurt's phys ed class tromping in from the fields. Kurt is walking with some other guys on a shortcut through the halls to the fieldhouse so they can shower and change, and his hair and and the back of his t-shirt are dark with sweat and jesus, he looks edible. It's just the work of a moment to detach him from the rest of the group and pull him by the hand into an alcove. Kurt's bitching all the way, of course, "I'm all sweaty and gross! God, why did you have to be roaming the halls when I look like this?" but Blaine's having none of it.

He pulls him into a kiss, and they haven't gone to tongues yet but what the hell, he's feeling it, so he slides his across Kurt's lips, and Kurt startles but recovers, tentatively opening his mouth so that Blaine can slip his tongue inside there, and god it's so hot and wet and he doesn't want to scare Kurt but he can't help it, he moans just a little bit. Kurt jumps again but he seems okay, and he's carefully sliding his tongue against Blaine's and Blaine is gripping his arms, his thumbs pushing into the little dip between the muscles there and he'd been right, it's so hot, feeling Kurt go a little boneless against him while he gets to taste him. Blaine's feeling himself start to get hard and he really can't do that, not yet, so he breaks the kiss and buries his face in Kurt's neck.

They're both a little bit breathless, and when he takes a deep breath in he's surrounded by the smell of Kurt and Kurt, always so self-conscious, tries to pull away, saying, "God, Blaine, I'm sorry, I must smell horrible," and so Blaine shakes his head and tugs on his arms a little more, burying his face and his mouth into Kurt's neck. The skin is warm and soft and a little bit sweaty and he can't resist - he opens his mouth to lick up Kurt's neck, just a little, a tiny taste.

"You smell like clean, sweaty boy, Kurt, and I'm super gay, so this is really not a problem." He licks again, this time right below his ear where the hair is damp, and gets more clean salt. "God, you taste amazing. I just - " and he has to stop again, sucking an open mouthed kiss onto his neck.

Kurt makes a noise then, open mouthed and throaty, something Blaine has never heard before, and he finishes the kiss with a small smack and pulls away to look at Kurt. He looks gobsmacked, completely unsure of himself, but not scared, and still he has to ask, "Sorry - too much?" but Kurt shakes his head and pulls him into another kiss.

And this time it's Kurt who licks into his mouth, and half of Blaine wants to pull away and crow and start cooing reassurances to Kurt, but that would mean the kissing would stop and Kurt's a little unfocused, a little wild with it, but it's the first time he's really taken from Blaine like this and there is no way, no way he's doing anything to make it stop. And Kurt's learning curve is incredible - for all his lack of confidence he's like a sex savant or something, because the kiss is turning from something crazed and messy into something precise and devastating, and Kurt's tongue is delicate and deft, and that thing he does where he sort of sucks on Blaine's tongue is just -

And then Kurt's pulling away, and burying his face on Blaine's shoulder and saying, "sorry, sorry, oh my god I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-" and Blaine lets go of his arms to wrap himself around Kurt, whispering, "no, no, are you kidding, that was amazing, we don't have to stop, please don't ever -"

Kurt looks up at him and his eyes are a little scared, and that's not cool. "Scared you a little bit?" Blaine ventures.

Kurt nods. "Just a little. That was - "

"Yeah, it was. I loved it. You're amazing," and he leans in to drop a sweet, chaste kiss on Kurt's lips, and it's all he can do not to shove him against the wall and go for it again, but Kurt's looking shaken, unsure, and Blaine gets it - those feelings, when they swell up like that, are kind of uncontrollable. It's scary.

Kurt looks at him and says, "I should go. I feel gross."

He sweeps his hands up and down Kurt's back - he's so small inside his thin t-shirt, but he can feel the muscles in Kurt's back and, just, nngggg - before he says, "really, not so much," with a smile and lets him go. "Coffee after school?" and Kurt smiles at him, kissing his cheek before he goes.

Blaine leans against the wall and thinks about the humiliation of walking back into his English classroom with wood in his pants for several minutes before he can walk away.


He doesn't get another chance for another couple of weeks, but my god, what weeks they've been! So much has happened, and it's left all their hand-holding sometimes feeling a lot more like clinging for dear life. He never would have imagined himself at McKinley and, obviously, he never would have been there without Kurt. But it's good, it's really good - there's more time here, and more freedom, and it's not like he's going to kiss Kurt in the halls but there's more time after school, and Kurt's gotten really okay with putting his tongue in Blaine's mouth and god, he's so glad. He's still skittish about touching, and Blaine hasn't had a chance to see him in a simple t-shirt since that accidental day in the hallway, so he's thinking more and more about the mystery of Kurt's body.

But that's okay. He's feeling more and more confident that they're going to get there, and that's really all down to Kurt. Kurt had said once, just in passing, that he hated the idea that gay men are predatory, that it didn't feel like he felt at all, and that had been one more piece in the puzzle for him. He thinks, now, that it's not that Kurt's not feeling it - it's that Kurt's afraid of it, afraid of what and who it makes him.

It makes some kind of twisted sense, but it also puts him in a difficult position, because his feelings toward Kurt? Yeah, he does feel like a lion lying in the grass sometimes. He wants Kurt, badly, and as much as he knows intellectually that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be close to somebody you feel so strongly about, he does worry a little bit that Kurt's judging him, that Kurt sees him as somebody who only wants to take. It's messing with him, maybe a little bit, and then he walks into Kurt's bedroom when he's not wearing a shirt.

It's innocent enough - they'd made it all day without a slushie incident but got cornered on the way home. They were almost to the car and had decided to go back to Kurt's house where they could shower and change into their extra clothes (Kurt is a good teacher of the ways of the jungle, and now Blaine's starting to understand why he's never without a huge bag - a full change of clothes takes up a lot of space!), and Blaine has just finished his shower and has padded back down the hallway to Kurt's room.

Kurt's standing there in a pair of jeans with a shirt unbuttoned and ready to slip into, but when he sees Blaine he sort of freezes, the shirt halfway up his torso so that it's covering his belly but his chest is still bare. His hair is dry - he must have wanted to avoid dripping on his shirt while he blow-dried, god that's so Kurt - but he has this look on his face that's vaguely horrified and completely embarrassed and yeah, no, that's not good.

Blaine steps into the room and closes and locks the door behind him and Kurt's eyes get wider. He can tell that Kurt's just about to throw him out of his room again when he holds his hands up, "easy, easy, just relax, it's okay," and slowly walks over to where Kurt is staring at him. That thing about feeling like a predator? Yeah, right now it feels kind of awesome. "I just - can I look at you? That's all," and Kurt's brow furrows but he nods, tentative but real, and he lowers the shirt.

Coach Sylvester calls Kurt "Porcelain", and right now it's very clear why. He's so pale, not in a sickly way, but just amazing. It's beautiful, sure, but his body is so male - he's all planes and angles, and that spot between his collarbones that Blaine is so fond of is delineated beautifully like this. There's a light smattering of pale hair over broad pecs, and the curve of the muscle is breathtaking. No six-pack, but long and lean strength through his abdomen, and the tiny crater of his belly button makes Blaine want to stick his tongue in there, just to see if it tickles.

"Fuck," he says, low and under his breath, and he doesn't swear a whole lot so maybe that's why Kurt's looking at him like he's never met him.

"You don't.... I feel scrawny. And also fat," Kurt says, shifting his weight between his feet and wrapping his arms around his belly.

"Oh no, no no no," Blaine breathes out. "You are... do you remember when I said you were sexy, just because you are?" Kurt nods. "Yeah, I didn't know what I was talking about then. Now I can say, with a little more authority, that you are sexy as hell." Kurt's still looking uncertain, like he's not so sure about being on display. It's a terrible idea and it's bound to get them into trouble, but he puts his hands at the bottom of his own t-shirt and lifts it an inch before hesitating. "Do you want to see? Quid pro quo and all that."

He nods, just a tiny, controlled dip of his head, but that's all it takes and Blaine is whipping that thing off and across the room. They stand together, looking at each other, and it's clear that Kurt is very interested in what he's seeing but has no idea what to do about it.

"Can I touch you?" and there's that nod again, and it's almost like he's afraid to agree but compelled to do so, so Blaine settles his hands on his bare shoulders and sweeps down his arms - god the skin is so soft, and the muscle so tight, and it's all incendiary - and back up before he gently urges him to turn.

Kurt's looking into his mirror now, and Blaine has to reach from his toes so he can hook his chin over Kurt's shoulder. He slips his hands under his arms and hooks them back up so that he's cupping the front of each of Kurt's shoulders, just holding him there, their torsos not quite touching.

"Here we are again. Are you seeing yourself?" he asks. At Kurt's nod he continues, "Look how dark and hairy my arms are against you - it's like you're carved out of marble and I'm made out of mud."

Kurt simply quirks his head, and he's ready to play. "You mean you look like a man, and I still look like a child."

"No, I mean you look hot as hell, and I look a mess."

Kurt's already tired of this game, apparently, or else it's just too close to the truth, because he says, "Blaine, you look amazing."

"And yet you never listen to me when I tell you that," he says, quirking a brow, and that's it, Kurt rolls his eyes and says, "fine, you tell me what you see.

And that's the opportunity he's been waiting for, so he does. He talks to him while he traces his hands across Kurt's chest and runs a finger down a curve, ruffles his fingers through the few pale hairs, slides an open hand, fingers splayed, across his belly, dipping his index finger into his bellybutton when he gets the chance and yes, it does tickle, because Kurt just squirms back until he's resting fully against Blaine's chest. Kurt says, "your hair, it's kind of... good scratchy" and Blaine snugs him closer with an arm around his waist and turns to kiss his neck.

Kurt sags against him when he does and wow, Blaine's going to get a lot of mileage out of this, he can tell, because every time he does this Kurt makes that noise and just goes to putty, and god he really likes that. He drags one hand up and brushes his fingers over that place at the base of his throat and he whispers in Kurt's ear, "This spot. I've wanted to kiss this spot for so long now. Can I?" and Kurt breathes out, "yeah".

He turns him in his arms and kisses him, a little messier than he means to but god, he's so turned on, and now he's got this whole pale neck he can move his mouth over while he's on the way to what has become, for him, his own private promised land. Kurt tastes clean and he smells like that body wash he likes, and his skin is so warm. Blaine works his way down his neck slowly, not wanting to miss anything, because Kurt seems okay to do this and he doesn't want to miss a moment, but all too soon he's pressing his mouth there. The skin is thin, and he can feel Kurt's heart beating underneath it all, and he has to remember not to squeeze his sides too hard, because Kurt can take it but there's no reason he should have to. He's not a plaything, he's Kurt, and suddenly he has to say, "you know that - I think I might - love you," and it's a weird thing to mumble into somebody's collarbones, but Kurt just huffs out a breath above him and says, "yeah. Me - me too."

Blaine pulls up to look at him, and he looks so fragile right now, so Blaine shoves on the brakes and gathers him into his arms and gives Kurt what he knows he needs - a swoonworthy kiss, complete with a little dip. Kurt laughs into the kiss and bats at his arm, "not a girl, Blaine!" and there's nothing to say except "believe me, I know."

Later, when they've breathed at each other and disentangled and Kurt is pulling on his shirt, Blaine sees him pause in the buttoning to stare at himself in the mirror. Blaine meets his eyes in the mirror and raises a brow, and Kurt bobbles his head back and forth in indecision before saying, "I'm getting there but I'm still not seeing it."

Blaine smiles and says, "That's what I'm here for, dummy. Let me know if you ever need a refresher course," and his boyfriend, the one who purports to love him, just rolls his eyes.


Now that the feelings are out there and on the table, and maybe now that they've seen each other without shirts, it's easier somehow. Blaine doesn't want to ask, doesn't want to jinx it, but he's seen pamphlets in Kurt's room and so he knows Burt has finally gotten his shit together and talked to Kurt. It's a weird thing to be grateful to your boyfriend's dad for, "thanks for talking to your son about sex so I can get a little action with your baby boy, that hot piece of ass," but there is a part of him that really does feel like this is good for Kurt, that he's helping Kurt come out of himself a little bit more, in a way he's never had a chance to before.

As the last of winter finally gives way to spring and early summer and all of Ohio starts shedding the necessary layers, Kurt's showing up to school more and more often in short sleeves and open collars, and it's doing a number on Blaine's concentration - he hasn't seen Kurt shirtless again, but the memory is a treasured one (hey, he pulls it out almost every night - needs must and all that) and the little hints are driving him a little crazy.

One day they're sitting in glee club and he looks across the room at Kurt; Mr Schue has put them into teams and split up all the partners, so not a whole lot is getting done, really. Kurt's sitting there looking down at the papers in his lap while he fiddles with his top button and then suddenly his index finger is dipping into his suprasternal notch (Blaine finally had to google it, because calling it The Spot was getting embarrassing) and just gently stroking. Blaine can't believe what he's seeing, and then Kurt looks up through his eyelashes at him and smirks before he looks back down and carries on his conversation with Mike.

Holy shit. This was the boy who thought he couldn't do sexy. Blaine almost feels proud but mostly he's really really ready to get Kurt somewhere private.

"Dude, quit eyefucking Kurt and get over here," Puck says, a little rudely but not unkindly. "They've got Rachel; we need your input."

Blaine scrambles over, and it's not fair that he can't blush quite like Kurt can - he only ends up looking brazen and clumsy.

Later they go to Kurt's house, and the minute they're in his bedroom he's crowding Kurt up against the closed door. "I saw what you did in glee today. So did Puck; he told me to stop eye fucking you. Still think you're not sexy?" and he doesn't even kiss him, he just puts his hands in his hair and goes straight to work on his neck. He's never given him a hickey before (some things are simply not worth the hell he would have to pay, and besides Kurt's reaction, he likes that Burt seems to like him, okay?) but it's suddenly so tempting, because now that Kurt is learning how to use that he's going to be dangerous and Blaine wants to claim him, mark him.

Usually this is just a way-station, a thing they do between kisses or before it gets too hot and they have to pull away, but Blaine has been jittery in his skin for almost an hour today and he wants his mouth on more and more skin. He pulls at the button of Kurt's shirt so he can slide the collar open more, work his way over toward Kurt's shoulder so he can press in a biting kiss - maybe if he leaves a mark there where nobody can see it but the two of them it won't piss Kurt off too badly, and his skin feels good between his teeth and his lips. He crowds Kurt more against the door with his hips and says, "god, you're so hot, Kurt, I always want more of you," and then suddenly Kurt is freezing in place and pushing against him.

He stumbles back a step, confused and hurt, and Kurt's just sagging there against the door. He looks like he wants to hug himself, hold himself together a little bit, but he can't because his hands are lower - they're - he's trying to...

Oh, Kurt.

He takes the step back into Kurt's space, not quite touching but so close. Kurt has tipped back his head, his eyes closed, so he leans forward and rests the top of his head mere inches from Kurt's. This is tricky, but he wants so badly to get this right.

"Kurt," he whispers right next to his ear, "I love you." Kurt's still, not responding at all, not even a nod. "And I love, you have no idea how much I love, that you're hard for me."

Kurt lets out a noise that sounds like a sob. "God, Blaine, I'm so sorry! I know that it's gross, I - "

What the hell? "Who told you that it's gross?"

"Well... nobody, really. But one day at lunch Rachel and Mercedes got to talking about it, about school dances and how gross it is when one of the guys springs one when they're slow dancing, and how it feels like sexual assault to have it pressed against them, and Rachel once made Finn put ice down his pants, and I just - I don't want to be like those guys!"

Blaine sighs into the door and brings his hands up to Kurt's sides. He's still breathing a little fast but, just like always, simply getting it out there always makes things a little easier. "Kurt, sometimes I wish we had more gay friends. You hang around with way too many girls."

"You don't think it's gross?" he says, his voice calming.

Blaine pulls back to look at him, trying to assess what he wants to hear.

"Is this the first time you've gotten hard when we were making out?"

Beautiful, beautiful blush, going all the way down his chest. "Of course not. I - there's usually room between, you know!" Kurt waves a hand between them.

"Kurt. Baby. Why do you think I leave that space there?" Kurt's finally looking at him, a curious look on his face. "Yeah. And it's not because I think it's gross, but it's because I have been trying not to freak you out. I just - " and Kurt's kissing him again, and he loves it so much when he takes control like this because he's good at it, he really is, and Blaine's sort of over the hickey idea because Kurt's mouth is just - it's so sweet.

Kurt's wrapping his arms around his waist then and sort of tugging and he shuffles closer, and if he's much closer they're going to be pressed together, but that must be what Kurt wants because he's still pulling and that's it, he can feel the hard press of Kurt's erection and he know Kurt must feel his and it's - it's been so long that he's wanted to do this.

And he can't help himself. This is how they do this now, and he thinks the words help Kurt, that by saying it out loud it makes it more real, and he can use them later if he gets them all twisted in his head.

"That's your dick, right up against mine. It feels good, right?"

Kurt moans and tips his head so that he can suck at Blaine's neck, and oh fuck. He's done that before once or twice, but never with this much confidence and it's just - rocking his hips and rubbing up against his boyfriend like this is easily the hottest thing that's ever happened to him. Kurt's whining, licking and sucking at him and his hands are sliding down so that they're braced just at the top of his ass, like he wants to grab but doesn't feel right about it, and the thought of how close Kurt is to simply letting go and going for it brings Blaine closer than he's ever been to coming with another person, and he has to stop, and take a step back and turn fully away.

He can hear Kurt breathing heavy behind him, and then he says, softly, "Blaine?"

"Baby, it's not you. Well, it is you," he says, straightening himself in his jeans. "I was - you make me crazy, and I'm close." He turns back to face him, shoving a hand through his hair, when he stops and stares. Kurt is leaning against the door, his legs apart and his face flushed, his shirt half-unbuttoned and his hair mussed, the line of his erection in his pants obvious, and he's looking up at him through sleepy, hooded, sexy eyes.

And Blaine loses his goddamn mind, because he's stumbling back to sit on Kurt's bed and rubbing one out, as fast as he can, through his jeans, because Kurt looks pornographic over there, just like one of his wet dreams, and he can't stop staring and he's so close and it won't take much and that's it, Kurt's eyes are just starting to widen as he realizes what Blaine is doing and Blaine is shaking, shaking apart, and coming hard in his pants.

He starts to realize what he's done just seconds after it's over, and in his shame he collapses back onto the bed and throws his arm over his eyes. Maybe if he lies here long enough, Kurt will forget what just happened, and he'll go down to dinner or something and Blaine can sneak out and transfer schools and never have to see him again. He's a little muzzy-headed still (that had been a really good orgasm) and he's trying to find a way to never, ever speak of this moment but still get to keep Kurt when the bed dips beside him.

And then Kurt is gently kissing him and peeling his arm away from his face. He's smiling, but it's a little dark, and completely hot. He leans down for another kiss and says, "next time, take me with you."


And that doesn't mean it's all over, that Kurt doesn't have any more issues. It's still hard for him sometimes - he gets freaked out about PDA, for one thing, and he's still paranoid about touching other guys. That thing he had about feeling a little like a social leper is probably something he's always going to carry around with him, and the one about feeling like people are always expecting him to be predatory, well, that's just one part of the reality of being a gay man, to a certain extent. There will always be bigoted assholes, but the important part is that it doesn't feel so personal to Kurt anymore; he can see it and not have it be about him.

But a lot of it is better. For one thing, he no longer seems to have a problem believing that Blaine thinks he's sexy, and as a result he's kind of turning into something of a... well, frankly, kind of a horndog. Which is a stupid Finn-like thing to say, but it's true - keeping their hands off each other has always been something they did because he wanted Kurt to feel romanced and not sullied, but now that Kurt is trying to sully himself and Blaine as quickly and creatively as possible, it's hard to keep it together. They still haven't gone all the way (he thinks Kurt is saving that for something special - he doesn't know what, but he's sure there's a 6-part plan involving Edith Piaf and sandalwood oil) but Blaine knows it's coming. He's actually hoping they take a little time before they get there - some days it feels like Kurt is in a rush to get to everything, like a little kid who's just realized he has the run of a room full of toys but that he needs to play with everything he can lay his hands on before the other kids come in, too. He hopes he can find some way to reassure Kurt that he would happily sacrifice himself to block the door and give Kurt as much time as he needs, that this thing they have going on here isn't a limited time offer, and that it's really worth taking some time with. When he thinks about this, he realizes that Kurt must be changing him, too, because that seems like a really romantic thing to think, and he onlly hopes he can remember it so he can actually say it to Kurt one day.

It's funny, because Kurt can still be shy sometimes - the first time he blew Blaine was a comedy of stops and starts, of weird mishaps and then everything going so, so right. But by the third time Kurt was trying to swallow around him, and he seemed to have figured out the eyes thing, so he knew that if he looked up at Blaine just right through his lashes it drove him crazy and made him swear a blue streak. Kurt still hates not knowing what he's doing, but Blaine had been right: he uses that to become very good at things very quickly, like it's a vital skillset, and sometimes when they're making out or fooling around, he can tell that Kurt's preening a little bit, that part of what makes it hotter for him is knowing that he's admired, that he's turning Blaine on.

And then sometimes, like today, he'll see Kurt pulling faces at himself in the mirror, and he's comforted to see that he still really, really sucks at "sultry" - at least when he's trying.