The moment needs to be caught.
Seized, squeezed, ingested, extracted, used and abused if necessary.
We look at each other in a moment of silence
Between torn bits of our immature conversation
Reproachful, spiteful and angry, full of bad words, temper and resentment.
I know that I need you.
It floats in the air and makes a fool out of me,
But I need you too deeply and truly to admit it,
So I continue knee deep into our dance of warriors:
Attack, defend, defend, defend, attack… shut up.
I would rather be stripped bare to the base parts,
And thrown naked and tied into a pit of hungry gladiators,
Than reveal what you know all too well already:
I need you so much I would rather die than leave you,
And my anger is futile and my threats are empty,
And I choose not to hear your curses
that only raise my longing to hear what’s really behind them...
I know you.
But trust is only and as much as an asset...
Trust can be bought or even given for free.
But it’s as rare as the Allspark core,
And as fragile as my ego.
It lurks in the depths of the mind,
And is better off leashed...
We are true partners in crime:
We share them all - evils - manipulation, deception and power struggle.
We praise the demons of shadow,
And we laugh out at the weakness of kindness.
So I go on angry, resentful and spiteful,
Pretending that I’m superior,
For you to know I’m not weak.
But deep from my hideout inside me,
I cannot hear what you’re saying.
I don’t think I even listen.
I just look at your lips when you’re speaking,
And think they’re soft, velvet and dear,
While your sharp hunter teeth glimpse with traitorous metal,
Like they were most precious jewels… to me.
I know that if they bite, they won't let go till they crash me,
Though you’ll never stop grinning at my face.
I seek deception in your eyes,
And I can’t help but stare deep, deep inside their clockwork,
Ticking my time away.
Their little dark stars blink and sparkle at me
While you’re withstanding my gaze,
And bravely burn me with your magic glare,
That makes me already naked,
Stripped and defenseless and melted,
Undone and awaiting...
And while we build and ruin the trust
That has always and will always be fake and distanced
No matter how much we pretend,
Our friendship is a dance of warriors.
Attack, defend, defend, defend, attack… give up.
So, I’m just giving myself to you,
And pray you won’t ever notice...
Because I like your eyes,
And I like your lips,
And I like your kisses.
I like you a bit too strong, a bit too bad and overwhelming.
And when your body becomes mine, your power is in my hands, it spreads in my mouth, it flows wet right inside me…
I close my eyes and I let you
Tear me apart to pieces,
With your smile embedded behind my eyelids of salt,
Your eyes softened to metal,
Your hands transformed into flesh,
Your spark pulsing for real...
Its beat whispers me your fears and your weakness
That you won’t dare to reveal.
Aren't we both just fair liars?
I like how you choose what you want,
And how you balance your gains.
I like your endless masked hunger and well controlled greed…
They are your weakness and strength,
One that you will never speak of,
But they are sold by your eyes and lips when I kiss you.
I know how you lie to yourself,
And how you believe in your causes,
How you climb to the top, from which the only way’s down.
For I’ve come here to reproach you
For all your sins done against me.
You bite your lip when I’m preaching,
Your eyes narrow down to thin lines,
You’re losing control and I know it...
And I see the clockwork burn,
And I turn soft again, disarmed and forgiving, rests of my will diluted.
The same way as always,
When you’re trying to push me to the wall,
But never really succeed.
You cannot force me into what I desire the most.
You cannot force me into what I am willing to give
You cannot force me into what I am longing to have...
When you lean over me with the heat of your breath and the weight of your body
And you are losing control...
Because I love your lips and I love your eyes,
And when I look at you I forget who I really am.
I keep the tone and the play of anger.
It’s safer when I don’t trust you.
It’s safer to say I don’t care.
And for a thousandth time give you the last chance.
So better not waste it this time!
We both know that I am here for you.
For the touch of your lips,
For the deception in your eyes,
For the moment with you,
Seized, squeezed, ingested, extracted, used and cherished.
Caught in a muted silence,
Pressed onto my lips,
With brute force of all of your weakness.