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So we both can pretend

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Loki focused intently on the piece of paper in front of him, adding yet another annotation. It was easy to make it look like he was paying attention to whatever old and boorish council member was speaking right now, but in reality Loki had given up on the hope of anything remotely interesting being said almost an hour ago.

Instead, he continued working in his diagrams, polishing the details in his plan and then doodling a loose artistic representation of what the results would hopefully be.

Thor, who was as appalling at dissimulating as always, looked over his shoulder and let out a quiet whistle.

“That looks… horrifying, Loki.”

“Yes, I know”, he proudly whispered back.

Thor frowned at the drawing.

“Wait, is that lord Olav?”, he realised, way too loud, and Loki shushed him with a stern look. He lowered his volume. “What are you planning on doing to him? Father will be pissed if he ever finds out. Is that supposed to be blood ?”

“Olav is a fool. I overheard him talking about me with some of his friends. About my magic. Honestly, if he’s not expecting retribution after the things he said he’s even more of an idiot than I thought,” Thor opened his mouth, and he pinched his arm harshly. “And now quiet, before Father sees that we’re not listening.”

Fortunately for his sanity, the council session finished soon after, and Thor fell into step with him as they walked back to their rooms. His brother was quick to resume the conversation.

“He shouldn’t be insulting a prince,” admitted Thor, frowning. “It’s not appropriate.”

“Oh, please. It’s not like I’m not used to it their inane talk. But to make fun of my magic, that is a line being crossed. I haven’t finished my studies and I’m already more powerful than that dolt could ever hope to be, he has no issue speaking about my supposed treachery and my ‘tricks’ like they’re nothing.”

“What do you mean you are used to it?” Thor interrupted, agitated. “Who would speak to you like that?”

“Not to me, of course, but people talk, even the noble ones. You must have heard the things they say, Thor, they are plenty. They call me a liar, a trickster. Undeserving of my position. They say I’m ergi,” Loki explained, dismissively. Thor reacted immediately as expected to the last one, indignation oozing off him.

“What? They wouldn’t dare say such things of you! You’re a prince of Asgard! They should know to show respect.”

Loki looked at him with an amused smile.

“Oh Thor, don’t tell me you’ve never noticed, you can’t be this oblivious. In any case, I can’t really take offense. Your concern is appreciated, brother, but it’s not like they’re wrong, you know. I’ve allowed men to take me, and enjoyed it.”

This time, Thor tripped over his own feet and had to hurry to get back at his level.

“You… have?”

“Well, yes. Not that they would know any of it, of course, I am discreet. They just need an easy target for their talentless mockery, as if they weren’t guilty of those very transgressions themselves. I know for a fact that most of the members of the royal guard find close comfort in each other, especially, but not exclusively, when they are out on campaign.” He couldn’t help looking back at Thor, who looked fascinatingly flustered. “People judging others for the things they wish for themselves is always entertaining. And I am sure you have experimented at some point as well, Thor.”

“Of course not!” Thor snapped. “You know what people would say. You know that appearances matter! You’ve always cared less than me about them, brother, in that I envy you,” he went on, oblivious to the way Loki’s expression had gone blank. “You have more freedom than I do.”

Loki tried to contain the cold tendrils creeping up his throat. The words gathered at the tip of his tongue, how it had never been a matter of preference, how he’d had to force himself to get used to the whispers to keep them from dictating his life. He wondered how it was possible that Thor had never noticed. If he truly thought that he as the Crown Prince would ever be the object of jokes as mean spirited as the ones the people aimed at Loki. He probably did, the oblivious fool.

But he bit his tongue, unwilling to let the happy mood of the morning deteriorate. These moments with his brother became rarer as they got old and gained responsibilities, as Thor became progressively more enamored with the world outside of Asgard. He swallowed the ever growing resentment inside of him and with practiced ease directed it into teasing Thor.

“That is interesting, though,” he said.

“What is?”

“You, claiming that the only reason that’s kept you from… indulging is the fear of appearances. You mean to say that you would have otherwise?” he paused briefly to risk a glance at Thor. “That you have wanted to.” He added with certainty and was rewarded when he saw Thor blush darker. “You have! That’s delightful-- now, Thor, don’t make that face, you know I won’t be the one to judge. As I’ve said, I find it quite enjoyable myself. It is unfortunate that you’re missing out.”

“There’s not much I can do about it,” Thor mumbled.

“Perhaps you should take the risk. You might find the benefits are worth it.” Just to rile him up he added, as an afterthought, “I would have never taken you for a coward.”

“That’s easy for you to say. No one would appreciate seeing me in that position. I have… lain with men before, but never has a partner suggested that they’d like our roles to be reversed. They are usually more concerned with my strength and how I can put it to use,” he explained, almost bashful. “How could I even approach this topic with anyone, and risk being exposed in public?”

“For once, you aren’t wrong. We both know how rumours can spread.”

“So you agree.”

“I suppose I have to admit that this time your caution might be wise,” Loki said with a kind smile, trying to ease the tension that he could feel had built up in Thor. “It is a pity, but at least you have me to disclose your frustrations to. You’ve truly never spoken of this to anyone?”

“Who could I possibly talk to about this but you? You’re the only one who already knows everything about me.”

“You are close to your friends. They know you just as well.”

“No, Loki, not just as well.”

The warmth that spread through him at the words was alarming. Loki tried to ignore it.

“Well, I’m not surprised that I once again prove to be invaluable, brother. I’ll happily accept your appreciation in the form of priceless gifts from your next quest. After all, what would you do without me?”

Thor snorted. “I would certainly be lost, Loki.”

“Oh, no doubt about that. You must be so grateful for my company and understanding. My constant solicitude,” there was a pleasant moment of silence, and then.

“Perhaps I should ask you to do it then”, Thor said, and after a second he laughed. It was an ugly laugh, like the croak of an old chair, short and awkward. Fake. Loki felt himself slow down, mind in overdrive, but Thor continued walking, staring resolutely ahead.

“Thor”, Loki called for him, and when his steps only hesitated, he added, pointedly. “Brother”.

Thor turned around this time, and he was no longer blushing. His face was pale and his brow anxiously furrowed, and he wouldn’t look at Loki.

“I was merely joking, of course,” Thor said, his eyes fixed on something to the left of Loki’s torso. “I apologise if I have made you uncomfortable, brother.”

Loki didn’t let him continue, instead walking closer to him, forcing him to raise his head and meet his eyes. He felt out of balance, taken by surprise by Thor’s careless proposal, but seeing that expression on his brother’s face seemed unnatural and wrong. He shouldn’t look so afraid. He specially should never look so afraid of Loki.

“Do you want it that much?”, he asked, softly, and when Thor opened his mouth with a clear intent to protest, he added, “There’s no shame in it. If you do, of course I’d be happy to give this to you, Thor. I would be honored.”

Thor’s mouth closed, and he swallowed, staring at him in clear shock. Loki tried to soften his expression, but he could feel his own control fading and decided it was time to retreat. He reached to hold Thor by the shoulder.

“Think about it. If you decide that you want to go through with this, simply let me know. If you don’t, we will forget about this. But don’t fret too much about it, Thor, you’ll wear your little brain out.”

His attempt at levity didn’t even seem to register. When he turned around to leave, back through the same corridor they had come from, Thor still hadn’t moved or said a word, and Loki decided to leave him be. He clearly had spoken without thinking, and now that his words had caught up with him, they were both in uncharted waters. It’d be best if they had some time alone to hear themselves think.

As soon as he was out of sight from his brother in a deserted corridor, he let himself lean against a wall for support, mind running a thousand miles an hour. How could he ever have predicted this? His good, beautiful brother, who everyone knew didn’t lack in conquests wherever his adventures took him, who flirted with a different maiden every day, who was considered the archetype of what an Aesir should look like, golden and broad and strong. Wanting to be taken but too afraid to let anyone have him.

Anyone but Loki.

There really wasn’t a question as to whether Loki would do it.

*

Thor avoided him for the remainder of the week. It wasn’t that Loki seeked him out, precisely, but where before they would run into each other several times a day while going about their own businesses, now Thor seemed to have vanished. Either he was always busy in some exceptionally important errand that kept him even from the training grounds, or Loki had to think that he was the reason for his absence. A couple of nights they were expected to dine with their parents, but even then Thor showed up late and with readily available excuses that allowed him to leave the table early and kept Loki from speaking to him in private.

It was impossible not to worry. Of course, he could go to Thor’s rooms after he had retired for the night, when he knew Thor would be there, he had to sleep after all. But to face him alone in such an intimate setting seemed more daunting the more time it passed. What if he had misunderstood? What if Thor had really only mentioned the matter jokingly, and by agreeing so swiftly Loki had revealed…? It was possible that Thor just didn’t want to face him after that. That this once he’d decided to be sharp enough to read past Loki’s eagerness, and now felt disgust at his brother.

These thoughts kept Loki company through the week. He avoided other people and kept mostly to the library, where he could obsess about the possibility of his brother hating him at peace. Whenever he did have to interact with someone he was grumpier than usual, which made his task of avoiding everyone even easier. He had no complaints.

Just over a week had passed and he was deep in work in his usual corner of the library, eyes focused in the parchment in front of him. He found a soothing freedom working in solitude. His tutors had taught him magic that felt rigid and suffocating, so impersonal. But here he could note down his own observations and ideas, and variations on spells that had been written centuries before his time, and he could do it without interruptions and the criticism that he seemed to never get rid off.

He wrote fast, letting the flow of ideas spill onto the paper without paying too much attention to what he was writing; he’d go over them again tomorrow and select those that were worth developing. Once the stream of words slowed down, he set the quill down and closed his eyes as he cracked his neck with a pleasured sigh. Then he raised his head and jumped on his seat when he saw Thor, leaning back against one of the shelves and staring intently at him, unmoving.

“By the Norns, Thor”, he spat once he got control of his breathing back. “Is this revenge for that time I scared you jumping from under your bed? You deserved that one. You’d been a right nuisance the entire day” he got up and started collecting his things, waiting for an answer that didn’t come. “How long have you been there? I didn’t hear you arrive.”

“I’m not certain. I came right after training ended.” Thor’s voice croaked when he spoke. Loki had absently lit the candles with a flicker of his fingers a while ago, when the colours of sunset had started filtering through the windows. Thor must have been there for almost an hour. Loki swallowed.

“I expect Tyr was happy to see you. I was told you were missed during training this week. Whatever kept you so occupied finally let you free today?”

“Oh. Yes, I had some things to. To think about. And I wanted to let out some pent up energy.”

That was probably his cue. Loki should apologise for overstepping and reassure Thor that his offer had been given thoughtlessly, as a generous favour for Thor himself. There was no need for things to become strangled between them.

“Thor--”

“I thought about what you said,” Thor interrupted loudly, forcefully, as if trying to keep himself from losing heart. “What you suggested,” there he seemed to lose his train of thought.

“It wasn’t my intention to--”

“I would accept your offer,” Thor forced out. Loki went silent and stared at him, and Thor looked back, hands clenching on nothing and a lost air about him more fitting of the kid he used to be than the warrior he’d become. The pause seemed to go on for too long and Thor swayed on his feet, anxious. “If… if you no longer want to…”

He stopped talking, not seeming to know how to put it into words. If you no longer want to fuck me?

Was Thor actually agreeing to this?

He felt a crazed laughter climbing up his throat and he knew it would be the wrong move to let it out, so he made himself swallow and focus in the conversation. He would try to make sense of whatever the hel was happening later.

“No, I…” I do? Was that admitting that he wanted to fuck his brother? “The offer still stands. If you want it.”

“I do,” Thor replied instantly, stepping forward as if trying to reassure Loki of his sincerity. Loki hadn’t felt this out of his depth since his magic had started to develop and manifest quicker than he could learn to control it. He was a kid then.

The silence stretched.

Thor’s face fell slightly, and Loki felt as if his feet were walking steadily towards a precipice without bothering to ask for his opinion. Thor swallowed, and straightened his back like who puts on an armour. Like he needed defense from Loki. Suddenly he was feeling desperate and he was the one to step forward this time.

“Well then. Tonight?”

Thor’s entire body seemed to startle.

“Tonight?”

“Or not tonight. It doesn’t have to be tonight,” Loki tried. “Whenever you feel like…”

He quieted and they both blushed. Thor cleared his throat.

“It could be tonight.”

“Only if you want to, of course.”

“No, I do, I do. Of course.”

“Of course.”

Had he ever felt this awkward in the presence of his brother? Loki considered the possibility that this would ruin their brotherhood forever. The voice in his brain that claimed he was doing this as a favour to Thor was being drowned by the one he usually pushed to the very bottom of his mind, the one that knew what a selfish creature he was, always trying to seize an opportunity.

But could anyone blame him?

This was the moment to strategically run away, but Thor was blocking the way out. He stared at him, helplessly, and finally Thor seemed to snap out of his contemplation. At any other time, Loki would’ve been making fun of him by now. As it was, he could only dumbly stare back as Thor shifted on his feet and tried an awkward smile.

“Well then. I will let you finish up. I should probably wash up before dinner… Will I see you there?”

“Yes,” Loki croaked. “See you at dinner.”

Thor nodded at him before turning around and disappearing behind a bookshelf.

Absently, Loki reached behind him to drag a chair close enough to drop down on it.

Well. What now?

*

Dinner was without a doubt the most uncomfortable affair he’d ever had to endure. Their parents spent the hour fruitlessly trying to extract more than a few words out of either of them, and exchanging politely confused looks between each other. Thor and Loki spent it looking at their food, speaking as little as possible, and stammering if by any chance their eyes met across the table, looking away as fast as possible.

Why didn’t Thor excuse himself as he had been doing the past week and he just… went away? It was impossible to think like this.

And think he had to. Since Thor had left him alone in the library his mind had been an endless stream of panicked thoughts. Half an hour ago the dread had intensified once he remembered that it had been a really long time since he’d last had sex with another person. It was usually too much of a bother to find a partner he could stand and that could satisfy him, and most of the time he was happy to just bring himself pleasure in the comfortable quiet of his own chambers, sometimes with the help of his magic. But now, would he even remember how to have sex at all? What if everything was a disaster because of him? Oh, Norns, he was going to embarrass himself and Thor would never, ever let him forget it. Or maybe he would hate him for ruining his first time, and he would want to take revenge, and it wouldn’t take a week before the rumours of how bad a lay the second prince was had spread through all of Asgard, and soon enough the nine realms.

Maybe he was exaggerating.

In any case, the obvious conclusion was that at the very least he needed to bring himself off before meeting with his brother. And maybe do some reading. Did they have manuals on sex in the library? It couldn’t hurt to check.

He stood up, only realising when the hall fell silent that he’d interrupted his mother in the middle of a sentence. He tried not to blush.

“Apologies, Mother. I have remembered that left an ingredient for a potion marinating for too long, and I need to see if it’s salvageable. If you will excuse me?”

Frigga let out a tired sigh that made him want to hide under the table, and lifted an elegant shoulder in an exceptionally judgemental manner.

“Of course, Loki. I hope it isn’t completely ruined. Good night, son.”

He muttered a reply and scampered off towards his chambers without sparing a single look for Thor. He didn’t need to embarrass himself any further.

Bringing himself close to release took a not quite surprisingly short amount of time, and when he finally allowed himself to think of taking Thor he exploded right over the edge. He cleaned himself up and went back to the library, where he failed to find any book that proved to be even remotely helpful. With a final, derisive scoff, he gave up on his search and decided that it was probably late enough, and he should stop putting off the program for the night.

He walked slowly back towards the royal ward. The corridors were deserted and dark, it was probably later than he had estimated. Once he reached his own door he felt the temptation to walk inside and pretend none of this was happening, wait until the morning when Thor would surely pretend the same thing, and put this madness they were planning behind them.

And then he would never have this opportunity again.

He pulled his hand away from the doorknob of his room and walked the few meters that separated him from Thor’s. He considered knocking, but decided to try the knob first and found it unlocked as he expected. He pushed it open just a crack and slid inside, quiet as a shadow.

Thor was pacing along the far wall of his room, turning around when he reached the end and retracing his steps. Loki spoke up before he could start another lap.

“Did you not get enough exercise at training today?”

“Loki! You must stop appearing out of nowhere, you’ll get someone hurt someday--”

“Sorry, sorry,” he wasn’t. Startling Thor was always fun. “I didn’t think it would be a good idea to start knocking at your door at this hour.”

This seemed to sober Thor up sufficiently.

“I knocked at yours,” he mentioned in a small voice. “When you didn’t reply I assumed…”

“I was at the library. Sorry I took longer than expected.”

“Oh! I thought your story about the potion was just an excuse.”

“Of course not,” Loki scuffed, embracing the gift of his brother’s credulity. “I simply needed to finish some work.”

“I thought that maybe you weren’t coming. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Silence followed Thor’s admission, and Loki searched his brain desperately for something to say. Thor beat him to it again, nervous but resolute.

“Do you want some wine?”

“Yes!” Lords, yes. “Thank you.”

He watched as Thor filled two glasses and took a long sip when he was handed one. They sat at the settee at the back of the room and sipped at their drink in a thick silence.

Thor had always been the bravest out of the two of them, Loki thought. He felt a twitch of disappointment at himself, but not surprise, when it was his brother who put down his glass of wine first, and after slapping his thighs twice with determination, got up and stood fidgeting in front of him.

“Well then, brother. How shall we do this?”

Loki made himself stand up as well, and kept eye contact with Thor as he too put his glass on the table beside him and straightened, thankful for his years of practice at cultivating an indifferent expression. Thor was usually good at reading past his bullshit, but he was too nervous tonight to notice that Loki was possibly even more so. Or at least he hoped that he wouldn’t.

“I suppose we should relocate to your bed?”

He let his gaze linger for one long second before slowly crossing the room. The sound of Thor’s footsteps followed swiftly, and stopped behind him once they reached the edge of the mattress. There was another moment of hesitant stillness, drowned by the hammering of his heart against his chest.

“Do you want me to undress? Get- get on the bed?” Thor asked, with an unusual tremor in his voice. He started doing just that without waiting for an answer, and Loki was barely aware of moving before he found his own hand holding Thor by the wrist to stop him.

He decided he wouldn’t be a coward in this any longer.

“Stop, Thor. Do you really think me such an inconsiderate lover?” he said, not unkindly. He lowered Thor’s arm slowly to his side. “You’re not a tavern conquest that I plan on bending over and leaving behind.”

Stepping closer he raised his hands to hover over Thor’s shoulders and looked him in the eye, soft.

“You asked me to help you and I want to do just that. Let me take care of you tonight. I’m going to undress you, and make you feel good and get you opened up for me. I will spoil you before I take you. Is that okay?” he finished, and as he finally lowered his hands to the sides of Thor’s neck, he felt how the skin flushed red beneath them. His brother swallowed visibly, but said nothing, so Loki pushed a bit more. “Thor. Okay?”

Thor choked out a cough and cleared his throat. “Yes. Yes, please.”

He didn’t wait for more. For all his facade, he couldn’t make himself look Thor in the eye, so he kept his gaze on his own hands as he unclasped the cloak that his brother wore for warmth even in the privacy of his rooms. He let it fall to the ground in a quiet swish , and he trailed his fingers to the front of Thor’s clothes, untying the laces that held them in place. His brother moved then, raising his arms to allow Loki to take the shirt off him, dropping it to his side as well.

When Thor had been gifted Mjölnir, their father had explained that she was as much a tool as she was a weapon, and Loki’s envy had shimmered low and destructive in a low part of himself he didn’t acknowledge often. Thinking of all the uses he would have had for her, of all the things he could achieve were he granted such a power. The things that Thor would achieve now, instead of him, as always.

He looked at his brother’s body, following the thick lines that the veins trailed in the muscles down his arms and chest, and for the first time he saw in them the same power to destroy and protect that his weapon had. He felt with surprise how the embers of jealousy died down, because having Thor close like this, feeling in his fingertips the warmth that radiated from his skin, it was impossible not to see what a perfect match they made. He filled the entire room, commanded all attention despite the way he was relenting control tonight.

His eyes were drawn to Thor’s side, where the perfect skin was marred by a small pale line, barely visible. He brushed his fingers down his chest and all the way to the scar, pleased when he noticed the goosebumps that were born from his touch.

“Sorry for this,” he said softly, covering the entire scar with his palm.

Thor laughed, probably louder than the comment deserved, trying to break a silence that was becoming too loud around them.

“I think the apology comes a few hundred years late, Loki,” he said, and when Loki brought his gaze up Thor was looking at his with the softest fondness in his eyes.

“You ungrateful oaf,” Loki muttered. “See if I ever apologise for anything ever again.”

His laugh was more genuine this time. “What a great loss that would be for our relationship. Indeed, how could we possibly fill all the empty spaces that your lack of apologies will leave in our lives?” said Thor, too serious to be anything but mocking.

He thought he was funny. Loki would show him.

He decided to show him by bringing his hands to the string tying up his breeches, and pulling Thor an inch closer before deftly undoing the knot, unblinking eyes fixed on his brother’s. Thor’s entire face shifted and he bit his lip in a way that surely wasn’t meant to be as enticing as it was, but made Loki wet his own.

The pants fell easily to the ground once Loki let go of the knot, and he brought his hands to the waist of Thor’s undergarments next, before changing his mind and taking a step back, mirroring Thor when he swallowed hard.

“Lie down, please,” he said, and watched with held breath as Thor scrambled to obey his order. Loki climbed on the bed behind him, standing on his knees while Thor settled on his back on the center of the mattress, miles of naked legs and chest and arms exposed for his eyes only. Loki found a comfortable spot between his parted legs and only then brought his hands to the hem of the only piece of clothing still covering his brother, waiting to see the hitch on Thor’s breath before he started pulling down.

The revelation of Thor’s cock made his breath catch. Loki was pleasantly surprised to find him already half hard, raising proud and lovely from between the nest golden hair. Not fully engorged yet, but enough to see why Thor’s partners craved being fucked by him. Loki wanted it, too.

But tonight he wanted something else. He sat down on his heels and rested his hands on Thor’s knees, looking down at him and trying his hardest to project a smidgen of control.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked. “Cold?”

Thor was breathing heavily and the skin of his legs was covered in goosebumps.

“I’m fine. Good. Just… nervous.”

“That’s alright.” He decided to allow for a small truth. “I am as well. But it’s just us, after all. Nothing to be nervous about.”

The words hung on the air for a second, then Thor dissolved into a smile and he felt him relax under his hands.

“Your oil?”

“Oh, um. On the table, beside the bed.”

Loki raised a teasing eyebrow before reaching to take the small vial and settling back between Thor’s legs, pushing them apart with one hand as he got the other covered in plenty of oil. Thor was tensing up again, but the expression in his face looked more like anticipation, and he let out a shuddering breath when Loki brought his hand to the crease of his groin, brushing him with just his fingertips and trailing lower. Then Thor shifted his hips, revealing more of himself and suddenly Loki’s fingers were right there at his entrance, caressing the soft skin with his thumb and watching in fascination as Thor’s entire body trembled.

“Are you ready?” he asked, voice hoarse, making himself lift his head to face Thor. His brother’s eyes were wide and dark and he was biting his lip, and he nodded furiously several times.

Loki lowered himself to kiss at Thor’s knee just as he slid the first finger inside, pushing it all the way to the knuckle with ease.

“Fuck,” he heard Thor say under his breath, voice shaking. “Oh, gods. M-more.”

The request sent the rest of his blood rushing south, and he was now regretting not taking off his own clothes; he could feel his cock straining against the constricting pants and the air was too hot and too dense around him, he felt lightheaded.

But he had more important things to focus on right now. He pulled his finger almost all the way out and in again, starting a slow rhythm and fucking Thor languorously, enjoying the small hitches and gasps in Thor’s breathing. He continued pressing kisses to his leg, his knee, the meat of his thigh as far as he could reach. Before long Thor was moving his hips to follow the movement of Loki’s finger, and when that happened he poured some more oil and added a second one, letting out a sharp exhale when he clenched around him. Thor whined beautifully and Loki felt his mouth go dry.

“Shit, that’s right,” he muttered. “Look at you. Is that good? You like it?”

“Yes, oh. Gods-- Loki, yes.”

“Good. Enjoy it, then, take it, all of it. It’s all yours, brother.”

Thor’s only answer was a strangled groan, a lovely sound. Loki rewarded him by going deeper, twisting his fingers just so, and when he pressed down Thor let out a surprised shout, grabbing at the sheets and pushing back against him. He repeated the motion, and Thor writhed on the bed. He had his eyes closed and his breathing was heavy, and his body kept shifting to bear down on Loki’s fingers, trying to get more of him. Loki had to remind himself why he couldn’t cut the preparations short. He was torn, all of him screaming in need to be inside of Thor now , but a small purring part of his brain felt satisfied, seeing Thor so desperate just by being fucked on his fingers. In the end, he couldn’t take much longer before pushing his fingers hard inside and speaking again.

“You’re doing so well, Thor. Can you take more?”

Thor blinked at him, gasping, and took a few seconds before answering.

“I can take anything that you, ah, ohh, that you want to give me, brother.”

Loki was happy to oblige. Three fingers made Thor hiss softly at first, but soon enough Loki was moving them with ease, whispering sweet nothings that made him whine wildly. Thor’s cock was still hard, straining upwards and twitching whenever he casually rubbed against his prostate, the tip flushed red and leaking. Loki felt his mouth water, and he leaned closer on instinct before he remembered himself.

He wanted… Norns, he wanted to taste Thor so badly, but he wasn’t sure he could get away with it. Would Thor think too much of it?

The next time he pushed his fingers deep he wrapped a hand loosely around Thor’s cock, stroking upwards, and held his hips down with his arm when they tried to lift off the bed. Thor could do nothing but moan now, seemingly wanting to move in all directions at once and reaching to hold onto Loki’s arm. Loki jerked him off slowly, in time with his fingers, and he thumbed at the head trying to collect more of the liquid that continued leaking.

Thor’s eyes were closed tight, and in a spark of inspiration he quickly brought his hand to his mouth, sticking his tongue out. The first taste made his eyelids flutter and a deep groan escaped him. He shoved his fingers in his mouth to get all of it, lick them clean.

When he looked again, Thor was staring at him with wide eyes, mouth open in a wonderstruck ‘oh’.

“F-fuck. Fucking Hel, Loki.”

“Sorry, I--”

“Don’t, just. Fuck me, fuck me now , Loki, please. Shit, that was so hot, don’t, don’t stop, ” he whined, bearing down on Loki’s fingers that had frozen still at being caught, opening his legs as wide as he could.

A sudden thought popped up in his brain uninvited, the possibility that Thor had asked this of someone else, that he could be begging like this, desperate and wild, to another man. He looked so different right now from the Thor he’d known all his life, surrendering control in a way that Loki would have never believed him willing to, and another person could have held the secret to this part of him that Loki couldn’t even imagine. His brother, that should belong to him. He almost physically recoiled from the thought.

Loki!

He pulled his fingers free, shaking the idea off.

“I think that’s enough,” Loki forced out.

“Then come on, Loki, I feel so empty now--”

“Oh, brother,” he whispered, his chest was burning. There was nothing in the world but Thor. His own clothes were gone in seconds and he sloppily coated himself in oil. “I’ll fix that real soon. I’ll fill you up so nicely.”

He rose up on his knees, staring down at Thor, who was already panting, melting against the sheets with pearls of sweat trailing down his chest, his arms. His finger followed one that ran close to Thor’s stomach and he felt his brother’s muscles tense and relax as he shivered. Thor looked up at him with hazy eyes, and when Loki grabbed his knees to spread them apart even wider, he whimpered and closed them.

The previous worry was fully discarded. His brother had come to him, only him. No one else had seen Thor like this, legs wantonly open to give Loki access, his ass and groin glistening with the oil he had applied. He looked already wrecked and they had barely started. Loki felt a rush of power that nothing but his own magic had given him before, and he struggled to push it down. This wasn’t about him.

This was about Thor. And Loki would give him what he wanted. He would make sure that he never got it better from anyone else.

He shifted closer. When Thor’s eyes opened again, wariness was mixing in with the anticipation. That would not do. He caressed his brother’s thigh, kissed his knee, and looked at him with warmth. Thor relaxed only partially.

“Are you okay?”, he asked. “Do you want me to go on?”

“Yes”, Thor managed, voice hoarse. “Go slow, Loki.”

Loki took a steadying breath. He brought the head of his cock to Thor’s entrance, rubbing against it up and down, pressing without sliding inside. The muscle fluttered beneath him, making Thor moan, and Loki buried his nails in his own thigh, clenching his jaw and waiting a few seconds. Then, he pushed softly and after all the preparation Thor opened easily as he slowly slipped in just a couple of inches, and he was probably on fire, combusting from the inside out. Thor’s deep moan went straight to his cock and he stopped, trying to catch his breath.

“Oh, Norns,” Thor gasped, grabbing onto Loki’s arms and clenching down, trying to shift closer and away at the same time. And in an almost too quiet whine, “Loki.”

Loki bit his tongue hard enough to hurt. He pushed again and when a small grimace appeared on his brother’s face he reached to grab Thor’s cock. Thor would only feel pleasure tonight. His forehead was sweating with the effort to go slow, and every time Thor moved new sensations added to the fog in his brain.

And then Thor’s hand found hold on its familiar place at the back of his neck and Loki gasped, losing control and driving the rest of the way forward, falling down on top of Thor and barely catching himself up at the last moment before crushing him. Thor groaned and pulled him closer, and Loki buried his face on the crook of his neck, pressing his lips to the damp skin with uncoordinated movements that could hardly be called kisses.

“Sorry-- sorry,” he muttered, breathing fast, struggling to remain still. “Are you okay?”

Thor was silent for a couple of beats of worry.

“I’m okay. I’m good” he said finally, low enough that only their closeness allowed him to hear. He then turned his head to speak directly in his ear. “I’m-- Loki, I can feel you stretching me, I need you to move, I-- I need you to fuck me. Brother, please.”

“Nghh. Yes, yes, okay.”

He breathed once, twice, pulling himself together. Then he rose up on his elbows for leverage and moved slowly, unable to think of anything other than how tight Thor felt around him, how very warm he was inside. He brought his hand to his brother’s cock again, pumping him slowly back to hardness as he started moving with a rhythm.

Thor was, he found out, vocal. Soon enough he was moaning loud and uninhibited, grabbing desperately at Loki, writhing on the bed to fuck himself harder, deeper. Only the sheer concentration he was putting in keeping his movements steady kept him from losing his mind at the sound.

Loki rose up so he could look at Thor’s flushed face, and he couldn’t look away. His brother had always been an open book, and now he wore the signs of his pleasure in his tightened frown, the shape of his open mouth, the flush in his cheeks. He had never looked more radiant. His own hips stattered forward and he started fucking him faster, now looking at his face for hints of what he liked more, and Thor responded beautifully, tightening his legs around him and pulling him close.

Like a wave coming out of nowhere Loki felt too close to the edge, and he curled his body around Thor and pushed until he was buried deep inside his brother, and then forced himself to stop, taking deep breaths. Almost immediately he felt Thor punch the bed in frustration, and Loki hid his chuckle against his brother’s throat.

“Oh Gods, Loki, why-- why would you do that, don’t stop, please. Brother.”

“Patience, Thor, don’t you--,” his breath hitched when he felt Thor clenching down intently around him and he slapped his arm lightly in reprobation. “Fuck, you menace. Don’t you want this to last? Of course you’d be impatient even now,” he added, biting down slightly on his shoulder.

“You’re not- ah,” he gasped when Loki shifted. “You’re not supposed to be patient for this, Loki.”

“Short sighted as always, Thor. Have you never heard of delayed gratification?”

Loki turned his head to look at him and Thor did too, and neither could hide the hint of fond amusement in their eyes, even though Loki was trying and probably failing to look unimpressed, and he was sweaty and flushed and still too frenzied to pretend he didn’t feel just as desperate. He raised his head.

“I have to admit it is good to see you so eager.”

“Oh, I am eager.”

“Aren’t you?”

He pushed out again and then back in slowly. The slow seconds that it took him to complete the movement seemed to drag on for years, but it was worth it for the deep groan that Loki felt more than heard coming out of Thor's chest, the way his thighs tightened around him trying to pull him close.

He did it again.

“Lokiii--"

“Hmm?” he hummed, enjoying himself immensely now that he had calmed himself down and away from the edge.

“Don’t be a dick.”

He muffled his snort on Thor’s chest and then looked down, pondering. Slowly, his mouth found a nipple and he closed his teeth playfully around it. Thor startled and then let out a long whine, holding the back of Loki’s head and pushing him closer. Loki didn’t make him ask twice, and started sucking and teasing with his tongue as he continued fucking him in short, shallow movements that were barely enough to satisfy either of them. Thor’s chest was shaking and his moans choked off every time Loki bit him a bit harder. His hips tried to draw closer, get more friction, but Loki continued to give him just a few inches of his cock, fascinated by the frustrated sounds coming out of him.

“Loki, I swear-- I’ll murder you if you don’t start fucking me properly--”

“Mmm. So you keep saying. I thought you weren’t desperate?”

“I hate you so much.”

Loki climbed up to kiss his neck.

“Well, that’s just rude, Thor. But I can leave, if that’s really how you feel?”

“You’re-- awful. Damn it, Loki, I want…”

“What do you want?” asked Loki. “Is it to be full of my cock?” he wondered, tasting the words. “To have me fuck you deep as I can go, make you feel me all the way inside? So you can’t move tomorrow without remembering that I was inside you tonight, that I gave you what you so wanted...”

“Oh, Norns. Please, Loki, enough, damn it, come on —”.

His own patience finally gave and he started moving faster, settling on his knees again and lifting Thor’s legs to change the angle. In this position Thor felt impossibly tighter around him, and when he aimed at just the right place his brother convulsed on the bed and tried to follow the rhythm of his thrusts, with movements that got more and more uncoordinated and his voice became a constant whine.

Thor brought his hand to his own cock, but stopped at the last moment, looking up at Loki with heated eyes.

“Touch me, Loki, I’m-- I’m so fucking close, please. I want you, I want you to do it, you feel so good, Hel--”

“Oh fuck.”

He was barely aware of his own movements as he did what Thor asked and jacked him off at the same speed he was fucking him. He went faster, focused only on bringing Thor off, watching him come all over himself and fuck him through it, until he could take no more. He let go of his other leg to touch him, anywhere, everywhere, just holding him tight so that Thor too could think of nothing else.

“That’s it, that’s it. You should see the way you look, Thor, brother, how incredible you feel around me. Are you close?”

“Yess, ahh, yes!”

“Am I going to make you come? Are you going to come on my cock?”

“Loki--,” Thor gasped, and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together, “almost there, almost there, don’t stop, don’t-- AH.”

Thor’s cock twitched in his hand as he came, covering his chest in thick white spurts. Loki worked him through it, and it wasn’t himself who was coming but he didn’t need it, because there surely could be nothing better than this moment, nothing better than being the source of Thor’s pleasure, than seeing him spasm in aftershocks underneath him, moaning his name over and over, opening his eyes slowly to look up at him in what very much seemed like adoration.

Thor’s body was trembling. Loki pulled out, careful. He was still holding Thor’s hand, so he squeezed it before reaching up to push the blond hair, now wild and damp with sweat, out of his face. His breath came short when lips found his wrist to kiss it softly, and he reminded himself to inhale.

Then Thor was looking down and frowning.

“You haven’t spilled.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. You’re probably too sensitive right now. It’s fine,” he reassured him, and it really was. “I would bring myself off like this, if you’ll let me?”

Thor’s expression was complicated for a second then, swiftly becoming embarrassed.

“I was hoping you would…” he trailed off.

“I would?”

“You know. Inside me.”

“Oh. Oh .” Well, that was. Thor covered his face with his arm, and Loki pushed it off. “Won’t it hurt?”

“I don’t think so?”

“I really would like to,” Loki admitted, and Thor’s eyes lightened like Yule had come early. Ymir’s grace. He wouldn’t come out of this alive. “We’ll try, and you’ll tell me to stop if you need to.”

“I will, I promise,” Thor replied, and kissed his hand again.

Loki took a steadying breath.

“Lie on your side now,” he asked, and Thor moved sluggishly, with a satisfied laziness in his limbs.

He settled back on the bed behind Thor, brushing his golden hair out of the way. Once his fingers touched it, though, he finally gave into the desire to card his fingers through it, feeling the silken threads slid between them and finally clasping his hand at the back of Thor’s head.

Thor buried his face in the pillow in response, with a soft content sigh, and seemed to melt down into the sheets.

Now that Thor had had his release, and with the calming pause in between, Loki found that the frantic urgency that drove him before had been partially pacified. He guided Thor into position with a gentle hand on his hip and pushed inside of him again, steady until he was completely buried but simply holding still after.

“Oh… Oh ,” Thor gasped, and there was an incredulous tilt in his voice.

“Too much?”, his own voice sounded strained.

“No, no, just… Intense. Take your pleasure, brother, but go slow.”

“Of course. Do tell me if it gets overwhelming.”

He moved differently now, careful not to hurt Thor. In every push he got as close to him as he could, and every time he drew back he pulled out almost completely. This felt different, this was his brother giving him something now, Thor accepting him back inside, offering himself for the taking. He was getting lost in it again, and he bit down on the back of Thor’s neck, hearing him growl low in response. His free hand traced patterns against Thor’s skin, caressing down his chest and up his arms, all the way to his neck and down his side again, grabbing onto his hip. He trailed lower as Thor bumped his hips and he suddenly found himself with a fully grown erection in his hand.

“Again, so soon?” Loki asked with an incredulous chuckle. Thor turned his head to look at him with a frown.

“Are you complaining?”

“I just didn’t know you were this insatiable, brother, although I suppose, with your powers…”

“What can I say, Loki, you’re just so good I can’t- ah- I can’t help myself.”

Loki rewarded the blatant flatter with a series of hard thrusts that pulled a high whine from Thor’s throat. Overstimulation made Thor even more vocal than before. Thor’s endless moans were possibly the most erotic part of this situation, every sound going straight to his dick and, hopefully, getting branded forever in his brain.

Now that his brother was hard again for him, because of him, the previous gentleness felt out of place. Loki hastened his pace, clutching at Thor’s hip in a way that was sure to leave marks, but he didn’t complain, only raised his leg higher, trying to give him leverage for deeper thrusts. It didn’t quite work, and Loki felt the beginning of frustration.

“On your knees,” he gasped, breathless. He slipped out of his brother, and Thor immediately scooted back against him, chasing after him with something that sounded like a mewl. He slapped his ass lightly, raising up. “On your knees, now , Thor, come on, come on--”

Thor didn’t make him ask again, he was almost a blur as he rolled on his stomach and then pushed himself up on all fours, opening his knees wide and looking over his shoulder at Loki, expectant, with dark eyes and sweat perling his forehead, lips bitten raw.

Loki considered the possibility of coming just by seeing his brother offering himself like that. It wouldn’t be hard, but Thor would be disappointed. He swallowed, though his mouth was dry, and crowled closer, bringing both hands to Thor’s ass to spread his cheeks apart, indulging in the sight. Thor’s hole was spread open and used, and he couldn’t resist pushing two fingers right into him, pumping slowly.

“Loki, don’t-- Shit, don’t fuck around, come on.”

“Is this not good enough, brother?” Loki replied.

“Not- not enough,” he gasped, startling when Loki’s fingers hit directly over his prostate. “Oh, gods, please, I need your cock, fuck me please—”

Loki did. He pushed inside and curled around Thor’s back, losing himself immediately. He’d been in the edge for so long and now he fucked his brother fast and clumsy. Thor didn’t seem to mind, jerking himself off furiously and slamming back against every thrust, barely stopping for breath in between his constant stream of moans. It took hardly a minute for Loki to spend himself inside his brother with a choked off gasp. His hips stuttered several times, his body suddenly heavy as he felt as if the tide had swallowed him whole. Underneath him Thor let out a shout and clenched around him as he reached his second release, and the aftershocks made Loki collapse on top of him, fully spent and shaking.

Thor’s legs gave up under him too, and the two of them dropped on the bed in a graceless heap. There was only the sound of laboured breathing for a few moments, before Loki couldn’t hold back a soft giggle. He got out of Thor’s back and rolled to his back.

“Ymir’s cow,” he breathed out.

“Hmm-huh,” was Thor’s drowsy reply.

“Did I leave you speechless?”

Thor’s face was squished against the pillow and he was looking at him with a warm smile. He could, apparently, look even better than he had in the throes of pleasure. Even in this he was intent to prove Loki wrong.

Loki couldn’t care less.

“Was it everything you wanted?” he asked in a small voice. They were shouting just a few minutes before, but now only whispers seemed appropriate in the small space of their bed.

Thor’s eyes widened. “Was it--? Really? Which of my orgasms made you think that it wasn’t?”

“You know what I mean,” Loki protested, embarrassed, and Thor crawled slightly closer to him, resting his chin on Loki’s arm.

“It was perfect. It was- so much more than-- it was incredible, Loki,” he hesitated before adding, raising at the end like a question, “I felt very loved.”

Loki sputtered.

“Well, you— you are. Of course. You know that.”

“I guess I do,” Thor smiled.

“I was happy that you trusted me enough to ask for this,” Loki forced out. “I mean, it made me happy . When you did. We never do things together anymore.”

“Our parents will be delighted.”

“Oh my— Don’t even joke about it, Thor!”

His brother chuckled and a comfortable silence settled over them. Loki was slowly catching his breath and there was no room for thought in his brain, only physical sensations: the cold sheets around his feet, the warmth spreading from Thor’s side of the bed, the tingling shivers where their arms almost touched. If only, he thought, one of his spells could preserve this moment forever.

But then again, it wouldn’t have much value if it stayed there, kept away from reality in a place out of time. Every new second of life with Thor was worth more than memories.

He shouldn’t be greedy.

“We should sleep,” he said after a while.

“I guess you must be exhausted. You did most of the work after all.”

Loki pinched his belly and rolled on the bed, cuddling up to Thor’s side. Maybe it was over, but he deserved this at least, didn’t he? He could pretend that they were truly lovers, at least until the morning.

Thor closed his arms around him immediately, soft and yielding as they pulled him close, but the rest of his body was tense, as if he felt out of place. Loki frowned, thinking, and after a second he slowly untangled from Thor’s clutch and laid again on his back, opening his own arms in offer before his brother could say anything.

“If you prefer?”

A deep, red blush climbed down from Thor’s cheeks to the top of his chest, but he moved closer as if in instinct. If felt weird, Thor’s heavy weight slumping on top of him, but after a couple of seconds Thor’s shape melted into his own, fitting perfectly into his own valleys and crevices. Their nakedness felt nothing but natural and comforting now, and Loki hummed, sensing Thor’s quiet vitality against his skin.

He had never considered his big brother in this light, wanting to be cared for and cherished. When he drifted off, he felt as protective as he’d always felt protected in his embrace.

*

He was hard when he woke up the next morning. It was Thor’s fault.

Specifically the fault of Thor’s hand, that traced teasing patterns against the V of his hips and the crease of his groin, sometimes hinting at more but never getting closer.

“Nnghhg?” he eloquently said, his dick being the only part of him fully awake. When his sight focused Thor’s face was hovering above his own, and he looked so lovely, every bit the golden prince he was, the stuff of fairytales. Loki considered mentioning it, but Thor did something particularly devious with his fingertips and his words became an undignified grunt.

Before he could get his wits back Thor was climbing onto his lap and lightly rubbing against him. His own hard dick slid against Loki’s belly and he reached for it without thinking. Thor let out a sigh.

“Good morning,” he made himself say at last, pushing up against Thor’s ass.

“Hmm-- Good, ah, good morning,” Thor replied with a spark in his eye. And as if this was a natural progression of the events and without any further announcements, he grabbed Loki’s cock and pressed it against his hole, letting it slide between his cheeks. “Is this okay? Do you-- do you want to?”

Loki’s brain struggled to keep up.

“Oh, um, fuck. Yeah. Yes, let’s-- Oh, no, wait, have you prepared yourself?” he realised, grabbing Thor’s arm to stop him where he was already maneuvering himself over him.

“It’s fine, I’m still open from last night, it’s good,” Thor said, most likely lying, and he tried to shove Loki’s arm away. He didn’t let him.

“Please do not be an idiot, it ruins the mood. If you have to ride a horse today you’ll hate yourself and also me and you can be sure that I won’t listen to it,” he grumbled. He felt more awake now. “Much as I’ve dreamt of this, there’s no need to rush it.”

In a surprising development, Thor listened to him. In fact, he stilled completely, sitting rigidly on top of him and staring with scared eyes.

“You have?” he asked after a few seconds of mutual gawking. Maybe he wasn’t more awake. He had no idea what was happening.

“Have I what?”

“Dreamt of this?”

His own words caught up with him like a cold bath. He let go of Thor.

“No.”

“Loki…”

How did he always ruin everything? Every time something good happened to him he pushed and pulled at it until it collapsed. He shoved Thor away and tried to sit up, face going tense with panic even when he knew he should try to play this cool. But he couldn’t right now. He always had one of his masks close at hand, but now he was still caught up in the spell of waking up in Thor’s arms, in this warm nest, drowsy and happy and none of them were to be found.

“No,” he repeated again, more forcefully. “I don’t-- That’s not what I meant, and get off me! Why would you even say something like that?” he asked in despair as he finally untangled himself from the sheets and got up, searching for his clothes.

“Loki, stop for one second. Brother, I need to you to sit down and talk to me, it’s okay--”

“Please just forget this,” Loki interrupted him, resigned. He could hear Thor breathing heavily at his back. He just hoped he wasn’t preparing to punch him for being disgusting and taking advantage of his trust.

“Why would I forget it, brother, when I just found out that I might not be alone in this after all?”

This was sufficiently confusing to make Loki turn around. Thor was standing but two steps away, tall and gloriously bare, and looking at him with a desperate yearning in his eyes.

“...What?”

“Loki, please. If you too-- If it’s’ not just me that wants--”

Loki gaped as his mind struggled to make up an alternative meaning to Thor’s words. He had to be missing something. Thor barreled on, unsympathetic.

“I have wanted this for centuries. I have wanted you-- I never meant to say a thing, I was so sure I would repulse you, and so when you agreed to this I couldn’t make myself take it back, in case this was my only chance. But if you…”

Thor was getting closer and Loki only understood why when his own steps made him slam straight into his brother, sending them both tumbling to the bed again.

And then he kissed him.

It was a second suspended in time, like jumping off a waterfall and soaring up into the air on the way down. It lasted the time it took Thor to sharply exhale against his mouth and Loki to breath it all in inside his own body, but it felt like eons of longing expanding and stretching between them, suddenly dissolving out of existence and leaving them gasping.

And then Thor let out a wounded sound and opened his mouth for him, and Loki didn’t waste a second before kissing him again. And again. He wanted to climb inside of Thor and he huffed, annoyed, when he couldn’t. Instead he tangled his hands in Thor’s hair and pulled, shivering when Thor’s arm tightened around his waist in reply, even though there already wasn’t an inch of space between them.

“Thor,” he whined.

In a blink Thor lifted him up and flipped them around, laying Loki on the bed. Loki gazed up at him, flustered beyond belief at how easily his brother manhandled him.

“Loki,” Thor answered, looking slightly dazed himself.

When they kissed again, it was much softer, and Loki wasn’t sure if he could keep his lips away from Thor’s ever again. Thor cupped his face gently and licked at his mouth like it was a treasure, like he couldn’t believe its taste and he needed to check over and over.

“This is not a trick, is it, brother?” Loki murmured when they finally pulled apart.

“You’re the trickster, Loki. But I don’t think even you would joke about this,” he leaned down and softly pressed their foreheads together. “I don’t want there to be any doubt about it. I love you, brother.”

After everything, this was what made his eyes sting. He dragged Thor down into an embrace and sniffed as Thor chuckled and peppered his temple and neck and jaw with little nips and kisses. He relaxed in the end, but Thor didn’t stop.

“So we can do this more often now?” he asked, dreamy, while Thor nuzzled his cheek.

“Norns, I certainly hope so. You wouldn’t just show me your prowess only to deny me now, right?”

“You did look pretty begging for it.”

“Loki...”

“And I will need to know how good you are at it. For comparison reasons.”

“I’m sure we can arrange that easily,” Thor smiled, soft.

“I love you too.”

The words came forward on their own volition, but there was nothing to regret, for Thor felt the same. His brother shared his burden and that made it not a burden at all, but a thrilling, exciting adventure that already promised to be so much better than anything he’d fantacised with. However…

“It won’t be easy, you know,” he reluctantly said.

“I don’t mind.”

“You should. We’ll have to hide--”

“Brother…”

“We’ll always have to be so careful. There can be no slips.”

“Loki,” a thumb settled lightly over his lips, closing them. “My love. Let’s just go back to bed for now. I would like to hold you. And maybe tomorrow we can figure out everything else.”

“Okay,” Loki accepted. They settled back under the sheets, pressed close. The sound of Thor’s hopeful promises washing over him and he could feel, despite himself, how a little optimistic flame was brought to life inside his chest.