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The Home Life of An Unassuming High School Spider-kid

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“And that’s why I will never mix bleach and orange juice in an old bathtub again. Just a reminder kids, don’t try to stir up concoctions with random substances until you know exactly how they react to each other!”

The shrill ring of the last bell interrupted Mr. Del mid sentence, and he had to shout to be heard over it. “Don’t forget to have your parents sign those permission slips and give them in to me before we leave tomorrow! If you don’t have a slip you can’t get on the bus, it’s as simple as that! Otherwise have a nice night!”

Peter and Ned hurriedly cleaned their stations, carelessly rinsing out the beakers and wiping down the table in three seconds or less. Then they joined the press of other students trying in vain to be the first out the door.

“Are you actually gonna give that form to Tony?”

Peter wrinkled his nose. “You call my dads by their first name and it sounds so weird.”

Ned rolled his eyes and shoved him lightly.

“But no, I’m not. I’m trying to make him forget I’ll be there tomorrow for him to embarrass, and him seeing the paper will do the opposite. I’ll just forge my pop’s signature or something.”

“Ooh, edgy Peter.”

“Oh my god Ned no.”

“Forgery is ILLEGAL Peter!”

“Ned. I have a Spiderman suit drenched in blood hanging in my closet. I think forgery is the least of my concerns. Plus, pop’s handwriting is basically just a scribble. It looks more like a kindergarten drawing of a lion than it does the word ‘Steve’.”

“Yeah, yeah. Still an edgy boi.”

“Just for that I’m ignoring you.”

“Fine, you do that.”

The two pretended to glare at each other and stuck their noses in the air. It lasted all of ten seconds before Ned spoke up again.

“Wait, are you going to decathlon practice today?”

“Oh hell no. If it’s optional I ain’t doing it. It’ll just be another chance for Flash to run his whole ‘You don’t actually intern at Stark Industries, you suck, your parents died haha loser’ dialogue.”

His best friend nodded sympathetically. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Ned turned down the hall towards the gym.

“I’ll text you tonight!” Peter yelled after him, then turned without waiting for a reply and jogged out the front doors toward his car.


“Face ID failed. Please remember to stay as still as possible during identification, Peter.” Jarvis’s voice sounded as mildly annoyed as an unfeeling AI could sound.

Peter forced himself to stop bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet while the tiny port beside the door to the living quarters carefully scanned his face. He was practically vibrating with excitement at the prospect of seeing his boyfriend again.

It had only been a few hours, but it felt like days. He felt safest when he was with Wade, preferably in his embrace under a pile of fluffy blankets.

The two had originally met while Peter was on patrol years earlier. They started having talks perched on rooftops, then moved onto working together in fights and to apprehend criminals. Wade saved Peter’s life, and Peter saved Wade’s.

Months passed, then one day while in a fight someone tried to knife Peter in the face, and ended up slicing most of his mask off. Wade said he felt bad that he knew what Peter looked like without Peter knowing his face as well. With a small warning not to be too shocked, he pulled his own mask off, and sort of just stood there waiting for Peter to run away screaming or something.

Instead Peter hugged him. And, not that he would admit to it, his crush on Wade grew larger.

Within a year they knew everything about each others ‘other’ lives. Another year after that and Tony offered Wade a job managing the defense of Stark Tower, a spot in the Avengers, and a room with the rest of the team in the living quarters of the tower.

Wade accepted all three, although he rarely participated in the Avengers things, and was living in the room (conveniently) next to Peter’s in the next week. Finally, a couple months after Peter's 18th birthday he left his phone unlocked accidentally, and Wade found all his texts to Ned about his crush on the mercenary.

Wade revealed his mutual feelings, and the two had been inseparable ever since. Tony even let them connect their rooms through the back of their closets, after he finished having a mental breakdown over it. Steve was all for them, of course, as was Natasha, Clint, Bruce, and Bucky.

“Face ID has been accepted. You may open the door sir.” Jarvis’s voice startled Peter out of his memories and over the threshold of his home. He casually tossed his bag down somewhere near the coatrack and slid down the hardwood floored hall to his room.

Opening the door and seeing Wade sprawled out on their bed, typing away at his laptop, filled Peter with happiness. He fell onto the soft comforter, wrapping himself around his boyfriend like they had been separated for years.

“Hey baby boy, I missed you too." Wade hugged him closer. "How was torture town?” “Awful. I wish dad would let me graduate already.” Peter mumbled into Wade’s shoulder.

Wade sighed. “Me too, but you know he can't. Mary and Richard wanted you to do as well as possible in school, and your parents won't mess with that. So you’ll just have to tough it out for one more year, I’m afraid.”

“I really hate it, Wade. It’s loud and pointless and packed with awful people who do awful things.”

“Did someone do something to you?”

“What? No one did anything to me.” Peter looked up at him, but something in his eyes didn't match his words.

“Who did what? What happened? Are you okay? I'll kill them. Why didn’t you tell me?” he pushed Peter up and checked him for bruises or marks of any kind.

“No, I'm fine, I swear.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it. Are you okay? Are you being bullied?”

“Calm down, I just told you I'm fine, and you know I'm perfectly capable of defending myself. Super strength, remember? I'm just annoyed at a teacher and taking it out on the school itself. Now can you relax so we can watch a movie or something?”

“I notice you didn’t answer the bullying question, and you normally moon over school, but okay. For your sake, I'll pretend I'm not gonna find out what happened, and we can watch The Office.” He held out his arm and Peter gratefully curled into him. He pulled the pile of blankets back over them and leaned down to press a soft kiss against Peter’s lips.

"I love you, baby boy." The mercenary whispered.

"Iluhyoutoo, Wade." Came the slurred but affectionate answer.


(Hour Skip)


Tony knocked quietly on the door, then opened it anyways without waiting for an answer.

“You know, that defeats all purposed of knocking, S-Man.”

The superhero ignored Wade.

“Is Peter asleep?” He asked, motioning vaguely towards the heap of fluffy blankets obscuring his son from view.

“Yeah. He didn't look all too good when he got home, and kinda just passed out after 15 minutes of Netflix.”

Tony frowned. “Well, I hope he feels better when he wakes up. There’s food in the kitchen if you want it now, and I’ll make sure to put two portions in the fridge for later. Make sure you both eat today, yeah?”

“Sure S-Man. I’ll tell Petey you say hi, blah blah blah, the usual.”

“Don’t call me S-Man.” The door clicked shut behind him.

Wade waited ten more minutes, then gently shook Peter awake. The teen groaned and pulled a pillow over his eyes.

“Don’t want to wake up yet. Too bright. Sleep more.”

Wade's heart melted a little bit at the picture his boyfriend made, but he shook him again anyways.

“C’mon, there’s food, and I know you haven’t eaten enough today.”

Peter considered it for a minute, keeping his eyes closed, then shook his head. “Nope. Not worth it. I’m too warm here to even consider getting up.”

Wade sighed, and in one fluid motion swung out of bed, wrapped the blankets around his boyfriend, and picked him up. The teen squeaked at the unexpected motion, but quickly buried his head in Wade’s chest as he walked down the hall towards the kitchen. He deposited what was basically just a giant ball of blankets on the couch and grabbed the plates that Tony had left for them gratefully.

“Here, baby boy.” He handed Peter a bowl of pasta carefully. “Eat, like, half of that, and then you can go back to sleep.”

Switching on the TV and sitting back to his own plate, he focused himself on categorizing the Hell’s Kitchen contestants into Most likely to win the show, Most likely to be eliminated within the first two episodes, and Most likely to try to talk back to Gordon.

Time passed quickly, and the next time Wade looked up it was pitch black outside. Peter had eaten two bites of his food, then promptly fell back asleep with his head in his boyfriend's lap. Wade, making the least amount of noise possible, collected and washed the dishes, straightened up the living room, and turned off the TV. Then he gingerly scooped up the teen, and carried him, for the second time that day, back to their room. 

"Pete, baby, can you wake up for just a few minutes?" Peter groaned quietly, but opened his eyes an infinitesimal amount. 

"But it's nice and quiet when I'm asleep." He still sounded exhausted, and Wade felt bad for waking him, but he knew Peter would be more mad at him if he let him sleep and he ended up having an assignment due.

"As long as you don't have any homework or anything, you just have to change, then you can go back to sleep."

"I dooooooooooo... not have any homework." He half-fell to the ground, then groaned and reached past Wade to grab the first pair of sweatpants he could find.

"Are you completely sure?" 

"Yeah I'm sure. You can check my bag if you don't believe me." He changed quickly, tossing his clothes haphazardly to the side, still squinting at the light.

"I believe you, I just don't want you to freak out tomorrow morning when you have three classes you didn't prepare for, baby boy." Wade pulled his own shirt off, folded it neatly, and put it away. He did the same with Peter's clothes, then checked through the room for anything that required his attention. 

"I'm still tired but if you don't get your ass in bed within the next five seconds I will throw you out that window."

Wade laughed. "Jarvis, turn the lights off in ours and all rooms not in use, please."

"All non-essential lightings have been turned off, sir." The room dimmed considerably, and he could hear Peter's sigh of relief.

Wade flopped down onto the soft bed, and curled around his boyfriend comfortably. "I love you, Spidey-babe." He whispered for the second time that night.

Peter smiled and buried his face further into Wade's chest. "I love you too, DP."